Saving A Marriage

Selfish? Don't Get Married....Too Late?

2009-11-04T16:18:00.000-08:00

I have preached, taught and communicated in many ways that selfishness is at the root of most problems in marriage and it probably could be said of sin in general. Are you selfish? I could say don't get married but that wouldn't be good advice because marriage is not the problem, selfishness is the problem.

Christians, actually I mean the born again followers of Jesus Christ who are trying to live in obedience to Christ should marry and stay married for different reasons than everyone else.

The divorce rate among "Christians" is within one percentage point the same as non-believers. This is because we, the church, do a poor job of communicating biblical marrige principles. The lines are so blurred between secular life and Christian life that the "Christians" do not even know that there is only one life, not a life divided between secular and Christian. You either live the Christian life or you don't.

When we insist on our own way we are selfish. This is true in a relationship with God and in every relationship. So back to the statement that Christians or born again followers of Jesus Christ are to marry for a different reason.

No, it's not for reproduction, it's not to prevent lust...and it's not for love or to receive love. Christians should marry because they selflessly believe they are called to serve the other person to the glory of God. Our culture is so contrary to honoring God that we never view marriage this way.

By our sinful nature, we are so selfish that we never view marriage as anything other that a means to our end, whatever that end may be. Hence our culture produces the terms:"trophy wife" "great husband". What is a trophy wife? Jesse James doesn't have his anymore because he proved to be selfish. By the world's definition, Sandra Bulloch would qualify as a trophy wife.

What is a trophy wife by God's definition, what is a great husband by God's definition? If the answer does not involve the quality of loving God first, their spouse next and themselves last, then that is not a trophy spouse. Proverbs 31, of course, yes this is the trophy wife but everyone starts with the legs, the waist, the bust, the face. Women are not much different when it comes to looking for the dream man.

However, these are things of darkness and Christians are of the Light. What matters most, should matter first. Does the person attracted to you, show a selfless love for God first and a selfless love for you second? Gender is not an issue here, this must be for each gender. Then ask the question of yourself: "Are you selfless enough to deserve someone like that?"

So why get married? Again,the only reason to marry someone is because you believe that God has called you to selflessly serve and love the other person as a loving and devoted spouse. Are you too selfish for that? Easy solution...don't get married until God completes a work in you to cure that issue of selfishness.

Remember when Christ presented himself before the twelve to wash their feet. The bridegroom with the beginning of what would be His bride. Christ humbeled Himself as a servant and washed their dirty feet. Christ washed the feet of Peter just hours before the denial. Christ washed the feet of Judas just before the betrayal and He washed the feet of Thomas just days before his skepticism.

Gentlemen: your bride may deny you, betray you or doubt you, but you are called to be a servant and a leader; so serve and lead. Although this was selfless of Christ, Creator of the Universe, King of Kings and Lord of Lords to wash their feet, the ultimate display of selflessness would come at Calvary and flow down to you and me.

To all: Christ is our example of selflessness, scarifice, love and forgiveness. Nothing your spouse has doen to you compares to what we have done to Christ our redeemer. So, deny yourself, forgive, love and keep living a life of selfless service unto God in your marriage. God will astound you with His repsonse to such a heart surrendered unto Him.

Vengeance Is Mine Sayeth the Lord

2009-07-28T06:24:00.000-07:00

No need to seek revenge; let God handle it. His way is more effective with a higher motive and of course His way is perfect.

Nothing could be more satisfying than to see God's reproof on someone who would not listen to biblical counsel. Harsh..? No, I am not harsh and neither is God. In fact God is long suffering, forgiving and loving. Absolutely it is His love that brings about reproof.

When I see the woman who had no right to divorce her husband blow off the advice of several biblical counselors and wilfully divorce her faithful husband to satisfy her own lustful desires, finally start to be reproved by God, I rejoice. I take no joy in the fact that her life is beginning to fall apart and unravel; that would be wrong for me to feel that way.

I rejoice to know God loves her and is reproving her, not giving her over to her sinful desires...yet. There is hope and there is a chance for her life to be put back together but she must repent. Turn away from sin and cry out to God.

She was warned, as all counselees are warned, you could loose your job, you could loose your health and you will loose God's protection when you wilfully disobey God. No one can pretend that God doesn't exist and act as if His principles are not valid. God have mercy on all of us when we do these things.

My prayer...? God bring the prodigal home and reconcile her to her husband, but not until you have reproved her for her own good, lest she fall into the same temptation again. May her husband rejoice that he was not vengeful and allowed you God to work and bring repentance and reconciliation. "...kill the fatted calf..." We believe God to bring this one to her senses and return to you Lord God. In the name of Christ we ask. Amen.

10 Rules on Righteous Relationships

2009-06-24T13:16:00.000-07:00

Join us this Sunday night as we discover "10 Rules on Righteous Relationships: A message for Singles that the Whole Church Needs to Hear."

Also it is Caribbean Fun Night. Great Food, Great Fun...see you there!

Sunday 6 PM Central Baptist Albany Georgia.

www.albanycentralbaptist.net

Sunday Evenings in June at 6:00

2009-06-14T13:55:00.000-07:00

Some of the world's best Bible scholars on the issues of marriage and family have invested in me and I have studied their teachign on God's word as well as the Bible itself.

June begins our Sunday evening study on marriage and family that will run through the summer. Marriage and Re-marriage, Divorce, parenting, problem children and other issues. Join on Sunday nights at 6:00

Central Baptist Church
1618 W. 3rd Ave.
Albany, Georgia 31707
229.436.7263 Church office Weekdays 9a-4p Mon-Thur. 9-12 Friday.

She Gets Your Attention

2009-03-11T08:30:00.000-07:00

What was it that made you notice her the first time? I remember hearing a story I could relate to about a man working on a car and from underneath the car he catches a glimpse of well crafted legs, tanned and tone, as she walked by the car. He slid out from underneath the car, laying the work aside just to find out about the rest of the package. They later married and had children.

I can remember "good looks"as a motivating factor in wanting to get to know the woman who became my wife. What made you not give up later, something in your gut, in the core of your being made you want to keep her, despite anything she may have said or done at some point that made you want to leave. Maybe you did slam the door and leave in those dating days only to find yourself trying to slide back into her life, or even pry.

Relationships are hard. What drives us to be in a marriage relationship? Making sex morally correct over the long term, right? "Making her an honest woman.." Please! What can you possibly do that God doesn't already know about before you do it? Really weird how we can block the thought of God out of mind long enough to do the things we shouldn't do. Still we have the question: "What did it for you?" What attracted you initially? What made you go back when you left in anger, vowing not to put up with being treated so bad.

Love? Love is not what made the guy slide out from underneath the car. Lust? Maybe, probably in several cases. Jealousy? Definitely most men cannot bear the thought of another man taking their place. Duty? Some have gone back or stayed in the marriage "for the sake of the kids".

Before it is too late let's ask again and ultimately answer the question in which we began this rant. What was it that made you look, then act on getting to know the lady in your life. What made you decide that she was the one. Your answer matters not in detail, perhaps the memory of that time brings back certain thoughts maybe even the aroma of her perfume or the stupidity of the first thing you said to her

So get the point already! Here is the point of which you need to be reminded. Probably it was much easier for her to get your attention back then, compared to current times. Actually she did not even have to try to get your attention, whatever internal drives pointed you toward her did so in what we call: "attraction".

Regardless of what that thing is or was that attracted you to her; what does she have to do now to get your attention? That is what you as a husband need to do is allow her to have your attention without asking. I have heard it said that women do not like sex as much as men. This is not true, most like sex more than men but they rarely want to have sex with a man that only pays attention to them for sex. If you think I am wrong about that you are telling on yourself and your sex life life is probably centered around your own needs or you have no sex life at all. If you are married a non-existent sex life is a sign of a seroius problem. More than likely it has to do with the amount of attention, love and nurture you provide for your wife.

Your wife deserves your attention before she needs your attention. Husbands are rarely proactive but love to announce that they are the head of the house or the leader. The leader is proactive considering the needs of those he leads above his own. The leader/husband is aware and attentive to the needs of his wife and children.

Husbands must look ahead, plan ahead, work ahead, think ahead, and pay attention to the surroundings. He may delegate responsibilities to others in the home but he must always be ultimately responsible. Husbands must always be giving his attention to others in the home and certainly to his wife. A great book for you is "Point Man" by Steve Farrar.

More important than your business or your career is your relationship with your wife and your children. That company you give your life to will one day force you to retire because they no longer value you as an employee. That business you run will one day be gone, if Uncle Sam doesn't force you, out something else will.

Every man must earn a living and pay his bills but his motive must be a love for his family not a desire for himself. Selfishness is the root of every sin and certainly the root of every failure in a marriage. Try my theory and see if this is true think of any indiscretion and see if you can not trace it back to selfishness. Greed, adultery, theft, lying, they all go back to selfishness.

Do not be selfish with your time and your attention; give your time and attention to your wife. Give your time and attention to your children. As a Christian, I implore you first give your time and attention to God. Matt. 6:33 "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you."

After God, when it comes to your wife, she gets your attention.

A Ten Point Prayer List

2009-02-13T11:50:00.000-08:00

Gentlemen:

The only follower of this blog is a woman, which I am pleased to have as a follower. So forgive me that this is written to men but anyone can benefit.

Consider the 10 points I am sharing with you today, which you gentlemen can never impose on your wife. You must pray for you wife to grow in Christ in such a way that she will embody the the ten attributes that I enumerate fro you here today.

Remember, no matter how much you want to , a husband can never use this list to taunt, harass or manipulate a woman. This is a prayer list for men and a wish list for women. The list comes from Scripture, Proverbs 31 and evry man should pray that his wife or future wife should become the woman described in this list.
The scriptue included with this message is from a prarphrase entitled The Message.
10 attributes of a godly woman

Proverbs 31:10-31 (MSG) 10 A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. I. She is Extremely valuable.
11 Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. II.She is trustworthy and loyal. 12 Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. III. She is never mean spirited or seeking revenge; she is devoted and loyal to her husband.
13 She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing. IV. She is frugal; Never cheap but prudent.
14 She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises. V. She is exciting, her family finds great joy in her ministry to them
15 She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day.
VI. She has a servant's heart.
16 She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
VII She is wise and manages her home well 17 First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. 18 She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. 19 She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. 20 She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor. VIII She is generous, never selfish 21 She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. IXShe is prepared because she plans and loves her husband and he children 22 She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks. 23 Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers. 24 She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops. 25 Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile. 26 When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. 27 She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive. . X She has earned the respect of other women and other men by how well she serves her husband and children. 28 Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: 29 "Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!" 30 Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.

Her greatest attribute even among these other things is that she loves God and seeks to honor God first this is what has made her who she is31 Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!

When a man finds a woman like this he is to provide excellent and attentive care to her needs. You have to start with the woman God gives you and love and nurture her in Christ to become a godly woman.

South Georgia Simple

2009-01-23T13:27:00.001-08:00

Realizing your delusion is merely the first step. Asking God to forgive you is the second step. Asking your wife to forgive you is the next step but it may not be that easy. Possibly, if you were South Ga. Delusional for very long, she probably hates the sound of your voice or has chosen to dismiss you entirely by now. If so we have a tool for that, but you probably will not like using the tool.

Yes, I make it sound like it falls on you the male. I know, I am told this often by male counslees who seem to be still somewhat delusional. If you have a broken down truck and a trailer with a flat tire, which needs to be fixed first? Sure you can fix the flat tire first, but until the broke down truck is fixed, the trailer will not be going anywhere unless someone with a running truck comes along and hooks to the trailer. That is how trailers get stolen.

This is SouthGeorgia Simple; if you do not want your trailer pulled by another truck ,you best keep your truck running and your trailer in good running condition. The trailer cannot push the truck we all know this. The friction in your marriage likely comes from you not keeping the hubs greased on the trailer wheels and keeping the tires inflated and staying hitched to the trailer. You have to unhitch the trailer when your truck breaks down. The problem occurs when you unhitch the trailer and keep running up and down the highway without changing your oil.

If you do not change your oil, your motor will break down. The oil is what is on the inside of your truck motor making things run smooth. In spiritual terms that could be the Holy Spirit of God. The Holy Spirit is often represented by a different type of oil in the Bible. Anointing with oil is representative of the Holy Spirit. Is your truck motor all gunked up on the inside? You need an internal overhaul before it will ever run right, before it will ever run smooth.

It's South Georgia simple to get the gunk out. It takes knowing Jesus by admitting that you are all gunked up and you need Him to overhaul your life. You need some of that good oil internally that never breaks down. the Holy Spirit of God.

Take a look at Psalm 51 in: The Message paraphrase. Read through the last verse and do something South Georgia Simple; let God shatter your pride before you lock up your motor and can't pull your trailer anymore.

Psalm 51:2-17 (MSG) 2 Scrub away my guilt, soak out my sins in your laundry. 3 I know how bad I've been; my sins are staring me down. 4 You're the One I've violated, and you've seen it all, seen the full extent of my evil. You have all the facts before you; whatever you decide about me is fair. 5 I've been out of step with you for a long time, in the wrong since before I was born. 6 What you're after is truth from the inside out. Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life. 7 Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean, scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life. 8 Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. 9 Don't look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health. 10 God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. 11 Don't throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. 12 Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails! 13 Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home. 14 Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God, and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways. 15 Unbutton my lips, dear God; I'll let loose with your praise. 16 Going through the motions doesn't please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. 17 I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice.

Now pray this scripture back to God until tears, yes tears begin to fall from your eyes. No tears ?You are still Sooth Georgia Delusional. Ask God to break your pride and deception.

South Georgia Delusional

2009-01-15T06:37:00.000-08:00

So what do you do when she says: “I’m Done”. We all know the various things the typical male does, but that cannot be the response here. First of all, she may be doing some things wrong but essentially you are the problem with your marriage.

You can be “South Georgia delusional” if you want about what marriage should be, I am guessing you do not really have a clue about anything except maybe your job.

South Georgia delusional begins when you are thinking life will be a big party where she will party with you when you let her and she will “cool” with you parting without her and won’t fuss and fight about your late nights or your drinking or even your porn. SGD (South Georgia Delusional) will even cause you to think that you can be gone fishing, hunting all the time and she will raise the kids, clean the house, pay the bills with the money you allow her to have, cook your meals, do your laundry and be waiting on you in the latest from Victoria’s Secret when you get home. That is SGD!

Laugh, ignore, even cuss me for saying so if you want, but to some degree this is true about you unless you have a reality check. For many that reality check does not come until she say: I’m Done!” Being a good provider and coming home at night is not what being a husband is all about. Get out a dictionary and look up husband take the second definition probably labeled “archaic” which defines husband as a manager or steward.

You are a caretaker of your wife. This does not mean that she cannot take care of herself, or that she is not capable. You have been SGD about how to be a husband. You are to do more than bring home a paycheck, get her a minivan and get her a house. There is more to life than material things. You have to meet her emotional needs this is more than sex and you have to see that her spiritual needs are also met.

Yes, I said sex because sex within the bonds of marriage is not dirty and I do not have to be ashamed to write about sex appropriately. God created sex, not just for reproduction but for pleasure also. Care taking even applies here as well. Meeting the needs of a woman is your job as a husband and it applies to physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Chances are your sex life has been more about meeting your needs than hers and she graciously has gone along with you, but for how long?

The first lesson, for a husband: It’s not about you! First life is about God and marriage is about God and God can only be first in your life through Jesus Christ. Here is a suggestion to take the first step in saving a marriage. Find out if you have a true saving relationship with Jesus Christ. Read these verses from the Holy Bible: Romans 3:10-12 Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23, Romans 5:8, Romans 10:9-10 and John 6:47. If you need help with this email me pastor@albanycentralbaptist.net

If you are already sure that you have a personal relationship with Christ then get on your knees and start crying out to Him and admitting to Him your own selfishness in your marriage and ask Him to show you all the failures and sins in your life. As these things come to mind, ask Jesus to forgive you. If you have questions email me. Watch for the next post and we shall go to the next step in saving a marriage.

When She Says: "I'm Done"

2009-01-12T13:56:00.000-08:00

If she has already told you that she is "done" then you are in crisis mode but in 8 out of 10 cases over the last eight years; "I'm Done" does not mean that there is no hope for saving the marriage.

In most cases when the female spouse has reached this point, she has being sending up smoke signals for months, possibly even years, but now she has decided to torch the village and plow up the ashes as far as her marriage to the likes of you. She never got what she truly needed from you as a husband, although you may have trouble realizing this at first. You didn't respond to the smoke signals for help because you were engrossed in yourself , or asleep at the wheel in your marriage.

Fear not, there is hope! If you ever had anything to begin with in your relationship there is absolute hope, but you have to be willing to follow proven advice. If you are a prideful man this will probably not work for you, unless you are truly broken over the iminent threat of loosing your marriage.

Interested? I am willing to help and my help is free. Oh, it's worth money, people gladly pay $75 per hour for my help. I am a caring person who wants to see your marriage saved and thriving the way marriage is intended to be, especially if you have children. I want to see families stay together and get the most out of life.
If you cannot wait until my next post and I suggest that you don't wait; email me at: pastor@albanycentralbaptist.net Several times weekly I will post the most helpful information used in our counseling practice so that anyone who can and will use the information can have free access to information that may help them in maintaining or rescuing a marriage.