Random musings

Generosity

2023-12-29T13:33:00.000-08:00

Ever met a stingy person? Not in terms of gift giving or spending, but people who are stingy with affection, or stingy with acknowledging the good in someone else? Chances are, we don't like such a person. Chances are, we are that person (Maybe, not to everyone but to someone).

I have been thinking about how one of my main triggers for the past year has been ingratitude. Like when you do things for someone, but they either blow it off or don't value it. When they find things to complain about and never have a good word to say.

When we are around generous people, it lifts us up. They raise us to be better versions of ourselves. I recently read a quote which stuck with me, "If you don't like what you are reaping, consider what you are sowing".

If we don't invest in something, whether a person, a task or a relationship, it dies a natural death. That is just the way it is. Generous people don't rely on the reciprocity of their actions to be generous. In most cases, they are generous even when they don't receive anything in return.

If I look back at what I miss about my mom, among many other things, I admired her generous spirit. Many relatives from my dad's side of the family are selfish, and ungrateful people. My parents' let these folks stay in our home in Mumbai for many, many years when we were growing up. These folks rarely did anything to help my Mom and they took my Dad's help for granted. They barely acknowledged them after they went on to get jobs and be successful. They used them as a stepping stone and then disregarded them. I often think about how my mom not only put up with these people who she was not directly related to, but she never held a grudge or treated them poorly. Her generous spirit was part of who she was - it did not depend on what someone else did or didn't do.

As I'm finding myself getting more petty as I get older, I have to make an effort to get myself out of this negative state. Petty people are miserable. I don't want to be a miserable, petty person. God knows that we have enough of such people already.

No one is born petty. Many petty folks have sensitive hearts. Over time, we develop layers to shield against hurt, sometimes to protect ourselves. These layers make us hard and impenetrable. They protect us to an extent but also make us brittle.

To be vulnerable is an act of courage.

May God expand our vision to see generosity and have gratitude. May He protect us from careless words and manipulative actions. May He stop us from being callous people. May the coming year be filled with generosity in our own hearts and those around us.

The paradox of Forgiveness

2023-08-01T08:41:00.003-07:00

“We see life as unfair and ourselves as its victims. We focus on the offenses others have done against us. And we fail to realize all these offenses pale in comparison to our own offenses against God, who not only forgives us, but both requires and enables us to forgive others and move forward free from the past. We should forgive as God forgave us, not once but many times.”

This is the heart of God's forgiveness message. I wonder sometimes, what this means for victims. For people who are at the receiving end of others' sins. People dealing with years of trauma, abuse, neglect or betrayal. We all sin and fall short in many different ways, but forgiveness is more complex than that.

The offenses that are done against us are wrong, simply because they are like our own offenses — wrong because they are done against God. To imply that our pain is not real or valid because we ourselves have done wrong, would be to negate the entire human race and the wrongs we inflict on each other. The offenses of others do not “pale in comparison” for they are exactly the same — they are sin. Sin hurts, sin maims, sin destroys.

Scripture describes forgiveness as letting go of a debt, and letting God cover us with his righteousness. However, trust and reconciliation is not always granted.

There is a difference between those who sin in ignorance, and the wolves whose intention and motive is to harm another. This is usually with a blatant disregard for the hurt caused to other people, lack of remorse and unwillingness to change.

If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left. How much more severely do you think someone deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified them, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? - Hebrews 10:26-28

This chapter from the New Testament is a stark reminder to treat God's grace with reverence. Our actions not only affect our own lives but also land heavily on others, sometimes destroying individuals and families. If our testimony is that superficial, perhaps we have never understood God's grace.

Forgiveness does not mean a lack of accountability.

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. - Hebrews 4:13

We can disarm a misuse of forgiveness by properly understanding reconciliation. Reconciliation is not to be used as a means to stir the victim’s conscience and silence him or her. The proper response to injustice is repentance.

God does not coerce the vulnerable. Instead, he promises to defend them and heal them. The church must bear witness to that good news, so that forgiveness is not used to cover up sin.

Forgiveness is seeing offenders as God sees them. All of us act out of our own hurt and dysfunction, yet we are image-bearers of God, in need of grace.

“Until we have seen someone's darkness, we don't really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone's darkness, we don't really know what love is.” ― Marianne Williamson

All about self

2023-06-01T18:40:00.005-07:00

Self awareness is the art of understanding ourselves. Why we act the way we do, our thoughts, emotions, likes, dislikes, goals, feelings, who we are, what we want to become, where we want to go, our capabilities, and limitations.

Self awareness has been linked to the ability to make better decisions and informed choices. To create a life we desire and ultimately relate better to the world around us.

The desire to learn more about oneself is the basis of personality assessment tools like Myers Brigg.

I identify as an INFJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging) personality type. I remember reading about INFJs and feeling a sense of being understood. I have spent my life feeling like a misfit. I connect with people yet feel disconnected at the same time. I dislike being forced to do things in a highly structured way. My thoughts are abstract; I silently rebel; I can be opinionated, overtly idealistic, and stubborn but most people wouldn’t know these things about me.

While these personality assessment tools provides valuable insight, it can rarely describe a person fully. We are all intricately made, and have our unique traits. Yet, we are similar in our human-ness. Self awareness taken to an extreme can become a form of self obsession.

Sometimes, this self obsession expresses itself in the form of service. Like Thomas the tank engine, we ask ourselves, “Am I a really useful engine?” “Have I found my purpose?” “Did my purpose blow your mind away?” “How come you don’t serve the way I do, you lazy thing?”.

The answer to all these questions must be a resounding yes. We feel the need to propel ourselves into more intense service-based activity, all the while judging those who don’t meet our mark.

"He must become greater, I must become less". John the Baptist was definitely not talking about a wishy-washy kind of humility. This was more of a realization that any desire to puff ourselves up, looking for validation and feeling the need to be important, will never serve its intended purpose.

Maybe, we want to be known as people of faith, people of prayer, people who raise their kids well, people who are hard working, have integrity, people with authenticity and genuineness, people with talent and ability, people who are kind and loving, people who other people will look up to.

CS Lewis said it best when he described the anti-self-obsessed person -

Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man, he will be what most people call ‘humble’: He will not be always telling you that, of course, he is a nobody.

Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him, it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: He will not be thinking about himself at all.

Random life lessons

2023-01-04T12:03:00.004-08:00

I always start off the New Year with resolutions, most of which don't last for more than a few weeks. I recently heard someone talk about the lessons they learned from the previous year, and it seemed like a great form of introspection.

Here are few of my lessons from 2022 -

1. Don't be an insufferable know-it-all. No matter what encyclopedia of knowledge we have or our life experiences or wisdom, there is always something we DO NOT know. Be humble, teachable and open-minded. There are things to learn from every person, young and old.

2. Don't be an expert on someone else's life - We do not know more about someone's life than they do. So, listening is of more value than judging or giving unnecessary opinions.

3. Not everything that people claim is exciting is going to be enjoyable for you. Whether it's bungee jumping or zip lining or rock climbing or what not, just because the pictures look good doesn't mean it was a great experience for everyone involved. Be okay with being boring, if that floats your boat.

4. Don't inherit someone else's issues. We all have enough issues of our own. We can't be responsible for making someone else happy or take their mood swings personally. Another person's issues are rarely about you. Be caring, but don't try to be their savior.

5. Our bodies will tell us when enough is enough. Poor lifestyle and health choices, lack of rest and sleep will take a toll. There is nothing selfish about prioritizing yourself. Do it for yourself and your loved ones.

6. Our parents need love and support. Just because you are married, does not mean your parents are not important. Especially, as a woman, it is easy to be focused only on our own families, and not find time to give back to the people who did so much for you.

7. Relationships are complicated. especially when negative emotions are involved. It's easier to pretend or stifle. For a long time, I was under the impression that people must be honest with each other, but now, I think that some things are best left unsaid. We might be dumping our baggage on someone who doesn't deserve it.

8. Friends should be well-wishers. We meet all kind of people. In all probability, perfect compatibility is not possible. Friendships that are based on competing, comparing and jealousy are exhausting. Invest in people who want the best for you.

9. Perfection is over-rated. Looking for ideal relationships and keeping high expectations from people will most likely mean that we end up being lonely. People won't meet your expectations just like you don't meet theirs.

10. Live in gratitude. Let gratitude sink in and let it change you.

11. Assume positive intent. This is difficult for me to do especially when my mind is made up about something. Leave a person's true intent for God to fix and assume positive things about them.

12. We do not need to have an opinion about everything. I have yet to meet a person who was changed by someone's opinion. Actions matter more than opinions.

13. If someone asks for an opinion, give them an opinion. I have lived as a diplomatic person all my life, but there are certain things that must be said, so people know where you stand. Especially, if someone is willing to listen to an opinion. Do it out of respect for yourself and the other person.

14. Making someone else feel stupid will not increase our intellect.

15. Live life with integrity and stop playing games. We can get away with a lie, but we have destroyed something of value to ourselves by manipulating.

16. Old age should come with an increased sense of security and lack of feeling the need to be cool or be this-and-that. The "best" old people have aged gracefully.

17. Do not wait for leaders, do it alone. Do not adopt someone else's ideas of charity or service. If you agree with a leader's vision, support them or do what makes sense to you and do it alone.

18. Nature is healing. Everything about nature reflects God's glory. It is humbling standing at the foot of the mountain, or looking at the expanse of the sea, the setting sun, the cascading snow. Spend time outdoors.

19. Acknowledge your feelings, even the negative ones. You cannot heal from something you do not acknowledge.

20. Don't adopt someone else's version of spirituality. Whether this means going to that traditional church that is not open to different views, or a hippie church that everyone likes to judge or this perfecto church. Go to a church that makes sense for you and your family. We don't have to justify our choices. Ultimately, we are responsible for ourselves and the people in our family.

21. Find time for your hobbies. Do it in a non-performing and relaxed way. Things will stop being enjoyable when it is always about performance.

22. Social isolation is real. So is lack of trustworthy relationships, genuine connection, meaning and purpose. It has been the plague of the last two years. We have to start rebuilding somehow, in small, imperfect ways.

23. Don't live life looking at the past. All we have is "from now on". The past has served its purpose, as a treasure of memories and lessons.

24. Express gratitude, to God and also people. No one likes to be taken for granted and it is the least we can do to show we value a person.

25. Don't create imaginary problems for yourself and don't undermine someone else's issues, no matter how trivial they sound to us.

26. Don't try to fix people. Most people just want to be accepted and seen.

27. We want to do the right thing but it is easier said than done. This also means that we shouldn’t hold others to some standard that we ourselves can't achieve.

28. Be kind to yourself. There is nothing humble about being self deprecating. If someone gives you a compliment, accept it.

29. You cannot fix a problem by talking to a person about it, unless both individuals are on board with acknowledging the problem and wanting to address it.

30. God is not distant. Life is empty when His presence is missing.

Here's hoping that 2023 is a year of new beginnings.

Homeward bound

2022-02-07T17:35:00.001-08:00

There is this tree at the intersection of McCaslin and Washington. Every home around it was reduced to rubble from the Marshall fire. Yet, this tree. It is lit up with the Christmas décor placed on it before the fire.

At first, I found it haunting. But now, this tree with the little string of lights on it, is beautiful to me. There is this saying that the smallest of lights shine brightest in the darkness.

During these uncertain times, when we feel depleted and exhausted - maybe we somehow find in us these little lights. It reminds us that there is hope even through dark times - God is with us, with ALL of us, in ALL things.

If we believe that God's hand is only in the good things - what would we tell ourselves if things were to go truly bad? How would we remind ourselves of God's provision or God's love and protection? He is either present in ALL things or He is present in nothing.

This year feels like an extension of the previous year. The more we have held and tried to control things, the less we realize that nothing is in our control. It never was in our control, but we have somehow held on to this illusion.

As Thomas Merton writes,
"If we love God for something less than himself, we cherish a desire that can fail us. We run the risk of hating Him if we do not get what we hope for.”

All too often, we hear preachers and people explain away suffering with Bible verses or explanations. This can sound trite and exhausting to people who are in the midst of something painful. We probably will not understand suffering on this side of eternity. The 'prosperity gospel' claims that God favors certain people based on their obedience, or good behavior, or being chosen. This has been damaging and hurtful to the faith of many.

Maybe, miracles are in everyday small events. While we wait for some grandiose vision of how we can be impactful or how God will give us purpose, He reminds us that He is in these daily seemingly insignificant events.

Like, when we show up, being present and available for family and people around us.

I witness these little acts of kindness from strangers who could have gone on with their lives because none of this truly affects them. Yet, they show up daily - cooking soups, meals, delivering goods, moving furniture, sifting through rubble, caring, extending a helping hand.

This is perhaps what Frederick Buechner meant when he writes about these kind of people -

"Your life and my life flow into each other as wave flows into wave, and unless there is peace, joy and freedom for you, there can be no real peace or joy or freedom for me. Not the ones who are righteous, but the ones who are aware that the distance they have to go is greater than the distance they have already come. Who understanding of God's great mercy towards them also extend it to others."

One life on this earth is all we get, whether it is enough or not enough, the obvious conclusion would seem to be at the very least, we are fools if we do not live it as fully and bravely and beautifully as we can.

Small talk

2021-10-07T10:31:00.006-07:00

Whenever a group of people get together, sooner or later the conversation shifts to other people. Other people's lives, their choices, what they did or said or so on.

This kind of talk is usually harmless. Friendship is built based on this kind of small talk. Things like common interests, mutual likes or dislikes. Cliques are also formed this way. Unfortunately, this kind of talk is not always edifying nor useful.

Sometimes, it is downright harmful. We slander or gossip about people without a second thought on how it potentially ruins a person's reputation by spreading meaningless junk. Slander affects how a person is treated not just by the person who is saying it, but also by all those who hear it. Gossip is responsible for damaging relationships and breaking trust. Yet, this is neither acknowledged nor viewed that way.

We all need to process things. This kind of processing sometimes involves saying negative things about other people but this is not the same as gossip because at the "heart" of this kind of processing, we don't put someone down or look down on them.

For a long time, I assumed only women who have nothing better to do, sit around and gossip. This is certainly not the case. Men gossip just as much and as efficiently as women do. Gossip is an issue of the human heart.

Many a times, we gossip because it makes us feel better about ourselves when we see how much others "suck". Sometimes, we project our own insecurities on other people. Sometimes, we want to "pray", a.k.a. discuss someone else's personal information with random folks.

In reality, we rarely have accurate information about anyone. Our talk is based on half-baked assumptions and bias.

Sometimes, we gossip because we think it is true. Even if it were true, it would be much better to talk to the person directly and see if the negative thought process or issue would resolve itself.

Sometimes, we gossip because we need to vent. Or, the thoughts just fester in our mind. In such cases, there should be an understanding that this is just ‘venting’ and is to be taken with a grain or truckload of salt.

I don't consider myself a "heavy" gossiper but I'm a "passive listener", which is equally bad.

Listening to someone spout harmful misinformation and not feeling the need to defend or say something to negate it or express that you don't agree with what is being said, is as bad as agreeing with the gossip.

We are responsible for what we don't say, as much as we are for the things we say.

I have tried to disagree with something that is said a few times, but I have witnessed the conversation sizzle out.

You get this feeling of being excluded, as if you have to act a certain way to fit in or belong. You wonder if you are over-reacting and if you are offending people by being abrasive. So, you continue playing these kind of games.

What a terrible waste of time and a terrible way to live our lives. Few friendships would survive if each one knew what his friend says of him behind his back.

"Misery loves good company, so if we are surrounded by drama, gossip and fools, we may want to consider that we are presently at risk of becoming one of them. It is a sign of perverse and treacherous disposition to wound the good name of another, when he has no opportunity of defending himself."

Baby soft skin

2021-07-21T11:47:00.006-07:00

Lately, I have been thinking that people have been in our lives for a reason, season or a lifetime. Typically, most folks fall in the first two categories. The "lifetime" people are maybe family and a few people here and there.

When Dev taught Sunday school, many of those kids were a huge part of our lives. Dev was heavily invested in them and cared for them, way more than a typical teacher. Gradually, he drifted away from what he used to do and these kids grew up and became adults and moved on with their lives.

Someone once told us that when you invest in these Sunday School kids, they will grow up and be there for your kids. I think this is mostly untrue. These young adults barely even know that my kids exist, let alone being involved in their lives.

Also, this is an unfair burden and expectation to place on them. Firstly, they are trying to figure out their own lives. They don't really have the headspace or inclination to be involved in someone else's kids' lives. Secondly, most of us are pre-occupied with our own lives. Thirdly, they are at a stage where they connect most with their own age group. To take that kind of effort would involve more commitment than most are willing to make.

I started thinking about this because of my two kids - my son couldn't care less about who talks to him or who doesn't whereas my daughter is sensitive to all the social cues.

Naomi will often come and tell me about how this aunty or uncle didn't talk to her, but they talked to so-and-so and ignored her. Or, she will say something similar about some Chechi or Chachan at church. I have to remind her and myself that they are past the "cute" baby stage. This would probably be the best time for her to figure out which grown up has time and affection for her, and then not take such a person for granted. Because, such folks are rare and precious.

I can't say that I remember many prayers that have been prayed by people, but some prayers stick with me because of what is said. I heard a preacher pray about having "baby-soft" skin on his heart. I thought that was strange but when you think of it, it makes sense because I think our life experiences make us hard-hearted. It isn't done at a conscious level. We don't think of ourselves as hard hearted but we are in many ways.

We build walls to protect ourselves but these walls finally enclose us and stop us from living the life we are supposed to live.

Jesus was deeply saddened by hard hearts - Mark 5:5

What do hard hearts look like?

A continual resistance to forgive and a lack of grace for others.
Anger, bitterness and resentment left un-checked and undealt with.
Spiritual pride, believing your way is the only right way, becoming unteachable and thinking everyone else is wrong.
Inability to apologize, shifting blame to others.
Distancing from God, people.
Lack of empathy - refusing to see how actions and words affect others.
Self protection, building walls.
Holding a magnifying glass to others' sins and downplaying one's own.
Refusing to admit one's brokenness, and refusing the gift of grace.
Apathy, indifference towards others. Mostly concerned with own lives.

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh". - Ezekiel 36:26

God wants us to acknowledge the hardness in our hearts. To witness a renewed heart with baby soft skin is a thing of joy.

The serious business of heaven

2021-03-07T15:51:00.009-08:00

CS Lewis in one of his books describes "Joy as the serious business of heaven". Yet, a typical Christian is anything but joyful. There is always this sense of gloom and worry hanging over our shoulders.

We rarely encourage any outward expression of joy in an Indian church service. Mega churches are at the other extreme, where there is almost too much of everything and noise, and then that may be interpreted as joy.

There is a solemness, almost insipid way of doing things in a traditional church. Maybe it's just me, but sometimes it feels like going through the motions. Not only do grown ups act this way, kids are expected to do the same.

Kids must be obedient to their parents, the elders and follow all the rules of the church. They must sit in one place, not move or talk or do anything to distract from the church proceedings.

Sometimes, I wonder if we teach our kids to go through the motions as well. It's like we teach them that the church experience is devoid of intellect and there is no heart involved. It's like being in this state of vacuum and expecting something positive to come out of it, even if the kids don't understand or relate to a single word of what is said.

Sometimes, church becomes like a clique where like-minded people form a group. If you agree with their ideas, you are in. If you don't, you are out. The leaders themselves are unaware of how to be inclusive and accepting of people. We are fed versions of "Ask not what the church can do for you, ask what you do for the church".

People even point to Jesus and say that he observed Jewish traditions, went to the temple and was an "obedient" boy.

It's not uncommon for one church denomination to look down on the other. Papa's side is Marthomite and the people from his side of the family would say things like, "Marthomites have rejected the heresy from orthodox churches, and we are doing what our forefathers taught us to do well". My mother's side is Jacobite and they feel the same way that they are somehow morally superior. It's not uncommon for Protestants to look down on Catholics and Catholics to think that their church service is "new and perfect worship". Isn't this all general silliness that we use to puff ourselves up? None of this has any semblance to reality.

We spend all our lives putting on masks to hide reality and our imperfections. We love to hear other people's stories so that we can "pray" for them but rarely does anyone want to talk about their own struggles. And, we are shocked at yet another "good" preacher who led a double life. He or she spent their entire life perfecting this mask. Do we want any different? I don't think so.

The early churches were more organic. I think children had the freedom to be children, to move in and out of their seats - they were not expected to act perfect. Corporate worship is sometimes just that - corporate.

It makes sense that the preachers and people would want less distraction, but the whole idea that structure and order precedes everything else is somewhat ridiculous. The notion that we can somehow manipulate our children and people to act a certain way is short lived and delusional, at best.

I know this kind of fake obedience because I can do it well, if I choose to do it. I can easily go through the motions, do what appears right, and be a people pleaser. But, the direction of the heart and mind is a different issue in itself.

Can obedience really be joyful? Can it be true? If my heart and mind is convinced that everything that God asks me to do is good, I would want to do it because I see sense in doing it, for my own sake.

This kind of obedience is not concerned with putting on a show, or trying to meet people's expectations. It is the result of seeing, experiencing, and witnessing the work of God in my life and the lives of others.

I don't want a lacklustre kind of obedience from my kids, nor do I want to raise them as robots. I am fully aware that they might not have any kind of faith without structure or being told what to do.

At the same time, I hold on to the hope that when they do have faith, it would be genuine and heartfelt. May they never fall into this cycle of doing things in a mindless way.

Work

2021-02-11T11:42:00.004-08:00

We spend a great deal of our life doing work. Not just work, as in a job but work as in our day to day tasks or to-dos. Especially, as an adult, the things that constitute as work grow exponentially.

In a family, there are tasks that a husband does and things a wife does. It differs greatly in each family. Ideally, each individual can do things that they are good at, so it doesn't seem like such a burden.

In some families, where the man has a patriarchal mindset, he may consider kitchen duties like cooking or cleaning beneath his dignity. The same can be true for a wife - when she views kitchen duties as inferior. So, there is this struggle and imbalance of power.

I enjoy cooking. I grew up in a family where both my parents cooked and were good at it. It is also common in Bombay for neighbors and friends to cook and share tasty treats and recipes with each other.

It's hard to explain this to people who might see me cooking and think I'm slogging away in the kitchen. This isn't true in my case, because I find cooking relaxing and it is an outlet for creativity.

Sometimes, work can be mundane, tedious or routine. For example, driving to places. It is one of those things I do because it has to be done. Navigating to unknown places stresses me out. I also dislike manual labor like snow plowing, lawn mowing, dragging heavy things around the house to re-organize or what not. I know of people who do these things with ease and very well.

As much as we dislike certain tasks, it still needs to be done. This is part of being a functioning adult and doing our part to not contribute to imbalance. No one looks at a dirty toilet and thinks to themselves, "Oh, nice! I get to clean this".

The problem is when adults start acting selfish and dump all responsibility on one person. It's like they spend their entire lives being lazy and getting other people to do things for them. A dysfunction is created when each individual does not pull their weight in the family.

A sluggard's appetite is never fulfilled, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied - Proverbs 13:4

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. - Colossians 3:23

We often talk about service at church but the majority of our life is spent outside of church. Service begins at home.

Farewell 2020

2020-12-27T14:01:00.003-08:00

We are reaching the end of this weird and eventful year. The tree is up, decorations are out but the festive cheer is absent. 2020 has been a trial for many of us. Some of us have lost loved ones, spent days in the hospital, relationships have fallen apart - friends, loved ones have suffered.

We spent the first part of this year planning our big vacation after 4 years of waiting to visit India. I thought we would visit Papa and spend time in Singapore as well. Instead, all our plans were disrupted and we had to cancel our trip. Papa had very little help during the pandemic. He managed his day to day activities, without the luxury of having his kids nearby, or the option to stay at home and be safe. By God's grace, he stays resilient.

We saw this kind of resilience all through the lockdowns and social distancing. Doctors, nurses, healthcare, postal, transportation, sanitation, grocery, essential workers. Many of these workers did their jobs with grace and fortitude.

We watched in amazement as schools and teachers re-invented themselves, learning technology and tools that were alien to many of them. We watched as the kids and older folks were isolated yet they adapted to this new normal.

Technology firms, Engineers came up with innovative solutions to complex problems bridging gaps and lack of communication caused by social distancing, providing tools and resources to serve others and simplify their lives.

We juggled our way through our schedules - managing work, home, kids, school and adding a puppy to our already chaotic schedule.

Many things have slipped by the wayside for me - whether it was reading the Bible (which I didn't do as a chore but more as a source of rest and centering my thoughts). I rarely find time to read the Bible these days. My prayers have become sporadic. I miss not being able to go to Flatirons church by myself or with my kids.

I also feel the weight of mental instability that comes from not prioritizing things that are important. My mind has been in this funky state for quite a while now and I attribute it to not prioritizing my spiritual life.

Maybe, this is different for different people. We can never put God in a box. People experience God and mental peace in different ways. But, we must spend time finding out, what those things are and then prioritize those things. If we don't, life becomes this monotonous humdrum of meaningless activity.

This year has been marked with a mixture of tears and smiles, elation and disappointment. I'm so grateful to have the option of spending time with the kids and family at home. I'm grateful that my employer lets me balance work and home.

I'm grateful that while people are surprised that I haven't lost my job, I was still able to do my work to the best of my ability and receive an 'exceeds expectations' rating from my employer. This hasn't happened that many times for me, in my past jobs. God knows that I needed the encouragement, because I certainly cannot manufacture that self confidence for myself.

As we look at what it is to come in the future with hope, with caution and optimism - May the coming year be filled with reminders of God's goodness and grace.

“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” Psalm 43:5

We can “cast our care upon him”, “let our requests be made known unto God”, and accept His “peace that passes all understanding”. Knowing that we have a loving heavenly Father who desires to care for us and provide for us, should give every child of God a reason for true optimism.

Incoherent ramblings

2020-12-10T09:04:00.003-08:00

Why do Malayalees always want to add extra characters to a person's name? Anita is not ANITHA. This is totally cringeworthy! I would much rather be called Ani or Annie. As if, having multiple kids with matching names like Messy, Busy and Jessy wasn't enough, we also change the spellings randomly.

Also, you don't get to call people Uncle and Aunty if they are the same generation as you. If you don't have a real Aunty or Uncle that age, you don't get to have an imaginary Uncle and Aunty. Calling people Uncle and Aunty when they are not old enough to be your Uncle and Aunty is not respectful, it's just lazy. I remember the look of horror on my poor Mummy's face when a lady 2 years younger than her called her Aunty. My sweet Mummy was nice enough to just smile and respond.

When in doubt, stick to Chechi, Chachan or Amamma. To break this down, look for an age difference of 15 years and above before calling someone an Uncle or Aunty. I used to think that only ABCDs from America are clueless about this, but people from India are much worse. Also, most of us are not as young as we think we are. We are dealing with generation 'Alpha' since 2010. Millennials are considered 'Old' now. :)

I cannot keep track of the number of times I have heard things like 'Don't make her mad' or 'It's always the quiet ones who are dangerous' or 'You never know what she is thinking' and what not.

What about the crap that quiet people put up with from people who have no reign on their tongues and pass off rude jokes as funny? You would think that people should be okay with a quiet person getting mad or expressing an opinion, every once in a while, but NO. That apparently makes people very scared and suspicious!

Also, all quiet people are not the same. We have our unique personalities, and idiosyncrasies. Don't club all of us in the same bucket. The only similarity sometimes a quiet person has with another quiet person is that they are both 'quiet'.

On a different note, why is that when people talk about sin- it's always telling someone else what to do or pointing out others' sin? Which of us will tell God, "Oh please God, judge my sin"? Which of us is willing to stand under the weight of God's judgment? Isn't it high time that we extend grace to each other and learn to walk humbly?

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”

—Jack Handey

Stupidity

2020-11-02T17:26:00.010-08:00

We all experience loneliness in varying degrees. Most adults will admit to feeling lonely, sometimes even when surrounded by people, acquaintances or friends. While it is fairly easily to connect through social media, hosting get togethers and parties, it is hard to truly form a genuine connection.

Though I’m not the most social person, I am still in contact with my childhood friends from India. My parents would occasionally interact with my friends’ parents but it never occurred to them to interfere with kids’ friendships. This in in stark contrast with the playdate culture we have in America. Here, the kids friendships' depend on the parents’ dynamics. The kids don't even have the luxury of resolving their own conflicts because parents will most likely micromanage that too.

This added to the insular culture in America. Friendships, when they happen can seem superficial. I would count myself fortunate even if I have a few friends who genuinely care about my kids. People who take the time and effort to communicate with them and care.

"The only way to have a friend is to be one."

A seemingly simple concept, which I think our parents generation understands better than us.

My husband probably experiences this void due to lack of meaningful friendships more than I do. Sometimes, he will try to invite people home or text them to keep in touch with them. Usually, the other person puts in zero effort to either sustain the friendship or even maintain contact.

Maybe, it is part of me being in my glorious 40's - I have increasingly no motivation to keep in touch with such folks, unless I sense at least some effort from their side.

Our generation shouldn't be surprised at our loneliness. We do not have any idea on how to value people or do even the minimum it takes to maintain relationships. We shouldn't be surprised at teenagers or young adults who are self absorbed, because we haven't taught them any different.

It's almost easier to teach a Sunday school class than it is to be involved in the life of someone else's child. And, I can speak for my kids, when I say that - they tend to like those grown ups and Chechis or Chachans who actually take the time and effort to show them that they care.

I'm not sure why I feel so negatively about these things these days. It would be so much easier to live for the day and stop having unnecessary expectations.

To top all this, we have the world's most stupidest election and all the weirdness on a daily basis surrounding that.

Christians are the most annoyed about how useless bums are going to steal all their hard earned money and how America is going to be so socialist and terrible.

We intend to solve complex issues of poverty by crumbs of personal charity rather than supporting government policies for reform for the underprivileged.

We will excuse blatantly wrong behavior by using fancy prayers by fancy preachers in the White House. We will also tote our Bibles and carry our guns because obviously Jesus loves both.

We will dismiss genuine concerns and hurt caused by racism in black communities by branding ‘Black Lives Matter’ movement as a troublesome organization.

On the other side, we get to decide which pronouns we want for our kids. We can choose from "he, she, it, they” and what not.

We will use silly slogans like ‘defund police’ and ostracize an entire community of good cops who weren’t willing to take a stand against bad cops in the first place.

We let women terminate pregnancies without any input even from the father. Or, we force women to carry to term those pregnancies which put the woman’s health at risk.

We get to argue about who built the cages and who put the illegal kids in it and why all of this was totally needed and justified because of the law abiding citizens that we are.

If we think that God approves of any of this nonsense, we must be a special kind of stupid.

Inside every cynical person is a disappointed idealist.

2020

2020-07-09T15:20:00.002-07:00

To say that 2020 has been crazy is an understatement. It started off with a virus that brought the world to a standstill.

For all our human intelligence and science and medicine or vaccines or whatever else we have to offer - we stood powerless when confronted with something unknown and of this magnitude. The best we could do was to stay home and wait for this thing to pass, while the scientists and world leaders try and figure this out.

When the vision is 20-20, one can see clearly. I wonder if the year 2020 also means that we should start seeing more clearly or at least try.

As if the virus wasn't enough, the disregard for human life and dignity whether this is based on race or color of skin or country of origin or legal status. People treated poorly, their voices unheard, their issues pushed aside as insignificant.

We are now aware of this, because information is freely available, via technology (though many do not see value in technology). An average person has proof and can demand justice because of a cell phone, data or media at his fingertips. Knowledge and power do not belong to a select few anymore.

We might find all of this annoying and remain unaffected since it does not concern us. We could brush this off as political which it very well might be, but none of this is new.

We could also perhaps attempt to take the smoke screen off our eyes and admit that there are many things in the world that are terribly wrong, which we might never understand on this side of eternity because we don't walk in someone else's shoes.

Many have been proclaiming "Faith over Fear" and disregarding recommendations for wearing masks and social distancing. It is ironic that the masks are not about the individual but more about protecting other people - the immuno-compromised and the older folks.

I wonder if we proclaim "Faith over Fear", based on our convenience. We don't have any indication that God is telling us to disregard rules put in place for protection.

If people during Noah's time had the same attitude, they would probably venture out during the flood proclaiming faith. Maybe, faith should also let us sit in a burning house without the need for fire extinguishers or leave our front door unlocked since we would never get robbed. I guess there is a fine line between faith and stupidity. While we can't let fear run our lives, we still have to exercise our God given wisdom and caution.

After spending the past few decades in America, I have come to the conclusion that Americans are not as racist as the other nations. In other parts of the world, racist tendencies are stronger. Most Americans want to do what is right, and many take up causes and express dissent about discrimination, more so than other nations. The capacity that the American people have to recognize issues and seek change is commendable.

In India, the caste system is just an excuse for treating each other poorly. Law and order is non-existent. You can get killed for eating meat. Police brutality is expected as a norm. An Indian may come to America and point out what is wrong with America but remain blissfully ignorant to issues in India. Or, an Indian may come to America and point out what is wrong in America because they recognize the wrong from their own experiences.

An average Indian is less entitled than an American because we have to work hard to do well in a nation of one billion people. Putting education aside or making poor choices because of freedom is rarely an option. Putting all the blame on white people or a country for their issues and not accepting personal responsibility is an easy thing to do but not helpful, by any means.

May we never reach a place in our lives where we KNOW everything. A person who stops learning is stagnant and ignorant. We have a great deal of things to learn from each other. Let us not blindly follow or support a group, a political party or a cause when they do wrong. Not a single one of us has it all figured out. That's why we pray and seek and ask God for guidance, each and every day.

Let us be willing to learn and unlearn and ask the hard questions. That is the beginning of change and progress. Just like a kaleidoscope, maybe each one of us has some understanding on a subject that is greater than the other. That is why - together, we are stronger.

A teachable heart
A willing spirit
A bendable will
A loving attitude
This is a woman guided by God
And this is who I want to be

Unchanging

2020-02-12T15:08:00.002-08:00

Change is a good thing. Especially, when change involves aspects of life, personality or habits that need to change.

When there is no change, a person becomes stagnant. It's like doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. That is the very definition of insanity.

Unfortunately, change does not come easy. The more spiritual a person is, the more difficult it is for them to accept that there might be something wrong with their way of thinking and behavior.

This person might be the most humble person or someone who doesn't view themselves highly. Even for such a person, it is extremely rare to be open to receiving negative feedback or criticism from someone else.

Maybe, at an intrinsic level, we don't view ourselves as bad people. Maybe, we are too insecure to readily accept blame. Maybe, our self esteem is so fragile, that any little thing shakes it. Maybe, we live our lives being very sensitive to how we are perceived. Maybe, others opinions mean more to us than we care to admit.

I know that I certainly cannot accept criticism of any sort. God forbid that someone were to find fault with something I did or said, I would rather completely deny that such a thing ever happened. Or, I would try and correct my behavior without ever offering the other person an apology or admitting that I was wrong.

The more I look at people - in Christian circles, with those of us who maintain an illusion of living perfect lives, I see this problem manifesting itself in a deep, ugly way.

We tear down people with slander and gossip behind their back but don't even bat an eyelid while smiling at their face.

We assume malicious intent when there is none.

We don't give others the grace that we ourselves so desperately need.

Many a times, we would rather talk about someone else's sin or issues, not because we don't have any of our own - but because it boosts our fragile sense of self.

We form our little groups and cliques. Sometimes, these groups are family members or friends. Many a times, we exclude people who should have been included. This is neither biblical nor is it an ideal representation of what a close knit community or church should have been.

None of these are ‘big’ enough sins for anyone to think twice about doing it but they have a big impact.

In the Bible, David is called a man after God's own heart. David was a good king and had a good heart. But, he was not free from wrongdoing by any stretch of imagination.

He had a way of manipulating people and situations to his advantage. He took someone else's wife as his own and also got her innocent husband killed.

2 Samuel 12 The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, “There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.

“Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.”

David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.

Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave your master’s house to you. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.’

Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”

Here, one can see Nathan confronting David in an almost abrupt, harsh yet truthful way. David rather than taking offense or denying what he had done - accepted responsibility and grieved about the sin that broke God's heart.

I think what set David apart was not his right doing but his complete dependence on God and also his repentant heart.

It takes a man of great courage to do that. No petty excuses. No thinking, 'I'm better than that'. No passing the blame. No denying.

I honestly don't think I have met anyone who would be that open to accepting negative feedback from someone else. Not only did he accept, he also repented. This is an indication of a man who understands the benevolence and sovereignty of God. He understands that there is a God and this God can see through all our pretension and games. David comes clean in a way that someone would, when confronted with truth from the ultimate authority.

How different our lives would be if we could adopt that kind of attitude. We would have the potential to change the world, starting with our little corner; with the people that God has placed around us.

The repentant heart is the work of the Holy Spirit and is a thing of great wonder.

Church, why?

2019-09-02T14:04:00.000-07:00

When I moved from India to America, I noticed an abundance of churches. I assumed that it was a good thing because that meant there was a better opportunity to learn from the wisdom of preachers and to be around people who might possibly share similar views.

There is something about being at church that feels like home. I enjoy going to church by myself. It’s peaceful to be able to sit quietly in a church where you don’t know anyone - to not feel the need to do this and that, or say unnecessary things or fill social expectations.

I went to a Catholic school in India and would often visit their church. I would also go to a different church close to where I worked in India . It is a very normal thing for me to go to many churches and I don’t find anything odd or weird about it.

I attend two churches here as well. I did not expect it to draw attention but it does.

Flatirons church, the loud, obnoxious church is a topic of much discussion - by people who barely even visit or like the church. There are people who are waiting for the church to fail - who talk about the preachers in a condescending way. I have heard many things about Flatirons church - right from how the preacher is crazy, how the teaching is not biblical, the messages are ‘easy’, repetitive and how they preach what people want to hear, the music is not church like, and how this preacher is better and that one was not.

The constant comparison, belittling and judgment is something I did not expect.

One would think that people don’t have to go to churches they don’t like or listen to sermons they don’t benefit from, but at the same time be respectful of someone else’s journey. We are all unique in how we approach faith and we learn differently, though we might believe in the same God. I think people should stop obsessing about other people’s choices and worry about their own churches and lives.

I’ve been going to Flatirons church for a while. This is not just something I do in my spare time when I have nothing better to do. I actually like the sermons and I’m fond of their preachers. I appreciate their humility and their willingness to be real and honest about their failures. I like how they make the gospel accessible to everyone and they are not elitist in their Christian beliefs. The church is almost entirely run by volunteers. I saw the same spirit of humility in the little time I volunteered with their ministry. Their sermons are consistent. They are clear about what they believe, they do not contradict themselves in what is preached and they don't use the Bible as a means to judge and condemn people.

Flatirons church is not perfect but then no church is perfect. I wish Flatirons would tone down their music volume and put more thought in their song choices. Also, they should not put themselves in a position where their work is undermined as ‘fluff’, when it is not.

It is sad to see the condition of churches everywhere. We are so fragmented as the body of Christ, that we don’t even like other Christians or churches, that might do things differently.

We consider loyalty to a church to be above loyalty to learning and growing in faith, especially if it means going to a different church. It is not surprising that the church does not have much impact in our society. We need to be open to fixing problems in our own house before trying to do things elsewhere.

Run like a champion

2019-01-18T16:43:00.003-08:00

There is a lot to be grateful about as I'm slowly easing back to getting used to the workplace, learning and being productive. It's not easy going back to work after a 10 year break.

I wish that I could take credit for how well I managed everything. But, in reality, the whole process has been purely God's grace. Right from the job interview, to the work, to transitioning the kids and managing schedules. I do not have my skill set to rely on, because I'm rusty. Maybe, it's better this way.

For when I'm weak, then He is strong. There is comfort in knowing that God is in control and if He can bring me thus far, He is fully capable of guiding me through the rest of the way.

I wonder sometimes, if one can truly succeed without being competitive. I see it all around me - the kids and their school, the sport related activities, work, home, friends and colleagues. Can one truly succeed by just going with the flow?

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. - 1 Corinthians 9:24-26

In this verse, it seems like Paul is speaking about the spirit of competition. But, at the same time, Paul's idea of being competitive is pushing himself to do what God enables him to do. It is not said in the spirit of making others his rival.

This is clear in how he treats the people around him. His student, Timothy whom he also mentored. The apostles like Peter and Barnabas who worked with him and also when Paul spoke about the gospel to others.

Even in my day to day life, I admire the people who make the best of their resources. The people who don't feel the need to compare and compete or put each other down. The well wishers, who genuinely care about others and want what's best for them.

Such kind of people do exist though they are a rarity because we are all insecure about something or the other. We can be happy for someone as long as they don't do better than us and we especially cannot wish someone well, if they have what we want.

The other day, in a sermon at Flatirons, the preacher quoted a verse from the 'Message' translation of the Bible and it stuck with me because I think it sums up our human condition.

It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on.

But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified.
That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.
- Galatians 5: 19-26

The habit of "depersonalizing everyone into a rival" means that we no longer view that person as a brother/sister in Christ. Instead, we make it a competition, and want to be better than that person.

There should have been no comparison because we are all created uniquely, so we should be able to encourage, uplift and recognize each others' gifts, without jealousy and malice. How much more enriching and fulfilling our community would be, if we were able to put this in practice?

Ten years and counting

2018-11-18T19:03:00.002-08:00

We remember Mummy frequently and fondly. It seems like she passed away too soon at the age of 59. But, we are grateful for the time we had with her. The happy memories. Each and every one of them.

We celebrated Daniel's 10th birthday recently. We were also reminded that it's been 10 years since Mummy passed away. Yet, the memories we have of her are vibrant. She was truly an unforgettable person, in every sense of the word.

Sometimes, Naomi and Daniel talk about how they have never seen their grandma, and my heart breaks a little bit. I know that she would have adored them.

I remember her as a grandma when my niece was born. My niece was the only one out of all her grand-kids who could actually spend some time with her. Mummy was never a typical "know-it-all" kind of person. She hardly ever dished out advice, though I'm sure that if she did, her advice would have been good. It wasn't even as if she was holding her tongue, or being disapproving of my sister, in any way. She took pride in my sister, both as her daughter and a mother. When she said things, they were positive and encouraging.

In my early days as a mother, I had a difficult time with Daniel. He woke up every hour at night, for more than two years. He would scream bloody murder in his car-seat, his sensory issues, his aversion for changes, people. If I ever mentioned any of these things to anyone, people were quick to dish out glib advice. Our pediatrician would talk about structure, and being tough and leaving the child in the room to cry and figure it out or I would be "spoiling" the child.

It's funny, that as adults, we accept that we are all wired uniquely. But for kids, we dish out standard advice as if it is some kind of robotic protocol.

In those early years of struggling and trying to listen to this one and that, and trying to follow this advice and that, I came to the realization that a mother cannot parent her child based on someone else's convictions. We make the best use of our God given instincts, and take what advice is given with a sense of what may or may not work for your unique child and situation.

I also think that at a subtle level, Mummy exercised this as she gently encouraged my sister in her parenting. She did not "take charge" as a grandmother, or sulk about not having control. She did not say things about the "good old days" or how the kids these days are so entitled and privileged. She did not pretend to have it all figured out.

She would have extended the same grace that she gave my sister to me as well. You don't forget people like these. In the end, what people remember most about someone is how they felt about themselves around that person. And, Mummy made people feel special.

For all the years, we knew you and were blessed enough to call you Mom, we are so very Thankful.

Law vs Grace

2018-08-29T12:27:00.000-07:00

Every now and then, I hear sermons where there is this great big divide between law and grace. The "grace people" are sometimes viewed as "wishy-washy". As if to say, if you rely too much on grace, you are also saying that you have a license to sin. "Grace people" are also viewed as people who throw the forgiveness card around, because they believe their sins are forgiven, so they think that they can do what they want and get away with it. So, in all such kind of sermons, one is reminded to follow the requirements of the law, and from God. You must obey, be moral and be good Christians.

I'm baffled by this kind of thinking. If someone truly has an understanding of grace, they also understand the magnitude of sin, specifically their OWN sin, not someone else's sin. If one does not understand their own sin, one also does not understand grace. They understand some version of God's love and forgiveness but not the extent to why someone would need grace.

When the prophet Isaiah witnessed the glory of God, he was overwhelmed by the magnitude of his OWN sin.

“Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.” - Isaiah 6:5

Paul referred to himself as the chief of sinners. This was not because he was trying to portray a very humble image. He was saying it because he truly believed that he was THAT bad. Paul spoke about God's grace more than anyone else in the New Testament.

In my early days of being a Christian, I would often hear talk about all the big sins. I would think that since I didn't commit any of the big sins, I was doing well. I would also be inclined to judge and think badly of people who committed the big sins.

But the more I thought that way, the more I started getting convicted of my own sins. It was like God pointed a magnifying glass at me and then also gave me a 360 degree tour, where my specific sin was highlighted from all different angles. I started seeing the hardness it caused around my heart and also the way it affected how I treated others.

In one of the recent sermons, I heard the preacher talk about self control and then he proceeded to say that anyone who does not have self control does not have the Holy Spirit in him. One would only have to assume that this preacher did not struggle with this sin of self control. Hence, he felt free to judge this one "sin". Why didn't the preacher talk about self righteousness or lack of love or impatience or gossiping, which are also sins? Should the Holy Spirit be with the person who commits these sins and more?

Jesus makes it very clear all through the New Testament including the sermon on the mount, that God has very high standards and expectations. While we look at the outward appearance and actions, Jesus is more concerned with the issues of the heart.

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, also on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness". - Matthew 23:27-28

Many a times, preachers ask to keep the law, when they themselves have no clue on how to obey that law.

"Woe to you as well, experts in the law!" He replied. "You weigh men down with heavy burdens, but you yourselves will not lift a finger to lighten their load" - Luke 11:46

Grace does not cause a person to disobey or be flippant. On the contrary, it fills our heart with indebtedness. How could I hurt the God who loves me so much that He accepts me as I am? How could my heart even fathom the extent of that love?

Grace does not push a person away from God's commands. At the same time, grace also recognizes the feebleness in our attempts to obey. It also recognizes that we do not do what we are supposed to do. That recognition makes dependence on God increase as we learn to lean on Him in our day to day lives.

It realizes Jesus as the perfect fulfillment of those very commands. Even an iota of obedience that I might claim to have, comes from God's grace.

Christian service

2018-01-26T09:59:00.004-08:00

One would only need to spend a few years at any church to see the word "service" being used. Christian service is something that almost every Christian preacher talks about. Not only the preacher, even the people at church remind each other to serve.

I must admit that I get annoyed by the "call for service" emails and reminders that we receive from church. Many a times, they are sent with Bible verses as if to remind people, "See. You must serve. God expects you to do it".

There's nothing wrong with service. In fact, it is one of the most tangible ways to see love, empathy and compassion in action. Without service, our lives tend to become insular. We and our kids grow up with this notion that the world revolves around us. It is equally true that if the church doesn't find enough people to serve, the few people who do serve get worn out or become self-righteous or both. The church then dies this slow death because no one seems to care anymore.

The problem with service is when we try to make people serve by making them feel guilty or putting fear in their hearts. The service then becomes about meeting someone else's expectation rather than doing something that should have been an expression of love towards God and people. People also pat themselves on the back about it, as if God now approves of them more because they serve. We can make it a comparison game, where we expect people to serve in the way we serve or we look for visible signs of service and overlook parts of obscure service.

Service should have been a joyful thing to do. Instead, it becomes a burden and no one can sustain that kind of burden even if they start off doing it with the right intent.

Service can take center stage in a person's life, where it replaces communion with God. Like, Martha who chose to serve vs Mary who sat at Jesus' feet listening to Him. Both of them were valuable, but Jesus reminded us that Mary had chosen a better thing. Not because, he expects us to sit around doing nothing. But because, perhaps he was reminding us that the only way to make our service "right", was in bringing our focus to the One who is right.

As I've grown to understand the fullness of God's love, His acceptance and grace - I'm increasingly questioning my motivation.

Are we motivated by fear, guilt, personal gain or obligation? Is it because of a desire to be accepted, to be in control or want to be noticed?

Our only motive should be in doing what God prompted us to do and want to please Him. When God leads us to do something, we feel a sense of peace about it. The motivation is then entirely out of love - having experienced God's love to want to extend some of it to others.

For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? For if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ. - Galatians 1:10

What then, if we look at our lives and see no visible fruit? Should we immerse ourselves in service hoping that our works will strengthen our faith? Maybe. I do not know. I see it all around me, but I also see the negativity and baggage this kind of service brings.

"Delight in divine service is a token of acceptance. Those who serve God with a sad countenance because they do what is unpleasant to them , are not serving Him at all. They bring a form of loyalty, but the life is absent. Our God requires no slaves to the throne of grace. The obedience that is not voluntary is not obedience, for the Lord looks at the heart and sees that we serve him from force, and not because we love Him. Cheerfulness is the support of our strength; in the joy of the Lord, are we strong." - Charles Spurgeon.

Off to work, we go

2017-12-07T12:37:00.001-08:00

I always knew in my mind, that after my kids start going to school fulltime - that I would go back to work.

Now, that it's been 9 years since I stepped in a corporate work environment, the idea of going back to work makes me uneasy - not because I don't want to work but because I feel as if I have lost confidence in my ability and that I don't have the drive to survive in a work environment.

Looking back, I don't recognize the girl that stepped out of engineering college. I was ambitious, career minded and driven. Almost like a closet feminist, in a bad way.

Being a female in an engineering field, it always felt like women were in the minority and there were more men to compete with.

I looked down on women who chose to stay at home to look after kids. I thought that they had it easy and that the husband was taking care of the wife because she couldn't take care of herself.

One of my first arguments with my husband before we got married was when he said that he would like for his wife to stay at home for a few years to take care of the kids when they were little. In my lopsided view of feminism, that seemed like an ultimate insult that a woman would have to sacrifice and do something that seemed like a lower choice. He dropped the topic and told me that it would purely be my decison, and we left it at that.

My mother fell sick during my pregancy and died a day after Daniel was born. I think something shifted in my thought process after that day. I knew that I had to cherish and make the most of whatever time I get with my loved ones, and this included my son, who is my precious gift. I made the decision to stay at home, knowing fully well that it would be a challenge to go back to work after taking a long break.

Today, I struggle with not feeling productive with how I manage my time. It seems like I have the day to plan or study and prepare, but I can't seem to do it. It is true that I have changed, and I cannot expect to go back to that goal-oriented person. Maybe, I don't want to.

At any given time, there are four people in the home who depend on me. And, there are twenty different things to do whether it is keeping up with the kids' school work or volunteering, cooking, cleaning, the laundry, driving kids around, the dog, managing my father-in-law's insurance, doctors appointments.

Some say that working moms have it worse because they manage work and the homes as well. I would both agree and disagree. There are things that I do now, that as a working mom I wouldn't be able to do. It's not that those things are not important. It just means that in the list of priorities, these things would fall off the radar because no one has the time to do it anymore. The work is not lesser or more - it's just different.

There should no longer be any guilt when someone asks me what I do at home. If I get a few hours to stare at the ceiling doing nothing, that should be absolutely fine. 😊

I pray that God would take whatever is left of me, and help me do the best with what I have when I go back to work. I also pray that this adjustment wouldn't be hard on the kids or me, for that matter. I also pray that He would lead my steps, where I don't feel the need to prove anything to anyone but can plan without procrastinating and do my work resting on Gods' grace rather than my might.

Just a fool

2017-09-13T09:51:00.002-07:00

It is hard to meet a person who likes being wrong, or welcomes instruction. In fact, I do not think I have met anyone who likes being corrected. We have heard of phrases like "eating humble pie", which implies that the person was wrong and is being forced to be humble about it.

It is not surprising that kids don't like being told that they are wrong about something, because we as parents don't like it either.

I am very sensitive to criticism; constructive or otherwise. I would rather do things perfectly than have to listen to how something was wrong or could have been done better. We like to pretend that we know what to do, when in reality - we are all really clueless.

The Bible has a lot to say about having a teachable spirit.

Ecclesiastes 4:13
Better was a poor and wise youth than an old and foolish king who no longer knew how to take advice.

Most of these verses have been written by Solomon, who was considered a great man of wisdom. Yet, he didn't listen to instruction and learned the hard way.

Proverbs 16:20 Those who listen to instruction will prosper; those who trust the LORD will be joyful.

Not only does listening to instruction merit favor in the eyes of God, but it also comes with the promise of bringing joy. Why?
For the same reason as to why we instruct our kids. We know from experience - what is right from wrong. We see more clearly than they do. We know that certain things will never go the right way and only bring themselves and others heartache - no matter how convinced they might be to do what their heart desires. God, in his infinite wisdom knows what we do not know.

Proverbs 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.

The world tells us that the intelligent have their act together; they have answers to questions and don't need to be told what to do. The Bible, on the contrary tells us that it is wise to listen to instruction. Only a fool pretends to know everything.

Jesus had this uncanny ability to take a person's understanding of something or any situation and turn it upside down to present something that was new and totally different. Let us not be so wise that we have become unteachable.

“I am sick to death of clever fools. Everybody is clever nowadays. You can’t go anywhere without meeting clever people. The thing has become an absolute public nuisance. I wish to goodness we had a few earnest fools left.” ― Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

Of songs and praise

2017-08-02T20:33:00.002-07:00

It's been somewhat disheartening to see the condition of the Indian church. Many people have stopped coming to the church for various reasons. So, the small church has become smaller and the few members who have been carrying most of the load for the functioning of the church are losing hope.

Admittedly, the church has issues - with trying to cater to the young people, the older people and the ones in-between. Trying to cater to the ones who speak Malayalam or don't, trying to mix the traditional with the contemporary, trying to get speakers to fill in the void for church leadership, trying to fix the unspoken issues among the members or deal with clashing personalities. For such a small group of people, it is ironic that we have so many issues.

We are a church with growing pains. Anytime a change is brought about, there is bound to be resistance. One such area is the music ministry. I've always watched the choir from a distance but over the past year, - I've been telling myself to do things out of my comfort zone and not make everything about myself. So, I sing once in a while as part of the choir. I'm amazed at the extent of drama, pettiness and judgement that comes from both within and outside the worship team.

Some have a problem with too many instruments, some have a problem with too little instruments. Some people believe in excellence and standards, some people encourage casualness and mediocrity. Some want hymns, some don't. Some want the whole church to be singing in the choir regardless of whether or not they want to do it or whether or not they can sing. Some expect to sing in the choir even if they haven't been to a single practice. Some won't support the music unless they themselves or their kids are involved.

It is a sad picture of the state of our broken church and our messy hearts.

Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.
Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.
Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
praise him with the harp and lyre,
praise him with timbrel and dancing,
praise him with the strings and pipe,
praise him with the clash of cymbals,
praise him with resounding cymbals.
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.
(Psalm 150:1-6)

It is interesting that God doesn't have a problem with loud music or soft music or the use of instruments or no instruments. He is more concerned with the attitude of the heart. We, on the other hand come with our own baggage of personal preferences and cultural expectations and set them forth as biblical standards.

Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! (Psalm 100:1)

The Lord doesn't merely make a request to sing or praise God. This is more like a command - an exhortation. From what I've experienced, the act of singing can heal the grumpiest of hearts. It is like a conversation between the one who worships and whom He worships. Nothing or nobody should obstruct this.

And David and all the house of Israel were making merry before the Lord, with songs and lyres and harps and tambourines and castanets and cymbals. (2 Samuel 6:5)

One can only imagine how this picture of unity, music, fellowship and oneness must have looked like. The house of Israel being merry before the Lord.

Oh, to experience that kind of joy. That would be my prayer for our church.

Clap your hands, all peoples! Shout to God with loud songs of joy! For the Lord, the Most High, is to be feared, a great king over all the earth. He subdued peoples under us, and nations under our feet. He chose our heritage for us, the pride of Jacob whom he loves. Selah God has gone up with a shout, the Lord with the sound of a trumpet. ... (Psalm 47:1-7)

Apology accepted

2017-05-28T11:16:00.000-07:00

Daniel has been taking piano lessons for the past year. The other day, we were running late as usual. After all the rushing about trying to get there on time, we managed to make it.

As I was sitting outside waiting for Daniel to get done with his lesson, a lady walked by me and said, "I'm sorry but we had a parent teacher conference with the piano teacher and we took an extra 3 minutes." The reason she was apologizing was because they took time from what was supposed to be part of Daniel's piano lesson. I told her that it was totally fine. Before she walked away, she told me, "Next time, try to be 5 minutes early."

I was somewhat taken aback that her apology sounded more like a reprimand rather than an apology. It wasn’t a big deal that they took 3 minutes of our time. It would have been better on her part to not say anything rather than a feeble apology.

This got me thinking about apologies, and how it is so hard to apologize.

Sometimes, we apologize and then justify it with reasons as to why something happened. Sometimes, we turn the apology into the other person's fault. Sometimes, we would rather do something to rectify it than say the actual words. Sometimes, we say it but without really meaning it. It is refreshing to get an apology that is actually an apology.

How often do I apologize to the kids but then proceed to lecture them about something irrelevant, and how would I expect them to understand anything about apologies when I'm not sincere about them?

Saying “I’m sorry” can be two of the hardest words to say. But, they are an essential part of rebuilding and strengthening relationships.

It is difficult to admit that we are wrong. It takes a great deal of humility to go to another person and make ourselves vulnerable by asking for forgiveness. I must ask myself - Am I humble enough to admit my mistakes? Am I humble enough to make myself vulnerable to another person? An apology is considered a sign of weakness, when in reality it's the opposite of weakness. It takes strength and maturity to apologize.

The genuine apology is not simply saying that, “I’m sorry that you are upset.” A statement like that doesn’t take personal responsibility. Instead, we might say, “I am sorry that my words hurt you.” This puts the action we are apologizing for clearly in our court.

I wonder why we have the need to always be right. I think God is more than willing to give us enough life experiences to show us that we don't know much about anything and learning to apologize and see our flaws is an important part of our human existence.

Now, what?

2016-11-14T08:50:00.003-08:00

The past few weeks saw the closure of elections in America. It was a polarizing election, with controversial candidates on both sides.

One thing is certain - democracy is alive and kicking. This is evident when people have the freedom to express their views, the right to disagree and hold the government accountable in whatever ways they can.

In some ways, it was like "deja-vu" - having grown up in India and being part of the minority community. There is an increased sense of being an outsider, looking in - and feeling that the majority population barely tolerates you, and doesn't really identify with you. It is a feeling of "put up or shut up". I remember an incident in college, and having a school administrator point out to me that I wasn't really an Indian citizen, because I had a Christian name. I remember being called "pav waali", with the assumption that Christians survive on a diet of bread. I remember the Mumbai riots, where homes were burnt, and our Muslim neighbors were targets of increased hostility. I remember being a Christian, who felt that the majority Hindu population, agreed with the divisive politics and separated people based on caste, race, religion and what not.

Many years later, when I moved to America expecting different, but finding much of the same. America has third world problems. Maybe, we can't identify with a great many things that someone is trying to tell us, unless we have experienced it ourselves.

I know many good-hearted (non-racist/non-misogynist etc) people who voted for Trump. I truly believed there would be a huge push-back from these people after the election clearing up that people voted for a conservative Supreme Court or different fiscal policies but still absolutely condemn the association of Trump with their valid political causes. (They could not separate their cause from Trump).

Instead, I have found radio silence, illogical rationalizations, and a lot of just avoiding comment altogether. This is causing people to believe that Christians truly approve of Trumps' language and lifestyle and it is causing the Church to come off as enormously hypocritical and callous toward the hurting.

In a time, when people are leaving the church in droves, we should be actively fighting this image of hypocrisy. When we know that people are watching and their lives are at stake, we should be the first, strongest, and best responders and defenders.

I have seen Trump supporters silent, for fear of being branded or accused of the things that Trump embodies. I have seen Christians defend the unborn, but stay silent in the face of blatant ugliness to people from different race. I have seen Trump use degrading words to describe women, and I have seen countless jokes at his expense, which just reinforces the degrading by repeating it as jokes, over and over again.

Maybe, we are geared towards "self-preservation", the natural instinct to survive. America should do more to keep its' borders secure, but let that be as a goal for the future. Let it not be at the expense of deporting so many families with children that have already settled here, and called this place home. Many of these illegal immigrants and refugees, have horrifying stories to tell - stories of poverty and escaping for survival to find a better future. Let's stop branding these people as rapists, drug dealers, terrorists and free-riders. Many of them do menial jobs that a typical American wouldn't care to think twice about.

Let's strive for justice and common ground. Let's pray that God would show us his truth and that HE would lead us.

“Don’t speak to me about your religion; first show it to me in how you treat other people. Don’t tell me how much you love your God; show me in how much you love all His children. Don’t preach to me your passion for your faith; teach me through your compassion for your neighbors. In the end, I’m not as interested in what you have to tell or sell, as in how you choose to live and give.”
-- Cory Booker.

I don't care

2016-09-05T21:09:00.002-07:00

We live in this age of social-connectedness - with Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and what not. Yet, I find that people have never been more lonely or more desperate for connection and friendship.

The other day, Daniel asked Naomi a question, and she responded with "I don't care". Daniel said that in his classroom at school, the 7 year old kids think that it is a horrible thing to say that one doesn't care. He said, "you know, Naomi, even the mean kids think that - this is a really bad thing to say to someone".

On Facebook, most of the things that get posted are "happy" things. Every once in while, someone might post something heartfelt. Maybe, a time of grief, a moment of vulnerability or sadness. And, we as people, have the option of scrolling because it makes us uncomfortable, or we are pre-occupied, or we don't know what to say or how to react or we don't like the person or maybe, we just don't care.

We have the option of just moving on to a "happy event" on Facebook, without feeling the need to respond. One might also feel the sudden urge to share this ridiculously happy, happening event in our life, that everyone else absolutely needs to know about - at the same time, when someone else is crying their heart out. Life, after all, has to go on. We can't stop being happy, just because someone else is sad.

In a real life situation, this would be considered apathy, indifference, callousness and cold-heartedness. Yet, most of social media interactions are built on things that are superficial. Facebook and other social media tools are doing people a disservice in some ways, because it seems to have normalized this lack of authenticity and apathy in "supposed" friendships.

Our lives are also moving to this state of indifference. Not caring about anyone except oneself and one's own.

I wonder about what I would teach my little kids, when for most part, we don't really care.

"I have a strong feeling that the opposite of love is not hate - it's apathy. It's not giving a damn. - Leo Buscaglia".