My Journey of Mishaps & Miracles

Private Hospital it is

2012-10-16T19:02:00.000+11:00

We finally decided yesterday that we will be going private for maternity. I had no idea how much of a dilemma it is to choose where to give birth.

When we first found out we were pregnant, I automatically called in Royal North Shore to register for maternity. Main reason being financial as with public care its free. But now after visiting both private and public hospitals I understand why those who can afford to go private chooses to go private.

One of the main reason why we are choosing to go Private is because we have private health insurance. We have been paying for the cover for close to 12 months now as we need to be on a 12 months waiting period before we can claim any obstetric benefits. The other benefit is that bubba will also be covered after birth. Our health fund have a buffer in which the baby is covered, provided that we upgrade to family cover within the specified period.

I also like the idea of having my own private obstertrician.

So heres the benefits of going private

You get your own private room
The accommodation is way nicer than public care
The food is also nice than public care
We get to choose our own obstertrician
Check ups and management are held in the obstertrician's private consulting rooms and not in the public hospital waiting room
While our obstertrician doesn't stay with us during labour, the obstertrician will be there at birth and will visit us in the hospital afterwards.
We get to stay 5-6 days in the hospital
There is a nursery in the hospital where they will look after our babies if we want to rest
We get our own ensuite/toilet bathing facilities.

And here are the cons for private hospitals

They have the highest rate of intervention over all birth options, particularly caesarean sections.
Obstertricians usually dont see you much during labour. Its the midwives who monitor you in labour and they will likely be unkown to you. There will likely be 2-3 shift changes during the labour and while we may think that we will receive continuity of care with an obstertrician, they aren't around much at the birth at all.
We will have additional out-of-pocket costs with most obstertricians which vary from a few hundred to several thousands.

Never running after a bus again.

2012-10-12T13:06:00.002+11:00

So being silly me, I decided to run after the bus this morning to get to work. On top of that, I dropped my bus ticket and had to bend down to pick it up. I must have got up too abruptly as right after tht I noticed some sharp stabbing pain on my abdomen. I started to panic at first then calmed down and started to breathe properly whilst gently massaging bubba.

I guess pregnancy isn't the time to start running. Running can also be hard on our knees. During pregnancy, our joins loosen, which makes us more prone to injury. So unless we are routine runners, we should try not to run especially after busses!

This is not the first time I felt that sharp stabbing pain. Its been on and off for I guess a couple of weeks now. Its like a really sharp pain like a bluntish knife being jabbed into me. I usually get 3 or 4 sharp pains and they only last a split second but they are quite painful. When that happens I tend to get worried if something is happening to my lil precious one.

I know when being pregnant, abdominal pain is common but I spent some time researching about it and I thought I should share it here.

Pelvic pain or discomfort is common during pregnancy. After all, ligaments are stretching, hormone levels are changing and organs are shifting around to make room for the growing uterus. BUT sometimes, pain is a red flag that something more serious is wrong. Pregnant women should always contact a medical professional to discuss concerns over the pain they are experiencing.

What are some of the common causes of pain during pregnancy? From relaxed pelvic joints to pressure from our growing baby's weight, here are some of the common pain during pregnancy. If the pain that you are experiencing doesn't go away or if you have symptoms such as bleeding, unusual discharge or very strong cramping call your ob-gyn immediately.

- Round Ligament Pain

This is very commong in the second trimester of pregnancy. Women will notice a sharp pain in the abdomen or hip, typically on the right side although it can occur on either side of the body. The round ligament supports the uterus, connecting it to the groin. As the uterus grows to accomodate the baby, the ligament stretches. Many of our movements can trigger the pain, including laughing and standing from a sitting position. Women can reduce this discomfort by stretching frequently and changing position slowly to reduce the sharpness of the pain. If the pain becomes severe or is accompanied by any other symptoms, it may indicate another health concern and women should seek medical attention. Round ligament pain should disappear for good by about 24 weeks.

- Pressures baby's weight

This only really happens in the third trimester. You may start to experience pressure in your pelvic region as the weight of your rapidly growing fetus presses down on the nerves that run form your vagina into your legs. This pain typically occurs with movement, such as when you walk or ride in a car because the baby bounces. To help relieve discomfort, lie down on one side and rest.

- Miscarriage

When a miscarriage is occuring a women may notice cramping on either side of the abdomen. The pain is as intense or more so than menstrual craming. Bleeding will accompany the cramping as the fetus is expelled. Some women may not notice a miscarriage early in pregnancy but later-term miscarriages such as those that occur after the first trimester are likely to cause significant bleeding and some tissue loss owing to the size of the baby.

- Preterm Labour

Any persistent cramping accompanied by unexplained bleeding after the 20th week of pregnancy can be a risk factor for preterm labour. At this time the loss of a pregnancy is no longer considered a miscarriage byt preterm labour. If you are experiencing a persistern backache and pelvic pressure that comes and goes, you may be in labour.

- Braxton Hicks Contractions

Pressure or tightening in the pelvis that comes and goes could be contractions, but if they are sporadic and generally not painful thay are most likely practice contractions, called Braxton Hicks instead of true labour contractions. These "practice" contractions tend to occur at around 20 weeks and can be triggered by dehydration, so make sure your drink a lot of water. You will know its a contraction if you lie down and feel your belly; your uterus will become hard, and then relax. They should disappear on their own but if you have more than four contractions an hour for two hours, call your doctor immediately.

-Digestive Issues

Pregnancy hormones and bodily changes bring about a long list of digestive ailments in women. Any of these can cause sharp pain on the right side of the abdomen or even in the lower rib cage area. Diarrhea, indigestion, heartburn and gas are common complaints of pregnancy that can all cause discomfort.

You can do the following things to ease some of the symptoms such as:

Take a warm (not hot) bath or stand in the shower and let the water hit your back
Try a pelvic support garment, which can keep the uterus from pushing down on your pelvis
Wear low-healed shoes with good arch support
Try to avoid quick movements and sharp turns at the waist
Get a prenatal massage
Exercise regularly - it could help prevent pain in the first place

You will need to call your doctor/OBGYN if:

Pelvic pain that you can't walk or talk through
Any bleeding
Fever and/or chills
Severe headache
Dizziness
Sudden swelling of the face, hands, and/or feet
Persistent nausea and/or vomitting
Less than 10 fetal kicks in one hour from 28 weeks till delivery
More than four contractions in an hour for two hours
Watery, greenish or bloody discharge.

Flaxseed oil?

2012-08-30T16:43:00.003+10:00

I have not found any solid, replicated studies on flax seed oil being effective in aiding with conception or pregnancy but my naturolpath swears by it.

When I was tyring to conceive, I have read studies which have shown it to be effective in aiding with conception. It used the principles of the glycemic index for "good carbs" and "bad carbs" and would be effective in helping those with insulin resistant fertility issues. I don't know how effectibe it would be in assisting those without insuin resistant issues in conceiving but, there again anything that contributes to overall health, contributes to conception.

Flaxseed oil contains mega-6 and omega-9 essential fatty acids, B vitamins, potassium, lecithin, magnesium, fibre, protein, zinc and is considered to be natur's richest source of omega-3 fatty acids. Nearly every system in the body can benefit from flax seed oil's natural properties including the reproductive system.

My nauturopath told me that Flaxseed oil is great to treat menopausal symtoms, menstrual cramps, female infertility and endometriosis. Because the hormone-balancing lignans and plant estrogens (phytoestrogens) in flaxseed oil help stabilise a women's estrogen-progesterone ratio, they can have beneficial effects on the menstrual cycle, and relieve the hot flashes of perimenopause and menopause.

There are however differing views as it relates to the taking of the flax seed oil supplement while pregnant. On one side there are those who believe that taking the supplement is good for you and your unborn child, and can only aid with pregnancy. The other view of this is that there is information that suggests that taking flaxseed oil while pregnany should not be done as this can be extremely harmful to the unborn baby. They point to the fact that animal studies have been done that has shown a negative correlation between flaxseed oil and pregnancy. There are no studies that have been done on humans but people do base their results on the animal study.

It should also be noted that flaxseed oil does not contain the same levels of DHA as fish oil. Overall fish oil can be considered better at providing you with the amount of DHA that you need. There have been some studies that have been done that show fish oil greatly support pregnancy and healthy baby development and may even help prevent miscarriage.

So if you are pregnant or planning on getting pregnant and are concerned about the effects that flaxseed oil will have on your pregnancy, it is best to consult your physician. Your GP should be able to tell you specifically if it is safe or not for you to take this supplement.

My Good Friend - Psyllium Husk

2012-08-14T21:37:00.000+10:00

Unfortunately, the process of having a child does not just involve thinking up baby names and making the spare room into a nursery. One of the first physical symptoms a pregnant woman is likely to experience is being constipated — but the good news is that there are steps you can take to try to get things moving again!

Why?
Being unable to pass a bowel motion is common in pregnancy, partly because there's increased pressure on the bowel (even in early pregnancy) and partly because hormones can make the gut less efficient. If you've recently changed your diet to a healthier one for the sake of your baby, you may also find that your guts are a little slow to adapt (this is a polite way of saying that you may find yourself bunged up, and flatulent). In addition, some pregnant women become reluctant to carry out as much exercise for fear of damaging their babies — and regular exercise is known to keep you, er, regular.

During pregnancy, it's important to get plenty of fiber. Some changes in your physiology that occur when you're pregnant make it more likely that you'll get constipated, and you can end up with hemorrhoids as a result. Psyllium powder is a safe source of fiber and helps decrease your risk of digestive trouble.

Psyllium husk is a source of fiber, which is made up of the chemical compound cellulose. Cellulose is very similar in chemical makeup to starch; both consist of long chains of glucose -- sugar -- molecules, explain Drs. Reginald Garrett and Charles Grisham in their book "Biochemistry." Humans can't digest fiber, however, so it contains no calories for you. Still, it's an important component of a healthy diet, and women should get 21 to 25 grams per day, notes the MayoClinic.com website.

Fiber Benefits

Psyllium husk, like all fiber, has many health benefits. When you consume fiber, it makes you feel more full, which can keep you from overeating. It also decreases the rate at which sugar from your food enters your bloodstream, helping to maintain your blood sugar and prevent diabetes. The increased bulk of your food because of the presence of fiber helps increase the efficiency of your gut, and fiber also binds toxins and cholesterol.

Fiber and Pregnancy

When you're pregnant, fiber in your diet has added benefits. Your higher hormone levels during pregnancy slow your gut down, which can make you more prone to constipation, upset stomach and hemorrhoids because of difficult or hard stools. When you eat plenty of fiber, you help your intestines to continue functioning more smoothly, which can reduce the likelihood of these symptoms, explain Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel in their book "What To Expect When You're Expecting."

Using Psyllium

There are many ways to get fiber in your diet -- fresh fruits and vegetables are a great source -- but you can supplement with psyllium husk powder if you're not sure you're getting enough dietary fiber. Each psyllium husk supplement is slightly different, so check package directions carefully before use. If you have trouble swallowing the powder in liquid -- it can be thick and chalky -- try baking the powder into cookies or purchasing a chewable, bar-type supplement.

syllium

One popular method of treating constipation is fiber supplements such as psyllium. Psyllium is a bulk-forming agent that helps stimulate fecal motility within the intestine. In addition, psyllium fiber has absorptive properties that can retain water to soften stools and ease defecation. Since fiber remains in the digestive tract and is not absorbed into the bloodstream, there is low potential for direct toxicity to the fetus. However, the use of fiber supplements should only be used under the guidance of a physician during pregnancy since psyllium fiber can cause bowel obstruction.

Are there are any medical complications to being constipated?
The main complication is feeling extremely uncomfortable, gaseous and generally unwell. Being constipated can affect much more than your bowel — and particularly your mood. However, in the short-term the main complication would be the development of haemorroids, or "piles": these are widened veins in and around the anus that may become painful or bleed.

How can I remedy the problem?
There are several ways to tackle constipation, most of which don't require a visit to the doctor.

Diet
Adults require 30g of fibre each day to maintain a healthy gut. A medium Granny Smith apple has around four grams, as a guide — or you can use the Calorie Counter to add up how much you have consumed each day. Aiming for five serves of vegies and two serves of fruit each day is a good "rule of thumb" guide. Including a high-fibre breakfast cereal is a good way to get a good hit of fibre in one go. In addition, these cereals are often fortified with vitamins such as folate — essential for a growing baby — and served with calcium-rich milk. Adding a tablespoon of husks like psyllium can also help, though don't overdo it. Too much fibre can affect how many nutrients you can absorb.
Water water
One thing that fibre does in the gut is expand, sweeping away all those dietary nasties as it goes. But it can't do this if it doesn't have fluid to help it to expand. Drink plenty of fluids (non-caffeinated, non-alcoholic) — water is best, or add a twist of lemon or a sprig of fresh mint to make it taste a little different. If this doesn’t do the trick, some people also swear by prune juice.
Exercise
As mentioned above, regular exercise can help to keep your digestive system to heel. This doesn't mean that you have to run a marathon, nor does it mean plenty of yoga (all that bending and stretching probably isn't a comforting thought if you're feeling bloated). Walking is an ideal form of exercise — walk as fast as is comfortable for at least thirty minutes each day. The good news is, as well, that women who regularly exercise during pregnancy often find that they have shorter, less taxing births and get back into shape more quickly afterwards — another incentive to keep at it!
Make time for the loo
Many women, in particular, find it physically hard to go to the toilet in a public convenience, and including those at work. If you feel uncomfortable spending quality time in the cubicles, try to get up a little earlier and eat your breakfast almost as soon as you get up. This gives your digestive system time to kick into action before you leave the house. Some people also think that drinking a glass of hot water with lemon in it first thing can help to get things moving.
Other tips include going for a walk at lunchtime, and not arranging activities for immediately after work &151; giving you time at home to put your feet up and relax for a few minutes.
Check what you're consuming
Some pregnant women like to take iron supplements and so on — check with your doctor if these may be having an effect on your bowel function. It's always a good idea to check if any supplement may have an effect on you or your developing baby in any case: for example, vitamin A supplements should not be taken during pregnancy. Your doctor will be able to advise if you can take a constipation-forming medication in another guise, such as in a liquid formulation, and indeed will be able to recommend a safe laxative to use should the above measures not completely clear up your problem.

Calcium with Vitamin D in Pregnancy

2012-08-08T19:30:00.000+10:00

I have been taking Calcium with Vitamin D supplements for a couple of months now and since I became pregnant I started to wonder if I should continue taking the supplements.

Heres what I found on the Internet.

Vitamin D - Why do we need Vitamin D?

Vitamin D helps us to regulate the levels of calcium and phosphate in our body. We need calcium and phosphate to keep your bones and teeth healthy.

Vitamin D also help us fight infections and may even reduce our risk of getting some cancers, diabetes and multiple sclerosis.

If we don't get enough Vitamin D when we are pregnant or breastfeeding, it can preven our baby from absorbing calcium properly. A lack of calcium can cause our baby to develop weak teeth and bones.

How can we get Vitamin D?

There are two ways we can get Vitamin D:

Our body makes Vitamin D in response to sunlight
We can get vitamin D from our food, drinks or supplements

Good sources of Vitamin D in food include oily fish such as salmon, mackerel and sardines, and foods fortified with Vitamin D such as margarine and some breakfast cereals. Res meat and egg yolk also provide a little Vitamin D.

During the winter when there isn't as much sunlight, our food and body stores will give us the Vitamin D we need.

Do we need to take Vitamin D supplement?
It's recommended that we take a supplement containing 10mcg of Vitamin D during pregnancy and while we are breastfeeding.

Most pregnancy multivitamins contain Vitamin D. Only take a multivitamin that's made specially for pregnancy.

Vitamin D levels can be checked with a blood test. Pregnant women who are at a risk will be offered a blood test early in pregnancy. If the level is too low, you will be advused to take Vitamin D supplements. You should take the amount of supplement prescribed by your doctor or midwife. This amount may change depending on what your blood level is. Sometimes higher doses are needed at first to build your level up. There is no danger of over dose with these amounts.

First Trimester Ultrasound

2012-07-19T17:16:00.000+10:00

Scheduled in for my first trimester ultrasound next friday. Its one week away but I have already started to worry.

So far I have been having it easy. I am 5 weeks + 2 now and im perfectly fine. No morning sickness, no bleeding, no spotting, no nausea. I do feel extremely tired and I have been experiencing cramps and really strong sense of smell. Which I heard are all pretty normal.

I found out that you can have your first trimester scan and not find a heartbeat and the baby has just stopped growing for some reason. Its made me so wrroed now.

I have been googling to find out more and apparently there are several reasons why you might not see the fetus's heartbeat at six weeks. First you may not really be six weeks pregnant. You may have ovulated late cycle.

The second reason has to do with the type of ultrasound probe the technician is using. Transabdominial probes (over the belly as opposed to in the vagina) are not as sensitive in detecting pregnancy and early heartbeat.

A heartbeat definitely should be seen if an embryo (or "fetal pole") is seen, usually as early as six weeks of pregnancy by transvaginal ultrasound.

Thus, a transvaginal ultrasound showing no fetal heartbeat will mean one of two things: either the pregnancy is too early for the hearbeat to be visible or a pregnancy loss has occurred.

I also heard that if you ever see the baby on a first trimester ultrasound with no heartbeat, you should wait at least seven days and have a follow-up ultrasound. Sometimes the angle is wrong or something the baby is just too small.

I guess chances are everything is fine and I have nothing to worry about and I will be able to see Little Opa's heartbeat. But I'm petrified!!

I think I should try to be more positive. Yes be positive and enjoy every day and just go with the flow. As long as I am keeping healthy and doing all the right things then the rest is in "God's hands". Keep thinking and worrying won't change anything.

Vitamin C & Pregnancy

2012-07-12T17:11:00.001+10:00

Vitamin C, also known as ascorbic acid, is essential for tissue repair, wound healing, bone growth and repair and healthy skin. Vitamin C also helps our bodyy fight infection and it acts as an antioxidant, protecting cells from damage.

I know both pregnant women and the baby needs this vitamin daily - its necessary for the body to make collagen, a structural protein thats a component of cartilage, tendons, bones and skin. Based on animal studies, some researches believe that Vitamin C deficiencies in newborn babies can impair mental development.

Vitamin C also helps our body absorb iron.

Some studies show that taking too much Vitamin C in the form of supplements during pregnancy may increase the risk of preterm birth and there are rare reports of babies with scurvy (a severe vitamin C deficiency) to expectant moms who took vitamin C supplements. Of course excessive vitamin C can also upset your stomach.

I also heard that taking too much Vit C can cause cell damage in the fetus.

Vit C is also in a lot of foods we consume everyday but it is also water-soluble so you do lose a lot of it every time you pee and pregnant women do pee more than other people! Besides, it is a primal vitamin to support our immune system, which is crucial during pregnancy.

Heres the recommended amount of vitamin C I found:

Pregnant women - 85mg

Pregnant 18 years or younger - 80mg

Breastfeeding women - 120mg

Breastfeeding 18 years or younger - 115mg

I have been taking at least 3000mg of Vitamin C but I guess I should look at cutting it down. The recommended daily intake is 85mg for pregnant women age 19 and older. The maximum is 2,000 mg per day. I am taking Elevit which contains 80mg, so I should be only taking 1000-1500mg of Vit C instead.

Surprise, I’m pregnant!

2012-07-12T13:59:00.000+10:00

Shocked? So am I. I still cant believe it.

I did my first test a few days ago on my birthday. I wasnt expecting anything but two lines came up and I tested again..and it was positive again. That day I tested 4 times.

The next day I tested again in the morning and it was still positive so I decided to head to my GP to confirm with blood test. And its positive!

I still can't believe the test came out positive. After 2 chemical pregnancies I didnt want to put too much hope into it. Ever since I found out, I have gotten so paranoid that something might happen to the baby. I am praying and hoping that this little one sticks around for the next 9 months!

I have some cramping almost like period cramps and I have been told thats normal but I just feel like AF is going to show her ugly head again or somethig horrible is going to happen.

We are very lucky. I did lose about 7 kilos this month and was exercising more regularly. I am probably at my slimmest and fittest ever.

My whole world has changed. I am suddenly aware that another life is dependent on me. I am going to start making changes on my diet.

I know that at this stage the "baby" is still a clump of cells and is about the size of a dot. But I want to visualise a happy and safe pregnancy, a safe labour and a healthy, happy child.

Hehe..I figured its never too early to start bonding with the baby.

We obviously don't have any names picked out yet but I have settled for now to call it Little Opa (swedish for Little Monkey).

Lol I'm pregnant. The girl that SWORE she would never have or want babies is pregnant! Its amazing how much you can love something so small.

So I'm actually pregnant and please Little Opa please stick!!

21 day blood test

2012-07-01T14:57:00.001+10:00

The "cycle day 21" progesterone test should really not be called that. It should be called the "7 days past ovulation" test because it needs to be done 7 days AFTER ovulation. The doctors use a textbook average 28 days cycle to come up with "day 21" test, but not all women have a 28 day cycle and the timing of this test is important.

After ovulation, progesterone production ramps up and levels begin to surge. They peak and then plateau at about day 7 after ovulation, which is when they do the test - when progesterone is about at its highest level.

The test measures progesterone and if its above a certain level it will confirm that you ovulated and that you had enough progesterone in your system to get pregnant and stay pregnant, so its a really important test.

Here are the measurements:

<10 nmol/l = no ovulation>

10-30nmol/l = ovulation occured but not enough progesterone to get/stay pregnant

>30 nmol/l - a normal, healthy level

Soy while TTC

2012-05-29T14:08:00.003+10:00

I have heard different things regarding this..my previous naturalpath told me to take soy products as its good for my blood type. And I read on the internet that it was thought to make conception more difficult. So I stopped taking Soy.

Now how does soy affect fertility? I looked through the internet and found this.

Soy and Estrogen

Soy is an excellent source of protein and the female reproductive hormone estrogen. Soy food contain phytoestrogens, literally meaning plant-derived estrogen. The type of phytoestrogen in soy is known as isoflavones. These isoflavones come in different forms and have different effects. Some may function similarly to estrogens in the body, producing a very weak effect compared to the real hormone. And others act as antiestrogens, to reduce the activity of estrogen. Evidence is growing that these phyoestrogens may help with menopausal symptoms, as well as inhibits cancer cell growth.

Soy and its Effect on Fertility

There are not many studies done in this field, however some reports suggest that in countries where soy products are consumed in large amounts, the birth rate is no lower than in countries where soy is not routinely consumed.

A few studies suggest that high levels of soy proten may decrease fertility. According to a report in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, a small number of studies shown that high levels of soy can increase menstrual cycle length, decrease FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) and decrease LH (leutinizing hormone). Note that the high levels of soy generating this effect are equivalent to drinking a lot of soy milk. Normally, most people do not consume that much of soy.

But since the phytoestrogens in soy products increase the length of the follicular phase and lead to fewer menstrual cycles over a woman's lifetime, researchers believe that it is possible that soy may decrease fertility in somen women. But they also add that women with multiple risk factors for infertility may be more sensitive to soy than others.

When I brought that up to my naturalpath, she laughed and said that the Chinese and Japanese have been eating it for centuries!

Perhaps moderation is the key. But I guess if you are like me and are experiencing fertility problems, it certainly is a good idea to limit soy in your diet to rule out any possibilities of its affect on your fertility.

I have switched to organic rice milk. Honestly it doesnt taste as good but it contains soo much goodness, im sure it can only help!!

I know it is all so confusing. When I first started TTCing, I started to worry about everything that I put in my mouth! Who knew TTC can be so complicated!?

I am starting on a new diet where I gave up sugar and only eat organic meat and no dairy. I guess thats all pretty common sense.

Other things to beware of:

- Rhubarb (prevents implantation)

- Peas (natural contraceptive)

I lost something this week

2012-05-17T20:40:00.004+10:00

So based on 28 days, I was 7 days late on my last cycle. I guess it was wrong to count based on 28 days since I haven't been on 28 days for months. But my cycle went on for 34 days!

Anyway last Saturday, which was CD33 I decided to test. It was in the afternoon and DH and I just got back from our anniversary lunch date and I thought why not. I wasn't expecting a BFP so when a line came up I was beside myself.

The line was faint but heck a line is a line right? I thought I was imagining it so I decided to do another one and another faint line came up. I just felt sureal like we have finally done it.

So I thought I would test the next day with a FRER..and another light line! I was expecting the line to get darker but it was still very light. Even then, I was hopeful.

The next morning, I tested again and nothing..NO LINE! How can that be?? I was so confused, how can it be a positive and then negative? This is like the worst ever.

I doubt they were evaps - they weren't grey lines but pink ones. Also I tested on a few different sticks and they can't all be evaps! Anyway I always thought the evaps line will disappear once they dry but the lines didn't go away!

I was getting anxious and nervous that its a chemical pregnancy and that there's something wrong with me. We just haven't been lucky. I told myself that I would not test anymore and wait for a few more days to test..or if AF arrives.

Then in the afternoon I noticed a few drop of light brown spotting. I mentioned it to a few girls at the TTC group and they all advised me to see the doctor. So I booked myself in to see Dr.Vesna and did a blood test.

AF came the next day. Obviously blood test was negative. I'm not pregnant.

I know this happens alot, that it is completely normal and says nothing about my ability to become and pregnant in the future. But I was devastated. I cried for hours...

I know its silly for me feeling sad. It was too early. It wasn't a baby yet. It was just a tiny clump of cells. But its mine. I was shocked to discover the distinct bitterness of loss in my heart.

I was mourning the immense possibility that was wrapped up inside those cells.

Also, I am feeling a little bit guilty. Like, if I'd taken more precautions on what I are, or taken better care of myself, I might be writting a much different post right now. I know this is ridiculous. Yet still I find these things hiding out in my heart.

I am still sad. I lost something that I loved this week but I have hopeful eyes set on the horizon.

All About Temping

2012-05-06T17:37:00.005+10:00

When I decided to take a break, the first thing I threw out was my BBT Temperature. When its time for Ovulation this month, I honestly have no idea when exactly I ovulated. Tested OPKs only for a couple of days from CD15 and CD19 and OPK was positive on CD18. Also CM was extremely egg white/fertile from CD13 all the way till CD18. Which was weird...so I'm thinking that I might have O'd on CD18..which is strange? Very late ovulation for me...

I am a little concern that incident from my first month of trying has kinda mucked up my cycle. My cycle has never been the same after that.

Anyway, I think I should start temping again just to keep track on whats happening to my cycle. But I will try not to over do it and only temp when I wake up.

So thought I should share some information re. temping and BBT chart.

Whats a coverline on BBT chart.

A horizontal coverline can be automatically drawn on your BBT chart based on the cycle day you indicate you ovulated. It's drawn as follows:

The BBT temperatures for the 6 days prior to ovulation are read for this cycle. Five of the six days must have temps recorded; one discard (or non-recorded temp) is allowed
The coverline is drawn 0.05 celsius of a degree above the highest temp.

This coverline is useful to easily see your pre and post ovulatory temperatures. In a typical biphasis (2 phased) BBT chart, temps are lower prior to ovulation and higher after ovulation.

Right before ovulation occurs the hormone estrogen is produced causing lower temps. Many women are able to see a dip in temp alerting them that peak time is near and ovulation is about to occur.

Just remember that your temps can rise and fall multiple times before a dip making it difficult to know when the lowest point will be. It is important to also know that your lowest temperature is most likely NOT your peak day unless you are charting other indicators you may miss your most fertile time completely.

When did you Ovulate
Detecting ovulation by charting your temperatures can easily be seen after you have ovulated. A dip in temperature followed by a rise higher than all temps in the previous six days and staying at or beyond this level for at least 3 consecutive days showns that ovulation has occurred. Your coverline is usually drawn at this point. Remember - BDing has to take place BEFORE you ovulate to enhance your chances for conception. Charting your cervical fluid and position along with your temperatures will give you a much clearer picture as to when you are most likely ovulating and when your peak time is.

What's Anovulatory Cycles
Anovulatory cycle means that no ovulation occurred during that particular cycle. This can be identified by charting your waking temperature. When viewing charted temperatures that appear to have peaks and valleys (many low and high temps) throughout the entire month with no clear separation of a rise in level of temps (rising from first phase/ pre-ovulation phase to second phase/ luteal phase) this is a good indication that ovulation did not occur. Of course many women still are able to conceive may have months with no ovulation but bear in mind that we only have 12 times a year to conceive so in my opinion any anovulatory cycles should be followed by seeking testing and / or treatment from ones OBGYN or a specialist.

What's DPO (Days Past Ovulation) on Chart
The DPO row is shown on the BBT chart if your ovulation is indicated. Days Past Ovulation is also referred to as your luteal phase is the number of days following ovulation up to the day before your next cycle starts.

The increased temperatures are due to the hormone progesterone which is released from the corpus luetum which is the follicle that hold the egg. The temps will remain high for a period usually 12 to 16 days until they drop again (either the day before or the day of) when your cycle ends and menstrual period begins. If conception occurs temperatures will remain high during the entire pregnancy.

The day after ovulation is DPO 1, the second day after ovulation is DPO 2, etc.

Thriphasis Phase
Many women also experience a third phase called Triphasic Phase which are temperatures climbing to yet another level over the Luteal Phase high. This is due to the HCG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin) hormone that is produced if conception has occurred and when implantation takes place.

Low Estrogen Levels
Estrogen is a hormone that is produced by the follicles that hold an egg. Estrogen plays a large part in the ability to conceive. It is the hormone needed for women to ovulate. It also plays a part as to the amount and quality of cervical mucus which is crucial for the sperm to travel up to the outer third part of the fallopian tubes for conception. An indication of low levels of estrogen would be nonovulatory cycle along with low amount or poor quality of cervical fluid.

Low Progesterone Levels
Progesterone is also an important hormone within our cycle. It comes from the corpus luteum. When an egg is released the follicle that held it collapses and becomes a yellowed bodied mass called the corpus luteum. The corpus luteum sticks to the ovarian wall and starts producing progesterone. Its life span is about 12 to 16 days. Progesterone insures that all maturing eggs (15-20 within a cycle) are not released, it thickens the uterine lining and causes the fertile signs - dip and temp, egg white cervical mucus and high cervical position to return to a non fertile state.

Low progesterone levels can be indicated by seeing temps close to on or below coverline after ovulation through the end of a cycle. Even if ovulation was achieved, low progesterone levels make it very difficult to obtain successful conception. Low progesterone levels can be treated by seeking help from an OBGYN or a specialist. Progesterone shots, pills and supponsitories are some of the ways Doctors may prescribe to increase this hormone.

Indication of Possible Pregnancy
Ovulation day is not necessarily the same day month to month making the first phase of a cycle vary. The luteal phase (2nd phase after ovulation) usually is the same every month. After ovulation has occurred you can indicate a pregnancy by watching for the passing of your normal luteal phase. For example if you always have 13 days DPO and now its 16 DPO there is a very good chance you are pregnant! 18 DPO with high temps usually guarantee that you have conceived. Seeing that a sustained third phase (triphasic phase) will also put you on the red alert to a possible success.

Indication of Possible Miscarriage
An astounding 1 out of 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Many early miscarriages happen so early that if not charting, one probably would never know it occurred. Sometimes it happens so early that it could be confused with a late period. Passing your normal luteal phase date combined with a third level of temps only to be followed with a steady decline or sudden drop in temp and bleeding may indicate a miscarriage has occurred.

Don't Temp Alone!
Your waking body temperature is a great tool to use in fertility awareness. But temp readings are much better served with charted along with cervical fluid and cervical position. Using the three indicators together will give you a wonderful indication of when your most fertile and peak time is which wil greatly enhance your chances for conception.

When you are most fertile, your cervical position is very high, your cervix gets so soft and the slit becomes open. Your cervical fluid becomes abundant, clear and stretchy consistency of egg whites. Honestly by using all those three indicators you will be amazed at the information you will gain about your cycle and what your own body can tell you about your own fertility.

Taking a break from TTC

2012-04-13T20:30:00.002+10:00

I have officially decided to take a break from TTC...for how long I don't know. I figured I need the break. To step off this roller coaster for a few months or so.

Of course I still want to be pregnant. But I need to feel normal again, not some kind of crazy person...always charting, testing, researching and obsessing. I just don't want to think about it every time I turn around. I have to be happy or learn how to be happy with the cards I've been dealt with. I hope with this break I will achieve that.

I'm the type of person that when I want something badly enough, I go after it and fight to get it. And I'm not known for being patient either. So my patience is beginning to wear thin, especially when some of my friends and co-workers falls pregnant almost straight away. Of course I am happy for them but I hate myself for feeling like failure. I just don't know how to just let it go. Who knew that TTC would be such an emotional journey and of course not falling pregnant makes it that much harder!

Before TTCing, my cycle has always been a clockwork - 28 days cycle on the spot. Not a day early or late. Maybe its the stress but I need to get my cycle regulated and my sanity back.

No more temping, no more OPKs, no more obsessing...

Its been a couple of days since I stopped taking my temperature. What a feeling! Its like a burden has been lifted. Its so nice to take a break and focus on me and DH and not so much on getting pregnant.

Its still hard, because there is always the "what if" feeling. But I feel a lot more positive as I am not as "obsessed" as before.

I will still be around of course. There's still so much I want to share and write about so hang around =)

CD1 and GUTTED

2012-04-10T16:00:00.001+10:00

Another month gone. Temperature been dropping for 2 days and as expected AF came. I cant wait to go home from work to have a good cry.

AF was late this month and I have been getting weird cramps throughout. I got myself so hyped and am just gutted when things doesn't turn out as expected. Yes..I did this to myself again. I got my hopes up even though I told myself and everyone else that I just knew it was going to be negative.

Aunt Flow was due to arrive on Sunday. I don't understand what's going on with her. The last couples of months she has been a complete bitch. My cycle is now whacked!

Damn for making me think that somehow God heard my prayers. Damn for making me believe that I have been rewarded for eating and looking after my health so much. Damn for making me believe that unloading all of the stress this TTC has put on me would actually result in a little bean. Damn for making my mascara run and giving me a massive headache that I can't get rid of.

I have decided to take a break. Glass half empty is my new motto.

Temperature dropped but no period

2012-04-09T20:19:00.002+10:00

16DPO today, AF was due yesterday but nothing. Did a HPT test yesterday and yes was another BFN and temperature dropped all the way down today so I was expecting AF to show up but still nothing.

I don't feel pregnant nor would I know how it should feel like. The only difference I have been experiencing is cramping since 2DPO, backache, pimples and horrible mood swings! I have decided not to overthink my symptoms anymore, its just too stressful!

I am getting very bad menstrual cramps and I feel AF is on her way. I am afraid to test due to another disappointment. But if temperature goes back up again tomorrow, I will do another test.

I wasn't sleeping well last night too so maybe that could have messed with my BBT. I am trying not to give up hope totally that maybe, just maybe it could be possible. Although all o the stories and articles I have read online, temp should stay up if in fact I am pregnant.

So here's to tomorrow FX.

AMH Test

2012-04-05T14:54:00.000+10:00

The naturopath that I was seeing commented that I might be pre-menopausing. Hmm? I am only 30! Needless to say, I freaked out after she told me and fired her on the spot. LOL. Even though I am convinced that was not the case, the thought that maybe, just maybe I might be menopausing scared the hell out of me.

A friend of mine suggested to go for an AMH test.

What is Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH)

"The AMH is a hormone produced by the granulosa cells of the early developing antral follicles." These are the immature eggs from their 'dormant' state and develop into mature eggs. As a woman runs out of eggs, the number of these small antral follicles decline in number and as a result the serum Anti-Mullerium hormone falls. This is why serum Anti-Mullerian hormone testing is a good estimate of residual egg number.

The test gives us some insight into the remaining quantity of eggs and number of fertile years you may have, but it doesnt provide the number of eggs you have left.

What is Ovarian Reserve

Ovarian reserve is the term used to describe the number of good quality eggs left within a woman's ovaries. "A woman is born with approximately 1 million eggs and over her reproductive life the egg numbers will decline as they are lost through natural attrition and ovulation. Only approximately 400 eggs are lost through the process of ovulation."

During a woman's reproductive years the number of eggs we have left continues to fall, and after the age of 35 it falls at an accelerated rate. By the time a woman hit menopause which occurs on average at the age of 51 for the average Australian women, there are less than 1000 eggs left. Actually they are less like eggs and more like ovarian dust. Obviously the more eggs there are left, the more likely a woman is, all things possible being equal, to conceive.

The AMH test alone can be used as an initial screening test for ovarian reserve. Women with diminished ovarian reserve have diminished fertility and an increased risk of miscariage. It is important to identify these women early on so that they can make decision on when to start having a family and when to access assisted reproductive technology if required.

Who should have the test?

Women like me who are absolutely paranoid? :P

Women who have been trying to conceive for over 6 months and want to check.

But generally women under the age of 38 years who are considering delaying pregnancy for social/personal reasons are the best candidates for ovarian reserve testing. Women who are identified as having diminished ovarian reserve can then bring forward their plans for having children and boost their chances of success.

Women older than 40 years are not ideal candidates for ovarian reserve testing as they will all have diminished ovarian reserve. Furthermore, irrespective of the results of the AMH test, it would be unwise to ever advocate a women of 40 years and older to delay pregnancy.

Women who considering IVF or other fertility treatments, a low levels of AMH could indicate a potentially poor response to IVF. Conversely, a high level may indicate an exaggerated response to th IVF medication.

The other group that is well suited to AMH testing is those who are at increased risk of diminished ovarian reserve. These would include women with a family history or ovarian failure, autoimmune disease, chemotherapy or previous surgery to the ovaries.

I am glad I did the test regardless. My results came back normal which is 20.6. Those of you who are concerned about menopause or are thinking in delaying motherhood, I would strongly recommend to have an AMH test.

AMH levels fluctuate very little during the menstrual cycle and therefore can be taken at anytime during your menstrual cycle. Note that the AMH test is not covered by Medicare. Therefore, the cost of a single test is $65 in IVFAustralia.

I had to get my GP to write me a referral to IVFAustralia for an AMH test. I did mine in their Sydney branch and the results were sent to my GP.

It is also important to remember that while this test can indicate how many eggs you have left, it can't tell the quality of those eggs. So as useful as the AMH test is for those like me who are seeking information about starting a family, its important to bear in mind that this test is but one component of what should be a complete and thorough fertility assessment.

CD13

2012-03-23T21:33:00.001+11:00

Sorry I haven't been signing in much. AF came after CD31 last cycle and I was too busy being paranoid that I might be suffering from a few things such as Endometriosis, ovary cysts, problem with disk alignment, nerve problem and more recently pre-menopause.

Yeah...all very complicated. I guess I have been listening to too many ears and getting more worried and paranoid by the second. I will go through some of them in my later blogs.

Anyway its CD13 now. Chart is looking promising. Temp dropped a little yesterday so maybe a good change of O tomorrow? Though OPK still negative and was a ted lighter than yesterday's.

We started BD a couple of days ago as we really don't want to miss the egg.

My supplements at the moment are Maca, Elevit, Calcium, Fish Oil and Evening Primrose Oil. Hubby on the other hand is taking Menevit, Maca, Calcium, Fish Oil, L-AC and Vit C. We also have been eating very healthily and try to eat only organic food and vege.

I am not hoping for much this cycle and decided that we should be taking things easy. I hope hubby is feeling the same.

CD31 15DPO and still no AF

2012-03-10T13:07:00.001+11:00

I know its not over till AF shows but its still a huge letdown everytime I see get a BFN. It feels so strange to be in no man's land...seeing pregnancy that probably is not even there. Cruel how the body and mind can play tricks on us sometimes!

I have been testing so many HPTs and they are all negative. I have extreme sore/swollen breasts and cramping which is sometimes hurts quite a bit. The cramps are a bit different from my period cramps, it also goes all the way around to my back.

With 28 days cycle in mind, tomorrow I will be 4 days late, I have never been this late. If I am not pregnant then something is hormonally wrong with me. I have also heard that some women do not get a BFP until 7-10 days after AF should have arrived.

Little research I found interesting. Sometimes a women can think she is late, because she may ovulate at a different time. But one thing that does not vary is the luteal phase (the from ovulation to menes). So since I O'd on CD 16 which is 3 days later from my previous cycle I am then only 2 days late.

We are trying for our first, so I really don't know how its supposed to feel anyway. But I wish I could get a BFP if I am in fact pregnant! I read somewhere that the hcg level doubles every 48 hours so how come I'm still getting neg results and if not pregnant, where's my damn period!

I am getting depressed. I want one or the other, either a BFP or AF so I can get started in next month TTC.

Here's my temp..

CD26 10DPO and no AF yet

2012-03-05T21:53:00.000+11:00

So yay its 10DPO today and AF still hasn't show her ugly head yet. BUT my actual cycle is 28 days so really AF is really due in 2 days. I'm not off the hook yet obviously.

My temp today is quite interesting. Went up really high and looks promising.

So another BFN today. No surprises ay? CM this morning was watery and even eff white consistency then by evening it became sticky, creamyy and clumpy.

Was a little nauseous and felt tired pretty much the whole day. But that could be because I couldn't really sleep last night. Let's hope it was morning sickness! I slept restlessly last night again and have been having a series of weird dreams.

I also had a couple of moodiness and feel a bit off balance. Its like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I can be a huge bitch and then be my smiley, easy go lucky self later.

Still tender, full breasts and sore nipples. Yay. Kept on squeezing and pressing them to make sure they were still sore. How pathetic I know!

Been feeling bloaty, full, with some cramping which started yesterday. Cramping is much intense today. I really feel like AF is coming.

Trying not to get my hopes up, but if my temp jumps higher up tomorrow, someone will have to lock in me in a close for a couple of hours to calm down. I heard that if you stress / over think about being pregnant, your body will act like you are and give you the symptoms. So I'm trying hard to keep it off my mind. Which is not easy!

Here's my temp for today. Isnt it just the perfect picture?

9 DPO today

2012-03-04T13:22:00.003+11:00

Well its 9DPO for me today. Don't feel any different from any other days except that my CM has gone from a creamy/sticky consistency which was slightly watery to a lot and I mean A LOT of watery CM. Doesn't have an odor - but soaks through my panties. It was slippery and wet when I lightly rub my fingers together but its not stretchy. Its almost like the watery CM I had before I ovulate.

I know many women notice more cervical fluid (vaginal discharge) than normal during early pregnancy because of the hormones. The CM I understand can be white and creamy (like lotion) or wet and slippery. And it can occur steadily throughout the day or appear in globs especially when wiping or just once during the day.

My boobs are still tender and full. I have also started to feel pain at my back for the couple of days.

I have been tired, but no surprises yet as I am usually tired most times.

And also I have lots of gas. REALLY BAD wind!

Not sure if this is our month but I really hope so. Because of all the BFNs and the disappointments, I feel that I may be getting carried away again this month. I guess time will tell.

Tested HPT yesterday and today and of course they were both a BFN! I know its too early to test, but I can't help myself and I am getting a bit discouraged.

Also I have been feeling the urge to gag for the last couple of days. I dont know if this is just a mild morning sickness, or me over thinking it. After eating breakfast this morning, I gagged a little in mouth and had to run to the toilet to spit it out.

My temps have stayed up. Though my temp today might be a little off. Had a series of vivid dreams last night and first time I woke up is at 2.00am then fell asleep again and woke up at 4.30am and then basically had sleepless sleep until 7am when I got up. So maybe that is why my temp stayed up high today.

I just hope that my mind isn't thinking of things which makes my body react accordingly..it might happen especially since I want to be pregnant for so long. It's so hard to not pay attention to every little thing during the two week wait.

AF might be here tomorrow. Oh Pleasee be a BFP instead of AF.

CD12 Today

2012-02-20T21:44:00.004+11:00

So here I am again at CD12. Tested OPK yesterday got a realllyyyy light line. The test line today is slightly darker so i'm reallyyyyyyyyyy hoping for a positive OPK tomorrow at CD13. Haven't had much luck with testing OPKs at all so I honestly don't know what to expect.

Watery CM now so maybe my body is really gearing up to O. So I will keep testing the OPKs and keep BDing. Hoping for some action tonight!

Haven't had any EWCM yet..didn't get any last month and can't remember if I got any the previous month. But I know I've had EWCM before! EWCM helps the little spermies slide right in, the sticky CM creates kind of a barrier that is hard for the swimmers to get through. With EWCM, they can hang around for several days before O actually happens.

Wish me luck!

CD8 - faint line OPK

2012-02-17T18:34:00.000+11:00

Happy Friday All!!

I did an OPK test last night and there was a faint line. I know it’s a negative but I’m still confused with what it really means. Most ovulation test work similar. The lighter line means that you have not reached the amount of estrogen you need for ovulation to happen. You have to test until the two lines are equal color or the one collected is darker.

Also I know OPK tests are not 100% reliable so I have been watching my CM and its getting from sticky to watery now, I haven’t had ECWM yet..so im waiting. Didn’t get EWCM last cycle so I’m really hoping some soon.

It's also posible to have a positive OPK without actually ovulating. How sucky is that. But it makes sense since OPKs don't actually test ovulation but for LH hormone. A positive OPK without ovulation can happen under the following circumstances:

- LUFS (Luteinised unruptured follicle syndrome) where there is a surge in LH but no egg is released.

- Premature ovarian failure

- Menopause

Hopefully once I started with a faint lint, the big O is closely to follow. I should be testing twice a day but its so hard with work and all.

I also know that once you get a darker line, O happens in the next 12-36 hours. We BD last night just for in case.

CD1 AGAIN :(

2012-02-09T20:45:00.002+11:00

Our wait is over, CD1 for me today again, 13 days after ovulation. I AF came 2 days early AGAIN! Now my cycle is 26 days instead of 28? What is going on? My temperature this morning dropped low and sure enough AF came with the temperature drop.

Honestly this cycle I wasnt sure if I ovulated or not...I usually could tell by a bit of EWCM but don't think I saw any this cycle.

I am happy to say that I wasn't as devastated when AF came this cycle. I guess deep down I was kinda expecting it and I didn't know what to expect emotionally but that didn't kill the glimmer of hope in the back of my head. I could tell John was a little disappointed as well. More than anything I am frustrated about how long this TTC is going to take.

I am finding the emotions surrounding trying to conceive very complex. I know I can get pregnant, I know I can carry a baby so I don't understand what the issues are. I don't know how much more pain and heartache we'll need to go through to get a baby. The ironic thing is everyone around me is getting pregnant, it's like a slap in the face! All my friends are either giving birth, pregnant or with kids.

Temp dropped at CD26

2012-02-08T22:47:00.002+11:00

Here's my chart today at CD26. Temp dropped today tp 35.7, even though its still above the coverline I am almost 100% sure AF is just around the corner. I am expecting period by Saturday. I guess there is always a possibility and all I can do is wait and see.

Got my CD21 test results

2012-02-07T21:38:00.003+11:00

Well as the title suggests I got my CD21 blood test results and my progesterone were 43.3 which is pretty good and my GP advised that I am ovulating normally which is good news.

Apparently a progesterone level of 30 is all you need to confirm that you have ovulated. Also bearing in my that these bloods are called CD21 but they are actually supposed to be 7DPO..which should be rite since I have a 28 days cycle.

Note: A progesterone test is done to confirm ovulation. When a follicle releases its egg, it becomes what is called a corpus luteum and produces progesterone.