Every Day Is a Miracle

Happy Valentine's Day!

2012-02-13T22:29:00.000-08:00

Kieran wrote this letter for Chris (under the covers with a book light) while I was reading the boys a story. Then he slipped it under Chris' bedroom door.

Such a sweetheart! (Of course, the teenager didn't seem to appreciate it much, being anti-Valentine's Day...)

Bah humbug! ;)

Rest in peace, dear friend

2012-02-13T16:30:00.000-08:00

I found out yesterday that a friend took her own life in January. Joene was not a close friend...she was someone I knew through church, but she left our church a few years ago and never returned. I knew she was depressed--she was having health and job problems. I reached out to her via e-mail and became her Facebook friend, but she did not respond to my efforts to connect. I know that any efforts on my part would not have prevented her from choosing the route she did, but I wish I could have let her know that I cared. I enjoyed making music with her while she was part of our community.

On the ark at Holden Village, 2007

Performing with "Consulting with Papists," 2008

Another "Consorting" performance

Singing and playing with the band

Joene was a librarian, spoke Spanish, and didn't have faith in her own voice until she started singing in the band. I remember how much she loved it, but even though I invited her to join us each time we got the band together again, I never heard from her. I'm sure that when you are depressed, being around happy people...and especially happy families...is especially hard.

I will miss you, my friend, and always remember your music and your smile.

Best of Whitney Houston

2012-02-12T19:11:00.000-08:00

This is what she represents to me...it's just too bad that she didn't keep that love inside of her. "No matter what they take away, they can't take away my dignity..." She was 22 years old when she made this video--so beautiful!

Sh*t Portlanders Say

2012-02-09T22:17:00.000-08:00

So true...every word of it. Check it out.

Cuties of the day

2012-02-09T17:32:00.000-08:00

I took this last Friday, when Kieran had the day off school. Because he's always moaning about Mike taking Nick to do fun things, I took him out to breakfast at Marco's. We had a delightful time, followed by a brief stroll through Multnomah Village. He especially spending some of his allowance at the candy store, Sweets Etc. Then we went to go pick up Nick from preschool, and this tree is outside of the building...apparently climbing the tree is a tried-and-true tradition upon pickup (in recent weeks).

Monday I got to help in Nick's class at preschool--so much fun! I got to oversee the "sink or float" game, when they hypothesized whether an object would sink or float in the water. It was a wet game! I laughed when one of the little girls in the class had to go to the bathroom and asked me to "put it on pause." Such a DVD generation we are raising!

Here is Nick with his best buddy Cameron, and my hand holding a pinecone. Wouldn't life be better if we all got to stay in preschool...life was so much simpler (and more fun!) then...

One million strong for women

2012-02-09T17:07:00.000-08:00

All in the last week:

The Susan G. Komen for the Cure nonprofit elected to defund breast cancer checks provided by Planned Parenthood because of pressure from right-wing groups...
A group called "One Million Moms" applied pressure on JC Penney to fire Ellen DeGeneres, who they had hired as a spokesperson.
The Catholic church is up in arms about the requirement that employers, including Catholic hospitals, provide contraception coverage in their health care plans. Yet, the latest numbers show that rates of teen pregnancy and abortion are down because of greater use of birth control. Yes....birth control PREVENTS abortion. Which is worse, Mr. Pope?
The House of Representatives is considering a Republican bill that extends civil rights to fetuses, barring doctors from performing abortions if the physician thinks the woman is seeking to end a pregnancy because of sex or race.

Fortunately, justice prevailed on the first two issues, but they have heightened attention on the fact that "women's issues" are polarizing our country.

A group of female senators have decided to take action against these attacks. They have formed a group, One Million Strong for Women, in support of women's rights. I suspect the "1 million" is also in response to the supposed "One Million Moms" (which in fact number around 40,000).

Sens. Barbara Boxer (D-Calif.) and Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.), seven Democratic senators, and the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee are hoping to harness the energy displayed in the backlash against Komen. "The strong public outcry in response to the Susan G. Komen Foundation's decision to defund Planned Parenthood last week--which they later reversed--shows how powerful we can be when we come together," says Kirsten Gillibrand. "Our right-wing opponents continue to launch attack after attack against women's rights, women's health, and women's economic security--and we've got to fight back every single day."

"The next battle over the Obama administration's decision to make contraception more affordable under the new health care law is already underway," it says, referring to a White House decision to require most employers to include birth control coverage in their insurance plans. "It's hard to believe that in the 21st century we have to fight for access to birth control, but that is the fact -- and there will be many more fights in the weeks ahead."

Other senators involved are Ben Cardin (D-Md.), Frank Lautenberg (D-N.J.), Robert Menendez (D-N.J.), Patty Murray (D-Wash.) and Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.).

Join the fight by adding your name!

Girlfriend getaway

2012-02-05T21:28:00.000-08:00

Last night I had the luxury of a women's getaway at my parents' beach house. My friend Shelia flew over from Boise, and we drove down to Rockaway yesterday morning. Two other friends joined us. The weather yesterday was simply SPECTACULAR.

Idahoan on the jetty

April soaking up the rays

Jen looking relaxed

Smile, girlfriends!

Perfect February day on the beach

Cool fort

Lovely!

It was so lovely on the beach that we decided to go back into the house to get our boxed wine (dubbed our MoTA Box!) and return to watch the sunset. When I called Mike to check in and told him what we were up to, he called it "Holden on the Beach," reminiscent of the Holden Village red wine drinking evenings with the same crew.

Holden on the beach

See, I really was there!

Then it was back into the house for dinner (spinach cheese crepes), chatting, and Valentine making! I love to do crafts with other people--much more fun!

We had enough craft supplies to make Valentines for a week!

April's many valentines (for her 3rd grade class)

Some of my creations

This morning April made yummy banana-walnut french toast and we lazed around with more chatting.

Jen making some headway on Mom's puzzle

Shelia curled up under a quilt

April knitting

It was a short trip, but we had a great time. Thanks to the amazing spouses for holding down the forts at home!

Spicy hot chili kids

2012-02-05T20:35:00.000-08:00

Here's the latest adventure of Kieran. The other day he began a competition with a classmate to see who could best tolerate spicy foods. It began when he took sushi for lunch and his friend, Ceci asked for the wasabi. From there it developed into some kind of a dare. Kieran came home and developed a concoction of jalapeno peppers, wasabi peas, and tabasco sauce.

Showing off his creation

The spicy hot peppers

Drinking water--at last!

He decided to practice by eating one and waiting one full minute before drinking any water (he set the timer). Success! The next day at school, the competition was on. The kids in their class split into two camps, mostly along gender lines. They each have "managers." He apparently won, but CeCi is stepping up her game. According to her mom, she has been crafting all sorts of scary creations...and she now has a lawyer! :) Apparently, the teachers are unaware of this little competition going on, but the whole class is getting into the act!

Favorite things

2012-02-04T11:00:00.000-08:00

My handsome and talented spouse wrote today about his favorite things (blogs, that is) and mentioned this blog as one of his favorites.

Well, he's one of my very favorite things, and I am especially grateful today because he's on full-time dad duty (more than usual) so I can have a girlfriend night away at the beach with a few friends, one of whom is coming from Boise for the occasion. Mike's often commented to me that men don't really do that kind of thing...and they don't typically have long, leisurely lunches. What a shame for them.

I LOVE spending time with my women friends...it's one of my favorite things.

And of course, my testosterone-charged household is another. Thanks, honey, for letting me have an estrogen-charged night away! I love you!

The boys

Pink ribbons

2012-02-03T12:15:00.000-08:00

Mark my words...the Susan G. Komen Foundation will never be as powerful or successful again. This Planned Parenthood defunding thing (which supposedly has been "reversed," but not really!) is one of the worst-handled PR situations I've seen in quite awhile. They seem to be a bunch of amateurs. Wouldn't you think they could use some of their millions to hire a decent PR person?
In perfect timing, the Canadian Film Board documentary Pink Ribbons opened in Canada today. Its web site says "Pink Ribbons, Inc. is a feature documentary that shows how the devastating reality of breast cancer, which marketing experts have labeled a 'dream cause,' has been hijacked by a shiny, pink story of success."

The film is more focused on the corporate branding of breast cancer and less on the Republican-fueled approach to politics it's been pursuing lately. For example, SGK has refused to acknowledge the documented link between BPA and cancer, because they don't want to upset their corporate sponsors (many of which use BPA in their products). Not only has SGK become a cog in the Republican party wheel, it has also become a huge corporate franchise, which pays its CEO an excessive salary and is profiting heavily from breast cancer.

As some of the survivors have to say in the clips (below) from Pink Ribbons,

"It's almost as if our disease is being used to make a profit...and that's not okay."

"I wish they could hear from all the women who have been through breast cancer and resent the effort to make it pretty, feminine, and normal. Its's not normal, and it has to be stopped."

Dodging a bullet others are bearing with grace

2012-02-02T17:37:00.000-08:00

I loved being pregnant, but unlike most pregnant women who anticipate ultrasounds with joy (and post photos on Facebook nowadays!), I dreaded them. When I was pregnant with Chris, I had multiple ultrasounds because they were trying to detect why I was bleeding so much. After that, I had many ultrasounds with unfeeling techs (or my reproductive endocrinologist, once) who failed to detect a heartbeat and had absolutely no compassion or sensitivity to how I might feel upon discovering that my baby was dead. Even after having a full-term baby, I still didn't like ultrasounds.

So it was with some anxiety that I approached our ultrasound appointment when I was pregnant with Nicholas. Secretly, I hoped to discover we were having a girl, but had elected to find out the gender in advance so I wouldn't have any shred of disappointment when he was born. At that appointment, we found out he was a boy...and we also discovered that he carried a soft marker for Trisomy 18. I can't even remember what that marker was, but I cannot forget meeting with the doom-and-gloom perinatologist after the ultrasound and hearing his recommendation that we have an amnio.

We had elected not to have an amnio, even though I was 41, because of the increased chance of miscarriage or premature birth. We also didn't want to be faced with a difficult decision if the amnio brought bad news. The doctor was not my usual doctor, and he was brusque and dispassionate. We returned home, with me in tears and right to the internet to look up more information and debate whether to indeed have an amnio. Knowing we were having a boy was of course completely unimportant...all that mattered was having a healthy baby. By the time we returned for an appointment with my beloved perinatologist, we had decided not to have the amnio, and he completely understood and seemed to agree with our decision. And as you all know, Nicholas is fine, and I love the fact that he's our third boy. Sometimes I think we have way too much medical information.

A healthy Nicholas at birth

All these memories came to the forefront as I read this touching story about a woman with a son, Zane, who has Trisomy 18. The doctors told Susan Hatfield that Zane would not live, but he's made it to five years old...nothing short of a miracle. Trisomy 18 is more in the public realm at the moment because of Rick Santorum's daughter (makes it very hard to understand how he could tell a sick child and his mom that drug companies were entitled to charge whatever exorbitant prices they decide to!!).

Hatfield writes about the people who wrote her son off and didn't think he was worth treating, and reflects that "everyone, regardless of genetic makeup, ability, or disability, should be treated with kindness and compassion, especially when their lives are so limited."

Ninety-five percent of babies with Trisomy 18 do not live beyond a week. Hatfield knows that her son's time might be limited, but "Zane is a living example of how the medical community is not the end-all of knowledge." While she appreciated the honesty about the statistics assocated with the genetic disorder, she also faced anxiety and hopelessness because they were all so sure they knew what would happen.

After our 117 days in the NICU, I can sure relate to that.

Oh Nancy, how your sister would be disappointed in you...

2012-02-02T11:34:00.000-08:00

As most people know, Nancy Brinker started the Susan G. Komen "For the Cure" Foundation in 1980 after her sister died of breast cancer. Susan asked Nancy to promise to work towards finding a cure. So many amazing charities have been founded in loved one's honor; there's no better motivation than the memory of a loved one or the commitment to prevent other's suffering.

But 32 years later, the Komen foundation has deteriorated into a manipulative, political organization. By now, you've probably read about the organization's political decision to withdraw funding of breast cancer exams for lower-income women via Planned Parenthood. As this article in Jezebel explains (How the Susan G. Komen Foundation Lost Its Way),

"..Since the foundation's inception, over $1.9 billion has been raised for breast cancer research and prevention...but in recent years, it seems that the organization has lost its way, becoming more about self-promotion and self-preservation...the organization has refused to acknowledge the link between the chemical BPA and cancer even in the face of piles of science establishing a link, presumably because several of their large donors just so happen to manufacture products that rely on BPA....in 2010, they spent more than $1 million suing smaller charities that used the phrase "for the Cure" in their names or in their events....one fundraising program encouraged socially mobile cancer fighters to battle cancer themselves by mailing in Yoplait tops in order to prompt the company to make a 10-cent donation. Postage at the time was 37 cents; Yoplait prices varied."

It goes on to say that CEO Nancy Brinker is a Republican and has donated large amounts of money to Republican candidates. Now the anti-abortion VP Karen Handel (and Georgia politician) is driving the organization into the ground and using it as a weapon in the battle for women's health.

I've never walked or run in the Race for the Cure, but I've given a lot of money to the organization to sponsor other friends. To be honest, the cloying pink everywhere, in addition to the mega-advertising machine that has developed partnerships with countless products, has annoyed me. When I learned about the organization's expenditure of over $1 million to sue the little organizations that use "the cure," I stopped supporting the organization. Had I known that its CEO supported Republican candidates, I would have stopped earlier.

And Nancy Brinker, she pays herself over half a million dollars out of the foundation's coffers (how's that for a selfless act of honoring her sister?). Only 80 percent of the amount raised actually goes to cancer research and prevention (not a great rating). When we donate to "For the Cure," we indirectly fund Republican candidates through Brinker's enormous salary. Not many people knew this before, I'm guessing, but they sure do now.

Late-breaking news in the Atlantic: Sources from inside the organization say that this decision was part of a deliberate effort to cut off connections with Planned Parenthood because of right-wing pressure. In addition, Komen's top public health official, Mollie Williams, resigned after this political decision was announced, saying, "...anyone who knows me personally would tell you that I am an advocate for women's health. I have dedicated my career to fighting for the rights of the marginalized and underserved. And I believe it would be a mistake for any organization to bow to political pressure and compromise its mission."

Given that somewhere between 15 and 23 percent of Americans disapprove of abortion in all cases, and 24 percent disapprove of birth control, this is not going to be a popular decision. Thousands of women who have supported the Komen organization will no longer have anything to do with it.

Jezebel further notes that "the organization has grown from a sweet promise to a dying sister into a pink clad right-wing sorority of sanctimonious hypocrisy."

How could Nancy do this to her sister's memory?

Mitt Romney not worried about poverty

2012-02-01T18:01:00.000-08:00

Not surprised. As Reverend Chuck Currie so eloquently writes in The Huffington Post, Mitt Romney should be.

The poor and the working poor are just barely hanging on, and the Republicans in congress are not helping any. According to the Census Bureau, another 2.6 million people slipped into poverty in the United States in 2010, and the number of Americans living below the official poverty line, 46.2 million people, was the highest number in 52 years.

"The Washington-based Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, whose expertise on poverty issues is widely respected, indicates that there are definitely holes in the safety net — and says that the recession and modest recovery have blown open the holes even larger." --article on npr.org

While Romney is trying to convince people that he cares about the middle class, he's just further proving how completely alienated he is from reality.

What I read: January 2012

2012-02-01T17:47:00.000-08:00

For your reading pleasure, here's what I read in January. It was a month of great reading, and now I realize that most of it was nonfiction. Both of the novels I finished had infant deaths (I believe in warning people about this). Read the full reviews by clicking on the linked title--they will take you to the review on Marie's book garden.

Nonfiction:

Crazy Enough, by Storm Large
After seeing Storm's show, "Crazy Enough," twice at Portland Center Stage and purchasing the show CD, as soon as I read she was writing a book I put it on hold at the library. I've been waiting for several months to get my hands on it. As I expected, the book delivered. If you have a strong stomach and are not easily offended, read this book.

Happy Accidents, by Jane Lynch

I've long been a Jane Lynch fan, since I first saw her in "Best in Show," and of course who doesn't love Sue Sylvester on "Glee"? This was a fun read--absorbing and interesting. Lynch seems like she would be a fascinating person to have to dinner.

Think: Straight Talk for Women in a Dumbed-down World, by Lisa Bloom

I first heard of Lisa Bloom when I read a fantastic article she wrote for the Huffington Post: "How to Talk to Little Girls." I knew I needed to read her book.

The book is divided into two parts. The first part, "The Problem," delves into the question of why we are all so dumbed down nowadays, especially women. Jumping in to Part 2, Bloom gives us her recommendations for reclaiming our brains...such as carving out time in our lives to think, make simple food for your family and don't kill yourself by slaving over meals for hours, and hire someone else to do your housework (even if you have to cut corners elsewhere) so you can reserve time for yourself.

The Best Advice I Ever Got: Lessons from Extraordinary Lives, edited by Katie Couric

After delivering a commencement address, Katie Couric got the idea to gather commencement addresses and other advice from various celebrities, politicians, athletes, military commanders, philanthropists, and businesspeople. She opens each section with an anecdote from her own life...about her own childhood, how she got into television, losing her husband to cancer, raising her daughters, and being criticized for her work on the CBS Evening News. I enjoyed it, and found some of the essays to be more powerful than others.
Fiction:

Sing You Home, by Jodi Picoult

Sing You Home is in my top three of all the Jodi Picoult books I've read (ten total). It's about a music therapist, Zoe, who is struggling with major infertility issues. She has multiple miscarriages and finally a pregnancy "takes," only to end at 28 weeks with a stillborn. Similar to most Picoult novels, there's a court case involved, and a lot of hateful intolerance (this time in the name of evangelical Christianity). Highly satisfying read.

The Girl Next Door, by Elizabeth Noble

The Girl Next Door takes place in a Manhattan apartment building. The book starts with Eve, who has been transplanted from England because of her husband's job. Soon Noble begins adding a large cast of characters, most of whom live in that same apartment building. Fortunately, she includes a list of characters in the beginning, which is helpful. I did enjoy reading about the blossoming women's friendships, and in particular about the friendship between Eve and an older English woman, Violet. The book had me in tears during the NICU chapters. Another spoiler warning: death of a baby.

The only other novel I read in January was Deliverance from Evil, by Frances Hill. Sadly, I gave up on it at around 60 pages. Hill is a renowned historian on the Salem witch trials, and I thought the premise sounded fascinating. Instead I found it to be disappointing.

In other book news, I posted a fun video about books coming to life.

Ron Paul racism and white supremacy exposed

2012-02-01T17:24:00.000-08:00

As suspected and discussed in a previous post, Ron Paul is a racist. The jig is up. A group of "hactivists," Anonymous, has accidentally uncovered documentation of Paul's connections and affiliations with racists and white supremacists. On Tuesday, Anonymous hacked and defaced the website of American Third Position (A3P), a major U.S.-based white supremacist network. According to Anonymous, the discovered documents show that “Ron Paul has regularly met with many A3P members, even engaging in conference calls with their board of directors.”

Paul posing with Don Black, former American Nazi Party member turned KKK Grand Wizard
and owner of the white supremacist Stormfront.org (and Black's son)

Read the full story here. It doesn't seem to have been picked up by major news outlets yet...they are probably waiting to examine the documents before publicizing this information. On the other hand, they didn't do much with the photo, above.

I hope this information will finally convince all those independent, anti-war voters out there who are blindly following Ron Paul. On the other hand, I was hoping he would run as an independent to draw votes away from the GOP. He does seem like the Energizer bunny, so he could still keep going--who knows?

I find this situation tremendously scary...he has nabbed a lot of primary votes!!

The littlest thespian

2012-01-31T22:39:00.000-08:00

The scene last night (as reported on Facebook):

The youngest has gone into drama mode full bore. He just directed the entire family in a brief singalong of "Grease"--after clothing each of us in leather jackets and bossing us around. The leather ottoman in the living room has saucepan lids for hub caps (Greased Lightning).

Of course, I'm asking myself what kind of parents we are to allow our preschooler to watch "Grease" (with the not-so-innocent language--especially in "Greased Lightning"!!!). Guess that's what happens with the third child! I'm afraid he's corrupted now.

Tonight:

I arrived home tonight to see our leather jackets hanging on the mantelpiece (see above, minus Nick's, which was upstairs, taken off before bedtime). Chris was playing drums at a basketball game, so he wasn't around this evening, but the rest of us were conscripted once again into Nick's play. We asked him if it was to be "Grease" again, to which he answered, "No, not Grease--too much love!"

Tonight it was "Tom and Jack and the Forest Elves," which involved him tap dancing in his cowboy boots, and Mike and I pretending to tap dance as well until he tapped our feet, at which point we were to fall down on the floor. Later he declared, "time to deliver the papers!" Unbeknownst to Mike, he had wrapped up a bunch of newspapers in rubber bands and squirrelled them away in the footstool. He and Kieran began flinging them to me and Mike. Then more frenetic tap dancing. (Chris is learning how to tap dance for "Singin' in the Rain," Kieran is taking tap dancing lessons, and Nick LOVES the Nicholas Brothers, so we're in a tap phrase at the moment.) During these plays, if anyone fails to follow his directions or talks out of turn, the entire play must start at the beginning. He is one strict director. He's also got the dramatic actor part down, as he is prone to tears if we try to cut the plays off prematurely. And he's known to declare "I hate this family!" if we don't do what he says.

Drama: is it nature or nurture?

Which is worse: Rich Mormon patriarchy or obnoxious, unethical buffoonery?

2012-01-31T18:00:00.000-08:00

I honestly cannot imagine how any intelligent American could bring him- or herself to vote for either Mitt Romney or Newt Gingrich.

But I've certainly been surprised before (examples at bottom). Americans have shown time and again that when it comes to voting, they can be downright stupid, like their candidates. They blame Obama for not fixing the nation's ills without remembering that it was a Republican presidency and congress that built the huge mess. And how many could clean up an eight-year-old mess in four years?

So now their options are voting for a filthy rich Mormon (I read today that if you add up all the incomes of the past eight presidents and doubled that amount, you'd be close to Romney's millions...and that he is 50 times richer than President Obama) or an outlandish, morally bankrupt buffoon. I won't waste any time on Santorum or Paul--they are even more scary but do not have a hope of winning the Republican race. (I won't be surprised if Paul runs as an independent, though--Romney's worst nighmare.)

Romney seems to be the least of the evils, in many ways, even though he is completely out of touch with regular middle-class Americans (not to mention poor or working-class ones). But frankly, his Mormonism makes me nervous, as Sally Denton agrees in this New York Times blog post. I'm sure his Mormonism scares many fundamentalists, too, who believe that Mormonism is a cult. As bad as Bush Senior and Junior were, at least they both had intelligent wives who were not scared to share their opinions. In the Mormon religion, women are less than second-class citizens and cannot ascend to heaven unless they are married. They rarely work outside the home once they have children, and the male is the clear, unquestioned leader of the family. A Mitt Romney cabinet and staff would have very few women and you can bet they would be mostly Mormons. Mormons tend to hire and financially support other Mormons.

Then we have our friend Newt, who only knows how to get out of a marriage by having an affair when his wife is sick...and who loves to draw attention to himself by saying the most obnoxious thing he can think of...and who thinks nothing of conflicts of interest or representing interests that are paying him.

None of them are presidential material. And now the campaign has sunk to new lows with its bitter attacks. Even veteran Republicans are disgusted with the name calling. I just pray that Americans do the right thing and elect the only honorable man in November.

Newt Gingrich = Jesus

2012-01-29T19:06:00.000-08:00

Have you heard? The liberal media is trying to crucify Newt Gingrich and "rewrite history." Funny...I don't think that anyone has to rewrite history to make Gingrich come across as an unprincipled idiot. His actions and words speak for themselves, throughout history. Video below.

Sarah Palin: They’re Trying To ‘Crucify’ Newt Gingrich

Hooked on Downton Abbey

2012-01-27T15:39:00.000-08:00

After getting addicted to Downton Abbey when it was broadcast on PBS last year (and enjoying the spectacle of Mike giggling), we were anxiously awaiting the beginning of Season 2.

Mike loves Downton Abbey for the manipulative machinations and because I think he secretly wishes he was "to the manor born"! My only criticism of the series is that the major villain, is pretty despicable--and what was the point in making him gay? The Granthams, who live at Downton Abbey, have three daughters, the two eldest of which are not always very likable. I can relate the most to Sybil, the enterprising young feminist who wants to make herself useful. Of course, Maggie Smith is wonderful as always, as the "dowager countess" who thinks she's God's gift to England.

Downtown's creator, Julian Fellowes, is an alum of Mike's Catholic boarding school, Ampleforth. He has been criticized for glorifying the class system, but it's become a guilty pleasure for many both in the UK and across the pond. Although Fellowes is a Tory, he believes it's "ridiculous" that his wife's family title – the Earldom of Kitchener – will become extinct because the current earl has no children and his wife, the earl's niece, is a woman. "If you're asking me if I find it ridiculous that in 2011, a perfectly sentient adult woman has no rights of inheritance whatsoever when it comes to a hereditary title, I think it's outrageous, actually. Either you've got to get rid of the system or you've got to let women into it. I don't think you can keep it as 'men only'." Well, now that the royal family has changed its rules, maybe the archaic inheritance laws will change too.

If you like, you can learn how to dress like you're a Downton Abbey character or take a quiz to find out which one you are most like.

I found a delectable satire on Youtube--take a look. Upstairs/Downstairs Abbey--Part One and Part Two:

I read that a third season is in the works!

Under an eastern sky

2012-01-24T20:42:00.000-08:00

Mike in April 1987,
at the fateful second party

I wrote this story a few years ago for a short story competition. It didn't win, but it's a perfect day to post it...because 25 years ago TODAY, I met the love of my life. That is completely mind boggling to me!

Under an Eastern Sky

Each Monday night, in the small Japanese city of Wakayama, I visited my colorful Scottish friend Cath. We had both recently arrived in Japan, although we had followed different paths to get there. After graduating with an English degree, I jumped at the chance to work abroad. My employer turned out to be a crooked Japanese firm that recruited English teachers and contracted them to the local women’s junior college. Cath taught through the much-more-official British English Teaching (BET) Programme, a partnership with the Japanese Ministry of Education. She frequently spoke of her BET colleague, Mike, who taught at Kinki University in Osaka. Cath described him as funny, bright, kind—and much too nice for her.

My North Carolinian-Anglophile housemate, Mary Elizabeth, had decided—before she had even met him—that Mike was the man for her. Mary Elizabeth eagerly anticipated Cath’s Robert Burns Night in January, to which Cath invited her American colleagues and BET friends. As is traditional with Robert Burns Nights, Cath asked her guests to bring a Burns poem to read. Mike had found an R-rated version of Burns’ poem, “Brose and Butter,” from an old poetry edition in the university library. By the time Mike read his poem, we had talked about our mutual love of Jane Austen and I was giddy from chuhais (a Japanese cocktail with a misleadingly innocent flavor). His charm and easy wit delighted me. Later on that evening, he gave me a friendly peck on the cheek. Our warm conversation clearly upset Mary Elizabeth, who after the party informed me that “those British are hard to warm up to.”

Three months passed, we separately traveled to Thailand with friends, and Cath put her mind to matchmaking. During my weekly late-night chats at her flat, Mike would often phone and hear me in the background, laughing and sipping a gin and tonic.

I asked Cath to invite Mike to a party I was hosting with my housemates. As the date of the party approached, I became excited and nervous, with a growing instinct that my life was about to change.

I will never forget the moment Mike walked into my apartment, fresh from a cherry blossom viewing party. I was electrified by his presence. He wore a leather jacket and a copper bracelet on his wrist. I felt immediately drawn to him. He kissed me on the cheek and walked into my heart.

After the various Japanese, British, and American guests chatted and ate snacks, the dancing began in our tiny dining area. Mike and I found each other on the dance floor after shedding our original dance partners, and his lips found mine. We left the party to take a walk and stopped to kiss every few feet. When we finally returned to the party, everyone was gone.

In those first heady days of romance, I remember being drawn to Mike’s beautiful accent, curly head of hair, twinkling eyes, warm smile, and the way he made me laugh and relax completely. I was totally taken with the way he kissed me in full view of Wakayama’s housewives and the way that every activity that we did was infused with romantic electricity.

Traveling around Japan with a girlfriend
while Mike entertained his university friend

After staying the weekend, Mike left me in a state of euphoric exhaustion to return to Osaka. He was expecting a visit from a university friend who he suspected had feelings for him. I was touched by how he didn’t want to tell her about us for fear of hurting her feelings. At the same time, I was desperate to see him again. Over the next month, we corresponded by mail. As soon as his first love letter arrived, I knew that I had a keeper. Reading his funny, romantic letters left me limp with happiness, feeling warm and adored. When I finally saw him again at Osaka’s Namba Station in his suit and tie, I felt astonished at my luck, to have such a bright, witty, caring man waiting to see ME! Over the ensuing few months, we spent every weekend together in Osaka or Wakayama.

Visiting Mt. Koya in winter 1989

I was due to return to Oregon that summer, but I extended my stay for another year. After we traveled to Hong Kong and Macau together, I went home to Oregon for a visit and then moved to Osaka in the fall. Although I shared an apartment with a college friend who had joined me in Japan, Mike and I spent as much time together as we could and traveled around Japan, Malaysia, and Singapore. Soon two years extended into three, and our relationship continued to blossom. Although we both enjoyed our time in Japan, life there was much easier for Mike—as a man—than it was for me. As a young American feminist, I chafed against the patriarchal culture, even though I was exempt from many of the restrictions placed on Japanese women. By the time we left in the summer of 1989, I was ready for our next adventure, while Mike departed in tears.

Several weeks before leaving Japan

We then embarked on a three-month journey through Asia. Mike’s airline ticket terminated in London, and mine took me back to Oregon. I avoided asking questions about the future, because I knew how I felt but I wanted him to assert how he felt about our relationship.

Commencing in glittering Hong Kong, we started our detox after the last few weeks of alcohol-laden goodbye parties, ate curried crab at our colonial-era romantic hotel, and wandered lazily around the charming city of Macau. I met Mike’s sister, who was visiting a friend in Singapore. In beautiful Indonesia, we ate street food in Jakarta, toured batik galleries in Yogjarkarta, stayed on the beach in the fishing village of Pangandaran, became annoyed by the Aussie partyers in Kuta, and soaked up the green, artistic mountain hamlet of Ubud. Traveling through India by train on overnight hard sleepers, we gloried at the wonder of the Taj Mahal, ate at a fabulous restaurant run by the followers of the Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, visited palaces and forts, fended off ear cleaners, and took a painful safari through the vast desert on the backs of camels. And in the exotic city of Udaipur, on the roof of a former maharajah’s palace in the middle of a lake, Mike asked me to marry him. And I accepted with relief. I had already concluded that I would propose to him before we parted ways…so at last we had a plan.

Our parting at the Delhi airport was horrible—I left before Mike, and the nasty security guard would not let him accompany me to the gate. I cried halfway across the ocean. Three long months passed with more letters, phone calls, and wedding preparations.

When Mike was finally on U.S. soil, a grumpy government employee in Minneapolis nearly kept him from me. As the son of a diplomat, Mike had a lifetime U.S. visa, but we had not realized he needed a fiancé visa. In a perfect Catch 22, a fiancé visa lasted only three months, but we had five months until our wedding. The INS officer called my house and spoke to first me and then my mother, grilling both of us about my relationship with Mike. He searched through all of Mike’s suitcases, reading my love letters and his diary and searching for clues that he was an English interloper. By then I was hysterical, waiting by the phone to hear whether he’d be allowed into the country. Finally, just before Mike was due to catch his connection, the INS officer called and announced his decision to let Mike proceed to Oregon. The final convincing piece of evidence that we were not merely marrying for the green card was a calendar I had handmade as a Christmas gift for Mike. Our reunion at the Portland airport was infused with relief, gratitude, and joy.

Now nearly 22 years later, our marriage has grown stronger through the storms. In 1996, our first son was born extremely prematurely at 24 weeks, weighing just one pound, six ounces, and measuring 11 inches long. He spent 117 long, agonizing days in the neonatal intensive care unit and survived several life-threatening crises. Many marriages crumble under this type of pressure, but our relationship grew deeper as we clung to each other through our tears and hope. Later, I experienced four miscarriages as we attempted to add to our family before finally succeeding and having another son—full term this time. Then after we thought our family was complete, we were shocked to discover I was pregnant at age 41. A few years ago we celebrated the 20th anniversary of our first meeting by having a Robert Burns Night of our own. Our family and friends read poems, we tasted whiskey, and I made vegetarian haggis and “neeps and tatties” for the occasion.

After my commitment 22 years ago to support us so Mike could launch his writing career, I continue to be the breadwinner and Mike is the primary caregiver for our three sons. Our children are learning that moms can be the ones who leave the house to work, while dads can be amazing, caring, and fun caretakers. Mike writes fiction when he can squeeze it in, and I am supremely confident that publishing success is around the corner. (Aside: I've been saying this for years, and now it is!)

Sometimes it’s hard to give our marriage the attention it deserves, as our children, careers, and outside activities occupy so much time these days. On those rare occasions when we can get away for a night or spend the afternoon together, I realize—anew—how blessed I am to be married to this loving, creative, and passionate man. I look forward to rare, quiet opportunities for us to rekindle our romance and recall those first few star-struck days under an eastern sky.

Open Your Legs, America! (Jon Stewart's reaction to Newt's blatant hypocrisy)

2012-01-20T08:07:00.000-08:00

Love it!

The Freaker of the Spouse:

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

And Open Your Legs, America:

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Methinks he protests too much!

2012-01-19T21:40:00.000-08:00

I can't wait to see what Jon Stewart has to say about this.

When debate moderator John King brought up the elephant in the room (Newtie's ex-wife's claims that he asked her to enter into an open marriage), he fought back angrily:

"I think the destructive, vicious, negative nature of much of the news media makes it harder to govern this country, harder to attract decent people to run for public office. And I am appalled that you would begin a presidential debate on a topic like that," he said.

Let's not forget that this man carried on an extramarital affair with a House staffer 20 years younger than him during the Clinton impeachment trial and then married her...and defended his actions by saying, "There’s no question at times in my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate."
What kind of DECENT man has two extramarital affairs, in one marriage after another, when one wife was suffering from cancer, and the second one was suffering from multiple sclerosis, and then attacks Bill Clinton as being immoral? I'm so sick of hypocrisy, whether it's from Repubs or Democrats!

Of course, Newtie got a standing ovation from the obnoxious audience, family values folks that they are. Because the media are leftist commies and always favor the president. I do agree that it was kind of tacky to open the debate with that question (couldn't King have waited maybe 10 minutes?)...but to blame everyone else for his problems, now that's just being a whiney crybaby. None of these people have the right combination of caliber, personal ethics, integrity, compassion, and professionalism to be President. The fact that people will actually vote for these buffoons makes me feel depressed to no end.

Remembering Parker (January 15 to 22, 1997)

2012-01-18T07:30:00.000-08:00

Fifteen years ago this week, a star was born in the lives of our dear friends Catherine and Doug. Their son Parker was born at just 23 weeks gestation in January 1997 (a scant few weeks after we had finished our own 17-week stay in the neonatal intensive care unit [NICU]).

If 24 weeks is too early to be born, 23 weeks is much, much earlier. When you are a micropreemie, each day matters exponentially. And the sad fact is that white male babies fare the worst--if you are to be born a preemie, it's best to be a female of color (in terms of your chances of survival). I've always thought this was some form of sick divine justice, since females of color have the hardest road in life.

Parker lived for only seven days. And during those seven days, his parents and older brother learned that each day with him was a blessing. We met Catherine and Doug a few months after Parker died, when they joined the NICU Family Advisory Board, of which we were members. I remember being stunned by their willingness and commitment to continue to be involved at the hospital, and to give back by supporting other parents who were going through the heaven and hell of the NICU. Their generosity and fullness of soul, inspired by their son, blew me away.

A night out with our dear friends, 2007

As soon as we met Catherine and Doug, we were drawn to them. They are two of the kindest, most generous and loving, and spiritual people we have had the honor to know. Through our friendship with Catherine and Doug, and other dear friends who also lost their children, we have come to a better understanding of what it means to lose a precious child. (Of course, I believe that one can never truly understand this unless you go through it yourself. That's why it's important to seek out others for support.) I have heard stories about the completely stupid things people say to bereaved parents, and I have learned how difficult it is for them to answer the casual question of how many children they have. I have learned about how devastating it is for a parent to let go of a child and to allow the child leave this earth. I have learned that the pain never goes away, no matter how many years pass. And how important it is for the child to be remembered, talked about, and honored.

And although part of me that believes that prayer and positive thinking have some value, that value is severely limited. For no amount of prayer, devoted love, and positive thinking saved the lives of Parker, Zacary, Olivia, Grant, Jonah, and so many other little ones lost.

Parker's family honors him daily by lighting a candle for him, and they set aside January each year as a month to go to the beach and remember him in their own ways. He will always be part of their family, no matter how many years go by.

Catherine and Doug, and so many other people we've come to know, have been some of the most significant blessings we've received from the NICU experience (and getting involved with supporting other parents who have had NICU babies). Together, we have weathered more storms. Doug rushed to the hospital the night Zacary died, and his quiet, calming, and loving presence was such a gift. Soon after I experienced my first miscarriage (of four), I remember attending a Precious Beginnings (the parent support organization we all founded) holiday party and being overcome with love and support...from the only people I could have imagined feeling comfortable around...because they all keenly understood loss.

Doug and Calder with our
much-bigger-than-Chris
Baby Kieran, 2003

Catherine and Doug went onto have another son, Calder, who is a bit younger than Chris. Their older son, Pierce, went off to the University of Oregon this fall. They do not live very far away, but we rarely get to see them...between work commitments, kid activities, and other things that get in the way. But they are true soul friends. I am extremely thankful to Parker for bringing them into my life. I just wish that I had been able to meet him and thank him myself.

Our friends are just two of many hero parents who lose children and go on to help others through the process. I will leave you with these beautiful words, which Catherine wrote for a Precious Beginnings newsletter many, many years ago:

Catherine with
little Nicholas

Our son Parker was born in January 1997 at 23 weeks old. He only lived for seven days in the NICU. It was where he lived his life…where he was born and where he died. When he was born we did not know what to expect. We felt so lonely in this new world of the NICU. We wanted to know our future. We wanted to change the past. We were powerless. So we chose to do the one thing that we had total control over…to love him and to appreciate each moment of his existence. To celebrate his life and marvel in the midst of the unexpected, that here before us was our beautiful son.

Through the noise of the machines, from the shock and disbelief that this was happening to us, to the blur of our life having been enveloped by a world we did not choose…somehow, we tried to stay as focused as we could and to remember that this child of ours was a gift.

We now appreciate those days and those moments. For whatever reason, that was all we were meant to have with Parker in this life. But he blessed us with wonderful gifts: experiencing the power and magnitude of love, and the genuine goodness in others. And learning that life, for however long it is or whatever it may be like, is precious, and we should appreciate each moment.
May the power, the beauty, and the love of your child give you strength.

We love you and are keeping you in our hearts, Catherine, Doug, Parker, Pierce, and Calder. Thank you for blessing all the lives you have touched.

This is when you REALLY need a native language editor...

2012-01-13T19:40:00.000-08:00

This priceless gem was spotted in Osaka, Japan, in Shinsaibashi no less--my old stomping grounds! I used to teach at an English language school in Shinsaibashi--that was my subway station! Who knows? Maybe I once taught English to the brilliant advertising exec who came up with this campaign? Haha--I'm only a potty mouth very occasionally, if no children are around.

The signs have since been taken down (after they went viral on the internet). Read the story linked in the previous sentence for a hypothesis on how the word came to be plastered all over the store.

Take a trip around the world in 5 minutes!

2012-01-13T19:28:00.000-08:00

Kien Lam quit his job, packed his bag and camera, and traveled to 17 countries in 343 days. This is the amazing result. The original music was composed by his brother, William. Stunning!