Stuck in the Middle

They Kicked My Dog

2012-03-18T16:54:00.002-07:00

Nothing about this break in bothers me more than seeing my dogs so upset. I know it probably sounds ridiculous to those people who are anti-pet but they were so shaken up that even the Vet called to check on them. My Slinky apparently got kicked in the face and ended up having 2 teeth knocked loose. So on top of the stress of having someone in my home, my gram and mom being terrified, and the hassle of trying to deal with the insurance company, I had to have my dog go into surgery and got an $800 bill.

I really hope I can figure out who did this... I plan to make sure someone kicks them in the teeth. Jerk. Who does that? Obviously the kind of person who steals from old ladies and takes family heirlooms for drug money.

I'm feeling very incompetent because of this. I feel like a complete failure for not being able to find my family's things and solve our crime since it's my job. I know it's not my job to solve MY case, but being in law enforcement and solving other people's burglaries is my job. I'm starting to wonder if it's worth it... if it makes any difference at all that I stress myself out and lose sleep over this job that takes and takes and I can't do a damn thing about my own problems.

I guess I'm just down today. I'm overworked and tired of dealing with scumbags who kick dogs.

Bringing Work Home

2012-03-13T19:10:00.002-07:00

I came home to half of my house completely ransacked this week. What little we actually owned is gone. Someone broke in during the ONE HOUR that no one was home (thankfully in a way since my gram would have been scared more than she is now). So far what I can tell is missing includes my gram's wedding set from the 1930's, the pearls I bought her for her 92nd birthday, my mom's wedding set, her class ring, my grandfather's gold pocket watch, and my great grandfather's fire chief badge. All sentimental and irreplaceable of course.

I am taking it surprisingly well. Maybe it's because I came home expecting my dogs to be dead and was thrilled to see them run to me. Or, it could be that I'm just so desensitized from all these thieving bastards that I can't even feel bad for myself. I have been on a mission to figure out who was in my house and stole from my sick mom and old defenseless grandmother. I really hope I'm successful even if I don't get any of their stuff back the satisfaction of having my guys pick up the burglary and take him for a ride would be worth it.

The worst part of the whole situation is the dogs are traumatized. The dachshund fought hard to protect her home. I know it sounds silly because she's a short, fat little porker but I had to take her to the vet today to get 2 broken teeth removed. She did everything she could to make sure that whoever was here wouldn't want to come here again. She's resting right now, her mouth is all swollen from the stitches and shes moaning. Poor girl, I would have rather been home than have someone hurt her.

I haven't been able to focus on much else the past few days and I have zero patience for other people. I haven't talked to my boyfriend in days and he sent me a text this afternoon asking if I was mad at him. I am mad. Just not at him. I'm mad that people are stupid and take other people's stuff, I'm mad that some loser could scare my family and not care, and I'm really mad that my dog paid the price for it all. But looking at the bright side I'm happy she's here sitting next to me on the couch and not being buried in the back yard.

Cupcakes

2012-03-06T17:10:00.001-08:00

The upside of being home with 2 other generations of my family is that every once in a while one of those Kodak moments comes along that overshadows the whole embarrassment of being 31, broke, and perpetually single. Today my mom and I decided to tackle cupcakes. These are the super fancy, more work than they are really worth type cupcakes. We are planning a 95th birthday party for my gram in a few months so I figured if I'm making cupcakes for the event I should try it out first to make sure they don't end up a sloppy mess.

So, for the last few hours we have been a pair of sticky fingered bakers with neon icing. I made ones that looked like pies and apples (practicing for gram's party ones) and mom make hot pink and cookie monster blue monstrousities. It was a great night and the laughing at our stained fingers and the dog running around with the dropped cupcake made the stress of work melt away.

It makes me sad when I think that my mom will be gone way too soon. She is terminally ill and when it was first discovered we were told it would be a miracle for her to survive 6 days. It's been 7 years since I sat in the hospital listening to the doctor tell me that horrible news while my mom lay in a coma. I'll get into more detail about that in another post. For now I want to smile, etch this night in my memory, and be thankful for those 7 years of miracles and cupcake making.

March Money

2012-03-05T13:40:00.001-08:00

I'm hoping to motivate myself to pay off all my debt by putting it out here publicly. One of the biggest problems with living in the middle of my family is handling the constant nickel and diming. I have a paycheck so therefore it is assumed I always have bailout money... apparently, I have a big neon sign above my head that spells ATM. I understand it is my responsibility to help out at home considering I live here and eat and use the water/heat/etc. but somehow I am the emergency fund for the house. I've been more conscious of this lately (thank you Mint.com) and have done my best to restrict the cash flow to true emergencies and my responsibilities in the house. It's hard to say no sometimes but it's the only way I'll ever be out of debt.

My debt story starts like most 30-somethings... I went to college. Not only did I attend college but I paid for it on my own. There was no such thing as college savings in my home as my parents were barely making it. I got a lot of academic scholarships and was fortunate enough to have my Master's Degree completely paid for by working for a University (i.e. slavery) for 2 years. The rest of cost I handled like every red blooded patriotic American does. I took out loans. And when my University got caught up in the student loan scandals of the early 2000s, so did I. The result was about $75,000 in loans scattered between private and federal agencies. Couple that with my low-paying, local government, public service job and there is a mixture meant for disaster.

As it stands now, 7 years after my last college class, I am in possession of 4 higher education degrees and 2 full time jobs. I also have paid my loans down substantially and my current debt is the following:

Student Loan - Federal: $17,600
Student Loan - Private: $10,500
Credit Card Debt: $7,600
Car Loan: $7000
TOTAL = $42,700

My assets are meager since I own very little. I have a retirement account through work as well as a Roth IRA from a previous job. I also have a pension plan at work that I pay into and pray will still be there by my retirement.

I am expecting a check this week from my second job which should be about $2,000 after taxes. The checks from this job are considered a bonus in my budget since I can't predict how much work I will get from this job. This year is shaping up to be a good one though and I expect another $3,400 check in 2 months. Since I don't count this money in my regular budget I use these for my girls getaway annual vacation in November, and the rest is to blast my debt.

My goal for the year is to cut the above mentioned debt in half. Right now I am focusing on it by attacking the credit card first, then the private student loan, and the federal and car loans at the bottom of the list. $21,350 paid off is a lofty goal for one year but I'm going to do everything I can to reach that. I'll update periodically on here and hopefully there will be some lower numbers in April.

Serial Arsonist

2012-02-27T16:45:00.001-08:00

Being in law enforcement lends to some moral dilemmas. Right now I'm tracking a serial arsonist (sounds exciting right?!) and I have to say that I sometimes wonder why I'm expending so much energy on this guy when he's actually helping the area by burning down delapidated houses that are falling in on themselves anyway. While I understand there is a risk to firefighters, homeless people squatting in said buildings, and to neighboring properties I can't really say that it's a horrible crime in the grand scheme of things. When the fire bug is finally caught what are we going to charge him with... Felonious Rehabilitation of the City? Or maybe Criminal Impersonation of a Cleaning Crew? It's wrong, it's a crime, and I know that something needs to be done about it but that little voice in my head asks where the line of right and wrong gets blurred.

Thats the interesting part of my job... the law is the law. For every clear cut case of wrong there is always a blurry confusion of a case that makes you question the law, your own ethics, and society.

The Brother

2012-02-26T07:50:00.001-08:00

My brother is married with 2 young children. Typical suburban bliss of a life. He married my college roommate (maybe I should be specific since I went to a LOT of college... he married my first roommate), settled into a house with a secluded backyard and seems to be living his version of the American Dream.

I suspect he thinks I'm a sociopath. I am the perpetually unmarried, childless-by-choice little sister that he politely invites to the kids' birthday parties while internally wishing I'd have other plans. "Here's my sister, the only Party of One in the entire manicured backyard lawn party. She's really a nice girl even though she talks about homicides and can't cook and is allergic to children. Oh, and SHE LIVES WITH OUR PARENTS... but shhhhh don't mention that." Ok, maybe that's the dialogue in my head and not his voice but it's pretty much the sum of every family function I attend.

My sister-in-law is envious of my annual girlfriend getaways and my ability to follow a friend's cover band around at will. Her goal in life was to become a mommy; it seems that once that was accomplished she thought about how she should have traveled and enjoyed married life a bit first. But, she's great with the kids and she deals with my brother making a living by carting corpses around at all hours of the night. Being married to a funeral director can't be a great bragging point for her to tell her friends and co-workers but it pays for her and the kids food and clothes so it'll do. She has a knack for bringing up my personal life (or usually lack thereof) at these parties... elbowing me near the bounce house and saying "why don't you try Match.com". Seriously? Advice from the girl who I paid my brother to go out with because her cheating boyfriend broke her heart and I couldn't take the wailing all night long in our dorm anymore. I see that she is well intentioned and I pass the comment off by saying how cute the kids are even though kids come close to repulsing me. If she only knew how I was actually handling my "single" life. :)

I suppose I'm the "road less traveled" kind of girl and it suits me. I never wanted babies, marriage eludes me, and I work with 300 men so I realize the prince charming routine is for Lifetime movies. Still, each time I visit my brother in his 3 bedroom, toy-filled utopia I can't help but think... "wow, all this is his... the kid who knocked me unconscious with a Tonka truck and made me eat bugs not too long ago."

I excuse myself and head for the trampoline. The crazy, single little sister can still squeeze into the kids world. It's a lot more fun here.

Settling In

2012-02-26T07:17:00.000-08:00

I spent most of the day navigating one of the goliath bank's website looking for mortgage rates and closing costs. I am not buying a house. I am playing parent to my own parents... trying to refinance their existing mortgage to save them money and hopefully get them on track to financial stability so that I am not adding on to my own home in 30 years for them to move in. I think it would be easier to take a day off of work and go down to the bank than to find the webpage I am searching for but this way I don't have to deal with any goliath bank customer service representative.

I have my own mortgage. Just no house. I make a typical mortgage payment every month to my student loans. I paid for my college education myself; or should I more accurately say I indebted myself for my own education. So 7 years after my last graduation I find myself with a Master's Degree, a Bachelor's, 2 Associate Degrees, a mediocre government job, and severe hairloss. The upside is that if I make it through 1 more union contract negoiation I will have a partial pension. If they don't take it away. If I can hang on another two years. If someone doesn't decide to slip some language into the contract eliminating my payments before I live long enough to receive them, like they already did with my health insurance.

So here I am, the makeshift financial advisor for my extended family, not knowing what I would do if I ever saw a positive number on my complicated personal finance spreadsheet. I guess I'm just the only person in the family that looks beyond today. The jury is still out on whether or not that is a good thing.

Yes, I live with my Parents

2012-02-26T07:00:00.000-08:00

As if it weren't bad enough that I am in my thirties and still stuffed into my childhood bedroom, I also have the distinct honor of being trapped in the same home as my parents AND my grandmother. It all happened by accident. I'm not one of those kids who never grew up and sits home playing video games and bouncing from minimum wage job to job while eating through my family's food. I came home after a bad break up and had planned to stay only a few months. That was 6 years and a terminal illness ago.

Soon after I arrived in my 1992 Oldsmobile Cutlass, with rust spots resembling bullet holes in the side and my entire life shoved into the trunk and backseat, I announced to mom and dad that this was a temporary visit. They took pity on me and let me cry on the couch in my sweatpants for the first few weeks while I shed the hurt from losing a boyfriend (to a girl who I thought was a friend) and a job (to government cut backs). In my self absorbed woe I was actually comforted by the thought of being home. The room I grew up in and shared for most of my life with my brother, my polar opposite in every way, seemed a lot smaller now that I returned with a quarter century of clothes, knickknacks, books, and whatever else I could move out of my condo alone in the rain because I was too distraught and embarrassed to ask anyone to help. The boxes and piles of stuff fit about as well in the house as it had in my old car. Everything was one big jumbled mess... and that's sort of the way it has stayed. Even 6 years later some of those boxes remain unpacked as I still feel like a guest. Part of my subconscious must think (hope) that this is still temporary and I am on my way to bigger and better things... or at least bigger than 10'x12'.

Welcome to my Life

2012-02-25T15:34:00.002-08:00

Since this is my first post I should introduce myself. I'm Lee, 31 years old and living in a multi-generational home with my 95 year old grandma, my parents, 2 dogs and 3 cats. I'm stuck in the middle of this crazy mess of a family that you will have to read about to believe. I consider myself a bit of a renaissance gal, modern day nomad, and general knower-of-all-things-useless. So while I navigate through my life as caregiver, crime fighter, and debt annihilator I make an attempt to pepper my conversations with trivia that no one has asked about or cares to hear. Did you know a group of cats is called a clowder?

I hope this blog gives me an outlet for dealing with my everyday insanity and maybe someone out there will read it and see a bit of themselves in me. Or, at least be thankful they spent five minutes of their life reading my ramblings and be able to impress co-workers with their declarations that Rhinos come in crashes and frogs are found in choruses.

Welcome to my Life.