The Ironic Catholic

Church Mice

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

Found here.

Caption Contest #54

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

Picture source. (Yes, that's WYD in Australia....) Thanks for the tip, Blaise!

Caption away in the midrash box!

Why, Yes, I Always Thought So

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

Source.

I have fun in Church. Don't you?

Truth Is Stranger #81: The Heavy Metal Capuchin Monk

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

A video of a heavy metal monk singing. Yes.

From the BBC:

At first glance, Cesare Bonizzi looks like the archetypal Capuchin monk - round-faced, stout, with twinkling eyes and a long flowing white beard. But beneath his robes beats a heart of metal.

Brother Cesare is the lead singer in a heavy metal band which has just released its second album.

A former missionary in the Ivory Coast, he lives in a small friary in the Milan hinterland.

The 62-year-old monk's love affair with heavy metal began when he attended a Metallica concert some 15 years ago....

Full story here.

p.s. I'm traveling, visiting family the next two weeks. I have some quirky pictures and videos arranged through Blogger's pre-posting. If it looks likes I have slapped things out here...it's because I slapped things up here. Anyway, I will not be around to respond to queries. Have a good two weeks!

God hates scooters?

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 03:17:00 +0000

Maybe....

Friday's QOTD

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

Coincidences are spiritual puns.

--G.K. Chesterton

"Come to me, you who are heavy burdened...

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

...and you will find rest for your feet."

HT: The Crescat. I think originally at Ship Of Fools.

Caption Contest #53

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

HT: Locusts and Honey.

UPDATE! We have a winner:
DMinor: The last straw was when the LifeTeen group organized a Star Wars Mass . . . .

Bonaventure and Thomas Aquinas

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 17:41:00 +0000

One of Bonaventure’s famous friends was St. Thomas Aquinas. Thomas asked him one day where he got all the beautiful things he wrote. St. Bonaventure took his friend by the hand and led him to his desk. Pointing to the large crucifix which always stood on the desk, he said, “Look! It is He Who tells me everything. He is my only Teacher.” (Source)

You've got to love a saint who tells Thomas Aquinas like it is.

Happy Feast Day of St. Bonaventure, Doctor of the Church.

More "Stuff Catholics Like": Spiritual Directors

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 13:23:00 +0000

...OK, let’s do a via negativa exercise: getting at a definition by looking at what spiritual direction is not.

Directee: I’m having a hard time praying. I’ve only prayed twice this month.
Not a Spiritual Director: Yeah, me too. I’m kind of wrapped up in election coverage right now. Whaddya think about the veep specs?
Directee: I’m having a hard time praying.
Not a Spiritual Director: Geez. Why is saying a Hail Mary so hard already? It’s 51 short words. Come on, get on your knees, I’m dragging out the rosaries....

The rest of my latest entry on the "humor meets education" group blog: here.

Weather: An Apophatic Front Sweeps In Today

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

Periods of apophatic darkness including ways of negation over far northern Minnesota, should make a paradigm shift into northern Wisconsin, processing but not spirating well north of the metro area.

The hypostatic union may spark numerous parabolic metaphors from late Tuesday night into Friday, ripe for nighttime analogical imagination capable of localized cataphaticism.

Eschatological forecast: 1.5" of dogma by Friday, some interpretation over the millenia, when most apocalyptic language should pass to our south, over Iowa. Next age should be clear (but yet more windy) than the last.

HT: my grad class this summer

Humor-blogs.com expects tornadic activity everyday.

The Blogger's Quiet Desperation

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 06:00:00 +0000

...from this past Sunday's Pearls Before Swine.

No Smoking In Church

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

(Source.)
I like this church.

In Minnesota, if we don't want guns in our public places--including churches--we need to have some obnoxious sign like this on the primary entrance. Otherwise, the second amendment is offended, we can't defend our homes from the Tories, and all that.

Maybe our churches should combat such lunacy with humor.

"We Real Trad"

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

I'm no trad, exactly, but Cathy at the RDC's poem--a takeoff on Gwendolyn Brooks' "We Real Cool"-- is hysterical:

We real trad. We
always mad. We

don't date. We
tell it straight. We hate din. We
fling sin. We

Razz You. We
Pray soon.

Friday's QOTD

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

--Garrison Keillor

Caption Contest #52

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

Picture source.
(Actually, the news story is very heartwarming.)
HT to the DC.

UPDATE! We have winners!
~~~Mary: Word to your mother.
Yo, yo, yo--Your Holy Mother.

CMinor: Weird Al Yankovic Converts to Catholicism, Brings Signature Music Style to Public Witness in New Life as Monk.

Announcing: The 2008 World Old Day

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

Sydney, Australia: As millions of Catholic young adults flock to Sydney to celebrate the 2008 World Youth Day--a pilgrimage of worship and rite of passage for many Catholic teens and twenty-somethings--a segment of the Church argues it is being left out.

The senior citizens of the Diocese of St. Augustine, FL, announce the first biannual "World Old Day."

"I've been selling Catholic Digest subscriptions for two years to travel for this," said 95 year old Gertrude Himmelberg of Atlanta, pausing to take a deep breath of oxygen. "I can't wait."

Others argued that the time was now for a pilgrimage for the aged. "I have nothing against our youth. I was once one myself," said Roger Calhoun, 89. "But those folks have the rest of their lives to get right with God and the Church. Us? I don't want to be morbid, but seriously, it should have been yesterday the way our tickers work. It's time to make a stand."

Like this young generation, many of the Old Catholics find their inspiration in John Paul II. But the elderly love JP II for a reason most young people don't mention: he got old.

"He was the leader of the Church, the Vicar of Christ, and old as the hills. Really ill at the end. Did they put him on a golf course? No, he just kept preaching the Word. That's a message for us too, and we're starting right here in St. Augustine," said Calhoun.

The theme for the celebration is "Rise Up (as you are able)". The highlight of the celebration, according to diocesan officials, will be the Final Mass, where pilgrims travel to the field and have a slumber party overnight. The Anointing of the Sick will be offered by retired priests throughout the night for those in need. At this celebration, it appears sleeping will actually be involved.

Himmelberg said that Benedict XVI was invited and welcome, but the Youth Day had been on the books for years. "That's alright, we understand. But honestly, we've got as much spunk as our young whippersnappers in Christ. I'll bet we even have a lot in common...even though he's some spring chicken compared to me," she wheezed cheerfully.

--I.C.

p.s. Humor-Blogs.com has a new ranking system for blogs in its directory, which includes mine. If you wish to show some Catholic pride there...just click here on Humor-Blogs and you should be taken to a page where you can click a smiley face if you liked this post (or a righteous frown if you hated it). Sorry, you will have to register to do this first (and you can register as a reader, but you could also register your blog if you're trying to be amusing too).

Signs of the Times

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

Traffic warning, or truth in advertising?

I mean, although the occasional Mass has felt quite long...especially if I am wrestling my kids into reverent quietude...it hasn't felt like a lifetime. But this church has you covered if you sit in a pew unto your death. Crawl out to the ...

Picture sources.

Local Parish "Gives Up," Begins Worshiping America on Holiday Weekends

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 15:45:00 +0000

Irving, TX: St. Mary Magdalene Church announced at this past Sunday's Mass they were going to "keep it real, keep it honest" by admitting that they were simply worshiping the United States on 4th of July weekends.

"It was so freeing," gushed Joy DeLouche, a long-time member of the parish. "Some of our members fought against this move, but it was so refreshing to be honest about what we truly want. Everyone just wants to sing America the Beautiful on this weekend, and the parish needed to get on board with the rest of the country."

DeLouche's husband, Jim, said "Yeah, some said it was giving up God for the culture of death, but really, y'all, we're grilling sausage and juggling sparklers. There's a time and a place for everything, you know?"

One of those opting out of the Sunday Mass was Ron Jackson, who said this started years earlier. "First we had an American flag in the sanctuary. Then it got moved to the altar. Then we sang a patriotic songs on the 4th, and other state holidays. Then all the songs became patriotic songs. I appreciate living in the USA, but I was increasingly uncomfortable with this. I heard this weekend was going to go all out, and I decided to worship in another town."

When asked what was different about this weekend's Mass, Joy DeLouche said "First, people were really singing because we love those patriotic songs, you know. Father came down the aisle draped in a red, white, and blue stole, and his homily on "being like a little child" for our country was really stirring. We handed out rosaries for the occasion with little "flag beads". The statue of the Blessed Mother is already blue, so we did up her fingernails in red and white. And the altar was draped in Old Glory, and we lit some Roman Candles after the consecration. So, really, our liturgy committee didn't think it wasn't all that different...it was mostly the externals that made the Mass, you know."

Jim DeLouche admitted, "There was one unfortunate moment. We all stood up to say the Pledge of Allegiance between the Word and the Eucharist, and one person kind of ... well ... he had a seizure or something. He began foaming at the mouth and shouting something about "you shall worship the One God alone" or something...candidly, I think he was possessed. We gently led him out so we could worship the flag in peace."

The diocese was not available for comment, due to the holiday weekend.

--I.C.

"...Or Maybe Barabbas"

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 15:35:00 +0000

Diesel at Mattress Police (PG13, folks) is on a "Christianity Meets American Culture" roll.

As starts today's Or Maybe Barabbas post:

On the way in to work in the San Francisco Bay area, I often drive past cars bearing a patchwork of bleeding heart bumper stickers, giving lip service to causes from Greenpeace to NOW. Today, however, I saw one that I hadn’t seen before. It read simply: “Jesus is a liberal.”

Next to this bumper sticker were plastered two Barack Obama stickers, which raises the question: If Jesus is a registered Democrat, doesn’t it seem like going with Barack Obama is settling just a bit? ....

(The picture and caption is from Diesel as well.)

Diesel is offending all parties here, in good form. It's hilarious. Go read it.

Friday's Ironic QOTD

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

--Garrison Keillor

...and happy Independence Day in the USA! Back at it Tuesday.

Caption Contest #51

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 05:01:00 +0000

Picture source.

UPDATE! We have winners! And these were hands down the best set of captions for any one of these contests to date. Great job, everyone.

DMinor: Blessed are the par-makers....

Allen: "It was a challenge," says Ted, "but I nailed it."
AND
Fore! God so loved the world....

PaulCat: This is the worst rendition of a passion play I have ever seen.
AND
And Jesus said, "If you wish to be my disciple you must putt up the cross and follow me."

Not to brag, but...

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

You Are Incredibly Virtuous

You're so good that you may end up a saint.

You do the right thing a lot more than most people, even when it's near impossible.

You put a lot of thought in to every action you do. You always try to make the right decisions.

And that's all it takes to be a truly virtuous person.

Where You Are Virtuous

You have the virtue of Sincerity. You are not deceitful, and you always have the best intentions.

You have the virtue of Humility. You don't boast or brag.

You have the virtue of Moderation. You don't do anything at excess, and you avoid extremes

You have the virtue of Temperance. You don't eat or drink excessively.

You have the virtue of Silence. You avoid frivolous conversation, and you use your words carefully.

You have the virtue of tranquility. You do your best to keep your life peaceful and calm.

Are You Virtuous?

Hymnody Playlist To Mow The Lawn By

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

Got a weedy lawn? A hot day? A mower? Faith in God? All set...

so load up the IPod, get out that mower, and let's roll through the spiritual development of a typical day of lawn care:

Come With Me Into The Fields
Be Not Afraid
Approach, My Soul, The Mercy Seat
All My Trails
We Shall Overcome
Psalm 51: Be Merciful, O God
Weary of Earth, and Laden with My Sin
As A Deer For Water Longs
The Battle Hymn of the Republic
Great Things Happen When God Mixes With Us (just kidding)

The Sermon on the Mount, According to Kids

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

A week ago, sic was following up a family catechesis session on the gospel readings of late: the Sermon on the Mount. If you are new to the blog, sic=spouse of the Ironic Catholic, and chic=child of the Ironic Catholic. The chics are 8, 6, and 3 years old.

sic: You know, chic #2, you were really doing the Sermon on the Mount this morning with chic #3. She's so little and so sick, and when we were at the doctor's, you really "went the extra mile," like Jesus said, to try to make her feel better. You didn't have to do that, but you did. I'm proud of you.

(chic #2 smiles shyly)

Chic #1: You know, I could do that. I would have helped if I was there.

sic: I'm sure you would have, son, but I am complimenting your sister right now.

(chic #1 frowns in mild jealousy, brightens, turns to me)

Chic #1: (whispering) Hey, mom! Slap me on my cheek!

I promise you, even Jesus was laughing at that one.
--I.C.