inspired everyday

Ink & Water

2015-04-11T13:14:00.003+08:00

Please visit and update your follows/subscriptions to my creative blog:

http://inkandwatergallery.wordpress.com

Thank you!

something new

2014-01-25T13:47:00.001+08:00

A new blog that evolves from this one -- more exploratory and also more specific themes: writing, making art, following one's bliss, daily life lessons, among others.

There are also new works posted in my art blog:

my Christmas week

2013-12-27T20:38:00.001+08:00

Putting some semblance of order on my vintage LPs and fixing my music and art nook.

Trying out my new Derwent watercolour pencils which is my Christmas gift to myself

Reading this book in less than three days and deciding that I love Jane Eyre.

Discovering a new source of calligraphy ink and trying this one out (a bit too thick and dries too quickly)

This post will not be complete without a cat.

Started on serious self-studying. I'm putting together a curriculum for myself to become better-versed in subjects that I am highly interested in.

A few of my favorite gifts - new nib holders,

And new inks

Christmas evening at the mall where I rummaged through a book sale and found these

My dearest grandma and me

Today I met up with my best friend who is visiting from Canada and that will be for the next post!

an afternoon with Smaug

2013-12-18T08:43:00.001+08:00

Watched The Hobbit: Desolation Of Smaug, on 3D. Loved it immensely, so brilliantly made.

And then there were these:

A Php90 secondhand book, a collection of scifi short stories, that had the signatures of all the authors.

These Irish-themed books at ridiculously low prices. I've always had a soft spot for the Irish and their Celtic roots and their faery stories.

This London-themed stationery and tin box, the latter which became my savings box for my trip in, oh, 2015?

This new lamp on sale to brighten up my music and writing nook.

A strawberry-filled doughnut (and an original glazed afterwards) with brewed coffee for afternoon snacks.

Also, two lovely vintage-style dresses at fifty percent off.

Not a bad day at all. Lots of little serendipities. Could use a few medium and big ones. Particularly with the medium and big matters. Such as love and London, for instance.

Moon Day

2013-12-16T13:01:00.001+08:00

I was busy this morning planning my pre-Christmas week and fixing my new music and writing nook.

And then as I was grappling with all the lists and notes and calendars this little poem slipped through the cracks and splattered onto a page.

this love is null and void
it is exacted under duress
it does not count
being so convenient
defaults are always suspect
authenticity can be tricky
when there are no other options
this love is a desperation
promises screamed by the drowning
bargains struck by poverty
pure survival, not much else
grasping at straws and mirages
the desert-thirst of the lonely
this love is a compromise
a just-in-case, temporary heart-filler
this love is a double-edged sword
it cuts me as much as it cuts you
and cuts everything else in between
possibilities shredded by false hopes
and guilt and irrational expectations
and tugs-of-war and fevered imaginations
this love is a black hole
or maybe it is a universe about to explode
either way it is a nuisance
peppering my days
with random joys and random pains
and the worst of it
that foolish hope that slips through
little bursts like bullet shots
this love is a curse
an ill omen, a darkness, a trial
a labyrinth to be escaped
a disappointment to be endured

Friday the 13th

2013-12-13T21:01:00.001+08:00

Clear away the old to make way for the...older.

So we had a yard sale where I sold most of the appliances and home items from my old place. It was a rather saddening event because it added a layer of finality to one of my biggest losses this year.

But just as I watched my former things being carried away by their new owners, something that I have been wishing for but could not find in a form or price that satisfied me walked into the just-emptied space.

This was brought in by one of the yard sale customers who also happened to own a thrift shop and I asked if he had any standalone turntables and he did and brought it over right after making a lot of purchases of his own.

He said the turntable was of British style with the spinner balanced on springs. He left it with me to try and decide on. So you can guess what I will be doing this weekend.

And since we mentioned British... I finally cleared out my old place and it is now empty of my old life. As I was closing the windows I got teary eyed and really sad and tried to think happy thoughts, so I thought of London and wished for a sign that all will be well and I looked down and saw this:

I mean, what are the odds? In that exact moment that I needed a sign and there it was.

So I feel buoyed up from the threat of sadness and my faith that it is all indeed going to work out in mysterious ways has been fortified.

quiet

2013-12-08T23:41:00.001+08:00

With decisions being made and choices acted upon, a certain kind of silence has begun to reign over my days. It is a silence that permeates deeply and brings with it a kind of peace, and then later on an absence that allows the surfacing of things that were previously unheard and unseen. I can feel my own heart tremble a little at these small revelations. Paths illuminated, possibilities considered. There is anxiety and then there is wonder. Though tired my spirit is still willing to embark on journeys. But there are new rules. I am still making them up as I go along.

I have been slow to bear fruit, for all the time that I have wrestled from my old life. But there are already signs that nothing has been in vain. Even when I had repeatedly slid back from moving forward some ground had still been gained.

In this last month of the year of true paths here are some of the things that remain after so many that have been lost.

My pursuit and practice of a creative life remains as strong as ever.

Books. Handwriting. Dip pens. Ink. Old world ways.

The London dream trip is still on top of the list. More than money I need MAGIC for this to happen. And I believe there will be plenty of both coming.

Writing is the one thing that keeps me sane and happy. Story-telling my way, and not the way that others want.

By the way, I did not win the NaNoWriMo challenge this year although I did end up with a not too bad draft of a story I can edit later. The upside of not winning officially was the final push it gave me to re-assess the last few items that have been weighing on me and to resolve them once and for all.

As for the matter of love, well, I have realized that the best way to deal with it is on the page, so I will keep its various imagined drama in my stories. The rest I leave in the magical synchronicity of the universe.

simmering

2013-12-07T15:47:00.001+08:00

like a cauldron bubbling
not so much trouble
but maybe a potful of delight and dreams

The year of true paths is winding towards an end. So much have been learned, most in very painful ways. But I am still here, surviving the consequences of choices and random acts of courage.

There have been losses in so many ways. My head still reels when memory marches before me a string of small tragedies and disappointments and failures long enough to strangle the breath out of anyone with a weaker spirit.

But yes, I believe my spirit is much stronger than it ever was.

As this year ends what is left is clarity. It has swept through every aspect of my life and shooed away the shadows, forcing me to see.

I end this year better than I ended last year. In a manner of speaking. It is all a matter of perspective. I choose to see it as better.

bed-weather wednesday

2013-11-13T10:10:00.001+08:00

But I was up early enough to not feel hurried through the morning.

And so far my pace is quite agreeable.

I am discovering new depths of joy from working with watercolor, dip pens, and ink:

Not to mention that I am absolutely loving my return to the good ol' filofax. Updated with chronodex scheduling and inspired by John Winchester's demon and monster diary. I love the flexibility of adding and removing pages as well as rearranging them.

I am way behind my word targets for NaNoWriMo but I remain optimistic. This year's novel has been harder to shape than the first and I admit there have been too many distractions and causes of dismay (i.e. Dayjob).

I have gotten around to printing inspirational pegs for my art-making, something that has been on my to-do list for ages.

Being focused and centered, even for the things that you sorely, desperately want and love, can be a challenge in the midst of daily demands that chip away at your strength and resolve. What has been helping me through is writing. I write when I am shaken and I write when I am lost. Somehow the words help me find my way again even if it is only as far as the next tiny step. Sometimes the writing simply helps me stay afloat on the worst of days, either days of raging storms or days of death-like stillness. Between the two the stillness is the more unnerving, when nothing seems to move and you even begin to doubt if the world still breathes. I write through it all, carving paths through the emptiness, holding up the oft-flickering flame of hope that keeps my own heart alive.

sometimes all I can do is help the energies along and hope for the best

2013-11-09T16:12:00.001+08:00

So I finally got around to putting together this little wish/dream/vision altar which will be my daily reminder and focus aid.

I really want to make the most of my life and to live it meaningfully and part of that is going to the UK. London first, and then the rest of it.

It's a rather long and complex story why I am so drawn to Great Britain and I am certain I have not yet even figured out half of it.

In any case here is my simplified physical manifestation of my wish/dream.

That giant cup in the middle has my London savings fund. When it overflows I will transfer it into the home safe.

I try not to think of the logical hows. Instead I encourage myself to see the magical twists and turns that often lead to dreams coming true. I've done it once before. I know I can do it again.

all saints' day

2013-11-01T17:44:00.001+08:00

Today has been much about writing. It's the first day of NaNoWriMo and it is also day 3 of my playing and experimenting and practicing with my new nibs and inks.

With work finally slowing down to a close I can feel the weight of it slowly (excruciating slow if you ask me) lifting from my shoulders. I cannot wait to take that long holiday break as soon as I can, to stow away all work things out of sight until well into the next year.

saturday sneak peek

2013-10-26T18:29:00.001+08:00

I rested for most of the morning because I had been on the verge of falling ill the night before. The cat stared at me from the other end of the bed, probably wondering why I was still not up.

When I felt a bit better I tagged along with my parents and sister to check out a garage sale by friends who are moving out. I got myself this pair of ceramic cups which are perfect for holding my pens and highlighters. You can never have too many pens and highlighters.

I was still feeling a bit under the weather but I made myself deal with long-postponed chores that could help ease and release stagnant energies in the house. I finally got around to organizing the bedroom bookshelf.

I also finally got around to clearing and organizing the art corner (which also happens to be the room's love and relationship bagua so maybe something nice will happen in that aspect of our lives).

I have sideline/dayjob work to do and I just keep telling myself that it will all be done soon enough.

wednesday

2013-10-24T09:00:00.001+08:00

Attempts at making sense of too much information. Sitting at a cafe while waiting for a fellow consultant to work together on a project.

Had cinnamon sugar cronut and coffee. Both very good.

After the meeting I peeked at the secondhand bookstore on the way home and got pulled in and the next thing I knew I have five "new" books.

snippets

2013-10-22T09:54:00.001+08:00

No more missing pages. The gifts of daily writing are too good to miss.

I have been short on sleep because of work. Too much to do but I refuse to give up on the daily writing so I give up on sleep instead. One day I will finally be able to give up work.

Last night I read while waiting for my second wind so I could do a few more hours of work after I had done my evening writing. The second wind never came.

quick roundup

2013-10-20T11:51:00.001+08:00

Today's quickly thrown-together brunch : eggs, butter-tossed fresh mushrooms, coppa ham, chunk of gouda cheese, with arugula on the side.

It's a working weekend so it has been rough and tough.

This fluffy one keeps me smiling though.

The other day I sneaked out from working and had oden at the convenience store with my sister.

I also finally found out for myself what the fuss is all about Cookie Butter. Not bad at all.

I got myself a new stack of books because work always ups my spending mode in an attempt to console my aching heart for still having to have a dayjob that steals so much time and effort from what I really want to do.

I can't wait to have that huge chunk of time just focusing on my writing and art-making. I do feel so tired and drained. I have not had a proper vacation from work since the year started, to be honest. It has been a series of tests and trials and monster battles.

How have YOU been?

not yet

2013-10-04T21:20:00.000+08:00

It's not yet TGIF. I still have a whole day work tomorrow. Today's work went okay. But as dayjob demands go, I am almost useless at end of day. All I wanted to do was take a bath and go to bed, and that was what I did. (I am writing and posting this via mobile phone in bed.)

On a happy note, I WROTE today. This morning to be more specific. By that I mean that I wrote a portion of a story that may or may not be part of one of the stories I already have in progress but a portion of a story nonetheless. It was the beginning of a scene and I felt that it will be an illustrated kind of story. Which reminded me of my poetry books. Which pressed upon me even more urgently the need to get back on serious track with my writing practice.

useful distractions

2013-10-03T19:10:00.001+08:00

I always get a bit anxious at the beginning of any work project and today is the eve of one. Fortunately there were enough things to occupy my mind and time even as the internet constantly went on and off due to some plant trouble and made me worry about missing last-minute emails from client (there have been none so far).

I went out to buy bird seeds (in my new home my mornings are serenaded by bird song and I wish to express appreciation) and ended up having coffee with my sister.

When we got home my dad was in a home-improvement mode and we finally had the TV mounted on the wall plus I got the wall frame rack mounted as well to keep all our accessories (necklaces, rings, brooches, headbands, bracelets, and other frills).

I also took the cat for a quick trip to the vet to have his claws trimmed.

In between I read Sherlock stories.

So now I am a bit too tired to waste energy getting anxious and worried. I will probably relax even more with a cup of hot chocolate after dinner. In the meantime I will figure out what I can play on the newly mounted TV given that I have yet to apply for an extension cable and all my consoles are still in the old place.

Later.

a semblance of control

2013-10-03T15:09:00.001+08:00

So this is how my calendar and daily list look like. The digital ones at least. I have a back up little army of notebooks, notepads, and post-its to cover everything else in-between.

I have this need to see things done. I crave for tangible results. Perhaps that is why I am constantly drawn to creative arts and book writing because the output is very visual.

I love seeing checkmarks nestled happily into check boxes. Tick marks of time that tell me where my hours went. That is why it can be so depressing to realize that I have spent an hour on social netwroks and nothing really much to show for it, at least nothing that would have honestly improved or enhanced my well-being, not for that whole hour at the end of which I sometimes feel a niggling doubt about the way my own daily life is going.

Anyway, I start on a dayjob work project tomorrow and I am hoping for another pleasant success. It will be tricky and interesting since it will be my first time working in my new nook.

This is what I really want to do all day: gather inspiration and then transform some of the ideas into actual drawings, paintings, poems, or stories.

Maybe if I sort through the tedious details of preparation for tomorrow and finish it early enough I might actually have time to do what I really want.

an Artist Date

2013-10-02T22:04:00.001+08:00

After a rather long while I found myself finding time to get out of the house and do something purely to inspire myself and shake down some ideas from the slumbering shadows in my head.

I went to Heima along Brixton which is about a ten-minute walk from home. I told myself I would only look and soak in the creative energies and not buy anything. I ended up leaving with a shopping bag of goodies and a mental list of what to go back for.

I did not spend very much. Just a little. Nothing like how I would spend in a bookstore. Besides, I seriously felt that I needed a boost of creative inspiration plus some proper reward for successfully moving out and moving in and keeping the family's spirits up and positively bent.

Of course, count on me to get all fired up for creative work just before the start of a new dayjob work project, when bulk of my time is about to be taken away. I seem to have a knack for hitting upon the muse button at the last minute, just when I have to go someplace else and it could not be helped.

In any case I refuse to be disheartened by the amount of time left. The work will only take three and a half weeks, four at the most. After that I have half a mind to keeping November to myself to write the draft for my second novel, with small art projects to serve as breaks in between. As I was browsing at Heima I am reminded of how much I really love the interplay of image and words and thus I would like to strive and practice it in my creative works.

That is all I have to say for now. I write this post on my phone while tucked in bed. The very heavy volume of Sherlock Holmes awaits by my side. I hope to solve a few more mysteries before I call it a night, but to you I bid a sweet good night!

more peeks at settling in

2013-09-28T10:11:00.001+08:00

I have fully moved in with my parents and only visit the old place to transport things. I do the transporting by stages in order to manage the cleaning and fixing and arranging, especially of the tons of books that have to be re-organized into various shelves.

I gave priority to fixing my workspace/writing nook because a project is due to begin by end of next week and I really want to get seriously started on the research work for this year's NaNoWriMo. I have also decided to make my workspace more of a writing nook than a day-job workspace. Hence my "work" shelf actually has more of the happy stuff (my library of journals, writing books, notebooks) than the day-job stuff.

I also discovered that having no windows (my corner is literally a corner and under the stairs and walled in by a shelf) somehow helped me work better because I am less sensitive to the passing of the day and thus feel less resentful of feeling that I spent most hours just working on the day-job. The light is constant as if it is always early evening and I often pretend I am a hardworking detective on a mystery crime case working overtime (yes, it has a bit of that feel). Much better than enduring the daylight change from morning to late afternoon and realizing that I have been in the same spot doing the same thing.

A whole new theme and flavor for my writing nook/ work space.

in progress

a very rare selfie, and only because I want to show off the owl print that is now in my writing nook

Today's focus will be the bedroom. I hope to make progress in it well enough to be able to show nice photos. Then next on the list is the bathroom which is now much bigger and also shared with my sister. There is an unbelievable amount of possessions to sort through, combine, de-clutter.

Finding the right balance of co-existence in shared spaces is a very big deal and in that matter I count myself pretty lucky that I get along with my sister. She lives on rigid, almost obsessive but enviable well-orchestrated schedules while I fare better with a flexible day that leaves much space for maneuvering and flowing in any direction. I am more impulsive and indulgent. I am also worse at getting lists ticked off.

my odd sister. queen of calendars, schedule master.

settling in slowly

2013-09-23T14:13:00.000+08:00

DIY house moving is very exhausting and very slow. On the other hand it does not cost any money. Except perhaps for the food and beverage treats I allow myself as comfort and reward.

What did cost me money was fixing the new place especially since I have to integrate myself into an existing household instead of simply setting up a new place for myself. There were repairs and upgrades and renovations. There were color palettes to consider. There is now a roommate to consult with constantly.

Hello (Sort of) New Place...

Renovated the living room. Still in progress.

Renovated the dining room. Still in progress.

transitions

2013-09-16T09:29:00.001+08:00

I started the whole moving process late last week and it was not easy. It was physically and emotionally exhausting. As of yesterday we have finished repainting the bedroom. Today we will start arranging furniture and things to be able to fit everything, like a giant puzzle. My target is to start settling in by the end of this week so I can resume some semblance of work by next week.

I had mixed feelings all throughout. I was very sad about dismantling my independent life but I was also touched by my parents' excitement at having me home again. I was angry with the bank who cornered me into this decision and I was disappointed with the general scenario of things that left me with very little options.

At the same time I found validation on who my true friends are and how wealthy I am with the genuine affection and care of others.

I make the most of this distressful shift in my life by keeping my faith that this is a necessary turn for me. It may not seem to be the most obvious way to get to England but who knows?

Dismantling a life. Packing up possibilities.

A Puzzle of Keeping Sanity and Harmony

New Room WIth A View. Playing With Colors To Frame A New Life Chapter.

Collaborative Artists' Space. New Possibilities.

waiting

2013-09-05T11:42:00.002+08:00

This drawing is waiting for colors while I wait for Saturday.

Just two more frogs. Two more work things that need to be done and then I can begin a much-needed long work break. That means two weeks of no day-job work in any form. That means time to take care of my moving places and time to write and time to make art.

Work has been causing me pain. The fatigue stings and pumps venom into my spirit.

My tolerance for doing things that I must for the sake of paying bills has been at an all time low. I don't drag myself out of bed in the morning but I do drag myself to sit in front of the work computer and do the same old thing. Because it is the same old thing. The only difference is that I have bargained off money for time. Yet even time is stolen from me when the work had to be done because my heart is focused on something else.

That is why I need this long break. Too much of the past few months have been about making ends meet and paying bills and working too hard and not having enough in the end to treat myself. When I write or make art I don't need to treat myself even if both are actually hard work in themselves. But when I do day-job work I need to treat myself or else I might go mad in both senses of the word.

I cannot make it to this year's Book Fair but I will go to the Cut-Price Book Sale in one of my favorite bookstores. I have squirreled away a bit of cash so I can buy some books. I was saving it for a turntable but I can't think of letting go of the money without a cringe. The cash outlay is still a bit steep for me and in my case, the music can wait (a little bit more) while the books can't.

This is what I have in mind:

from Satchmi

There has been too much waiting lately. Too much.

The solution is not to wait. Of course that is what I need to do. I must not rush or be impatient. Easier said than done.

Just do what I can each day. Be happy for all the little boxes ticked off at the end of the day, even if not all the boxes get ticked off.

catching up

2013-08-23T14:27:00.001+08:00

I was greatly inspired by an artist friend who did a thousand 5x5 drawings with another artist and then they set up a small event one evening to offer them for sale. I was inspired not so much by the selling but the fact that they completed a thousand drawings.

Hence I decided to put together my own 4x4 paintings, maybe not a thousand but I am thinking of aiming for a hundred before the year ends. I will even be happy with fifty but I hope I can push myself to making more. This is my first set of six paintings. The images were done with watercolor and Derwent Inktense, the text (except for Begin) overlaid with Overgram. I intend to hand-write the final text when paint is sufficiently dry.

My plan to put up a proper art wall has been delayed given my recent decision to move house so maybe by the time I am ready to put it up there will be more pieces to play with.

My Reading Buffet, or Why I Read More Than Ten Books At A Time

2013-08-22T15:26:00.000+08:00

Ten books is an understatement. If I were to trust my Goodreads record I actually have about eighty books on my Currently Reading List. But I want to keep the number to the books I have been actively reading through for the past two weeks.

Reading multiple books naturally slows me down but just to be clear, I do get to finish them. According to my Goodreads record, again, I am 28%, or 11 books, ahead of this year's Reading Challenge.

Books are my therapy. More specifically, owning them, reading them, and highlighting my favorite passages, not to mention copying those passages and using them in my various writings. I read both fiction and non-fiction, popular as well as literary works. I am partial to fantasy and mythologies and books with magic.

But why do I read so many at the same time? Because I get impatient. And I have this irrational need to feel that I am moving along more than one story. Maybe it is a way of filling my near-absent social life, filling in my social calendar with different stories instead of different parties. But I also like pursuing a thread of thought or the urge of a mood as soon as possible. That is the impatience working. The thought or the urge could be triggered by anything. It could be a genuine need for knowledge and information that could be useful for my work. It could be pure whim or curiosity from hearing a book or an author or a subject mentioned in fils, or even another book, that has moved me in some way. Neil Gaiman gets me going on a lot of reading, helping me discovering authors and genres in the process, expanding my reading appreciation. So does Joseph Campbell and Julia Cameron.

I have this strange constant sense of running out of time. As if I am forever cramming for an exam or a graded recitation. I have this constant hunger, every single day, to learn something new or to feed myself new images and words and stories. I can feel that what I read buoy me up and help me survive every endeavor and every encounter. What I read may inspire me, or literally provide me with a nugget of knowledge that will enable me to save the day, or guide me in the decisions I have to make. Books are my lifeline. They anchor me amidst the sea of unpredictability of the everyday. They remind me of my values and set examples by which to conduct my life (Thank you, Jane Austen).

I seek the variety because it makes me feel that I am covering as much ground as I can. Who knows when familiarity with a specific subject might come in handy? I guess I also don't want to be limited to a very narrow range of topics that could severely limit my already challenged conversational skills. I make up for not being updated with current news and events by being well-versed in books. (I avoid the daily news because I avoid all the negativity and anger and vicious circles of blaming.)

I cannot be idle and not read. While I do enjoy the occasional meditative silence of being still, for most of the time I have to have a reading material of substance in my hands. A book or two in my bag plus books loaded in my smartphone and tablet give me the same comfort as a fully-loaded survival kit in a zombie apocalypse.

My reading list covers a wide range. I follow my heart which pages it wishes to explore at any given moment because that is also when I know that I will get the most from a book.

As of today here are what top my active list:

In my Kindle I have:

The Cuckoo's Calling, by Robert Galbraith
The Twenty-Four Hour Mind, by Rosalind Cartwright
Daily Rituals: How Artists Work, by Mason Currey
Writing Well, by William Zinsser
Writing To Learn, by Willian Zinsser

I love finding unexpected connections between the books I read, even when they seem so different. The important lessons gets echoed because they are important. And when I badly need some clue, a hint of budge in the right direction, my books often come to the rescue. Or sometimes, a simple line can bring a whole load of comfort when I feel most alone in a dreary endeavor and resolution seems too far away, such as this quote from Kafka:

"...time is short, my strength is limited, the office is a horror, the apartment is noisy, and if a pleasant, straightforward life is not possible then one must try to wriggle through by subtle maneuvers." -- excerpted from Daily Rituals: How Artists Work.

What's on your reading list this week?