Sponge blog

Charice explosive Glee comeback... (all by her self)

2011-04-18T18:05:00.000+08:00

Oprah once called Charice the most talented girl in the world. David Foster likens her to a young Celine Dion. And to hear Glee creator Ryan Murphy tell it, "When that girl opens her mouth, angels fly out."

But in early March, during her first day back on the set of Glee after an eight-month absence, Charice was anxious, singing superstar or not. "I forgot to put my Band-Aids on, because when I get nervous... look at that," she says, displaying her wrecked nails and peeled fingertips just minutes before she's set to take the stage in McKinley High's auditorium. "Right now, it's getting to me. The singing is fine, but the acting scenes? That's when I freak out."

It's been a long while since 18-year-old Charice last stepped into the colorful nerdwear of Sunshine Corazon, the Filipina exchange student whose vocal prowess so threatened Glee head diva Rachel Berry (Lea Michele) that she sent Sunshine to a crack house to prevent her from auditioning for New Directions. Now she's back with dubious intentions.

"Sunshine's going to try and help the glee club. Why? I don't know yet," Charice says. "She wants to perform with them, just like Jesse St. James did in the first season, but I don't know if she's really just nice or if she has plans..."

Here's the story: After ticking off Rachel — and then jetting for rival club Vocal Adrenaline — in the season premiere, Sunshine makes her highly anticipated return in Tuesday's episode (8/7c on Fox), titled "A Night of Neglect," where she'll attempt to save the day by offering her singing services to help the glee club raise the money they need to attend Nationals. Sunshine tries to convince Rachel and the gang that her intentions are pure. She knows what it's like to feel neglect, and she's ready to belt "All By Myself" to prove it.

After a few more adjustments are made to the stage — the mic stand has to be lowered by a lot for 4-foot, 11-inch Charice — she begins her first pass in the spotlight. In the stands, Harry Shum Jr., who plays Mike Chang and just finished dancing a swanky solo to Jack Johnson's "Bubble Toes," watches alongside some friends. "She killed that s---!" he whispers when she's done.

Charice, born Charice Pempengco, was discovered stateside by Ellen DeGeneres, who had seen her performance on South Korean talent show Star King blow up on YouTube. She flew her out — Charice's first trip to the U.S. —in 2007 to sing on her talk show. Calls from Foster and Oprah followed, and in May 2010, her self-titled debut became the first album from an Asian singer to land in the Billboard 200. (She remains something of an Internet wunderkind, too. Type her name into YouTube's search engine and behold the tens of millions of hits.)

But she's the first to describe how she had to fight for a role on Glee. It all started by begging her mom, and later her manager, to look into it. "Obviously, I'm a big fan. I'm a Gleek," Charice says. "We had just found out Season 1 was done, and so my mom and I asked my manager, like, 'Are they looking for more Asians? I'm Asian!' My manager said we'd try." Murphy, like so many others, had already seen Charice on The Oprah Winfrey Show, and agreed to let her audition.

"I was wearing my nerdy glasses and holding my laptop — very Sunshine Corazon [it turns out]," she says. "The producers talked to me for a bit and were about to send me off, and I kind of panicked and went, 'Can I sing for you? Please?' And they were like, 'Oh! Sure!' I'm really a shy person, but when I get scared, I get really hyper. So I sang and after I was done, Ryan was like, '... You're cute. You're very cute.'

"At the time I thought, 'Is that cute like a puppy or what?'" Charice says, imitating Murphy's stone-faced expression. She left for a European tour immediately, and it wasn't until her Twitter account exploded days later with messages from fans congratulating her that Charice knew she had won a role: she'd be playing Rachel's rival Sunshine —a girl not so far from herself. "When I did my first fitting, the stylists said Ryan wanted to keep me looking the way I did during the audition. They said, 'So wear your glasses and we're going to have a bunch of colorful things.' That was so awesome," she says.

But after her first episode aired, Charice wasn't sure she'd be asked back. She went on a world tour to promote her album and several months of hearing nothing from producers passed. "I wasn't really expecting them to call me again, but I waited. And then finally — finally! — they told me, 'OK, you're coming back!' I was like, 'Holy smokes, this is it! It feels like I'm doing the first episode again. It's been a while."

Thus, the nerves. Fortunately, Charice squeezed in acting classes on the off-chance Sunshine would return. "The classes made me feel better," she says, "but it's the scariest part of this whole thing."

For the day's scene, Sunshine has to convince New Directions that she can help them get to Nationals. Rachel is suspicious, and with good reason: Could Sunshine just be out for revenge? Glee executive producer Ian Brennan isn't spilling. "Sunshine will play a big role in the last two episodes. As for her true motivations in 'A Night of Neglect,' that remains to be seen," he says.

"Of course, Rachel is definitely not happy about it," Charice laughs, adding she hopes a second diva-off is in the works. "It was really fun when we did 'Telephone' so I would love to do it again. I really hope it happens."

source: TVGuide.com

Lonely Planet

2010-11-24T14:41:00.001+08:00

If we can love someone so much, how will we be able to handle it the one day when we are separated? And if being separated is a part of life and you know about it so well... is't possible that we can love someone and never be afraid of losing them? Or is't possible that we can live our entire life without loving anyone at all? These are questions that continues to hunt people of this lonely planet. This is my loneliness too and it gets worst everyday. My dilemma is that when it gets to me, everything shatters with it.

We may admit this or not but love is not for everyone. It is not for the weak... I am weak. I can honestly say that I have always been weak. The first time I fell inlove I thought I made the right decision. I thought I made the right move. I believed that love would be my guide to get through the toughest part of my journey. But it didn't. It was a disappointment. It took me a long while to recover. The whole experience change my being. I became an entirely different person. So far from what I was suppose to be. My goals did not matter anymore. I became selfish by being too selfless and lived each day as it is and called it "adventure". There were times where I stood up and told myself to go on and chase my dreams. I did that a million times over. But it took me nowhere. And I still am a disappointment as I write this blog entry.The idea of love made me into such a loser that I am today.

They say that heartaches makes you stronger... what ever happened to me? Love has so many ironic side... ever heard "iloveyou, but I can't be with you." or "it's not you, it's me" statements? I've heard and actually used those phrases at certain times. Yeah, I know, it sucks! It breaks my heart but I think I'm better off alone. I wanna die lonely... but I want to do something great first. Something that would open doors to lonely people like me. I think that is my purpose. Our life's journey is a lonely path without having someone to share it with. But i'll be alright. I'll take my chances.

I have loved. I still am in love. But I refuse to.

Don't wanna regret about having been inlove, because after all the heartaches, it has given me beautiful memories that I could cherish for as long as I live.

I want to thank the people who have shown me, guide me and walk me through the path of life. Thank you for all your love and I'm sorry for my shortcomings. I'm sorry that I have to be this complicated. It's just me... really. It wouldn't be me if I'm not complicated.

Weeds Unwanted

2010-11-05T13:53:00.000+08:00

For some people, gardening is like watching a movie. It will make you experience an assortment of emotions that will keep you focused and interested. You can be overcome with joy when your orange tree finally bears its first fruit, or suspense comes into play as you watch your prized palm tree battle it out against a super-typhoon. It can even turn into a detective story as you try to discover whatever happened to the orchid bloom that vanished into thin air. And nothing comes closer to a horror flick than witnessing a multitude of weeds slowly creeping in your garden. Weeds are like the zombies that rise from the ground, and no matter what you do to them, they keep coming back.

So why do we need to keep these resilient invaders at bay? For one thing, as we need to keep the protagonist in the movies safe, we also need to protect our ornamental plants from weeds. Weeds tend to compete with garden plants for sunlight, space, water, and nutrients in the soil. And because they are hardier than most plants, the competition often becomes a no-contest. In order to give our plants a fighting chance, here are two simple tips we can take:

PREVENTION:

Similar to a virus that spreads through the entire human population in an epidemic movie, weeds also wreck havoc when they spread through your garden. They are much easier to control by preventing them rather than treating them during the outbreak. Prevention can be done when we understand that most weeds come from the ground. Weed seeds may come from the existing garden soil as well as planting medium that is amended to it, so keep the following tips in mind:

@Nip the problem in the bud. Before planting, water the soil then cover it up for several days with black plastic film similar to those used for garbage bags. This allows germination of weed seeds in the soil but denies them the sunlight they need to survive. Make sure to keep the cover in place until all of the young weeds are dead. The use of herbicides for the same purpose is not advisable because these chemicals are not only harmful to other plants but also tend to kill teh beneficial insects and microbes in the soil.

@Check new plants. Weeds may also come from newly introduced plants , tucked away in the soil and eventually finding their way into your garden. To prevent this from happening, check the plants you purchase for any evidence of weeds, and make sure you always buy your plants from a reputable nursery.

@Use weed-barriers. Once your garden is established, you can avoid the recurrence of weeds by covering the soil around your ornamentals with weed-barriers. These are made of dark UV-resistant fabrics that have perforations big enough to allow water and air to pass through but which are too small for emerging weed sidlings.

@Practice planting your ornamentals en masse. With almost no soil visible to the naked eye, this practice denies any weeds from having adequate space and sunlight. By the time they emerge they are already weak and lanky, unable to compete with your garden plants.

ERADICATION:

There are certain situations wherein prevention is no longer applicable, such as in grown-in lawn areas. Even in simple gardens, the more resilient weed varieties will, in one way or another, end up in your garden. In such cases, eradication is the only recourse to take. At their seedling stage, weeds do not cause considerable harm to garden plants. However, at their juvenile phase, weeds are most aggressive and should be removed from the garden. It is unthinkable to allow weeds to reach flowering stage when they are already able to produce seeds and wreak havoc in the plant world. The minute you see those weeds peeking through, take action:

@Use your hands. The manual pulling of weeds is a proven effective practice of removing them. Some weeds such as mutha or nutgrass (Cyperu rotundus) and the sensitive plant (Mimosa pudica) have agressive root systems that may require the use of weeding tools to make sure that the entire root system is removed. Otherwise young seedlings may still emerge from roots left in the ground. A little known fact about the sensitive plant though is that, in some parts of the world it is not just an ordinary weed. It is used to amuse people and is actually called as pet plant because of it sensitivity. However if unwanted it can affect the growth of your garden plants.

@Use liquid elements. For weeds that have cleverly made a niche out of cracks in the wall or in between your nearly installed pavers, it is almost impossible to completely pull them out. One option is douse them eith boiling water. Another is to burn them using gas-fueled torch similar to those used by chefs in gourmet cooking.

Whatever method you employ, remember that proper disposal of weed residue must be practice to avoid spreading them. winning the fight against weeds may be the only way to turn this gardening horror scene into a feel-good movie.

The hill

2010-10-18T01:45:00.000+08:00

Walking up the hill tonight
And you have closed your eyes
I wish I didn't have to make
All those mistakes and be wise
Please try to be patient
And know that I'm still learning
I'm sorry that you have to see
The strength inside me burning

Where are you my angel now
Don't you see me crying?
And I know that you can't do it all
But you can't say I'm not trying

Your on your knees in front of him
But he doesn't seem to see you
But all his troubles on his mind
He's looking right through you
And I'm letting myself down
By satisfying you
And I wish that you could see
That I have my troubles too

Looking at you sleeping

You're with the man you love
I'm sitting here weeping
While the hours pass so slow
And I know that in the morning
I'll have to let you go
And I'll be just a man
Once I used to know
And for these past few days
Someone I don't recognize
This isn't all my fault
When will you realize

Looking at you leaving, I'm looking for a sign..

this is me saying goodbye...

2010-10-14T14:37:00.000+08:00

It is always hard to leave people behind... but moving on is inevitable. The complexity of our being embraces change and moving on is part of the changes that we make. Apparently change is what makes us an exciting creation of God. Change is almost synonymous to adventure or at least as how I define it. And who would back down to an adventure? at least not me or some people I know.

Sometimes we have to take a detour to get to our destination. And even if detours would sometimes mean going through the rough roads, it will all be worth it. Its part of the adventure! So I guess saying goodbye now would spell sadness anymore? at least for now... :)

what I have to say..

2010-10-09T15:49:00.000+08:00

"You are an assuming, self-centered beast! You don't even deserve the attention. You have just lost all the respect I have left for you... not that it matters to you but let's just hope and pray no one else does, or you'll live the rest of your life miserable!" 

- that's the exact words I want to say to... 

They say that the person who could hurt you the most is the same person who made you happy in the first place. Truth sucks! but we have to accept it no matter what. If there's one thing I realize in this instance, that is God will never leave you alone. He will use certain people in your life so you could rise up to the situation. No matter how grave the situation can be. 

I wanna thank kesh, stace and mark for being there all through out the time being. I still wanna thank my friends who are not there like, sunshine and jill, you guys served as my strength. To prins, thank you for believing in me and thanks for just being there. You know how complicated I can get at times but your still there even with the huge distance between us. I have never been at ease in a relationship than what we have right now. It's a good thing right? LOL

How To Reduce Belly Fat In Men Without Breaking A Sweat

2010-09-22T13:37:00.001+08:00

 I had a flat belly when I was in high school... and that time, I wanted it to be anything but flat... I don't know why... but I started eating everything and anything that I can digest and afford. After high school, I started drinking beer notwithstanding my already poor diet. It was fun back then... but here's the sad part, I couldn't even remember the time my belly had started bulging. I just remember the years and years of discrimination from other people that I was not looking like my age. After some research and through personal experience as well, I found out that years of beer and junk  foods can take its toll on men, especially around the belly area. According to sixpackabstips.com, many  refer to it as their beer belly and while beer does in fact bloat the  belly, it doesn’t account for all the fat that is lying underneath. So  if you want to know how to reduce belly fat in men without even breaking into a sweat then read on... 

If you’ve decided to do something about that beer belly of yours.  Well the first thing to do is to stop eating all that junk food!  Anything with high amounts of fat or sugar should be binned and replaced  with healthy foods such as fruits and vegetables. The second thing to do is to  stop drinking beer and fizzy drinks. Not only do they contain sugars and  additives but they really bloat you out too. This can give the  appearance of a beer belly when there isn’t even one there! There are so  many calories in a bottle of beer that you don't even wanna think  about! You have to do all that first and change your diet into a healthy one then you can move onto working it out to show your pretty abs.

Now you have to think about working the fat off that is already  lurking around on your belly and generally making yourself a fitter,  healthier human being. One of the best methods for a flat stomach is  bodybuilding. It is fun, it is effective and it gets results. You should  try to work all the body areas so that you get an even tone to your  body. The last thing you want is to have bulging abs with flabby legs. Believe me... the second part of this advice may seem to be too much work, but I'm telling you, you'll be thankful. Another piece of advice though, you should try to find a workout partner to get you motivated and make the task even more fun to do. Start the process now. Throw away that junk food and fizzy drink your holding.  ;)

Sunshine

2010-09-11T18:36:00.000+08:00

Never thought doing nothing could be so tiring after all... I have a lot of things in mind but I couldn't decide on which one to settle down with. I'm missing my girl...

... but she's off for her new life in the queen city of the south. I'm missing my friends in manila, 

 specially the chaka family

 and my good friend sunshine...

 I definitely need some sunshine right now. My world seems to have been clouded by a lot of different emotions lately and I have been restless. But I'm glad I still have things to look forward to (even if it seems a little superficial) like the next season of my favorite american comedy-musical series Glee. They will feature another favorite of mine, in the name of Charice. The first installment of the 2nd season will air at the US by the 21st of this month and it will be match-aired here in the Philippines by the 22nd through ETC cable channel @4pm. Charice will have a re-occurring role as Sunshine Corazon, a Filipino exchange student who will become a friend-enemy of the show's character Racher Berry played by Lea Michele. It amazes me that I know so much about the show.. I'm such a fanatic... and who could blame me? The mere thought of watching the show for another season brings happy hormones up already and what more the thought of seeing Charice in the same show with her character name of sunshine which incidentally was the name I baptized my good friend symone with. So much for happy thoughts huh?! Well, these are the things that makes me happy... it inspires me to continue what I have started. No matter how hard it is, life still is worth living. I look forward of going to Santorini

 and spend sometime there with my closest friends... 

I look forward of living in a house situated in a place that would look like somewhere in the countryside of Europe..

 and spend the rest of my life there with my family. All of these things keeps me on track... keeps me sane. The promise of a sunshine after the cloudy days.

Detour

2010-09-04T16:54:00.004+08:00

Follow your heart! That's the advice I got this morning. Well I've always followed my heart... and probably was the reason why I've made so many mistakes in my life. But I don't regret it. All the misfortunes, the pain, heartaches and disappointments have mold me into the person that I am today. Stronger and more determined than before. The irony of it though is that, the pain still hurts like it was the first time. They say don't rely on friends because they come and go but I still did otherwise... it's just that when friends go, they leave memories behind, and to me, it's beautiful. It's something no one can ever take away from you... the memories of friendship.

I thought I could give it one last try... but there are just things in life that you never quite understand. No matter how simple it may seem. Life still has to go on though and that's a bitter sweet fact we all have to face everyday. Life goes on unless you have the courage to end it... another detour, is it worth it?

The Music of My Life..

2010-08-16T17:46:00.004+08:00

"Let's try... let's see if we can work it out." It all started with that phrase. Not the exact words but the context was the same.

When we've met I was hurting.. I was looking for some sort of diversion. I was trying to come back to an old life. A life that I've so missed and felt I wasn't able to fulfill that much. I've had my life's adventures and I got lost in it. Relationships and heartbreaks had been two of my enemies. It molded me into something I wasn't. Though it have turned my life upside down. It also taught me how to be strong and not to trust anyone as well. Not even my own. When we've met, that was also around the time I've given up on life and love. But there was something. I saw it in her. And by this time, she should know what it was... I call our relationship an experimental one. We both didn't want the stereotypical drama of other people in relationship although sometimes we would end up in one. But I think we have handled it well. Better than we thought we could. It's crazy but I still couldn't figure out what I really feel. I want her to go and chase her dreams... make some adventure. I want her to live her life. But there was a part of me who wants to be selfish. What will happen to me when she's away? Now I know why people cry when they hear the word "goodbye" in a love song. lol..

I get bored easily, that's why just like a child, sometimes I'm unpredictable... but she doesn't seem to mind. I'll be alone again in a few days from now. And it's sad. It's sad because I'm starting to get used to the idea that she's here with me. She has become part of my system. It feels like dying. Dead end. Atleast for me. For her though, it will be a start of something good... something which I'm really happy for.

As I wrote this I'm listening to old songs. Love songs from probably the 80's and 70's. Their really good! I never thought I would have a connection to these types of songs. Now their going straight to my death-songs-playlist ;)

Why is't that I'm struggling to find my happiness? Is't really that hard to find it? Can happiness be comparable to fulfillment? Why do I continue searching for my purpose? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahh... I feel like a child lost in this world. I feel like one day I'll wake up and find myself alone... I might run off again. But this time I will only go to places that I've never been to. I will live each day as if it was my last day on earth. I will live more and laugh more. Just like in the movies. I will live in my own perfect world.

Uninspired.

2010-08-05T13:34:00.000+08:00

This going back to school thing is a hell lot of crazy things. Currently, I'm uninspired. I just live each day as it is. The only thing that keeps me going probably is the thought that as I continue on my journey here I'll eventually end up living my dreams. Ever since I could remember I've always wanted to know my place in this world and I figure out that for someone like me it will be difficult to determine where is that. So I had to plan ahead. In which I don't normally do. But lately things just went crazy and I feel like giving up already. I think I'm bored. I'm just thankful that at times there are people who'd surprisingly get me back on track. People who'd excite my thoughts for a little bit. I wouldn't call it inspiring though they really brought up my imagination. The point is they killed my boredom and right now I'm holding on the that.... but I'm still uninspired.

Charice on Glee Season 3

2010-06-22T13:39:00.000+08:00

"at the end of the day if your just so insanely talented you cannot be ignored.. the world would be stupid to ignore you." -Lea Salonga on Charice

If you'll look at my older blogs, you will see posts dedicated for Glee and Charice respectively. Although I have long been wishing that Charice should be on Glee because of the extraordinary talent that she has, I never really thought it would come true. Seeing this news at EW.com this morning....

"Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: Charice is joining Glee. No, really this time! When that rumor began to spread earlier this month via her loose-lipped manager, Charice herself shot it down via Twitter. “I just want to let you all know, that it’s not true that I’m going to be on Glee,” she said. Well, it’s true now! Sources confirm to me exclusively that the international pop star is signed, sealed, and delivered to recur next season as a foreign exchange student whose killer vocals get Rachel (Lea Michele) contemplating murder."

Now how awesome was that? I have been a fan of Lea Michele and Charice too and I think it is just pure genius that Glee producers are working on a story line about this two. Diffinitely something to look forward next season. What do you think guys?

Mellow Dramatic

2010-06-06T22:05:00.000+08:00

If there's one thing I realized lately, that is me being mellow dramatic. I would try so hard not to fall into dramatic situations like confrontations and stuff like that but in my entire life I've actually experienced a lot. I don't know. People would always want to please people no matter how much they say they don't and in my case I've always lived my life trying to please people around me. So as a result I would often times get disappointed by them or vice versa, thus creating another mellow dramatic situations. It's just nice nowadays that people get to write on their online journals like this one to use as an outlet not just for their literary skills but for things that some people would write on their diaries. A friend of mine told me once while I was whining to her about some stuff... "why don't you write about it on your blog?" and I went "ah so people now can't tell their friends what bothers them and just put it online for everyone to see?." well, I guess she is right... I mean only people who really care would spend time to read my blog. Like you! and thank you for wasting you time reading this... ;)

No matter how good you are as a person you'll still end up being judged by other people. Why can't people just mind their own business? or why can't they just stop doing their usual antics and schemes to ruin other people's lives. I know that it is sometimes amusing to see other people fall into that "trap" but it's becoming so tiring already. And its unhealthy for some as well. I just wish some people would just grow up and/or atleast act like grown ups... this world might just become a peaceful place.

I Dreamed A Dream....

2010-05-21T12:49:00.000+08:00

I don't really have the time to watch television nowadays. So often times I'm not updated about my favorite show Glee. But one thing I like about being outdated is surprising myself on every episode. I've always been a fan of broadway musicals that's why Rachel Berry's character is very endearing for me and I also like it that in real life Lea Michele(Rachel) is a broadway star. On Glee, Rachel's character is longing for her birth mother and she was doing everything she can to know her identity... little did she know that her mother is just one school away. Vocal Adrenalin coach played by Idina Menzel is also playing Rachel Berry's surrogate mother on the show and apparently she was also doing everything to help Rachel find her... (you guys should watch the dream episode to know the complete story) this blog however is made to reminisce' and once again watch Rachel and her mother's rendition of I Dreamed a Dream. A classic song from Le Miserable' and was just sung so beautifully by these two talented ladies.

Charice Covers Bieber! Makes "Baby"Her Own! Kills It!

2010-05-15T11:18:00.001+08:00

Our shawty Charice sent perez hilton an exclusive video of her singing justin bieber's hit "baby" and immediately caught worldwide web attention as proven by numerous re-uploaded version of the video in youtube. Perez hilton loved Charice's version of the song saying our girl can sing naturally and he even love her rap/breakdown towards the end. Truly Charice is an amazing girl who never ceases to amaze us over and over again. A lot of us are requesting her and justin b. to make a song together but for now let us enjoy her video... at the top baby! Charice Covers Bieber! Makes emBaby/em Her Own! Kills It!

Hello episode of Glee

2010-04-15T17:48:00.004+08:00

Glee's first installment on it's season two is very promising. It's like they're saying, "watch out! this season will be super exciting.." Earlier today I was able to tape an episode of America's e-news Daily 10 and they feature Amber Riley. She is in a studio recording for one of her songs in Glee and she told D10 some secrets and insights about whats in store this season on Glee... Click here to see the interview.

Charice: A great sounding noise.

2010-03-30T23:07:00.001+08:00

The Philippines' golden girl and Oprah's most talented girl in the world is launching her very first international album. The album includes her current single "pyramid" featuring fellow YouTube sensation Iyaz. Hopefully she will launch this album in Oprah just like what she did with her first international single "note to God" which has earned her rave reviews. Recently, Charice was crowned the new Pop Princess by the New York Post through her latest single "pyramid" and is set to conquer the world by storm... the New York Post article said that Charice's mountain-and-valley vocals are the only reason you will need to fall in love with her sound. Charice is indeed a great sounding noise. At the top girl, just like a pyramid.

Please go and grab her album from the link provided... Chasters everywhere it is time to show Charice our support.

The irony of life...

2010-03-28T22:00:00.004+08:00

If one day I’ll be asked “how were you able to live your life?” I don’t think I can give a straight answer. I have been living my life the way I wanted it to be. But the decisions I made along the way doesn’t really make me the smartest kid in the planet. Although as we grow old... we learn that life isn't perfect. We learn to accept that we will age whether we like it or not. Funny as it may seem but I think a lot of people also suffer from the same getting-old-dilemmas at a time.

I don’t really mind ageing... what bothers me is that I’m growing old without really getting my plans done. It’s sad because some people don’t really get what they deserve. Even if their working hard for it. But who are we to question fate? It’s just ironic but that’s the way things are. As I went on my daily routine earlier something came across my mind. Count your blessings. It was written in the Bible. It was such a shame because I have forgotten about that phrase for a while... but really, if you’ll think about it, people tend to look on their misfortunes and stuff but never really looked at the brighter side of their life. And I’m guilty of that. But I don’t want to continue being this ungrateful. I just hope I’ll never forget. So there isn't really ironic about life except for the fact the we tend to forget about things that we should value and be thankful of. Another self realization for eRwin. tsk tsk tsk...

WANTED HAPPINESS

2010-01-04T11:24:00.005+08:00

How do we find happiness? Why is it so hard to find? I've been suffering from depression since last year... or at least that's what I thought. I've been trying to convince myself that I have no regrets with the decisions I have made. But I just can't convince myself any longer. Wish I was smarter then... so I would have figure how time flies and that time lost can never be gained. Now I have to face growing-old-issues that never ever crossed my mind back then. Back when I decided to quit school for the first time out of personal pride. Back when I decided to quit school for the second time for my first love... and back when I quit school yet again for something that have turned my life upside down. I'd say, I was a quitter and never a winner which is odd because I used to believe that I was on top of my game. And looking back, I've had so many opportunities that I just let pass because I was too afraid to grab them.

Before the new year I told myself that I'd be more patient but it's just so hard to follow. Specially when you feel left out . Alone. Unwanted. When I left manila to come home and spend more time with my family, it felt right. But now that I'm here, it feels like another wrong decision. In some culture, when siblings turn 18years old, they have to move out of their parents house and establish their own . I did that, even earlier than 18, however in my case I have to come home and go away several times... and now I'm back again. This time my mother is sending me to college. It feels good to be back in school but it kind of make me feel like a failure. I couldn't move out because I have nothing to start of and I'm afraid of making another life turning mistake. I feel like at 28 I've got limited time to establish the kind of life that I want. I feel like I don't get enough support from the family that I was looking in to. Which is a little frustrating because When I was working in manila I did everything I could to support them. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, because I don't have the right. I just need an output for these emotions that's been troubling me for a while now.

Music has always played a special role in my life and I've always liked to perform... but something is pulling me back. Singing a song nowadays is nothing like how it used to feel back then. It's like saying, "die Erwin, die!"...

UNSENT LOVE LETTER

2009-12-25T19:35:00.007+08:00

It took me a while to finally gain the nerve to send you a letter because I was afraid you wouldn't respond. I just want you to know that almost every time, I attempt to send you a message, contact you, talk to you or even talk to your friends but I was always afraid that you might reject what I have to say.

I don't want to die without telling you I love you.. I still do. I might look like a fool by admitting this but that's what I'm keeping inside my heart. After us, there were so many sleepless nights. I long for the times that you made me feel secure and at peace. I'm not trying to win you over.. not that I don't want to.. it's just that I can't, and by that it also breaks my heart. I want to say I'm sorry for leaving you like I did. I thought I was doing the right thing. I was just being emotionally childish that time. which is odd because I'm on my mid 20's. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not dying or anything. I just want to place everything straight. Life is uncertain, but we have to move on. :) and this is me moving on...

I have dreams and aspirations in life. At once you were part of that. But that time I felt somehow that I wasn't part of yours. You've accepted me during the time that probably no one would have and I so appreciate that. It made you the greatest lover I ever had. I wish I had the chance to give back everything you have given me. Life as we grow old becomes lonely, we need a certain person to spend the rest of our lives with us.. as I was hoping that you find that person I was also hoping that I find it.. but that person should live up to the standards that you've set. And on that note I think I'm doomed forever. ;)

When I told you sometime ago that I really want you to be happy and find someone who deserves you better than me, that was really true. It will make me happy to see you happy. Someday if ever our paths will cross I hope you'll say hi because I'll be glad to say hello. :)

Realizations

2009-12-01T16:59:00.003+08:00

Wow! It’s been a while… I honestly been so sluggish lately…I couldn’t even attempt to update my blog or any of my other friend-networking-sites… well, for the record, I already ditched my friendster and mySpace site. I felt like everything is too much already and I’m actually in the process of abandoning my facebook as well… though, I’m really having a hard time saying goodbye to facebook, cause somehow it’s entertaining, interactive and it keeps me up to date with my friends. I was thinking that maybe I could just keep my blog and really focus on it? Like update it at least on a weekly basis (if I wouldn’t be too lazy).

Anyway, I’m now glad I have the time (and the courage) to write something. Though I’m a little disappointed because I thought students have all the time in the world because it seems like they we’re always online and have those really pretty profiles on friendster and the like, but to my dismay it's really not the case. Yes! I quit my job and I am now a certified college student at 28years old. I figure out if I have to quit my job it has to be for a really good reason, and what better reason could it be than to go back with my studies. After how many years of telling my self I was doing the right thing, I finally realized the importance of education. And I have to learn my lessons the hard way. Well it’s better late than never, as they say although my reason for not continuing my studies is not that insignificant. And it’s a whole different story. My only consolation now is that, if I’ve finished my college degree before, I would have graduated with a course that is totally different from my real interest and still, I would have enrolled now as second courser. So everything is good for me, so far my only issue at school now is that I’m uncomfortable being classmates with really young people, not that I don’t like them but because I feel like I look old whenever I’m next to them J. So what am I gonna do about it? I honestly don’t know. My only motivation now is achieving my long term goal… I’ve realized after a while of being in the professional world that patience really is a virtue and that dreams are made and the only maker could be your self, so we have to really take our time and it will eventually take us towards achieving our long term dreams.

I guess this could very well be my new year’s resolution? Be more patient. Ciao!

"Once"

2009-08-23T16:13:00.006+08:00

It's been a while since my last blog update and I'm glad to say that I have finally come into a decision, one that hopefully was right. If you've seen my last blog, you'll know what I mean. :)

I've been thinking, if I have to choose my life in a movie, that would be "Once" starred by Marketa Irglova and Glen Hansard. My friend Simone gave it to me as a Christmas present December of 2008 and by far it has been the greatest gift I've ever received. I can no longer recall how many times I played that movie and watch it over and over again. The movie and its soundtrack has a certain impact on me. It inspires me, makes me sad, happy and at peace. It makes me wanna grab a backpack and travel the world. Although when I do that, I wanna make sure I have a guitar on me.. I'll play good music along the way, while meeting constant strangers. I'll see the world, I'll live my life..

I guess "Once" made me realize how important it is to be careful when making a decision. You have to know which one would make you happy and contented. Money isn't everything, it does matter but it can't satisfy your every need. If you want to live your life, you gotta follow your heart and with the Lord's guidance, everything will just fall into place.

Troubled

2009-07-22T15:54:00.004+08:00

Have you ever felt that life is so lonely? And feared your future in some ways?

This year im turning 28 years old and I fear that by the time I reach my 30's I still haven't achieved anything. I fell like my life is a lonely soundtrack of a movie. I somehow feel that i'm meant to do something else but i'm not sure what hesitates me. I'm not even sure if i'm just afraid to do things or I just haven't really figured it out.

My mind is telling me to do alot of things, but I can't decide which way to go. The pressure of making a decission makes me wanna die.

And upto this moment, I still don't know what. :(

Charice

2009-03-08T09:44:00.005+08:00

march 07, 2009 here in the Philippines, when Charice had a free concert at the Edsa-Shangrila Mall.. the place was packed with probably thousands of her followers including me and my friends. The show started @ 7pm manila time and that was just the exact time when we arrived at the place.. people were screaming.. enthusiastic about what's gonna happen.. and Charice brought down the house!

It was a fantastic experience! Even though I never really had a good view of her because as I've said I arrived at the exact time when they called Charice on stage and she came out and sang "I Will Survive" with her usual energy and fantastic vocal prowess! The moment she started the song, everything else stopped.. even the escalators! We couldn't see her but we can hear her voice and all the attention was on her.. the Filipino crowd is usually hard to please, I can tell that for being a Pinoy myself. So the mere fact that people would actually go to see you and stay, it's already and indication that you are made for something great. Plus people would give you standing ovation, shout for more when the show is suppose to end and actually follow you wherever you go after the show that mean something great!

As a fan, I never really did things like this to anybody.. I did it just for Charice and I'm looking forward for more shows.. next time I will be there at an earlier time to get a good view.. ;) If you wanna check out her youtube videos on this just copy paste this link to your browser---> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZMAUtgSeZQ

AFTER THE RAIN

2009-02-02T11:11:00.003+08:00

"I took my clothes off... I stood in the rain... I'm always crazy like that..."

I just thought I made it through the rain. Every drop pierced my skin and deep down to my veins. I continue doing so for I know each pain will soon be gone. The downpour will eventually mellow until it stopped. Ironically, I found satisfaction. Call it weird, blame it on my ingenuity.

I went on a quest not meant for me to go through and live in a world not provided for me to thrive on. Every road I took was never a mistake. I chose it, I stood with it and confident of each step. I never regret passing the path. Otherwise, I could have felt incomplete.

Mia is one of the best things that happened to me. She is of the very few reasons why I wake up in the morning and sleep at night. She is the best part of my every day. She adds color to my pale shadow. Without her, I will slowly wither. No, sooner I will disappear.

The world revolves, tide's changing so as essence of life. I found my self in the horizon of being lost. I can hear the murmur of nocturnal creatures pushing me back off my way. But I see clues of rainbow lurking somewhere. When rainbow appears, new life begins...entails better things to happen. I am banking so much on that phenomenon. I just hope it won't fail me.

Crossroads after another, odds after next. Never ending chaos. I never get tired. For all I care, I gained strength with each test and push me harder to be better.

Things happened too fast that I never got hold of each second. The next thing I knew, I was flowing with the stream. It was smooth sailing. No bums, no obstacles, straightforward we cruised.

Time came, there was a need for us to infuse meaning in our travel. To know what direction to take and what to do next. I planned ahead but Mia looked at it as taking control of fate.

I knew she traveled that way before and perceived it identically as it was. Little did she realize, it's a new phase and no two things are the same. She maintained the same perspective. I lost my bid in my persistence to change the status qu of thoughts. But I still pushed my advocacy that travel with me is different - totally different.

She was afraid to a lot of things that she hid the emotional constraints in her. I told her to cast away all her fears as we travel. I spoke to deaf ears and it was a futile endeavor. She was imprisoned by the past in a vacuum of doubts. I was cursed by her bad yesterday. It was very unfair.

Experience wise she took the front seat and she's adamant on her command. She kept an eye to everything and said nothing about her plans. She contained things within her. In effort to ask about, I set dark clouds waiting to hit my head in any minute. I hate arguments not because I was never logical and critical at all. Oftentimes a dubious case appeals to be irrevocable. I left it that way.

I loved her so much that I started to lay my cards about the coming days. But parallelism of our plans was absent. She never took me seriously. I opted for a long term journey and she failed to see the string attached to it. A thing will definitely last when given the right focus and strife for it to work. Unless one puts a limit at the start, it won't go that far.

I knew it was too much. I was faced with so many options around but I chose to follow her. The mind could not give certain reasons of what the heart tells. Seemed wrong but it stood infinite cases of life stories.

In the middle of our journey, rocks made the river unpredictable. We knew we need to let go of some things. Through her request I sacrifice things so dear to me...one, two or more. Some were against my will but I have to let go. They were crucial decisions. I succumbed just to keep up with her in our journey.

I was on the edge of losing patience but I persevered. I had seen imbalances in the stance but I still continue. I was confident it was the right way of doing things. Many people accused me of losing my sanity. I made every effort to prove them wrong.

I am out there doing great things for her. In most times, I felt less appreciated. I never ceased. I was blinded by the promise of destiny. Not now but realization moght be at the near end.

She stopped paddling. I don't know why.

Rain still comes. Why risk when a lost-lost situation? Why wait for the time when you'll be tired and sick of being tired and sick? These are the queries of the contemporary society that I started to hear during which I was crowded with stack of confusions.

I will be at a distance but I won't bid goodbye. I saw a need to pick up pieces of myself broken on the process. When I come...I'll be ready to face life with all new perspective - of myself, Mia, love and life.

All these idle times..."she is a memory that never fades like my love that is forever..."

In my return, it is a thrust to level the ground and will have it even for us to move and grow. I wanted things vivid and clear. As simple as that! Fair and transparent, open and without hesitation. Free from fears and wrapped with one hue of love - absolute and unconditional!

The sun is up! The rain is over!