Love...

Truth

2011-04-05T00:56:00.000-07:00

Well, its the truth... And you know very well it is..
So please take care of it... Not many would do this...
and not many would get this....

Love you,

away..

2011-03-30T21:16:00.000-07:00

and even though the feeling's been gone i just wanna be here
to pick up the little pieces of remains
i'm going down the plane is smoking
and the only one who can save me is you but you wanna throw me away...

i know times were hard, but i'll try not to give up on you love <3

My 1st love letter

2011-01-16T03:51:00.001-08:00

It was midnight as I walked home from a friend's house. The road was so empty that I wished I had someone to walk with me, especially her. I glanced up to the sky. The beautiful moon, just like me, was alone, unaccompanied by any stars. It stood out as it was the only thing that was in the sky and was shining brightly.
The night of the camp came into my head as I recalled those beautiful moments I spent with her. I knew if anyone would have felt how she treats me, they would be green with jealousy because she's mine. I sat by the road, all alone, hoping she would be right there with me, to hold my hands with hers, filling the empty spaces between my fingers.
I only wished for one thing at that moment, that is, to be with her. I didn't think I wanted anything else besides that at that time. Waiting for her message, which would take three days, seemed like forever. Thoughts of her filled as I recalled how my life was beautifully transformed as I introduced myself to her on my Friendster. She was my first best friend that I had and she still is, except that we are much closer than we were. She pulled my up when I was down, gave me hope to carry on living this life. And now, she IS my life, and I don't think I could live without her.
I never felt so lonely and empty before this. Even the sight of her cute smile or the sound of her laughter would cheer me up. I miss everything about her; her smile, her kisses, her hugs, the smell of her hair, there is nothing that I dislike in her. She was totally perfect to me, and I don't care what people say. I don't want to let her go. I maybe young and act immature but I know that my feelings for her are real. Sometimes I even think I don't deserve to be loved by someone so perfect.
And so, Friday has passed, and I'm still all alone. The song "Empty" made me sad and filled my eyes with tears. I don't know when I'll see her again, but I hope it wont have to be too long for me to wait.

I raised my head and looked at the moon again...
I smiled despite having tears in my eyes...
I knew she would be looking at the same moon...
Thinking about me...
And missing me...
As much as I miss her...
Ilysm

By Alistair 2009 :) <3

After so long...

2010-12-27T08:15:00.000-08:00

Baby, after so long we're going through another separation..
Well, it ain't very long though, just 2 days.. But you know how 2 days feels, especially to those who are in love, just like us ;)

Well, my day sucks, I can only tell you what's going on, but I don't know how you're doing over there.. Well, after so long I played football, I played badly, but we were losing 3-0 and I scored the 1st goal for my team and we won 5-4..
your boyfriend is good, baby!!

I MISS YOU A LOT!!

We spent many days before Christmas, and I swear being with you the whole time made the ending of 2010 very beautiful to me...
We spent the night together after shopping...
I love cuddling with you..
you're the first I slept with, and I love that fact..
sometimes i just stay awake for you..
watch you sleep..
sometimes smile..
and when i kiss your cheeks, you kiss me back unconsciously.. that made me know that your love for me is literally every second of your life..
and i love to wake up with you in my arms.. It always makes my day..

This Christmas..
It was so beautiful..
I'm glad to get to spend one with you before you go..
you looked so happy.. Your dress was nice, you were pretty, but the joy in your face made you beautiful...
When i saw that guy, I just thought of you and how happy we are.. God can punish him..
You waited for me to eat, so I waited for you too when you got busy..
We'll, eating with you isn't the only thing I'll wait for..
A few more Christmases before I get to have another Christmas with you in my arms..
I was happy to see you cry when you saw your gift...
I love you so much and I know that you love me too..

Glad we spent the whole Christmas Night in each others' arms...

I was sad when I saw Klcc from a field at night.. I just missed you a lot..
We used to look at Klcc or at the moon, then i know we would be looking at the same thing thinking about each other..
But you can't see Klcc, and I cant see the moon...
I just hope you're safely in bed asleep..
Not missing me too much..
cant wait for you to come back baby....

I love you so much Edna Wajan!!!! <3

Sorry, cant be perfect. . .

2010-05-06T18:20:00.000-07:00

Hey love...

Yesterday in the car I told you what kinda guy Livy would like..

A gentleman..
Who would always bring flowers..
Open doors for girls..
Polite and stuff...

And you said every girl dreams for a guy like that...
I know I'm not that kind of guy..

I don't buy you flowers.. I rarely buy you anything.. But I wanna give you everything I have in me.. I think I do..
I don't open doors for you, but I always try to give you a kiss before you open the door..
I ain't so polite and stuff.. But I wanna make you laugh and smile always..

I don't want to be your dream guy.. I want you to dream about me :)

Time.....

2010-04-21T07:51:00.000-07:00

Time...

It's running out... She'd be gone in less than 2 years... and her departure from my side could be forever... And to make matters worst, we're spending less time than we did when we had school...

I miss those moments...

We could hug each other and still be very happy or sad when we leave each others side...
We could just hold on to each other and have all the time in the world...until its time for me to go..
We could lean on each other and not worry about the future of our secure relationship...

Wait..... I'm going backwards...
Now... its all different...

We barely talk....
Our meetings our too short...
You sleep early that we don't get to sms much...
You go out more with your friends..
Its been a long time since our last date...
You don't dare ask your mom's permission to go out with me...
its all going down...

BUT...

I'm still holding on believing the past will repeat itself....

What's the use of not believing in it and getting hurt in the end?

I'm no stranger to pain...

Just hope that love wouldn't be my resistance to keep on living...

Baby, if you leave me........

It's like living without a life........

I love you..

Storm...

2010-03-19T20:12:00.001-07:00

I miss how happy I used to be.. Right now, it seems like only my friends are there for me.. Lately, no one sees the tears i shed.. No one.. The pain I'm feeling right now, is like falling ill.. I'm tormented, weak and lost.. I dont know the end of this illness.. You could cure it.. Or you could leave it unattended and let me die.. Either way, I'd rather have you ignore me n let me die, rather than you curing me and let me live crippled without you.. You talked to me before, with a voice as beautiful as you.. Now its all a stinging poison, and the things you say, are as ugly as you think you are.. You're suddenly a stranger, and people we love don't suddenly become strangers to us.. Our love used to be as clear as the sky.. Endless, and full of beautiful things happening in it.. Now its polluted, and there's no one to blame but us.. To save it, we have to play our parts.. Or we could just mind our own business and see it go down.. With the rest of the world remembering how great it was, and then suddenly gone... Bring it back....

I never thought of it......

2010-01-03T08:19:00.000-08:00

baby....

I love you...

To be honest, I never thought of leaving you...ever...

All I know that day was that we were drifting apart..

And I didn't want us to remain the same way....

I was so excited when you agreed to come to Mac's house..

You were in pavillion..

Everyone kept asking me about you..

When you said you were at Daph's house...

I was excited...

"Edna's coming later!!!"

Only to read your sms...

"not nice to leave people's house early"

I thought you put your friends before me...

Everyone asked me some more...

"Where's Edna?"

I got annoyed..

I said..
"Don't care la, she's not coming. Let her be.."

Lana could see how upset I became..

She wanted to talk to you..

She memorised your number and called...

You were not coming...

I was drinking wine..

Just thought if I slept early this day could go away.....

The day before was bad enough..

And I thought it could end today..

It didn't..

Livy talked about you..

She hated girls who hurt people who loved them...

Who wouldn't?

She said..

If she keeps hurting you.. Leave her..

She could see I was hurt..

But you don't do that baby.....

I hurt you more than you did....

I switched my phone off when you sms me....

Livy scolded me....

I shouldn't hurt people coz' I was a nice guy...

I called you...

I heard your voice...

"hi"

It was beautiful...

I started to remember how we talked in camp...

Your first kiss on my cheek...

Our first kiss in camp..

Your happy smile everytime you see me..

My feeling of comfort everytime you hugged me...

The way you laugh when I tickle you...

Your 'after-smile' smile....

I wanted more..

I couldn't bear to live without you...

I wanted you..

I broke down on the phone...

"I love you"

"I'm sorry"

I kept repeating....

I wanted you to know that I meant it....

We were Okay after that..

Glad we are till now.. :)

I never thought of leaving you...

Until now you're still afraid I leave you...

I know what I'll miss if I do...

I love you... <3

One more, just...One more....

2009-12-15T11:26:00.000-08:00

One more day... That's all I had to wait... She'll be back.. One more long day.... Elena asked me to come for her Malam Ria, but I was unsure if I could go.. I asked Elena to do me a favour.. Take her phone and ask my love to call me.. Elena couldn't send me what my love wanted to give me, so she read it out for me....

i love you...

i miss you so much...

don't think about me too much..

it will be over fast...

go do something to keep yourself occupied..

go play football...

don't forget to find a job...

don't be so sad...

don't sulk..

I knew, that was what she would say if she was with me before she left.... I wish I could tell her stuff too.. Especially that I will always love her no matter what.. Not because its what boyfriends are suppose to say.. but because I'm her lover and I'm being honest with her... Elena said maybe she can talk to me tonight, and night was what I waited for...

When night came, I waited... 7,8,9,10... at 10p.m, with fear that Elena might have already gone back, I called... I heard the voice I wanted to hear the most, but I wasn't sure..

"who is this??"

"Edna la!! I miss you!"

I was speechless, so happy, so excited, so, so, so.............. I could just say...

"HEY, its YOU!!!! I miss you"

She said what mattered the most to me... "i love you." She asked me to call her back.. I did after she texted me. She said she didn't know when I could call her... I told her I was sorry.. but didn't tell why, but she asked why... I said 'coz I didn't listen to you....

Later on I called again, this time only to hear Evelyn say that they were on the way home... I put down the phone as I whispered ''goodbye"

Why am I sorry? I didn't listen.. I thought about her always.. I didn't get a job.. I was sad.. I just hoped she don't get mad at me.. I've got so much to tell her, so much missing her that I wont let go when I get to hug her... I love you Edna.... I was glad to hear you're fine and having fun... Can't wait to see you,,, <3

hate myself....

2009-12-13T06:18:00.000-08:00

It's really late... She's away and I really missed her so much... No one was online to entertain me. I wasn't used to playing games without the mouse. The laptop was on and I had nothing else to do, so I thought searching her name in google would be funny.. But it wasn't.... I don't know whether I regret doing it...

I saw some random English names, none of them had both names after one another... One word caught my eye... "Meow" I read it again, "I meow you more" It reminded me of her and her past. I just wanted to check it out, without knowing the consequences.. I read it and was deeply in sorrow... I don't know why.. This guy was sweeter than me, better than me and her posts about him showed that they really loved each other.. I was sad, because maybe she wanted to be with him so badly.. I was scared, because maybe she would fall for him again when he comes back.. I was worried, because maybe he was better than me.. I was terrified, because we had one thing in common: We loved the same girl so much and made the same promises.. Would mine be broken just like his? I couldn't sleep..

Few days later, I read it again, this time to see what a great girlfriend she is.. Then I went further, I opened her best friend's link and went to her link. I went from the year I met her.. 2007.. I was her one of her best friend then, and I went through her blog... All that she told me before, had more details now... Her friends fought and she got slapped, her ex kicked her... It was wrong... So wrong to go through her private life.. She already told me voluntarily as a friend, but I went too far?? I felt deep guilt within.... So angry, so mad... I wish I could just punch myself if there was another me... Actually there is.. But I can't even lay a finger on him.. Very little know what I'm talking about..

First of all, I felt guilty and closed her blog.. But then, I promised myself something.. She will post less things that hurt her... It would be beautiful if she posts blogs about being with me happily until we're both old... I'm actually glad that she told me the way she did...It would hurt her to tell me everything again... And I'll always be here for her to share her problems and solve it with her... I promise..

Her best friends were there for me, all the insecureness, anxiousness, all gone thanks to them. I won't forget them. Now, I'm excited to see her.. But, I know I had to wait...

Love, if you ever read this, I want you to know I'm really, really sorry... It started off as an accident, but I did it on purpose after that.. I love you no matter what............ I'm sorry..

heyy

2009-12-11T15:05:00.000-08:00

To my love....

I know you're gonna be upset with some of the things you're going to find out, its about what happened when you went away for awhile and left me all alone here, physically and emotionally.... Anyways you don't even know I have a blog, so I know you can't say anything about what you don't know...

When we had our last hug before you left, I wished I could hold on for awhile. I know I would miss the warmness and feelings I had every time I see you and hug you.. Like we used to tell each other.. The world slows down for the both of us to be together, but time still flies by without us noticing... We're the only people in the world, and who we have in our arms are the ones that mattered the most.. It feels so warm, so safe to be in the arms of someone whom we know loves us dearly and would never let us fall, always be there for us, and willing to do anything for us.. Being in public was the only reason I held back my tears when you let go.. As you walked out, I watched you, afraid your mom might see me, and maybe force us to end what we have.. But even if she did try to do that, she won't succeed because I'd wait for you.. I reached the escalator, took a step forwards, but I turned back to catch a last glimpse of you before you left. I know you were going away for a week, but I don't know how I could handle it...

If the escalator wasn't moving, maybe I would just stand there, lost.. I missed you already. If I could just run back to you and give you one last hug like I always do when I see you in your house.. But I know I can't.. You had to go, and it would be useless to wait at the same spot for you, knowing you won't run back to me... But I was sure you would if it weren't for your mom.. Calling you was the first thing I did, but you didn't answer. I texted you and got a reply.. I tried so long to hold them back, but my eyes just glistened with tears.. You told me to hang out a lot to keep you of my mind.. That was the first thing I did when I reached home, I went to play football, but I just couldn't. My thought? If I get injured I always tell Edna, but now I couldn't tell her.. You haven't left yet, but I don't want you to worry.. I worried about you instead when I got to know how bad your foot is.. If you weren't leaving, I'd come see you everyday and take care of you.. I could just pray you'd be okay in Love n' Life.. I couldn't stop thinking about you and I know you would tell me not to. But I was stubborn.. Your smile and eyes were all I could think$ of, which I wanted to see again..

I got ready and went for carolling. Lana and Livy played with my head the way you did, and they kept saying I was cute. They only made me think of you some more.. We sang, and all I could think of is how we could spend time this christmas. I couldn't concentrate on what I'm supposed to do and text you instead, until you told me you were going out.. We had fun together, but still.. You were always on my mind. We went for dinner, and I took out both phones I had on placed them on the table. Your phone, and Aaron's phone... Two people I'm going to miss a lot this whole week. I waited for your call or text. Lana could see that I wasn't happy and she knew why. When you called, my heart skipped a heartbeat.. I didn't know how our conversation was going to be, a simple one, or a meaningful one. We started off finely, but towards the end, I just had to let my tears fall. I was alone, but you're next to me in my heart. You broke down and I felt sad as well. But every time you cried for me, I know it's because you love me.. And I'm glad I found you..

I told you not to cry, because I don't like to see you sad or hurt, that's why I never wanted to hurt you or scold you or get you upset with intention. I'm sorry for the times you got hurt. I put down the phone after saying bye, and wiped off my tears. I got back to my table and everyone started asking why I was crying. They asked me whether we fought, and I said, we never fight.. Sasi guessed that I missed you a lot.... Kishen held Livy close to him, while Shaun had Lana's hand in his. I wished at that very moment you were next to me too... But jealousy turned into something different... I had the whole day with you whereas they only get to be with their partners only tonight..When they all left, I knew it was going to be a long week for me as we texted.. You called me when you got sleepy, and told me to take care of my health as I was around smokers. I don't want to get sick and die early, I want to spend my whole life with you.. A long and happy life.... You went to sleep.. And I stayed awake instead.

Its late at night, I couldn't sleep.. Missing you got the better of me. I wish I could just come over like Edward, watch you sleep and kiss you goodnight.. Although I couldn't do that, I won't walk away from you like Edward did. It would hurt you, and I can't imagine a life without you.. I already imagined one with you when we were at MJ before you left.. The clock has passed 12a.m... I only had like 15 hours to talk to you, but you would spend 8 hours sleeping, a few hours packing and getting ready, and not so long for me.. You called before you left, and Elena laughed when she heard that I was crying... I wasn't strong to lose you, not even for a day..... Lucky I was alone at Aaron's house and no one to see me sad..... When you put down the phone, I just looked down... "bye"... I had to wait for so long to say "hi" again... I kept your last message which meant a lot to me, and which I know the meaning won't change when you come back..... "i love u too"

Aaron came back, and his dad sent us both... Me to Pizza Hut, and he to you.. I wished I just had something to give to you through him.. But I didn't.. I just asked him to remind you that I love you..

Please come back fast..... I miss you so much..... I'm so lonely even when I have my friends around me.... My world feels so empty....... I already lost you once, lived without you once.... I don't want to go through it again... I can't extend this 7 days anymore..... and its only been 3 days... I have 4 more until I see you... And its already so long... but I'm fine.. It made me stronger.. I know we're going through a longer distance and time in the future.. I'll always love you..... <3