The Ironic Catholic

Theologically Unfortunate Ad Placement

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Tue, 04 Jun 2013 21:15:00 +0000

The incarnation: I'm lovin' it.

Really, it's not you.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Mon, 20 May 2013 13:41:00 +0000

You all, I don't know what is going on with Blogger, but I am having a dickens of a time with it. If I can't figure this out soon, I'll be migrating (ulp) to Wordpress, which I really don't want to do. But fear not--I'm not dead--just sickened by techie difficulties.

Any encouragement about where to relocate the blog would be appreciated. Or blogger help--the biggest thing is I cannot post pictures. Sigh.

Please stand by, technical difficulties

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Sat, 11 May 2013 03:11:00 +0000

Sorry, folks. I know I've been quiet but it has been the exam period at my university. Now blogger is giving me fits. Hope to get this straightened out by next week. Have a good weekend, all!

IC

Truth Is Stranger #136: The Purity Communion Dispenser

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Fri, 03 May 2013 18:06:00 +0000

And, yes, the minister isn't Catholic, but still.

Behold the Sacred Pez Dispenser...ugh. I'll take a germ for Jesus, thanks. I'm martyr-like that way.

Caption Contest #119

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Thu, 02 May 2013 17:53:00 +0000

Captions in the comments box....

HT to Susan Sparks.

CDC: Grandmothers of College Students in Immediate Danger of Death This Week

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 13:21:00 +0000

Back in happier times.

Metropolis, USA: The Center for Disease Control has posted a warning that grandmothers of college students are at high risk of sudden, unexplained death during the final exam period at their grandchild's university.

The phenomenon was first noticed here in town at RBCU*, when English professor John Huttman noticed a pattern over the years of students asking for extensions on final papers and exams due to the sudden death of a grandmother. "Grandfathers are in a weak spot too, but the pattern of reporting definitely indicates grandmothers are in more danger. My colleagues and I have noted this over years of service, and clearly the only thing to do in terms of public health was to report it to the CDC. Mid-December and late April are clearly hazardous times for grandparents in this country," he explained.

The CDC, in its research, noted it is especially alarming that the grandmothers "seem to disappear off the face of the earth--like they were never here. Whatever the disease is, it is destructive to the point of complete obliteration. For this reason, we have put out a notification."

The CDC suggests that grandparents request syllabi from their college-aged grandchildren and lock themselves in their homes when final exams, or any exam, approaches. Eat healthy food and drink, and have a trusted friend call on you twice a day. The good news: once the exam date has passed, they can venture outside their homes. Attending graduation is understood to be safe.

--I.C.

*RBCU=Really Big Catholic University

Hat tip to my colleague Patrick O'Shea for the original joke.

This excellent theology student site makes me almost like Tumblr

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 03:42:00 +0000

Mary is my Homegirl. Oh my word, it's funny. Mind you, you may have to be (or have been) a theology grad student to get the nuances, but check it out, really.

My favorite recent post, where the author clearly was in my head years ago in grad school, is here.

Second favorite, where the author was clearly in my basement study carrel, here.

Anyway, she's writing papers, and I am grading them till my eyes bleed. Blogging will be light for a couple of weeks. Here I go, folks...see ya when the snow melts....

(click pic to click through)

The New Idolatry

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 15:54:00 +0000

Found at Meanwhile in Canada on facebook.

"Brother Wind"

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 12:59:00 +0000

From News.va .

Caption Contest #118

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 12:30:00 +0000

HT to Sherry Antonetti.

Caption away in the comments box.

Truth Is Stranger #135: Catholics and terrorists, same diff, according to ... the U.S. Military?

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 14:28:00 +0000

Filed under "What the heck?"

In the same vein: Catholic University blocks student group because it is Catholic.

Earth Lent Begins For Enthusiasts Of Earth Day

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 12:00:00 +0000

Earth Day, April 22, is now preceded by "Earth Lent."

"For the Earth says, 'In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you.' I tell you, now is the time of the Earth's favor, now is the day of salvation," intoned Michael Gaia, head of the Winston City Council Earth Day committee. "Seek the Earth, while She may be found. Call to Earth, while She is still near, and not destroyed by acid rain."

The committee announced this preparation for Earth Day as a way to promote the various celebrations that are planned in Winston City Park, and to explain why there are trees in the park draped in black.

"This is our time of repentance. The ritual of tears will be held every Saturday evening at dusk, where we will poke each other with sharp sticks until we cry, delivering our tears to Mother Earth," said Gaia.

When asked why they were advocating Earth Lent now, instead of the traditional six weeks beforehand, Gaia said "Overpopulation has accelerated the earth's own time clock, and the end is nigh. We don't have six weeks for Lent. Actually, according to the Sierra Club, we may not have time for three. All the more reason to press on, we say."

Earth Lent officially began this past Dirt Wednesday, when committee members rolled in compost.

Local churches were not available for comment.

I.C.

Public Catholic Owns Up That Church Moral Teaching Is Wrong

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 15:53:00 +0000

Washington, DC: A politician, whose handler begged he/she not be named due to illness, has in his/her own words, "owned up."

"Easter was so--so freeing, it felt like the perfect time to be completely honest: I don't agree with a whit of it. Natural family planning, the pro-life movement, marriage defined as an exclusive union between a man and a woman. It's all wrong. Yeah, so is male-exclusive ordination. Wow, do I feel so much more myself in saying that out loud," said the politician, smiling.

"The thing is, I like the focus on the poor. I know the Church does great outreach. I do believe the Apostles Creed. And I don't want to hurt my grandma by leaving, and my constituents like their elected official to have some church affiliation. So I've muddled through. But I tell you. its been tough. If it weren't for the religious priests and sisters and other folks on facebook who clearly agree with me, or are at least willing to support my conscience, I don't know what I'd do. Rethink my position, I guess," he/she said, laughing hysterically.

When asked why not join a different Christian church, given there are communions which embrace the creed, social justice, and abortion, he/she said "I don't think that would be good for my spiritual growth. I was born to be a prophet, a mover and shaker. That's why the people of my district elected me. I accept the difficulties of my position. But man, I wish the Church would wake up and listen to me already. I mean, its getting old. And I love this honesty bit.... I could get used to this." At this point, the handler physically pulled him/her away.

The politician's name may be revealed after hospitalization for exhaustion. In the meantime, another Catholic public figure has scheduled a press conference to announce he actually thinks the Church's concern for the poor is inconvenient, misguided, and just evil to law-abiding people of means.

--I.C.

Easter Resurrection Emboldens Paschal Lambs To Flaunt Health And Start Smoking

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 12:00:00 +0000

Lamb Cake with Cigarette: the strangeness, the mystery, the phenomenon.

Oh wait--there's more on "the Marlboro Lamb."

Traditionalist Catholics Accuse Pope of Changing Weather for Easter

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 11:59:00 +0000

February Snow in Rome: it will look like this. Image credit.

Metropolis, USA: A group of Catholics who write for a popular blog called "Rockin The Church Traditionalists" have accused Pope Francis of changing the weather patterns in Italy to mimic the southern hemisphere for a blustery Easter morning.

"I have tried to hold my tongue," said the blogger known as DamnTheClownMassesAndEveryoneElse, "but I must upgrade the volume of my critique from the warm confines of my supportive group of saved friends on facebook to the callous and cold wide world of the Internet. I am deeply regretful to have to call out the Holy Father during such a solemn week and on his Holiest of days, but this morning was the last straw, and justice must be served. He has clearly imported Argentinian weather to the sacred land of Rome. Everyone knows that Easter must be Springlike. This morning's increasingly cold weather indicates the Pope is rejecting an age old tradition. No doubt this will lead to the increased use of silver as a precious metal and women's ordination. This cannot, and will not, stand."

Another blogger who goes by MaryWoreBlueCombatBoots agreed. "By all means, we know Christianity is a European religion. Eggs and new life go with a Springlike Eastertide. Changing Rome to fit the Southern hemispheric patterns means that we will serving pumpkin pie at the Easter table. Dried leaf collages for Easter rather than daffodils. It screams of death...a symbolism of death for a religion that is being killed. And Happy Dead Easter to you too."

When a commenter remarked that the Southern hemisphere has millions of Catholics who have managed to celebrate Easter around the autumnal equinox, the commenter was roundly accused of being a Marxist commie who promoted theories of global warming.

The bloggers were reportedly in masses of reparation Sunday afternoon, and not available for comment.

--I.C.

V. Christ, Our Light. R. Thanks be to God.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Sun, 31 Mar 2013 04:05:00 +0000

May the light of Christ, rising in glory, dispel the darkness of our hearts and minds!

Triduum photos (Thursday through Sunday) via the talented Fr. Lawrence Lew, OP.

Good Friday

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 12:00:00 +0000

Holy Thursday

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Thu, 28 Mar 2013 12:00:00 +0000

This blog has a practice of silence during Triduum. Dive into the mystery, and enjoy the photography the next three days. Peace.

Watch those stones

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 13:31:00 +0000

From the Passion Sunday readings, specifically Luke 19: 38-40:

They proclaimed:
“Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord.
Peace in heaven and glory in the highest."
Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples.”
He said in reply, “I tell you, if they keep silent, the stones will cry out!”

(... they may even begin to threaten you...!)

HT Scott Dodge.

Thinking About Hunger Strikes (a Close Gitmo Blog-in post)

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 12:00:00 +0000

This is a humor blog. But this is not a humor blog post. You are hereby warned, but I ask you to read anyway.

I'm thinking about hunger strikes.

Hunger strikes are truly a course of last resort. If everything you have has been stripped from you--freedom, relationships, your voice--refusing to eat is your last way to make a statement. One that could cause your slow, painful death, so that better be one hell of a statement. Anyone who says that people do hunger strikes for attention--perhaps that's true but it isn't like you're campaigning to be homecoming queen. You are manipulating the very last thing you can control to say something important.

Although you wouldn't know it via American mainstream media, there are Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp prisoners hunger striking. How many is not clear. Lawyers for the prisoners are saying a majority of them (there are 166 prisoners in Gitmo now). Those in charge of Gitmo say much fewer than that, but acknowledged they have been force-feeding some prisoners through tubes in their stomach. U.S. Military officials are saying that some are refusing meals but living on snacks in their cells. Lawyers are stating there are prisoners who have lost 20-30 lbs in the past five weeks. It's hard to know what the exact truth is (and that's part of the problem, isn't it), but it is clear: some men are seriously hunger striking.

The prisoners say through lawyers that they are striking because of mistreatment of their sacred text, the Koran. In the spirit of the Golden Rule and common human decency, I truly hope that is not the case, and military officials are denying the charges vigorously. But the issue is bigger than that--its about what leads people to hunger strike. This detention camp has been running for 11 years, under two administrations of different political parties. There are men there who have been cleared of all charges and are not being released. There are others who have been in legal limbo, with no court date in sight, for years. All while we live with a second term president who promised to close Gitmo in his first term, and seems to be doing nothing on the issue now.

If I were a prisoner, I have no idea how I would respond to such circumstances. Hunger striking may look like a way out of no way.

I won't deny there are complicating issues here. But it isn't so complicated that a nation that is supposed to stand for freedom and justice can't make that stand here. This is the simple reality human decency demands: release the prisoners who have been cleared. Make an assessment of charges and order speedy trials for the other prisoners. That is what should have been done--years ago. This isn't a political issue, and its not a security issue; it's a human rights issue.

America should be better than this, and I think we are. The people are the source of any governmental power in a democracy, so if enough people speak out, our legislators will get the spine to do the right thing. No one wants to touch this issue because 1) there is no political reward in this, and 2) it uncovers an eleven years that may make the United States look bad...but that is no excuse to not do the right thing now. And as a Christian speaking primarily to other Christians, we believe in the power of prayer as well. If hunger striking is some men's "way out of no way," I suggest we make prayer ours. This situation cannot stand. We cannot be imprisoning foreign citizens indefinitely, and incarcerating ones who have been cleared is an absolute outrage. We need prayer and we need people willing to act for what is right.

If you are an American citizen and want to send messages to your elected officials to close Guantanamo now, here is how you ~~bug~~ contact people:

Your U.S. Congressional representatives and their contact information can be found here.
President Obama may be contacted here.

Some mainstream media reports for your background, if you don't know anything about this (and I don't blame you, because it isn't really getting covered):

This week from Reuters
This week from Rt.com here and here.
Op-ed from UK's The Guardian, with good background.
"Future of Guantanamo remains unclear on 10th anniversary" WaPo, Jan 2012.
Long piece from WaPo, on why Gitmo hasn't been closed, dated April 2011.

This post brought to you courtesy of a Bunch Of Catholics Blogging To Close Gitmo, and I encourage you to join us by writing your own post/status/tweet today, March 21st. My compatriot Sherry Antonetti is working with me on this, and her excellent post is here. And before you say, is this what America has come to--a rally for change led by two humor bloggers?--let me be the first to say, unfortunately, it has. But others are joining us and some have worked to educate on this issue a long time. I tip my hat to their hard work. Now let's get praying and calling!

Other posts I know about, all better than mine:

Sherry Antonetti's post "Nothing That Concerns You Has Happened"
Thomas MacDonald's God and the Machine
Frank Weathers' Why I Am Catholic
Mark Shea's Catholic and Enjoying It
Erin Manning at Coalition for Clarity
Rob Kroese's webpage; "Are you being tested?" (p.s. Rob is an honorary Catholic today)
Bernadette Raspante's reflection on graduating from grammar school, opening Gitmo. (Guess who's been able to move on?)
Dcn Scott Dodge: "Redress the Wrongs"

"This Just In: Millions Watch as Irrelevant, Dying Sect Inaugurates Poorly Dressed, Out-of-Date Leader"

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 15:56:00 +0000

Best ironic news headline ever, from a woman making many good points.

Who can resist a baby Cardinal? Especially when it's my nephew?

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 15:00:00 +0000

'Tis true! He and my in-laws were there at the Mass!

Photo from Fr. Roderick.

Habemus Pop'ems

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 01:58:00 +0000

Seen at Cathletics.

Habemus Papam And Ironic (But Loving) Observations

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 03:31:00 +0000

Habemus Papam!

First, I am thrilled, joyous, and beyond happy that we have Pope Francis for about 1,000 reasons. You haven't seen me bouncing around my office and home today, so trust me on this. I look forward to seeing him work as the Vicar of Christ. By all means, let's pray for this man!

But of course, there are a few joyfully ironic comments the occasion yields as well:

Oh my gosh the man is a miracle worker. He reconciled Franciscans and Jesuits on the first day in his ministry.
Given his penchant for public transportation, the Popemobile will now become the Popebus.
From Kevin Koulopoulos on fb: "Plot twist: His first order of papal business is to turn the entirety of Vatican City into a university."
Upon hearing the name proclaimed, the entire staff at Jesuit-run America Magazine fell to a dead faint.*
From Thomas McDonald on fb, riffing off Francis' famous locution: Francis, rebuild my website.
Let's see: first developing world Pope, first Pope of the Americas, first Jesuit, first "new" name since 913 AD. It's amazing they didn't choose purple smoke instead of white, just to shake it up a bit more.
I was out in our campus hallway giving students high fives. I may need to rein it in.

What a great day!

*Look, I have published in America. I usually like it. This isn't a slam against them at all, just...who expected a Jesuit Pope?

Last but not least, from Catholic Memes:

Liturgists Worry About Conclavular Distractions During Rehearsals For Holy Week

noreply@blogger.com (The Ironic Catholic) — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 11:30:00 +0000

Metropolis, USA: The liturgical commission of the Metropolis diocese, meeting for a Saturday workshop at RBCU*, was clearly looking a little frayed.

"This is usually not our best month, before Easter Sunday," laughed commission secretary Diana Tuberville nervously, "but the upcoming conclave has our directors of music in a panic. No one is practicing the parts. Everyone is swapping papabile articles by John Allen and Sandro Magister and setting their cell phones to popealarm.com ."

One liturgist, who asked not to be named, admitted "I'm going to shoot our deacon before the month is out. He HAS to learn the Exsultet and its not easy--it got harder with the new translation too. Instead, he admits that he intends to practice it every night and then gets sucked into what didn't happen in Rome today. He can't ad lib this thing! What if the conclave lasts a couple of weeks? We're toast, I tell you."

RBCU Theology of Liturgy professor John Clintock, author of the book Liturgy in Hard Times: Praying with Love, Cracking the Whip, was the featured workshop speaker and addressed this most potent of distractions. "First, I recommend that you create a dead zone in your Church--no cell phones, no tablets, no radios. Or get everyone in the choir to turn their gear, turned off, and leave your cell on for emergencies and the 'habemus papam' text. If these don't work, get out your hardest piece and make them do it without a run-through. I don't care if you're a Gather parish--pull out some Palestrina is you have to. Hopefully that will put the fear of God into them and let the Holy Spirit take care of the conclave."

While fellow liturgists found that to be sound advice, many leaving the workshop were still bleak. "Liturgists can't compete against the Pope. I know I'm going to be reduced to singing Kumbaya with an autoharp Easter Morning," moaned Stacey Winston.

--IC

*RBCU=Really Big Catholic University