Enlightenment

Being Powerful

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 18:11:00 +0000

In a wonderful workshop that I attended yesterday on Finding time for yourself & all that matters to you-the Ontological way, a very important learning that emerged is- when you are powerful within, things important to you start happening and you also find time for what matters to you.

Being powerful within, is being empowered. It gets things done or even created without any force. It comes from the sense of responsibility and ownership exemplified by you. You might be quite soft spoken and yet powerful. How does this happen? By-

Letting go of negativity
Detachment from a negative situation and if needed people ( not from duty)
Living in the present-BEING

Those who use force are powerless within; force is the weapon of the meek. Aggression comes from a place of weakness.

Patience is the virtue of the strong. Love is the strongest weapon.

May this Navratri Goddess Durga give you the strength to empower yourself, be patient with the people & things that matter; infuse love within & exude the same.

Happy Dushehra!

Self Appreciation- Empowerment Series

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Thu, 07 Dec 2017 14:29:00 +0000

While the soul is free from appreciation or criticism, it is the mortal being in each one of us that craves for appreciation, that too external. Abraham Maslow in his theory of hierarchy of needs in motivation places ‘Recognition’ in the middle, just before Self esteem. Indeed recognition and appreciation do give a boost to self esteem. That’s also where we talk of the power of positive words as they can make or break a person.

Having said, the fact is that forget appreciation, many a times there is no acknowledgement also because we get so used to taking people and things for granted and everything starts becoming just another piece of responsibility, be it at work or home. A friend recently shared that when she said “thank you Laxmi! Thank you for coming at 6 in the morning and cooking for us, my son (a special child) makes it to school on time with his 2 tiffins only because of you” to her cook, Laxmi was so elated and then her commitment levels increased like never before.

While Laxmi got her due credit, what about us? Are we somewhere taking ourselves for granted too? Do we recognize our own self worth? Do we ever sit to think about what all good we do?; we handle a multitude of responsibilities and take so much in our stride, at times emerge with a new learning...

Don’t we have a responsibility towards our own selves? After all if you want to keep other happy, keep yourself happy first. If the self is not happy and empowered, it can never spread happiness and positivity and everything will appear as a drudgery or mere responsibility.

As we move toward the New Year let’s sit back and recall the good things we did, appreciate ourselves and approach the New Year with a sense of delight . This will not just make us happy, it will also inspire us to continue doing good with a sense of inner joy.

Empowerment-The role of Conditioning

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Sun, 03 Dec 2017 09:40:00 +0000

While a lot has been said about gender equality & women empowerment, it's time we do a little soul searching about our role in empowering and or dis-empowering a girl.

I hear a lot of young mothers telling their little weeping sons -"are you girl you are crying? Stop crying, be a man, be strong; if you cry you will become a girl". I get taken aback when so called educated men and women talk in this language. By making such statement, we are conditioning the young mind to believe that-

a) Boys don't cry, or it's absolutely incorrect for boys or men to cry

b) Crying is an act of weakness

c) Boys/men are strong & girls/ women are weak

The young boy will grow up holding these false notions very closely in his mind the consequence of which will be- he will be ill at ease to express his emotions; and will never accept a female as an equal forget better in any sphere of life. He has been raised with a possibly unknown gender bias.

Recently I got a shock again when someone who apparently appears to be quite modern made a remark that left me thinking. She said that " If ABC (her son) was a girl (daughter) I would never send her for swimming, look how tanned he is". I managed to keep quiet with somewhat difficulty. This kind of a statement is a clear message that it's not good for girls to have a not so fair complexion; after all fair skin sells faster & better in the marriage market.

Where is the discrimination coming from? When the parents themselves give such differentiating messages to kids, where will there be a level playing field? Even if the government, or an organization provide a level playing field, will these children, now adults respond equally and treat each other as equals?

There can be n number of laws and programs on gender equality, Sexual Harassment Prevention, Prohibition & Redressal, etc.; unless there is a change in mindset, the culture in an organization or society will not change. Not to undermine the importance of the laws, they play a vital role in enforcing safety and security and provide remedial measures; a mindset shift will create a feeling of security and belongingness.

What is it that you want?

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Tue, 21 Jun 2016 12:17:00 +0000

In life, you get what you really want. Is it? Yes, it is.

There are two things that work:

1. When you truly, dearly, passionately, badly want something, all your efforts are dedicated in that direction

2. Somewhere the law of attraction also starts working. Nature conspires to complement your efforts.

Does that mean what you do not get, you did not try enough?

Well, yes and no.

1. Yes because probably you could have tried it somewhat differently; you could have persisted a little more. Perhaps you gave up a bit early. Remember the story of the little boy who wanted to climb the giant Mount Everest? After trying for years and not being able to make it, he one day said- "Look Mr Mount Everest, now you cannot grow taller but I am both taller and bigger than before".....

Life is indeed like a hurdle race, you cross one and there’s another one to welcome you. As you grow big, so do your hurdles. However, beyond a certain point, hurdles stop bothering because you are so well equipped to handle them. With every problem or failure there is a success story as well, that of getting a new learning, facing the problem or the failure.

Life keeps testing our patience and persistence and gives us two options- either give up or make it till there.

2. No, because something else was planned by nature/ supreme power/ God which was for your own betterment in the larger scheme of things. Or it was purely as per the law of karma or deeds.

So, what we get is purely the causal effect of our efforts and deeds.

What is now important? The basic what, how, whys-

Know what you want

Know why you want it

What are you willing to do for it

How will it affect you-positively & negatively

To conclude, I get 3 key learnings from the above written matter:

1. Know your priorities very very clearly. There will be numerous occasions when you will have to reprioritize. What you need to remember is what is NOT a priority at every point of time; and what is it which, if everything else is lost will keep you happy.

2. Adhere to self made boundaries, that is, know your non-negotiables- values, dignity, self respect?

3. Once you are clear on point no 1 & 2,go all out- body, mind and soul to do what you want to do.

Last but not the least, always listen to your inner voice/ gut feeling/ sixth sense.

All the very best!

Do share your feedback and join me on www.deepali-enlightenment.blogspot.in

Have a wonderful week!

Emotional Transformation

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Fri, 17 Jun 2016 07:25:00 +0000

It is highly misconceived that being emotional means being weak. Absolutely not! On the contrary it could make a person strong too.

Being emotional per se does not make a person weak or strong, it is the CHOICE of emotions that makes him so. Yes, like other tangible things, we can make a CHOICE of emotions we want to feel more. We can choose to feel blissful, happy, enthusiastic, compassionate, content, peaceful, loveful, empathetic , passionate, joyful and the list goes on. (Try listing 10 emotions you want to feel) irrespective of the external factors.

While we had so far been thinking that it is only natural to feel sad, dejected, hopeless, angry in face of a failure or a challenging situation; yes it is natural because that is how we are conditioned. However it is in our hands to decide whether-the emotion is in us or we are in the emotion. The external factors are out of our control, but what about our own selves? Do we want to lose control over ourselves too? So what we need to do is:

1. Notice ourselves and our inner dialogue

2. Accept the negative or un-resourceful emotion and the situation

3. Control the inner dialogue

4. Take a neutral stand, by physically and mentally dissociating from there

5. Decide the resourceful or positive emotion we want to feel , instruct oneself and bring it in the system

Of course it is not easy, yet with practice and a conscious effort it is possible. Mind training tools from Neuro Linguistic Programming, positive self talk which is the inner dialogue and meditation will make it very easy.

Remember that no matter how difficult the situation is, we can handle it only with a calm and peaceful mind. Moreover, negative emotions lead to many a psychosomatic disorders. We can feel a difference ourselves –what are the energy levels when we are happy and enthusiastic vis-a-viz when we are under stress and agony?

So coming back to where we started,

1. Choose your emotions thoughtfully

2. Emotions like love, compassion, peace, enthusiasm, empathy, joy are resourceful emotions as they catalyse positivity within and around

3. Accept the un-resourceful emotions and choose the extent and timing, for example –know when and how much of anger has to be expressed so that it works as a disciplinary tool.

When you, as a leader embrace resourceful emotions, you will feel more empowered to handle your own and your team’s emotions.

When you display empathy, compassion, love, passion, won’t your team be motivated to go all out and do what you’ve told them to do.

Please channelize your emotions responsibly knowing well that love begets only love (minus a few accidental aberrations). This is the only way to transformation. And I know that my readers are already on a journey towards a higher destination.

Have a lovely and loveful weekend!

Please share your feedback and join me on http://deepali-enlightenment.blogspot.in/

Emotional Intelligence-the eastern & western approach

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Fri, 11 Mar 2016 09:41:00 +0000

As I complete Emotional Intelligence Practitioner Certification, I realize that there is a close resemblance between the eastern, more so, Indian spiritual techniques and, the western ones. The processes are a little different, but the purpose and even framework to some extent are similar.

Let us look at some of these similarities:

1. The western approach talks of creating boundaries with self and others so that we do not violate the other's boundaries and enmesh emotions. Enmeshment simply means feeling and living the other person's emotions, and is a common phenomena between us and people we have intimate relationship with like parents, spouse, children etc. (enmeshment is not empathy). So when boundaries are crossed, enmeshment happens and it can lead to complete dissociation with self and association with the other and can stop us from handling a situation from a neutral perspective because we get overpowered by the other's emotion. A simple example of enmeshment is -parent's stress level going up during the child's exam, spouse getting anxious when the other is in appraisal.

Boundary with self, to me means not feeling guilty on missing perfection every time, forgiving oneself if something just got missed from being accomplished. This is highly needed in this age of super competition and sky high targets and expectations. And it is more needed for Indian dedicated women.

The yogic practices, meditation, pranayam help us in reaching the desired state of detachment- a neutral position in which our sense of discrimination is very strong and we can see things the way they are without losing our sanity even in highly challenging situations. Our scriptures also guide us to lead a life of non-attachment with the fruit while performing our duties to the best of our effort.

2. Sculpting a new image of oneself, using the whoosh technique to create a new desired picture of self with the qualities expected and seeing oneself as having accomplished what one wants to is commonly done under the western approach.

We do the same using certain thought journey & yognidra techniques in the east.

3. Taking a meta position, that is a third party or neutral position in an argument, difficult situation, to heal self and relationships is propounded by the west. And the east suggests various forms of meditation in which one practices to go beyond body consciousness and reach soul consciousness. This leads to reaching the utmost sense of neutrality. It also teaches us to refrain from taking the sense of doership; having sense of drishta & not karta and offering the fruit of one's actions to the Almighty.

4. Western techniques guide us to acknowledge & validate a person, the eastern approach teaches us to have an attitude of gratitude.

5. The western approach tells us to release unresourceful emotions and let go of the negativity associated with them, the eastern approach tells us to forget and forgive.

I can barely see any difference in both the approaches.

While there is both an art and a science in the western methods as they used brain based techniques and work on the neuro patterns and the techniques have to be administered appropriately; the eastern methods have the beauty of being simple, easy to practice, create a connection with the higher self, take one to the super conscious level, activate creativity, intuition. A dextrous combination of both can do wonders to enrich our life with happiness, success & peace.

Have a lovely weekend!

Please share your thoughts on www.worldofenlightenment.in

Leadership & emotions

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Fri, 05 Feb 2016 14:03:00 +0000

Thomas- a participant in one of our workshops on Managerial Effectiveness based on 7 Habits shared an incident that happened in his team a couple of months before this workshop.

Thomas was noticing that one of his very effective team members- Rajesh was behaving differently than usual-he started being irritable, lost, withdrawn from other co-workers, not as punctual as he used to be. While a few co-workers did start highlighting his mistakes and using this as a ploy to get a deserving employee ousted, Thomas –the caring boss did what a good leader should do. He while patting Rajesh’s back asked him in an informal conversation if everything was fine with him. Rajesh broke down and told him that his mother was battling with cancer and was undergoing chemotherapy for which he had to take her to the hospital off and on. There being just his wife and an infant in the family, he had to manage the logistics. Thomas very empathetically listened, offered Rajesh some water and tea and then suggested him to take leave for a month while being available on the phone and email when required and hand over the pending projects to a team mate in Thomas’s presence. He assured Rajesh that his job will remain safe and his rating will remain unaffected if after coming back he shows the same enthusiasm in his work as he used to earlier.

Thomas, while understanding an employee’s genuine problem, offered help and retained a good worker who became more dedicated and motivated after coming back. He earned respect, appreciation and sincerity forever.

How many of us pause to think that if a person is behaving differently than usual, he could be going through some kind of a hardship or crisis? Do we stop and try to understand?

I get taken aback when I read or hear senior leaders say that there is no room for emotions at work. “I am a totally different person at work than what I am in my personal life.” There will of course be a few differences in our engagement with people in our personal and professional lives. But how can we have different set of values –one for personal life and one for professional life? How can something as natural and intrinsic as emotions stop to exist the moment I reach my workplace? Imagine what will happen if our heart muscles do the same thing- work at home, stop working at office?

There is just no need to cut off the emotional-the human side of oneself at work. What is needed is-

1. Emotional control and proper expression of emotions

2. Using emotions to build a strong connect

Steven Covey – management expert talks of building a strong Emotional Bank Account by adding the deposits of –empathy, integrity, attending to little things, clarifying expectations, apologizing sincerely. When the emotional bank account is strong, people will give their best, will be more productive, there will be team spirit and the organization’s objectives will be met. There will be a win-win situation for everyone. People will want to work with such leaders who have an emotional and the more human side even at work. And the organization will earn a good name because of good leaders and workers.

Have a lovely weekend!

Energy Audit

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Thu, 28 Jan 2016 15:05:00 +0000

To save the environment and finances, companies and even some households carry out energy audit. This helps them keep a check on use and misuse of energy and helps in preserving the scarce resources.
Can we do a similar exercise for our energy-physical as well as mental? Can we carry out our own energy audit? Yes, we can and we should.
Whatever outcome we get in life is mostly a result of our investment of energy. So we need to check two things:

1. Mental energy-What kind of thoughts are occupying our mental space? Is our mind full of waste thoughts-thoughts of worry, fear, anxiety, anger, hatred, jealousy? Are most of our thoughts about the past or the future? Now just imagine if the place where we live or work is full of waste, will we be productive, be able to do what we want to do? Similarly, if the mental space is occupied by wasteful thoughts, will we be productive or creative? Never.

2. Physical energy-Actions and words need to be in sync with thoughts otherwise there will again be a seepage of energy.

Hence it is very important that we carry out a regular audit of our own energy. Just two simple steps:

1. After every few hours, check your thoughts. If they are negative/ wasteful just navigate consciously towards the positive and productive thoughts.

2. Before going to bed carry out a brief exercise of self introspection-visualize everything done in the day like a film. Something will be right, something will be not so right. Whatever is not so right, just edit it- say cut, cut, cut and promise not to repeat it.

These small exercises will help us channelize our energy in the right direction. And when our thoughts, words and actions synchronize in the right direction, right energy is produced and somewhere the law of attraction works and nature conspires to work with and for us:)

Have a lovely weekend!

3A,FL Model for Conflict Resolution

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Fri, 22 Jan 2016 09:19:00 +0000

Conflicts are natural in any relationship. No two people will feel or behave the way the other does or expects all the time because we are humans and cannot always function in a standardized fashion. While it is normal to be in conflict situations, what is important is how one responds to or resolves these situations. Any relationship-in personal and or professional life can take an ugly form when conflicts are left unresolved or when there is a blame game.

For the health of the relationship and for the mutual benefit of individuals, it is imperative that there is transmission of positive energy. Energy between two people can get:

1. Reflected-we give back what we receive- positive or negative. This is the most common form of energy exchange.

2.Absorbed-while we do not give it back, we retain the negative energy and somewhere it affects our thought process, emotions and behaviour towards the sender. This happens when the receiver out of fear or respect, absorbs the negativity.

3.Transformation- The ideal form of energy exchange is when despite getting negative energy, we are not absorbing it and are sending back only positive energy. This transformation of energy is very crucial for any relationship to thrive.

I thought of a 3A,FL model that shall help in transforming energy and resolving conflicts.

Ask-1) Can I handle this situation differently?

2) Is it important for me to feel and behave negatively?.... to lose control?

3) Is there anything worthwhile in this person?

Accept people the way they are, of course without compromising on values

Agree to disagree and give the other person benefit of the same

Forget & forgive

Let go

When 3A,FL model is backed by love (for people in general) and spiritual strength, relationships will bloom and so will people.

Have a lovely weekend!

Do leave your thoughts and join my blog at www.deepali-enlightenment.blogspot.in/

Happy New Year

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 06:14:00 +0000

Wish you & your loved ones a very happy & prosperous new year!

May you-

Grow by leaps & bounds, and grow in humility too

Make your choices wisely and heartily

Live with the realization that the means you use to achieve ends make all the difference

Display an attitude of gratitude for all that you have-big or small

Care for those who matter & for whom you matter

Let go of all the negativity

Believe in the infinite power of prayer & pray for others

Live every moment in love.

Life changing effect of Neuro Linguistic Programming

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Mon, 14 Dec 2015 12:43:00 +0000

In one of my workshops called, A New Me, while we were using a tool to overcome the strongest negative emotion of the participants, there was one participant who shared his experience post applying the tool. The negative emotion that he wanted to overcome was anger and it had its roots in his early school days where he was beaten by his teacher day in and day out . So much was his anger on that teacher that he had decided to become a teacher and beat every student to quench his sadistic thirst against the fraternity of teachers. I and the entire group were taken aback to know this when he shared that "if I had not attended this workshop I would have become a teacher and beaten up every student." While it was an achievement that the workshop could help him overcome not just anger, but a latent volcano that was waiting to erupt someday.

A few points to ponder on:

1. Emotions play a very important role in our lives. They actively or passively affect our personal and professional lives-thought process, behaviour, communication, inter-personal relationships; in addition to health and overall well being.

2. Though on a superficial or conscious level, we think that we have forgotten and or forgiven the errant, but at the sub-conscious level we keep holding the grudge and the pain.

3. Past experiences, especially the negative ones somewhere condition our behaviour and limit our belief system.

While I am a strong believer of a spiritual approach in life, I have found Neuro Linguistic Programming to be highly effective in helping people overcome such negative emotions arising out of a painful past. The scientific brain based tools coupled with the Practitioner or trainer's spiritual approach help the participant in realising the ill effect of holding on to negativity and letting go of the same.

Looking forward to sharing more such experiences soon:)

Have a lovely week!

Remember to leave your comment.

Change your words, change your world!

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Fri, 30 Jan 2015 12:25:00 +0000

It has now been proved by science that sound does not get destroyed, it stays in the atmosphere and leaves its effect, good or bad. According to newspaper reports, scientists are also trying to get the original enunciation of Bhagvad Gita as articulated by Shri Krishna on the grounds of Kurukshetra.

While our thoughts determine our words, it is quite interesting to know that the reverse is also true. Our words effect the way we think and feel. Words can make or break our world. While I was doing a course in Neuro Linguistic Programming, the trainer gave a very simple example- when you say I am suffering from cold, you choose the suffering. And when you say this cold is passing through me, you know nothing of suffering. Human brain does not understand pain, it is we who tell the brain that we are in pain and hence feel accordingly. Lot of pain and suffering will go away when we use more positive and less harsh words with ourselves and others.

In our interaction with people, we often forget that they are not result producing machines, there is some element of emotion and sensitivity in them too. While it is natural to have a bout of emotion and anger at certain times, but then can we expect the person on the receiving end to always be non-reactive and calm. And even if that person is non-reactive, there are many chances that we might lose him soon. He might not react or respond looking at the hierarchy of the relationship, his not so strong hold on the set up or some other reason, but he will always look for ways to avoid us. This someone could also be someone who we think to be our own.It will be an absolutely losing relationship. And such losses can never made up.

So, change your words, change your world! Time to do some soul searching to see which world we want to create for ourselves.

In the end, just remember that if you cannot help, at least talk helpfully!

Empowering relationships

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Wed, 12 Mar 2014 15:56:00 +0000

On this Women’s Day, one of the newspapers covered letters written by super achiever Moms to their daughters. One such letter was written by Chanda Kochar, the CEO of ICICI Bank to her daughter who is doing a course Engineering. The gist of the letter that motivated me to write this article is-

You have chosen a not so popular field. Go ahead and do what you want to do. Don’t think of anyone or anything and just do what you want.

A parent saying this to a young child means-

She has complete trust in the child
She has full confidence in her upbringing
The relationship is really strong.
This also conveys that, irrespective of the outcome, we shall be there for you.

This shall make the child highly responsible for her actions. She shall always respect and admire her parent for giving her not just resources, but all the encouragement and support that one needs to grow as a complete individual in life.

Now this is what I call Empowerment. The parent is not just making the child empowered, but is empowering the relationship too.

And this is true for all our relationships-with spouse, child, parents, friends, co-workers & bosses.

When our relationships at workplace and home become so strong, we have mutual trust and confidence, the place and the relationship becomes a source of happiness rather than a cause of stress. We then look forward to being there and with those people.

Let’s introspect and find out if we are nurturing our relationships or avoiding confrontation/ communication.

Let us do our best to make our relations truly empowered.

Power of blessings

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Wed, 08 Jan 2014 10:58:00 +0000

I happened to read a lovely article on the power of blessings in the magazine Life Positive yesterday. The same has inspired me to share my thoughts.

We come across many situations that seem to be impossible to handle at that time, yet we get through them smoothly; we come across a severe accident and come out of it without even a scratch; we narrowly escape an adversity and come unharmed. When we reflect on what happened v/s what could have happened, do we realize that it was only and only God’s grace that worked on us?

We, at times take all the credit and at times share with the people around us, and even extend it to luck. Do we ever think how the blessings of our elders, or anyone who blessed us anytime helped us?

Blessings, a good word or earnest prayers and wishes can do miracles. The power of thoughts and spoken words is being recognized by science also as, it believes that we all are surrounded by energy fields and thoughts & words have a positive or negative effect on the energy field around us and hence we are impacted.

I firmly believe in the wonders blessings can do. God’s grace cannot stop flowing to someone who has his parents' blessings, blessings of elders or just anyone, who has wished truly and we have respected the wishes or blessings. Yes, the element of genuineness on both sides, at the side of giver and receiver has to be there. The giver has to have sincere feelings and the receiver has to value what the giver said.

So anyone –a parent, an elder one, a boss, colleague, helper, maid, even a stranger, anyone–dead or alive, irrespective of hierarchy of any kind can do beautiful things to our life with his blessings. So, in the new year let’s do two things right away:

Bless everyone we come across
Be deserving of someone’s blessings

Let’s also be thankful for all the blessings life/ Almighty has bestowed upon us.

Be happy! Have a blessed life!

Happy New Year

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Sat, 04 Jan 2014 12:04:00 +0000

Wishing you & your loved ones

A VERY HAPPY & PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!

May your life be filled with health, happiness, prosperity & God's grace!

Is anyone listening?

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Fri, 20 Sep 2013 05:54:00 +0000

The other day I got a call from a friend’s cousin. We spoke for the first time ever and did not even know each other’s names till then since the relation was a distant one. In this very first conversation, this young girl shared her woes, the way she was being ill treated by her father & step-mother, her anxieties about her future, fears etc . The call went on for an hour or more & towards the end she said- thank you so much for listening to me patiently and understanding my problems.

A day later, we went in a party organized by a family friend. There, I bumped into a lady who happened to be of my mother’s age. We just got to exchange a few niceties and there she went telling me the tales of her parents forcing her into marriage, her family supporting her husband while was going through a bad marriage & divorce, and life henceforth.

I was sadly taken aback at the way both, this girl half my age and this lady of my Mom’s age shared their grievances in the very first interaction; sadly because of the thought that is there such a dearth of people who can listen to you? Is life getting so fast paced and people getting so entwined in their own stuff that someone is bloated with problems and is ready to blurt all emotions on getting a patient ear even though the listener happens to be a stranger?

No wonder companies are investing into coaching of their executives by way of hiring professional coaches. As I embark the journey of being a coach, just wish to list out a few points for being a good listener:

Remember that listening is not hearing. Hearing is a physical process, while listening is both physical & mental. One has to listen not just with one’s ears, but also with one’s heart.
Be empathetic while listening.
Do not get judgmental at all.
Respond with your paraphrases, do not react.
Listen with your body, mind & soul.

Let’s introspect and find out if we have been good listeners to the people in our immediate vicinity- family, friends, colleagues, employees, neighbors? Last but most important, do we find the time to even listen to our inner voice?

Do share your views and comments on http://deepali-enlightenment.blogspot.com/ or on deepali.enlt@gmail.com

"Don't take me for granted"

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Fri, 24 May 2013 08:17:00 +0000

“Don’t take me for granted for heaven’s sake”, screamed Mukesh, a Relationship Manager in a foreign bank to his boss, when after repeated drudgery and obedience to the boss’s whims the boss insulted him in front of his team and sub-ordinates. A simple, hard working, sincere and ever helpful employee left the company because of constant misbehavior by his boss.

Personal egos, misuse of power, impatience are some of the causes adding to employee dissatisfaction and stress, leading to loss of good resource to the organization.

And yes, we do knowingly or unknowingly take people for granted.

During the high flying expedition into the corporate world, in the constant run to make a big buck, we often forget to acknowledge the people whose efforts and sacrifices have contributed to our journey of success. We give them a feeling of being taken for granted. These people could be - a team member, subordinate, senior, an office boy/ messenger, a domestic help, liftman, security guard, parent, spouse, sibling, friend whose presence in our lives has made our life worth living in many ways.

Instead of respecting someone for their painstaking effort and sacrifice, we even have the shameless audacity to say - why did you leave it for me? Why did you do this for me? It was your decision, you had a choice, I didn’t compel you….and so on. While one might achieve material success for some time, one will lose out on important elements in relationships, respect and affection of team members, and maybe some numbers from HIS account of grace.

A little patience, accommodativeness, non-reactivity, and warmth can make life easier at both professional as well as personal fronts, and it can add value to the numbers that one achieves.

Have a lovely weekend!

Love as a motivator

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Fri, 17 May 2013 09:52:00 +0000

Paro, a middle-aged woman does the household errands in a posh locality of Mumbai to make a living. She had a struggle some time bringing up her kids single handedly after losing her husband at a young age. Paro says she loves God and keeps on chanting his name while doing the cleaning and other chores at her employers’ places. She is taken very good care of by one of the families she works with and is treated with a lot of care and respect. This employer doesn’t hesitate to say that she is like his mother and feels happy to put a piece of sweet in her mouth.

Paro, in return, does not think twice before doing any extra work at this employer’s house, does not demand a hike in salary, comes to work even at 9PM, all out of her own choice saying that he treats me like his mother, why can’t I do a little for him like I do for my son.

I just wish to put forth two points here-

1. Love, respect and care can go a long way in motivating an employee and gaining his loyalties. A human touch can do wonders in this fast track life. Love begets only love.

2. Self-actualization can be a poor man’s motivator too. It is not necessary that someone has to first make money, receive accolades and then he will think of the higher self. At least the lady mentioned above proves otherwise. Connecting with the higher self can actually increase one’s output at work and create happiness too.

Let’s love ourselves and those around us to create a happily productive environment.

Have a lovely weekend!

New job avenues for the good ones

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 10:03:00 +0000

I read an interesting news in the Economic Times on 9th April 2013 titled 'Taking Care of Your Granny? Keep at it, You May Land a Job'. It talked of new job prospects for candidates who know how to take care of their grandparents or the elderly, along-with some other opportunities. It was for jobs with a start-up into eldercare/new age old age home. I felt happy to read that in today’s times when all we hear about is the need for street smart and -------- people, there is a career potential for people who know and can take care of their elders.

Can we pause here and think for a minute that if there is a majority of such people in the organization who have-

good values
love and compassion for elders/ others
patience to listen to others
ability to forgive or let go
mental space for others
accommodating nature, etc.

the workplace shall become a healthy and blossoming place; there shall be lesser room for office politics, individual egos and personal battles and hence the stress levels shall also go down. Team spirit and individual morale shall be high and thus the organization’s flag shall also fly high.

Let us make an individual effort to treat others well and uphold the basic human values and see how goodness multiplies and comes back. Let's truly believe in the goodness of goodness:)

Have a lovely weekend!

Woman workforce post maternity

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 11:22:00 +0000

While we were having lunch during a training session, by chance the table on which I was eating was occupied by all young women. One of them was married and was dissuading her female colleagues to pursue a career post marriage citing these reasons-

It is too difficult to manage so many fronts- home, work, spouse & kids, self etc. especially if there is no support system at home like a mother-in-law or mother or someone else to take on the responsibility at home.
Men at work take them to be a threat.
There are ego clashes at home.

She concluded saying that it will be better if men and women stick to their traditional roles.

None of us could digest what she said or agree with her fully. Nevertheless, a few ideas about corporate initiatives to retain woman workforce and help them maintain work life balance came to my mind after listening to her.

1. Crèches & nurseries for toddlers and young kids- Some of the IT majors have already started these, and the concept is quite well accepted in developed countries where women have been working.

2. Play schools.

3. Schools for children of employees with transportation facilities.

4. Flexi-hours, work from home facility – innovating systems & processes through which they can operate from their homes.

5. Refresher & up-gradation training for sharpening skills & enhancing knowledge post maternity break; nomination of such candidate for some similar course.

While women take all the responsibility of nurturing lives, let us as a society , as employing organizations take some steps towards supporting & encouraging them to grow holistically, while we also get to retain a good workforce who keeps her loyalties towards us.

Please do think about this and share your ideas.

When in stress, tell yourself- this too shall pass

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 09:45:00 +0000

In today’s time, stress seems to be an inevitable part of life. Be it work or relationships, there are situations that are difficult and strenuous to deal with. Yet at times I wonder if we have formed a compulsive habit of being under stress or performing better under stress. Maybe yes. Having said that, we can not close our eyes to the ill effects of stress on our body, mind and entire life. It not just a cause of many fatal diseases, but is also antithesis to the very purpose of our being- being happy. Is the purpose of life not to be happy? Yes, it is in all respects, what use is the wealth, fame and achievement if one is not happy. But how does one do this? Be happy despite all tension and volatility in work & people’s moods? Yes, it is possible and doable.

We just need to remember and practice two things-

1.Tell yourself that this too shall pass. No matter how difficult the situation be, it is difficult only for the time being; and it has come to you because you are the one who can handle it well. Even if the whole world including yourself has a doubt on your ability, someone up there has full faith in you and will work with you if you hold on to Him with utmost faith that in the end all will be well for you.

2. Strengthen just one relationship- the relationship with Almighty. If this one relationship is strong, rest all relationships and things will fall in place. And for this again, patience and faith are the key words. Let no problem daunt your relationship with God. Share with Him every minutest thought and pray earnestly not just for resolving your hardships but for His grace. Come what may make sure this relationship is serenely unscathed.

Stay happy, be stressfree:)

Leadership & Parenting

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 07:59:00 +0000

The parents of a thirteen year old school girl came to know of their intimate relationship with a boy which was going on since one year. The girl was not performing well at studies as well. The school authorities referred her along-with her parents to a practicing psychologist. After having a few sessions with the girl and her parents, the psychologist said that there is no problem with the girl and she does not require counselling; the problem was with the parents and they needed counselling. The parents labelled the psychologist as a fraud one and did not go to her again.

The actual problem was that the parents of the girl did not share a good relationship with each other and had serious fights frequently. The girl grew up in such a stressful atmosphere and got attracted to the love showed by a stranger in whatsoever manner. She lied to the parents quite often because she was scared of them and their non-acceptance.

The point that I am trying to bring is that like good parenting, good leadership also certain basic requirements:

1. Being a good role model- If the parents or leaders say something else and do something else it will not leave any impact and no one will follow such parents or leaders.

2. Trust & Acceptance - Unless we have complete trust in someone, we will not share our innermost feelings and thoughts. And when we do not share these there is a communication gap leading to repeated errors which can be disastrous at times. People speak untruth because they do not have the trust that the truth will be accepted.

Acceptance of the other person's failures and flaws leads to his complete trust in us. No one is perfect, a parent/ leader has to give an environment and required resources including emotional / mental security to his child/ follower to reach excellence.

3. Empowerment- When every person in a family or an organization feels empowered in his domain, he will give only his best with full commitment and integrity.

4. No comparison & criticism- When someone compares us with our siblings or colleagues making us feel inferior or criticises us saying that we do not know or we are absolutely wrong , we either get defensive against the person we are being compared with or get into a no action zone. However, healthy competition & constructive feedback are healthy since they do not make the other person feel inferior and are objective in nature.

Let's remember that relationships are to be nurtured perenially. The person in a senior position can make a big difference in making the relationship a stronger and happier one.

Please share your ideas and experiences.

Apologies for this long gap:) Have a wonderful week!

Reverse Mentoring

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 11:22:00 +0000

I feel so elated on seeing an elderly person trying to learn working on a computer, using internet, asking a youngster to set some time to acquaint him with technology. The reason I feel good is that someone in late 70's and 80's is keen to learn from a person who could be of his grand child's age. It brings forth the following benefits:

-openness to learn

-receptiveness to new ideas

-accepting that one is not all perfect and even someone young can know some things more

-giving chance to a youngster to showcase his talent and thus boosting his confidence

-honest communication

-strengthening of mutual relationship

-reducing communication & generation gap

-helping the younger lot give their best shot

In terms of the corporate world, such a relationship is called reverse-mentoring. When a senior learns from his junior on the job, the concept of mentoring gets reversed & hence is known as reverse mentoring. A few companies, both Indian & MNCs have already put the concept in practice and are getting hearty results from the same. There are companies using mentoring as well as reverse mentoring between the same set of people where mentor becomes mentee in case of reverse mentoring, though there is no hard and fast rule to this effect. Looking to the skill set of an employee and the requirement of another employee in alignment with the organizational objectives, they are given the role of mentor and or mentee.

In context of reverse mentoring I remember the phrase - child is the father of man.
Heartening to see the wizards of the corporate world taking lessons from the younger lot and the capability of young talent.

Please keep sharing your ideas.

Happy New Year

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 10:19:00 +0000

As we come to wrap this year up, which made us go through many trials and triumphs, I wish to cease this moment to say thank you.

Thank you for your kind support, thank you for the trust you showed, thank you for your wonderful words of appreciation, thank you for your honest suggestions, thank you for catalysing my growth and thank you for being there.

May your reinforcement always be there.

May the coming year bring all happiness & God's grace to you & your loved ones.

Wishing you & your family a Very Happy & Prosperous New Year!

Reaction v/s Response

noreply@blogger.com (Deepali) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 05:54:00 +0000

While communicating with people in all walks of lives, we come across various situations where communication comes to a standstill because either party gets into the mode of reacting.

Let’s have a look at the difference reaction and response can make on communication and relationships.
Reaction-abrupt actions or expression of thoughts in retort to someone’s words or actions. When one reacts, he closes all the channels of communication and the entire system of communication gets shut. Mind gets cluttered with negative thoughts and presumptions. It fails to be receptive. Reaction does not take one anywhere. The party reacting becomes out of reach and difficult to communicate with. This disrupts not just the communication, but also the situation and has a negative impact on the relationship of both the parties. So let’s learn to respond instead of reacting.
Response- well thought of and meaningful communication through words or actions.
Here are a few tips of learning how to respond:
-Take time before responding, if required 24 hours or more.
-Listen, comprehend and then respond.
-Keep yourself in the other person’s shoes and then respond.
-Exert self control so as not to react.
-Do not go on a unidirectional flight of negative thoughts.
-While you are on the receiving end of someone’s reaction, just stay patient.
-If the other person is over reacting, think that he has gone through a turbulent time and you are the first one to meet him after that turbulence, and treat him well.
-Before going to sleep, hand over all thoughts and problems to the Almighty and ask Him to handle the situation.

Your reactions & response to this post are welcome:)

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Being Powerful

Self Appreciation­- Empowerment Series

Empowerment-The role of Conditioning

What is it that you want?

Emotional Transformation

Emotional Intelligence-the eastern & western approach

Leadership & emotions

Energy Audit

3A,FL Model for Conflict Resolution

Happy New Year

Life changing effect of Neuro Linguistic Programming

Change your words, change your world!

Empowering relationships

Power of blessings

Happy New Year

Is anyone listening?

"Don't take me for granted"

Love as a motivator

New job avenues for the good ones

Woman workforce post maternity

When in stress, tell yourself- this too shall pass

Leadership & Parenting

Reverse Mentoring

Happy New Year

Reaction v/s Response

Self Appreciation- Empowerment Series