Rainy Days

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Sun, 02 Dec 2012 23:45:00 +0000

Anyone who still checks this blog, I have a new one that I've kept up for a year and a half. It's at the above link. For a while, the password to view it will be: "rainydays" . Comment here if you like the new blog.

blink

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 05:48:00 +0000

that's life
i guess
she blinked
and everything
was different

the people who
once knew her
inside and out
now look at her,
surprised by who
she became

the hand which
once wrapped
around hers
so perfectly
is now confining

the laughs which
once came so
easily now
are hollow and
strained

that’s life
i guess
but she doesn’t understand

now she’s never
going to blink
again

The truth

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 05:01:00 +0000

i once asked you

what happened to lost things

when they go missing

disappear into the chaotic world

never to be seen again

you told me

they went on an adventure

to find their true place in the world

i once asked you

where the rain came from

when it spewed from the sky

out of nowhere

only to stop as suddenly as it started

you told me

it was the tears of all the deceased

crying for the loved ones who remained behind

i once asked you

what made people laugh

why happiness manifests itself

as an uncontrollable guffaw

you told me

laughter is a device used by humans

to prove that the world is not as horrific

as it was intended to be

i once asked you

why people kill each other

strip people of the one thing

that should never be taken

you told me

the murderers were terrified of death

by killing people they thought

they had control over when it came and who it took

i once asked you

why i was allowed to have the whole world

when so many people

aren’t even given food or water

no blanket to hide their shivers

you told me

i was lucky

i was born in a place where anything is possible

i once asked you

why you always made up lies

in answer to all my questions

when all i wanted was the truth

you told me

you were only trying to protect me

from the reality

i never trusted you again

Wednesday's WISH

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 05:00:00 +0000

A Wish for Wednesday? Of course!

I wish people would simply stop and think more often.

Untitled (again)

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 05:59:00 +0000

This poem is a little different than most things I've posted.  Bear with me here. 

the only light in the room is

the rays from the street lamp

that find their way through the gaps in

the shutters

a single chime from a grandfather clock

echoes as a small child lays awake

with his eyes clenched tight while

images of demons dance in front of him

in the sudden silence

the soft pulsating of his blood startles him

he opens his eyes to find the source of the

noise and fear grasps at him

as he absorbs the looming darkness

knowing that monsters thrive in

the absence of light

he grabs around him

searching for his snowy tiger amidst

the sea of blankets

he finally feels the tiger and tucks it under his arm

covering its glass eyes

as he pulls himself into the fetal position that

fails to calm him

he rolls onto his stomach

squishes his nose in his pillow and

holds so tightly to his tiger that he

begins to shake as he

takes in the musty scent until he can

no longer breathe

he turns flat on his back and

realizing the lit up universe upon his ceiling

he spreads his arms and legs as wide as

is possible and calls himself an

angel

the tiger thumps to the floor as the boy

lifts his chin to the sky and closes his eyes

breathing deeply as he dares

all the monsters in the world

to take him

whilst he is under the watchful eye of

his very own heaven

a Thought for Tuesday

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 05:53:00 +0000

Hello all! Tuesday means--Thinkin' day! So the "thought" for today is Childhood Innocence... Where does it go???

You vs. Now

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 03:43:00 +0000

You don't look like yourself anymore

Where is that person I used to know?

the person who laughed

like the earth would if it could

the person whose eyes

held all the colors of the rainbow

and sparkled like the pot of gold waiting at the end of it

the person who spoke

of happiness like it was always present

Now

your laugh is

dry, hollow and empty

Now

your eyes are

dark and red

Now

you speak of happiness like it's

always at one's fingertips

but never present

Who are you?

Where is the person I've always loved?

A Movie Suggestion on Sunday

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 03:43:00 +0000

This Sunday's Surprise is a movie suggestion. I just finished watching The Notebook, and for anyone who has never seen it, it's a must see!

Knowing Me

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 07:41:00 +0000

all my life

ive seen darkness

black horror

hiding the truth

there is nothing more

i want

than the truth

i want to see

the truth

when i look in the mirror

i cannot tell

if i am pretty

ugly

or nothing at all

i cannot see

what others see

i do not know

what others know

the only thing i want

the only thing i need

is the truth

i want to know

am i

ugly

pretty

disgusting

beautiful

nothing

i need to know

Site where I found the image (with the link to the actual image embedded in it):

http://open.salon.com/blog/rain_ann_skye/2009/09/05/oh_mirror_mirror_on_the_wall

Saturday's Snapshot

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 07:41:00 +0000

Hello again! I'm sure most people know that it's much more difficult to start a new habit than it is to simply forget, so... My apologies for not posting this past week. With all the hustle and bustle of school/work/play I've not had enough time/forgotten to post. I hope you'll be forgiving as I try to get back into the habit of posting daily. Now, this post will be posted under the false notion that it is still Saturday, because I am dying to reveal Saturday's theme, which is... (drum roll please) ...

A SNAPSHOT FOR SATURDAY!

That's right, starting now, on every Saturday, I will post a picture that I hope you all will enjoy. Generally, the picture will be what inspired the writing to follow it, but for today, I already have what I want to post planned out, so I retrieved this picture from Google Images because it goes well with the poem and the feelings conveyed in the poem.

Nightmares

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 07:10:00 +0000

I wake, shaking, from my nightmare. I dare myself to believe it's not true. I try to dial Eric's number but I have to wait until my hands are no longer fish out of water--clammy, slippery, flopping without control. Finally, my fingers work and the number shines through the darkness. Eric's roommate, Sam picks up. "Eric," I say, and wait for Sam to crawl from his bed, mumbling as he goes into Eric's room to hand him the phone. There's no movement on the other end of the line and after what feels like an eternity, Sam says, "Honest." His voice resonates with all the pain of the world and I scream at him, begging him to stop my continuing nightmare. "Honest, we've all been living in a nightmare," he responds. "I can't bring Eric back. I can't undo what he did. I can, however, get you help. You should come to my support group with me. Staying in bed... It's not healthy." "No," I respond, "I don't need a support group, I need Eric." I hang up and dry-swallow four ambiens--the only thing that will keep me out of this nightmare, even if only for a few hours.

MUSICAL MONDAY!

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 07:08:00 +0000

Now, in keeping with my promise that there will be a theme for each day of the week, it is time for the revealing of Monday's theme!

MUSICAL MONDAY! Each Monday, I will name the title and artist of a song, and give a specific lyric from that song has been particularly influential in my life. I will try to keep the songs varied in genre so as not to become repetitive.

For today (of course by the time this has posted, "today" will no longer be Monday, but go with it) the song is Where'd You Go by Fort Minor. If you haven't heard it, you need to!

People are People (a response to Bruce Coville quotation)

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 04:02:00 +0000

I hear Destiny's father yelling at her after the game. "I see all these other girls--smart girls, pretty girls, athletic girls--and I think, wow. Why is my daughter the stupid, ugly, lazy one? What did I do to deserve such a horrible bitch of a daughter?" My heart stops. It's not like Destiny is any girl. She is one of my all-time favorite people in the world. She is ridiculously nice, and shockingly interesting. She has a perspective of the world that no one else has; she once told me, "I cannot understand how people can treat others without respect. Everyone--every single person--deserves respect until they do something that causes them to lose others' respect. People are people. How can a person think he or she is worth more than another?" I watch Destiny as her father continues to yell at her. At one point, we look into each others' eyes, worry all over my face, a blank stare upon hers. Slowly, unnoticeably, she shakes her head and mouths, "Don't worry."

The next day, Destiny is not at school. I ask Mrs. Brown where she is, but Mrs. Brown doesn't know. None of the teachers have heard anything. Days pass and still, no one hears anything of her. A week later the principal calls us into the auditorium. She stands behind a podium, looks out unto her students and shudders as she tells us, Destiny Johnson is dead.

Everything freezes. The world stops spinning. The principal never explicitly says how she dies. But my heart knows....her father... Her own father killed her. And my heart knows it's my fault. Though I know her father is no longer yelling at her, the image of him and his words constantly replay through my mind. And then the principal replays, "Destiny Johnson is dead." My heart aches.

That night, Destiny surrounds me in my dreams. As I wake, I attempt to pull her back to life with me, but she remains caught in between reality and my dreams... She is a part of the old reality, but can never be a part of the new. For the next few days, I stay awake only so I can fall back to sleep. I live only so I can see Destiny while I dream. Every morning when I wake, I pull at her, but she escapes my grasp... She leaves me alone every time, just like I left her alone. "Don't worry." She told me. And I believed her.

Time passes. I spend a lot of time thinking and dreaming about Destiny. One day, I go to the grocery story. When I check out, a man with a clear mental disability bags my groceries. I used to roll my eyes and wince as baggers with disabilities squished bread into bags already too full, as they put cans on top of eggs. The man looks at me, with something almost like shame upon his face. But now, I don't see something messing up my groceries. I see a man doing what he can in a society that doesn't accept him. I see a person, deserving of all the same things I deserve. I smile at him kindly. If he weren't bagging my groceries, I'd be doing it myself.

After dreaming of Destiny for months, her words have become tattooed on my heart, "People are people."

And I believe her.

Daily Themes

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 04:01:00 +0000

One of the new things that I will be doing with my blog is having a daily theme corresponding to my writing. For example, on every Tuesday, there will be a Thought to ponder; on every Friday, there will be a Fact to consider.

Today, being Sunday, holds a Surprise for you... a QUOTATION! It is one of my all time favorites, and it is what inspired the poem that will follow it.

“Nothing you love is lost. Not really. Things, people—they always go away, sooner or later. You can’t hold them, any more than you can hold moonlight. But if they’ve touched you, if they’re inside you, then they’re still yours. The only things you ever really have are the ones you hold inside your heart.”

- Bruce Coville (Jeremy Thatcher, Dragon Hatcher)

I'm Back!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 22:33:00 +0000

Hello all!
After 84 days of not posting, I have remembered my dear old blog. With all the happenings of my life (school, etc) I seemingly forgot about it :-(. Earlier this morning, I watched Julie and Julia and remembered my blog, and now I will be resuming my posts, yay!
There will be a few changes/improvements, which I'm sure those who have been following will notice. Keep checking back!

-Honest

Happy Endings

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 04:15:00 +0000

I used to believe in happy endings.  But now, I know better.  Prince Charmings will rape you.  Fairy Godmothers will deceive you.  People will die.  And the bad guys... The bad guys always succeed in the end.  

Value

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 04:38:00 +0000

I'm on the floor, sobbing, when you come into the room. I look into your eyes and silently plead with you. I need you, so badly right now. You're the only one who can save me. Are you going to save me? You look down at me, and suddenly, it feels like ice is flooding my veins. You're looking at me, but something has changed. Suddenly, it's clear that you don't care about me. I can see it in your eyes. You don't care if I live, you don't care if I die.

It's not that you hate me--it's that you're indifferent. And that--your indifference--hurts so much more than it would if you hated me.

Everything starts to ache, and the tears come faster. I didn't even make one small difference in your life. My life means nothing to you... my life meant nothing in your life.

If I wanted to, I could touch you. I can smell your shampoo. You're right here. So close. Yet, it's like you never knew me. Don't you remember me? We used to talk for hours and hours. You were the person I told everything to, the only person I told everything to, and at one point, I thought I was the person you told everything to. But now... looking into your eyes, it's clear. You don't care... not even a little bit.

I have to wonder what this means... about me... about the value of my life, or lack thereof.

Did you ever care? Or was I that easily fooled?

Words

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 01:43:00 +0000

I try not to listen

but they talk so loud

their words eat at me

from the inside out

I want to hide

never see them again

yet I keep going back

trying to make it through the day

I keep trying to ignore

their harsh comments

their mean snickers

but it seems like they

are trying to keep me down

purposefully hurting me

I wonder what they would do

if they knew

they were killing me

if they knew

because of them, I am dying

I wonder what they would do

if only they knew

Untitled

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 04:43:00 +0000

They'd all like to think

that had they known

had they been there

in that situation 

they'd have done it differently

They'd all like to think

that they'd have helped

I know, however

that none of them would have

done anything differently

We are not the same...

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 04:42:00 +0000

are

not

the

same

Unlike you

I have

no desire

to forget

Forgetting would

be like erasing

them

and they

should never

be erased

That Girl

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:02:00 +0000

Crying

I stand facing

the mirror

Suddenly

my insides boil

and burn

With a surge

of hate

the mirror is

cracked

But now there

are hundreds

of her

and the hate

multiplies

I glance

at my bloody fist

still clenched

ready to destroy

that girl

I hate so much

But no matter

how hard

I try to shatter

her image

she just

multiplies

and enrages me more

Finally

I give up

tears streaming

down my face

I fall

to the floor

and cry

until I cannot anymore

From the floor

I cannot see her

but I know

she's there

and I hate her

for still being there

for enduring

when all I want

is to give up

I curl

into a ball

and think back

to whom

I used to be

I remember

everything I was

and hate that girl

for forcing me

to become her

I remember

everything I used to want

when I was little

the dreams

the hopes

the wishes

I was gonna go far

but now

I'm dead

I begin to cry again

it pains me

to think

I am dead

I have become

the girl

I never

wanted to be

Eventually

I stand up

and see that

monstrous girl

looking at me

leering

laughing

The tears are still

flowing

but now

I know

that I can beat

that girl

I leave the bathroom

and for the first time

in months

happiness jumps in

my stomach

All of this

will soon be done

the pain

will disappear

I now know

I must slay

the monster

She will die

soon

It's the only way

This One Moment

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0000

Life is too fast

I've been waiting for this

one moment

for as long as

I can remember

and I don't want

it to ever end

This is where I belong

in this moment

with you

Time needs to stop

I need to be able

to pause my life

at this moment

when I'm with you

Let me explain:

I've been living

only for this moment

this one

moment

Living for this

Once it's over

what will there be

to live for?

I'll have nothing left

Will I be able to

physically keep moving?

Is it possible to keep breathing

if your heart stops hoping and

your mind stops working?

Is it possible to keep breathing

if your heart is shattered

and your mind is mush?

I need to stop life

at this one moment

Otherwise

I won't have a life

worth living

You Belong Here

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 05:37:00 +0000

When I think about this world

I think about you

You belong here

as do the trees

you belong here

as do the oceans

you are as much

a part of the world

as nature is

You belong here

because I cannot

picture this world

without you

not even for

a second

Saying Hello Again

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 05:33:00 +0000

Saying goodbye is extremely difficult

But perhaps... it's not the most difficult thing to do...

Saying hello again after a long time of waiting, wishing, hoping is so much worse...

It's the moment when it becomes crystal clear that his life didn't stop while you were gone...

He grew older

continued living

even moved on

But what's worse

is the fact that

despite all efforts not to,

you did all those things, too...

My First Award!

noreply@blogger.com (Honest303) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 05:13:00 +0000

Hello!

I logged on for the first time in a couple of days and was extremely surprised to find that I had been given and award from Beautiful Dreamer! Thanks Beautiful Dreamer; I really love your blog, and it's an honor that you think so highly of mine. Dreaming Beauty: http://beautifuldreamersdiary.blogspot.com/

I started this blog in mid-October, mainly because I felt like there wasn't anyone in my life who I could really trust enough to share these feelings with. This blog has been such an escape for me. I have begun to feel so much better now that I am able to share everything with others, and know that there are people who feel the way I do, or understand what I'm going through. Thank you to everyone who reads my blog!

The rules of this award are as follows:

1. Thank the person who gave it to you

2. Copy award

3. Post it in your blog

4. Tell us 7 things that your readers don't know

5. Link 7 new bloggers as recipients

6. Notify winners of award with comment on their blog

7. Keep being awesome!

So here it goes:

7 things you don't know about me:

1. I am extremely shy

2. I love to sing, but only in my car when no one is around to hear