Cinema Club

I'm baaack...

2012-09-11T14:21:00.003-06:00

What's this? The air is chilly, the leaves are falling off the trees... Autumn is here. And up in the North that means one thing: Winter is right around the corner. And I mean literally. Old Man Winter will be rearing his ugly head pretty soon here. And by pretty soon I mean a couple weeks. Sigh. And this means that I, the Great Canadian PuckBunny, have come out of "hibernation". The lack of blog posts during the summer can only be explained by the fact that it is nice outside, and as a bunny I enjoy spending time outdoors. Over the summer I managed to escape from my job to go get away with my boyfriend. We spent a week in a Cabin on the lake, and also did some camping. Over this summer I have also been given several other nicknames, on top of Puck Bunny which was given to me by my Uncle last year. It stuck. This summer I have accumulated other bunny related nicknames:

Wonder Bunny, because I'm pretty awesome.
Hunny Bunny, because Urban Dictionary said so.
and Jungle Bunny. And that one is a long story involving me climbing a tree then getting a concussion from a garage door.

Why all my nicknames are bunny related, I don't know. And in case you were wondering, no I am not a porn star.

Right, so I've gotten considerably off-topic. What I've been meaning to say is that since University has started again, I am also blogging again. Because with University comes school work and with school work comes procrastination.
So you can expect more Sexy Saturdays and Movie Reviews.

Awww yeah.

So keep visiting us here at the Cinema Club to get your fix on movie related awesomeness. And daily anecdotes about the crazy shit that goes on in my life.

Me, saying goodbye to summer. September, 2012

The Cinema Club is very cranky.

2012-07-24T22:16:00.002-06:00

I am the Canadian Puck Bunny. And as a hockey lover and resident Canadian, Winter is my busy season (for those of you who don't live in Canada, I shall inform you that we have two seasons here in the north: Winter and Not Winter). It is during the winter time that I am active on The Twitter, watching Hockey, "studying" in University, and (of course) keeping up with this blog. As regular readers have noticed, this blog has been dead since Winter decided to take a break and let "summer" have a turn. What has awakened me from my backwards hibernation, one may ask?

A Number of Things.

First and foremost, I would like to mention right now that I am CONSIDERABLY PO'ed. Puck Bunnies do not LIKE to be awakened from their hibernation!!! But a considerable list of matters has reached my rabbit ears and I feel the need to set the record straight.


Everybody STFU and listen to what I have to say.

1. Blogger changed their editing layout around since I was last here. AND I DON'T LIKE IT.

2. DO NOT go to see that new Batman movie. Apparently you will be shot to death. Be patient and wait for it to come out on Netflix.

3. And this is the biggie- apparently they're re-doing and/or adding to the Bourne Movies. This is VERY BAD. When I first made this discovery I was comfortably snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. Then the preview came on and I pretty much shot up and asked the TV:

You CANNOT re-do a movie trilogy that is already perfect in every way shape and form!

I repeat: perfect.

After my spastic reaction to the trailer, my annoyed boyfriend called me a Cry-Baby. Although I quieted down, I desperately tried to use telepathy to tell my boyfriend:

I quickly dismissed the matter and attempted to pass it off as a bad dream. But alas, today I was watching TV when the trailer came on again. My Reaction? Something like this:

I am thoroughly irked by this matter. I'm sorry, but one cannot replace Matt Damon's sexy action packed adventures through Europe with... with... THIS:

IT'S ALL WRONG.

I'm too distraught to keep writing this post.

Well this is a naughty post.

2012-04-06T00:30:00.000-06:00

This Blog is Crude, Crass, and 100% Rude. This post right here is going to be a prime example of my blogging on its worst behavior. And why is that? Well, folks, today while watching a very good movie called The Others, an especially gorgeous man came onto The Cinema Club's radar. It's Thursday and I absolutely cannot wait until Saturday to give this gorgeous piece of sexy some spotlight here on the blog. Don't get your panties in a knot, I'll introduce him right away. His name is Christopher Eccleston.

And this is he:

Can we engage in the intercourse now?

This Gorgeous piece of Gorgeous captured the Canadian Puck Bunny's heart the moment he wandered on screen.

That is a PRIZE WINNING smile right there. <3 <3 <3

I am a love struck Bunny.

Seriously, Folks. I'm adding him to my list of all time favesies.

The Canadian Puck Bunny's All Time Favesies:

(May be missing a few at this time)

Thomas Kretschmann (#LongTermCommitedRelationship)
Tim Roth
Jamie Bell
Christoph Waltz
Rutger Hauer (#ButOnlyInThe80's)
Viggo Mortensen
Ron Eldard
Christopher Eccleston

Seriously how can you not be drooling right now? (Straight men, don't answer. you wouldn't understand). If you need more persuasion, more pictures can be arranged.

His eyes motherfucker! Look at his EYES!

I'd also like to mention that I love his terrible nose. All the men I've fallen hopelessly in love with have had rather less than perfect noses. I like.

Seriously, folks. I swear. During all his screen time during The Others I was essentially flopping around like a half retarded fish out of water. Writhing on the floor, overwhelmed by his hotness. I was like:

Ahhhh! Please! Kiss all over my body with your scraggly face!

Permission to do naughty things GRANTED.

Cannot... contain... ORGASM.....!!!

Had more fun watching that movie than I expected.

*ahem*

Ok, so I exaggerated a teensy bit. But you get the idea.

Hot like fire.

Timmy Tuesday: Black & White

2012-03-20T18:56:00.000-06:00

It's Timmy Tuesday!

"This is an exciting matter!"

...and up until recently I had a bit of a hate on for Black & White films. I thought they were boring as hell and I most definitely judged them right off the bat. But last Thursday in Film Class I got to see a clip from a German Expressionist film called Metropolis. Guys, from what I got to see, that movie is bitchin'. I found one scene in particular absolutely hysterical. Since I am nice I will share it with you.

(For the record, I don't think it was meant to be funny, but the expressions of the men's faces are hysterical!)

Also: Beware early 20th century nudity!

Because this:

Hilarity aside, this is actually a very well done scene, and I look forward to seeing the whole thing. Furthermore, on the topic of Black & White films, I also saw a clip from Nosferatu. And guys... it was actually really creepy.

Here's the 1922 trailer:

Right So now that we're all on board and agree that Black & White can be awesome (if you do not agree, you may walk the plank) I would like to use this as an opportunity to share some of Tim Roth's most drool-worthy Black & White photos.

(This is just 100% adorable)

So God Bless Black & White. And Timmy Tuesdays.

WE LOVE.

Happy Birthday to Us

2012-03-18T19:18:00.000-06:00

I believe it was around this time, one year ago, that The Cinema Club was born.

That makes us One Year Old.

So we're having a little birthday party. Because really, here at the Cinema Club, we'll take any excuse to party. And so far it's been great. We've invited all Sexy Saturday alumni, and they've brought stacks of gifts.

Timmy put on a floral apron and baked the cake

Russell Crowe brought whipped cream and he and Jamie Bell got into a whipped cream fight. Both of them are completely covered. Meanwhile, Spike Lee is the DJ and Ryan Gosling is sitting in the bathtub.

Hey, girl. Care to join me?

We've got lots of alcohol here at The Cinema Club office, and it's getting pretty hot in here. Thomas Kretschmann and I wanted to do tequila shots, but Jason Statham tried to talk us out of it, because he was DD for the night and he didn't want anyone to puke in his sporty car. Thomas and I replied with:

and proceeded to do shots. Next thing we knew Gerard Butler yelled "THIS IS SPARTA!" and accidentally kicked Jamie Bell out the window. We had to go collect him off the sidewalk and he was less than pleased.

I am most displeased.

To make it up to him, we had Gerard Butler give him a cupcake and then everything was ok. Meanwhile, Wayne Knight showed up because he heard there would be food, and Jerry got pretty pissed.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

So I had to have a little chit chat with security and find out why on Earth they'd let Wayne Knight into our party. Then Rutger Hauer started playing drinking games with Gosling, and Toby Maguire was trying to see which of the female guests would actually believe he is a doctor. Things were getting a little bit out of hand, but all was interrupted when Timmy accidentally burnt the cake. So Wayne was all:

JESUS. There won't be any cake!!!

But Tim just says:

Fuck you I followed the recipe.

So Wayne puts on the floral apron and takes Timmy's place in the kitchen. We all wait at the table like:

As we're waiting for the cake, Ryan Gosling asks if anybody would like to play spin the bottle and I'm like:

Then Timmy gets a little too excited and looks at Gary Oldman like:

Gary Oldman Let's DO IT.

But then Wayne Knight finished the cake and everyone just devours it like this:

We've hardly finished our cake when Gary Oldman decides he wants to take Timmy up on his offer. So as they're making out on the table all our male guests are like:

So we move over to the next room and decide to do more shots. Liam Neeson ends up drinking everyone under the table and by 3am we're all pretty exhausted. So Jason Statham, our DD, gets everyone in the car and we leave the Cinema Club office in style.

They see us rollin', they hatin'.

But before we go home we stop at a Tim Horton's joint and drink hot chocolate in our inebriated state. Rutger Hauer looks especially adorable.

This Blog needs more Jamie Bell

2012-03-13T18:59:00.001-06:00

We all know that this is you right now:

Timmy Tuesday: Guilty Confessions

2012-03-13T18:45:00.001-06:00

It's my favorite day of the week again! Timmy Tuesday! And if you say you dislike Timmy Tuesdays, this is all we have to say to you:

You! Yes, you. You sit on a THRONE OF LIES.

Today's Timmy Tuesday Topic (Holy T's!!!!) is Guilty Confessions. Because recently Timmy confessed to the world on the Twitter that he has a guilty secret... The Movie Bridesmaids.

Yes, it's true!

And here, dear readers, is the proof:

But it doesn't end there. He continues on with his confessions:

So meanwhile here at the Cinema Club, we're all inspired to talk about our Guilty Secrets aswell!

Usually when the opportunity to spill guilty secrets comes up, we go about the issue a bit like this:

I'll just be leaving now.....

But not today, my dear readers. Today we're going to let our dork flags fly and be loud and proud about the shit we like. I recently did this on Day 3 of the 30 Day Challenge, when I so boldly announced my love for Peewee Herman.

.....did you hear that loud stampeding sound?

.......that was the sound of all my future boyfriends running away.

A Small List of the Canadian Puck Bunny's Guilty Confessions:

I absolutely love dinosaur fruitsnacks
Lilo & Stitch is one of my favorite movies
I have the Hamster Dance album on my iPod
If I had the choice between a boyfriend and a puppy I'd pick the puppy

Wow. that list pretty much concludes that I am actually 6 years old.

Though I have my mature guilty confessions aswell...

Right. So obviously I'm not the only one that has guilty secrets. Why, just now, a friend texted me: "Que Coño" which is NOT what he wanted to say, at all... (thanks to his Spanish speaking friend, he is now humiliated). Those of you who speak Spanish are laughing. For those of you who don't...

Suddenly it all makes sense.

A regular reader of the blog and a good friend of mine offered one of his guilty dorky pleasures to post on the blog:

The Iron Giant is his favorite movie. Not a lot of people are willing to admit that they have a love for animated films.

My She-Darling also offered up a confession for the sake of the blog. She says that The Princess Bride is her favorite movie ever. And let's admit, perhaps the Princess Bride is a wee bit dorky.

The moral of the story is this:

We all have silly, dorky things that we think should be secrets. But the truth is we shouldn't be ashamed of these things, they're what make us special and unique. And, of course:

Nobody is too cool to be a dork or be embarrassed.

God Bless Timmy Tuesdays

♥
And if anyone says otherwise, you must reply with:

Captain has something to say

2012-03-12T16:48:00.000-06:00

Readers, I would like to announce that as of TODAY, I am a brand new me. Well, not entirely. Still the Canadian Puck Bunny. But with a new attitude. See, I recently had my heart broken my my lovely one. My initial reaction to this was like so:

Phase two of the Canadian Puck Bunny's heartbreak looked a little bit like this:

Which was closely followed by a little bit of this:

Right. So what I'm trying to say is this:

~It Wasn't Pretty~

But now I have decided to adopt a whole new point of view. I'm going to stop wearing sweatpants every day! Start eating healthy again! Pay my visa bills! And stop spending my weekend nights alone at home with my cats!

YES!

Plus, today I was told (by a native speaker) that my Russian is actually quite good! So I'm pretty much feeling like:

Day 11 - A Film By Your Favorite Director

2012-03-11T21:04:00.000-06:00

Jeebus. At the rate we're going this 30 Day Challenge is going to take A Bagillion Years to finish. Lately I've been feeling a whole cocktail of emotions. After my lovely one managed to break my heart AGAIN, I decided to go MIA for a while, to just scream and cry and behave like the exorcist and get it out of my system. Then on Saturday I went through a brief phase where I was pretty much like:

But now, Spring is right around the corner and I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. So it's time to forget the bastard, enjoy the outdoors, and keep up with this blogging business. My new mantra and/or reply to all negative comments is going to be:

Fuck You, I'm Fabulous.

Yes. It's excellent. And there's even a little Bugs Bunny gif to go with it!

So the Topic to today's 30 Day Challenge is: A Film By Your Favorite Director. Well that's EASY! My Favorite Director is Quentin Tarantino. He was the genius that brought Reservoir Dogs into my life. Since I already reviewed Reservoir Dogs on Day 1, I'm going to talk about a movie that brings me immense joy whenever I see it: Inglourious Basterds.

My reaction to this movie every damn time.

Oh my goodness. This movie. So amazing. The Canadian Puck Bunny is lost for words (which is pretty bad considering this is a blog and requires many words).

Before we begin, for those of you planning on trolling my blog and pretentiously informing me that I have spelled both Inglorious and Bastards wrong, here is what I have to say to you:

And listen the fuck to what I have to say.

Quentin Tarantino is cool enough to invent his own way of spelling things (just like I wish I was cool enough to invent my own way of doing math). Tarantino is so bitchin', that during an interview at the Cannes Film festival, when he was asked about the peculiar spelling, Quentin was all: "I'm never going to tell." He later explained that the 'e' in Basterds is because that's how you say it... Basterds. But he will never explain about the U in Inglourious. He said it's "Quentin Tarantino spelling". How freakin' cool is that.
As a matter of fact, my debut as a filmmaker will start in a remake of Citizen Kane. Only instead of being about Charles Foster Kane and finding out what the fuck Rosebud means, the film will be about Quentin Tarantino and what the U in Inglourious means.

So Inglourious Basterds is a WWII fantasy film about a group of Jewish American soldiers sent to Germany to assassinate Nazi soldiers. Only its Quentin Tarantino, so it's going to be a little more brutal than that. Brad Pitt plays Lieutenant Aldo Raine, who demands Nazi scalps from his troops.

The movie also stars a whole bunch of peeps that we LOVE here at the Cinema Club.

First of all, we have Melanie Laurent, who was featured here in our Top 10 Hottest Actresses post.

Another favorite here at the Cinema Club is Michael Fassbender. Oh goodness. He is smokin' hot in this movie. Good lord, I think all us ladies were hot under the collar. First when he used his British accent, and then when he speaks fluent German. Oh, baby!

Other cutie that is less popular is Eli Roth. He plays the "bear Jew" that beats Hitler's boys over the head with a baseball bat upon misbehavior.

Man, all those "so and so is a basterd" posters are kinda making me want to be a basterd too...

So, all these guys are cool and awesome but one of the best parts of Inglourious Basterds is the character Hans Landa. Why? He's played by Sexy Saturday alumnus Christoph Waltz!

Goodness gracious that man is gorgeous. Can we not talk about the movie and just adore Christoph Waltz's gorgeousness?

Yes Please.

I LOVE.

So this movie is amazing, it's instantly quotable, the characters are fantastic, and the fact that its a multilingual bloody adventure by Tarantino makes it even better.

-Captain

A Canadian movie you've never heard of before!

2012-03-05T19:05:00.000-07:00

Ever since that Movies Are Like Chips post, I've had this crazy craving for, well, chips. Lately my diet has been particularly questionable. Pizza Pretzels coated in hot sauce for breakfast? Pizza with the zucchini toppings picked off for supper? It's at this point people look at me with raised eyebrows and I'm just like:

SHHH! I'm a Carbivore. This is what I do.

So what are we going to talk about today, other than the deliciousness that is carbs? Well I'd like to mention that up here in the Great White North it is snowing like crazy and we're supposed to get about 15cm of it tonight.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

All this wintery weather has gotten me thinking about wintery movies. And amongst films like The Thing, Frozen, and The Grey, one movie in particular comes to mind. What movie might that be? Well I'd love to tell you, but the truth is, I can't remember the title. How pathetic. See, back when I was in High School...

...My French immersion class watched a movie before we went on Christmas Break. Our teacher, hellbent on showing a French Canadian film, put on a silly DVD about a bunch of kids that go on Christmas break. My memory of the movie is a bit fuzzy. I think there was something about them starting a snowball war and then they built a fort and maybe somebody's dog died. So obviously that isn't a legitimate movie review, and I shall make it my personal quest on this snowy afternoon to find this movie!

This will be me in a few short moments:

WOW that actually only took about 5 seconds. I just used that magical tool called Google and typed in "Filme Quebecois La Guerre" and it was one of the first results to come up. So the movie we're talking about today is called La Guerre des Tuques. For all you non-French Speakers that means "The War of Toques". For those of you who don't speak Canadian, that pretty much translates into "The War Of Warm Winter Hats".

So the movie is about a bunch of kids that go on Christmas vacation. At the end of school, a Jr. Gang of French kids decide to break up in a snow war. They're all legit and they even write down their rules before the war starts.

Because we Canadians are classy.

Before they go home, they split up into two teams, and pick their base. Its full on war with these kids. But after a while this war is getting exhausting, and one group decides enough is enough. They resent going outside because they're being pelted with snowballs all the time. So they decide to take a stand and put an end to this war.

Now if any of you are reading this review with a raised eyebrow wondering "Whats the big deal? It's winter! It's Canada! Therefore it is cold. Why don't these kids just stay indoors?"

Well here's the deal, folks. Canadians adapt to the cold and we thrive in the snow. As I type this it is snowing like crazy outside, and just last Saturday I stood outside a club, for close to an hour, in an itty bitty little miniskirt, high heels, and a leather jacket. Sure, I was shaking and thought I was going to die, but the fact is I survived.

Genuine Canadian.

So this is what kids do in the winter in Canada. We go outside. And the kids in La Guerre des Tuques are no different. This is a really cute movie, and if you speak French I recommend you watch it. Its somewhat difficult to impress me with movies, but I was happy with this one. :)

Stamp of approval.

Top 10 Hottest Actresses

2012-03-04T12:32:00.000-07:00

So apparently I'm feeling the girl-love or something, thanks to the last 30 day challenge post about Milla Jovovich. Plus, this blog isn't exactly very friendly to my male readers. Day in and day out they have to listen to crap like

Oooo! Tim Roth! Oooo! Thomas Kretschmann dressed as a sailor! OMAGAD Christoph Waltz!

And that's probably very exhausting. So I'm going to do something VERY un-me-like and publish a Top 10 List of what I consider Hollywood's Hottest Babes. And this is a pretty big deal. I don't usually do the whole GIRL POWER! thing. But I realized that I have 2 very good girlfriends. I actually got to go out dancing with one last night. It was an opportunity to do each other's makeup and trash talk heart breaking bastards. After an hour and a half we pretty much transformed into this:

So now, without any further ado:
Hollywood's Top 10 Hottest Actresses

10.

Isabella Leong

I saw this chick in the 3rd Mummy movie and I was like: Damn. She's Cute. Isabella Leong actually has a bitchin' name that makes be a bit jealous. Her full name is Luisa Isabella Nolasco Da Silva. That's an awesome name. That's the kind of name some smokin' hot babe with smoldering eyes in 1886 would have. Yeah, you know the type. Long black hair, likely wears a hoop skirt, may or may not run a boarding house and fraternize with Cabellos on a regular basis. I'm getting off-topic. This chick is actually Chinese. So there are no Southern California Boarding houses anywhere near her and that's the most un-Asian name I can think of. She speaks English, Mandarin, and Cantonese.

Sandra Bullock

She's gorgeous in an unconventional sort of way. And you have to love her because she's so adorable. She seems like a really nice woman, someone that would make a good mom. I suspect my father may or may not have a bit of a "crush" on her. And for good reasons, she looks a lot like my mom did in her younger days. Bullock has been in a whole swack of movies. From Speed to The Blindside and a whole lot in between.

Jennifer Lawrence

After seeing Winter's Bone, I have a whole lot of respect for this actress. She played a fantastic character and her acting is phenomenal. And of course she's gorgeous. And since she's gorgeous, she did a whole bunch of skanky photoshoots that we don't approve of here at the cinema club. Though she's 5'7 and rumored to be around 125 lbs. We like that at the cinema club (therefore the healthy body cancels out the nude photos). We do not believe in stick thin sickly bitches and Jennifer Lawrence proves that one can be over 120 lbs and still look smokin' hot. How can you not love her long blonde hair and blue eyes? She's an all-American sweetheart and she's very cool. Jennifer will be in that Hunger Games movie coming out soon, so get excited.

Catherine Zeta Jones

Is it even fair that one woman should be allowed to possess so much gorgeousness all to herself? This welsh Goddess has the looks and the curves that every man would drool over. I really enjoyed watching her performance in the Zorro movies. Catherine Zeta Jones is 5'6" of beauty. She's not stick thin or fakey looking. She's a natural beauty and pretty much defines femininity.

Irène Jacob

She's FRENCH. Need I say more? (I know I don't but I will anyways). I saw her in Trois Couleurs: Rouge in Film Class and thought she was just gorgeous. She looks a bit like Kate Beckinsdale (or however you spell it). Her beauty is classic and timeless and she's universally attractive. There are a lot of pictures of her without any make up, or with very natural makeup, and she still looks gorgeous! Clicky Here! And here! And also here!

Liv Tyler

It's Liv freakin' Tyler. She's gorgeous. She has a aura of gentleness about her. I think everyone loved her as Arwen in The Lord of the Ring. I think it's super awesome that she has fair skin, dark hair and blue eyes. There aren't a lot of us out there! I really like this actress. She's talented, she's beautiful, and she seems humble. You never see her in those trashy celebrity magazines.

Melanie Laurent

Melanie Laurent is hot hot hot! If I could look like another chick I think I'd want to look like her. She's French (she was born in Paris), and you would have seen her in Inglourious Basterds (a really amazing movie). She also sings, so you can say she's pretty damn talented. Laurent is also Jewish, so her role in Inglourious Basterds was pretty much perfect for her. She is a strong, beautiful Parisian woman, and she is coated in the female equivalent of Swag Sauce (glitter?).

Brandon Merrill

I really like this chick. I've seen her in one movie: Shanghai Noon. She played Jackie Chan's freakin' cool Indian wife. She was born in Colorado and raised on a ranch in Wyoming, then she was signed as a model. So her role in Shanghai Noon is her only acting job. But her gorgeous face is all over the internet because of her modeling. Check out this photo.

Michelle Pfeiffer

JEEBUS. She's GORGEOUS. Her face is pretty much the epitome of perfect. Not to mention she has a smokin hot bod and you'd never guess she's in her 50's. What the hell, seriously. I love this chick. She's awesome. She looks like perfection and having a face like her's is pretty much like having the world on a plate. And the thing is, she's crazy gorgeous but its impossible to hate her for her looks. She just seems like a really nice person. Dear Michelle, we love you, but please share some of your gorgeous with the rest of us.

Milla Jovovich

Favesies. I love this actress like a fat kid loves cake. Milla is a Ukrainian born Supermodel that is 100% drool-worthy. She has this super hot sort of husky voice and gorgeous green eyes. Now let's talk about her body. OMG her body. She's the only woman that makes skin and bones look good. She's 5'8 and close to 120 lbs. She sings, and her voice is AMAZING. She is also a fashion designer. Goodness, woman! On top of all of that she is a mom and an actress. Hot hot hot! If the opportunity to live in her body for any amount of time was given, I'd be like:

~FIN~

I hate the fact that I wrote this article while wearing sweatpants with two cats keeping me company. What did I have for breakfast? A pizza pretzel coated in hot sauce and hot chocolate with a scoop of icecream mixed in. *Sigh*. I feel so un-classy. Well, Male readers, this one was for you. You're Welcome.

Movies are like chips.

2012-03-02T23:49:00.000-07:00

Readers, today I had an epiphany. This epiphany stemmed from my movie experience in Film Class yesterday. What is it I realized? Movie are like chips.

We all love chips. Potato chips are good. But if you're my friend Scotty you only like corn chips. And if you say you don't like chips, we all know:

Bitch You LIE!

And we also know that we all love movies. Movies are good. And if you say you don't like movies, we all know:

Bitch You LIE! ...AGAIN!

So what is the relation? Other than all this lovin'? (and do keep in mind, this article is written in my humble opinion). Classic Chips, like Classic Movies, are boring.

MY REASONING:

Yesterday in class we had to watch Citizen Kane, which is probably one of the most classic movies ever. But it was so boring. Boring as hell. Just like Classic flavored chips.

While watching Citizen Kane, I was like:

And if the only snacks available while I'm hungry are Classic Chips, I'm like:

If my film prof heard me say that he'd probably slap me upside the head. Because "Citizen Kane is an amazing film and Orson Wells is a genius, and blah blah blah". But all I have to say is NO. Citizen Kane makes a blank piece of paper look interesting.

One of the most famous lines ever... "Rosebud"

That clip is gross. I don't want to see an extreme closeup of someone's mouth unless it's Ryan Gosling's. Furthermore, that Mustache reminds me of Dr. Phil's and that's disgusting. My final point on Citizen Kane is that the most interesting aspect of this film is the name of Kane's mansion: Xanadu. Not to mention, the room trashing scene moments before Kane's death reminded me entirely of the room trashing scene in the disaster movie The Room.

So now that we know that Classic Movies = Classic Chips, we can move on to more exciting stuff. New Movies = Flavored chips.

MY REASONING:

So not all movies are good. And not all flavored chips are good. But there is always that one weird person that likes that one weird movie. And that one weird person that likes ketchup flavored chips. I may or may not be that weird person. So no matter what movie or chip flavor you're talking about, someone's bound to love it.

My logic blows your mind.

Furthermore, whether or not you like flavored chips or new movies, chances are they're not boring like Classic flavor.

Now we've covered Classic Movies and Boring Chips, Newer Movies and Flavored Chips, its time to talk about those fucking weird movies and those weird as hell chip flavors. Some things are just too weird. And messed up chip flavors = messed up movies.

MY REASONING:

Chances are you've seen one movie that's left you thinking "WTF IS THAT FUCKERY?" And if you've been down the This-Makes-You-Fat aisle at your grocery store, you know that there are some messed up chip flavors out there. Need an example? I'll use the crown jewel of fucked up chips.

Onion Rings and Ketchup Flavor. Yes this is one flavor. No I am not kidding. Here is proof:

I know, right? Crazy. I didn't even know people mixed ketchup and onion rings together! THAT EXISTS? What the hell. How the hell did someone pitch that idea? Were a bunch of idiots working for Doritos sitting around snorting cocaine and drinking tequila when one decided he wanted something to eat so he got onion rings and the drunk bastard sitting next to him spilled ketchup on them but he was all "what the hell I'm high and drunk and starving so I'll eat them anyways" then he was like "whoa this is fucking delicious we should sell this shit?" (biggest run on sentence ever, brah). SERIOUSLY. I was so intrigued by this conundrum of a flavor that I actually bought a bag and brought it home. I pounced on my poor unsuspecting father. I said "Daddy Dearest, I have something delicious for you to try" (or something like that). Then I fed him the Ketchup Onion Ring Doritos because I am a terrible daughter. My poor father gagged and actually spat them out. On the floor. Dramatically. Then he wiped his tongue and asked what in God's name I fed him.

I then ran for my life.

Movies like that exist. Movies so weird that you're left wanting to rip your eyes out like Oedipus Rex or erase your memory. The movie equivalent to spitting chips out on the floor and wiping your tongue. The example that pops into my mind is Man With a Movie Camera. Seriously, that movie is as weird as Onion Ring & Ketchup flavored chips and then some.

But then again, there are some weird chip flavors out there that are actually kind of delicious. Like Extreme Pickle. That's weird. But it's good. Sure, it leaves blisters on your tongue after you eat it. And sure, you're more or less positive there are more chemicals in that bag of chips than there is in a meth lab. And yeah, you're convinced that after eating a bag all to yourself you'll suffer the same sort of fate as Chernobyl victims and produce mutated children. But its good. And you're strangely attracted to them. And you and I both know there are movies like that too.

So there you have it, folks. Movie are like Chips.

Mind = Blown

~THE END~

Day 10 - A Film With Your Favorite Actress (Female)

2012-02-29T22:48:00.000-07:00

Looks like we're back at the 30 Day Challenge, folks. Last Time we explored the amazingness that is Thomas Kretschmann. But today we have to talk about women. Hmm. Well, my favorite actress is Milla Jovovich.

Girl Crush!

I think she's 100% awesome. And the movie we're going to talk about today not only stars Milla Jovovich, but Thomas Kretschmann happens to be in it aswell!

It's like a double whammy. 2x the awesome. Mind is blown. Well, kinda.

So the movie we're talking about is Called Resident Evil: Apocalypse.

...

As I type this my brother is standing behind me trying to untangle my messy horse-riding hair with his fingers. His hand is stuck and it it very distracting.

Bitch, I'm flawless.

Right. So Resident Evil: Apocalypse. For those of you that are not aware, Resident Evil is the best zombie franchise ever. What started out as a video game eventually turned into movies and books. I totally nerd-love Resident Evil like I nerd-love Jurassic Park. And that's a lot.

In the first Resident Evil, we meet Milla Jovovich who plays super-babe Alice. I love Alice. She's amazing. I felt inspired and in the 11th grade I dressed up as her for Halloween. I tore a red dress and dyed my hair just like hers.

I thought my costume was bitchin'. The boys got it. I got high-fived for my zombie ass-kicking getup. The girls I went to school with didn't get it. They just glared at me. One was brave enough to ask why I would dress as a hooker for Halloween. Cue facepalm.

In the movie we're talking about, Alice doesn't wear that hot-as-hell red dress. Instead, she wears ripped jeans and an orange camisole.

And it's Milla Jovovich, so she makes it look hot.

As a matter of fact, Milla Jovovich can make anything look hot.

Even this disaster hair.

Milla Jovovich is the only actress I have genuine respect for. If I had the occupy the skin of another human being for a day, I would want to be in hers. Especially while she was in Resident Evil: Apocalypse. 'Cause Thomas was there. :)

bwaaahhhhh :)

Unfortunately the two don't get along very well. at all. As a matter of fact she watches with a smile as he's pushed out of a helicopter and breaks both his legs. Cue girl-sobs.

But this post isn't about Thomas.

This post is about the gorgeousness that is Milla Jovovich.

And FYI, Milla is on the Twitter.

Follow her up!

@MillaJovovich

So she's beautiful, talented, she's a great mom, and she can kick some zombie-ass. She is pretty much everything I think a woman should be.

I wish I was a bit more like her. <----personal mushiness.

-Captain

...po-tay-toes...

2012-02-29T19:51:00.000-07:00

This blog really should be called ThisIsHowIProcrastinate.blogspot or something like that. Because today I have to do a German paper. And I really don't wanna. I even voluntarily paid my Visa bills instead of doing homework. And I hate paying Visa bills. It feels like my soul is being ripped from me through my bank account.

Anyone who has seen the Lord of the Rings movies are familiar with Sam's famous line in regards to potatoes.

"Po-tay-toes... Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew!"

Yeah. That.

Well today in German class we were covering different cases in the German language. in one exercise we had to identify adjectives in a sentence and figure out what case the sentence is in. Anyways. One of the examples we had to work from was a poster for a Restaurant, a Kartoffelhaus. Now, Kartoffelhaus is, essentially, "potato house". So a restaurant that serves potatoes. Cool. Apparently my prof felt inspired and got into talking about potatoes, because she then asked:

"Was kann man alles mit kartoffeln machen?"
Which pretty much means: "what can we do with potatoes?"

Now, my mouth decided to speak without first consulting my brain. This has happened before, when I blurted out PUMPKIN! in my Film class in This post (Clickie the Orange link!). Only this time, instead of screaming PUMPKIN from the utter excitement of my Film Prof talking about Tim Roth in an amphitheater, I decided that German class would be a perfect time to quote the Lord of the Rings.

So, Was kann man alles mit kartoffeln machen?

"BOIL 'EM, MASH 'EM, STICK 'EM IN A STEW!"

And that's how it's done, Canadian Puck Bunny style.

Swag Sauce.

So if you're even in a situation where a professor (or anyone, really) asks you what to do with potatoes, you know now know what to say:

Yours truly,

-Captain

Timmy Tuesday: Bromance

2012-02-28T19:32:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am in fact sticking with these Timmy Tuesday shenanigans. Weekly Tim Roth posts are just far too good to resist. I can almost guarantee that after a month or two of Timmy Tuesdays, all you non-believers will be converted Rothy fans. This week's topic is:

Bromance.

Because there are few things more awesome than a good old fashioned bromance.

And believe it or not, Rothy has the whole bromance thing nailed. He does it almost as good as Boston Bruins Brad Marchand and Tyler Seguin.

Death by cuteness!

Now as we know, Tim Roth is pretty much BFFs with Gary Oldman. In relation to Marchand and Seguin, Tim is Brad (they have the same freakin' nose) and Gary is Tyler.

Bromance: You're doing it right.

There is a photo we encountered on the Tim Roth Sexy Saturday that we love here at the Cinema Club. In this photo Tim wrote Gary a note. On his forehead. View below:

Well guess what, folks? Gary wrote him a note back.

Waow.

Fangirl Pandemonium!

So that's pretty darn cute. I like putting the two photos side by side.

When Tim found out Gary thinks he's sexy this was his reaction:

♥

Tim and Gary fans are currently experiencing cuteness overload. Meanwhile, the rest of the world is in awe at Timmy's awesome shirt in the above photo. Although Rothy saves his best bromancing for Gary, he does share his adorableness with other men aswell.

"Bromance really should be a facebook status"

Oh, I love you Tim.

-Captain

I have to write an English paper.

2012-02-27T14:58:00.001-07:00

Dear Blogger, thank you for existing so I have something to do other than continually checking NHL trade center when I have a big paper due tomorrow.

I keep "trying" to write my essay. But I end up doing this:

So then I waste time on the NHL's website. Then I ~~make~~ burn myself some lunch. Then I find myself here doing dumb crap like this:

I am still desperate for a pet koala. Can I have one? Pretty please? Pleeease?

As excellent as this procrastination post has been, nothing can beat what I did last semester. Instead of writing my history paper I took a plane to Ontario.

I SHOULD HAVE PIZZA FOR LUNCH!!!

~Queen of Procrastination

I brush my teeth with crazy paste/ Sexy Saturday: Paul Henreid

2012-02-25T16:15:00.001-07:00

Dearest Readers, so once again it is your favorite day of the week: Sexy Saturday. Before we get into all that awesomeness, I would like to take a moment to talk about a freakin' weird dream I had last night.

As regular readers of this blog know, I am absolutely crazy about hockey. Thursday night my best friend (who my drunken alter-ego, Freddy, renamed to Larry (despite the fact that she is a woman)) and my new friend (otherwise known as Cute Boy, who I told you about in the Most Awkward Post Ever) decided to host a sort of drunken intervention. I was told that I watch too much hockey, that I need to tone it down a little. Of course I wouldn't have any of it, and didn't listen. Although now I think that perhaps they might be a little bit correct. Thursday night I ended up getting into a drunken argument on the train with a random stranger about goalies (my goalie is obviously far superior). And last night I had a dream about that new movie Goon.

For those of you who don't know and/or were too lazy to watch the trailer I posted above, Goon is a movie about a, well, goon, that is hired as an enforcer for a semi-pro hockey team. Starring Seann William Scott, Goon looks like it will actually be really entertaining.

Plus, hockey players are adorable and this line pretty much made my life:

"I like you name. I think it's pretty. Like your face. You have a pretty name and a pretty face."

Best ever. Right, so my dream. Last night I dreamed that Seann William Scott's character, Doug Glatt, came up to say hello. We went to a hockey rink and for some reason I was immensely confused by the jerseys worn by his team and the team he was playing against. I was all:

"Dude, I know every team in the NHL and I can't for the life of me recognize your jerseys! Are you sure you're in the NHL?"

And he was all:

"Yeah, of course! We play for Washington!"

Then I was like:

"Oh, ok, that makes perfect sense, the Washington Capitals don't exist anymore."

And that was it.

I am ashamed of my dream self for not considering minor/fictional hockey leagues. Meanwhile, all Washington Capital fans shake their heads in dismay at me and remind that their team does, in fact, still exist. Now, enough of that and onwards to:

Sexy Saturday

Today's Sexy Saturday is entirely unrelated to any of the shenanigans I posted above. This week's man is actually someone you never would have guessed would be crowned as a Sexy Saturday. He was in movies since before you were born. Since before your parents were born. Today I am proud to introduce:

Paul Henreid!

He is classy. I am classy. And if you approve, you are also classy.

Though Paul Henreid has been in a whole whack of movies from the 40's to the 70's, perhaps his most memorable role was in Casablanca, as his character Victor Laszlo.

Handsome fellow on the right

If you have not seen Casablanca, you should follow the steps provided below:

Protocol For Not Having Seen Casablanca: 

Step 1: Slap self across face

Step 2: Watch Casablanca 

Right. So for those of you who have not seen Casablanca (shame!) or any of the movies/TV shows he did through the 50's and 60's (don't worry, neither have I) have no fear, you're likely not missing out. As Paul Henreid was in Exorcist II: The Heretic. He played the Cardinal. I haven't seen that movie nor can I find a screen shot. All I have to say is how unfortunate, to go from Casablanca to practically an extra in the sequel to the Exorcist.

So Paul Henreid was born in Austria on January 10th, 1908. This amazing fellow died on March 29th, 1992 in California. Though he is obviously a successful actor (Check out his Filmography!) he will always be adored for his lovely character in Casablanca.

This is the most handsome and classy dude ever featured here on The Cinema Club. Here is a little video thingy for you to enjoy (starring of course Paul Henreid's handsome face).

Men were better in the 1940's.

Newsies! We're on the Youtube now?

2012-02-24T18:02:00.001-07:00

Dear Readers, so my Tequila week has gotten back on track, thanks of course to last night. Before I get into that, I'd like to mention that The Cinema Club is now on Youtube. Here is a link to our channel: Clicky this Link to go to the Youtube! Unfortunately, the channel is extremely boring at this moment and there aren't any videos to watch. Yet.

Right. So I'd like to mention all the shenanigans I got into last night, as it was ever so much fun. But since this is a movie blog, I must avoid the personal anecdotes as much as possible. So I cleverly mashed Movies and Tequila Night together and created a video to share with you all. So here it is:

The Story of my Night, Cleverly Retold via Movie Clips

Now that I'm all partied out, I'm ready to just eat popcorn, play video games, and watch movies with my brother and our two cats. What's this? I have 3 novels to read for my English class? SHHHHHHHHH!

Shush your mouth, we're on vacation.

ALSO, the Oscars are on Sunday and there isn't a hockey game that day, so I will be able to watch the awards from start to finish.

OSCARS!

Regulars here at the Cinema Club will be attending the Oscars on the 26th. We'll be looking out for George Clooney (as per usual) and Gary Oldman, as they are both nominated for best actor in a Leading Role.

Furthermore, Tintin has been nominated for Original score and I am entirely disgusted that it hasn't been nominated for Animated Feature. Seriously, who was smoking enough crack to not nominate Tin-freakin'-tin for best animated feature??? Uhhhg.

Drive, which was just previously "reviewed" by the Cinema Club (psst, scroll down!) has been nominated for Sound Editing.

I'm looking forward to seeing Ryan Gosling on the red carpet. And I'm crossing my fingers that Tim Roth will decide to make an appearance. Meanwhile, I am extremely hungry and this post ends now.

Drive

2012-02-21T18:31:00.000-07:00

So my Reading Break isn't going according to plan. At all. As a matter of fact, I can no longer even call it Tequila Week. It is, in fact, Reading Break. Seriously, FML. I had a Tequila Saturday, and that's about it. Since then I've been spending more time with my brother and my cats than I have with other normal human beings.

Everybody Else's Reading Break = getting drunk, partying, and forgetting about life for a while.
My Reading Break = Watching The Thing with my brother and our two cats while texting all my friends that have girlfriends and wondering what the fuck is wrong with me.

*Cue Icecream*

So it is 5pm and instead of blasting tunes and getting ready to go out, I am going to review the movie Drive.

Lucky for us, Drive (directed by Nicolas Winding Refn) stars Ryan Gosling. And as we know, Ryan Gosling is the human equivalent of God.

And I'm not going to lie to you all, I kind of have a thing for guys that handle hot cars well. I like guys that appreciate sporty cars and know how to drive standard. Once Upon a time we explored this topic in the Jason Statham Sexy Saturday. Now, of course, if that guy happens to be Ryan Gosling, obviously I'm in some kind of heaven.

Obviously we're all in some kind of heaven

Now, this movie is actually really weird, for a number of reasons.

Reason #1: Ryan Gosling's Character doesn't have a name. Yeah. He's either referred to as "kid" or "the Driver" or whatever. Since I don't want to constantly refer to him as "Ryan Gosling's Character" for the rest of this post, let's just call him Sexy Pants.

Reason #2: Sexy Pants is the strangest character ever. 20 minutes into the film, my brother turned to me and in all seriousness asked: "Is he... simple?" (meaning: is he like Forrest Gump?) I think Gosling tried to portray a quiet, brooding character, but all that came out was an awkwardly silent personality that my brother mistook for mental retardation.

Reason #3: This movie is Ultra-Violent and it's a complete surprise. Through the first third of the film we're under the impression that this may be a cool action movie. But then out of nowhere comes this brutal gore-fest that even Alex DeLarge would have an issue with. The Elevator Scene? GOOD GOD.

Reason #4: Sexy Pants is the most inconsistent character practically ever. He starts off as this shy adorable sporty guy that I would be crushing on hardcore in real life. Then suddenly he turns into this smooth family-man/babysitter. Then suddenly he's an action hero, then an assassin, then I don't even know what. Plus, it would have been easy for Gosling to memorize his lines because he practically had none.

Reason #5: The ending was more suspenseful and OMG than the twist in the Sixth Sense (well, for Gosling fan-girls anyways).

Before I rag on this movie anymore, here are some screen shots of Ryan Gosling doing his thing and being gorgeous:

Hot like fire.

I've always had a thing for (blonde) Grease-Monkeys.

MEANWHILE:

I just got my Visa Bill and I am LESS THAN PLEASED. *Cue Icecream*

Not even Gosling's face can take away the pain caused by my Visa bill (which doesn't yet include the bazillion dollar gift I bought my friend and that ridiculously expensive cab-ride I took on Saturday AND my University Tuition...)

FML

FML
FML

FML

I need a vacation away from my vacation.

I can't even cope with life right now. My Hockey Team is playing tonight but my luck happens to be directly linked with their luck and today is not a lucky day. The only word present in my mind right now is DOOMED.

This will be me in 5 years if things keep going the way they are now.

I don't even have the enthusiasm to keep talking about Drive. All I have to say is, its only worth your while if you're in it to admire Ryan Gosling's hotness. Or if you enjoy seeing some bitch's head get blown up by a shotgun. Or if you want to see Ryan Gosling slap a bitch across the face (which was actually kind of hot in an omg-I-have-problems sort of way). And I guess that scene where he carries that little boy through the hallway...

Actually, Ryan Gosling carrying anything is awesome.

And now we all swoon.

Timmy Tuesday: The First!

2012-02-21T17:12:00.000-07:00

Here at the Cinema Club, it's pretty clear that we love Tim Roth. Since he's active on the Twitter, I figured it would be good to pay a weekly tribute to the British Sexy Saturday Alumnus.

I love this snarky mofugga.

So on the very first weekly Timmy Tuesday I would like to apologize for lying to you all in the last Newsies post, where I excitedly stated that Rothy has been nominated for an Academy Award. Err... not so much. Sorry to disappoint you folks, but he just voted. LE SIGH. I think the last time he was nominated was for his role as Archibald Cunningham in Rob Roy back in the 90's.

A powdered wig movie.

Then again I could be wrong. Because apparently I invent my own reality to suit my fancy. Isn't that what crazy people do? Well it is ~~Tequila Week~~ Reading Break, so I think that's a good enough excuse to be a little bit loony tunes.

Speaking of Loony Tunes, check out how Tim Roth catches the elevator:

Like a Boss.

PS nice face.

-Captain

The Thing

2012-02-20T02:25:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know. I just wrote you guys a farewell message, letting you all know that I'll be crazy busy partying my buns off this week. And believe you me, I did indeed party like a Rockstarr last night. I'm spending today recuperating. Believe me, folks. Drinking Tequila Straight from a glass is fun but also leads to shenanigans which leads to being very tired. I got home at 4am and shared a bed with my cat. Instead of going out again this evening I stayed in and watched a movie. And this is a pretty good movie. The film I saw today is called The Thing. And I'm not talking about the one done in the 1950's or John Carpenter's creation that earned a 10/10 on the WTF-Scale. I'm talking about the remake of the remake.

The Thing (2011) is directed by some dude whose name I can't pronounce.
Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. As far as I'm concerned and for the rest of this entry, the director's name is pronounced like this:

Now that we have the director's name all cleared up, let us begin.

So The Thing takes place in Antarctica, which is pretty much the best setting for a horror movie. Why is this? Not only is it entirely isolated and help is nowhere to be found, it's really fucking cold.

Brr.

As my Father would say, Antarctica is located on "the bum of the planet" therefore it receives very little sunlight. And you and I both know that horror movies are scariest when they're in the dark! So a team of scientists, etc, are called forth when an interesting discovery is made... a Space ship, that is. And a specimen.

[Insert spooky oooooo sound here]

So in case you were unaware,The Thing is in fact an alien movie. And I think it's a fantastic alien movie. Not only is it quite similar to the classic Alien, but it also has a demonic possession feeling to it.

This movie does an excellent job at drawing you in, right from the start. The idea in this movie is that the Alien has the ability to take the form of the last being it kills. So naturally, the monster could be anyone at the base...

Well this is awkward.

My brother and I turned into hardcore detectives during this film. We were practically documenting everybody's whereabouts on a freakin' clipboard for the duration of the film. We'd pause and take attendance, just like Middle School. We were Sherlock and Watson. The baddest brother/sister alien detection squad there ever was.

So I suppose its fair to say that this movie is extremely gripping. Either that or my brother and I got way too intense and enjoyed the movie too much. Now, I'd like to mention something. Whenever I pick a favorite character in a movie, they're always doomed. Doomed to die a terrible death. Example:

Favorite:

Thomas Kretschmann as Major Cain in Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Result:

Nibbled by Zombies.

Favorite:

♥Tim Roth as Mr. Orange in Reservoir Dogs♥

Result:

Bleeding to death

Favorite:

John Hurt as Kane in Alien

Result:

Alien bursts through chest.

etc.

Despite my unfortunate talent for getting the guys I declare my favorite in movies killed , I continually insist on picking favesies. And I picked a favorite in The Thing.

*Facepalm*

I couldn't resist! He was really hot in a Tim Roth sort of way so I had to declare that he was my favorite.

This is he.

Mmmmmm! Me likey! Me likey! He's British. I love his character's snarky attitude. And since I never really picked up on his name through the film, I named him myself. I called him:

My Babe.

Though he was mostly called My Babe, he was also referred to as "The Brit" in my bro and I's attendance calls.

Shush your mouth, we're taking attendance!

Seriously, though. Don't you agree? Isn't he fantastic? He's hot and he's got a bad attitude. He's the kind of guy that would be allowed to bring handcuffs into my bedroom, if you know what I mean.

You can adore his face at 1:34. He's the one on the far right:

And here he is gnawing on gum and being a friendly mofugga at the premier:

I've gotten off track.

Where was I going with this? Ah, yes. Favorites. Doomed.

I'm sorry I killed you! Waa. *Icecream*

In all seriousness, My Babe aside, this is a really great film. It's even more fun when you get into it like my brother and I did. My Bro pretty much had his shit together. He had it all figured out, he knew what the deal was, he kept tabs on the characters, he was on the ball. Me, not so much. I spent most of the movie realizing I probably wouldn't make it that long. While my brother was the Bear Grylls of Antarctica and Aliens, I was like:

I WOULD HAVE DIED.

Not to mention I would likely spend the entire time bitching about the weather.

I'm cold! Its snowing! I wanna go home! Give me hot chocolate! I can't find my warm socks! Pay attention to me! I'm cold! I can see my breath! Someone lend me their jacket! Don't actually give me your jacket, you'll freeze! I'm cold! BRR! It's really fucking Brr outside! I want hot chocolate! I want to be in Mexico! Why isn't it nice outside? Someone light a fire!

Etc.

I'd pretty much be the first to go. So I'll just enjoy my position as the observer and cheer for My Babe as he fights aliens in the frigid cold.

Ok, I keep trying to get serious but the tequila that's still lingering in my system is prohibiting that.

Let's put it this way, the first bit of the movie is actually really grody. Its scary as hell and you can't help but cringe and consider turning off the TV/ encouraging the characters to get on the helicopter while they still have a chance. The scene where we see the shower is actually horrifying (and that's coming from someone who is not squeamish at the sight of blood in the slightest bit).

You do have to pay attention though, as the characters can be a bit tricky to keep tabs on: Who is Lars, again? Is he the guy with the beard? <--- My point.

Although I have never seen John Carpenter's The Thing (I know, a movie sin) I get the feeling that it might be scarier than this new one. Though of course I cannot actually say this, as I have not seen it. This new movie is supposedly the Prequel to Carpenter's. I am rather excited to see the 80's version. I was once told to watch The Thing while its snowing outside, as it "heightens the tension". Believe it or not it's not actually snowing up here in the Great White North, so I'll just have to make do without.

The Final Word: I recommend it. This movie was fun and there were a number of scenes that surprised me so bad I either jumped out of my skin or screamed a little (or both). BUT if you're excited that this movie takes place in Antarctica because thats where the Penguins live, I'll tell you that you shouldn't get your hopes up, as the penguins had enough sense to get the hell outta dodge.

Run awaaaay!

-Captain

Newsies/ I'll be going MIA for a while.

2012-02-18T00:38:00.001-07:00

My dearest Readers,

I must inform you that over the next week you will likely not be hearing from me. Because it's reading break, which means myself and all the other Canadian University Students run free, drinking alcohol and dancing on tables. 90% of us Students will look like this throughout the week:

Thanks of course to Tequila.

Before I abandon you all, I'd like to make a quick Newsies post. We have important things to catch up on, of course.

1.) My favorite Hockey team has actually been doing quite well and whenever a game is on I look like this:

I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!

2.) Tim Roth informed us via Twitter that he has been nominated for an Academy Award. Meanwhile, all Tim Roth fans weep from happiness and start saving up for fancy champagne to drink when he wins. Way to go, Rothy! ♥

3.) So last Thursday I mentioned that horrendous answer I put on my film test. For those of you who have not read that post, I recommend you educate yourselves. Here is a Link for your Convenience. For those of you who did read the post, you are well aware of the idiotic things I wrote. Well guess what, folks? Today I got the test back. And I didn't die/ get expelled/ fail. I wrote:

"These questions make me want to rip my hair out of my own head. Or gauge my eyes out with a plastic spoon. etc."

and my TA wrote me a note back. Saying something along these lines:

"I am very sorry to hear that. I understand the first question was difficult. Anyways, I'm sure you'll do better next time."

It's because I'm cute.

Well, then. That went better than expected! Thank you, Mr. TA for saving my buns from almost certain doom. I like you.

Now, it's a bagillion hours past my bedtime and I need to catch up on sleep before ~~Tequila Week~~ Reading Break. I hope you all you Canadian University peeps have an enjoyable break, and I hope all the rest of you have a good week. May muffins and smoothies be in your future.

-Captain

How I expect my reading break to go:

Step 1: Tequila:

Step 2: Dancing

(exactly like this).

Step 3: More tequila.

Step 4: Thinking I'm all fly like this:

Though I'm actually like this:

Step 5: More tequila

Step 9: Do something stupid that will likely result in injury

And Repeat.

Yeah Buddy!

Day 9 - A Film With Your Favorite Actor (Male)

2012-02-15T20:26:00.000-07:00

Ah, this is the perfect topic to be covering the day after Valentine's Day! A movie with my favorite actor... isn't that lovely! I'm really excited to do this post because I happen to love the movie we're going to be talking about. But before we get into that, I feel the need to express how weird the ads on my blog are. I was checking things out, making sure it was all looking good, when the ad that Google decided to match me up with was a dating site for cougars.
Ummm.... just a few years ago I was still Jail Bait. So I just smile and nod.

Yeah, mhm, thanks Google. Thanks a bunch.

Right, so the movie we're going to talk about today is King Kong (2005), because it happens to have my favorite actor in it. Now, if you're a regular reader of this blog you'll know that I love to sing Tim Roth's praises. And yes, although I love him to bits and pieces, my favorite actor is actually Thomas Kretschmann.

#LongTermCommittedRelationship.

So, I'm not really much of a hipster. At all. But when it comes to Thomas Kretschmann, I'm like, the original hipster.

I liked Thomas Kretschmann before Thomas Kretschmann was cool.

See? The Canadian Puck Bunny has a hipster side.

As a matter of fact, I liked Thomas Kretschmann before any of you non-Europeans knew he even existed. I'm pretty much the Thomas Kretschmann pioneer, celebrating his German hotness before he was in any big American movies.

Over half a decade of Kretschmann Love.

This should be my slogan.

So, although I love Thomas in all his foreign films (he looks ridiculously delicious in his Nazi Uniforms) and appreciate that he's bilingual, I especially love the Character he plays in King Kong. Back when all you 12 year olds were 7 freakin' years old, this hunk of German love played Captain Englehorn in Peter Jackson's masterpiece remake of King Kong. Believe me-

Ahhhg, my finger is bleeding!

Panic averted.

-Believe me, that is an amazing movie. Its the perfect adventure story that blends love, comedy, and seriousness together in one hell of a good time. Although, this film is about a bagillion hours long and usually requires a considerable amount of patience. Or popcorn. Maybe both.

ooooh, all the filthy, dirty, kinky, slutty captions I could put on this photo....

Seriously. He is the reason why I go by the alias Captain. Well, one of the reasons anyways. There are a few. But he's one of them!

Wheeee!

Back in High School, I did an analysis of his character. And believe me, Captain Englehorn is a very complicated character and he is extremely mysterious. And readers, we all know there are few things hotter than a sexy, brooding, mysterious man in a position of power.

Call me.

Seriously, every time I see him I either get the hiccups, butterflies, or end up saying something embarrassing like:

I want to have your babies.

The previous caption on the above photo was too inappropriate and had to be replaced by something tame.

MOVING ON NOW, so King Kong is really awesome and I recommend you all see it. Especially since Thomas Kretschmann is smoking hot and now that he's popular you can all be fan girly and pretend you've loved him ~totes for like, evarrr~. Yeah. But don't forget who introduced you to this smokin' hot son of a bitch. Me, Captain, otherwise known as the Canadian Puck Bunny.

Me having goo-goo eyes for Captain Englehorn, 2005

So, if you know what's good for you, go check out Peter Jackson's King Kong. Dooo iiiiit.

And yeah, don't make fun of his hat. His hat is bitchin'.

-Captain

Happy (!!!) Valentine's Day!

2012-02-14T18:12:00.001-07:00

Hot Like Fire.

Readers, today I am feeling Hot Like Fire. I wore my sexiest shirt today and paraded around the university with my own theme song. This was me:

"Too Cold for you to keep her, too hot for you to leave her!

Who's that chick? Who's that chick?"

So yeah. Obviously I'm having a good day. Which is weird, because Yesterday I was all:

But today I'm surprisingly not bothered by my singleness or my recent heartbreak. Not one bit! I feel awesome and I still have "Who's That Chick" stuck in my head.

She must be on Prozac. Or in denial. Or both.

EVEN BETTER, It's my Bestie's Birthday Today! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! So its good times all around! ♥~HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, READERS!~♥ Speaking of Hot Like Fire, you wanna know what else is HOT LIKE FREAKIN' FIRE?

Obviously this guy.

THESE GUYS, here to wish you (yes, YOU) a

♥❤♥❤♥HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!♥❤♥❤♥

❤

❤❤❤

Day 8 - The Film You Can Quote Best

2012-02-13T20:10:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, the film I can quote best happens to be my favorite movie, Reservoir Dogs, which was previously reviewed in Day 1 of the 30 Day Challenge. So what next?

Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Yeah, that.

Almost all the best quotes ever are from Monty Python, and the Holy Grail is, well, the Holy Grail of hilarious movie quotes. Here, my dear readers, are my absolute favorite quotes from the movie:

A Duck!

We require... a SHRUBBERY!

The Holy Hand Grenade

Fetchez la Vache!

I'll bite you kneecaps off.

-Captain