Atlanta Dating Coach

2013 Atlanta Singles Valentine's Day Events

2013-01-31T14:32:00.002-05:00

There's no reason to sit at home on Valentine's Day when there are awesome singles events going on right here in Atlanta. So, get out there and have some fun!

1. Date and Dash Speed Dating

Speed-Dating allows you to skip the excruciating hit-or-miss first date experience. Instead, with Date and Dash you can chat with a large pool of people, choose your favorites, and see if they choose you!

Details:

When: February 14^that 8:00pm

Where: Marlow’s Tavern, 950 West Peachtree Street, Atlanta, GA 30309

Price: Ticket prices range from $15 to $35

*Space is limited, you MUST RSVP before the event. Reserve your spot now, as prices WILL go up.

2. Lock and Key Event

Lock and Key Events are fun, interactive dating events for singles. They take a regular happy hour and mix in the ultimate icebreaker. Men get keys, women get locks. As soon as you check in and get your first lock or key, set off to try and find its match. Every key matches at least 2-3 locks, so depending on how outgoing you are, you could find your first match within minutes!

Details:

When: February 9^that 7:30p

Where: East Andrews Café and Bar, 56 E. Andrews Dr. NW, Atlanta, GA 30305

Price: $20-$30

3. What: Nuts and Bolts Event

For Atlanta singles, Fadó Irish Pub & Restaurant is hosting a Nuts & Bolts Valentine’s Day Party beginning at 10 p.m. Depending on gender, each person will receive a nut or a bolt with hopes to find his or her match by the end of the night. Guests can enjoy meeting people while sipping on a pint. For those guests who have already found their nut and bolt match, Fadó is offering a hearty Irish prix fixe menu to share on Thursday, February 14 from 5 to 10 p.m.

Details:

When: February 9^th at 10:00pm

Where: Fado Irish Pub and Restaurant, 273 Buckhead Avenue, Atlanta, GA 30305

Price: No Cover

For reservations, call 404-841-0066

Is Your Romantic Attachment Style Holding You Back?

2013-01-10T17:15:00.001-05:00

Most singles who struggle to develop and maintain a relationship have one thing in common, an insecure romantic attachment style. So what’s a romantic attachment style? Think of your romantic attachment style as the way you go about connecting on dates and in relationships. The way you attempt to connect on date can make or break your chances of getting another date. And the way you connect in a relationship will directly affect your level of satisfaction with that relationship.

I’ll give a brief overview of the different attachment styles and a few tips for the three most common styles. If you have a style other than secure, I strongly recommend learning more about romantic attachment and your specific attachment style as it could change your dating life.

To determine your attachment style, visit the University of Pennsylvania’s Authentic Happiness site (authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/questionnaires.aspx) and complete the “Close Relationships” questionnaire.

There are four attachment styles:

1. Secure

2. Anxious (also referred to as Preoccupied or Ambivalent)

3. Avoidant (also referred to as Dismissive)

4. Fearful Avoidant

We’ll briefly discuss secure attachment, anxious attachment and avoidant attachment. Only a small fraction of the population falls into the fearful avoidant attachment category so I’m not going to cover it here.

It’s important to note that these are styles rather than pathology. Also, attachment styles can change based on an individual’s experiences and relationships. The main focus here is to bring awareness to your dominant style so that you can date in a more mindful way.

Adults with a Secure Attachment Style:

· Find it easy to get close to, trust and depend on their partners in romantic relationships

· Are open to emotional closeness and long term commitment

· Tolerate differences and respond to their partner’s needs as well as their own needs

· Are comfortable when partners depend on them

If Your Attachment Style is Secure:

® You have the ability to establish a successful, lasting relationship with any attachment style. In fact, people with an insecure style (avoidant or anxious) can actually develop a secure attachment style when paired with someone who has a secure attachment style.

® However, your attachment style can change as well. So it’s important to be aware of behavior that you find unacceptable. You can wind up in a bad relationship by tolerating unacceptable behavior and continuously giving a partner the benefit of the doubt.

Adults with an Anxious Attachment Style:

· Frequently experience anxiety and uncertainty in their romantic relationships

· Seek reassurance and worry about their relationships

· Are excessively vigilant in relationships and believe that romantic relationships are extremely fragile

· Desperately want to be close, but have little trust in romantic partners

If Your Attachment Style is Anxious:

® You have the ability to become more secure by dating someone with a secure attachment style. In fact, this is a great goal. The best way for you to be in a fulfilling relationship is to seek out a secure partner. Why? Because people with a secure attachment style are willing and able to offer the closeness, reassurance, stability, consistency and commitment that you need.

® Beware of dating people with an avoidant attachment style. When someone with an anxious attachment pairs up with someone who has an avoidant attachment style, it’s like oil and water. The person with anxious attachment style wants closeness and the person with an avoidant attachment style wants to keep others at arm’s length. It’s a recipe for a toxic relationship for both people involved. Neither one of you will ever be satisfied. And both insecure styles will be reinforced. The idea (held by the person with the anxious attachment style) that relationships are fragile and require constant vigilance is reinforced. And the idea (held by the person with the avoidant attachment style) that people want more closeness and dependence than they’re willing to provide is reinforced.

® Popular dating advice is counterproductive for people with attachment anxiety. When you use popular dating tips such as “create mystery by appearing unavailable” or “act you don’t care too much” you make yourself more attractive to people with attachment avoidance. It’s important for you to be up front and authentic. If you know you want to purchase a brand new BMW, you wouldn’t waste your time by shopping at the Toyota dealership. So if you want a close, committed relationship look others that want the same thing. Remember if someone wants a close, committed relationship they won’t be scared away by someone who wants the same.

® It’s helpful for you to shift your mindset on dates. People with an anxious attachment style often get wrapped up in “Does she or he like me?” This strategy is harmful and not helpful at all. When you are focused on what the other person thinks about you, you lose sight of how compatible the two of you are. Not to mention, you give the other person all of the power (and you’ll probably wind up being resentful about it). You can easily avoid giving your power away and losing sight of compatibility by making a shift in your mindset. Moving forward, ask yourself “Is this someone who is capable of emotional intimacy and commitment?”

Adults with an Avoidant Attachment Style:

· Work hard to keep people at arm’s length

· Look down on dependency

· Are uncomfortable receiving support from their partner

· Are sometimes unable or unwilling to provide the connection and intimacy that their partner wants

· Find it difficult to trust others and work hard to maintain emotional distance

If Your Attachment Style is Avoidant:

® You have the ability to become more secure by dating someone with a secure attachment style. Like those with an anxious attachment style, this is a great goal for you. The best way for you to be in a satisfying relationship is to seek out a secure partner. Why? Because people with a secure attachment style are willing and able to offer you the independence that so valuable to you.

® Beware of dating people with an anxious attachment style. When someone with an avoidant attachment style pairs up with someone who has an anxious attachment style, it’s like oil and water. The person with anxious attachment style wants closeness and the person with an avoidant attachment style wants to keep others at arm’s length. It’s a recipe for a toxic relationship for both people involved. Neither one of you will ever be satisfied. And both insecure styles will be reinforced. The idea (held by the person with the anxious attachment style) that relationships are fragile and require constant vigilance is reinforced. And the idea (held by the person with the avoidant attachment style) that people want more closeness and dependence than you’re willing to provide is reinforced.

® Be cautious of thinking you just haven’t found “the one”. Singles with other attachment styles use this phrase, but for singles with an avoidant attachment style it’s a way to avoid looking within. People with attachment avoidance believe the reason they just can’t seem to “connect” with their partners is because they haven’t met “the one”. And when they do meet “the one” they will connect without putting forth any effort.

What is your attachment style? What effect does your attachment style have on your dating results?

Best wishes on your dating journey!

From the Heart,

Is Your Dating Formula Flawed???

2012-11-15T19:24:00.000-05:00

The most common, yet flawed, formula for dating success looks like this:

Perfection + Niceness + Pleasing = Dating Success

So what’s wrong with this formula?

Perfection ≠ Dating Success

Perfection is impossible. Therefore, people who seem to be perfect come across as “too good to be true”. In other words, people that seem to be perfect appear to be hiding something and come across as dishonest. In my experience, people who work hard to appear perfect are actually working hard to hide their insecurities. That’s unfortunate because people are likely to embrace the insecurities of others. People that own their flaws with confidence show up as more trustworthy and interesting.

Niceness ≠ Dating Success

By niceness I’m referring specifically to being agreeable. People that purposely employ niceness as a dating technique, avoid sharing their opinions and often take on the opinion of those they’re interested in dating. This is a huge mistake because being agreeable and devoid of an opinion is not attractive! Being sure of who you are and expressing your likes and dislikes affords others the opportunity to get to know you. Remember, it’s better to be disliked for who you are than to be loved for who you are not.

Pleasing ≠ Dating Success

Being a “people pleaser” is one of the most unattractive things one can do on a date or in a relationship. People that focus on pleasing others are neglecting their own wants and needs. Putting the needs of others above yours is like volunteering to be a doormat. This eventually causes resentment. The “people pleaser” secretly expects the other person to reciprocate and when that doesn’t happen they become frustrated and resentful. Likewise, the person who is placed on a pedestal by the “people pleaser” doesn’t like the pressure that comes with being placed in such a position (such as the responsibility to make all decisions).

An effective dating formula looks like this:

Authenticity + Confidence + Assertiveness + Integrity = Dating Success

To learn how to implement this formula and achieve your dating goals, contact Renee by visiting reneeduren.com and completing the contact form.

Best wishes on your dating journey!

From the Heart,

How Can Men Avoid the "Friend Zone"?

2012-10-18T14:54:00.000-04:00

How can men avoid slipping into the "friend zone"?

The two main reasons men fall into the friend zone are:

Sending women the wrong messages
Misinterpreting the feedback they receive from women

What can men do differently to avoid falling into the "friend zone"?

Send clear messages that reflect what you really want. If you want a date, be specific when you ask her out. Avoid using phrases such as "hang out" and "meet up".
Take her response at face value. If she says anything other than "yes" to a date, accept it and move on. Avoid over analyzing what she says.

If you have a question for Renee, you can submit it here.

Best wishes on your dating journey!

From the Heart,

What Do Women Really Want???

2012-09-04T14:50:00.003-04:00

I coach both men and women so I have a unique insight into what both sexes are looking for. One of the exercises that I guide my clients through is called The Ideal Mate Inventory. During the exercise, the client lists all of the characteristics and values that he or she would like in a mate. When the list is complete, the client prioritizes the list in an exercise called Forced Values Clarification. When we're done with those exercises, the client has a crystal clear picture of what he or she really wants in a mate. And over time, I've been able to compile a list of the most common characteristics each sex is looking for.

So....What do women really want??? Based on my experience as a coach, here are the top five characteristics women want in a man (in no particular order):

A goal oriented man. Women are looking for a man with direction. This doesn't mean that you have to have every aspect of your life planned out. In fact, that can be a turn-off. What it really means is that women want a man who can commit to something and follow through with it. Men that are goal oriented, generally don't cancel dates at the last minute or have issues with commitment.

A man with a plan. Women want a men that have the confidence to plan a date. This includes selecting the day, time and location. Women love it when men take the initiative to do the planning. Some men are afraid to make plans because they're afraid that the woman won't like the restaurant. I can assure you that simply selecting a restaurant will get you points, even if she doesn't love the restaurant you selected.

A man that knows what he wants. Women value men that are sure of themselves. If a man doesn't know what he wants (for example, he doesn't have an opinion), it projects self-doubt. Also, women want to be with a man who wants to be with them. Online dating profiles are a great example of this. Women are turned-off by men that select "all" on preferences such as religion, height, body type, race, education, etc. To women, this signals "he'll take woman that will go out with him".

A man with good communication skills. Being a good listener will get you a lot of points. Women love to talk and want to feel heard. Becoming an active listener is a great way to develop your communication skills. Also, women value men that are assertive communicators. Men that are wishy-washy or passive in communication project uncertainty and self-doubt.

A kind and loving man. Women notice how men treat friends, family and strangers. They also pay close attention to the relationships you have with your family. Women often look to your relationships with friends and family as insight into what you'll be like in a relationship. Women also notice how you treat yourself. Being kind and loving starts with the way you feel about yourself.

If you would like to develop any of the characteristics above, visit www.atlantadatingcoach.com and request a consultation.

Have fun on your dating journey!

From the Heart,

First Date Dos and Don’ts for Men

2012-04-07T21:42:00.000-04:00

I often get questions about what to do on a first date.
So here are a few tips on how to get through a first
date with confidence.

First Date Dos

*Ask her questions. (5 Steps to Effective Communication)
*Be a good listener
*Pay for dinner
*Be confident
*Keep eye contact
*Get to know more about her to see if you are interested in making a second date
*Practice positive self-talk
*Ask her on a second date if you are interested

The most important advice I can give is to be confident. This comes from a positive attitude and experience. If you are truly focusing on the woman, you will appear confident. Use active listening and ask open ended questions. If you have negative thoughts about yourself, the date or women, it will show up on the date. Be kind to yourself by practicing empowering self-talk. If you tell yourself “I’m not good enough”, you will broadcast this on the date. You may not realize it, but negative thoughts show up in your language and actions. It may come across as uncertainty, negativity, lack of confidence, being passive, being aggressive or even cocky (which by the way women do NOT find attractive).

Some men make the mistake of waiting to ask for a second date. I've heard all kinds of rules that men tell each other to follow, like the 3 day rule. I don't recommend this. There's no need for silly rules and games. If you are interested, then go ahead and ask her out on another date. It's that simple.

First Date Don'ts:

*Don’t talk about yourself too much
*Don’t try to impress
*Don’t plan to give her a kiss at the end of the date. If it happens, it happens.
*Don’t let negative thoughts sabotage the date

You may find it helpful to reduce anxiety during the date by NOT planning to kiss her at the end of the date. Nothing bad can come from not kissing a woman on a first date. If she's up for a second date, that indication that she's interested and you can kiss her then (on the second date).

I recommended that men focus on getting to know the woman during the date instead of trying to impress her. When men try to impress a woman, it comes across as desperate and needy. Needless to say, women don’t find desperate men attractive.

Have fun and enjoy your dating journey!!

From the Heart,
Renee

Men: Are you tired of putting so much energy into dating??

2012-03-21T11:53:00.003-04:00

Most of my clients are men. And over half of them have said that they're exhausted with dating. The first time I heard a client tell me this I wondered if maybe he was a bit unrealistic and just wanted the process to unfold with little or no work on his part. However, I knew there must be more to it than putting forth effort. The same client was very thoughtful and took initiative in regards to planning the dates and following through. So what was really going on?? As the coahing process continued, it became clear that he was exerting a ton of energy before, during and after dates. His energy was going into proving himself to the women he had gone out with. No wonder he felt exhausted!

So if you go into a date trying to prove something or live up to her expectations or impress her, you're wasting your time and energy. Women can sense this and it's a huge turn off. It will come across as insecure or cocky (and contrary to what most men believe, women DO NOT like cocky men- women like confident men!) The men that get nervous or anxious and try to hard come across as insecure. While the men that manipulate the conversation to highlight their strengths and acheivements come across cocky or arrogant.

So what can you do if you're putting forth a lot of energy and getting poor results? Start by looking within because dating shouldn't be exhausting. First, think about why you're working so hard. Are you trying to impress, meet her expectations, or prove yourself in some way? If so, start by embracing who you are! You are unique and you have a lot to offer in a relationship. Own who you are and be authentic! If she's not into the real you, move on and find a woman that connects with the real you. Here's a tip you can use; focus on her by asking her questions and getting to know who she is. This way you take the pressure off of you and you get to know your date. It's a win/win. She gets attention and you alleviate self-imposed pressure by keeping the focus on her. Of course she'll want to learn more about you, so answer her questions authentically and allow her to get to know you. Just don't put the focus on yourself. That's really the bottom line, when you're trying to prove yourself, you're actually placing the attention and focus on you.

Have fun and good luck on your next date!!

Are you Dating "The One"??

2012-02-20T18:58:00.001-05:00

Do you feel that something is missing in your relationship? Do you wonder if he or she is right for you? It’s normal to have questions like these early in a relationship. In fact one of the early phases in a relationship is Doubt. So how do you know if it’s just a phase or time to move on? I have developed four questions to help you get to the heart of this matter and I challenge you to take some time to reflect on each one.

1. What would you change about the relationship?
Notice I asked what you would change about the relationship as opposed to asking what you would change about your boyfriend/girlfriend. That’s because you only have the power to change you and what you contribute to the relationship. You cannot change another person. So, evaluate your answer and see if what you’d change is something you can improve on. If so….

2. Are you willing to make those changes in your life?
Now that you’ve accepted the fact that you can’t change your boyfriend/ girlfriend and you’ve identified your part, are you willing to make the changes necessary to improve your satisfaction with the relationship?

3. What works for you in the relationship?
Identify all the things that work in your relationship and weigh it against the things you’d change. In other words, does the positive outweigh the negative?

4. What is keeping you in the relationship?
This one may require more thought and even journaling. Do you stay in the relationship because you have a fear of being alone? Do you stay because you don’t think you could have a better relationship? Or is this someone you adore and love to spend most of your time with? So the point here is to determine if you’re staying because of love and happiness or fear and self-doubt.

For more information about one to one coaching, visit my website: www.atlantadatingcoach.com

The Five Essential Relationship Phases

2012-02-08T16:33:00.000-05:00

1. Infatuation Phase
The Infatuation Phase refers to initial attraction. Put your best foot forward and enjoy this opportunity to get to know each other. During this phase everything is seems to go smoothly. He or she seems perfect and red flags go unnoticed. Your relationship is new, fun and exciting. You see lots of potential in your date but have little more than superficial information about each other. This is a time to remain somewhat guarded while still having fun with the dating process. Show your best and most positive side.

Tips for Men during the Infatuation Phase
• Make an effort to really listen to what she has to say.
• Ask her open ended questions.
• Avoid talking too much about yourself.
• Be patient and enjoy getting to know her.
• Don’t fall in love too quickly, in this stage there’s a lot you don’t know about her.

Tips for Women during the Infatuation Phase
• Keep it positive and avoid complaining. Men want to please women and view negative women as hard or impossible to please.
• Don’t be afraid to share who you are and what your interests are.
• Allow him to pursue you. Let him initiate communication and do the planning.
• Don’t feel obligated to split the check. This is a huge mistake that some women make. They feel they need to give back in some way and that is simply not necessary. If a man is truly interested in you, he will be happy to pay for dinner.
• Don’t fall in love too quickly, in this stage there’s a lot you don’t know about him.

2. Indecision Phase
During the Indecision Phase you may begin to doubt whether he or she is right for you. You may wonder if there is someone better for you out there. He or she no longer appears perfect as you continue to get to know more about who they are. During this stage it’s important to remember that indecision is normal and minor differences can be negotiated. We’re all human and imperfect, so keep that in mind. However, if red flags appear that are not negotiable, you may choose not to continue to the next stage of Commitment.

Tips for Men during the Uncertainty Phase
• Avoid over analyzing during this stage. The indecision can easily cause a man to keep looking. This is counterproductive because it can turn into a pattern. So if you never seem to make it to the Commitment Stage, doubt and uncertainty might be sabotaging your relationships.
• Some great questions for you to ask yourself are….Do I want to make her happy? Do I miss her when we’re apart? If you’re answers are no, then maybe it is time to move on. But, if your answers are yes it’s time to be patient and see where the relationship goes.

Tips for Women during the Indecision Phase
• Stay cool and calm. During this phase a woman starts to question if the man wants a relationship with her.
• Don’t try too hard or feel that you need to give back sexually. Remember, men want to please women. Let him do the work and resist the urge to start taking charge. Avoid calling him and texting him first. If he stops calling it is fine to call him once to say hi or thank him for something or ask for advice on something he has knowledge about (i.e. computers, cars). Don’t call him and start talking about your relationship or bring up the fact that he stopped calling.
• Don’t start asking questions about the relationship and where it’s going. This is huge…let me repeat…Don’t start asking questions about the relationship and where it’s going. If you start this line of questioning he will pull away.

3. Commitment Phase
The Commitment Phase begins when the relationship becomes mutually exclusive. You both stop dating other people and focus on developing your relationship together. This is a time to get to know each other better without the distractions of dating other people.

Tips for Men during the Commitment Phase
• Don’t assume the chase is over; this is a time to master dating skills and be the best mate you can be.
• Don’t stop planning and asking her out. Romantic gestures remain very important.
• Even though you’ve put a lot of effort in already, it’s imperative that you continue. Men often think the work is done at this point and they become passive. Continue to put effort forth and be creative!
• Compliments make women feel special, so don’t become complacent or withhold compliments or affection.

Tips for Women during the Commitment Phase
• Don’t make the mistake of assuming men will automatically know what you want. Men aren’t psychic; they don’t have a sense of what we want unless we ask. This can be frustrating for women. Just know that it’s alright to ask for what you want. Men like having clarity in this area.
• The key in this stage is to continue receiving and avoid too much giving. When you are giving, men mistakenly think you are fulfilled and don’t see the need to continue giving.
• Appreciate him for who he is and know that trying to change him will likely sabotage the relationship.

4. Discovery Phase
During the Discovery Phase, you open up to each other and reveal more personal thoughts and feelings. At this point, you can let your guard down and open your heart. This phase involves being open to give and receive love. More flaws or imperfections may surface. In addition, you will feel connected on many levels at this phase. It’s no longer superficial or just a physical connection. After navigating this phase it will be clear to you if you are dating the love of your life. On the other hand this phase may be the conclusion of your relationship.

Tips for Men during the Discovery Phase
• Women will start sharing their feelings and thoughts during this phase and it’s important that you react with support and love.
• Know that it’s normal for women’s feelings to fluctuate. Don’t take it personal or feel that you have failed if they aren’t happy every minute of the day. Just continue to listen and provide emotional support.

Tips for Women during the Discovery Phase
• Keep in mind that men don’t express their feelings as freely and easily as women do. Therefore, responding to your openness and fluctuating feelings doesn’t come naturally to men.
• Also know that men sometimes experience inner conflict during this stage due to feeling as if he is giving up his freedom on some level. He may pull away when this happens; the key is to give him space.

5. Partnership Phase
In order to reach the partnership phase, you have completed the previous four phases. At this time, you are confident that you want to spend the rest of your life with your mate.

Tips for Men and Women during the Partnership Phase
• Master relationship skills.
• Master communication skills.
• Negotiate your differences.
• Prepare for married life through pre-marriage counseling, or coaching.

For more information about the Five Essential Relationship Phases or to learn more about the benefits of working with a dating coach, you may contact Renee Duren by visiting www.atlantadatingcoach.com.

Renee's Online Dating Profile Tip's featured on Fox 5 Atlanta

2012-02-02T11:02:00.003-05:00

When It Comes to Online Dating, It's the Profile: MyFoxATLANTA.com

Five Steps to Effective Communication with Women

2012-02-01T16:06:00.000-05:00

Becoming an effective communicator requires engaging women with active listening. Listening requires a mix of verbal and non-verbal signals, such as nodding or asking follow-up questions. What differentiates active listening, however, is the thoughtful, measured response to what she is saying. You will be amazed by the reaction you get when you practice active listening. Unfortunately, few people really listen to what others have to say, so when someone feels heard it can be quite powerful. By following the steps below, you can improve your communication skills with women through active listening.

1. Engage in the conversation

This requires the listener to make the conversation the primary task. If necessary, put other activities on hold in order to focus more intently.

2. Process the content of what the speaker is saying

Identify the underlying emotions or concerns that the speaker is trying to convey.

3. Demonstrate interest through body language

Maintain an open posture and make sufficient eye contact. It is also important to maintain silence while he is talking.

4. When she has finished speaking, summarize what was said

Then identify the emotion that was conveyed. For instance, if she is talking about a difficult work project, an active listener might respond, “Wow, that seems very challenging. It sounds like you’re really frustrated.”

5. Resist the urge to comment further

She will then feel comfortable to elaborate, or to correct a misidentified emotion. Keep feelings and opinions in check, unless she invites feedback. This step is paramount to active listening, since it means the speaker leads the conversation.

What makes active listening effective?

Although active listening may seem like a collection of “tried and true” listening strategies, it is in fact a very deliberate, procedure-based method. The strategy has been applied in countless scenarios, from Fortune 500 boardrooms to refugee camps. Active listening is so versatile because it improves mutual understanding and depersonalizes sources of conflict. Therefore, it is highly successful for building strong communication between men and women.

· When engaging in active listening, the listener does not offer advice or opinion

People are less likely to respond negatively if they do not feel they are being judged or lectured.

· An active listener invites the speaker to clarify or reinforce emotions or opinions

Active listening encourages the speaker to elaborate and share more information.

· Active listening cuts down on misunderstandings

Through asking open ended questions and feeding back what you’re hearing, the speaker has the opportunity to correct or clarify any misinformation.

How to Get Back in the Dating Groove: Tips for Men and Women in Their Prime

2012-01-26T21:29:00.001-05:00

1. Get Ready

Before diving into the dating pool head first, take time for self-reflection. You will save your time and the time of others if you make sure you’re ready for a relationship to unfold. Here are a few questions to get you started:

· What did you learn from your last relationship?

· What worked for you in your last relationship?

· Are you carrying any excess emotional baggage from past relationships?

· What are your reasons for dating now?

2. Get your Feet Wet by Exploring Internet Dating

Try free online dating sites to get an idea of who‘s out there and get a feel for how online dating works. If you like the concept, join a paid online dating site to meet more commitment minded singles.

3. Update your Look

It may be time to revamp your wardrobe and get a new hairstyle. This can also help in moving forward after a failed relationship. Out with the old and in with the new. Be yourself. Choose clothing that reflects your style with a modern twist.

4. Put Yourself Out There

In addition to internet dating, there are a variety of ways to meet other singles. Join a group with mutual interests (i.e. hiking or cooking), try speed dating, or join a singles group through your church.

5. Enjoy the Process

Don’t forget to have fun! You’re going to meet people that you don’t connect with, enjoy the date and move on. Take this opportunity to go out with people that don’t fit your “type”. For example, if you always date brunettes; go out with a blonde. Don’t rush the relationship. If it’s your first date since a failed relationship, take your time and move slowly.

6. Be Authentic

Explore who you are and discover what your needs are. Stay true to your values and needs. Don’t feel like you have to compromise who you are or what you need in a relationship.

7. Learn from a Master

One of the best ways to start dating again is to hire a dating coach. A dating coach will teach, support, encourage and empower you during your dating journey. For more information about the benefits of working with a dating coach, contact Renee Duren by visiting www.atlantadatingcoach.com.

Choosing Love

2011-08-01T13:01:00.001-04:00

Love is more than a feeling, it is a decision. It is selfless, sacrificial and transformational.

Why do people wind up with mates that are so wrong for them?

2011-06-30T10:12:00.000-04:00

So many people wind up dating and even marrying someone who is not right for them. I believe this is a result of thoughtless dating or unconcious dating. It can start with physical attraction, lust or simply loneliness. One or more of these can cause a relationship to begin but alone, lacks components necessary to maintain a meaningful, long-lasting relationship. Unfortunately, one person in the relationship actuallty feels a deep connection with the other. However, the other person in the relationship gets caught up in one of the superficial components previously mentioned and the relationship continues.

A Woman’s Guide to Communicating with Men

2010-12-12T23:10:00.000-05:00

Five Steps to Effective Communication

Becoming an effective communicator requires engaging your date with active listening. Listening requires a mix of verbal and non-verbal signals, such as nodding or asking follow-up questions. What differentiates active listening, however, is the thoughtful, measured response to what he is saying. You will be amazed by the reaction you get when you practice active listening. Unfortunately, few people really listen to what others have to say, so when someone feels heard it can be quite powerful. By following the steps below, you can improve their communication skills with the opposite sex through active listening.

· Engage in the conversation

This requires the listener to make the conversation the primary task. If necessary, put other activities on hold in order to focus more intently.

· Process the content of what the speaker is saying

Identify the underlying emotions or concerns that the speaker is trying to convey.

· Demonstrate interest through body language

Maintain an open posture and make sufficient eye contact. It is also important to maintain silence while he/she is talking.

· When he/she has finished speaking, summarize what was said

Then identify the emotion that was conveyed. For instance, if your mate is talking about a difficult work project, an active listener might respond, “Wow, that seems very challenging. It sounds like you’re really frustrated.”

· Resist the urge to comment further

He/she will then feel comfortable to elaborate, or to correct a misidentified emotion. Keep feelings and opinions in check, unless he invites feedback. This step is paramount to active listening, since it means the speaker leads the conversation.

What makes active listening effective?

· When engaging in active listening, the listener does not offer advice or opinion

People are less likely to respond negatively if they do not feel they are being judged or lectured.

· An active listener invites the speaker to clarify or reinforce emotions or opinions

Active listening encourages the speaker to elaborate and share more information.

· Active listening cuts down on misunderstandings

Through asking open ended questions and feeding back what you’re hearing, the speaker has the opportunity to correct or clarify any misinformation.