safehavenonline

this blog has moved!

2012-02-23T14:00:00.000+01:00

Hi,

I have announced it before but from today this blog will only be published on the new website

Safehaventherapy

Here you can view my blogposts. New feature. Also in Dutch!

Het nieuwe blog is ook in het Nederlands te lezen. Safehaventherapy

I hope to see you at the new blog!

Mieke

Escape to the sun

2012-02-09T14:00:00.000+01:00

When I booked my trip to the sun I had no idea it would be so cold! Last weekend we hit -22C in the Netherlands and that it was over 25 years ago it had been that cold.

Do I hate the cold? No, I don’t. In fact I used to be someone who liked winter better than summer. I could not take heat at all. But since my pain problems started this has changed. It’s just plan fact that my muscles love the sun. This shows that people can change. Knowing that my body needs the warmth has made it easier for my brain to accept the heat.

As I am getting pretty busy with work, this year I decided not to take any changes. We had a terrible summer back in 2011 and my body misses the sun. Now we found a pretty good deal to go to Lanzarote for a week.

Some of my friends had to smile when they heard, they don’t imagine me as going to the Canary Islands. Yet the travel guide showed me that there is even a lot to see on Lanzarote. And there is always wellness. Been looking into that as well.

This week will be about recharching the batteries.

No blog post on the 16^th. But the week after I will tell you all about Lanzarote!

Circles

2012-02-02T14:00:00.000+01:00

Right now I am amazed at how things in my life are coming to full circles. It also teaches me that time I have spend earlier during my life have not been wasted.

For example: When I was 18 I went to teacher training college just knowing that I wanted to do something with English or History in my life. There were too many students wanting to do History so I did not make it in there. I stayed in Teacher training college for 3 years studying English and Dutch and had a great time. But I never finished and I never thought I would ever do something with teaching in my life. And although I kept going over to Britain and the United States the next decades I didn’t do anything professional with English either. History has forever been one of my biggest hobbies and I am happy with that.

Last year the circle was round. I started tutoring the diploma in online counselling for OnlineTrainingforCounsellors. Which is a British company and the tutoring is in English. And right now I am marking papers for the first time since I left teacher training college.

I strongly believe that the things we do in our lives have meaning. Even if that meaning is not clear straight away, it will come to you. In my case it took 20 years, but it is a pretty nice feeling when it happens.

Do you have stories like this to share? I would love to hear them!

Qi Gong and chronic pain

2012-01-26T12:28:00.000+01:00

This is really part 2 in my Qi Gong story and it will not be the last part! Last week I wrote about how I started out and how much I liked it. As I have chronic pain problems myself in shoulders, neck and arms I was amazed how well I was doing the first 2 weeks I was practising.

That was when an old enemy reared it’s ugly head. Overconfidence. Even for me it is hard to stick to the guidelines of being gentle to my body and not overdoing it under certain circumstances. Maybe they are familiar?

• I have been doing this for a while now and all is going well, I can move ahead faster.
• When in a group and there are people who are older than me, or other people with health issues I get the urge to do better.

The last one is a problem for me, I know intellectually that it is wrong and silly but often the body just wants to compete.

This happened a week ago during class. As so often my pain warnings don’t come at once but boy did they come that night! A sleepless night with headaches and severe pain in my shoulders.

At this point it is so easy to give up. To say, ‘See this is not right for me after all. My body can’t take this.”
If that happens to you, be honest. It is not the Qi Gong that made me feel bad, it were my own thoughts about how I wanted to behave. So I did not quit and did very gentle exercises that week, respecting my body.

During the next lesson I was honest and told the group what had happened and what had triggered it. This has the advantage that now the teacher and the other group members will help me not to over perform as well.

Needless to say this week’s lesson went a lot better and I have learnt some valuable lessons.
•    Respect your body
•    Take it easy and stick to your schedule, even if you think you can do more
•    Don’t go it alone, inform others of your weak points and ask for help! Or     ask a friend to give you honest and critical advice.

I would love to read other people’s experiences in this area.

Qi Gong

2012-01-19T14:00:00.000+01:00

I might have mentioned before that for me the hardest part of healthy living is excersise. I never used to be good in sports and I just don’t enjoy most exercise. And if you don’t enjoy something it is much harder to keep it up. Something you enjoy hardly seems an effort and time flies. But do something you dislike and that clock just seems to crawl.

But now I think I have found a solution. Thanks to the suggestion of a good friend I tried a trial session of Qi Gong. Officially Chi Neng Qi Gong. It is really a combination of gentle movement and meditation. While you move you are quiet and listen to relaxing music but your attention is directed inwardly. The trial session was a big success and I have made the decision to do a ten part course. So far we have had two lessons and I have enjoyed going there. I even enjoy doing the exercises at home every day! For me that is a big thing. It is not strenuous but I am doing something for my body every day.

Chi Neng Qi Gong has a healing effect as well. It was invented by a doctor in China who ran a hospital that did not use medication. Yet 95% of all patients who came to him recovered with Chin Neng. Some patients were very ill and could not do the exercises. The power of Chi Neng is that even if you cannot move much, if you visualise yourself doing the exercises it has the same effect. So on a bad day you can chose to do that. That makes it very accessible for people with chronic pain complaints.

What I am trying to say is that there is something out there for everyone. You don’t have to do Qi Gong, but do have a look around and try to find something that you would enjoy doing. It is important that when you start working out, that you don’t expect too much of yourself at the start. Don’t set your goals too high and even if your goals are reasonable, do not get angry with yourself if you are not able to make them. Doing something is better than doing nothing, and positive energy makes you happier.

So what do you do to keep your body in shape and why does it work for you? I look forward to hearing from you.

Weather and health

2012-01-12T14:00:00.000+01:00

I don’t really believe in coincidence that is the reason I am writing about the weather today. Last Friday I was thinking about our strange Dutch weather and posted about it on my Facebook wall, not 10 minutes later I came across an article about the relationship between weather and moods. Now that was too big a coincidence to pass up.

Is there a coincidence between the weather and our moods? Some people think there is, some think there isn’t. I belong to the group who think there is. Why otherwise do people get winter depression? [And as my friend Vilma Kuzmiene told me summer depression as well] As soon as the days get longer, some people start to feel down.

I can think of the following reasons [both physical and psychological]:
•    We need sunlight [vitamins] to stay healthy and as the sun loses its strength we lose the vitamins.
•    Women can feel less mobile during the winter months. If you don’t like going out in the dark you are housebound many hours of the day in winter.
•    The cold can affect your muscles making them stiff and painful.
•    Staying warm despite the cold takes up energy.
But as Vilma said there are reasons for summer depression as well:
•    Constant heat for sometimes weeks or months on end can make people prickly.
•    Heat can make people sick, especially the elderly and people with physical problems. Fighting the heat takes energy.

For those who live closer to poles mid winter and midsummer can play havoc on the system. There will be weeks were there is no darkness or no light. Our system needs the clue that the sun gives us, to tell us when it is time to go to sleep and to wake up.

How does this all affect me?

My moods are not affected much by the temperature. I have to admit that I do love the long evenings in summer, when I find it easier to set out on my own. I used to be a person who loved spring and fall and did not like the extremes of summer at all. Until about 6 years ago I began to notice that a good, warm summer gave me a lot of reserves for the winter. My muscles soak up the heat and store that energy. So my body still dislikes the heat [I find it hard to concentrate when the temperature reaches 30 C and above] my mind is now much more motivated to endure it and even enjoy the benefits. Is was very interesting for me to observe that change. Last year we had no summer to speak of here and I am beginning to notice it. That meant it was time to take care of myself. In February I will be spending a week in Lanzarote to soak up some sun.

Please tell me about you. Does the weather affect your moods or your health? And what do you do to stay on top of it?

Happy new year

2012-01-05T02:00:00.000+01:00

Welcome to 2012. A new colour for a new year and many more changes in store. This blog will not stay active for much longer hopefully. Soon you will be able to read the blog only at; http://www.safehavenonlinetherapy.com/blog/

Right now I am working hard on adding new pages and making it really awesome. Very different and more orientated on what you the reader are looking for. [hopefully so feedback is always more than welcome]

That leads me to my new year's resolutions. It is almost impossible to avoid those this week, aren't they. Are you sick of them already? Chucked yours out?

So many people make their resolution and then within weeks fail to stick to them. On the 1st of January we sit down full of confidence, the holidays are behind us and we have new energy.

And that is often the start of the problem. We are so enthusiastic that we ask too much of ourselves. We want it all and we want it now. That might work for a few weeks, yet too often we burn ourselves out that way.

As with everything it is better to plan your resolutions and not ask too much of yourself:

Be flexible in your scedule
Leave time for fun things!
Leave blank spaces for unforseen events
Start small, many small goals are easier to achieve then one big one
Try not to go it alone. Select a good friend to go over your plans and ask for feedback
Don't throw it all out if you are dissapointed with your progress. Little things are better then nothing.

I don't make a year plan anymore, I make 3 months plans, both for what I like to get done for work and some projects in my private life. I started experimenting with that last year. What I found out so far is that for me smaller is better. I started out with making my list of goals much too long and that way I had so much added stress. Now I have a few things that I really want to achieve and a small lists of things that I can do if I have time to spare and it works so much better.

Let me know what works for you! And good luck in this new year.

Merry christmas to all

2011-12-22T13:30:00.000+01:00

This is my last entry for 2011. Next week I have given myself the week off. Much needed "me" time.

I just want to wish you all a merry christmas to spend the way you want. And for next year, health and happiness.

January is a time for new starts and I hope it will be a good year for you and it will bring you all you hope for.

Thank you for following my blog this year and I hope you will continue to do so in 2012.

Mieke

So what are you going to watch over Christmas?

2011-12-14T14:10:00.000+01:00

For me Christmas itself is about watching DVD's. This stems from the many years that I worked in a bookstore and I was too tired when christmar rolled around to do anything else. Even since I stopped working there I kept the tradition. Of course I will spend some time with my parents or occasionally friends but mostly it is me time. It took me some time to admit openly that this makes me happy as christmas is supposed to be a time to spend with others and eat a lot. I thought people would pitty me when I told them I preferred to spend it on my own in front of the telly. Now that I am secure in who I am, I have no more problems saying this out loud. I will settle in my favorite chair with a fire blazing and a hot water bottle near. Then let the feast begin.

What will I watch this year?

I have many options. Usually I allow myself a few DVD's from my wishlist for christmas and I combine that with some christmas classics.

This year there were two [for me] new christmas movies on my wishlist. Thomas Kinkade's christmas cottage and christmas lodge. The first one is in, the other will be shipped from the States so fingers crossed it comes in on time. I selected it because Erin Karpluk from Being Erica is the female lead and I like her a lot. BTW Being Erica is a Canadian show well worth watching.

Next will be some classics I have owned for a few years now. Usually I am not into silly comedies but at christmas time I love them. I will select from between National Lampoon's christmas holiday and the Santa Clause movies. Next to those I might throw in Love absolutely and It's a wonderful life.

That brings me to the non-christmas movies and series:

I am a huge fan of British mysteries so I will be rewatching series that I saw many years ago and am now starting to buy on DVD. The first seasons of The Chief and Judge John Deed just came in and I am saving those for christmas. I might also throw in some Midsomer murders.

tv specials

Last will be the tv specials of favorite shows. I have not seen the list yet but there is a Dr. Who special every year and I have heard there will be a Downton Abbey special this year. Both shows I love.

That concludes my list. Please share what you are going to watch this year!

Holiday season survival tips

2011-12-08T10:21:00.001+01:00

It's that time of the year again. Holiday season! The time of year people expect you to be happy and in good cheer. How many people really talk about the holiday stress of having to get everything done: shopping, decorating, Christmas cards.

Now as this is stressful for the general population, you can imagine how much harder it is going to be for Highly sensitive people or those coping with pain. More often than usual you don't want to show your family and friends how stressed you are and of course everything you do has to be perfect. :)

Yet I tell you it is time to change. It is hard to hear, but don't try to be perfect, good is good enough.

Here are some plans to get through the holiday season with less stress and more enjoyment

Plan! Plan! Plan! Start your preparations early! Best is to make a plan of all you have to do and leave yourself plenty of free time for days that you are really not up to doing anything.
Prioritise, go through your Christmas card list and ask yourself do you really need to send them all? Did everyone return your cards last year? Could you just send some people an online card? The same with sending parcels. Does it give you stress or pleasure?
Delegate! Delegate! Delegate. Listen carefully, you do not have to do everything on your own. Family and friends are capable of helping and often they are glad to help you. They would rather see you happy and doing less than miserable when doing everything on your own. A hard thing to get for us perfectionists.
Say no. If you are not up for family visits Christmas eve and/or both days of Christmas, don't do it. Think of yourself first.

I know this is not as easy as it sounds. You don't want to let anyone down. But keep in mind, if you try to please everyone around you, you are going to be the one ending up in pain and with a lot of stress. Look after yourself first.

Let me know if you have any holiday tips and success stories of managing your stress in this last month of the year.

Keep educating yourself on pain remedies

2011-12-01T09:40:00.001+01:00

I have to admit, these have not been the best weeks of my life. Neck and shoulder pains were rearing their ugly heads. The resulst were severe pain in that neck and headaches that on some days made it impossible to even get out of bed. On days like these even my belief in positive thinking is stretched to it's limits and I have to admit that on one day it completely failed. After that day it was time to act!

I sat myself down and started thinking about solutions. Also talked to some good friends to cheer myself up.
Fact is that I am getting more headaches in the mornings now and getting up extremely sore. I know my matras is a good one and not too old so I am ruling that out. Then we come to cushion and that I am not sure off. So time for research. I have included a youtube video I found. [Sorry it is in Dutch but maybe the images speak for itself] It tought me something I did not know. I thought that I had a healthy sleeping habit sleeping on my side and using a cushion with neck support. But.. my cushion has been outdated by new technology and sleeping on my side is not as healthy as I thought it was. When you sleep your body relaxes and you sink into a 3/4 belly position which puts a lot of strain on your neck muscles. Best thing is to sleep with a sleep rol which supports your knees and your upper arm. This way your neck stays in alligment with the rest of your body. I tried it out with an old cushion just to support my upper arm and the difference was remarkable! Already it gave pain relief.

So now I am going to get new cushions as soon as possible. What I want to share here is: know your body! If a new kind of pain joins, do not accept it without research. Be a detective and try to figure out a solution. Either alone, with friends or with therapists and doctors. [never do something invasive without talking to a doctor first!] Even with older pain, technology never stops. Keep searching and willing to try new remedies. And never give up hope! Life is too good.

Online Training for Counsellors birthday party

2011-11-25T09:32:00.001+01:00

I have talked about my tutoring job before. It is something that I enjoy very much. To contribute to teaching other counsellors how to work ethically and effectively online.

Two weeks ago we had a face to face meeting with all the present tutors to celebrate the fact that OLT has been around for 10 years. That alone is amazing, 10 years ago not that many counsellors were working online, many people still had very bad internet connections [dial up for instance] and we worried a lot less about encryption. It took some visionary minds to bring counselling online and from the start care about doing it well. To take into account that it was not the same as having a client in the same room with you and that you had to learn to do this well.

So over the years the courses have evolved. The tutor team are always on the lookout for new inventions online and incorporate that into the teaching. One of the things that have become clear over the years is that online counselling is very well suited for both counsellors and clients with disability. Because you can work at your own pace, those with disabilities can decide not to work when they do not feel well.

We are still growing. Next year will be a very exciting year when we plan to ad many more workshops to our curriculum. And a whole new course is going to start, online superivision. We have just heard that this new course has been accredited by CPCAB. So if you are a counsellor who wants to branch out into this exciting field, please contact me for more details.

The new website

2011-11-18T11:11:00.001+01:00

I am still working on the new webpage and right now that takes up a lot of my time. Sorry but I am not ready to share it with you just yet, but on the left you will get a sneak peak on how it will turn out. Over the next couple of days [and weeks] I will be adding content to it. It is my intent to have a lot of resources there for highly sensitive people and those learning to adjust with chronic pain. [If there is something you would like me to include please send me a message or a comment here.
good ideas are always welcome.] So my blog posts the coming weeks might be a little short. I promise that I will make up for that when the new site is up and running.

Watch this space!

2011-11-10T14:39:00.000+01:00

Again a short post as it is a pretty busy week for me. Lots of travel as well first to Belgium and then on to England. I am getting to know the ferry boats pretty well! I am looking forward to meeting all my fellow tutors in the flesh very much. And I think it is great that we weill be spending a part of the day brainstorming about how we can make our courses even better! Watch this space for what we come up with.

Another big change will be my website and this blog! Both will be migrating to wordpress very soon and will be integrated. I will share the new web adress soon and then for a little while will continue to mention the new posts here. I really hope you will all be able to find the new space just as easily and will keep following me there!

Take care,

Mieke

Short post

2011-11-03T10:20:00.001+01:00

This week I am opting for a very short post again. Why? I migh hear some people think. Fact is, I love writing. But it is one of these times in the year that my body is shouting at me to slow down. Many years even this shouting was not enough. But now I have gotten so much better at listening. And we get along much better. Blogging is fun but it is not one of the things that I 'really' need to do during the week. So I am now on a basic regimen of tasks. My body is happy and I get to catch up on DVD and books, win-win.

Part of next week I will be on a work trip. I will certainly talk about it when I get back! It is great to be a part of such a dedicated group of people as the tutors at Online training for counsellors. We will talk about making our courses even better and adding new courses and workshops for our students.

value yourself, value your time!

2011-10-27T13:39:00.004+02:00

Value yourself. It is so easy to say, but not so easy to live by especially for women. Many women are often happier when those around them are happy. This is especially true for most highly sensitive women who often have to learn to say no.

Being highly sensitive myself, it is something that I have had to learn myself. In the old days I never used to say no, but over the years I have become good at putting me first and trusting that good friends will understand your no, and they do! I have come to listen to my body better and to know when enough is enough.

And yet I had another eye-opener just a few days ago. As a small business owner I am carefull where I spend my money. This means that I try to do as much as possible myself and not hire people to do it for me. At the moment I am building a new version of my website. With new platforms like wordpress it is getting easier to do so and I like being in control and able to change my own content and add new pages.

Yet it was taking me a long time to get the basics down. I would be adding graphics and text without it looking very professional, and as a perfectionist that did not sit well with me either.

It took a friend to open my eyes about what I was doing. She and I had had a discussion on another topic about the value of my time. When I work with clients I of course charge an amount of money per hour. It had taken me many hours to get things done on wordpress and still it was not to my liking. Hours I could also have spend earning money instead of wasting time. So I was actually wasting valuable time. It was much wiser and [in the end counting that way] cheaper to get some help.

This example also shows that sometimes we need help to see things clearly. That can be a good friend or a coach or counsellor. We all need sparring partners for the occasional reality check to see if we are really doing what we are good at.

As always I would love to hear your stories!

login2life living in a virtual world

2011-10-19T11:11:00.001+02:00

I first became aware of this documentary during the 3rd virtual conference on counseling organised by Counselor Education in Second Life. Immediatly I was enthusiastic and noted down the air date of the documentary. It aired on ZDF [german tv] on monday the 17th of october. The reason that I am blogging a day early this week is that you can still watch it online for free until sunday evening. This is the link. If this subject interests you at all, I would urge you to do so. It's nearly 90 minutes long and don't be put off by the fact that it is German. Most of the documentary is in English, so you will be able to follow most of what is going on.

Now what is it all about? Filmmaker Daniel Moshel followed some people from all over the world who spend parts of their lives in virtual worlds and made a documentary about them. Last year I watched a documentary that highlighted the negative aspects of such a lifestyle and it was refreshing to see that login2life stresses the postives.

The focus is on two virtual worlds. One a gaming environment, World of Warcraft [WoW] and Second Life [SL]. For those who don't know. SL allows you to make an avatar and then explore the many many worlds with that avatar. So it really comes close to a 'second life' especially with how fast technology is growing.

The documentary follows a few people active on WoW and doing more than just gaming. There is someone who makes movies involving Wow characters. Another swedish gamer talks about being in one of the best guilds in the game and what that means in his life. 2 stories moved me the most. A young chinese man who was up in the middle of the night collecting gold which he sold to other people and who actually made a living in the real world this way. He was just scraping by and his whole bio rythm was disturbed because he was online most nights. The other was a young man from the US who had been paralyzed in a car accident and could only work the computer with his mouth. It made me smile that he would tell those he defeated that they were defeated by a criple and the joy it gave him to be able to do this with his avatar. He was able to live out dreams that he would never be able again in the 'real' world.

The other part focussed on SL. Here the mother of the paralyzed young man would read parts of the story she had written about her life as a caregiver. There was a German musician giving great concerts to an audience all over the world. A man selling sex aides on SL, it was very funny to see how they had to make the movements so it could be translated digitally. :) The most moving part of the whole documentary for me was the story of Alice, gentle heron in SL. She is a woman from the US with MS. This makes life in the 'real' world harder and harder and movement gets harder with this disease. But she lives another life online, making friends and doing much more than that! She has actually set up a community in SL where people with disability can meet and learn how to enjoy themselves in SL. If you are interested to learn more follow this link.

This shows that even if you cannot move much or are bedridden, there is a world out there on the computer where you can make new friends and even live out some of your dreams if you are open to it!

So if you have time before monday, please go and have a look at this extraordinary documentary.

budget tips

2011-10-13T11:10:00.000+02:00

I read an article in the local newspaper [Gouda] this morning that prompted this blog post.

I think money is a significant topic for people with chronic pain. They are sometimes hampered by not being able to work full time or not be able to work at all. So some of you are going to run into the problem of having to cut the expenses.

Debt? Doesn’t it frighten us all, to not have enough money to make it to the end of the month? More and more people get into trouble because of the current economic situation. But is that all?

I think not. Whole generations grew up in a land of plenty. For almost twenty years you could switch jobs when it suited you and employers wanted to have you. During this time the world we lived in changed drastically as well. Older generations were happy with so much less. They had a tv, a landline phone and a car, that was pretty much it. Nowadays we want and expect so much more from life. At least one computer in the house, a mobile phone for every family member[smartphone of course] I-pods, e-readers the list goes on.

At the same time many of us were not taught to really handle money well. Another difference with olden days is that we all have bank passes and credit cards. Isn’t it easy to spend that money and completely forgot we did so, only to come in for a nasty shock at the end of the month. How many people would know what they spend each month if you ask them on the street?

There are a few key points to sticking to a budget:

· Know how much you have coming in each month

· Calculate how much you need to spend each month on essentials, so you know how much you have left over to indulge yourself with or maybe put it away for emergencies

· Keep a record on everything you spend.

· Try to use cash and not your cards when you spend money. For example give yourself a weekly budget, if the cash is gone, you know you need to stop.

· Do not go over the limit on your bank cards or credit cards. Being overdrawn on those cards is one of the most expensive things there is.

· Do not buy anything on a credit card if you know you will not be able to pay for it.

Another tip:

Every year at the end of the year I print out my bank statements of the previous year and go through them item for item. You would be amazed how many things creep up that you don’t really use or are not interested in any more.

I then spend some time cancelling my subscriptions to all such items earning myself a little more pocket cash each year.

Emotional shopping:

This is where it gets really hard. Some people react to hard times by rewarding themselves with goods or food. This helps for a short while but in the end it only makes matters worse when they realise how much they have spend. Money they did not have in the first place.

So helping people stick to a budget should involve more than just learning how to handle the figures. It should also involve looking at the reasons behind the spending. Helping them find healthier methods of coping with hard times besides spending the money.

If you have any other tips on how to save money, please share them by leaving comments. I love to hear back from you.

how much to share with clients?

2011-10-07T10:39:00.000+02:00

Irvin Yalom's books inspired me long before I became a counsellor. I think I picked up the first book I read by him during the mid nineties. And since then I have read most of his books.

One that really struck a cord was "The gift of therapy" which I have reread a couple of times since buying it several years ago. In this book Yalom shares some of his wisdom with therapists who are just starting out.

The great thing about this book is that it shows the therapist as a human being with faults and worries of his own. I like how he writes about himself and dares to be vulnerable.

There is always the debate of how much therapists should share with clients. Should they share if there is something going on in their life? Should they tell a client if they have been through something similar as the client is facing right now? That is an ever ongoing debate. As I work with client groups who are going through the same thing I have gone through [being highly sensitive & living with chronic pain] I do share when it comes to those areas. Also because it is relevant to therapy. But there is a fine line between not sharing enough and sharing too much about your private life and one that we always have to keep in mind.

And yet I am an admirer of the kinds of books written by therapist who do share some of their lives with us. Another great favoriet of mine is "The unquiet mind" written by Kay Redfield Jamison in which a psychiatrist openly talks about her own struggle with being manic depressive.

I think that if a therapist is at ease with what has happened in his or her life and worked through it and found balance it can often be a great bonus when this is used in therapy. As long as she is always critical of why she is sharing certain info with clients and to make sure that is has value.

enJOY

2011-09-29T14:00:00.000+02:00

I am now in week two of the practice building conference 2011. And it is bringing me so much. Wonderful presentations and networking with other counsellors. One thing is clear, we are all out there to do the best job we can online in helping people and doing that in an ethical way. That is what brought me the most joy during the first week.

That is what stayed with me from one of the talks last week. Enjoying and looking at the bright side of life is not always easy for those in constant pain or those highly sensitive people out there who are always bombarded with new information. And yet it is the essense of life! Look at what works in your life not at what doesn't work. I know this is not always easy an I am not saying that I succeed every day. I will say that it has enriched my life and makes me feel much more content even on the bad days.

This always makes me feel joy

The presentation mentioned a very easy and fast excersise to keep you focussed on the joy.
At the end of the day just sit and write down 5 things that you have been grateful for that day. Those can be simple thoughts or much deeper thoughts

I am grateful the sun is shining
I am grateful that I did not lose my temper
I am grateful that I enjoyed the company of friends today despite the pain
I am grateful that the train was on time and got me to my destination on time despite the huge crowds

focussing on the good and not lingering in the bad or even feeling like a 'victim'makes such a difference in day to day life. It only takes a few minutes a day, why not give it a try?

Find your passion

2011-09-22T11:37:00.000+02:00

Passion: Why is that so important to us? Feeling passionate about something makes us feel happy and belong to something.

That is of course important to everybody but I would say even more so for people who are highly sensitive and those with pain problems. Let me list just a few of the adavantages of doing something you feel passionate about.

It distracts from every day life
When you do something you really like you feel less pain
espcially when done together it is good for social interaction and making new friends
being active makes you feel better about yourself
Something to look forward to on bad days

Now how do you find a passion like that?

If you don't have hobbies [or gave them up because they became physically impossible/cost too much energy] make a list of things you would enjoy. For now don't look at the practical side just write it down.

After you have made your list, and take your time in doing so, pick out the things that appeal to you most. We will concentrate on those.

You should now have a peace of paper with a few things on it that appeal to you. Somehow you stopped doing them or never tried them in the first place.

Look and write down what it would take to do them.

Maybe you have to start slower then you did in the past
with some addaptions you might be able to do it
ask for help! You will be amazed how many people are willing to help if you just ask them something that is reasonable
Inform if organisations have something in place to help the disabled
etc

I would like to give an example of something that is one of my passions. Going to medieval and fantasy fairs. Last weekend I went to the elf fantasy fair in Arcen.This is a pretty huge gathering that is held twice a year and at first such a crowd doesn't seem the ideal place for somebody is highly senstive and picks up energies of others in a crowd.

This is what I do to make it right for me:

I make sure that I do not travel on the day of the fair [or if it is close just a small amount of travel]
If I have to travel under half an hour I will ask friends if we can share a ride as public transport takes a lot of energy
In case I do get overwhelmed I find a quiet spot to sit for a while and ground myself
Take plenty of rest breaks sitting down to gather my energy
Spend the day in good company
Make sure I eat and drink enough
Go home when I feel it has been enough

This is just an example. But one I like to use because the atmosphere here is so relaxed. The age range varies from babies to retired people. All kind of costumes. And everybody is accepted for what and who they are. No costume gets laughed at and people of all ages and body types do walk around in costumes.

So what is your passion? How did you find it and what is so special about it to you?

More on online education

2011-09-15T12:25:00.003+02:00

This week I want to talk some more on my favorite topic. Education for counsellors. If you read my post regularly, you will already know how important that is to me. That is the reason I qualified myself as an online counsellor next to my f2f diploma's in counselling and coaching. For those who want to train for online counsellling this course is starting next week.

But being a counsellor means you keep learning, I think curiosity is a great trait to have for a therapist. This week I am attending a counseling conference that takes place in Second Life. [it will be on until saturday so you can still catch some of it. This is the 3rd year the virtual conference for counsellors is being held in Second Life. [if you don't feel secure enough in Second Life onlinevents is streaming it live from their website and you can still participate in the chat!] It is an excellent oppertunity to network, learn more about what is going on in the world of online counselling, new technologies and learning a lot more about virtual worlds and their possibilities. The starting day yesterday already had some very interesting topics. Most interesting yesterday was a discussion by Kate Anthony and DeeAnna Marz Nagel with the director of an upcoming documentary login2life. This documentary focusses on the positive sides of Second Life, how virtual worlds can be a haven a support for people with dissabilities. I can't wait to see the whole documentary!

I want to mention another online conference as well. Normally I do not go for paid conferences , but for this one I am making an exeption. The practice building conference is organised by Casey Truffo. Her book " How to be a wealthy therapist" is like a bible to me. A lot of therapists have problems with charging money for what we do and this book has helped me see that I am worth it! Marketing a practice is strangely enough not a part of most therapy training programs. That is were books and conference like this one come in. You gain so much knowledge and it is also such a great oppertunity to network and get to know other therapists. This alone can lead to business oppertunities somewhere in the future.

Book review :Me and my pain

2011-09-08T10:37:00.001+02:00

A little while ago I was looking around a website that sold cheaper e-books. A friend had given me this tip. The website is called smashwords and indeed it has lower priced and even free e-books in many categories and e-book formats. While I was filling in the keywords that interrest me, I came across the following book.
"Me and my pain - the challenges of living with chronic pain" by Abbey Strauss. As it was only 2$ and it seemed pretty interresting I decided to download it and give it a try.

I must say those were 2$ well spend. This book really focusses on one of the challenges of living with pain. And that is the challenge of making people [especially doctors] believe in our pain. With so many of us you don't see on the outside that we are almost always in pain. And medical tests can't find a reason for the pain. How often have you heard "Maybe it is more a mental problem", seen in doctor's eyes that they don't really believe you. In this book is advocated for doctors and patients to be honest to each other and to believe in one another. Pain that is not understood and not acknowledged can drive people to suicide. Patients can feel they have tried anything and nobody understands what is going on.

The sections on addiction are really strong. A lot of pain patients are wronly labeled addicts because they take a lot of painkillers to get through the day. He explains very well that this is not the case. If the pain would go away so would the painkillers.

I found the following section of the book very striking.

These are the rules a patient must

follow:

Pain patients can’t have personality

disorders; if they do then the pain is not quite as real.

Pain patients can’t be depressed over their

stations in life; if they weren’t as depressed, then the pain would

be less.

Pain patients can’t be angry at, or want

compensation from, those who wrongly injured them; if they do then

the pain is not as quite as real, or it is amplified just so they

can get a larger money settlement.

Pain patients can’t have insomnia; the reason

they can’t sleep is because they have not learned enough

self-hypnosis or haven’t accepted their condition.

Pain patients can’t have anxiety or phobic

disorders requiring certain medications; they aren’t allowed to

have more than one curse in life needing treatment.

Pain patients can’t have different or

individual medication tolerances; if they do not fit within the

normal dosing ranges, then they are addicts or placebo

responders.

Pain patients can’t have more pain than the

doctor allows; if they do then they are manipulative.

Pain patients can’t have good moods; they

have to be miserable and complaining all the time.

Pain patients have to always be sick; they

can’t have good days and bad days.

Pain patients can’t have a good day without

everyone thinking the patient is finally learning to live with the

pain, or that the pain is at last vanishing forever.

Pain patients can’t disappoint people by

having a bad day after a good day.

Pain patients can’t look good; if they look

good, then the pain can’t be so disabling or menacing.

Pain patients can’t respond to hope when they

get good news; their demeanor cannot improve or change because to

do so lessens the believability of the pain’s intensity, constancy,

intolerance, and presence.

Pain patients can’t be skeptical; they aren’t

allowed to question new or proposed treatment decisions based on

their real prior experiences as pain patients.

Pain patient’s can’t have other people steal

their medications; being victimized, even one time, by a theft is

too quickly considered as an indicator of the patient’s

irresponsibility, even for those who are generally very

responsible patients.

Pain patients have to be average; if they are

too smart then they are too ‘pushy’.

Pain patients can’t be normal like the rest

of us; why should they find it easier to deal with pain, or even

stop smoking cigarettes, than anyone else?

Pain patients can’t believe in alternative

life styles; if they do then they cannot be as trusted, or they

might be considered as odd or eccentric. Such eclecticism can be

initially spooky and uncomfortable for many who treat these

patients.

Pain patients can’t be diagnostic oddities;

if their illness can’t be labeled, then it’s too quickly re-painted

as psychosomatic.

Pain patients can’t be picky; they aren’t

allowed to want other than second string doctors.

Pain patients can’t take up too much of the

doctor’s time; if they do then they might become too erudite,

insistent, or burdensome, and this may frighten the doctor

away.

Pain patients can’t shop, cook and clean; if

they do then they are not in that much pain—but, by the way, who

will do these chores for them?

Pain patients have to like everyone the

insurance company sends to care for them; if they don’t like

everyone, then they are obviously non-cooperative and

thankless.

Pain patients have to be meek; if they

aren’t, then they don’t genuinely treasure all the good that others

are trying to do for them.

Pain patients can’t know their history better

than their records; they aren’t supposed to be upset when wrong or

incomplete data and inaccurate conclusions are put into their

medical records.

Pain patients can’t feel the double bind: “if

I tell him the other doctors were wrong then he’ll think I’m too

much of a smart ass, but if I don’t tell him how the other doctors

were wrong, then we may start with the wrong clinical impression

of me, which is why I am here in the first place, to have a doctor

get it right....”

Pain patients have to know magic; they are

expected to take the cash won in a lawsuit, wrap it around the

painful part of their bodies, and make the pain go away. They are

the only people for whom money can buy happiness or cure pain.

Pain patients have to get better; if they

don’t, then doctors may not continue to treat them for the parts of

the problem that don’t get better.

Pain patients have to ‘learn to get used to

it’; this must be done with the same enthusiasm, gusto and

savoir-faire of someone getting used to being poor.

Pain patients can’t answer ‘how are you?’

with ‘fine’; for to say ‘fine’ is thought to mean that they are

better.

Pain patients can’t choose to sacrifice; if

they ever do something one day because of the emotional joy of

doing it despite the pain penalty payable afterwards, then they

can’t obviously be in that much pain.

Pain patients have to perfect; I guess that

means they can’t be human.

I don't think the situation here in Europe when it comes to getting the right medication is as bad as it is in the US. But still I found this very striking.

All in all I thought the book was a bit too long and there was a bit of repetition and the examples of people in trouble about getting the right medication went on and on. But in the end it was a very usefull book. It strongly advocates the rights of pain patients to be believed and to be helped! Every person has the right to the best life they can lead. For me that means pain patients have the right to medication they truly need and help from therapists to help them get the most out of life under difficult circumstances.

Online Conference Part II

2011-09-01T10:54:00.000+02:00

Today I am going to continue my report on the Insight, Impacts and Innovation Conference hosted by Simpson house and streamed live by onlinevents.

The afternoon started with a short presentation stressing the importance of training. But most of the afternoon would be taken up with workshops. There were 3 workshops at the same time and the delegates in the room could chose which to attend. For the online delegates it was the workshop that takes place in the main conference room. It takes a long time to set up the camera's and the rest of the equipment but this was a good deal, the workhops I saw were interesting.

Workshop 1 was all about understanding addiction. Thanks to John Wilson from Onlinevents who typed the questions into the chatroom we could fully participate. And soon we were listing what we depended on: chocolate, nature, music etc. A very confronting question was, would you give up what you depend on if it became illegal tomorrow? I think almost everybody said or typed no! Everybody depends on something to get them through hard days. Not all these dependencies are harmful. But I must say that this workshop did help me to look at dependencies and addiction in another light and created more understanding for 'addicts'. Lots of food for thought, this one.

The second workshop was about a local Edinburgh innitiative: Make it happen. [see screenshot] This project works with young people who are at risk of offending. The recent riots in Britain clearly show the need for such programs and the fact that more funding is needed, not less!

The important facts that I took away from this workshop are:

Almost all the coverage about young people at the moment is negative
It is important for young people to have role models and attainable goals
Respect goes both ways! Older people demand respect from young people, but that respect should be earned.

After this the day drew a close and I turned my computer off feeling very satisfied and stuffed with new information.

Online conference Part I

2011-08-25T11:11:00.001+02:00

In my profession you are not finished learning when you receive your diploma. I would even state that the day you have your diploma in your hands is the day that your learning really start. Every day you learn about life from your clients. And you owe it to them to stay up to date about what is going on in the world and in the field of counselling and coaching.

Yesterday I had such an oppertunity. The good part, I did not even have to leave my house to do so. Thanks to onlinevents I was able to watch a conference in Edinburgh, Scotland online. It was called Insight, Impacts and Innovation Conference. It was organised by Simpson house an organisation based in Edinburgh. And the topics of the day was mostly working: with children with addicted parents, working with at risk children and working in a prison setting.

I have attended online conferences through onlinevents before and it is always excellent quality. On their webpage you can watch the conference and even better there is a chatscreen that let's you chat with othe online attendee's. The great team keep an eye on the chat room and will pose your questions to the lecturers in the venue. It is really worth giving it a try.

I will make a start with giving you my impressions of the conference, which I will continue next week.

The morning part started with a talk on the importance of attachment. It is something we all remember from our training and yet we don't use it enough. When children and young people show agressive behaviour it is so important to understand were they are coming from, where the anxiety come from. Did they ever have a secure base at home? Do they feel secure and safe now? Giving them that feeling of safety is a basis to really start work. She also stressed the need for art and music therapy, areas that suffer so heavily from the recent government cutbacks.

The next brief talk was on outcomes of a study on if counselling is succesfull for addicted people. The outcomes were amazing. Almost all of those in the trial had not believed counselling would help at the outset, and most had changed their mind and found it very useful in the end. What was mostly mentioned was that it helped them feel less isolated and helped them relearn social skills. it also gave them more insight on why they used drugs.

The next pat consisted of 3 short case studies and a talk about working in the prison system. This section could have been a bit longer. The ten minutes talks were too short to really do the speakers justice I thought. But still it was very impressive. Especially the case study of "Jake" a prisoner. It showed him as a person with feelings and fears and not an outcast in a prison.

The last part of the morning was a talk by Kate Anthony on social media & technology. As always this was very informative and offered a lot of information for those who are not used to working online. She is always an advocate on working ethically online and stressing the importance of training when working online. [Training online is offered for example by the online therapy instute and online training for counsellors.]

I will cover the afternoon part of the day next week.

Some websites for you to look at:
http://www.simpson-house.org/sunflowergarden.htm
http://www.mihedinburgh.org/welcome.htm
http://www.simpson-house.org/home.htm
http://www.onlinevents.co.uk/
http://www.onlinetherapyinstitute.com/
http://www.onlinetrainingforcounsellors.co.uk/