The Great Adventure

Roots vs Wings

2016-03-06T21:38:00.001-06:00

After so many years of living in a foreign country, when I found myself back in the US again, I had an inner battle of roots versus wings. I had been living with wings for so long, could I be happy going back to roots? When I first thought about moving back to the US, my original plan was to find a new city in the US to move to instead of KC. After all, if I was making a major life change, I might as well move some place new.

After my brother's death, I was feeling drawn back to roots. It was a difficult realization to come to after so many years away, and I honestly think the transition might have been easier moving to a new city rather than trying to figure out my new life in my old city. But, I knew at least for the time being that God was drawing me back to roots.

So, even though it wasn't part of my plan, I have settled back in KC. But, God still knows my heart. My desire to experience the world, to fly. I thought it was roots vs wings, as if it was an either or, but recently God has been showing me that it can be both. He has provided me a job that allows me to live here near family, but make trips around the world helping others. I had limited Him to an either or, but when I was obedient to him, He gave me what I needed and what I wanted.

One Year Later

2016-03-06T21:23:00.000-06:00

One year ago today, I was saying goodbye to my life in South America and headed back to the United States. I was an emotional mess. My brother had just passed away. I was leaving the team of people who helped me get through it. I was leaving my home, my life, and headed back to a country that hadn't been my place of residence in almost seven years. But, I really didn't think about any of that. All I could think about was getting home to my family, to be close, to grieve.

It wasn't until a couple months later, once the drama had died down, that the change really began to set in, reverse culture shock some call it. I had no job, nor direction. In January of last year, I asked a friend of mine (who had gone through the transition back to the US the year before) how long did it take for it to feel normal again? He told me, about a year. I remember thinking, "I have to live through a year of feeling unsettled and uncomfortable. I don't think I can do that." Little did I know that I would be going through that transition plus loss of a sibling and my last remaining grandparent. I am glad that I didn't know all of what was going to happen this past year, because I was definitely better off not knowing. I think I would have refused to move forward or thrown a tantrum if I had known.

One year later, I feel like I survived, and my friend, Trevor, was right. It did take right about a year. Once I got through the one year anniversary of David's passing and have now reached the one year anniversary of leaving South America, I feel like I have been through the valley and I have come out the other side. I can see the sun again. Sure, there are still days of culture shock and days of grief and days of difficulty, but if God can bring me through this year, He can bring me through anything. It has just been within the last couple weeks that I feel hope again, like anything is possible. I don't know what the future holds, and honestly, I think I prefer it that way. Bring on the adventure.

2015 Year in Review

2015-12-23T20:06:00.000-06:00

When 2015 began, I was getting ready to head back down to Quito for my final two months with Extreme Nazarene. I was planning to then go to Idaho to finish up some Extreme work there, and then head to Seattle to visit friends and my brother. I didn't have any plans beyond that other than to move to some where else other than Kansas City.

All went according to plan, until my life turned up side down on February 23. This is the day that I discovered that my brother, who I was getting ready to visit, had taken his own life. Everything that seemed so important, became unimportant. All I could think about was getting home to my family. I wanted to get on a plane immediately, but God had other plans. I stayed in Quito, through my original end date. My friends with Extreme Nazarene, became my support system, when my family was so far away. They allowed me the time to grieve in my own way, so that I could go home and be strong to support the rest of my family. On March 6, I flew back to the US, but instead of travelling to Boise and Seattle like I originally planned, I flew back to KC.

My mind could not process the end of this 6+ year chapter of my life. The next month was spent trying to set aside my own grief and being strong to support my family in any way I could.

Kindra - A Journey of Trust from Extreme Nazarene Missions on Vimeo.

After a month, I was able to get on a plane to do some of the travelling that I was originally scheduled to do. First, I headed to Boise to finish up a few things there, including being able to tell some of my story in video form, which you can watch above. This time allowed me to say goodbye to this chapter of my life. Many of the people I had worked with from the beginning of my journey live in Boise, and it was also where I had first met with Extreme staff, 7 years earlier.

It also gave me time that I didn't have to be strong for anyone and could begin to think about what was ahead. I battled with idea of "roots versus wings". For so long, I had been in the wings category, knowing that my roots were in KC, but I wanted to fly. But after this loss, I felt God drawing me back to roots, but I still wanted to fly. In my mind, it was an either or not both.

After Boise, I was originally scheduled to go to Seattle, but I just couldn't bring myself to go there, not when my main purpose for going there was no longer there. I had some extra airline miles, so I decided to go visit some great friends in Alaska. It was a wonderful time to reconnect with them and to see some gorgeous scenery. I even got to do a flight-seeing tour of Denali (Mt. McKinley), a once in a life time opportunity. God was beginning to show me that I didn't need to live in another country to have wings.

The day I arrived back in KC after my travels, I received word that my last remaining grandparent had passed away. I was back in KC for just a few days, before we left to go to Ohio for the memorial service. This one wasn't a surprise, she had been sick for a while, but it was too much death. Families are supposed to grow, not get smaller. This death on top of the other opened up the wounds and made them hurt all over again.

May and June were hard. I was overwhelmed by all of the death. Reverse culture shock was beginning to finally hit, now that life was calming down. I had no idea what the future held, but I knew that for now, Kansas City was where I needed to be.

Every time I felt like I needed to start looking for a job, God would tell me to be patient and wait. So, I poured myself in to various projects. One of which was to go through boxes and boxes and boxes of photos and photo albums. I weeded through them, throwing out duplicates and only keeping the best ones. I then digitized them all. This process was not only a practical one, but also helped a great deal in the grieving process. It helped me to remember the good times, and not just my own pain.

In July, my family went on a trip together. Every since I can remember, my mom has wanted to take all of us to Michigan to see where she grew up. We were supposed to go last year, but the trip fell through. God had a plan for this trip. It was a time for us to create new memories together, to have fun, and to begin to heal. We were able to see the house she grew up in and the grave yard where her parents and 3 of her brothers are buried. It brought life and death back in to perspective.

In August, after we got back, I finally felt like it was time to look for a job. I debated between working in the secular world or working in a ministry role of some kind. I finally came to the conclusion that it didn't need to be working for the church, but it did need to be working for a purpose of some kind. I looked in to many different possibilities, but all roads kept leading me back to the Global Ministry Center for the Church of the Nazarene, even though I didn't really want to work there, because it felt like going back to my prior life working for the Church.

There were two positions open. One that combined missions and software development. The other was a general software development job. I really didn't feel settled on either position, but applied for the missions/software development job. After going through the application and interview process, I was approached with a third option. After they explained what the position was, I knew immediately that this was the job.

This job wasn't even posted yet. It had just become available, in fact I had to wait a few days before they could even officially offer it to me. God's timing was perfect. If I had applied for a job any earlier this position wouldn't have been available. This job combines my experience in missions, software development, and education (and probably even some communications and accounting programming in the future).

On September 9, six months after returning to the US, I began work to build a student administration system for our Nazarene universities and seminaries outside the US that currently do not have one. This will give the schools a tool to more effectively minister to their students and communities. This job will involve some travel to the various schools. Through my experience getting the job and hearing those in charge tell about how this job came in to being, I know for a fact that this was a God thing all the way around.

God has also been providing for many other needs.

Thanks to God, my mom, and a lawyer at my brother's former job, we were able to work out a good deal for me to buy the car from his estate. It allowed me to get a car that I wouldn't have been able to afford otherwise. At the end of September/beginning of October, I flew to Oregon to pick it up and drive it back. I also was able to spend some time with my uncles who live there, and got to do an unforgettable road trip across the country with a good friend.

In November, God provided an apartment for me to live in. From past experiences, I knew it wasn't a good idea for me to live alone, so I was waiting on God's timing to provide a roommate and a place. He definitely did that. On Halloween, He used a random conversation with a friend to direct me to a roommate, and God used a colleague of my mom's to provide us with a great place. It is 10 minutes from work and 10 minutes from my parent's house.

I am reminded of John 1:5 "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it". This verse really hits home. There were so many times this year that felt so dark. Times that I felt like the darkness was overwhelming. But, no matter how dark it got, God continuously showed me His light. Sometimes that light felt small, but the darkness was never able to overcome the light.

This evening I went to the Carols by Candlelight service. For those that have never been to one, the service ends with the room in complete darkness other than a single candle. Little by little that single candle is shared with others and by the end the room is filled with light. This year it especially hit home. That is how my year has been. After some incredibly dark times, God is showing me his light and little by little that light is spreading. God is faithful even when things feel at their darkest.

As I look ahead to 2016, I will spend 3 weeks in South Africa and Swaziland in January to work with the Nazarene University there. Beyond that, only God knows what the future holds. But, I am hopeful that good things are in store. But, no matter what happens, I know that God is there.

Identity Crisis

2015-01-27T08:00:00.001-06:00

I have been working for the church ever since I became serious about following Christ. I have dedicated my life to doing His work, and following Him wherever He leads. I have defined myself based on what I can do. That has been my identity.

When I left Peru 2 1/2 years ago, I was a mess. I had so defined myself by what I could do that if I wasn't "doing something" I felt worthless. A few months later, when I went to Colombia for training, I found myself among a group of new people who knew nothing about all that I had done for Extreme. They only saw me. I felt exposed. I wasn't the outgoing one so I struggled to get to know them, and there were no achievements to hide behind. I felt worthless. I was literally having an identity crisis.

I don't know if anyone else has ever gone through an identity crisis, but you really don't know who you are. Everything that I thought that I was God has been stripping away.

~~I am a programmer.~~ Since arriving in Ecuador, I have done very little programming work, being used instead in other areas. It has been a challenge to figure out who I am and how I fit, how I can contribute.
~~I am the veteran missionary.~~ No one knew what I had done for Extreme in Peru, because none of them was there. I was a newbie just like them. And now, in a matter of weeks, I will be leaving South America and headed back to the US and will no longer be a "missionary" at all.
~~I am a well known Nazarene.~~ Being from KC, the center of the Nazarene church and with a last name like Bible, it is easy for people to think they know you. My parents have both worked for the church for many years, and in the US I could go in to any Nazarene church and be "known". Here in South America, no one knows who my parents.

Think about it. How do you define yourself? Are most of them action based? When you take away those actions, who are you? What are you worth? In Colombia, I was told that it doesn't matter what I do that I am valuable because I was created by the Master in His image, and I have tried to remember this.

But, now, I find myself heading through another life change. God is leading me back to the United States. I keep asking God, but what do I DO next? What will my job be? God hasn't answered that. For the first time since I started working as a teenager, I have a job ending and I don't have one beginning. It is bringing up the identity crisis issue again. But who will I be? How will I show others I am worthwhile? How will I please God if I have no job to do? I find myself again with a loss of identity.

As I reflect back on what I was told in Colombia, I realized that throughout the Bible, especially in the Old Testament, when people ask who God is the answer is "I AM". God doesn't say what He has done or what He will do, just simply "I AM". He also doesn't define himself based on what other people say He is. I think that is a lesson that I can learn. As Christians, we are to be "Like Christ". Christ never doubted his identity. He knew who he was the Son of God. And "Like Christ" we need to remember who we are. God's creation. God's children. Children born in His image. We are Christians, like Christ.

So, now as I look toward the future, I have to remind myself that no matter if I fail, no matter if I succeed, no matter what others think of me, my worth and my identity don't change. I am a child of God. I am like Christ. I am valuable because the master of everything created me.

Fasting

2014-10-16T15:18:00.001-05:00

Back in September, my roommates came to me suggesting we do a 21 day juice fast. My first thought was "Heck No!". I am not a fad diet person, and never learned much about fasting in the church growing up. So, the idea did not sound appealing. But, something inside me said that I should do it. So, I agreed.

I wanted this to be a time where I broke my "addiction" to the foods I ate all the time (i.e. breads, starches, meat, sugar, caffeine, etc), as well as a time that I could focus more on God and hearing His voice. The original idea was to consume nothing but water and juice for 21 days. This lasted about 4 days.

On day number 4, my roommate and I were ready to give up. Then, we went to church, and the subject of the sermon was fasting. In the sermon, they talked about the biblical principles and examples of fasting, as well as the importance of doing so. By the end of the sermon, we were convinced we needed to keep going, but we modified the plan in to a version of the "Daniel's Fast". I ate nothing but fruits, vegetables, nuts, and beans for the remaining 17 days.

We also worked through a book called "The Fasting Journal". This was a great resource to guide you through what to expect, how to pray, etc. I didn't read the book every day like I should have, but I did finish the entire book. I also tried to spend more time in prayer really listening to God.

The fast wasn't easy, but it was worth it. Health wise, I lost 12 pounds, and it has now been over a month with out caffeine, desserts, and red meat. The initial juicing definitely helped to empty my system, and the remaining fasting, helped me to be able to start new healthier habits without all of the other food in the way. It was also good spiritual to refocus on hearing God's voice. I was hoping for some grand revelation about the future, but what I received were a few small answers and a "wait and see". But, the biggest thing that came out of it was a feeling of hope. A feeling that God had a plan and whatever that was it would be okay. It is a hope that has continued.

Fasting is definitely a biblical principle that isn't talked about much in the US, but something that I plan to continue making a part of my spiritual journey from now on.

I Know You're A Missionary, But What Do You Actually Do?

2014-10-16T14:49:00.002-05:00

When you think about a "missionary" what do you think of? Is it a person traipsing through the jungle with a Bible in one hand a machete in the other? This is the mental picture someone once mentioned to me, and I think it is fairly accurate of what many people think. Some people are called to this type of work, but that is not my life. I think I would probably end up either injuring myself with the machete, or dying of malaria from the bug bites (mosquitos love me).

A few people have asked me, "I know you're a missionary, but what do you actually do?" I decided that if a few are asking even more are wondering. So, here goes.

Do You Do Evangelism?

My job is on the less "glamorous" side of missions, known as administration. This doesn't mean that I don't tell people about God or help to "make disciples of all nations". I do. This is something that all Christians should be doing regardless of your job.

What Work Do You Do?

Extreme's focus is to "send and support 40/40 church planters", and every one's work should fill one of those roles. Each person uses their God given talents and abilities to further the kingdom. So, each persons job is different. For me, I have done many different jobs during my time with Extreme. Currently, I cover two areas IT and Accounting.

In IT, I manage a website that is the face of Extreme on the internet that helps to draw more workers, dollars, and prayers in to the ministry. I also help to tackle any technology questions/solutions needed in order to make the work of the other missionaries, including our church planters easier. This could range from setting up networks, connecting printers, computer problems, or building applications for our church planters to use. Currently, I am building a smart phone app for our church planters to keep track of their contacts, church attendance, small group activities, and live events in the church.

In Accounting, I manage the books here in Ecuador, as well as making sure that the money flows to where it is needed. This is something that I began doing about 6 months ago, when our accountant left. This is the first time I have really done accounting, but I am good with numbers and details so I jumped in to help.

In the past, I have also been involved worked in Communications (helping communicate the stories on the field to those back at home) and Education (coordinating language school and seminary classes for our missionaries).

Why So Many Jobs?

Luke 10:2 says “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field." I pray this verse on a daily basis. The harvest is plentiful, and the workers are few. This is the hardest part about missionary work. In a perfect world with lots of workers, each person would have one role, and the work would be light. But when workers are few, the job is much bigger.

Can't You Do Your Work From the US?

Yes and No. Extreme does have people who work solely in the US. And, the majority of the IT and Accounting work that I do can be done from anywhere. Although, it is often easier to be here and work face to face and not just over computer, and there are benefits of working from the same country.

The other thing to keep in mind is that life is more than what you do during "work hours". The day to day interactions with the local people, the involvement with the local churches, and living "in the culture" of the people you are ministering to is vitally important. If I were to just see life here as "a necessary evil to do my job", then I would be missing the entire point of being here. The same can be said about where ever you live, where you live is your "harvest field". Your purpose for where you live is more than just what you do during "work hours". Living life and ministering to the people around you is your real purpose for being there.

You Don't Live in a Hut in the Jungle?

The majority of the world today lives in cities. So, we are going where the people are. I don't live in a hut in the jungle. I live in an apartment in a major city.   I bus, taxi, or walk to get around. This is very different than the missionaries of years ago. But, today's missionaries are keeping up with the culture, and going where the people are.

Questions?

I tried to cover the basic questions about my work and my life that I often get asked. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask! I will either answer them personally or in a future blog post.

Wow! Six Years!

2014-10-16T13:43:00.003-05:00

October 1, 2008. A day that will live in infamy, at least in my life. This was the day that all my belongings were loaded into two suitcases, and I left my "world" behind. I was heading off to a place where I literally knew no one. I remember being at the airport wanting my parents to tell me not to go, but wanting to seem strong. I definitely failed at being strong. I was a blubbering mess. Glad there are no pictures of me from that day. Little did I know how much that day would change my life.

I don't remember much from those flights, other than crying and praying a lot. But, I remember vividly being at the Lima, Peru airport waiting for my flight to my new "home" in Arequipa. Everything seemed so strange. I was overwhelmed. I saw Starbucks and instantly felt better. I don't even drink coffee, but it was something familiar. As I sat there, I wondered how to get on the internet, afraid to ask because I didn't speak Spanish, but I was desperate to reconnect with what I had left behind. But, after the quick "I made it to Peru" message was sent (it was only 5 am after all), my mind began to race. Would I ever learn the language? Would I be able to do the job I was brought down to do? Did I have enough money? Would I make friends? Why did I come here? Would I make a difference? AM I INSANE?

But, I got on my next flight anyway. I was met at the airport by the only other Extreme missionaries in the country at the time, whom I had only exchanged emails with. I headed back to their house, and instantly felt better that SOMEONE spoke my language. I stayed with them over the weekend, and we made SMALL journeys out in to the city of Arequipa. I met a few church people (one of whom I thought was hitting on me because his first words to me in English was "Married or Single"...), waited for hours in line to get a cell phone, celebrated the 100th anniversary of the Nazarene church, and went to a corner store. Each time, I had the other missionaries with me, who knew some Spanish. So, I thought, I can do this!

Then, came Monday morning. Sarah was busy at their sons' school that morning. So, Ryan drove me to my first day of language school and to meet me new host family. I was scared out of my mind! We drove to school in complete silence. The entire ride, I was staring out the window trying to keep him from seeing me crying. As we pulled on to the final street and he stops the car, he turns to me and says "Kindra, we wouldn't be bringing you here if we didn't think that you would be okay." And, he gets out of the car. Now, those words may not seem big to you. But, it was what I needed in that moment. I got out of the car, grabbed my bags, and started my first day of language school. After class was over, I was picked up by a member of my host family and headed back to their house. My "life in a foreign country" officially began that morning.

I could sit and write for hours about all the memories I have from my time in South America. I have
lived in two countries, and visited one more. I have done countless different jobs within the organization, met tons of wonderful people, and been stretched more than I ever thought possible. I have also experienced spiritual attacks, doubted God, and witnessed miracles and changed lives. But, as I sit and reflect over the last six years, I think what a journey it has been! It hasn't been easy, in fact it has been the hardest 6 years of my life. But, I can see how I have changed and how God has been with me every step of the way.

So, to answer the questions I asked my self that first day in Starbucks:

Would I ever learn the language? Yes, and God did it in a miraculous fashion.
Would I be able to do the job I was brought down to do? Yes, and I have done many other jobs that I never knew I would need to do.
Did I have enough money? Through the donations of family, friends, and people I have never met, God has provided for my every need. For not just my initial two years, but for six years and counting.
Would I make friends? God knows that people aren't meant to be alone, but in community. And have had the pleasure of calling many wonderful people friends and some I even consider family now.
Why did I come here? The simple answer is because God called and I was obedient.
Would I make a difference? This one is harder to answer, because we aren't always able to see all of the results of the things we do. But, God knows that I sometimes need a boost to continue, and has showed me glimpses. So, I can confidently say that yes. It has been a privilege to be used by the Master and Creator of the universe to make a KINGDOM difference.
AM I INSANE? I still ask myself this question sometimes. Life can sometimes seem surreal. But, what seems impossible to man is possible with God. So, by worldly standards, yes I am.

Looking back, I can honestly say that I am a completely different person than when I arrived. A better person. I am healthier physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I have grown in ways that I could never have imagined. So, I am glad my parents were wise enough not to tell me to stay. Because, God knew what He was doing.

What do the next six years hold? I have no idea. Will I stay single forever? Will I stay in South America forever? Will I ever move back to the US? I don't know. I definitely feel like changes are coming, but I am trying to patient and wait to see what He has in store next. In the mean time, I am trying to be obedient in the little things, so that when the big things come, I am ready. This has been quite the journey, and the great adventure will continue as long as I am obedient.

A Little Shaky...

2014-08-18T13:35:00.000-05:00

Things have been a little shaky hear in Ecuador. Literally. Over the course of the last week or so, we have had a series of earthquakes and tremors. The strongest two were up around 5.0. The rest have been down in the 3-4 range. These have happened nearly every day, multiple times a day over the last week. Before this week, I hadn't felt any earthquakes here in Ecuador. Earthquakes aren't uncommon here in Ecuador, but the frequency is not common.

Many people are frightened of what is to come. No one knows if the tremors will just stop or if this is all leading up to a big earthquake. A couple nights ago another Extreme team member called and said that those at the seminary were predicting a big earthquake that night so we should be ready. Praise the Lord this did not happen. The next morning a small tremor happened in the middle of church and several people went running, afraid this was the big one.

It is easy to be overwhelmed with fear, especially of things unknown. But, as Christians we must remember that our hope is in nothing less than Jesus blood and his Righteousness. So, the earth may continue to shake, but I will continue to keep my eyes focused on my God. Please join me in praying for the safety of all those around Quito, and pray that they will find the strength and the hope that they are desperately seeking in the midst of the unknown.

Love Extreme 2014

2014-08-18T13:25:00.001-05:00

I know this post is a little late in coming, but I wanted to write about it anyway!

In July, Extreme Nazarene Missions held its third Love Extreme project. This is when a larger than normal group of short term volunteers come to work along side the Extreme team members to make a major impact on the city. This year there over 65 short term volunteers that came to work along side the 40/40 church planters and other Extreme team members in Ibarra, Ecuador and then Ambato, Ecuador.

The church in Ibarra, Ecuador is newer, only having its first service in March of this year. So, much of the goal is still about getting the word out about the church, and this job was definitely done! The big event in this city was a Break Dance competition in the park. This turned out to be a big draw! Music all had clean lyrics and no inappropriate moves were allowed. In between the dancing, evangelistic dramas were performed, christian music was performed, and the gospel was preached. One person counted around 800 people there at one point! Over and over again, people were overheard talking about the church that was putting on this event, and many people who would never come to a church were exposed to the gospel. A successful event all the way around.

And the best news is that in the weeks that have followed this event in Ibarra, the church has continued to grow! This past weekend they had a spiritual retreat for new Christians or those seeking and their were 20 local people that came. In the service that followed on Sunday, they had a record high 87 local people in attendance. This is a church that is less than 6 months old!

The second half of the project was spent in Ambato, Ecuador. This church is further along in the process. They are a little over a year old, and they had local church leaders who were able to come along side the 40/40 church planters and short term volunteers. This enabled the team to hold a 'Grand Night of Hope' event. During this event, over 400 local people filled an auditorium and were treated to skits and music put on completely by the local church people and 40/40s. This was followed by the testimony of Pastor Ferney from Cali, Colombia, after which 76 people came forward to make new professions of faith and gave their information to these new church leaders for follow up! Praise the Lord! It was great to see how leaders, who less than a year ago may not have even known Christ, were now leading other people to the Lord! This is how it is supposed to be. People whose lives have been changed showing others how their lives can change as well. This event was able to empower the local leaders to begin doing with the 40/40 church planters have been doing, so that in 6 months or so when Extreme is finished in this city. The church will continue to grow! It also makes me pray for each of those that accepted Christ that night. Will they be leading others to Christ in the coming year? Please pray for these people.

Much of my time was spent helping out with the medical clinics. I am not a doctor or a nurse, and I have no background in medicine. But, I am bilingual. So, I can translate between the patients and those that do have the medical experience. The most difficult part was the medical terminology. I don't know a ton of medical terms in English and definitely don't in Spanish, but I got the point across. It was so great to be able to look in to the eyes of people who were hurting and offer them a bit of hope. We spent time praying with several of them as well. Our earthly bodies will continue to decay, but we can offer them hope for the bodily pains and hopefully we offered them eternal hope as well.

We also saw some interesting patients. Some of the most memorable include:

An elderly couple who had no idea how old they were. They only knew that he was older than she was.
A teenage girl and her mother who thought she wasn't having her menstrual cycle because she ate too many green foods.
A many who didn't drink water because he didn't have an appetite for it.
Many patients who thought parasites were caused by eating too much sugar or drooling at night.
A man who told me he had heart problems. He said whenever he saw a pretty girl his heart started beating really fast
And a little boy who had heart problems who said the reason was because his dad didn't have a heart.

For me, this time was exactly what I needed. Often times, I am so task oriented and sitting behind my computer that I miss the people. Helping out with this event got me back on track. I spent almost two weeks helping out and getting to know short term volunteers from the states, working along side the 40/40 church planters doing evangelism, and looking in to the eyes of people looking for hope at our medical clinics. It was a reminder that this is why I sit behind my computer and spend hours working on an Iphone app. This is why I spend hours working on accounting and wiring funds. This is why I am with Extreme Nazarene Missions. To Spread His Love. To Share His Hope. To Help Others To Do The Same.

Back in Quito

2014-07-11T09:55:00.001-05:00

I am now back in Quito, Ecuador after about 2 months back in the U.S. It was so great to see everyone again and to be able to share in person what God has been doing in my life and in the lives of those here in South America. Thank you to everyone who came out. Thank you to everyone who supports me financially and through prayer. I couldn't do this without you!.

I got back to Quito at around 1 am on Sunday morning. It was a long day of traveling, but it was the first flight in a while that I didn't have any significant delays. So, thank you for your prayers.

I came back to an apartment that I moved in to just days before going to the US. So, it has been nice to begin to really get settled. My roommates are all gone right now, so it has been very quiet. But, it has been nice to get in to a routine.

While I was gone, Extreme Nazarene opened an office here in Quito. So, after over 21 months of working from home, I am now back to working in the Extreme office. My office here became the storage room while I was gone, since I didn't arrive until almost 2 months after everyone else. This makes for a little slower transition, but it will happen.

What's coming up next?

For the next week, I will be here in Quito, doing more of the same. But, starting next Friday, I will be traveling for 10 days or so, helping out with a short term project. Around 70 short term volunteers are coming down to Ibarra and then Ambato, where we are planting churches, and I will be helping out with translating for the medical clinics this group will be holding. I always love this time to get out of the daily routine and work among the people. God knows I need this. Please be in prayer for me, the rest of Extreme's staff, the team coming from the US, and those to whom we will be ministering.

Until I write again, please check Facebook for more updates!

Not Ashamed

2014-04-29T09:38:00.001-05:00

I have fought a battle with my weight for most of my life. I have never been the skinny girl. My weight was always something I was ashamed of, and tried to hide in baggy clothes, though I was fooling no one.

The problem got worse while in Peru. I was lonely and stressed, and didn't handle it well. When I came back from Peru, I was the heaviest I had ever been, and I was emotionally, physically, and spiritually a mess, not something you really want to share with people. I just wanted to hide. I was ashamed.

But, I had speaking engagements scheduled. I couldn't hide. My first time speaking, I had no idea what I was going to say. The night before, I remember going to my mom and crying, asking how I was supposed to stand in front of people and share what God was doing when I was such a mess. We prayed together, and I went to bed. The next morning, I stood up in front of a group of people with no solid plan of what I was going to say, but I began to speak. Looking back, I don't know exactly what I said. But, I know that it was 100% God. God speaking to me. Reminding me of everything He had done while in Peru. Reminding me of everything He would do in the future. And reminding me that as a Christian, we are to be like Christ, and we can't be ashamed of who we are in Him.

Satan loves shame and guilt. He loves for us to hide, like Adam and Eve did in the garden. When we are filled with shame and guilt, we are so focused on hiding what we have done or who we are, that we aren't focusing on what God is doing, how He can change us and make us clean.

This is why I have tried to be very open about my weight loss journey this time. I have tried to lose weight before, but I was ashamed of the problem, so I never admitted to anyone that it was a problem. And as you often hear, the first step is admitting that you have a problem, admitting to yourself and to others.

I definitely had a problem, and this was definitely holding me back from what God wanted for me. Over the course of the last 18 months, I have daily given this struggle to God. I have daily fought to give Him control, fought to not hide in shame, and fought to be obedient. Sometimes, I have failed, but every day, I get up and make the choice to give it back to Him again.

This week, I have hit two major goals. I have now lost 60 pounds, and I have reached the 1's. Previously, I would have been ashamed to admit the second goal, because that would reveal too much. That would reveal that extent of my problem. But, I am not ashamed. I am a sinner. I have struggled for a long time with gluttony, the sin that is "okay" for Christians. I have struggled with trying to do it on my own, with out Him, and failing. I have struggled with shame, guilt, and fear. But, through my struggles, God is glorified. I definitely couldn't do this on my own. I definitely can't take the credit for any of this. God is glorified in our weaknesses, when we are willing to stop our guilt and shame and give it to Him.

This issue has held me back for years, held me back from being who God intended me to be.

So, I say to you today. I am not ashamed. For in my weaknesses, God can show His power. What is holding you back today? What are you ashamed of?

Speaking Schedule - Summer 2014

2014-04-29T09:07:00.002-05:00

I will be in the US from May 2 through July 5. I will be spending most of the time in the Kansas City area. I will be speaking at a few locations as well. Here is my current speaking schedule:

June 1 (pm) - West Chester Church of the Nazarene (West Chester, OH)
June 22 (am) - College Church of the Nazarene, Becomer's Class (Olathe, KS)
June 22 (pm) - Kansas City First Church of the Nazarene (Kansas City, MO)
June 29 (am) - Southwood Church of the Nazarene (Raytown, MO)

I would love to share with as many people as possible about what God is doing in South America. If you are available and live near one of these locations, please come! I also have open dates in May for a few more speaking opportunities. And, I love to meet with people one on one to share more. Please contact me if you would like to meet.

Moving

2014-04-29T08:59:00.002-05:00

When I lived in Peru, I lived in the same apartment for my entire time there, other than language school. But, since arriving in Ecuador, my living situation has felt constantly in flux.

My first few days in Ecuador, I stayed with a missionary family. Then, I spent 3 weeks in Colombia for training. Next, I moved to the Work and Witness property for about a month. After that, I moved in to the 40/40 house, a house used for a summer program for short term volunteers. The plan was that would be temporary. I kept praying for a new place to live, but never felt it was time to move. Many things were up in the air, and there was always a feeling that I would need to move soon.

Month after month, I prayed. If I had to find a new place and furnish it, I would need more money, and I wasn't sure where that money would come from. God just kept telling me to wait. Month after month, issues would be worked out, and I would continue to stay.

Earlier this month, things were still up in the air. The lease on our house was up at the end of the month, so something needed to be done. I was leaving for the US in a few weeks, adding more to the deadline. Prayers continued, but I had no idea how things were going to work out. By my human standards, things didn't make sense. Then, in the matter of a week, I not only had a new place to live, in a better location, but it was cheaper, just as nice, and my roommates and I were completely moved in.

Things don't always make sense. We have our own sense of how things should work out, our own time schedule. But, God has a plan, a better plan. And He can do more than we could ever ask or imagine.

Ready for Anything

2014-04-29T08:40:00.003-05:00

In 2006, when I graduated from seminary with an Intercultural Studies degree, I questioned God about what talents I had that He could use. I wondered how I could be used. Over the course of the next two years, He spent reassuring me that He could use me before He brought me to the mission field.

Over the course of the last 5 1/2 years, I have done a little bit of just about every job, the latest being accounting. In March of this year, the accountant who handled all of our South American finances left suddenly. Since it can take a while to find professional positions and even longer for them to raise funds and be fully trained, I was asked to take over. The first couple weeks were overwhelming. I was trying to balance finishing up and handing off my education responsibilities, continuing to manage IT and programming tasks, and learning a brand new giant accounting system that wasn't up to date. Overwhelmed was my constant answer for how I was doing.

Now, several weeks later, there is still a lot going on. But, I love being used by God. God has been showing me that He wants to use each gift and talent He has given us. As humans, we often trap ourselves in a box saying "that isn't my job". But, as a Christian, I say being obedient to Him is my job. I am not saying that we don't set boundaries for ourselves or that we should try to be a superhero and do everything. But, when God asks us to do something, we need to do it regardless of our human doubts. He will provide the way.

So, are you ready for anything?

The Ordinary Days

2014-02-24T08:08:00.003-06:00

Most people when they think of missionary life they think of the exciting stories that missionaries share in their presentations, the stories of the lives changed and the miracles that happen. These are the exciting days. But for every exciting day, there are many, many ordinary days. The days where you get up and you go about your work. You come home enjoy your evening, and you go to bed. Some of these days may even be filled with frustrations and disappointments. These days are not glamorous.

These days wouldn't make for a very good presentation, and you may be asking why it even deserves to be written about. The reason is that I think it is important for people to understand that these days provide the basis, the ground work for the miraculous days. How many days of the year does the farmer spend planting, weeding, and working the fields and how many days does he work reaping the crop? The planting, weeding, and working are not glamorous. No money is brought in those days, but without them, no money would come in. This is the life of a missionary, many, many days of hard work and disappointments. There are many days of ordinary that get you to the exciting story days.

This is the point where my life is right now. I am learning how to create iPhone apps. It is frustrating and overwhelming, and not glamorous. I am coordinating Spanish school for a couple missionaries and registering others for seminary, all of whom will in the future plant a church, which will create the "great story". I am exercising and getting in shape, so that I will be ready to do whatever God wants me to do in the future. It isn't exciting, but it is necessary.

It also gets me thinking about the Bible. The Bible, especially the gospels, are filled with the miracle stories, the exciting times. Take for example, the book of Mark, all of Jesus' ministry, three years, was fit into 16 short chapters. What happened in the rest of the time? The ordinary days. These were the days he spent walking from place to place chatting with his disciples. These were the days he spent sharing with people, and nothing miraculous happened. These were the days he spent just being obedient.

So, if in your life, you aren't seeing the miracle. If in your life, nothing glamorous is happening. It may just be that you are just in the ordinary days, the days spent laying the ground work for the miraculous, glamorous ones.

The Transformational Power of God

2013-11-18T10:05:00.001-06:00

The 12 disciples have always fascinated me. When Jesus was with them, they seemed like a bunch of idiots. They were immature, and they didn't understand most of what Jesus was trying to teach them. From an outsider looking in, I would wonder "Did he pick the right people?" Then, once he leaves, everything changes. They are filled with the Holy Spirit, and everything clicks. They become like rock stars of the Christian world. When you look at the transformation, it is easy to wonder if they are even the same people or if it is an early example of "Revenge of the Body Snatchers".

I had a similar experience this weekend when I visited Ambato. I first met the Ambato team when they were in training in Cali, Colombia. They were young, hadn't begun their ministry, and were still learning the language. I wondered to myself, "Is this possible?". But, when I saw them this weekend, they had transformed. They worked together in one accord, and each one was in their element. Each one was filled with the Holy Spirit, and spoke fluently a language which they could not speak just a year before. Wow, quite a transformation in just 8 months.

Then, as I began to look around, I was struck by something else. The church was filled with people who six months ago didn't know God. Now, they were hungry to learn more. The front rows were filled with people, and when they sang about wanting to be filled with the Holy Spirit, they sang with such passion that you could see it in their whole bodies not just their lips moving. Not only have our missionaries changed, but they have been the instruments God has used to change the lives of others. Awesome!

And the Ambato team isn't made up of experienced church planters or even people in their forties and fifties with tons of life experiences. Most of this team is made up of people in their early twenties, who are just seeking to do what God wants. Being obedient. The work of this team can only be contributed to them being open to being used by God. God has equipped them to do His work, changing them in the process while they are being used to change others.

What is Holding You Back?

2013-11-17T22:38:00.001-06:00

I remember in 2012 when I was considering going to Ecuador, I began to look at pictures on the internet. I saw a picture similar to this one.

I thought to myself, "Wow, that would be awesome! But, there is no way I could physically do that." God said to me, "I don't want anything to hold you back from what I have for you."

Before too long, I had agree to go to Ecuador, and had forgotten about the picture. But what God said stuck in my head. It replayed in my head on an almost daily basis. It was a reminder to me whenever I tried to put something like food or laziness in front of what God has for me. Over the course of the next year, I lost about 50 pounds, and became physically stronger.

This weekend, I went to Baños, Ecuador.

I went on a zip line...

I went on this cart across the ravine...

I crossed this bridge...

And followed a trail all the way to the bottom of this:

When I saw the beautiful waterfall, I was reminded of the picture I had seen a year before. God reminded me of how far He had brought me this year. This sight was my gift from God. Suddenly, all of my obedience to Him and all the hard work this year was all worth it.

And then, I saw this at the bottom:

It was really a promise to me that He can do more than I could ever ask or imagine, if I am obedient to Him and don't hold anything back.

I still have more weight I would like to lose, but for me in that moment, that wasn't what came to mind. What came to mind was "God whatever you have for me, I will do it. Whatever is standing in the way of what You have for me, help me to remove it. Because you are truly faithful and have wonderful gifts for your children."

So, I wonder. What is holding you back from what God has for you?

Teaching...In Spanish?

2013-11-13T16:48:00.001-06:00

When I first accepted the role of Education Manager with Extreme, I knew that there was a possibility of me being asked to teach a course. But, I prayed that God would be merciful and not have that happen.

Then, I received a call from the seminary in Quito asking me to teach Cross-cultural Evangelism. I have never taught any type of course, let alone a course in Spanish. So, I told them no, they should find someone else. They contacted me again and said they thought I should reconsider. I prayed about it, and God clearly said this was something He wanted me to do. So, I reluctantly said yes.

Over the next few months, I tried to forget about. I tried to get out of it. I procrastinated and procrastinated, hoping for a reprieve. But, that didn't happen.

I went to library checked out some books in Spanish and began to read. Many people have told me that there is nothing like teaching to get you to really learn a subject. That is very true.

It was just a few days before the first class, and I still didn't have a syllabus or know for sure what I was going to teach each week. I knew in general what I wanted to do, but nothing exact. I turned that general plan into a syllabus, and prayed that God would guide me on the rest.

Each week, a day or two before class, I would sit down and try to figure out exactly what I wanted to teach. Each week, the task looked overwhelming. Each week, I prayed for God's will to be done. And each week, He gave me the words to say.

I now have just one week left in the course, and most of the class will be taken up by the students final project. I pray the students have learned something that will impact the lives of many in Ibarra, Ecuador where they will be planting a church. This has definitely been a miracle from God.

The seminary here in Quito

Alumna of the Year

2013-11-13T16:21:00.000-06:00

I am not rich. I am not famous. In fact, for the last five years, I have lived off of the donations of other people. Not exactly, what you would call successful in the eyes of most people.

So, I was surprised when I received the call from MidAmerica Nazarene University letting me know that I had been chosen as the Alumna of the Year.

In mid-October, I boarded a plane, and headed back to the United States for homecoming weekend. On my budget, this would normally not have been possible. But, as part of the award, MNU paid for my flight back.

The theme of this years homecoming celebration was "Passion to Serve". It was humbling to be honored among a group of others that included a police chief and people who have led University mission trips for more than 20 years. God revealed to me that although I am not successful in the eyes of most. I am successful in His eyes because I am being obedient in service to Him. It was a very humbling experience, one I will not soon forget.

Redefining Failure

2013-08-05T16:52:00.002-05:00

I am an achiever. I accomplish what I set out to do, if not it is considered a failure in my book. So, if I don't think I can accomplish it, I don't try, so that I don't fail.

So, what happens when you are part of an Extreme organization that likes to set Extreme goals? What happens when you become a missionary and don't always get to see the fruits of your labor? Answer: You often feel like a failure.

Failures

Example 1: I first arrived in Arequipa, Peru in October of 2008. The organization I work for, Extreme Nazarene Ministries, had the goal of planting 120 churches throughout Peru in under four years. (See what I mean about Extreme goals?) I thought to myself, wow, is that possible? But, I didn't want to doubt God, after all He is the God who can do "who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine", right? So, I along with the rest of the team worked hard for these four years. In the end, only about half of the original goal.

Example 2: In June 2010, Extreme held an event called "Love Extreme". It was a mega-event with over 10,000 people in attendance. At the end of the event, I saw a crowd of over 6,000 people all raise their hands to accept Christ. Amazing. But, a few weeks later, the Nazarene churches in the area had only grown slightly. What happened to the thousands of people?

Example 3: I worked for over three years trying to plant a church in the community of Chachani, outside of Arequipa, Peru. Every time I would leave for vacation, all progress would cease and I felt like I had to start from scratch when I came back. I finally stepped back and handed it off to others to take over, and it took off. Talk about feeling like a failure.

Example 4: In July 2013, Extreme held the second "Love Extreme" event. This time it was a smaller event for 2100 people. We worked for weeks handing out posters and fliers, advertising on the radio and TV, but in the end only had about 1100 people there. Not nearly as many as we had been praying for. And we only had a little over 100 people accept Christ. Not nearly the grand numbers of the first Love Extreme.

These are just a few examples. There are many more I could list here. Now, some of you who are not achievers may look at this and be able to see the "bright" side of each example. But, for me, I didn't always see it. In fact, when I left Peru in 2012, I felt like a failure.

New Perspective

Recently, I was able to go back to Peru after nearly 10 months away. God helped me change my point of view, to take more of an outsider view. Not often do missionaries have the opportunity to go back to where they used to work to get this perspective, so I feel incredibly lucky.

I ended up staying right down the street from where I lived with a host family during language school my first few months in Peru. My host families' house is now rented by Extreme church planters. The neighborhood I lived in now has a Nazarene church where one didn't exist before. My host family are now leaders in that church after accepting Christ in the first Love Extreme, and they helped lead others to Christ in the second Love Extreme.

I was able to talk to the District Superintendent's wife. She talked about how the churches in Puno are thriving, and that city is different than it was just a few years ago. She told me that in Puerto Maldonado the recently planted churches were starting to die off due to lack of leadership, but then a new pastor came and he has been able to breathe life back into them and they are stronger than ever. She mentioned that in Cusco the original mother church continues to struggle, but a few of the recently planted churches are strong. All three of these cities didn't have a Nazarene church before 2008, and now they all have MULTIPLE.

I visited Chachani. This community now has a church building and is a growing thriving Church. They held a medical clinic while we were there, and local church leaders who lived there came and helped out with it. And when walking around, most in the community knew where the church was. It is a light in this community.

Redefinition

As I began to think about all that I was seeing, God taught me several lessons about failure in ministry.

Failure is not being obedient. The results may not be what you expected, but if you were obedient to what the Lord asked of you, you are not a failure.
Just because you don't see results right away, doesn't mean you are a failure. Sometimes things take time.
We aren't meant to accomplish things on our own. If we can do it on our own, then we will take credit for it. We must humble ourselves, and realize the Lord of the universe is willing to let us take part in what He wants to accomplish.
We can't make the decision for others. Just because they decide not to follow, doesn't necessarily mean that we did anything wrong. Did Jesus have millions of followers when he went to heaven? No. He shared the message and few followed. But, He had a core group of followers, who then went out and followed in His footsteps. This is what we are called to do. Share His message, and help those who follow Him to go out and do the same.

Refocus

Now, I can look at my time in Peru for what it was. A success. It was a success because I was obedient. It was a success because the seeds that were planted continue to grow. It was a success because I played a part and God used my part together with the parts of many others to make a difference in the lives of people. It was a success because lives are different.

The Bible says the shepherd left his 99 to find the one. So, if at least one life is different, how can you call it a failure? Is there anything in your life that you have considered a failure that is actually a success in God's eyes?

Extreme Nazarene Ministries at General Assembly

2013-06-27T23:38:00.002-05:00

Every four years the Church of the Nazarene gets together as a global body to worship and make decisions. Although I wasn't able to go this time, Extreme Nazarene did have a booth there, and had a great turn out. If you weren't able to go and see the booth, check out this video:

GA Walk Through 1 from Extreme Nazarene Ministries on Vimeo.

Trip to the Lake

2013-06-27T23:33:00.001-05:00

Last weekend, I went to the Lake of the Ozarks for the weekend with my family. It was a great time to get away and spend some quality time with them. After having not seen summer in five years, this time was even more appreciated.

Teaching...in Spanish?!

2013-06-27T23:10:00.001-05:00

As part of my new role as Education Manager with Extreme Nazarene, I have been asked to teach a course at the Nazarene Seminary in Quito. Not only have I never taught a real class before, I have never done it at a Seminary level and I have never done it in Spanish! Crazy the things that God asks us to do some times. So, this fall, I will be teaching Cross-cultural Evangelism. I told them I would try it once and see how it goes. If it goes well, I will teach it three times a year. The class starts in October. Please pray that it goes well.

Love Extreme

2013-06-27T22:38:00.000-05:00

On June 19, 2010, I watched as thousands of people accept Christ during the first Love Extreme event in Arequipa.

On July 20, 2013, we will be holding our next Love Extreme event in Arequipa. I am really looking forward to seeing what God will do this time! Please be in prayer for this event.

Weight Loss Progress

2013-06-27T22:29:00.003-05:00

Got a long way to go, but 40 pounds down so far!

September 2012

May 2013