Rose Watches Buffy

Revelations

2012-01-08T14:12:00.001-08:00

Season #3, Episode #7: Revelations

"I realize this is gonna sound funny coming from someone that just spent a lot of time kicking your face, but you can trust me."

Once upon a time, I deluded myself into thinking that I would do some rapid blogging and review Amends in time for Christmas. It's now January 8 (how??) and I'm still about three episodes behind. At this rate, I'll review Amends some time like April, squandering the one and only Buffy Christmas episode. But I won't dwell. It's 2012 and I resolve to knock these out two a month with an option on surprising myself with three.

Revelations opens my favorite way--at The Bronze with Dingoes Ate My Baby. We get many loving shots of Oz in a horrible checkered vest, giving false hope that this episode will be Oz-centric and maybe give him a personality.
But no. When the set is over, we see it was only a way of transitioning into relationship woes, with Willow and Xander flailing about, clinging onto Oz and Cordelia, protesting too much. I'd almost forgotten about this :(

Willow tries to deflect by saying that Buffy has been acting strange lately, and wonders if she has a new "honey." Enter Buffy, who tells the group that she is seeing somebody tonight--Faith. "Really, we're just good friends," she says. I remember watching this moment (or a similar moment) with audio commentary, and the writer of the episode said, "Oh, some of that latent homoeroticism between Buffy and Faith that fans love so much!" Which takes some of the fun out of it. But I'm just saying, by Bad Girls, things aren't so latent anymore.

At the cemetery, a pushy British lady (who I keep thinking is Embeth Davidtz) turns up to critique Faith and Buffy's slaying. She's Faith's new Watcher, Gwendolyn Post.

Gwendolyn pisses everyone off from the get-go by doing such audacious things as trying to be an authority figure to Faith and dissing Giles's book collection because he doesn't have Hume's Paranomal Encyclopedia. Huh! Who knew! She makes some snobby comments about Americans being so stupid, in what I think is an attempt to remind us of Season One Giles and show how much he has acclimated to the Scoobies. Indeed, Gwendolyn tells Giles that she has come to Sunnydale to serve as Faith's Watcher, warn them about new demon in town who wants to steal some mystical glove, and to keep an eye on Giles, who the Council fear has become "too American." Oh no you didn't!

Buffy joins Angel for some erotic interpretive dance or else maybe Tai Chi, which results in them almost accidentally making out. Only a few episodes ago, Angel was a feral creature spat out from a hell dimension, but is now the same old Angel as ever. We may not be far into the season, but his place on the show already seems a bit dubious--what can they do with him that they haven't already done? How does he fit in with the goings-on of the season?

Giles sends Xander to find Buffy and warn her about some piece of news about that magic glove thingy. But darn the luck, he just so happens to spot Angel and Buffy making out in a crypt! I guess the reason they couldn't kiss earlier was that they had to wait for Xander to find them in a compromising position.

Angel shows Buffy the magical glove, which he retrieved from some tomb. When she tries to grab it, he stops her and tells her that once you put the glove on, it cannot be removed. "So, no touching. Kind of like us," she says. Groan.

The Scoobies stage an intervention at the library the next day to confront Buffy about her Angel problem. If you're anticipating a grand Xander meltdown full of slut-shaming and waaaahhhhh, ten points! He pulls the Jenny Calendar card again, shouting, "But it's all your fault that this woman died who I had no real relationship with but whose name I will toss around to make you feel badly about yourself, why do you love Angel and not me????" Much more moving is Giles' appeal to Buffy as he tells her in private, "Angel tortured me for hours, with pleasure. You have no respect for me or the job I perform."

He may be showing shades of an inferiority complex due to Gwendolyn Post, but if you remember the trauma of Passion, it's not difficult to understand why Giles would be a teensy bit pissed off.

Gwendolyn turns up at Faith's motel for a little pep talk. Faith may still have a problem with authority, but her new Watcher promises to make her a better slayer, congratulating her on the Spartan living that has turned her into such an effective killer. This is a small, but highly important scene in which Gwendolyn plays on Faith's insecurities--a lack of material possessions and social life, which distances her from Buffy--to make her a more devoted Slayer. In the same breath that she praises Faith, she insults Buffy and Giles for their slacker methods and for holding secret meeting with all of Buffy's friends, from which Faith was excluded.

Faith finds Xander pouting at The Bronze. They're both feeling put-out by Buffy, and when Faith finds out that Buffy lied to her about Angel, it's the last straw. Ruthless Spartan killer that she is, she leaves to slay Angel.

Back at the library, Giles tells Gwendolyn that the magical glove is safe and sound, and that he found a way to destroy it. Gwendolyn is like, thanks buddy! And then whacks him over the head!

Apparently Gwendolyn is not so much a Watcher as a power hungry crazy lady who wants the magical glove so she can destroy stuff.

Faith and Xander find Giles in the library, but due to his being unconscious, they get the wrong end of the stick and think Angel is the culprit. While Faith runs off to kill Angel once and for all, Xander sticks around to wait for the paramedics, and also so he can be a condescending douche when Buffy turns up. As the paramedics wheel Giles away, he says, "Destroy the glove! Use living flame!" Really Giles? You couldn't be like, "Oh and btw, Gwendolyn is actually psycho!"

Gwendolyn shows up at Angel's crypt and, not knowing he's a vampire, tries to whack him over the head too. Faith, of course, turns up and sees Angel lookin' all like a vampire and assumes the worst. Though Angel doesn't help his case when he menacingly tells Faith, "You're not getting that glove!" rather than, "Oh, hello Faith! It turns out your Watcher is psycho. Please let me destroy the glove." Apparently getting whacked over the head by Gwendolyn makes people quite inarticulate.

What we take away from the final showdown is not that Gwendolyn is evil, but that Faith was quick to associate herself with someone who allowed her to antagonize Buffy. So in the end, after Gwendolyn gets electrocuted by lightning and the glove is destroyed, Buffy makes a peace offering to Faith. But Faith, embarrassed to have put her "faith" (lol!) in the wrong person, doesn't learn that she should trust Buffy, but that she shouldn't trust anybody.

Band Candy

2011-12-10T18:11:00.002-08:00

Season #3, Episode #6: Band Candy

"WOAHH Summers, you drive like a spaz!"

Of the many fellow Buffy fans I've met since starting this blog, many consider Band Candy to be one of the very best episodes of the series. Certainly one of the funniest. And while I hold in high esteem, I have to open this review with some bashing.

This episode is the Buffy debut of writer Jane Espenson. You will either love or hate Jane Espenson. She has a distinctive~~ly obnoxious~~ style of dialogue that you will either find delightful and whimsical or akin to nails on a chalkboard. She's primarily known for writing what you will either call comedic reprieves or attempts to hijack the show.

I think Buffy fans tend to rally around her episodes--except for Doublemeat Palace, my personal favorite that everyone else hates. But you may divine that I'm not exactly the president of the Jane Espenson fan club. She is the Buffy writer most likely to force a character to say, "But Gii-iiiles! I don't wanna go all slay-y on prom night! It gives me the wiggins! Big time wiggins-giving! It's wiggins-y! I just want big smoochies with my honey!" You get the idea. With Espenson, it's over-the-top and out-of-character all the time. She's the one at the dinner table making sure everyone hears her interminably shouting knock-knock jokes. Her episodes typically come clunking into the middle of an arc, loud and in desperate need of your attention. Not always a bad thing, but when it's bad, it begs for resentment. This is all to say that I don't think Jane Espenson had a lot of friends growing up.

The episode opens in the graveyard where Buffy and Giles hold an SAT study session periodically interrupted by vampires in need of slaying. This is only the beginning of the show's attempt to undermine the first couple seasons, in which vampires were an actual threat to Sunnydale's safety, thru incessant retcon.

We then head to the Mayor's office, who has enlisted the assistance of Mr. Trick. The Mayor has a file cabinet full of creepy doodads and mystical whatsits and gadgets and gizmos aplenty, which he explains are used to pay tribute to the many demons who helped him assume power in Sunnydale. They allude to a bad guy from times past whom they have recruited to assist them in this tribute. My money's on those hyena kids from The Pack.

At Sunnydale High, Principal Snyder wrangles the Scoobies into selling candy bars to raise money for the marching band. Joyce agrees to buy twenty candy bars, while Giles agrees to buy the other twenty. But this isn't enough for Buffy, who is so bummed out that Joyce and Giles monopolize all her free time and she has noooo social life and she just wants to be a normal teenager! Sorry Espenson, we kinda covered this two seasons ago.

If we've just seen Buffy revert to a Season 1, pre-Angelus bratty teen, we jump right back into the melodramatic current when we find Angel in the courtyard of his lair doing interpretive dance in the buff.

For a really, really, uncomfortably long amount of time.

The two have another loaded conversation full of double entendre about how they want to bone but oh no Angelus will happen and but isn't he so dreamy and they totally don't even want to be together, and it goes on this long, really, and is just as banal.

Turns out, in order to have this secret rendezvous with Angel, she lied to both Joyce and Giles, making them into her alibis. They confront her at the Summers home and accuse her of playing hooky to go act like a delinquent at The Bronze. "What were you doing there!" Joyce asks, to which Buffy responds in classic Espenson fashion, "Bronze things! Things of bronze!"

There's a clever shot of Joyce and Giles sharing a bar of band candy while the ominous score creeps in, cutting to the factory where the band candy is being manufactured, supervised by...Ethan Rayne!

The behavior of the adults at Sunnydale High the next day may indicate that the secret ingredient in the band candy isn't just milk chocolate and lots of smiles. Giles never shows up to monitor study hall, leading Principal Snyder to tell a substitute, "The big pinhead librarian didn't show up, and I don't wanna do it. You do it!!" The substitute tells the kids to run free. Xander and Willow may or may not play footsie in this scene.

Buffy heads over to Giles' place to see if he's been mauled or enchanted, but finds him with Joyce. The two are acting a bit Twilight Zone, like, maybe pod parents, and you at home may be wondering if Buffy had nearly walked in on the two in the act. They inform her that they've been drawing up a study and training schedule for her, really solidifying that whole Giles-as-Buffy's-surrogate-father thing. But as soon as Buffy leaves, they splay themselves out on the floor, smoke cigarettes, and do air-drumrolls to Cream.

The Scoobies head to The Bronze to ("do things of bronze lollll!!!") see Dingoes Ate My Baby, only to find the place overrun by ADULTS! Nutso Substitute Teacher turns up with the munchies and calls Willow "Little Tree," whereas Principal Snyder is a nervous 'lil ball of energy bounding up and down with delight that he's the principal and has so much power, yippee!!

The rest of this episode is more or less a montage of adults doing ~*~hilariously~*~ out-of-character things. Giles and Joyce go out on the town, where Ripper Giles smashes a storefront with a trash can and steals a terrible hat.

Then Giles beats the crap out of a cop. Then they have sex on the top of a cop car. (ETA: With Joyce, not the cop. Though I'm sure the latter situation has occurred in many a fanfic.) And I mean don't get me wrong, I find all of this delightful, but Joyce seems a bit too Olivia Newton-John. And I always got the idea that Teenage Giles was more brooding and sitting in creepy factories pledging his soul to the Dark Prince listening to Throbbing Gristle than doing his best James Dean. But that may just be wishful thinking.

Buffy happens upon Joyce and Giles in a compromising situation, and tells them, "No more candy!" while they stamp their feet. Eventually, they break into the factory and chase down Ethan Rayne, who tells them that Trick and the Mayor needed all of the adults of Sunnydale to be out of it so that they could collect a tribute for a demon.

The tribute? Babies, obviously.

While Joyce is sent into paroxysms of sorrow at the idea of babies in jeopardy, never fear. Buffy finds the babies in the sewers, disposes of the evil demon, pisses off The Mayor, gets Mr. Trick in trouble, bland plot stuff.

But at least this allows for some truly special effects.

All in all, this is a very popular episode with appeal that I have never been able to totally understand. Thematically, the episode seems to exist to LOL at the Scoobies' immaturity and inability to take things seriously. When Willow's doctor takes his shirt off and stage dives at The Bronze, and Joyce repeatedly coos over the "poor babies!!!", characters repeatedly make comments about this being an unflattering mirror and isn't it so funny how they suddenly have to start acting like adults?? Only this doesn't jive with where we are in the series--Buffy left her desire to be a normal teenager back in Season 2, and even then, she never carried on like an idiot. By Season 3, this already seems vintage. So the insinuation is a bit insulting to the younger generation.

But it would be disingenuous to get up in arms over this, because the "role reversal" only exists to allow Tony Head and Kristine Sutherland to show us what they've got, and that's what makes this episode hilarious. By Season 3, we've grown to know and love all the non-Xander characters, and watching them have this much fun is, well, fun. Does it advance anyone's arc? Outside of giving Buffy's mother and surrogate father the opportunity to get it on, no. Does this episode give me many things to pontificate on? Outside of ending my sentences with prepositions, no. But do I care?

Minus a few missteps, one of the best Espensons. But it's no Doublemeat Palace.

Favorite moment: Band Candy's entire appeal lies in the little moments between Giles, Joyce, and Snyder. Favorites include danger junkie Giles, who is all to eager for Buffy to kick the crap out of Ethan Rayne.

Snyder, trying to scoot a 'lil closer to a disapproving Joyce.

And when the group learn of Trick and the Mayor's baby kidnapping:

"Something's going to eat those babies?"

"I think that is so wrong!"

"Let's find the demon and kick the crap out of it!"

Homecoming

2011-11-13T10:26:00.000-08:00

Season #3, Episode #5: Homecoming

"You've awakened the prom queen within."

I know what you're thinking as you look at this picture. Well, first you're probably stunned by the array of awful skirts (or skorts?). Or maybe you're now scouring your hidden away CD collection for every Collective Soul album you own because the 90s. But eventually, you will probably wonder what Cordelia is doing in this picture with Buffy and Willow, and why are they so happy together? Why, according to Rose's blog, it's almost as if Cordelia doesn't exist.

Oh, but she does exist, reader. Cordelia is as delightful as ever, only the writers delegate her role to making boneheaded comments every few scenes and acting oblivious. Basically Oz-status, but even Oz occasionally gets his own episode.

Finally, in Homecoming, Cordy gets her dues.

The Scoobies couple up at The Bronze to discuss Homecoming dance logistics--limo or Oz's van?--before a sullen Buffy, who hasn't yet been asked to the dance by puppy dog Scott. One might assume he's a little down with love after his two BFFs just got killed by an after school special on love, but I digress.

Or is it Scott that's got her down in the dumps? Eventually he turns up and says he will go to the dance I guess, but he's not the only man in her life anymore.

Buffy runs off to deliver Angel some blood and some cold hard truth. Since the last episode, Angel has managed to master a shirt in addition to pants, though buttoning said shirt remains a challenge. He also seems to have mastered the English language, as he and Buffy carry on a full-fledged conversation in which Buffy reveals that she is moving on with her life and has a new, non-demon boyfriend whom she can count on.

Cut to Scott telling Buffy that they shouldn't see each other anymore. As if this wasn't stressful enough, we see a stakeout van spying upon Buffy getting dumped and transmitting it to some moody Germans who then transmit it to Mr. Trick and an old guy. Then, opening credits. Whew, y'all! Four minutes in and you better fasten your seatbelt!

When we return, a nervous lackey brings a report on the moody Germans and their current whereabouts to a wakcy guy who smells the report and then chastises the lackey for not properly washing his hands. This is the Mayor, the man we've heard tell of for seasons from the likes of Principal Snyder and the Sunnydale police. Ominous music plays as the Mayor lectures on cleanliness and tells his lackey (who we learn is Deputy Mayor Alan) to let him know of any other unsavory creatures in Sunnydale. At this point, we still don't know what side of the good vs. evil fight the Mayor falls on.

On yearbook picture day, Cordelia scopes out her competition for Homecoming Queen. Buffy and Faith aren't in attendance at picture day, however, because they're busy letting their aggression out training. Faith says, "F MEN!" and suggests that she and Buffy go to the dance together, find some clueless guys, and use and discard them. And it is but the beginning of the great big homoeroticism between the Slayers.

Everything seems to be going wrong for Rebound Buffy. She approaches her favorite teacher to ask her to write a recommendation letter per Snyder's request, but the teacher doesn't even remember her. And on top of being dumped, Cordelia forgets to tell Buffy that she needs to get her school picture taken, so she won't even appear in the yearbook. A couple more miles down this path and she'll be turning invisible and wielding revenge via a knife to Cordy's face and eerie clarinet playing.

But Buffy won't go down without a fight, and sets her sights on the ultimate prize: a crown. It's Buffy vs. Cordelia for Homecoming Queen.

Back at the Trick mansion, we learn why the Germans (and various other icky demons) are in town--for Slayerfest '98.

No, I am not kidding. Seriously, Slayerfest.
In attendance: Gorch, the cowboy vamp from Bad Eggs and his wife, a spiney yellow thing, moody Germans, and an old dude. Their mission: to destroy not one, but both Slayers, for a handsome cash prize.

Up next is a plot point that I so badly want to skip. I so badly want to spare everyone the horrible memories. And if this plot point didn't prove itself to be a facet of many episodes to come, I probably would. Hopefully, if you're like me, your brain will do all the blocking out for you.

But when Xander and Willow get dressed for the Homecoming dance and reminisce about how far they've come as friends, and Willow emerges wearing a super ugly dress, they experience a surge of terrible, evil hormones and...

They make out :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

Why does this happen? Who fell asleep at the writing desk? WHO ALLOWED THIS???

Moving on. Buffy goes all work and no play, creating huge graphs and charts documenting the best strategy for Operation Cordelia Sux and Buffy Rulez. She tries to enlist the rest of the Scoobies, only they betray her to help Cordelia out of guilt for...making out :( :( :( :(

As penance for the horrible visual of Willow and Xander's lips meeting that will haunt your dreams for years to come, we get a throwback montage of Cordelia and Buffy on the campaign trail set to Fastball. Buffy hands out muffins, while Cordelia gives out muffin baskets. Cordelia puts up campaign posters, and Buffy puts up...bigger posters.

Faith and Buffy planned to take a limo to Homecoming together, but Xander and Willow decide to con Buffy and Cordelia into sharing a limo instead so that they will work out their differences. And let me tell you, there will be bonding.

Remember Slayerfest?

Slayerfest participants redirect the limo into the woods, where they will hunt Buffy and Cordelia, whom they think is Faith. Mr. Trick relays the objective of Slayerfest to them through a videotape, kind of like proto-Saw.

What ensues is a classic case of a chase through the woods Most Dangerous Game style, mistaken identity, and wily survival skills. The fun is in watching it, so I won't bore you with the details. And Buffy and Cordelia do sort out their differences while holed up in a cabin hiding from Germans--Buffy tells Cordelia that all she wants is to be a Normal Teenager, and Cordelia reveals in a panic that she thinks she loves Xander, which for some god forsaken reason endears her to Buffy. They hug, they summon their Girl Power, and they go to kick the crap out of some Slayerfesters.

Buffy and Cordelia repair to Sunnydale High where they hope to collect some weapons, kill off their hunters, and freshen up in time for the Homecoming crowning. A few mishaps and one hostage Giles later, they rush to the Bronze, beaten and bloody, ready to claim the crown. And surprise surprise, there's an unprecedented tie for Queen?

A tie between Buffy and Cordelia's competitors.

All in all, vintage Buffy. Lots of laughs, classic misdirection, goofy villains, well-choreographed fight scenes. People tend to rank Homecoming as one of the top episodes of the series, but I wouldn't go that far. Cordelia gets a chance to shine, but she won't really be paid her dues until Angel. An entertaining episode, highlighted by our introduction to the Mayor. Later in the episode, he chastises Mr. Trick for bringing a rebellious element into Sunnydale. The Mayor's MO: to keep control over the supernatural forces at work in Sunnydale, whether that entails joining up with them or not. Means to an end: eliminating the Slayers.

This will be the only thing worth remembering in later episodes. And Homecoming gives us a whole lot that's worth forgetting.

Favorite moment: Gorch and his wife wait for the Slayers in the Sunnydale High library, where Buffy quickly stakes the latter. Just when Gorch is about to do away with Cordelia, she gets in his face and taunts him, saying, "I haven't even broken a sweat. In the end, Buffy is just the runner-up. I'm the queen. You get me mad, What do you think I'm going to do to you?"

Don't mess.

Beauty and the Beasts

2011-10-29T21:36:00.000-07:00

Season #3, Episode #4: Beauty and the Beasts

"Oz ate someone last night."

No, I am not going to mention again how totally inept I've become at updating this blog. I'm not going to promise to be better and then wait for another month to pass before reviewing another delightfully absurd episode just waiting for my derision. I am so not even going to get into it.

Instead I will preface this entry with a word on Marti Noxon. Marti Noxon, a Buffy writer who became a producer in this season, has a tendency to write terrible episodes full of schmaltzy nonsense and clunky metaphors that make even Clint Eastwood cringe. (I've heard that in Buffy fandom, these are called "Martiphors.") A typical Marti Noxon episode features nothin' but ~true love~ between Buffy and Angel and reads like an after school special roundup in which the cast warns us about the dangers of peer pressure. Beauty and the Beasts is, I believe, the quintessential Marti Noxon episode.

(I can't dump on Noxon too much, as she is known to sometimes write things that aren't horrible, and in fact wrote I Only Have Eyes For You, one of my favorite episodes. But this woman was also responsible for Wild at Heart and Into the Woods, which I will contend are the two worst Buffy episodes should I ever get to them.)

Get ready for something awful.

The episode opens with the silliest possible camera tricks all thrown into one scene--a flash of the full moon (so that we will know to expect Oz) while a blurry predator cam snakes through the woods, scored by an echoed voiceover from Willow telling a story about wild animals, all set to the sweet tunes of my Monster Mash compilation CD. Once you know Marti, a couple more lines of dialogue will be all you need to divine exactly what will happen in Beauty and the Beasts.

Turns out Willow is reading this bedtime story to Werewolf Oz while keeping watch over him. Xander comes to take over her babysitting shift, leaving one to wonder why anyone would ever trust Xander to do anything ever. She tells him 600 times in a row why it's soooo amazingly important that Xander watch over Oz and what specific things he must do and watch out for and "EVERYONE WILL DIE IF OZ GETS OUT!!!" and then as soon as she leaves, he goes to sleep.

Meanwhile, Buffy and Faith patrol the cemetery. Eliza Dushku shows all her cards here trying her hardest to make any of Faith's dialogue sound like it belongs on this TV show or anywhere on planet earth, but when she asks Buffy if she and Scott are "doing the ditty" and says that he gives her that "good low down tingle" and that "he's a muffin. Blueberry!", you will be left confused and vaguely in need of a shower. Buffy, ever the good girl, is just happy to be dating someone who isn't a hell beast for a change. "All men are beasts," Faith tells us. If you know Marti...say no more.

Predator cam leads us to a defenseless teen, who is dragged away and probably eaten. Men!

After the credits, we jump smack into the middle of Willow and Buffy's passing period conversation and hear Willow say, "I don't think it's true that all men are beasts!" Which leaves one to imagine Buffy coming to school that morning and saying, "Hey Willow! Faith told me that all men are beasts!" But I digress. The group are joined by Scott and his random two friends who we have never seen before and, spoilers! will never see again.

They're Pete and Debbie, who are such a cute couple!!

Giles reams Xander out for being such an unfathomable douche and leaving Oz to his own devices--they've discovered the mauled body of defenseless teen and fear Oz is responsible.

But Buffy has her own duties, namely seeing the school psychologist Mr. Pratt. He proves himself to be one of those cool, understanding hip adults who can relate with the kids and earn their trust, and isn't that just what Buffy needs! Mr. Pratt has to run off to his fishing trip, which I imagine is the only possible explanation for this outfit.

Back in the library, the Scoobies strategize and try their best to exonerate Oz. Oz is a 'lil shaken up and tries to run off dramatically, but Willow reminds him that he's about to turn into a werewolf and needs to go into his cage. "Stop, don't come near me!" he tells Willow. "I'm about to change, get away from me!" I've rambled about the icky way the show tries to present Oz's werewolf self as his unbridled masculinity that might lash out against the nearest innocent bystander if they don't GTFO of his way, but really, Buffy writers? This is the exact tack Stephanie Meyer took with werewolves, and that's gross.

But you'll get a whole lot of that in this episode, what with meaningful predator cam voiceovers, monologues from Mr. Pratt, and confusing babble from Faith, all of which go down one path: men are beasts, love takes over people and makes them crazy, and get away from me, woman, I'm about to get masculine. And just wait til you see the icky conclusion.

Speaking of abusive predator boyfriends, Buffy goes patrolling in the woods and comes upon feral Angel, who has somehow managed to contemplate and understand pants.

They brawl, but Buffy overpowers him and ties him up with chains. Kinky.

Angel is completely "wild," can't talk, can't recognize Buffy, can't function. Buffy is too busy being like, "HOW???" She stays up all night in the library researching "demons that get sent to a hell dimension and inexplicably appear because I put my claddagh ring on the floor." Her search futile, she turns to Giles and asks about a "dream" she had that Angel came back. Giles tells her that if Angel managed to come back from his eternity of brutal torment, he'd either be the kind of monster wants to be redeemed, and or the kind that is "void of humanity and cannot respond to reason or love."

Buffy's mission--to determine what kind of monster Angel is.

She goes to his love dungeon and asks if he understands or recognizes her, but he starts grunting and gnawing on his own flesh, which is never really a good sign. She rushes to Mr. Pratt to vent, and yells, "Don't turn around, and don't say anything! Just listen! Because (A) yeah, that's a thing people do!, or (B) I'm about to profess my undying love to you!, or (C) you are dead and you can't turn around or say anything!" If you have not completely given up and turned off your TV by now, you'll see a very mauled Mr. Pratt, cigarette in hand.

So I guess he didn't hear Buffy's proclamation of love.

Pete and Debbie run off to make out in a janitor's closet because they are soooo in love. But things take a turn when Pete finds some empty Mason jars that appear to have once contained Gack, which he is not too happy about. Debbie says she got rid of it to help him, because "you know how you get when you drink that stuff!" He starts flexing his muscles and yelling that it isn't the Gack that makes him that way, it's stupid harlot Debbie!!!

Then he turns into a monster. If you haven't thrown your remote at your TV right now, maybe it's time you do, because he starts to repeatedly hit Debbie across the face, accusing her of turning him into this, telling her she's a slut, and admitting that he murdered Mr. Pratt so she wouldn't be able to talk to him anymore. When he calms down, he whimpers and apologizes and appeals, "You know you shouldn't make me mad! You know what happens!"

Ugh, I can't even get into this. More on the prevailing ickiness at the end.

Oz notices that there's something wrong with Debbie when he sees her black eye, and tells her that he's always around if she wants to talk. Unfortunately for everyone, especially you, Pete notices.

Some piece of evidence exonerates Oz, so the Scoobies turn their attention to finding the real killer. They deduce that Debbie is the common denominator, and Buffy and Willow go to reason with her in the ladies room. Okay, I'm just warning you--if you haven't turned off your TV yet...

This scene is so awful in every conceivable way that I can do little else but just quote it verbatim. Buffy says, "It's hard covering up a shiner like that. Do you know what works? Don't get hit." When Debbie refuses to give Pete up ("It's not his fault! It's me! He does what he does because he loves me too much!"), Buffy makes it quite clear how ridiculous and weak she is and how she better just get over it because people are dying! I want to give the show the benefit of the doubt and say that this scene shows Buffy's imperfection, that as the episodes continue she becomes all business and has no patience for people getting in her way. And that's true--the show will take her character to that extreme. But not here. Not now. Not when the episode is making the crassest statement on domestic violence possible with all the nuance of a jackhammer and trying to play it straight, and the protagonist berates Debbie for not exercising power that she does not have to begin with.

We interrupt this reaaaal deep commentary on domestic violence for a fight between Monster Pete and Werewolf Oz, with an Angel Escapes from his Chains interim. The fight culminates in the janitor's closet where Pete comes upon a hiding Debbie. He blames her for the fact that Buffy now knows he's the killer, and while Buffy tries to rush to the rescue, she is too late to stop Pete from...killing Debbie.

Yes, Pete actually kills Debbie. Well, Buffy warned her that this would happen if she didn't just stop being weak.

While I'm always shocked when any kind of mainstream media chooses to show the violent and extreme outcomes of relationships that, in the real world, are abusive, I'm usually shocked in a positive way. Later in the series, the writers will let another abusive relationship unfold in a way that I think is pretty amazing and nuanced and challenges some of our assumptions about love and domestic violence. But there's no ambiguity about whether Pete is abusive toward Debbie--because Marti Noxon has never heard of the word ambiguity--and so the episode sets itself up to end violently.

Not a single moment of this episode earns the right to honestly and thoughtfully address domestic violence, let alone the murder of one partner by another. It's disgusting and everybody involved should be ashamed. It falls into the trap the show made for itself from the first episode--that monsters are not real, but domestic violence is. That you can't equate a guy unwillingly turning into a werewolf/vampire/Mr. Hyde with an abusive partner. That you can't attribute this violence to the "beast within" every male, like every guy in the world is just waiting to get too angry before he snaps and becomes abusive. So you better watch out.

HOWEVER. I have mixed feelings about what happens next. Just as it looks like Buffy won't win this fight, Feral Angel turns up and strangles Pete. Searching for redemption, or void of humanity?

He falls on his knees and says, "Buffy?"

The first time I saw this episode, I thought this was one of the most striking moments of the series so far. In bringing Angel back, they have to deal with the fact of Angelus in a way that is a little more than, "Well he has a soul again!" I want to believe that this moment acknowledges that even if Angel is searching for redemption, the violence between Angel and Buffy hasn't disappeared, and that thread will always come up in some subtle and not-so-subtle ways. For all of Buffy's strength, her abusive relationship isn't abusive all the time, and not in obvious ways that are easy to identify. It could have been--and at one point very nearly was--Buffy and not Debbie.

The shot of Angel at Buffy's feet with Debbie's body lying in the foreground says just that...and only a class act like Marti Noxon would use the dead girlfriend as a device to prop up Plot A.

Well, she did learn from the master.

Favorite moment: When it's over.

Faith, Hope and Trick

2011-10-07T18:53:00.001-07:00

Season #3, Episode #3: Faith, Hope and Trick

"He said he lived for kissing toast. Taquitos?"

Hello, reader! I know at least one of you is out there, as I received a blogger e-mail today from someone I've never met asking me if I intended to continue on with my blog! As it turns out, flattery is awfully motivational. So this one's for you, blogger guy!

And anyway, October has got to be the official month of Buffy, no? In honor of this month--the best month--I will do my darndest to review many episodes. Maybe even two in one go! And what better way to start than with the introduction of a New Major Character!

Two shady characters in a black limo roll up to the McDonald's drive-thru, and suddenly you remember that the last "big bad" skipped out of town with his ~*~crazy~*~ girlfriend, and that the real "big bad" was "put down like a dog," as Cordelia astutely describes. Sure enough, these two seem like big bad material, saying of the Slayer: "I'm going to rip her spine from her body, and I'm going to eat her heart and suck the marrow from her bones!" Could they be the major new characters??

Principal Snyder agrees to let Buffy back into school so long as she gets a teacher to write her a letter of recommendation and sees the school psychiatrist. Could the kindly psychiatrist be the new major character??

The Scoobies rejoice that Buffy is back, and that they are cool seniors with open lunch status, which for some reason is an actual thing that people in the real world care about. Giles, on the other hand, is all business, asking Buffy to give him all the nitty gritty details about Angel's demise so he can prepare some Aramaic doodad to prevent Acathla from coming back, blah blah. Who cares because...

Hey, did you hear that Darling Violetta are playing at The Bronze tonight?

Oh, The Bronze, how I've missed you. I recognize this band as having done the theme song to Angel, which technically I shouldn't know exists yet. They provide an adequately angsty backdrop to Buffy turning down Scott, a harmless teen boy fighting for her affections. New major character?

Buffy is distracted by a girl Cordelia charmingly calls "Slutorama" who is seduced out of The Bronze by a vampire. The Scoobies run out to save her just in time to see her kick the crap out of the vampire and introduce herself as Faith. As Oz notes, "I think there's a new Slayer in town." If you're like me watching this for the first time, your reaction will be, "Eliza Dushku is in this show??"

Faith is the new major character. She is the Slayer called forth after Drusilla killed Kendra, who is meant to be the working class response to bougie Buffy. She's crass, fun-loving, and says slaying makes her "hungry and horny."

Buffy responds: "Sometimes I crave a low-fat yogurt?"
Faith is a bad girl who wants to live large. She'll become a pal, a foil, and a source of sexual tension for Buffy, and do all of this while wearing lots of eyeliner and press-on tattoos, using cheeky phrases like "five by five," and living in a seedy motel.

In theory, Faith sounds awesome and she should totally be right up my alley, but it is no secret that she is one of my all-time least favorite characters. (Riley, Drusilla, and Faith--the unholy trifecta.) Where do we go wrong? I'm excited to get through this season again, as I do love Faith as a concept, and her arc is intellectually satisfying. But execution-wise? We'll see.

The two big bads from the beginning of the episode turn out to be Mr. Trick and this guy who looks like he wandered of the Star Trek set. The latter is super pissed that the Slayer gave him a big scar on his face, or maybe gouged out his eye?

But, as always, interpersonal drama permeates all. Faith warms herself immediately to the Scoobies with her tales of naked alligator wrestling (Xander), calling Giles young and cute (Giles), and charming dinner table banter (Joyce). The only one who remains unconvinced is Buffy, who resents Faith for trespassing on her turf. She doesn't begrudge Faith for stealing the spotlight, but for mirroring her life exactly, down to hitting on Scott, the inoffensive fella from The Bronze. Remember the mirroring!

Buffy and Faith go on their first co-slaying adventure together, and we see the sinister side of Faith's wily charms. Faith leaves Buffy pinned by a vampire while she repeatedly punches another in the face with a big old grin. Hungry and horny, likely. Buffy warns Giles that Faith seems to enjoy the slaying thing a little too much.

Giles discovers that rather than being at a Watcher convention in the Cotswolds, Faith's slayer was actually killed by Star Trek guy, who is actually an ancient vampire named Kokistos. Revelations! Faith is on the lam, and her tough-as-nails facade wears when he comes knocking on her door. But actually, they dispense of him rather anti-climatically. I thought this guy was gonna be the new big bad?

But they bond, and share post-slayage cheese fries. Faith confronts her fear. And she will remain in Sunnydale indefinitely.

I've neglected to mention that per David Boreanaz's contract, Buffy visits Angel in her dreams each episode, sometimes on a beach at sunset, dancing slow at The Bronze, whisperin' sweet nothings.

One wonders--will we have to endure this for the rest of the season?

Fear not, reader.
Buffy finally accepts Scott's offer to go out on a date, but balks when he presents her with a claddagh ring, as Angel gave her the same ring back in Surprise. But after a heart-to-heart with The Scoobies (to be described later), she decides she's ready for closure and asks Scott for another chance. She then goes to leave the claddagh at the site where she stabbed Angel in Season 2. So sweet!

And then who should burst forth but...sweaty naked David Boreanaz?? Oh, to be a fangirl watching this in its original broadcast...

So let's take stock. We have Faith the bad girl Slayer. We have Mr. Trick, the new vamp in town. We have puppy dog Scott. Angel emerges from the depths of hell. But...who's Hope?

Favorite moment: At the very end of the episode, Buffy reveals to the Scoobies that Angel's soul was restored when she killed him. You know, in case it helps with Giles's Aramaic spell. Everyone gets teary-eyed, Sad Theme #4 twinkles, and Giles reveals, "There was no spell."

Oh Giles, you card!

Dead Man's Party

2011-09-10T12:19:00.000-07:00

Season #3, Episode #2: Dead Man's Party

"Is it a gathering, a shindig, or a hootenanny?"

So I was all excited about the beginning of Season 3 and my new built-in Buffy reviewing time slot before work, when my beloved laptop Bronco's hard drive died. It was a trying time.

But to be honest, I had no desire to watch this episode again anyway, as my recollection of it is Xander throwing a big temper tantrum. I'm actually posting this entry a week after watching the episode because I couldn't be bothered adding pictures or, you know, commentary. Instead I listened to two Taylor Swift albums. Took many naps. I watched Once More, With Feeling. Twice.

Alas. I can't go on, I'll go on. You may recall that when we last saw Buffy, she had run away from home for the summer, returning to Sunnydale just in time for the fall season. This episode deals with The Aftermath--nobody seems to know how to react to Buffy's return, least of all Buffy. She makes a lot of faces like this:

Ensue a series of painfully awkward scenes between Buffy and Joyce/the Scoobies. When Buffy asks for permission to go out, Joyce tactfully asks, "Will you be slaying?"

Buffy finds Xander prowling the streets, but for once not for defenseless ladies! He has a cross and a stake, and a walkie talkie, on which Cordelia addresses him as "Nighthawk."

It seems that in Buffy's absence, Xander, Willow, Cordelia and Oz did some slaying of their own.

So all seems well, no? Buffy may still be expelled--when Joyce goes to Principal Snyder to argue that Buffy was cleared of all murder charges (Kendra, remember her?), he says that he tingles with pleasure at the thought of keeping a troublemaker out of school.

But besides Principal Snyder, everyone's happy to see Buffy. Especially Pat.

Pat is Joyce's busybody friend from book club who supported Joyce in the aftermath of her daughter's delinquency. She likes to make empanadas in her Spanish class. And she thinks it's time for Buffy and Joyce to re-bond. She's the mom and apple pie, PTA-friendly stalwart to Joyce's terror at what essentially amounts to having a gay child.

Buffy goes to the basement to prepare for her welcome back dinner party, and a dead cat falls on her head. I don't know about your basement, but this seems a bit unlikely.

They bury the cat in their yard, but come nightfall, the scary mask in Joyce's room glows red and the cat digs out of its grave. It runs into the Summers kitchen right as Joyce Struggles With Buffy's Coming Out, saying, "I think the police would be happy to have a...superhero? I mean, is that the right term? Is that offensive?"

For some reason, the Scoobies put their analysis of the zombie cat on hold to decide to co-opt Joyce's stuffy welcome home gathering, invite all of Sunnydale High, and hire Dingoes Ate My Baby to play the one song they have over and over while Oz holds his big boy bass.

Buffy feels that Xander and Willow are trying to avoid having to spend any real time with her. Then she overhears Joyce talking about Buffy's homecoming with Pat and gets the wrong end of the stick. She heads up to her room and starts packing up to leave--again. But I thought she found herself last episode!!

Never fear, for Willow and Buffy tearfully talk about how they have boys now and dating and witchcraft and they missed each other and let's never fight again ok?? :') :') :')

The downside--Joyce's new decorative mask is reanimating corpses all over Sunnydale, and they're headed for the Summers home. Bad timing, as Joyce picks this exact moment to have a big confrontation with Buffy in the middle of the party. She's still trying to deal with having a Slayer child, and yells, "You just dumped this thing on me and expected me to handle it! Well Mom's not perfect!" Then Xander decides to butt in and tell Buffy what scum she is and STFU XANDER. Then Willow starts to say something and Xander butts in to tell Buffy how Willow thinks she's scum because STFU Xander.
STFU Xander.

Then some zombies break through the windows in the middle of his sanctimonious blabber. Thanks zombies.

Pat bites it, but really, we saw that coming. She zombifies and puts on the evil exotic Nigerian mask, making her the incarnation of evil. Or something.

Buffy saves the day as usual. And for one reason or another, the bonding experience of cowering in closets in terror makes everything A-OK with the Scoobies. They may still have no idea that Buffy had to kill Angel and that Xander is a gigantic douche, but everything is more or less okay, right? Somehow?

Well, almost! Giles turns up at Snyder's office to tell him in no uncertain terms that Buffy WILL be returning to Sunnydale High. There may be some violence.

And that's that. I vow next time to pick up the energy and not spend a week dreading having to review a perfectly fine episode in a perfunctory fashion.

Favorite moment: Buffy is nervous about seeing Giles for the first time, and almost turns away from his door. But he's pretty much the only one who doesn't throw a temper tantrum, and instead goes into the kitchen to have a little private moment and choke back tears of joy.

Awwwww Giles, running the gamut of emotions this episode!

Anne

2011-08-22T14:03:00.000-07:00

Season #3, Episode #1: Anne

"I just wanna be alone and quiet in a room with a chair and a fireplace and a tea cozy. I don't even know what a tea cozy is, but I want one."

Ahh, Season 3! I hardly knew ye! It came and went so fast the first time around, with little old me irritated and confused by its resolution. But I'm pretty sure Season 3 is widely regarded as the best in all of Buffy, and now that I know better what will become of the new major character (whose name begins with an "F" and ends with a "orced character development"), I hope I'll see the light!

Right off the bat, we have some notable changes: new opening credits, this time featuring Seth Green (!), and a cute new big girl haircut for Willow, but unfortunately no big girl personality.

But when we begin, it looks as if nothing has changed at all. A vampire rises from its grave. We see a woman's legs in fashionable jeans doing a power stance and hear her make a terrible joke. Only it's Willow--and the words "Come and get it, big boy!" rocket to the top of my Top 10 Things I Never Want To Hear Willow Say Again.

The Scoobies have spent the summer trying to pick up the slack that Buffy left, but are hopelessly inept at slaying. As for Buffy, she wakes up at her apartment in a sordid hellhole of a town full of ugly street fronts and whining ambulances. It must be Los Angeles.

Meanwhile at Sunnydale High, it's the first day of school, and we get an impressive continuous shot beginning in the library with Willow and Giles and continuing into the hallway where it picks up various conversations. Cordelia and Xander are all excited to see one another again. Oz surprises Willow by telling her he's going to come back to Sunnydale High to finish his senior year. Larry the oaf thinks this will be the best year EVER!

Impressive as this shot is, the Scoobies seem awkward and aimless without Buffy. And I don't mean in the obvious sense, I mean in the sense that the actors don't seem to know what they should be doing or what their relationships were to one another for the past two seasons.

Buffy works as a waitress in a cheesy diner with a name tag reading "Anne." Her boss is gross and she gets sexually harassed by two trucker dudes, but while Buffy wouldn't have put up with it, "Anne" lets it go. Two of her customers are Rickie and Lily, the latter looking suspiciously familiar...

It's Chanterelle from Lie To Me! She chases after Buffy to thank her for saving her life, and renounces the vampire groupie cult. One notices that they've given Chanterelle/Lily a 90s heroin chic makeover, but there also seems to be an attempt to draw a parallel between her and Buffy, with juxtaposed close-ups of each of their faces showing how similar they look. And they do bond, commiserating about how they're always changing, picking up new names, disappearing when necessary.

If you didn't get the major identity crisis thing, everywhere the two of them go, they see old people muttering to themselves, "I'm nobody! I am nothing!" Cue a montage of lost young people looking sad and dirty and hopeless.

[Hey, isn't this still in the opening credits to Angel?]
Over the summer in Sunnydale, Giles and Joyce bonded over searching for Buffy--a daughter figure for both. Giles hops on a plane at any mention of Slayer-ish activity to no avail. Joyce thanks him for helping, but also blames him for making Buffy what she is. Joyce is still not understanding the whole One Girl In All The World "SHE IS THE SLAYEEER" thing.

Lily comes to Buffy begging for help when Rickie goes missing. They search his old haunts, where the people they question all put on their best eerie suspicious faces. Buffy stalks around various dilapidated buildings until she finds the body of an old man--with Rickie's tattoo! Mystery abound.

When Buffy breaks the news to Lily, we get some more Major Themes that, having seen the rest of the series, I was impressed cropped up this early! Lily refuses to accept that Rickie is dead, but the new, jaded Buffy has little patience for grief. She gets agitated and insists that Lily is just going to have to deal because these kinds of things happen all the time. Bristling at this treatment, Lily asks if Buffy didn't bring the monsters and evil with her because she's the Slayer. We will be angsting over this for the next three seasons.

Buffy just totally doesn't want to deal with this BS anymore, and is quite angry at whoever is doing evil in LA for interrupting her one true wish--to be alone. This wish has replaced the one to be a normal teenager, as she's now accepted its futility.

Lily runs into the street where she sees a kindly straight-laced lookin' dude who runs a cultish-seeming home for young people. He tells her that Rickie is very much alive and staying with them, ominously insisting, "He's no more dead than I am!"

Blah blah, Buffy does some investigating so she can get back to her peace and quiet and tea cozies, and finds herself trying to sneak her way into the youth home, telling them, "I'm bad! With the sex, and the envy, and that loud music us kids listen to nowadays!" She breaks in just in time to see Lily fall through some oily looking goo into a gigantic warehouse that = hell.

In case you didn't get the identity crisis thing from the name-changing and the "I'm no one!" old people and the weird cult, Buffy and Lily find the warehouse/hell to be full of people in nondescript burlap sacks working as slaves. Evil preacher guy explains that time moves more quickly in hell, so they bring young people with no friends and no life to work until they die--all of which happens in the span of one day on earth.

But Buffy's had enough. Faced with life in an eternal hell dimension, she rediscovers her mission in life, kind of like when Angel saw her in 1996 and thought she was a babe. The slaves are forced to stand in a line and renounce their identity by answering the question, "Who are you?" with, "No one." But when they get to Buffy, she says, "I'm Buffy the Vampire Slayer," and kicks the crap out of them. This is one of those rousing moments that makes you wanna stand up and cheer, like when the underdog hockey team scores the game-winning goal or a group of ragtag youngsters from the streets win the song and dance competition.

Long story short, Buffy leads an insurrection that involves Lily summoning her inner resolve and taking care of business on her own. It's actually a pretty hilarious moment--Preacher Guy takes Lily hostage before all the rest of the slaves, and begins a grand speech about the price of rebellion. Lily cuts it short by pushing him off the ledge.

With renewed sense of purpose, Buffy offers her apartment, her job, and the name "Anne" to Lily. She heads back to Sunnydale, the episode ending in a tearful reunion between her and Joyce. But oh, the angst is sooo not over.

A good episode, though not totally memorable. Adequately sets up themes. Deals with Runaway Buffy. And remember this face in the future:

Favorite moment: Way at the beginning of the episodes, when the Scoobies minus Buffy try to stake a vampire on their own, Oz makes a last ditch effort to throw a stake in its back while it runs away. The triumphant music swells, Oz winds up, and...

Completely misses.

Season 2 Overview

2011-08-21T14:06:00.000-07:00

After five months (!), I've finally gotten through Season 2. The highlights:

Angel turns into evil Angelus and is doomed to never have sex again.
Buffy kills Angel. Her life really sucks now.
Spike and Drusilla are British vampires. Spike is Billy Idol. Drusilla is ~*~crazy~*~
Giles and Jenny Calendar fall in love until she is killed by Angelus.
Willow does magic.
Xander is still a douche.
Joyce KNOWS.

Rose Ranks Episodes:

1. I Only Have Eyes For You
2. Becoming Pt. 2
3. Passion
4. Innocence
5. Lie To Me
6. Becoming Pt. 1
7. Ted
8. Surprise
9. What's My Line Pt. 2
10. The Dark Age
11. Halloween
12. School Hard
13. What's My Line Pt. 1
14. Phases
15. When She Was Bad
16. Bad Eggs
17. Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered
18. Killed By Death
19. Inca Mummy Girl
20. Some Assembly Required
21. Reptile Boy
22. Go Fish

Rose Ranks Seasons:
Season 2 >>> Season 1

Becoming Pt. 2

2011-08-21T13:21:00.000-07:00

Season #2, Episode #22: Becoming Pt. 2

"Are you sure you're the Slayer?"

The episode opens on Buffy getting arreste--oh, nevermind, she punches the cop in the face and runs away.

But the Scoobies aren't out of the woods yet, as a bookshelf fell on top of Willow and she suffered from head trauma. Is that meant to be ironic? Giles fares even worse--Angelus promises torture, which he used to love back in the day "before they had chainsaws."

On top of all that, the police show up at the Summers home to give Joyce a rude awakening re: Buffy killing Kendra, which they believe because, as Principal Snyder says, "The police of Sunnydale are deeply stupid."

Buffy isn't at home--she's looking for Giles at his apartment, but finds Whistler there instead. He intimates that the sword is not enough to kill Acathla and some other deep philosophical thought-provoking stuff I can't remember, but Buffy so does not have time for him.

Xander gets to look like a big dope in the hospital when he holds Willow's hand and meaningfully tells her how important she is and that--wait for it--he loves her? She comes to, as all unconscious people do when told meaningful things about love, and says, "Oz?" Ooooouch.

Spike shows up out of nowhere to save Buffy from some cops. He wants to strike a deal with Buffy--he'll help her kill Angelus because he wants Drusilla back, and he kinda doesn't really want to bring forth the apocalypse. He says, "I like this world. You've got dog racing. Manchester United. And you've got people."

I'm impressed by how consistently the show contrasts Spike's values with other vampires--he's the Billy Idol character, who lusts for life, kills for the thrill of it, and is governed by romantic whimsy. He isn't just wandering around being evil for the sake of being evil. Buffy realized this and reluctantly invites him to her home before punching him a bunch of times and saying, "I hate you!" Eerie foreshadowing.

Once at the Summers home, Buffy explains Spike to Joyce by saying that they're in a band together. Spike giggles a little over the fact that Joyce doesn't know that SHE IS THE SLAAAYEERR, but the gig is up when a vampire appears out of nowhere and Buffy stakes him right in Joyce's face. She is finally--FINALLY--forced to say the words to Joyce: "I'm a vampire slayer."

Joyce...let's just say that Joyce doesn't deal with the new information well. She refuses to accept that Buffy is really a Slayer, and tells her that she's not allowed to go out and...slay. Buffy tells her that she doesn't have a choice, and that the world is at stake, and she would love to be a normal teenager©, etc. Then she shoves Joyce away and walks out the door despite Joyce telling her not to bother ever coming back. Ooooouch.

As if being kicked out of her house weren't bad enough, when Buffy goes back to Sunnydale to retrieve the magic sword, Principal Snyder tells her that she's expelled.

At the hospital, Willow decides she wants to try to restore Angel's soul one last time. Xander tells her not to because he's a big jealous douche, but Willow has summoned her inner resolve and tells him to go find Buffy and let her know to hold off on, y'know, killing Angelus.

But like an enormous tool, he runs off to tell Buffy: "Willow told me to tell you...kick his ass." In case you are wondering if anyone will ever confront Xander for willfully lying while everyone's lives and mental and emotional health hang in the balance--nope. (I'm saving analysis of this for my inevitable "SHUT UP XANDER" essay.)

Angelus continues to torture Giles, who finally reveals, "In order to be worthy, you must perform the ritual in a tutu. Pillock." You guys, I love Giles so much :(
As a last resort, Drusilla glamours Giles and makes him think that he's speaking to Jenny. He cries with joy and it is so so sad, and then he reveals to her the secret to awakening Acathla--only Angelus's blood can serve as an offering. Then they make out, which Drusilla is a little too happy about.

With no home, no future, and no other options, Buffy goes to speak to Whistler to find out what else is needed to stop Acathla. He reveals what we already know, that Angelus's blood is the key to opening the vortex--and also to closing it. Once the portal is open, she will have no choice but to kill him. (I've often wondered why they couldn't just have him shake some blood droplets into the portal to close it, but it's better not to ask those kinds of questions.)

Cordelia, Oz, and Willow perform the spell, while Xander rescues Giles, and Spike and Buffy fight Angelus. Just to clarify. The moment Buffy takes her eyes off of him, Angelus awakens Acathla. Whoops! Bad timing, as Willow seems to get possessed on her hospital bed, overwhelmed with power, speaking in tongues (foreshadowing!!!).

Buffy and Angelus are left alone for the FINAL BATTLE. Angelus gets her pinned in a corner and asks, "No weapons, no friends, no hope. Take all that away, and what's left?" Buffy catches his sword between her hands and says, "Me." Man, there's inner resolve all over this episode!

This may be a surprising controversial opinion for someone who doesn't spend her time writing lots of fan fiction about Angel/Buffy, but I honestly think this next scene is the saddest scene in the entire series.

Right when Buffy is about to slice off Angelus's head, Willow completes the spell and restores Angel's soul. He doesn't remember where he is or what's going on, and gives Buffy a great big hug. Buffy tells him, "Don't worry about it," while the portal opens behind them.

Then she says, "I love you. Close your eyes." And stabs him through the heart with the sword!!!

I have to tell you, I imagined many different ways that the show would resolve the Angelus arc, but I definitely did not see that coming the first time around. I mentioned in the review for I Only Have Eyes For You that Joss Whedon decided Angel should have a spin-off when they filmed that episode. Hopefully this isn't a spoiler--Angel comes back, due to having his own TV show that is not a looong flashback and doesn't take place in a hell dimension. But this means that originally, this was supposed to be it for Angel. Like, he was originally going to die and never come back. At Buffy's hands. That is a bold move even for Joss Whedon, who relishes in killing off characters all willy-nilly.

The episode ends on the most downer note in the history of downers. I mean a Sarah McLachlan song plays throughout the segment, no joke. Joyce finds Buffy's empty bedroom with a note, ostensibly reading that Buffy has left. The Scoobies don't know what happened between Buffy and Angelus, only that the world didn't end, and think that they'll see her soon because, after all, they have school!

Then we see Buffy in her sad pants headed for a bus to nowhere. THE END.

Back to when I said this is the saddest moment in the series. After discussing this episode with a brilliant Buffy fan, we decided that this episode marks Buffy's true Becoming a Slayer. For two seasons she only wanted a normal life©, but now she accepts that is not only impossible, but will cause excruciating pain and dire consequences for everyone around her. She was forced to actually kill the love of her life to fulfill her sacred mission™. Thus begins the show's descent into All Work and No Play Makes Buffy a Dull Teenager. And I don't mind the show taking that direction, but that means the sad moments in later seasons (The Body) aren't quite as shocking and gamechanging in context as the sword through Angel's gut.

It's been a wild ride, y'all.

Favorite moment: Joyce and Spike are absolutely precious. After Buffy reveals her secret to Joyce, they have a heart-to-heart in the living room as they wait for Buffy to gather weapons. Spike reminds her how they met (in School Hard)--"You hit me over the head with an axe, remember?"

Later, when Spike and Buffy strategize, Joyce keeps interrupting with questions like, "Have you ever tried not being a Slayer?" and "It's because you didn't have a strong father figure, isn't it?" When they reveal who really killed Kendra, Joyce asks, "Did she explode like that man out there?"

For the rest of the series, Joyce can't fully accept that Buffy is the Slayer and still clings to the idea that it is a delusion or a temporary habit. Buffy may have given up on the desire to be a normal teenager, but Joyce never will.

Becoming Pt. 1

2011-08-18T12:53:00.000-07:00

Season #2, Episode #21: Becoming Pt. 1

"We're about to make history...end."

At last, we've reached Becoming--the third two-parter in Season 2 (not confusing at all) after What's My Line Pts. 1+2 and Surprise/Innocence, and arguably the best.

One the one hand, I feel like I have been reviewing Season 2 for my entire life. And on the other hand, I can't believe it's almost over! My second viewing has radically changed my perception of it--did Spike seem so totally impotent and uninteresting the first time around? And where is Angelus?? I remember him dominating the second half of the season, and while his presence looms, he's only made more than a cameo appearance in three episodes (Innocence, Passion, and I Only Have Eyes For You)!

Let's hope Becoming hasn't changed too much. Last time, you had to pick me up off the floor.

We begin in Galway in 1753. I do believe this is our very first flashback, which means this is also the first time we are treated to David Boreanaz's most earnest attempt at an Irish accent. Irish Angel is a drunkard (because he's Irish, duh) stumbling around the Galway streets, actin' like a frat boy, when he sees...Darla! We witness Angel being turned into a vampire, which is highly erotic as Darla slices across her own chest for Angel to drink. Also, this begins the treatment of turning people into vampires as a birthing.

Flashbacks to important moments in the transition from Angelus to Angel show up intermittently throughout this episode because it is very thematically important, okay?

Cut back to the present, where Buffy and Xander are worried about--of all things--finals! Angelus spies on them from a distance and when Buffy says (of her dreaded exams), "It will all be over soon," Angelus says, "Yes, my love. It will." Cue opening credits. OH the SUSPENSE!

A museum curator calls Giles in to examine an ancient artifact because Giles is such a smartypants. Meanwhile, the Scoobies are gathered in the school cafeteria fretting about Angelus--but mostly finals! You will also be shocked to see Willow sitting on Oz's lap, because remember Oz?

Drusilla and Angelus are all excited because of a story they saw in the newspaper about the gigantic artifact in the museum. This is apparently front page news in Sunnydale, where demons prowls and dozens die nightly. Spike couldn't really care less and is above all the melodramatic doom and gloom, but Drusilla and Angelus tremble in anticipation of their dastardly evil plan, with David Boreanaz making his most earnest attempt at evil faces.

Buffy and Willow study in the computer science classroom, and when Buffy drops her pencil she discovers...Jenny Calendar's floppy disk of yore! The one that contains the ways and means of restoring Angel's soul!

Rousing Percussive War Theme #1 plays inappropriately in ye olden days in Romania at the time Angelus is cursed with a soul. One of the men in the clan giggles as he tells Angel how badly he will hurt and how the memories of all he killed will haunt him, but it seems to me he's more likely to be haunted by this haircut.

The Scoobies discuss Jenny's floppy disk spell in the library--Willow is convinced she will be able to channel dark magic to complete the spell and is pretty excited about it, but Xander decides to be a patronizing douche and say, "Who cares if we restore his soul? Angel is a killer, he must die, I want Buffy so so so so bad I am such a loser :'( :'(" One wonders why, of all people, Xander is the most blood thirsty and unforgiving. This mystery comes to the foreground when Giles says restoring Angel's soul was Jenny's last wish, and Xander says, "Yeah? Well Jenny's dead," like a big gigantic idiotic tool. He and Giles nearly throw down over this. Then Buffy makes this face at Xander when he tells her, "You want to forget all about Miss Calendar so you can get your boyfriend back":

Ughh, SHUT UP XANDER. Is that worse than wanting to exploit's Miss Calendar's death because you're insanely jealous of Buffy's ex-boyfriend?

Buffy goes on patrol and who should jump out of the bushes but Kendra the vampire slayer! She heard of a dark mysterious event brewing in Sunnydale and wanted to lend her services. Her Watcher explained that the museum artifact contains a demon named Acathla who, when awoken, will create a vortex that sucks all non-demons into eternal hellish suffering. AKA the apocalypse, again.

Luckily, Kendra has a fancy sword that was made expressly to kill said demon. Life is funny that way sometimes.

Jump to Manhattan 1996, where Angel prowls the streets for rats to feed on. Hasn't he had a soul for like, a century now? And he's still wandering around looking bewildered and inept? A goofball in a dumb hat approaches him and says as much--his name is Whistler, and he's a demon whose demon purpose is to set Angel on the right track. They drive alllll the way to Los Angeles so that Angel can see preppy Buffy being approached by the Watcher's Council for the very first time.

Then he watches her fight off her very first vampire. Then he watches as she lies to Joyce about her whereabouts and then listens to her parents fighting--it is implied that Buffy's "troublemaking" was an impetus for their divorce. Then he watches her cry in the bathroom. Sarah Michelle Gellar's acting in this part is adorable, but you may find it more than a little bit creepy that Angel is literally staring in this sixteen-year-old girl's bathroom window.

Oops, sorry...

Anyway, seeing the new Slayer in action gives Angel his mission to fight the forces of evil. I'm not entirely sure why. Cos she's so cute?

Angelus tries to awaken the demon but he just can't figure out the secret password, so he comes up with another cunning plan to find the one person who can help. But who could it be??

He sends a vampire to Buffy's algebra classroom, who tells her that she must meet Angelus in the graveyard tonight or more will die, and self-immolates. The rest of the students chalk it up to a PCP gang, I'm sure.

Buffy plans to fight off Angelus in the cemetery while the rest of the Scoobies attempt to restore Angel's soul. Kendra gives Buffy her lucky stake, Mr. Pointy. It's all touching and moving, but as soon as Buffy leaves, the Scoobies get interrupted by a group of vampires. Kendra manages to fend off all of them, until Drusilla shows up, glamours her, and slits her throat with a fingernail. It was all a trap!

Well, if you couldn't see that coming after the charming anecdote about Mr. Pointy...

Drusilla kidnaps Giles, the one person who can help them awaken Acathla, as he is a smartypants. To me, this is a far more dramatic moment than Kendra's death. I mean, yeah, it's sad when she dies. She named her stake, that's cute. But it's mostly sad on the part of the show, which brought back the socially regressive generically ethnic killing machine for half of one episode just to be killed off. In this episode, her character exists to die and up the stakes, pure and simple.

But beyond that, this episode is actually even better than I thought. Reluctant kudos to Joss Whedon--you just keep me coming back for more (even if you are a douche).

Favorite moment: This isn't my favorite moment but I've pretty much run out of moments to describe. The episode ends with a meaningful voiceover from Whistler as Buffy runs into Sunnydale High, finds Kendra dead in the library along with many injured Scoobies and missing Giles, and is then caught by the police. The police! Isn't that novel?

Whistler says, "Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are. You'll see what I mean." And you will see what he means!!!

Go Fish

2011-08-17T06:14:00.001-07:00

Season #2, Episode #20: Go Fish

"The creature from the blue lagoon was Brooke Shields."

As fate would have it, I now have about two hours before work during which I am sat in a cafe with WiFi and nothing to do. This is my new designated Buffy review time, which means I may actually finish Season 2 by Christmas!

At the same time...I'm so tired, and why does Go Fish even exist?

The episode opens on the Scoobies at a beach party celebrating the swim team's victory, and you're like, who invited Xander and Willow to this? Buffy is, understandably, off on her own staring into the ocean and brooding when a hunky swimmer waxes poetic about the waves and struggling against the current and Buffy, haven't you learned to avoid guys like this?

Wentworth Miller shows up in a horrible turtleneck taking a stroll along the beach and shouting, "Yo DUDE, what's that SMELL!!!"

Turns out this was the smell.

Willow is still subbing for Jenny Calendar--aren't there any substitute teachers in Sunnydale who aren't gigantic preying mantises? Willow adapts to the role well, wandering around and complimenting everyone on their pie charts. I guess I don't understand computer science.

Everyone, that is, but Wentworth Miller (I think his character's name is Gauge? Cage???), who is failing the class and spends his time playing naked lady solitaire. Principal Snyder tells Willow in no uncertain terms that Wentworth will pass the class, which sends Willow into a righteous rage. You go, Willow! A glimmer of a real live personality!

Xander, too, is pissed that Buffy can't share in his moral outrage at swim team perks because she's busy "being one of them." Because that's not reductive. We cut to Buffy on her date with hunky swim boy, who turns out to be a big egotistical bore--and also an attacker! He locks Buffy in the car and tells her, "Look how you dress!" and she breaks his nose. This displeases Principal Snyder, who magically materializes in the middle of Buffy's date.

The Scoobies find out about the eviscerated corpse of one member of the swim team and do some investigating. Xander investigates his way into the school cafeteria, where broken nose boy has been eviscerated by this thing:

They deduce that Wentworth (whose actual character name is Gage Petronzi lol) is probably next on the list, so Buffy keeps on his trail. At school. At The Bronze. In a detective jacket. For some reason, Wentworth finds this creepy and storms out, where he runs into Angelus. Angelus offers to take Buffy off her pedestal because he once made the mistake of being in a relationship with her. Wentworth yells, "My condolences, dude!"

Angelus attacks him, yadda yadda, the important thing we learn is that there's something in Wentworth's blood that repulses Angel--could it be steroids?

The Scoobies get distracted by the new hot bod walking to the pool, which turns out to be XANDER, who joined the swim team to do some investigating from the inside. Ughhhhhhhhhh

My thoughts exactly.

I have almost completely lost interest here. Buffy witnesses the sea demon emerge from Wentworth--they're not dying, they're turning into monsters! Shane West explains that the swim coach pumps steroids into the steam room to make them better swimmers (like, duh!), and hey, giant ocean monsters are probably real good at swimming!

What poor Shane doesn't know is that they are evil magic drugs developed by evil Soviet scientists. Seriously.

Evil swim coach tosses the school nurse into the sewer to feed his swimmers. The school nurse was also featured on forgotten TGIF hit Teen Angel. Don't you wish you were watching Teen Angel right now?

Anyhow, the coach then pushes Buffy into the sewer and says, "They've already had their dinner, but boys have other needs." Ew. I see whoever wrote this episode graduated from the Joss Whedon School of Villains.

She escapes, swim coach gets eaten, Xander rids his body of Soviet drugs, and the episode ends on a shot of the fallen swim team free at last, at home in the ocean, swimming against the current.

LOL. This episode is horrible. It isn't even fit to lick Season 1's shoes. Not only does it totally interrupt the arc of the season right at the dramatic climax, but it's also just downright goofy and only occasionally in the funny sense. Not to mention the inherent grossness in Buffy's attempt to deal with macho misogynist teen boys. This is basically Reptile Boy with steroids rather than roofies. Let us not speak of this episode again.

Favorite moment: Cordelia sees a sea monster swimming in the pool and assumes it's Xander. Melancholy music plays as Cordelia mourns the loss of Xander and says, "I still care about you, no matter what you look like. And we can still date! I'll do anything you want to make your quality of life better, whether that means little bath toys, or..." It's very touching--Xander thinks so, too, when he shows up to tell Cordelia that isn't him.

I Only Have Eyes For You

2011-08-13T20:00:00.000-07:00

Season #2, Episode #19: I Only Have Eyes For You

"He can't live with it. He's dead."

I Only Have Eyes For You is my favorite episode from Season 2, and if you're keeping score, I called Passion the best episode of the series so far. Which means that we've arrived at my favorite Buffy episode.

I Only Have Eyes For You is Buffy's attempt at ghosts, but at heart it's all about Buffy's guilt over the the loss of Angel's soul and the death of Jenny Calendar. I don't know if any future Buffy episode does as good a job of explicating the angsty inner turmoil stuff through the supernatural. (Bargaining [6x1] also comes to mind.)

The plot: Buffy laments that her impulsive romantic decisions led to stalking and violence. Meanwhile, two teenage lovers at Sunnydale have a dramatic breakup that ends with a gun!

Geez, don't drink the water.

For future reference, I've transcribed the breakup dialogue:

James: You can't make me disappear just because you say it's over.
Grace: I just want you to be able to have some kind of normal life. We can never have that--don't you see?
James: I don't give a damn about a normal life. I'm going crazy not seeing you. I think about you every minute.
Grace: I know. But it's over. It has to be.
James: Come back here! We're not finished! You don't care anymore? Is that it?
Grace: It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what I feel.
James: Then tell me you don't love me! Say it!
Grace: Is that what you need to hear? Will that help? I don't. I don't. Now let me go.
James: No. A person doesn't just wake up and stop loving somebody. Love is forever. [Pulls out gun] I'm not afraid to use it, I swear. If I can't be with you...
Grace: Oh my god.
James: Don't walk away from me, bitch!
Grace: Alright, just...you know you don't want to do this. Let's both just calm down. Now give me the gun.
James: Don't. Don't do that, damnit. Don't talk to me like I'm some stupid...[Gun fires]

Buffy manages to interrupt the two before Teen Boy shoots Teen Girl. But the eeriness doesn't end there, as a janitor and teacher reenact the same scene, only this time Buffy doesn't show up in time to prevent a fatality. Also, Buffy spaces out in class and is suddenly transported to ye olden times. It sounds like the 50s--we hear a girl in the background yell, "OH YOU'RE KIDDING HE'S SO DREEEAMY!" In this "flashback," Buffy witnesses a hunky student, James, flirting with the English teacher, Grace. When she flashes back to the present, her teacher scrawls this on the chalkboard:

At the library, the Scoobies chalk this all up to a poltergeist. Willow digs up an old newspaper article about James and Grace--she tried to break it off with him on the night of the Sadie Hawkins dance, and he shot her in rage before shooting himself in the music room.

Giles explains that James must be reliving the night of the Sadie Hawkins dance as a kind of purgatory. He's doomed to continue killing his one true love over and over because he can't be forgiven. But Buffy minces no words telling the Scoobies that James was nothing but a scumbag and that she has no sympathy for him. She yells, "James destroyed the one person he loved the most in a moment of blind passion. And that's not something you forgive. No matter why he did what he did. And no matter if he knows now that it was wrong and selfish and stupid, it is just something he's gonna have to live with." I'm no Freud, but one might say that Buffy is Projecting.

Willow researches some of Jenny Calendar's techno-pagan websites (lol) and decides their only option is an exorcism, and they head to Sunnydale High late at night. Buffy catches a glimpse of James and Grace slow dancing to "I Only Have Eyes For You"--they had happy, loving times, too! But just like their love, the spell takes a turn for the worse, with Willow getting swallowed up by quicksand and Cordelia looking gross. Then they're all chased out by wasps? This James is not discriminating in his creepy poltergeist magic.

While all this is going on, Angelus, Spike, and Drusilla move into a new home. You may recall that Giles torched their last one. Drusilla rolls around on the ground having visions of the Slayer, who she divines is ready to confront Angelus once and for all.

Buffy hears James speaking to her, and, under his thrall, walks through the wasps and into Sunnydale High to help him resolve his unfinished business. But she has some unfinished business too, and when Giles expresses that there's no male character inside with her to reenact the story, you can guess what's coming.

Angelus appears, on the advice of Drusilla, to confront Buffy once and for all. But they become possessed by James and Grace--only Angelus doesn't stand in for the male character. Buffy does. She shoots Angelus, and he falls off the balcony to his death.

Only Angelus is a vampire, so he can't die! The cleverness never ends in this episode, I'm telling you. Buffy/James heads to the music room, ostensibly to off herself in remorse. But before she can, a revived Angelus/Grace appears and tells Buffy, "I'm the one who should be sorry. You thought I stopped loving, but I loved you until my last breath." Finally forgiven by Grace, poltergeist James is able to move on from purgatory, leaving Angelus and Buffy shocked by their compromising situation.

I cannot express how much I love this scene. Throughout the episode, we've witnessed an amount of under-the-surface self-loathing from Buffy unparalleled until Season 6, and in one beautiful scene, the series adequately handles the guilt Buffy would undoubtedly feel after endangering everyone close to her and the sorrow of losing her epic teen one true love. And the cherry on top of that is Buffy and Angelus do a gender role reversal--after all, it is the Sadie Hawkins dance! Any sensitive liberal arts kid worth their salt will get a thrill when macho David Boreanaz coos lovingly to "James."

And as messed up and twisted as the murder-suicide plot may be, Buffy's brief possession allows her to enact the murder of Angelus that she knows she will have to commit without actually killing him. Like James, she needs some sort of closure that Angel forgives her for the loss of his soul, and also the peace of mind that he truly did love her. The parallels in their stories are made clear through editing, as scenes of Buffy/Angelus and James/Grace cut quickly together until the dialogue is complete.

Yet somehow, even though we've heard the breakup dialogue three times, its full richness doesn't come across until Buffy and Angelus are forced to act it out. Pretty remarkable, considering the fact that if you scroll back up and read the dialogue, it is not exactly subtle.

And all of this is SO BRILLIANT that it's a bit of a bummer that Buffy has to explicate the Moral of the Story to Giles at the end of the episode. She tells Giles, "Part of me doesn't understand why she would forgive him," and he asks, "Does it matter?"

Which is great, because Buffy needs forgiveness from Giles as well. He is arguably the person most affected by the return of Angelus, and he totally breaks your heart throughout I Only Have Eyes For You by becoming a blathering mess once he senses ghostly activity. Willow offers him a rose quartz necklace she found that belonged to Jenny because it has healing powers, and he is really, really in need of some healing. He insists to the gang that the poltergeist is Jenny at the expense of logic and reason, leaving them to fend for themselves for the first time. Only when the Scoobies are nearly killed during the exorcism does Giles finally accept that the poltergeist isn't Jenny, because she would never be so cruel. This is not presented as a relief that she isn't tortured and stuck in purgatory, but tragedy that he no longer has any connection to her whatsoever.

Everyone just nails it in this episode. The poltergeist is classic Buffy but downright creepy, and the doomed romance comes across beautifully and un-schmaltzy--not always the case when it comes to episodes penned by Marti Noxon. Each actor takes their turn breaking your heart. Legend has it, this is the episode that convinced Joss Whedon that David Boreanaz was ready for a spin-off. That fact is pretty amazing when you consider what happens at the end of this season, but we shan't get ahead of ourselves.

Not since Angel back in Season 1 have all of the elements come together to present such a strong statement on love. Not love as a backdrop to the main event, which is Buffy's coming-of-age. Not love as distraction from the plot, which characterizes Buffy and Angel's relationship in Season 3. But love as the amalgam of every messy emotion, latent and expressed, that threatens to bring down the whole thing.

Killed By Death

2011-08-07T14:06:00.000-07:00

Season #2, Episode #18: Killed By Death

"My bed is better than any bed that's not my bed."

When we left off, Angelus murdered Jenny Calendar, Giles was in the middle of a meltdown, Buffy resolved to kill Angelus, and Willow unwittingly hid away their one chance of saving his soul. So logically, the next episode is a wholly unrelated romp through a medical drama with Freddy Krueger and dozens of screaming children. Woohoo.

Angelus makes a guest appearance at the beginning of the episode to remind us why we are even watching this in the first place. Buffy has a bad cold, so she is only at half strength when Angelus confronts her in the cemetery. Thank goodness the rest of the Scoobies are inexplicably there to drive him away with crucifixes! Then Buffy passes out. Because she is sick. This relatively short scene also manages to pack in enough bad dialogue to sustain all of Season 1.

The gang rush Buffy to the hospital where Xander shouts at some doctors, "The flu fainted and fell! She's sick! Make it better!" Buffy is all doped up and freaks out on her gurney while Super Dramatic Melancholy Theme 2 twinkles in the background. Joyce explains that Buffy has hated hospitals ever since she saw her cousin Celia die in a hospital at age 8.

Buffy wakes up in a hospital bed with a creepy child staring at her, who walks away followed by Freddy Krueger. One thing I will say for the episode is that it is actually scary, because children are inherently frightening. Buffy gets out of bed to follow them, and then hallucinates a flashback of young Buffy who looks absolutely nothing like Buffy, and then wakes up in her hospital bed, but the clock reads the same time as it did when she fell asleep, and what? Was that all a dream? Time travel?

Buffy eavesdrops on an evil doctor talking about a bunch of children dying of some virus. We can tell he's evil because he has a weird highfalutin vocal affectation. The nurse insists that something must be done, and then two creepy kids show up and tell her that some dude named Death is following them around at night and adults can't see him, like Santa Claus.

We get another flashback of Buffy and Celia playing. Superhero Buffy play pretends saving Celia, who is perilously buried under pillows. It is one of those metaphorically appropriate flashbacks with deep resonance considering current events. When Buffy tells the Scoobies about this Death character, Cordelia asks if Buffy isn't just trying to come up with some fever dream monster she can fight to deal with her unresolved issues stemming from her dead cousin. Tact, Cordelia says, "is just not saying true stuff."

The Scoobies split up to decide if the evil doctor is intentionally making the kids sick. The fruits of their search reveal that the doctor has been under fire for "controversial medical practices." Cut to the doctor creepin' in the hospital corridors, followed by backlit Buffy. She sees him injecting the kid's IVs with a mysterious liquid with an evil look in his eye--but then he gets beat up by something invisible! Then he dies! So it turns out he isn't Death after all! Meanwhile, all the kids in the ward clutch onto their blankets and shake their worried heads like "oh NO oh NO!"

Conveniently, a picture of the exact demon they're looking for is on the cover of the demon phonebook. He preys on children and steals their life force, making it look like they simply died of sickness. Then a Buffy flashback reveals that this demon was responsible for killing Celia--which is sad, but does she have to scream sooo loudly?

Buffy realizes the only way to fight Freddy Krueger is to inject herself with the virus so that she can see him. Then the kids make a mad dash out of the hospital via sewers? Then Freddy Krueger finds the kids and they all scream for their lives, at which point the only thing keeping me from turning this episode off for good is my duty to you, blog readers.

Buffy whacks Freddy Krueger over the head and says, "You make me sick!" The least this episode could do to make up for screaming children is to not have such awful dialogue. But no. The only redeeming thing about this entire episode is, once again, Cordelia's witty banter.

But fear not--the next episode is my absolute favorite from Season 2!

Favorite moment: Cordelia chats up Stanford from Sex and the City
to get information on the not-so-evil doctor.

This gets Xander jealous. Cordelia confronts him later, and then points out that he's still got the hots for Buffy and feels the need to ~protect her.~ Xander says, "Somebody's got to watch her back!" and Cordelia says, "Yeah, I've seen you watch her back." And then Xander says, "Jealous?" and THEN Cordelia says, "Okay. Now watch my back." And walks away.

Team Cordelia.

Passion

2011-07-28T11:01:00.000-07:00

Season #2, Episode #17: Passion

I need to work up an appetite first.

Woah. We're already at Passion?

There are a few episodes throughout Buffy that are gamechangers in that the entire tone of the series changes and all the characters brood about the events of the episode for many seasons. Nothing is ever the same. This is my list: Angel (1x7), Innocence (2x14), Bad Girls (3x14), The Body (5x16), Bargaining (6x1), and Dead Things (6x13).

As you can see, not a long list! And one of them occurred only two episodes ago! And yet, Passion is one of those episodes. Unfortunately, it is sooo serious that it is bound to make a really dumb blog entry. I recommend skimming.

The episode opens on Buffy and Xander dancing at The Bronze. Before he horrible memory of When She Was Bad and the sexy dance can flash through your mind, we hear a voiceover from Angelus ruminating on passion. (Plus, the band playing that night is like Diet Cibo Matto.) Angelus lurks in the background, watching the revelry. Later, Angelus stares at Buffy through her window while she sleeps, a creepy "industrial" score playing. Then he's in her bed, brushing her hair out of her face. He leaves her a sketch of herself sleeping.

Three minutes in and this episode is already awesome.

Post-opening credits, it's business as usual at the Sunnydale High library. Buffy wants to know how Angelus got into her home, and Cordelia tactfully asks why he didn't just slit her throat. The disturbing reason is that Angelus's modus operandi is to torture, taunt, and drive his prey insane before killing them, e.g. killing Drusilla's whole family before killing her. Although Angelus has been lurking in the shadows of every episode since Innocence, we haven't really seen him do anything, and Buffy has more or less been carrying on like always. But now the dramatic stakes have been raised!

The Scoobies reconnect with Jenny Calendar, sort of. She asks Willow to fill in for her as a computer teacher, which gets her all excited. Then she and Giles have a heart-to-heart about Jenny's duty to her family, whom Angelus hurt the most, conflicting with the life that she created in Sunnydale, which included falling in love with Giles. This gets him all excited. "Can I take that back?" she says, embarrassed. "Do you want to?" he asks. These two, y'all :(

Buffy, worried that Joyce is in danger, asks if she remembers "that guy Angel." It's easy to forget just how tooootally oblivious Joyce is! Buffy warns Joyce that they used to date, but he's since "changed," and that Joyce shouldn't invite him into the house if he turns up. This is instance #24294 when you will want to yell at Joyce, "SHE IS THE SLAYERRRR!!!!"

It seems Angelus has made a house call to Willow! She wasn't home, so he left her a message in the form of her exotic fishes strung up in an envelope.

She says, "I'm glad my parents never got me a puppy."

Speaking of puppies, Drusilla finds the most impossibly adorable puppy in the whole world and brings him to Spike!!!! Omg this puppy is so so cute. Luckily, Spike is indignant that Drusilla is trying to feed him like a little child, and the puppy is spared. Angelus finds this hilarious. The fissure between these two macho macho men grows. Drusilla seems unphased that Spike and Angel let out their anger with one another by constantly trying to claim the deed to her vagina--possibly because she's just had a vision of "someone" trying to disrupt their happy family.

It turns out this person is Jenny Calendar. She heads to the magic shop (keep this place in mind!) to retrieve some kind of fanciful orb. The shopkeeper helpfully tells the audience that the orb is useless without the ancient instruction manual. Then, because Jenny never answers when you yell questions at your TV, he asks, "What are you planning on conjuring with the orb?"

"A gift for a friend. A soul," she says.

Giles may have reconciled with Jenny, but Buffy wants her to feel the neverending pain and guilt that she deserves!!! It's hard to blame her, even though she's being irrational, but also you're just like, come on Buffy, be the bigger woman, let bygones be bygones, group hug :(

Angelus leaves another sketch for Buffy at Willow's--this time of sleeping Joyce. Cut to Joyce, oblivious as usual, pulling into her driveway where Angelus is waiting. He does a good impression of a psychotic, obsessively jealous boyfriend--I wonder how! "I haven't been able to sleep since the night we made love," he tells her. Awkward!! This scene is quite wonderful in that Joyce is being the protective mother guarding against the jealous boyfriend, but there's a dangerous undercurrent that is somewhat sexual and somewhat mystical and very very tense! Joyce spills her groceries. Joyce stumbles into the front door. And, surprise! Buffy is home, Willow reciting a magical protection locking spell in the background.

"Sorry, Angel. Changed the locks," she says.

Drusilla shows up at the magic shop to pump the shopkeeper for info. Meanwhile, Jenny Calendar is at Sunnydale High all by her lonesome using her computer skillz to translate the ancient instruction manual for her orb. Just when she thinks she's figured it out...Angelus shows up.

:(

He smashes the orb, rips up the instructions, and sets the computer on fire. He's nothing if not thorough! Jenny runs for her life, but all of the exits have been barricaded. But surely Buffy is around and will show up to save the day, right? And then she and Jenny will finally be able to reconcile? And all will be well in Sunnydale. Right??

Wrong. Angel snaps her neck, saying, "This is where you get off."

If you are like me the first time I saw this, your jaw is on the floor. Her death is so gruesome, sexualized, and painful to watch--and still, somehow, the worst scene is the one that follows :(

Giles comes home and finds a red rose on his door, ostensibly from Jenny. Opera is playing somewhere in his apartment, and petals, wine, and candles greet him inside. He finds a note that says, "Upstairs." The look of joy on his face will seriously make you cry.

Of course, once he arrives in his bedroom, he sees Jenny's corpse splayed out by Angelus on his bed. The shot transitions from him standing in terror at his doorway to him, in the same position, being questioned by the police, as if he is paralyzed. I told you--things will never be the same :(

Angelus watches Buffy and Willow receiving the phone call that Jenny has died. Cue another Angelus voiceover on passion. It becomes all the more tragic that Buffy and Jenny never reconciled, and that Giles and Jenny did.

When the Scoobies arrive at Giles's apartment, they find him...not there. Buffy worries that he went to exact revenge on Angelus, which gets Xander all excited. He says, "I think I deserve something for not saying, 'I told you so!' before now." I think from here on out, I'll replace my exasperated musings on why everything Xander says is awful with the catch-all, "Shut UP Xander."

Giles brings his flamethrower to Spike and Dru's house. He smacks Angelus across the face with a flaming torch. He's not thinking with all his faculties intact, you see. But it still seems a little bit harsh when, after pulling him outside and to safety, he screams at Buffy and she punches him in the face. Then they collapse together in the alley, both sobbing. Okay everyone. This episode is better than Innocence. Best episode so far.

We opened with a voiceover from Angelus, and end on a somber voiceover from Buffy. She apologizes to Giles for not having killed Angel, but realizes she no longer has any choice. Tearful Willow introduces herself as the new computer science teacher in Jenny Calendar's absence. And while Voiceover Buffy explains that the only option is to kill Angel, Willow unknowingly knocks off the desk the floppy disk (lol) containing the spell that would restore Angel's soul. The end!

[The now-hidden floppy disk lol]

The first time I saw this episode, I was mostly shocked by Jenny's death, but the second time around, I can't believe how GOOD it is! Most of this review is just me quoting the dialogue directly, because it's so good it speaks for itself! Both the opening and ending are beautiful, and the plotting! Passion completely changes the group dynamic and creates the kill-or-be-killed strategy that Buffy could never muster up before. Giles' involvement with the Scoobies will never recover. I mentioned the essay on Jenny by Eleusis Walks--he said that Oz was supposed to be the character to die, but he was too popular with audiences! So it's maybe a stroke of luck on the writers part that the character who was ultimately sacrificed emphasized the twisted sexuality in the Angelus arc, and the unique, high-stakes involvement of each major character with her death. (A one true love for Giles, a mentor for Willow, a reminder of Buffy's "failure" and sexual relationship with Angel, and a hot chick for Xander idk.) Jenny, the only character capable of restoring Angel's soul and taking it away, is gone. Gamechanger!

Even the music is good, for once!

10/10

Favorite moment: Well that was an awfully serious episode and an awfully boring review! How about some levity? When the Scoobies talk strategy in the library, Jonathan (!!) and some other rando student walk in. Everyone is like, WTF, are these people hostile? Why are they in the library?

But it turns out they're looking for books.

Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered

2011-07-23T22:39:00.000-07:00

Season #2, Episode #16: Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered

"We have to catch the Buffy-rat."

So, let's talk about this "having a job" thing. It has been 22 days since I last reviewed a Buffy episode. On the list of things I would like to do with my ever diminishing free time, watching Xander act like a douche for 42 minutes ranks very, very low. Welcome to Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered.

I should also admit that I recently finished watching Angel (the Buffy spin-off series, if you are really not in-the-know), so it totally threw me off to jump back into this episode and hear Xander talk about his girlfriend CORDELIA! Oh my god they are a couple, what is wrong with this show. (Coincidentally, Angel is wonderful and you should watch it, Andy.)

It's Valentine's Day, and Cordelia and Xander struggle to understand if they are A Real Couple. As if having to endure Xander is not punishment enough for poor judgment, Cordelia's popular friends, led by Harmony, reject her as queen and mock her for dating such a douche. He is really really a douche though, it's hard to blame them.

Meanwhile, Xander whines to Buffy in a graveyard that really he doesn't even want to be with Cordelia, but would rather be with Buffy, who doesn't want him, poor thing!!!

Xander and Cordelia aren't the only ones with problems. Giles and Buffy steal away whenever Jenny Calendar's around cos things are just a teensy bit awkward. Buffy is like, oh yeah, Angelus. Meanwhile, Angelus is busy trying to drive a wedge between Spike and Drusilla--while Spike buys her a quaint 'lil necklace for Valentine's Day, Angelus gives her a human heart that he found "inside of a quaint little shop girl." For Buffy? He buys a dozen red roses with a note reading, "Soon."

It's date night, so everyone congregates at The Bronze to see Oz's band, Dingoes Ate My Baby. From now on it seems Dingoes Ate My Baby are the only band to ever tour Sunnydale, until Michelle Branch inexplicably bleats her way into Season 6. I miss Cibbo Matto :(

Okay, we're getting to the actual plot of this episode. But the actual plot is all about Xander. It is impossible to be an episode about Xander and not be horrid unless you are The Zeppo. So let's struggle through this together.

Xander gives Cordelia a super ugly locket and she says, "It's beautiful! I want to break up." Love Cordelia.

Xander is put off by this and, okay, fair enough. He walks through the halls, shell of a man, while random people come up to him and say, "DUDE! Way to get DUMPED!" Defeated and embarrassed, he takes a moment, summons his inner strength, and comes up with the douchiest possible way of dealing with the break-up. That is to go to Amy (from Witch) and ask her to perform a love spell to force Cordelia to want him against her will. That is terrible, and also involves Xander sitting topless and clutching onto magical candles, which is doubly terrible.

Blah blah, Xander sucks and the spell backfires. It turns out that every other girl in the world BESIDES Cordelia is now in love with Xander.

That is dull. I wonder what's going on with Buffy and Giles? They're in the library researching the old Watcher diaries to help divine Angel's next move. Buffy is spouting out the most horrible dialogue this side of "the wiggins," saying things like: "You never held out on me until the big, bad thing in the dark became my ex-honey."

But then the newly-attractive Xander waltzes in, suggests that Buffy comfort him with a lap dance, and declares himself the mayor of Doucheville. But because of the stupid dumb spell, Buffy doesn't kick him squarely in the balls, and instead comes onto him.

Jenny Calendar and Amy come this close to pulling each other's hair over Xander.

Then Willow shows up in his bed in flannel PJs and nibbles on his ear.

Angelus nearly kills Xander, but is stopped by a lovelorn Drusilla.

Eventually, he'll seek refuge at Buffy's house, where Joyce will come onto him.

Everyone together now. UGHHHHH.

I do have to say that Jenny is quite hysterical, all lustful stares, offering the wisdom of an older woman, Giles desperately trying to pull her away. Less successful is Buffy, who turns into a jealous harpie like all lovesick ladies do when Xander rejects her striptease. (AT LEAST he did that much.) Amy's like, nuh-uh, you stole my man, and turns her into a rat. I mean this all happens, and why.

There's one delightful beacon of light in this episode when Oz shows up and punches Xander in the face. Why? No reason, just that Willow cried to him about Xander for hours and Oz felt like he probably deserved a punch in the face. Things just get better when Giles intimates to Xander that he is actual human scum deserving of death. (I may have extrapolated a little.)

What's still bad is that the entire female population is now out to kill Cordelia because she wounded precious Xander. He comes to her rescue, but they're confronted by a mob of angry ladies (so HORMONAL!) fronted by an ax-wielding Willow, who says, "I should've known I'd find you with her! You don't know how hard this is for me! I love you so much--I'd rather see you dead than with that bitch!"

Say it with me. UGHHHHH.

Blah blah, Xander and Cory hide in the Summers home, where Cordelia is like SOO touched that Xander cares SOO much that he used a love spell, and maybe they can still be together <333
This Cordy's got nothin' on Angel Cordy.

Everything ends in a magical resolution. The Buffy-rat becomes Buffy. Everyone loses the memory of the spell and thinks they all ended up in a heap in the Summers' basement as a part of the "best scavenger hunt EVER!" And I have to admit, we end on what is simultaneously a happy ending for Xander AND a high note! How is this possible? Because Cordelia is so wonderful, calls Harmony a sheep, reminds everyone that she is MUCH cooler than them, and that she reserves the right to have a lame boyfriend. She rescues this episode, and the relationship, from Xander.

Favorite moment: Oz follows Buffy-rat into the basement the moment that the spell is reversed. This is probably one of two times these characters ever interact on the series, and it's quite precious.

Buffy: I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here.
Oz: But you're not a rat! So consider that an upside!

Phases

2011-07-02T09:46:00.007-07:00

Season #2, Episode #15: Phases

"Is Jordy a werewolf?"

In writing about Innocence, I've realized something about this blog. Serious episodes do not make good blog entries. I don't have the time and space (I write as I watch) to get too super academic, and it's difficult to address big overarching themes when focusing on only one episode. Plus, I'm watching Buffy a decade after everybody else (except for Mary B.) and much has already been said about each of these episodes.

Speaking of which, when I was reviewing Reptile Boy I got all angry and googled "Joss Whedon is a douchebag" to make myself feel better. This quest led me to many other people who also believe Joss Whedon to be a douchebag, including a blogger called Eleusis Walks. He has written at length about Buffy and Angel (the TV series) in a super academic way. For the purpose of this blog, I try to focus more on what works and what doesn't work on the level of plotting and execution, and so reading through his entries puts a new spin on this well-worn territory. In particular, he has a pretty incredible essay on Jenny Calendar's coming out as Romani passing for white (among other things). It's full of spoilers, but I highly recommend it if you already know what's to come.

ANYHOW, none of this has anything to do with Phases. This is the episode in which Oz is finally given something to do.

That thing, it seems, is not making out with Willow, a fact she finds quite frustrating. "I want smoochies!" she shouts at Buffy. The problem with Willow is that she was awkwardly cute and childlike in Season 1, but by Season 2 it beings to grate on one's nerves. By Season 4 will you want to claw off your own ears every time she speaks.

Later that night, Xander and Cordelia drive out to what I imagine is called Lookout Point to "do things I can't tell my father about because he still thinks I'm a 'good girl,'" as Cordelia says. But Xander keeps on getting distracted--first by his nagging desire to protect Willow's virginity from the evil predator Oz, and then by a real evil predator who punches its claw into the car.

The Scoobies decide that it's a werewolf, and Giles is nearly peeing his pants with excitement about researching this "classic" monster. He drops some exposition on us--werewolves are humans for all but three nights out of the month, and may be totally unaware of their wolfish activities. He and Buffy go back to Lookout Point to capture the werewolf--not kill it--and run into some random werewolf hunter who wants to kill, not capture. Conflict of interest!

I forgot to mention that Larry, the oafish jock from Halloween, has been wandering around harassing female students all throughout the episode. He makes some comment to Oz about wanting to be in a Buffy/Willow sandwich, and approaches another student, Theresa, in gym class (where they're practicing self-defense) and says, "I may have to attack you." Then he mentions that he was attacked by a big dog in the bushes. THEN Angelus stalks Theresa at night, holding a delicate flower and asking her if she knows Buffy. Guys are such animals you know???

The Budget Gin Blossoms are riling the kids at The Bronze into an erotic frenzy, except for Cordelia and Willow, who commiserate about how their boyfriends are GUYS and GUYS are such animals and are always acting like GUYS. They're interrupted by a werewolf inexplicably dropping from the ceiling. Acrobat werewolf.

Werewolf Van Helsing shames Buffy for letting the werewolf at The Bronze get away and blames her female deficiencies. Larry the jock is probably out somewhere being an asshole. Angelus has a faceoff with the werewolf where they singlehandedly lay the groundwork for the entirety of Twilight. GUYS, you know?

The werewolf gets sleepy and passes out in the woods. Come morning, he transforms into his human form, and you will be shocked to see that he's...

OZ!
He's a little freaked out by waking up naked in the woods. He suspects that he may be the werewolf of legend, so he calls up his aunt and asks if Jordy, his cousin who recently bit him, is a werewolf. Turns out he's right. So matter-of-fact, this one.

I have very mixed feelings about the reveal that Oz is a werewolf. Hokay get ready for a LONG rant. I think I once read Joss Whedon saying that he thought it would be funny to make Oz a werewolf because monsters in the show are all meant to be metaphors for teen angst of some sort. If you haven't seen the show, it may not have come across that Oz's character is supposed to be very ~cool~ in the sense that he takes everything in stride, man, and speaks only to make straight little quips, and is so level-headed. So the fact that he now becomes a murderous, flesh-hungry monster three nights a month is supposed to mean...what? That deep down all dudes, even Oz, have an animalistic side that they just repress? The episode says as much, presenting Oz the werewolf alongside Angelus, Larry, and Werewolf Van Helsing, all of whom pose a threat of verbal and physical violence against women--particularly sexual violence. When Giles describes the werewolf as "potent, extreme representation of our inborn, animalistic traits" (and no don't even get me started on this essentialist nonsense), Buffy responds, "So your typical male."

So I can see what the episode is going for, but the monster methaphor will cause so many problems for Buffy that it's almost not worth symbolically tying it to the lives of teenagers. Presenting Oz as a guy who is afflicted by a disease and cannot control himself when he unleashes the monster inside of him is one thing when you're ONLY talking about monsters, but when this is meant to mirror the inner rage and machismo of teenage dudes, it becomes really muddy and irresponsible. This is compounded by the fact that once Willow discovers he's a werewolf (spoilers!) she says, "I'm not fun to be around three days out of the month, either." So I guess hellbeasts that rip open the flesh of innocents are the metaphorical equivalent of ladies on their periods in the universe of Buffy. This show, you guys.

Plus, these werewolves look soooo stupid.

Back at the library, the Scoobies discover that the werewolf killed Theresa. Oz doesn't want to reveal that he is the werewolf, as Buffy has now expressed an interest in killing it with fire. Lucky for him, the gang immediately suspect Larry the oaf, and Xander runs off to confront him in the locker room, intimating that he knows Larry's secret. Larry admits that he does have a secret, and the two have a classic zany mishap in which Xander says "I know your secret because I've been there too!" and Larry says "It'll ruin me!" and Xander says "It's best to talk about it," and then Larry finally admits his secret--that he's gay. Xander is like sooo grossed out by this and is so offended that Larry now thinks he's gay. Like how embarrassing, ewww!!!

So Larry is not the werewolf, but rather a fulfillment of the fantasy that the big dumb jock is actually gay and isn't that so funny! Whatever, show.

Buffy and Xander discover that Theresa was not actually killed by the werewolf, but by a vampire--Angelus, in fact. Theresa rises from her casket to give Buffy the message that Angel sends his love. Buffy is shaken up and takes temporary refuge in Xander's arms, because she realizes that Angelus is going to keep coming after her. Xander is like WOAH BUFFY YOU ARE SO HOT I TOTALLY WISH WE COULD MAKE OUT RIGHT NOW!!!

On the plus side, this exonerates Oz, and he won't have to live with the guilt of having killed a human. The downside is that he hasn't told anyone his secret, and is instead trying to handle it on his own by ordering shackles from Ebay and tying himself down. Unfortunately for everyone, Willow chooses that specific moment to go to his house and confront him about their lack of smoochies. Just in time for him to turn into the werewolf and chase her down.

Buffy goes after Werewolf Van Helsing so that he won't kill Oz, showing that she has realigned her moral compass. Then Willow shoots Oz with a tranquilizer, which is maybe somehow symbolic of her calming the wild beast inside of him. Van Helsing whines that nobody in Sunnydale is man enough to do the job that needs to be done, so Buffy grabs his big phallic gun and bends the barrel with her bare hands. Ouchh.

Willow and Oz have a heart-to-heart about how they are going to deal with his newfound...affliction. Willow says that she's going to stand by her man, and they'll figure out how to deal. Then, she takes the reins and kisses HIM! The camera zooms in on Oz's smiley face as he says, "A werewolf in love!" The end. WTF? Buffy can be quite corny but that was just beyond the pale.

Favorite moment: This episode is pretty stupid (Angelus gets short shrift, the series trips over its own metaphors, etc.) but the beginning has a charming shout-out to Witch, all the way back in Season 1! At the beginning of the episode, Oz is transfixed by the cheerleader trophy that contains Amy's mama and the way it looks like "its eyes follow you!"

"I like it!" he says, nodding approvingly.

Innocence

2011-06-25T21:44:00.001-07:00

Season #2, Episode #14: Innocence

"To kill this girl, you have to love her."

The Surprise/Innocence double-whammy is considered one of Buffy's finest moments because of their big major plot points and lofty thematics. I feel like I need to do something special for this momentous occasion. I'm reviewing Innocence. And yeah, it's an incredible episode. We're not worthy.

It's a wonder that this episode doesn't completely squander my goodwill right off the bat, as it opens on Drusilla lying on the ground going, "OoooOOooooooOOO!!" But we cut quickly to see what exactly she's OOoO-ing about. She's had a vision of Angel, stumbling about in the rain. A woman approaches him, smoking a cigarette, asking if he needs help.

What happens next may shock you.
Angel, with his vamp face on, turns around, kills the woman, and exhales her cigarette smoke.

Ohhhh boy.

Buffy is unaware of Angel's new bloodlust. But the Scoobies know even less, and when Buffy doesn't return to the library all night, they think Buffy and Angel were killed by The Judge. When she finally turns up, Angel is still AWOL. There's a good bit of tension in the fact that Buffy is worried that he ran off right after they first had sex, and the Scoobies, unaware of this fact, are worried that he's gone on some vigilante mission to kill The Judge.

And he has, in a way. He repairs to Spike and Drusilla's lair, acts a bit like a frat boy, and confronts The Judge. But the big blue guy, who sucks the humanity out of any creature, verifies that there is no humanity in Angel. The soul is gone. And Spike and Dru are ready to party. Angel, minus the soul, is Angelus. In my humble opinion, Angelus is the most sinister, terrifying villain on the series.

Okay, so this is HUGE right? I'll get into thematic details later, but just a word on David Boreanaz. He seems so, so much more comfortable playing Angel sans soul. He jokes around, smokes cigarettes, gives crooked smiles, and has 500% more lines. One appreciates his versatility, and the vast improvements in his acting since Season 1. More on this in later reviews.

Buffy wanders around town in search of Angel, a more sinister version of Buffy <3 Angel 4eva scoring her quest. She finds him back at home, getting dressed like nothing's happened. And when she asks him what happened, he taunts her, telling her he didn't want to stick around, and laughing when she asks if she wasn't good. He giggles as he says, "Really, I thought were a pro." Sarah Michelle Gellar is really wonderful in these dramatic scenes, and it's just heartbreaking to watch her try to keep her composure as Angel tears her apart. The whole thing is so, so brutal. More on this later, too.

Jenny/Janna's uncle approaches her so they can give us some more exposition about WTF is going on. The Gypsy curse placed upon Angel that restored his soul (remember Angel?) was revoked when he achieved one moment of pure happiness. It stands to reason that if Angel is happy, then the curse is pointless, and so his soul will be removed. Jenny is incensed, and argues that now Angel will kill Buffy. But he tells her, "It is not justice we serve. It's vengeance."

Angelus shows up at school and tries to kill Willow, so the Scoobies have a group meeting to try to figure out WTF is going on. But everyone has secrets--Jenny, about the curse, and Buffy, about having sex with Angel. Giles insists that some event must have triggered his turning back into Angelus, and harassess Buffy until she runs out of the library in tears. Willow suddenly realizes what happened between Buffy and Angel, and tells Giles to shut up. Willow can get on my last nerve, but I love the shock and understanding playing across Willow's face in that second--one of her finest moments.

Buffy has a prophetic dream that implicates Jenny. It speaks to Buffy's current mental state that this alone gives her reason to storm into Jenny's classroom and choke her until she reveals her secret. Jenny tells Buffy and Giles the whole story, including that she was sent to Sunnydale High to monitor Buffy and Angel. Buffy considers this to be some pretty deep betrayal, but she is more concerned with the issue at hand--getting Jenny to curse him again and restore his soul.

Unfortunately, the only person who would know how to use such powerful magic is Jenny's uncle, who is immediately slaughtered by Angelus. The three discover his corpse, and also a message left for Buffy in his blood reading, "Was it good for you too?" This Manson-esque behavior is just a hint as to what we can expect from Angelus. But upon reading his message, Buffy realizes what she always knew (since Season 1!) but didn't want to accept. She has to kill him.

Whew! This is all SO dramatic, let's dial it down a little. So there's another ongoing plot involving the rest of the Scoobies (now including Oz!). Willow finds out about Xander and Cordelia and is really super pissed off that Xander would be with someone he hates before he'd consider Willow. Blah blah Willow, you have Oz now, Xander sux, get over it! They let bygones be bygones when Xander comes up with a cunning plan to kill The Judge, which involves (slut-shaming Cordelia and) using residual military knowledge from Halloween to break into an army base.

But what for? You see, legend has it that an army came after The Judge and could not defeat him with any weapon. "That was then. This is now," Buffy says, holding up a gigantic bazooka. "What's that do?" are his last words. His sudden anticlimactic death barely even registers as cheap considering the rest of the DRAMA in this episode.

But we're not out of the woods yet. Angelus comes after Buffy, telling her that he's glad he doesn't have to pretend he has to love her anymore as he pummels her. Although she's understandably been a complete wreck for the entire episode, weeping in bed, wandering listlessly like a shadow of her former self, she summons her inner resolve and kicks him in the balls. He tells her that she can't kill him, that she still loves him. "Give me time," she responds.

Favorite moment: Okay let me do as brief an analysis of this episode as I possibly can. Although I've never spoken with anyone who argued this, I imagine that one could say Buffy is punished for having sex with Angel and that it's kind of a pro-abstinence message. I'm torn on this issue. What I think is brilliant about Angel's turning into Angelus is that it successfully marries the scary demon stuff with the interpersonal relationship stuff. Buffy's reality, which is a more or less typical teenage fear, is that after having sex with Angel, he becomes evil. He no longer wants her, he belittles her, and he says that he never loved her. Add to this the fact that Buffy knew about this "demon" existed inside of him all along. And for this reason, I think Angelus is absolutely the show's most brilliant invention.

And yes, I agree that punishing your lead character for having sex is problematic. And Buffy is punished. She will continue to be punished in the worst possible way. But this is where the mystical otherworldliness of Buffy saves the day, because the show itself, as well as its moral mouthpieces, aren't the ones doing the punishing. A huge part of what rescues this plot from being super offensive is the reaction from Buffy's parental figures. Which leads to one of my top favorite moments in the entire series!

At the end of the episode, Giles drives Buffy home. She asks him if he's disappointed in her, because it's all her fault that Angelus returned. But underneath that statement is anxiety that she had sex and because of the fallout, she feels that she is now less, broken. Giles assures her that Angel loved her, and that she is not at all responsible, and "if it's guilt you're looking for, Buffy, I'm not your man. All you'll get from me is my support, and my respect." Omg <3333 Giles <3333

At home, Buffy curls up on the couch watching old movies with Joyce. They have this exchange:

Joyce: So what'd you do for your birthday? Did you have fun?
Buffy: I got older.
Joyce: You look the same to me.

Joyce may have no idea what's going on, but the tacit approval from her parental figures is so touching and cathartic after the emotional beating Buffy gets in this episode.

Surprise

2011-06-25T20:26:00.000-07:00

Season #2, Episode #13: Surprise

"I like seeing you at bedtime."

Okay y'all. We've now moved onto disc four. The picture on the main menu is a very sultry shot of Angel and Buffy. The two have spent the last several episodes making out and doing little else. It's Buffy's birthday. THINGS ARE HAPPENING. THINGS. FINALLY.

Buffy birthday episodes tend to run together in my mind. I've been trying to remember what happens in this episode but I keep getting it mixed up with Buffy's next birthday and expecting Faith to show up (spoilers! Who's Faith?) But I have spent days anticipating Surprise. This had better not be a letdown.

We open with a Dream Sequence. The show is quite good at these. Buffy is followed out of her bedroom by Drusilla, and ends up at The Bronze, where Willow is talking in Spanish to a monkey, and Joyce shows up dropping plates on the floor, asking, "Do you really think you're ready, Buffy?"

Oh. She's ready.

From all the confusion emerges Angel, just in time to get staked by Drusilla, who wishes Buffy a happy birthday. You and I, dear reader, realize that dreams may not be real, but Buffy has to rush to Angel's lair to make sure he is not actually dead. Angel says, "Shut up, Buffy, I hear the twinkly Buffy <3 Angel 4eva piano theme in the background, it's time for us to make out!" She has to get to school, but the two just cannot keep their hands off of each other. I've said it before and I'll say it again--these two have real chemistry, and pull off the teenage lust thing quite convincingly. (Except that Angel is 300 years old. Whatever.)

Anyhow, Angel asks Buffy what she wants for her birthday. Buffy says, "Surprise me." Then somehow or another she mentions that she likes Angel at bedtime. If you've never seen the show you may not realize it yet, but everything up to this point has been very on-the-nose. Joss Whedon must have written this episode. [ETA: It was actually written by Marti Noxon. Ehh, close enough.]

Buffy reveals to Willow that she thinks she's ready. Willow gets a little tingly at this thought, and rushes off to flirt with Oz. And finally, after 28374234 episodes, Oz asks her out. Willow invites him to Buffy's Surprise party. Xander has less luck asking Cordelia to come to the party as his date. I derive way too much pleasure from seeing Xander humiliated.

Although it is entirely likely that you've forgotten they even exist, Spike and Drusilla turn up in a new secret lair, only this time Spike is in a wheelchair and Drusilla is strong. They're preparing for an apocalyptic event for Buffy's birthday--remember when this was every demon's M.O.? Drusilla acts crazy. She has a creepy vein. Maniacal laugh. Aaaand scene.

This is the point when things start to get strange, and I bop up and down in my chair because yayyy things are happening! First, Joyce repeats the line from Buffy's dream and shatters her plate in the kitchen. Buffy and Giles believe this might prove that Drusilla is really alive and coming for Angel.

Then, a tall guy in a hat creeps up on Jenny Calendar at school babbling about some curse. But Jenny seems to know about him, and the curse, which she believes is still going strong. You see, they're discussing Angel, and some kind of revenge curse placed upon him by Her People. Mr. Hat is quite angry that Angel seems to be a little happy because of his new girlfriend, and spouts out some exposition about how "If this girl gives him one minute of happiness, it is one minute too much." It turns out he's her uncle, and she is not Jenny Calendar, but Janna of the Kalderash tribe. WHAT! JENNY CALENDAR ARE YOU EVIL???

Despite all this, the party must go on. Jenny intercepts Buffy at the library and tells her that there's been a change of plans. She's trying to direct Buffy toward the Surprise party, but now that we don't really know who Jenny is anymore, her motives are all suspect! They drive to The Bronze together, but run into one of Spike's minions, who is stealing a large crate. Inside of the crate is a metal arm that tries to choke Buffy. Angel recognizes it as belonging to The Judge, a figure of legend who can't be killed and whose sole purpose is to bring about Armageddon. This is Drusilla's kooky new plan. I wonder if Buffy will thwart it?

Jenny, who we now know has it out for Angel, suggests that he must take it to the remotest part of the world on the back of a steamship, which will separate him from Buffy for months. Angel thinks this is a keen idea, but Buffy can't let go. Angel gives her a Claddagh ring (Angel is Irish, which will make for many hilarious flashbacks to come). Somewhere, softly, Buffy <3 Angel 4eva plays.

It's been a while since I've mentioned that Xander is the worst person on the face of the planet, so here we go. Buffy and Angel get attacked at the dock and lose The Judge's arm, so it turns out they won't be separated after all. But before Xander finds out, he is ecstatic that Angel will be gone and Buffy will still be around for the taking. He tells Willow his epic fantasy in which Buffy wastes years of her life with Angel only to have Xander swoop in and save her, laughing as he tells Willow that he delights in thinking of Buffy crying. Ughh.

Back at Drusilla's party, which features some Diet Girl Goth soundtrack with ~weird~ violins, her minions assemble The Judge.

Buffy and Angel crash, falling right into Spike and Drusilla's trap. They manage to escape into a sewer. Outside, it's raining. They rush to Angel's lair for shelter. Do I hear Buffy <3 Angel 4eva?

Buffy starts crying. You see, all episode long, she's been dreaming of Angel's imminent death-by-Drusilla. Recent events hit too close to home. She can't bear to lose Angel. She looooves him sooo much. He's like the real true bona fide luv of her life. She can't wait a moment longer. She is so ready. Angel says he loves her. And then they make sweet, saturated, extreme close-up love.

It's all very romantic. So why does Angel wake up in the night, looking like he has a severe case of indigestion? Why does he run outside in the rain, in pain, shrieking Buffy's name?

Enter ANGELUS.

Favorite moment: This episode is the first of a two-parter, and is a bit lackluster when you think of what is about to happen. Important info to retain:
1. Jenny Calendar is not who she says she is. Something about a Gypsy curse placed upon Angel.
2. Buffy and Angel had sex.
3. The Judge is mean.

So a cute moment that lightens the mood--Buffy crashes into her birthday party in the midst of a vampire fight. Oz sees his very first staking, but accepts the existence of vampire because "that explains a lot." Hey, this kid has got a head on his shoulders! Cordelia, on the other hand, misses the brouhaha, pops out from behind the cake, and yells, "Surprise!"

I love her <3333

Bad Eggs

2011-06-19T10:17:00.000-07:00

Season #2, Episode #12: Bad Eggs

"I see your GYEARAARH and raise you a NYUURGH!"

Bad Eggs is goofy. I enjoy it, and I wouldn't call it throwaway, but Season 2 as I know it has not even begun and we're already twelve episodes in! The next episode begins what I think is the best invention of the Buffy franchise, and I am just getting SO IRRITABLE Y'ALL. So let's get this over with.

The kids at Sunnydale High are learning about sex--namely, as Cordelia says, that sex in the car can be disastrous, and as Xander points out, halitosis is a major turn-off. The unresolved sexual tension, brimming underneath the surface, causes the two to make out only in the privacy of janitor's closets. And then take long, long showers to wash off the filth. Shockingly, the whole Xander-Cordelia thing doesn't make me want to vomit.

As part of their sex education, everyone has to couple up and raise a baby egg. Basically this entails not breaking the egg. Easy enough, right?

But Buffy has other things on her mind, as some cowboy vampires (the Gorch brothers) are in town, and they're strong. They watch Buffy and Angel getting hot and heavy in the graveyard rather than slaying. We're meant to understand that Buffy really is concerned about these vamps, but she and Angel just can't help but succumb to their animalistic passion. So hot or whatever.

In the middle of the night--at 2:03am exactly--Buffy's egg, Eggbert, hatches. And it's not a little baby chick, but a long spindly tentacle that creeps up and wraps around her face. I don't know about you, but when floppy alien fingers probe my eyeballs in my sleep, I tend to wake up.

But not Buffy. She wakes up the next morning, feeling a little iffy, but none worse for the wear. And, even stranger, Eggbert is still intact! Back at the library, she and Willow collapse on the stairs, clutching their baby eggs, meant to be like young mothers exhausted from screaming babies. Or, you know, alien eggs. Xander doesn't have this problem, as he hard-boiled his egg.

Angel and Buffy make out in the graveyard again. Kids these days! Eggbert gets them on the topic of parenthood, and Angel reveals that he can't have kids. Because he's impotent? No, because he's a vampire--although the show doesn't really specify. But Buffy doesn't care and says, "When I look into the future, all I see is you! All I want is you!" Rote as this romance plot is, it works in context. They would have attractive babies if Angel weren't impotent or whatever.

Buffy's late night make-out session brings her back to her room just in time see little Eggbert hatch. He's a gross spidery crustacean type alien that, after a long creepy sequence, Buffy stabs to death with some scissors.

She calls Willow to warn her, but all is well at the Rosenbergs.
Or so it seems! Pan out, and we see that Willow's egg has already hatched! It turns out the alien crustaceans have latched onto their mommies and taken over their brain activity.

[No, that's not a tramp stamp.]

Right when Xander and Buffy are about to dissect Eggbert, they get whacked unconscious by Willow and Cordelia. The possessed of Sunnydale High march into the basement carrying eggs to or from a gigantic vagina dentata? I stopped paying attention because eww.

A while back, Joyce caught Buffy sneaking back into her room late at night. For those of you keeping score, Joyce still doesn't know about Angel, let alone the fact that Buffy is the Slayer. She grounds Buffy for forever, and comes to Sunnydale High when Buffy doesn't come home from school. Giles gets her possessed by Eggbert's sister.

Xander and Buffy come to, and it's cute how lost they are without Giles' and Willow's book smarts. Things get a bit awkward when possessed Joyce keeps trying to bash Buffy's brain in, and the Gorch brothers turn up only to have one of them get eaten by the big vagina in the basement. Buffy jumps inside to kill it, and comes out looking all oily and not-to-be-messed with. The remaining Gorch runs away in fear. God, I've missed this Buffy.

Favorite moment: The very end--it's cute. All those possessed at Sunnydale High leave under the impression that there was some kind of gas leak that made them pass out. Remembering nothing, Joyce tells Buffy that she's now grounded for even longer than forever. But no matter! Buffy and Angel can still make out--through her bedroom window.

Ted

2011-06-18T13:20:00.000-07:00

Season #2, Episode #11: Ted

"I believe the subtext here is rapidly becoming.. text."

Since I've started this blog, all of my secret Buffy fan friends have come out of the woodwork to talk episodes with me. Buffy fandom is quite humongous and scary, and I find it endlessly fascinating to hear the general consensus on different characters and episodes that I'm essentially seeing for the first time.

Case in point: Ted. Apparently, people hate this episode. It's icky and dramatic in a goofy way, which for me is usually a formula for disaster. But what can I say? I think it's a standout.

We open. SHE IS THE SLAYER!!! etc.

Normally I would not waste my precious time describing the mundane details of each episode, like Count the Unsuccessful Puns, or which lines of dialogue did Joss Whedon really hope were going to revolutionize teen jargon? But I have to point out Willow's outfit in the opening scene as the Scoobies walk home from a wild night out. It is the worst outfit of all time.

Buffy walks in on Joyce...making out with some GUY in the KITCHEN. A GUY! A MAN! John Ritter, in fact. Joyce introduces Buffy to her manfriend. "Hi," says skeptical Buffy.

"This is Ted," Joyce says. Aaaand, cue the opening credits.

The Scoobies instantly take to Ted, who seduces Willow with thoughts of computers with nine gig hard-drives. Xander is really obsessed with Ted's mini-pizzas. But Buffy is still skeptical, and takes out her unresolved rage for her mom's secret boyfriend on some vampires. Is there a term for like, and Elektra complex, but with your mom?

Angel, in a rare show of personality, tells Buffy that she should lay off and that Joyce needs a special someone, too. Grandfather Giles can tell something is wrong. Willow and Xander tell Buffy that she's just being goofy and has separation anxiety. At that exact moment, Ted pops up to invite the gang to go miniature golfing and have a picnic. Ted is played by John Ritter, who is eerily accurate as a straight-laced average Joe who is just a touch over-the-top.

Jenny Calendar comes back from taking a mental health month, but she is quite mean to Giles when he asks if she's okay. "You make me feel bad that I don't feel better," she says. Well, I guess Giles did inadvertently get her possessed by a drug-inducing demon. But look at this face!

The writers of this episode slowly introduce small details about Ted that are unsettling, but not necessarily obvious. He already knows a little too much about Buffy's bad grades and is a bit too involved in trying to teach her how to live her life. For a while it's unclear if Buffy is overreacting to his intrusion into her life, or if there really is something wrong.

For a while. At the gang's mini-golf date, Ted catches Buffy cheating, and threatens, "Do you want me to slap that smartass mouth of yours?" Then turns around and yells to the rest of the group, "Who's up for dessert?" God, I forgot how creepy this episode is!

Joyce, Xander, and Willow all side with Ted. Now that we know Ted is a creep, it becomes more and more frustrating to watch him drive a wedge between Buffy and the rest of the group. She's forced to go rogue, stalking him at his job, where he is top salesman and has a picture of Joyce on his desk--with Buffy cut out.

Buffy is mad as hell and she is not going to take it anymore. At dinner, she tells Ted that the idea of him and her mom getting engaged makes her want to kill herself. Joyce is outraged--but doesn't she find it a tad weird that Ted has taken over the family and already wants to get married? Get it together, Joyce. I hate how oblivious she is in the beginning of the series.

Buffy gets sent to her room, but she sneaks out to swing on a swingset and return to her childhood. When she comes back, Ted is in her room, reading her diary, asking her about slayers, calling her "little lady."

What happens next was SO SHOCKING to me the first time around that I could do nothing but laugh and laugh in disbelief. Ted threatens to have Buffy institutionalized, and then smacks her across the face. It's so brutal to watch, but Buffy takes it in stride and says, "I was so hoping you'd do that." She takes it as an invitation to fight back, but then she accidentally kicks him down the stairs in full view of Joyce.

And he dies.

BUFFY KILLS TED! HUMAN TED!

The first half of this episode somehow manages to be a fully realized family melodrama, totally different from anything else on the show. The whole thing is just so weird in the way that it's not supernatural, morally ambiguous, and creepy as hell. You're left with Buffy being questioned by the police, unable to convince them that Ted hit her first because her Slayer body heals so quickly. Even the music here, these pretty (and a 'lil cheesy) delicate orchestral swells, seems so out of place.

Buffy is totally traumatized. Xander and Willow want to believe© that Ted ended up being a demon, and that's why Buffy killed him. What happens to her entire moral universe if she kills a human? Was it really in self-defense, or did she let herself lose control because of her issues with losing her mother to a new boyfriend? Another thing to notice in this scene is that Sarah Michelle Gellar is truly a great dramatic actress, and runs rings around Xander and Willow, who are trying so so hard.

The rest of the Scoobies, who originally refused to believe that there was anything wrong with Ted, can't accept that Buffy killed a human, and do some research in an attempt to prove that there was really something wrong with him. Xander snacks on the last batch of cookies Ted will ever cook while Willow frets over Ted's lack of a criminal record. Xander stops her and says, "Don't sweat it, cute buddy! We'll work it out! Worrying isn't going to solve any problems!"

Willow analyzes the cookies and discovers that "the secret ingredient isn't love." Instead, it is a tranquilizer/ecstasy. Ted, you bad boy!!!

Back at home, Buffy and Joyce try to mend the pieces of, you know, Buffy murdering Joyce's boyfriend. But things are strained, so Buffy retires to her bedroom, where she sees...TED? Alive and well?

Oh thank god he wasn't really human.

(A dear friend of mine would like me to point out that when the evil guy from the first half of the episode returns, a moment that should be terrifying and climactic, we all breathe a sigh of relief. Why? Because the first half of the episode is so emotionally fraught and nerve-shattering, and the fallout would almost be too much to bear.)

Buffy stabs Ted with a nail file and discovers that he's secretly a robot. Okay, that's fine, the last robot we had was a demon on the Internet, so this is a definite improvement. The show loses steam after the first half, but they tie things up as well as could be expected given the fact that Buffy is not ready to delve into themes this deep until Season 3.

It turns out that mortal Ted built a Ted robot who, after his death, would continue to marry women, bring them to his 50s-style love dungeon, force them to be the perfect housewife, kill them, and hide them in the closet. This is really creepy, but abstract enough and handled with nuance that makes it seem less exploitative.

One thing I will say, however, is that I could tell without looking that this is a Joss Whedon episode. Why? Because Joss Whedon's villains are always just egregiously misogynistic dudes. The frat boys in Reptile Boy. Ted, as he tells Joyce, "I don't take orders from women. I'm not wired that way." Several Big Bads to come. He's sometimes successful at this (Warren in Season 6 springs to mind), but usually it falls flat. We get it, Joss. You are such a good feminist, and misogynists are bad. By making all of your villains misogynists, you have successful absolved yourself of being a dude. You get to be an honorary woman. Congratulations, Joss. High-five. Okay?

But you still have to apologize for Xander.

Favorite moment: Buffy is too emotionally fragile to go a-Slayin', so Giles takes over her place. Jenny Calendar follows him to apologize for being so harsh, and then accidentally shoots an arrow into his back instead of the vampire attacking him. After this tension release, a subtle way for them to move past the events of The Dark Age, we see them making out in the library at the end of the episode.

Aww!!!

What's My Line Pt. 2

2011-06-07T09:33:00.001-07:00

Season #2, Episode #10: What's My Line Pt. 2

"Kendra? You slay. I'm going to Disneyland."

Oops. I swear I planned on reviewing this episode right after Pt. 1, but my busy schedule of being unemployed is more trying than I expected. Not to mention the fact that every time I considered reviewing What's My Line, my brain would inevitably jump to "What's My Name?" by Rihanna (feat. Drake, unfortunately), at which point I would watch all of Rihanna's music videos On Demand, feel very badly about myself, and apply to six more jobs. Luckily I have managed to break this vicious cycle by turning off my television. So let's do this.

If you recall, we left off with Kendra the Probably Jamaican Vampire Slayer in a death match with Buffy. Meanwhile, Angel is huffing and puffing in terror as sunshine creeps into his cage. This is where we begin.

Buffy and Kendra agree to go to Giles and try to figure out WTF is going on--Buffy, of course, does not yet know that her one true love is on the brink of death! Giles thinks about it a 'lil, removes and replaces his glasses a few times, and realizes that Buffy died temporarily in Season 1 finale Prophecy Girl, at which point Kendra was called to be the new Slayer. Two Slayers at once! Spike must be peeing his pants right now.

The two Slayers do not get along well. Kendra, who has no last name and is all business, looks down on Buffy with her friends and her attitude. Buffy is exasperated with Kendra's inability to understand the lives of American teenagers. Keep this in mind, because it's about to get real gross real soon.

Spike pays Willie the bartender to rescue Angel from his cage and deliver him, something something, I stopped paying attention because Spike is inexplicably boring in this season. This leaves Buffy flummoxed when she runs to rescue Angel from his cage, only to find it empty. They beat up Willie for information and we have Personality Clash #12--Kendra wants to go back to Giles for orders, but Buffy has to do things ~her own way~.

Spike presents Angel, all tied-up and helpless, to Drusilla. Angel is forced to watch the two of them make out while Drusilla says, "Spooooiiikee? Can I have him?" and other creepily whimsical musings. This is the cruelest torture the show has devised so far.

Personality clash #13: Kendra likes to study The Slayer Handbook and other books that Buffy finds hopelessly nerdy. This endears Giles to Kendra and makes Buffy feel all jealous and inadequate. The silver lining here is that Buffy decides she can turn over Slayer duties to Kendra, who is obviously more dedicated. Then she can be--you guessed it--a normal teenager!

Remember Xander and Cordelia, locked in Buffy's house with the worm assassin? They discover his worminess and hide in the basement, where they bicker and shout about how much they hate one another and then...

WHATTTTTT!?!??!!? WHAT!
WHAT!
CORDELIA! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!?!?!?!?
The two are properly horrified by what they've done and run out of the house, worms raining from the ceiling. And then Xander hoses her down, literally. Jesus show, what is going on???

Lest you forget it's career day, Oz and Willow flirt about their elite status, and the law enforcement representative turns out to be one of the assassins and tries to shoot Buffy. The Scoobies reconvene in the library to figure out how to stop Spike and his assassins, and somehow mystically divine the secret villainous plan. Spike needs Drusilla's sire, Angel, to complete some ritual that will make her strong again.

In the middle of all this, Xander and Cordelia come running in to warn about worm guy, but get distracted by Kendra, whom they haven't met. Kendra gets super fidgety when approached by Xander and stammers and twitches awkwardly. Remember this for purposes of future grossness.

Kendra and Buffy have a heart-to-heart and address their differences. Kendra explains that she was taught not to have and friends or emotions, and that her parents gave her up to her Watcher when she was young. But, wait a second, Buffy died less than a year ago, so how could Kendra's parents have known that she was going to maybe be a Slayer one day? These are questions you shouldn't ask while watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I guess this is as good a time as any to address the grossness I've been alluding to. Kendra is the first person of color to appear on the show in any significant way, as I mentioned in my last review. So it was probably not in the show's best interests that her character comes from some distant, foreign culture that is never identified and Buffy finds totally backwards. Every single thing Buffy says to or about Kendra is dripping with disdain for her rigid social mores. Not until they have this heart-to-heart does Buffy treat her with any respect at all, and the major lesson derived from their conversation is that Kendra needs to loosen up a little and be more like plucky American Buffy. The show also NEVER addresses Kendra's behavior around Xander except to say that she is not allowed to speak to boys. Her weakness in the face of Xander and subservience to men (except for vampire Angel) is just left to hang there as an example of the superiority of Buffy and her culture. This will become a perennial problem in the series whenever it addresses other/former slayers, but I'll address that more thoroughly when the time comes.

Anyhow, Drusilla ties Angel up and pours holy water over him in a super kinky fashion, reminding him that he slaughtered all of her family members and was a bad bad boy. Angel tells Spike that Drusilla is obviously relieving all of her sexual frustration and that Spike needs to take care of her better. "Oh no, not my masculinity!" Spike cries into the night.

Buffy goes to pump Willie for information yet again, but because he is a slimeball, he delivers her to the assassins. Conveniently, he brings her to the exact place where Spike, Drusilla, and Angel are holding the ritual. Spike is none too pleased by this, but is still confident that he can kill Buffy and complete the ritual. "At least Angel has one thing you don't have. Five minutes," he tells Buffy. And at home you're like, okay Spike, sure. You weren't even strong enough to fight Buffy's mom.

Blah blah, Kendra shows up just in the nick of time to help Buffy fight off all the assassins. Kendra learns to ~use her emotions~ when law enforcement lady ruins her only shirt, and becomes, like, sooo much stronger because of it. Buffy collapses an organ on Spike and Drusilla, rendering Spike even more useless. But, dun dun dun, the ritual was still successful and Drusilla is strong again! You may make the same mistake I did by thinking this will make her whimper less, but no.

I forgot to mention that Oz got shot in the face or something earlier this episode. He survived, and in true romance novel fashion, it brought him and Willow closer together. They lurk around the school hallways together saying cutesy things like, "You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen <3 <3 <3!"

Xander and Cordelia are still embarrassed by the HORRIBLE HORRIBLE THING that happened in the basement that I don't even want to discuss, and shout at each other loudly, like, "You're a pervert!" "It's your fault!" "I would never kiss you you have cooties!!!"

And then they make out again :'( :'( :'(

Favorite moment: I got a little bit overzealous with this review and mentioned basically everything that happened in Pt. 2. Perhaps I should point out that this episode features what may be the first piece of Xander dialogue that didn't make me want to throw tomatoes at his head. When he and Cordelia research the worm assassin in the library, and he takes a break from treating Cordelia like a child because he's the worst person ever, he finds a picture of the assassin and says, "I am the bug man! Coo-coo-ca-choo!" And it's almost cute.

What's My Line Pt. 1

2011-05-21T00:06:00.001-07:00

Season #2, Episode #9: What's My Line Pt. 1

"Do I like shrubs?"

At my college's final soirée, a dark-haired vision in Prada approached me and said, "You need to rethink Drusilla." I consider his suggestion as I watch Drusilla whimpering again because of some reason or another. I suppose this time, she and Spike can't translate the manuscript that holds the antidote to her illness. Drusilla divines from some tarot cards that they need a key, which they magically know is in a mausoleum for plot purposes. But in order to prevent that pesky Buffy from ruining their healing ceremony, they summon a mystical trio of assassins to get rid of her once and for all.

Drusilla is a character I find wholly uninteresting because a. Juliet Landau is a horrible actress, and b. her character seems to come from an older generation of vampires--seductive, feminine, eerie, supernatural. Spike, who mostly looks like Billy Idol, runs rings around her in terms of charm and relevance to anything going on in the show. She's meant to be powerful and visionary, a cool juxtaposition with her simpering whining and macabre cutesiness, but all of these traits just come across as super high and crazy. I find her less terrible this time around but she still does nothing for me, as I'm never really sure what to make of her.

So anyway. It's time for the Sunnydale High career fair! Buffy is a bit mopey because no matter what her test says, she'll always have to be a Slayer. (Can't lead a Normal Life etc.) Angel comforts Buffy by inviting her to go ice skating. Apparently Baby Buffy was an aspirational Dorothy Hamill. Such a sweetheart! But that doesn't make Buffy feel any better when her career aptitude test tells her she has a future in law enforcement--too Slayer-ish?

Xander and Willow try to cover for Buffy's absence at the Career Fair when Synder comes a'knockin', which doesn't make our favorite principal very happy. He says to Xander, "Whatever comes out of your mouth is a meaningless waste of breath." Nothing more right on has been said.

Willow, on the other hand, showed great promise in her career aptitude test, and is corralled by a bunch of dudes in tuxedos who tell her how special she is. The only other person to receive such treatment? Why, it's Oz! Who woulda thought?

The assassins show up to Sunnydale by bus, which is just so delightfully quaint! One of them is dressed up like James Hetfield, and one pretends to sell make up door-to-door, and wait, is that a black woman arriving on a jet plane? On Buffy? The whitest show of all time??

The Scoobies are very anxious about the contents of Spike and Drusilla's manuscript. Giles even dramatically removes his glasses. But Buffy sneaks off to go on her ice skating date with Angel, which is rudely interrupted by James Hetfield. Buffy slices his throat open with an ice skate, one of the Top Ten Things I Didn't Realize I Was Terrified Of Happening To Me.

She and Angel make out while he has his vampirey face on, which is so romantic because get it? Buffy doesn't even care about him being a demon and all! Awww. But the jet plane woman spots them creepily and is none too pleased by what she sees!

Giles puts James Hetfield's ring under a microscope and realizes it belongs to the mystical assasins, who will never stop coming until they have finally killed Buffy. This puts her on edge as she walks through the career fair and imagines that everyone is trying to kill her. One fella has a killer knife comb, and Oz just has the wrong look in his eye. She runs off to Angel's lair for comfort, but he isn't there! Instead, he's at a demon bar pumping the bartender, Willie, for info about the assassins. (Poor Willie will be pumped by the Scoobies for many seasons to come.) He tells Angel that Spike and Drusilla are responsible--and then Angel gets kicked upside the head by jet plane lady? She sasses him using the worst accent this side of Drusilla--is it Jamaican? Irish? (Research shows it's modeled after a specific Jamaican dialect.) And then she locks him in an eastward-facing cage in eager anticipation of sunrise.

The episode is almost over, and we have so many loose ends to tie! Makeup assassin is apparently made up of worms. Of course. The ever-vain Cordelia invites him into Buffy's house, where she and Xander are gathering weapons, after he promises free samples. Angel's about to get incinerated by the sun. And jet plane lady attacks Buffy while she's asleep at Angel's. She's got a lot of nerve! "Who are you?" Buffy shouts between swings. "I'm Kendra, the vampire slayer!" she responds.

Huh?

Favorite moment?: This episode is barely even an episode, but is more of a preamble to What's My Line Pt. 2. I don't have much to say. So I'm going to use this section to briefly address the overwhelming whiteness of this show. Up until the sudden appearance of Kendra, every single major and minor character, and at least 90% of the extras, are white or pass for white. The situation will hardly improve after Kendra. The show really paints itself into a corner by playing off of stereotypical high school dramas, particularly the super white upper-class ones--whenever Buffy attempts to address its whiteness, albeit rare, it ends in disaster. This will become more prevalent in later seasons, but there are some choice moments in Pt. 2 that we'll need to talk about, Whedon.

The Dark Age

2011-05-20T14:14:00.000-07:00

Season #2, Episode #8: The Dark Age

"I'm so used to you being a grown-up, and now I find out you're a person."

Once upon a time, Joss Whedon made a terrible film called Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The entire premise of this film was that the ditzy horror film blonde who is usually first to die instead fights back. Try as he might to make it last for seven seasons, this premise doesn't translate to TV because it leaves little room for things like Characters and Themes. (In fact, this foundational premise will become the bane of Buffy's existence in later seasons, but we'll get to that in time.) Once the show got picked up for a second season, you could almost see the wheels turning in each writer and producer's head--how do we make these stock characters interesting?

Which brings us to The Dark Age. This was another episode I pretty much hated first time around because it was too dark, but now that I've made it through The Body and Season 6 (aka the season in which every single episode is about suicide), I think I'll be able to handle it. And while I still think it's not as good as the previous episode and a little clunky in its quest to add depth at all costs, it's all about Giles, and I can't say no to that!

We begin with some guy I don't know running away from some zombie I don't recognize. But when he sees her, he says, "Deirdre??" Oh, it's Deirdre! (Who's Deirdre?) The man pounds on the library door screaming for Giles, but Buffy's beat-keeping training music drowns out his voice. Too late, anyway, because Deirdre knocks him out and then goes all Secret World of Alex Mack on him.

Willow and Buffy share their romantic fantasies on the quad, which include such main actors as Gavin Rossdale and John Cusack. OH MY GOD, Gavin Rossdale, official hottie of the 90s. I remember my sister verbally berating her friend for losing an issue of Rolling Stone with a shirtless Gavin Rossdale on the cover.

Okay anyway. Buffy, Willow and Xander think that Giles and Jenny Calendar are soooo cute together! The lovebirds steal away to exchange awkwardly sexual innuendo such as: "This weekend. I think I'd like to stay in. Let's see if I can make you squirm." Woahhh, kids these days!

The police question Giles about the corpse outside of his library, and he reveals that it's an old friend from England with a ~mysterious tattoo~. He is duly shaken up, and forgets his slaying date with Buffy. Everything is just so uncharacteristic and ominous. Giles rolls up his sleeves to reveal his ~mysterious tattoo~! He even drinks alcohol! He drunk dials the elusive Deirdre in hopes of warning her about something, but, y'know, zombie corpse.

Buffy is worried about Giles, and crashes Jenny Calendar's remedial computer science class to ask for help. Everyone is just as shocked as I was when Buffy reveals that he was drinking!!!!! Buffy can't wait another moment to find out what's going on, and rushes to the library, only to find...Ethan Rayne? The British costume guy from a few episodes ago? He starts to explain WTF is going on when the guy Deirdre killed at the beginning breaks in, only to be locked in the famous library cage by Jenny and co. Then, Giles is starting to explain WTF is going on when corpse guy breaks out, knocks out Jenny, and pulls another Alex Mack. Jeeeesus whattt is going on???

Giles won't tell, so Willow traces the ~mysterious tattoo~ to a demon called Eyghon who possess dead and unconscious people. Eyghon = Alex Mack goo, and therefore Jenny Calendar is now possessed and at home with Giles!!! She comes onto him, turns into a demon, and jumps out the window. I just don't think this is going to be good for their budding relationship.

At this development, Giles finally decides to let us all in on his Dark Secret. When he was young, he was a 'lil punk and fell in with a gang of miscreants, including Ethan. They'd hold rituals in which they summoned the spirit of Eyghon to get high. I guess that's like huffing for stodgy British people. Anyway, things got out of control, Eyghon took over completely, and now he's back and ready for some fun!

Then there's a long convoluted segment in which: Ethan tattoos Buffy to trick Eyghon, Xander and Cordelia bicker a lot, Demon Jenny tries to possess Buffy, Angel comes in and inexplicably gets possessed instead but because he is dead he kills Eyghon? Okay, sure. This is all more or less unimportant. What we all take away is that Giles is not the token straight-laced tea-drinking double decker bus-riding British librarian we've all come to know and love. And while Jenny lives, their final conversation in this episode is pained and distant. His secret, which nearly killed her, drives her away from him. Forever.

:'(

Favorite moment: Back when Giles is still being obscure, Buffy delegates investigative tasks to the Xander and Willow. Touchingly, Cordelia wants to join and help ("I care about Giles, too!)", marking her unofficial induction to the Scoobies.

Yayy, Team Cordelia!

[Credit where credit is due]

2011-05-11T20:13:00.000-07:00

My Buffy reviews are generally written on the fly as I watch each episode. I am not tech savvy, and I watch the episodes on DVD, so I don't take my own screen captures. Instead I get them from Screencap Paradise, a charming website with screencaps of almost every single moment of every Buffy episode. Thanks, website!

Lie to Me

2011-05-11T11:15:00.000-07:00

Season #2, Episode #7: Lie to Me

"A couple more days and we'll get to do the two things every American teen should have the chance to do: die young and stay pretty."

I know this review is a long time coming, but I've been preoccupied with other things like graduating college??? In any case, I'm done with my busy schedule of lazing about on the beach and am ready to review this depressing Buffy episode.

I remember that the first time I saw Lie to Me, I thought it was way too serious and not at all like the goofy season 1 episodes that I so loved and cherished, but in retrospect, it's lovely and has SUPER arcs and sets the tone for the rest of the season.

First creepy moment: Drusilla stalks a little blonde kid at a playground, who is anxiously waiting for his mom to pick him up. So what, she just dropped him off at a playground in the middle of the night? He's been waiting there after school for the past five hours? In any case, the two have this exchange:

Drusilla: What will your mummy sing when they find your body?
Little blonde kid: I'm not supposed to talk to people!

This kid is unphased.

But lest you fear our young innocent suffer a cruel fate, Angel comes to the rescue! He and Drusilla have a chat in which they reveal some sort of shared history, and then the show actually has the nerve to pull that trope where Buffy is lurking in the shadows and sees them together and thinks that they're having some romantic rendezvous.

In class the next day, Buffy and Willow exchange notes about the mystery lady Angel was rendezvousing with, and Xander wants to hear the details because hearing bad things about Angel "gives me a happy." Ughh. Mercifully, they're interrupted by Ford, Buffy's best friend from her old high school who wears orange sweater vests and makes Xander very jealous. It seems he's matriculating at Sunnydale High--will he join the Scoobies??

The gang go to The Bronze, where Angel also flexes his muscles at Ford. Geez, at least Xander has the excuse of being sixteen and Joss Whedon. Things get tense, so Buffy and Ford take a walk outside where Ford sees the slayer in action! But rather than shock and awe, he reacts with familiarity, because he inexplicably knows that she's the slayer? The show sez: Let's not fret over this fact, as it is perfectly understandable that this random teenage kid would know ancient slayer lore.

Ford retires to a shady looking club where everyone wears eyeliner and top hats and listens to the worst possible industrial music of all time. They rename themselves things like "Chanterelle" and "Diego," the latter donning a shiny blue cape, because that is goth. They allude to some future event for true believers, with poor Ford acting out a quintessential Joss Whedon Signature Moment in which he mouths the dialogue from the vampire film playing behind him. That's some brain you've got there, Ford!

Angel just can't let go of this Ford thing, and he sneaks into Willow's room so he can ask her to look up Ford on "the net." You see, Angel can't help but be jealous--he spent 100 years "honing his brooding skills" but Buffy just sends his heart all aflutter. Also, Angel is looking exceptionally like Edward Cullen in this scene.

Willow discovers on The Net that Ford didn't actually enroll at Sunnydale High. Shady??

Well, obviously. He goes to a goth club! Willow, Angel, and Xander follow him to said club and are totally grossed out by all the darkness. Chanterelle tells them that everyone at the club thinks that vampires are great and exalted and calls them They Who Walk The Night. Angel gets pissed off and calls Chanterelle a fool! He complains loudly that these people don't know what vampires are like, how they act, or how they dress.

Spike confronts Drusilla about her ~*~secret rendezvous~*~ with Angel. She whimpers because her pet bird died and she always whimpers constantly. They are lovey dovey and she whimpers and ughh they are so gross.

But they're interrupted by Ford, who is entirely too amped to live out Bram Stoker's Dracula with Spike and seriously wears on one's patience. Then he offers Spike the Slayer in exchange for eternal life. Rude!

Then Buffy confronts Angel about Drusilla. Wow, apparently Ford's appearance on the show has made everyone inexplicably insecure about everything. Leave the crippling jealousy to Xander! Anyway, before Angel explains his relationship to Drusilla, he asks Buffy if she loves him. "I love you, but I don't think I trust you!" she says. Oh, these crazy kids! Angel reveals that he turned Drusilla into a vampire a long time ago. Not just that, but: "First I made her insane. Killed everybody she loved. Visited every mental torture on her I could devise." Vampire Angel certainly sounds like a lovely fellow.

Angel tells Buffy about Ford's vampire society, and there is a super avant garde scene that would totally win a NYU film school prize in which Ford invites Buffy out on a date. She knows that he's lying, and he knows that she knows that he's lying, and the camera spins around them at weird angles, and it's so tense you guys!!!

On their "date" at the goth vampire club, Buffy confronts Ford about being a lying scumbag, and he tells her that everybody lies, and hey, do y'all think that this episode (Lie to Me) is about lies? Ford anticipated Buffy's heroic antics and locked them all in the club until sunset, when Spike will come and turn all of them into vampires. Chanterelle and Diego and co. won't believe Buffy when she says that Spike will kill them all and pig out at the "all you can eat moron bar."

Buffy tries to find an escape, and she and Ford get some alone time. He reveals that the rest of the people in the club will die, but that he'll become a vampire. Then the episode gets all grey and ambiguous when Ford reveals that he has brain cancer and will die in six months, and that becoming a vampire is his only way to stay alive. Dilemma!

But okay, not really. Because basically Ford is inciting mass murder so that he can become a vampire, one of few situations in which brain cancer doesn't really pull the trump card. Luckily Buffy sees through this act, but is a 'lil sad about it nonetheless. True to word, Spike and his gang show up, but Buffy manages to save them all. That is, except Ford, who stays behind so he can collect his eternal life. We're left in suspense as to what will become of him, until Buffy returns to the club and finds a very dead and non-vampirey Ford corpse.

Favorite moment: The episode ends with a really depressing scene that signals the DARK half of the season. Oh boy oh boy!!!! Buffy heads to the cemetery to patrol with Giles. She's upset because she can't hate Ford, or simply call him the Bad Guy, and everything is confusing, and she doesn't know who to hate or love or trust. She asks Giles if things will ever get easier, but he doesn't know what to say. "Lie to me," Buffy offers him. The episode fades out as Giles tells her, "The good guys are always stalwart and true. The bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies and everybody lives happily ever after."

While I am partial to pretty much any scene between Giles and Buffy, this one is particularly satisfying. They have father/daughter dynamic going on, but somewhat strained because Giles is slowly forced to accept Buffy as his equal. So it's precious when Buffy turns to Papa Giles for comfort, and bittersweet when he can barely offer her any.