Life Through This Lens

Mine

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Mon, 05 May 2014 15:20:00 +0000

Sometimes I take him location scouting with me.

I'm always glad that I do.

I love him.

Space

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 03:35:00 +0000

Today Griffin said, "Mom, wouldn't it be just so great if we could have a house.

A real house with space and we can have lots of guests?".

That hit me so hard.

So much has changed for us in the past year and a half and I thought Matt

and I were the only ones having to "deal" with this small apartment.

I've worked really hard to make this apartment feel like a home and I think I just

assumed that most kids don't feel "space". I thought Griffin just saw this place as his home.

And I was wrong.

Maybe he hears me talk of my dreams to Matt.

My dreams of a place for Griffin to run and play.

Space to create and craft.

Space for Jasper to roam.

Space for Matt to build things with Man Tools.

A space for guests.

I guess I need to speak less of my dreams and more of our realities when Griffin is listening.

Our reality is we have everything we could possibly need within the walls of this tiny space.

There's barely enough room to fit two people in the kitchen to bake cookies

but there's room.

There's barely enough room for dance parties

but there's room.

There's barely enough room to run and play outside

but down the hill a ways there's room.

There's barely enough room for all of us to play in the living room together

but there's room.

There's barely enough space for both boys to share a bedroom with space to play

but there's room.

Because there's a time in I think everyone's lives where they have to learn to let go of what

doesn't matter and learn about what truly does matter.

For us, right now, this tiny space will suit us just fine.

And when we are ready to spread our wings and fly, God will provide the wind.

This is what I must teach Griffin.

I love the little ways that he teaches me by me having to deal with my demons

in order to teach him.

Little stinker.

Project JOY, Week 8

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Mon, 03 Mar 2014 16:00:00 +0000

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner is still

my favorite times of the day with him.

It brings me so much joy just to sit and watch him.

Instant Happy

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Mon, 03 Mar 2014 01:26:00 +0000

After reading this post from Meg's blog I knew Griffin would love these.

So we made them.

Pretty self explanatory.

Good stuff.

I hot glued the Popsicle stick stars to some baker's twine and I strung some up in the

boys' room and some up in the living room.

Instant happy!

Get your craft on!

Project Joy Weeks 4, 5, 6, & 7

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Tue, 25 Feb 2014 15:56:00 +0000

So yes.

A little bit of catch up.

Here are my joys from these past few weeks.

Peaceful naps

Hairs!

My nook. This little spot on the couch is where I crochet, edit pictures, blog, read, and generally relax.

Everyone needs a nook.

Teensy crocheted balls

Jasper giving me the business during an impromptu Valentine shoot.

New fishy friends. Teepee and Sammy.

Teepee was only with us for a few days before passing on.

Talks with Griffin about tomorrow not being guaranteed is not a joy for me.

But the tender heart of my child is.

Him.

Oh happy day!

Scar

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 06:17:00 +0000

A few days before Christmas, I let Griffin do laps

up and down the hallway to burn off some energy.

He tripped into his room and split his eyebrow open

on his loft bed post.

In 5 years, that was the first moment my heart plummeted into my stomach.

Luckily my mother hadn't moved to Texas yet.

She came right over to stay with Jasper (who was already down for the night) while we

took a trip to the ER.

Three stitches.

Griffin lived up to his name and was a total Rockstar while enduring the shots (which went deep into the open wound) and stitches.

It has been a few weeks since the final butterfly strips fell off.

I've got to admit.

I was freaked out about "MY BABY'S BEAUTIFUL FACE"!!

But nothing has changed.

He's just as handsome.

If not, more so now.

I got a glimpse of what he is like under pressure.

When he knew that something had gone horribly wrong, he was uncontrollable.

Then I started counting.

So did he.

By #4, he was calmly ticking off numbers without even a whimper.

My son amazes me.

So here he is.

The new

and improved

Griffin Rockstar Allen.

Project JOY Week 3

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Fri, 31 Jan 2014 05:06:00 +0000

A little late for week 3 but hey...

Only one picture pretty much summed up last week.

Teething.

Jasper finally had his first tooth pop through.

It was a rough week for him.

For me too.

This little furrowed brow was all I saw for an entire week.

Cutest furrowed brow EVER.

It is truly my joy to be able to stay at home during these milestones.

There are rough days.

Rough weeks.

But I'm here for every second of it and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Project JOY Week 2

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Mon, 20 Jan 2014 05:47:00 +0000

An Instafriend and Facebook friend of mine, Mia, has challenged

anyone who wants to participate in a 52 week photo challenge.

It's all about joy.

Finding joy in the big and the small of our days and capturing it all.

But for me personally, I'm not going to limit how many photos I post each week.

I know the idea (for me) is to get out that big girl camera and use it more

but I find that if there are too many parameters set, I tend to burn out quickly if there's one time I fail to live up to the expectations.

So, some weeks I may post one photo.

Some weeks 20!

But I do like this project.

Finding the joy in all situations is an amazing challenge for us all.

Week 1 was last week and I just posted 2 photos to my personal Facebook page.

But I think it's good to fold this challenge into this space.

My little slice of the Instaworld.

Our apartment is small with little to no source of natural light.

It has kept me from capturing our days with anything more

than my cell phone camera.

That's another reason why I like this challenge.

It forces me to stray from what I would consider perfect and

get these moments documented.

So, here you have it.

The way he notices me taking pictures of him now and he

charges the camera at warp crawl speed.

The way they interact with each other. Jasper thinks that Griffin is pretty much the funniest thing known to man.

Griffin thinks the same.

It's a match made in Heaven.

The way he crawls.

Period.

This.

The way he drools on EVERYTHING now that he's teething.

And the way even his pained faces can look so ding dang cute.

The flushed cheeks of a teether.

Won't you join us in this challenge?

I know there are so many of them out there.

But I'd love to see your JOY too!

Oh happy day!

Polar Vortex, Hulking Out, and Fox Holes

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 04:47:00 +0000

Late last week we got a deep freeze here in the Show Me State.

Polar Vortex is what they are calling it.

I went to the store to stock up last Friday.

I still have not left the house.

Matt was only today able to get to work.

We were all here.

Us four plus two cats.

Tripping over each other for days in our teensy apartment.

It was actually really awesome until yesterday.

We all had a great time and eventually I let it go

about the housework and clutter.

Griffin is high energy and Jasper has just learn to crawl so it took everything Matt and I had just to keep up with them.

It was a mess

But a beautiful mess, I'd have to admit.

The windows had about an 1/8" of ice all around them on the inside

and Griffin couldn't go outside to play in the glorious knee-deep snow

because the winds made it too dangerous.

The sun was hiding for four days, which made our already cave-like

apartment seem darker.

But when tensions ran high, emergency dance parties were had.

We watched loads of movies, baked cookies, water colored,

built Legos, and played.

We cancelled our plans to visit my in-laws

(our second cancelled trip thanks to snow!)

so we had nowhere to be and all the time in the world.

I will admit that yesterday was tough for me.

I'm normally a homebody but cabin fever set in big time and I was on the verge of hulking out all day.

But Matt was amazing.

He let me nap and was totally supportive and rode out my storm.

For a short time yesterday the sun shown bright and strong.

I got out my camera and snapped a few pictures of

Matt and Jasper playing on the couch.

This is our life right now.

Blurry and full of love.

When I was dating Matt, my father told me to marry the man I would be fine

being stuck in a fox hole with.

I married that man.

Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Tue, 07 Jan 2014 03:59:00 +0000

Christmas this year was incredibly low key and relaxing.

We stayed at home all day and didn't get out of our pjs.
My mother took a day off from packing to spend the whole
day with us. We loved spending one last holiday as we knew it with her
before she began her new life in TX.
(More on that in a different post.)

I did take my camera out for about 10 minutes on Christmas Day.It's hard to beautifully capture life here in our apartment.
There aren't many windows and it's very small.
But I can't just not capture anything because, as a photographer, I don't like the setup.
I'm a mom first.
So I snapped away.

Griffin enjoyed playing Santa this year. He got really into seeing the reactions of
others as we opened our gifts.

If we had a theme this year it would be "handmade".
We didn't even decorate our tree with the normal ornaments.
Throughout the month of December we made several ornaments, paper chains,
and popcorn garlands to decorate the tree.

Sleepy daddy and a contented Griffin.
Oh and that enormous wound on Griffin's brow?
He took a running header into his loft bed post.
More on that in another post.

Griffin's big gift was the one Santa brought him.
A bow and arrow (soft foam for the arrow).
Normally Matt doesn't like that the copper lamp (in the Pepsi box behind Griffin)
doesn't have a shade
But the bare bulb made for some pretty awesome pictures!

Jasper was busy, as usual!
On Christmas Day he had yet to crawl but you better believe that
he found ways to get around!
Scooting backwards on his belly was his method of choice.

Just a day or two before Christmas, Jasper started clapping!
He gets so excited when we all cheer for him.

Griffin adores Jasper. And vice versa.
Griffin keeps talking about when Jasper can grow a bit so they can play and play
and they won't even need mommy and daddy to play with them anymore.
Ha.

So, Christmas was all about standing still for us.
Not running around.
Not worrying about dinner or a clean house.
Dinner was ready when it was ready.
I tried not to worry about the clutter.
We stood still and enjoyed each other.
And enjoyed Nana.
Christmas was about life as it is now.
Messy floors, happy kids, sleepy/happy parents.
All of us together in our little apartment.
Feeling grateful.
Feeling happy.
Breathing deeply.
Also, we have been doing devotions with Griffin each night and reading through
the Bible with him each night.
We have been loving teaching about the love of God.
This year....the whole meaning of Christmas...he got it!

And for that...THANK YOU JESUS.

I hope your Christmas was just as calm and relaxing and joyful!

Best Moments This Week

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Sat, 16 Nov 2013 05:08:00 +0000

My favorite moments this week with my boys were small ones

but ones I want to remember.

I want to remember how much I love meal times with Jasper.

I love sitting across from him and talking to him.

It's a view I don't see often since most of the time I'm carrying him.

I want to remember the way Griffin is always jumping off things.

He's getting so tall and most of the time he gets yelled at for jumping off the couch

but how can I resist when he says,
"MOM! I'm going to jump off the couch and you take my picture, okay?!".

(I'm actually pretty psyched I got this shot since the only light in the whole living room after dark

is the lamp here behind Griffin.)

Five

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Thu, 14 Nov 2013 16:44:00 +0000

A switch went on when he turned five.

Like, he just grew

in a flash

right before my eyes.

Five is, in a word,

INTENSE.

He's still funny and lighthearted and eager to learn and grow.

But he's also

moody

and serious

and more of a deep feeler than ever before.

But, as always, he is a lover.

Take note of the way he perked up when Daisy, a pretty little girl in his class, happened by.

Subtle.

I like five.

I fight with five.

I laugh at five.

I'm grossed out by five.

I forgive five.

But I do so very much LOVE him.

No matter what the age.

Or mood.

Peas

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Fri, 08 Nov 2013 20:07:00 +0000

This guy will be 7 months old tomorrow.

Today he is drooling his breakfast peas and his jammies have a thin layer of

dried peas crust on them.

He has learned that it is fuuuuunny to blow raspberries at mommy

when his mouth is full of food.

But sitting here across from him.

Feeding him,

talking to him,

laughing with him,

being covered in his spit-food...

There's just nothing else in the whole world I'd rather be doing right in this moment.

And as a special treat, the elusive "I'm poopin' here" face.

You're welcome.

This Time Last Year

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Fri, 08 Nov 2013 04:59:00 +0000

Tonight I was going through old phone photos.

And I hit on the folder that had the hundreds that I had taken when I was pregnant

with Jasper.

Looking back now, I realize that that time with Griffin was incredibly precious

and will never be again.

As I've been writing about, in September of last year we moved our family into a little apartment.

In October I had lost my job.

We had one working car, no money, I was pregnant

and most of the time I was sick.

We pulled Griffin out of his preschool because we couldn't afford it.

So, he and I became inseparable.

Together 24 hours a day.

The Fall and Winter months were intense at times.

No car to go anywhere.

No safe neighborhood to walk in.

Frigid weather.

It made for very long days inside.

But the two of us became something different for a time.

This kid is normally go go go.

But for those difficult months, he stopped.

He went to every doctor's appointment with me.

Heard Jasper's every heartbeat that was monitored.

On the days we did have a car, we only went to the store for food or to my mother's for laundry.

My body couldn't take much more than that.

Most days were spent on the couch or in bed.

We talked.

We laughed.

We watched dozens of movies with our once a week library haul.

He would constantly have a hand on me.

He was very serious during this time.

As though he felt he needed to protect me.

It was a quiet time.

Not too many fights.

Not too many "MOM! I'm booooored!".

It just was.

Mind you, not every single second was like this.

There were demands to go outside and play or go to the Zoo or Science Center or ANYTHING

that was out of the apartment.

Some days I was able to swing something.

And there was always his once a week playdate with his good friend.

But most days were just quiet.

Sometimes now he asks for that time back.

He asks if Daddy and Jasper could go somewhere so he and I could snuggle

in bed and watch a movie on my computer.

My heart swells so much with these requests.

Because I know he doesn't resent that time that felt so lacking in fun and play and joyfulness.

It actually meant something to him.

That closeness.

That bond that got stronger.

I hope to always remember that time.

A Boy Named Noccio

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Thu, 07 Nov 2013 04:58:00 +0000

Years ago,

we started to read Griffin a book each night before bed.

Sometimes 2 or 3 books.

Soon, Griffin wanted more.

So, Matt started telling him stories he made up in his head.

They were always about a boy named Noccio.

And they always began the same way.

"Once upon a time, there was a boy named Noccio."

They usually parallel what's happening in Griffin's life at the time.

But with plenty of fart and poop jokes thrown in.

See, I can't tell these stories properly.

Apparently I suck at the poop humor.

And Griffin cannot go to bed peacefully without hearing a Noccio story.

So, when Matt knows he has to work on a given night at his second job,

he'll go to his car that day during his lunch hour and record himself telling a Noccio story.

Then he'll text it to me.

After Jasper goes down, we shower and brush our teeth, and read a book.

Then we play the recorded Noccio story.

Griffin usually plays it several times.

We love that Daddy works so hard for us.

And I love that he makes these special stories a priority.

Even when he can't be here in person.

(I've always wanted to find an excuse to edit a few photos with RadLab's Grandma's Tap Shoes.

I kinda love the colors.)

One Year

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Fri, 01 Nov 2013 04:29:00 +0000

Happy Halloween!

Tonight was rainy, windy, and coooold.

We had a last minute costume change from Finn Human (shorts and t-shirt)

to a vampire (he got to wear his Long Johns under his outfit).

We decided to break with tradition and head to the indoor heat of the mall.

But the mall was kind of a bust. Long long lines for very few participating stores.

So, I decided we needed to brave the wind, rain, and cold and stick with our tradition

of trick-or-treating in New Town.

We bundled Jasper up in an afghan and trick-or-treated our little hearts out.

Griffin rocked his manners with each house and even a few pretty gals got

unexpected hugs from our little Don Juan.

In between each house:

"This is the best day of my life!".

****

One year ago today I baked 700 cupcakes for a small bakery I worked at then was abruptly let go.

One year ago today, I cried the whole drive home, terrified as to how Matt would react.

One year ago today, my pregnant self walked through the door of our new apartment and got

the biggest and best peace hug from my husband.

One year ago today he looked me square in the eye and said,

"You are home now, where you belong. I will make this work.".

And just like that, a new chapter had started.

This has been the most difficult and most rewarding year of my life.

One year ago, we lost much, moved into a little apartment, and I lost my job.

During this past year, I became a stay-at-home mom, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy,

Griffin started Kindergarten, Matt got a new job AND a part-time job.

With Matt's hard work, my photography, a few Etsy sales,

and the charity of friends and strangers alike, we've made it.

One year.

Longest year ever.

Sweetest year ever.

We are rounding the top of the mountain.

We have plans and hope to put them into action soon.

First and foremost, it is time to dig ourselves out of a sizeable hole that was

necessary to dig in order to survive.

We have a long road ahead of us but because of this past year,

what we've overcome,

who we've become,

how we have grown,

we have a very clear vision as to what we want our future to be.

Oh how sweet it is.

Also, cutest vampire EVAAAR.

Crazy Hair Day

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Tue, 29 Oct 2013 16:10:00 +0000

Today is Crazy Hair Day at Griffin's school.

His crazy hair was pretty easy to do.

I just hair sprayed it exactly as it is when he wakes up.

Happy Tuesday!

Fall Traditions

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Fri, 25 Oct 2013 15:04:00 +0000

It's Fall!

And this week it certainly feels like Fall.

It has been in the 50s and 60s all week and the trees are all ablaze here.

There are certain things that I always do when the feeling of Fall hits.

(iphone photo)

Wear my favorite sweater.

(image)

Read all the Harry Potter's and watch all the movies.

(image)

Reread everything Garrison Keillor ever wrote and listen to more PHC.

(On my bucket list is to go to a live taping. Swoon!)

(image)

Drink gallons of hot cocoa.

(image)

And go for long drives, listening to the Riverdance soundtrack.

Do you have any Fall traditions? I'd love to hear them!

Oh Happy Day!

Thinking Outside The Box

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Tue, 22 Oct 2013 20:02:00 +0000

We are coming up on 1 year since I was let go of my job.

It has been the roughest and sweetest year of my marriage so far.

Matt and I have grown so much closer and we are so much stronger.

He has really stood up and took the reigns to make our life work.

He now has a new full time job, which he loves, as well as a part-time job.

And me?

I have to think outside of the box.

When I was let go, we put pen to paper and realized that it would cost us more money for me to work outside of the home than I would bring home.

So, I began my life as a stay-at-home-mom

(which has actually been a dream of ours from the get go).

However, we still need 2 incomes (even if mine is minimal).

There are mouths to feed and bills to pay and a rather large hole to dig out of

from when I first lost my job.

My photography has been a great creative outlet for me and much needed

extra income for our family.

But I needed something else too.

For so many reasons.

1) I missed creating things with my hands.

2) In the Midwest here, there is a rather large "dead season" for photographers

who do not use a studio.

3) I wanted to begin to pay it forward because so many people have helped us this past year.

4) And because my diet requires a larger than most grocery bill.

So I opened an etsy shop a few months ago.

rock paper sugar shop

I love every second of creating handmade items for people.

I usually start with things I would make myself, like these head scarves.

During daylight hours I have to have my head covered because of my Lupus

so I started creating reversible head scarves for myself because I didn't like bandana fabric.

I got a lot of fun compliments so I started making them for the shop!

And hoops are just plain fun, don't ya think?

Nothin' but happy.

I wear my embroidered and scrappy pendants all the time.

So fun and happy!

I'm working on new designs and items to list all the time.

It's moving a little slowly being a mom of 2 boys but it has become a

huge passion of mine.

And just this month I announced that 10% of each month's sales will go to a charity.

Different charity each month!

Does my family need every penny that I make in sales?

Yes.

Do I believe wholeheartedly that if I give away, God will provide what else is needed?

Absolutely.

I have faith.

I have to.

And because it's almost Halloween, enter discount code HALLOWEEN for $5 off any purchase of $10 or more through 10/27!

Here's to thinking outside the box.

To creating.

To supporting handmade.

And to living your passions!

Oh happy day!

Are You There, Blog? It's me. Cassie.

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Mon, 21 Oct 2013 20:05:00 +0000

I'm just going to jump right back in the old blog saddle as though I never really left...then tried to come back...then left again...then posted randomly.

So. Awhile back I took the boys to the Butterfly House in St. Louis. I love living close to the city because when Griffin takes an interest in something, it's pretty much guaranteed that we can feed his curiosity with a location or museum or event.

When he said that he thought butterflies were beautiful and he wanted to learn more about them,

off we went.

The conservatory itself has the atmosphere like a rainforest, so it was super humid and really really hot but you kind of forget about all that.

There are literally thousands of butterflies flying all around you.

Hundreds of species.

Griffin was very patient and walked about very slowly and did everything he could.

But not a single butterfly landed anywhere on him.

But he was able to get close and personal with a few to examine them.

The Owl Eye Butterfly was his favorite.

I've never experienced anything like the Butterfly House before. It was a thing of wonder.

Except for the cockroach exhibit.

Yuck.

Jasper was there too.

Blog, meet Jasper.

Jasper, meet blog.

Is anyone still out there?

If so, thanks for sticking with me.

The past two years have served as a great learning lesson for us for a number of reasons and we had to set on the back burner many things we loved in order to get through.

But hopefully you will see much more of me again soon.

Oh happy day!

Lego Cities

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Thu, 27 Jun 2013 15:00:00 +0000

Angry Bird

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Tue, 25 Jun 2013 15:00:00 +0000

Always With The Jumping

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Mon, 24 Jun 2013 15:00:00 +0000

Shiver

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Fri, 21 Jun 2013 15:00:00 +0000

An Encounter With Snow

noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 16:00:00 +0000

Life Through This Lens

Mine

Space

Project *JOY*, Week 8

Instant Happy

*Project Joy* Weeks 4, 5, 6, & 7

Scar

Project JOY *Week 3*

*Project JOY* Week 2

Polar Vortex, Hulking Out, and Fox Holes

Christmas

Best Moments This Week

Five

Peas

This Time Last Year

A Boy Named Noccio

One Year

Crazy Hair Day

Fall Traditions

Thinking Outside The Box

Are You There, Blog? It's me. Cassie.

Lego Cities

Angry Bird

Always With The Jumping

Shiver

An Encounter With Snow

Project JOY, Week 8

Project Joy Weeks 4, 5, 6, & 7

Project JOY Week 3

Project JOY Week 2