today is a new day

am i listening?

2012-06-30T21:16:00.000-07:00

I'm listening.... Am I really?

The last couple of weeks have been a challenge for me... I found myself wanting to provide solutions to everything I was hearing, without realizing that I was not helping the situation at all! I was also reminded that I can be a critic often times and the person felt attacked.... I would say things like "well, maybe you should try to do this or that", "well, that's not how I look at things and perhaps you can try to view things differently" or interrupt the person rudely while he/she was talking..... I thought I was providing a solution or a different view that might be helpful to the person. I even got frustrated that this person was not appreciative of my support. What I didn't realize was that I was not listening the way this person wanted to be heard and supported!

We all want to support and be supported. But, what if a person does not want to be supported the way "I" want to support that person? I might love this person very very much and want to support him/her in whatever way possible... But, what if I was doing it in a wrong way?

It's really amazing how much damage "assumptions" can do and how much "effective communication" can fix and heal things....... It is really about understanding each other's needs and the best way to do so is communicate! Ask how he/she wants to be loved/supported and express how you want to be loved/supported. That way, you are able to become a better lover/supporter/friend for each other.

After examining my behavioral patterns, I realize that I have a long way to go before I can be a loving listener... I'm so used to being a "mommy" and "daddy" and my first instinct is to want to protect the person I love and fix things... Or it could be the "teacher" in me that wants to provide solutions. (I used to be a teacher!) I analyze things way too deeply... I need to relax and allow my feminine energy to fill my heart so that I can just "listen" in a very loving way..... I would like to apply this to every relationship in my life.

Today, I'm making a promise to myself to become a better listener and a supporter... Please support me by reminding me how you want to be supported... :-)

I thank God for bringing angels who are honest, loving, and patient with me and be able to communicate lovingly and effectively with me so that I can learn & grow with them.

I am blessed...

love like you'll never get hurt...

2012-06-05T00:31:00.000-07:00

"Love like you've never been hurt...." I cannot say I knew what this really meant until last year...

My childhood was far from perfect. My father was very abusive and he was worse whenever he was under the influence of alcohol... I also found out that he was unfaithful to my mother when I was in the fifth grade... From there, everything started going down the hill for my family... As a child, I promised myself that I would never marry a man like my father...

When I got married, I thought I married the best man in the world. Only a couple of years later, I found out that he was just like my father.... After so many betrayals and physical & emotional abuse, I decided to seek for help.... I'm sure in his eyes, I was not perfect, either... Perhaps, he had his reasons, too... I just knew that I did not want to fight anymore... and I was certainly tired of fighting for our marriage... During my marriage counseling, I realized how low my self esteem was.... My first project was to love myself again... I had to relearn about myself, rediscover the world without my husband, and be happy... With my counselor's help, I started gaining confidence and started loving myself again... Loving myself also meant detaching myself from a situation that was unhealthy for me which resulted in me requesting the divorce. When my divorce was finalized, I thought that I was ready for a new relationship right away. By falling in love, I thought I was loving like I had never been hurt.... Oh boy, was I wrong! I have an amazing friend, Chris who has always been there for me... He's a psychologist and he always said, "Yuki, you're not ready, yet..." But, it wasn't till after the relationship was over that I realized that I wasn't ready, again... Every time I broke up, I hated to pick up the phone to admit to Chris, "Yes, you were right..." One thing I knew for sure was that there was a purpose for each and every relationship I got into... Like the first relationship... It was for me to be closer to God.... He shared so many verses from the Bible with me, he showed me how great God's love was.... Each relationship always taught me something special that I will always treasure... I also worked on forgiveness around my father and my ex-husband over the years... Because of the work and help of Chris, I was able to rebuild my relationship with my father and also my ex-husband.... and they both continue to be big part of my life and I love them dearly. As I had to work on myself, they had to work on themselves and they are completely different people now... So loving and caring... and I cannot express how wonderful my ex-husband is to our children. I forgave both of them completely... Yet, I knew something was missing and I wasn't ready to give my 100% into a relationship...

Last year, a couple of months after another break up, I decided to date again... Only this time, I knew I wasn't ready.... I stopped dating only 5 days after my friend helped me sign up for a dating website.... I made a confession to one of the guys I met from the site that I wasn't ready to be in a relationship... I told him that I was probably at 99%... But, I knew I had a wall up... and I needed to take down the wall and be 100% for me to be able to even consider a relationship... This man said to me that he knew a couple, Melvin & Sherrie Allen who could possibly help me...

The rest is history... I ended up taking a weekend course with Melvin & Sherrie, a married couple who specializes in relationship counseling and coaching. When the 2 day course was over, I knew I was 100%.... I learned so much about myself in this 2 day intensive course.... I learned that I had a wall called "judgment against all men". Until I took course, I used to think all men were jerks and they would all cheat on their partners. These thoughts were rooted unconsciously from my childhood memories of my father... I let go of that unfair judgment... and I also realized that the most important person that I had not forgiven yet was myself... When I finally forgave myself and let it all go, I felt the shift in my heart instantly.. I knew I was finally whole...

Shortly after, I ended up getting engaged to the guy who introduced me to the couple... The relationship did not work out... But, I knew his purpose was already complete. I learned another valuable lesson from this relationship.. just as God had in His plan... It was for me to be 100% so that I could love again like I have never been hurt before... Before I became 100%, I used to worry about unnecessary "what if"s.... No more "what if"s came to my mind... No more walls... I was finally free to love... No more past, no more fear... I knew I was ready to love...

During the weekend course, I was also able to create a list of qualities as my requirements, needs, and wants... This way, when someone of these qualities comes into my life, I could easily identify him... and also when I see someone of not these qualities present in front of me, I could say "no, thank you".

God works His miracles in such amazing ways... With all my heart, I know EVERYTHING happens according to His plan... All I went through prepared me to be a complete person who loves God... This woman I have become wants to be with a man who also has a strong relationship with God and has all the wonderful qualities I require.

Today, I can proudly say that there is no more walls...

I am loving... I am loved... I am love... We all are...

don't worry... be happy!

2012-05-21T01:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, we think way too much consciously or unconsciously. And some thoughts make us "worry" or even "paranoid" sometimes.

Have you ever found yourself worrying about things that have not yet happened to you? Like asking yourself all kinds of "what if"s? I realize that as human being, it's so easy to put a wall called "fear" in front of us. It might be caused by our past, what we think we know, or the unknowns. I know I have let it bother me in the past.... To confess, my worst fear once was losing my children..... I lost a very good friend of mine to a water accident when I was in the second grade. I lost another good friend of mine to a car accident in my teens. I didn't realize how it affected me until I had my children. When my children started swimming, I was so scared. I was afraid that they were going to drawn... Or, I would get scared about all kinds of "what if"s. I would even have same nightmares about losing my children over and over again and wake up crying in the middle of the night only to find my children were safe and breathing peacefully while they were probably having dreams about playing with Winnie the Pooh. Or in my past relationships, I remember letting my "not so perfect" childhood and marriage from the past affect me and worry about "What if this man cheats on me?" or "What if he changes?"...

One day, it hit me.... that I was worrying too much imagining things that were not even true. Why worry about something that might not even happen? Why waste time thinking about the worst when I can enjoy what's in front of me and make the most of it? I was trying to control what wasn't mine to control... Then, all of a sudden, my fear started fading. I also attended a life coach seminar last year and I was able to forgive myself for having these judgments and fear which helped me tremendously... I found myself enjoying being in the moment rather than the unknown future. It doesn't mean that the feeling of "fear" will never come back again. The difference between the past and now is my awareness... If I catch myself thinking too much, I can bring myself back to be present and concentrate on what's in front of me...

We all have to be aware of the power of thoughts. It's very powerful. So, be careful what you wish for... If you're thinking and worrying too much then ask yourself if by "thinking/worrying about it too much" changes anything and what it's doing to you. Consciously stay in the moment and try to see things from the loving place & choose "peace" in all situations.

Let go of fear, let go of control over things you have no control over. Because the truth is, everything will be alright...

"Don't worry, be happy"

Notice the shift within your heart when you give up "worries"... All of a sudden, you will be able to start enjoying "now" to its fullest.

So, love, enjoy, live, appreciate, with no fear..

Power of let go and let God. It's pretty amazing.

being "you"

2012-05-17T01:31:00.001-07:00

Lately, I've been thinking about what it is to be "me". I believe it's all about being true to myself...

So, what does "being true to myself" mean?

It's about being honest about who I am and what I want... This truth has been speaking to my heart so loudly and has been an amazingly eyeopening experience for me for the last few weeks. "How so?" you may ask... Here's how. :-)

1. The past few weeks of me talking to other "single mothers" allowed me to be vulnerable. I am not afraid anymore to show all of me including "I'm not OK" part. When I was feeling sad last week, I cried, I used a curse word for the first time in my life, poured my heart out, and guess what? My friends & family loved and supported me anyways. If anything, they love me more because they know I trust them enough to open myself to them. They held me with their open arms and loved me just the way "I am"..... I feel "free" and "light" because I don't have to carry the bag of "being so strong" anymore. And by me being vulnerable, I see so many people around me opening their doors to vulnerability which is allowing us to build a new "community" where all of us are being authentic to our "being". It's not just a surface thing... It's so real and pure... To love and be loved, to support and be supported just the way I am..... feels so encouraging and powerful to me.

2. I chose to follow my heart and say "good bye" to what was not working for me. I have a list of "requirements", "needs", and "wants" of my potential future husband. For me, it is a must for my partner to meet at least 80% my requirements & my needs. When my ex-fiance wanted a second chance, I wanted to believe in his potential to be 100%. When I realized the qualities weren't here, I was able to let go and be true to what I really wanted. I truly believe that either you are "the one" or not. If you're not, it doesn't make you a bad person. It just means that the timing was off or you just weren't the right match for me. Now, I understand and own it with all my heart... And because I'm dedicated to my happiness, I chose to let go of something that was unhealthy for me.

Two simple things.... 1. To be open & vulnerable... 2. To follow your heart.

but how many of us put them in practice every day?

I've said this before... God works through his miracles 24/7. It is up to us to receive His miracles.

Are you being authentic to who you are? Are you being authentic to the people around you? Are you being authentic to what your heart desires? How does it make you feel when you are being "you"?

Be true to your heart. Be you. Don't be afraid... I encourage you to get out of your comfort zone and be authentic. Only then, you will be able to let go of your fear and be 100%.

You are beautiful just the way you are.

and your heart knows what you are worth.

I love you.

happily ever after

2012-05-12T22:44:00.004-07:00

Do you believe in happily ever after?

I do. I'm what I call myself "hope-full romantic".

I just had a very interesting and stimulating conversation with someone I just met. After getting off the phone with my friend, I couldn't help but to think about why I am where I am right now. Well, I know it's not for me to figure out. But, I feel that I'm here because I'm supposed to be here. I wouldn't change a thing about my past. I wouldn't change a thing about my present or future. I believe everything happens according to His master plan. My childhood and marriage were far from being perfect... and being a single parent has not been easy... But, I've learned so much from them... and now I am here. and I am so grateful for all the lessons learned, am learning, and will learn.

What I've learned from this very last relationship is that I really want my partner to be "complete" and "happy" as a person.... and he has a strong relationship with God. I realized how important it is for me to put God first before anything/anyone. When I honored my relationship with Him, I left my relationship that was Godless... And now, after receiving clarity last weekend, I have peace in my heart... and am really grateful to be "here" and feel complete. God is always working through His miracles 24/7. I truly believe He is preparing me to be "someone perfect" for "someone perfect for me". Someone perfect does not mean there is no flaws. It just means that it feels so natural to be with each other because we are so compatible in so many ways. Two people, individually complete and happy, each has a strong relationship with God, coming together and creating a future together...

I'm in no rush. I am happy and so excited to be exactly where I'm meant to be.

wherever I need to be, God will take me.

I see a happy ending...

Just like a fairy tale...

and my fairy tale begins today....

oops, i did it... again..?

2012-05-11T15:58:00.003-07:00

Last night, I went to "Living Audaciously Women's Group" which is lead by a very loving and powerful couple/my mentor "Melvin & Sherrie Allen". It's a year course and I always look forward to attending the course as there is something new I always learn. I also love it that the group is very spiritual and the teaching comes from a loving place. There are two groups, A and B. I normally go to Group A meetings but this time, I joined the group B session for the second time. As I experienced it the first time, it was different kind of energy. I felt sense of "community" forming in the group and I appreciated their loving and supportive ways for each other.

Last night, each one of us got to share where we were at this time. It was so nice to see where everyone was and I enjoyed the authenticity of every person in the room. It also made me think about what "community" means as one of my closest friends and I have been talking about it all this week. (I will write about at another time.)

When my turn came, I shared my experience with my ex-fiance... When I shared about my "last love letter" which had just happened yesterday, the reactions were not what I expected. I guess in a nutshell, I think they were all coming from a loving place but some seemed concerned that I was expecting something out of this love letter. I tried to explain it in the best way I could... that it was me just letting it go... by writing to him and expressing myself to him about how I felt, how I processed it, and where I was at that moment. I also think that it was a "teacher" in me, too that wanted him to one day learn something from this relationship... The lessons I learned will forever be remembered and cherished.. and I wanted to express my sincere gratitude for those lessons learned. I didn't even think about what he would do with the email, as writing or sending it. It was something I had to do for myself and it was part of the "letting go" process. I think a few got it and most didn't and that was alright. I just had to speak true to myself...

I also shared with the group that I felt at peace and I was fine which felt true.... until Sherrie asked this question, "If he said to you, 'Baby, I've really changed. I'm ready. I've done my work. I want this relationship.' and he really did, then what would you say?" I responded without thinking... "I will say I am happy for you. I'm glad that you're at better place." Then, she asked "Really?"

I had to think about that on my way home... I asked myself "Really?".... then I felt tears coming down on my cheeks... "what if" he said that to me and showed me in every way that he really wanted us to be together? That would be a dream come true for me. That's all I ever wanted... was for him to fight for our love. For him to say "I love you, there is no one else. I want to be with you for the rest of our lives. I'm ready to do 'us' now." Who wouldn't want that?

I could not stop crying as I kept thinking about how "bad" I wanted that... then this morning, I cried some more while driving to work.. The more I thought about it, the more I knew that I was still hurt. I have been so used to making up "excuses" to feel fine for so long... and oops, I did it again... I totally skipped it to the end "to feel fine" when I wasn't ready...

So, now, I'm going to have to rephrase it...

I find peace in my decision... I know it's the best gift for myself to "remove myself" from an attachment that's not healthy for me. However, I'm still hurt. I'm still sad because I really wish that he had fought for our love, not just by words but by his actions...

Yes, the first step of healing has begun. Yes, I know there is a bright future.

But right now, I have to acknowledge this pain and tend to myself and heal through God's love.

In closing, I'd like to share this quote with all of you... You or someone you know might be facing a difficult time in your/their relationship right now. I hope this speaks to your heart.

"In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take, relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make"

I encourage you to go for it, fight for your love, show how much you love them! That's all I ever wanted... and your partner might be wanting the same thing...

the last love letter

2012-05-10T16:46:00.001-07:00

So, today, I wrote a love letter to my ex-fiance.

In my letter, I shared with him how personal and painful last weekend was for me and how I processed it from there... I told him that I realized that he really did his best..

I also shared how grateful I was for God bringing him into my life because I learned valuable lessons from this relationship. Because of this relationship, I was able to let go of the past and be 100%. Before I met him, I had this "judgment" thinking all men are jerks and they cheat on their partners. Now I know that's not true. I was able to let go of the judgment and be "free" to love without fear. That's HUGE for me. Because of this relationship, I know I have to be more patient when I meet someone new in the future. Because of this relationship, I now know what my "requirements" are for my future husband so that when what I don't want presents in front of me, I can say "No, thank you".

I told him that I still loved him today. I told him that it still hurts today. Yet, I am finding peace in where I am today.

Then, I typed "Healing has begun for me and I pray that it has for you, too..."

and I clicked on "send".

Now, my heart is at peace...

The truth is... I did my best and so did he! I learned so much from this wonderful relationship and I can only hope he did, too.

I am so hopeful and I see this unknown brightness in front of me...

All I can think right now is... how blessed I am.

how blessed I am for all places I've been to that brought me where I am today.

i am this rose bud...

2012-05-09T14:38:00.001-07:00

After much grieving and hurting over my ex-fiance for the last couple of days, today, I realize that I'm so over it.

I think it has a lot to do with this relationship being already over in December... and also, once I realized that the reason why I was hurting so much this time was because of an attachment I created (= a reserved space for him in my heart even after our break up in Dec), it made it easier for me to start healing.

As I was taking a lunch break at my desk today, I took a glance at the window.... and realized how beautiful it was outside... so I decided to take a walk outside to look at our beautiful rose garden by the koi pond. There, I noticed this little yellow rose bud... I immediately thought about how I could relate to this little vulnerable bud... I thought about how it rained hard in my heart this weekend... and I realize that was God watering me... So, one day, I can blossom into this beautiful rose, exactly how God designed me to be.

Today, I'm reflecting on beautiful lessons this relationship has taught me... and how thankful I am to be where I am today... I will enjoy the Sun while it's out and I will welcome the rain when it comes. For all is necessary for me to be a beautiful yellow blossom one day. :-)

Oh, yeah, and this life is PRETTY AMAZING!

why i'm sad...

2012-05-08T10:24:00.001-07:00

So.... I've been sad all this weekend....

Thank you for not asking "why" but simply supporting me by keeping me in your loving & healing prayers and energy.

I was hurting over my ex-fiance who asked for a second chance for the second time since our break up in December... The first time was on Valentine's day and he sent me flowers... he said that he wanted to come and visit (he moved to NJ in December) and I asked him if he had set any intentions for the visit and his answer was no. So, I told him that I felt uncomfortable with the idea and we left it as that. The most recent one was last week. He called and said that he realizes he made huge mistakes and wanted to make things right because he still loves and cares about me and the kids.

On Wednesday, he called and told me that he was flying in to take care of some business and he invited me and the kids to his birthday party on Saturday night. I told him that I was not comfortable with the idea of bringing the kids into this before us both being sure about where this was going. I also suggested meeting in person, just two of us. He agreed to meet on Saturday before his party. Saturday morning, he called and said he didn't think he was going to be able to spend any time with me because he had so many things to take care of... and started naming things he had to take care of... from selling his car, taking care of bills, taking care of things at the house & storage and many more... that itself told me that he was still where I left him in December... The reason why I ended the relationship was partly because I felt like he didn't put our relationship as his priority. Then, Sunday, I realized that "taking care of things" included spending time with his friends when I saw photos of him on his friend's FB...

I think it hurts because part of me really wanted to believe that he really wanted a second chance. I think part of me really wanted him to be the one for me. Otherwise, I would've never said "yes" to his marriage proposal to begin with... When I realized that it was just "words" again, I felt so hurt & disappointed.. and sad.. almost mad at myself for even thinking that his words meant something. I had to ask myself "why so much pain" when I had already ended this relationship in December.

Could it be because I really wanted to believe his words again and I felt betrayed when his words were not supported by his action? Could it be because I felt like a bad mom for saying that "this is the guy I'm going to marry" and then months later after kids got used to saying "dad" to him, I had to let them know "it wasn't meant to be..."? Could it be because I don't want to go through the whole dating/getting to know people again? I've been on dates with some wonderful men since March and none has clicked for me so maybe I entertained the idea of my ex wanting to do the work and being ready for our marriage more than I should have... Could it be cause I couldn't believe this man who wanted to marry me did not have time for me, the woman he claims he loves? Or maybe it's all of the above. The truth is... I was taking this all waaaaaaay too personally... The truth is.... It was all "MY" expectations and assumptions... He probably did love me... and he was trying to show them to me within his capacity.. the ways he knew how... It didn't make him a bad person.. It's just that... he's just not the one for me.

When I realized that, my whole view just shifted... and then all of a sudden, I felt almost silly feeling sad and hurt... and even felt empathy for him... But, then... I had to remember what my soul sister taught me... She taught me that I have to be in this moment and deal with the pain because my tendency is to skip to the end and be fine without really dealing with the pain. I found myself making up so many reasons why I should be feeling better by now. I was thanking God for the clarity and how grateful I was for this blessing in disguise because where would I be if I actually had married him? I also know that when the rain stops, the Sun awaits. I also know that this is EXACTLY where God wants me to be.... Even with these good reasons and even though I know with my heart they are true, I had to ask myself "How are you feeling?"... Well, I still feel like shit... (for those of you who have known me for YEARS, you have never heard me say this word.. so, you know how bad I'm feeling..) I'm giving myself a permission to be in this moment and accept the pain.... and be sad... and not use the word "I'm OK" until I am really OK. This is me practicing being "vulnerable" and being true to myself... at the same time, dealing with the pain completely... So, thank you God for this wonderful lesson and allowing me to deal with the pain now so that my future can be brighter.. and when it's time to fall in love again, I can love with all my heart, without any fear or worries. So, now, I turn to Him....

Today, I am still sad. I will be. Until I'm not. Please love & accept me either way.

I love you...

P.S. I prayed and asked for clarity ever since he asked for a second chance for the second time... and I asked many of you to pray for me prior to my initial plan to meet him on Saturday... I feel at peace with my prayers being answered... I thank God for the clarity... Because now, I know... So, thank you God.. and thank you all for your prayers...

P.P.S. Please know that I'm not trying to attack my ex... I really believe he did love me in the ways he knew how. I just know that he's not the right match for me. I want him to be happy. I still love him but perhaps but it's shifting more so in not so romantic way. I will continue to pray for him. This is just a note to let you know where "I am". How "I" took things... and what I'm experiencing in this moment...

Update as of 8:50 pm, May 7, 2012... I now finally found out why I'm still so sad and hurt... Because I created and reserved this space for him in my heart when he sent me flowers asking for a second chance in Feb... Ever since then, I had been holding this special space for him in my heart... So, when he called for the second chance this time, sounding like he was READY, part of me was saying "Great, because I have this special space reserved just for you." Now, that I identified it, time to detach myself from the attachment and let go... I also realize, he already served his purpose for being in my life and now I see the wonderful/valuable lessons I've learned by God sending him to me. And now, time to let go and let God. :-)

being "strong"

2012-05-06T15:00:00.001-07:00

A couple of my closest friends and I had a chance to have a very intimate conversation about "being strong" recently. We realize that we might be giving out signals or energy that says "I'm fine. I've been fine. I will be fine. 'Cause I got it and everything is under control" The truth is, the strength we acquired was a survival technique we had to adopt after divorce (or perhaps even in our childhood). Maybe we don't want to be strong and want to be vulnerable.... In fact, we want to be protected. We want to feel safe. We want to be loved and adored... It reminded me of a conversation I had with my ex-husband one day (long long time ago)... Somehow, in our conversation, he said "I know you'll be fine because you're strong!". I broke down and cried saying "Maybe I'm strong because I have to be. But, have you thought that maybe I don't want to be strong? Maybe I just want someone to hold me and say everything is fine because I got you. Because I love you."

I've also had friends ask me "how can you stay so calm when you break up with your partner? Why are you so at peace about it?" I've told them that my peace comes from my complete trust in God. God has been my best friend for me ever since I was introduced to Him. I appreciate His unconditional love and I also hear Him say "I got you, Yuki. I love you." That's why I know all is good. It does not mean it does not hurt. I've cried so much to a point where I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore and my eyes were all puffier than usual and could barely see. I do have to go through healing process just as others. One thing I do not do is stay there forever... Because I know God has so many beautiful blessings He has in His plans for me and I choose to be "present" to be able to see and feel those blessings and enjoy each miracles as they come.

Conversation with the ladies was also a reminder of the qualities I look for in my future husband. They're in a relationship with quality men who want to provide for them and protect them... Not only that, these men are not afraid to communicate and show everything to their partners(my friends). I'm so happy for them to have that kind of relationship again where they feel loved, they feel safe to be vulnerable... I'd love the same for me.. I mean... how wonderful would it be to have someone I can rely on, someone I don't want to live without, and someone I can trust with all my heart? I want a King who loves God, loves/adores me and our children, puts our family first, is a giver, an efficient communicator, a protector and a provider... He is my best friend, is a music lover, is open to exploring the world, and when it comes to our relationship, quitting is not an option. None is higher or lower than one another... and I hope that he feels that I'm his Queen that he has been looking for.

I also had a chance to talk to another good friend of mine last night... He said to me that the thing about his girlfriend is that... she makes him want to make her happy. So simple... yet so loving... I want that for me. Someone who just simply wants to make me happy...

I'm learning so much every day and I'm grateful for such growing opportunities being presented to me through just being alive! What a blessing!

I am also blessed to have friends who I can cry & laugh with, I can share my everything with. So, thank you for always having been there for me through my ups and downs. You're my angels.

I am relearning to stay in the feminine energy... and it feels wonderful & great to be here again and be able to say "I don't want to be strong all the time..." and be perfectly fine with it.

Everything in God's time...