Blahsvilleblog

Creative Thinking - and a bit of frustration that comes with it

2024-06-18T10:54:00.000-07:00

I have this constant struggle with creativity which mostly centers around finding ways to parlay my own creativity into money - be it income that runs the entire spectrum accomplishing making enough so that it does any of the following things:

1) Makes me rich

2) Makes me borderline rich

3) Allows me to go into my day job on the worst of days & say the line from the Johnny Paycheck song of the same name; Take this job and shove it and support myself solely off of my creative work(s) and fucking never look back. As I type this, perhaps this should be numero uno.

4) Supplement my day gig to the point of not having to put in the on the clock hours to the extent that I currently do.

I've been frustrated by this for most of my life, but even so, I think it's not a bad thing to walk around on this earthly journey as a creative type - however that creativity comes out, which can be in many ways. Creativity is a wonderful thing and I have always favored that over a competitive mindset. Nothing against a little friendly competition, but give me the creative vibe every time.

Creativity is ideas and ideas are thoughts with a wonderful energy in and of themselves. Thoughts are things oftentimes, seeds if you will. You've got to plant them for them to blossom into real, tangible things that will do any good in this life - and they'll do no one any good if they just lay dormant. Even the best ideas are useless when they're uncultivated. They need to be brought to life.

I had a wonderful drafting teacher my freshman year of high school, Mr. Pease. All these years later (never mind just how many years later!) I still remember him telling our class that every single thing that gets made has to be drawn first - before it can be made. He told us to think about that and wrap our minds around that fact - everything, take for example a simple ball point pen. A thin reservoir of ink that at one end has a tiny ball that rolls over a piece of paper leaving ink onto a page. Someone has to draw it and present a visual of it so that the manufacturing can be figured out. How awesome is that? Plenty.

But what is perhaps even more awesome, is that in order for something to be drawn it first has to be seen. Someone has to have a vision of whatever it is they want to make - it's gotta be seen in someone's mind. They'd need to have the vision of a tiny metal ball being held in place enough to stop the ink from running out of control but still allowing for the ball to roll when moved over the page. Sure this is something that we use every day that we take for granted, but how incredible is that? If someone hadn't had that vision, we'd all be still using bird feathers dipped in ink.

Just imagine someone needing your signature on a document - pick one. "Just need your signature right here on the line - here's a feather & some ink...." Oh damn, that guy walked off w/my feather!"

Moving away from the ink pen, thoughts are things. They have an energy to become things - whatever those things may be. Thoughts are ideas and the wonderful thing about ideas is that they breed more ideas - even a bad idea can make way for a good one, a better one - often even a great one. Personally, I love the exchange of ideas, whether they're my own or someone else's. It's all part of the creative process.

These are my coffee thoughts on this beautiful morning. Now that I'm finished with the coffee part of the day, having spent the morning reading from Adam Moss' wonderful book, The Work of Art and seeing a word I've never seen - Bildungsroman, which was a total WTF moment. When I read from a book I own, I circle words I'm not familiar with. This one completely dumbfounded me - I couldn't really figure it out from the context it was used in. Of course I had to look it up. I may very well go the remainder of my life never seeing that word on a printed page again - and I certainly can't see myself using it. If you're curious, look it up, I'm moving on.

So now it's onward on this second day off. I've got seeds to plant, creatively speaking. Peace, good people.

CRO

Overzealous Gratitude - Seriously??

2024-05-13T13:48:00.000-07:00

Today I am grateful. Grateful for many things, many of which I take for granted. Hell, on any given day I might take all of 'em for granted. But not on this day. Today I will put forth by best effort to be mindful of things normally taken for granted on a regular basis - and not just by me, but by everyone. Everyone that is, but those who may not have such things in their daily life - and there are indeed people out there in this world who do not know some of these things, perhaps all of them.

I had a good night's sleep on 400 (estimated) thread count bed sheets on my bed which is comfortable & layered with an adequate & comfortable offering of blankets for warmth. I can add more to said layers if I deem necessary. This time of the year, I do not. You've undoubtedly heard the saying cooler than the other side of the pillow. Highly desirable many times during the course of a good night's sleep, I can find this several times over every single night - I don't even think about it, until a day like today comes along.

I woke up in a comfortable bed that is my own, rather than that of a hospital where I could be waiting for a doctor or a nurse to come in with various & sundry procedures, tests, results or questions. With a roof over my head and to the sounds of birds chirping and a neighbor taking their dog outside - instead of somewhere far away in a war zone where any and all of what I'm thankful for could easily be destroyed our outright taken away from me in some unpleasant manner. So there's that to be thankful for.

Then there's my cat, who is always glad to see me emerge from my sleep. Charming as her enthusiastic purrs may be, I can see through it enough to realize that what she's really happy about is being fed - at least first off. She may - or being a cat, may not seek various amounts of favorable attention after her first order of business - and she usually does. Pets are a joy in this life, and while I spent years being a dog person and I miss having a good dog these days, I'm thankful for the peace & quiet version of pet ownership my cat provides. The things she does that annoy me are much less abrupt and they don't piss off my neighbors. Usually I interpret her running up & purring at my feet to mean "Oh my GAWD, I am SO happy to see you!!", but I need to face the reality that it may actually mean "Oh my GAWD - where the F'K is my food???" - at least some of the time. Since we're talking cats, I'd rather not guess how that percentage pendulum swings in my favor - I'll gratefully assume it's more than enough.

Coffee - which never tastes better to me than it does on a day off. I'm not sure it's optional on the days I work, nor how enjoyable it is on those days as much as it just feels like a necessity. Work or not, I still struggle with drinking it black - and there are still days that I just can't do it. I'll take either one of those days, because there are people in this world who don't even have clean water to drink - at least not enough of it.

I heard a segment on the radio recently where people in a war torn area of the world (No, I'm not saying specifically, lest I piss off someone on either side of this nightmare) were talking about not having enough food and water and how they were having to make bread out of grains and other things normally used to feed chickens and other animals. They were saying how the bread was awful, had very little nutritional value and smelled like a chicken coup. Ever been in a chicken coup? They smell God awful. I'm grateful that even my worst culinary attempts don't smell like that.

Then it's off for the shower - I have clean, running water - about as hot as I care to run it in the shower. I have quality soap w/which to scrub the daily build up of excess dirt & oil from my body. And I would be grateful to have the money I've saved not having to buy shampoo for years now - never mind how many. I have soft, thirsty towels to dry my clean, naked & wet body with. Nice. I didn't have to forego showering altogether for the umpteenth consecutive day because there isn't any water, or the water that I bathe with is needed by the rest of the community for drinking. I can use as much as I want of it on that daily build up of excess dirt &...

Suffice it to say that I, like many people, take a lot of things for granted most days. Maybe that's in favor of wanting bigger & better things in our lives, along with our simply being accustomed to things that many people in this world don't have the luxury of. A wise person once said to me that we never think we have much until we lose it....or have to move. Then we have a lot.

So maybe we don't have to think of every little thing we have in our lives & acknowledge them in being grateful for them, but I'm of the opinion that we oftentimes have so much more to be grateful for than we tend to think we do. Time to feel blessed, time to get dressed. Peace, good people!

CRO

I'm Getting Old...Here Are Some Clues/Signs

2024-05-06T11:49:00.000-07:00

It's been quite awhile since I've written & posted here. A hot minute, as the younger generations might say. On this Monday, my second day off, I'm sitting at my computer going through some graphic design tutorials, writing off & on in a journal & watching a tiny spider crawling on the wall behind my monitor. For the time being, I'll leave the tiny creature alone - having read that it's bad luck to kill a spider. I suppose you could say that I, at least rather half-assedly, believe in the saying If you want to live and thrive, then let the spider run alive.

Much as I can recall, I read the spider thing in a book on luck that I bought in a charming, small town bookstore. There are two ways that I make exceptions when it comes to killing spiders - the first one is born from leaving my car sunroof in the vented position on a Summer's evening only to be driving down the road hours later & seeing a spider descend from the roof of my car right in front of my face. I'm not gonna lie, that freaks me the f'k out - & during such moments, the spider's actual size is exaggerated a minimum of ten times & its fate is sealed - unless I fail. Never mind all that - I ain't here to write about spiders.

I'm sitting here listening to Radiohead, wondering about the bulk of my music library - which I'm also not here to write about, though I could easily ramble on about that.

I'm here to write about the clues & telltale signs of getting old - or as I like to say, older. Never mind the exact amount of mile markers here, if you know me, then you know how many. If you don't know me, feel free to speculate.

Incidentally, said spider that was crawling on my wall & made its way onto my monitor platform & then my desktop, is now under a small Ziplock food storage container awaiting transport to an outdoor location. I have no affiliation with Ziplock & I have not received any compensation for mentioning their products.

One of the behaviors I've noticed in myself that makes me feel old...er, is that I've come to enjoy listening to NPR when I drive to & from work. There are various segments I enjoy, I get a minimal dose of news - which these days is mostly troubling & I learn a bit. Sometimes a segment will be so captivating to my ears that I'll sit in the car & listening to the remainder of it at my destination. I'll note things to look further into once I'm home & recently one of the segments I really dug was one with a local poet, George Bilgere.

Initially, I would've thought I wouldn't be interested in listening to anyone talk about poetry, but as Bilgere spoke about & read some of his work, I became very interested. I ended up catching the whole segment on my way home from work, which was a nice surprise. My NPR time is never planned out - if I'm driving, I turn it on & if I find it interesting I leave it on, if it bores me I turn it off. Sometimes I miss the rest of segments that I like because I've arrived at my destination & there isn't time to sit & listen. I'm glad I caught all of the George Bilgere segment & I was inspired to pick up 2 of his works to read on my Kindle.

So the more I get into this type of poetry, the more I will explore trying to write some of my own. One of my items on my list of things that I want, is to improve my writing & find an outlet to get either or both of the following: 1) Published 2) Paid

These days there are lots of ways to get published - some opt for self publishing, but for me at least, being/getting published would mean some publication being interested enough in something I've written that they want to include it in their publication. As for the being paid part, well not many people are likely to see dollar signs being a poet. Songwriters, particularly great ones, are poets - at least in my view. Anyway, while I'd love for some of my poetry to be considered good enough to be published - and dare I say, paid for....I suppose I'd be happy with the former & not hold out much hope for the latter when it comes to poetry.

There you have it folks, that's a wrap for me on this Monday afternoon. I've got a lot that needs done around here & it's time to get moving. Stay tuned...

CRO

Memories...

2023-10-16T09:28:00.002-07:00

In a couple of days, it'll be two years since a dear friend left this earthly life for the other side. 2021 was a year that was bookended by the loss of two dear friends - both of which were friendships that went on for more years than I want to count. One for half of my life, one for most of my life. 2021 was the year after the pandemic - and the pandemic was the year everyone said they would give back if only they could. As much as the pandemic and all it created to alter our lives sucked, I'd gladly take 2020 over 2021. So if I could give back a year, it would be '21.

2021 is the year that started with the passing of my dear friend Tom. We met quite a few years ago when both of us were tending bar at a dinner theater. Pretty much an instant brotherly connection on account of music - and humor. Tom would unknowingly become the older brother I never had. Tom was an encourager. Had it not been for him, I may not have pushed myself to give college a try. Had it not been for him, I may not have hung onto my desire to play music and I certainly wouldn't have been hipped to so much good music. And without Tom's friendship, my life would have had so much less laughter. And don't even get me started on the best advice, given calmly, knowingly & reasonably - advice that you couldn't help but listen to and take because of its delivery. Tom had a magical way of zeroing in on the important points in any given dilemma - often when I either didn't see it, or didn't want to see it.

Like any friendship - particularly one that exists for years with no end in sight, there were ups and downs, disagreements, laughter and tears. Loads of meaningful conversations - more of which made their mark than I could even think of. The memories of those come up, sometimes out of nowhere and other times they hit me because something makes me think of him in the current state of my day and whatever may be going on. Humor brings up a lot of my memories of Tom. I hope that never changes - and it was a massive component in our friendship. Like I said, humor and music. Everything is better with those two elements. Everything would be so much worse without either one of them.

Last week it was the humor that had me feeling like Tom was still here and taking part in what I thought was a very amusing segment on NPR. Without the boring details, I'll just say that the reporter's voice sounded hilarious and it didn't seem to go with the subject matter - crab fishing in Alaska and how it has been adversely affected by climate change. For starters, it reminded me of a pre-concert dinner. Our waiter had a similar voice. You had to be there, but some very amusing lines were spoken that night. Lots of yucks.

So last week on my way home from work, I'm listening to this segment & try as I may, I cannot stop being amused at this reporter's voice - and it was like I could feel the conversation and laughter that would take place were I riding in the car with Tom and hearing this. I could sense the sophomoric lines that we'd trade off every time one of us thought of something that hypothetically could be said - but wasn't. There would come a point where we'd have thought, 'Ok, enough - we've about covered all the ground we can here...' but then one of us would think of something else that we'd have to throw out there because we'd be pretty sure that it would crack the other up - and it almost always would.

This was so intense that I'm attributing it to Tom being there in the only way he could now - in my memories, in my knowing him over years of friendship. It was easy to see how he would've laughed at something I said, or him saying something that would open the floodgates of my laughter. Sometimes I think of Tom and I wonder what he would think of things - musical things, funny things and certainly political things. But on this particular day in my car, it really felt like I didn't have to wonder what he'd think, I swear I could feel it, sense it like he was actually in the car with me and we were on our way to or from a concert - one that he'd either convinced me to go to (Tom always knew when cool shows were coming up), or one that I'd convinced him to go to. Those invites, regardless of which side they would come from, were rarely declined. So yeah, humor and music brought us together - loads of memories that are filled with both. More to come on all that.

At the end of 2021, my dear old friend Paul left us. In under 30 days, we went from news that got worse by the day, to Paul being gone. I've known Paul for most of my life, having met him back in junior high - which I guess they call middle school now. Pffft...middle finger to that nonsense, it was f'n junior high then, it's junior high now as far as I'm concerned.

Humor - that was the big connection with Paul. Humor and the fact that we had similar events in our childhood that bonded us - but we didn't give much thought to that until we were both grown ass men who grew up enough to notice some of what bonded us. There would be a lot of that as the years went on. There were times when we wouldn't see each other, wouldn't have any contact at all for so many life events, but we were connected via mutual friendships - Paul, his brothers Pat and Matt, Jeff, Tony and myself. And then we'd reconnect in person and that friendship was still there, none the weaker for not seeing each other for God knows how long, but stronger for having existed for years. Do I still belong here in this meadow of friendship? Belong? We all made this meadow, hell yes, I belong here - and I need to never forget that.

Paul was better at sports than I was. More than being due to natural athletics, Paul was better because he f'n just refused to give up - it just wasn't in his nature, ever. I may have learned most of the importance of cherishing long term friendships from Paul - because he kept friendships and nurtured them from his school days right into grown ass man adulthood and everything, good/bad/indifferent that came his way on the road of life. Every morning I drink my coffee out of a cup that Paul gave me some years ago. In a couple of days, we'll be at the second anniversary of him leaving us. This morning when I made coffee, I thought 'Good morning, brother' and then I realized it's been two years. I wasn't sad - until I got to this paragraph. I don't want to be sad today - I don't think Paul or Tom would want me to be sad. I wonder if they miss me even half as much as I miss them. Being the over thinker that I am, I wonder if I was half as good a friend to them as they were to me. I wonder if they know how much I miss them. I wonder if they know how much of what they gave to me over years of friendship is still with me.

I'm not much for cemeteries - not in terms of visiting any departed loved one. I've tried, there's just too much negative about a goodbye with that kind of depth that exists in cemeteries that to me, are the worst of memories. I have too many other memories that represent the person so much better for me - and those memories live in my heart, my soul - which is where the relationship lived all along. Memories like the ones I've barely alluded to in the paragraphs above. Trust me, I've kept those and I revisit them often.

I'm going to conjure up a few of those memories today, on this colder Fall day. I've shed a tear or two for both of these dearly departed friends on this day off - I miss them both immensely and I'd give anything to have a conversation with both of them. I got nothin' - but to say that both of their memories are very much alive in me. Guess it'll have to do for now. Time to get out and see what I can photograph of Fall. Peace, good people - cherish long term friendships, cherish family and especially cherish the friendships that turn friends into family. Cherish memories of all of those.

CRO

Ordered: One BigASS Viking Knife. Boom.

2021-12-19T11:10:00.001-08:00

I caved. In the last 24 hours, I have fallen victim to one of the biggest ads on the blue and white - I ordered a big ass knife. It's hideous looking - like something a f'n viking would use for anything he wanted to use it for. Don't even tell me you haven't seen these ads, because they're like dog shit - they're everywhere. Watch just one of these ads and then watch how the blue and white peppers your news feed with more ads, for the same f'n knife. Screw all the friends and relatives in your news feed, at least on every other post you'll see. The rest of the posts will be for the hideous Viking knife from more manufacturers than Opie Taylor had freckles. That's a f'k of a lot.

Don't expect any help navigating through the vast sea of freckle ads from various companies all claiming their Viking knife is better at raping and pillaging its way through every single task that would normally require you to own a complete set of chef knives in its own roll-up protective satchel - or whatever the f'k you call the thing that chefs roll up their knives in at the end of a shift. I don't know what that thing is called - though in my defense, I've seen a line cook or two roll up their knives in hand towels & toss 'em in their backpack. The Viking knife I'm talking about here though, I don't think you'd want to do that with one of those, and make no mistake about it, you only need one of these knives. Trust me, if you've seen the video, this m'r f'r does everything. Every. Thing.

There is no job too small for this Viking knife - this f'n Viking knife!. There is no job too large either, so don't even Google it. Don't take my word for it - watch the video and see for your m'r f'n self. It's all filmed in glorious, buy me right the f'k now cinematography. All you gotta do is watch. Oh, just a heads up: you're gonna watch it more than once. Why? Because it's f'n cool. Not cool enough for you to buy your own BAVK (Big Ass Viking Knife), at least not the first few times you watch it. Probably take half a dozen times or so.

And the Lord said, on the seventh time, you shall covet your very own BAVK. Why? Because the Lord hath said so. Also, while you were watching the BAVK commercial for the seventh time, on the seventh day - which we all know is the Sabbath, a day of rest - so sayeth the Lord, look it up - unless biblical verses are something you'd rather not say because it's really too personal (which means you've never once read anything inside a bible - but let's not get political here)...anyway, you're watching the BAVK commercial again, one cup in and amazed. It's making you hungry. You're thinking about what you want to make for breakfast - only now, you want to make your breakfast outside in the snow, beside a flowing brook - not just any brook, but the one you thought "Wow...this is the perfect spot to build a campfire and make myself something to eat - right here by this brook, in a foot and a half of snow. Why the actual f'k do I have this uncontrollable urge to make myself breakfast outside in the snow? I'll tell you why. One reason: One knife.

Let me tell you a few things about this knife right off the rip - and mine hasn't even shipped yet. How do I know, you ask? Because I've seen the videos like twelve times now, so believe me - I know.

First off, this knife is big. Huge. It's also ugly - but so ugly that it's the most beautiful piece of cutlery you've ever laid eyes on, and you'll say this too after watching it slice and dice the following sequence of non-sensical items (all of which are staged to convince you that this knife will gladly handle anything you, your wife, kids, mother or pet monkey will want it to do.

1) Coconuts (none are actually consumed, they're just fun to slice up - shells and all)

2) Bananas. Right after the coconuts too. You wouldn't think it could....shut yer front door!

3) 5 lbs of beef tenderloin, frozen & still in the wrapper.

4) The bent fender from your uncles '79 Honda Goldwing

5) I know it's showing off, but use it to curl up the ends of ribbon on the presents your wife just finished wrapping for the kids - yeah, this knife can do that too.

How big is this BAVK? Big. The size of the blade looks like your dad pulled it off of the family station wagon from the back right quarter panel he was trying to Bondo. It looks that way, that ugly because the upper 3/4 of the metal on the blade doesn't appear to be ground/sanded down to the bare metal and almost looks like it has primer on it - don't worry, this isn't the part of the blade that will touch any of your meat and produce that you'll cut up with your very own BAVK. In all fairness, it does look like you could get tetanus from this knife, but as one can easily see in the video, it's harmless. It's also not the part of the blade that you'll plunge tip first with a resounding THUNK/THUD into a nearby tree stump in between all your effortless chopping, dicing and scrapping. You may well be afraid, but your BAVK isn't.

If knives were school kids, your BAVK whooped the Ginsu's ass and took its lunch money every single day. It did so with more grace than a ballerina too. Over and over again. Look, I know all of this sounds too good to be true - and it is, at least for the first half a dozen times you see the video. On the seventh time though, which might take as many weeks - or months, you'll believe. Yes, you'll believe on that seventh viewing, you'll be hungry (AF) and you'll have this uncontrollable urge for the great outdoors to be where you'll make your next three meals out in, sans gloves - and you couldn't explain why to your wife if she had her own BAVK to your throat. If this doesn't scare - and thrill, the living B-JEEZUS outta you, consider the following:

Faceless, rugged outdoor dude (or dude-ette - although if she's a woman, she's got LeBron sized hands) just used the knife you're about to order for the following tasks without a rest:

1) Cut the stop sign at the end of his street off at the top of the metal post it was on. Why? Because it can.

2) Cut in half a quart container of grape tomatoes. No big whoop here, until you realize that the knife didn't move an inch - it was being held upside down, sharp edge facing the Heavens above - and the grape tomatoes were simply dropped on the the sharp edge from a height of - get this, a mere two inches. I know. Be careful, for the love of God.

3) Just for shits and giggles, while I go look for the half foot thick cut of beef that I'm going to slice into SteakUm thin cuts to grill by the fire, why don't I just bury the tip end of this blade into the dirt at my feet. Speaking of feat, this is nothing to sneeze at since the ground is half frozen. Huh, in the commercial it looks soft as butter...

4) Pull said knife you just ordered out of semi-frozen ground and chiffonade 4 cups of fresh basil leaves - you read that right, just do it.

5) Now use the knife to cut the fat off of the side of beef before you cut it into tissue paper thin individual steaks - note that you would have a more difficult time removing a Post-It note off of your refrigerator door than you will separating the fat from the beef here - but only if you buy this knife. I know, right? That's why I did it. What. An. Amazing. F'n. Knife - also included: implied, lifelong knife skills - and without your very own scars.

6) Finally - last food item to prep with your new knife, and no, it's not the least bit cold outside in the snow as you make your breakfast with only two things: 1) your very own BAVK 2) the 9 pound, cast iron skillet you brought outside with you on your two mile hike to find a flowing brook: Shred up six cups of dark chocolate by whipping it on the blade of your new, nasty looking BAVK - don't be a pussy, hold the chocolate in your bare hand. When you're done w/the chocolate and you have a pile that looks like sprinkles for ice cream, thunk the knife blade, tip first into the nearest tree stump.

All of these things and more, can be seen in video proof on men with the pot dot com....although I may have happened upon this particular site hoping for something completely different. Nonetheless, I have ordered a knife so big that it looks like an entire sheet of drywall would be easier to maneuver than the delicate slicing and dicing this knife will do. Stay tuned folks - and I'm keeping all of my f'n fingers too.

CRO

Take A Picture...It'll Last Longer!

2020-09-06T13:08:00.000-07:00

I suppose I've had a bit of a photography bug ever since I was a teenager. The first camera I bought was a Polaroid that took black and white instant photos. Photographs are all about capturing moments and sights that we notice, and I have fond memories of looking at slides on the wall of my grandparents' home - in the dark when we visited. I guess you could say that my love of stories and using pictures to tell them, along with sharing memories, started there.

That's also where I attribute my interest in birds and the wide variety of species that I find interesting to watch and photograph. My grandparents watched birds and pointed out different ones to me. Maybe my interest has grown because my grandparents aren't around anymore, and photographing birds seems to really keep me in touch with their spirits. I like to think they'd like seeing some of my photographs and it's as close as I can come to either of them pointing out an interesting bird to me - or my doing that for them.

The photography/camera bug became stronger because I started seeing things and thinking they would make for an interesting photograph. My stepfather is an avid photographer, having been at it for years and he's won several awards and even sold quite a few of his photographs. He's also been very encouraging in my own photography journey.

Birds aren't my favorite animals, but there is an incredibly wide variety of species that I find interesting to photograph, and let's face it - they're pretty much everywhere. I knew I wasn't long for being without a decent camera when I started seeing more things that I wanted to capture in photographs. I started out easy - I planted Sunflowers in the hopes of drawing Goldfinches and getting good photographs of them. They're not a bird that sticks around long if people get too close, but they're beautifully colored in bright yellows and black. I basically used my living room as a blind and got some great shots right out my front window.

Next there were Mexican Sunflowers that I discovered after planting them, draw Humming Birds and Monarch Butterflies - more great photo opportunities. This year has been a bit disappointing with birds being drawn to my plants. As we're heading into Fall, I've cut back a lot of the flowers and plants - though I'm not ready to give up seeing more of flowers and hoping they draw birds. That's all fine, but I also need to get out and take pictures of birds in the wild. I'm not sure why my own plants haven't drawn much in the way of birds this year, but with 433 species of birds in Ohio - according to a Google inquiry, I'd be lucky if I've seen 50, and lucky if I've gotten decent photographs of 20.

I've got a couple of friends who started down the road to photography after I did and they're getting great photographs out in the world away from their front door. This is inspiring. My stepfather once told me that he knows people who have been taking pictures for decades that don't have photographs like some of my better shots - but I think that thought lulled me into a false sense of confidence. I do have some good shots from early on, but I got them literally from my front door. I like to say that these photographs are a combination of luck and what I pay attention to - and they are. You've gotta be noticing in the first place and thinking about photo opportunities to begin with, that much is true - but I'm beginning to realize how much more there is if I look further and learn more.

Another thing I need to learn more about, is utilizing the capabilities of my equipment and using settings to my advantage - instead of letting the plethora of settings and capabilities intimidate me into just shooting on auto mode. Getting photographs seems more like collecting - and as my buddy, Mick once said, "I take a ton of photographs, a lot of them bad, but I keep shooting."

While it's not just birds that I want to photograph, I am getting borderline obsessed with photographing more varieties of birds. I've seen Bald Eagles on my cycling runs and I think back to when these magnificent birds were endangered and how I could very easily have never had a chance to see them at all. On one ride a couple of Summers ago, I was across the river from an eagle just sitting on a branch. All I had was my iPhone to capture that opportunity - if I'd had my camera with me, I could've gotten great shots that morning. It's wonderful just to see something like this, but I like the thought of capturing a great photograph of things like this - it really will last longer.

1,000 Words of Summer - NUMERO OCHO!

2020-07-29T10:05:00.001-07:00

Summer. Despite heat and humidity being two of my least favorite things to endure, they come with the season here in Northeast Ohio, and I'll be damned if I'll let either get the best of me enough to stop me from taking joy in the things that I love about Summer. Yesterday I finally got my ass on my bicycle for the first time since last November. I knew better than to head out for an epic ride of too many miles right off the rip after so long an absence. No matter how beautiful it is in the Cuyahoga Valley that I love riding in, I know I need to build up to bigger rides.

So I ended up with a ride that fell just shy of six miles and on a trail that had the perfect amount of hills to climb and descend, flats, shade and a bit of wind to battle on the return leg of the ride. All of this served to remind me of what my body should be doing several times a week on the regular. I knew there would be an adjustment period in getting back out there - today is a gym day, so no riding today. I'm pretty sure my legs and my arse are thankful. Weather permitting, I'll head out tomorrow morning and shoot for around 10-12 miles. I should be up to 10-30 miles by mid August. I'm a bit regretful that it's taken me this late in the season to get out there, but here's hoping for a nice Indian Summer around here and my riding in a lot of it.

Finally, one of my favorite things about Summer starts back up. These are the kinds of things that lift my spirit. In the last two months, there's been a few people and things that have chipped away at breaking my spirit. The things I can control, I will - and all I can do is not devote my energy, time and thoughts to things outside of my ability to control in anyway. Doesn't mean I can't coexist with such things, even if I can't eliminate them. I suppose the same could be said for any of the individuals who either intentionally or unintentionally try to break my spirit. To paraphrase Eric Cartman, Screw you guys, I'm tapping out of that bullshit.

I'm not someone who likes dwelling on negativity, and while it's not always easy to pull myself out of it at times, I'm done giving my energy, time & thoughts to anything or anyone that breaks my spirit. Life is just too short. I know what I bring to a given party and I'll toot my own horn when I know the tune. Again, life is just too short.

A year ago Facebook told me it was an old friend's birthday. I went to her page to wish her a happy birthday and realized we hadn't been in touch for a few months. What I hoped was that all was well with her and that the worries she'd mentioned during one of our last conversations, we now over with and her life was going better for her.

What I discovered when I went to her page to wish her a Happy Birthday, was that she'd been killed in a horrible automobile accident and had been killed by the woman who hit her car. That woman was intoxicated, and she was killed as well. I must have stared at my computer for five minutes just frozen - and it felt like an entire week. I thought back to when our friendship began, back to how I enjoyed every conversation I was ever in with her - no matter what the topic was. My friend. Someone's mother. Someone's wife. Someone's daughter. Gone. We all need friends in this journey, but who needs a mom, a wife and a daughter more than her family?

A year later and Facebook reminds me again that it's her birthday. Instantly I feel like I did on this day a year ago. I still can't believe she's gone. So yeah, life is too short for the people and things that would break, or take your spirit. My friend wouldn't want that. It's up to me not to have that. I hated this day a year ago for the news it brought to me. Not only was it horrible news, it was also a couple of months old by the time I learned of it. There was nothing I could do. I thought of the last time we spoke. I want to say it was an instant message volley about seeing Richard Thompson at The Kent Stage. It never came to be - I think because we both ended up getting busy. I wish it had come to be, because I saw RT with this friend and a couple of other dear friends back in my college days when he opened for REM at Public Hall. I don't recall much about that show other than RT was more enjoyable to all of us than REM was. How was I to know that all these years later, hearing RT's music would make me think of her - both favorably and now with a sad tone.

Yes indeed, life is far too short. Last night a regular customer came in. The guy happens to be a dear friend of my boss and his wife. The guy also lost his wife to cancer early this year. I'm struggling a bit today - I want to write about a couple of more joyous things about Summer, but right now I need to put the writing down and get some things done around here, hit the gym and try to make this day wonderful in ways that would make someone happy to hear about the next time I talk to them or bump into them. It's a beautiful day outside, I've got plenty to do on this day off and I need to hit the gym. Time to get moving - because sitting here writing is only going to pull me down today, and I need to seek out the people and things that lift me up. Uncertain as these times may be, there is still so much to be thankful for. Peace, good people - don't let anything or anyone, break your spirit. Time to go after some joy on this beautiful Summer day. It's out there somewhere, and I intend to find at least some of it. Whaddya know? A tad under 1900 words.

CRO

1,000 Words of Summer - SEVEN

2020-07-25T11:10:00.000-07:00

Some years back, I was talking with guys I work with about the previous night's dinner. I've pretty much always liked to cook - particularly since I love to eat good food. The conversation I'm remembering here though, was at a time when I wasn't working in the hospitality industry. It was after I left my first four years at The Inn at Turner's Mill. No place showed or taught me more about great food than The Inn at Turner's Mill. The Mill got me excited about good food - food that looked so amazing that it influenced your choice, got you thinking about the experience before you even take a bite.

Anyway, in the conversation I'm referring to, I was describing what I made for dinner, and I guess I'd talked quite a bit up to that point about food - I did most of the cooking in the relationship with the woman I was with at that time. My coworker stopped me mid sentence and asked: Man, don't you ever just eat? Nothing elaborate or hard to make, just throw it together and eat without all that thought behind it??

My answer was, yes - I do. But those aren't meals that I talk about. I realized then that food can be something to get excited about. I'm a pretty fair cook, I wouldn't say I'm a chef - but I have had the pleasure of working in establishments that had/have great chefs and I have taken inspiration from every one of them. My thinking is, why simply "just eat", when you can enjoy? For me the whole process is therapeutic and usually relaxing - even if I'm only doing it for myself, which I usually am. It's almost like edible artwork - and sometimes it actually is, at least in my opinion.

I could make the most amazing meal, nail every step of preparation all the way up to plating the most visually appealing dish you could lay eyes on, but that doesn't make me a chef. Pulling off even the most amazing entree once is nothing compared to orchestrating a kitchen staff to turn out amazing food for the masses. It's like mustard on your hamburger, versus a 50 gallon drum of mustard. Whoah...I don't wanna think that big, but when you're a chef, you have to think like that.

Summer is at the halfway point, Having got a new grill a few weeks back, and food on the grill - despite a learning curve with the type of grill I upgraded to, is something to get excited about. I haven't been going out much and it's probably a combination of these uncertain times and the fact that I'm out when I'm working and in my off time, I want to put the gun down and relax at home. So pictured below, is what will be a typical evening off for me, and since I work a different 9 to 5, this seems to be around the time I'll usually eat - though I always hope it's earlier.

Boom. There's a few words about Summer and one of the things I love about the season. I edited this particular photo to enhance the color that was already in the original shot. I've taken quite a bit of shit for posting photos of my food right when it goes on the grill & midway through the cooking process - so be it to the haters. I happen to love photographing food and drink, and sometimes capturing the process is just as cool as the end result - not always, but sometimes.

Since this whole pandemic has surged, I haven't really been eating out. There's a Mexican place in town that I love going to, and that's about the only place I've gone recently. It's close, quick, relatively cheap and very good, considering the Northeast Ohio location for such food. I almost never drink alcohol when I go there though, because they don't pour a decent drink for a guy who prefers decent Tequila on the rocks. Great Margaritas, but much as I love that drink, I don't want all the sugar.

That leads me to my next thing about Summer that I'm digging: Drinks. For as long as I can remember, the Margarita has been my favorite cocktail - hands down, and I've made cocktails of every kind for never mind how long...but the more mile markers I pass, the more I want to eliminate sugar from my life. It's taken me years to realize that decent Tequila is the only spirit I can push the envelope of moderation with - not that I do a lot of pushing there mind you.

It's my personal opinion that most people's aversion to Tequila stems from their college days. Drinking the wrong Tequila, the wrong way and at the wrong time. "Shots? Sure, I've got time for at least one more bad decision..."

Again, it's taken my most of my career to realize that drinking decent Tequila can actually have me reminding myself that I even had anything to drink the night before. I do take quite a bit of grief for liking decent Tequila on the rocks. I still can enjoy a Margarita from time to time, but these days the massive amounts of sugar really get me the next day. So again, straight Tequila on the rocks - but what about when you're outside in the heat and just want more in the way of liquid refreshment in your adult beverage? This very thing led me to a drink I find refreshing, not overly sweet - and dangerously good: The Paloma.

The basic recipe is blanco Tequila, lime juice and grapefruit soda. Not sure what led me to think of this, but I created a rim of a mixture of sour salt, Tajin seasoning, Cayenne pepper, sea salt and a little bit of sugar to help balance all this out. I'm a fan of salted rims on a Margarita, but I'm not sure I've ever had a rim on a glass that works so perfectly to compliment a cocktail - and I'm Irish, so I've had a few cocktails.

I've also found two grapefruit sodas that are both really good with this drink and have the perfect amount of minimal sweetness to them, and use natural ingredients. Either will do, but San Pelligrino Pompelmo is by far the better of these two:

It's too early in the day for me to make a Paloma - plus I have to work tonight and hit the gym here shortly, but for your reference here, you should get two drinks out of either one of these choices. If I had a third choice, it would be Jarritos Grapefruit Soda - imported from Mexico and has real sugar in it - it's a bit on the sweet side for my tastes. Having gone over all that, here's my recipe and method:

2-3 ounces of Blanco Tequila - a really great one for the money is Altos.
Juice of 1/4 quarter lime
Grapefruit soda
Ice (duh)
Spicy Cayenne/Tajin salt mixture *
3.4 ounce Campari
Lime wheel/wedge for garnish

*Spicy Cayenne/Tajin Salt mixture:

3 Tbsp white sugar
2 Tbsp Smoked Paprika
2 Tbsp Sea Salt (I've been using fine, but Coarse would probably work well)
2 Tbsp Tajin Seasoning
1 Tbsp Sour Salt
1 Tbsp Cayenne Pepper

Combine ingredients in a small container with a tight sealing lid, shake the living shit out of it. Boom. Awesome rim mixture done - I'm not sure I've ever had a rim mixture that I've wanted every bit of on a cocktail before this one. It really is perfect on this drink.

Take a lime wedge and go around the rim of the glass, then run the glass edge in the Spicy Cayenne/Tajin salt mixture to rim the top.

Fill the glass with ice and squeeze 1/4 lime juice over the ice, then add the Tequila. I drizzle the Campari on top of the drink - it'll sink right to the bottom, I usually stir the drink before I add the Campari because just leaving the Campari to do its work while you enjoy the drink seems to make every sip better than the one before it. When it all comes together, it should look like this:

Now on to a couple of other things about Summer. I've yet to put a single mile on my bicycle this year and it's tearing me up. I changed vehicles and had some issues with my hitch mounted rack - I'm hoping I've got those issues corrected, now I just need to get my ass out there. Hopefully tomorrow.

The garden is looking good - Mexican Sunflowers are starting to open up and there are a lot more to follow. Regular Sunflowers are still a few days out, but looking good. I've also harvested quite a few Serrano peppers off of my plants and even used them in a batch of my salsa. I've got a ton of Habaneros coming in, thought they're all still really green. I moved the most promising plant to a place where it's getting more direct sun in the hopes of getting the peppers to ripen up.

I really want to try to make jelly with the Habaneros this year - but I've got to conquer my fear of canning (which I don't really want to get heavily into, have a perhaps unreasonable paranoia about and the last thing I need is to buy another pile of stuff to have to keep around and not use very much) in order for that to happen. I've been experimenting making tinctures, but I'm going to have a lot of peppers and I don't need five year's worth of tinctures, which are all too easy to make as it turns out.

It's been an interesting week. A thing or two hasn't exactly gone the way I'd hoped it would, but I'm taking a tip from a friend who posted the following advice recently:

Make yesterday the last day you spent giving a fuck about people who don't show you they give a fuck back.

No names, but a few people. Onward. These past few months have shown me many things, not the least of which is that this life we lead is more often than not, far too short. I wish you all peace, hope you're staying safe and enjoying your Summer. For anyone going through difficult things - and you know who you are, my thoughts are with you - and I admire your strength. Peace, good people. Oh and nearly 1800 words. Words of Summer. Boom.

CRO

1,000 Words of Summer...SIX!

2020-07-18T09:58:00.001-07:00

Summer is moving along and gaining momentum. I often gauge the progress of this season by my garden, which currently seems to be in a holding pattern. My attempts at drawing Humming Birds has been largely unsuccessful. Nonetheless, things look pretty good out there - although last year at this time, I actually had Sunflowers in bloom. Once again, I'm reminded of how gardening is among other things, an exercise in things like acceptance and patience.

I haven't started riding yet this season - I know, what am I waiting for? I've been doing a lot of other things and basically dragging ass on getting out there. This year I'm a bit obsessed with my outdoor space and making it look better. Plants, patio lights, new grill - all of this seems to work because in these uncertain times, going out a lot isn't something I really want to do. My work is out, and now more than ever, I kind of want a break from being out.

My line of work is severely altered these days - and it may well stay that way forever. Do I like it? No - because in a line of work that I once fought to get out of and stay out of, I've come to love it more and I've come to love great food and drink more, and get excited about both of those things. All of that carries into my home life. I don't want to get political, but it's impossible for me to have any confidence in this administration - and promoting the opinion of a washed up game show host over that of our nation's leading infectious disease expert is troubling. However this virus got here, denying that it is once again gaining serious momentum and putting down medical experts that have advised on it is dangerous. Nothing like this should be politicized, yet it has been and it continues to be.

It's hard to hear someone say that anyone like me is living the high life. I'd never been on unemployment as long as I was. I didn't like the shut down, and with how severely my industry has been affected, being back at work is just as stressful as the day I learned we were shutting down. No matter which side of the fence you're on, there hasn't been consistent actions in how we're dealing with this collectively - statewide or across the country. No, I don't want the entire country to shut down again - I want us all to be safe. I don't want to be one of the asymptomatic carriers and pass something on to someone who might get sick, or even die.

I could go on about my thoughts on all of this, but I won't. I've heard some very disturbing remarks made that are both insensitive and completely callous regarding human lives and I've heard people outright say that lives of people in certain age groups are about to end anyway, so why is anyone worried? Am I worried? Absolutely. I happen to love my work for numerous reasons.

I have to focus on the moment, do what I can to keep myself healthy, and take moments for what they are. Pandemic or not, we live lives in moments that are never guaranteed. So I do what I can. Focus on things I like and can actually do something about: Working out, learning to cook new foods in better ways, photography, writing, bicycling, nature.

I've kind of always loved pictures of food - and I've taken quite a bit of criticism for my love of photographing - hell, I'll even post pics of the same recipe that I'm making for the umpteenth time in the hopes of making it look better. I love pictures of good food that make me think things like 'I want to make that - I want to eat that, damn that looks amazing...can I do that?. I take quite a bit of shit for posting some of these pictures too, fine - it's easy enough to turn my give-a-shitter off when people who bitch about 'em are either sharing drunken stories (which can be fun from time to time) or something every bit as self indulgent as food I make. People say things like close the grill cover! - guess what? Seeing food on the grill is a wonderful memory, and sometimes one that I like capturing in a picture. I have fond childhood memories of my grandfather standing at the grill making his BBQ chicken. I still haven't mastered it - I've finally realized that he stood there the entire time, patiently turning the meat, and if that chicken ever came out less than perfectly cooked - with the sauce that he made from scratch, I never knew about it. So for anyone who hates me posting a picture of food with my grill lid up, deal with it or find something else to look at. It ain't that hard to do.

So yeah, I'll take pictures of food on the grill - before I close the cover, midway through the cooking process, right up to plating it. A few years back at work, Mytro was doing these Chill On The Grill nights - parking across the street, I could smell how good that food was and it only got better as I walked across the street to work. How does one not get excited about food when you have that kind of experience? I'll take the whole grilling experience, the sight of the food on the grill, the smell of the grill as it nears being ready for the food to go on, and once you start to see and smell what's in store. If anyone in Cleveland knows of a place that has that kind of grilling out experience that's anywhere as good as what Mytro was doing a few Summers back, hit me up - because I wanna go & try it. These days the experience is closer - he does the smoking right out back.

So I pull into a parking space, open my car door and the smell hits me instantly. It's one of my favorite things about Summer. This week it was smoked chicken, last week brisket, the week before that it was ribs. Can't even tell you how good it smelled out that back door. Makes me wish I didn't have to work so I could come in and eat. And it makes me want to up my own grilling game at home. Serious work to do there. Summer - 1,000 Words of Summer, to be exact. I'm actually a little over today. Time to get a move on, lots to do before work tonight. Peace, good people - stay safe, wear a mask.

CRO

1000 Words of Summer, Numero Cinco

2020-06-17T09:46:00.000-07:00

I love mornings in the Summer more than any other time of the year. I've spent this perfect morning in the garden. My patience is severely lacking this morning. Having seen Humming Birds twice on Monday, I've upped the game and put out more feeders. Nothing. They say red will draw them and I certainly have enough of that.

Last night at work I got into a conversation with a couple who come in a few times a week. The woman rolled her eyes when her husband started talking about his garden, and as I swapped a few stories back and forth with him, she asked me if I'd been separated at birth from her husband. It's good to be back at work and connecting with guests, but it's still a very different world in my line of work. I guess all I can do is hope that all this uncertainty doesn't take a turn for the worse. It's hard for anyone and everyone in the service industry right now and there's no telling how long it will stay that way. The pandemic is my least favorite part about this Summer, so I've said enough about that.

No matter how I cut back on bird food, I can't seem to get rid of the starlings. What I'd originally thought was a young Red Bellied Woodpecker hitting my feeders, turns out to be a starling. Several times this morning, the whole group of them crowed my feeders. Like a bunch of rubes walking into a Walmart. Fuckers.

The photo opportunities so far have been rare - and missed. As I sit here typing this, I'm watching a male Downy Woodpecker and some Goldfinches. I took the camera back inside, so I snapped a picture with my phone. I take quite a few photos with my phone, but I really like getting good pictures with a camera. I really need to get off my are and get a few things done today, so I'm not likely to get 1000 words in or even close to that really.

I did get inspired by my buddy, Niles Hughes posting some incredible pictures that he took of a bird splashing around in his bird bath. He did an awesome job of capturing the bird splashing in the water and that inspired me to put a bird bath in the middle of my garden. Until this morning, it wasn't getting any use that I saw. Earlier a Chickadee took a few drinks from it while I was about a foot away - didn't seem the least bit worried that I was there either.

All of this stuff is distracting me away from getting back to the gym and out on the bike, not to mention a ton of other things that need done today, so to hell with the word count, I'm outta here. Peace, good people - enjoy this perfect Summer day. 484 words will have to do.

CRO

1,000 Words of Summer - Numero Cuatro

2020-06-15T10:51:00.001-07:00

Note: This is the fourth installment for my writing project, 1,000 Words of Summer. I've broken up the writing, fallen short on word counts more often than not, and there have been days when the writing isn't worth the keystrokes, so I don't count that day

Monday, June 15, 2020. It's a very good morning so far. This morning started by doing something nice for someone and seeing an old friend/coworker. A few weeks back, I got a new drawing table. Rather than just throw away the previous one, I hoped I could find someone who wanted it and would use it. I posted on social media and shortly after I did, a guy I used to work with at The Mill hit me up saying his wife draws a lot and would love it. Done. Now if I could just get the rest of the things that need to be donated/gotten rid of out of here.

A typical start to a Summer morning. Wake up, make the coffee, feed the cat and go outside to check on my garden. Everything looks really good out there this year. My only concern is that my mid/late Summer Sunflowers and Mexican Sunflowers got mixed up. I wasn't sure which were which and I'll admit that I'm a little concerned that my Mexican Sunflowers won't do well this year. Things happen fast and slow in the world of gardening. What starts from a seed grows exponentially in weeks - but you can't pull that progress out of the seeds any fast than in its own good time. Patience.

I did notice that a couple of my hot pepper plants already have tiny peppers starting on them, and others have little flowers, so mid June and things look really good. Every year I learn something about getting better organized at the beginning of gardening season and this year got off to a great start having had more time on my hands due to the pandemic...and then the wind knocked over my tray of 70 seedlings. They were okay, but all mixed up and it was impossible to tell one from another. I planted most, gave away quite a few - and told people it was either one or the other.

By now I can tell that the Sunflowers are doing really well. Whatever happens out there will happen in good time. I'm just hoping for good photo opportunities with the birds - imagine all the planting I did multiplied and needing it to feed a family. Mind boggling. Speaking of bird traffic, I just saw a Humming Bird out there, so that's a good sign. What I can't seem to get rid of, are the Starlings. I refer to those birds as the trailer trash of the bird world. They're noisy, messy and a group of them make short work of emptying the feeders. They're like a bunch of rubes descending upon a Walmart from the parking lot. I hate 'em.

More good news on the bird front: A large, Red Bellied Woodpecker hit my feeders today, and I've seen a Humming Bird twice today, the second time taking me completely by surprise with the little bird hovering barely 3 feet in front of me. By the time I thought to grab my phone and get a picture, he was gone. The good news is that repeated sightings in such a short time means they're back on the regular. I put more feeders out and hopefully that will encourage them. I'm hoping for better shots with the camera soon.

Another high point of Summer, amidst all the shit I grind up and drink in the fruit and vegetable world, is the one juice I make several times every Summer, and only because it's the most refreshing juice I've ever had in my life: a whole watermelon, lime, jalapeño and a good handful of mint. I've already made it twice in the last week, I'm about to make another batch as soon as I finish this post. That juice, a sandwich and some of the Escabeche that I made with organic purple cauliflower for lunch and then it's off to work. I've confirmed another donation for a friend/coworker for tonight and I've offered up one more for a friend/client. All in all, a Monday that starts out like this one has, can't really get any better - and I will be grateful for every moment of it. Peace, good people. Nice to see a good ruling from our Supreme Court today - we're all in this together. Oh, and one more thing: word count: 763. I'll take it.

CRO

1,000 Words of Summer - Installment #3

2020-06-14T11:39:00.003-07:00

Note: A couple of weeks back, I took on a writing project entitled 1,000 Words of Summer. As much as I can tell, the project is meant to motivate writers to write - the guidelines are vague, but for writing daily for two weeks. I've taken some liberties with the guidelines, but overall I'm using it as a prompt to get me to write regularly - which I have stretches where I don't from time to time. Since Summer is in the project's title, I'm choosing to focus on what I enjoy about Summer. I'm also choosing to not count the days where I should be writing 1,000 words and I end up with 400 that bore the living shit outta me. For anyone choosing to read this blog, trust me you're grateful.

Sunday, June 14, 2020

I woke up this morning to another beautiful Summer day. Once the coffee is on and the cat is fed, I walk outside and check the progress of my garden. Things look pretty good out there, everything seems to be doing really well. The things that are blooming now look great, the things that I'm waiting for seem to be growing. Today is a day that I don't have to do a single thing for the garden. There's been enough rain, not much to deadhead off of anything.

I can see tiny buds forming on the hot pepper plants, even some tiny flowers on some of them. It's early and a little on the cooler side. While I look forward to what happens out there in mid to late Summer, why rush it? Days like today are perfect. I have other things to give my attention to, particularly since this pandemic shut down my gym, the weather was mostly crappy during my shelter in place time, so I didn't get out on the bicycle. It's time to get back to both of those things - and this is the longest in nine years that I haven't been to the gym.

It's gonna be a slow and uncomfortable return to hitting the gym. Probably a slower climb back to getting miles on the bike too. Can I get back to normal by the end of July? Hopefully. I doubt I'm the only one who let healthier eating habits backslide a bit during my time at home. It's time to get back to taking control of what I can take control of and look for the good, and most importantly, being grateful.

The vibe at work is different, but for those paying attention, there is this collective hope that we'll get back to normal and that normal will be improved upon. These are still tough times, for me, my coworkers and my employer. None of us have seen anything like this, and there is reassurance in the feeling that we're all in this together.

My point to all of this is that there are a number of things beyond my control, so I'll just press on and focus on what I can control. I have things I'm interested in doing that bring me joy - bicycling, exercise, cooking, writing, photography, graphic design and reading more, learning more. So on this Sunday when I'm a bit back logged on stuff that needs done around here, I'm thankful for Summer and how it allows a different mindset for enjoying outdoors - oh and I'm currently researching fly fishing, which I am going to take up in the next few weeks. I expect a long learning process, and probably no fish caught for the time being, but as one friend told me, it's more about the serenity. Fly fishing is something I've wanted to do for a long time now and waiting seems pointless.

There you have it, a few things I'm focusing on this Summer, a bit shy of 650 words. That'll have to do for today. Peace, good people.

Day Two - 1,000 Words of Summer

2020-05-31T09:51:00.002-07:00

NOTE: Part two in my 1,000 Words of Summer writing project. Raw, rambling & submitted for anyone who is willing to read such drivel. I did get quite a bit closer to 1,000 words on this one. Who knows what day three will look like? Haven't started that yet...

Saturday, May 30, 2020 - 12:30 PM - 1,000 Words of Summer, Day Two:

I started my interest in gardening to feed my interest in photography. I wanted to capture birds, butterflies, bees - things that have always made me stop and look, Sometimes these moments are far too brief, fleeting and I wanted to preserve them in all their spectacularity. One of the things I ponder about gardening, is how it’s ultimately an exercise in patience. No matter how careful you are in doing all the right things - and this is true whether you plant an actual seed, or transplant a seedling that you bought at a garden center, there is a lot of waiting for things to turn out.

On any given day, you’ve watered and taken note of the progress of a plant in the soil. The flower, fruit or vegetable will appear in its own time - not yours. The thought that something small like a Sunflower seed, can turn into a huge stalk of a plant with big, gorgeous flowers in less than twelve weeks if amazing. I have monitored these plants and quite a few more, every year for the past 5 years. Patience.

On one hand, I’m patient. On the other, I want results. Sunflowers and Mexican Sunflowers draw various birds, bees and butterflies - all can be amazing photographic opportunities. They also provide a lot for the eye to take notice of even if one doesn’t want to photograph them. So I look forward to their arrival in all their glory, I want to see them in full bloom.

The down side to this is that those two specific types of flowers don’t bloom until mid to late Summer. Maybe it’s just my own perception, but that’s the point in the season where Mother Nature seems to step on the accelerator a bit too heavy. The warm, sunny days go by too quickly, and if you’re not paying attention to all these seemingly tiny moments of beauty, they’ll pass you by and you’ll have missed out.

Seeds, even the ones that are most hardy, get off to a rather pathetic start sometimes. Maybe that’s something that I notice more after a few years of planting various flowers to draw bees, birds and butterflies. Four years ago, I bought a packet of Mexican Sunflower seeds because the picture on the packet looked interesting. I wanted to know what these things looked like. Turns out they are much more stunning to see when they bloom - and they bloom late into the Fall. But the biggest, and best surprise was finding out that they draw Humming Birds and Monarch Butterflies. Bumblebees are also quite a sight on these flowers, so with all that going on, I plant more of those than any other flower.

I’ve had success with various types of Sunflowers, including the beautiful Mammoth variety - I’ve had a couple of those grow to heights over ten feet in the air, stalks as thick as a broom handle. The sad thing about this variety of Sunflowers is that it’s usually one flower per massive stalk, and while they are gorgeous when they bloom, it’s a relatively short time before they get ugly and they offer up nothing else.

I’ve found that some of the red varieties of Sunflowers will offer up several blooms per stalk, and some of the deep, deep red looks amazing against a blue Summer sky. You wait for this kind of beauty. After a few seasons your anticipation for it turns to being anxious. All in good time - and to me it’s well worth taking the time to stop and notice. These flowers are guaranteed to draw Goldfinches and bumblebees - the former are most colorful in their beautiful mix of bright yellow, black & bits of clean white. The latter are a sight to see, loaded down with pollen falling off of them.

Again, beauty like this is a waiting game. And we’re talking mid Summer at the earliest. That’s why I labored this year to get things planted that look good and draw Humming Birds now. It’s nice to walk out in the mornings and look at the progress of plants, particularly when I planted them from seeds, but why not have a few things out there that look good now, while I’m waiting for the headliner?

It’s certainly helped having the time with this shelter in place stuff - of course that made me venture out to the store a few times when it wasn’t quite so essential, but I’ve got to do things - even if I am staying home more. There’s something incredibly satisfying about admiring plants grow, knowing that when I walk away from them today, I’ve done the best I can to nurture them. I’ll walk outside tomorrow, most likely won’t notice any difference at all, certainly nothing significant and I’ll do that for quite a few days to follow. I’ll look when I walk by on my way to my car to drive to work, and when I come home I will probably take note of how things look in the dark of night. Soon. When? Soon. The important things right now are to keep looking, keep noticing and nurturing…and patience. In good time. Peace, good people. I’ve made it to nearly 900 words today. Perhaps if you’re reading this, you’re thinking I’m rambling too much, but stuff like this is part of what I love about Summer.

1,000 Words of Summer

2020-05-31T09:45:00.001-07:00

Note: The following post is from a link that was shared with me about a writing project entitled, 1,000 Words of Summer. Anyone taking part in this project is instructed to write 1,000 words daily. I'm not sure that I'm following protocol here three days in. To me, the most important thing is to write. Given the title of the project, I'm choosing to write about the things I enjoy in the Summer months. I'm not sure how interesting my sharing them will be - but here ya go:

Friday, May 29, 2020

I’m supposed to write a thousand words today. I wonder how many thousand I’ll think? Even if I don’t write them, or don’t try to write them, at least that many will be thought. I’m supposed to be writing that amount for the next two weeks, and daily - though the only thing that will regiment that is me.

The project is called 1,000 Words of Summer. I’m not quite sure what the objective here is, other than to get me writing. The title makes me want to write about the things I associate with, and love about Summer. Things like gardening, foods I eat in the warmer months and the ways I prepare them. Riding my bicycle more, spending mornings on my patio with my coffee and my writing, and trying to capture tiny moments of beauty in nature that happen during the Summer months, with my camera.

This Summer is different. We’re still in a pandemic that has greatly affected most of us. It’s changed the very way I make my living - and not for the better. I don’t know if it will ever get back to normal. Within the thousand words that are my target number, I don’t know what I’m allowed to say and where I’m allowed to put it if I do choose to say it - because damn near everything is politicized these days.

Having an opinion that differs from someone else’s can get you in a lot of trouble, even in the land of the free. Speaking out on any of the injustices and flaws this country may have, is far too often taken as being unpatriotic. When is fixing something that clearly needs fixing unpatriotic. When you fix things, you make them better. I’ll just say that there are things that need fixed. Doesn’t mean my country is terrible, it means we need to fix some things.

It’s a bit like a kid with his first car, which may well have good bones, but is more of a work in progress in terms of looking and running better, but the kid is proud to have and drive the car. I guess the trick is diplomacy in pointing out or talking about what needs fixed. One might not see enough of it these days, but it’s possible to point out and discuss the things that need fixed without losing admiration for the car. It’s seen better days, and it could still them again. There are still good things in abundance about the car, let’s not focus too much on the fact that much of the front end is a mess of Bondo right now. I’m speaking metaphorically, of course - and I’ll stop here with the metaphors, lest someone assume I’m unpatriotic, communist or a multitude of other things that I assure you I am not.

So here we are at the start of Summer, albeit a rather trying Summer. I’m nearing 450 words right now. I’d like to be able to say more things about the metaphorical Bondo car, but instead, I’m going to shift my focus on the things I enjoy about Summer and talk (write) a bit about what those things are to me and how they move me. I have no idea if anyone else will find such writing interesting, and my own goal in this 1,000 Words of Summer thing is to get me to start writing more.

There are other things I need to do to be more productive and feed my creative soul, things that would be much better than binge watching anything or spending too much time on social media. Things like reading more, learning more, spending time on the things that I really want to get better at for the simple reason they are things that I really enjoy and am fascinated with - such as graphic design and photography.

So I end up with 600 words on the first day. I’ll take it, & I’ll be back tomorrow, a bit more focused on Summer. More words? Less? Stay tuned. Peace, good people.

Faith Restored...or at least...REMINDING us

2020-03-27T16:39:00.000-07:00

These are tough times - unprecedented times too. We tend to want answers and solutions much more immediately than times like this will give them. All of this is inconvenient to say the least, and on a grand scale, read, a global scale...it's frightening. Mere weeks ago, this virus was something off in a foreign land. Rumors spread fast, yet most of us didn't think that the virus could - or would, spread faster than even the rumors.

Two weeks ago, I was at work. People were smiling at me from across the dining room, waiving with their elbows. It was funny. At its worst moments, I had customers asking me if this virus thing was hurting our business. March is a tough month for my industry, and there are a lot of things that make that so, this is something that could end up killing my industry. And people - lot of them. I don't want to panic, but certainly we all see the need to be concerned here overall - and not just for any of our own interests. We're all in this together, and we all need one another so much more than we often act like we do - or even give value to. If this thing doesn't wake us up to that statement enough to do the better for one another that we need to be doing on the regular, then I doubt it will be the virus that dooms us.

There's some humor around, but it's clouded by the serious thoughts of this situation - in the span of a few weeks, what was once a virus in a far off land is now like the scene in Monty Python & The Holy Grail, where the guy was running towards the castle from hundreds of yards off. Each time the guards, one of which was eating an apple, looked at the approaching danger it was too far off to be alarmed. And then the intruder was on them, shoving a sword into the mid section of one of the guards and rushing into the castle past the other, who simply said, "Hey..."

Yeah, it's a bit like that. Less than a month ago we were at work. I doubt that many of us thought we'd be here now. There may have been some concern that if things got worse, we were ill prepared for such things in terms of medical facilities, supplies and personnel. Who would've thought that the concern over having enough stock clerks and cashiers would also become essential?

Like many others, I'm worried - and far beyond my own concerns. This is global. All of us on this one planet, each of us having but this one earthly journey. I read something about anticipatory grief this morning, which is basically imagining the future and the worst case scenario. Maybe anticipatory grief may well be a trait of human nature out of reaction when we get bad news - or rumors of it. My grandmother used to have a saying: Don't borrow trouble.

In today's climate, it's pretty tough not to borrow trouble. I don't want to rant political here. Rants don't usually age well. At the same time, it's hard not to get upset about things during these trying times. So I'll do something that shines light on something very heartwarming and wonderful and at a time when we need that kind of thing more than we ever have:

This morning a friend of mine posted something wonderful on her Facebook page. She got out of the house and while driving down her street, she passed a neighbor's house that had a table out front of it. On the table were various food items - including toilet paper, all set out for anyone who needed it. Can we all just take a minute to think about how wonderful that is at a time like this? Because it is.
Every time I go to the grocery store, the vibe is a bit worse than the previous time. The only thing I've come to expect staying the same, is that there's no toilet paper, sanitizer or disinfecting wipes. I've seen shelves with more on them at stores that have been running going out of business liquidation sales. Weeks ago, someone pulled up beside me at the grocery store in an Audi Q5. I thought to myself, "Man, I want a car like that." - last night every time someone walked by me wearing a mask, not unlike the disposable ones I wore & discarded regularly at a job I worked years ago, I thought "Man, I want a mask - now!"

So here is what my friend drove by, today - a day where things have gotten a bit worse and may still get worse before they get any better - please just look at this and think of the mindset of the person who put this in front of their house - for me, it's the best thing I'll see all day - maybe even all week.

That. Is. Wonderful. I hope this warms your heart as much as it does mine. My worries haven't eased a bit, but for the moment they're overshadowed by this wonderful photograph, and that has made this day, in these troubling times, a bit easier. More than that, I hope you all stay safe and healthy. Peace, good people.

CRO

The C-word: The A-hole who sits next to you

2020-03-01T10:45:00.002-08:00

I haven't posted here in quite a while. It's not as if my thoughts stopped running rampant through my mind - believe me, that never happens. Even when I'm sleeping, there's usually some f'd up dream that I wake up from thinking "ok...what the hell was that all about?" My point is, it never really stops.

So now, on a sunny Sunday morning that happens to be the first day of March (Thank God, because if nothing else, March is a big step towards Spring...even in Cleveland), I'm sitting here with my thoughts that have been fermenting over the last couple of months. Quite frankly, many of those thoughts are on cancer and how the dreaded C-word is the proverbial asshole who sits closer to you than you'd like them to. Sometimes it's easy enough to get up and move, other times the asshole doesn't stay long enough to negatively impact your life. Then there are times when no matter what you do, you can't get away from them.

I don't want to go into a lot of detail here - no names, out of respect for other people's privacy and what they are dealing with, going through and carrying around. Make no mistake about it though - everyone is dealing with, going through and carrying around something that we know little or nothing about. Yes, everyone. So without giving specifics, I'll just say that the asshole is now sitting right next to me. Long before the seat was taken, I'd had enough of the a-hole destroying the lives of good people. It doesn't matter if I'm close in anyone's inner circle, or on the outer fringe of acquaintance, I've had it with this asshole - I hate them.

The best we can hope for with this particular asshole, is that they give us a good scare and then give up and decide to leave us alone. They may have enlightened us on the how to of shifting our thought priorities onto the things that are really important on our earthly journey - and whether or not we'll admit or show it, from that point on we'll always be looking over our shoulder. That's because the thing about assholes is, they never know when to stop being assholes - nor do they give a fuck. Assholes are relentless and have no mercy. That's what makes them assholes.

So best case scenario, we get a good scare. Worst case scenario, we get destroyed, physically, emotionally, financially - and in any other ways you can think of. Throw in several more ways that none of us would have ever thought of. So fuck the C-word. For everything it's put anyone I care about through, and the other people who care, for every wonderful person it's taken from us, for every horrible thing it's made any of us go through. Forgive the vulgarity here, but this asshole doesn't care what it puts anyone through, nor how many other lives it destroys in whole or in part. Make no mistake about it, it's a lot of them.

So now this a-hole is sitting closer to me than I want them to. I want to sit here and mind my own business, keep my disbelief to myself. I want someone to understand how this may hurt me, how it's hurting me now, and how much I don't want anyone (much less anyone I love) to be bothered by this a-hole. Here's the thing though: No matter how afraid, concerned, depressed, hurt or worried I am over this, and no matter what I may do or have to do to help someone else or myself get through this, it's not about me.

In an election year that has the most fucked up political climate we've ever seen to date, why is there no candidate talking about a war on the asshole that sits too close to all of us at one time or another? Why isn't there someone pandering to the hatred for this asshole and vowing to take them out for all of us? We have enough food for people, we have enough knowledge by this point to know how important people are to act on the fact that we're all in this together. So why is no one leading chants to lock this asshole up? It seems to me that banishing this asshole from destroying or taking another life is more important than a wall - because no wall can keep this asshole out. Oblivious to borders, this asshole is. Seems more important than free education too - because this asshole doesn't care if there's a doctorate or a GED when they walk into a life. Don't try hiding behind a bible or a cross either - this asshole will sit right next to you in church too, without a thought about what you put in the collection basket. The war on drugs? Please. Look, there are lots of issues - and that's not really unique to this election year. I'm tired of this asshole having carte blanche. There you have it - my thoughts as I go through my caffeine for the day.

Be kind to one another, good people - and please let the people you love in your life know that you love them. And please don't forget that everyone you cross paths with is dealing with, going through or carrying something in their lives that is all of the following and then some: awful, bad, cruel, depressing, emotional, f'd up, grief-inducing, hard, irrational, justified - NOT, karma-driven, losing, mean, non-sensical, outrageous, painful, quieting, remorseful, sad, terrifying, unfair, vicious, woeful, X-TREMELY difficult, your choice here ________, and Z...well, you get the picture hopefully. We just never know. For those of you who either have dealt with the C-word, or are dealing with it now in any way - no matter how close the asshole is sitting to you, my heart goes out to you - and more than I can express, I know. Our lives are made up of years, from months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds - and in every one of those subdivisions is the potential for incredible meaningful moments because of the most important thing of all: PEOPLE. Let's make the subdivisions COUNT -because whether or not a proverbial asshole sits next you, we just never know. Peace, good people.

CRO

"I have luck - I could use some time."

2019-12-10T10:27:00.002-08:00

Some years back, I had a customer who would come into my bar alone and enjoy a glass of wine and dinner. Nice guy - maybe ten years older than I was. In talking with him, I discovered that he lived near Pittsburgh. He'd tell me how the place I worked was his favorite stop before he got on the turnpike to head home - all because of how good the food, the service and the bartender (me) was and that he always headed home from our place feeling good about his trip and the return home. For the longest time, I had no idea of the hell he was going through at home.

The last time I saw this gentleman, one of my frequent regulars (is that redundant?) struck up a conversation with him. In overhearing much of their conversation - which bartenders do a lot of, (quite often without trying or wanting to), I learned something that I hope I never forget. Turns out this man's wife had been battling cancer. By this point in time, things were not going well at all for her. And by not going well for her, I mean it was just a matter of time - and likely not very much time at that. Thing is, when one thinks about it, it's just a matter of time for all of us. What matters is how we make use of that time, because time is a very finite gift.

As he was finishing up his conversation with my regular, a conversation that had him shedding a lot of light on the lengthy and painful battle his wife was fighting, how the insurance company had earmarked X amount of dollars for her treatment and then based on statistics, would cut off payments because it just wasn't in their best interests. If I recall correctly, the amount of money allocated for treatment was considerably over a million dollars. After that, they were on their own. It struck me instantly how precious a human life is - at any point really, but here was a woman who was living her life - became a wife, a mother and did how many other things along the journey. It's probably a safe assumption that once she became a wife and mother, that she wanted things, dreamt for things, worked for things and hoped for things for people other than herself. And then one day, something changed...

There's a meme that is floating around on various social media platforms, that I'd like to paraphrase - the point it makes is that we're all an unexpected phone call, a diagnosis, car accident, a broken heart or a new found love away from something that will make us an entirely different person. Some things take but a brief moment, but will alter any one of us forever.

If you Google that in any partial way, you'll get the meme. How you choose to interpret it is entirely up to you, but I digress. Before this gentleman left my bar, my regular shook his hand and said to him:

Regular: Nice meeting you and talking with you - good luck to you.

Gentleman from Pittsburgh: I have luck - I could use some TIME.

I will never forget this man saying those words. I can still hear his voice saying them. Time. When I think of all I overheard this man saying, I consider that we all have time, it's just a question of how much. Certainly the amount is finite. At any given moment, we run with the assumption that we have more of it than we actually may have. We go about our days and often take people, places, moments and so many things for granted. We often don't know what we have until we lose it - or have to move it.

Minutes can pass slowly, while years go flying by us in the blink of an eye. We all have luck - even if we sometimes think it's nothing but bad luck, though quite often our luck isn't as bad as we think it is, but maybe our view of our luck is being influenced too much by negative things and us letting those things overshadow the blessings we could be counting and focusing on instead. Of course there are times when that is easy to do. Chances are that even in these moments there are things that are preventing these bad moments from being much worse. And even in the worst of moments, there is often something that is there to soothe even the most painful of events.

The fact is, nothing lasts forever. Everything has an ending and sometimes the end is a relief, while other times the end is hardship and pain - but even hardship and pain has an end. There are times when none of this plays into our own views of how we want things to happen - and it's not unusual for any of us to want miracles that are based solely on the way we want them to appear and manifest in our lives - but sometimes the miracles that come to pass look nothing like the ones we're asking, hoping or even praying for. Nonetheless, Miracles DO happen.

Luck and time are things we have, though maybe we never really know how much of. Perhaps more luck, and better luck than we think we do, and what if we had much less time than we act as if and think we do? Maybe we need to count our blessings more, and use our time better than we often do. Luck can change in either direction - and often quickly. Time? Time is change, but the direction is always forward - and sometimes that forward is going to be without someone or something we took for granted and didn't appreciate anywhere near as much as we should have.

So I'll close with this thought, and pray that if you're reading this, you'll take the time to realize that even on days when anything sad casts a shadow over your journey, you have luck - and luck that is not always bad. You also have time, and let's hope you have enough of that to let the people in your life whom you love know without a shadow of a doubt that you love them, because none of us really know if we'll have another opportunity to make that known. Making that known can make a very favorable difference in someone's life - and in our own lives. I'll leave this here hoping that any of you who may be struggling with things that seem hopeless, will find it in your heart to believe that miracles do happen, and that you will see those miracles and appreciate them - even when they're not appearing in the ways you're hoping they will. Peace, good people - you're all miraculous.

CRO

Closer to The Boat, Part 3

2019-08-28T17:34:00.000-07:00

This is the last of my photo essays on my two whale watching excursions I went on last week. I took in a great many things to enjoy on my vacation, and I spent it with my parents. Out of so many amazing things to be grateful for on this trip, seeing Orcas in their natural environment - and getting to photograph these sightings, was my biggest desire in wanting to go on a trip like this.

In the first installment of this essay, I mentioned my obsession with Orcas. At the risk of sounding melodramatic, I've read about the resident pods of Orcas in the San Juan Islands - J, K and L pods. I've followed an incredible blog, Orca Watcher - www.orcawatcher.com, for years. I've looked at tons of pictures of these animals in the Salish Sea, and I've longed to be there and see these animals with the back drop of these shorelines of shore and tall evergreen trees - it's breathtaking, both in pictures and in person.

As I also stated in the other installments, I kept consoling myself by the thought of just being in these waters and knowing, contemplating the thought that they're out there - they live here. So as much as I wanted to see more of what we saw two days earlier, just being on these waters was amazing. I would carry that thought back home with me, along with the thought that I have got to take more trips like these. Crazy as it may sound to anyone else - and I'll borrow this line, albeit a paraphrased version of it, from my Elephant Academy friend/fellow student, Jennifer Edwards - whom I had the pleasure of meeting up with on this trip: My soul lives here - and it has for many years.

If that sounds like some hipster phrase to you, I'm okay with that. All I know is that my soul has lived in the Pacific Northwest for years - and almost entirely because of these beautiful black & white whales. While I no longer want to be a whale trainer - because for the most part, I know it would really bother me to form a connection with these animals in an exploitative environment they shouldn't be subjected to, yes, it would be nice to see up close how intelligent these animals really are - and to bond with them. I've come to believe that this bond should be more spiritual. I'm not supposed to ride one, command him or her to leap into the air or do anything else to amuse or amaze others, then toss a fish in its mouth.

I don't want to get on a soapbox here, but they pluck these animals out of tightly formed family groups that they remain in for their entire lives. These family groups that eat specific things - for example, the resident pods eat Salmon. The transient groups eat mammals - and no, humans in kayaks, while falling into the mammal category, do not enter into that diet. The groups don't cross over, because each one has their own dialect. They don't talk to one another saying things like, "Oh y'all eat Salmon? What else? You never tried Stellar Seal Lion?? Get the fuck outta here!" As I've compiled my own photographs from this trip, the thought occurred to me, that not only have humans disregarded the significance of capturing these animals in traumatic ways, they have also not taken into consideration what these animals are used to eating - stay with me here folks, my point is:

At some point or another, humans would've had to capture a transient whale or several. While they may indeed be sitting in a marine life park somewhere in this world, I can guarantee you that these animals are no longer eating what they've evolved to eat in their social groups in their natural environment. In other words, that popular/trademark whale name we all know, is not eating Sea Lions or porpoises in their new show business home. There are groups of these animals in different parts of the world that eat and have become masters at hunting what lives in their specific areas - and they've had no real reason to look outside those diets. I have to say that I'm thankful that I first saw these animals in a marine life park - and I saw them up close. It didn't matter to me what tricks the animals did, I would stand there and stare in fascination all day - but often I was with others who wanted to see other attractions.

Okay, off of the soapbox, onto this encounter and more photos - and I'm thrilled to say, some much better photos from much closer up!

So after we headed further out from where we saw the Gray Whale, I kept trying to prepare myself for disappointment. Remember the captain - Captain Jim, if I recall correctly, had mentioned that he didn't know about the black and whites. Me? Well I was hoping for some glimpses of J, K or L pods - but I'll take transients too. Our boat slows down and comes to a slow, creeping stop. For those of you who have never been on one of these excursions, when the boat slows down or stops, there's a good reason for it.

Captain Jim comes over the boat's PA:

"....and folks, we've come to a stop so that I can tell you that off of our bow at around 11 o'clock, we've got some Killer Whales to take a look at"

Thank you, Sweet Baby Jesus. All of the enjoyable things on this trip, this is why I wanted to come here. This. After hearing Captain Jim's announcement, I thought my frantic photo snapping was shots much like the first trip - but now that I'm looking through them, even the distant shots were much closer:

Stay with me here, I promise you that it will get a lot better. As I've mentioned a time or ten, just seeing this, with or without my camera up to my face, was thrilling. Never mind how many times I'd seen these animals in captive environments - this is where they live. Where they're supposed to live. In this vast expanse of ocean, where you may never see them at all. All I know is that this is a sight that would never get old to me. Never.

I didn't even try to get on the top level of this boat. I'm pretty sure I was aware that we were a bit closer this time out and I guess I thought that going up top would put me, and my camera, further away.

Trust me here, these are closer. Some minor editing to see if I can make the composition look a bit better and more firsthand here:

In the shot below, look closely at the picture - you can see the baby still has the orange/yellow tint on the white patch:

From this point onward, I start to see that the whales were definitely getting closer to our boat - which I hadn't really noticed at this point in my shooting. Check it out:

I could post every image that I capture leading up to this next one, and it wouldn't bother me, but it might well bore you - so I'll cut ahead a bit and show you the point where there was no denying that these animals were about to come right up to our boat - and this happened within seconds of Captain Jim telling us we would be leaving after the next surfacing!

If you can't really tell that these animals are closer, let me assure you that right about now in my images, is when I realized that these beautiful whales were going to come much closer to our boat. For weeks I'd been telling people about my upcoming vacation, and every time I talked about it, I said I was going specifically in the hopes of seeing these animals in the wild - and photographing them. Every image I've shared here was thrilling to see and capture! However, it's the ones I'm going to follow with now, that did exactly what I told people I wanted to come away from this trip with: Some really good photographs of Killer Whales in their natural habitat, that I myself took!

Come on now, you can see it now - can't you?

Don't even try to tell me that you can't see it now.

Oh yes indeed here folks, they're coming closer!

Still with me? It's going to get a lot better...

...and better

...and even better

...some more?

In the middle of these three, we have the baby - you can see the orange/yellowish hue to the white patch that these whales have when they're first born. I'm not sure how old they get to be before it goes pure white. Look a bit closer at the whale in the front of this image - past the dorsal fin and saddle patch right behind the fin, look towards the black along the length of the back section in the water - you can see the white underside.

I'll wrap this up here with one more photo - but I have more good photos documenting this incredible experience - I'm happy to share, talk about it...or both!

...and then they all turned and headed away from our boat. We didn't see them surface again for quite some time, and Captain Jim said we were going to stay put until we knew exactly where they were in the water around us. Would I have hoped that they decided to hang out a bit longer right underneath us and stay close? Absolutely, but I had a feeling that I'd gotten at least a few good pictures with them passing so closely. When the did surface again, they were back to being a couple hundred yards away. Captain Jim did say that we were heading back in - but he also said that if he saw more whales, we would indeed stop. We didn't on that day, but I can tell you that the next time I do one of these excursions, I'm doing it with Blackfish Tours. I hope you've enjoyed my musings and photographs here. Peace, good people.

Closer to The Boat, Part 2

2019-08-28T13:11:00.000-07:00

Friday morning, August 23rd, 2019. We're heading out in a bit on this cloudy and rainy day. A boat full of 49 people leaving out of Anacortes with Blackfish Tours. One thing I have realized on this trip to Seattle, is that even the most dismal of cloudy days - and at least half of the days started out dismal looking & cloudy/rainy, only to turn into these gorgeous sunny days with perfect temperatues, even the rainy & clouds couldn't lessen the sheer beauty of the Pacific Northwest. It just isn't possible - that beauty is too strong.

I stood on the balcony just outside the tour office after signing a waver that said Blackfish tours could not be held liable or accountable in the unfortunate event that anyone got injured or worse. I knew we'd all return safely, but I also knew that there are much worse ways to perish than out on the waters of the incredibly beautiful Salish Sea. I'm no stranger to being around the Ocean, having grown up half of my childhood in Southern California living close to the beach, and sometime right on the strand. The Salish Sea and the shorelines that surround it are the most beautiful places I have ever seen and I've known this for many years just seeing pictures, now I know it standing here looking out:

The photo here, is from the day before we headed out onto this water. It was sunny that day - but I assure you that this is a beautiful sight even on a colder rainy day. I couldn't escape the thought of what is out in those waters, no matter how many times I looked at shorelines like this one.

It seemed like it took forever for all of the people who were going out on this tour to assemble so that we could leave. I'm a grown man and my anticipation for getting out there goes far beyond what I can describe. What if we didn't see any whales? The guy who captained the 45 foot boat we were going out on, seemed confident at first:

"Well, we haven't been skunked yet - not this year"..."I don't know about the black & whites - but I know we'll see something...a gray whale, Stellar Sea Lions, maybe a Bald Eagle or two..."

As I took in what this guy was saying, I tried to prepare myself for the possiblity of not seeing any of the animals that I hoped to see. No black & whites? Oh man, that would be disappointing. I keep telling myself how amazing it feels to be on this Salish Sea, looking around and knowing what things live out here in these waters - and how beautiful it is looking at the shorelines and out into the great expanse of these waters. Ok, this may just have to do. Just look around you. They're out there, somewhere, and whether or not I get to see them, seeing this is still amazing.

The boat slows down, our Captain tells us that around 11 o'clock off our bow, there's a Gray Whale spouting. Some of us look out and instantly see part of the whale's head, along with the vertical tower of mist of warm air from the whale's lungs forming a tall misty cloud in the air. Then the whale disappears, down into the shallow water to scoop up vast amounts of mud from the bottom of the bay. The mud, we're told by our naturalists on board today, has loads of tiny ghost shrimp. The whale scoops up the mud, filters out the shrimp and gulps 'em down.

Another spout, way off our bow. Some of the people on the boat yell out - much like they would do if they were sitting in an arena at Sea World. Me? I stand there in silence and complete awe - my heart is racing, this is incredible - yet all I'm seeing are little parts, glimpses of an animal that can weigh 30-40 tons and be nearly 50 feet long. Tiny glimpses of this beast's head, back and tail - and then nothing, I wait.

Every second of waiting in anticipation thrills me. This isn't my favorite whale, but it is no less amazing to see out here in these waters, and I want more - like everyone else on this boat. While I can relate to how thrilled the others on board are, I wish for silence - because hearing the quiet of these waters break with the sound of this huge, beautiful creature surfacing to breathe is as much of a treat for the ears, indeed to soul, as seeing what you see in front of you in the picture above. I know, it's not a great photograph - and yet it is. It is because it is a visual record of what I saw yards in front of me on that day. Some more glimpses - see for yourself, and try to imagine the sense of wonder you'd get if you're standing on that boat seeing and hearing this.

I've tried to leave as much of the original photo in here, so that one can get a sense of the expanse of this bay, contained as it was. It still allowed this huge animal to roam about. You see something like this, then you look around in wonder - and you hope you see more.

"Okay, whale sighted, goal reached - that's it folks, we're going home now.", says our captain from up on top. A few people laugh - the guy was personable and likeable. I suppose I cracked a smile, but all I can think of is how much more I want, how grateful I am for what I've just seen - even if this is the end of it. Because I am.

Not sure if you can see in these photos, but there was a light rain falling here. I don't think it ever stopped while we sat there watching and waiting - and I'm sure it didn't matter to any of us. One more of a quick glimpse of the whale's tail - but believe me, I snapped quite a few shots here with various sizes of what this whale put above the surface.

There are more from this part, but you get a sense of what we were seeing that day. It could have ended here, and if it had, there would still be a boat ride back to the harbor with all the breathtaking scenery and the knowing that they're out there - living in these waters. There is enough vast expanse of ocean here that I could have easily not seen even this. But I did, we all did that day - and I feel better for having seen it - and I'm not going to lie about it, I want more - much more.

I'll post the third, and for now, final installment from that day after I get a few things done around here that I need to address on my return home. If any of this has moved any of you thus far, I assure you that the final installment will do much more. Peace, good people.

CRO

Closer To The Boat - Part 1

2019-08-28T11:16:00.002-07:00

I've had a fascination, no, more like an obsession with Killer Whales since I was around 8 years old. It all started with watching The Undersea World of Jacques Cousteau. I've never forgotten seeing those beautiful black & white whales on the television - nor have I forgotten seeing whales and dolphins on a field trip to MarineLand as a first grader in California. From that point on, going to a marine life park was epic to me.

I wanted to be a whale trainer so badly from the time I first saw marine mammals at MarineLand, all the way up to now - although now, having learned quite a bit more about these animals from being completely obsessed/captivated by them, I know that overall it would bother me. I've loved seeing these animals in marine life parks - but I've come to understand just how wrong it is to see these animals being exploited for human amusement. While I can admit there is a certain education factor is good, and maybe these parks allow many of us the opportunity to see animals that we might well never get a chance to see, I've come to believe that we shouldn't see them anywhere but where they belong - which is in their natural habitat.

Mind you I would watch these animals up close in a marine park - and I have done so. The thing is, they don't have to be doing tricks and performing. They could just sit motionless in the water - I'd still stand/sit there captivated, and I could sit there for hours. Years ago, I worked catering functions at Sea World in San Diego. Truth be told, the only reason I went to work at Sea World was because I wanted to be a whale trainer. I thought any way I could get my foot in the door...

In the Fall, some of the functions I worked ran until ten or eleven o'clock at night. I'd cut through the whale stadium on my way to the time clock/employee entrance. In the Fall, they would fly other whales back to San Diego from Ohio and Texas. That late at night, they would allow the whales full run of the stadium as a group. Although I wasn't supposed to do this, I'd stand up on the platform that an audience member would come up to during the show & they would have one of the whales pop up & stick its tongue on the person's cheek.

I'd stick my hand in the water and splash until the whales would swim over to me. I'd scratch their tongues & touch them. Some of them would spit mouthfuls of water at me. I didn't care. I always kept these cut through sessions short - but I could've easily stayed there all night experiencing these magnificent animals. That's as close as I ever got to them - and the more I've learned about them, the more it makes me sad that any animals like these are in places like that. These are animals that stay within the pods they're born in for their entire lives. They are animals that easily cover 100 miles in a single day, and here, no matter how large their enclosures may be, no matter how many times they're put into a larger enclosure...it could never be big enough for how these animals are supposed to live.

They're not supposed to be rounded up, captured and torn away from their family groups, the pods that they stay in their entire lives. Yet they have been, all for human profit, amusement and enjoyment. These are intelligent animals that form tight family bonds. They're not animals that should ever have to ponder a long flight to the West coast, being out of the water they live in for hours at a time, and then being put back into a chlorine heavy salt water tank where they can swim small circles in. Most of them don't live long lives in captivity, most of them live much longer lives in the wild, where they're supposed to be.

Last week, I went on a trip that I've longed to do for many years. Although there were a lot of things to take in and enjoy on this trip, at the top of the list was seeing these animals in their natural environment. There was no real guarantee that I'd be able to do that. Nonetheless, as I stood on the deck of the first boat we went out on in the hopes of seeing these whales, just looking out at the expanse of the Salish Sea and knowing that they're out there, they live in these waters, was an incredible feeling.

Also an incredibly feeling, and one that moved me to tears, was when the naturalist on our boat told us that we had whales at 10 o'clock off the bow. You're not allowed to approach these animals any closer than 200 yards. That's not close enough for my liking, but believe me, it's still quite a thrill looking through my camera and seeing these whales off in the distance, clicking off as many shots as my camera would allow. In this group of transient whales (these whales eat mammals - porpoises, Sea Lions, dolphins) there was a big male and some females and a younger whale.

What I didn't see, was exactly what these animals were eating - I never saw a spout from a porpoise, or an unfortunate seal. We did come up to a group of rocks making a tiny island where Seals and Sea Lions hauled up on, and the whales know this spot. At one point not far off of the bow, there were two Seal Lions in the water and the whales were facing them perhaps 100 yards or so, maybe less. Enough less that the whales could've easily closed the gap and made things very interesting for those of us on the boat. They didn't eat in front of us that day though.

All of my photos from that day out on the water, are distant. You can definitely tell that I was quite a ways off from the animals - but they're still photos I cherish. Burned into my memory is scanning the surface of the water in the hopes of getting another glance at this group of whales. You wouldn't see them for minutes at a time, then their dorsal fins and part of their bodies would appear as they surfaced to breathe within seconds of each other. They're here. This is where they belong. In a sea, a body of water so expansive that one might not ever see them again - then again, in a body of water that one might very well get a glimpse of them again in. Here. This is where you need to see them.

There were no breaches from any of these animals on that day. I snapped loads of photographs of them off in the distance. I saw these animals out there, on the Salish Sea - and even from 200 yards away, nowhere near close enough for my liking, this was amazing. Had these been the only photographs I'd gotten on this trip, I'd still be grateful for every shutter click. Beyond grateful for every glimpse of the dorsal fins and backs of these animals appearing about the surface of the water off in the distance. I'd return someday, hopefully - after this trip and on another one, one that my main objective of will be the same reason: to see these magnificent animals in their natural environment, and hopefully, to get some good photographs of them in the world the belong in.

Two days later, I'd go out on a different boat and see them again - and just before we would move on, I'd seen them again, hundreds of yards away...yet now, on the Salish Sea in a circle of 4 or 5 other boats on the water that were full of people hoping for the same thing that I longed for, now these whales were turning towards us and heading closer to the boat...see Closer To The Boat, Pt. 2

A Vacation Journal

2019-08-20T12:25:00.001-07:00

A Vacation Journal

Vacations - while most people are familiar with them, I’m mostly not. Not at all. They’re completely foreign to me. It’s taken me quite a few years to see the value in them. For starters, I’m pretty much a workaholic. I also am more uptight flying now than I ever was. I flew a lot as a kid, my mom worked for an airline & we flew back home to Ohio from California. I was at LAX quite a bit in those days. I can remember going into work with my mom on a Saturday to watch the 747s arrive & depart - they were new in those days.

I also remember passing by the planes that took servicemen off to Viet Nam. I remember asking my mom if I was going to have to fly on one of those planes someday.

“I certainly hope not.”, she answered. Turns out I never did. Thank God. Flying never bothered me as a young child, nor did getting stuck in airports having flown on standby.

I wanted to know how fast the plane went to take off, and how fast the plane went when it was in the air. I don’t think I ever found out. Not really sure I want to know now.

Okay, enough nostalgia from my fond memories of flying as a kid. It’s a whole different game now. For starters, there’s 911 and some lesser bullshit that has totally changed the game. Turns out my enough nostalgia jumped the gun a bit. In my childhood flying days - and they flew by (see what I did there?), we’d go up to the gate and wait anxiously for the plane that my grandparents or an aunt or uncle were on.

When it was time for them to go back home, we’d watch the plane from the time it boarded until the thing became a dot in the sky that faded out of sight. Loved ones were on these planes. 911 took that away from us all, and some people will never know that experience. It’s one of my favorite childhood memories. Gone. I gotta say that even as an adult, I miss that. Yeah, I’d still do it if I could. Anyone with me?

I suppose that’s fine in keeping all of us safe. What isn’t helping to keep anyone safe, is that f-you attitudes that airlines have pretty much taken with their customers nowadays. Flight canceled, delayed or routed somewhere else? So? What are you gonna do - take a train? Drive? Whatever. What’s that? Now you’re not getting into your destination on time, nor are you flying to your first connection. Add five hours to you arrival time. Plans? So?

That’s how my vacation, the first one I’ve had in more years than I want to mention, started this morning. Found out that our first connection canceled. From there it only got worse. Supposed to leave at 12:30 PM, it got a little better when they told us we would leave an hour earlier, but that ended up being untrue. Doesn’t matter anyway, because instead of flying into Chicago for our connection flight, and then on to Seattle, now we’re flying into Dallas. The Hell I wanna go to Dallas for? Because it’s now where they tell me I have to go to connect and get to Seattle. Really? You couldn’t find a state a little bit closer up the waistline?

Presently it’s not looking like we’re getting to Seattle today - unless we get lucky & get on a standby. Our bags may get there long before us. Speaking of bags, I’m not gonna lie: I’m in no way adept at packing - for anything, much less a vacation. Mind you I’m trying to be in the moment and grab all the enjoyment I can from these few days, but right now our plans have been radically altered. I’m on a plane full of people with changed plans today folks. None of us are happy about it, at least I wouldn’t think so. Oh hey, howdy - lucky me going to Dallas today instead of the airport that has my name. There ain’t nothin’ in Texas got my name, I’ll tell you what...y’all.

Is it a good day to fly? Well, yes and no. Yes because at least now we’re flying, no because the lot of us ain’t flying where we thought we were.

There’s no good way to transition into my dislike of heights that makes me less thrilled with flying as an adult. As a kid, flying thrilled the B Jesus outta me. Every time. I’ve no idea where that went. Perhaps it went out the window when I was flying a lot back and fourth to Houston on account of a woman I’d stumbled into a long distance relationship with. I spent a lot of time in airports, and post 911, much of that time was a lot less favorable on the memories that I want to hang onto scale. Lots of things went out the window in Texas, made me sing Robert Plant’s line from Hot Dog....(...and I’ll never go to Texas anymore) - shoo-whee-howdy-shucks, I’m goin’ to Texas.

Add all of this up so far and we’ve gotta have a pretty good explanation of why there are bars in airports and why people drink in them. I’m now en route to Texas. It’s 12:32 PM and I ain’t had no drink yet. I suspect that when I land at DFW, I’m gonna want more than a drink. I believe I’ll want a drank - thanks, turbulence! And thanks for not working, italics button on my iPad. Fucking, yay....y’all. Oh and I’m gonna wanna eat to - but I don’t have a hankerin’ for BBQ. I suspect when I land in Dallas, I’ll be hungry enough to eat a stack of bar napkins if they have the right cheese & sauce on them. If there’s one thing I most definitely do not have fond memories of, it’s airport food. It’s usually the worst of the worst service too. Hot damn, y’all. I’m GIT me some room temperature barbecue. Looking like another hour plus in the air. I vaguely remember being excited as a kid when my airplane food arrived. Seem to recall that usually being a disappointment. Soda. Soda was not a disappointment - I don’t drink soda anymore.

Airplane entertainment is much better these days - or it would be if I were a big movie/tv person. I’m not really, and the appeal is even less when I get forced into it. Speaking of force, that turbulence is quite a force this afternoon. I’m trying to write, read a bit - I’d just as soon not have my words all bounced around. I don’t want the American Airlines app for in flight WiFi - well I didn’t think I did. But like a kid whose little brother or sister wants to play with one of my toys that I haven’t touched in weeks, now I do. Can’t get it now, you have to download it before you take off. Where is that waitress in the sky? Can I get a turbulence Martini? Don’t worry, the shake is taken care of.

I bet you didn’t know I’d have a bowl of cry baby soup on the plane, did you? Yup, me neither. I didn’t sleep last night, figured I’d sleep on the way. The captain just came on said we’d have “just a few more minutes of this not so smooth ride” - minutes can be a long time. It’s a long time in a wrestling match - high school or college, not WWF bullshit steroid/fake blood/chair smashing wrestling, and certainly not bear wrestling. Trust me, two minutes is a long time sometimes. I don’t remember ever being bothered by that as a kid. Different story now. How’s that when I was afraid of quite a bit more back then. Maybe I’m just afraid of different things these days - heights, and more specifically, dropping from them being but one.

We’re off to a good...well, we’re off to a start. Could be worse - I could still be standing at the check in counter and being told something like, yeah...you’re not flying into Chicago, and now Dallas is a wash (y’all), now we’re routing you to Hawaii - oh wait, that’s nowhere near as good as it sounds (again, thanks for not complying w/my over thinker/writer’s wishes here, iPad iTalics) - most people would love to go to Hawaii, but for a lot longer than the 20 minutes we’ll have you there. Oh you’re gonna be hungry, probably need a pit stop too, but save your aloha - ain’t none of you got time for that. Why? Because we’re gonna route you from Hawaii back towards one of the Dakotas and get you to Seattle from there. Makes sense to you? Yeah, not to us either - no, we don’t have to explain it to you - why?? We don’t care - we’re an airline, and we don’t have to.

I’ll update when I know just how many states I’ll touch today.

Being of Benefit

2019-02-13T13:39:00.000-08:00

I created this blog some years ago for one reason: I wanted a platform to get me writing on a regular basis. I also wanted to keep writing on a regular basis and I didn't worry so much about the things I should write about - until recently. Throughout my life I've had friends and family telling me I could write and that I should write. Throughout my life writing has always been something that I've done, put down for a while and picked back up again. In recent years it has become more obvious to me that I probably shouldn't have put it down for any length of time. It's always felt better than any of my other artistic interests, and maybe I'm better at it than some of the ones I've pursued - such as playing music.

From my earliest memories of school, English class was always the one class that held my interest and kept me paying attention. These days I'm amazed at how many people don't see the value of having even minimal written communication skills. It's an age of text speak, non-sensible abbreviations and emoticons and it's leaving much to be desired for the sake of speaking quickly/brevity. Maybe we're missing out on a lot with that notion.

Sometimes I think faster than I type, and although I use texts as much as anyone these days, the typos that I can be prone to seem to bother me more in texts than on an actual page. Wow - how did I let that slip by? I can fault the tiny keyboard on my iPhone 8 Plus, which in the words of a dearly departed acquaintance, is like talking into a piece of toast, but maybe I should give thought to just how fast I'm rushing to speak - when it's entirely possible that I should stay silent, or at least wait a bit to "talk".

Our electronic connection age we live in may be making some things too easy to do - and too quickly. It's taking away our duty to think before we speak because we can simply respond, hit the return/send key without enough thought. Why wait to see someone and talk to them in person, reaching for the phone is not reaching far enough and even with the phone being close at hand (too close perhaps), it's simply too much trouble to pick up the phone and call to speak to someone. Phone calls have never been easier to make, and not many people are willing to wait for actual human interaction.

What's my point? We're talking too much and saying too little. What happened to the beauty of silence and waiting, anticipating real human interaction and looking forward to it - or dreading it? We think less before we communicate and we act/speak immediately - sometimes in anger and haste. That's not usually a good place to come from. Communication is easier, more impulsive and less thoughtful. Is it the breeze that we feel brushing against us on a windy day - or is it the gazillion binary digits that everyone is zapping off into the clouds that once we hit send can never be taken back?

So now I'm thinking more about this blog - and creating another one, to be of benefit. If there is technology that makes communication faster and can have a much larger audience, then shouldn't I strive to put out thoughts that are of benefit to this world? What if a kind thought that any of us can see on any social media page, is the one good thing someone else sees on this, or any other day? If I'm going to put something out there into cyber space, I need to be mindful of what it is I'm putting out there. Am I saying something that's self-involved, too emotionally driven that no one needs to see, much less have litter their mindset?

I'm currently in my third week of a writer/editor apprentice program with Elephant Journal. I've been overwhelmed and a bit uneasy about my discovering just how much work my writing needs to be of benefit to others and not pages of self-indulgent drivel. I don't always think my writing is such drivel, but I am facing the fact that oftentimes it is - and I want to move away from that and be of benefit.

So I'm kicking around ideas for a new blog that will be of benefit, that will put forth something good for others, helpful for others to carry with them on any given day - maybe every single day. Our thoughts are energy, and they can either inspire us and keep us afloat on the sea of this life journey, or they can sink us and set us back. When I signed up for the writing/editor apprentice program, I had the option of a social media program as well. Originally I didn't see the usefulness of that, so I opted in for the writing & left out the social media. Then I saw this quote from Waylon Lewis, and it really got me thinking:

"What if we could believe in ourself, love our work, help others, do things we're good at, and pay the bills...all through the simple act of sharing on social media?"

- Waylon Lewis

So now I have something to think about - I think the thing that's important here, is that paying the bills is towards the end of that statement. I think that if we can do the first four items, paying the bills will happen. Stay tuned - I hope I'm write...err...right. Thank you, Waylon Lewis for this inspiration - and the whole notion to be of benefit. Peace, good people. Have a great Wednesday.

Happy New Year 2019

2018-12-31T10:06:00.002-08:00

I've never been much for New Year's - if I haven't worked them, I've found going out to be more on the disappointing side - I'd really rather stay home on what is perhaps the biggest night of the year to see more people drinking and driving. I also feel like by the time Christmas has come and gone, there have been enough other things to mark a year's passing. There have been this year, and this holiday season has been marked with a bit of sadness. In the grand scheme of things, our life journeys are filled with both joy and sadness, and we simply have to keep moving through both.

My hope this year on New Year's Eve, is that more people stay safe out on the roads tonight. Being a very moderate drinker myself, I'm not so worried about myself as I am the people who over indulge. I'll stay sober and hope that things conclude as early as possible from what I hope to be a good night at work. The new year starts at my parents' house with our traditional pork and sauerkraut dinner. The superstition is that you eat poor on the first day of the year, prosper throughout the year.

I gave up making New Year's resolutions many years ago - but I do like to assess things this time of the year. On my own journey I want to do the following things - and I hesitate to call them resolutions, because I think of these things throughout the year. That being said, here's what I want from this new year:

To continue eating healthier:

No processed foods
Less sugar
More vegetables
More juicing
Drink more water
Drink less alcohol
Less meat

continue to exercise
read more
be kinder to others
be kinder to myself
rid myself of toxic relationships
be the best version of me I can

ride more miles on my bicycle
take better pictures
improve my writing
get things published & get paid for them
break into the writing markets I feel I could do well in

help others whenever possible
be generous when I can be towards others
nurture the good relationships that I have in my life
downsize and purge this place of all the things I don't really need
work at my creative best
give something back and make a difference

...and lastly, to keep my attitude focused on being grateful for the wonderful people I have in my life as family and friends - and to notice more of the things that bring me joy and share as much of that as possible.

There you have it - these are ongoing things and not so much resolutions that only come around this time of the year. Every year at this time, I see a lot of people new at the gym - and I always wonder if they'll stick with it. It's always interesting to see all the new faces start dropping off. All I can say is that I hope that if you're joining a gym this time of the year, stick with it - because no matter how tough it is to get started taking better care of yourself, you're worth it.

Happy New Year everyone - please be safe if you're out and about tonight, and let's all make 2019 a better year for all of us. Peace, good people.

CRO

...and now there's a cat living here.

2018-12-26T12:49:00.000-08:00

You read that correctly, there is indeed a cat living here now. It's not that I'm any less of a dog person, in fact over a year and a half after having to put my last dog down, I came pretty close to getting another dog this Summer. As it turns out, it was not to be. I was disappointed, but I ended up having faith that there will be another dog some day - when the time is right.

I was fine with this not being the time for another dog, and then a friend showed me a video of another friend's kittens. I noticed this adorable little Siamese looking kitten tumbling off of a chair and my heart melted. Suddenly a cat seemed like a more peaceful entry/return to being a pet owner. Since I currently live in an apartment community, I've noticed that I have neighbors who have dogs that are rather unruly. To be honest, my last dog was a bit of a struggle - mind you I was fine with that, but I gave a lot of thought to how my dog was to my neighbors and people who don't like dogs. It seems a lot of dog owners don't do that - and a lot of them should. Alas, I can't fix the world of irresponsible pet owners.

The more I thought about this gorgeous and completely adorable kitten, the more it seemed like a cat would be a more peaceful solution to having a pet again. That's what I thought anyway...and I do think that will be the case - but not until some of this kitten's energy wears off a bit. A lot, actually. Oh it's a whole different vibe having a cat around here than it ever was with a dog:

For starters, I don't have to take the cat out first thing in the morning - or when I get home from work. That's good news. The bad news is, unless I stay on top of it, I have a box of...well, you know, in my utility room. You hear a thing or two about how cats can be trained to use a toilet - but having only one bathroom in my place, I opted to eliminate the possibility of having to wait in even a small line.

Another good thing about a cat is that there are no sudden fits of barking. Instead there's quite a bit of lurking. Cats fucking love the element of surprise and they can be stealthy little shits. There's a lot of aha moments - and often they're not especially calm ones (from here on out in this post, the part of my cat and her intended thoughts, will be played by italics:

A-ha!! There you are! I've found you - I bet you didn't know I was HERE!

No, no I didn't. Yup, there you are indeed. Did you want something?

Yes! I wanted to startle you for no real reason - I am HERE!

Yes, yes you are. Bravo. What's next?

Silence! You will know what's next when I decide it is time for you to know! THEN you will see what's next!

Oh. Okay - thanks for the heads up. Note to self: Get this little shit a collar with a bell on it so that I can have advance warning as to the whereabouts of this creature that now calls this place home. One of us has got to care whether or not she's underfoot and it doesn't appear to be her.

Holy shit! Get this thing off of me!

If only I could - sorry, you're gonna have to trust me here little cat, annoying as this bell collar is, it's going to do us both a lot of favors.

Nonsense! Remove it at once!

Sorry, no can do. Give it some time.

Time has eased the adjusting to having a bell around her neck - and it has, more often than not, alerted me to the presence of a kitten that is now twice the size of the tiny little bundle of fur that came to live here just a few weeks ago. Trust me, she can still be pretty sneaky and stealthy.

Here I am! You are startled once again by my ability to sneak up on you!

Whatever.

Ha! I shall attack your feet for no reason at all...other than to prove to you that i am aware of all things in this dwelling!

Do what you must, I heard you this time.

You only heard because I wanted you to hear me!

Listen, whatever you need to tell yourself....

There are two things that make this kitten different than a Tiger or a Mountain Lion:

1) Size
2) Territory

...three things if I were to count her rather domestic markings, which are Siamese like and render her adorable. Yup, that's my cat - a fierce hunter. Her prey, at least thus far in our relationship, is limited to the things she can fuck up around this place - by knocking them over for no apparent reason and then looking at me as if she were doing me a favor:

There - I pushed that glass of water off the edge of the coffee table for you - YOU'RE WELCOME.

Yeah. I noticed. Thanks so much. Your logic is flawed - can you not do that again, please?

You sign up for these kinds of things. At the moment the very notion of a cat being a more peaceful method of pet ownership seems a ways off. I know the day will come, but it may not be any time soon. Meanwhile much of this little feline's actions are amusing - though sometimes it take a while for the amusement factor to settle in. I can say without hesitation, that dogs seem pretty far removed from Wolves in many of their actions - and appearances. Cats? Not so different from any of the bigger cats - it's often like they are creatures that were sized down, given different color markings and then placed in living rooms throughout the world.

Should we hunt differently than in the wild?

No - we do the same things, it's just that instead of climbing trees, rocks or mountain sides, we amble up the backs of sofas, leap onto counters and kitchen tables and go through spells of avoiding human contact.

Me-OW - and get this: these humans put food in front of us, provide water and health care for us, and here's the best part: Elimination worries? So not our problem - this guy cleans it out of a box for me, hell I don't even have to bury it - I mean I do, of course - I'm a cat and I can't fall behind on my burying skills, but seriously - I could never bury another nugget of poop as long as I live and it just wouldn't make a difference..

Shut UP!

It's true - SWEAR.

It's that fierce hunter in her that has me shutting the bedroom door at night, because once the lights go out, the appeal of the jungle looms too large a temptation for her to ignore. By jungle I mean the top of my computer desk, on which there are speakers that need to be hunted down and knocked over. A picture of my late dog - which most definitely should not be left standing on an angle on display - it's my cat's feline duty to make sure this photograph gets knocked face down...at once. Let's not forget the various and sundry pencil jars of makers and ink pens - these should be on the floor, and preferably they'll be knocked over onto that floor once the guy who pays the bills around here keeping said cat in litter and food (that guy is me) has fallen asleep - how else would I notice what my cat has done for me than to have my bare feet step on these markers and pens before I've had a single sip of coffee. Now's a good time to point out that this is probably as uncomfortable and surprising as stepping on a Lego or other kids toy unsuspectingly. All I'm saying is, that can hurt. It ain't gonna kill you, but it can hurt.

So there you have it - things are different around here, because a cat lives here now.

The terminology between cats and their humans seems to be a lot different:

What I say: NO!

My cat's reply - or so it seems: whatever

NO! God________!

Lighten up, would you? Jeez you're loud sometimes

For all the rather unpleasant things I signed up for, it's the moments of joy in between these kinds of things that make the journey worthwhile. For the time being, it's a bit like having a foreign exchange student staying here - we're both used to different things. Carry on.

CRO

Life is Short

2018-11-28T18:42:00.002-08:00

Many years ago, I was at work on what seemed to be a normal night behind the bar at The Inn at Turner's Mill. Given the events that would unfold that night, I can't recall if we were busy. I think it was just your average week night - and those can be very good nights sometimes. On this particular evening, it wasn't about sales or the money I'd make. Something very important - and sad, happened on that night.

I don't even remember the time, but I'd have to guess that it was around 7:30-8:00 in the evening. A gentleman came up to me and very calmly said words that I can still hear in this guy's voice to this day - and it's been over 23 years.

"I need you to call 911 right away - there's a gentleman having a heart attack at our table."

I probably took 5 steps towards the phone at the end of the bar. To this day I remember it feeling like those 5 steps took forever. 911 on a push button phone also seemed to take forever. I don't remember how many times the number rang, but it felt like too many. One seemed like too many. Time was suddenly being measured in split seconds, the tiniest fractions of time that I was completely aware of and needing to stretch them out into groups of minutes, long enough for this man to live. The whole series of events became a series of hand offs, with each person playing an important role, handing off to the next person, whose task was immediately more important than the one that came before it - because each time a new person had the next logical step in the sequence, they would now be acting in the only moment any of us had - the one we were currently in. The NOW.

Those fractions of seconds did seem to stretch, but not in the ways I wanted them to. Everything I did from my first step towards the phone felt like it was taking way too long, this was an emergency. It was life or death. When the dispatcher did pick up, I calmly told her where I was calling from and that it was an emergency, I had a gentleman having a heart attack in the middle of our dining room.

I know I spoke quickly and as calmly as I could, I do remember that. Then I remember the dispatcher asking what felt like way too many questions. "How old would you estimate the gentleman to be? Is he breathing? Does he appear discolored? Is he conscious?" - I don't remember specific questions, I just remember that I kept saying, "I don't know - he's halfway across the room from me and he's surrounded by people! Just get here!"

Hudson is a small, very New England like, affluent community. The restaurant was a little more than a small city block away from the police department. To this day it still feels like I was on the phone forever - but I wasn't. Nothing is forever, and I was probably on the phone for all of two minutes if I had to guess. I've had conversations with family & friends on the phone that lasted hours and flew by like seconds. When you realize that every split second counts, none of them are long enough.

The paramedics arrived quickly. Across the room I couldn't see much of what was going on. They did everything to try and bring this gentleman back, but he was gone. I have no idea how much time elapsed from the moment when I was told to call 911 and the time our guest passed away - right there in the dining room I made my living in. There were a handful of us working in the Tavern that night and all of us were now just numb. We stood there in shock trying to put ourselves back together after watching the paramedics cover a man up and take him out the front door.

None of us were the same after what had just happened in front of us. I knew that I acted quickly and calmly. But I still wondered. I knew that the dispatcher did her job perfectly. I still wondered. I knew I answered her questions as well as anyone standing in my vantage point could have. I wondered. I knew the paramedics got there quick. Wondered.

All of us in the room that night didn't have to say it, but we all knew the exact same thing. In that room that night, someone's earthly journey stopped. None of us were ready to think about something like that, even with all of us being adults. None of us knew the man - hell I didn't even see his face. Somehow we all decided to go out for a drink and just be there for one another.

The server who was waiting on the party of businessmen the deceased man was having dinner with, said that the guy had actually said moments earlier to his associates, that he'd had a very good life and he'd have no regrets if he were to die that very night. I think we all thought the guy would be okay, the paramedics would do their job and the guy would live, but that was not to be. Everyone did do their job perfectly that night - the dispatcher, the paramedics, the gentleman who came up to my bar and asked me to call 911 and me, in calling and giving the dispatcher the run down on the emergency we were in the midst of. I can't speak for anyone else, but I still wondered. I doubt that I was the only one who wondered if anything they'd noticed or done could've changed the unfortunate outcome of that evening.

We talked a bit at Kepner's after our shift. None of us were laughing nor were we in the mood to. We were barely in the mood for a cocktail, but we all just knew that we needed each other that night. And we were there for one another.

My point in sharing this story isn't to look back on a very unpleasant memory. My point is that all of us went to work that night, thinking it was just another night at work. The business party at the table that night probably thought this would be just another business dinner after a day's work. Not one of us gave any thought to the very real possibility that our night would take a turn like this one did. But it did. In the short span of a few minutes, minutes that seemed to take way too long to pass so that we could collectively get back to saving a man's life.

In that short span of minutes, all made up of seconds and split seconds, a life came to an end right before our eyes. It didn't take long at all - it just felt like it did when it was happening. And then he was gone. Nothing was certain up to that point until the moment this gentleman passed away. The rest of us stood there putting ourselves back together. Back to our uncertain lives. Did this gentleman have a family? Was he happy? Was he sick? Was he a nice guy to work with or for? Was he funny?
These were things that none of us knew - maybe the people he was having dinner with knew. But none of us in the room that night knew what was going to happen in the blink of an eye. And for all any of us knew that night, it could happen any time. Because it could. And here's the important thing:
It CAN. Seconds from now. Minutes. Hours from now. Days. Weeks from now, months. If we're lucky years - years that fly by, made up of the segments of time that seem longer the smaller they are. In every split second that leads up to being a year - or years, there are moments we're in. Right up to the time it's someone's last moment. It's the one we're in that is the only one we know we have. And that moment is the one we can't get back when the day comes that there won't be another. For the sake of those you love and yourself, live present in that moment, and in the groups of those moments that all of us take for granted - much more than any of us should.

In a short few minutes, a life came to an end. I have no idea how old the gentleman was. It didn't matter. Had he been 100, a life had come to an end. It had taken him untold years to get to this point. Longer than it had taken some people, and in less time than it had taken others. But now we sat there and all of us collectively realizing that life is too short. No matter how many things seem to take forever, the fact is, life is much too short.

So my message here is not to cast a sad shadow over anyone's day while they read this, but rather to inspire anyone who might do so to realize just how short this life can be - and to cover you with the hope that if you have people in your life that you love and appreciate, TELL THEM. Tell them now. Tell them often, and then tell them AGAIN, and mean it - don't just say it. Hug them, thank them for whatever they have meant to you on your own journey, but please, TELL THEM. Every one of us is but a phone call, a diagnosis, an accident or other tragedy away from a moment that can end one life and alter others forever. Speak. Act. Appreciate the people in your life that make a difference. Forgive. Love. Help. Laugh. Be thankful for any and every opportunity to take notice of people and make every effort to never let them wonder what they mean to you.

A few paragraphs back, I said we all needed one another that night, and we all knew that yet none of us had to say that. The fact of the matter is, we still all need one another and every one of us would do well to actually say that and act on it. Now, right now - don't ask for time when time doesn't belong to anyone to give, give of your time when you have the opportunity to do so, because none of us really know if we'll get the chance we'll wish we had when the opportunity isn't going to present itself again.

The trouble is, you think you have time.

Peace, good people. Today.

CRO