If I Wrote a Blog...

5 year old wisdom

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Tue, 19 Jan 2016 17:20:00 +0000

When you need some encouragement who do you turn to? Your spouse/significant other? Mom or Dad? Best friend, maybe? Your dog or cat?

I'm happy to say I have many encouraging people in my life but one in particular is my niece. She is more wise than most people at just a mere five years old.

She has my whole heart and keeps me going even when I want to give up - and she doesn't even know she is helping.

My sister sent me a picture of her "I have a dream..." board, in light of MLK day and the upcoming Black History Month. She wrote, in her five year old handwriting, "I hope to be a doctor" and "I hope to read doctor books."

Now, I don't know about you, but my first thought was, "Good luck, kid!" But then I instantly retracted that thought from my head and replaced it with, "She can and she will if that's what she wants because this kid can do anything." She believes and has a faith like none other.

And after thinking about it a minute, how cool is it that she was able to speak her goals so freely...without the fear of being judged? That's awesome! When I started my boutique people were in awe and wonder. They had no idea it was a dream of mine. And that's really sad...Not being able to freely talk about your goals because someone, somewhere ruined it along the way. I still get a little shy about it, but I'm working on that!

Her innocence is golden and her dreams are like a breath of fresh air. Because of the surety in my niece's statement, I know that we can all do anything. She says she wants to do those things, and she will. I say I want to be a successful mom, blogger and business owner and I will. Surround yourself with people who encourage and lift you up, who tell you that you are pretty even on your worst days, who speak life into your dreams and who lend an ear when you need one.

Oh, and be that person to others!

Adult Nightmares

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 16:08:00 +0000

Aren't nightmares the worst? You would think an adult would be able to shake it off and get right back to sleep right? Wrong.

I know why I'm still awake at 3:30am... And surprisingly it's not my husband's snoring... It's because this wasn't just a scary dream type nightmare, it was a blast from the past that brought back all sorts of awful feelings and lots of emotion.

Because of this nightmare, I'm wide awake, reliving the day a person I cared for very deeply drove off in a U haul after being in an on-again, off-again relationship. "That's not so bad," you might be thinking but this person left me heartbroken. I woke up and immediately felt those same feelings. I am sad that I allowed that to happen to myself, knowing full well that the relationship was going no where. I feel angry at this person, again. I feel like I need to reach out to all the young girls in the world and tell them to be strong, bold, and smart.

Sure, I was warned, but how awful that something from so long ago still effects me.

It has prompted me to send my son an email to an account we set up for him (during normal daytime hours). I plan to explain the whole situation and explain how and why I was hurt so badly.. I don't plan on ragging on this person and don't mean to now. I just want my son to understand how wrong it was for this person to let things go as long as they did, as intimately as they did, all the while he knew he wasn't going to stay or even ask me to go with him when he decided to relocate. Hopefully he can glean something from the story... like how making decisions to be with someone or not and how a particular decision, that can potentially have a lasting effect on someone, is not to be taken lightly.

It's not the person I am missing, it's not even about missing anyone or about this person at all. It's simple - guys- don't lead girls on. It's not nice. It hurts a lot. And it effects them for years to come (sadly). And that really sucks. People are fragile. They bruise easily, even if they tell you otherwise.

I asked this person to never contact me again if they decided to drive off that day. He drove off. We communicated via linked in once... and his attitude was that of someone who didn't realize the weight of what they had done. Since then I haven't even thought about him, but the hurt is still there. But why is it so painful? It's just the principal of it all. No one deserves to be treated that way. I should have been stronger and wiser at this point in my life, but I wasn't.

My only wish now is hopefully someone benefits from this post somehow.

It's okay to walk away from something knowing it won't workout. It's so hard. So so hard. But God totally has a million other things waiting for you that are ten times better than anything you can imagine. If even the slightest thing feels wrong, please move on. Don't force anything because you have your whole life to work at a marriage with someone who is deserving of your time, attention, efforts and love. Plus, if you do move on before getting hurt, you won't be where I am years later, wide awake at 3:45am reminiscing about all the ways you saw it coming and all the heartbreak that came with wanting something that wasn't worth it. However, I am also counting my blessings and realizing for the billionth time how eternally grateful I am for the man I get to call my husband and father to my son. He is a wonderful example of a man.

And goodness if this isn't the truth...

Thirty & Thriving

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 20:41:00 +0000

I'm writing this a few days early because it seems like everything else for my husband's 30th birthday has been put off or put on hold. I also know deep down, this is the best gift I can give him...A kind word of affirmation is one of his strongest love languages and one I fail at daily.

To my husband on his birthday,

While I know that I may drive you to your wits end more often than not, please know that my love for you has no bounds. I have made many mistakes in my life and since being your wife but marrying you has never been one of them. I am proud of your hard work and support of our family, your drive is second to none. I am thankful for the unconditional love you show me and baby G, what an amazing example you are to our family, and without it you surely would have kicked my butt to the curb by now. I am in awe of your willingness to try when things are tough since it's usually me who is pushing back and making things worse. I am so lucky that your patience and tolerance is greater than most, you make our home a whole lot calmer and I know baby G is a happy camper because of it. I appreciate your support of my goals, dreams and ambitions no matter how off the wall or crazy they may seem.

You are my everything even though I know you shouldn't be.

The past year was pretty uneventful when compared to others we've shared together. Unfortunately for you, I thrive on events and milestones (and maybe some chaos) so this one was a little rocky as I stirred the pot many times, ultimately creating unnecessary drama (no surprise there). However, through all the messes I've made, you've stuck by me and continually taught me new things. I learned this past year that even though you are my husband and one of my best friends, you aren't required (or supposed) to be my counselor, teacher, mentor, boss, coworker, peer, subordinate, maid, babysitter, cook, chauffeur, personal assistant, priest, father, or my sole-source-support-system. That's why God created community.

I'm sorry if I have ever made you feel inadequate. You really are my perfect portion...I just get greedy and needy sometimes, my issue - not yours.

There are so many things you don't realize you're signing up for on your wedding day, so many vows taken that aren't stated. This year, I vow to only ask that you be my husband and G's 'dada' and I promise not to overstep that boundary. Even though you are more than capable of being all things to all people, I want to bring the stress notch down a few and enjoy the next 100 years with you. I also promise to practice what I'm preaching... words of affirmation are on the top of my gift list to you accompanied by intentionally showing you love in all the other ways you receive it! I vow to listen with my ears open and my mouth shut, to try to be as tidy as possible (I said try), and to trust your 'husbanding' skills above my own stubbornness.

While personally I feel that 29 was an incredible growth year for you and us, I think 30 is going to be your best year yet. You've accomplished so much, so hopefully I can contribute to the greatness that I know 30 will bring you.

Many wishes on your big day. I love you with everything that I am and everything I want to be, simply put - your wife (and baby momma).

Here's to being thirty and thriving!

A Mom, A Sister and A BFF....

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 20:39:00 +0000

A mom, a sister, and a BFF walk into a bar...

Not really but I guess that could be real life?

I recently posted about how my husband cannot be all things to me. To fill in the huge gaps, I have my mom, my sister and my BFF.

My mom, my sister and my BFF are three people I don't praise enough. While my husband, my son and my dad are rightly deserving of my time, attention, and love riddled posts, these three women are three of the many pillars that hold me up.

My mom is like that old friend - you know, the one you don't have to see or talk to all the time but is there when you need her. Conversations with my mom, when there are no distractions and there is a significant topic to cover, are fruitful, calming, comforting, and usually eye opening. We don't have the picture perfect mother/daughter relationship ie. we don't take selfies together. We butt heads. We tell each other things in not always pleasant tones. However, we both know that we love each other with everything we have. I know that I can call her, day or night, and rant or rave about any number of things and she will listen and provide the best feedback (even if it's nothing at all). We understand one another. We stick up for one another. We support one another. We listen to one another. We help one another.

My sister is in a category all on her own. Not because she is just THAT fantastic, but I think sisters deserve their own category. She is different than a mom, and not quite like a BFF. She comprises many of those two people in one - maybe it's because she is older??? This woman is like my "mom-idol". She is seriously the best at all things baby and she is the most creative and involved teacher I know. There is no way in heck I would have survived "mom year 1"...and my son's birthday party would have looked like an epic pinterest fail without her. I look up to her because of our differences... there are many. I've learned to embrace those differences because that's when I learn the most. I like to think we compliment each other...maybe that's because I'm younger? We will never be the same and I wouldn't want it any other way. She keeps me rational, sticks up for me, validates my complaints, lets me make mistakes, is there for me when I do, and I can always count on her to boss me around... even as I approach the age of 30. I wouldn't want it any other way.

My BFF is not your run-of-the-mill kind of girl. She is a selfless, transparent, empowering, and an all together beautiful human being. The amount of "real" I can be with her may be scary to some, but it is such a relief, and it's not just because I've known her half my life. Knowing she can easily call me a selfish brat while at the same time making me feel like a million bucks (which happens about 4 times a week) but finds a way to do it with such grace, is pretty damn special. But on the reals, her friendship is one of a kind. Her ability to uplift, help rationalize, and lend a listening ear is second to none and HOPEFULLY she feels the same about me. This BFF thing should definitely be 50/50. If you don't have one of these, pray for one, because everyone needs one!

The common denominator in all three of these amazing women, is their importance to me. I am very thankful for them, their love and their support. They each bring a special element of perspective into my life and have all taught me so much about "things" and myself.

New Year's Eve Bash

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Sat, 02 Jan 2016 20:04:00 +0000

I haven't put up many recipes lately but since I was so impressed with my NYE spread, I thought I'd post a few. Part of my feeling of accomplishment stems from the fact that I made all this yummy goodness while Mini G played, snacked then slept... I was even able to clean up for our get together! I am getting the hang of this working mom thing. I really thought I had stretched myself too thin NYE because I had to go grocery shopping and I had scheduled a haircut and a visit with some family. However, it all came together so nicely and even before our guests arrived!!

Aside from feeling like super mom, the stuff I made was legitimately delish and easy. Here is the finished product before our guests brought their snacks:

First up... Caress bites! So easy... Use a toothpick and skewer (lot of skewering going on in this post FYI) half a cherry or grape tomato, a folded up basil leaf, and a chunk of super fresh mozzarella. Not pictured (because I forgot to do it)...Drizzle of balsamic vinaigrette. Done and done.

Next Cheese tortellini skewers (told you)... Boil cheese torts, use some EVOO so they don't stick when you drain them, let them cool. While they sit, mix some light Alfredo sauce and some pesto together. Equal parts will work. Skewer the tortellini (4) and refrigerate everything until time to serve. You could serve them warm, too!

Then there is the basic Guac, store bought, sorry, but HEB's is the best!!

Next, the spinach bites; these were my fav!!! Defrost a bag of organic chopped spinach and get out as much water as possible. Finely chop a medium yellow onion. Melt 1/2 stick of butter. Beat 6 eggs. Combine spinach, eggs, onion, butter into a bowl. Also add in half a package of stuffing mix (chicken or herb flavor), 1 cup of Italian mix shredded cheese, garlic salt and pepper (eyeball it). Roll into 1 inch balls, bake at 350 for 20 mins!

Next is a fun twist to a party staple- lil' smokies. Wrap the smokies with strips of turkey bacon and skewer (last time) with a toothpick. Top with brown sugar (as best as possible) and bake at 400 degrees for 20 mins. I used 1 1/2 packages of lil smokies and one package of turkey bacon. The first batch was eaten so fast I made the rest shortly after they were gone.

I set out some basic picante sauce with scoops.

Last is a Greek dip. It. Is. Perfect.

2 regular size tubs of hummus (I used garlic flavor because garlic goes hard in my household) spread across the bottom of a glass baking dish. Sliced and quartered seedless cucumber goes on next. Then add diced tomatoes. Next you'll layer on some kalamata olives, feta cheese, and some chopped parsley. Such a pretty and super tasty dip. I love how it's not traditional and it was a hit. It was served chilled with pita chips but it was so flavorful it could have been eaten with celery!

Okay, enjoy!

Happy new year!

Loneliness isn't just for those who are alone

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Mon, 28 Dec 2015 21:49:00 +0000

Loneliness is not just a word that describes those who are alone in the world.

You could be surrounded by hundreds or thousands of people and still feel lonely. You could be single, without children, away from family and not feel the tiniest bit lonely. Loneliness for an introvert is the opposite of loneliness for an extrovert. Loneliness may be a feeling of longing or the act of removal. It can effect those who have a ton of friends or none at all and visa versa. Loneliness is different for different people.

No matter what it looks like or feels like, loneliness is not something many WANT to be or feel. It is also not something that most people ask for. Why in the heck would you? Loneliness can creep up from scary, dark places. It is on the Devil's side. It can bite you in the behind before you even know it. It can have an adverse effect on your relationships and your livelihood. It can beat you down to a pulp. It can whither you away to dust. Loneliness downright sucks... and it can suck the life right out of you.

If I could develop a product and write an infomercial for a cure to loneliness it would be called, "Community".

"Community" would be described as: a one in a million, tailor made per individual, solution that includes the communication and interaction of one to an infinite number of humans at any given time of day for any given amount of time to help aid in the following:
- Increasing the desire to do life
- Developing higher quality relationships (not increased quantity)
- Practicing accountability
- Learning how to be a better partner
- Understanding what it means to be a good friend
- Bringing you closer to the Lord

Ultimately eliminating loneliness for good!

Side effects would most certainly include - laughing, crying, eating, talking, listening, sharing, enjoying, living, consoling, confiding, benefiting, texting, joking, growing, and so many other wonderful feels that simply are not compatible with loneliness.

Oh wait... community does exist. The hard part is creating it. Take a leap of faith and create community in the new year. Don't fall for the #NewYearNewYou BS.... Face the new year and become a more fabulous version of you along with those you want to form community with. Go to dinner, share in a sport, host people at your house, join a small group or create your own, call or text someone, REACH OUT! I guarantee you, the first person you think of is crying out for community, too.

You won't fail, I promise. God is on your side! Here is to 2016.

Can't Stop, Won't Stop...

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Tue, 01 Dec 2015 16:38:00 +0000

Well, I did it. I started my own business. It is an online women's boutique! I've only shared this dream of mine with a select few people and it's finally becoming a reality!

I did all the right things before starting... I had the idea, the passion, I sent prayers and consulted with my husband. I had the most realistic dream about it, read a book and some articles....then it hit me like a ton of bricks, pushing me right over the cliff... and so began LucyGrant.

I'm working on the website...I've purchased inventory... I've researched and advertised and set up all sorts of accounts... I've taken pictures and posted and reposted... But, I haven't made it big yet... YET!

Starting a business is truly a test of many things.

My patience has been tested
My self confidence has been tested
My faith has been tested
My abilities have been tested

But...

I know in my heart this is what I want to do. I know that through this new adventure, and trusting God, that I'll be able to glorify Him and His goodness.

Now for something you might not know...

I want to utilize my new business to inspire women. I want to empower them. I want to spread beauty and love. I want to help build up, restore and encourage. Self image, self worth, self confidence are all MAJORLY important to me. My hope is that, through LucyGrant, I will be able to reach the hearts of many and help them to know their worth in His name via encouraging messages, a new blog, and maybe the sale of a few pieces of clothing... in His name and not in vain.

The Struggle is Real

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Tue, 01 Dec 2015 15:02:00 +0000

I don't know about you but I am the kind of person that needs to constantly keep moving forward - in all things: work, relationships, goals, life in general... but this poses a problem when the one thing I truly desire more than anything is relationships with people.

"Why is that a problem?" you may ask.

Mainly because, and this may come a shock to some as it has to me, but not everyone craves relationship. Come to find out, many are OKAY with moving on from whatever relationship they had with you. Whether is be an ex-boyfriend and the horrible break up that was had, or leaving a job and the coworkers you cared about, losing a friend for one reason or another, or realizing that people are comfortable with their current group of "people" and aren't interested in expanding... it sucks no matter what the circumstance. Maintaining, mending, and fostering relationships is hard work.

I also know there are two sides to every story. Maybe someone did try and then they gave up. That makes my little heart sad. I've had to give up before and giving up is not something I deal well with, even if it is inevitable. Maybe it's a "closure" issue... but it's a nagging feeling and it's very hard for me to accept that something has come to an end.

With the holidays upon us, take the time to reach out to someone, make an effort to make amends, offer support, lend an ear, or simply take the time to say "hello". This can be a very lonely time of year for many people.

Update: currently realizing that 1. I may have been nixed from a book club I was part of and 2. Even reaching out to an old friend re: a topic you used to find great joy in sharing, may not prove to be fruitful. Really praying for understanding... These circumstances, while they may seem small to some, are very hard for me. But this is real life, and even though I know some parts of the "why," I may never fully understand....

Merry Christmas!

Over it.

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Fri, 27 Nov 2015 16:37:00 +0000

I've read one too many articles about stay at home moms (SAHMs) versus working outside the home moms.

It truly is ridiculous some of the things that are thrown around as truth.

Here's some truth for you... We all work hard, we all are doing the best we can in our situation, we are all making sacrifices every day!

Do you think you deserve to be held up on a pedestal because you're a mom?? Is that what you thought you signed up for when you got pregnant? Do you feel entitled?

News flash!!! No one gets a gold star or medal. Your sacrifices are part of the territory- whether you stay home or work outside the home. I learned that real quick. You sacrifice so much for your little(s) and husband... Your family.

Think of the proverbs 31 woman- look how much she did for her household! She had a servants heart, contributed to her household (whether she had a job or stayed home) in so many ways, was her husband's biggest fan and support system, she was logical and methodical and was the foundation of her household.

Did you think it was going to be a cake walk? Do you think God gave you more than you deserve? Wrong! You're in the exact place He wants you.

Being a mom is hard work. Period. End of story. You don't get to breeze by "Go" or collect $200 just because. This isn't monopoly and you probably don't live on Park Place Ave.

Get with the program... Dig down deep into that servants heart of yours... Pray for clarity and understanding in your situation and know that where you are, is exactly where God wants you. You're not better than anyone else in any situation. You do you, and no one else.

You're a rockstar momma!!

We have a 1 year old... Holy!

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Tue, 13 Oct 2015 19:51:00 +0000

Time sped up the moment our little was born.

I have no idea how 12 months flew by, but they did.

Some days I didn't know if I would make it through the first year, and other times I felt on top of the world.

My husband and I were challenged in ways we never thought possible - how much we could love another person besides one another, how many times we would say "no", the ways we would deal with each other, and how we chose to parent.

It is important to remember the good and the not so good... here is what I want to remember.

How alert he was as a newborn
His "O" face
The way his head was shaped by the vacuum
How beautiful his eyes are
The way his hair grew in, like a toupee
His dancing and wiggling when music comes on
His first steps in his 10th month
The way he throws himself, arms wide open, at people
When he shakes his head after being told "no-no"
The time he climbed up on the fireplace
How contently he will sit and listen to a story
The moments we share while nursing
His blow out diapers and some of the craziness associated
Bath time and his love for splashing water everywhere
The way he says "mom" and "dada"
How he points at stuff and says "dat"
His infectious laugh
How he throws balls then waves his arm
When he says "ah da" for "all done" and waves his hands
How surprisingly easy it was to sleep train him
When he got his first two teeth at 3 months old
How excited he gets when he is on his little trampoline

And I'm sure there is so much more.

The one thing I want to remember, above all else, is the amazing feeling of unconditional love and being able to see it and be reminded of it on a daily basis

Let them Grow

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Wed, 12 Aug 2015 21:14:00 +0000

I love to see our friends babies growing up via pictures on facebook. Pregnancy and growing humans is a fascinating thing. We should all know by now that facebook isn't exactly our best friend and that sometimes it can be our own worst enemy. I say this because, as much as I love to see all the baby posts, it makes me truly sad when parents boast about their child's abilities when it's far beyond what a child of that age should be expected... Here are some examples:

- babies walking when their bodies aren't ready to walk
- babies eating foods their tiny bodies can't process
- babies being overweight and thinking it's okay

It is scientifically proven that babies of certain ages can't handle the weight of their body. It's also scientifically proven that their body can't handle certain food. Their tummy is tiny! And yes, we all love a chubby baby, but boasting about how chubby your child is probably isn't teaching them good eating habits for later in life... Give them a chance to be little. They can't tell you that they can't handle certain foods or their development may be impacted by your encouragement for them to be grown.

I don't know if it's because social media has everyone subconsciously competing, but why would you want to encourage certain behavior so early that will lead to bad habits later? You're the adult. You're the example.

Let them crawl and discover. Let them learn how to pull up. Don't give up if you're able to breast feed. Let them take a bottle filled with primary and essential nutrients (not necessarily breast milk) longer than 6 months. Let them eat pureed food when they are ready. Let them learn how to digest and how to ask for more or less. Let them be little. Let them grow.

Be encouraging, but be mindful of the facts.

If they are a natural walker - great!

If they naturally have a large appetite - awesome!

But please think before you encourage - let them develop and evolve. Let them grow. When you do, you're teaching them so much more!

Becoming child-like

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Wed, 12 Aug 2015 20:48:00 +0000

I've noticed something lately. I've begun to understand, more and more, what it means to have child-like love and faith. My son teaches me so much at 10 months old!

I fear that as we get older, we will revert back to old ways and over time will not be the best example for him. So...

Here are a few examples that I've been meaning to document as a reminder for myself during those times when I find myself behaving less than Christ-like:

- the way my son beams with an ear to ear smile when one of us walks in the room ... We should do the same. It's inviting and makes you feel so important. On the home-front, the first 30 seconds after getting home from work dictates the way the rest of the evening may go!

- his need for affection ... Get those endorphins up!

- his adventurous spirit ... Sure he may not be able to fly so crawling off the couch isn't ideal but, his inhibition and high level of trust is second to none. He is learning to protect himself during the process of discovery.

- his lack of stranger danger ... It's so awesome the way he opens up to people and makes himself completely vulnerable while also being aware of where mom and dad are ... Relationships are so important to him already!! His trust and faith in people is astounding.

Choose Joy

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Mon, 06 Apr 2015 15:43:00 +0000

So lately on life with a baby… people ask “what’s new?” and all I can say is, “everything and nothing at the same time”.

It is the weirdest thing… post-partum… For those who haven’t experienced this or haven’t quite recognized what it is they are experiencing, it’s the most BS thing ever.

Our life is beautiful. Our little tea cup life is overflowing, daily. We want for nothing. But there are those moments. Those moments the devil creeps in and takes over. Where, even though there is absolutely nothing wrong, my world seems to be in pieces. When the sun is covered by the moon and life is just plain dark. When the laughter stops and tears flow. Where fear, anxiety, and depression wiggle their way deep into my marrow. And the worst part of all, is there isn’t a reason for any of it.

There is always tomorrow. Right? On “those days” (the bad ones) I cling tightly to the hope of a tomorrow, of a do-over. Tomorrow isn’t always quite as bright as a few days before but it isn’t quite as dark as it could be. But some days, and some weeks are as bright as I’ve ever seen!

I coined the phrase, “everything and nothing” when a friend asked what had been going on with me lately. That’s how “this” feels and even though it sounds negative… it’s almost encouraging to me. I see it like this, there could be so much of the bad going on (everything) but yet none of it is real and none of it should steal my joy (nothing) because right now, or at any given moment, I am all things positive and good.

On days when a little black rain cloud wants to follow me around… I will choose to see the sun, to feel joy, to find my happy.

The best part, is it doesn’t have to be hard…there is good all around me!

Anxiety ridden

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Mon, 30 Mar 2015 11:32:00 +0000

I've been struggling with anxiety the past few months. Ok more like 9 months. I think I've always been somewhat of an anxious person but I've recently discovered how fearful I am, too.

I'm so scared of so many things that it's inhibiting me from enjoying the blessed life I lead.

I'm scared of failing.

I'm afraid of the unknown.

I'm fearful of taking chances.

I'm reluctant to change.

And it's effecting my livelihood and my relationships.

I'm 27. I am blessed in so many ways. That I am sure of. But, I just want to remain in this same state. I want to remain 27. The weird thing is that I used to thrive on change.

Fear is an insecurity like I've never known. Being unsure of things you used to be so confident in, is a terrible feeling. And it's something that can make you feel so lonely.

For one post in my life, I'm leaving it at this. I'm not going to self help my way through this. This is something I need to work through. Not get over.

And maybe someone can relate and feel comforted by this post without feeling like they need to fix themselves. I would love to help but I'm still working on me.

So for now. That is all.

I'll cry if I want to...

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Mon, 09 Mar 2015 18:17:00 +0000

Finally, it's acceptable to be a baby about things!!!!!!

Check this out... "Big Girls Do Cry"

I'm so glad someone wrote about this and I really hope everyone takes note. You have to admit, after a good cry, you tend to feel better. There is no point in trying to "keep it all in" or "hold it all together" - you'll only feel worse and it may cause you to get sick (it may even cause your appendix to rupture, as in my case!!!).

I never cried. Then, about 4 years ago, I hit rock bottom in my life, my appendix DID rupture and I have been a "crier" ever since! It really has helped me deal and process all the crap that happens and the shhhtuff that tends to build up. It's just like anything that requires routine maintenance. Being a crier doesn't mean you're weak or a push over.

I attribute the act of crying to the following positive traits I'm happy to have developed:
- I'm a better friend and have more authentic, real relationships with people
- I may cry more but I deal better when life throws curve balls
- I feel more alive because I allow myself to FEEL more
- I am more sensitive to those around me and less self-centered
- I am healthier, I have a better self-image, and an increased self-worth
- I feel that I'm a relatively accomplished and successful twenty-something

Yea, I still have a ways to go as faring being the best me possible. However, I think becoming a cry baby truly did play a significant role in getting me from where I was to where I am now.

So, grab a tissue (and maybe a bottle of wine) and let it out!

Your daily dose of unsolicited advice

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 01:45:00 +0000

Since I know mommas-to-be just love hearing a new mom's opinions on being a new mom... I'm sharing all the things I found invaluable, wish I had known, and have learned in baby G's first five months of life. And you're going to love it. Hence the sarcasm?

- you have never been a mom and they have never been a baby, so you really can't screw it up - amen to that!

- forget sleeping when the baby sleeps. Sleep when your spouse or someone else can watch the babe

- your kid will not hate you or be psychologically damaged if you do the cry it out method of sleep training

- sleep train. It's a sanity saver.

- the crying stops eventually. What may seem like an hour will probably only be 5-10 minutes

- ask a trusted source anything and everything. Read less

- only book recommendation- On Becoming Babywise

- everything, good and bad, is amplified after baby comes

- hormones. You still have the crazy ones for a while

- your hair may fall out. You won't go bald.

- breastfeeding may hurt at first. Keep at it. It stopped hurting after about a month. You may just have a ravenous eater (like me). Don't give up

- pump as much as possible to build up your supply. Even ten minutes after feeding baby to trick your body into making more!!

- take fenugreek

- it's ok to be a milk nazi

- you're still a good mom if you formula feed

- you're still a good mom if you work and put your kid in day care

- if you find a good day care, they will love your little like you do (promise!)

- the witching hour. It's a real thing. It sucks. But it's manageable and doesn't last forever

- your relationship with and appreciation for your spouse will intensify

- nose Frieda. Cool mist humidifier. salene drops. Teething tablets. Gas drops. <<<<necessities. Get duplicates

- don't stop living your life. The baby will adapt and learn to fit into your family. They have to since they are now part of it!!

- you're the parent. You teach them everything. Behave yourself.

- the first month kinda sucks. Well, it's just not all rainbows and butterflies but everyday gets a little better and more fun

- husbands... Constantly encourage your wife. It's the best thing you can do!

- 90% of crying, if a baby has already been fed, is because the baby is bored/restless, has a tummy ache, or is tired - you will make it through!

- on average babies get 8 colds in their first year. It's ok if they get sick. They will build up immunities!

That's all I got for now. You're welcome for this unsolicited blurb!

Let Them Be

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Tue, 03 Feb 2015 15:51:00 +0000

Recently I've overheard and have been involved in conversations where the subject was children misbehaving. We all do it... There is always a bad kid. We might even have a bad kid (as difficult as it may be to admit). I used to be a bad kid to some degree (hard to believe, I KNOW!). But the baffling part about these conversations is that these kiddos dubbed "bad" really aren't at all.

I know we all have opinions of what constitutes "bad", and you're entitled to that opinion. Let's consider the facts though...

A little boy getting exited while playing with his momma at a social gathering, away from most everyone - not bad even if his voice gets a little high... He is 3 years old. Deal with it.

A little girl at Christmas time trying so hard to practice patience while waiting to open gifts - oh yea, and she is all about the magic and spirit of Christmas. Not bad. She is totally entitled to be a kid at Christmas. She is s true example of joy and happiness anyways, so we should be taking note... not reprimanding her.

A little girl at a restaurant talking a little loudly. Engaging with the waiter and her family - not being "bad". she wasn't running around the restaurant or disturbing other people. She was being a child... a contributor to society in training. Her family hushed her a few times, but they never got upset with her... and they didn't need to.

Of course, there are teachable moments that pop up all the time when it comes to kiddos, but we have to remember that suppressing a child's ability to be themselves is only doing more harm than good. They are still "in training". Our words and actions carry an incredible amount of weight to a child. If you have an outgoing child, let them be outgoing but teach them to be polite about it. If you have a kid who loves to play and use their imagination, encourage them but teach them to play alone at times. Coming down on a child, scoffing at children that aren't yours, thinking a kid is "bad" when really they are expressing themselves - so not cool. All we can do as parents is use the "bad" moments as opportunities. Do your best as a parent and the rest will fall into place... and forget what the rest say.

You can even forget all of this, for all I care :)

My hope is for Grant to feel empowered to explore all of his personality traits, in a Christlike way... even if he gets out of hand from time to time. He is only 3.5 months so we have while :)

Update: the reason I wrote this is not clear. I wrote this because when I hear people talking about seemingly "bad" kiddos it freaks me out that Grant will or is a little terror in their eyes. But that's when I have to remind myself that those kids aren't awful. By any means.

Please watch what you say around mommas. We are, especially new ones, absolutely freaked out about doing everything right and don't need to hear your opinions of what constitutes a bad kid. Because more often than not, those kids are perfectly fine in being their perfect mini selves.

The Newbie's

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Thu, 22 Jan 2015 22:22:00 +0000

It's already been a month since my last post. I know exactly why it's taken so long...So many times I catch myself wanting to blog about our parenting adventures or about our life but something keeps holding me back.

TBH- I really feel like there would be a wave of criticism because we aren't seasoned parents. Like we haven't been through it long enough... We don't have any "street cred" and are still "newbies". But in all actuality, intuition is an awesome thing. It still amazes me the things we have accomplished just by relying on each other and a few trusted sources. Our little is thriving and growing and he is happy and active. We are doing something right and so often I want to share in our successes!!

I guess the real reason I hold back on parenting advice is the same reason I hold back on relationship advice. Like love stories, all babies are different and everyone will have a different experience raising their baby. My only advice for new parents is- You've never been a parent and your child has never been a baby so it will take a combined effort and understanding to make it through each day.

(PS- no new mom wants to hear "sleep now because you never will again!" Or any of the other typical one liners about becoming a parent)

I've found that offering encouragement is often much better and more helpful than trying to be a know it all or a Debbie downer. Let's face it, I definitely don't know it all. And whenever you feel like a Debbie downer, remind yourself that every day is a new day. Every day is a learning opportunity. Every day I get the chance to watch our son develop and grow and learn. It's pretty exciting times in the W household.

And then comes the daily reminder to myself... To be patient in all things. With my husband when he does something different than I would have. With my son when he isn't behaving the way I want him to. With myself because I can't be perfect and I shouldn't even try to be. It is stressful enough being a new parent, don't exacerbate the reality! Enjoy every moment because you may never get an opportunity quite like it!

Baby got Baptized

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Mon, 22 Dec 2014 03:41:00 +0000

We had a spectacular past few days. Doing "Christmas" with friends and family, going to TWO movies, hanging out for a friend's birthday, and most importantly the baptism of our little!

It was such a special day for us and we were blessed with the company of so many that we love. Baby's baptism was proof of how big and important our job as Christians really is. We are His light and His love to the world. It's our responsibility to be the best example of Christ to others and especially our children. And like our Pastor said, live like nothing is impossible with God at the center of our lives.

This is something I should know all about! God allowed my dad to go through something so crazy just to prove to us that He is in control and that, no matter how badly we want to understand, sometimes we just may not.

It's really disappointing how worked up we can get about the very things that we should be the most prayerful about. We cannot change our circumstance. We cannot control situations. We cannot fix everything. We are doing ourselves a disservice when we try to do these things. We are only frustrating ourselves more when we don't let things go and allow God to do what He wants. His will be done, remember that? Yes well, we should remind ourselves that an explanation isn't always attached to His will. We just have to pray our way through it. Lift up the issue and trust that He knows what he is doing. We can't allow our circumstances to dictate our behavior and how we treat others and ourselves.

We don't get a pass to be ugly because our life seems awful. We don't get a pass to act foolish because we don't like what's happening at the moment. We don't get to blame bad behavior on the present situation. Plus, we should know that nothing is permanent and "this too shall pass". Our days are numbered, we should live like it.

We have to be an example of Christlikeness to the world. Remember that, the next time you want to throw a fit because things aren't quite the way YOU think they should be. I know I'll be reminding myself that more and more as my son grows and has me to look at for his example.

Don't be a Grinch

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Thu, 20 Nov 2014 18:15:00 +0000

I've been pretty disappointed lately. Disappointed in how people treat each other. If you're in your middle-late twenties or over, you have to grow up. It amazes me, really, how some just never learned what it means to be nice, kind, caring...and they seem to totally have missed the mark on learning when to keep their mouths shut. It's like this day and age we live in is all about speaking out and letting your voice be heard and screw everyone else - heck, I have a blog don't I? But for real, I can't help but wonder when some will truly understand when to grow up and show up, treat others with respect (not just in romantic relationships), and act like dang adults.

But it's sad, you know? It's sad that people can be continually manipulative, self seeking, totally consumed by their own life that they don't even notice others around them, don't care who they hurt, and certainly don't attribute any of their behavior to being "bad". Even in their efforts to become "good" they only become more vain and self centered, acting like the world owes them something.

When I see those people doing what they "do", and unfortunately they are all over the place, all I can hope is that I'm not right there with them, wrapped up in my own self. I think of all the reasons they may be like that... maybe they are self conscious, maybe they grew up thinking success meant doing whatever it takes, maybe they are the ones hurting and don't know how to deal or ask for help, maybe success to them is much more than it is to me, maybe they really have no idea they are hurtful, maybe they are so stuck in their ways due to self validation that they are blind to reality... It's really too bad... because when I think of those people, I think of how many more friends they could have if they trusted more, how much more content they would be if they would stop comparing themselves to everyone else and stop trying to get ahead, how much happier they would be if they weren't always trying to win an argument, and how much more pleasant they would be to be around if they didn't think the world owed them something.

When going through the motions of the holiday season try to remember that this life is only temporary. (I'm reminding myself, too!) Who needs presents when God gave us the Fruit of the Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Show love, find joy, have peace, and show patience, be kind and good - not just at Christmas time, be faithful to the One who made you, gentle towards those around you and exhibit self control of all worldly things. Be aware of those described above, love them but don't let them consume you or bring you down. Be genuinely interested in others, invest in your relationships and foster new ones, open your home and your heart. You'd be amazed at how good you feel and how content you are with the life you have.

And remember, don't be a Grinch, because one day you may run out of time for your heart to grow.

God chose you

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 21:48:00 +0000

My husband likes to send me things throughout the day. Sometimes they are funny vine videos or memes or interesting articles. Then there are those times he sends a video or article that catches me off guard and sends me into full on meltdown mode.

He sent me this video today... Grab a tissue mommas

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uyWADizqtHk&feature=youtu.be

Garth Brooks sings "Mom"

What a sweet song! I hope that's the conversation God had with our sweet boy. I hope he always knows that our love for him is endless.

Something else to take away... You were chosen for your child. So when you think you've got it all wrong, when you feel like nothing your doing is right, or when you feel like you have no idea what to do next... Remember that God made you a momma to your child(ren)...biological or foster or adopted or unofficial or however you're a "parent", God chose you for that person (little or big, brand new or grown). If you're waiting for God to choose you, keep praying.... He has someone or a few little someones lined up for you!

PS- He is also our instructor and the bible is our instruction book. Oh and Google.... Google is helpful!

PSS- I think my husband likes to make me cry!

Have a love filled weekend!

Cracking the Baby Code: Lesson 1

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 22:20:00 +0000

I was texting a good friend, also a first time mom, and I had an "Ah-ha!" moment...

G and I couldn't figure out what the deal was with Baby G. One night he was really fussy, it didn't last long (seemed like hours but was really only 10 minutes) and the next night was ok. But then it happened again the third night and the crying lasted a little longer and again the fourth and, well, you get the picture... What had happened to our perfect little sleeper baby?!?

We tried everything we could and came up with every reason possible to justifiy this uncharacteristic behavior. I just knew I had him figured out already so there must be a reason for the fussiness. Right?!?!

It happened around the same time each night. The crying wasn't inconsolable but it was exhausting for all three of us. It wasn't colic, it wasn't reflux, it wasn't hunger... After a few nights of guessing and trying different things, I reached out to a few people... I was at a loss.

Then the "ah-ha!" moment came.

There isn't a formula for babies. There isn't a "this" plus or minus "this" equals "no more crying" or "happy baby"... Sometimes they just cry. Sometimes they are overstimulated. (And did you know that overstimulation can be just having the tv on, being held too much or looking out the window too long... Who knew?!?!) And sometimes they are tired. Turns out there is something called the "witching hour" and that's precisely what's been going on.

As alert as our little bundle of goodness may be, he still requires lots of sleep. Allowing him to be awake is all fine and dandy until the "witching hour" when it all comes crashing down in a big, crying, red faced, back arching mess. Thankfully it isn't colic and he still sleeps through the night (except to eat) but man is the "witching hour" rough.

Today he has taken his appropriate naps and has gone back to the little sleepyheaded newborn we are used to! Until about 3 months, I think we will be doing all we can to keep him this way. Makes for a much happier baby, momma and daddy.

But in the mean time, and even after the 3 month mark, I have to keep reminding myself that there isn't a formula and that babies have moods just like adults. Maybe I should have renamed this- there isn't a code to be cracked...There are going to be days where I have no idea what the heck is going on and others where it seems like I'm doing everything right. And as much as I love looking at our son's big beautiful eyes, those peepers need to be shut more often than not. Sleep is fuel for baby's healthy growth and the key ingredient to mommy's sanity.

One day at a time!

New Mom Thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Sat, 18 Oct 2014 19:02:00 +0000

I'm the mother of a beautiful little boy

That thought hits me sporadically throughout our busy days of eating, sleeping and diaper changing.

Thank God he is an easy baby. He sleeps well and eats well and I'm so thankful I'm able to breast feed.

But...

The crying thing is real, by the way, hormones are an evil, crazy thing. However, this parenting thing is scary and overwhelming. He relies on us for everything. Not to freak out anyone who is considering procreating. I'm assured the crying stops and eventually the hormones even back out, allowing me to return to some state of normalcy. I have credible sources- other moms. Some thoughts - many confessed to my husband during a crying spell

1. The overwhelming feeling to protect him from everything

2. How frightened I am that he will get sick or hurt in anyway

3. How lost I would be without my husband and his ability to deal with my crazy better than I can

4. What would I do if I lost one of them- don't watch sad movies or this will be hard to get out of your head

5. The difficulty of the demands of breastfeeding - I know why women don't breastfeed now

6. Trying to decipher a cry and understand the baby

7. I can't believe what we made, a perfect, beautiful little person- a miracle

8. How lucky I am to have a husband and friends and family who love and support me and this tiny being.

9. I just want to be the best mom, wife and friend I can be

10. How crazy it is to love two people so much... More than you ever knew - I mean, my boobs grew but my heart definitely did too. I feel like the Grinch on Christmas Day!

I'm here to remind myself and anyone else that needs it, to take one day at a time. Cherish each moment of your life and those in it. Don't worry about the future. Live for today... God tells us tomorrow isn't promised so there's reason enough to listen.

To all the new and veteran mommas... Keep up the good work. You're the perfect mom for your kids. Trust that.

Now... Back to loving on my sweet new baby. Oh and changing his diaper :)

The Big Nursery Reveal

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Sat, 04 Oct 2014 22:05:00 +0000

The moment all (maybe not all, but some) of you have been waiting for... Baby G's nursery reveal!!!

Fully equipped with diapers, diaper station, toy storage, dog gate, growth chart, bookshelf, couch for mom and dad, play rug and convertible crib!

We wanted it to be something he could grow with, not something we would have to change in a year. It's sophisticated, slightly nautical and most importantly - a nice balance of baby and chic. Cool greys and deep blues with hints of red... it's a pretty peaceful space. The best part is, we had a lot of this furniture already. The big purchases were the storage unit and crib. I redid the dresser, it was mine growing up, and we had the couch! My dad built the bookshelf - very thankful for that. Our favorite part is probably the rug. We make everyone who comes over take off their shoes to feel how incredibly soft it is. I imagine lots of play time on that carpet!

All we need now is the baby!!!

Enjoy! (Special thanks to G for taking the pictures... he is proud!)

Adventures in Pregnancy - Week 35

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Walker) — Tue, 02 Sep 2014 01:42:00 +0000

So at 35 weeks pregnant, I'm realizing everyday that, for many things, it may be my last for a while.

I know I have 5 weeks to go and thankfully I'm not bed ridden or immobile by any means but this is what I mean... Several times I have caught myself thinking, "The next time I do this we will have a baby" LIKE...
- My last hair appointment
- Our first and probably my last time to go sailing for a while (but maybe not!)
- Scheduling the dog's last groomer appointment for later this month
- Our last baseball game
- Our last outing to a certain restaurant
- Etc...

Then there is the list of things planned that I realize are AFTER baby arrives and I think, "When the time comes for said event, the baby will be here!"
- The oil change on my car....exciting
- Halloween
- Holidays and planning where we will be
- The neighborhood fishing tournament
- Work projects
- Etc.

But still, 5 weeks seems like such a long time. So I look forward to little milestones to help pass the time like, the next doctor appointment, when my parents will be able to visit next, an event we are going to with my in-laws, work meetings/events.

This was a successful Labor Day weekend. This time 2 years ago I was in Corpus Christi. I met a lot of G's friends that weekend, went to a concert at concrete street, and spent Sunday at the ski canals where G announced to everyone that I was his "girl". This time 1 year ago we were married and had just purchased our new mattress and bed frame. How thankful I am for that bed frame!!! I sleep so well because we can raise it up like a hospital bed! This year the weekend was rainy but today was nice. We went for our first sailboat ride on my FIL's sailboat. We also spent the weekend running errands, putting together baby G's crib, and finally we hung things on our bedroom walls. My how times have changed... but my how much sweeter these moments are becoming. Thankfully there was no actual "labor" happening this Labor Day.

I'm pretty nervous about going into labor, no lie. I know I was made to do this and I was blessed and called to be little man's momma...but delivering a child is pretty frightening for someone who has never done it before. Also when everyone's experiences are SO incredibly different, it's hard to know what to anticipate. We are both incredibly excited, though. Every day closer to 10/8/14 is another potential Labor Day for us!

Happy Labor Day (I can't believe it's already September!)