Make A Change Blog

Rut-Busting Tip of the Week for 5/12/13

2013-05-12T08:31:00.001-04:00

Nothing happening yet in your life garden? Learn the first rule of gardening: Patience.

It takes time for seeds to send up sprouts, develop into viable plants and produce fruits or vegetables. Don’t give up without giving your efforts a chance! Make a change!

Weekend Words of Wisdom: Don't be potbound!

2013-05-11T08:00:00.000-04:00

"To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life." Robert Louis Stevenson

Are you potbound? For those of you who don’t grow plants, being potbound refers to a condition where the plant itself has outgrown its container. The result: matted, tangled roots that limit the plant’s ability to take in nourishment, grow stronger and healthier, and, ultimately, produce more of whatever Nature intended for it to deliver.

We too can become “potbound”—trapped in a situation (personal or professional)—that keeps us from becoming all that we are capable of becoming, as Robert Louis Stevenson said. But the difference between a plant’s potbound situation and our own is that the plant can’t shift itself from one container to another, while we can.

We have to take control and choose to “re-pot” ourselves, free our tangled, matted roots from the confines where we are and move into a larger space to allow for growth and development. So if you are feeling limited and restricted, don’t blame the “pot” (i.e., the situation). Instead, pick up your “roots” and move to a bigger space where you can explore your potential more fully. Make a change!

Rut-Busting Tip of the Week for 5/5/13

2013-05-05T11:59:00.000-04:00

Before you begin planting your “seeds” for your life harvest, get your garden in order.
Clean out weeds (negative thoughts) and stones (people and things that get in your way) and add appropriate soil enhancements (resources to help you achieve your goals). Make a Change!

Weekend Words of Wisdom: Focus your energies on your life garden

2013-05-04T11:24:00.000-04:00

“Il faut cultiver notre jardin”—“You must create your own garden” Voltaire (from “Candide”)

It is all well and good to be inspired by other people's accomplishments. Sometimes, what moves us from thinking to doing is recognizing what other people have achieved.

But other times, that approach backfires. We see the successful entrepreneur, the prize-winning first-time author, the friend who snags the job or gets the pay raise that we wish we were getting, and we think, "Why bother? That will never happen to me!"

We choose to believe that they have some extra "in" with Fate that we didn't receive and so we throw in the towel and give up. We leave our "life garden" unplanted, or, if we have already sown some seeds, we walk away and let them die from neglect.

While it's true that some people may begin with more fertile soil or a patch cleared of rocks and weeds, they still have to make the effort if they want a healthy and productive crop. So even if your little plot of land (i.e., your life) is full of challenges, don't let that stop you.

Till the soil, plant the seeds, create your own garden!

Rut-Busting Tip of the Week for 4/28/13

2013-04-28T08:00:00.000-04:00

May is just around the corner. Get ready for the new month!

Give your psychological "nest" an update by choosing one bad habit to “sweep” out the door to make room for a new one! (Need more help? Visit MotivationalWellBeing.com!) Make a Change!

Weekend Words of Wisdom: Make a space for change to occur

2013-04-27T08:00:00.000-04:00

“I think we all have a little voice inside us that will guide us. It may be God, I don't know. But I think that if we shut out all the noise and clutter from our lives and listen to that voice, it will tell us the right thing to do.” Christopher Reeve

Interior designers tell us: If your house is too cluttered, you won’t be able to update it and make it a fresh new space. Too much "stuff" means nothing useful or better can come in.

If your mind is too "cluttered"—filled with outdated thoughts, negative recollections that should have been tossed years ago or disruptive emotions that hinder more positive ones form entering—you won’t be able to create a new fresh psychological or emotional space.

This month, think about all that you are storing inside, and make a choice: does it stay or does it go? If it doesn’t benefit you, make you a better person or allow space for new opportunities to flourish, dump it ASAP!

Rut-Busting Tip of the Week for 4/21/14

2013-04-21T08:00:00.000-04:00

Tax time is over — at least for this year! Celebrate “Renew Your Nest” Day on 4/22 by sorting through all those old files and cleaning out what you no longer need.

Use this IRS guide for individuals and this IRS guide for small business owners to decide what to keep and what to shred, but be sure to check with your accountant and financial advisor too! Make a Change!

Weekend Words of Wisdom: Relationships are living things, changing as time changes

2013-04-20T08:00:00.000-04:00

“People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.” Audrey Hepburn

So the relationship you're in--with your spouse, your child, your parent, your friend--has undergone a significant alteration because the other person has changed. What do you do? Are you willing to take a fresh look at the terms and conditions that exist between the two of you? Or do you try to hold on to the past by rejecting the present and future? Can you make an effort to reinvigorate and refresh the relationship--and, along the way, refresh your own thinking about what the relationship is supposed to be?

People change, but when it comes to relationships, we expect that the person we loved ten years ago is going to the same person today. And to some extent, we want it to be that way because it's easier, in a world that seems so full of uncertainty, if everyone sticks to their appointed roles.

But that's not going to happen. The parents we depended on to be strong and capable become old, and now may need us to shoulder some of their burden. Our children are no longer looking at us as the ones who had all the answers but instead are formulating not only their own answers but also questions that we never considered. Our spouses may look at their lives and decide that who they are is not who they want to be, which starts the change process. Our friends change--their interests and desires alter, their lifestyles are modified, their goals are redefined.

When you see a shift in a relationship, don't automatically decide that it's over. Instead, step back and take a clear, fresh-eyed look. Are you holding on to the past terms because you don't want to make any changes in how you relate to that person? Can the relationship be saved, perhaps even improved, by accepting the changes? Or is the change too great, too different, too much in opposition to what you are looking for or are willing to accept?

Only you can answer those questions. But you owe it to both of you to consider them carefully.

Rut-Busting Tip of the Week for 4/14/13

2013-04-14T08:25:00.000-04:00

Get ready for “Renew Your Nest” Day on 4/22! If it’s warm enough, plant some spring flowers. Otherwise, bring home a potted plant and enjoy the gift Mother Nature brings.

(Plants can also counter the negative effects of electromagnetic energy, according to Jayme Barrett, author of Feng Shui Your Life . Read her tips on my blog, The Writer’s Place. Make a Change!

Rut-Busting Tip of the Week for 4/8/13

2013-04-08T08:00:00.000-04:00

So you want something different, some better outcome, something more than what you have? Then you have to do something about it!

Celebrate “Renew Your Nest” Day on 4/22 by taking a look at what you have been holding on to and deciding what should stay and what needs to go. Mental, physical, emotional “stuff” can weigh you down and stop your progress.

Clean up your space! Make a Change!

Renewing your spirit through meditation—Tips from Greg Malouf

2013-04-06T08:30:00.000-04:00

In need of a way to refresh your thinking and and create a more positive approach to life, but your fears, anxieties and worries are getting in your way? In this month's guest post from Greg Malouf, you'll learn how meditation can give you a positive shift in your approach to life and help "clear the clutter" that is holding you back.

A little about Greg... the founder of Epsilon Healing Academy, Greg shares the many lessons he has learned to help others find their life’s purpose and, in doing so, live their dreams. He's the author of Silent – The Power of Silence and The Thoughtless Series. (For more information, visit his website.)

What’s So Great About Meditation?

by Greg Malouf

Greg Malouf

Whether you are seeking help for a specific problem, wishing to relieve stress or anxiety, or simply want to improve your overall health and well-being, meditating is an excellent way to help you achieve your goal.

Yet, if just the idea of sitting quietly still with a blank mind makes you squirm, you are not alone. While the practice of meditation has been embraced by people from all walks of life, many find it challenging or simply don’t understand the benefits. Beginners are often discouraged to find that this simple practice is not necessarily easy.

One of the main principles of meditation is clearing the mind of all thoughts. This can be difficult. Most of us live in our heads with a constant voice reminding us of to-do lists and the endless stream of things we worry about. Or seemingly mundane things pop into our heads because we are unaccustomed to – and a little uncomfortable with – the idea of being still and opening ourselves up to a deeper truth.

It’s no wonder that one of the main reasons people give up on meditating is the inability to


Silent--The Power of Silence

quiet their thoughts. Perhaps it would be helpful to understand how meditation works and why the process of quieting your thinking mind is so important.

The incessant thinking that most of us regularly experience comes from the ego-self, the part of us we create to help us deal with what we perceive to be the difficulties of life. The ego-self is our protection. It keeps us from being vulnerable by preying on our fears around acceptance. If we think we will be hurt in some way, we won’t allow ourselves to engage authentically with others, therefore keeping our true selves out of harm’s way. This causes us to worry about how we appear to the rest of the world – if we’re good enough, worthy enough – so we struggle to hold onto what we have and work constantly to have more: more money, more love, more security – all to gain acceptance from others. Clearly, this is an imperfect system!

We’ve allowed ourselves to believe that everything we need comes from outside us. As we accumulate more and more our need only grows because, ultimately, what we are searching for is acceptance, and we will never truly find that from others. The only acceptance that can ever bring us sustainable joy and peace comes from within.

The practice of meditation silences the relentless chatter of the ego-self that tells us we are not enough and that we always need more to compensate for our imperfections. When we are able to silence that voice, we connect to our inner Self and to all the truths that connection reveals: We are perfect in our imperfection, we already have everything we need, and all experiences are blessings because they teach us about ourselves, each other and the universe.

Meditation takes practice. After years of relying on our ego-self, we have many ingrained habits that cause us to think and act in certain ways automatically. Unlearning those habits takes some time, but it is well worth it!

When you are beginning a meditation practice, keep in mind that there are no rules.

Start small – five or ten minutes at a time (or whatever you can manage) – and build from there.
Don’t worry if you can’t stop your thoughts completely. When a thought comes up, simply acknowledge it and let it go.
Be aware of your breathing; use your breath as an anchor.
Try a guided, yet simple meditation to help you direct your awareness away from your own busy thoughts by bringing to mind a particular image that inspires you, or simply be aware of your breath in those few minutes.
Allow yourself to relax and be comfortable. Acknowledge any tension, pain or discomfort you feel and gently release it as you exhale.

Even with just a few minutes of meditation a day, you are sure to experience a positive shift in your perspective. Negative energies, thoughts and feelings begin to fade. The reason is because we block outside noise and for those few moments connect to the silence and stillness of our inner space. At the end of these few precious moments of ‘you’ time acknowledge any changes in your feelings. In this way you will begin to be aware of how meditating calms the mind and frees the body.

Once these negative energies are removed from your body and your ego is silenced, you are freed up to experience positive loving energies from life. You are ready to accept all that life presents -- the good, the bad, the challenging with renewed strength and hope. It is your inner Self connection that is permanently connected to spirit or the omnipotent universal energy of all life that allows this to occur. Acceptance is the path to freedom and complete life abundance.

The more you do, the easier it will be. The more you silence the ego self and connect with your true inner Self, the more you will experience sustainable peace and joy.

And remember, it is only your ego-self telling you that can’t do it because you’re too busy, too restless, too whatever…

Rut-Busting Tip of the Week: Stop Talking and Start Doing!

2013-03-25T08:56:00.001-04:00

This month we celebrated "Jump-Start Day" — a day when we stop talking about what we want to accomplish and start actually doing something about it.

So with that in mind, here is your “Rut-Busting Tip of the Week”:

Take a look at your life plan, your goals list, that wrinkled New Year’s resolutions paper and choose one objective to focus on this week. Now, come up with one task or activity you can do in 30 minutes that is connected with that goal and do it!

Then come back here and tell us what you did!

Are you raising the bar?

2013-03-23T19:15:00.000-04:00

Weekend Words of Wisdom: “Celebrate what you’ve accomplished,
but also raise the bar a little higher each time you succeed.” Mia Hamm

You set yourself an objective and, after much effort, you reached it. You lost some weight. You saved some money. You got a promotion at work or a new client for your business.

Wonderful! Take some time and celebrate your success and then — raise the bar a little higher. Try a little harder. Look past where you are to somewhere further down the road and then get moving.

It's too easy to relax, rest on our laurels and figure we can coast for awhile. The trouble with that is that we run the risk of being passed by others who are still hungry, still eager, still committed to achievement. Worse, that sedentary attitude can become so ingrained that we not only don't move forward but start sliding in the other direction.

Be proud of what you've done but don't stop setting new goals.

Finding your life balance with guest expert Mary Molloy

2013-02-11T08:00:00.000-05:00

As I have already discussed in previous posts, balance is the key to, well, just about everything, from physical health to emotional wellness to psychological fitness. We know balance is important, and yet many of us struggle with it: at work, in our private lives or in both areas.

That was why, after reading her book, Design Your Own Destiny: Life Planning for the21st Century, I invited Mary Molloy to share her insights here at the Make A Change blog. A little bit about Mary — she's a speaker, life planner, business owner and award winning author, who knows how to communicate strategies that lead to success. She has that special perspective that powerfully expresses how people can see their own potential and reach their goals and dreams. As she said in the interview, "I do believe that many people are definitely not living the life they want."

If this sounds like something you are struggling with, then read along and benefit from Mary's knowledge and experience! (For more about Mary, visit her website.)

Mary Molloy

So tell us, Mary, what inspired you to write Design Your Own Destiny? Do you believe that people, more often than not, are not living the life they want, or perhaps don’t even know what their life mission is?
After having worked with so many people on their career and life plans, many told me that they needed a written process to follow. My clients requested that I write this book for them and for others.

I do believe that many people are definitely not living the life they want. The current data is that 50-60% of Americans are not happy in their current jobs and that 70% of Americans will change their work as soon as the economy picks up. This is not only a US statistic. It is also true worldwide.Combine that with the pressure that many people are feeling in their work/life balance and you quickly come to a majority of people who are not living the life that they would like to lead.

Many highly successful people – both from a business and a financial point of view – are looking for something more. They are wondering why they are here on this earth and what their overall mission is.

I found it interesting that you emphasized that a life plan is not just for one area of your life but is an integration of all areas — a truly holistic approach to finding your mission. What are the key areas that we need to look at?
Look at your core values, your talents and your joys in life. Look at the overlap of them and figure out how these gifts can benefit not only yourself but others. We each have been given gifts. YOUR gift is special – it’s a combination of your talents and who you are. By looking at your gifts, your joys in life, your mission in life and your dreams, you can figure out how to make an impact on your world.

What role does balance play in designing your destiny?
Think of a very wobbly chair. You can sit in it but it’s not comfortable – you’re always trying to shift it to bring it back to a usable state of balance. If you fix it, you will be less distracted and discomforted by the wobbliness of the chair. You will be more comfortable and will be able to focus better. The same is true of our lives. The better in balance we are, the easier it is for us to function and focus. We not only need to keep our personal lives in balance but our work lives as well because many times our personal lives “bleed” into our work lives and vice versa.

We hear a lot about finding your focus, and concentrating on what you want to achieve. And while it can be important or even necessary to put our full attention to our goal, is there a risk of that behavior then making us “out of balance” in other equally important life areas?
Definitely. Think about the people who go completely overboard on work to the point that they have no personal life whatsoever.

Also think about the people who focus so much on the drama in their lives and very little on their accomplishments; they then wonder why they have so little to show of their lives. It’s all about balance and it’s all about deciding what is important to YOU and what you want to be, do, say and accomplish in your life.

In your book, you talk about self-talk, and how it can be a form of self-sabotage. Do you believe we even hear what we are saying about ourselves and our future, or have those thoughts just become a kind of background noise? How can we first increase our awareness of what we are saying to ourselves, and second, make it more positive, affirming and encouraging?
A lot of times it’s background noise that people have learned to ignore. Sometimes this “noise” gets instilled in childhood. That’s why I do the “self talk” exercise with people. They can hear what they’re saying. Once they hear it, I then want them to reflect on it – especially the negative self talk. It’s interesting. We often will forgive others so much easier than we forgive ourselves. This is a process. I ask my clients, “If/when you catch yourself in negative self talk, STOP and ask yourself if this is really true. Are you being fair to YOU – as fair as you’d be to your best friend?” If they’re not being fair to themselves, I ask them to reconsider what they’ve said and rethink their views of themselves.

I’ve often heard people in their forties or older talk about the dreams they had and then dismiss them, saying they are “too old” to think about them now. Are we ever too old to pursue our life mission?
No one is “too old” for a life plan or an assessment of what they want to do with the rest of their lives. If you’re dead then you’re too old or it’s too late!

In your experience working with people, do you find that they have difficulty articulating their core values? Why is it so important that we know what our core values are?
Core values are what you believe and what you think is truly important to you as a person. They do not easily change from time to time – situation to situation – person to person. They are the underpinnings of who you are and what is important to you. They are what you stand for. Looked at this way, core values are absolutely important for each of us to think about. What values are SO IMPORTANT to you that you won’t compromise on them so easily? AND if you are in a situation that requires you to compromise on them, can you do it? Should you do it?

Handling stress effectively is such a big challenge for many of us. I know when I am stressed, my whole system — physical, mental, emotional — is completely out of balance. In your book you describe the Drain/Gain exercise. Can you tell us what it is and how it works?

Design Your Own Destiny

In my book, Design Your Own Destiny, I go into great detail on the Drain/Gain exercise. It is a great way to release and channel energy to yourself. You start it by imagining that you are on a beach at low tide. Smell the salt air and feel the tide pulling at your feet.

Now DRAIN the negative energy from your body starting with your head. Once you have drained the negative energy then you reverse the process to bring in positive energy to yourself.

You GAIN and do this by imagining that you are a tree with roots and branches that raise up to the sun. Bring in health, happiness, peace, love, joy and abundance of all good things. While you are bringing in the energy, you can enlist the help of a deity or a loved one who has died to further spin the energy to you. There are a lot of benefits and nuances that come from this exercise. It is extremely powerful.

One of the questions I like to ask my guest experts is what they learned from working on their book. In your case, was there an area in your life that was out of balance before you started working on Design Your Own Destiny? What did you learn from writing your book?
My life was both in and out of balance as I was writing Design Your Own Destiny. I’ve been through many losses in my life and the most significant one was the death of my beloved husband, Michael. We were together 30 years. He died during the long process of writing this book. When Michael died, I realized how out of balance I was with my grief. I used the balance tool on myself all of the time to see how I could counterbalance my grief. Eventually, I worked my way through the grief though I will always have a piece of “me” missing with the loss of Michael.

Now, I check to see if I’m “in balance” or “out of balance” often and if I’m out of balance, I figure out how to bring myself back into balance. In writing my book, I contacted many people for whom I did life plans. I was amazed at how their lives progressed and how the Universe fulfilled their dreams – but sometimes not in the way that they had thought it would happen.

One woman always dreamed of teaching children in her life’s dream. Now she teaches adults in ways to bring out the “child within.” So this is what I always knew but was reinforced so much further - the Design Your Own Destiny process works. It’s like a cookbook. You follow the steps and you can create your own powerful life plan to live the life of your dreams. The process is useful and it’s effective.

I learned that the Universe has given me the opportunity to give the gift of this process to those who wish to hear my voice and use this approach. The message is simply this: “You CAN create a powerful life plan and you CAN live the life of your dreams!”

What are the three key takeaways you want people to understand about being in balance and creating a workable life plan?

Your life is a work in progress. You can create a powerful life plan at ANY stage in your life.

Once you create your plan it’s important to measure it to see where you are. It’s important to see if you need to adjust certain things to get you to where you want to go quicker, easier or more effectively.

Don’t just create your life plan and put it in a drawer. This is YOUR LIFE. It’s important! Look at your plan every now and again and adjust it if need be.

Once you achieve your dream (and many people have) create a new dream and design a new life plan to make it happen. You’re never too old and it’s never too late. Your life’s plan is not over until you die – and even then, who knows? – maybe it’s not over even then!

Is there anything else you would like to add?

Please visit my website, to download a free Sample Life Plan. You can also take a free Life Balance Self Health test to see how “in balance” you are! Also, please connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and Pinterest. I would love to hear from you all!

To all Nancy’s readers and mine: May you always live the life of your dreams!

Thanks, Mary, for being part of the Make a Change blog!

Happy Birthday to me!

2013-02-06T08:23:00.000-05:00

On a purely personal note, today is my birthday, and for the first time in years, I will be celebrating it with my father. Our plans are to go out to dinner (nothing extravagant—just a good meal at Davidson's, a great Italian restaurant nearby) and then back home.

I've already heard from my son Joe via text, and last night, my girlfriend Itala called and invited me to her yoga class next week as a post-birthday treat. And I accepted, even though it means leaving my office and work mid-morning.

And I already had had an early birthday treat with my other friend Donna at the Mocha House on Monday. (Mmm, chai and a slice of decadent raspberry mousse cheesecake...)

Balance... It's all about balance.

Despite a snowfall last night, I won't have to shovel my drive (I guess that's Mother Nature's present to me!) and the roads are clear enough that I can go out for my morning walk without worrying about ice. So, so far, the birthday is going well!

My birthday present to me? Focus on everything that is going right instead of stressing over whatever setbacks may occur. Enjoy the moment instead of worrying about what might be coming down the pike. Breathe deeply and be at peace.

Love and balance and all those things that are good for us

2013-02-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

February is the month when we focus on love — showing our love for the people we care about, and even to the world in general, in tangible and intangible ways. (Download my Calendar of Change for February for some ideas!) But —and this is a big “but” so pay attention! — we shouldn’t get so wrapped up in loving other people that we forget to love ourselves. We shouldn’t spend so much energy giving others what they need that we shortchange our own figurative bank account.

And that’s where balance comes in — a subject that is dear to my heart because I, like so many of you, have a hard time staying in balance. Metaphorically speaking, I tend to be the tightrope walker who is always one step away from losing her footing.

In my case, the twin obligations of family and work are the two factors that most affect my equilibrium, and the past five months have been no exception. If you’ve been following my posts, you know that my 90-year-old father had a heart attack last August, followed by a double bypass. As a result, I spent most of the first two months with him in Florida before I was able to bring him up here to my home in Ohio to finish his recuperation.

Add to that stress and worry the grief I felt at the loss of my dear sister-in-law, who had finally succumbed to the illnesses she had been plagued with for years. Toss in some unexpected major household repairs and a workload that seesawed between being almost too much to handle (I know, how dare I complain!) and not enough to keep a canary alive, and it’s no wonder that I ended up woefully, dangerously out of balance.

I knew that — but knowing it and doing something about it are two different things. Oh sure, I continued to do a few things for myself: work on my fiction (although all I could allot for it are 30 minutes a day, first thing in the morning, before life takes over!) and maintain my morning workout schedule (yoga followed by a two-mile-plus walk). In the case of the latter, however, while it used to give me the opportunity to focus on the beauty of my surroundings or mentally play with certain plot issues in a short story I was writing, now it had become a “hurry up! you have things to do!” time, which rather defeated the purpose. I would come back as stressed as when I set out.

Ah, stress... the enemy of mental, emotional and physical health. I knew I was feeling its effects. There were warning signs: nightmares or middle-of-the-night awakenings, eating too much or not at all, feeling out of sorts physically, but the last straw came when my usually low blood pressure started to creep up, in some cases even passing the normal range.

Since I had no intention of having a heart attack or stroke, I knew I had to figure out what I could do to bring things back to a healthy normal. And I decided, given that February is also my birth month, to give myself the gift of balance.

Notice, I did not say I am going to try to get back in balance. Or that I am going to focus on finding my balance. Nope. That sounds like work and obligation.

Instead, I am giving myself the gift of balance. Each day, I am going to unwrap a “balance present” that is just for me. And the pleasure will come in discovering what brings me into balance.

For instance, with everything else going on, my friendships have gotten short shrift. I can’t tell you the last time I went out with my friends for dinner or to a movie or just to hang out. So one of my “balance gifts” is to spend time with each one of my friends, individually, so we can focus on each other. (Are you paying attention, Dorothy, Itala, Gert, Donna, Lisa and anyone else I missed?)

Another “balance gift” is to do something new, with people I don’t know: take one of the group hikes at Mill Creek MetroParks or go to an event scheduled by an area social group or see what’s happening at my library. Speaking of libraries and books, I'm going to read something — not because I have to for a magazine assignment or because I am interviewing the author for my blogs but just for the heck of it.

And I started the month off by buying myself a beautiful potted Iris Reticulata (Harmony Mini Iris) to remind myself that, even in cold times (literal and figurative!), life and hope can still be waiting to blossom.

Obviously, I need to come up with more ideas but you get the picture. So now, as my Valentine gift to you, I invite you to examine your own life “tightrope” — the one you walk every day — and analyze whether your footing is sure and certain or if you’re a wee bit unsteady or unstable, thanks to too much stress and not enough attention on your own needs.

If the latter is your case, as it was in mine, show yourself some love this month by doing what you need to do to regain your equilibrium. Put yourself on the “love list” — you deserve it!

Happy 2013!

2013-01-01T08:00:00.000-05:00

It's a fresh year, and we all have the chance to make a fresh start: dump the bad habits, make some better ones, and set new goals. And when it comes to setting goals, there is that tendency to be all gung-ho initially and then, when the enthusiasm, excitement and novelty wears off, to start letting the plans slide and the goals shift farther away.

We don't mean to, we tell ourselves. It's just that it's so hard to stay on track. There are so many other obligations and details and requirements that we might just have to shelve this particular goal just for a little while. But we'll get back to it, we promise ourselves. Just as soon as we have some time.

Uh, huh. Well, hate to break it to you but the odds on having "some time" are slim to none. If you have a goal — a real goal, not just a dream or fantasy or "wouldn't it be nice if" idea — then make a commitment and stick to it. Even on the days when it's challenging or difficult or downright almost impossible.

Go For It!

And here to give you some extra help and advice is John Tassone, author of Go For It! A Practical Guide To Success for Everyone (Cypress House, 2011). A long-time insurance agent (he's been in the business for more than 40 years), John knows all about the importance of setting goals and sticking to them as well as the importance of keeping a positive outlook on life in general. (For more information about John, visit his web site: www.JohnTassone.com.)

As he explains,"Today’s world is characterized by negativity. Too many people have lost sight of the positive. I want to teach people how to refocus, stay positive, and reach out for a better life. I wrote Go For It! to help those who read it feel better about themselves and the world around them. This book wasn’t written by some distant millionaire, but by ‘a regular guy’ who’s been in the trenches fighting the battles that life presents to all of us.”

When I read John's book, I just knew that his words would be just what we need January 1st. So I invited him to share some of his motivational thoughts with the rest of us, to get us inspired and ready to make 2013 the year we want it to be: one filled with goals achieved and successes attained!

John Tassone

When I read your book, and in particular, your story of your successes and setbacks, I was struck by your continued commitment to your goal, even when it appeared that things weren’t quite working out how you desired. What kept you going during those difficult times when your plan was to open your own agency but the financial support wasn’t initially available?
It’s in my make up. I never believed in total defeat. I always knew that, even if I never got to my goals, I would have moved forward and would wind up in a better place than I was. I knew that if I didn’t believe and didn’t try, I would never go anywhere.

I love the reference in your book to the fleas in a jar experiment, where they ultimately quit trying to escape after encountering the lid. You use that as an example of what people do, saying that “People are conditioned to believe that reaching for the golden ring is not for them, it’s for someone else. They’re told that they can’t do it [the verbal 'jar lid], and it’s drummed into them enough so they that they believe it.” How can people evaluate their thoughts and expectations to determine if they have been conditioned for failure or are settling for mediocrity rather than striving for success?
It’s all in the mind of the person. If a person really wants to better himself, and I say “really wants to,” because you have to really want to in your makeup and not just say you want to, then he must constantly evaluate himself each day to see what was done that day to elevate himself closer to his goals. A person can slip into negative conditioning without even knowing it, but by looking at yourself each and every day and evaluating your progress it becomes easier to detect when you are slipping. Then you must recharge yourself with positive thoughts for the next day.

Along those lines, you also say that “People are conditioned to accept their lives as they are, and to be content with being just mediocre.” Why is that? Do you believe we are becoming, and are raising the next generation, to be mediocre, average, run-of-the-mill?
Unfortunately there are many people who are content being just mediocre. They never see themselves as being better and don’t believe they can. Some people are just lazy and would rather let the other guy do it. Bettering yourself and believing you can be better and doing the things necessary to get you there, can sometimes be hard work. Some people don’t want to work. This is why there are leaders and followers.

When I was growing up I was raised to know that I could reach for the golden ring. I don’t see this in a lot of people today. They are content to be mediocre. However, these are usually the same people who complain and blame others for their failures.

The idea that a person “who dwells on the good and positive side of things is the person who usually becomes successful” almost sounds trite and Pollyanna-ish. Does that mean that we need to ignore the unpleasant aspect of a situation and just keep our eyes on what is working? How do we know when we have reached a stage in the situation when we should decide that’s it’s time to quit?
I do believe that people who dwell on the good and positive side of things are the ones that usually become successful. I don’t think that is “trite.” In life you will always have unpleasant things happen. You don’t ignore them, but instead you handle each situation as it happens. By handling negatives and unpleasant things and trying to take whatever positives you can from them, you become stronger and more positive.

If you have a goal, I don’t believe you should ever quit. Just know and understand that you may never reach the goal but in the process of working towards it every day, you have gained ground and put yourself in a better place than when you started. Sometimes the better place is the payoff in itself.

In your own experience, you have faced many challenges and setbacks that someone else might have taken as a sign to rethink goals or re-evaluate choices. What kept you going? What are some general criteria the rest of us can use when evaluating situations that aren’t going according to plan?
As you know, I faced many challenges, setbacks and even tragedies. There were times when I just wanted to give up. I knew, however, that giving up would end whatever dreams I ever had. I wasn’t stubborn, I was determined. I was raised to believe that if someone else could do it, why couldn’t I? The only criteria I can offer is that each person must believe in themselves and recharge themselves by reading motivational books, attending motivational meetings, or just talking with people who are positive and motivated. In my book, I describe in detail what people can do to stay positive.

You make the point that “you don’t drown by falling in the water — you only drown by staying there” and that when events outside of your own control transpire, you have to keep a positive attitude and move forward. Can you share an experience in your own life when something similar occurred to you, and you really had to struggle to overcome a sense of “drowning” as a result of the event?
The hardest event in my life was the passing of my daughter. It came unexpectedly and without warning. I felt like I lost my stomach and for awhile I just sat staring into space. In my case, other people depended on my leading them so I realized I had to somehow swallow my grief, at least on the outside, and do the things that would help everyone around me to move on.

You are very focused on people having a firm sense of self-belief, belief in what they are doing and belief that they will succeed. I’m thinking especially about those people who are facing financial difficulties and/or employment issues because of the economy or recent natural disasters. It can be hard to have self-confidence when you have been beat down and are exhausted by the struggle to just stay afloat, so to speak. What advice do you have for people so they can boost their level of self-confidence?
I understand that due to the economic climate we live in today and people who suffer from natural disasters, financial difficulties or employment issues, will cause many people to want to just give up, and I’m sure many will. There is no one good answer I can offer except keep believing that things will get better and keep seeing a picture in your mind of a brighter future. If you just give up, then you have lost.

Remember, the history of our country is filled with bad economic times and tragedies and disasters, but when things sometimes seemed the darkest and hopeless, we have always risen and came back to live better and more prosperous times. It will happen again. You just have to have faith and belief that it will and belief in yourself that you will be in a better place when it all turns.

In your book, you say “You can be positive and enthused and believe in yourself, but if you don’t have a goal, you will not get very far in your chosen career… When you have goals, good things happen.” Ask most people and they will be able to tell you what they want for themselves, what they hope to achieve, what outcome or change they desire. But are they mistaking dreams or fantasies for goals? What is the difference?
Everyone who wants to better themselves must have goals, and yes I think if you don’t have goals you are just existing and not moving forward. Goals should be realistic and there should be a lot of small goals that you can shoot for and obtain. When you reach a goal, you feel accomplishment and have a positive feeling which will help you reach your next goal more easily.

Don’t mistake goals with dreams or fantasies. You don’t want to say, “My goal is to have a million dollars.” The million dollars can be an ultimate goal but there should be a whole lot of lesser goals that can bring you there step by step. Remember, attaining goals means working towards them. Working towards them means exactly that, “work.”

You also emphasize the importance of starting right now, rather than waiting for the “just right time.” Do you think people tend to procrastinate because, in their heart of hearts, they really are afraid of making the change, of working toward the goal, of failing in their quest or possibly, even of achieving it? What questions do they need to ask themselves to identify what is holding them back from taking the first step forward?
I believe that if you want to do something, why wait? Yes, people procrastinate because in most cases they are afraid of failing. Time goes by fast and people get older every day, so if there is something you want to do, go for it. I don’t advise anyone to quit their job to try something new, but instead start pursuing it part time. Get a taste and a feel of what it is. You may find it’s not what you thought and you might change your mind. On the other hand, you might find it easier to obtain than you originally thought, and now you are that much closer to it.

You wrote that “there are three types of people in the world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened.” For those who fall in the latter two categories — and would prefer to be in the first! — what are three steps they can take right now to shift their position from watcher and wonderer to doer?
All the advice my book offers. Find what you want to do, learn all you can learn about it and then take a step by step approach to achieving it. Believe in yourself, have faith, stay positive and most importantly set your goals and work your butt off to reach them. By just following this advice, you will be making things happen.

Interestingly, you say it’s not enough to formulate goals but you also have to decide you are going to reach them. One would think that would be obvious but judging from the number of people (myself included) who have what I call “green goals” — we recycle them year after year! — we clearly fail in the deciding part of the process. What tips do you have for us to overcome that flaw in the overall plan?
You must condition your mind to think about your goal all the time. You must eat, breath, and sleep it. If you think about it constantly, your thoughts will become second nature and you will find yourself doing things that bring you closer to that goal. Many people set goals but never “decide” to achieve them, because they really don’t want to bad enough or they really don’t think they can.

Set a goal, believe you can achieve it, see it in your mind’s eye, and “decide” this is what you want, and that you will do whatever it takes to achieve it.

You talk about the importance of conducting regular nightly evaluations. What are the key questions to ask when judging the day’s performance, and what should we do after we complete the assessment to make the next day more successful?
Review your daily performance each night. Are you pleased with yourself? Did you do all that you could have done that day? If you were your boss, would you be happy with your performance? If you answer no to any of these questions, then make the necessary corrections the next day, always with your goal in mind.

Your statement “If you want to accomplish something that others say can’t be done, you will have to be ignorant of the fact that it can’t be done, and just do it” — how do you square that with seeking out expert opinion and advice? And is there a time when we should accept the fact that what we want can’t be done?
I don’t know if there is ever a time when we should accept the fact that something can’t be done. We wouldn’t be living in the world today with all the things we have if all of our predecessors felt that way. If there is something you want to accomplish, and you believe you can do it, don’t let the naysayers and doubters and negative people trip you up. Just decide you are going to do it and go for it.

You stress that it takes stamina to achieve goals and take a plan from concept to reality. But we live in an era where everyone wants quick overnight results. What are some useful strategies to keep feeling like we are in fact moving forward, even when it seems like our goal is still far off?
Again, the nightly review of your day should tell if you are gaining. Even if it’s only a little bit, it’s a gain. Yes, today too many people want results overnight. You have to be patient and keep working. Things may not happen as quickly as you want them to, but they will happen.

I found what you wrote very powerful: “They say opportunity knocks on everyone’s door at least once in his or her life [and] you have to be ready for it. But what if opportunity doesn’t knock? Are you going to sit there and wait? … The weak wait for opportunities; the strong make them.” How can we make our own opportunities?
This question reminds me of the many people I have met who went into business, had their business cards printed, and then waited for the phone to ring. It doesn’t work that way. You have to get out and let people know who you are and what you’re doing. If there is something you want to do, then get out and make it happen. Let everyone know who you are and what you do. If you see enough people, you will make your own opportunities, and good things will happen.

What are the three key takeaways you want people to understand about achieving success in life?
The three key takeaways I would mention are first of all know that having money doesn’t necessarily make you successful. To me, success means a lot more than just money. As I explain in the book, I believe you are successful when others seek you out for your knowledge, your opinions, your wisdom and expertise. When that happens, the money usually follows. So whatever it is that you do for a living, strive to be the best at it and learn all that you can.

Secondly, I would say to strive to believe in yourself, always stay positive, know that you are somebody and a good somebody at that, work hard at what you want every day, honestly and with integrity.

Finally, always have a goal. Not only set the goal but decide you are going to reach it, and then work hard and do whatever it takes to reach it.

Is there anything else you would like to add?
I would like to say at this time that my book, Go For It! is a book written from the heart, with the sincere hope that people who read it will benefit from its knowledge and wisdom. I don’t claim to be an expert on anything. I have just had a lot of life experiences. Go For It! has something for everyone. Whether you work in a factory, a retail store, the trades, or the sales profession, you will find something in the book that may not only help you, but help make you more money.

There you have it — advice on how to go for it in 2013!My thanks to John for sharing his wisdom and experience with the erst of us.

Now it's up to you. What goal do you want to achieve? What steps are you going to take to reach that goal? And when are you putting your plan in action?

Seasonal Suggestion for 12/31/12

2012-12-31T08:33:00.000-05:00

Here's today's seasonal suggestion to add some cheer to the holiday!

Making your New Year's resolutions? Besides the traditional self-improvement oriented ideas, choose one dream you have wanted to pursue or one talent you have underutilized. Make a resolution to devote time each week in the coming year to following your dream!

What's your idea?

Seasonal Suggestion for 12/30/12

2012-12-30T08:31:00.000-05:00

Here's today's seasonal suggestion to add some cheer to the holiday!

Today — and all the days going forward — give yourself the gift of awareness. Don’t let your mind and heart and spirit become so overwhelmed by all those “big things” in life that you miss out on all the small ones: the fragrance of a flower, the beauty of a sunrise, the sound of a child’s laughter, the touch of a loved one, the taste (literal and figurative) of all the goodness that life has to offer.

What’s your idea?

Seasonal Suggestion for 12/29/12

2012-12-29T08:26:00.000-05:00

Here's today's seasonal suggestion to add some cheer to the holiday!

Don’t just throw away all those greeting cards you received during the holiday season! Instead, donate them to the St. Jude's Ranch for Children.

What's your idea?

Seasonal Suggestion for 12/28/12

2012-12-28T08:23:00.000-05:00

Here's today's seasonal suggestion to add some cheer to the holiday!

“On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…”

Be inspired by this familiar holiday carol, but instead of focusing on getting something, think about giving, and turn it into the 12 months of 2013 instead of the 12 days of Christmas.

Pick a charity or cause that you support and believe in, and each month in 2013, do one thing to support it: make a financial donation, volunteer your time and talents, use the power of social media to promote its events or activities.

What's your idea?

Seasonal Suggestion for 12/27/12

2012-12-27T08:21:00.000-05:00

Here's today's seasonal suggestion to add some cheer to the holiday!

Feeling a bit of post-holiday letdown? Was the day not quite what you had envisioned or hoped-for? Too often we allow those Norman Rockwell visions of what the holiday was supposed to be cloud us to what it is — this time, this year. It is only later, when we look back, that we realize what we missed while looking for what wasn’t there.

You still have time to appreciate the value of this holiday season. And if you can’t find it, then maybe you are looking in the wrong place.

What's your idea?

Seasonal Suggestion for 12/26/12

2012-12-26T08:00:00.000-05:00

Here's today's seasonal suggestion to add some cheer to the holiday!
Ah, the post-holiday retail insanity…

If you have to shop (or return items) on the day after Christmas, resolve before you leave the house that you will be patient. Even if the line is long. Even if someone cuts in front of you. Even if the parking lot is filled with drivers who take up more than one space. Even if…well, you get the picture.

If the events in Newtown have taught us nothing else, it is that life is too short to care about insignificant things like long lines, rude shoppers or bad drivers.

What’s your idea?

Seasonal Suggestion for 12/25/12

2012-12-25T06:41:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas!
Here's today's seasonal suggestion to add some cheer to the holiday!

After the gifts have been opened, the food has been eaten, and naps have been taken (by kids and adults!), ask family members to identify one intangible “gift” they have received during the year —a reminder that the best presents don’t come from the store, but from life itself. (Spending the holiday alone? Create your own "gifts received" list!)

What’s your idea?

Seasonal Suggestion for 12/24/12

2012-12-24T06:38:00.000-05:00

Here's today's seasonal suggestion to add some cheer to the holiday!

Regardless of your age, you’re never too old to leave a note for Santa. What non-material “gift” do you want St. Nick to bring you this Christmas: peace for your soul, love in your heart, forgiveness for what others have done to you or you have done to yourself?

Write it down and then tomorrow, after the gifts are opened, take a moment to look at your “wish list” and decide what you can do to make your “gift” appear.

What’s your idea?