I Need a Change w/Akilah Michaels (BLOG)

I NEED A CHANGE 32 - WAYS TO STOP PROCRASTINATING (EDITION 1)

2015-10-02T12:55:00.001-05:00

Hello great and remarkable people!

MOTIVATIONAL MOMENT - We all have good intentions and desires for our lives. We set goals and even define objectives in order to meet those goals breaking down our big dream into manageable portions. It is human nature to desire to want more out of life than that which we already have and so often we vow to get all that we desire and we even convince ourselves that we deserve it. The reality is we do deserve it, we just have to motivate ourselves to believe in ourselves regardlesss to the surrounding circumstances. Don't let ANYTHING get in your way! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

So all that motivation sounded good huh? Well, let me wipe it right off your face because there is a force at work against motivation and success. One of the things that impedes that progress are four little words: "I'll do it later"! Not only do those words affect us in such a negative fashion, but the reality of frustration works against us to keep us away from our good intentions and desire. These two things working together forces us into a place of inactivity and the forfeiture of success!

Today, I would like to offer three tips to help both you and I to forfeit ill-success and thwart procrastination and frustration out of our lives.

1) KNOW YOURSELF - One must always take into account the effects that procrastination and frustration has on oneself. Not only that, you must consider how they begin to take effect in your life. What type of moods or experiences bring on frustration or your desire to procrastinate?

Having insight into this helps to prevent you from feeling inadequate because you don't have unnecessary concerns on you concerning how you will get something done and you can safely identify behaviors are not conducive to success which will allow you to curb those behaviors in order to continue reaching for your dreams.

2) MANAGE YOUR TIME WISELY - There are not enough hours to go around in a day in order for us to get all that we need done "done"! We must accept that we can only do so much with the time we are given. Adding too much to our plate is not going to help us to become effective and an expert at anything and will force us into mediocrity in all things. In order to alleviate this, we need to learn to create timetables so that we can get done what we need to get done. Whether we work on several projects one day out of the week per project or work on one project until we move on to another: We must learn to be time-management centric. Not only that but we need to also compare our desired time-table to our actual performance. This will help us to plan our time more effectively and give us the ability to plan more effectively in the future.

This will help us to simplify our working patterns and effectively plan our lives. This will also help to improve the quality of our work and will alleviate stress from our lives. This in turn will keep away those feelings of inadequacy which makes us frustrated and leads to procrastination.

3) CHANGE PERSPECTIVES - How we think is so important, it is in our minds that we make up whether something will be successful or unsuccessful. When we consider our assignments and the
things that we put our hands to, we need to consider what brought us to those assignments? Was it money, was it prestige, was it a hand up, was it based on just what we could get at the time, or did it have a soul calling to us? Many times we forget about why we began to do certain things or why we have taken on certain assignments and as such we need to navigate through our thoughts and recall why we began and then reassess whether or not that purpose is still serving us. If it does not, we need to find a way to another project. Also, we need to learn to venture out a little more and consider things that we may have not considered in the past because it was not "interesting" to us. For instance, I had no interest in line dancing and kinda thought it was stupid. One day I went line dancing and had the best time of my life! It was important for me to experience something outside of my immediate interest to find that I have other interests further than even I could consider.

Doing this will help us to identify our personal goals and will improve our relationship with others and with ourselves. Learning how to deal with oneself is the first step in learning how to connect with others who may or may not be like you. Lastly, when we re-think, we remove intimidation and can then focus on what is most important about the assignment that we have taken on!

When all is said and done, we must learn to master certain aspects of ourselves in order to move on and become and remain successful in our lives!

Here's to SUCCESS FOR EVERYONE and being free of procrastination!

Your Friend...The "Inner Healing" Lifestyle Coach
Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD

MY SOCIAL NETWORKS
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Contact Dr. T for Coaching or Counseling - 919.741.2997 or Ofc: 832.422.8178

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Redesign Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

I NEED A CHANGE - HARSH TRUTHS THAT MAKE US BETTER PEOPLE (Edition 3)

2015-08-20T12:55:00.003-05:00

Hello great and remarkable people!

MOTIVATIONAL MOMENT - There are times in life where it seems like we are consistently on the losing end of things. Life is designed as a conundrum of so many experiences: some positive, some negative but all for our benefit. Use the experiences of life to shift your life and to build you into what you desire to see. The reality is growth comes because of opposing force, without the opposition there will be no growth. You cannot be receptive to growth without being receptive to the opposition that causes that growth!

There was a song many years ago that said "sweep around your own front door before you try to sweep around mine." I think that song is a fitting song for today's harsh truth. We are living in a digital world that is socialized and connected. Not only do we now have access to the internet for information, we have access to the internet on particular things in this planet, sooner than later, people will be able look up you body temperature and any issues with your body by simply typing in your name. It's just not about reference anymore, it's about the internet of things specifically: PEOPLE!

Think about it for a moment, what types of shows are mostly on tv now? I mean it started with the Real World so many years ago but now just about every tv show is a reality based show peering behind the closed doors of people's lives and making it into a public spectacle. People are hating people simply based upon the characters that people play on reality based tv. Now, do not get me wrong, I love reality based tv just like anyone else, however, why can we not get something authentic, real, and not so full of drama? Why? Because we love drama, we love the read, we love the issues surrounding people's lives. It makes us feel better about our own lives and makes us seem better than some of these people because we see all their "behind the door drama" so we judge them when in reality if people put up some camera's in some of our homes we wouldn't be able to show face in our local community anymore!

What am I getting at...we ALL have issues and not only do we all have issues, we all have things that we need to work on not for other people's sake, but for our own sake! If our goal is to honestly be better people we must...

SEEK OUT THE FAULTS WITHIN OURSELVES AND CORRECT THEM!

Yes, we have to be introspective about our own issues and even when we seemingly have no way of correcting them, our goal must be seeking to correct them by any means necessary.

The reality is that many times the faults we find in others that we detest are not too far from the faults that we have in ourselves that we do not desire to acknowledge. We can no longer escape through the blame game, we must work through our own issues. Paul said to work out your own soul salvation with fear and trembling! What Paul was in essence saying to look at yourself and figure out the issue within you. It will cause fear but in the end you will be a better person!

So today I challenge everyone to look at yourself instead of lying to yourself! That's what we do instead of looking at ourselves, we look at the epitome of what we desire! Our harsh truth today is that you are liar and you are the first partaker of your personal lie! Stop lying to yourself and assume responsibility for becoming a better person FOR YOU!

Here's to exposure to the lie and liar and healing through the hurt of the false self...

Your Friend...The "Inner Healing" Lifestyle Coach
Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD

MY SOCIAL NETWORKS
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T for Coaching or Counseling - 919.741.2997 or Ofc: 832.422.8178

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

I NEED A CHANGE 30 - HARSH TRUTHS THAT MAKES US BETTER PEOPLE (EDITION 2)

2015-08-17T14:05:00.002-05:00

Hello great and remarkable people!

MOTIVATIONAL MOMENT - Ensuring that things get done can be a very daunting and scary process. Even when you have gone through all the pre-work, the post-production and desire of all the prework may not even yield the results for which you are seeking. In all of this, we have been conditioned to instead procrastinate and not do as we should do and ensure that we have done our very best but it starts with our mindset. The beginning mindset is that of motivation and encouragement. The foremost area of encouragement is your own self! Donald Lawrence wrote, "sometimes, you have to encourage yourself, sometimes you have to speak victory during the tests..." and this is what has to happen at the beginning of our plans and goals. Nobody can motivate you like you can motivate yourself, so motivate yourself by speaking to yourself and be encouraged to start the task at hand!

Lao Tzu once said, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." This proves just as true today as it did years ago when it was written. The issue: We do not want to begin that journey because we think it is too much of a task to do so. When we think something is too "tasking" we usually do not do well at that task and it's at that point that we need a reality check!

The reality check for today is not a nice one, it's downright rude, however, these are harsh truths to make us BETTER PEOPLE. It's not about what is nice but it is about helping each and every individual to make some much needed and desired changes in their lives. Have you read the newspapers, looked at the news, gone to a high school or an elementary school for that matter lately? Well if you have, then you know that we have to come up with some real solutions to hep people to identify with life and to assist in making change possible.

So what could be so harsh about making a change? Well when the change is all about you stepping up to the plate or taking a seat it gets to be a little more harsh as it hits close to home! So what does all of this mean? It means, "if you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen!"

Alec Baldwin in a speech he gave in a movie stated that he doesn't care if you're a nice guy! It doesn't matter if you're a good father, you should go home and play with your kids but, if you want to remain employed in that line of business they have to "close!"

What does it mean to close?
A lot of people have heard this term in life especially in association with the stock market or real estate. They close on a stock exchange deal or they close on a real estate exchange, basically, they are saying MAKE US MONEY! Closing is in essence bringing money into the business and ensuring the livelihood of those who work for the business and bringing a dividend for the investors into the business who own stock, shares, or some type of invested interest into the company! So, how does closing apply to us in life? How is a dividend going to help me in my life especially if it's not based on cash value and cash assets and therefore not marketable?

The Most Important Asset in the World!
Most people concern themselves with money way too much and way too often. Yes I'm aware that we have to pay bills, take our kids school shopping, mortgage, insurance, gas, food, lights, water, and we dare not forget about the entertainment on weekends and the like. We in the United States are a bunch of consumers and so the bottom line is the cash value but we neglect the inherent value of people: OF OURSELVES. The most important asset in the world is the capital of humanity and the investment that we have to allow ourselves to play the role.

If someone makes money from us, WE ALLOWED IT! So what are you going to do about someone making millions off of your singular investment while only giving you $2k a month for more that 160 hours of work? After bills you have no money left to LIVE LIFE!

There are so many people that says that if you don't have any money left over after you pay bills to do the things that you desire to do, then you are a responsible adult. That may be very true, however, the irresponsible adults are doing the things that we desire to do and although we may not have to deal with evictions and lights cut off, we then demonize them for "having fun" and being "irresponsible." How "responsible" is that of us?

It is from the median of both of these extremes that we can learn a valuable lesson...life is about responsibility but life is also about upward mobility and living as well! So how do we cope, what do we do...WE HAVE TO LEARN TO CLOSE!

Sometimes we have to close some doors on some jobs we have and take some steps in life that we do not wish to take. For instance, nobody wants to move back in with their parents but the reality is sometimes it's best to do so in order that you learn how to take care of yourself. Build yourself until you begin CLOSING! We must close if we are going to take advantage of the untapped potential found in humanity to not only lift ourselves up but to uplift someone else!

NOBODY CARES ABOUT ANYTHING THAT YOU DO UNTIL YOU CLOSE!

Yes it is rude but it is also honest as to the expectation of the world; however, the difference between me an the world is that the world says that it is wrong to tell you nobody cares about you and would instead like to see you consistently be a failure because they won't give you the tools needed to encourage yourself to keep moving. Most people will give up their dreams if they do not have some form of "negative" reinforcement to help propel them into encouraging themselves and that's where I come into let you know that it's not ok for you to keep failing! I desire above all things that you succeed so I give you what you need so that you will be able to recognize the inherent value of yourself and continue to push forward into success!

This is not about money...THIS IS ABOUT CLOSING FOR YOURSELF! Invest in your human capacity and watch your life begin to change! Nobody will EVER care about you, UNTIL YOU care about you and your desire to manifest the best in your own life...sometimes at the detriment of others! Yes...YOU have to learn to be selfish for yourself instead of being selfish to yourself more often!

Here's to freedom from fear and acceptance of your better self...

Your Friend...The "Inner Healing" Lifestyle Coach
Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD

MY SOCIAL NETWORKS
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T for Coaching or Counseling - 919.741.2997 or Ofc: 832.422.8178

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

I NEED A CHANGE 29 - HARSH TRUTHS THAT MAKES US BETTER PEOPLE (EDITION 1)

2013-04-15T12:12:00.000-05:00

Hello great and remarkable people!

MOTIVATIONAL MOMENT - You are a gifted and wonderfu creation. There is nothing about you that isn't great and magnificent. You are the epiome of greatness and all that potential energy in you is awaiting to synthesize with your action to produce the kenetic culture we call life and living. So, stop living life from the perspective of who you are not but instead...let's work within the parameters of who you are and LIVE THE LIFE that will better you as an individual.

"DO WHAT?" So many people ask that question when they have been given an instruction of something that they don't agree with on a moral, philosophical, or cultural reasoning, however, you do things that are against those grains DAILY, the difference is that people can see you (or at least the person who asked you to do it can) and because we have been taught the art of lying by saying if nobody sees me do it, it is akin to not having done it. We let our guards down when nobody is around but when someone is around we feel as if we have a reputation to keep and an image to uphold, however, when we have a tainted image, why would we want to uphold that image?

'Cause nobody saw me do those things so my image isn't bad at all...I have an impeccable image in the community, upstanding and wonderful.'

Boo boo...let me be the one to tell you that just because nobody saw it, doesn't mean that somebody didn't tell it and your image is not only negative, it is going to get you nowhere no matter whose organization you join with, no matter who you become friends with,and no matter whose board you are allowed to sit on...YOUR IMAGE IS TARNISHED!

So why are you saying "DO WHAT?" as if it's such a bad thing...you don't even know what I want you to do yet! So, let's figure it out together shall we 'cause honestly, I don't even know at this point.

JUST A SIDE NOTE: If your career is great and you're thrilled about your wonderful life and your relationships are just awesome. Please enjoy the rest of your day and stop reading through this rubbish. You are doing a great job on your own and I'm so proud of you, as a matter of fact, everyone who reads this article will be proud of you as well. So please, don't waste your time by sitting here for it will be totally mind numbing for you anwill make you wish you shot yourself in the head with an automatic weapon. If however you don't fit within that special group of people...THIS IS FOR YOU!

EXERCISE #1
Name seven (7) impressive things about yourself! You can write them down (I like to write so I write) or just say them aloud or hey even better just walk up to a complete stranger and tell them those seven impressive things about yourself. Now, here is the greatness about this, you CANNOT say anything that you are! You must name seven impressive things that you do! Yes, what do you do? Not "who you are" but "what you do." Go ahead, I'll wait...

How hard did you find that to do? Was it really that difficult? Why do you think that was so difficult? For some of you that was easy wasn't it? For those of us where this was easy, we found it easy because we learned a principle years ago or maybe a few hours ago that helped us to accept that we are powerful and that we can definitely do what it takes to get the job done but more importantly that what we know how to do is important! For those of us who found this absurd and hard, we are still taking the time to learn that self-same process and guess what it is okay. We are where others have been in life and we are further along in life and bettering ourselves than half the United States...either way we are in good company and we must give ourselves a hand for that.

EXERCIS #2
Give yourself a standing ovation for 2 minutes and be serious! Cheer, root, clap, run around in circles, do whatever you do when you really like somebody for what they do. Yes, you may even cry, snot, and pass out. Whatever you feel like you must do and what you do for other people, DO IT FOR YOURSELF for two minutes (AT LEAST) everyday...ok, go ahead, I'll be here when you get back.

So now, what you're going to hate to hear...you knew it was coming I don't know why you thought it wasn't! The title of this is HARSH TRUTHS THAT MAKES US BETTER PEOPLE...so here is Harsh Truth #1, I hope you're ready and when I say it, I'm sure you'll be able to identify with it...here you go...relgious people and the like...I hope you're ready for it 'cause it is HARSH and downright NOT RIGHT AND NOT COOL! Ok, so here it is...

THE WORLD AND THE PEOPLE OF THIS WORLD ONLY CARES ABOUT YOU WHEN THEY CAN GET SOMETHING FROM YOU
Yes I know the earth is the L-rds and the fullness thereof and they that dwell therein, however, stop doing something for someone or a group of people and see how quickly they dispense of you! I know people who have had jobs where when they couldn't make it to church because they were going to work, the church issued them a letter of release (and yes they were sending in tithes and offerings). Understand that your money isn't always good enough, instead, your presence means so much more in differing settings for differing reasons to different people!

Ok, so who do you love the most? Think about it, the one person that you just LOVE LOVE LOVE! Get them fixated into your mind! See their face. See you doing stuff with them. Remember some of those crazy fun times you had together! Now, you're having those fun times and all of a sudden they fall on the ground...they just got shot! They are lying down in the middle of the street bleeding and screaming and someone rushes up and says "Step aside," and then he looks over the bullet wound and pulls out a pocket knife...yes, he's gonna operate and remove the bullet right there in the middle of the street.

My first response kicks in to ask, "hey, are you a doctor or surgeon or indian spiritual healer?" and his reply to me is "No, I just saw this on House last night...," so of course I'm like, "don't you think we should call someone who knows what they are doing before you injure my love even worse" and he's so annoyed and he turns and looks at you and yells at you, "Hey, I'm a nice freaking guy, I'm honest, I'm always on time, I wash my hands four and five times a day, I'm a great son, and I'm a very well rounded individual and I never use foul language."

So...HOW DOES ANY OF THAT HELP YOUR LOVE LYING ON THE GROUND BLEEDING AND PROBABLY NOW UNCONSIOUS? "The truth is before I allow you to stick a knife into someone I love I need to know that you know what you're doing is the point. Can you do that?" Now you've gone and done it, you keep questioning this man when he's trying to save your loved one. You are being shallow and selfish! Did you not hear about all of his other amazing qualities that he told you?

In light of all the other amazing things that he does and all that he is...does it truly matter if he knows how to perform surgery? YES, IT MATTERS A GREAT DEAL. One slip of a knife and your loved one could be the next funeral you attend. So here is the TERRIBLE AWFUL of this situation: YOU ARE IN THAT VERY SITUATION EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE! The only difference is you're the person with the pocket knife and all of society is the bleeding gunshot victim.

You try to tell people how beautiful you are, or how lovely you are, or how wonderful you are and society constantly shuns you and you often wonder why you get no respect from society. The answer is simple. It is because society is in full need of things and what you are offering (good looks, pretty face, good hair, cute shoes, big booty, big other things, etc...) is not answering th key things necessary to survival. Society needs food, entertainment, homes, fulfilling sexual relationships and non-sexual friendships. They are needy and you show up at the scene of the emergency wielding a pocket knife with no set skills in order to know how to properly utilize a pocket knife.

By virtue of your birth, you were born into a system designed to meet the needs of people. So, you're going to either learn how to use that pocket knife (whatever it may be) to seeing to the needs of the people by acquiring unique skills and abilities OR the world will continue to reject you no matter how nice of a person you are. You will be poor, you will be alone, and you will be left out in the cold! No if's, and's, or but's!

Does that seem mean or cold? THere is love and kindness and yes they matter...as long as it results in you DOING things for people that they are not getting anywhere else...if there is an offer for it elsewhere, you're going to have to do it better and leave a remarkable impression upon the people you serve.

The hospitality industry is not huge business because of simplicity of function, it's huge because people like to be catered to...even when they are poor!

Here's to freedom from fear and acceptance of your better self...

Your Friend...The "Inner Healing" Lifestyle Coach
Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD

MY WEBSITES
Dr. T
Strong Tower HATLG
Holy Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

MY SOCIAL NETWORKS
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T for Coaching or Counseling - 336.935.3148 or Ofc: 336.347.8557

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

I NEED A CHANGE 28 - ACCEPTANCE OF MY SEXUAL SELF!

2012-07-26T11:44:00.000-05:00

Hello great and remarkable people!

MOTIVATIONAL MOMENT - Stay anchored in the moment and trust that gut feeling, many times it can and will lead to great and awesome adventures of self-exploration and self-expression. It is when we feel like we know what we are doing that we end up thinking too much becoming lost in questions, judgments, doubts, and fears that do not define us but seek to cause us to question our reality. It's amazing how something that isn't real has the ability to cause of to question and re-think what we are in reality experiencing as truth. Remember that many of the best things in life are not planned but they just happen and we as humans all have these wonderful gifts to offer to the world, it is up to us to choose to offer these gifts.

As people, many times we choose to accept all of our other selves except the two most important "the AUTHENTIC self" and "the SEXUAL self." These two "selves" has caused so much turmoil in our lives because societal standards and mores have taught against the experience of these "selves" and has conditioned us to live in the reality of "the INFERRED self." While living in "the INFERRED self" our "sexual self" has run amok and we end up "overacting" and not accepting!

Today I am working to reclaim my sexual self by learning and teaching others to love and accept their bodies and their sexuality by "re-visualizing" them and to learn to see them differently and not take what others have said about their parts and negate them and relegate them to a mere existence but to bring connectivity to the whole body.

SAY IT...PENIS!!!
SAY IT...VAGINA!!!

Most women from very early on are taught to fear penises! I've heard stories of young ladies being told that if they have sex that they would bleed to death. Likewise I've heard stories where boys were told if they have sex that they would get stuck like a dog. These stories don't teach, these stories scare people into not doing something that's natural AND causes them to look at the opposites parts as death traps! So we have grown women who are married who are fearful of their husbands penises. We have grown men who are married who are fearful of seeing and looking at their wives vaginas. Yes, I understand the motives were to protect the innocence of a child, however, at what point do we end the fear and grow to not only love, accept, and bring positive light to our own genitals but begin to see the opposites sex genitals as gifts not to be forsaken or feared but to be explored and loved?

The fear of penises that are instilled in girls is supposed to cause a healthy self-defensive fear of men to prevent rape, abuse, disrespect and aggression. The fear of vaginas that are instilled in boys is supposed to curb a young mans appetite for sexual exploration with young women so as not to cause pregnancy and to help him develop a sense of appreciation for vagina's as he matures. The issue within both of these is that both people mature and the exact opposite of the purpose is what occurs in the lives of both individuals due to social stimuli. Women still fear means penises as adults and attempt to hide that fact by many times becoming promiscuous and "self-identified" as "sexually free." Men mature and are taught that in order to subdue and to make a woman feel right you have to "beat it down" or she won't respect you! Both of these scenarios play out in the lives of most of our young-adults daily and it all stems from not having a healthy understanding of their own equipment because fear begets fear and not only are we scaring these children to fear the opposite genders' sexual parts, we are in essence teaching them to fear their own. After the fear, these young men and young women get together with other young men and women who are trying to teach one another not to fear by comparing how big they are to one another's who who made the girl they just ran a train on scream the loudest or how wet someone got. We grow up into adulthood with these fears of our own devices as well as those of others and get married and expect to have positive productive SEXUAL relationships with our spouses. How can you expect to have a positive sexual relationship when you are afraid of the sexual parts that are utilized for relationship?

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?
It's very simple, we must begin to retrain our minds about sexuality and sexual organs. The best way to begin to do this is to seek out erotic ART (NOT PORN) and begin to explore the various nuances of what these parts look like separated and then what they look like while actively involved with one another! How do they complement one another? How are they receptive to one another? These are the types of things that we must teach ourselves and then we must learn to love the self of who we are!

When was the last time you looked in the mirror at your naked self? When was the last time you honored your nakedness appreciate all your entire body from head to toe? Have you ever been taught that you need to honor and appreciate your nude form...to love your nude form?

No, I'm not trying to turn you into a nudist (I'm not one) but your ability to love, appreciate, and honor your whole body INCLUDING YOUR GENITALS without having to touch yourself or possess it is essential to learning to respect and love and honor the body and genitals of the one you are with.

We have to learn to allow ourselves to be vulnerable to our partners without the feeling that they need to possess or attack us in the process. It's good to be able to be watched or to watch your partner sexually pleasure themselves or to be erotic with our bodies for our partner to really learn to respect your body (and vice-versa). Learn to simply look and enjoy and accept people AS THEY ARE.

It is important to relearn how to see the human body (including a penis ejaculating or a woman having an orgasm) as a beautiful thing rather than something taboo, forbidden, dirty, or sinful. In order to do this we must learn to re-see these things with acceptance and compassion and not from being fearful and suspicious about them while concentrating on the physical senses of what it is supposed to be. We must unlearn abuse and rekindle the form of respect for the body that was once cherished.

So rekindle that desire to see yourself and others in a positive light and begin exploring your own genitals and see they are not to be feared...likewise, neither are the opposites sex genitals to cause fear!

Here's to freedom from fear and acceptance of your sexual self...

Your Friend...The "Inner Healing" Lifestyle Coach
Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD

MY WEBSITES
Dr. T
Strong Tower HATLG
Holy Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

MY SOCIAL NETWORKS
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T for Coaching or Counseling - 336.935.3148 or Ofc: 336.347.8557

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

I NEED A CHANGE 27 - DATING: REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS LEAD TO AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS

2012-07-23T17:49:00.000-05:00

Hello great and remarkable people!

MOTIVATIONAL MOMENT - Everyone wants commitment, especially in relationships: whether they be friendships, sexual relationships, or romantic relationships...all of us have a goal of a certain level of commitment that we want the other person(s) to adhere to for our own personal well being. In dating, in order to evoke commitment we must be willing to deal with and face hard truths such as you are NOT the perfect person who does not need any improvement, on the contrary, you probably need a lot of improvement in many areas of your life, however, that does not disqualify you from receiving that level of commitment that you desire but it does mean that you will have to begin weighing people and the options they present very carefully against the desires of your own heart. So learn to emphasize your strengths and minimize your weaknesses by doing introspective WORK that leads to a change in your persona. Attraction and confidence are not simply given, they are learned skills and when you learn how to utilize them, you will become more honest not only with others but yourself and in freeing yourself from social ills and creating a space of social freedom you will be willing to show your true and authentic self to the one you desire and they will in turn respond to your veracity.

REALISM - THE ART OF DATING
Does appearances matter to other people? YES! Don't be fooled! What you look like and how you present yourself has MUCH to do with whether someone approaches you or not. The issue is that people are too far hung on appearances when they are seeking "THE ONE." Now,if you're just seeking "THE ONE FOR NOW," by all means stick with appearances and nothing more because it's not meant to work anyway, however, if you are seeking something deep and meaningful you have to do some introspective and cognitive reasoning.

Simple Exercise - Get up from the computer and find a full length mirror, take off all of your clothes and check yourself out. You're gorgeous aren't you? Fine as wine huh? Sexy and you know it? Now notice the difference between yourself and the last person that you WISHED you looked like!

Now, since your bubble has been busted, we can go a little further shall we? Do not mistake me, LOVE YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE, it is of utmost importance for you to do so, however, be realistic concerning your image. To gain some perspective, consider the last person that you said to yourself that you WISHED you looked like. In other words, be realistic about your appearance while you're staring into someone's eyes you're attempting to want to get to know.

We all have something attractive about us that we think about ourselves and that we perceive that others think as well, however, that's not always the image that we have in our head. So, if you want something meaningful and not a fly by night, consider looking further than a face, some breasts or a nicely defined chest, a nice rump, some gorgeous curves, or that knot in the front of some nicely fit slacks. Yes, it is important to get the type of individual that you are attracted to, however, attractiveness works both ways and many times we forsake the depth, personality, and values system of people over the good looks! A woman who wants to get with a man because he's sexy and packing and gives her something she can feel who gives up the value of herself by allowing him to beat on her and blacken her eyes...what type of relationship is that and why would anyone want to remain therein?

THERE ARE NO MONEY BACK GUARANTEES
As much as many of us (both men and women) wish, there are no money back guarantees when it comes to dating! Men who choose to impress a woman with his fat bank account by taking her to the most expensive restaurants and cruises and buying her the newest pair of "Red Bottoms" cannot complain when the woman that he's spoiled is found to be a gold-digging whore who would sleep with his best friend if he could take better care of her or someone finds her with another opportunity to do "better." Likewise ladies, don't be upset when you find out that he's a no good dude who would sleep with you and everyone else he finds attractive, after all, you did give it up to him within the first few hours of meeting! Also, for all of you other women out there who didn't go that route, what were the first things he talked about with you? What did he ask you? How did he get to know you? Did he make a press to come and see you or did you have to figure out how you were going to go see him and miraculously he didn't want to go out! On the contrary, he wanted to stay in and cuddle! So, whatever you've spent your money on, there are no guarantees that you'll get back what you decide to invest into the building of a relationship.

Not only are there no money back guarantees, there is no time limit on how long you may have to search! As I sit and type this, it's been an eight (8) year journey for me being single (of course there were some dates, a few romances but mostly people who didn't want the same things that I wanted but I was willing to let go of my "money" in order to see if what I knew wouldn't work COULD work). I've been in search mode for eight years, some people longer than I, for others a few months and they've seemingly found the one they can love who will love them back! Each of our journey's are as unique as our finger prints and the journey that we have to take sometimes is not always the quickest, however, the journey will always lead us to success (whatever that means for us individually).

The question before beginning on the dating journey should be, am I committed to this cause? You will meet some gorgeous people who you will reject, there will be some gorgeous people who will reject you and all of the rejection is based upon an image that has been created inside of someone's head of what they consider their soul mate should look like. The question is are you presenting what your ideal soul mate desires in his/her mind?! It's a hard question because although we all want to see ourselves as the best thing since sliced bread, if all we're going on is looks, you should be prepared to be judged by the exact standard by which you place upon another and no matter how well put together you are, there is ALWAYS someone who can come to say "you're not all that" simply by their presence.

So what are we to do? How are we to deal with this? Take that same image of your ideal soul mate. You know the one that has everything you want and THROW IT AWAY. Let's begin with a clean canvass that has nothing on it! Open yourself up to the possibility that your ideal mate is not in your head but can moreso be found within your heart. If you would start with a clean slate, you can successfully open yourself up to meeting new and interesting people which may not only stimulate your body but will stimulate your mind and spirit!

SO YOU'RE OPEN...WHAT NEXT?
The fun begins here! Conversely, this is also the area that needs most of the work and drastic improvements have to come. Let me ask a question...If you could live your life really being who you are...how would you behave? What would be noticeable about you? What's "authentic" about you that would make you more appealing to the ones you would like to notice you? Those are the questions that you must answer! Do you think that you would be attracted to an obnoxious jerk? Or possibly an over inflated pompous loud mouth? Now ask yourself...is that who you are?

Hard truth...people in public many times become their authentic self when they think that no one is looking! When your guard is down and you can simply be you and there is seemingly no judgment, you become the authentic you that many times you refuse to see and recognize because you decided that person doesn't exist based upon societal standards and mores. So, who do people see and would you date that person if that person wasn't you? Another hard truth...if you wouldn't date that person, there is a good chance that you do act that way and that is what people see when they see you!

We have to get over our fear of being ourselves! In order to be "self" we must work towards understanding who we are! Truthfully, how many of your thoughts and opinions do you share with the world? If you were to share many of your thoughts you'd no doubt be considered racist, misogynistic, insane, stupid, ignorant, sexist, etc...however, in relationships, these things you have to share with one another in order to know whether you would work together to build upon one anothers foundation.

It's a deep journey of personal transformation but you can get there but we have to learn to be authentic and realistic in our pursuits! Now, since we have gotten to realism concerning ourselves, we can be authentic in our expectation of "THE ONE." Now you must consider your personality and what personality types go well with you and when we do that, we are ready for our first date.

Be realistic and be authentic and while you're doing that...go and speak to as many people as you desire. Don't be afraid just go right up and introduce yourself and enjoy the feeling being authentic while getting to know someone that you may not normally give a chance to even converse!

I'm not saying devalue yourself by picking people you have no attraction to, however, if you're an average joe a super model just may not be attracted to you! Be realistic in your expectations and if someone doesn't meet your expectations...don't feel bad, let them down easily, and move on to someone more suitable for what you are seeking!

Have fun keeping it real...

Your Friend...The "Inner Healing" Lifestyle Coach
Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD

MY WEBSITES
Dr. T
Strong Tower HATLG
Holy Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

MY SOCIAL NETWORKS
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T for Coaching or Counseling - 336.935.3148 or Ofc: 336.347.8557

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

I NEED A CHANGE 26 - THE AUTHENTIC INNER YOU!

2011-12-16T10:27:00.000-06:00

Hello great and remarkable people!

MOTIVATIONAL MOMENT - Have you ever thought about how much you dislike the world or how much you hate your own life? How often do you do it? The truth is this, if you have thought it more than ONCE, you would much rather sit around and do nothing about your circumstances or the world around you! If we want to change something, we must first act: In order to act we must sometimes take chances! If we would truly understand the first action is usually the most difficult, it is the risk and chance of being honest with ourselves.

THE AUTHENTIC INNER YOU
Why do we constantly hide the authentic inner SELF? Why do we constantly wait to step into the fullness of SELF and become the greatness and magnificence that we are destined to be? When will we make the decision that we have taken all that we will take? Are we not tired of being broke; lonely; penny-less; living from check to check and hoping that we can make ends wave? What about you? The authentic inner you that is screaming for release!

The new year is swiftly approaching! In two weeks we will have entered 2012: a time of new possibilities and opportunities to fulfill our greatness. We can use these last two weeks to re-write and over-write the novels that have already been written! We must take the time to open up and stop hiding our authentic inner beingness! The first place is to be conscious in all that we do and understand that we must be willing to challenge the certainty of our future that we base upon our present state of consciousness, it does not appropriately measure the fullness of our possibility of life! It actually disrupts the truth of our greatness! We cannot measure our whole life based upon our present circumstance of lack! We must instead begin to measure our life based upon the greatness found within! We must not give voice to complaints in any shape, form, or fashion!

That is where all the problems begin actually! We cannot see past our present place of existence! We can't see past this present situation! I know how you feel! Like you, I have been there and honestly just came out of this place! I have even been in the position that I didn't want to live to see another moment and did not have the fight to do anything else in my life: I had simply gotten to a point of being tired. I tried everything there was to try, however, I did not try to realize and actualize the authentic inner me. The realization that we have created an alternate and imaginary captivity causes us to feel inadequate and we use this "self-defining" moment as truth, we do not see that this is only a partial reality! It is not the full truth! This is however where we usually feel that our best is far beyond our reach and that we'll never quite make it to that place yet we take a conscious leap into the unknown based upon an unconscious reality that WE ARE GREAT!

Although we made a conscious decision to leap, it was based upon an unconscious determining factor! Our goal is to make a conscious decision based upon a conscious determining factor. To get there, we must stop being the victim and we cannot blame anyone else for the things that are going on in our lives! We must become something different so that we may do something different!

WE MUST BECOME CONSCIOUS SO THAT WE MAY PRESENT THE TRUTH!

When we have learned to be conscious, we will likewise transform our lives and will be awakened to each and every possibility and live in a way that our goal is always to make our lives better and the greatest that it can possibly be! We realize that our present view that seeks to define our reality is nothing more than a construct of our own level of consciousness! If that consciousness is limited then our life view will be limited but if it is unlimited we gain the possibility of the impossible and we actualize the reality of casting off the self-limitation of this world and we robe ourselves with the limitless possibilities of our inner being!

When we can admit that life is not always going to be without controversy, however, in the imperfections can be found joy unspeakable and full of glory and can be perfected due to the level of your consciousness that has been raised from limited to limitless. Due to knowing and understanding, we can and we must learn to abandon the world of limitation and lack by letting go of what we are assured of and swan dive into the unlimited unknown and allow your consciousness to discover the unlimited reality in lieu of constantly allowing ourselves to be limited to a preconceived notion of who we are and what we can do.

There is honestly nothing that can stop us or hold us back other than an unconscious clinging to a mistaken reality of who we have been and trying to take that individual into who we are becoming. We cannot allow the comfort of who we have been to stagnant our opportunity for who we are becoming! Stop hiding from yourself and stand up in the power and fullness of the reality of your inner authentic reality and find places in your life that you can take these conscious risks so that you may be liberated to know that the only thing holding you captive is a misconstrued and limited view of yourself!

Will you discover yourself and jump into the unknown? If your answer is yes, I would like for you to schedule your 2012 Inner Healing Session with me, where I will be here to help you see what has held you back in 2011 so that you can peacefully go into 2012 and make it the year of inner healing that manifests as outward liberation!

Your Friend...The "Inner Healing" Lifestyle Coach
Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD

MY WEBSITES
Dr. T
The Harvest Group
Phoenix Outreach Services
Temple El Shammah Online Assembly
Mt. Sinai Holy Assembly of the True and Living G-d
Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

MY SOCIAL NETWORKS
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T for Coaching or Counseling - 404.579.6027

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

I NEED A CHANGE 25 - WHO ARE YOU WITH?

2011-12-12T17:28:00.000-06:00

Motivational Moment - Imagining joy and happiness and not taking any steps to bring it into fullness is akin to taking a razor to your body in anticipation of the relief you'll feel when the razor cut heals. Stop playing with yourself and begin to manifest inherent joy from within!

WHO ARE YOU WITH?

In the world of business and relationships, this is one of the most questioned questions that people seem to like to conjure up to find leewsay into your personal life and matters. In ministry when you introduce yourself as someone with a title, the next question asked is "so who are you with?" When you meet a new man/woman who may be interested in you, the first question that they ask is, "so who are you with?" When you go to a job interview, they question "who are you with?"

Well let me respond to all of these questions! Does it matter who I'm with if I'm not together? Does it matter who I'm with if everything about me screams I'm not with anyone? It is so amazing to see people who are with someone make themselves seem as if they are with no one and those who are with no one do their very best to seem as if they are with someone!

It is both amazing and frustrating (to both see and experience) the "yin/yang" factor of life in order to belong to something or someone. We pretend like we are "with" someone to not be asked "the question" and we pretend like we are not with someone in order to be asked "the question."

Our understanding of "the question" comes from a principle of completion! We constantly look out around us because we see that every thing is around us and so by seeking out the things surrounding us, we hope that one day we will find something from without that will compliment and complete us.

What we refuse to see is that while we are searching for things, people, and places that make us feel like we are complete and whole we are actually separating ourselves from the actual thing that will heal us and manifest wholeness. We fight against our "self" in order to find ourselves in order to become whole with our "self." We by nature have become divisive and will never be able to overcome the joylessness of life that is borne of a divisive dual nature that totally contradicts itself in all forms, doings, and thought processes.

When did we develop the need for things, people, and places in order to become whole? When did our "healing" become contingent with manifested matter? We must gain understanding that the pain in which we experience and all the suffering due to negativity towards our pain manifests itself as such due to our willful participation in illusions that has been carried and handed down to us from our parents and all of our forefathers who didn't understand that concentrating on these negative experiences would lend a hand of pain down to the 20th and 30th generation.

Please look at the verse that helps to perpetuate this thought process in the song:
By & By
We are tossed and driven on the restless sea of time;somber skies and howling tempests oft succeed a bright sunshine; in that land of perfect day, when the mists are rolled away,we will understand it better by and by.

We are often destitute of the things that life demands, want of food and want of shelter, thirsty hills and barren lands; we are trusting in the Lord, and according to God's word, we will understand it better by and by.

Far be it for me to say that this doesn't lend hope to our forefathers and as I just read the words, it brings hope to me as well, however, what are we really doing in this song? This song is recalling and reiterating our negative experiences as if they will persist forever. There is no hope for ridding our lives of the experiences, there is only hope of understanding why we have the experiences after a season and a time of consistent "negative" experience.

Why do we have to live like that? Who says that we have to reiterate the negative in order to understand the why? The truth is WE DO NOT! Over and over again, we do go through this same process searching for EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE but the right place and hope we understand it better by and by!

Why is it that we feel it is fine to educate our children (hence their children and their children and their children) by saying the way to healing is through hurt. The way to ease the unhappiness is to accept stress as a way of life and to struggle to control conditions that surround you that are uncontrollable while becoming the slave to that which you are hoping to control in order to be free! Running towards freedom will never change the fact that you are running from unhappiness and discomfort!

We run toward the freedom thereby forgetting the distraction and suffer the consequence of inward division. We end up serving two masters...

1) That which we do not desire
2) That which is a moments desire due to resisting that which we do not

Becoming inwardly divisive we keep ourselves from knowing the fullness that we have within ourselves. The experience of being whole and complete RIGHT NOW. The illusion that the world is what our thoughts and feelings would have us believe that it is, is just that: an illusion! Seeking out things, people, and places because our thoughts and feelings have aligned with what people have said is the illusion of happiness and success.

In order to free oneself from this generation-based self-imposed illusion we have to learn to face our issues and problems head on and release our "self" from "ourselves" and all its imaginary conclusions concerning our lives. "Ourselves" is the unseen source of conflict, disillusionment, and negativity in our life due to its "plan" for finding lasting complete peace and wholeness from those things we can see and touch.

The path to self-liberation and wholeness is to allow the "self" opportunity for enlightenment and search within for the ever-present contentment and wholeness! YOU ARE COMPLETE, you just have to look within yourself to see it! When we search within we will find a world that is brand new where wholeness and happiness are the exact same thing and that world is within...NOT WITHOUT!

So the next time that someone asks "the question," you can proudly say...MY "SELF"!

Your Friend...
Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD

MY WEBSITES
Dr. T
The Harvest Group
Phoenix Outreach Services
Temple El Shammah Online Assembly
Mt. Sinai Holy Assembly of the True and Living G-d
Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

MY SOCIAL NETWORKS
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T for Coaching or Counseling - 404.579.6027

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

I NEED A CHANGE 24 - GET RID OF DEAD WEIGHT

2011-07-07T11:26:00.000-05:00

Are you carrying around dead weight? No I'm not talking about the spare tire around your mid-section (although we need to deal with changing our habits in order to be proactive concerning our health), I'm talking about past relationships, resentments, hurts, anger, and the list goes on and on!

You know the signs of dead weight, everyone does but we all try to live in some fanciful world to make it seem as if we aren't carrying it around and so we do our best to simply not pay attention to it in hopes that it will just "GO AWAY!"

Well, I have some great news...YOUR DEAD WEIGHT CAN BE GONE! If you buy my patented "DEAD WEIGHT BE GONE" spray! All you have to do is spray it in your house three (3) times a day and after one week, all of that DEAD WEIGHT will dissipate and will never come back to haunt you again!

WHAT IN THE WORLD? I know, that was just not right was it, however, this is what we do in order get rid of everything else!

Allopathic medicine gets rid of the symptoms, at the expense of creating other symptoms which may be worse than the original symptoms! Lawyers don't usually get down to the problem at hand, they usually deal with the symptoms and that's the reason they are in courts. It's the exact same with us! Our models have been to TREAT THE SYMPTOMS BUT NEVER GET TO THE ROOT CAUSE OF THE ISSUE!

FIRST, THE SYMPTOMS...
1) Are you in the same place you were in a year or two or even five? Let's be honest now! Let's not force ourselves into lies! Ok, so we have to go there! Just because you're no longer homeless doesn't mean you have come out of the situation that you were in a year ago!

Ok so you're no longer in the shelter, GOOD FOR YOU! I'm proud of you, keep up the good work but it's not time to stop! Why? Well the fact that you can't afford to buy a decent meal or go to the store and get food to make a decent meal and being forced to live off of $.99 McDoubles from McDonald's and $.99 Spicy Chicken Nuggets from Wendy's tells me that you are still in the same situation.

Having to worry about whether or not your bills are going to get paid this month and not having enough money to cover ALL of your bills which means you could possibly become a person who recurs homelessness...YOU ARE IN THE SAME POSITION AS THE HOMELESS MAN/WOMAN WITH NO FOOD TO EAT OR ANYWHERE TO LIVE! IT'S NOT YOUR SITUATION THAT HAS CHANGED, IT IS YOUR ENVIRONMENT!

Let's not confuse environments with situations! Environments can change but if the situation (your mindset) is still poverty driven and unfocused, any environment can quickly become the prison from which you thought you escaped!

2) Displeasure and Stagnation, are they reigning supreme in your life? Do you sometimes feel like you just can't make it out of whatever you are in?

Let me ask you this, WHAT ARE YOU IN? WHEN DID YOU GET THERE? HOW DID YOU GET THERE? HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET OUT?

A friend of mine asked me a VERY important question the other day...he said "What does KFC sale?" Of course I said "chicken." He asked me that same question over and over again with emphasis on different words and of course I responded but by the last time my answer wan't "chicken" it was "CHICKEN!!!!!" Now of course I see myself as a pretty smart person, however, stupidity had taken over right at that moment! He asked me...WHAT DO YOU SALE? I was STUMPED! I was like WOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I SALE! What is the point? I'm glad you asked!

The point that he was trying to make is that you may serve some things on the side due to all the talents and gifts with which you've been endowed, however, YOU SALE "CHICKEN!" I've come to the reality that I have the "CHICKEN," I just have to work on my spices in order to get the "CHICKEN" just right! What does that mean? THE BRAND OF ME HAS TO COMPLEMENT WHAT I'M SELLING! If you don't complement what you're trying to sale, YOU AREN'T GOING TO MAKE ANY SALES!

Our lack of mobility and enthusiasm is NOT the cause, that is a symptom of a deeper underlying issue! It is the issue of dead weight! Think about all the dead weight that you carry around with you and that you actually pick up along the way!

Family, friends, thoughts, relationships, debt are ALL DEAD WEIGHT! Don't get me wrong there are those who we cherish who add to the greatness of who we are and the pursuit of who we can be and push us as we push them, that's not dead weight! However, the family and friends that constantly upset us and tell us that we won't ever amount to anything, those thoughts of inferiority because of your environment, or even the blatant disrespect that you have developed for yourself over years of failure...ALL DEAD WEIGHT! What is in your life that is constantly holding you down and holding you back? What and who is attached to you who won't value your time, skills, expertise, friendship and are unappreciative in other areas of your life trying to rush you when you need to take your time while at the same time not even attempting to make an effort to help you be a successful...WHAT DO YOU SALE AGAIN?

It's time...RIGHT NOW! YES NOW! It's time, CUT THE DEAD WEIGHT! No reason to keep it, YOU CAN LIVE AND SURVIVE WITHOUT THEM! Yes some situations in your life may need to change, yes you may have to get up a little early in the morning to catch the bus but hey, you'll have achieved a new level of independence and social responsibility to UPLIFT YOURSELF!

Make a fresh start TODAY! Don't wait until tomorrow, tomorrow is a figment of your imagination and yesterday was a spring for today and no longer exists! When you realize that all you have is this very moment of existence, live in that moment as if it is the last moment of your life! LIVE THAT MOMENT TO THE HIGHEST! You may want to be a help but how can you help someone if you don't have anything to help them with? You don't even have yourself, someone else has you and you're playing the puppet!

The truth is...YOU ARE HOLDING YOURSELF BACK! People can only do that which you allow them to do, you have control over the decisions you make and you decide what/who impacts you and what/who doesn't!

You have to make a choice and the as far as the dead weight...CUT THE ROPE! The message is you're either going to begin climbing or you're going to fall! If you find someone else to become dead weight, that's fine but no longer will I be your target market!

We have to learn to walk and when we walk, we must only allow others around us who are WALKING! You have to pay close attention though! Some people are walking but they are walking backwards, there are those on the side of the road trying to get up to walk. Encourage them but don't help them up, tell them to come on and follow in your footsteps but THEY MUST GET UP AND BEGIN THE WALK WITHOUT ASSISTANCE! Be careful of who you allow to walk with you and who is walking around you! Make sure that you are both walking into SUCCESS!!!

When it's all said and done, GET UP AND GO FOR A WALK! Clear your mind, be at peace with nature, and say to yourself, "I NEED A CHANGE FROM DEAD WEIGHT!" It's not about your environment, it is about your situation (mindset)! You can put a person with the situation (mindset) of a billionaire into the environment of a homeless shelter and within a year, he'll own his own shelter! You can put a person with a situation (mindset) of a poverty pimp into the environment of a fortune 500 company and within 6 months, the company will be bankrupt!

WHAT IS YOUR SITUATION?

Your Friend...
Rabbinit Tanya A. Alkhaliq - "Dr. T"
CEO - Tanya Alkhaliq Enterprises & The Harvest Group
The Harvest Group
Phoenix Outreach Services
Temple El Shammah
Assemblies of the True and Living G-d
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T for Coaching or Counseling - 443.529.3969

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

I NEED A CHANGE - CHANGE YOUR ENERGY FLOW, CHANGE YOUR LIFE

2011-05-15T17:24:00.000-05:00

This life that we currently live in doesn't make it easy to have a positive flow of energy, neither does it stimulate us to move to change our energy flow for the benefit of changing our lives! So, today's I NEED A CHANGE is concerning energy levels, the flow of energy in our bodies and how we can work with our bodies to rid our bodies of toxicity and negative energy that continuously kills us day by day.

The purpose of stimulating the energy in our bodies by breathing PROPERLY is beneficial for circulating blood and fluid through our system which in turn cleans out and purifies our blood, removes toxins from our system, and affords us a connection with the divine.

We must also understand that it's not only about breathing properly but it has to do with how and when and where we move as well! Leading a sedentary life - as the United States has proven that this is the type of life that is espoused through all the sedentary "in home" games that are manufactured and thrown in our faces daily - is our most disturbing factor of changing our lives and creating an optimal healthy life system within our bodies!

When we say, I NEED A CHANGE IN MY BODY, what are we saying? We are saying that we will do what we need to do in order to turn our disease ridden, unhealthy, non-productive, sick bodies into whole well bodies that are able to fight off any disease known or unknown because our bodies are so equipped to handle all of it! It is thus equipped because the energy flow through our bodies have been enhanced and developed to handle the negative energy that would seek to "destroy" us.

So first and foremost, MAKE A DECISION that you want a healthy body! Get up and move, go for a walk, do something, get up and move, clean the house, mow the yard! Whatever you do JUST MOVE! Stop being SEDENTARY in your life and get your heart pumping, your blood flowing, your lymph glands to action and watch your energy level sky rocket!

Add breathing properly and see where life takes you! Stimulating your flow of inner energy will boost your own inner feelings of well-being.

PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS OF THE BREATH:

1. Find a comfortable seated position, feet placed firmly into the ground, spine straight, hands clasped and relaxed in your lap, eyes closed.

2. Begin with slow rhythmic breathing inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the nose. Your goal is to make the exhale breath twice as long as the inhaling breath. As you concentrate on this breathing, feel your hands and feet start to warm up and your fingers tingle as your energy flow is stimulated.

3. To strengthen this exercise, visualize this energy flow as a red glow passing down your arms and legs with each exhale. As the red energy glow passes through your hands, allow it to radiate up through the center of your body. Red is a warm, generating color. Always follow the breath through your body, visualize it's path. Lead it to where you want it to go. 5 -10 minutes of this will allow
your body to be adequately energized!

Mountain Pose (Tadasana) and Variation

1. Stand erect, feet together, eyes closed. Listen to your body as it breathes. Allow all the tension to relax in the muscles. Let go.

2. Step feet apart, shoulder width. Slowly raise the arms up on both sides with an inhale to shoulder level. Exhale as you feel the blood rush through the arms, palms up.

3. Inhale and raise arms up all the way to the top, bring palms together, as you exhale. Hold this posture for 5 to 10 seconds Breathing through the posture.

4. On your next exhale, lower your arms to a folded position over your head, grasping your elbows with opposite hands. Relax and breath in this posture, holding for 5-10 seconds.

5. Slowly inhale, open up and slowly lower the arms back to your sides.

6. Repeat this exercise four more times. You will create a powerful healing inner energy supply and balanced physical tone.

Your Friend...
Rabbinit Tanya A. Alkhaliq - "Dr. T"
CEO - Tanya Alkhaliq Enterprises & The Harvest Group
The Harvest Group
Phoenix Outreach Services
Temple El Shammah
Assemblies of the True and Living G-d
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T for Coaching or Counseling - 443.529.3969

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

I NEED A CHANGE - What You Manifest Matters!

2011-05-13T22:29:00.001-05:00

As our goal is and always will be change we must deal with what precisely change is and what causes change to manifest in our lives. Change manifests itself in our lives because we have gotten to a point of no return!

Are you like the millions of people in the world who are feeling like FEAR is stalking you! Every way you turn and everything you do fails and now we’re stuck with the evidence of our failure: FEAR!

Maybe you’re confident in your abilities and you know that whatever you put your hand to do will work out, however, when you count up the cost you realize that by being successful you have to deal with the consequences of success which usually come in the form of responsibility! Your FEAR manifests in this fact: you don’t feel as if you can uphold the responsibilities of your success.

So what is the antithetical process of manifesting fear? MANIFEST PEACE!

Anything and everything that we go through and that we can possibly think of as being negative is actually an opportunity to experience the peace that should surpass all understanding! Instead of accepting this as a truth, we allow all of these “things” that help us to manifest FEAR to run its course in our lives and have its way with our emotions and the spiritual climate of who we are (or who we are attempting to become). It is amazing that each one of these things would show us an individual lesson in life and we choose to ignore the message due to our own noise filled voice shouting and echoing its sentiments.

Have you ever said something to the effect…“I remember when I thought about that, I should’ve listened…”

Do you see how that works! YOU SHOULD’VE LISTENED (instead of yelling)! You should’ve stopped and allowed PEACE to reign, instead, you allowed FEAR to manifest! As we constantly and consistently do this, we must ask the question…HOW IS IT WORKING OUT FOR OUR LIVES AND DOES IT FOSTER AND ENCOURAGE POSITIVE CHANGE?

Do you not understand that peace is not a given, peace is a gift! It is a gift of proper position! When we position ourselves properly we harness and possess to the power of peace which forfeits pressure and enables prosperity. We must become quiet enough in order to listen so that the gift can lend itself to our life.

Due to the boundless nature of peace (much like love) we must learn and be willing to lose ourselves completely in its all consuming presence so that we can realize and actualize its existence! Conversely, peace is not lost but is given away freely! If you do not feel peace it is because you have in error gave it away by once again growing back into a cyclical pattern of negativity and conflicted emotions.

WHAT YOU MANIFEST MATTERS!

If you want peace, you must manifest peace and you must forego all the disturbing experiences of life and draw the importance of the experience from it and gain the peace filled recognition of its purpose! Don’t dive headfirst into the abyss of doubt and fear, instead, resolve the conflict by seeing the learning experience of it and manifest what matters by finding your way to the place of serenity!

Watch your thoughts, forgive your thoughts, relinquish the anxiety, be aware of your surroundings (metaphysically), and stop dragging yourself into the clutter of your noisy mind! Silence is golden and as you be silent before your thoughts, your thoughts will have to conform to your silence because your silence is your place of manifestation of peace! When you manifest peace inwardly…the outward expression of the inward manifestation MUST conform!

Your Friend...
Rabbinit Tanya A. Alkhaliq - "Dr. T"
CEO - Tanya Alkhaliq Enterprises & The Harvest Group
The Harvest Group
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Contact Dr. T for Coaching or Counseling - 443.529.3969

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

Preparing for Success in 2011 (Part 1)

2011-01-11T22:57:00.000-06:00

First and foremost, I would like to say "HAPPY NEW YEAR" to anyone and everyone! I pray that you are all ready to begin this year with a bang! I know for me, this time of year offers so many renewed and new opportunities in life and within business!

WHAT DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS TIME OF YEAR?

Are you ready and prepared to kick off the year and to become successful in business, finances, spirituality, friendships, relationships, emotional stability...YOU ADD WHAT YOU'RE READY TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN!

If you are ready...I want to help you! If you are not...I REALLY WANT TO ASSIST YOU in fulfilling your dreams and visions for this year!

Over the next couple of days I will be releasing a series of questions and clarifying the potential of each question so that you will have a renewed outlook! At the end of the 7 days of questioning, if you would like to receive custom recommendations based upon your answers, you can send them to me up to January 31, 2011 at 11:59pm and I'll personally reply with custom recommendations in order to help you grow in this coming year!

QUESTION 1:
What are your top 3 business goals for 2011?

It is important to have goals but I would like for you to come to the goals of what you would like to see in a different manner! I would like for you to begin to invite yourself to the outcome and not focus on what the overall goal is! Instead, concentrate on what you want to see and within that invite yourself to participate in the activities to bring those things into manifestation!

I will reply to everyone's email at the culmination of the seven questions and of course I cannot guarantee that you will receive a response the same day, HOWEVER, as long as you have sent the seven questions to me by January 31, I will respond to the questions!

For those of you who are looking to work hard for your goals and make your dreams come to pass, I am looking forward to working with you as we develop your life and business leadership models. I do hope we get a chance to work together very closely!

Your Friend...
Tanya - "Dr. T"
CEO - Tanya Alkhaliq Enterprises & The Harvest Group
The Harvest Group
Phoenix Outreach Services
Temple El Shammah
Assemblies of the True and Living G-d
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T for Coaching or Counseling - 443.529.3969

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

Simple Steps to Increase Social Media Visibility

2010-06-22T16:23:00.001-05:00

The truth is that being visible increases your opportunity for create business, networking, and opportunities for oneself! Conversely, if you are not visible, you may as well not exist! Your product may be great, your service impeccable, and your business acumen on point but if your prospective customer and the consumers can't find you online...YOUR GOING TO FAIL!

You must have an online presence and it is just as equally important to not only develop that online presence but it is equally important to do so regularly scheduled! Yes I know that youa re busy and don't have time for regular updates and writing blogs everyday but truth be told, you need to put yourself on SOME TYPE OF SCHEDULE so that the people will KNOW YOUR NAME!

There are over 1.5 BILLION people who use the internet on a REGULAR and DAILY basis to find solutions to ALL of their BILLIONS of problems and issues! There is no reason that you can't be a willing recipient from helping them to solve their problems within the field of your expertise!

This is what must be done, you have to begin by creating a visible presence online which will result in more opportunities which yields more leads, prospects, sales, speaking endeavors, and maybe some media inquiries about your service, product, or service solution!

First and foremost...BLOG LIKE YOU'VE LOST YOUR MIND!
This is strategic manipulation at it's best! You have to start at the starting point to strategically get your message to the world! If you don't have a blog...GET ONE set up TODAY! They are a free resource on almost ANY and ALL websites and social media sites to which you already belong!

You want to use your blog as a “home base” so to speak! It establishes your presence and credibility online because people get to act with you and become intimate and deep with your personality and you with your prospects and customers! It saves money AND it allows people access to your products directly! FREE ADVERTISEMENT!

If you have never had the opportunity to express who you are and your expertise, a blog helps you to demonstrate that expertise, expose your personality so that those who want to work with you and buy from you and collaborate with you the chance to get to know you, and this establishes trust because you are sharing for free VALUABLE USEFUL CONTENT that gives more meaning and success within their business, professional, and private lives!

A blog is honestly like crack for search engines! Yea bad analogy but understand what I'm saying! When you post frequently, consistently, and constantly, the search engines index your page and your content is thus available in searches quicker! Search engines crave new and fresh information, the more you post the more information it can get from you! Your blog becomes its source of “highness” and it continues to feed and frenzy off of your fresh insights! YOU BECOME VISIBLE!

Target your message in your blog! Publish something directly about whatever topic you are promoting! Your book, your services, your products, whatever! Create an editorial calendar and post about that topic using your keywords for which you want to be found!

SECONDLY...USE FACEBOOK FOR WHAT IT'S REALLY SUPPOSED TO BE USED FOR!
Ok...seriously! Facebook is not about finding all your friends and chatting about highschool and college days! Ok...maybe so, but that is secondary to it's really purpose! With all the people on facebook, you should have a presence of yourself and what you're doing ON FACEBOOK! Create a facebook page for your business, service, product!

Looking at visibility, this is an essential and necessary step because your content that is posted on facebook is AUTOMATICALLY indexed by search engines! At the very least you need to put your blog on facebook using the “notes” application as this will pull your blog content to your page wall whenever you post and because it only gives a short snippet, it forces those who would like to read back to your blog! As a matter of fact, most of you reading this blog right now are here because saw it on facebook or it was indexed from facebook into a search engine!

To even boost this...create a fan page! This further helps you build relationship and build desire from your fans to click through to your content from what is being presented on your page directly about your services, information, and products!

Finally, get over the “am I bothering people” syndrome! Invite people to your page and request that they become your fan! Request that they click on that “like” button! Use that as a resource to ask and answer questions, send update and let people know what promotions are coming up, what releases you have planned, and make sure you use relevant keywords and phrases about your business! Make this an active part of what you do because every post and every action that ANY member takes on your page is then posted on the pages of EVERY member in your group and guess what...A LINK BACK TO YOUR PAGE which will lead them once again back to your blog!

LASTLY...TWEET TWEET!
Yea people use it for the purpose of telling the mundane tasks of everyday life, however twitter can be used to serve announcements from your blog and even from facebook! It is your opportunity to simply go and respond and share great resources with people who are looking up things for your keyword search! Look up your keywords on twitter and anything related to that, post something with a back link to your facebook or to your blog!

Once again, these links got posted on search engines automatically and lead as a back entrance to your own endeavors!

And don't be afraid to use the plugins that come with blogs as well that post automatically!

With these tactics, people should start to “see” you online and as they begin to see you and you continuously do these things, people will start saying “wow, I see him/her everywhere, I may want to see what they are talking about!” With that, you have garnered the attention of one other person, keep doing what you're doing and you could end up with millions following you!

Dr. Tanya A. Alkhaliq - Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

PLEASE CONSIDER ADDING DR. "T" WITHIN SOME OF YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS

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The Death of Sex

2010-06-17T05:27:00.004-05:00

Maybe it was just me, or maybe I'm just hearing things that other people don't want to hear!

UNMARRIED FOLK WHO ARE SAVED AND SANCTIFIED FILLED WITH THE HOLYGHOST WITH A MIGHTY BURNING FIRE, EVIDENCE OF SPEAKING IN TONGUES...ARE HAVING SEX!

I just want people to understand that and to get passed it! As a conservative Hebrew Pentecostal Rabbi, it is best that we deal with the facts and STOP trying to live in this fictional world that the RELIGIOUS “WRONG” has made up in their minds because they are themselves like the Pharasaic sect who diveds, the “Christian Crusaders” who kills, and the religiously pious who keeps the doors of the Kingdom shut except for the few who will follow them as they follow in the footsteps of their father...ARROGANCE AND PRIDE!

Ok...now I've gotten that out the way (but I'm far from finished)...we go to the story about The Southland Christian School in St. Cloud, Florida! So they fired an elementary school teacher, Jarretta Hamilton, for having had sex before she was married. Under this schools strict morality rules, no person is allowed to engage in “fornication” which in today's minds eye means “sex before you're married,” although, if you will take a look at what fornication is, EVEN THE MARRIED CAN DO IT WITH THEIR OWN SPOUSE...that's neither here nor there at this point though (SEE FORNICATION WHAT IS IT FROM MY RELIGIOUS BLOG - HERE)

This is amazing to me that even at this time that someone who is a responsible adult who didn't lie but told the truth and got punished for having sexual intercourse before she was married to the man that she had planned to openly confess her love and devotion towards! Her mistake seemingly wasn't that she had sex outside of marriage, it was telling them that she conceived 3 weeks before she got married!

At this point, I question the “celibacy until marriage” policy that many churches, ministries, institutions, and ministerial leaders have established as the “line of Holiness.” In my own practice when I do marriage counseling, one of my first questions is have you had sex and was it fulfilling to the both of you? Why do I ask this, well I know that marriage is something that I want, desire, and hope that people will remain steadfast within its confines for years! The fire below is one of the ways to keep that yearning and want for your partner intact! Mind you...that is BEFORE they get married and make a PUBLIC AFFIRMATION OF THEIR PRIVATE DEVOTION!

More than 90% of couples in this day and time (and even years ago) have sex before they get married! Sex is not something that most people within the confines of the religious community like to discuss but abstinence is NOT the norm just so that you know and understand, especially amongst those about to wed! One of the reasons why the “honeymoon” is such a big issue is because most premarital counselors (religious or not) ask that they who are getting married abstain from sexual contact for one month before marriage! It has nothing to do with “we've been waiting for these last 5 years of being together,” it has to do with “whew, we went from almost everyday to not being able to do 'it' for an entire month, this is going to be a powerful release of emotion, frustration, and Love!”

So did Mrs. Hamilton act in an immoral or unethical way by having sex with her fiance? I personally must say...NO SHE DIDN'T! Why do I say this, I say this on the basis that marriage is NOT the beginning of a relationship, public affirmation is the ending of one's private relationship! The marriage relationship doesn't begin at the public confession, IT ENDS THERE! Why do I say that? I say that based on the fact that if one is publicly affirming their love and devotion to the other person, I would hope that they have already been married to one another as they have sought after the Most High with one another in their private time! Marriage to me by description is allowing others into your private lives and personal devotion to one another! If you haven't been privately devoting, what is the point of public affirmation?

Sexual compatibility IS one of the most important aspects of marriage and as such, I personally REFUSE to perform a ceremony for an extremely religious couple who refuses to engage in some form of sexual exploration of one another! Not because I want them to die and go to hell for pre-marital sex but because I want them to know that they are “for” one another! If a man marries a woman and he can't “rise to the occasion,” honestly the woman may feel in some type of way because she isn't “sexy” enough to her husband to even get him to get hard for her! Likewise, what if a woman doesn't climax for her husband, how is he supposed to feel that he can't please his wife? Once you have made a public confession of fidelity and been affirmed in your love...IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO KEEP THAT UP BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY because not only are you accountable to G-d but you are accountable to EVERY PERSON who WITNESSED your love and devotion to your spouse!

I also know it's not popular to “co-habitate” before marriage, however, if you don't live in the same household with someone before marriage how are you to know what it's like to live with that person? We have to come out of these puritanical standards of living if we are to really do what we need to do...OR we need to REALLY be puritanical! That means NO DIVORCE and we need to take care of our daughters AND SONS until they find (or are given) a mate!

Ethical sexuality is not defined on whether or not someone is having sex before a public affirmation, it is predicated by love, commitment, and pleasure which should always be placed in the confines of CONSENT!

If the only reason that Mrs. Hamilton was released because of her sexual choices, I believe that the MORAL response is to re-instate her to her rightful position! Now if she was a neglectful educator and did not do as she was instructed to teach children properly then I do stand by their decision for termination! A simple “failure to follow our moral ethics” is not reason enough to fire someone and no I do not think it should be within the confines of anyone's job description!

Dr. Tanya A. Alkhaliq - Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

PLEASE CONSIDER ADDING DR. "T" WITHIN SOME OF YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS

Blog Feed

Relgious Blog Feed

The Harvest Group

Phoenix Outreach Services

Temple El Shammah

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Follow Me on Twitter

Personal Facebook

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Temple El Shammah - Facebook

My Blog

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Can a Marriage be Saved by Sexual Aids?

2010-06-03T23:41:00.003-05:00

For many the word “marriage” is a word that one dare not bring up to someone they are dating! Sure for most women, they get involved with a guy in a long term relationship with the ideal of one day they will be married! Yet for other women, they just want to get their rocks off! The idea that most men go into a relationship actually wanting to get married is at the least absurd (unless of course they've done all the craziness they are planning on doing)! Regardless to which category one finds themselves, for some reason some people seem to think that marriage equates the DEATH OF THE SEX LIFE! This doesn't have to be the case!

It's amazing to me of how many couples who have come into marriage counseling with me who have this one issue and it spins around the issue of sex and sexuality within their marriage relationship! One of the most prevailing questions that I have come across concerning this topic is “Can sex toys save a marriage?” The answer to that question is “NO” in most peoples minds, however, are most people really getting the right “medication” when it comes to marriage and the sexual covenant one makes with their spouse?

Marriage is a covenant that can be summed up in the union of love, friendship, and definitely intimacy with an emphasis on a healthy sex life, however, often times it is the lack of the healthy sex life that contributes to many marriages being broken and fragmented. So what is the issue?

The issue is that society has labeled things as taboo and that leads to an inability to communicate with one's spouse concerning sexual needs and desires, especially within the lives of those who are extremely religious and sees sex as a means to an end and not as a living entity that transcends beyond two people but instead enlivens and invigorates two persons into one being! It is this loss of communication skills and the silly notion that “things will get better” which you can honestly say is a marriage doomed for separation.

Adding to our inability to express ourselves, we often lead a lifestyle that equates busy-ness with success. In that sex gets put on a list to do instead of being on the list to become and everything else (longer working hours, shopping, house work, etc...) gets in the place and in the way of a healthy sex life. WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS but honestly speaking from experience, being too tired or having a headache or being too busy is NO reason to replace the coming together of individuals to experience the greatness of their counterpart!

Sex should not be a chore, neither should sex be had only a few times a month, try a few times a week, if your life is really that busy, schedule a few quickies and some real intimate time with your significant other EVERY week! There is nothing greater than fantasizing about your partner and you should anticipate adventure and feel frisky and giddy when you get around your partner! If you aren't experiencing these things, you are SUFFERING!

THERE IS A SOLUTION...well a few!

1) OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND STAT CONVERSING! Understand that fundamentals are key and communication is a fundamental aspect of relationship and is paramount to keeping that relationship healthy and functional. If you think sex is boring and dull and a bore, how do you know that your partner isn't feeling the same way? How do you know if they aren't just settling yourself? How do you know if they are enjoying it or not! If only one half of the people in your relationship knows that there is an issue, guess how quickly your issue will be solved! It won't! It is a proven fact, couples who have open lines of communication and have team sharing activities will have a much more valuable and functional relationship both sexually and non-sexually!

2) MAKE TIME! If you have to plan for a trip away for a weekend every other month just to escape children, friends, family, life...DO IT! When you have this option and opportunity, you should have the same type of sex that you had on your honeymoon! Raw, passionate, deep, and intense! Making time to cultivate your relationship with your spouse is so important! It gives you time off work so you are stressed less and being away in a “strange” place many times helps people to drop their inhibition and rekindle the flickering flame of lust and passion!

3) TRY SOMETHING NEW! You're away from home, try something new that you've never done! Use some satin sheets, change the light bulb to a black light and rub edible neon paint all over one another! All these things can make an impact on how you and your partner views sex! There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with using candy or lingerie to both entice and please your significant other!

4) GET SOME TOYS AND MOVIES! My favorite! Most people (especially religious people) have a huge issue with sex toys because it's just “UNNATURAL.” Let's get real serious for a moment, I could care less how “unnatural” something is, if it gets my husbands mojo going, I'm all for it! Sex toys (and even purchasing sex toys) doesn't have to be a scary experience. There are so many places online that you can find these toys without ever having to leave your home or anyone seeing what you got and where and where you got it from! Also, let's not forget about movies! Your significant other may like to watch movies, watch them with them, as a matter of fact, try to make a game and experience the movie as it is happening and somewhere in the middle just get lost in one another!

Understand that sex toys are simply aids to add some spice to your sex life. These are chosen so that they will help to increase the intimacy level between you and your partner! This is really amplified in the foreplay, so focus on foreplay and get to know your partner all over again from head to toe! There is nothing wrong with a blindfold or a whip for the beginner! You'll know when it's right to go to something more extreme and daring if your relationship calls for something further!

Make sure you choose things that are comfortable for both partners and keeping in mind the desired effect is not to concentrate on the aids but to become more comfortable with your partner as well as to focus on the pleasure of your partner. The toy should not be the focal point...your partner should be!

So yes...you were right, sex toys won't save your marriage, however, they sure can add that spark needed in order for your marriage to rekindle that flame and that may just be what the doctor isn't telling you!

Dr. Tanya A. Alkhaliq - Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert
Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

PLEASE CONSIDER ADDING DR. "T" WITHIN SOME OF YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS

Blog Feed

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The Harvest Group

Phoenix Outreach Services

Temple El Shammah

Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

Follow Me on Twitter

Personal Facebook

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Temple El Shammah - Facebook

My Blog

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Online Dating in the Black Community...

2010-04-23T02:51:00.004-05:00

Ok, yea it's me again with another tirade of what's on my mind! I suppose because I'm single and although happy in my singleness not necessarily content being single! In the midst of it all, I refuse to not be joyful! Wow, I actually lost my train of thought for a moment...I'm definitely going to have to work on me and this single thing!

Today I would like to discuss the methodology of dating and I'm wondering if we as African-American's have embraced recent technological advances concerning dating! Don't misunderstand what I'm saying! I know that we use technology to find a “hook up” partner and someone with whom to “screw” on a regular but I'm talking about using the same medium in order to find...”THE ONE!”

Now, if we really seek after what is true we will understand that communities that are culturally rich (like ours) usually are more reliant on conventional methods when it comes down to meeting and finding a long-term RELATIONSHIP! So basically what this boils down to is unless we're moving to another city, it is very difficult to meet other singles who are new to the black dating scene so to speak! With that being said though, why is it that we can't open ourselves to the possible opportunity to use online prospectus in order to improve our successes of establishing long-term planned monogamous committed relationships?

Now, if you're in your late 40's or 50's plus, I definitely wouldn't have any issues with you all not accepting dealing with the internet dating, my mom really just learned how to use the computer for more than paying bills and checking email! However, the rest of us who have fought against this concept of turning to technological advances to help within our efforts we put towards dating! We need not regret what is going on in these advances but we really should take a closer look and see it as a change for the better!

FACT: Choosing someone who is compatible is troublesome and we are going to make MANY mistakes along the way! So what is the problem with using the online communities! Based on that very fact, many dating sites have an analysis that one must feel out to help us wad through some of the it'll get rid of all the screw balls but, you have a much better chance through there than we would have meeting them at the ummm CLUB?! Honestly speaking meeting someone online is not always less complicated than meeting someone in life but as with all things both have positives and negatives!

Of course now we deal with the fact that almost all people who have turned to and rely on online technology can be somewhat secure that those people that they meet are in the same situation and are probably using this medium because they themselves face the same issues that you do. I'm sorry but for me, that point alone gives us both a commonality with which to grow into something more stable and serious! We're obviously both tired and we are wanting something more than what we've been getting so the last resort, we have both come to using technology as a final frontier!

Now...the other rules of dating in the black community still apply, don't get that twisted! You need to find someone who is really searching for a solid match, make sure you get to know one another before deciding to spend the night, make sure you have OTHER things in common besides being online as a last resort and sexual fit, and BE CAREFUL WHEN BEGINNING A NEW RELATIONSHIP!

Of course the black dating community is the same as dating any other however you get to retain your rich cultural identity to help you lay a solid foundation for you developing love!

SO GET OUT THERE, SIGN UP, AND GET TO DATING!

Dr. Tanya A. Alkhaliq - Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

PLEASE CONSIDER ADDING DR. "T" WITHIN SOME OF YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS

Blog Feed

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Follow Me on Twitter

Personal Facebook

I Need a Change w/Akilah Michaels - Facebook

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My Blog

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Hook-Ups: Where do you Lay?

2010-04-22T16:30:00.002-05:00

I know this is probably going to sound crazy but since today is sexuality day, I figured, I speak about hooking up with someone you meet “out and about.” You know the old story, we meet at the party (or elsewhere), he’s physically and intellectually just what you need (you know this because you’ve conversed with him LOL), and he’s looking at you like you are the only person he wants to “screw” for the evening (wow the preacha said screw)!

Of course that’s not what happens…but wasn’t it a great thought until he asks you a few days later as to why you didn’t “hook up” and fornicate until you were both too tired to move! This is where it gets interesting to most…most people will say either “I don’t know” or that good old song…

“I DON’T HOOK UP!”

I honestly don’t think that people are attempting to be so holy but the question of “hooking up for a one-night stand” is just not appealing to many people anymore!

HAVE WE GONE…MILD - and deciding to give up our wild ways for a more stable “non-relationship” or maybe a MARRIAGE (oh heck no)?!?!?!?!

If we take an objective point, we can honestly say that much of our appetite for marriage and that “happily ever after” is simply a response to our dissatisfaction with our every weekend random hook up with somebody who we may or may not know! Adding to that, the shameful feeling involved with what happened last night. I honestly don’t believe that we feel ashamed of what we did but moreso the shame of how dissatisfied we feel in the morning when we have to go back to our “regular” lives!

There’s a song…
It's morning, And we slept the night away, It happened, Now we can't turn back the hands of time, Yes we've stolen this moment…A new day, Brings reality and we both go our separate ways

At one point, the hookup empowered people to examine desires and take action to fulfill those desires without the strings of attachments, no last names, and a “in the moment” sexual encounter that makes a powerful social statement about who we are and that we are free to do as we please!

I honestly feel that the purpose of the hook-up has been lost on us and we’re trying to turn what’s supposed to be a “quick screw and bounce” into the beginning of a relationship! These type of mechanics were never meant to infuse LIFE and a connection…that’s why it’s a HOOK UP!

It really doesn’t matter whether you believe in marriage or monogamy understand that CONNECTION is essential to humanity. We require the presence of other people just for our well being, and not just any individuals, we have to have some stable fixtures in our lives! Those bonds we have to people help to regulate us psychologically and emotionally!

So the problem is we are experiencing the crisis as a direct of using a SOULLESS and HEARTLESS hookup to satisfy a need that emanates from the soul: the need for connection. We try to escape our loneliness and replace it with sex and to build up into something that has NO foundation.

So what is the point…know that there is a reason for all things and on a spectrum between “hook-up” and “serious committed relationship” there are many phases that we can use to shape and satisfy our needs for love and connection.

(I AM IN NO WAY ENDORSING NEITHER TELLING ANYONE THAT HOOK-UPS ARE RIGHT OR WRONG, I AM SIMPLY MAKING A STATEMENT ABOUT HOOK-UPS AND DO NOT WISH TO BE INUNDATED WITH EMAILS SAYING THAT I’M NO TYPE OF PREACHER TELLING PEOPLE TO HOOK-UP, THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. THIS IS ABOUT STATING A TRUTH AND GIVING RISE TO WHAT SOCIETY IS DOING REGARDLESS TO HOW A PREACHER FEELS)!

Dr. Tanya A. Alkhaliq - Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

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Be Still and Know - Silence the Mind

2010-04-21T12:10:00.007-05:00

FOCUS FOR TODAY
Be Still and Know - Your mind keeps disrupting with its mental noise and quenches the Spirit and what G-d is doing in you because you keep listening to its negative hurdle filled analysis of what is going on around you! It's not about the circumstance but the one who controls them!

LEARN TO SILENCE YOUR MIND – We all go through life trying to find our way and we often say there is too much “noise” but that noise emanates from your own mind! This is further established when you decide to “talk it out” for the purpose of comfort and to talk yourself through the issue, the problem with that is that we are talking to and comforting our troubles making it easier for our troubles but causing more stress to assert itself into our life!

Understand that the FOCUS FOR TODAY is “Be Still and Know” and as a part of being still we me learn to be quiet while curling up in the stillness of life! Silencing the mind is best achieved by being in a place that is naturally in a state of silence. Usually the best time is early in the morning or just before going to bed, however, if you begin to practice the artform of silence, you'll come into the reality that ALL times and ALL places are suitable for silence!

Find a place where you can sit straight up and have back support while your hands are resting on the top of your thigh or any other position that there will be no tension for the duration of your “silence” time. In addition, you should not cross your legs but to be in a relaxed state as well as this disrupts circulation and the discomfort will be a distraction to your purpose.This is the time that you shouldn't be looking to figure out things but instead it should be a time of quiet silent NON-REFLECTION and total surrender to the divine in you! This should be done 15 to 30 minutes everyday (at minimum) just to sit quiet! In this, you do the very best you can and when the mind creates opportunities for “REFLECTION” see that it is trying to disrupt your quiet time and notice the building blocks of this mental noise, then disassemble this noise by the same blocks in which they are built to settle within a level of quiet surrender!

REMEMBER: There are no laws that govern inner silence so it's not something that is taught, it's just something that you do and it becomes a part of who you are as you experience it's presence.

Once you are situated, close your eyes and let the awareness of life fill your entire being! At this point you want to re-adjust yourself so that no part of your body is seeking after attention!

Now, as your eyes are closed and your body is at complete ease, allow your shoulders to take on the full weight of your head (in other words take all the pressure off your neck muscles and allow your shoulders to simply be relaxed while supporting your head). This is something that you can actually feel happen!

Next, the weight of your shoulders should be transferred to the lower parts of your body. If you are doing this properly you will be very surprised about how much extra bodily weight you unnecessarily support without even knowing that you are doing so! As you continue this process, all of your collective weight should be transferred to the chair you're sitting on!

CONSCIOUSLY TRANSFER THIS WEIGHT – LET IT GO!

Now you can release yourself from all of the unconscious physical stress and tension that you have been carrying around in your life! You should feel a sense of “floating” or “airiness” about your body at this point!

To continue, you must expand this relaxed stated state and increased bodily awareness of the “self” to include your thoughts and emotions! You must induct your mind and emotions into this self-obsorbed state of being and begin to “watch yourself from within.” It is you who must now become objective and impartial to your own thoughts and feelings. Let them do what they do without the slightest concern of their influences. Don't resist their pull, however, do not be drawn into them.

NOTE: If you are just beginning, you may undergo an “emotional breakdown” the first few times as you are not used to really seeing and feeling your emotions without having to interpret. The purpose of this is to get you to the point of non-interpretation and quiet beingness! This could be a very traumatic experience as they really begin to see how they see themselves.

Your goal is detached self-observation and remember that each time a feeling or emotion comes to you, you must realize that you're no longer watching but rather you have become captivated by that feeling or thought and you are allowing yourself to be carried along with it. You must withdraw from it and return to the PRESENT MOMENT of quiet solitude.

In this practice you begin to KNOW what it means to BE STILL! You must experience it for yourself over and over again let go, give up distractions, go deeper within you, watch, bring the awareness of yourself back to the present moment paying no attention to your thoughts and feelings are trying to tell you while you are BEING STILL AND KNOWING!

As you persist and prevail, the struggle to stay aware of yourself in the present moment will make the moment itself change but remember as that moment changes....SO DO YOU!

Should you continue to practice, eventually you will be able to go beyond those prostestations of the mind and your sense of self and your awareness of the present moment will melt away and with the melting away a new deeper sense of silence floods your soul and fills your awareness with itself and then the awareness that the source of this supreme stillness is arising out of your own BEINGNESS.

All things are now washed away and you have arrived at a quiet mind! It is now you can “MEDITATE” on those words both day and night and they will NOT depart but will become an everlasting stream of life flowing from you to empower everyone at all times!

Dr. Tanya A. Alkhaliq - Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

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The Harvest Group Marketing

2010-04-16T16:22:00.000-05:00

I Need a Change with Akilah Michaels - Barter Basics & Book Review

2010-03-18T08:42:00.000-05:00

I Need a Change with Akilah Michaels - Barter Basics & Book Review

2010-03-16T10:06:00.001-05:00

Daily Encouragement: Hope doesn't require a massive chain where heavy links of logic hold it together. A thin wire will do, just strong enough to get us through the night until the winds die down!

Sexual Diversity and Biblical Marriage

2009-06-12T16:46:00.007-05:00

In the religious community (in which I am involved intimately) there are so many thought concerning sex, sexuality, and sexual diversity - MOST NOT GOOD! Due to all of this talk about legalizing gay marriages, civil unions, and of course with President Obama officially recognizing June as the NATIONAL GLBT PRIDE MONTH: there is sure to be some uproar concerning all of this!

The religious right is in a state of shock, disarray, and grief because their feelings towards "those homosexuals who have turned over to a reprobate mind and are blatantly denying G-d" are going to send everyone to hell because of the "GAY AGENDA."

SIDENOTE: IF THERE IS A GAY AGENDA WHY ARE YOU CONCERNED WITH IT, AS YOU STATE THAT A GAY PERSON ONLY CHOOSES TO BE GAY AND AS SUCH ALL PEOPLE WHO ARE BORN ARE BORN STRAIGHT AND IF THAT IS THE CASE YOU CAN'T TURN SOMEONE GAY REGARDLESS, SO I'M MORE CONCERNED WITH THE TRUE AGENDA BEHIND THE INCESSANT CONCERN WITH SEXUALITY!

The truth of the matter is the word "SEXUALITY" is inclusive and NOT exclusive and it includes all shades of sexual expression making "sexual diversity" redundant on the same topic: SEXUALITY MEANS DIVERSITY!

At the most basic human levels there is nothing inherently WRONG about any form of sexuality and the reason for that is because "that's how we were made." We were made to explore sex and sexuality but not let it become a stumbling block or obsessive within our lives (which it has become whether we are doing "it" or abstaining).

There are so many more things we can be concerned with than WHO SOMEONE IS HAVING SEX WITH OR if they are having sex at all!

I would like to say that I agree with President Obama giving that month and with the agreement of civil unions, why you ask? As heterosexual people, we are not the only persons in this world and we need to get over ourselves...if two people want to go before a magistrate and marry the other and commit totally to one another, I don't see how that's a bad thing?!

Finally, we need to really get a good view on what a "BIBLICAL MARRIAGE" is to do that we have "Sister Betty Bowers - America's Best Christian" to let us know what marriage is that is acceptable unto G-d!

Tanya A. Alkhaliq -Author, Speaker, Business Success Coach, Minister

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

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You are the Only One...

2009-06-11T16:55:00.004-05:00

I'm sitting here considering the movie "The One" with Jackie Chan and it was about a rogue individual hopping from universe-to-universe (the whole of the multiverse) killing off himself (in those other realities) so that he could become the ONLY ONE person within any universe! As he killed himself off, he became stronger and more agile in everything that he already knew!

He thereby became "THE ONE" for he was the ONLY one within the multiverse by killing himself in all other places except for his current manifestation!

I can liken this to our own lives, however, instead of killing off our bad habits and those negative traits about us, we instead kill our best traits and allow our most negative traits to live on reaping havoc in our lives and in the lives of those surrounding us!

Today, think about how YOU are the ONLY ONE who can get rid of your negativity so that you will be able to live a more prosperous, total, and fulfilled life!

REMEMBER: You ARE the only one!

Tanya A. Alkhaliq -Author, Speaker, Business Success Coach, Minister

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

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Business Tip #1 - Get Rid of It

2009-05-26T19:00:00.013-05:00

Learning how to get organized is never fun but it's ALWAYS beneficial to you! As a business professional, our goals should be to constantly be creative, meeting new people, and earning new business contacts and clients!

Tip 1: Why Do You Have That JUNK?
Yea yea yea, I know, they told you to keep it all you may need it one day! YOU DON'T NEED TO KEEP IT ALL! Being a pack-rat is the WORST business decision that one could ever possibly make!

Take the time to go through all your paperwork and get rid of ANYTHING that you don't need to conduct business! I promise, you will not miss that piece of paper that you haven't looked at in the last 10 years that you are just so impressed with that has NO pertinent information on it! If it was pertinent, you would've looked at it in the last month!

Also, invest in some file folders and always keep all your financial records separate from your client/customer contacts! Take the time to buy a small safe for your very important financial and banking information and take it out ONLY when it is NECESSARY!

Finally, any information that you can copy into PDF format, organize and put into a folder on your computer or a "thumb" drive...DO IT! If you're a small business, this will certainly help you get rid of some paperwork and give you more room for using your space more productively!

Tanya A. Alkhaliq -Author, Speaker, Business Success Coach, Minister

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

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Essentials for Development

2009-01-04T15:52:00.005-06:00

What do we need to develop into great individuals?

Why is it that so many "adults" don't have the necessary components to function as ADULTS?

One possibility is that we don't have the essentials for development and that we didn't receive them as we were growing into ourselves! As a matter of fact, many of us don't grow into ourselves, we grow into what others expect of us!

In order for us to properly develop, there are four essentials to developing!
Safety, Connection, Value, and Love

There are so many people in the world who don't have these needed essentials for development which is why we see war, famine, disease, depression...NAME SOMETHING!

Once again, when we relate to ourselves as adults, we have to learn what we didn't learn as children and re-learn how to relate through our analytical mind!

In my book FEAR: It's Not an Option, I state that you must visualize yourself in a state of being before that state of being will actually manifest! Sometimes the best visualization is made by making a declaration such as "I am safe, connected, valued, and loved."

Pay close attention to how you feel when you say those words, do you really mean them, are you being honest with yourself, or are you like your childhood not feeling any of these things but just re-learning to lie to yourself like the statement "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me."

Also, when in a relationship with someone (including our kids), we cannot only declare that statement to ourselves but to our spouse as well and that will serve as a reminder of the place that we are trying to get to in order to fulfill our vision of life!

Self-affirmation is one of the most powerful tools that we have in order to transform our lives, our friends, our family, our communities, and ultimately all nations! If you can believe it for yourself, others will see the change and ultimately can believe it for oneself!

It’s human nature not only to feel safe, connected, valued, and loved ourselves, but also to make sure everyone else feels that way too.

Tanya A. Alkhaliq -Author, Speaker, Business Success Coach, Minister

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

PLEASE CONSIDER ADDING DR. "T" WITHIN SOME OF YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS

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