Make Lemonade

Kitty Cats

2011-06-11T22:31:00.004-06:00

I guess life in Helena, Montana is not much different than in my hometown in Connecticut...

The only difference is in Montana the mountain lion is killed on someone's porch, whereas in Connecticut, on a major interstate...

2011-06-11T19:00:00.010-06:00

Just three years ago now, I stepped out of a world that divided life into semesters and school years. I stepped into a world where, according to many, routines would be established, roots deepened, and purpose established. However, I have continually found myself at a time of transition in June or July, going from one chapter to the next. Each of the three years I have spent outside of college have been in separate areas- from CT to Lithuania to Montana. Yet again, as summer rolls around, I will be moving. This time from Helena to Missoula- at least I will be staying within the same state. I've gotten used to the cycle of it all, though as the years pass, I am finding that I value things that remain unchanged more and more- my family (including friends that are like family) and my faith. No matter what else changes, my core beliefs and my heart remains unchanged. As environments and people come in and out of my life, I'm reminded of how faithful God is. He always provides for me & I my confidence lies in this.

Next month will be full of transition- finishing the job I have been working in for the past 10 months, having my mom come to visit and showing her around, visiting a friend abroad for three weeks, and then moving to a new city with a new job, full time grad school, & new routine. Though I'm getting used to these constant changes, as time progresses, I long for a place to grow long term roots in, and connect. There's something about being in a place where there I have history, with people and places, and where I am being refined and sharpening others constantly. I know this time will come, but for now I will buy freshly sharpened pencils and college ruled paper and prepare for a new school year.

A Montana Wedding

2011-06-11T18:41:00.005-06:00

I'd like to write a book sometime that showcases and tells anecdotes of weddings across the world. So far, I've blogged on Lithuania & Kyrgyzstan. When I live in new places, I always feel honored to attend a local wedding with "the natives." Most recently, I attended a Montanan wedding of a friend of mine who I met soon after moving to Montana. Ironically, she's from Connecticut as well, and moved here with a friend to see another part of the country. There were many points in the day when I could have expressed a "you know you're in Montana when...." statement. Such as:
You know you're in Montana when:

1. At the ceremony, the guest seats are hay bails.
2. The bride has camouflage in her wedding dress.
3. The bride and brides maids arrive on the flat bed of a pick up truck.
4. The women's guest attire is summer dresses with cowgirl boots.
5. The photographer/videographer is seated in a tree stand in the forest & shoots down an arrow to present the wedding rind.
6. The reception music includes 80% country and everyone knows all the words.
7. It's necessary to hit up the local bar in between the ceremony and reception to get a couple beers.
8. The wedding takes place on a mountain with a scenic overlook of the valley & creeks.

Movie Review

2011-04-28T22:22:00.004-06:00

How much do I love independent films? Enough so that I saw two back to back in one night. Last night I went to the Living Room Theater in Portland last night. What a great name for a theater- you actually can order food, drinks, and sit back & enjoy the show in comfy seats. I enjoyed a nice tall glass of beer during Human Resources Manger, an international film taking place in Jerusalem & throughout Romania. It is a tragic comedy which tells the story of a HR manager in Israel who travels from Israel to Romania with a diseased employee to pay respects to her family. It relatively reminded me of Little Miss Sunshine- the weird type of humor it depicts. I give it a high rating- meaningful and full of an off colored humor throughout.
The second one I saw was Of Gods & Men, which tells a true story of monks who profess their faith and sacrifice all they have while standing up for their faith while they are threatened by fundamental terrorists. It's a powerful one, that's for sure. That's it for my review-oh, and please do let me know if you have any good indie film suggestions!

I've gone to Oregon!

2011-04-28T22:08:00.007-06:00

I haven't written in a while, mostly because I've been on vacation in Oregon & Washington. I can now honestly & happily say I have been to both of these great states! I went with a couple friends of mine to visit some family & friends & have been having the greatest time. It's so lush in color out here compared to the dirt sandy brown mountains in Montana. They're beautiful in their own way, but I was ready for a change in scenery. The Pacific Northwest has been good to me- delicious home cooked meals, plus incredible Thai food, which I had been craving for a long while! I will have to be sure to have some good sushi while out here. Thanks to a good friend of mine, I discovered a new travel sight which connects travelers across the world by having them ask and answer questions of various sights to each other. It's like Facebook for travelers, as my one friend put it. It's great, nonetheless. Especially since I have been in Portland exploring for the past few days, and thanks to some good leads both from friends & this website, I have found tons to do. Thanks Lauren for this great website! My favorite spots include Stumptown Coffee, the Portland Zoo, the Buffalo Exchange, the Saturday Market, and Hawthorne. What a great city- I highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't been out west !

"Impossible?"

2011-04-17T15:07:00.001-06:00

Alice laughed. "There's no use trying," she said: "one can't believe impossible things." "I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

-Alice in Wonderland

By the By

2011-04-17T14:54:00.008-06:00

I'm somewhere in between fully embracing the idea of leaving Helena & moving on to Missoula and being in complete denial that I'm leaving this place. See, well, Helena & I have a love/hate relationship. Some days I really love it & want to sing it on the rooftop to tell everyone what a great life it is here. Other days I just want to dig for China, and, well, end up in China. Those are two extremes. I guess that's because I'm a pretty extreme person- I'm not just happy- I'm ecstatically passionate and fully devoted to whatever it is I'm happy about. It's come to my realization that I'll be finishing my job in Helena in just under two months. I have a great series of events to look forward to in the next three months- first, I'm going to Portland, Seattle, and Cannon Beach, OR for Easter & vacation with friends and family. Then I finish off work- 6 weeks worth and then my mom visits! We'll do lots of exploring and then I will head off to see a friend of mine living far far away from here- I'll leave the name and location out so as not to give my surprise visit away... Should be fun to do some traveling.
On another note, right now I'm struggling with living in the here and now. Finding things to live for today, not three months down the road. I guess it's when I get bogged down by the everyday details that I start to focus on bigger things further out. As I write that, it makes sense to me. I have been identifying with music a lot lately, spending lots of time finding new artists I identify with, as you can see through a couple blog posts of song lyrics. If anyone has found the secret of living today but looking towards tomorrow, please let me know.
I have made great friends here in Helena, but knowing I will only be here for a year, I was hesitant to reach out too or invest too much into their lives. It's not that I regret that, it's that I just wish I were here longer than one year. I've been trying to keep my leaving on the "DL" lately, but it's inevitable that it will come up sooner or later. I can't just pick up and leave. I'm trying to figure out how to do so with wisdom and grace.

2011-04-16T21:59:00.004-06:00

Back to Where I Was by Eric Hutchinson

New life decides to come through the front door
and makes us wish we'd shown respect before
though i don't have much of a choice
i resolve to regain my voice

chorus
if i only just begin to understand it that's because
everytime i time i start to change my mind again
it gets me back to where i was

new life we never had a clue
the two of us deciding what to do
though my hands are all but tied
i rebound so i can say at least i tried

chorus

and long as i'm allowed i'll change my mind that's what it's for
i'm getting older but i'm still the same i'm just thinking anymore

chorus

I think...

2011-04-10T23:09:00.008-06:00

I may be becoming a Montanan. Here's why: tonight I enjoyed a delicious elk meat sloppy joe at a friend's house which was followed by a country music horseshoe toss extravaganza- all in the outdoors underneath blankets cuddled with friends on the back of a pick-up truck. And, the best part was, I really enjoyed it...

People have also accused me of sounding like a Montanan, therefore using the term "you guys" as in, "you Montanans...." Apparently I became part of the inner circle & I'm not sure I got the memo when that happened.

I'm just saying... I think, though it's not official yet. The real zinger will be when I start listening to country music on my own free will.

the house by the side of the road

2011-04-07T21:44:00.004-06:00

This was a saying my great grandfather X.T. Prentis used to always say. It comes from the poem "The House by the Side of the Road" by Sam Walter Foss. I was reminded of this needlepoint my dad owns & has up in his house today while talking with him on the phone. What a simple, yet true quote.

Afghan Humanity

2011-04-05T22:13:00.004-06:00

"The only real nation is humanity." Paul Farmer

Facebook Fast

2011-04-05T21:51:00.006-06:00

Fasting from Facebook. It's something I've done once before, just about a year ago, for a period of a few months. I'm not sure how long I'm planning on doing it for, but for now I'm pretty dead set on keeping it out of my routine. Before you delete or "disable" Facebook, they have you go through a series of blocks, in attempt to convince you otherwise. Fortunately, I wasn't fooled: I've been through this before. I feel like it was beginning to get a little bit ridiculous- I began wasting time looking at pictures- of old friends, new friends, any really, and spending way too long in it. So, I cut ties. If you try to find me on Facebook & can't, it's not because I unfriended you, don't fret, it's that I wanted another few hours a week back to productivity & real relationships, rather than virtual ones :) You can find me at the local coffee shop, library, or enriching my brain at home through good reads. So, in conclusion, goodbye facebook, or, should I say, "see you later"?

Ebbs, Flows, & Cross Winds

2011-03-28T21:39:00.005-06:00

Since I've been able to listen to my iPod in my car again, thanks to a perfect birthday gift, music has meant more to me. I usually put the songs on shuffle an more often than not, a song comes up in some other language. I acquired a lot of music from friends & students
while living in Lithuania last year. People knew I enjoyed music from different cultures, so they would give me lots to flash drives worth of music and "learn me" about their musical style, or what musicians were popular in their culture.
Since I attended a Lithuanian speaking church while living abroad, I learned a lot of vocabulary centered around the church. I have been back in the US for nine months now, and I have forgotten so many of those worship songs I used to know by heart. Those were the same songs I was listening to week after week as we met in each other's flats on Wednesday evenings to sing, worship, pray, and learn together. It kills me that those memories are fading.
When I first arrived home, I did my best to avoid talking about reverse culture shock, insisting that I was relatively immune to it. I pretended things transitioned along so smoothly that I didn't need to talk about it. The real truth, however, was two fold: that I didn't trust that people would know how to react to the changes within me, and that I didn't know exactly how to express how I'd changed in that short, but huge year. I also felt like I didn't have the time to go through reverse culture shock, since I was moving to Montana just a month and a half after arriving back to the East Coast.
As time progresses, I'm realizing more and more that this year has been given to me as a gift. "Do with it what you will, but it's meant to be a gift." That's how I feel I am to approach it. It's a time of respite from drama, worry, and the unpredictability of life. Without those things, I have to retrain myself not to default to boredom, but see it as a learning experience. Most of the time, the highest level of learning has been in a time of challenge, but maybe, just maybe, God is trying to tell me He can teach me at all points of the ebbs & flows of life.

P.S. This picture above was taken this evening at my next door neighbor's house :)

2011-03-26T21:14:00.006-06:00

''It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.''

"A goal without a plan is just a wish."

- The Little Prince, Antoine De Saint-Exupéry

Dream Authors

2011-03-20T22:25:00.007-06:00

So I've been doing a lot of dreaming lately, but it's not like that's a new phenomenon for me. The last couple weeks, I've been dreaming through music & photographs. Having spent most of my life involved in some sort of organized musical group (sounds too much like organized crime). However, I'm often inspired through music and photographs. Just in the last couple weeks, I can point to specific moments in time when I entered a far away world just in a few measures time. One song brought me to a choreographed dance, while another brought me to a peaceful, secure, and fulfilling place- both geographically and emotionally. My sensitivity to music and the tone it sets can often be used as a coping mechanism when things are tough. I find that setting Pandora up on my computer and letting "fate" play it's course can be interesting. I often stumble upon an artist which brings me somewhere new, causing me to feel renewed, invigorated, and inspired.
Photography has a similar affect on me, in terms of generating and inspiring dreams. At a time in my life when I have to stay put, something usually hard for me to abide by, viewing others' photography (mainly travel photography) brings me outside myself and becomes a catalyst for these dreams. I dream a lot, but that doesn't mean you can package me up and trivialize my dreams. They have purpose, strength, courage, and determination behind them & I have the resiliency to bounce back after set backs.
It's helpful to have these tools to use when I'm starting to feel stuck- they're both guaranteed dream generators...

oh, and pictured above is one of the top dream generators, my best friend Nicole

Awake my Soul

2011-03-20T22:05:00.004-06:00

Awake my Soul; by Mumford & Sons

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
This weakness I feel I must finally show

Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see
But your soul you must keep, totally free
Har har, har har, har har, har har

In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life
In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life

Awake my soul, awake my soul
Awake my soul
You were made to meet your maker
Awake my soul, awake my soul
Awake my soul
You were made to meet your maker
You were made to meet your maker

2011-03-19T14:27:00.002-06:00

A few days ago, I had a conversation with a Peace Corps regional recruiter where she asked me a series of follow-up questions regarding my interested in the PC. I was really nervous during the conversation, mostly because I feel like I don't want to screw anything up this time around. That's not to say what happened last time was within my control, but I still have been extra vigilant this go around. She clarified many of my responses I had at the interview last Friday, and I chose my words carefully. Since the PC is a governmental organization, they have to be sure you don't have any crazy radical views or for instance, you are going to make it your mission to convert the entire world through your PC experience. I have a strong belief system, but don't feel that throug my service in the PC, it's my main purpose to "win people for Christ." I believe if I live out my faith, practice the Golden Rule, and seek God's will, He will be glorified in the work I do.
In the meantime, I have been reading over several blogs of PC volunteers at all stages: applicants, nominees, those getting ready to leave, those serving, and returned PC volunteers. I have found many interesting anecdotes along the way. Right now I'm leaving it up to God to guide where I'm supposed to end up.
As I was out to breakfast this morning with a friend of mine, who similarly has an itnerest in traveling & serving abroad, we were exploring how divine it is that God has worked things out for each of us. I'm constantly amazed by what surprises & detours I'm led to along the way. Soon enough, though, I find they weren't detours at all, but all intended to be. This past week, my church had a guest speaker come to speak three nights on Holy Spirit and the last night he spoke, he taught specifically on prayer and intercession. He explained it so simply & so true. He explained that often we ask for things, with an idea that that is what we need & want. The H.S. comes in and intercesses, or "translates" to God, telling him, well, she's asking for this, but what she really means is.... I really believe this is how it works. He talked about recentering, focusing on what God's will, rather than my will. Though I've heard all this before, it struck me in a new way this week. Maybe the repetition of the two nights learning about the H.S. helps to make an indellible mark on me. If you want to hear the sermon, they'll be posting it soon at this site.

Bam!

2011-03-11T16:06:00.003-07:00

On fire! That’s how I feel right now, just a couple hours after my Peace Corps interview. It went well, except I think I may have been a little over eager, but hopefully that’s not the worst quality to have. At least the recruiter knows I’m committed. I explained to her the whole situation that I was accepted three years previous and was deferred because of a medical condition. I just love interviews- both when I’m the interviewer and when I’m the interviewee. It’s just fun on both ends. I’ve been doing a lot of interviews for work lately, interviewing prospective staff for the group home I work for. It’s just interesting to see how different people answer the same question completely differently.
I’m excited to move forward with the process of applying to the Peace Corps. I know the next portion of the process is entirely exhausting and ridiculously long, but I’m determined to get through it. The only thing I think that could be in my way would be my medical history, but as long as I provide the necessary documentation of my recovery, I should be fine.
During the interview, I specified that I’d like to either be placed in a Spanish speaking country or a Russian speaking country. The recruiter said there are more opportunities for youth and community development in South America, but who knows where I’ll end up. So cheers to applying take two.

What it does mean- transition?

2011-03-06T12:18:00.002-07:00

PC update: moving forward & will have an interview next week- things are moving along quite smoothly. I'll be able to interview on the U of M campus with a representative there, so I won't have to travel to Seattle, as I had initially thought might be the case. Other good news is that I got my letter of acceptance (take two) into the Intercultural Youth and Family Development grad program & am considered an in-state resident. I was able to provide all the necessary documentation to have them consider me an official Montanan :) I'm still not sure if I want that label or not.
In other news, I've been doing a lot of mentally preparing for what lies ahead, in this next year as well as in the year after grad school, when I'll be going abroad, either through the Peace Corps, or through another organization. I still have a lot of thinking & praying to do for where I'm meant to go, and what I should say in my interview when we discuss regional preferences. It's a big decision and where I go will determine a whole lot of things.
Lately, so many things have been reminding me of my year abroad last year. It's usually smells that get me reminiscent of that time. I think my top two favorite smells that I can connect with my time in LT & KG were 1.) The smell of bandeles (breakfast pastries) from my favorite bandele shop walking distance from my flat. I would walk there when the weather was nice enough & pick up a bandele or two sometimes with a friend and get a cup of coffee while sitting on tall stools against the window people watching. Today I came downtown Helena, parked my car a distance from the bakery & walked to get a croissant & cup of coffee. The weather has warmed up quite a bit lately, getting up to 40F. It was funny how all these memories of getting kava su bandeles- coffee with bandeles rushed into my mind. When I was standing in line in the bakery, I found myself reminiscing, staring at the ceiling & walls, with memories flooding into my mind. I was spaced out when the cashier interrupted me in my train of thought and I, embarrassed, proceeded to order.... in English.
The second smell that always causes me to reminisce my time abroad is the smell of wood burning stoves. There are a lot of houses in the area that heat their houses with wood stoves & every time I smell it, it's almost as if I'm put into a portal and go back in time to be placed in one of the villages of Lithuania which I traveled on my road trip or in Kyrgyzstan. Oh, what I would give to be back there. I distinctly remember driving through KG with my friend Altynai & her brother (he let me drive...) and smelling those wood stoves as we traveled.
So lately I have been studying Russian through Rosetta Stone, and it's going quite well, except for one small thing. There's just one letter in the alphabet that I can't pronounce. If there's any Russian speakers out there that can give me, a native English speaker, a key for how to pronounce the soft sign, please let me know, as I'm really struggling with it. I'm more than half way through level 1 which is really exciting. As I'm working on my computer in the public library, there were two women, one Russian speaking and one English speaking, and I was just so excited to hear her speak, it reminded me of all so many people and students I worked with last year.
There are so many smells & sounds that remind me of my time abroad, and almost a year later, I'm still working on processing how to bring those lessons, memories, and relationships with me wherever I go.

Rally That!

2011-02-20T15:17:00.007-07:00

Yesterday I went skiing at Discovery Ski Area about two hours away from Helena with a few friends from church. Mind you, I haven't been skiing in about two years & the last time I went skiing was with my dad, which was at quite a different pace than yesterday's adventures. I've been in Montana for 6+ months and had yet to get to the top of a mountain until yesterday. That's ridiculous! I had been wanting to go skiing for a while now, but never had the perfect opportunity. We left around 7am and got there in time for first chair, though it took a while for me to squeeze on some borrowed boots from my friend Nicole. I was fortunate enough to borrow skiis, boots, poles, and gear from people who had extras & boy was I thankful for that. I was warm the whole day. Anyways, it was one of those days when I really got to enjoy life, I mean, really enjoy life. I separated myself from everything else on my mind- my job, stressors, future plans, etc. and was able to enjoy the day. Since I hadn't been skiing in such a long time, it took a few runs to get the swing of things again. Unfortunately, probably on about the third or fourth run, we accidentally took a wrong turn and ended up on the black diamond trail.... that was scary! All the horror stories people have told me in the past month or so about skiing accidents rushed through my head, but I maintained focus. With the help of my friend Nicole, I made it down the mountain, after a few falls of course. I love stepping out of my comfort zone & doing things like this because it really builds strenth & perseverence. It was one of those times when I got so focused and caught in the moment that nothing else mattered.
It was amazing to see a landscape of Montana from the sky. People call it "Big Sky Country" but yesterday I found this out for myself. I remembered a sermon the pastor gave a few months ago about going hiking & looking at your feet the whole time, without taking time to enjoy the whole experience. Yesterday was just like that. For a while, I was focusing so hard on moving my body, arms, legs, and skis the right direction soas not to fall, and at times forgot to look up and realize what it's all about. When I stopped to look up I saw breathtaking mountains, smelled the pine trees, and heard absolultely nothing. The parking lot was packed, but atop the moutain was just the silence I needed.
I need a day like yesterday every once in a while to get me through- that's al it really takes to keep me energized. That & a cup of coffee, as you probably know if you know me at all. The accidental black diamond slope was just the beginning of an adventurous day though. I went with three guys & a girl from church. As we were about to leave, one of the guys who went with us realized at some point in the day, he lost his keys on the mountain. Well, about 17 tools, 3 guys, 2 girls, & an unnecessary AAA call later, we got the car open to get out a cell phone, left the truck, and headed on our way back home... in windy snowy conditions. It was great to drive home with such fun company & the best part of yesterday was being introduced to a new term: rally. Kurt introduced us all to this term, which in his definition can take various parts of speech: a verb or a noun are just a couple. It's used when you come together with someone to almost for an alliance and work towards something. It can also be used when you've got a challenging situation and need to keep a positive attitude to keep it going. I love this new phrase & am going to use it. We all shared stories of when we've rallied for something in all different situations. It was cool to see ho other people persevere & to encourage each other. So, in sum, when the going gets tough... rally!

Putting the "U" in Community...

2011-02-13T13:33:00.002-07:00

I've really been learning a lot from the last few sermons at church- the theme being "Grow & Go" (and boy am I ready to GO)! I just finished the book Radical with my life group, a book which challenged me to be a witness for Christ across the nations. I want to live abroad long term serving others, as I feel is my passion & calling. The last few weeks the pastor challenged the church to go and serve others. He is not a pastor that pushes the typical American Christianity we so often see in present day churches. Today's sermon was about building community and the risk & rewards of living in community with others. In college, the word community was a buzz word in our, well, community of students. They liked to throw it around just to perk the ears up of the students. I haven't heard a sermon teaching on community in quite a while, so I was more inspired this time around. The pastor spoke about what the difference between a community and a crowd, and that is me- or: you. A community seems like a crowd from the outsider because they are not part of the goings on. He talked about what it looks like to live in community with others & to share our joys as well as our sorrows with each other. I want to live in that way. I'm inspired to find a living situation in Missoula where I can live in community with others. I'm praying I'll make the right connections and God will help set me up so that I can live in community there. For now, I've been trying to do so, while being a part of my church and being as involved as I can be. If you want to check out the sermons here's the link.

a surprise vsitor

2011-02-12T14:31:00.004-07:00

Today marks a month's stay of my friend Nicole visiting me in the bitter cold state of Montana. Nicole has been my friend even before we both started wearing deoderant (that's a long time)! There are few people who would take the detour of coming to Montana in these freezing months, no, not a detour, a separate trip up north to the wild west subculture that pervades. She came up/out/over here to write a book, a children's book, about a yeti, but plans changed soon after she got here, stating "the yeti book just doesn't want to get written." So, she wrote a few others, and various designs in the meantime. Her trip was a gift to me as well- giving me some comic relief when my job was stressful, or life just wasn't what I was expecting. A dose of Nicole- her idiosyncrysies, quirks & spontenaety were just what I needed, and I think it'll be a charge for at least the next month or so. We went to the Boulder Hot Springs, an old inn with geothermal waters with healing and relaxing qualities a couple times. We went to Missoula, Butte, and Bozeman, three "big" cities in Montana, and explored Helena quite a bit. Missoula was full of excitement for going to school there this upcoming fall- I was quite the tourist & made my way around town like a giddy schol girl. Butte is a town in Montana where people warned us to "watch out for the crazies." We met some of the "crazies"- we celebrated & were a part of a Chinese New Years parade, an unforgettable experience. Bozeman is a hip, more upscale city full of sweet coffee shops and almost everyone looks like they're about to go skiing... Each city has a different feel- and that's what I love about traveling, meeting the people and experiencing the true heart of these places.
In other news, I have been working on my application for the Peace Corps (take two-here's a glimpse to the past)... I finished my application, references, health record, and submitted fingerprints. The next step will be having an interview- so excited. I'm feeling more confident that the Peace Corps may be the next step, post grad school, but we'll see. There's an old phrase that goes like this: "if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." For now, I'll go with the flow & if the PC is part of the plan, it'll work out :)

The UN-list

2011-01-24T21:00:00.000-07:00

You know what’s not on my list of things to do while in Montana? Getting injured by a horse… but if it was, I could check it off today. That was a bit of a round of about way of saying that today I got smacked in the head by one of the horses at work. Yup, this is the same horse I checked off my “ride a horse in Montana” goal just a few months ago… Boy did that story take a turn for the worse. So, what happened was I was bringing that horse out to the big pasture, and just before I was about to let her out by the gate, she knocked her head against mine and into the fence. It swelled up pretty bad and I have a bump on my head the size of a golf ball. Fabulous….just as I was getting over my complex and insecurities in working with the horses…. I allow myself to have one day per week where I’m allowed to hate Montana. I’m pretty sure today takes the cake and is classified as that day. It might pour into tomorrow too, depending on what side of the bed I wake up on. I don’t have to be overly positive every single day about being here. Sure, I’m thankful for a lot in my life right now, but there are things I really hate- such as the wild crazy animals (more so, I hate what they do to me and the anxiety they produce in me). I think I have a healthy level of both joy & (pretty infrequent, but present) disdain for day to day life here. One thing I happen to love though is the beautiful bright sky I look into every night before bed- the stars light up the sky so bright it could keep me up at night. Luckily I’m a bit knocked out at the moment and will probably sleep pretty soundly tonight.

my first throw

2011-01-21T16:58:00.005-07:00

Today I learned how to throw (I haven't used the verb in the following context my entire life, but I figure I can give it a try now that I'm learning learning all about pottery). My friend Lindsay is an aspiring artist in the clay world of Helena, MT and she has inspired me through her great works to learn the basics of pottery. As I watched her teach my friend Nicole and I how to throw, she made it look simple, but after I got in front of that wheel and took a stab at it myself, I experienced a bit of misfortune (can you guess which mug above is mine?)... after the clay spun off the wheel two times too many, she began to make excuses for me "well, maybe it's that you're left handed & I'm teaching you backwards, or maybe your clay is too stiff..." she might as well have told me "well maybe it's because it's a full moon." Nicole got to the wheel before me and made a beautiful cylinder/mugesque form, while mine looked like a kindergartener's work. There are many things that inspire me, one being pottery (I have a huge mug fettish), but probably most of those things I am unable to excel at. Well, I guess that means I will just have an appreciation for them. After my defeat in the pottery world, I would have loved to sat down at my cello (which is currently in Connecticut) and expressed my artistic self through music, but alas, I was stuck, in Helena, Montana without my ownly creative outlet... I wonder how people are made with different talents, interests, and passions. What I have learned is that I often associate myself with people such as Nicole & Lindsay, because I am inspired by them in their masterpieces. I love to channel that creative energy from friends and be inspired in my own passions- working with and helping people cross culturally, and hearing their stories.
I know one thing for sure, and that is that I love a challenge. I challenge myself to learning how to make a mug before I leave Helena. I'll have to add that to my list of things to do while I'm in Montana. I hope I can conquer this small challenge :)

2011-01-19T22:05:00.002-07:00

''To shut our eyes is to travel.''Emily Dickinson