RV's Strangeness

Goals 2022

2022-01-08T19:14:00.009+00:00

Another year, still a continuing pandemic

Read a Book a Week: An oldie but a goodie. Also technically failed already because I didn't read in the first two days of the year.
Read 100 Books: Going to go for the standard due to the failure of last year.
Watch 16 films a month: Might seem like a random number. Basically, my current bullet journal spread has a space for 16 in its basic form. 16 is doable. I watch to watch more high-quality tv as well, but that's a harder static to track. I guess I could count series or episodes.
Get my TBR Down: physical books but I also now have a collection of audiobooks waiting to be read, as well as NetGalley books. I have calmed down but also stopped reading physically.
Write a Review a Week: If I'm reading, I should review it. It's good for me. Also, Netgalley is a place that I still get books from. I know should probably stop, but the books are so shiny there.
Write a Post a Week: You might be able to see a pattern forming in these next few posts. I need to write more and more frequently. I need to force through writer's block and just let things go.
Finish a Novel Draft: I do have like six novels that I have never gotten to the end of them. I haven't gotten to the end of anything in a while. I have ideas that I think would work.
Write a Screenplay: I am out of practice for even a short film. If you want to be a writer, then you have to write. I am writing, I just want to write the same thing over and over again until it's a complete work.
Make something Creative: Maybe a podcast, maybe a faceless essay channel. I want to inflict my vision on people. I still have video ideas but they're different from my older ones.
Continue Bullet Journaling: I did this on and off last year again but I have decided on colours ahead of time. Shockingly, I would spend a lot of time not being able to figure out what colour I should next month, then not do it till days into the year. We see how that goes.
Exercise most days: I keep meaning to sign up for the gym/swimming pool. I got a trampoline but it broke in the wind so there are issues with using that right now. I just want to have stamina and my clothes to fit me.
Applying for Things: I'm once again toying with college and university again. I don't know I feel stuck in life and just want to do something to get out of this rut. It's so hard being disabled and not knowing if I could handle something. I just want to do things again. Work experience would be good.

I'm in a rut so see you again next year.

2021 Goals Missed

2022-01-02T00:01:00.003+00:00

I guess this might end up being my only posts now since I've given up on writing apparently. My soul is broken.

Read a Book a Week: I literally failed in the first week of the year. Not even in sprilt of the challenge.
Read 122 Books: I read 68 books. I stopped reading for a while.
Read All the Graphic Novels I own: No I didn't do this. Not even one of the books I owned before 2021.
Finish 5 Series: I only finished two and I also started those series in the same year. I did read five books by the same author for some reason. I could argue I finished 4 but that's still not five so why lie to myself.
Get my TBR Down: I stopped physically reading books. I didn't stop buying them physically.
Write a Review a Week: Didn't do this one, started well but then I stopped reading.
Write a Post a Week: Ha Ha Ha no.
Finish a Novel Draft: I've been writing stuff but it's all garable and I still can't finish a god damn thing. So fucking no. Not even close.
Do More Complicated Videos: I gave up on filming. I took out of my habit tracker. Maybe I'll be come a steamer.
Continue Bullet Journaling: I did but I also missed months and have to backtrack to actually finish the journal.
Exercise most days: The new trampoline broke, the exercise bike broke. I'm gonna fix the new trampoline and I'm not putting a new net on it.
Applying for Things: I did but also didn't. Constant failure anyway. Major fuck ups and I think I have extreme anxiety or ADHD. Maybe both. It's some shit.

I'll be back with my goals but I've been having minor anxiety attacks lately. Not a great year but at least no one died. Only kittens were gained.

I haven't got a lot to say or do.

2021-03-27T20:03:00.004+00:00

I am now vaccinated and I had a headache a few hours later which is meant to be one of the side effects. I felt like crap the day after. Generally, ill.

Things have been a dull, blur since then. Probably because I watched all ten seasons of TaskMasker. I found another thing to apply to so another thing to unnecessary panic about. Do you think trying to learn Gaelic counts as knowing it. Sure, I can sort of read the basics but speak or listened to it, probably not.

I've been negating things so trying to catch up on it including reading and watching films again. Still attempting to do that project which I'm running out of time.

I have nothing to say.

Delayed. Delayed. Delayed Once Again.

2021-03-13T00:27:00.002+00:00

I am applied to something real last minutes. Maybe I should have just left it. The more I think about the more I feel like I shouldn't have wasted either of us times.

Do I have proof that I have been doing stuff for years? Yes, but that shit has personal information in it and just because you're not meant to discriminate against me for them doesn't mean they don't. I know I've been discriminate against for my disabilities, nevermind my complex mess of sexuality.

I negated to finish writing this post three weeks in a row. So now have been rejected been for both things I applied to, and while having drastically different due dates, I had my rejection on the same day. Last Friday.

Blog posts are not meant to be hard so I don't why I make them that way. I'm meant to be doing activities I enjoy and I enjoy no activities. Does that mean I'm secretly depressed. How unhappy? Yes. I have no fulfilment in my life. I miss the cinema now.

I know we have a vaccine but that doesn't mean things will actually go back to normal when they say they will. Maybe it'll mutant past the vaccine having any impact. The fact that so many people are such arsehole about social distancing. Disabled lives really don't matter to those arseholes.

My main thing is a weird want to buy Dr Martins. There a 150 so it's not happening. I've spent too much money lately. I have to be stop. It's destructive at this point. Well, It has been for years. Anyway, I have a patron that I'm not going to directly link here. There's a link somewhere.

Blue Valentine

2021-02-13T13:20:00.019+00:00

I've been watching several Oscar-nominated films for reasons. So many of them are so bad and made me question men. Also, I generally wish the Academy cared more about what they were voting on. Also the stories are so boring and same plot over and over.

With no women to be seen. A woman will be there so you know they're not gay. Heaven forbid that you get gay from two men having intense eye contract and bond like no other. A woman is written to be a sexy lamp that lets you know they not gay. The woman might have a tragic backstory but that backstory is for the benefit of man and plot only. Woman need no characterisation. The characterisation is for men only.

This were films made literal decades before, but still, these are the films that have shaped pop-culture and have thought to be the best. These films do have merit, but so many would be better if they took women out of the film, and just randomly replace half of the men with women. It might not make sense, but it would be a lot more interesting.

Could joke that all love interests should be boring so their trope name makes no sense.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I will be celebrating by eating two boxes of Ferrero Rocher. Through a month and a half with nothing to show for it. Not had my rejection yet and haven't

My parents brought a new couch which has been a thing. Couldn't get the four-seater into the livingroom. In fact, it ended up jammed into the hall for a day, which meant I was visiting by climbing into and out of the window. My sibling and I had debated if it was possible to crimb into that window. I now know it is possible and I have broken into my parent's house by two different windows.

Also, my trama is impossible to be precise about, at least I have a lot of it to tap into if I ever do get a writing job and since you're not paying me I shall be leaving you now. I might read or watch sixty films in a month.

Brain Stalled

2021-02-06T20:54:00.001+00:00

Why is my brain such a bitch to me? why does it do this to me every time? Why can't I ever write the things I have to write? Why do words get trapped there?

I finished the thing but it's not great. The words only started came after myself imposed deadline, so next time the fake deadline needs to be a week before the actual deadline which just isn't possible.I mean I start writing this post before last Saturday and here we are the next Saturday still writing it.

Another hing I'm thinking of applying for, but I might not and I have dropped the ball with college so far. I should probably just apply anyway, see what's happens. See what happens.

A lot of my projects have fallen to the waste line. That's probably not the right pharse. I have gonna back to one and I'm going to my best to get it out on time to YouTube. I have to film and edit it so might be a process. I was gonna film today but I felt tired and my camera is dead. I don't know where the charger is though. I think I know where it is but I could be wrong. I've found it tomorrow.

I'm sure I'm gonna rejected from the thing I did apply for but I'm still full of the axiety of what if. It's long short and I'm sure better applicates will have applied. I could have bullshit better and I didn't because my brain didn't want do the work.

Oh, well.

How do I improved a system that I have no first hand knowledge?

2021-01-24T17:32:00.006+00:00

Why is so hard to find examples of C.V.s for the very specific job/programme I'm applying for? Also, do I write a cover letter. How do I write a cover letter?

Also, why do end up just wanting to point of the Ableism that these companies have partaken in? Why does everyone have to be so ableist?

I saw a clip of the Sia the Ableist Musical. It involves restaining someone having a meltdown for no reason, never mind that method has killed people. Honestly, fuck Neurotypical comfort. Be embarrassed by your kids, that says more about you than the kid.

I also decided to watch 'The Night Clerk' which in a shocking turn of events is also bad. Not the worst thing I've ever seen but still...neurotypicals shouldn't be allowed to make media about us anymore. Now to watch Loop, let's see if Pixar is better.

Doesn't use the word Autistic in the short, therefore it does not count as rep despite using traits and Autism Self Advocacy Network. Okay, it's clearly showing Autism in the character's traits and title credit is similar to the rainbow infinite sign and uses a non-verbal autistic girl to voice the character. It's actually a good portrayal of an Autistic person. Actually, show the causes of a meltdown.

Doesn't use the word autistic which is usually a major markdown on how I show the portrayals, but it is a short. If it was a TV show, it would not get a pass. TV shows have no excuse to reveal their character's deals. You say it or you officially fail.

Frankly, we could be here all day with coded characters. Very popular in police shows. Jesus the amount of coded autistic characters in crime is a lot. Maybe someday they have the guts to use the actual word then it's not rep.

I should probably put these thoughts into application. Time is always moving.

To Be Writing Again.

2021-01-16T16:46:00.001+00:00

I've been listening to a lot of music and writing again, its all thanks to Hannibal and Hannibal vampire AU fanfiction. I would like more Hannibal vampire but instead of writing that, I will work on my own abandoned fiction. Yes, it's Dance Hall I'm working on. It still lives...for now.

It has an actual plot now...sort of. Don't expert chapters, if you've been lurking on here for years, desperate for the ending. Well, it never had ending till now. That's right I have written the ending. I know how this book definitely ends.

I have started writing a sequel. Ideas of conversation come to me more than the plot of the book. I just want to discuss the morality of vampires, and sometimes that morality can only be discussed with a character that doesn't belong in the first book.

The middle of the first book is empty and I will need a big rewrite. The rewrite is pointless without having that middle figured out. I have an idea of things that going to happen. I have a rough family tree, though, there are several characters I need to name and possible rename. I have a character called Lix and I don't know if that was an actual name or random letters that I assigned to that character.

I have two applications to fill in that ask me questions that should be easy to answer but don't want to leave my brain. It asks my recently favourite TV show. I keep a note of all the shows I've watched and I know it's Hannibal. I was even writing random essays notes about the show before I was asked that question and now I have no thoughts.

Asking my least favourite being hard at least make sense because I didn't finish watching those episodes. Of the things I did finish watching, the Alienist season 2 was my least favourite. Part of me is tempted to go with the non-fiction stuff I watched recently since that most likely the most relevant to the thing I'm applying for. Maybe one of each.

I do watch non-fiction, it's just random cooking/baking shows...and true crime. I mean watched a TV true-crime documentary today. It wasn't very good, but it was made to accompany a TV dramatisation so it was never meant to be a standalone thing.

These things shouldn't be hard, as I write constantly about things I like and dislike. I criticise and write the reasons. I know why I like things but put in words where someone will definitely read it. That is hard in my brain.

Hannibal is good in it's shooting and casting. The hash light is great, I love it.

Hannibal is good in the writing it steals from Harris. The adapting is interesting.

Hannibal is bad in that the final season, is actually 2 seasons split into one.

Hannibal is bad because the lack of character and relationship developments in the first season while trying to tell us Abby is important (which probably because there's nothing to adapt Abby from beside her first scene). Yeah, Will, Hannibal and Jack Crawford are the stars, but more has to be done than daughter surrogacy. There's not even a scene between Abigal and Will while discussing Will being too close to her.

Hannibal is bad in that doesn't understand that a character saying something, rather than thinking of them changes that meaning.

Hannibal is bad in that its showrunner doesn't understand tropes but tries to address to them. Someone tell Bryan Fuller that Fridging is where you kill a woman for the sake of a man's development, not about violence being done to woman in general. Fridging is a very specific trope and there are websites dedicated to explaining that trope.

Hannibal is good in it's a rom-com where a cannibal convinces an FBI professor to run away off with him and somehow convinces the audience (me) while watching it that was the best option for everyone, except Jack Crawford, but Jack has played loose with the lives and mental state of those he leads so Jack can lose this one.

See I can write about it. There's a word I want, but I can't find it in my head enough to even go hunting for it. Maybe it will come to me.

The other thing I'm applying for is more insane but I don't want to talk about it.

I'm going to write about things, like a book I didn't like much.

Goal 2021

2021-01-09T13:20:00.003+00:00

I have no belief in these goals are happening. I just don't. I'm tempted just put vague things like reading as goals. I mean these have never been things I expect to do all of. It's just things that I would like to work on.

Read a Book a Week: Technically I failed this by not reading a book, in the first of the year which was just three days, so I forgot, but I did finish a book in that actual week, so I'm saying its counts. Or we only counting full weeks. Pro
Read 122 Books: I just want to read more books than I've ever had in a year. It's completely possible, I've read 120 books in a year before.
Read All the Graphic Novels I own: It's an easy goal and I own a few I haven't read yet.
Finish 5 Series: Okay, I give on the finished ten series a year. Just finished more than last year or something. I finished 4, that's why the goal is 5. I have finished 10 series before in a year
Get my TBR Down: Here's the thing, it's never gonna happen but also with Covid my local library may never open again and I'm gonna stop requesting things off Netgalley unless it's hella Queer. I've not reviewing at a stable rate and I'm never gonna read all the books. I want to read more my physical books but I also
Write a Review a Week: I was tempted to take this one out, but I do plan to keep reviewing the books I read and if I'm reading a book a week, then I should be reviewing one a week.
Write a Post a Week: Writing is good for the soul.
Finish a Novel Draft: I've been writing recently again. I don't think it's good, but if I could get it finished that would been something. It could be workable eventually, but I can't fix it until I have a completed work.
Do More Complicated Videos: I have done the majority of the work for one but does not exist. I give up on consistency and gonna just make things and post it when it's done.
Continue Bullet Journaling: No explanation. I spent enough money on it, it would be arsinine to stop now.
Exercise most days: I need to go out more. My tampline broke, which raises the question of whether I should get a new one. I have missed it recently. I'm gonna go back to my house and that way I could actually use my exercise bike.
Applying for Things: I'm currently on two applications for completely different career paths. We see how that goes.

Skye has started catching the ball when it's thrown. He's not very good at it and still likes to run around the room with it in his mind. Leia is not pleased with this development. She wants to be the only one going for the ball. My trampoline is now broken, so she not happy.

I'm tempted to make a joke about donating to me to buy another one, but it would only be a half joke since I cannot afford to buy a new one. The world is a nightmare. Look after yourself.

2020 in Reflection

2021-01-02T10:56:00.001+00:00

Now for the Annual post where I talk goals I had for the year.

Read a book a week: Fail. Not even on a technicality. I went months sometimes not reading but in my defence, 2020.
Finish 10 series: I finished four. 2 were on my actual list of series I wanted to finish.
Read More of My Own Books: I read even less of my own books this year. I even made a comparison table to prove that.
Get the TBR Down: Shockly, no, as someone who buys books in stressful and depressing times, I did not stop buying books during global pandemic when I stopped reading.
Write a Review a Week: Well, if stop reading then you can't review anything and the film reviews don't feel right.
Write a Post a Week: This is blog is meant to keep me writing all the time, and it's not working out that way. I would feel better about letting this blog go if I was writing outside of it but I am not.
Finish a Novel: Ha no. I feel like I have been writing more creative this year which is good.
Published a Video a Week: Goblal Pandemic, sick siblings and funeral mean I didn't feel like doing this and I decide I wasn't going make myself do it.
Do More Complicated Videos: I have done the majority of the work for one but not exist.
Continue Bullet Journaling: I had fuck ups but I did it for the most part, despite no one actually needing a planner for this year.
Exercise most days: I know this is getting stale, but I really didn't walk my dogs due to the global pandemic putting pandoria into me, because I know it just takes one fool and people are too causal already with their dogs going by other dogs. As of recent events a.k.a. my middle of nowhere country as the highest numbers in the country right now. I could have went on my trampoline but didn't. I did use my exercise bike when I was in my house but a global pandemic meant I wasn't in my house because I apparently we shouldn't be leaving our houses at all and I am a carer for my parents. I miss my house and at this point I should stop letting my parent get their way all the time.
Apply for things: "I know I'm not going to a foreign country in September" This was a real moment of confusion for me, but I think it was reference to the Florida trip that my family has been talking about for five years. I did apply for a thing and was rejected and then a global pandemic happened so I had to isolate and didn't apply for anything after March.
Read 104 Books: No. I won't go into again.

This was a bad year for everyone. Mostly bad things happened and I have new nibing. That is the single good thing. Also I am shockingly alive, despite being half convinced that I would die in the Year 2020 when I was 27. That probably should have filled me with more panic than ever did.

Hannibal season 1, but both Will and I have a fever.

2020-12-19T19:44:00.001+00:00

Time is a concept that I refuse to believe in, but of course, like ghosts in every supernatural horror, time does not care about my personal experience with it and it will pass at whatever random speed. I am ill. I don't know how it happens as I've been isolating. I have theories but I feel crap so what's the point of getting into the theories.

Season 1 of Hannibal really hits different when you have a fever and watching it as you go in and out of consciousness. Makes Will all the more relatable and I too, now feel like someone has forced fed me an ear, but that's just what's ever going with my throat still. I'm been ill for a few days, kept having dreams I was better, then waking up very much not.

I had a dream that Hannibal was serving soup, and my mouth was brunt from it. Then was a debate that whether Lector had done on purpose but it wasn't his m.o. I woke up with my tongue burning, so that was fun. I told my mum that at 6 something and she called the doctor in the morning while I was sleep so I got myself some very nice antibiotics without seeing or even talking to a doctor. I could barely talk at that point and nevermind mixing in Selective Mutism. Okay, so my mum got me them but I was the one that picked them up.

I also had a fever, my throat was so sore before I started antibiotics that I couldn't swore and was barely able to talk. Anytime I squeezed I wanted to punch god, it hurt so badly. I keep having to fight my gag reflex, as I was sure vomiting would have been nightmare. I never had cough until yesterday where it started to get better. It feels like there is fuzz in my throat. Still feels like there's something in my throat.

Other symptoms include not being able to eat spricy chicken because I could feel the spice in my ears. I didn't want the chicken really anyway. It was just going out of date and felt like I had to eat as no one else was gonna eat it.

Though with everything going on, I can't be sure when I got sick because I carry stress in my throat, so I blamed the sore throat on that. I wonder if that's why I got it worse than everyone else seems to have it so far. Everyone seems to have got it now.

One of our cats died last weekend. She was only two. It's all very suspensions. She's my sibling who needs cat and who is definitely going to into hospital before the year is out most likely. Christmas is literal days aways and it's never felt further. Not sure what we have in terms of food at all. Some frozen stuff I guess.

Lockdown and Covid mutating is just the of course of the year. My siblings are taking turns being hospital so that's great. There won't be any Christmas lights up this year because no one can be boather. Only my tradition of keeping Halloween decoarations up over the Christmas period reminds.

Life is a Slow March (also I do nothing for a month)

2020-12-05T12:35:00.000+00:00

I've been thinking about my oldest brother lately which isn't surprising. A date has been set for when he goes into the ground. Good thing, we're not Jewish because it's taken several sunsets. Who knows what we actually use to believe.

A Catholic service is about as comforting as slapping when you don't believe in any of that crap, especially when it's a funeral for someone on the younger side. I just felt angry listening to all the shit and the main reason for having a Catholic funeral cannot be there for medical reasons.

All this crap about god being a shepherd. Well, if he has been shepherding my family, I would like a word about several things and that maybe he should invest in a sheepdog. So my thoughts through all the prays was about what a dick he is, which is probably the wrong attitude to have during a funeral. What is the right one, anger is meant to be one of the stages of grief but maybe you shouldn't be cursing god in a church.

I joke about not being able to say I'm Satanist because I'm not an atheist. I guess I believe in something, but I don't believe we will meet again in the same form. I definitely don't believe in Abrahamic faiths and their teachings at all. Mainly they mostly sexist and no one plays attention to the actual good ones. Got to have your super churches, while the poor starve.

Having a school next to church is quite awkward when leaving a funeral. They put him in the ground before my family got to the gravesite which is kinda shitty, especially as we were running early.

The priest seemed to rush through the service, which I guess a good thing because I was dreading the idea of giant service. There are no hymns during a covid funeral. Why do Catholics sit up and down so much? We do not appreciate it as disabled people.

I've not done much recently, barely read but I have finished watching Murder, She Wrote except for the films. I've watched all of Hannibal in the last week, would have been quicker than that but I wanted to read fanfiction. Reading early fanfiction before a series is finished, Now I'm wondering what if Jessica Fetcher was Hannibal? Maybe she secretly is. I've been thinking about the murder statics around Jessica as I watch all 12 seasons. I had thought about doing vlogmas. I have several videos that I want to see the light of sitting unedited.

This post probably be very different if I had finished writing three week ago instead of now.

Life is Short but also Insufferable Long.

2020-11-07T22:28:00.003+00:00

So something that should be devastating happened at the start of the month. It doesn't feel that way which makes me feel odd.

It just made me feel odd about watching nothing but things that involve death. I don't watch or consume anything that involves plain happiness and it's too soon to start watching Hallmark films, even those are secretly dark with all the dead mothers they just have for the sake of it.

So I watched Casper (1995), may as well hit on the head and I'm back to watching Murder, She Wrote. Maybe I'll start the Christmas films early, especially as I can't finish my project currently.

It wasn't unexpected. It came at a shitty time because covid and other bad shit that's going on.

Anyway, there's separate Transport police in the UK that are not connected to Police Scotland and they mostly deal with suicides going off the leafet they gave us.

My biggest emotion right now is angry at people using modern technology to insensitively inform people of things they have no business commenting on. People have been informed now so I guess I can go back to using Social Media as a coping mechanism.

Halloween still Happens

2020-10-31T21:22:00.029+00:00

I really should have planned for this special occasion. A Halloween Saturday with a full blue moon. Well, of course, I didn't. I don't write anymore and my life is always six stages of chaos all slowly happening at once.

I do get to spend Halloween with my niece because of not good reasons because covid means they are no good reasons to see her. You can't just go visit for nothing.

I went to a drive-in to see 28 Days Later on Friday. It was a burst and I won't be doing it again. It's just left me tired for today. It's wasn't that great of an experience and not worth the money for only two people having a decent view. Also, they showing Die Hard as Christmas film but actual Christmas film Gremlin as Halloween one. Terrible at that job and organising.

US Christians really need help as a whole. Halloween is the Christianflied version of a pagan holiday. All the shite they saying is just weird and wrong. Halloween is meant to chase evil spirits away and if you were a Good Christian you would celebrate it without being weird about.

I suppose if you were actually a Christian, you would abandon the weird things the Romans did to Christianity. Let's stop talking about those losers.

I'm off to stare into the distance and think about the giant pumpkin I'm gonna carve in November.

Worst Sheriff of Cabot Cove

2020-10-25T22:49:00.001+00:00

Another week, another amount of time I never get back or being able to account for in a court of law.

I did finish another season of Murder, She Wrote. I have now watched all the episodes that aired before my birth, which is 196 episodes. Probably all the good ones are in there. Definitely, the best seasons as whole have been, since we no longer have Sheriff Amos Tupper and the rest of the seasons have the worst Sheriff Cabot Cove has ever had and that includes the Sheriff that killed people and didn't last a week.

The first seasons are the ones I have nostalgia for, despite them having to be ten years old by the time I saw them airing on BBC before the CBBC aired, or was it after... I'll never know but I'm also very nostalgic for Diagnosis Murder as well for the same reason. I suppose Murder, She Wrote was a Prime Time show rather a daytime so makes sense that they would use the re-runs for Daytime tv. Though, most of the murder shows are on TV here during the now, like Father Brown, which is on its ninth season.

Season 9 of Murder, She Wrote has JFK episode which proves its funk. A lot of shows will have a JFK episode when they are close to the end or running out of ideas. Murder, She Wrote has an lot of odd choices due blending to give Angela Lansbury a manageable work load. I think now they would have just made less epsideos instead a full 22 US season. Probably a British 12 epsideos instead of having random characters we're now meant to care about. They were always men too, clearly not know why people were watching.

Also Murder, She Wrote really relays on Angela Lansbury, there are definitely episodes that do not work with her. They are actors on her level but I don't think they would do a murder show for 12 seasons and four films.

I do think Jessica being a teacher makes a lot more sense, I think this was probably done to cut back on traveling to locations. Apparently, it took ages to get to Cabot Cove's location. It really annoys me when people talk about Cabot Cove's body count, because it's high but statistically speaking most of the murders happen when Jessica is traveling which is much more suspicious if we talking about her being a secret serial killer. I personally think she just a cryptid that causes people to commit murder around her and trust her instantly. Also her dead husband had twenty sibings and that's why they had no kids of their own.

There's also a random episode in season 8 where Jessica says she only been living Cabot Cove for ten years. Two years before the season started, instead of the decades implied when she talks about her attachment to her home.

Cabot Cove murder rate is actually a lot lower next to most countryside based shows. I might do the stats once I finished watching all the episodes. I would do it now, but don't want to spoil myself. Though, you can't really spoil yourself for Murder, She Wrote.

My sister is sick meaning I've had less opportunity to waste money on fast food. That and with her cat she not having the best luck. I do wonder if having a chrontically ill sibling growing up has effected my concern level, because my sister was briefly hospitalised and they don't know what's wrong with her. I feel like I should be more worried, but maybe I've accidently trained my brain not to actively worry about about anything health related till the worst happens.

2 Weeks of Eventish Stuff.

2020-10-17T22:59:00.003+01:00

Shocking to no one who has seen me repeating say that I have no concept of time, VEODO is not going well. I also had no idea that I didn't post anything last week despite actually having things happen to me that worth talking about rather I missed doing things without the fear of the consequences killing my whole family.

Last weekend I was at my sister's to look after her cat, who keeps getting injured at night. She was away and her cat needed surgery the day she was leaving. He needed surgery on his eye and cut his neck. He's recovering okay but it's been revealed that he had a broken nose. So there is a lot of debate about how he got injured. The vet doesn't think it's another cat, so it could be a fence, a fox or a person.

He's not a person cat so I doubt that one. We'll probably never know what he gets up to at night. I did manage to not buy too much takeaway, but I did ice cream and ribs delivered to me.

The StrangeAthon is going okay. I've read two books for it the counts and reading another that currently doesn't match any of the challenges.

I actually excised on my excise bike and took my dogs for a long walk. Leia was not happy as she could not go in the field across the bridge because there's sheep in it despite the field being part of a public path. I guess maybe you could walk avoid the sheep, but sheep can be evil and I definitely wouldn't walk with my dog. Leia definitely cannot run up and down the field until she is tired with sheep in it.

I am tired as always, and as always I have so much stuff to do. I'm behind on reviews again as well.

VEODO

2020-10-04T23:07:00.001+01:00

So you haven't been editing for months, You have 30 films to watch and you've got 16 books to read, so what do you do? That's right now is the time to do a video every other day on YouTube, hence VEODO is born.

I've also fucked it up by deciding I rather have Chinese than finished editing the video in time for it to be actually uploaded today. It was worth it and I hate odd numbers anyway. I would rather publish on even days.

We see how long that last. Not much has happened other my longing want to go to the cinema continues to not be a thing.

Time is Moving

2020-09-26T23:36:00.000+01:00

Life is something I should be living.

I miss the cinema. The cinemas are open but I am scared to go, especially since the rates are rising again. I'm really worried about not getting to see Wonder Women II. Maybe it's release will be delayed again and now having looked it up. It has been delayed for Christmas, 25th actual Christmas day which an odd choice for the sort of film that usually has a midnight release. That probably not gonna happen so Santa won't be missing out. It's actually boxing day which I doubt I'll be there for opening day.

I never finished a post last week. Time is also getting away from me which doesn't help. I want to finish my film watching project this month, at least stage 1 of it. I have ten films left so it's not likely to happen but the project deadline is next year anyway. I've seen some good films doing this, but also a lot of shit films that make me question a whole gender.

I do love films and there's worth in them. But watching films from decades ago where the only diversity comes from a white woman and making the choice not to watch the film of a known groomer is not fun. Cis Men need help, especially the ones of the 80s.

I'm off because I have sixty films to watch.

Broken Glass Everywhere

2020-09-12T11:58:00.000+01:00

Sunday was a bad day. I started the day by being reminded that my car's MOT was due. The next day meaning I couldn't drive it for two days because I couldn't get an appointment till Wednesday to fix it. It did pass the first time but new tires are in my future. All four of them which is confusing considering I think I replaced all of them last year and your front tires are meant to go first.

I opened my cupboard, for a glass to fall out and then shatter everywhere. I found bits a day later. I had already hoovered the kitchen.

I then went out to clean my car, to find under a pile of napkins, mould. Great. I do clean the rubbish out of my car. I have no idea how long it has been there. I'm gonna try the carpet cleaner. Clean it out properly. I need seat covers for the back. Covered in dog hair because Skye kept barking at me as I was cleaning it. He's a wee rat. I had to let in the car while I did the front.

Skye is such a needy dog. Not sure what I did to make him that way. I also haven't read much this week, but I have caught up on six months of a book podcast, with more eps to go. I really only read on Monday this week and nothing else, so hella behind on all those reviews I should do. Have a few sitting to do as as well.

I'm meant to be announcing StrangeAthon tomorrow but I'm having a real hard time drawing a tree. Also not filmed which is so me. I need to do better, so I will be off to try.

I am tired. Always.

2020-09-05T11:35:00.001+01:00

I just want a break. I haven't slept right for a few days. Maybe weeks. I just want to sleep and reading.

I have missed all my September arcs. I don't know because I've been reading them since mid-August so I had plenty of time to read them so I don't what happened.

I have finally finished painting my walls, having issues with the fireplace. I have wood paint and the last person has painted it with wall paint, so its not drying right. It'll need a few coats. I probably should have sanded it before.

I should have painted all the walls, but I think one wall and a half is for the best. If I ever move, it will be revealed that there's no paint behind the bookcase but that's future Rachel's problem when I move or decided to move it for some reason. It probably would have been quicker if I knew I was going to paint all the walls I did. I needed to paint part of the wall due to an incident with a candle.

I don't have much to say. Lots of reviews that I'm late with and should write. Also BuJo properly again so that's another thing I need to do.

Jessica's Friends.

2020-08-29T10:12:00.000+01:00

Hello, Hello, it is the end of the world once again. Nothing new has happened, I thought I would just remind you all we've been in crisis mode for months and we should definitely still be in crisis mode.

I painted my walls this week. The whole downstairs is painted this ghastly cream colour. So I'm painting one and a bit walls because I can't be arsed to move the furniture I would need to paint it properly. I regret the white violet I brought. Its a much brighter pink than it looked on the label. It's still better than the cream and I can't take it back. d

Cream is a-okay colour to paint the walls, this cream just looks like its went off.

I finished watching season 6 of Murder, She Wrote but I'm behind on everything. So I'll be off now. Next week post will told by Jessica Fletcher about some randoms she apparently friends with.

Neighbours are Inconvenient

2020-08-22T21:18:00.001+01:00

Apparently, my neighbours to impress themselves as existing the last week.

Last Saturday, I took my parents lawnmower to cut my grass, mine had broken and was not picking the grass up last week so I hadn't cut but not very well, to find my neighbour had cut the hedge in my garden. You know in theory that's a nice thing to do but they had filled my bin with tree branches. I'm not sure how all of it could have been from my side of the hedge. I don't know who owns the hedge, but I wouldn't have cut it till we were out of August. It didn't need desperately done, especially on such a hot day. So now instead of having tons of room to dump the grass in the bin, which is something that did need done. I ideally should have done it sooner but I just didn't have a free day to do it. I have to squash it down and grass got everywhere when I was emptying the lawnmower bag. Also, it was too heavy to move up my garden. It really inconsiderate to fill someone else bin.

I did curse arsehole out loud when I realise so I guess that summoned my neighbour while I was cutting this grass on Saturday. In hindsight, I should have cut the grass on Sunday because it was cooler and still dry. I also probably should have said something to my neighbour instead of staring at them. I just didn't what he wanted me to say at that moment. I was annoyed at them filling my bin without saying anything to me. I know I don't spend every day at my house, but that's because my family is a disaster. In an ideal world, I wouldn't have had to move out but there's no room for me here.

Also I still put my bin out. It's really fucking presumptive that a person who lives alone wouldn't have any rubbish in their house. Of course, I don't have any council bin bags. Lucky, I didn't have a stack of rubbish in my house or a project I was doing. I guess I should have just said thanks for cutting the hedge, but I had plans for that bin. I know I don't put it every week (mostly because I'm forgetting as hell) but it's still really inconsiderate of you to do that. But I also had been putting my bin out recently.

I think you should ask your neighbours before you do that. Like I said I had cut my glass last week, badly, but that still proved I lived there. I don't really like when my neighbours do me favours. Like bring my bin in before I even have a chance to go out and get it. I think one must sit there and pounces as soon as they come.

Now for the story of this week. So this my parents' neighbour but as I care for my parents I do stuff while I'm there. So my parents and sibling all went to the hospital so I was there watching my sister's dog because makes no sense for her to be left alone when I'm home and the dogs can go in the garden. I'm having a bad day. I filmed for an hour for one video and got nothing else filmed. I had already been interrupted during the second video by my parents coming home. So after putting everything away, I go to film again. But only a few seconds in I see the neighbour at the door. I can't ignore her, she probably heard me.

This is 6pm, it's Dinner time/both my disabled parents are sleep. She comes to the door, the one day we're not all in the garden. We could have this conversation over a fence.

She came to the door to complain about the dogs barking at them when they take their dogs into the field. She claimed we don't call them back went they bark at them which a lie. We call them, the only time I don't is when I'm at the toilet and they ignoring my shouting. They know barking is wrong, they still are chancers sometimes. They will stop if I go out there.

She said they jump at the fences. They don't jump at the fences, they stand up on the fences because they are nosey. If they were kids, sure I would tell them to stop spying on the neighbours. But they are dogs, they have no concept of boundaries. The only one who jumps on the fence is Leia and she never goes outside by herself. She gets given into trouble when she does that. They can't get over the fence, so they nothing to actually complain about.

So she keeps saying its' really annoying when her kid is trying to work their horse. What horse, the horse that is always in the field, or the ponies they must be too big for now.

The thing that made me mad, is that she said we should give them treats after they do this behaviour. So I shut the door in her face, after saying that I'm not going to train my dogs to be bad. I also then shout at the window that her dogs bark constantly.

Here's the thing, they keep their dogs in kennels and those dogs bark all the time. Actually the next day, they bark all day. I guess they weren't home. The horse also bangs on the gate all the time.

Okay, so this neighbour infamously stole a horse and did not care for this horse properly. It doesn't really matter if that's true but I know that they left horse out all the time by itself. Only ever play attention to it once it the owner tried to get it back.

Do my dogs bark at her dogs, sometimes yes. My dogs did bark for five minutes, ignoring me shouting them from inside so I went outside and they came in when they saw me, so this neighbour came to the door ten, twenty minutes after they had been called inside. My dogs were inside, staring at her from the window. Not barking.

Also, this same neighbour came to the door after my mother had made the fence taller, to complain about the dog jumping into her field. Bitch, why are you complaining when the problem has been solved? Yes, this is bad behaviour and I don't want my dog giving me a heart attack by standing on the gate between the field and our garden. It's dangerous for all the animals involved when she decides to visit the sheep.

My dogs aren't perfect, but I've tried them to not bark back at other dogs. If wanted complete control of your environment then you move to the middle of nowhere. Lots of empty houses that no one wants if you have land money. You have neighbours, they will be noises. I have a dog who talks by barking. He doesn't play growl, he very odd squeaky thing.

Also apparently, she a nurse and she came to the door without a face mask. WTF. Someone has it locally too. People aren't taking this serious enough, but that's a rant for another day.

Frankly, the only one I feel is justified in complaining is the postman. I don't know why Leia hates them so much but she does. Violently so. Not even the same one, different people. Same reaction. Even complained to other strangers, they are the ones who upset her the most. In an ideal world, I would lock her out the livingroom during this time of the day.

Also, my prepayment metre that tried to get taken out when I moved in is broken, but they won't fix unless I run out of power when seems like a dangerous game. I don't have any medical equipment so that is fine, but I am listed as Disabled so that definitely could be dangerous. Hopefully, they would fix if that was the case. Was working on a short story that I thought I had ending for but turns out I just never finished writing it and therefore did not post anything last Saturday. Behind on reviews as always and I haven't edited this week so it all been great.

I'm gonna go now, I have to find my field's neighbours door so I can complain about the chickens coming into the garden when we first moved in. Very important.

New, same Crap.

2020-08-11T11:13:00.005+01:00

Blogger has changed and I don't like it. I meant its basically been the same in the ten years I've been using it but its an outrage. Not really because who has the energy to have emotions over a website. Maybe they've changed it for a reason. We see.

This week hasn't gone to plan. I'm currently writing in my parent's hallway because I've been banished from the living room as my mother paints the ceiling. I would help paint the ceiling but my mother has made it clear that she doesn't want my help painting. But she does want my help lifting things which I am useless at.

All my strength is my legs and I have no spatial awareness. I walk into walls and I now I do it while carrying a sofa. Everyone in my immediate family is disabled, meaning that we all wiped out for days doing this sort of thing. I wanted to film this week, but all the spoons are gone.

I started going back to my house. Still don't have food in it, other a chest of frozen food which is does contain what I need for every meal. I guess I should just buy a loaf and milk and stay there. Its just can't be arsed doing that right now and I have to come back to my parents to do things for them.

Maybe once the livingroom is finally sorted, I can finally sort my livingroom. Its a livable space but does need proper organising so I can use the table that's in the corner rather its still being covered in boxes and books.

There's not much to say right now, other than I'm tired and I have feelings. The world continues to burn slowly.

Short Story: Half Finished

2020-08-02T01:11:00.002+01:00

I wrote something but I am too tired to finish. Maybe there's something worth finishing.

She woke to something heavy, wet on her chest. She wasn't conscious enough to figure out what it was. It rubbed itself against her duvet, up and down, before setting against her chest. She could feel something cold against her throat, which would have been discerning if also she had just gained enough consciousness to realise it was her wolf of a dog using her duvet as a towel. Her brain still confuse on how he had managed to get out.

She had fallen asleep to the backdoor wide open into her secure garden before but that night she had definitely locked due to the rain. She didn't want to wake to a flooded kitchen.

He had stop moving, she opened her eyes. He started to wag his tail, quite happy with his work. He didn't care that it was the middle of the night and he had brought his mother a mystery to solve. She shoved him off, sitting up in bed. She could have just shut the door and the wind had blown it open. She could hear the wind battering against the old walls. It wasn't the studiest of doors. She need to get up and lock it.

She got out of bed, full awake thanks to her wet monster. He was a big dog, solid and heavy. He was a squeaky thing when he barked though and the only protection he was brought was someone thinking his size made him a threat. No, he was a giant puppy. Not even a year old yet and since she got him she couldn't leave him without him crying as though he was being abandoned. He had come with attachment issues straight from the farmer she had brought him from. She wasn't sure what he would do if anyone actually did anything to her, but he just squeaked and wagged his tail at strangers.

She could still hear his tail, his whole body seemed to move as he whacked that thing, like he was about to lift off. It was solid and it hurt when it hit against your legs or face. He jumped off the bed with a thud. Shaking his way across the floor to the open bedroom door. She followed him. The carpet was wet under bare feet. Bram had dried himself on the way up to her. She would turn the heating on in an attempt to dry it.

It was summer and still warm enough to get away without heating most nights. With this rain, it was likely to cool down again. She walked slowly down the stairs, everyone else doors were shut. Safe for now from the domestic wolf that lived in her house. He was strong enough to barrel down the doors open. He already at the bottom of the stairs waiting for her. As soon as she got into the kitchen she felt the water on the titles, more than from a dog drying himself.

A thin level of water covered the whole floor. Maybe it was a burst pipe and Bram had attacked it like it was a hose. She could feel the wind coming from the door, it felt open. Bram ran towards it and she followed him. The door was fully open, the rain blowing right into the house. It must have been open for hours for the level of water.

She tapped her leg twice and Bram runs back to her. Greeting her again by jumping up her, dirting her grey pajamas top. She sighed and pushed him down, and he walks back into the house. Tail going. This had been a great adventure for a creature that only made messes and never cleans them. She shut the door, making sure to lock it this time. The winds whispered through the door.

This was when she finally went to turn the light on. She wasn't sure where the mop was lurking. The light didn't turn on. Of course, she had been woken, in the middle of the night by a soaking wet dog, during a power cut. She couldn't be bothered to find the mop, instead grabbing a dog towel next to the door and throwing it on the floor. She got on her knees and began to mop up the water. The bath towel immediately saturated. Impossible heavy, she dragged it to the sink. She tried rinsing it out, but gave up.

She still too tired for this. Bram sat himself on her feet, the constant trip harassed. She was tempted to grab another towel and go back to bed. Shut them both in her room, dry the drown rat and deny knowing anything about how the kitchen had turned into a swimming pool. She was surprised that so much water had gotten into the house for so long without anyone noticing.

She bent down to feel her still, very wet mutt. He was half border collie and something else. The farmer had been missed by not knowing what had bred with his sheepdog. If she didn't know better, she would have thought he was part wolf. He was white and grey like one, but he had gotten his colouring off his mum. His eyes were a yellow colour that must have came from his father. They had killed off all the wolves.

She got back up and deciding that fallout wouldn't be worth it the sleep. They were candles in the bathroom and matches above the fireplace. Walking back in the hall, the carpet felt soaded now. Maybe there was a pipe burst. Bram couldn't have gotten so much water into the carpet.

She went for matches first. The floor seemed to just keep getting wetter. The matches were shockingly where they should be for once.

She could see Bram's outline, but she had felt the brush of fur against bare legs. A cat, a giant dog-sized cat had scaled the fence.

I have dog who has woke me up, by lying on me soaking wet but someone had let him out.

Halloween is Always in Your Heart.

2020-07-25T14:01:00.001+01:00

Hello, Hello, Hello. That the greeting my gut told me to do. Another week, another week shielding apparently. Shielding is meant to be ending on 1st August and there's a vaccine in the air. Hopefully. this does mean the end of Lockdowns in Scotland. Sadly, a lot of places are still high. Universal Horror Night has been cancelled at both parks this year. Jokes about Halloween being cancelled have been going around since this start. Don't let Halloween be cancelled. You can't cancel Halloween. Its just whether you can go d

In a few years time, we have pandemic theme haunted houses again. Yes, they already a thing. There are a lot of places that are meant to be haunted due to having been used as temporary hospitals for past pandemics but most of them were 50 years ago at least.

I haven't been doing much. Finally, finished editing a video that I've been working on a few weeks because I am me. I still need to finish the captions though. Released it without them because no one watchs my video anyway which was a mistake because I say something is so confusing like five times and a few of them definitely should have been edited out. I've captioned over half the books in the video, what a shame that's only 6 minutes of 20-minute video because I rant about the fourth book and I guess had more to say about the 5th one that the others.

I also have been adding triggers and tropes to https://booktriggerwarnings.com/ because I have been reading and reviewing books. My Netgalley feedback percentage is now 45%. Well, for a day and then I got approved for another book so its back to 44% but I'm reading. I was bagging that I have no books that came in August except a graphic novel and audiobook. Guess what though, I have four books that come in the 3 September so those need to be read in August so they can be reviewed before release. It's a very first world problem I know. They fixed the Audiobook issue and I've not listened to it much. Not a lot of Audiobook jobs to do. I got to catch on my BuJo so I'll listen to it then.

I almost wrote fiction but then I remember that I'm constantly behind on other things. I'm sitting on six videos I want out as soon as possible. The StrangeAthon starts Monday and I haven't edited my TBR video yet for it. It shouldn't take too long but never can tell with uploading speeds. Maybe I should also do a blog post for the StrangeAthon on Book Review blog.

There's not much else to say I'm currently doing five things right now (watching TV; captioning a video; writing this; reading a book; editing a video) and I have something in the oven right now so let's make one less.