Verbal Diarrhea

MMMMM

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 12:57:13 PST

I found what I was looking for in your kiss and your smile. You took my hand and stole my heart on the dance floor. Kept me warm with your touch. You hands on my body I felt the Earth move below. And your soft lips taste so sweet against mine. Running my fingers through your black hair our eyes meet, and time stops for just a second. I'm too afraid to breathe. I can't help come back for more. I

Proven and tested

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 12:52:24 PST

Okay now why is it that when I go out I usually dress pretty casual. Ya know the jeans and t-shirt, nothing ever really happens, no one talks to me or notices me. But on the weekend I decided hey, I'm gonna slut it up cause fuck it I feel like it. So i put on a little teeny weeny black dress and some black high heels. And guess what? I met a very amazing straping young boy and got his number.

HALLEUJAH!

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 18:19:08 PST

I googled Halleujah and got repeated images of Preacher Charles Templeton. Hahahha! I am posing like this right now. Jesus .... I was just reading some of my past blogs when I was suffering from severe depression and I just want to say .... I have come along fuckin' way people!!!!!! WHOOOHOOOOO!!! I had a most awesome day. I woke up early took a nice walk in the warm sun and brisk winter air.

AHHH

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 17:25:40 PST

Trapped in normalcy. When I am contained, I do not feel like myself. Yet with you I am taken away. You make me float above the ground. On another level. Taken over by the music swayed by its magic. I am in heaven.

Destiny

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 12:49:24 PST

You make me want to feel again. Like I did when I was younger. Where we were fresh and new and all I could think of was you. And all you could think of was us. Sweetness through actions and words. Do you remember? Embedded in a mere memory, conjures up the feelings of a past life left alone. And the sadness that followed as a friendship ceased. Yet is destined to continue anew. Maybe when the

The hope inside

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 01:30:32 PST

I sit hear listening to my thoughts, my fears and I wonder where I am going.Sometimes it seems like a train to nowhere. A wild ride to nothingville. Yet here I stay still. When will the time come. When I realize the one and only dream is nothing like what it seems. I can't seem to see what it is to be, free. Or does freedom come at a price, I must not think twice. I hold in these thoughts, fears

Portraits

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 23:26:30 PST

Only in dreams

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 01:23:49 PST

We meet in dreams I fall asleep to find myself beside you. While I'm lucid, I summon you. Our lips touch, and I feel bliss inside of me. Skin to skin in softness and pleasure. You in I. I in you. We are one in moments, but an eternity in my heart. Each beat, a breath of life. I wish to stay with you on this level forever. But I awake to find that you are not here. So again I long for slumber so

Fond memory

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 23:29:41 PDT

When I was in the hospital, I met this man who was a meth addict. The first few days after he arrived, he was mostly asleep. There wasn't a moment too long in which I saw him with his eyes open, or sitting up. He was always lying down on a random couch ... almost invisible to the world. The thing about depression is that you want to isolate yourself. It's like living on an island. There could be

I know this boy named....

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 20:23:42 PDT

I dreamt of you again. That's the third time this week. What the fuck? I don't really understand why. It's really random. But in my dreaming moment it was divine. Even after 7 years, it was like old times. The feeling of your fat lips, the same. The way you used to stare into my eyes. We were young again. Feeling like our chests were about to explode. Talking like old friends. And in my waking

Up and over

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 12:32:22 PDT

I'm reading this book called Meditation as Medicine. Dharma Singh Khalsa, M.D. wrote according to Victor Frankl,the psychiatrist that was in a Nazi concentration camp, people can endure almost anything as long as they find meaning in it. "He did a study on concentration camp survivors and found out that the most thing they had in common wasn't youth, or strength, but the ability to find meaning

Don't Drag Me Down

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 10:28:29 PDT

You say you've been turned, but baby you need saving. From the depths of your own mind, more lessons you need taking. You show up at my door with tears in your eyes. Pick your soul from off the floor, cause I tire of your cries.Don't drag me down, down, down, down with you. Don't drag me down, down, down, down with you. Your emotions tumble round like a violent sea. You expect me to stick through

Ex-Box

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 10:28:50 PDT

Oh relationships. Here comes the storm. As my boyfriend puts in a letter he wrote. As I read it I remember the past. Folding the piece of notebook paper, I slip it back into it's rightful place, in the envelope, something catches my eye: the ex-boyfriend box. A pandora's box filled with memories, ticket stubs, pictures, scrapbooks, gifts, and of course, letters. I'm beginnning to think am I

Mmmmm

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 12:06:27 PDT

How beautiful the day is: warm and sunny. I forget how much the simple things matter and how merely some good music, a cup of raw hot chocolate and sunshine can make a day glorious. The combination of these elements bring happiness. Either that or I am getting high off this raw hot chocolate. Nevertheless I shall bask in the lightheartedness of this single moment, and how amazing it feels to be

Meateaters Anonymous

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 14:38:05 PDT

I applied for a job. Yes ladies and gentlemen I didn't think I'd be back so soon. Joke by the way. I'm back on the market selling myself to whoever wants to take me. Well one particular Web site that I am interested in. I'ts called FitSugar. It's like a women's site focusing on health and nutrition. Being an athlete my whole life I figure its perfect. But lately feeling a little guilty about my

The Bruiser

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 19:20:40 PDT

Dear Phoebe,Happy Birthday! Now you are 2 years old. The year has flown by hasn't it? Another awesome time at the Ambrosio house! And guess what? I was actually on time. I know! I am so proud of myself. I walked in however to find that you were sleeping and had accidentally smashed your finger in the door. Your parents told me it was because you were sleepy, apparently you lose motor skills when

Dishes vs. Writing

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 17:11:24 PDT

Fuckin' Josh. Oh yeah he's the guy I'm dating right now. I should totally pull an I'm pregnant April fool's day joke on him but I don't want to jinx myself. Anyway, he pushed me to write. Yeah it's been a while. I guess that's a good thing. Well it's a great thing. The deal is that he will wash the dishes and all I have to do is write for as long as he washes them for, which he says will only

Happy Valentines Day!

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 17:25:04 PST

Valentines Day or as some like to call it Singles Awareness Day. My cousins and I have a very different name for the day. Its called Fuck You Valentines Day where we celebrate with champagne, strawberries and chocolates and celebrate our awesomeness and damn relationships to the very depths of hell. However this year, I actually have a valentine. Just recently started dating this guy. And even

Baloney!

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 13:00:42 PST

"Enjoy love when you are young because, love is not the same when you get older." Yep I told you we would be revisiting this quote over again.Anyway my cousin thinks otherwise: "... to that thing about your religion teacher's comment -- I think it's total baloney. Love and being romantic is a life-long treasure. It gives meaning, it provides context on why you feel the way you feel, and why you

Homes Made Out of Ticky Tack

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 18:51:43 PST

I was taking my usual walk in the afternoon and I came across a neighbor who was cleaning out his garage."How's it going?" he said."Good," I replied. "How are you?""Going for the run?" he asked."Well the walk," I said. "Well good luck." After my walk, he was still cleaning out some stuff. "How was it?" he asked. From there we just sparked up conversation about where I walked how I lived down the

Bike ride to the past

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 18:56:57 PST

I recently saw my ex ex boyfriend at my cousin's 30th birthday party cause they are good friends. Naturally, everyone got super wasted except me of course. Amongst the madness, he came over to sit next to me, and we were catching up. While we were having a conversation, the jokes came. Here stumbles the birthday girl, "Are you guys rekindling the flame?" she yells."Oh lord," I mutter. We kinda

Someone once said there's always music

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 14:32:36 PST

God there is nothing like music that reaches deep into my soul and heals. Its something that no medication or person can fix. It's tones and vibrations makes me feel like me again. Like Carlos says in group, its these things that we should revisit often when you feel lost. Writing as well. We as people get so involved in our busy lives we forget to do the things we love. In my case, I've just

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 14:33:28 PST

Sometimes I feel the more pills I take, the further and further away I am getting from myself. I am better yes, in comparison to many months ago. But I am missing some essence of me that I can't quite put my finger on. I am blank. My mind feels empty. Like if we were to open it up we would only find cobwebs. My senses, body, numb. Creativity, non-existent. In therapy when people would complain

Ocean abyss

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 10:53:33 PDT

You consume me, again and again and make me weak. You bring thoughts that wash over me millions of times. Thoughts that make me want to crumble. Yet I swallow oceans to keep sane and let the waves come at shore. They crash against my rocks. I thought this time I built my foundation solid yet again you took it down. With one wave you took it down. As I try not to get swept away into the sea again

Life at a different pace

janarae.corpuz@gmail.com (Jana Rae) — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 10:20:03 PDT

Sometimes I feel like I'm in high school again. Pretty much with all these restrictions, and the heavy duty meds I'm on, I can't really drive, stay out late, or basically do anything remotely fun. Haha. I'm like an old lady. I tried to go see my friend's band last week and I just ended up get tried in the beginning of the set. It's really forcing me to take life at a different pace. But I am