Lotus Diaries

Life Update #5 | Rant | Motivation

2017-05-24T18:09:00.002-05:00

I’ve admittedly missed this too much. Like way too much. But as so you know from my previous posts I was in nursing school for the past few months and by far this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in relation to school. Like I desperately needed these three weeks off. Desperately.

I still have school to go to during the summer, fall and next spring will be my next semester. Just keep praying for me, will you? Like I need a lot of prayers. Just. So many prayers. You have no idea how completely done I was with this semester. Hopefully during the summer, I will be more used to nursing school and cope with it better. I have two clinical sites that I have to go to so I will be interacting with real people and have them be assigned to me as a patient. I’m interested to see how it’ll go.

While I was going to school I was working at most, two and a half days a week at different public schools as a teacher’s aide. It turns out I am really good with kids, I’ve already been offered two positions to do it full-time. I don’t know I guess I have a lot of patience with elementary school children because for the most part, they really are just beginning to grow as a person. They are just trying to do the most basic things: have food, play with friends, and learn about stuff that interests them.

An accurate description of me during the entire semester. if you know the original artist let me know so I can credit them.

Next thing I have a rant about is consumers, specifically: fast food consumers. As some of you may know, I have a short stint working at a local fast food restaurant where I was a team member. I took a lot of orders at the front, worked the drive food, and handled the fryer. I worked there for several months and I have to say this to customers: please don’t be awful. Like it is a nightmare to serve a customer who has a temper, lacks patience or sympathy for the people serving them. I’ve had to deal with customers doing the most obnoxious things from throwing a milkshake at an employee because the lid was not completely on to another customer ordering food for their family of five and leaving their half-eaten food on the tables and refusing to throw away their food or drinks or trash.

I’ve only brought this up because I went to get a large fries at McDonald’s today because gosh darn it I was craving some for a long time and I had a huge headache today and I was going to get some fries whether it was good for me or not. So I did and I proceeded to wait in line for my large fries for 30 minutes in the drive thru. A long time for fries? Yes. Does that give me the right to start cussing the employees out who have apologized profusely for the wait? Absolutely not. Just be courteous is all I’m asking. And you may never know, those employees are the ones handling your food. I’m not saying it’s right for them to do something to your food but regardless, it happens. Don’t anything that may warrant them to do something.

My "you know better" face

Finally I just need some motivation to, like I said, be “healthier”. In what regards? I guess all the aspects I discussed earlier in my previous post but my primary goal is my physical health. I have not consistently exercised in such a long time. I believe, it’s because I have not quite been able to figure out a schedule where I can fit my thirty minutes of being healthy and my “me” period where I am not working (I’m working full-time currently. Not exactly on vacation.) It’s not hard…I’ve done it before. I’m just lacking the motivation to do so.

I guess things I could do to increase my motivation is just look at other people’s achievements. Seeing what others do to achieve their goals makes me motivated to go ahead and use their strategies to do the same. Meh, I’ll figure it out soon.

Okay, that’s it. Nothing much. I’ve just missed talking to you guys.

Have a good day or evening!

Sincerely,

Jante Fazaldin

Life Update #4 | I'm Judging You | 2017 Goals

2017-01-04T23:06:00.001-06:00

Hey!

It’s 2017 and it is a new year and it has brought me to my attention that I have not been posting on here in like a minute.

Seriously, need to do this on a more regular basis.

I guess I can do a Life Update thing and just keep you posted on certain things that are going on. It’s going to be a stream of conscious thing so I am going to do some bullet points to attempt to have it be more organized.

• December happened. Don’t really celebrate the holidays but I was off for two and a half weeks.

• I started working again! It’s not fast food this time and I actually enjoy my job. I work with the local school district and the elementary school kids are just so adorable. I tend to have more patience with the younger kids… I definitely think it’s because they are so tiny. 100% believe that is the case.

• I am going to start nursing school soon in the next couple of weeks. I’m just so happy to be back in school, I haven’t been doing any sort of formal education in over six months so I’m really glad to be back in the swing of things.

I guess what I can tell you that I’ve been up to, is that I made ONE New Year’s Resolution.

NOW, I really dislike it despise it when people say resolutions are just not worth it and full of crap. It really isn’t. Everyone should have a personal goal that they would want to achieve and the thing is, you don’t have to necessarily fulfill that goal in that same year. It can be a life goal. A ten-year goal. A five-year goal.

New Year’s resolutions are something that can have someone refocus their life goals and if it so happens to be on New Year’s Day so what? Let people live.

Anyways mine is just to be healthy: physically, mentally, socially, and emotionally; just be well-rounded. Not a hard goal to do, and something that I would aim to do. If I feel like I haven’t made it by the end of this year, there’s always next year.

Courtesy of The Huffington Post

Next thing, I have going on is this book I’m listening to called I’m Judging You by Luvvie Ajaye. I’m only an hour into the six and a half hour audiobook but I’m thoroughly enjoying it. It’s witty, funny, but gives everyone the time and place to look at themselves and see what they can do to improve on themselves as a person.

I’m Judging You is basically the perfect book to give to someone who, you know, needs a little bit of help in their lives when it comes to being a decent human being. And sometimes, that includes you. Or me. I’m guilty of being an awful person sometimes. And it’s okay.

For the most part, I think that’s about it. I want to do another Muse of the Day or make another segment of this blog, I don’t know yet. Until next time.

Sincerely,

Jante

Life Update #3 | CHON | Hair Grievances

2016-11-28T00:01:00.000-06:00

Hey!

It’s Jante and I don’t really have anything to say other than a couple of things. I guess this can be a mini- Life Update #3?? I think so, mostly because nothing much has happened and I wanted to make this short.

| CHON |

I accidentally discovered the band while browsing YouTube and I listened to the track Book and I instantly fell in love with the sound (I played it on repeat like four times) and I never really found a band like them before. But, let’s be clear my music tastes do not vary at all. It’s actually pretty dead but I can say I've grown like the tiniest bit. A lot of the stuff that I liked 4 years ago ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT pertain to the taste that I have now. I mean my current Spotify playlists is a huge giant mess and I desperately need to delete songs on there that I do not like anymore, but given the fact that I have over 700 songs on one playlist that I’ve cumulated on there since 2011, I am going to need to dedicate a lot of time to doing so.

But according to my very quick Wikipedia search, they are an American band and the track I listened to is from their album Grow. I mean. I loved it. The track I mean. I have yet to actually listen to the album and develop my own opinion on it (I am currently listening to it and for me to truly decide on an album I need to listen to it beginning to end like 7 to 10 times). In all actuality, I discovered them like half an hour ago and I felt like impulsively writing a blog post and included them in it. Go figure.

| HAIR |

Yeah, that’s still a topic. I recently have been getting real annoyed with my hair only because it takes so much time to do upkeep on it. Like if it wanted to do a “twist/braid out" (I have my own method) it would take me 2 hours to just twist/braid my hair. And given the fact that I’m trying (yo but forreal) TRYING to be “healthier” and since that involves like running, my hair has not been lasting a long time sadly.

Which leaves wash n go’s as an answer right? Well, sure….if you didn’t wear a hijab. When I do just try to wash my hair and go, and I am in the unfortunate circumstance of needing to wear a hijab for some reason, I now have to somehow contain all of my hair to fit neatly underneath a scarf. That entails me braiding my hair into two very large cornrows and two braids near my hairline to contain my baby hairs, and by the time I take them out I am left with unevenly stretched hair all over the place. And it’s not a cute look.

So I’ve been looking to getting Marley/Havana twists installed in my hair hence, I don’t have to worry about the thing growing from my scalp for four weeks. But that requires money and I ain’t got the bank account for that.

So we’re back to just dealing with my hair. My friend actually suggested I just twist my hair and I secure my ends with those tiny black rubber bands and I mean….that could work. So maybe I’ll be okay after all.

Alright. Yep. You really didn’t have to read this at all. I mean thanks for getting to this point. It’s cool. I didn’t really have anything pressing to say actually. But you know what it’s cool. Glad to have you here. Have a wonderful life man.

Sincerely,

Jante

America - Languages - ERGGGHH

2016-11-23T03:28:00.000-06:00

Hey, it’s Jante and I got a topic to discuss. Languages.

We use it to communicate with each other so here is my point. Why in America is it such a normal and accepted thing for someone to know only one language?

Look I definitely understand that there are going to be incidents, backgrounds and just times where someone cannot afford to know a language either because it costs money to formally know a language, they don’t have family or friends who know another language to teach them, or it just isn’t a priority because there are more important things to worry about, such as food, water and shelter.

I am not ignorant to this and I’m pretty sure I’m leaving out other situations where learning a second language just isn’t even conceivable.

BUT when I take all of this into account it still leaves many of us (I included) who for too long of a time, were perfectly content with being monolingual. And I realize that me being comfortable with that was just stupid. Plain idiotic.

I come from a background where my mom and step-dad are bilingual, they speak both Swahili and English and my biological father being trilingual where he knows Swahili, Hindi and English. When I grew up, my parents didn’t really enforce Swahili onto me so of course, I didn’t end up speaking it when I got older and I still till this day am not fluent at it at all.

And I’m kinda sick of it.

And the thing is I feel like Americans are so easy to dismiss not learning a second language, because hey, other people should know English.

And the argument does have stuff to back it up. English is the fourth most commonly spoken language with over 510 million people speaking it.

However, the argument becomes flawed when you look at how many native speakers….it’s only 340 million people who actually spoke English as their native language…..which leaves over 100 million people to learn it as a second language.

It just bothers me so much that we have this nonchalance about it and this righteousness about ourselves as English speakers that we absolutely refuse to acknowledge the fact that it’s completely unfair to just assume other people should just learn the language. And it has gotten to the point that English is recognized as an official language by over 60 countries and even though English is not the native language that the populace speaks to begin with! Just so bothersome. So so bothersome.

But sure I understand that two of the major superpowers of the world (America and England) are English speakers and they do have a lot of say in trade and business so it is advantageous for others to learn English as a second language. But why as English speakers do we not feel like it is a necessity to learn another language??

For instance, in the US there is a huge Hispanic community, something that has definitely become more relevant since I moved to Houston. I mean Mexico is like right there. Why isn’t it required for the American public school education to teach Spanish from kindergarten to when they are a senior in high school?

Like what cons are there to learning two languages? None. Absolutely none.

And the thing is, this can be done. Sure you would have to rework the entire school curriculum but I don’t think that it can’t be done. It’s feasible and it enlightens people and gives people a necessary and handy skill that they wouldn’t be able to get on their own.

But yeah, until that happens, I really do urge other people to LEARN A LANGUAGE. Specifically, a language that you have people who can practice with you but honestly any language that you are interested in will do. I mean, don’t be arrogant. 60 plus countries have listed English as an official language for a reason man. The least you can do is attempt to learn a language.

I understand, you may never be completely and utterly fluent. And that’s fine. What is important is the intent and the effort to do so.

So for me, I am making a pretty big goal for me to accomplish but I think I can do it, it’s gonna require a lot of practice but I’m really determined to do this.

At 28 years old, I will know and be able to communicate Spanish and Swahili adequately.
At 35 years old, I will have a basic understanding of Arabic.

But that’s just my personal goal, and in the end, just don’t be an arrogant fool. Learn a language if you can.

And app I really suggest downloading is called Duolingo. Free language service that helps you learn a language by playing games and activities and “messaging” their robots in order to help with the conversational skills. I am learning so much from this and I urge everyone to use it. It can honestly jumpstart your second language journey.

I wish you all the best of luck and have a wonderful weekend.

Sincerely,

Jante

Thoughts

2016-11-11T03:13:00.002-06:00

Courtesy of ReligionFacts

I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY. THE THINGS IN ITALICS ARE OPINIONS OR MY THOUGHTS ON THIS. ANYTHING ELSE I TRIED TO MAKE IT AS UNOPINIONATED AS POSSIBLE.

Hey, it’s me. I have stuff to say. Let’s do it.

I am going to try and not say anything on here to furthermore boost the flames and the tension that has arrived here. I’m trying, I promise.

I don’t want to bash anyone here, nor do I want to denounce everything that has happened. So let’s get this clear. Donald Trump is our president, not going to argue against it. The Electoral College is the system we use (I don’t necessarily agree with it) but nonetheless it is what we got and it chose him as our president elect for the next four years.

Okay, cool? I’m glad we got that settled.

Now, here comes the unpopular opinion or the one that is going to “rock the boat” if you will. I am a Muslim. This should be fairly obvious to everyone but if you aren’t aware well, yeah that’s me. A hijabi – at times – that lives here. Okay no one is shocked here. This hasn’t tipped anyone over into anger, I’m just stating facts here.

Next thing would be much more provocative but still it’s a fact. On December 7 2015 Donald Trump read a statement from his campaign that he wanted
a “total and complete shutdown on Muslims” entering the United States. He then said “We have no choice. We have no choice.” Now when I hear this statement, I honestly cannot see any metaphors that he could have meant or anything of the fact. And I would like to make it very and supremely clear that I have family, specifically Muslim family members that live OUTSIDE the United States.

Does he mean to think that because there are Muslim terrorists that exist we shouldn’t have any Muslims enter the country?

Statistically speaking, there are roughly 106,000 jihadist militants that exist according to this CNN article. And according to the Pew Study, 23% of the world’s populations are Muslim, 1.6 billion people to be exact. And taking into account Trump doesn’t mind the Muslims living in the U.S. (3.3 million of them), that means he didn’t want a total of 1,596,700,000 Muslims to enter the country of the United States until representatives figured out what is wrong because .006625% of the Muslim populace are jihadi militants aka terrorists.

I’m sorry, but as a Muslim, that seems incredibly islamophobic. And as a whole islamophobia is not nearly as brought up as it should be in the media because it is and continues to be a huge problem. That’s not reassuring to me as a Muslim. But, it continues.

He continued to state that we have to look at mosques because there is “anger”.

Alright now this one doesn’t seem to be islamophobic but disrespectful. I think that I can speak for the majority of Muslims and say that we don’t have anything to hide in our mosques. Especially in the mosques that I’ve been a part of, we are fairly open to people who are either interested in the religion, curious as to what exactly Muslims do, etc. So it’s just hurtful that people think that we could or would have something to hide in our mosques? I’m sorry, but I don’t even think Donald Trump has been to a mosque.

I promise you, our mosques are always open. I have NEVER been to a mosque where the door were locked during the daytime. There is no special phrase, password, greeting, gesture, nothing. You can just enter and pray and leave. So the rhetoric that we have to be watched NOW is painful. I spent much of my formative years in a mosque. I am currently a volunteer at a mosque and I taught Islamic studies. A mosque to me, has always been a safe place that is open for me if I ever needed it. It’s just sad to think that my safe place is considered a place to be full of “anger.”

Anyways, that occurred less than a year ago. And it was debated for a short while, maybe a month or so and it was over. And Trump made some revisions in his statement and he took a more “moderate” approach with it.

My thing is, after the election, I was hurt and upset and said that if you voted/were for Trump to unfollow me, unfriend me, and I don’t deal with you. Did I mean it? Probably not because I don’t have the ability to hold grudges and stay mad. I’m actually fairly bad at it. The thing is, regardless of everything else Trump has ever said ever, it just disturbs me that people who know Muslims are still okay with what he wanted to do. It spoke to me that “look I know that you are a Muslim, but I am still going to vote for him.” If I leave the country, and I come back like I did this summer, would I have not been allowed to come back? Is that something you would have been okay with?

To me that just seems like you didn’t care. And I felt devastated.

And yeah, I understand that the Muslim ban is more than likely not going to happen. It completely and utterly goes against the 1^st amendment and I know there is a checks and balance system in place. I am aware.

I am just disappointed that people were okay with voting for a man with this policy that completely violates the 1^st amendment and is discriminatory towards 23% of the global population.

So if I unfriend, unfollow, block, whatever it is I may have done, I promise you it was not because I was weak. No, that’s not the case at all. I am a strong person living in a country that has never respected me with a leader who seems like he doesn’t respect people like me from outside the country. Once I feel better, I will reach out. But I’m hurt. And I need time to recuperate and get on with my life.

All in all, I hope he does an amazing job as president and I desperately hope he proves me wrong. That’s all I have to say.

Sincerely,

A sad, discouraged, yet hopeful

Jante

Life Update #2 | My Unrequited Love For Aziz Ansari | Lots of Critiquing

2016-11-03T00:43:00.004-05:00

Hey!

| LIFE UPDATE |

It's Jante obviously, but I have a new blog post up thanks to an uplifting of spirits and I am just feeling much happier now. I was really feeling quite awful for the past couple of months and I was feeling unmotivated and uninspired and basically every single un-prefix + positive attribute that you can think of.

Well the basics of everything are:

- I'm currently volunteering at a local mosque and I subbed for a class one day. I'm also in an Arabic class so I'm learning Arabic again and it's honestly such an interesting language. Maybe one day I can learn it as soon as I know Spanish and Swahili fluently. I want to aim for an age where I can be fluent in both languages so maybe 28? Yeah, 28 is a good age. And I don't think this is a hard task for me to fulfill, I've always been relatively good at languages and I know waaaaay too many bilingual, tri-lingual and multilingual people for me to only know English as a language.

- I also am finally getting a job...hopefully...that's still a work in progress.

- I got accepted into the nursing program and I finished all of my application procedures needed. I'm just waiting for my orientation meeting which will be in December.

| MY UNREQUITED LOVE FOR AZIZ ANSARI |

This is mainly just me trying to live my fantasy that one day Aziz Ansari will somehow stumble across this blog post, read it, fall madly in love with me (in a totally platonic way cause Muslims before whatever-the-hell-he-is) and we become the best of friends.

I just read (okay listened) to Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg narrated by him and it was just a beautiful six hours of pure joy and undiluted rapture as I listened to his nasally voice read to me his book (and also make fun of me for listening to his book). BUT IT'S OKAY cause I BOUGHT THE HARD COVER...you hear that Aziz! I BOUGHT IT SO GTFO.

The amazing thing about this was that Aziz, managed to be quite hilarious but also provide great data, experiments and enlightening commentary in regards to social media and the pros and cons that it has on contemporary romance. In the end, I will most definitely be rereading the book again.

| LOTS OF CRITIQUING |

Given the fact that I have had too much time on my hands, I have been watching way more television and films and with that I guess I kinda came across this YouTube channel called TheReelRejects and D4Darious and I guess I have just been looking at films and television shows in a different light?

I wouldn't necessarily say that I've been the most observant and greatest critic of all time but I think I have gained this ability to critically analyse and note whatever I am watching by paying more attention to how a director may set the scene, figuring out why they may shoot a scene in that way, how the set is designed and acting methodology and so on so forth.

I have also been doing a lot of reading about the movie business and how it works and it has been really interesting. I wouldn't necessarily call this a hobby of mine nor am I interested in participating in it but rather it is something to occupy my time while I await for the next chapter of my life to pop up.

Welp, that's it and I guess I'll talk to you later.

Sincerely,

Jante

Life Update #1 | Atlanta Review | Thank You Letter

2016-10-24T23:54:00.000-05:00

Hey,

I have been honestly trying to make a blog post for the past few weeks I promise but I have either lost interest in the topic I wanted to discuss or lack the knowledge to do an in-depth analysis of it without leaving anything behind.

I guess I could do what I usually do in my journals and do like little bullet points to help flesh out how I’ve been doing the past couple of months. Let’s do this.

· Contrary to popular belief, I don’t think that taking this time off from school has helped me at all. In fact, this has been an incredibly unhappy part of my life.

· I also haven’t been working so in accordance to not going to school I’m also not working and I’m stuck at home.

· Now with all of these three things combined, I kinda lost my feeling of self-worth which crossed into dangerous territory for me leading me to be very depressed for a period of time.

Basically, this amount of alone time for myself have not been helpful at all. I realize I like working and I like not being broke all the time.

But enough about me, I kinda want to touch a couple of things before I go.

To anyone who follows me on my other social media platform KNOWS that I love love LOVE Atlanta. I may be biased because I like Donald Glover as a person in general aka comedian, actor, rapper and now producer of my favorite fall show.

Now what I love about Atlanta is that it touches on social issues like Black-ish, HOWEVER, he lets it get weird. For instance, it touches on sensitive topics but it covers it humorously, light-heartedly and slightly off kilter which is a joy to watch.

Courtesy of FX Networks

From left to right characters Darius. (he looks really hot here I don't care...damn) Earn, and his cousin Paper Boi.

For instance in episode 5 called “Nobody Beats the Biebs”, they actually cast the character Justin Bieber as a black man which I think first off was brilliant. It made fun of Justin and continued to mock him throughout the show as a vain and arrogant adult with his shenanigans such as peeing on the wall and getting in a fight with Paper Boi. Also, the writer of this episode who is actually Donald Glover’s brother Stephen mocks the media when it comes to the nonstop coverage of this caricature who is basically the human form of an asswipe.

But they let the show get weird with other stuff such as the dialogue in between the characters, blurring the mouth of a child cussing EVEN THOUGH they have a TV-MA rating and having an entire satirical episode that portrayed itself as a talk show with its own paradoxical commercials that Donald both directed and wrote.

I would also love to give praise to Hiro Murai who directed many of the episodes here. I love how everything is directed especially this one scene where Darius and Earn go into the woods in episode 4 because everything was shot so beautifully. He also directed many of Donald aka Childish Gambino’s music videos such as “Sober”, “3005”, “Telegraph Ave”, and “Sweatpants” and the short film “Clapping For The Wrong Reasons”.

All in all, I have been unhappy for the past couple of months but I know, that Atlanta has made such a huge impact on me when I watch it, I don’t feel so unhappy anymore. Thanks, Donald.

Sincerely

Jante

Colorism | Corpus Christi | Chit Chat

2016-09-23T22:17:00.000-05:00

Hey!

So this is Jante and I guess this is more of talky/opinion post on whatever I want today. Right now, I want to discuss colorism/natural hair/personal beliefs etc, while in between I feature pictures from my time in Corpus Christi.

And look, I already know that I’m going to get a lot of hate if I were to talk about feminism or racism because it is such a polarizing topic so colorism seems like the next best place to start.

Colorism(n.): Prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group.

(Courtesy of Oxford Dictionary)

To be frank, from a very young age I always thought that light was beautiful and straight hair was beautiful and light colored eyes were beautiful. European features were ideal and I began to despise my African features including my curly hair, dark eyes, and wide nose. My brother Jameel got the long Arab nose, the sunken deep eye sockets, everything that made him look less "black" while I got all the uglier features.

Me and my sister at Pier 99

I failed to see my beauty and put that alongside me being an overweight child, with limited social skills (that I am still working on till this day), it made for an unhappy childhood and rough growth during my formative years of middle school and early high school.

I’ve realized that “natural” hair in the black community is coming back and I am very happy that many women are embracing and loving the hair that comes out of their head like yes, this is definitely progress. But I really hate that we hold ourselves back because we still want to put the European standards of beauty on the hair that grows out of our scalp.

Left to Right: Babbie (step-dad), brother, and brother

We are mainly going to be talking about colorism in the natural hair community for now. Colorism in everyday life and in the black community is just such a broad topic and I can do a series on it, I don’t know, we will see.

First, let’s say you go to YouTube to find a "natural" curly hair routine. Most of the time you would find curly hair routines on girls with curl types that range from 2c to maybe 4a. You want to learn more about curl patterns? Go here.

But no one wants to watch a video with some lady with “kinky” hair where there isn’t a definite curl pattern. Why? It’s not considered pretty. Basically, the rule of thumb to be a popular natural hair guru on YouTube is that people are going to watch your videos if you can lay your baby hairs down. If you can’t, you’re not going to make it as a huge YouTuber or natural hair care blogger in general.

Brother

My hair has a long story but I didn’t have a relaxer in my hair until I was 14 and it was mainly because I had no idea how to take care of my hair. I hated combing it out and just putting it in a ponytail and I yearned to have the ability to wear my hair down like the rest of my friends….even if I had a hijab on. (Whatever that’s a different story)

I did it and I really liked it for the next couple of weeks until I got tired of it and saw how lifeless it was. No movement, no body. It was dead and thin and it wasn't me but instead, I was faking it and in the end, I grew resentful of it and hated it. So for two years I grew it out and slowly trimmed it every month or so until all the relax hair was gone.

I was dibbledabblying with straighteners and experimenting with short hair cuts until when I was 19, I straightened my hair in Dubai and whatever happened it completely denatured my head of hair leaving only two inches of my hair from the root curly and the rest of my head pin straight. It left my hair damaged, just like it was when I relaxed my hair five years ago. In August of 2015, I cut my hair into basically a long afro that barely reached chin length when stretched out.

Anyways it’s been a little over a year and it now reaches past my collarbones. I’m happy with it now, it’s curly, it’s healthy and I am extremely satisfied with it.

Now my hair is what I would consider to be 3c to 4a curl pattern so I’m cutting it close but because I can lay my baby hairs down, I have “pretty hair.” And now add the fact that I am mixed with other things other than black and now I have this unwanted label added onto me like I’m some rare commodity.

It’s weird and honestly, when we talk about natural hair we need to stop labeling hair as “good hair” and “kinky hair”. No. ALL hair is good hair no matter how coarse, short, long or WHATEVER it is. It doesn’t need to have defined ringlets or curls for it to be beautiful. It can have no curls, no waves, just be as coiled and zigzag as it can be and just be as beautiful.

Anyways I think that’s all I have to say for now. Thanks for reading.

Mom

Sincerely,

Jante

instagram | _abatty_

Muse Of the Moment: "Black Boyfriend" by Dave Harris

2016-08-28T15:38:00.000-05:00

Hey!

So I guess I'm going to do a new segment here and simply discuss music, artwork, poetry, books , photography, or simply things I like. I've been watching Button Poetry on YouTube for a couple of years now and I've gathered a bunch of spoken poetry I really love. From Fatima Asghar to Ollie Schminkey to Aziza Barnes to Patrick Roche I have taken an interest into spoken word. Some have made me cry, others have made me laugh and others have made me take a seat and think.

"Black Boyfriend" by Dave Harris gives a thought provoking take on what it means to be a black man in the world of interracial dating. It's interesting, funny and at the end of the poem it brings up a poignant statement. Honestly, I really feel like it would do the poem injustice if you don't watch the video. These words on the computer screen do not carry the same rhythm, pace, and emotion as how the poet would want it to be delivered so please watch it the link will be here.

Watch it, than come back. Please :)

For now I will post the poem here and discuss it. Pretty much it. (I transcribed it so obviously there might be some rhythm or spacing issues but I tried to make sure it was as accurate as possible.)

To the fathers of too many women I’ve dated

The day I meet you, I always straighten my tie.

I use the biggest words I know

I break out the good shoes.

So you can see them, before you can see past them

I always go in for the handshake.

See I’ve been practicing my good, strong, grip. I go in for the shake, look you in the eye like the man I always see it that

Surprised face.

That face that says

“Oh”

Says

“Oh shit.”

Says

“Oh shit, my daughter did not bring home a black guy –“

Yup!

That’s me! I’m your daughter’s first black boyfriend. Surprise!

I bet, I bet you didn’t see that one coming.

Yes indeed, you daughter is in fact “down with the brown”

I’m sorry. I guess this means you must have failed as a parent.

Or maybe it’s just a phase, let’s hope it’s just a phase.

Still

I know you tried to nip this in the bud, when you were young.

See you caught her watching Tyler Perry one time and you slapped her across the mouth!

She said, “But Dad, I was only flipping through the channels.”

To which you replied, “Becky, you better take yo ass in yo room and watch an episode of Full House, starring Bob Saget. BOB SAGET!”

Yet still,

Those thirty seconds of "Madea’s Family Reunion" must have burned a hole into her heart cause now,

I’m here

You’re worst nightmare.

You know how it goes,

“Once you go black, you never go back.”

Say it with me y’all

“ONCE YOU GO BLACK, YOU NEVER GO BACK.”

And it’s permanent.

That’s right.

It’s real

It’s real like she gonna look at Ryan Gosling and think “I wish he was darker yo, I wish he was darker!”

It’s real

It’s real like you can Google that shit on WebMD

It’s real

It’s real like if my penis was in Congress, they’d call it the majority whip

And speaking of Congress

Did you know that the first American log of interracial marriage was made in 1691?

Interracial marriage was not made legal in the United States until 1967, America

Is often lauded as being the great melting pot

For the way it brings together different races, different cultures, different differences

Do not, call this country a melting pot when nothing has melted

Do not, call this country a melting pot, forget how long it was illegal to mix.

You might never live a day in the life of this skin and I won’t ever yours

but shared experiences has value regardless

One girl taught me how to swing dance, I taught her how to dougie.

One girl taught me about Seoul food from Korea, I taught her about soul food from my kitchen.

So to all the fathers

Like you.

This

Is simply what it looks like when your children do better than you did.

Wake up.

If I am your worst nightmare you need to figure out what the fuck is wrong with your dreams.

As soon as I heard that last statement I understood that this was going to be a favorite. He won me over with the performance, the distinctive pauses in between verses and just the passion that he exuded during this entire poem. And now I have something new to appreciate since working on this blog post. I haven't noticed or appreciated a spoken poet's writing abilities until transcribing this poem. So much of it sounds like regular talking that I lost some of the purposeful emphasis and repetition that Mr. Harris put a lot of work into and is consistently show through the poem. The play on words is also a really cool feature with "Seoul" food and "soul" food. It had humor with pop culture references such as Full House and I was laughing so hard when he said Bob Saget with so much conviction. Like yes. I needed this angry man to yell at me those two words: Bob Saget!

It's an entertaining poem, I want more from Dave Harris honestly. Maybe I can find some! Until than, I hope you liked this post and I will see you soon.

- Jante

i n s t a g r a m | _abatty_

Thoughts : Dubai

2016-08-15T04:43:00.000-05:00

Hey!

As some of you may know, I am in Dubai. Well, currently visiting Dubai.

I am from the states and I came to Mombasa for my brother's wedding. It was wonderful and now I'm here with family and I went to the souq to get items for my mother. Most of the time when I go to the souq, I go to the parts where the locals would go not realizing that there is actually a souq - rightfully titled "The Grand Souq" - where the tourists would go.

ANECDOTE |1|

I am obviously, not from here, so I was excited to see this part. I am technically a tourist so why not explore the area. I don't live here and I'm only in Dubai for a couple of weeks at a time. I haven't left the house a lot since I've been here so off I went. I was taking pictures and than I notice that the Europeans (most of the tourists are from Europe) were looking and staring at me. Mind you, I didn't look like a native. A local woman is fairly easy to notice because they have a black abayah and a black scarf. I didn't. I had a blue dress on with a black hijab and a maroon cardigan, I didn't shower and I just woke up. However I had the hijab on so obviously I am not like "them" you know, I could only imagine their assumption and how it occurred: "Oh look a hijabi, I wonder how long she has been here.". However to any of the shop owners as soon as I open my mouth and my slightly Southern American tongue speaks, they know to raise the prices by 10 to 20 dirhams. (Which is why I came up with the tactic to speak to them in Arabic first than switch to English, that usually confuses them enough and they can't pinpoint where I'm from. THEN, if I speak Swahili to my relatives they are even MORE confused).

I just it find it so interesting to have tourists see me as a local when in all actuality I'm as much of a tourist as them. But to be honest I'm always in an in-between state.

I always see multiple facets of myself and my characteristics even if they are paradoxical for the two to even exist. Like when I was diagnosed with depression, it wasn't apparent because I am a fairly happy easy-going person. I am patient but have a short-temper whenever I am dealing with technology.

Also Dubai is an unique country with 80% of the population being primarily immigrants. 80% of the total population is not even originally from Dubai. Is that not crazy at all (I find it a little crazy). So to my family who live here (they are technically immigrants) are they considered locals? Because even the definition of local depends on who you talk to. I ask my aunt the question "Who is a local?", she'll respond with the natives or the people whose family has lived here for generations and generations. The people of the U.A.E.

Life is weird man with so many factors to take into account. Perspectives are weird and honestly I could keep rambling on and on. But mostly, I want to show you pictures. So, here you go. Thanks for the rant and short story.

Sincerely,

Jante

instagram | _abatty_

Am I Swahili Enough?

2016-08-09T11:43:00.000-05:00

Hey!

Okay, I've been absent for awhile and mostly because I haven't been making this a priority. Long story short, I am going to make an effort to put more effort into this, like when I first started. No excuses, I'm going to do it.

Another thing, worth discussing is my association with Swahili culture and as you can tell from the title what actually makes me Swahili.

To start from the beginning, I was born in Dallas, Texas to my mom and father. My mom is termed as the OG regular Swahili gal straight from the coast of Mombasa with some of the family originally from Oman and apparently even from Iraq according to the last name "Shirazy". My father on the other hand is Tanzanian and his mother is part Indian. What exactly does that make me? Well, that's even a more complicated answer.

According to family and a little bit of the Internet, there is the Swahili language which is a mixture of Bantu and Arabic and then, there are the Swahili people who live on the Eastern coastal part of Africa and cover many areas like Tanzania, Mombasa, Zanzibar, and Madagascar. With hundreds of years of trading between the Arabs and the Africans of the area, many goods were exchanged alongside religion and language and intermarriages occurred. Many Arabs lived to settle on the Eastern coast of Africa and marry the locals which eventually created an entire group of people called Swahili people.

Now, I condensed this information a lot and it is actually way more intricate and complicated but for now, this shall do.

Back to me.

I was more displaced than anything and I definitely think that I wouldn't have been who I am today if I wasn't born in America and raised here as an American. Growing up I didn't learn Swahili therefore, I didn't speak Swahili. My parents spoke Swahili to each other but I never learned the language. I am trying now but obviously, it is harder to try to learn a language when you are already an adult. Nonetheless, I am trying.

Being born in the States and going to public school and ALSO being in the Army I didn't visit a lot of Swahili people growing up and I could count on one hand that amount of times I went to a wedding of some sort. I was two when I went back to Kenya but than seventeen years had passed before I went back again.

This means I spent a lot of my formative years here in the states and I think of myself as an American. If I were to be technical I would actually be first generation African-American. I guess the next question before I reached my answer is: Can I be American and Swahili? I identify myself as American. I was raised as an American. But can I add this new identity to myself?

I think so. I mean I want to. I have always believed in the ability to be dualistic and have multiple layers to a person sooooooo I think I can. Albeit, when I do know Swahili fluently I will never sound like a local and I will not know the nuances that only a Swahili person can know from growing up in the area. My behaviors and actions will always be typical American to them. But this culture is a part of me. My parents never forgot to tell me where I came from and how they were raised. I was aware of this part of my origin and I have always been proud of where I come from.

So my final answer is: Yes. I am Swahili. But I'm also so many other identities that coexist and I identify with just as strongly. And in the end, that's what makes me, me. Not only the Swahili part of me but all of my other identities.

Sincerely,

Jante

instagram | _abatty_

LEMONADE - BEYONCÉ

2016-04-27T13:05:00.001-05:00

Hey guys!
Jante here and I am slightly back from school and work and just life in total to discuss Beyoncé's sixth album titled Lemonade. It was released on April 23, 2016 available for digital streaming and the following day was available for digital download on her and her husband's company Tidal.

This one is probably her rawest and most awe-inspiring albums to date with the main topic being infidelity and cheating and the journey that Beyoncé had to go through in order to salvage that relationship.

Lyrics were above average. I enjoyed them but I feel after repeated listens I will start seeing flaws. Production was definitely on point but what I really liked about the album was the atmospheric brooding and melancholy that she delves into. In this post I would like to do an in-depth analysis on each song and my interpretations of each.

I. PRAY YOU CATCH ME

First song off the album and for me the first listen I wasn't too impressed, but it grew on me as I delved into the lyrics. It seems repetitive but I didn't mind it. Beyoncé is indirectly calling him (who I assume is Jay-Z) and saying that she prays that he catches her.

HOWEVER

The connotation from the title doesn't make it seem like she needed saving but rather she wants him to figure out that she knows. She knows what he is up to and she wants him to know that she knows. In fact she is "praying" that he catches her listening and figuring out what's going on.

Most Memorable Lyric

"You can taste the dishonesty

It's all over your breath as you pass it off so cavalier"

II. HOLD UP

This song starts off very poppy and she seems to have this very relaxed and reggae style. The lyrics for me are also repetitive here but I can overlook it. There’s a lot of important content here including her talking another how there is no other person to love him (I am assuming everything here is about Jay Z) more than she is. She continues to talk about him saying that she has been "walked all over lately" and she is worried that she will look either jealous or crazy. Cause duh. You're man just cheated on you.

She continues the song asking him what happened if he never made it as big as he is now without her by her side. This song is directed as him as most songs are and lyrical content makes it seem like she should sound angry but thus song is pretty light and charismatic in the approach. It doesn't seem to contradict itself because Beyoncé doesn't sound sad or angry but rightfully justified and confident in her words. Like yeah, you messed up but it ain't going to mess with my head.

Most Memorable Lyric

“How did it come down to this?

Going through your call list

I don't wanna lose my pride, but Imma fuck me up a bitch”

III. DON'T HURT YOURSELF

Third song up is Don't Hurt Yourself by Beyoncé featuring Jack White. Now I had to do a little research given the fact that I know little to nothing about Jack White. I recognize the band immediately that he was in called The White Stripes and Jack White himself was a seriously well acclaimed musician earning him several Grammys and is hugely involved in the garage rock revival and the rock genre in general

So it was definitely an interesting collaboration to say the least and it was a collaboration THAT PAID OFF.

There's a lot of angst and attitude and just anger that Beyoncé exudes in this one.

The lyrics are more evident here providing a lot to chew on. Her voice is definitely distorted or covered here by something but it definitely makes the sound much grittier and I would call this a purely rock song. And her pronunciation is really cool here whenever she says boy and she sounds like a bad ass mofo.

Jack White's insertion into the song is something that I definitely appreciate. He brings a male voice to the whole infidelity concept and it is such a good collaboration.

The song discusses how when you mess with her you mess with yourself and how his decisions that he makes hurts her but will most importantly hurt himself.

Most Memorable Lyric

”This is your final warning.

You know I give you life.

If you try this shit again.

You're gonna lose your wife.”

IV. SORRY

Okay this is definitely more pop-y in its execution. And this is a pretty simple song. Beyoncé is simply stating that she isn't sorry for how she's acting. He messed up, he shouldn't be mad at what she is doing. She is going to club with her ladies and yeah. Just an anthem to Jay-Z, telling him to fuck off and she ain't thinking about him.

Most Memorable Lyric

“Today I regret the night I put that ring on

He always got them fucking excuses

I pray the Lord you reveal what his truth is”

V. 6 INCH

Fifth song off the album is titled 6 Inch with a guest performance with the Weeknd. I personally like this, it has a huge bass that would sound great if you are playing it on good speakers. The Weeknd is featured on here for only one set of lyrics and you don't hear from him at all in the entire song. Honestly, I wished he appeared in the song more often than he does but whatever.

The song is sung from a perspective of Beyoncé talking about another woman, which is most likely her. I mean what other woman could Beyoncé be talking about?? C'mon guys.

However, I feel like this is Beyoncé’s reaction to her husband cheating on her. I mean superficially this is a song talking about a woman who is always working and on her grind but giving the connotation and how the whole album is set up, it seems to be that Beyoncé is focusing on her career in order to look away from what is happening at home.

So honestly it could be another anthem about how she is amazing with her grind and she is making so much money in "six inch" heels and how she is killing it with her job. But in my opinion, I think this is mostly about how she is overworking in order for her not to pay attention to what is happening at home.

This is further reinforced with the last phrase of the song saying "come back". Like I left to do my grind and everything but in the end I you still need to come back to me.

Most Memorable Lyric

“She fights and she sweats those sleepless nights

But she don't mind she loves the grind

She grinds from Monday to Friday

Works from Friday to Sunday”

VI. DADDY LESSONS

Unlike what the title would usually entail it is not a song detailing the morbid or awful parts of Beyoncé’s relationship with her father but rather it details her upbringing with her father. There's not too much to analyze here lyrically for it is pretty straight forward with little to no metaphors. What makes the song is that it is definitely country in its approach because it is purely Beyoncé’s voice and a guitar for most of the song with like little trumpets and beats here and there. Her father it seems to be in the album at least, was one of the main reasons why she grew up the way she is. Strong and tough, the Queen B we know her as today.

Beyoncé still somehow relates the song to the whole theme of cheating when it brings up the fact that her daddy warned her about "men like him" and how he is playing her. Not too much to say on this. Not my favorite but still decent. I probably wouldn't relisten this song often.

Most Memorable Lyric

“My daddy warned me about men like you

He said baby girl he's playing you

He's playing you

Cause when trouble comes in town

And men like me come around

Oh, my daddy said shoot”

VII. LOVE DROUGHT

Seventh song on the album Lemonade and this is probably one of my favorite songs because of the chorus and how her voice does the melodies on the "yous" and it makes me warm and soft.

Like lyrically it only has two real verses and the rest is just the chorus so there isn't much lyrically to dig into but she does something important by finally talking to the cheater about what he did. She tells him that he is her life line and she is asking about him about herself like why isn't she enough for him. Is she not sexy enough? There are several things she poses to him and the chorus basically states how their love for each other could stop wars, move a mountain, make it rain and stop the "love drought." "Love drought" I assume is the lack of love that exists in the relationship.

It no longer possesses the anger that the first couple of tracks did with their aggression but rather acceptance or at least acknowledgment of what happened between the two of them and how they need to start working on it.

Most Memorable Lyric

“Tell me what did I do wrong?

Feel like that question has been posed

I'm movin' on

I always been committed, I been focused

I always payed attention, been devoted

Tell me, what did I do wrong?

Oh, I already asked that

My bad”

VIII. SANDCASTLES

This is one of the most emotional and raw songs on here. The ballad begins with how Beyoncé walked out on him and how she promised she wouldn't stay with him. But she couldn't keep that promise. She sets the setting with dishes smashed on the encounter from a previous fight and pictures torn from the frame. Her voice starts to get a little raw here when she details the setting from us as it seems she becomes overwhelmed with emotions.

This song basically details that her promise to herself to stay away and how she can't keep that promise. Apparently when she left he was devastated and she came back when she knew that he was hurting too. All and all, it was a song about coming back together after spending some time apart with some beautiful emotionality all throughout the track.

Most Memorable Lyric

” Bitch, I scratched out your name and your face

What is it about you that I can't erase, baby?”

IX. FORWARD

To be honest, I just see this as part of Sandcastle or an extension if you will. Did I think it needed its own song? No? Am I okay with it? Yeah why not.

Also, I had no idea who James Blake was before this track so I look him up and he is a British electronic music producer and singer-songwriter with some success.

This is the shortest track on the album but I do like the voice alterations going on here, making it seem dark and scary at the end of the album. James Blake actually sings about 75% of the song with Beyoncé only coming in a little at the end. I feel it is about Beyoncé and Jay-Z trying to move forward with their relationships with it ending if someone can come back to the "sweet spot" on the bed.

Most Memorable Lyric

“Go back to your sleep in your favorite spot just next to me”

X. FREEDOM

This song, to be honest, is my absolute favorite on this album. It does feature Kendrick Lamar who I love so I may be a bit biased but I love the message that is here. Like I love the lyricism here there is a lot to chew on and I feel this is one song that doesn't relate to the infidelity theme that this whole album is about. Naaaaahhhh this song is about oppression and fighting for our rights because African-Americans especially African-American women are not respected in many parts of this country. She preaches for freedom and Kendrick's unique way of rapping makes me so happy of his feature here. He has so much sass and there is a point of the song where he states "can anybody hear me" and when he states the "me" it takes a high note that is absolutely precious on my ears. He does a countdown starting from 10 to four and he starts asking for his mother to pray for him as he starts fighting for his cause and how he wants to be reminded for this. I just, I love this song so much. Beyoncé also kills it with her chorus and I love the lyrics she sings here. At the end of the song, the title of the album is revealed through something that Beyoncé’s grandmother said at her 90th birthday party.

"I was served lemons, but I made lemonade.”

Most Memorable Lyric

“I break chains all by myself

Won't let my freedom rot in hell

Hey! Imma keep running

Cause a winner don't quit on themselves”

XI. ALL NIGHT

The final song on the album was a moving ballad with some really cool guitar strings and then some really cool trumpets at the end. I just love how she sings the chorus and it is just really beautiful. It seems to be a conclusion of everything that happens on this journey and basically Beyoncé is consoling Jay-Z through everything that happened, asking him to dry his tears and telling him that she is the light in the dark. She then tells him that she will love him all night and be there for him no matter what. Honestly it was probably the best way to end the song for it leads there to be hope in this entire album's brooding and sad atmosphere. Like you leave the album feeling optimistic about the relationship. It isn't perfect because she says that it will take some to "prove that she can trust him again."

Most Memorable Lyric

“Baptize your tears and dry your eyes”

Now you guys, you got my entire analysis of this album, and overall I thoroughly enjoyed it. A lot of emotions are played on here, Lyrics were really cool to analyze and pick through. Production and instrumentation on some songs here were amazing and I am extremely happy with the features and what they incorporated in the songs and overall I recommend this album to everybody, ESPECIALLY for others who have experienced infidelity in their own relationships. And not to look back on past relationships and brood on them but more because I feel like people would be more likely to relate to what she is saying.

I'll rate this album a 9.5/10 easy.

Also, my friend Tania is doing a post about it too dedicated to the music video. Go check it out man!

Anyways, thanks for reading and have a wonderful evening/day!

Sincerely,

Jante Fazaldin

P.S.

Find me on these platforms!

I N S T A G R A M | | _abatty_

Starting Over

2016-02-18T19:57:00.002-06:00

HEY,

The name is Jante and I am nineteen years old and this is my safe space.

I have a lot of opinions, probably opinions that you don't agree with. Either way, I hope we can get to know each other and chill.

To let you know, this is mostly a revamp of my blog. I miss doing this as I never have any time anymore and I don't know. I want to be close to this again.

Hopefully, me sharing myself to you is enough for you to come back and read again.

Sincerely,

Jante Fazaldin