It's A New Day

not so much to say

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffani) — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 01:11:00 +0000

i dont really have a post…just some randumb (thanks tracey) thoughts thats been floating through my brain….

is there like a sign im wearing….i have had so many guys flirting with me this week…
dont tell me you love your kids…and your actions show otherwise
why is it you can love someone…and he can love you…and timing NEVER be right?
i was happy when you were leaving….I liked how it felt when I was by myself…so im enjoying me
If one more of my appliances break down, I am gonna believe someone is sabotaging me…
everytime my baby cries cause of you…i dislike you a little more
my kids say the funniest stuff…daily
Turn your frown upside down…and annoy the ish outta whoever is pissing you off!
not sure marriage is something I ever want to do again.
prom is over…graduation next….2 down…7 to go…LOL

Trying to find my smile

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffani) — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 10:58:00 +0000

Another trying day….I am sure this will be par for the course for a while. Thanks to all my friends and family who have called or txted or imed. I don’t know what I would do with out yall. Thanks for sitting through the random bursts of tears. I will get it together.

I spent yesterday thinking on my part in breakdown of our marriage. There are things I could have done differently. Mistakes I made….circumstances where had I made another choice we might not be where we are today…..From talking with my folks one thing I would never do again is move into a house with ties to me. Living in this house that my mother owns and for all intents and purposes is mine made it MINE. Not ours, I can honestly say I never told him or even intimated that I held it over it his head….he felt like I did.

I am still angry…and it still hurts but I have cut off contact for me. I need time to smooth away the sharp edges ….a glass of pineapple rum and sunny d mango helps! Day by day..I get through. Now I am playing my theme song…Destiny’s Child Survivor

Now that you are out of my life,
I'm so much better
You thought that I'd be weak without ya,
but I'm stronger
You thought that I'd be broke without ya,
but I'm richer
You thought that I'd be sad without ya,
I laugh harder
You thought I wouldn't grow without ya,
now I'm wiser
You thought that I'd be helpless without ya,
but I'm smarter
You thought that I'd be stressed without ya,
but I'm chillin'
You thought I wouldn't sell without ya,
sold 9 million
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what)
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what)
I'm a survivor (what), I'm gonna make it
(what)
I'm a survivor (what), keep on survivin' (what)

thats what that is!

Gonna take this blog personal

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffani) — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 11:44:00 +0000

I need a place to vent and deal with the mess my marriage and life have become. I need a place to put my thoughts so I can sort through and see what things are worth keeping…and which are worth tossing.

Every thing aint for every body and I know that folks may not want to hear or share this journey with me.

This shit is hard. I know him leaving was for the best…and truth is I am happy without him here. But 7 years doesn’t just disappear overnight. It hurts like hell that he moved out and on in ONE day. ONE DAY…..really? It confirms that he had already removed himself emotionally from this family.

I am in a place I do not want to be…I am so hurt and ANGRY. I want to scream, kick, cuss, fight someone…mostly him. We could have had so much together. I know our time together was not wasted as we have three beautiful children together. But it just makes me so MAD that it means so little to him.

I am working on me…gonna be a better me….gonna do better and have better. I am tired of walking around stressed out. Tired of being angry all the time…tired of snapping at the kids, yelling about everything….what happened to my smile. I realized I hardly ever smile any more. And truly I have so much to smile about. I have 9 beautiful, intelligent, wonderful children. Their presence lights up my life. I have great family and friends who have rallied around me at this low point in my life. I have my health (mostly) and I have enough financial stability that I have all the things we need and a lot of things we want. I am truly blessed and should wake up with a smile on my face!I am thankful for all my blessings but I realize it doesn’t show on my face. So today I will put on a smile on my face and show the joy in my heart!

Im a blog neglecter!

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffani) — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 05:01:00 +0000

anyone else remember the commercials for Wheel of Fortune with someone singing I'm a wheel watcher...ah well I have tons of useless bits of knowledge stuck in my head.

Some of the reason I have been such a bad blogger is that I have been SCRAPPING!YAY...Its been so long since I actually had mojo to scrap.

Find more photos like this on Totally RawKin Designs

Part of the reason is of course the fabulous ADSR5. This is my third race and it always get my scrapping mojo going...what I find so funny is that so many of my layouts this time feature pink prominently...which is one of my least favorite colors.

My daughter finally got her $800 BJD...She is a combination 18th birthday & graduation present.

She is beautiful...now my third daughter has decided she wants one....this is an expensive hobby!

I also have a guilty pleasure to admit to....I think Waka Flocka Flame is sooooo sexy..

those lips...that hair....EVERYTHING just works for me....my my my my MY!

Don't call it a comeback

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffani) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 14:37:00 +0000

Last night my mom, uncle, son (the 5 yr old) and I went to Cleveland to see Charlie Wilson in concert. Every since I was a little girl I have been a huge Gap Band/Uncle Charlie fan. However due to circumstances in his life when I finally got old enough to see him in concert he wasn't doing any. I have seen Maze, Ojays, EWF in concert more than a few times but Uncle Charlie was eluding me. All I can say is BOY was it worth it!! When we walked in the State Theatre, my son saw the huge Charlie Wilson photo backdrop and said look mommy its UNCLE CHARLIE. Everyone in listening range bust out laughing. We of course took a picture in front of Uncle Charlie.

The opening act was local talent, Britni Elise..that girl can SANG!I had heard a song or two but I had no idea her voice was so powerful. No studio singing there....She did Satisfied, Hello and her rendition of At Your Best that she dedicated to the late Aaliyah.

Next came Ginuwine....oooh boy...I am a HUGE Ginuwine fan and I have to say he looked as good as he ever has. At this point my son began to get animated. These were songs he has heard over and over again. He started clapping and snapping his fingers. Ginuwine sang most of his hits.....dance moves was on point. He closed his show with Pony.

My son started getting a little antsy during the intermission...asking where was Uncle Charlie. I told him he is coming...soon.

Right then the lights dimmed, and out came the Charlie's Angel's, his dancers. He hit the stage...and OWNED it. I dont care how long he has been in business....or how cracked out he was...or how old he is...he gave a hell of a show. I would recommend any fan of his music young or old to see him in concert. I think he outdanced Ginuwine no joke....He was awesome...his voice sounds great...show was exciting without being overwhelming. And my little guy had the TIME of his life. He stood on my legs and grooved with Uncle Charlie. He danced, swayed and sang along to all the songs he knew. After show was over he told me that Uncle Charlie sang some songs that he didn't know the words to. I guess that means I have to play MORE Charlie Wilson....which is not a problem at all!!!

Cry No More

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffani) — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 01:39:00 +0000

Listening to Tonex Cry No More...and I know that one day I will get there. This hurts a lot more than I thought it would. I mean he and I hadn't been in a relationship since I was 20ish. We didn't have a bad break up so I was never angry with him. We have talked over the years through his letters to my darling Dee...but even that was hit or miss. I had no idea his death (and everything leading up to it) would be so devastating.

I have known him such a long time. I can remember those basement parties on Garland....I wanna say he is first guy I ever danced with...and I know he is first guy that ever tongue kissed me....wow..that was WAY back in 89-87ish...23 years ago. A lot of history between us...I hadnt even realized....

Although I hated what happened in his life, I was proud of the way he stayed in our daughters life...when the easy thing would have been to focus on himself. He was a boy that I loved when I was young..but became a man that I loved for sharing with me our beautiful daughter.

I understand that some friends both old and new were very close to him in his final hours. I hope that they were able to provide comfort for him. I know that he had made his peace with the Lord and is with Jesus now. He no longer wants for anything. I am not crying for him anymore. Its for me and my baby that I am crying now.

Nearly Flawless huh...

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffani) — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 21:23:00 +0000

Condemned killer Mark Brown filed a last-minute lawsuit challenging Ohio's execution process as flawed and capable of causing severe pain, then was put to death Thursday in a nearly flawless death penalty procedure.
__
nearly flawless death penalty procedure is an oxymoron to me. Just the words flawless meaning perfect has no place next to death penalty procedure. Its so far from perfect....It is unconscionably cruel to appoint the hour of someone's death. To have to countdown the days and hours until someone you love breathes their last. I have had close family members murdered...I have had friends and acquaintances die as a result of street violence. I have had those I love die at the end of illness. And I can say that the last two weeks as I watched them countdown to my daughter's fathers execution date was óne of the most traumatic, stressful events I have ever experienced.

in 1981 my aunt was murdered by her husband...she was single mother of 1, on 2/21/1992 my cousin was murdered by her kids father...she was 22 years old married mom of three small children.....11/20/2005 my cousin was kidnapped & murdered by a stranger...she was single mom of two teen girls....and all three were wonderful women who loved their families and worked hard to provide for them. So I have had my innocent family members murdered. And I oppose the government committing murder in my name. Why create more innocent victims...why cause someone else's family the pain and loss that I suffer from. It does not ease my suffering one bit. Its barbaric, horrific and definitely not the sign of a civilized country. Its vengeance not justice.

So neglectful

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffani) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 14:09:00 +0000

of this blog...but no mas. I really need an outlet to process whats going on in my life. And I really want to keep it apart from my design blog. Not that much designing is going on. So many things going on in my life....Most prominent thing is the upcoming execution of my daughter Deonna's father, Mark Brown on 2/4/10. I have been in constant prayer for all affected by this situation. That love and mercy will touch the hearts of all people involved and heal the broken pieces in all of our lives.

After almost 5 years, Antonio Jackson, the man accused of murdering my cousin (and another woman) was scheduled to be sentenced after pleading guilty on Jan 29. Waste of a court date,as he waited until that morning (4 months after agreeing to plead guilty) to say he wanted to withdraw his plea. With the plea agreement, the death penalty would be removed as possible sentence. Now who knows...his death at hands of state will not make me hurt any less....will not bring back my cousin, will not ease my pain in the slightest. I cant speak for anyone else...thats how I feel.

Looks like my husband and I will be separating and its truly for the best. I have stopped trying to make something work when I am only one invested. I want my children to have the best and he is more concerned with his own needs and wants. As part of a married couple, you have to let go of the I and focus on the we. I am sorry it didnt work out. 7 years is a long time but its time to put away things that do not work and can not be fixed. And as long as he refuses to change, it can't be fixed.

Song List

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffani) — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 05:40:00 +0000

WINAMP

playlist

96 tracks in playlist, average track length: 4:09
Playlist length: 6 hours 39 minutes 54 seconds

Right-click here to save this HTML file.

Playlist files:
1. Charles Smith - Brown Sugar (4:29)

2. Michael Jackson - Remember The Time (3:59)

3. Hurricane Chris - Halle Berry (Radio) (4:49)

4. Usher - Don't Lose Me Baby Ft. Pharrell (2:23)

5. Trey Songz - I Need A Girl (3:31)

6. Various Artists - Old Time's Sake - Sweet Sable (4:20)

7. Mary Mary - Get Up (3:08)

8. Soulja boy - Turn my swag on (1:45)

9. Teairra Mari Ft. Flo Rida - Cause A Scene (Promo Only Clean Edit) (3:45)

10. Digital Underground - Humpty Dance (6:32)

11. J Moss - Operator (Album Version) (4:14)

12. Maze Feat. Frankie Beverly - Before I Let Go (3:56)

13. Dorrough - Ice cream paint job (2:46)

14. Michael Jackson - Rock With You (3:23)

15. John Legend - Green Light (feat. Andre 3000) (4:44)

16. Fabolous feat. The Dream - Throw It In The Bag (clean) (3:55)

17. Beyoncé - Upgrade U (feat. Jay-Z) (4:33)

18. Xxplosive (4:35)

19. One Way - Cutie Pie (5:29)

20. Memphis Bleek - I Wanna Love U (Feat. Donell Jones) (3:23)

21. Bobby Valentino - My Ex-Girlfriend Ft. Pharrell (3:49)

22. Mike Jones &amp; Magno - Cuttin' (4:33)

23. Michael Jackson - You Rock My World (5:08)

24. Al Green - Love And Happiness (7:02)

25. Michael Jackson - Another part of me (3:54)

26. Trey Songz - Brand New (Clean) (Promo Only Clean Edit) (3:39)

27. Mariah Carey - Don't Stop (Funkin' 4 Jamaica) (3:37)

28. T.I. Ft. Mary J. Blige - Remember Me (Promo Only Clean Edit) (4:03)

29. Dj Barry Bee & Trey Songz - 09 Trey Songz - Live Your Life (4:10)

30. Michael Jackson - Blame It On The Boogie (3:30)

31. Ashanti - Foolish (3:47)

32. Keyshia Cole - Playa Cardz Right Ft 2Pac (4:24)

33. Destiny's Child - Girl (3:44)

34. Mario - Tell Me Why (3:32)

35. The Dream feat. Mariah Carey - My Love (3:29)

36. The Gap Band - Burn Rubber (Why You Wanna Hurt Me) (6:24)

37. Let Me Blow Ya Mind (4:10)

38. Fonzworth Bentley Ft Kanye West & Sa-Ra & Andre 3000 - Everybody (Radio Edit) (3:16)

39. Keyshia Cole - Some Other Place Ft Remy Martin (2:37)

40. Various Artists - Anything - Swv (4:07)

41. Trey Songz - Best I Ever Had (3:19)

42. Hidden Beach Recordings Presents - Tainted Featuring Larry Dunn & Richard Turner (5:22)

43. Kirk Franklin - Looking For You (4:06)

44. Beyoncé - Diva (3:20)

45. Hidden Beach Recordings Presents - The Way You Move Featuring Mike Phillips & Dennis Nelson (5:50)

46. Beyoncé - Sweet Dreams (3:28)

47. The Gap Band - Outstanding (5:49)

48. Maze - Maze feat. Frankie Beverly -04- Happy Feelin's (5:26)

49. Mariah Carey Feat Gucci Mane - Obsessed (4:08)

50. VA-Big Mike & Big Stress - 21.Lil Kim & T-Pain- Download (4:15)

51. Richgirl - He Ain't Wit Me Now (Tho) (Main Version) (3:41)

52. Keyshia Cole - Heaven Sent Rmx Ft Mario (3:24)

53. Mariah Carey - Loverboy (Remix) (4:30)

54. Hidden Beach Recordings Presents - Beautiful Featuring Jeff Bradshaw & Dennis Nelson (3:30)

55. Anthony Hamilton - I'm Cool (Feat. David Banner) (4:19)

56. Keri Hilson - Knock You Down (Feat. Kanye West & Ne-Yo) (Produced By Danja) (5:26)

57. Various Artists - Afro Puffs - The Lady Of Rage (4:50)

58. Soulja Boy feat. Sammie & Karina Pasian - Kiss Me Thru The Phone (3:14)

59. Various Artists - Izzo (Hova) (4:21)

60. Various Artists - It Wasn't Me (4:01)

61. Rick Ross Ft. T-Pain, Lil' Wayne & Kanye West - Maybach Music 2 (Album Clean) (4:24)

62. Brian McKnight - Find Myself In You (4:18)

63. Keri Hilson - Turnin Me On (Feat. Lil Wayne) (Produced By Polow Da Don) (4:08)

64. Lyfe Jennings - Haters (3:45)

65. Young Problemz & Mike Jones Ft. Gucci Mane - BOI! (Promo Only Clean Edit) (4:28)

66. The Dream - Rain On Me (2:41)

67. Electrik Red - So Good (3:29)

68. Cupid - Cupid Shuffle (Radio Version) (3:53)

69. Michael Jackson - Shake Your Body (Down To The Ground) (3:45)

70. Dem Franchize Boyz Ft. Lloyd - Turn Heads (Club (4:14)

71. New Boyz - You're A Jerk (2:46)

72. Various Artists - Shake It Fast (5:19)

73. Beyoncé - Get Me Bodied (Extended Mix) (6:18)

74. Various Artists - After Party (4:41)

75. The Gap Band - Humpin' (3:49)

76. Jadakiss Ft. Swizz Beatz & OJ Da Juiceman - Who's Real (Album Version) (Promo Only Clean Edit) (3:12)

77. Michael Jackson - P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) (3:58)

78. Plies - Plenty Money (Clean) (Promo Only Clean Edit) (3:56)

79. Letoya Luckett - The Day You Left Me Ft. Ludacris (4:10)

80. Maino Ft T-Pain - All The Above (Radio) (3:59)

81. Mary Mary - God In Me (Feat. Kierra "Kiki" Sheard) (3:10)

82. VA-Big Mike & Big Stress - 23.Ginuwine Last Chance (3:01)

83. VA-Big Mike & Big Stress - 22.Letoya Not Anymore (3:49)

84. Mario Feat Gucci Mane & Sean Garrett - Break Up (3:50)

85. The Gap Band - Yearning for Your Love (8:54)

86. The O'Jays - Family Reunion (6:55)

87. Michael Jackson - Ride with me - with Rodney 'Darkchild' Jenkins (3:01)

88. Charles Smith - U Don't Have To Call (5:04)

89. Hidden Beach Recordings Presents - I Know What You Want Featuring Dennis Nelson, Lou Talylor, & Melena (4:53)

90. Mary Mary - Mary Mary - Mary Mary - Shackels (3:12)

91. Keri Hilson Ft. Trina & Keyshia Cole - Get Your Money Up (Main) (Promo Only Clean Edit) (3:17)

92. Beyoncé - Ego (3:56)

93. Drake - Best I Ever Had (Clean Hook, "You The-You The Best", Dirty Verses) (4:20)

94. Mary Mary - In The Morning (4:15)

95. Various Artists - Rock The Boat (5:32)

96. Keyshia Cole - I Changed My Mind (2:39)

What it do

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffani) — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 15:43:00 +0000

Against my better judgement, I saw the movie Notorious with my hubby. And just like I knew…I got mad. It was a very poor representation of everyone as far as I was concerned. Puffy was showed as this all wise ever knowing guy who only had everyone’s best interests at heart. Not quite the Diddy we know and love/hate. Its very obvious that Diddy’s first and only concern is advancing Diddy. And the portrayal of Tupac was a crime. He couldnt have been any more demonized. Pfffft…boo to the movie.

On other hand I saw on youtube, Fantasia performing Lady Marmalade as a tribute to Patti Labelle and it was OUTSTANDING!

WHOOOO! Check out Patti’s face at 3:38….and Kobe Bryant’s Whoa at the end. I definitely agree.. If Beyonce is this generation’s Tina Turner (minus abusive Ike)….’Tasia has to be Mz Patti’s doppelganger.

It’s A New Day

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffani) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 00:01:00 +0000

Literally and figuratively….a new day in that we have never seen this day before. But also a new day in American History…history of the WORLD. And in words of the will.i.am, its been a long time coming…..Today President-Elect Barack Obama will be sworn in as 44th POTUS. WOW. It still gives me goosebumps. Not sure if I ever believed (before this year) that I would see it in my life time. And I am young (relatively). I guess it only took almost the total collapse of this country. Hopefully we the people can come together (once again) to form a more perfect union.!

In scrapping news…I been a scrap sensation. ADSR is always a big motivator and this years run is no different!Here are some of the challenges I have completed so far…

I won a Flip Mino from Honeyshed.com! I was so excited when I got the box!

Old School Friday - Graduation 1990

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffani) — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 06:32:00 +0000

The theme is graduation year....1990....I can remember that being the summer of cars with bass. I can't tell you how many times I rode around with my girls (RIP Reesie P- you still loved and missed, RIP Tahnee J....sister of my heart. I will miss you ALWAYS) in a car with the music booming. One of the songs that got MUCH play was Digital Underground's Humpty Dance!

Another classic from that summer was En Vogue's debut hit, Hold On! Booming bass and those girls could BLOW!

There were so many choices from that year...I could barely narrow it down to just two...but here are some of also rans:

Suga Free - Granddaddy IU
Spread My Wings - Troop
Poison - Bell Biv Devoe

check out others: Old School Friday

Setback but not off track

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffani) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 15:41:00 +0000

Yesterday was a bad day. I ate too much junk..chips, candy, but no Pepsi. I didn’t eat one real meal. I have got to get on a better schedule. Or my healthy plans will be very hard to maintain.

Kids pc was infested with a stubborn malware program..even after cleaning the registry it reinstalled itself. So now they have a fresh clean XP install. I need to install avast and spybot and they will be good to go.

I am going to grocery store with my mom in a bit. I am taking my new book , The Rush Hour Cook presents Weekly Wonders by Brook Noel. So I will try to base my purchases on the menu I choose.

NO JUNK FOOD!

Happy 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffani) — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 21:04:00 +0000

I saw midnite with my family as usual. We drank our sparkling cider and talked for a while longer. Talked about what our plans for this year might include. The Diva who is 17 and in her senior year of high school is chomping at bit to get out of Dodge. She is headed to Grambling in the fall. I look forward to it in a bittersweet way..hard to believe my lil baby is just about growed up..sniff sniff…but other times I am ready to strangle her!

I also did my daily mugshot. Here is today…check back for daily update

My daily mugshot is here

Daily Mugshot

I also started a frugal crafters yahoo groups…sometimes my craft hobbies can get expensive and I gotta work on that. The group is in its infancy but if you are frugal and craft…feel free to join me

FrugalCrafters

Yesterdays swag

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffani) — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 20:47:00 +0000

Mom, the Diva (eldest daughter) and I went to Big Lots. This is one of my favorite stores cause ya never know just what you might find. And boy did we find goodies! They must have closed out a book store because they had 4 shelves full of great books. I bought 3 and mom bought me one cause I wanted it so bad. I got Wire Jewelry in An Afternoon by Mickey Basset. I have been wanting to start beading/wire jewelry so this was perfect and only 5 bucks! I also bought two Christian picture books for my kids one of which is awesome Nineteenth of Maquerk based proverbs 13:4 by Aaron Reynolds and the one my mom bought for me: The Rush Hour Cook presents Weekly Wonders by Brook Noel.

Five Rush Hour Rules…

1. All ingredients are pronounceable through the phonetic use of the English language.

2. Each ingredient can be found in the market without engaging in a full scale scavenger hunt.

3. No list of ingredients shall be longer than the instructions.

4. Each recipe has to be durable enough to survive the Queen-of-Incapable-Cooking.

5. The Rush Hour Cook’s finicky child will eat it—or some portion of it.

Can you tell I am excited about this book????

Also I did pretty good yesterday for my spark people goals. I drank 3 of my 8 glasses of water and I was 200 under calories. I was bad for sodium and sugar but good that I had NO soda. I did have a Snapple but will be looking for a sugar free alternative to that. My problem is that EVERY sugar free alternative is disgusting to me and I can sniff (or taste) them out in a sec.

It’s A New Day

noreply@blogger.com (Tiffani) — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 14:19:00 +0000

and soon to be a new year. Definitely got some changes planned for 2009. I have let some things go on way too long and its not a good look for me or my family.

First I joined Spark People (again) but I am serious about losing weight and feeling better. I have had so many health issues this year that I determined to make a change. Hardest part of that is going to be giving up Pepsi…yeah I said it..gonna give up the good stuff.

I intend to get the kids involved in my journey to healthy. I am more concerned with how my body feels than how much weight I lose. If I eat better, exercise more and take better care of myself, the weight will come off…right?

I also have some definite business goals that I plan to work on. My designing is very hit or miss. I have to change that. More time spent on the business of designing and less on facebook, email, and twitter. I feel there is a market for my creations, I just need to reach them.

Personal is going to be hard. My marriage isn’t in a good place and my husband refuses to accept that. But I am going to pray on this situation and work on the other parts and God will give me guidance.