eternal sunshine of the spiritually split mind

that Jesus thing. my confession

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 14:11:00 +0000

ever since i can remember, and that's a long time now.
I have have had a strange spiritual connection to the world.
i do believe that the divine is ALL of our beliefs in one womb of energy.

me and jesus. and God at the nightmares i had. my grandfather being an artist at wood carving gave me this wood carving of the crucifixion of jesus at the age of 11. I treasured it when he gave me the carving, not because of jesus but because my grandfather gave it to me.
I was not raised christian, but everyone else was raised Christian at school. and i thought that was the way.
when i arrived home with the carving , i hung it up in my wall with great pride.
maybe a few years went by, and then one day the dreams started or should i say nightmares.
my confession..
i would dream and dream of the crucifix that my grandfather carved me. and then oneday, the crucifix carving of jesus began falling off the walls and shattering into pieces. i would awake and see the crucifix still hanging on the wall. the dreams would continue and haunt me. recurring once a week.. could you imagine the fear i had? i was dreaming of jesus shattering to the floor..
it was just awful. i had no one to talk to.. in my young mind, i did not understand why this beloved jesus kept terrifying me.
i decided to go to church with my little friends as a way to get out of the house, and maybe to get the jesus thing to an understanding. at that time i did not.
several years after that, i found myself pregnant with my first born son. and his aunt at the time insisted that i needed saving through jesus christ the lord and savior. this aunt is paternal, i would like to add..
i remember her sitting me down and her and two older women began praying over me, asking me over and over,, do you take jesus christ as your lord and savior? and i just said "YES!"
now, this was a turning point for me in my life spiritually. I actually felt Jesus , but what happened next is odd.. Jesus only decided to enter my spirit partially. I felt him, but he did not save me. I remember in my mind, "this is NOT right" and Jesus exited from me.
i did not speak EVER of this, letting the women know i was okay...
i went on for years, kinda lost spiritually...
then believe it or not, strangely witchcraft came into my life... witch craft spiritually fed me. i learned to meditate and get a grasp on my energy. I was told Once in a coven full moon gathering, that I could move mountains with that energy. I did not understand that either.
my life was full of fairies, and gnomes, and i was adored by the Gods. as, i have been my entire life....
one afternoon in my mid twenties i was in the middle of an afternoon nap. i was drifting between the veils of the world....... and then. Jesus appeared to me in my home. i did not know what to do?? my eyes were beholding Jesus Christ,i remembered that christ energy from when i was"saved" so, i just bowed on my knees. I thought that was what i was suppose to do. Right?
I remember looking up to Jesus, and Jesus shook his head NO at me, he didnt speak but his intentions came through my spirit, jesus said" stand up child. and look at me in the Eyes. and i did. what was jesus telling me? maybe i didnt have to bow.
i knew after that i had a solid relationship with Jesus. But not as a Christian. funny....Right?
or if you are Christian you are probably praying for me as we speak. if you think you heard laughter you did.... it was me!
i dont think there are many christians who can say they have had a Face to face with Jesus!
if i am ever asked about being christian? i always say, i am not christian, but i know Jesus really well. tadaaaa
I cant be a Christian, i do not believe Jesus wanted the church to become a business, and put fear into people. Jesus just wanted Love and Peace...
on occasion i will meet a person who is naturally connected with pure love for jesus and that's cool, i can beam up that spiritual energy.. i love my abilities. I am able to Tapp All Spiritual energy. why limit yourself, the spirit does not..
plz, readers,christians, and people of all faiths..
take some time today and think about humanity. and our mother earth, she's not very happy right now, and she's been a rumbling....... and that's never good, as we have lost thousands of lives because of it.
send your goodwill thoughts and prayers to the people who need it the most.

in her i know i am one

snow flakes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 15:09:00 +0000

i saw our first snow flakes of the year yesterday. for the first time in my life. i looked at those snow flakes with pure dread. i used to be so happy to see the snow fall.. with each day it grows colder and colder. the changing of the seasons effect me deeply. but, with that i experience the seasons change right before my eyes.winter,spring, summer, fall. I had never experienced that before. I had always lived in a warmer climate.
being connected spiritually with mother earth has its advantages. but feeling so dark, so cold for months at a time is rough on my earthly body.
i feel like i can never stay warm. i hate that part of it.
maybe seasonal depression. some days i am warmer than usual. not today.

in her i know i am one

maybe if someone just understood

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 15:19:00 +0000

i wish my memories would fade. of certain things of course. filled in my deep mind. deliver me from the reasons that i have to make my self exist
the reality is that i am alone in what i see, i feel, and i think. I do think my Phoenix hears me though deep in his mind.
i have been experiencing such emotional distress lately. i went for a visit home recently.
i decided to take Phoenix with me. I would say the feeling of the discontent of me and Phoenix being there was very Dark and i could feel every moment of it. i could do nothing to shut myself Off from that dark discontent.
i know Phoenix is different from most children. he feels even more than i can ever imagine.
He was wild during my visit. it was the negative energy that surrounded him. it made him want to be terrible and disruptive. I was so nervous, i knew Phoenix was driving my family crazy. it happened once before when i visited another member of my family. Both times, everyone would want to get away from Phoenix because he is loud and mischievous. the same thing i heard over and over, We are just Not used to that.
it made me feel terrible, was i imposing on my own family? Phoenix is autistic. I receive little support from my family. and by support, i do not mean money at all. i just need some compassion and understanding at least from my family while visiting them.
this is my own family. if you ask what Phoenix was doing, well, the house is not real organized and he was exploring and being a three year old. he does scream a lot and is very loud because of his speech delay. he is just a three year old. it was sad, for Phoenix. I feel very sad myself. I have been made to feel this way twice.
i mean there are crystals laying here and there, and drums, and all kinds of neat things in the house. he was told No several times.
really what i dont understand from this point of view,
Phoenix is a crystal child. there is No doubt about it. but this is Not a typical crystal child situation. maybe because he was in a house that was not his. i just dont know.
it is a terrible feeling. another puzzle for me to explore. which i have. i looked to a place you would not believe. the Lost books of the Bible. the gospel or book of Thomas.
i was virtually driven spiritually to this book.
http://www.gnosis.org/library/inftoma
Jesus' youth is written about. and it helped me through. the hurt is still there, but i understand.
sometimes life gets the best of me.
i am suppose to hold an open mind and an open heart.
but leaving it so Open, Hurts sometimes.
Phoenix is strong willed
he thinks the world revolves around him, i have tried to show him that he has to share his world with others, he just does not get it yet.
maybe if someone just understood.
in her i know i am one

bring back the sun

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 03:37:00 +0000

the dark time of the year has returned. there is hardly no night. hardly no light.
why must i accept this dark time of energy.
i want to shake it down to the ground, i feel so wobbly wobbly wobbly. the energy is beyond me. my arms feel like there is a current of electric fire pouring through me. my brain is sizzling..
how could this happen to me. what's this all about.
my three year old consumes me. he hypnotizes me with his eyes.
he has autism with hyper sensory disorder. i believe he can have anything that his heart desires.
he is one of the crystal children.
maybe i should get down on my knees and pray. dreaming and praying. of what. i knew that my son would not be normal. i knew he would be different, just how different. i did not know.
i wish i could be somewhere warm. i already miss the warmth of the sun. the dark time of the year makes my body worn down. i feel so wicked. mean and evil.
bring back my son.

in her i know i am one

Butterflies and the subconscious

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 00:59:00 +0000

i decided to make a stop in to my Eternal Sun Shine.
Over the Last nearly nine months, i have spent a lot of my thoughts over at http://autismandthecrystalbaby.blogspot.com/

Autism has become very spiritually enlightening for me. My three year old is a crystal child, i guess i cant refer to him as a crystal baby. HE's almost four years old now.

Phoenix is getting ready to start school. And i am glad. you have no idea how much energy it takes to keep him balanced. I often read about those sweet loving stories about the crystal children. I laugh to myself after nine more amazing months with Phoenix.
My crystal son walks both in the dark and light. where there is night there is day. when there is Life there is Death.
In the beginning of the spring there were caterpillars roaming the yard, and Phoenix was standing above a caterpillar with it standing looking up at him, and Phoenix lost his balance and stepped on the caterpillar. Charlie was devastated. One Less butterfly, i thought. I know.

well, I have had the biggest butterfly garden i have ever had. Hundreds of butterflies have stopped by our house this year. Not only that, we have around five or six hummingbird that live in our tree in the backyard.
Phoenix picks up the butterflies, looks at the them and lets them fly away.

everything has come to make more sense to me spiritually. I have learned that from a visit with some dear family members. its amazing what you learn if you just ask.

I would like to talk about the subconscious mind.
Crystal children are reported to be telepathic. Most are Austistic. because of their speech delay. I never thought how these children did it. How has Phoenix been able to get everything he had ever wanted and more without speaking like the "typicals"
I am going down a Path where it is revealing more of a subconscious thought is used for Phoenix to communicate. is the subconscious taking over his earthly body? is this Why we force him to talk and use his words? the subconscious is more powerful than we could ever imagine. Could the subconscious be our souls, traveling from life to life. Phoenix could be really mad at me for being born, and he could be rebelling refuses to be like the "typicals"
Understand i wanted Phoenix more than anything in the universe. I know he wanted me. I do not believe he could be this mad at me in his subconscious.
but he does fight until he knows he will not win, and then he gives in.

I wonder. I wonder tonight? why do i hear familar voices? I hear the sound of your voice, just as i hear my Phoenix. I know this voice has gone into the the highest realms of the afterlife. But i can still hear you.
So, is the subconscious our Soul? the voices from beyond, sound the same to me as my son.

In her i Know I AM One

Time keeps on Ticking

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 05:14:00 +0000

it won't be long now, my first born son will be off fighting for this great nation we live in. somedays i am so proud i am bursting with energy, then some days i feel like i want to crawl under my bed and not come out for a day or two. my time with him is drawing to a close. time doesnt stop for me or him or anyone.
tomorrow the little Phoenix has Play therapy. he is doing better with his speech and communication. this type of therapy seems to help his autism. he has been making great strides with his play and learning to play with things the correct way. i was thinking today, that my other sons didnt seem as advanced at this stage as the Phoenix. even though he cant communicate well, he is still very aware of letters, shapes and colors. he has learned how to draw pretty good. he loves to draw circles. Phoenix will be starting school soon. he is almost three. what will i do without my son during the day. i was hoping on spending more time with him, but its time for school.

why my house

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 22:29:00 +0000

i imagine a row of 125 houses all filled with children. An Austism chose my house. Maybe i should have marked my door like the Hebrews did at Passover.
Amazing things dwell within that spirit of is. The child already has a relationship with Christ. When we visit the thrift store he can pick up all things jesus. I want to get him a Christ Buddy. He is not so scary. Why does Jesus have to be so creepy. All except the baby jesus.

we are working hard to get on Phoenix's level. i dont know if i ever could. but, that seems to be only way to reach him. what is happening? where is the life that i recognize?

my pawpaw has left this world.. i miss him so much. i understand grief now. it hurts so bad.
the last time i saw him, i told him how much i loved him. i knew it would be the last time i saw him. painful as it is, i knew immediately he felt better. he didnt feel so good......

dancing in a fire

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 22:23:00 +0000

i tell you, some times i need someone to listen. but i feel i stand alone most of the time. i have tried taking care of myself the best i can......
Fibromyalgia has been kicking my ass lately. i have been going to water therapy and that was pretty awesome. who knew?? another thing that has been bothering me is my B-12 deficiency. my nerves were literally sizzling. I felt like i had electricity vibrating through my body, like i was dancing in a fire. i remember laying in bed one night before this flare began. I woke up to my entire body feeling like fire was flowing through my me. this could have been a spiritual experience i felt like i could have moved mountains with this fire power. look now, look around. voices and other sounds, can you see me now?
well, to sum all that up, i have to give myself b-12 shots. Clear the way for me.
you know your something special, but who knows what, i just shine when i can..
to all the billion souls out there, the life you've been given, can be grand, sometimes it doesnt seem that way. look at yourself, you make me feel alive. luck has always been on your side. i dont need to understand this. i cant put any better.

the winter is coming to the mountains. save me from the reminders,, i feel the sun fading away.. it is lonely here. my world is different.

in her i know i am one

Autism Sucks

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 22:07:00 +0000

well, the intervention team believes my Crystal has Autism.
Phoenix's teacher asks me how i feel about the possibility of Autism.
I said to her, Autism Spectrum Disorder is such a broad term, he probably does fall somewhere in the Spectrum. But let's see... as i spoke, i felt my heart sinking, i guess she is trying to prepare me.. I dont know...
Phoenix can talk, sure he has speech delay. but, if you listen, he sings.. and sings. I remember visiting with my sister, she said to me.. " is he singing"
He sings all the time.. My two year old is not talking or communicating the way the medical community deems fit.. Phoenix does communicate with me. But i cant tell his doctor or speech therapist of his mental communication.

in her i know i am one

crystal he is

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 04:34:00 +0000

once again with a new doctor the little Phoenix must see a speech therapist. We cant seem to get away from his speech delay. after doing some reading, i have found that crystal children seem to have exceptional visual symbolic skills. Meaning crystal children can recall their ABC's and 123's. Amazing. Phoenix has known his letters and numbers for a while. Oneday, Phoenix's father caught him one morning saying his letters. But he cant talk. He can say and recall at random all 26 letters of the alphabet. Now at two years old he can not say but 15 words max.
I know their are more crystal mothers out there. Just like me. Raising a crystal is a gift, but it is definately has it challenges. My biggest challenge is trying to get through speech therapy. Phoenix has his own language. he sounds like a whale singing a song.
lately it seems he has been a magnet for senior citizens. Mostly, senior citizens want to touch his golden blonde curly hair. but once the Phoenix locks his eyes on them, they just want to talk and play with him. Phoenix usually tucks his head down low, and will push the person away after a period of time. I guess he just had enough. And he Never ever speaks to anyone.

Whispers i dont wish to hear

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 14:58:00 +0000

a call to my granny leads to tears
my paw paw does not feel well today.
i dont know how old he is maybe 75.
i know i will be seeing him soon.
my fear is could it could be my last time i lay eyes on him.
i drift to the Land of faire as i am so teary.
i hear the whispers, the Blue lady says at least you know child
the phoenix comes to play with my hair to make me feel better
i have been told to listen to my whispers
i have heard some of the most beautiful whispers in my lifetime.
whispers of a true love, a child, what is real or not real
there are whispers i wish i would not hear from the Blue Lady.

in her i know i am one

child of mine

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 19 May 2009 19:29:00 +0000

i feel spring trying to show its warm face, i saw you, what's it all about?
you will get your way, my roses have bloomed
who would believe it

my Phoenix has grown so much through the winter.
his long blonde curly hair reflects in the yellow sun
every rock must be picked up
ants and snails are his favorite.
there can be no doubt
he cast his spell when he steps outside
the birds come to pay him a visit
who would be believe it

i remember you in dreams
the child of mine
you were conceived not once,twice, but three times.
the eyes of the gods have been watching over you

we live in a house full of spirit
you laugh and giggle, for no silly reason.
who could be tickling you

the Phoenix is happiest when he beats his Drum

in her i know
i am one

trick of the beat

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 03:30:00 +0000

now, that the next phase of my life has begun.. its amazing what can happen in a matter of months. i have moved again.. i have a mountain view, but once again..
its just another day. just my surrounding have changed, sometimes i feel so sad,, sipping my coffee and chasing rainbows. i was once held down, fighting schizophrenia and my spiritually split mind. my journey has lead me to listen to my whispers, listen to my inner self....... but, i have to turn my head until this darkness goes.. i wish i could take a break, but its to hard to stay awake... alone again until , he comes and he goes but he always leaves...

the one that you are looking for?
could it be that i do not wish to be found or maybe forgotten.. maybe just a vision from long ago,
i dont know why i do that, meet people, make them apart of my life, then i move on again never to be seen again.. i guess that makes me a bit of a mystery, turn to myth..
i must say i am doing alright.. what can i do? i always smile at the people i meet...i'll just bide my time with you........ i've got to move to the trick of the beat.

i have forgotten how spiritual i have been born to be. i guess i must shut down that workings of my mind sometimes or i feel i will short out.
come what may,
but, then its rekindled, something happens,life altering,
a person i knew was pulled away before her time, i met her when she was 7 and she happen to have the same birthday as me.she was my neighbor. the same age as my sister, they were the best of friends growing up together... as she grew to be part of our family. now, at 29 years of age she has gone away suddenly. maybe in another life i will find you there.. to know, to remember, to love again old friend... i look at myself... i look at myself.. the floor needs sweeping... listen to your whispers

i've come to talk to you again, you left visions in mind that still remain. you spent the night dancing in my dreams, you heard my words and you might reach me, but the signs flashed its meaning.

the blue lady has me once again, she came for a visit, what do we talk about? how long will she stay. i thought the Blue Lady laid sleeping, i guess she heard my weeps..

in her i know i am one..........

Crystal Engagement

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 16:08:00 +0000

It feels like years since he's been here
Phoenix, here he comes
I feel like the earth's been waiting
it's alright

i felt the spiritual energy of my son
i was awe struck, as i am discovering his crystalline energy
it is an incredible feeling knowing your son's spiritual energy contains far more than my abilities could ever reach in this lifetime. its very humbling

how many holes will he be able to fill.

since my last posting,
Phoenix has taught me of the Crystal Engagement.
A crystal engagement is when a Crystal child unleashes their spiritual energy and locks into yours. at the point of the crystal engagement many things can occur

the first of engagements, is the crystal confirmation engagement. this is when your crystal child confirms the fact they are indeed crystalline, this engagement can happen in a number of forms and is unique to the crystal caregivers. you will know when this happens, it is a feeling like none other

the second of the engagements is telepathy. the telepathic engagement is for everyday life with your crystal baby.crystal telepathy is like "mommy i need some milk in my cup.

the third engagement is crystal engagement messaging. crystal messaging is different than telepathy.
Crystal children messaging comes to us from the spiritual plane. the third crystal engagement is by far the most spiritual of all the engagements. During the time of this crystal engagement the recipient will feel like if they have just been kissed by god. this is when spiritual information is passed through the crystal child from the spiritual world to the recipient. during my first message engagement with my son, my eyes were burning so hot, and my face felt like it had extreme heat next to it, it felt like spiritual light being placed on me and my crystal.

the fourth of the engagements is the crystal healing engagement.
my crystal baby has never done this engagement with me. i do believe he has done this engagement before. one day he was at his weekly play date at the baby gym. there sat an elderly lady, my crystal baby toddled right up to her,never mind the play balls and the bubbles everywhere. he stopped and look right into her eyes's for maybe 30 seconds. then he stood before her and touched her hand but just with his pointer finger. then Phoenix just giggled and ran to play with the bubbles.
i looked at the elderly lady and she smiled so brightly. she just told me how beautiful his eyes were.

I love my dear Phoenix. Crystalline he is, protect him. i must.

in her i know i one

Autism, a Crystal, and The Blue Lady

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 05:05:00 +0000

it has been a struggle lately, my Phoenix is 18 months old and has been put under a microscope by the medical community. he simply decided he didnt want to talk, nothing no mama dada, nothing.
Phoenix can communicate with me through other ways though, i actually call him my little orca whale, because he loves to sing, and he sounds just like an orca...
but none the less, i was told he possibly couldnt hear and that's why he couldnt talk. which this scared the living daylights out of me, geez, the hearing test was done, and he can hear, praise the gods,, my Phoenix simply has a speech delay, one of the characteristics of crystal children, but also a characteristic of autism.
now, Phoenix's doctor has him under the help me grow program, where the state gets involved with Phoenix's speech delay. the social workers involved with Phoenix actually come to my home, to visit with him. and i still have the autism paperwork, which i dont want to fill out....

i drift to the land of faire
I have missed you, i told The Blue Lady..
i have just this for you The Blue Lady said to me
Your Phoenix will speak to you soon ...

then we were doing alright, Phoenix and me were on the Floor playing tickle.
sometimes messages have a funny way of getting to you, for i doubted Phoenix to be Crystal.
i placed my face on the bottom of Phoenix's feet, tickle, tickle, but a tickle of his feet wasnt what he wanted. i felt him lock into my eyes, as i then played pick a boo with his feet, then i felt the crystalline energy of my son embrace me, Phoenix told me to send energy to him, and if you are familar with REiki, i was sending reiki energy to him. and everytime i would send a wave of energy to him, he would start giggling, we did this over and over radiating through each other, with him giggling louder and louder everytime i sent him energy. then i heard The Blue Lady say to me, you have your Crystal Confirmation...........................................
after wards
i felt like i had been touched by the Gods, i have experienced many forms of enlightenment in my lifetime, by evoking the goddes herself, this experience with my Crystal Phoenix,, so far was the most spiritual, and devine of my entire life, i felt my spirit shimmering .
my son had given me a lesson, and that lesson is to help crystal mommies from my experiences through him.
so many crystal mother's dont know how to nurture the crystal energy of there child. and that is onething we must do....another thing Phoenix taught me, when a crystal mother is in doubt about the child being a crystal.... a confirmation will appear like nothing you have ever experienced before. and you will know and never doubt again. a young crystal knows nothing but truth........ and as a mother you must know it to be true.

and here i am once again back to reality, Phoenix said his first word thursday night, dada, and by saturday he said mama......... now he is saying bababa too....
unbelievable, but i must listen carefully to the Blue Lady..........

i recommend crystal caregiver's to learn Reiki, you dont have to pay a fortune for a reiki 1 attunement, besides i would do that 100% free if any Crystal Parent requests an attunement.
Crystal's are born to us for a reason, we did not choose them, they choose us.....

in her, i know i am one

another turn of the wheel

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 04:57:00 +0000

it has been a while since i have been here, today i decided to return to my eternally split mind. KNock, KNock on my door, says the Blue Lady,
I gotta get outta here
the one that you are looking for, you are not going to find her here
The Blue Lady Speaks to Me
i realize that the end of summer is drawing near...
I gotta get out of here.

why is this happening to my younglin's i ask her?
you have the strongest of younglin's.
why want my Phoenix speak to me,
he has child, says the blue lady, in many different ways.
he will communicate with you in time...

my oldest is not a younglin anymore, but so strong,
he is being tested now, sadly life gives us happiness, and love, and growing bonds that can not be broken, then they are snapped beyond reason testing our strength a little to soon.. even though love is ever lasting, the human touch and voice always disappears, only to return in the next life.. i pray i can give him enough strength

KNock, KNock on my door, says the Blue Lady,
I gotta get outta here
the one that you are looking for, you are not going to find her here..

the wheel turns and turns again.

may the gods give my second younglin strength.
i do not know if he knows what's happening around him
if he can see through the darkness of what reality has chosen for him.
protect him i must..

KNock, KNock on my door, says the Blue Lady,
I gotta get outta here
the one that you are looking for, you are not going find her here..

i want to return close to the water.
i want to get out of here.
before another turn of the wheel occurs,
i do not know if i will make it out of here.

in her i know, i am one

those flowers are blooming and my smile has returned

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 03:41:00 +0000

the winter in columbus was very difficult on me and spirit. it was so gray during the winter months.
maybe we will move south soon,, i have dreams and wishes of being back in the sun during the winter months. we draw so much energy from the sun's powerful rays, but when the sky is always gray, its hard to get that feeling of yellow, warmth, and the love of the sun.
now, that summer has arrived, my fairy garden is in a crazy bloom.. the petunias flowers are simply a work of art i must say.
i used alot of REiki energy in the growth and love of my fairy garden.. and believe it or not, my petunia's came back from last year. the little beauties simply seeded themselves. i barely bought any flowers this year, i will post some pics of my master pieces soon........ it just hasnt gotten that hot in columbus yet...
my elephant ears are growing jumbo too, they are such happy little plants..

i went to see sandy last week, she seems to be happy, and i wish the world could have seen how happy the flower baskets made her.
she smiled from ear to ear.......
amazing how that filled my heart...

i dont know where my spirit goes sometimes, it dwifts away and leaves me over and over.
to the land of faire
i am
half the sun
half the moon
i go for a walk
i want to go to church
but not to stay
what would i do there?
i had a talk with jesus once?
he made me get off me knees..
he said i did not need to kneel.
heaven is so far away

i have come to talk with you again,
and the vision still remain.
restless dreams i keep having
recurring dreams,, recurring dreams
the snake will not leave my dreams.

the moon is beautiful this evening.
as i write it gazes at me through the window.
i was wondering why i was shaking with energy.
beautiful it is

i was just wishing i was back home on atlantic beach north carolina, with my friends and my old world, that feels like never never land......

soon i will be free

in her i know i am one

gnomes, seroquel and snakes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 16:10:00 +0000

i dont know where my mind is lately. i happen to purchase a traffic exchange, so, if you need some traffic to your website stop by http://www.HitGnome.com/signup.php?1000
i love that damn gnome... it is so funny because i swear i used to have this gnome that lived with me, i dont know how many times my husband's zippo lighter would just simply vanish into thin air.
one evening we destroyed our living room looking for this zippo lighter. we even turned the furniture upside down looking for this darn lighter. well, we managed to get our living room back together piece by piece. But no zippo lighter....... well, hours later low and behold what is laying at my husband's feet..... the freaking zippo!!!!! DAmn Gnomes, is what my husband always said..
when i stumbled onto hitgnome being for sale, i simply could not resist...... it surely has consumed me. but i love it.

my friend sandy has moved to an apartment now. i should be ashamed of myself for not going to see her more often, but i have been terribly sick. and i could not be responsible for getting her sick... i have made her some beautiful flower baskets out of the flowers that were left behind after the fire next door. i am planning on going by next week and bringing her flowers to her, that should make her happy.......

i still know know where my mind has been lately, my sister called me the other day, and dont know why i havent returned her call yet...... i guess either i have been so sick, and didnt care, or i just simply didnt feel like talking......... who knows with all this craziness in my mind........

i know one day this week i ran out of my seroquel,, oh the dreams came back just as vivid has ever....... i dreamed about my baby getting swallowed by a snake,,,,,, i dream alot about snakes..... believe me,,,, i wish the snake dreams would stop....... maybe i am being swallowed up by the world, i dont know...........

in her i know i am one

Reiki , Witchcraft and Energy

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 15:20:00 +0000

Good day my friends. today the Blue Lady has given me and incredible reality....
yesterday happened to be a Full Moon . i was planning to do a special spell cast for a friend that sought me out from www.experienceproject.com . . believe it or not, i pondered doing the spell for a month.... after many growing lessons of witchcraft, i have learned to only use my energy for the greater good...... i have grown so deeply spiritual with my energy through the soothing energy of reiki. before i was attuned to reiki, i could barely tolerate being around people... anywhere from walmart to a christmas party, i felt the energy of every single person i came near.. it felt like electric shocks jolting me wherever i went.......

finally, Reiki has came into my life. i am attuned to usui reiki, but, usui reiki energy is like a quiet little bunny in a spring field, it has a nice soothing energy, but it just wasnt powerful enough for my high level of energy.. finally after being attuned to the akashic records, fusion reiki, blue star celestial reiki..... i stumbled upon kundalini reiki......... WOWZAa
kundalini is a powerhouse of energy and perfect for me, my energy....... my kundalini energy is amazing..... i can actually feel the energy turn on in the base of my spine. Amazing!!
with the ability of withcraft and the power of reiki , the 2 have become one with me.......
i have learned that with the power of the moon, you can actually store your energy within the moon and basically broadcast REiki energy to your recipent..... this is a far more powerful method of healing and attunement. this can best be done during the full moon........ although i have just became attuned to this through the Blue LADy........

whenever the moon is full call on me for a healing loving spiritual energy attunement.....
this attunement will bring us closer to our spiritual energy that dwells within us.
the name of this attunement will be named Blue Lady Reiki...........
there are no symbols to learn with this form of reiki. this healing energy is drawn down from the energy of all things and is magnified 10 fold on the night of the full moon.. this energy attunement will be an energy source for all to tap into, but a must have for reiki healers and witches. can you imagine all the possibilities with this energy source?

are you ready to tap into this energy source? the moon has been gazed upon since the beginning of time, imagine it??????? get your Blue lady REiki attunement today......

When One turn beComes aNothEr

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 17:59:00 +0000

my thoughts have drifted once again into the Land of Faire,,,
i have wondered all my life about my childhood. there is so much i chose not to remember as a little girl that i lost all memories of that time period in my life... i wondered why i found it so hard to mother my first son, well, it had dawned on me, //////////// WHY???

during my visit with my daddy, i noticed how he never even looked at the Phoenix.. the baby Phoenix just crawled over his lap with my daddy not even barely noticing His grandson.
DING!!!!!!
was this what life was like for me as a baby? not being held or loved or barely noticed.....

when one turn becomes another.......

with my boys, i have three.
my first born is just that.
First...
i love him so much.
i was so young when i had him, i hardly knew how to take care of myself, but we managed... i hugged and kissed you the best i knew how, i look at you now and you are a such a strong young man. if i had all to do over i would but only for you,,, my First........
Superman will always be my Hero.
Now, i ask myself,
did i hug you enough when you were a baby boy? i believe i did.......
did i let you stay up late with me and watch t.v. together? i know i did.......
did i let you have what ever i could afford to buy you and more? for sure i did.....
i made extra sure you had friends to play with while growing up with........

i dont think i am that great of a mama, but i try,,,,,, as we all do,,

what can i do better?

or a better question. can i get better?

as spiritual is as spiritual does....

my psychiatrist decided to up my dosage of seroquel.
also my zoloft has increased to 100 mg...... so, my body is just like WOW.......

i am just wondering when the Evil of my schizophrenia will come knocking on my door..... that's when i come undone............ my spirituality and schizophrenia just Dual at each other....... i believe that the evil schizophrenia are me and my demons at war.. as Simple as THAT

who do you have? there is Her.........

in her i know i'm one

You Can Do Magic

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 00:57:00 +0000

s ince i was a little girl in the summer months on the farm, i would always notice small zooms of colored light ,run pass me at any given moment, especially around dusk was when most of them would appear. i never thought much of it, i thought everyone saw what i saw, because my baby sister saw it too. no big deal, who would believe it? my sister and me still talk about it to this day, now,
do you wonder
if me and my sister still have the ability to see the fairies. YES

its always easier in summer to fall months for me to see the fairies
and if your opened minded, i believe you can see the Fairies too
i have helped many people
open their eyes and spirit to amazement.

you can do magic
you can see fairies if your heart desires

A Spiritual Lesson by Shelly StarZZ

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 31 May 2008 01:10:00 +0000

i have returned from another vacation. i did Not feel good about this trip at all......... i felt it down to my bones. i did not know what it could be, Finally I heard the whispers,,, "Do Not be Gone Long Child"says The Blue Lady...... But, i have no choice, my husband had made plans to visit North Carolina. and had told my family we were coming, to many hearts would be broken if i canceled.

the drive to Atlanta was one of the best drives i have ever experienced. we went through Cincinnati around 10pm, it was one of the most amazing cities i have ever seen in the night. Cincinnati looks like a city floating in the sky at night, it was an awesome site. we made our way to Atlanta where my husband's family lives. i thought i would be a nervous wreck around them, but i was fine, valium is a god send for me sometimes. it just bumps that edge off from being around people, especially my husband's family. it has been 9 years and a Phoenix later and i still dont feel comfortable around them.

the hotel in atlanta was very nice. we had a full kitchen and all the fun stuff. i was even able to work on a couple of my projects here and there.
http://moneyreikilove.blogspot.com/
in the back of the hotel was the beautiful pond. we took Phoenix for a walk around the pond everyday. i enjoyed the solitude of the hotel room in the afternoon, Phoenix would take a nap, and it was just silent. the silence is sometimes my favorite sound.
i found myself getting sad, our visit in Atlanta ended...
we were back on the road again, and on our way to North Carolina. as i got closer to Home, i found myself getting excited, maybe just to see my Boys..... who in the world knows

we made it to my mother's house. and the Phoenix went full throttle. my mother has things everywhere in her house for the Phoenix to get into, and Believe me when i tell you, he lives up to his given name to the tee. Amazing, he was so curious about every little item in the house. even the poor little cockatiels . Phoenix not fearing anything reached his hands up to the cage and grabbed the cockatiel by the tail and started pulling at his feathers. my jaw dropped......
Phoenix really enjoyed the strawberry patch. his granny took him to her strawberry patch and let him do whatever he wanted. when she brought him inside, Phoenix was covered from head to toe with strawberry stained hands and face,,,,, His clothes, Oh His clothes, Simple GREEN got the stains out. amazing

I could feel my parents feeling a little edgy about being around Phoenix. I felt it very strongly, he is just a curious little guy. and Phoenix lets you know Loudly when he is unhappy, he is awesome.

from that point on it just felt like everything was going South....

my poor sweet cody chamara............... it was bitter sweet but he came back home to me....
my son is a bit different than most people, and people have known it since he was a small child.
and being different sometimes freightens people.
People fear What They Do not Understand.....
i have heard that phrase since beginning of time

he was coming home to me anyway, but his step mother could not get rid of him fast enough, the Step Mother and all her wickedness couldnt wait 8 days until both of my boys were coming up to columbus ohio anyway........ NOPE, she wanted him out while i was in north carolina. the Step Mother called my son WEIRDO and Freak over and over, and he could not take it any more. the Torture was so Bad My Son Gave up his 8th grade concert, his 8th grade graduation, he didnt even get a chance to say good bye to any of his friends..

the saddness i feel for my cody chamara could not fill a thousand holes

All this drama is unfolding at my mother's. usually my mother's home is so serene...... i did not wish to bring such negative energy in her Home. i reminded her to sage the house it was that wild.......

finally we are packed and ready to come home, packing the car was not easy, we drove the suzuki for good gas mileage, not much room in that car. but managed.......

it is a long drive home, i think i hate that drive the most ever.... newbern to columbus,,,,
we get almost home, and my husband gets another speeding ticket...
thank god i think to myself, i am medicated, because our was ....................

finally we are coming home, we pulled up to our house... and my friend and next door neighbor
SANDY,
Her House had Burned Down...... Bless her heart, the gods and angels were with her that evening the house caught fire. you see, she is sandy, my friend that is a quadriplegic was alone in her house in the bed, she couldnt move. thank god she has a life alert button. i was told the firefighters arrived in seven minutes, and had her out of her burning home... save and sound

i went to visit her today, Sandy is staying in a nice wheel chair accessible hotel. but the poor thing doesnt have a wheelchair. it was destroyed in the fire........ i wish the insurance people would hurry,

i feel so guilty about leaving for so long for a vacation that i really didnt want to
go on..... i remember hearing it over and over...... Do Not Be Gone Long Child......

Sandy will rebuild her home, and once again i will have a friend next door again........

life gives us moments when omens and prophecies are jabbing us right in our minds and spirits. why did i choose to ignore the warning signs??????? i knew it was coming, "THe Blue LADY"
came right to me with her whispers. my spirituality grows stronger everyday...... i learn spiritual lessons everyday......... i dont know if scored to high on that spiritual lesson.... or maybe i did... i just need to listen to The Blue Lady, which i did........ even though i was given the whispers, the omens, there was nothing i could do. my son was in need of his mother and i was there for him, but i was fairly warned with what was to come. i could not change what was to be................

I have Cast a Love SpeLL

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 14 May 2008 18:38:00 +0000

w hen i was just beginning to learn to cast spells, i let my ego get in the way, and did something unthinkable as a witch. i was like a new toy with different gadgets, i had to try every gadget out.
so, how does this work?, i thought "love spells"
well, i wasnt interested in anyone,
i needed to find someone to put the spell on??? i know, i was young....
i happened to find this guy at work, but the funny thing, the guy was gay
could i possibly pull this off? hmmm, he is pretty cute i thought.
i imagined him day and night
the spell was cast...........
ever mind the rule of three
with love and faith
it will come to thee
next thing i know, i started hanging out with him
and all he could imagine was me,
day and night
i started recieving calls , he started following me around like a puppy dog, remember we worked together, so, after he had a wisdom tooth extracted he insisted on seeing me. it really got out of had.
what had i done?
it was insane, i had to make a call to my cousin to see if there was anything i could do to break this spell,,, HE says, A SPELL ALWAYS HAS TO RUN ITS COURSE.......
well, the spell ran its course alright, right into a broken heart for both of us
so, for all the witches thinking about casting a love spell,
spell casting is a stepping stone in our spirituality
one we will cross one way or another.
and i am still trying out my new gadgets ever learning
as you will too

love and light

MY Crystal Baby

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 10 May 2008 18:47:00 +0000

i imagined you long ago inside my mind, and in my dreams i hugged and kissed you a thousand times.

you all i ever i wanted, you were the only thing i dreamed of for eight years. the days would pass and i would see children i thought you might would look like. beautiful brown eyes with long dark eyelashes. skin as brown as a coconut.

i tried so desperately to get you here. i longed to see the sunlight in your hair.

Now, you are here,

your hair glistens in the sunlight, your eyes are so brown i feel you peeking through to my soul. you observe the world as i knew you would.

sometimes i feel my heart will over flow, but it just flows right through to the Phoenix and back again. an energy so striking for a child of 14 months. he doesnt speak much, but tells me everything i need to know.
i can see it in his smile
how much he loves the world
i wonder about this Crystal Baby my Phoenix.. Destiny will Tell
I want to start by Saying I LOVE YOU

I'M Still THE ONe

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 07 May 2008 18:51:00 +0000

the other day something incredible happened. my neighbor's niece came by to see a painting that a friend had painted for me for my birthday. it is a painting of Nefertiti herself. i would have to say it was one of the most special birthday presents i have ever received. i could tell my friend painted it for me with great love.

my neighbor's niece, come to find out has a special place in my heart. i never had laid eyes on her until that moment. i knew her sister, baby girl terri, and her mother, a beautiful light skin woman. i had heard over and over about MI MI. MI MI is the very same age has the baby Phoenix. I had spoke to Sandy for months about MI MI. and terri comes to see me at least once once a week. but there was a missing key. it was the ringing of my door bell and the special painting that brought the Angel to me. the Angel was MI MI's mama. the circle was complete.

From the Moment i laid eyes on the Angel, the Blue Lady whispers in my ear, Child she needs Guidance. and you and only you can give her the Peace she so desperately needs. if even for a moment....
What do I do? its has been so long? it has been over 3 years since i have spiritually guided anyone. the BLUE Lady replies. your energy has been with you since there has been stars in the Heavens. Child, this isnt about you, your journey is to help others with their spiritual selfs, whether it be any religion or belief, your guidance will lead many to a peace within themselves they did not know existed.

The Angel sits with me for what feels like spiritual bliss. i have explained to the Angel things that i spiritually guided her to, i simply can not remember, it was for her and her alone.

During the visit i felt the need to pull my classic Rider-Waite Tarot Deck. unbelievable but that gift hasnt left me either. i think the most amazing part of the session was using the ENCHANTED SPELL BOARD. it is very similiar to the ouija board but the spiritual connection was intense, i felt like i was channeling. Amazing.

I hope the Angel will return soon, she restored my confidence that i had lost so long ago.

http://moneyreikilove.blogspot.com/