SoCal'er in Buckeye Country

My dad died

2014-07-27T13:23:00.000-04:00

I got a call a little over a month ago. I found out my dad died that morning. He had been in marginal health for a couple of years and his mobility had definitely decreased in the past ten years. Although mortality is a fact of life (no pun intended), it is still a shock when it happens to someone you've known all your life.

After returning home, I discovered I had 48 hours to prepare a eulogy. This is what I delivered. I could have gone on and on and made it longer - but keeping in the spirit of my father, I didn't want to make anyone spend any more time in the church than was necessary. (He was a bigger fan of eating breakfast at the local Marie Callender's after mass.)

Some friends and family have requested a copy of the eulogy because they were unable to attend in person. Instead of trying to remember everyone who requested the verbiage, I uploaded it here. Click on this link and you'll be able to read the eulogy I delivered.

P.S. Many people have asked me "Let me know if there is anything I can do." Like I said in the eulogy, my dad wasn't someone who ever asked for help. He was the one who provided help. In light of this, something you can do in his memory is consider making a donation in memory of his name (Raymond Chabot) to the Prostate Cancer Foundation. Click here If you're interested in making a donation.

Vomiting pumpkins

2012-10-31T23:07:00.001-04:00

I found these emails in my inbox and before deleting them, figured it might be good to post them here before I remove them from my personal internetz. (Source is a bunch of emails forwarded to me by people who like to forward emails. In this case, it was from my mom. She's a stitch. Obviously.)

Happy Halloween, everybody.

The bees are taking over

2012-06-16T14:01:00.000-04:00

So my dad sends me these photos. Apparently, my mom mentioned that there seemed to be a lot of bees buzzing around in their backyard. One of their neighbors offered to look around for them to see if she could figure out what the commotion was all about ... it turns out there is this HUGE hive of honeybees in this small plastic cabinet thingy my mom uses for gardening related stuff.

Winnie the Pooh is drooling somewhere

Umm, can you grab that box of Miracle Grow for me?

Where is a bear when you need one?

I don't think my parents imagined this as part of their retirement plan.

The punchline to this story: So I look up some exterminators for my dad to call so he can get this safely removed. (My dad is *really* allergic to bee stings - to the point that if he gets stung, it's probably curtains for him.) After I give him the info, he asks me, "Will we be able to keep the food?" (He meant, "Can I keep the honey?") My answer: "Perhaps. But Lars Gustafsson would tell you to just go to the store if you want some honey."

Post Christmas stuff

2011-12-28T18:12:00.002-05:00

So I worked like a fool to help subsidize the US Post Office, err, get my Christmas cards out on time this year. I mailed them the day before Christmas. Which means they were technically on time. Whether they got to anyone on or before Christmas wasn't my fault.

If you're reading this post, it's possible you received one of my world famous annual newsletters since this blog's web address is published on the newsletter. (And by "world famous," I mean three people I know have heard of it.) And if you read the newsletter, you probably noticed a bunch of bullsh!t interspersed with the banality and trivial events I recounted through the newsletter. Why do I do this? It's a backlash to newsletters I get. It's one thing to get a newsletter filled with references to people I actually know. It's another thing to read a newsletter and wonder aloud, "Who the EFF is this? And why did she accompany Jake to the school's hayride? And who the eff is Jake?" You get my point. Those sort of newsletters are written for an audience of one - the person who wrote the letter. And maybe his/her grandma. But that's about it.

Accordingly, this year's newsletter featured pirate talk, Charlie Sheen, and discussion of a Higgs boson. I'd post a copy of the newsletter here for easy download but that requires more work. And all that mailing a few days ago sucked the life out of me, 44 cents at a time.

So I'm was stuck at Boston Logan ...

2011-07-09T17:12:00.001-04:00

I was in Boston for a two day business-related conference. (Don't ask me about the conference. That's work related and I find it energy sapping to discuss.)

My itinerary connects through Baltimore. Leave Boston around 6PM, get into Columbus around 10:45PM. Sort of late but I've flown through Baltimore before and there are certainly worse airports to get stuck in. I check the status of my flight before leaving downtown Boston and it appears that my flight is delayed by an hour. I briefly consider hanging out in downtown Boston for a bit before heading to the airport but decide against it since i) you never know how long it will actually take to get to the airport (Boston traffic ain't something you want to be stuck in) and ii) I have no idea how long it will take to get through security.

The Mud Pots of Calipatria CA

2011-05-07T23:26:00.000-04:00

In January 2011, I visited one of my favorite parts of California: the Salton Sea. Below is video I shot of the mud pots near the small town of Calipatria CA. More information is in the description posted on Youtube.

When your spring garden smells like road kill :: Titan Arum in Columbus OH

2011-04-24T23:32:00.000-04:00

Ohio State's Biological Greenhouse grows a lot of stuff. One of the plants in its collection is Titan Anum, aka "Corpse Flower," because is smells like putrid rancid meat when it blooms. It bloomed yesterday and the greenhouse opened its doors to the public to show off this rare event.

When it blooms, it reeks.
It's a big deal when one of these plants bloom. It blooms around once per ten years.
It's a huge flower - about three feet across.
The bloom dies off within 48 hours of the bloom emerging.

More info on the plant can be found here.

The line for the exhibit was long. When I first showed up, someone said it would take about 1.5 hours from where I was to get into the exhibit. I initially considered leaving but then thought, "it's not raining, it's not hot or cold ... waiting in line won't kill me." I'm glad I stayed. I stood in line for maybe 45 minutes (if that) before seeing the flower. It was worth the wait.

This sign was placed in front of the flower. It gives you its stats - size, weight, age, etc.

The good people who work in the greenhouse have a sense of humor.

In person, the flower definitely looks like something out of Jurassic Park.

When I first entered the greenhouse, I didn't really smell anything. One of the curators said that most of the smell was on the "other side" of the plant. I wasn't sure what she meant. Until I got to the other side of the plant. Then I smelled it. It was definitely an unpleasant smell but it certainly wasn't as bad as I was led to believe. I expected it to be smell like a zombie kill-fest ... four days later in the middle of summer. It was more like that bad smell you get if you throw away some packaging that had chicken in it and it sits in your garbage can in the kitchen and it stinks a couple of days later. But not quite as intense.

One of the caretakers cut a hole into the flower near its base. The purple spikes are the female flowers and the yellow buds on top) are the male flowers. The female flowers open first then, a day or two later, the male flowers open up. Apparently, they don't open up at the same time in order to prevent the plants from self pollinating themselves.

Apparently, the Ohio State Biological Sciences Greenhouse has five of these plants. You can see the four other plants in these photos.

All in all, it was an interesting way to spend part of a Sunday afternoon. If you've got one of these plants blooming near you, check it out. I guarantee, you haven't ~~smelled~~ seen anything like it before.

My favorite droid apps

2011-03-27T14:49:00.005-04:00

I got a Droid X a few months ago and like it. I mean, I really like this phone. Compared to my old Blackberry, it's like driving a car after traveling via pogo stick. With one leg.

A few people I know have since gotten Android powered phones and have asked me for recommendations on apps. Below is a list of my favorite apps. (Instead of drafting an email for each person, I figured I'd save time by posting this on my blog.) This will not be a static list - I will add/delete apps as I get new ones, fall out of love with old ones, etc. If you have any app recommendations, leave it in the comments and I'll check it out.

The following apps are all free unless noted otherwise.

Amazon App Store
Amazon started an app store to compete with Google's apps store in early 2011. Pros: The Amazon App Store gives away one free app per day. I've gotten into a habit of checking this app store daily to see what they are giving away. Cons: Any app downloaded from the Amazon App Store cannot be updated via the Google App Store and vice versa. You need to remember to update your apps in each store separately. The free app per day, plus the bonus of some apps being exclusive on Amazon App Store (see Plants vs Zombies below, for example), to me, greatly outweighs the "cost" of the extra step of checking for updates in each store separately.

Gesture Search
This is developed by Google and is one of my favorites and easily on my top five apps used. And it seems like no one knows about it. Searching for contacts, apps, songs, etc., can be a pain if you've got a lot of either or both. Gesture Search allows you to search your phone by drawing gestures on the touch screen.

Tweetcaster
There are a lot of different Twitter apps on the Android platform. I've tried several Twitter clients and this one is my favorite.

ScoreMobile
There are several apps that let you track updated sports scores in real time. I've tried several - this one is the best in my opinion. Very clean and easy set up. Nice and simple visual design.

MyTracks
I'm a map geek and anything that allows me to create a map is something I like. This app allows you to create "tracks" (or maps) of any outdoor activity you may be doing - running, walking, biking, etc. Upload the track to the web and share with your friends. Also tracks and records statistics (e.g. distance, speed, etc.).

Endomondo
This app is very similar to MyTracks described above. I tend to prefer Endomondo - I think the user interface is easier to use and a helluva lot more intuitive. Plus, I like the Endomondo icon - it's a green cartoon face with an open mouth.

Angry Birds
Angry Birds Seasons
Angry Birds Rio
Unless you've been living under a rock, no explanation is needed for Angry Birds. Google "Angry Birds reviews" or something along those lines and you'll see what I mean. Addictive, safe for kids, and clean graphics.

Quick Settings
One of the things that used to make me batty was having to go into different places on the phone for routine tasks. Quick Settings allows you to do the following in one place: Turn on/turn off ringer, put phone in "airplane" mode, turn on/off data, turn on/off GPS, volume control, turn on/off WiFi. I use this app a LOT.

Battery Indicator
The standard battery indicator is a simple graphic display that appears in the upper right corner of the home screen. It's OK but it doesn't distinguish between 80% and 50%, for example - both levels of battery energy appears the same with the stock graphic display. Battery Indicator gives you the actual batter power left using numerical display (e.g. 90, 60, 40, etc.) instead of the display. It uses next to no battery power and it's MUCH more useful.

Barcode Scanner
This is one of those apps that everyone seems to have already heard of so I won't expound on it much. In a nutshell, this app allows you to scan a barcode for an item and check prices for the same item online and/or in competing stores.

Camera360
Camera Fun Free
FxCamera
PicSay
picplz
LittlePhoto
RetroCamera
There are a lot of decent free camera apps that allow you to put an "effect" on a photo you're taking - sepia, black and white, Polaroid, etc. I don't have a "favorite" - I just use whatever strikes my fancy when I'm taking the photo. One minor exception to all of this --> PicSay. PicSay isn't an app I'd use for "effects" - it's "ok" in that regard. But it does allow you to do something with your photos that the others don't - it allows you to put in "dialogue" or "cartoon bubbles" on photos. Very cool.

Carr Matey
There are several apps that help you find your car if you parked it in a large parking lot. It seems like a LOT of them cost money - Carr Matey is the only decent free app that I could find. It works quite well - the tradeoff? It has a pirate theme that you can't shut off. So prepare to see a lot of "aaarrghs" and anchor icons, etc. If you can get past the pirate theme, it's a darn good car finder app.

Compass
I love anything map, map-related, and anything involving directions. Compass is simply that - a compass. Works well, clean and simple end user design.

Dolphin Browser HD
Opera Mini
The stock browser that came with my phone is fine and works well. A couple of browsers you may want to install and check out - Dolphin and OperaMini. OperaMini was my browser of choice when I had my Blackberry. (The stock browser on the Blackberry sucks, in my opinion). OperaMini on Droid is very good. Dolphin, which I think is exclusively Android, is very good. It took a while for me to warm up to it but I find myself using Dolphin 80% of the time when browsing on this phone.

DoubleTwist
The media player pre-installed with the phone is OK and very serviceable. But Doubletwist, in my opinion, is better and more robust. There's a version of this app that you can install on your laptop (PC or Mac) or desktop (PC or Mac) - this allows you to synch between the desktop player and your phone. Also can transfer your files out of ITunes. Nice.

eBuddy
This app allows you to access all of your instant messaging clients from a single app. eBuddy currently supports MSN (Windows Live Messenger or WLM), Facebook, Yahoo!, MySpace, Gtalk (Orkut), ICQ, AIM (AOL) and Hyves instant messaging.

Google Earth
I cannot figure out a good use for this app. But if you like maps and/or checking out the world around you, I recommend this app!

Google Goggles
If you see something and don't know what it is and/or want to know more about that thing, use Goggles to take a photo of it. It then searches the web for a similar item to help you ID it. It is still a work in progress - but it's gotten better/more accurate over time.

Google Sky Map
This app ROCKS. If you don't become an astronomy geek after using this app, you have no soul. Download this app and then go for a walk on a clear evening. Use the app - you'll see what I mean.

JuiceDefender
Because my phone has a very large screen, it's pretty heavy on energy usage. Instead of leaving your data on ALL the time, what it does is turn on data for about three minutes, then shut it off for about 12 minutes. In other words, for every 15 minutes, your data is on only 3 minutes. I've noticed my battery lasting longer as a result of using this free app. There is a paid version that lets you tweak the settings - and I'm seriously thinking of buying the app, if not just to support the developers of this app.

Lookout
Viruses and malware are everywhere if you're online. Mobile phones are no exception. Lookout is free and includes free updates. There are several other good free anti-virus/anti-malware apps - I personally like Lookout.

Lyrics App
This app figures out what song you're playing and displays the lyrics for you. Great app for all you American Idol wannabes :-)

Pandora
This is a no brainer. If you have never heard of Pandora, please, educate yourself. Free streaming music for up to 40 hours per month. Create channels based on bands and/or songs you like. Discover new music. It's awesome.

Plants vs Zombies
I got this app for free when it was the "free app of the day" on the Amazon Market a while ago. It is now priced at something like $2.99 or $3.99. Given how much I LOVE this game, I'd gladly pay up if I had to. Really love this game. (As of the time I wrote this post, the Plants vs Zombies app is available only via the Amazon App Store.)

Southwest
People seem to either hate or love Southwest Airlines. I love it. I rarely have trouble with its flights being late. And I like that it doesn't charge extra for checked luggage. The only downside of Southwest is that it does not assign seats. You are assigned a group and number that you then use to get yourself in line at the airport. A1 is MUCH better than C29. Instead of showing up at the airport and keeping your fingers crossed (you're guaranteed a C group if you do this), use this app to check into your flight up to 24 hours prior to departure. You'll get a good group/number assignment if you check in early.

Stupid Zombies
I find this game to be almost as addictive as Angry Birds but if you're measuring "awareness" for Angry Birds vs Stupid Zombies where Angry Birds is a 100, Stupid Zombies is (maybe) a 12. This is my attempt to help spread the word - very good game. Nice graphics. A bit on the gory side but it's pretty funny if you have that kind of sense of humor. (I do.)

TV Listings
When I was a kid, TV Guide was a major publication. Everyone seemed to subscribe to it. These days, because of DVRs and channel guides that are built into cable systems, Direct TV, etc., things like TV Guide aren't really needed any more. If you're still part of the stone age (e.g. like me) and do not have a system that has a "built-in TV Guide," this app rocks. Works well. Never crashes and it's accurate. The only thing you have to remember is to change your settings if you change location. (I learned this lesson recently when I was frantically looking for Seinfeld - the app said it was on a certain channel at a certain time. I finally realized I hadn't changed my settings after visiting my in-laws.)

Word Feud
People seem to fall into either the Word Feud or Words With Friends camp. I'm sure Words With Friends is a fine app - if you have an iPhone. Word With Friends on the android platform sucks. Like a lot. Constantly force closing. The only reason I put up with this crap is because there is no Word Feud on iPhone - yet. (They're working on it.) Once Word Feud is released on iPhone (and assuming Words With Friends doesn't get its act together), I'll be switching to Word Feud exclusively. I also play Wordsmith but Word Feud gets the nod over Wordsmith for playability and better visuals.

Vlingo
I haven't used this app much but for someone who is on the phone a lot while away from a fixed location (e.g. sales, etc.), this is a pretty slick app. It allows you to send texts, call, email, etc., contacts via verbal commands.

Voice
This is the Google version of Vlingo. I tend to use this app more so than Vlingo. Vlingo appears to have more bells and whistles whereas Google Voice is straightforward and simple. Both are good - it just depends on what you need this app to do.

Steeler fans never die, they just, errr, watch more TV

2011-02-04T21:27:00.000-05:00

Someone sent me these photos recently. I checked out the story - it's definitely real. Turns out this guy passed away in 2005, was a huge Steelers fan, and the funeral home set up his body watching a continuous loop of Steeler clips in a mock recreation of his living room.

The story is linked here.

And ... below are the photos.

Portraits using maps

2011-01-03T19:50:00.007-05:00

Someone sent me this site via email. Normally, when people send you stuff on email, it's useless crap. This site, however, is very interesting. Especially if you're a map geek like me.

This fellow, Matt Cusick, makes portraits using maps. Very cool.

Helmer the Sledder

2010-12-27T19:15:00.001-05:00

While in western Michigan recently, my 6+ year old bulldog decided he wanted to go snowboarding. The following video clip was not doctored in any way. Nor was he asked to do any of this - he just took the sledding disk and away he went.

A quick search on the web turns up some weird Christmas images

2010-12-23T13:06:00.000-05:00

Just got out the annual newsletter/holiday card. While the lucky card recipients will wonder where the heck I got the images I used in the card, you should have seen some of the images that did not make the final cut. Below is a very small sample of the stuff I didn't use:

The Minnesota Vikings Fan Jokebook

2010-11-22T16:01:00.001-05:00

One of my friends' dad is a big Vikings fan. He both loves and hates them. Below are jokes he sent to me recently.

Xcel Energy, the folks who provide natural gas to many Minnesota homes, noted today that calls to their leaking gas hot line spiked around 2 p.m. yesterday. All service men who responded to the calls noted that no gas leaks were discovered but the rotten egg smell went away when the home owner was told to turn off the Viking game.

The Minnesota Highway Patrol is cracking down on speeders heading into Minneapolis. For the first offense, they give you 2 Vikings tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?

A. The Minnesota Vikings

Q. What do the Vikings and Billy Graham have in common?

A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q. How do you keep a Minnesota Viking out of your yard?

A. Put up a goal post.

Q. What do you call a Minnesota Viking with a Super Bowl ring?

A. An Imposter.

Q. What's the difference between the Minnesota Viking and a dollar bill?

A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. How many Minnesota Vikings does it take to win a Super Bowl?

A. Nobody Knows

Q. What do the Vikings and a possums have in common?

A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Why dogs dislike Halloween

2010-10-17T11:54:00.003-04:00

Found these photos in an old email.

I love fall

2010-10-10T17:52:00.000-04:00

I took these photos in autumn/Oct 2009. Better late than never.

What's the deal with Tropicana and The Gap?

2010-10-10T09:00:00.001-04:00

You have an iconic brand. You have a logo that everyone recognizes - a logo that anyone who doesn't live under a rock knows it when s/he sees it.
The answer to the problem that doesn't exist? Change it. Pronto.
First it was Tropicana. Now it's The Gap. Pray tell, why would you change the logo? If your sales, etc., aren't growing, I am QUITE SURE it has NOTHING to do with the LOGO.
Duh.

Students Write the Darndest Things!

2010-10-09T16:15:00.001-04:00

If airlines sold paint

2010-10-08T17:00:00.001-04:00

Image via Wikipedia
I got this via email. Thought I'd share.

IF THE AIRLINES SOLD PAINT

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?

Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.

Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?

Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon.

Customer: What's the difference in the paint?

Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.

Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.

Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?

Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.

Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.

Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?

Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.

Customer: You've got to be kidding!

Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint available.

Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!

Clerk: But it doesn't mean that we have paint available. We sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price per gallon just went to $16. We don't have any more $12 paint.

Customer: The price went up as we were talking?

Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase your paint as soon as possible. How many gallons do you want?

Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I'll have enough.

Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint and don't use it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.

Customer: WHAT?

Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will lose your remaining gallons of paint.

Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it!

Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used, every drop. If you don't, it causes us all sorts of problems.

Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if I don't keep painting until after Saturday night!

Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the $200 paint.

Customer: But what are all these, "Paint on sale from $10 a liter"
signs?

Clerk: Well that's for our budget paint. It only comes in half-gallons. One $5 half-gallon will do half a room. The second half-gallon to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the empty cans.

Customer: Forget this! I'll buy what I need somewhere else!

Clerk: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for your bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from someone else, but you won't be able to paint your connecting hall and stairway from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that if you paint in only one direction, it will be $300 a gallon.

Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!

Clerk: That's if you paint around the room to the point at which you started. A hallway is different.

Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in one direction, you'll confiscate the remaining paint.

Clerk: No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on your next gallon of paint. But I believe you're getting it now, sir.

Customer: You're insane!

Clerk: Thanks for painting with United.

Hotel California (by The Eagles): located by Google Maps

2010-09-29T23:26:00.000-04:00

Cover of Hotel California

Hotel California, the 1975 mega-hit by The Eagles, is supposed to be an imaginary place. Google Maps begs to differ.

Google has the directions to Hotel California

Playing with the Moon

2010-08-22T00:19:00.001-04:00

I got these uncredited photos in my email the other day. These are quite clever and seem to have a lot of thought put into them. (I discovered the artist/photographer is Laurent Lavender.)

Bubblegum Alley: San Luis Obispo, CA

2010-08-15T00:01:00.000-04:00

San Luis Obispo, CA, is located in the "central coast" region of California, it's the major town between Santa Barbara to the south and San Jose to the north.

It is home to Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, a well regarded state school in California. SLO was also home to the world's first motel, the Milestone Mo-Tel (built in 1925). SLO is situated in a beautiful valley that's far enough inland that it's almost always sunny but not so far inland that it gets too hot in the summer. A gorgeous town, to say the least.

Its biggest claim to fame, in my opinion, is Bubblegum Alley. I had not heard of it prior to last year. On a lark, I searched for "odd roadside attractions near San Luis Obispo" - and Bubblegum Alley was the first place referenced. In fact, it was mentioned several times in the search results.

The photos I took from this year's trip don't really give you an accurate impression of how overwhelming this alley is in person. The alley can be easy to miss if you don't know what you're looking for - if you're in the area, it's a small alley connecting Garden Alley and Higuera Street. It's located a couple of doors down from Mother's Tavern (aka "MoTav"). (I'm purposely mentioning MoTav here because they were kind enough to let my dad use their restroom when his bladder was about to burst.) MoTav's address is 725 Higuera Street. If you walk a couple of steps north on Higuera Street from MoTav, you'll find the alley.

Summary: If you're ever in the SLO area, be sure to check out Bubblegum Alley. It's worth the stop.

Amusing articles

2010-05-30T10:43:00.000-04:00

I got these from a friend in an email a long time ago. I figure it is a good time as any to post these for posterity.

I cannot vouch for the authenticity of any of these stories but since they appear to have been clipped out of real newspapers, they MUST be true ... right?

Here you go:

My family photo?

2010-05-19T19:46:00.000-04:00

Not really my family photo - more like my family stick drawing.

20 Puns (plus a bonus)

2010-05-12T00:01:00.006-04:00

Like everyone else, I know people who email me dumb jokes, etc. One of my aunts-in-law used to include me on this email list of hers - she regularly emailed completely outrageous things and no one would question the veracity of any of it. Example - she sent an email about how there was some weirdo in Florida who was taping syringes to pump handles at gas stations. These syringes were filled with HIV-infected blood. You see where this one is going? Anyway, it seemed to me that - uhh, why haven't I heard ANY of these outlandish stories on the news? Thanks to ten seconds on snopes.com, I debunked these emails as they'd come in - I'd hit "reply all" and let the 53 people (who she emailed) know that the story was fake, here's the proof that it's fake, etc. After doing that three or four times, I was removed from her email list. I haven't received any emails from her in over six years.

But I still get occasional emails with lame jokes, etc. This one ... this one I thought was amusing in a "audible groan" sort of way. Enjoy ...

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... And pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and isnamed 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain , they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving thepicture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ... a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

21. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Should I be worried?

2010-04-24T22:23:00.002-04:00

I recently got a notification that I have a new follower on Twitter. The message is repeated verbatim below:

***

The plague (TheRealPlague)

is now following your tweets on Twitter.

***

Should I be worried?