Make A Change Blog

Make the choice to make a change

2012-01-29T08:00:00.002-05:00

“Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make,
both consciously and unconsciously.” Robert F. Bennett

Are you really aware of all the choices you make?

Case in point: I rarely have candy in the house but over the holidays, chocolate kisses made their way into my home. I thought I could control the temptation but somehow, the day would end with a pile of foil wrappers on the side table.

Did I consciously choose to eat chocolate, even though it wasn’t exactly part of my diet plan? Or did my brain take a little holiday while my fingers did the walking in the candy jar?

What about you? Are there times when you do first and think later, when your decision-making process is on autopilot, when the consequences hit home and you ask yourself: What was I thinking?

An occasional mental drop-out isn’t going to be cataclysmic but when it becomes the norm, rather than the exception, the outcome can have detrimental effects on your life. Plans will get derailed, results will be less than desirable and goals will go farther and farther away.

Disable that auto-pilot and take charge of the decision-making process. Each morning, decide on one area that you will assume control over and then consciously choose to act in a way that supports your goals and plans.

It’s up to you to create the life you desire by making the decisions that support that goal.

Are you striving for more or settling for what you have?

2012-01-22T08:00:00.002-05:00

“The minute you settle for less than you deserve,
you get even less than you settled for.” Maureen Dowd

Let’s face it. Sometimes the idea of coasting can be tempting. Maybe we have lost some weight — not as much as we would have liked but, hey, at least it’s something. Or we are being a little more mindful of our spending — sure, we still go off the deep end on occasion but hey, at least it’s not as often as before. We’ve decided against getting more education or improving our skillset because, after all, we do have a job and we’re able to get by.

The problem with coasting is that, sooner or later, the decline turns into an incline and we have no momentum to get us up the hill. Worse, we start sliding back down, and whatever miniscule progress we made is eclipsed by the setback we’re now experiencing.

The bottom line? We need to push ourselves to do more, to exceed our present standards, to develop new abilities. We need to ask more of ourselves because we deserve more.

If there are areas in your life that you wish were better, take a look in the mirror at the person responsible for the current conditions. Then ask that person: What are you going to do about it?

It’s up to you to make the change!

On your “life ship,” are you the captain or the crew?

2012-01-15T08:00:00.007-05:00

“I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.” Louisa May Alcott

If you’re like most people, you started the year off with a slew of resolutions. And maybe you even thought you’d achieve one or two or even three of them.

Well, here we are mid-month. Now tell the truth, have you made one step in the right direction? Have you done one thing that advances you to your goal? Or are you waiting for that magic moment when your time is free, your path is clear and you can put your energy toward the intent?

Guess what— it ain’t gonna happen. If you are waiting for your time, you have a long wait. You need to make the time, commit to the plan, take the helm and steer your life ship in the right direction. Otherwise, you are just a member of the crew, letting Fate or chance or whatever direct your move.

Yes, it’s a little scary to put your hand to the rudder and enter unfamiliar waters. And when you see storm clouds gathering on the horizon, you may want to sail back to the safety of port.

But if you do that, you will never build the skills you need to reach your destination. So strap on that life jacket, grab your compass and head out to the open waters!

Interview with Sheri Riley, creator of Exponential Living L.L.C.--Part 2

2012-01-08T08:00:00.026-05:00

"Not living in our true P.O.W.E.R. is what keeps us from living 100% of who we are." Sheri Riley

We are back with Sheri Riley, founder and chief partnership strategist of GLUE Inc., and creator of Exponential Living L.L.C., a concept that focuses on creating holistic life balance. (For more information, visit her website at www.exponentialliving.com.)

Change Coach Nancy: With all the stress in our lives today, how can we find the time to explore these other aspects of ourselves? Why is it important that we do so?

Riley: Everyone is given 24 hours a day and, if we are blessed to continue living, time is going to move forward. What we do with this time is a daily decision for us. The answer to this question is very personal.

What I do in my coaching is work with people on how to do a better job of managing their time and what they spend that time on. We all have available time, but we just need to reassess our priorities, learn how to maximize what we have, and evaluate what we do in terms of our life choices.

For example, many women believe they are achieving more by multi-tasking. Although this is often true, there are many situations were multitasking is just taking on more than you really have to do. It can lead individuals to be busy but not productive.

Change Coach Nancy: What physical, mental and emotional benefits can result from living a more balanced life?

Riley: In today’s “go, go, go” society, everyone’s attention span is shorter, things have to be done faster, and we are inundated with information 24/7. In creating a life balance, we allow ourselves the time we need to recharge and rejuvenate. We are able to engage in more activities that we ENJOY doing and not just focusing on what we HAVE to do. This decreased physical and emotional stress reduces the mental and psychological strain.

Before I fully engaged my 9 Methods, I never slept through the night. I woke up every two to three hours and ALWAYS woke up in the morning tired. When I began doing more activities that I enjoyed, which allowed me to laugh more, made physical activity a mandatory element of my day, and disconnected from technology at certain times during the day, I began to sleep better, feel more energized, and had an enhanced positive temperament.

Change Coach Nancy: In your handout, you offered nine tips for realizing greater life balance, joy and fulfillment, one of which is Live in Your P.O.W.E.R ™ (Perspective, Ownership, Wisdom, Engagement, and Reward). Do you believe that majority of us fail to tap into one or more of these five aspects? What is the consequence of that failure?

Riley: Yes, I believe that most of us are not tapping into all five aspects. Many people are engaged in several of these aspects, but they are not maximizing them. Living each day with perspective, ownership, wisdom and engagement provides a balanced, rewarding life.

Start each day with at least 15 minutes of quiet time to meditate, think, reflect and recharge BEFORE checking phones and social media sites or even talking with our spouse and children. This is an opportunity to think more clearly about our day and be alert to the opportunities that are presented. This means taking ownership of choices and having a positive, forward thinking mindset, which will open us up to the wisdom inherent in this ownership.

Not living in our true P.O.W.E.R. is what keeps us from living 100% of who we are; it minimizes our life’s joy; and it cause stress, unhealthy, and unhappy living that sees us experiencing only 10% of who we are as individuals.

Change Coach Nancy: Method 5: Stop Working So You Can Maximize Your Opportunities reminds me of my June 1 Change Day: Recognize Your Accomplishments. Both focus on taking time to see how far we have come, instead of looking at how far we have yet to go. Why is this so critical?

Riley: This is so critical because it allows us change our mindset from living a life based on “what we HAVE to do” to “what we want and love to do.” Most of us love our careers and jobs, but we spend our days working to get our “to do list” completed versus fully enjoying the experience of maximizing each opportunity that is presented.

This renewed perspective removes the “drudgery” from our daily lives and allows us to live fully in the positive appreciation of the daily joys that we experience. Being grateful for what you have accomplished instead of being upset about what you did not get done is the best way to feel good about your life.

Change Coach Nancy: What are the key takeaways you want people to understand about achieving a balanced life?

Riley: Balance in your life is not something you achieve; it’s something you believe. Achieving balance is being present in, and maximizing, every moment. Balance is not an external destination in your life or day that you achieve by what you mark off your “to do” list; it is a state of mind about the quality of your life. It is something you establish by pursuing peace within yourself, being present in the moment, and not dwelling on the past or stressing about the future. Achieving balance is a victory over time rather than a short-term success.

One definition of balance found in the dictionary is: “mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior judgment.” Most people are pursuing something they have never defined. What balance means to one person is different to another.

One of the first steps in creating more balance in your life is defining what is important to you and what balance means to you. Balance is achievable once you accept that it’s not a destination you reach, but it is the accumulation of the choices you make.

~~~~~

Thanks so much to Sheri Riley for her valuable insights on how to create a balanced life. This month, make a change in the direction of achieving psychological and physical equilibrium!

Welcome to my readers from India!

2012-01-02T08:28:00.003-05:00

Having just received the Indian version (published by St Paul's -- go to http://www.stpaulsbyb.com/byb_book_find.php) of my book, The Gifts of Change, I want to invite my Indian readers (as well as everyone else!) to post their comments and thoughts--about the book itself as well as about the subject of change.

What aspect of change do you find the most challenging?
What changes have you implemented and how has that altered your perception of yourself and your abilities?
And what changes do you plan to make in 2012?

I look forward to hearing from you!
Nancy Christie

Interview with Sheri Riley, creator of Exponential Living L.L.C.--Part 1

2012-01-01T08:00:00.015-05:00

"Balance in your life is not something you achieve; it’s something you believe." Sheri Riley

The new year is here, bringing with it the opportunity for fresh starts and new beginnings. And for most of us, an ever-present and ongoing goal is to have a balanced life. But with everything that’s on our plate at work and at home, that’s easier said than done.

As part of celebrating Make a Change month, I’ve invited Sheri Riley to give us some tips in achieving a balanced life in 2012. (Stop by on 1/8/12 for part 2 of the interview!)

Riley is the founder and chief partnership strategist of GLUE Inc., a strategic consulting firm with clients including Converse and CVS/pharmacy. Having a background working with the industry’s top achievers, Riley strives to motivate, teach and inform via her second role as creator of Exponential Living L.L.C., a concept that focuses on creating holistic life balance.

(For more information, visit her website at www.exponentialliving.com.)

Change Coach Nancy: How did you come to develop the Exponential Living program?

Riley: Throughout my career, I have worked with celebrities and other high achievers, creating successful marketing campaigns and brand partnerships. During this time, personal relationships with these clients were established from growing trust and confidence, which allowed me to coach them in aspects of their lives not related to business.

Most of these individuals have very few people who they can trust, who understand their lifestyle, and who can provide insight and direction on their life choices. Since I have been doing this as a secondary career, it made sense to now make it my focus. I like to say that “I Champion Champions.”

Change Coach Nancy: Who would be a good candidate for this program?

Riley: The Exponential Living Program will benefit all high achievers, which I define as anyone who strives daily for excellence in their personal and professional life. High achievers are not just the individuals whose names we recognize, but it also anyone who is applying their all in their respective field of interest. It can be a stay-at-home mom or a CEO of a Fortune 500 company. There are nine methods that assist and guide individuals to a more balanced life and lifestyle.

Change Coach Nancy: What did you learn about yourself as you developed this? Did the process drive you to make any changes in your own life?

Riley: The reason it has taken me so many years to launch the Exponential Living Program is that I had to live each method before offering these to others. Honestly, I have just worked through Method 8, The Courage to be Faithful, which has allowed me to now begin my own Exponential Living.

I have definitely made significant changes and experienced exponential growth cycles just by applying these methods to my own life. As I have developed this program, I can truly say that I have been my own number one client.

Change Coach Nancy: Do you consider yourself a high achiever? Do you believe that you had “untapped potential and unrealized dreams”?

Riley: Yes, I am definitely a high achiever, and I do have “untapped potential and unrealized dreams” that are the focus of my own Exponential Living strategy. Writing books, doing more speaking engagements, and launching the Exponential Living Program are specific areas that I am just now beginning to fully maximize.

Change Coach Nancy: You have said that “successful people spend the majority of their time on one area of their life where they excel, but perpetually feel unfulfilled.” What sets up this scenario and how they can correct it?

Riley: Many factors have set up this scenario. First, these people have become very successful in their respective fields, and this is usually the area of their life that generates their income or life’s resources.

Second, since they are such high achievers in a particular area, this is what most people expect from them.

Third, they spend the majority of their time where they are most successful because this is a comfort zone that makes them feel safe, yet unfulfilled.

They can correct it by having the courage to start expanding their activities so that they can enjoy 100% of who they are, beginning with the hobbies or activities that they love but never do.

Another way to correct is to disconnect from their phone/email/social media sites for set times throughout the day. This is the time where they can focus on things they love rather than just using all their time and energy on something that is work-related. These things are also time-suckers and usually involve looking at pictures or status updates where other people are talking about what they are doing that they love while the person reading them is simply living vicariously through them instead of getting out there and doing the same.

Change Coach Nancy: Is this a problem only for high achievers or, in general, do you believe that we only use a fraction of our potential?

Riley: I believe this is a universal problem. Everyone can easily fall victim to focusing on work, incomes, bills, and day-to-day issues and, in the process, lose track of their own potential, unrealized dreams, and activities they love.

Change Coach Nancy: How can we identify our “untapped potential and unrealized dreams”?

Riley: Ask yourself these two questions: What would you be doing if money was not a factor? And, if you had two months to live, what would you do during that time?

What these two questions do is to help identify what’s most important to you and what you would LIKE to be doing with your time. For many people, they are doing things that pay the bills and that they are skillful at doing, but they spend very little time, if any, on what they are passionate about or what is a natural extension of who they are as individuals.

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Thanks to Sheri for these insights and check back next week when she brings even more valuable information to help us achieve our goals!

And a very Happy New Year to all of you!

Give yourself the gift of health

2011-12-25T08:00:00.007-05:00

“Create joy in your life. There’s nothing better.” Marcelle Pick, MSN, OB/GYN NP

Whether it’s Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or whatever holiday you celebrate, along with all the fun and festivities, chances are you’re feeling a little stressed, strained, weary or just plain worn out. And January 1^st is just around the corner!

Not to worry. Our guest expert this week is Marcelle Pick, MSN, OB/GYN NP, author of The Core Balance Diet and Are You Tired and Wired?: Your Proven 30-Day Program for Overcoming Adrenal Fatigue and Feeling Fantastic Again, with advice on how to give yourself the gift of health by making changes that will lead to a healthier new year!

(For more information, visit her website at Women to Women.)

Change Coach Nancy: The holiday season is supposed to be a time of joy and happiness but too often, it is a source of stress and anxiety. What are some of the common causes of “seasonal stress”?

Pick: Seasonal stress can be the result of overbooked schedules, a to-do list that feels overwhelming, disrupted sleep patterns and eating irregularly, as well as eating more sugar and fats.

Many times during the holiday season, we just try to do too much, we expect too much from ourselves and we bite off more than we can chew. Do you really have to make those cookies? Is there something you can say no to? During this very busy season, many people have difficulty setting good boundaries.

Change Coach Nancy: Do men and women respond to stress differently?

Pick: Women seem to have higher expectations of themselves. Men seem to be able to roll more easily and don’t seem to have as much difficulty saying ‘no.’ Women may often be repeating the roles their mothers or other important women in their lives took on. Only today, women are doing more than ever – working more than full time, taking care of children, volunteering, putting effort into their relationships, sometimes caring for aging parents, and on and on.

Change Coach Nancy: What are some effective ways we can keep our stress level under control?

Pick: Set good limits – be realistic about what is enough, take time each day to relax – whether it’s meditating, meeting a friend for tea, walking, or a bubble bath. Find something that really helps you unwind and recharge every day.

During very busy times, it may also be helpful to set aside time each day to plan out your day. I know people who take five minutes every morning to prepare for their day and others who take time every evening to create a list for the next day. It doesn’t matter when, or if you use a list on one of your mobile devices or on plain old pen and paper – anything that helps you stay organized and therefore relieves stress works!

Change Coach Nancy: Good nutrition is so important but with the holiday cookies and party foods, our food intake becomes heavily slanted toward high fat/high sugar/high sodium/high alcohol items. What are some tips for eating healthy during the holidays?

Pick: Even when you’re very busy, it’s important to eat at regular intervals throughout the day. Keeping your blood sugars stable will help keep your energy high and will also help you make good choices. Eat protein at every meal and when you can, balance protein with higher carbohydrate foods. For instance – if you’re at a dinner party, have some cheese or shrimp cocktail before a sugar cookie. It’s all about balance!

Change Coach Nancy: For many of us, winter can be a challenging time to work out, with ice, rain and snow interfering with outside activities. What are some strategies to keep ourselves in shape during the winter season?

Pick: Now’s the time to try something different! Perhaps a new class at your local gym or fitness center – or grab a friend and walk the mall! I use some wonderful DVDs and change them out every day.

When you’re inside, you can keep things fresh – make yourself a priority and plan for it. Exercising in the morning may work best – if it’s the first priority of the day, then it’s sure to get done.

Keeping active during the winter months will not only benefit you physically but will help keep your mind sharp, your muscles strong, and can keep the ‘winter blues’ away.

Change Coach Nancy: How do you deal with holiday stress?

Pick: I find that self-care is the best thing I can do. When I exercise and eat well, I know I can accomplish everything I want to do. I also plan ahead – I keep good lists and keep my calendar up to date. Knowing what’s coming allows me to stay on track or move things around when I need to. I also keep a list of everything I have done – it’s so important for me to see what I’ve accomplished.

Change Coach Nancy: In your book, Are You Tired and Wired?, you talk about adrenal fatigue. What is that?

Pick: Our adrenal glands help our bodies deal with day-to-day stress – periodic stress which goes away. For instance, you forget to set an alarm clock and wake up late. When that happens, our adrenal glands produce cortisol which gives us our ‘get up and go’ in this situation.

However, in today’s mile-a-minute world, many times people are pushing themselves beyond their limits. Putting too many things into a day, a morning or an hour and not having any down time – sometimes even when we think we’re relaxing, we’re checking e-mails, texting, or working on our ever-present mobile devices. We aren’t giving ourselves time to recharge and reenergize.

My book talks about the different ways in which people feel this – some are tired all the time, some are wired all the time, and some just can’t stop. There are easy to follow menu plans, delicious recipes, and easy to implement lifestyle changes and recommendations for self-care.

Change Coach Nancy: Are women more prone to adrenal fatigue than men?

Pick: Women expect so much more of themselves. Not universally true, but women tend to take on the ‘taking care of’ the people in their lives. Men who experience adrenal fatigue can follow the same plan to take care of themselves

Change Coach Nancy: Can you give some quick ways to identify adrenal fatigue?

Pick: When someone is experiencing fatigue and a good night’s sleep just doesn’t help, a full check-up is indicated. When blood work is normal, all other causes have been ruled out, and if that person has experienced periods of prolonged stress, then adrenal dysfunction should be evaluated.

Change Coach Nancy: What are the three key takeaways you want people to understand about handling stress effectively — not only during the holiday season but also in the coming year?

Pick: Good nutrition is a key factor in helping your body cope with stress. Eating good quality foods, eating regularly, and limiting foods which may have a stressful effect on your body (sugar, gluten) will help you. Your energy will be higher, your thinking clearer, your immune system will be stronger, and you’ll be more able to take on life’s challenges.

Staying active is also key. Exercise not only helps relieve stress and maintain a healthy weight, but it also helps build healthier bones and muscles.

Lifestyle changes are also very important – for instance, taking an Electronic Sabbath one day per week. Turn off e-mail, texting and mobile devices. Savor the quiet. Declare one hour before bed ‘quiet time.’ Turn off the TV, meditate, read for pleasure, or listen to music. Create a self-care ritual – whatever that is for you. Create joy in your life. There’s nothing better.

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Give yourself the gift of health by implementing Marcelle’s tips ASAP, and then add more lifestyle changes to your New Year’s Resolutions list. Make 2012 the year for a happier, healthier and better you!

Best wishes for a wonderful holiday and a fulfilling new year!

Give yourself the gift of volunteering

2011-12-18T07:00:00.001-05:00

“It is more rewarding to watch money change the world than watch it accumulate.” Gloria Steinem

This time of year, the spirit of charity and goodwill to all fills the air. We are motivated to do something to help those in need, perhaps because we realize how easily we could become “a person in need,” perhaps because we appreciate what we have and want to show that appreciation by giving: of our time, our money, ourselves.

And the fascinating aspect of this giving is that we receive something in return. By doing for others, we give ourselves a gift as well. Giving is good for spirit — it renews us and makes us feel connected to those around us.

If you are filled with the spirit of giving, but not sure what, where or how to give that spirit a tangible form, then the insights provided by Robert J. Rosenthal, this week’s guest expert, will provide some useful insights.

Rosenthal is the Director of Communications at VolunteerMatch, the Web’s largest and most popular volunteer network, and a frequent public speaker on volunteering, nonprofit organizations, and technology. His specialty is the intersection of communities, communications, and helping to get people inspired to make a difference.

(For inspiring stories about volunteers, go to Volunteer Spotlight)

Change Coach Nancy: Now more than ever it’s critical that non-profits and community organizations receive donations. But with less money to donate, people may be looking for other ways to help, such as volunteering their time. What should people keep in mind when considering volunteering?

Rosenthal: The most important things to think about when you're considering volunteering is how much time do you have available and what kind of activities would you like involved in. However, even the questions about time commitment is less important these days because there are so many different kinds of ways to volunteer. There are short-term half-day activities, 15-minute online activities, year-round volunteer board opportunities, and everything in between. So many varieties, in fact, that what really matters is how much time you have available… not whether there are opportunities available.

The other question is, What kinds of activities do you want to be involved in? It’s so important to really think about what kind of skills you have to offer and, of course, what kind of environment you want to be volunteering in. Do you want to do what you know best, or try something new? Do you want to work from home, or go to an office? How about going outdoors? We suggest people start with the idea of volunteering their skills. That's because the average hour of skilled volunteering is worth so much more than the average hour of an unskilled volunteer.

Change Coach Nancy: What are some of the benefits one receives from volunteering?

Rosenthal: The biggest benefit that comes from volunteering is that you feel like you're making a difference. There are so few opportunities in daily life to really get the feeling we are part of the solution. That we are reaching out to other people. That we are connecting in a meaningful way with institutions that support our communities. Studies show again and again that the sense of feeling like you're making a difference is the number one outstanding benefit people experience when they volunteer.

Of course, there are so many other secondary benefits too. The biggest have to do with other people. You can make new friends, you can develop professional contacts, and you can even fall in love while volunteering.

And let's not forget the professional benefits of volunteering: you can learn new skills. You can develop leadership skills. You can even network with people who may one day be able to hire you. Or you can meet folks who can recommend you to somebody who can hire you.

And did I happen to mention that volunteers are usually healthier as well? Studies show that people who volunteer report better health, better attitudes and a stronger sense of personal well-being than people who don't volunteer.

Change Coach Nancy: Are there volunteer opportunities for families as well as for adults? What are the benefits of engaging in volunteer work with family members (for instance, your children or parents)?

Rosenthal: There are definitely lots about opportunities to volunteer with families as well as other groups of adults. Our Advanced Search page at VolunteerMatch allows you to check off whether you’d like to be part of group, or if you’d like to volunteer with families or with kids.

Volunteering together as a family is a way to create a new tradition of giving back in a meaningful way that also brings the family together. How many opportunities do we have to do something together as a group with our families that also has a great benefit for society? It’s pretty clear that volunteering is a special activity.

Change Coach Nancy: What are some of the misconceptions people have about volunteering?

Rosenthal: There're so many misconceptions about volunteering! If I had a quarter every time I heard one — especially from reporters! — I would be a rich man. The biggest misconception about volunteering is that it's some form of old traditional activity… the kind of activity your grandparents or great-grandparents might've done when they volunteered. But just as every other facet of our lives have been transformed by technology and new ways of thinking over the last generation, so too has volunteering completely exploded.

Today it really has very little in common with the old form of service. While there still are ways to volunteer to put together direct-mail pieces, lick envelopes, or sell flowers, at VolunteerMatch we also have more than 60,000 other opportunities that will blow your mind.

Change Coach Nancy: How can a potential volunteer determine where he/she would fit best in the organization (for example, out front vs. behind-the-scenes)?

Rosenthal: We actually have a great free web training that we now offer for volunteers to help them figure out where they fit in. The best way for a potential volunteer to determine where they will fit in an organization is to take a critical look at him or herself. What inspires you to help out? When are you at your best? What kind of work do you enjoy? How closely do you want to work with others? Do you want to feel like you are helping people, or the planet, or both?

Also, what causes do you care about? Volunteering organizations have missions, and that means that they are dedicated to changing the world some way. How would you like the world changed? Chances are, there are organizations that share your interests that also need volunteers.

Ultimately, knowing yourself is the first step to ensure a great fit. Smart organizations put the most relevant information into their VolunteerMatch listings. If you know what you are looking for, you'll find it in the listing, or if you don't, you move on to the next listing and see if it's there.

Change Coach Nancy: How does VolunteerMatch work?

Rosenthal: It's very simple. Just come to VolunteerMatch, type in a few words that indicate where you live and the kind of activity you want to be involved in, and you'll be surprised what results come through when you click the Submit button.

The secret sauce is the fact that more than 80,000 different nonprofit organizations are putting their listings into VolunteerMatch system throughout the year. That means the more you know what you're looking for, the more likely you have you'll find something that's going on right now.

Change Coach Nancy: What are some reasons (if any) why someone should not volunteer?

Rosenthal: You definitely shouldn't volunteer if you don't have time to volunteer or if you haven't asked yourself what kinds of volunteer activities do you want to get involved in. The worst thing you can do is leave an organization hanging when they've planned for your commitment. And the last thing you want to do is start a volunteer role under the pretense that you could learn how to do that work when in fact you didn’t have the required talents or skills to tackle it.

Change Coach Nancy: What are the three key takeaways you want people to understand about volunteering?

Rosenthal: Well first: volunteering isn't what you thought it was. There are so many other ways to volunteer these days.

Second: it's really easy to find something great. That's what happens when so many nonprofits are actively looking for people just like you.

Third, know thyself. It really is the most important component of making sure you increase the odds of you having a great experience. If you don't know what you're looking for, you can't expect to find it.

Finally VolunteerMatch really is where volunteer begins. Why not get started today?

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Thanks to so much to Robert Rosenthal for sharing his knowledge and advice on the value and importance of volunteering. This season, open your heart and find the time to make a difference — somewhere, somehow.

Every little bit helps, and every act of generosity lights another dark corner of the world.

Give yourself the gift of a positive holiday experience

2011-12-11T08:00:00.001-05:00

“Joy is not in things, it is in us.” Benjamin Franklin

We want the holidays to be joyous, fun, full of love and laughter. We want everybody to get along, to appreciate the opportunity to be together. We want this to be a “Norman Rockwell” celebration, the kind we will remember for years to come.

Unfortunately, all too often what we want isn’t what we get — partly because of family tensions and partly because we are all real people with real worries, not people in a painting.

But that doesn’t mean we should throw up our hands and “bah, humbug!” our way through December. There is a way to make the most of the season, and Kathleen McIntire is here to help us find that way.

A transformational teacher, speaker, and healer dedicated to bringing forth truth, liberation and awakening, McIntire is the author and creator of Guiding Signs 101, a set of divination cards and Guidebook using everyday road signs to tap into your intuition and own inner guidance.

She is also the steward of MoonBear Sanctuary in Northern California and a leader of sacred journeys with women. (For more information, visit her websites: Soaring In Light and Guiding Signs 101.)

Change Coach Nancy: What are some of the reasons why it can so hard for us to simply enjoy the holidays? Do we have unreasonable expectations?

McIntire: The holidays are a time for the sacred. To find the sacred we need to be able to go within and to hear to listen. We need some stillness. We need to be connected to our hearts and to people that we love. We need to create some spaciousness so we can enjoy what is there. We must feel refreshed to truly enjoy something. If we are exhausted, no matter how incredible something is, we can’t fully take it in.

I say all of this because, when I look around me, I see a society where exhaustion is the norm. We’re always busy, always obligated, always running from one event to the next. Life has become this endurance race. So when we stop for a minute to “try” to experience some joy, we can’t. We’re too distracted by our pounding heart and our aching muscles, and we’re already too worried about the next leg of the race.

I’d have to say our holiday expectations are not unreasonable. What is unreasonable is the pace we have to sustain the rest of the year—the pace that’s making the holiday peace and joy we long for nearly impossible.

Change Coach Nancy: You say the S” words—“supposed to” and “should”— are the problem when it comes to holidays. How can we get those two words out of the holiday vocabulary and what do we replace them with?

McIntire: We need to bring what is unconscious up into our consciousness. This is the first step. A good way to do this is to simply make a list. (I love making lists. It really gets me focused.) Get a piece of paper and fold it in half vertically. On one side of the paper write down the things you do because you are “supposed” to do — things you do from a place of duty. On the other side of the paper write down the things about the holidays that make your heart sing and make you feel alive and joyous.

Then decide to eliminate at least one thing from your should list. Remember you can start out with baby steps. Maybe this year you’ll forgo sending out the usual mile-high stack of holiday cards. Next year you can tackle breaking the news to Aunt Gladys you aren’t coming to her annual Christmas dinner-slash-criticism fest!

So that’s the “no” list. I believe you can’t give a wholehearted “yes” until you can fully say “no.” And that brings me to the “yes” list, the “from the heart” list.

Take the thing that brings you the very most joy and figure out what can you do to make it even better. Perhaps it is simply allowing yourself to take a nap beforehand so you feel nurtured and rested and can fully take it in.

If you’re not sure what brings you joy, here’s another exercise that can help. Ask yourself “If I was given the job of creating the perfect holiday for me what would it look it?” Get a piece of paper and set the timer for 10 minutes and write as fast as you can, stream of consciousness. Read what you came up with. How can you make that into a reality? What are small steps you can take now to create that?

Change Coach Nancy: While we’d all like to have "Norman Rockwell” holidays, with everyone full of love and good cheer, all too often this is the time when family conflicts take on a life of their own. What are some tips for defusing those types of situations when they occur, or effective ways of heading them off at the pass, so to speak?

McIntire: Assuming you’ve decided not to run off to an island this year, come up with an intention for the holidays, an intention for being with your in-laws, for being with your family. Get clear on your intention. Maybe it’s “My intention is to exude love for the people in my life.” Notice the intention is not “to endure Aunt Gladys’ criticism or let my brother make me feel inferior or argue with Uncle Frank about politics.”

An intention is the foundation on which all actions and interactions are built. It is like a magnet. It will draw certain experiences and emotions your way. Be conscious on what your intentions are so you can attract only positive, joyful experiences and emotions. Otherwise, your unconscious will bring up old beliefs that may not even be true as to who you are now or who other people are.

And of course, if despite all your positive intentions, Uncle Frank starts in on the “loopy Democrats” or the “greedy Republicans” (or whomever his personal scapegoat may be) you can hold your intention in your mind and heart and simply smile lovingly and refuse to engage in the negativity.

Change Coach Nancy: When change has occurred (moving, marital breakups, loss of a loved one), it can be particularly difficult to find a way to celebrate the holidays — especially if certain traditions are no longer an option. What are your suggestions for handling those first few holidays, making the most of them even though they are different from years past?

McIntire: Don’t pretend. Let yourself feel the feelings instead of resisting them. By fully feeling, you can move through them. When you resist them, they are always there. Perhaps have a little ritual. Ask yourself: What do I miss? What am I angry about? Feel the feelings first and then get them down on paper. Then build a fire and release them to the fire with gratitude. Let them burn away. Get a paper and write down your dreams and how you would most like to feel. Give that to the fire in gratitude too. (If the thought of fire makes you nervous, you can always dig a hole and bury them in your garden or flower bed instead!)

Instead of waiting until the holidays are upon you, you make some plans ahead of time. Look at what makes you happy. Is there favorite music you love, a certain path in the woods you like to walk? Who are the people that nurture your heart? Get out all your favorite CDs, or bundle up and walk the path, or take a road trip to visit the friends you love the most.

These are the practical steps you can take. But in a larger, more philosophical sense, you can become aware of your need for outside forces to fill you up, for other people to love you and fill the void. The secret is that it is all an inside job. How can we love ourselves? How can we forgive ourselves? How can we be kind and gentle to ourselves? How can we give ourselves love and nurturing?

It is not true that to love ourselves is selfish. Because only by truly loving ourselves can others love us. The outside is a mirror to what we feel and believe inside. What gift can you give yourself?

Change Coach Nancy: For those who are on their own, what are some ways they can still create a meaningful holiday, versus trying to pretend that “it’s just another day”?

McIntire: One way is to look at what you really love and what would bring you happiness on the holiday. I love candles and music. Going to an evening service where candles are lit in the dark and everyone sings “Silent Night” touches my heart deeply.

I love going to a midnight mass. Singing devotional music from India and practicing Kirtan brings me immense joy and makes me feel like I am “home” to the deepest part of myself. For me, it doesn’t matter what religion is being practiced or what the outer form is. What matters is that place in my heart that gets touched. Sacred music lights that flame in my heart.

Also, find some way to be of service to others. What do you love to do that is in service? Do you love to feed the homeless? Do you love to help out at the local animal shelter? If you don’t know because you’ve always been too busy to serve — just listen to how sad that sounds! — this holiday season might be a good time to start.

Change Coach Nancy: When it comes to gift-buying, often we equate the cost to the emotion we feel for others, which can lead us to over-spend. What are some other ways we can “share the love” without breaking the bank?

McIntire: Here are a few tips

Have a get together with a small group of people you truly love, where there is a real connection between your hearts. Instead of buying presents for each other, take turns honoring one person at a time. You can have a special chair with a beautiful cloth on it and it can be like a throne. One person sits there. The other people take turns saying what they most love about that person, what gifts they see in them, what they most wish for them.

Do a Native American Potlach or “giveaway.” You can do this with a group of people you know very well or one you hardly know at all. I have done this with classes I have facilitated, where we have met as a group for an extended period of time and gotten to know each other. Also, I am leading a group of women to Guatemala for three weeks and we will be there over the holidays. It is a new group and we are all doing this for Christmas day. The KEY thing is you bring a gift from your home, a gift that really tugs at your heartstrings. It should be something that you truly love and that is hard to even think of letting go of.

My aunt who is one of the dearest people ever in my entire life, passed away a few years ago. She loved me my entire life unconditionally. After she passed, her children gave me this little figurine of a mother image carrying a big gold heart in her arms. I treasure this so dearly as it reminds me of my aunt and the love we shared. I am thinking of bringing this as my give-away because I love it so much it is hard to part with it. When it is hard to part with the item, you know you are on the right track!

You wrap your gift before you bring it. When you get to the Potlach you place all the gifts in the center of the room or on a table. You draw numbers and whoever draws “one” is the first person to choose a gift. They choose a gift and open it and then share what that present means to them. Then the person who gave the gift comes forward and shares what that gift meant to them and to their heart. Profound synchronicities show up in what is given and received. It is really a beautiful expression of love.

Give the gift of humor. We have started a tradition of giving what we call a white elephant. For several months, we are on the look-out for the most hideous, garish, silly, horrible thing we can find from a thrift store for just a few dollars. This is done the same way as above. The person drawing “one” starts and the person who gave the gift goes next, either taking something new or taking something someone already has. The items people come up with are so hilarious we sometimes laugh until we cry. It is so much fun!

Change Coach Nancy: Tell us a little about your Guiding Signs 101 cards. How do they work? Can they be of particular use during the holiday season?

McIntire: Guiding Signs 101 cards are fun and playful, and at the same time, the messages hold deep wisdom. Here’s why they’re so important: We are bombarded by small and large decisions constantly. The cards help you tune in and make wise decisions. They are a mirror to what is going on inside of you or to the specific question you are asking them. So they are specific to you and to your questions or concerns.

Also, they bring about authentic sharing with spouses, families and friends. Children and others can spend vast amounts of time on computers or watching TV and they can become “shut off” from the people who love them most. The cards provide a fun tool for opening conversation to what is going on within each person. You can simply ask “What is my road sign message for right now?” Each person takes a turn doing this and shares what the card they chose means to them in their life right now. I have a friend with two sons age 11 and 13. The family played with the cards the other night and the boys loved them. It brought forth connection and closeness and great conversations.

Certainly you can use them during holiday gatherings. But you can also use them to decide how you really want to spend your holidays. If you’re feeling stressed or uncertain or torn between various options (and the holidays really have a way of bringing these kinds of situations to the forefront of our lives), the cards can help you make the “right” decision…not the right one for your extended family or your spouse, but for you.

Change Coach Nancy: What are the three key takeaways you want people to use during the upcoming holidays?

McIntire: One, become really conscious of what you are doing, with whom you are doing things with and how you are doing them. Let your heart lead the way. Instead of being a victim to how things have always been done, co-create what brings joy and love to you and those in your life.

Two, let the people you love know how much you love them. Don’t just go through the motions or let gifts stand in as symbols for how you feel. Have authentic conversations. You may never have another chance. Let yourself and those around you bask in the sacredness and miraculousness of love.

Three, be grateful. We’re surrounded by beauty and bounty and opportunities to love and give and grow. We are blessed to live here. The holidays help us remember we live in Universe teeming with love and lights and hope and dreams and magic. Say thank you to the Source as you understand Him or Her and enjoy how good simple gratitude feels.

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Thanks to Kathleen McIntire for her wonderful words of wisdom. Now it's up to us to resolve to use her ideas and advice to make the choices that create a holiday of peace and joy: for ourselves, for those around us, and for the world in which we live.

How to give yourself the gift of monetary self-control

2011-12-04T17:24:00.001-05:00

“Money may be the husk of many things but not the kernel.” Henrik Ibsen

Ah, the holidays… when our desires (for others or ourselves!) can exceed our budget. Yes, I know it comes just once a year but when we let our spending get out of hand, it can take us 12 months just to pay for it all!

And that doesn’t even begin to address the stress that hits us when our bank account hits the red zone or our credit card balance hovers dangerously near the limit.

This year, let’s take a different approach and actually gain control over our holiday spending instead of letting it control us. And to help us, writer, speaker and financial coach Christine Doreen Moriarty is here at the Make A Change blog.

A certified financial planner and founder of the MoneyPeace consulting company, she shares her tips and advice on how to give yourself the gift of monetary self-control during the holidays so you can start the new year in the best possible financial condition.

(For more information about Moriarty, visit her MONEYPEACE website where you can sign up for her free monthly “My Peace on Money” e-newsletter. She is also the author of Practical Freelance, available here.)

Change Coach Nancy: What is “financial wellness”?

Moriarty: Financial wellness is an intricate balance of the mental, spiritual, and physical aspects of money. This unique combination is an ideal to strive towards in your dealings with money — having an understanding of your financial situation and maintaining preparedness for financial change. Creating that balance consists of being comfortable with where your money comes from and where it is going. Money affects our lives and we need to come from a balanced approach when we’re interacting with it on a daily basis to maintain our financial health.

Change Coach Nancy: On your website, you offer a Financial Wellness Check-up quiz. I found it interesting that two of the questions — Do you feel like there is plenty of time in the day? and Are you happy with your job? — aren’t really about finances. What is the link between these two questions and financial wellness?

Moriarty: Money is not a stand along part of our lives. Our finances, our behavior and our actions interact. People without time are often the people without money as they tend to make quick decisions without thinking through the implications. This lack of conscious financial decision-making becomes a spiral damaging their finances. The “quick fix” has a lot of appeal and little sustainability.

Likewise, those with a job that do not like are unhappy for those forty plus hours they are working. Many try to offset this by purchasing things or trips that make them happy. They can never make up enough for the core imbalance and typically end up over spending.

Change Coach Nancy: Even when we know our budgets are strapped, many of us tend to overspend either on ourselves or others during the holidays. What drives us to do this and what is the downside of letting our emotions rule our spending?

Moriarty: There are many reasons people over spend – too numerous to go into here. However, the lack of a plan and the lack of putting money aside ahead of time for the holidays during the year. The emotional side may be anything from people pleasing to lack of personal grounding to quick decision making to not willing to buck the trends and traditions of the season.

Financial hangover in January is the result of overspending. Credit card bills may be too large to pay off all at once. There may not be enough money to pay regular monthly bills. In the short sightedness of the season, we get caught up in the hype not the reality of the long term.

Change Coach Nancy: Many families have less to spend this year compared to holidays past but are embarrassed to admit it to their friends, family members or children. How can we broach the subject and address expectations effectively?

Moriarty: First and foremost, I suggest people address this issue as early as possible in the year. We are in season, but it is not too late. Make some of your own family decisions on limits and what works for you.

If you need to address extended family or friends, do not say “We cannot afford anything, so we are not doing anything.” Instead broach the subject directly, stating what your financial constraints are. Then, offer suggestions from hand made gifts only allowed, a grab bag, pulling names or giving to just the kids.

One of my clients did this at a late summer gathering for her family. She was nervous, but then happily surprised when everyone was relieved. They decided to exchange names and buy one gift each. This lowered her stress around the holidays – financially and emotionally.

Change Coach Nancy: Even if there is less money to go around, why is it important to include a worthy charity on your gift-giving list? And if we don’t have the cash, what else can we do for those who are less fortunate?

Moriarty: A worthy cause or two need be on your list all the year long. Your perspective needs to be that charitable donations are part of financial balance. Waiting until the end of the year does limit how you view money and money management. Generosity is a year-round practice.

The intent of creating a generous heart is you recognize what flows in and out of your life are gifts. Sharing those gifts no matter how small is the key to growing your gifts. True generosity is sharing what you have little of. So even five dollars is a start to creating your financial balance. You can share your time and talents as well. However, just sharing those and not your money, does not allow for good financial habits to develop.

Change Coach Nancy: What have you learned about financial health from speaking and advising your clients?

Moriarty: There is not enough time to cover all I have been lucky enough to learn from my clients over twenty years. That is truly why I want to share my stories through speaking, writing and my free email newsletter.

As an overview, I have learned that emotions and money are intricately connected. We all have to work with good sound financial principles and our state of mind to stay financially healthy.

Also, I have found that education couples together can make their marriage, relationship and money work better. As human beings we operate differently. Couples need to act like a team and that is why I started a couples teleclass designed to create a system for couples to clarify their money and their emotions together.

Change Coach Nancy: What are the three key takeaways you want people to understand about creating financial stability and personal serenity?

Moriarty:

1) Take care of yourself on every level to create MoneyPeace.

2) Back to Basics is the key to maintaining good financial health.

3) Minimum debt keeps your personal financial economy most nimble.

4) And a fourth given the extreme current volatility in the market: The stock market is only one of many pieces of your financial plan and need not be a daily or monthly focus of your financial life.

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There you have it — solid advice to help keep your holiday spending on solid ground! My thanks to Christine Moriarty for taking the time to share her invaluable advice! Stop in next Sunday when Kathleen McIntire will give her insights on how to have a positive holiday experience!

Stop, drop and breathe!

2011-11-27T08:00:00.002-05:00

“The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.” Sydney J. Harris

Feeling a little pressured, are you? Counting the days (and checking your bank balance) until the holidays, wondering if you’ll have the time and money to do everything you want to do (or think you have to do)?

Worrying because it’s nearly December, which means April 15^th is just around the corner and that means tax time and what if there isn’t enough money to pay the piper?

Or maybe your fears are less defined, and all you know is that you have to hurry-hurry-hurry because your kids wants something and your spouse wants something and your boss wants something and heaven knows, you want something too but there just isn’t time!

So you rush and run and scramble and slip and slide your way to a complete meltdown — all in the name of catching up.

Well, guess what? It’s not going to happen. No matter how hard you work, how little you sleep, how many candles you burn at both ends (and possible even in the middle), you’ll never wipe out everything on your To-Do list.

So here’s a novel thought: just stop. Right now, take a deep breath and stop. Stop trying to be Superman or Superwoman and just be.

Stop setting unreasonable expectations for yourself (and others around you!) and just be.

Because if there is one thing I know, if you don’t take the time you need, your mind and body will make sure that you get it anyway. You’ll have a heart attack, a stroke, ulcers or migraines. You won’t be able to sleep or eat or, conversely, you’ll do too much of either or both.

Bottom line: you’ll break down because you didn’t take a break.

So the next time you say “I don’t have time to relax!” know that you need to take the time right then!

Having fun yet?

2011-11-20T08:00:00.003-05:00

“Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted.” John Lennon

I looked up the word “waste” in the dictionary and among the many definitions found on that said “a failure to use something wisely, properly, fully, or to good effect.” So if the something is “time,” then not making good use of it would be a waste.

But the question is: what constitutes a “good use of time”?

Do you have to be busy, productive, a regular little worker bee? Or can you be having fun, enjoying yourself, and still be making good use of time?

This month we celebrated Zero-Tasking Day, which was all about taking the time to do nothing, to let the grass grow under your feet for at least 60 minutes, to just give yourself space to be, figuratively speaking.

But if you have found it hard to do nothing, then try this: spend one hour a day having fun. Go for a bike ride. Play a board game. Shoot hoops. Watch a Marx Brothers movie. Read the comics. Find something to do that makes you laugh.

Your goal isn’t to accomplish anything in particular except to give your body a rush of happy hormones. It will help keep you balanced when you get back to the serious business of being a grown-up!

Busy isn’t always better

2011-11-13T14:01:00.000-05:00

“The most valuable thing we can do for the psyche .. is to let it rest, wander, live in the changing light of a room.” May Sarton, Journal of a Solitude

This past year has been a busy one for me —traveling, working on client projects, writing my second novel, gardening (I just have finished cleaning out all the dead plants!) and everything else that is on my To-Do list. And while I have diligently crossed off each item, somehow there is never an empty space. For every one that departs, two scurry in to take its place.

But despite my hectic schedule, I still make sure to take some time off every now and then. For example, when my friend Dianne came to visit for a few days, we headed up to Lake Erie and spent the entire day walking around the shops, enjoying a great meal and just chillin’, as we used to say.

And you know what? The world didn’t come to an end because I was out of the office and not checking messages. I didn’t lose any clients, my bank balance didn’t hit the red zone and, in general, my life didn’t fall apart.

Even more significantly, when I went back to work the next day, I noticed that my stress level had dropped down to a manageable level and I was more productive because I had taken the break.

While it wasn’t technically zero-tasking, that day with Dianne was pretty darned close because of how it made me feel: calmer, healthier, more at peace. And giving Dianne the gift of my attention instead of making her compete with the cell phone and the computer also told her how much I valued our friendship.

This week, take one hour to turn off, shut down and disconnect from all the tasks you think you have to do ASAP and make caring for yourself a priority. Brew a cup of tea (or whatever is your beverage of choice!), find a place to relax and just enjoy the break. It will do you good!

Tomorrow is Zero-Tasking Day!

2011-11-05T08:34:00.000-04:00

“Taking regular periods of time to breathe, relax, and be in gratitude can not only give your body and opportunity to relax, recoup and heal but can also open oneself to connection with natural creativity and enjoyment of the moment.” Dr. Helen Lee

On Sunday November 6, we celebrate Zero-Tasking Day—a day when we take the extra 60 minutes we gained from turning back our clocks to do—nothing. Just take a breath, relax and rejuvenate.

I created this day because I know firsthand how being overwhelmed, overworked and overstressed can sap us mentally, emotionally and physically. And with the holidays coming up, we tend to add even more items to our To-Do list in our quest for the “perfect holiday season.”

(Not sure if you need to Zero-Task? Take my quiz!)

To get us in the right frame of mind, Dr. Helen Lee provides us with some reasons why we need this time off and how to gain it. A holistic doctor who founded and created Touch of Life Chiropractic in Hoffman Estates, IL, Dr. Lee’s perspective on health and healing includes the vital importance of balancing the mind, body and energy which allows full access to and expression of one’s Spirit.

Her goal is to bring each person back to the basics of how to care for oneself-mentally, emotionally and physically.

Change Coach Nancy: What can stress do to our relationships with others: our significant other, our kids, our parents, our friends?

Lee: Stress can be the thing that pushes us to or over our edge of comfort. When we find ourselves at our edge, not only does our intolerance and irritability increase but so does our limiting beliefs, fears and worries --all of which can negatively impact our ability to communicate and relate to those around us.

Change Coach Nancy: What are some indicators that stress is getting the better of you? How do you know when you need to “zero-task”?

Lee: Some common indicators of overload may be physical discomfort in muscles, headaches, digestive irritation, repetitive negative thoughts, persistent feelings of anxiety or worry, and decreased ability or inability to complete tasks.

Change Coach Nancy: Especially since the recession, people are so worried about the economy that they are doing everything they can to create some measure of financial stability: working longer hours or working two jobs, for example. The general thought seems to be that “being busy is always better” and the idea of taking one hour a month (ideally one hour a week) to do nothing sounds crazy! Can doing nothing actually help us become more productive in the long run?

Lee: Taking time for oneself and doing “nothing” can definitely help in the long run in multiple ways. Our nervous, energetic and physical systems learns through repetition. The more we are in anxious, lack, fear mode the more those patterns will more likely become “automatically wired” in our circuitry. Therefore, someone can worry so much to a point that, even when there is nothing to worry about, they find themselves worried about nothing.

Taking regular periods of time to breathe, relax, and be in gratitude can not only give your body and opportunity to relax, recoup and heal but can also open oneself to connection with natural creativity and enjoyment of the moment.

Change Coach Nancy: Sometimes people equate zoning out in front of the television with “taking time off.” Is that an effective way to create a psychological “breathing space” or are there better alternatives?

Lee: Television may be an easy way to “take time off” however, many of programs and commercials on TV are geared towards drama, bad news, and general negativity. Better alternatives would be doing something that connects you to nature and or animals. Sitting on the porch, going for a walk, enjoying your pets, or just simply getting used to being with oneself and quiet.

Change Coach Nancy: I created a Zero-Tasking Day quiz to help people gauge their need for downtime. Do you zero-task?

Lee: Absolutely. Meditating regularly keeps me connected to my center and peaceful. It’s taken some practice but now I find myself naturally taking “zero-task” opportunities whenever I can.

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Thanks to Dr. Lee for being part of the Make A Change blog! Now, get ready for Zero-Tasking Day!

Your passion is a gift that should be shared with the world

2011-10-30T08:50:00.005-04:00

“Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Howard Thurman

Watch a pebble drop into water. See the ripples? That pebble is you and the ripples are the impact you can have on the world, including people that you may never know.

An author writes a book and somewhere, someone picks it up, reads the words, and makes a decision to do something, change something, improve something. A minister gives his sermon and in the audience is one person for whom those words have a huge impact, resolving a question or illuminating a pathway.

These are just two small examples of what happens when one has passion for his or her profession or calling and gives that passion full rein. Magic happens. Life changes. People are impacted — both the giver and the recipient.

And it can happen if you discover what your passion is and honor it. It doesn’t have to become your career, your whole focus, your raison d’être. It just has to be a gift that you possess and you use and you share.

We all have something of value inside. Don't keep it there. Bring it out and let it shine.

The Power of Passion

2011-10-23T08:38:00.010-04:00

“When work, commitment, and pleasure all become one and you reach that deep well where passion lives, nothing is impossible.” Nancy Coey

Over the years, I have talked to so many people who have had a major impact on their community or the world at large because of what they believed in. The CNN Heroes list is an example of what one person can do.

But sometimes the change is internal — sometimes what you accomplish doesn't necessarily change the world as it does change you. I think of those of us in the creative fields, who put our heart and soul, passion and energy into whatever it is we are doing, and, even if the outcome isn't a six-figure career and awards and accolades, it is still all good. We are better people for having committed to it and doing all we can to achieve the outcome.

And when we avoid it, ignore it, disregard it, we suffer. We aren't happy. We aren't fulfilled. We aren't the best we can be.

Bottom line? Don't get hung up on the difficulties of achieving the goal. Just commit to the doing of the act that is tied to it. That's where the real benefit is. Harness your passion and ride it!

Jon Gordon on living with passion

2011-10-16T08:00:00.001-04:00

“We should follow our passion and that will lead us to our dream” Jon Gordon

How are you coming on your passion search? Are you getting closer to figuring out what your passion is? Or are you still stuck, not sure where to look or if you even have the capacity to have a passion for something? To kick off "Pursue Your Passion" week, we are fortunate to have Jon Gordon, author of The Seed: Finding Purpose and Happiness in Life and Work, who will guide us as we explore the concept of passion: what it is and why we need it.

Change Coach Nancy: Tell us a little about The Seed: Finding Purpose and Happiness in Life and Work. What is its message and what sparked the idea for the book?

Gordon: My book is about the quest that every one of us must embark on to find, live and share our purpose. I had a vision of a farmer giving a young man a seed and telling him, "If you find the right place to plant your seed, your purpose will be revealed to you."

Change Coach Nancy: Did your perceptions change as you worked on the book?

Gordon: Yes they did. I realized that everyone is here for a reason, and we all have different purposes and passions that together help us create a functional world. We all benefit from the passions and purpose of others, and they benefit from us and the work we do.

Change Coach Nancy: People often think of passion in terms of a love relationship. Can you define what you mean when you talk about passion, particularly in terms of life and work?

Gordon: Passion in terms of life and work is something that inspires you to learn, grow, improve and make a difference. I often say that we shouldn’t follow our dreams. We should follow our passion and that will lead us to our dream. Some people are passionate about cooking. Others are passionate about running a business and developing their people. Apple designers are passionate about their design and products.

Change Coach Nancy: Is passion the same as happiness?

Gordon: No, passion is not the same as happiness. I believe happiness is often a byproduct of those who pursue their passion.

Change Coach Nancy: What are some indications that we are living a life of passion or, conversely, that our life has become “passion-deprived”?

Gordon: A life of passion means you are often energized, focused, happy, purposeful, creative. Some indications of being passion deprived are: depression, negativity, disengaged at work, unhappy, burn-out.

Change Coach Nancy: Why is it important to make passion part of our life? What does it do for us?

Gordon: Passion is something that drives you to be your best and bring out the best in others. Passion helps you overcome the obstacles you face on your journey through life.

Change Coach Nancy: One of your tips is to focus on excellence instead of success. Why do you recommend this?

Gordon: Success is about striving to be better than others. Excellence is about being the best you can be. It’s about measuring yourself against your own potential.

Change Coach Nancy: In reference to living with gratitude, do you think we have lost the ability to identify what’s “right” in our life?

Gordon: I don’t think we have lost the ability to identify with what is right in our life. I meet so many people who are grateful for what they do have rather than focusing on what they don’t have.If you study cultures that don’t have a lot of material possessions, they actually are more grateful for the little things. They are grateful for being alive. They are thankful they have something to eat. They are thankful for their family. I once met a man in a wheel chair who at a talk I was giving to educators said he was thankful that he was able to move his toe for the first time.

People who are grateful don’t focus on what is taken from them, they focus on what is given to them. I don’t focus on the fact that my mom passed away five years ago and was taken from me. I think of what she gave me in my life. She gave me so much and I live with her gifts every day.

Change Coach Nancy: For those who can’t even figure out what their passion is or how to find it, what steps would you recommend? How can we identify possible sources of passion in our life?

Gordon: I honestly think they should read The Seed. It’s why I wrote the book—to make a difference and to help people think about their passion and purpose. It's amazing how many people have emailed already with cool stories.

Change Coach Nancy: What are the three key takeaways you want people to understand about living with passion and purpose?

Gordon: You are here for a reason. You are not an accident. Don’t settle. Pursue your passion and purpose. Seek them because they are meant to be found. There are four stages everyone goes through as they seek to find, live and share their purpose.

Thanks so much, Jon, for sharing your concept on passion with us! And now I invite all my Change Buddies to spend some time this week exploring the possibilities for passion in their lives. Then stop back and share with us what you are passionate about!

It’s not just what you can do, but what you want to do

2011-10-09T08:00:00.005-04:00

"Ask yourself, what are my strengths, my passions? Where do they meet?"—Dan Ogden

This month we are talking about finding your life passion. If you are on a passion search, begin first with what you know how to do and love doing, keeping in mind that not every ability you have can become a source of passion. I can do a number of things quite well but only writing is my talent and my passion.

Ask yourself — If I didn't need to earn a living, would I still want to do this? If you would gladly do it for free just for the joy of it, you may have found your passion. Look also at your interests. Do you love certain subjects or specific occupations? Do you find that you read about them just for the sheer pleasure of adding to your knowledge base? This too might be your passion.

Then, go beyond what you already know about yourself and your interests and abilities. Think of this as an exploration into uncharted territory. In other words, finding your passion may be less about figuring what you can do and have done and learning what else life holds that you can explore.

Sometimes you discover your passion by trying different activities or through meeting other people. Sometimes, it happens when what you have been doing is no longer an option for you on a short or long-term basis — the person who discovers a passion for pottery, for example, when doing it as part of a physical therapy, or the individual who turns to artwork to express emotions that can't as yet be verbalized. Passion can also be found as a result of a career change, geographic move or the beginning (or end) of a relationship.

You will know you have found your passion when engaging in it makes you feel alive and fulfilled. Then, once you have it (in the words of the song) never let it go.

If you have found your passion, what is it and how did you discover it?

Finding your passion to fuel your life

2011-10-02T08:09:00.001-04:00

“Nothing in the world is accomplished without passion.”—unknown

This month we celebrate "Pursue Your Passion" week starting October 16. (Download my Calendar of Change for more information) But you don't have to wait until then to think about what your passions are.

We all have interests and hobbies, things that we do and activities that we engage in that are fun and entertaining. But passion is something more. According to Jon Gordon, author of The Seed: Finding Purpose and Happiness in Life and Work, whose interview will be live on the Make a Change blog October 16, "passion is something that inspires you to learn, grow, improve and make a difference." In other words, it stretches your boundaries, pushes past your limitations, and encourages you to be more than what you have been up to this point.

Some people start with a passion and are able to parlay it into an income source, such as those who use their creative skills to earn a living, or those for whom improving the world (or their own small corner of it) lead to a community-oriented business. For others, their passion takes up just a small part of their time but informs their whole life, gives meaning to their day and creates a sense of purpose in their life.

It's important — no, I would go so far as to say that it's essential — to find your passion and honor it. It's like a psychic vitamin that you didn't know you were missing but, once you start taking it, makes you feel so much better. It's a way to find a meaning in your life, of recognizing that you have something of value that can change the world and you along with it.

And passion can also be a lifeline. When everything else in your world collapses, when the foundation you have been counting on develops huge crevices, when you start wondering why you are here and does anything really matter anymore, passion can serve as a counter to your fears and frustrations and negativity. When you engage in your passion, it gives you a sense of well-being, and that can offset all those other painful and depressing emotions.

It's never too late to discover your passion. Just ask yourself: what makes me feel energized and alive? Then find some time each day to engage in that passion.

Start with you when looking for answers

2011-09-25T08:00:00.001-04:00

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” attributed to Albert Einstein

All too often, we find ourselves doing the same thing over and over —the same type of job, the same type of relationship, the same type of behaviors — without realizing that it isn’t bringing us any joy or satisfaction.

We’re not sure what is wrong. We only know that something isn’t right.

So we talk to experts and read self-help books and grouse to our nearest and dearest but the one place we don’t go for answers is inside our own head. We think someone else holds the key when really, the knowledge is right inside us, waiting to be accessed.

Sound simple, so why don’t we do it? Partly because we don’t know how to quiet the world around us and quiet our own mind so we can hear what our spirit is saying. Sometimes, we hear it, loud and clear, but we don’t like the message so we block it out.

It all comes back to change — and any kind of knowledge, that which comes from outside us and that which is waiting in our head or heart, can generate change. We need to get past the fear that we will learn something we don’t want to and understand that knowledge is better than ignorance.

Just because we don’t know (or don’t want to know!) something doesn’t stop it from being real and present in our life.

Sometimes the “something new” we learn is really what we already know

2011-09-19T10:51:00.001-04:00

"Good instincts usually tell you what to do long before your head has figured it out. " Michael Burke

We started September off by celebrating “Learn Something New” week, focusing on adding to our store of knowledge.

But now let’s look at it from a different perspective — learning to pay attention to what we already know and then using it.

True wisdom also includes utilizing our intuition and following our gut instinct (as Special Agent Gibbs does on NCIS) when we need to choose a path or make a decision, taking into account prior experiences or lessons learned.

Sometimes, it's not about increasing our knowledge base but making the most of the intelligence, wisdom and life experience we already have. Otherwise, we just do the same thing over and over, and nothing ever changes.

Knowledge is empowering. The more you know, the more powerful you are.

2011-09-11T08:00:00.005-04:00

“An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.” Benjamin Franklin

How many times have you held back from attempting something because you didn’t know how to do it? How many times has fear of the unknown overcome you, to the point where you can’t undertake the act of turning the unknown into the known? How many times have you said, "I don’t want to know" because, deep down inside, you are afraid that, if you know, you can’t handle it?

We have all felt that way. Fear of the unknown combined with lack of confidence in our ability to handle reality can be paralyzing. So we choose to not know — as if not knowing will somehow change the facts.

The reality is that not knowing doesn’t change anything. It only makes us more vulnerable. While ignorance, in and of itself, is nothing to be ashamed of, choosing to remain ignorant is. Even when we have had no warning of what was coming, we can still choose how we will handle the outcome. And the choice we make is influenced by the knowledge we possess — which begins with an understanding of what we don't know and what we have yet to learn.

Our minds and bodies and spirits are designed to constantly be expanded and challenged.Until the day we draw our last breath, we can add to our understanding of events, circumstances, other people and ourselves. And each bit of knowledge we acquire makes us stronger and wiser — and more valuable to the world.

Interview with motivational speaker/author Sue Stockdale

2011-09-04T08:15:00.013-04:00

"...settling for what you already know [narrows] the field of opportunities that could be open to you." author Sue Stockdale

This month, we celebrate “Learn Something New” Week from September 4 through the 11. It’s a time for us to “bust outta our rut” and go beyond what we already know to gain new knowledge and understanding.

Sue Stockdale

But for many of us, that can be akin to suggesting we take a leap off the high dive into unfamiliar waters. We are afraid to admit that we don’t have all the answers or knowledge, afraid that, if we fail, people will think we are stupid or incompetent — in short, we are afraid. And we let our fears shortchange us and keep us from exploring new and interesting ideas.

In today’s interview on the Make A Change blog, motivational speaker Sue Stockdale, author of Secrets of Successful Women Entrepreneurs, shares with us her many and varied “learning experiences” and suggests ways to increase our own knowledge base.

A little about Sue — she’s an executive coach and Women's Enterprise specialist and the London Chapter chair of Women Presidents Organisation. Sue has an MBA in Entrepreneurship and Business Venturing, an MSc in Quality Management and Improvement and a diploma in Business and Life Coaching, and is a NLP Practitioner. She was also the first British woman to walk to the Magnetic North Pole and represented Scotland in Track and Field Athletics.

Change Coach Nancy: When I read your bio, it sounds like you haven’t passed up any opportunity to learn something, from how to cross-country ski in arctic temperatures to becoming a motivational speaker for some of Europe’s top organizations. Were you always ready to take on a challenge or was this something that you developed as an adult?

Stockdale: I have always liked trying new things and tend to say yes first, and then think about what it means in reality later. That can be both good and bad, but it’s certainly a great way to learn.

Change Coach Nancy: What are some of the benefits you have experienced by being willing to say 1) I don’t know how and 2) I’m willing to learn?

Stockdale: I have had a lot of benefits by not knowing and feeling okay to ask for help or advice. Many successful people have given me some of their time to share their knowledge and experience with me. For example, when I started out as a motivational speaker, I found out whom the top speakers were and got in touch to get advice from them. Every person I asked was happy to help, so I learned a lot very quickly.

Change Coach Nancy: Have you ever had the experience of not succeeding at something new? If so, how did you handle the disappointment?

Stockdale: Yes, plenty of times I have not succeeded at something new. When I started up my business, sales did not materialize that quickly which meant keeping a close eye on the cash flow, which was quite nerve-wracking. By things not working out as I had imagined, I had a great dose of reality and it made me more determined to be creative in finding solutions. I told myself that if it’s not going to work, there is no point in dwelling on it or mentally beating myself up as that does not serve a positive purpose, so I chose to move on and focus on the next action I can take. I think I am a future-focused person, so it’s easier for me to get motivated by what might happen next.

Change Coach Nancy: What do you think are some of the reasons why adults are hesitant to try something new—whether it’s something as challenging as running a marathon or as basic as figuring out how to balance a checkbook?

Stockdale: Human beings don’t like to fail because the experience of failure may have negative connotations for them. Many people are focused on what their family or peers think of them and will therefore not even try because they don’t want to fail or be laughed at by their loved ones. Also, there is a bit of laziness in all of us, and if the effort is not worth the potential rewards, we just won’t bother.

Change Coach Nancy: What are some of the pluses of taking on new challenges, whether they are physical, mental or emotional?

Stockdale: If you take on new challenges, you keep your brain active, you are likely to be realize that you could do more than you imagined was possible, and it gives you a level of confidence, which serves them as the motivation to do something more.

Change Coach Nancy: What is the downside for settling for knowing only what you already know?

Stockdale: They say ignorance is bliss and that by settling for what you already know, you narrow the field of opportunities that could be open to you.

Change Coach Nancy: What are some simple strategies people can use to get into the habit of challenging themselves mentally or physically?

Stockdale: Here are three really simple ones:

Make one small change in your life every day e.g. drive home a slightly different route from work, speak to someone who see often but rarely talk to etc.
Ask yourself – what is the worst that can happen?
Write down one success every day in a diary and review your successes on a weekly basis.

Change Coach Nancy: In your book, Secrets of Successful Women Entrepreneurs, you interviewed ten successful women entrepreneurs. Certainly, starting your own business is a huge learning process. What were some of the commonalities you found in these women that increased their odds of success?

Stockdale: All of the women entrepreneurs I interviewed had started up their business because they wanted to make a difference or improve a product or service, rather than just wanting to make money. This concurred with my view that if you follow a passion the money will follow. The passion will sustain you when working long hours, or when you make mistakes, because you will want to keep going to pursue the passion.

Another common theme was that they suffered from potentially fatal mistakes that impacted on their business, but they had the ability to learn from the mistake, pick themselves up and carry on. I think that the quality of “resilience” is extremely important to help you succeed.

Change Coach Nancy: Your book, Kickstart Your Motivation, discusses the complex factors affecting motivation. What are some of those factors and how can we overcome them?

Stockdale: Two factors that affect motivation are: the ability to get support from others, and getting de-motivated by situations that are out of our control.

When we are unsure about taking action, it’s useful to have someone else who gives you support and encouragement. These informal “mentors” can be found in all walks of life. Again, I have sought out people who are recognised are being great at particular skills e.g. marketing, or growing a business, and have approached them to mentor me on a particular area of my work or life. The approach has to be first of all, what can YOU offer to them, and what would you like them to do specifically. It’s surprising how often a mentor will agree to providing support if you approach them, in the right way.

Secondly, people can tend to get de-motivated by situations that they perceive are out of their control. I always encourage them to identify if it really is or not. For example, if they have been told to write a report and it needs to be completed by tomorrow, they may feel it’s out of their control. But the person could decide when [to] do it, and perhaps where [to] work or what font style to use on the report, etc.

I help people identify what is the small area of control that they may have that will help to motivate them.

Change Coach Nancy: What final words of wisdom do you have for us to help jump-start our “Learn Something New” week?

Stockdale: I would say start with something small, and take one step and review progress by recording what new thing you learned every day. Make it fun and perhaps even have a “learn something new” buddy you can share your new knowledge with and hear about what they have learned too.

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There you have it — motivating words to get you started on the right track for “Learn Something New” week!What new area will you explore?

Action, not just intent, leads to achievement

2011-08-28T08:00:00.002-04:00

“The door to opportunity is always labeled ‘push’.” Anonymous

You know, I just love those books that talk about how all you need is a desire for a goal to be able to reach it. You know, the ones that say if you believe it, it will happen. That a positive attitude is all it takes. That you can control your destiny just by saying “I want...”

Don’t get me wrong. I do think that you need to believe in yourself and be able to articulate your desire. But confidence and words can only take you so far. At some point, you have to put some muscle behind it and actually do something to make it happen.

Opportunity rarely arrives as a turnkey set-up, where all you have to do is just flip a button and it’s ready to go. Most of the time, it’s out there, waiting for you to put one foot on the gas, one hand on the wheel and the other on the shifter, and get out of the garage and onto the road to success. In other words, (since I have probably exhausted my store of metaphors and similes), you have to work for it and at it. Every day.

Like the quote says, “push”:

Push past your own fears, worries, self-doubt
Push past your tendency to procrastinate, be negative or stay “stuck in a rut"
Push past all those statistics that talk about unemployment rates, the divorce rates for marriages, failure rates for almost any kind of endeavor.

If you want something—really, really, really want something—then do something about it. Don’t wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Right now.

Are you allowing your lack of knowledge or training to box you in?

2011-08-21T08:00:00.004-04:00

“He who refuses to embrace a unique opportunity loses the prize as surely as if he had failed.” William James

“No, I can’t possibly do that.” “I’d love to but I don’t know how.” “That’s not really my field/talent/skill set.”

Okay, I get it. You don’t know how to do everything. And maybe there are certain careers or job opportunities that you don’t want to explore. That’s fine. But are you saying “no” just because you don’t know how?

Too many times we refuse to take on challenges because we simply don’t have the background knowledge in that particular endeavor. It’s not that we don’t want to, it’s just that we don’t know how to. We think that we should already know everything by virtue of being a "grown-up.”

Well, guess what—nobody knows everything about everything. Adulthood isn’t a golden door to absolute knowledge, just a golden door to the opportunity to acquire said knowledge. And as many people learned during the recession when their current careers vanished in a puff of smoke, it’s never too late to learn a new skill or investigate a new profession.

But even if your employment is secure (not that anyone’s is safe, these days!), you should still push beyond the boundaries of your current knowledge base and learn something every day.

Learn a new word: subscribe to Word-A-Day or play Words With Friends.
Learn a new skill: Stores like Home Depot have in-store educational workshops, art galleries offer painting classes and universities have tons of courses covering everything from accounting to zoology.
Learn a new concept: about people, nationalities, customs, religions.

It doesn’t matter what you learn as long as you learn something. The more you explore mentally and physically, the greater your confidence level becomes. And that will give you the strength, courage and determination to act on opportunities, instead of sitting there saying “I can’t.”