The Ironic Catholic

Hitler Reacts to the New Roman Missal

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 20:31:00 +0000

My favorite: "I'm not a house!"

Prayer request: adopting Alex

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 04:35:00 +0000

Many of you remember we are adopting five year old Alex, whose lives in an Eastern European country institution, and lives with cerebral palsy.

Well, we received some frustrating news. The adoption authority in Alex's home country has told us the dossier is allowed to be submitted March 29th. That's over six weeks later than we expected! And with extended approval time, and waiting for a travel date time, that puts traveling to meet Alex and adopt him well into ... May.

All together: AUGGGGHHHHH!
And as our kids reacted, sputtering: "That's not fair!" (We have expected early March all along.) Yes, kids, you get that point better than those fun-loving bureaucrats. We realize adopting is a privilege and not a right. But when literally everything is done, approved, translated, and collecting dust in a tray...waiting three months to travel is a bitter pill to swallow.

This far-out dossier date was unexpected on everyone's part. Because the adoption authority just reorganized, they instituted some new rules around ceasing to fast-track many special needs adoptions. We're getting caught in that delay through no fault of ours, no fault of our facilitators, and certainly no fault of Alex's. Remember--the government doesn't even formally know we hope to adopt him, due to the way they handle international adoptions. They just know we want to adopt a child his age with his special need.

Alex's country being what it is, this could "change back" to a fast-tracking process. That is our best hope for getting the date moved up. Honestly, we're ready to go. Alex is no doubt ready to have a better life: a family that loves him, therapy for his CP, an opportunity to learn. And he needs out of the institution--he's not hanging out at the Club Med. This date is just one more hurdle.

After a difficult few hours, we realized there is really nothing we can do to change this situation but pray. The situation feels like we need prayer and fasting (Mt 17:21). Jerry is fasting from sweets. I am going to be fasting from Diet Coke for nine days (those of you who know me know I'm dead serious now, because I'm completely addicted). If you feel led to fast for smooth and quick sailing for Alex's adoption, please do. You can tell us, or not, but we do appreciate it regardless.

Also, we are encouraging people to do nine days of prayer with us (our Catholic friends know this is called a novena, nothing "magical" about it, just a set period of intense intentional prayer). We're going to be praying a short prayer for the intercession of St. Joseph, who, as the foster father of Jesus, has a special love for those in need of fathers. You should feel free to pray for Alex's quick and smooth adoption process as you wish--if you pray in another fashion you prefer, please add Alex to your prayers for nine days with us all. But if you want to join us:

St. Joseph, foster-father and protector of Jesus Christ! To you do I raise my heart and hands to implore your powerful intercession. Please obtain for me from the kind Heart of Jesus the help and graces necessary for my spiritual and temporal welfare. I ask particularly for the grace of a happy death, and the special favor I now implore, that Alex is kept safe and well, and that his adoption move forward quickly.

Guardian of the Word Incarnate, I feel animated with confidence that your prayers in my behalf will be graciously heard before the throne of God.

V. O glorious St. Joseph, through the love you bear to Jesus Christ, and for the glory of His name,
R. Hear my prayers and obtain my petitions.

Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us, and move quickly this adoption of your small friend, Alex.

Amen.

The novena and fasting will start for us Thursday, February 9th. Please consider joining us in some fashion. We will post reminder updates on the facebook page for Alex (feel free to "like" the page and follow that way). We trust God has our back in this, but Jesus did say "ask and you shall receive"--which means he wants us to ask for great things! We will accept God's response in any case, but we are compelled to ask for a much sooner travel date, against all bureaucratic lethargy. By the way, we know--moving out the travel date by three months doesn't seem like too long, but when you are a child who cannot walk living in a mental institution, and when you are prospective parents not knowing how your son is really doing, and when there is no reason to wait--three months is too long.

Thank you, and we believe Alex will thank you.

(More about Alex and the adoption process here.)

Religious Institutions Forced to Pay for Employees’ Slaves

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 17:10:00 +0000

Washington, DC, April 19, 1847: The U.S. administration, after considering a conscientious objection exemption for religious institutions, decided that Catholics institutions must pay a “forced servanthood fee” for employees who wish to own slaves, up to $1,000 a slave per year.

“It is the law of many states that slavery is legal, and white men are free to own slaves. Indeed, most white men want to own slaves, seeing how abolitionists are treated like village idiots. So it seems natural and fully American that we should force Catholic institutions in slave states to facilitate owning others, and potentially killing them if they do not fit their needs. We won’t make parishes comply because we don’t think they own slaves anyway, but every other Church affiliated institution, you have a year to change your entire moral system to suit,” argued the Secretary of Health and Human Slavery, Mr. Charles Moore.

Catholic Bishops responded with outrage, arguing the mandate trespasses the freedom of religion clause in the constitution, by forcing them to act in opposition to their doctrine. However, many people on Twitter said “They just hate slave owners and the Southern way of life, grow up #freaks”, so that must be true.

At a press conference last week, a reporter asked why the Amish and Mennonite organizations were excluded from this mandate, and the press secretary, Henry White, said, “Candidly, because their numbers are so small they don’t matter.” The reporter asked what that had to do with the constitution, and White continued, “Plus, it’s not considered politically sporting in this day and age to crush pacifists fleeing religious persecution. We thought about it, and thought, not yet. Next question?”

Many Catholics were very happy about the government giving white men money to own slaves and determine their own destiny as landowners. On the other hand, administrators at Catholic institutions were deeply concerned that they could be indirectly facilitating an evil, and perhaps more so, losing their religious identity to that of the nation state. “Where would this stop?," argued a hospital president who wished to remain nameless. "A requirement to hand out slave coupons on the campus plaza? Every Catholic hospital required to construct a slave block, in case an employed person not of the Catholic faith wanted to use it?”

The Ku Klux Klan asked people to write letters of appreciation to the administration. The Bishops asked people to resist and pray. The newspapers continued going to Twitter for their research.

Tomorrow's edition: Unnamed administration officials consider requiring Catholic elementary school to allow non-Catholic teachers to use waterboarding as corporal punishment.

--I.C.

p.s. I know this is offensive. That’s the point—so is the reality it is targeting.

p.p.s. I know there are quite a few historical oddities in this article (like Twitter in the 1840s). It's satire, people, not a history textbook.

Quote Of The Day

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 03:54:00 +0000

"The Amish do not carry health insurance. The government respects their principles. Christian Scientists want to heal by prayer alone, and the new health-care reform law respects that. Quakers and others object to killing even in wartime, and the government respects that principle for conscientious objectors. By its decision, the Obama administration has failed to show the same respect for the consciences of Catholics and others who object to treating pregnancy as a disease." -

--Archbishop Timothy Dolan of NYC, in response to the contraception/abortifacient mandate.

Want to write to your representative about this? Here you go.
Complain to the White House directly? How about here? (Warning: the process is slow.)

Completely nonhumorous reflections

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 03:58:00 +0000

Hi everyone. I'd like to update you on some things and explain my absence (physically and let's be honest, humorously)....

First, you may recall my sister in law Becky, who survived a massive and unexpected heart attack days after giving birth to her fourth child two years ago. Well, as fate would have it, she got pregnant again, and despite being told she should have an abortion by all sorts of medical people (not quite everyone, but lots), she did not: she carried the pregnancy through and now we have my newest nephew and future godson, Henry. (Amen, people!) Since the condition that caused the heart attack two years ago spikes with pregnancy hormones, she is in a danger zone right now, coming down from all those pregnancy hormones. Although she has beaten the odds, we would all appreciate prayers for her for a couple more weeks, that she would stay well. She has some beautiful reflections and pictures of baby Henry at her blog, if you want to pop over and send encouragement.

Second, the adoption process. Most of you know we are trying to adopt Alex, a 5 yr old boy with special needs, from Eastern Europe. We are close, very close to being done with paperwork--in fact, I thought we were done with the dossier, sent and everything, but then the fun-lovin' bureaucrats Alex's home country asked for three more documents. They are getting worked on. But soon. We hope to travel in March and I will be there three weeks (my husband slightly less). This adoption has felt a lot like a first trimester pregnancy, in that, I'm jittery (about the process, not the adoption itself): I don't like to share I am pregnant until 12 weeks, just in case I miscarry, and have to break bad news to everyone. Well, although most adoptions in Alex's home country are going well enough, a few have had some unnerving things happen, things we can't prevent (that is, not to do with our facilitators). So, I've been working on this a lot--almost every night for weeks--but not talking about it too much. Besides, there isn't much to say. Most people are asking at this point, do you know how he is doing in the mental institution (which he is in because the country places orphaned children with special needs there)? And the answer is no, we don't. We pray every day for him. But we don't know. So there isn't much to say, other than it is stressful. The adoption process is progressing, and we want it to be done.

Third, I am writing a whopper Theology text on Theology of the Body. It's very interesting and absorbing but I am under a real deadline here--I need most (let's say 3/4) done before we leave for Alex's country in order to get the book done this year. I'm 1/2 done writing a draft, and back into research. But all the research and writing is taking time to digest--I feel like I'm "chewing on it" from the time I step out of my office until the morning when I get back at it. It's not bad but absorbing, as I said.

Fourth, we're trying to rearrange the cramped house for more on pennies, trying to learn some Russian, my husband is up to his eyeballs in volunteer responsibilities, we have four kids. I'm not getting enough sleep. Life is busy.

Fifth, I'm not sure I can be funny about life in the Catholic Church right now. I've had a lot of ideas for potential posts, but no real time to develop them, and no real desire. It's probably just that I am really, really exhausted, and the things that get to me, instead of turning them upside down and presenting perspective through humor, I just sit and feel flat. I don't have the energy to puncture pretentiousness and provide a truthful lens. Which is too bad for me, because I enjoy doing this as a form of therapy and fun. You guys, probably no great loss. :-)

This is all to say I am, of necessity, taking a break. Prayers for Becky and prayers for our adoption process, and Alex, would be most appreciated. Maybe you can slide in a prayer for me and sic too. Thanks for reading and check back sometime...I do intend this to be a temporary break.

IC

p.s. Good reading while I'm gone: The Amused Catholic Ezine is a collection of mostly humorous blog posts....

Bumper stickers suddenly look subtle...

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Caption Contest #110

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 03:50:00 +0000

Caption away in the midrash box.

UPDATE! We have a winner!
Paul Cat: On the count of three, everyone say "Crucify him!"

p.s. Paul also wins for the darkest caption ever composed on the Ironic Catholic. Congrats, I think.

Truth is Stranger #130: File Sharing is a religion...in Sweden

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 03:57:00 +0000

From the BBC, via The Deacon's Bench:

Sweden recognises new file-sharing religion Kopimism

A "church" whose central tenet is the right to file-share has been formally recognised by the Swedish government.
The Church of Kopimism claims that "kopyacting" - sharing information through copying - is akin to a religious service.

The "spiritual leader" of the church said recognition was a "large step".
...

The church, which holds CTRL+C and CTRL+V (shortcuts for copy and paste) as sacred symbols, does not directly promote illegal file sharing, focusing instead on the open distribution of knowledge to all.

It was founded by 19-year-old philosophy student and leader Isak Gerson. He hopes that file-sharing will now be given religious protection.

"For the Church of Kopimism, information is holy and copying is a sacrament. Information holds a value, in itself and in what it contains and the value multiplies through copying. Therefore copying is central for the organisation and its members," he said in a statement.

You know, just when you begin to despair regarding religion's intersection with modern culture, a group of wackjobs creates such an inane definition of a religion that all the major religious traditions' stock goes way (way, way, way) up.

But: is using Creative Commons now idolatry?

More here.

Working hard

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 17:50:00 +0000

...and kinda sick, and kinda avoiding the upwind skunk smells from Iowa* today (30 miles south of me), yada yada ya ya ya...

but there is funny (and thoughtful artsy) stuff at the Amused Catholic Ezine!

*p.s. nothing against Iowans. Just your event of the year going on today.

Kids Still Say the Darnedst Things (Aiii Yah! edition)

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 03:37:00 +0000

During family catechesis on the Solemnity of Mary, Most Holy Mother of God:

Me: See this picture of Mary? We call this one "Our Lady of Grace".

Chic #2 (9 yr old): Oh, look, Mom. She has a belt on in this one, so does that mean she's pregnant in this picture? (She's connecting with Our Lady of Guadalupe, FYI)

Chic #3 (6 yr old): Oh, I don't think so. I think this means she really likes karate!

(The symbolic possibilities abound....)

Blessed Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 04:09:00 +0000

...and Happy New Year 2012!

Truth Is Stranger #129: Let My Angora Goats Go! Or just get into the spirit of things and give birth already.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 12:00:00 +0000

Animals must have their own interpretive takes on the perennial live nativities. But rarely are they so eloquently expressed....

First: a goat who thought he was signing up for the Exodus story.

FERGUS FALLS, Minn. (AP) — A goat that apparently didn't want to be part of a Minnesota Nativity scene has headed for greener pastures.
The 3-year-old Angora goat was supposed to have a supporting role at Bethlehem Church in Fergus Falls. Instead it escaped its leash Saturday afternoon....

More here on the lamb on the lam. (OK, it's a goat, but it should be lamb anyway.)

Second: "Uh Mom, what's that sheep doing?" "Hush, dear, sing Silent Night with us."

CINCINNATI (AP) — A lamb has been born unto a Cincinnati nativity display.

The Krohn Conservatory says that a night watchman oversaw the Christmas Eve delivery for a sheep that was part of the live-animal display. ....

More here. And at least they aren't naming the lamb "Jesus."

I Was Always A Little Jealous of Hannukah. Until Now.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 02:48:00 +0000

And that's just the beginning of the...Hannukah Cake Wrecks.

And how has YOUR Christmas been?

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 04:35:00 +0000

We went to mass. Then: we wrapped, we ate, we unwrapped, we ate, we traveled, we ate, we visited, we ate, our car died, we drank, we fixed it, we ate, we came home.

Festive Octave of Christmas, everyone. Back at it.

Merry Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 06:00:00 +0000

Print of woodcut by Fritz Eichenberg, a prime artist of the Catholic Worker movement, 1954.

Dropping security blankets....

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 16:11:00 +0000

From Fr. James Martin via fb:

"Today on The Washington Post chat a reader mentioned something beautiful that I had never noticed: When Linus recites the story of the Nativity in 'A Charlie Brown Christmas,' he unexpectedly drops his security blanket. With the Word of God he has no need for any other security."

Spoken like a spiritual director, and Amen! On that note, I'll see you after Christmas (well, with a pre-set for Christmas Day). Blessed advent and blessed feast of the Incarnation, everyone.

Pre-Christmas Zinger

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 13:56:00 +0000

The couple, looking tired and overburdened from the many things they had to do to prepare for the holiday, scrambled onto the crowded elevator at the department store, trying (with only partial success) not to drop any of their packages. As the elevator door closed, the husband let out an exasperated sigh and said, "Whoever invented Christmas ought to be shot." From the back of the elevator, a quiet voice said, "Don't worry. We already crucified Him."

It was a mighty quiet ride down to the first floor.

(used with permission from Fr. Mark McKercher on facebook)

Scoop-a-rama

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 20:00:00 +0000

When too busy writing the serious tome to post, I still scoop others' interesting stuff. Feel free to read The Amused Catholic Ezine even when I'm a humor slacker...and suggest good posts/webpages to put on it.

The Apocalypse Approacheth #927: The Zombie Nativity

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 03:53:00 +0000

The apocalypse approacheth...or the Incarnation of Christ...whatever, eh?

Found here and sold (yes) here.

Snarky Christmas Card Berates Sending Family Pictures, Beginning Internet War

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 12:00:00 +0000

(The Johnson's family Christmas card, right)

New York, NY: The gasps in the home office quickly turned into an internet roar.

The Delilah and Bill Johnson family's Christmas card-- 4' x 6', gilt-edged, and glossy-- has on its front a picture of the Blessed Mother and baby Jesus.

What disturbed recipients was the 10 point bulleted section on the inside, titled "Why I am not sending you a picture of my family and you shouldn't either".

The points begin softly, noting "1. I just saw loads of your pictures on Picasa," "2. Little Joey is having a bad hair month" and "3. I never know when I can take your picture off my fridge and not feel guilty about it anymore, so I'm begging you to take my feelings into account."

But people began sputtering over some of the others: "6. In an age of self-glorification, I can do without saying I'm so obviously the reason for the season." "8. Look at an icon, for crying out loud. It's a freaking RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY" and "10. Joy to the World! The Lord Has Come! Wait, where's Jesus? Oh right, I CAN'T SEE HIM BECAUSE I'M FLOODED WITH PHOTOSHOPPED CHRISTMAS PICTURES OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS DRESSED IN MATCHING RED AND GREEN SWEATERS!"

The Johnsons' second cousin, Miranda Twatterchit, posted the card as a photo on facebook and noted "it's soooo rude. I've got Jesus in my heart but my little sweetie pie is only three once. Deal with the cuteness, people. You're just jealous."

Within three hours, the photo was "shared" 13,549 times by similarly outraged Christmas family pictures aficionados. The Johnsons shut down their facebook account after getting over 2,000 family pictures posted on their facebook wall.

"It's crazy," said Delilah Johnson, who admitted her family never got her sense of humor. "I'm just asking people to send cards that are about Christmas. I'm at the point where I'll settle for winter and chilly looking cardinals in the snow. But about Christmas itself would be great. I mean, did the shepherds send a card with their posed grinning faces to the infant Son of God? I don't think so. I hope they said 'Happy Birthday"--or maybe 'thank you!'"

Although Delilah admitted there was no going back from that card all other the internet, her husband Bill Johnson explained the family now has an outgoing message on their answering service that apologizes for any misunderstandings that have come from the "cheeky but reverent" card. "We just want you all to know that we love you and like seeing your faces, in person and in photos. Next year, we'll chisel our Christmas greetings into small rocks, which you can use to throw through our windows. Thank you, and Merry Christmas, everyone!"

--IC

p.s. yes, I send family pictures.
p.p.s. yes, I enjoy seeing pictures of family and friends.
p.p.p.s. yes, I'm going to catch heck at the next family gatherings for this post. It's called "low hanging fruit" people....

The Beginning of Catholic Love of Basketball....

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 03:59:00 +0000

Photo credit here.

Calling all birth stories!

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 17:41:00 +0000

Hello all. Susan, the writer of the serious book, poking my head into this blog of occasional amusement.

A large section of this Theology of the Body, Extended book is on seeing the act and experience of childbirth as a spiritual sign. I need birth stories! If you have any written up (on a blog or just at home), I would love to read it and possibly use it in the book. I would be willing to put it in the book by first name or under anonymous, if it is a little explicit for your comfort; just MENTION THAT at the top of the story.

I'm especially interested if people have written stories that have a spiritual bent to them--even if the story is along the lines of "this experience was not a felt spiritual event for me." (p.s. I"d like to know why, if you don't mind!) I am focusing on natural childbirth, especially Bradley Method, but am open to stories where the birth was more "medically enhanced"....

Stories can be sent to my email at ironiccatholic at yahoo dot com, and please put in the subject line "Birth story".

Thanks in advance!

Happy Feast of the Immaculate Conception

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 16:37:00 +0000

Leonardo. Virgin and Child with St Anne. c.1498

Remember it's a Holy Day of Awesome!

***

p.s. Simcha Fisher, awesome humor blogger at I Have to Sit Down and National Catholic Register, just had a baby girl this morning! Mazel tov!

It's hard for a Church to stay on message....

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 12:01:00 +0000

You are welcome here, except trespassers will be prosecuted. Got it? Good.

A Wednesday Joke

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 12:00:00 +0000

A Catholic priest is enjoying breakfast with his friend, a Rabbi. The priest is enjoying some great smoked bacon.

The priest says to the rabbi, “When are you going to break down and try some of this bacon? It is great! Why would God make something so good and not want you to enjoy it?”

The rabbi smiled and said, “On your wedding day, Father.”

***

(OK, I felt guilty, but I did laugh at that.)

Patheos is collecting religious jokes! See them all here.