Embrace The Suck...

You Like Me, You Really Like Me...

2012-02-10T10:36:00.000-06:00

A couple people threw my name out there for a Liebster Award.

At first I didn't know what the hell it was and to be perfectly honest I kinda thought it might be some spam nonsense.

But appealing to may vanity, as any award does I couldn't help but look into it.

I got two so far, one from Christina Fawn and one from Paxford. You can click their names to see their blogs, plus they're now on my blogroll. Check them out.

1. Copy and paste the award to your blog. You can either yank it from just above this sentence or you can get it from the side panel of my blog. Or you can get it here. Whatever you want to do.

The rules of the blog-fest are as follows:

1. Copy and paste the award on our blog.
2. Link back to the blogger who gave us the award.
3. Pick our five favorite blogs with fewer than 200 followers, and leave a comment on their blog to let them know they have received the award.
4. Hope that the five blogs chosen will keep spreading the love and pass it on to five more blogs.

So with no further adieu. Here are my top 5.

1. Airman Mom - how can a year in the suck get any better than to pick up an extra mom along the way. I will never be able to tell her how meaningful everything she did for me was, nor will I ever be able to express how much fun I had with her at US Cellular Field.

2. Coffeypot - a funny and grumpy old fart who never fails to get me laughing. Don't care that you exceed the number of followers.

3. Bag Blog - A great lady, and blogger who's been commenting a encouraging my bullshit for quite some time now.

4. Joe at Fobbits Need Ice Cream Too - Gotta love a loud and proud Fobbit.

5. CI-Roller Dude - Great old guy, a throwback who managed to stay in long enough to see Iraq.

That's it. All these bloggers have been with me since the start and I know at least two of them have read every word I ever wrote. And for that I am grateful. Wouldn't mean a whole lot if no one ever read it.

So the way I see it this award is better than most because we are chosen by those who read us. And its personal, no voting, no test to take. Just one blogger to another, and I like that.

Anyway, time to go let them know.

I love you Mom...

The Committee to Re-elect Barack Obama...

2012-02-09T04:55:00.003-06:00

First of all, when I saw the picture that was quartered and in each box was a picture of one of the Republican presidential hopefuls and right across the top was scrawled, "The Committee To Re-elect Barack Obama"

I'm not gonna lie, I laughed my ass off.

Now given the fact that this is a milblog (Actually, I'm not quite sure that's true anymore.) Most would expect me to be Republican. Why not? Most of the military is. Last I heard it was something like 90%

My personal political beliefs are a lot baser than that. I don't really even get as far as being Republican or Democrat. My political philosophy boils down to a simple fact that hasn't been proven wrong yet. My idea is as follows...

You have to be an asshole in the first place, just to even think about becoming a politician. And to actually become one you have to be an epic asshole. And then in order to be successful enough to become a contender for the highest office in the land, you have to be a colossal asshole.

However, that doesn't change the fact that we've gotta pick one of these choads, so the least we can do is pick the best of the worst, or the sweetest smelling turd if you will.

So let's run it down,

Barack Obama: Well, I always tell everyone the same thing, first of all Obamacare hasn't brought the sky down, and just so everyone knows (or remembers) when you say the President did this or did that (referring to the passage of some law or program) you sound like a fucking idiot because guess what...no laws make it to his desk without getting passed by Congress, which is controlled by...? Sorry that always bothers me. When people blame one guy for the actions of the government. Now I'm certain he's done more than his fair share of stupid shit. I just don't really want to spend any more time researching this because I found so much fun stuff for the Republicans...

Other side o' the aisle:

Newt Gingrich:

I don't know, nor do I care if all of that is true. I just thought it was funny. Now here's why I can't vote for this guy. I can say that its because of all the crazy shit he's done with his wives, open this, and cancer that, and whatever. Or I could say its because that wife he's got right now scares the living dog shit out of me (which would be true), but I'm not going to say any of that.

He's a sore loser. He's a grown adult (won't say man, that's a title you earn.) And when he gets stomped fair and square he gets up there and cries like a little kid. Which is what he did recently after Romney gave him a right proper spanking.

Secondly, he doesn't strike me as a fair guy. He goes on and on about all this shit with the poor and how they need to learn to work, so he's going to get them cleaning up their school so that they learn about labor and earning a check.

I'm fine with that. But the rich kids should have to do it too.

Rick Santorum: On the front page of his website he's got a "Rock the Vest" (for $100). First of all, well that's bad enough all by itself. You should probably get donkey punched for that.

But here's a quote that throws Santorum off the proverbial cliff for me.

"One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country.... Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that's okay, contraception is okay. It's not okay. It's a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be." You can check it out HERE

Got news for you Rick, contraception is a wonderful thing. Now we could argue for days about this, but the fact is it stops sex from being a life destroying event for certain people (to be read: "teenagers") Get over it, be realistic. Kids and stupid people are going to have sex, and they're going to have lots of it. Now lets not make the rest of us suffer because you're trying to lock down the religious wackos vote.

Mitt Romney: When I was a kid I got a job caddying at a country club not too far from my house. I started this when I was 10 or 11 I think. Anyway, very quickly I learned who was who and how to tell the difference.

You had two different kind of guys there (yeah, only guys. No women allowed.) those who made their money, and those who inherited their money.

Romney inherited his. He's a corporate douchenozzle.

''Corporations are people, my friend... of course they are. Everything corporations earn ultimately goes to the people. Where do you think it goes? Whose pockets? Whose pockets? People's pockets. Human beings, my friend.''

—GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney to a heckler at the Iowa State Fair who suggested that taxes should be raised on corporations to help balance the budget, Aug. 11, 2011

Anyone who believes this monkey spunk, and yeah I know its part of a Supreme Court decision from way back, but still. You believe shit like this and you certainly should not be running the entity responsible for providing for the public good. On top of which he said this,

''[Obama's stimulus program is] one of the biggest peacetime spending binges in American history.''

—Mitt Romney in April 2011, while U.S. troops were fighting wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and involved in airstrikes against Libya

Ron Paul: No chance, love the libertarian ideas but he doesn't have a shot so why bash the guy.

Now a question I've been pondering about this whole debate, about the only difference I can really ascertain is that Democrats want to tax rich people, while Republicans don't because they say they are the ones who create jobs. So every time someone brings up raising taxes the rich, or raising the taxes on investment income, or an estate tax, all of which contribute to bringing their effective tax rate all the way up to EXACTLY WHAT THE MOTHER FUCKING REST OF US PAY!!! They start throwing around words like 'socialism''redistribution' 'job creators' 'marx' 'anti-American' and they use them as weapons to bludgeon to death whoever dared to bring up taxing the living shit out of the rich.

Kiss my ass, there is no way that a guy who makes and/or has millions should pay a lower percentage than me, or you, or his secretary. Fuck all that.

I could get into a rant about taxes and what I think we should do, but that would take up too much space. Next post we'll do that. [Preview: 10% of every dollar that changes hands in any way/shape/form will be automatically deducted/confiscated by the US Government. No deductions, no loopholes, and most importantly NO IRS]

So out of this field of shit...who would you take?

Now moving on, interesting news. One of the MP companies from Illinois (not the one I'm in) is going to Afghanistan sometime in the future and they are currently looking for volunteers.

I'm thinking of going, but then I'm thinking of not. It'd be great to have another year or two of fresh material, but it'd be hell on wheels leaving my life again. Deployment cash is always nice, but then again I might get my eye shot out.

I don't know. We'll just have to see.

Anyway,

I love you Mom...

Where Have All The Milblogs Gone...

2012-02-08T04:45:00.000-06:00

That's a question that was posed on the Thunder Run Here.

There's a special place in my heart for the Thunder Run because when I first started off with all this, they were one of the first sites to link to my posts. They were one of the first to start spreading Embrace the Suck all over the place until I got into trouble.

Somewhere around December 3, 2008. I was less than a month in country and I was already garnering attention. But that's in the past.

The question is, why isn't anyone doing what I and so many just like me were doing in 2008?

The rules were pretty simple back then. (Can I use the phrase "back then" for 4 years ago?) Anyway, you had to show what you were writing to your commander or his/her designee, and they would have to sift through it for OPSEC violations.

So basically, if you left out any and all names, any and all places, and any real hard and fast specifics, you were pretty much in the clear. At first I thought, "Well what the fuck am I going to write? They just took it all."

Little drama queen was I. I learned my way around it. Leave out names, bullshit I'll just make them up! Leave out places, okay, half the time I didn't know where the hell I was anyway. Leave out specifics, ya know like number of guys, weapons, ammo, and the like. Well shiver me timbers, who in the hell would want to read a blog full of troop numbers, weapons statuses, and ammo counts? Well, sure the terrorists would, but honestly did they really think they were going to have a huge problem with this? I'm sure we've got a few terrorists in the military somewhere, but I figure they have other ways of passing information to their burqa wearing buddies. I mean you need to seriously reevaluate your social skills and standing if the first thing you want to write home is "MY WHOLE SQUAD IS GREEN ON AMMO AND WATER, MOM!!!"

Not to mention, and this is a question for all the GI's reading this. Did you ever find it humorous that they would pound OPSEC into our heads, and rip you a new one if they found out you told your mom what time you were flying to Qatar for pass, but they wouldn't let us do anything about the little T.I.T. (Taliban in Training aka "kid") outside the front gate watching and counting, then calling on his cell every time we rolled out the gate?

Now why aren't the soldiers doing it anymore? Or at least not in the same volume as before? Well, first of all the novelty of it all wore off, not to mention there's some pretty stiff competition out there. I mean throwing a few thousand words into the blogosphere is like chucking a grain of sand into space. Chances are pretty good it won't get noticed. So I think that might be a part of it.

Then they can get into more trouble, which is the theory posited by the Thunder Run. Makes sense, soldiers (for the most part) don't like stirring up unnecessary shit. My own proclivities notwithstanding, most guys figure its difficult enough over here, why make it worse.

And in the same vein, I'm sure they've either seen or heard about some poor schmuck getting hemmed up over something he wrote on the internet. The way I figured it, I could maintain at least a semblance of anonymity on a blog. Some of these guys are writing on their Facebook page that "Commander So and So is a douchenozzle!" First things first, morons. Your Facebook page um, well, it HAS YOUR FUCKING NAME ON IT!!! So I do in fact believe that guys in that situation should not be punished for disrespect or whatever, they should be sterilized and forced into 10 years of hard labor for being that colossally stupid. At least with a blog, unless you let it slip, you can keep a distance between you and your material. My name's Mud Puppy. Simple as that, unless I tell you different. Which I have, to some. But not all. Funny part is, I'll most likely keep that up after I'm out. All without even thinking about it, kinda like curling my fingers when I walk.

I'm also wondering if another reason the blogs are drying up is a lack of material coming out of Afghanistan. I've heard, now I don't know this for sure, but I've heard, that more and more of the mission over there is being run by Special Forces, or at least the Special Operations community. S.O.A.R., Rangers, Seals, PJ's, Green Berets, and all those guys. Now for the most part, they aren't going to talk, mostly because their op-tempo is so high I'm not sure they even remember how to sit down. So I figure a lot of the regular soldiers don't think that their experiences there are worth writing about. To which I say, "I managed to make a trip to Subway flipping hilarious! You've got plenty to write about."

You know what, that's all just beating around it. The bush that is. Here's why soldiers aren't writing, and this can be applied across the services.

Mother Army scared them. She threw up a little power point presentation that will scare enough soldiers to be worth making it mandatory part of mobilization. And then when they found a soldier or two that wasn't scared they took them and slapped them with an article 15 or two and that scared a whole bunch more soldiers, and the last few that weren't scared they found one and sent his ass to court martial and made an example of him. Sometimes all it takes is for a Commander to say in formation, "I catch anyone writing anything about this deployment and its your ass" Anyone think that doesn't happen? Good.

All I can tell anyone writing a blog now is this, just keep it vague. Don't use your name, it'll give them a reason to watch everything you do instead of paying attention to the writing. Don't use place names, I mean how hard is it really to describe Afghanistan, besides its mostly better to let your readers dream the landscape up in their head. Don't use any numbers. We've each got 7589 rounds. Yeah, bad idea. Oh and most importantly, if you're going to bitch about your commander, or your team leader, squad leader, platoon leader, or who the fuck ever, do NOT put their name in there. Do NOT put their name in there. Make something up. Sergeant Horse Face, Captain Cock bag, Lieutenant CAB chaser. (All guys in my unit by the way) Just make sure you can deny it and they'll have a hard time pinning it to you. I did that and I still had to take my blog underground for a while.

I don't think my little rant will make much of a dent. I think the blogs are losing their avante garde status. (I don't think I spelled that right but whatever) I wish these kids would show a little chutzpah and let us all know what's really going on.

But hey, I'm just some chucklehead who's only got 3 months to go. What the hell do I know?

Later,

I love you Mom...

Helping Muslims Get Laid...

2012-01-24T05:16:00.001-06:00

Since oh, about 1991 or somewhere thereabouts.

If there ever were a public service, that's it.

I saw this picture and I couldn't help but want to write a little bit about it. Just because its one of those things that I'm going to guess would royally piss off some pinko, commie, hollywood, msnbc, uneducated (in any real sense), occupy some shit liberal off.

However, there's a lot going on in this picture. Well, truth be told I haven't a fucking clue what's going on other than I'm sure at least one of these guys is working to keep from laughing. What's going on is in the words.

Those words, if nothing else, are beautifully sarcastic. Now anyone who has read my blog for any length of time (up to and including those of you who have only read this post up to...here.) Know that I am sarcastic and if there's one thing I truly appreciate its a well crafted sarcastic comment.

So, we all know that Muslims have a pretty twisted attitude about sex. And coming from an American (easily the most uptight country in the western world as it relates to sex) That's saying something. They have some really weird shit going on over there. Man love Thursdays is something I'll unfortunately never forget. Seeing some 12 year old kid walking around with little designs painted all over his hands, and seeing grown men walking around with their beards dyed red or orange. Yes this sort of shit goes on, and yes its a sign that you're ready to...party per se. Ugh, I threw up in my mouth a little just thinking about it.

Ask any GI about how haji's feel about sex and they'll tell you something along the lines of boys are for pleasure, broads are for breeding. And that dear friends, is all you really need to know to understand that yes these people are not right...at all.

Where does this come from? Who knows, not me that's for sure. But I'd be more than happy to venture a guess. These people live under one of the most oppressive religions the world has ever seen. Sharia law and Koranic teachings are, forgive the term, a motherfucker.

Only way I could describe their rules is this, its really easy to get yourself maimed and/or killed trying to follow Muslim rules. I know for a fact that I committed no less than 7 death by boogie boogie offenses within the past 17 minutes. And for anyone who doesn't understand the boogie boogie reference, just leave it be and suffice it to say boogie boogie will hurt your coochie coochie.

Moving on, this isn't about sex. Just so you know. Its about something else. Its about a sense of humor. And when you look at this culture you realize that you are dealing with a morality system, a religion, an entire culture that is completely and utterly devoid of a sense of humor.

So far as I'm concerned if you can't laugh at or make fun of yourself you're not worth the air and food it takes to keep you alive. But that's still functioning on a micro level. What happens when you don't have a sense of humor on a macro level?

Someone drew a picture of Mohammed with a towel shaped bomb on his noggin. And they all lost their shit and someone went to Holland and offed a Van Gogh. Someone here drew a picture of the crucifiction with human shit. (no, I won't use excrement thank you very much) Nobody killed him.

Some chick gets sick of her husbands shit so she bones the bell boy. And next thing you know she's buried up to her neck getting boulders chucked at her temple. Happens all the time here. Usually she'll end up walking off with half your shit.

Some kid decides he doesn't really want to get sodomized this weekend and next thing you know his old man slits his throat for disobiedience. If we were like this can you imagine how many dead kids would be floating around?

And a new one, some guy marries a 16 year old (He's like 35) and tries to force her into prostitution, she tells him where to stick it, and his family proceeds to torture her by ripping out her hair and fingernails. Here we would've just offered her more money. Jeez that was wrong, but you get the idea.

Ever heard of an "honor killing" you know, when some girl gets raped, these fucks think she has dishonored the family so they off her.

Yeah, I could go on and on. But the fact of the matter is we are dealing with a group of wackos who have completely lost the ability to laugh, at anything. The most miniscule of slights must be avenged.

Now, call it whatever you want. Maybe I'm being simplistic but if you take a step back and look around you will see that for the most part, a whole lot of trouble is being caused by people who take themselves too seriously.

Christian, Muslim, Jewish, fundamentalists. Oh yeah, we all know that they're a pain in the ass.

Politicians. Is there one flipping guy in this field of candidates who can consistently make people laugh? I mean on purpose, we laugh at them mostly because they act like douchebags, not because they said something clever.

Cops? We all know these guys are a pain in the balls. "You were going 3 over the limit sir." Really officer, you can go...

The Occupy and Tea party wackos? These are people who believe that anyone who does not believe as they do is an affront to God and the human race.

Moving right along. So my point being that there is no way around it. Humorless people cause a lot of trouble.

Everyone knows this, everyone knows that humorless people have a lot of pent up anger, frustration and energy. And sooner or later they act out.

Occupiers decide to turn statehouses into flophouses. Cops decide to use pepper spray on kids. Politicians just ram it up our keesters a little bit harder, and the fundos (fundamentalists) they keep waving their religion around like a riot baton...

...and Muslims, well they keep blowing shit up, hijacking planes, oppressing women, living in mud huts, chopping off heads, using acid to suppress education and a myriad of other really despicable things.

Can we change this? Who knows? A lot of these people are so far gone in this department I don't think they could ever be brought back.

All's I can say is, cultivate your sense of humor. Sharpen your sarcastic blades, and turn that sense of humor out. Direct it at others, but mostly direct it at yourself...because I really don't want you to blow yourself up!

So long as you don't blow yourselves up, we'll keep the Muslim dating service open!

Just sayin.

I love you Mom...

and we'll wrap today's rant with another photo that illustrates perfectly, and loudly, exactly what I'm talking about.

Read this, then tell me what you think...

2012-01-23T01:54:00.002-06:00

Click Here to read the article.

Getting Home and Realizing You'll Never Be This Awesome Again...

2012-01-22T23:35:00.001-06:00

Pictures are worth a thousand words right?

Well this one is worth that and its worth the rest of this...

I personally thought that this picture has a lot of bearing on how Vets...er I feel. I suppose that it would be infinitely presumptuous of me to figure that I could speak for them but its a large part of how I feel.

For a year I was a jolly green giant walking the earth with a gun. (cookie to the first person who names that movie.)

For a year (and this has been stated ad nauseum) I was making decisions everyday that determined whether or not someone saw their next sunrise.

For a year, I was entrusted with millions of dollars of government equipment. Not to mention the lives of my team, squad, platoon, and company.

And here's a new one. Something I have been thinking about lately (especially with this god damned election coming up) For a year, I was shielded and allowed to purify myself of the relentless media onslaught that is American TV. I didn't watch any TV.

First let me define what I mean. Because any soldier reading this will call bullshit right away if I say I didn't watch any video entertainment at all. The sheer volume of porn in Afghanistan right now is enough to sink a battle ship, not to mention the avalanche of pirated DVD's and the endless collections of ripped movies in MP4 or WMV format. If you were to prosecute one platoon of GI's overseas for their pirated movie collections I can guarantee that there would be at least 10,000 years of prison time and a fine in excess of 1 billion dollars. And I'd think those were conservative estimates.

When I say TV, I didn't have to watch commercials. All the TV shows we watched were on DVD's or digitized and minus all commercials. They were stories. We watched Sons of Anarchy, Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Family Guy and all that shit. But we got to leave the commercials at home. Plus we didn't have to see much in the way of news. I read plenty of it on the internet, so I guess I'm not as pure as I'm pontificating to be.

Regardless, I was able to kind of shake myself loose from all the celebrity worship and athlete worship and all that shit. I came back with an entirely new attitude about the entertainment industry. And it goes like this...

They're show ponies.

Actors: Act in your movie. Be really hot. Have really big boobs. Dance around looking really sexy. Athletes: Throw the ball. Shoot the basket. Score the touchdown.

And then....

Go the fuck away.

Don't speak. No one cares.

Don't give us your opinion. No one cares.

And finally on to the news casters. Dear Lord, someone please shut this monstrosity up. I think that the advent of the 24 hour news cycle has doomed our entire way of life.

There isn't enough real news to fill 24 hours.

There really isn't. I know it for a fact. Ask me how I know. Do it. Ask me.

Well since you asked, its because at least 60% of the time of those 24 hour "news" channels is filled with opinion shows. Glenn Beck telling me why the sky is falling. Chris Matthews telling me why the sky is falling. Bill O'Reilly telling me why the sky is falling. Rachel Maddow telling me why the sky is falling. Sean Hannity telling me why...you getting the jist of what I'm saying yet?

Its not news. Its rehashing the same shit from 2 different angles. And anyone who thinks these schmucks are unbiased really needs to have their head examined and their voting privileges revoked. Actually pay attention for 5 mintues and then tell me if you haven't figured out who they're for.

News is supposed to be just that. News. A collection of who, what, where, when and why that a person could use to make an intelligent decision about some event, or issue that affects them in some way. Or they can take the information and completely disregard it.

Its the lost art of thinking. Taking the information you have at hand, and making the best decision you can with the resources you have, and then taking action.

But the way it is nowadays you have 24 hours a day of these shitbirds telling you what to think about this issue and that issue and what to say about this politician and that politician and telling you what to feel about this war and that war.

Bullshit.

Unfortunately its pretty much unavoidable. I mean I love Judge Napolitano. That guys the shit, plus I want him to come over to my house and let me call him Uncle Vinny and he cooks spaghetti. I know its odd, but it is what it is.

Where was I going with this...oh yeah. I got disconnected from that, for the most part, for a year. And by the time I got back my entire world view was expanded exponentially. I saw things differently, I questioned what I saw, I believed less and less of what I heard. I learned to be suspicious of power. Which is something that we all need to learn and live.

Don't be one of those people who blindly follows this news company or that. I mean, I know people who wait for the endorsements to come out from either the Sun-Times or the Trib (Chicago) and then they vote accordingly. Make up your own mind.

Afghanistan disconnected me from that. And I'm thankful to say that I haven't gone back.

Add all that in together and I am thankful for the time I spent there. I'm thankful for those I spent that time with. And it has forever changed the course of my life.

Unfortunately, I will never be that awesome again...

But I can try.

I love you Mom....

Then I found one other picture that I think should be posted in every Air Force barracks the world over. Plus tattooed onto every fobbits door. Good night, and good luck

Who Is Jonathan Raab?

2012-01-04T02:11:00.001-06:00

Because he wrote this and I think he's pretty much the epitome of awesome.

He's got two articles in the NYT At War blog. Read them.

Pay What You Owe...

2012-01-04T00:59:00.002-06:00

So I was putzing around the house on Christmas Eve and I was listening to the radio. US 99.5 to be exact. Chicago's version of a country station. Now for all you hillbillys and rednecks out there who think that there can't be a "real" country music station in Chicago well...you can kiss my ass. And we'll just leave it at that.

So as I was listening and they were playing your standard fare, "Red Solo Cup, Camoflage by Brad Paisley and what not" they threw a commercial in the middle. A commercial for Make The Connection a website for vets to go and share their experiences with those who do understand. I've spoken before about just what a pain in the ass it can be to hear 'I understand' from anyone other than Vets. Anyways, the commercial has a couple of different guys talking about this, that or the other, but one guy jumped up and kicked me square in the nuts. And like any red blooded American male, I'm not real appreciative of anyone either literally or figuratively kicking me in the nuts. However, if forced to choose I'd much prefer figuratively to literally.

And we're back on topic. So one of these guys was talking about his experience and he got around to saying the words that brought tears to my eyes. Real fucking tears. Out of nowhere. Like a damn little girl who's brother ripped the head off her Barbie doll. And I'm standing there, in the kitchen halfway through making my peanut butter and fried banana sandwich and now I'm crying over the pan. Bananas do not need extra juice!

What did this dude say that turned me in to an emotional wreck?

"You owe it to the guys that didn't come back, you owe it to them to live well."

I haven't always been a big fan of paying what I owe. Just ask anybody who loaned me money between the ages of 16 and 23. Especially, have fun asking those guys who were dumb enough to give me credit cards that exceeded what I made in any 3 month period. I always wondered how an industry could survive when it was willing to give $5,000 worth of open credit to an 20 year old soldier who lives exactly 20 minutes from Mexico. But I guess we've answered that question a few times in the past couple of years.

Now around 23 is when I started to remove my head from my 4th point of contact (aka, my ass!) and low and behold I started paying my bills. Which I've been doing dutifully since. Which has led to a good credit rating, which has led to a recent house purchase, which has led to moving in with the princess, which has gotten me a new dog. So all in all, its a pretty good deal.

I tell you that for no other reason than I know what it feels like to be on both sides of debt, er...all sides of debt. I know what its like to pay what I owe, I know what its like to not pay what I owe and I know what its like to be paid what I'm owed, and I know what its like to not be paid what I'm owed.

Now I don't know about you but its pretty easy for me to pick out which sides of the debt equation I want to be on. I want to be "current" with all my obligations. "Paid in full" would be better, but I don't think that this case has a paid in full.

So now I've been pondering, thinking about, meditating, contemplating, analyzing, and agonizing over that statement. "You owe it to them to live well." Fuck me running. This guy just heaped a giant debt right on my head.

According to an old NYT article (get over it) the average age of combat deaths in Afghanistan is about 25 (Average Age of combat death) then you figure that the life expectancy here in the United States is about 78.1 years. (Source) then you do some quick math. 78.1 minus 25 is 53.1. So that's, on average, 53.1 years stolen from each soldier, sailor, airman, and marine who has died in service to their country. And then you find out how many have died in the War on Terror (Honor the Fallen) shows that 6316 have died in the fight. Then you've got some more math to do. 6316 multiplied by 53.1 years equals 335,379.6 years total. Oh boy, that's a pretty steep bill to pay.

Now maybe I'm being a bit overdramatic with the calculation of the bill, who knows, probably. But it has still been weighing on my shoulders since I heard it.

I owe it to them to live well.

Am I living well?

What the hell is living well?

Two questions that have had me wrapped around the axle for a week. Plus they don't seem to have much in the way of easy resolution. Once, I wish that I could get presented with an easy question. Oh and the above listed questions aren't rhetorical. I want an answer. I'm kind of in the conundrum of not minding so much that I owe, but not quite knowing how to pay the damn thing back.

However, there is a silver lining to my little episode of douchiness. (Crying like a little girl) I'm actually kind of stoked about it because you can't cry unless you have emotions. First and foremost that rules out psychopath, unless of course I can fake emotions even to myself. (I'm not that good an actor) Sociopath is still in the running, but I may have my definitions mixed up here. In any event, the fact that I cried meant that I at the very least have some emotions. So congratulations to me, I might actually be beginning to reconnect with the world. A little sympathy, empathy and good old fashioned concern for my fellow man would be nice once in a while. They warned us when we were coming home about emotional disconnectedness. They of course forgot to tell us exactly how to fix it. I mean, not even a clue. Pricks could've at least pointed us in the right direction.

And finally, I want to say something that's most likely been said before but it bears repeating. Did anyone even notice that the Iraq War is over? Operation Iraqi Freedom has come to a close? Is it just me or was that the least dynamic end of a war ever? You know that the country might have a problem when the end of a motherfucking WAR!!!! doesn't even get anyone's pulse up a little...but I could be wrong. Just seemed to me that around here, nobody noticed. I'm pretty sure that this should've been a big deal.

So I shall bore you no more today.

Answer my questions and we'll see what we can come up with.

Later,

I love you Mom...

1%ers...

2011-12-20T01:31:00.000-06:00

“Everybody wants to support the troops until they have to share in the hardship and sacrifice,” I said. “Then all of a sudden that bumper sticker or that flag pin doesn’t mean anything anymore.” (Quoted from this ARTICLE)

Just got me to thinking. Of course, we all know where that leads. Oh and by the way, I think I am going to take and put to full use this time I have at work on the midnight shift to start writing again. I've got the time so hopefully they've got the money.

There are so many things that, if you were able to see the world through my eyes, would make you want to either puke or laugh. First thing I'm going to talk about is the whole "sharing" thing.

Americans don't do it well. Think about it for a few. When was the last time your neighbor swung by to borrow some sugar? Or when was the last time you drug your snow blower across the street to hit the driveway of the guy that doesn't have one? Or when was the last time you actually did something for charity? I'm not trying to get you riled up or piss you off...well maybe I am but whatever. The fact is that Americans once WERE the most generous people in the world. Now there's a very select few of the population that elect to give of themselves for the greater good.

They're the real 1%ers. Fuck the bikers. Bikers are like hipsters and high schoolers to me. "We want to show how non conformist and special we are by getting together and all doing the same things and wearing the same clothes." Absolute fucking brilliance.

I'm talking about the military and the fact that only about 1% of the population has served in the US military. There's statistics on this somewhere but I'm not about to go and dig them up, this isn't a term paper. So if I'm off by a couple points here or there, I'll betcha I'm pretty damn close. One out of every 100. Line up 100 people aged 18-35 and only one will step forward. Well a few more would step forward but they'd be found wanting for medical or mental health or what have you.

In any case, I think we should go to a Starship Troopers style society. The right to vote and hold public office should be reserved to those of us who served. Everyone else has all their rights, save for those two. In this day and age, with the stupidity/ignorance/lack o' common sense factor rising exponentially, I don't think that this is particularly unreasonable. Obnoxiously, I have created a society that benefits me. But hey, its a start.

So back to the beginning of all of this blather. "Everybody wants to support the troops until they have to share in the hardship and sacrifice." Its the truth. I've bitched about this before but truthfully speaking, what has America and the Americans in it (other than service members and their families) been asked to sacrifice? What hardship have they been asked to endure?

Now I could go on and on but the idea is pretty simple. All the hardship, sacrifice, work, blood, sweat and tears of the past decade have been borne and paid by 1% of the population. Everyone else has spent the past decade either at the mall or in front of their Xbox.

So what do we do about it? I've been asked about the whole compulsory service thing in the past and I'm not a big fan. In my mind it breaks down like this. I don't want to have to deal with soldiers that don't want to be there. It was hard enough dealing with the volunteers. The ones that signed up are a big enough pain in the ass, I can't imagine what the ones who were forced to be there would be like.

That's out.

What could be done to push people to pick up their share of the slack and pull their fair share of the weight?

Take something from them.

And make them earn it back, or live without it.

You want to pick your leaders? Earn it.

You want to be a part of the political process? Earn it.

You want to run for office? Earn it.

You want to have a say? Earn it.

You don't want to be told what to do by those above you? Earn it.

Its a thought.

Later,

I love you Mom...

P.S. (December, 21, 2011): I was thinking about what I had written, actually I was reminded (politely) by my girlfriend, that not everyone can serve in the military. A point I alluded to in the previous post. Some people for whatever reason, be it a medical issue or otherwise just simply cannot serve, and it is through no fault of their own.

Well one thing that a lot of people don't understand is that I don't think these posts through before I write them. That would actually defeat the purpose of writing them for me. I write for therapy and to get shit off my chest. So you'll have to forgive me if my arguments seem knee jerk and poorly thought out...mostly because they are.

Some cannot serve in the military, fine. Everyone can serve the country. There's the US Army, US Marines, US Air Force, and US Navy, US Coast Guard, National Guard and Reserves, which are unavailable to some. So I say there should be an extra one. US National Service Corps. (or something like that) and they should be afforded all the same benefits accorded to the military. GI Bill, and all that good shit. The National Service Corps should be like a community college, they take everyone. Because with a component like that. I would like to see compulsory national service served by all kids in the US.

How about this, every single man and woman in the US (starting immediately) serves 3 years in some component of the National Service, military or otherwise and they are entitled to a 4 year college education courtesy of Ole' Uncle Sam. They'll be fed, housed, and paid (shit) for the duration of their service but when its over they've got a few years of maturity under their belt and they don't have to start their lives with a crushing student loan debt.

Think of the shit we could get done with a veritable army of dumb ass kids.

And rich kids gotta go too!!!

Another Day, another 16 hours...

2011-12-19T01:27:00.002-06:00

That's what I'm right in the middle of doing right now. Working a 16 hour shift. Started at 10pm and it'll be over at 2pm...Good times.

Haven't written in a long time simply because who wants to listen to some disgruntled GI who hates the life he came back to, bitch about how full of rage he is most of the time? I mean really, who the hell would want to do that?

So what have I been doing? Working. I bought a house with my girlfriend and we moved in there. And that's about it. Oh, and I started going back to the shrink again to talk about my "issues" we'll see if he can make any headway. Because I certainly can't. They've got me taking Ambien and Wellbutrin for sleep and mood problems.

Sleep problems = I don't.

Mood problems = I have a piss poor attitude about life and I hate everything, and I'd just really like to pour gasoline over all of it and light it up.

Its been fun observing the assembly line that the VA is. Come in, sign in, wait your turn, tell your problems, sign the paper, pick up your medications.

Pretty simple process really and you're on your way out into the wild blue yonder with a fresh supply of government issued happy pills. I even manage to get pissed off because of the pills. I actually get mad at them because I resent the fact that I need to take them just to get close to being normal. Actually, normal isn't the word. I have to take them just to not be in a constant state of extreme rage. And yeah, I hate the fact that I need them just to do that.

Then there's the Ambien that they give me. Its nice, but not in the dose that they're giving me. They let me take a half a pill a night. Or actually in my case a day, because I work all night, and sometimes all day too. But half a pill won't do it. Now a whole pill, that works just fine. Knocks me out for the duration. I can even sleep through the dreams/nightmares on this shit. However, I am given enough to take a half every night, not a whole. Which means I've kinda got to pick and choose which 15 out of the next 30 nights I want to sleep, until I can get back to the psychiatrist and ask him for more. We'll see if he gives them to me or if he starts to think that I'm turning in to an addict. Which I probably would, if the VA would give me enough to pull that off.

Then there's my wonderful job which doesn't help any of this. I mean, I suppose this would be a bit easier if I had a regular, "normal" job. But I don't. I get locked in a cage for 8 hours per day with a bunch of child molesters, drug dealers, and other assorted animals. I'm pretty far down the seniority list so my days off normally suck. About the best I can usually do is get one day of the weekend off. Perhaps a Friday/Saturday or a Sunday/Monday. But an actual weekend is probably another 6-10 years away. Plus, every 3 months I have to change shifts, and change days off. With the random 16 hour day thrown in for good measure. Plus, I volunteered (big fucking mistake) for an extra duty that I thought at the time would help me get a different job (because when you do this, different and better become synonymous.) I normally end up working one day shift per week. So I get 4 midnight shifts and one, sometimes two day shifts. Oh yeah, this is going to be wonderful for my sleep and my mood. My circadian rhythm or whatever the fuck they call that is going to be shot to shit.

Now I'll bring up the end with the thing that pisses me off the most. The thing that drives me absolutely fucking bonkers. And unfortunately for me and everyone around me its something that I hear over and over from so many different people that it makes me sick. I hear it from my mom, my brother, my aunt, my cousins, some friends (if I have any left), and my girlfriend.

"I understand"

I swear to God they say it just to drive me nuts.

I'll bitch about something, anything. And invariably somewhere in there, they say "I understand"

Fuck you! You don't understand. You can't understand because you weren't there with me. Maybe I am bitching about something that's going on here but do you understand that my head and my heart are in Afghanistan? No, you don't fucking understand that shit because while I was hip deep in Taliban shit and Afghani sand you were bouncing around here doing whatever the fuck. You think that I'm whining about things going on here, when I'm actually whining about the fact that I'm not with my buddies which is where I belong. You think I get this mad over shit that happens here, I'm mad because I know that there's guys over there right now that are hitting an IED. They're getting lit up from the mountaintop. They're dealing with another fucking round of rockets at night. And I'm letting another day slip away when I do nothing of value.

But I'm supposed to be nice and polite about it. They don't mean anything by it. They're just trying to help. So I bottle it up the best I can. Which isn't very well since I spend about 85-90% of my time seething with rage and hate.

So now I'm stuck. I've got my rage on one side and my hate on the other. And the only thing that can yank me out from between them is that stupid fucking pill that I'll take when I get home in the morning...oh wait, I shan't be home till the afternoon.

People have asked me why I stopped writing. I stopped writing because you don't want to hear this shit anymore than I want to write it.

To hell with it, I'll be following it forthwith.

Later,

I love you Mom...

The Cowboy In Me...

2011-11-09T17:53:00.001-06:00

Explanation to follow...

I love you Mom.

How I Feel Every Damned Day...

2011-08-11T01:58:00.001-05:00

Everyone, CALM. THE. FUCK. DOWN. I got this...

2011-08-04T01:39:00.000-05:00

The longer that I'm nuts, the more fun it becomes for me...

I know that's probably not the most healthy attitude in the world to have about my particular set of problems. But I just can't seem to help myself.

I swing back and forth, going from depressed to maniacally happy, to tired, to not being able to sleep for days. To taking a sleeping pill or 7 and sleeping for 14 hours and damn near missing work. I don't drink all that much, not because I'm averse to drinking, its mostly because I don't want to miss a minute of the lunacy!

Try explaining that to people! They'll probably want to have you committed.

Try explaining half of what goes on in my head to anyone and after a few minutes they're going to decide that I'm so far off the deep end that I can't even see the bottom anymore. Which is pretty much fine with me.

Try explaining to people that the reason you hate the everyday mundane details of life is that you spent an entire year where pretty much every thought you had, every step you took, every word you uttered, every breath you drew, every bite you ate, could be your last. And not in the existential, modern day bullshit way that yeah I know everyone could be dead in the next moment but the fact is its not that likely. What I went through it was a distinct possibility and in the lion's share of my time a likely outcome.

Now people look at you cross-eyed when you tell them that you want to ride a bull. And that you want to run with the bulls in Spain. That you've generally got a psychotic need to follow in Ernest Hemingway's footsteps. Now he was a man if there ever was one.

Basically, it breaks down like this. I've spent all my time from the end of "that" until now trying to recapture that feeling. That state of mind. Its a wonderful thing. Every emotion was perfectly felt. The terror was perfect, the happiness was perfect, the calm was perfect, the longing was perfect, the sadness, the insanity, all of it...Perfect.

Slept like the dead.

Ate like a King.

Laughed like I was dying.

Loved like there wasn't another person in the world.

Thought, like a 9mm was about to find out if I could breath through my forehead.

Wrote like the page was my life and the ink was my blood.

And I don't understand why everyone seems to want me to stop trying to get those feelings back. I come back here to this soulless, lifeless, bloodless society and I wonder who's the crazy one?

Everything here is geared to increase comfort. Increase ease. Make your life easier. Compromise. Back down. Don't rock the boat. Don't make things hard. That's the mantra I keep hearing over and over again.

Get over these feelings you're having so you can get back to having a normal life. Hear that one all the fucking time. And I'm sick of it. I don't think that I'm the crazy one. I think you're the crazy one! You're the one who wants me to voluntarily give up my life and become another zombie. Go along to get along you tell me. Well I don't want to.

I want those perfect feelings back. Good or bad I felt those things from the top of my skull to the bottoms of my feet and from the base of my brain to the bottom floor of my soul. I want to run out into the world and find something, anything that will make me feel like that again. I want something, anything that will consume me to the point where I can be 100% in the moment. Something, anything that will remind me that I'm alive and that I may not be for much longer.

They say that I'm nuts because I embrace something as morbid as death. I don't embrace it, just so you know. I welcome it as a natural part of life. Something we're all going to do. Nothing to be afraid of, just the next rung in the ladder. Up or down, I haven't quite figured that part out yet. But I'm working on it. All it is to me is another chance to have those perfect feelings again...don't worry, I'm not going to rush it along.

Well, the prevailing wisdom here is that death is something to be avoided at all costs. With as much medical care as possible and as many pills as we can toss down your throat and on and on. Have you seen a hospice ward in a hospital? I have. Death is sweet mercy to those imprisoned there. I can only pray that when they shake off this mortal coil that they have that one moment of perfect feeling.

Over and over, I'm told that I have to compromise, that I have to moderate my thoughts and my actions to conform to the status quo that's been thrust upon me. I'm told that I can't live a good life thinking the way that I do.

The longer I'm nuts...the more certain I become that its you who is crazy.

So CALM. THE. FUCK. DOWN. I got this.

Later,

I love you Mom...

Atheists sue to block 'WTC cross' from 9/11 memorial - On Deadline - USATODAY.com

2011-07-27T16:15:00.000-05:00

Are these people fucking serious?

Atheists sue to block 'WTC cross' from 9/11 memorial - On Deadline - USATODAY.com

Whatever happens, don’t say Awwww (29 Photos) : theCHIVE

2011-07-26T14:46:00.000-05:00

Whatever happens, don’t say Awwww (29 Photos) : theCHIVE

One of the greatest galleries ever! and not one single shred of porn!!!

Militants hang 8-year-old boy in southern Afghanistan - CNN.com

2011-07-25T12:04:00.000-05:00

Militants hang 8-year-old boy in southern Afghanistan - CNN.com

Anyone still think we're the bad guys?

The Difference Between Men and Women : funny

2011-07-06T18:09:00.000-05:00

This, dear friends, is F-ING priceless!!!

The Difference Between Men and Women : funny

Can't Sleep, Funny story time...

2011-07-05T23:50:00.000-05:00

First off, I don't know what's going on in my bowl o' crazy that is my brain but it bought you a funny story and some societal commentary so here we go...

Societal commentary:

The next douche that gets in front of me in line. Any line. Grocery store, gas station, McDonalds, Lobotomy...it doesn't matter. Who pays for anything that costs less than $5 with a credit/debit card is getting set on fire in a dumpster somewhere!

Get some fucking money! And stop holding up the line. Its kinda like those assholes back in the day who would pay for a candy bar with a check!

Funny story:

Waltzing through the grocery store this afternoon (where do you think I got the commentary from?) And a little boy and his father are walking down the cereal aisle as I peruse the Rice Crispies and Count Chocula and the following exchange took place...

Boy: Daddy, do you have to work tomorrow?
Dad: Yep, its a weekday so I have to work.
Boy: Daddy, do you have to work every week day?
Dad: Pretty much, yeah.
Boy: Why? Mommy doesn't have to work everyday!
Dad: That's why I have to work everyday son.

Its these little occurrences in my day to day life that make it bearable! Gotta love that Dad!

Anyway, later.

I love you Mom...

God Bless Mitt Romney...

2011-07-03T21:01:00.000-05:00

Besides the fact that his name is Mitt. Which is funny enough all by itself and he's a Mormon which just locks and loads all cannons as far as religious jokes are concerned, he said this

“It’s time for us to bring our troops home as soon as we possibly can, consistent with the word that comes to our generals that we can hand the country over to the Taliban military in a way that they’re able to defend themselves. Excuse me, the Afghan military to defend themselves from the Taliban.”

Thank you so much Mitt. I have a feeling that this presidential race is going to be absolutely hilarious.

Funny Story...

2011-06-28T00:00:00.000-05:00

So I was driving to work this morning.

As I pulled out of the driveway of my apartment building, I apparently startled a flock of birds.

At this point the entire flock of birds jumped up and flew right across the hood of my car.

Unfortunately, one of these birds misjudged his altitude.

He flew right in the open window of my car and smashed face first into the closed passenger window.

After the aforementioned avian/automobile collision, the bird laid lifeless on my passenger seat.

To which I exclaimed, "Oh fuck me, I've got a dead bird on my seat!"

At which point the bird started to move. He then jumped up to his little feet and began to look around.

First at me.

Then at the passenger window.

Then at me, then at the window, at me, at the window...you get the idea.

I couldn't help but say to the little bird, "Ya alright?"

If I didn't know better I'd swear that the look he gave me said, "Yeah, I know I lost it there for a minute but I've got it back. Thanks."

Then he proceeded to do the tennis match look around from me to the window for a few more seconds.

Now here, I'm hearing this bird whispering in my head, "Can I get a little help here big guy? How about running that window down so I can get back to doing birdie things and you can get to that life sucking, soul killing job of yours!"

"Whoops, sorry bud. Here ya go. Let me get that for ya!"

I moved my finger from the wheel to the button for the passenger window and gave it a push. (Thank goodness for toll windows.)

A few more looks back and forth and the little birdie flew right out my passenger window.

And does it make me completely nuts that on the last look I swear I heard the little bird say, "Thanks pal, you be good now."?????

Later,

I love you Mom...

And with this, our descent into insanity is complete...

2011-06-26T23:05:00.000-05:00

Overhead Bin - TSA asks 95-year-old woman to remove diaper for pat-down

Jeff Danziger Editorial Cartoon, June 26, 2011 on GoComics.com

2011-06-26T22:46:00.000-05:00

Yep, its kind of like that...

Jeff Danziger Editorial Cartoon, June 26, 2011 on GoComics.com

Mark Cuban Files The Ultimate "Fuck You" Legal Brief

2011-06-22T12:42:00.000-05:00

Now here's a guy that knows how to run a team, and knows how to respond to a lawsuit!

Mark Cuban Files The Ultimate "Fuck You" Legal Brief

Matt Santoro's 20 More Ways To Lose Your Man Card...

2011-06-22T01:59:00.000-05:00

YouTube - 20 MORE Ways To Lose Your Man Card: ""

Dad Quits Job to Watch Son Pitch for South Carolina in the College World… - BroBible.com

2011-06-21T23:33:00.000-05:00

Everyone should have a dad like this!

Dad Quits Job to Watch Son Pitch for South Carolina in the College World… - BroBible.com