Lala's Lores

Murdered by Cop. AGAIN

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 07 Jul 2016 10:33:00 +0000

When a 20 something year old self proclaimed "proviledgrd white kid" asked in earnest what could he do when things like this happen, a fellow person of "white privilege" (I assune) said that he shouldn't do anything. In fact he suggested that his feelings of guilt were being put upon him by people who didn't deserve his care or compassion. The following is my reply to both the young man and his "friend":

I don't think anyone is "guilting" him or any other innocent person. It's refreshing to see a young man standing up and want to genuinely help, but also admit not knowing how. As someone else said, continue to be a good kind and respectful person is always the first and most obvious steps. But the second suggestion, when you see something say something applies here also.

As way of a comparison, much of why Hitler and the Nazi's were able to strip, brutalize, and kill millions of Jews in such a short time, was that they had lulled the German people into believing that the Jews were at fault for what was happening to them. Just like the men and women of color who are killed by police officers today, they are often portrayed as depraved, criminals that don't warrant due process.

The Nazi's also did these crimes out of the sight and therefore minds of the larger German community. Without personal cell phones, store camera, and in some cases body/dash cams, most of these atrocities would go unnoticed and therefore swept under the rug. It's bad enough that even when there is video they still manage to find a way to discredit what we see with our own eyes and making every MURDER justifiable. Even when they are charged they are almost always found innocent.

A police officer's "perception of the facts" are all that matter. If you are racist, biased, suspicious, or are at very least ambivalent about the welfare of a entire community how can your perception be relied upon? How can you fulfill your sworn duty to serve and protect the very people you could care less about?

If the only thing a police officer has to say is that "I thought I saw a gun" or "I was afraid for my life" to be cleared, under-charges, or acquitted, what else do they ever need to say? They already have the script!

As a CNN contributor, Mark Lamont Hill said yesterday, all over America police officers are able to respond, de-escalate, and appropriately handle thousands of calls when its white people they come in contact with, why aren't people of color afforded the same courtesy?

Why don't black people just comply with the officers orders? First of all, complying doesn't guarantee a safe outcome. Even when complying with the order to get his license, Philando Castile was shot multiple times in front of his girlfriend her 4 year old daughter. Second, what happens when complying is violating my constitutional rights? White people can say no, disagree, yell, curse, jump up and down, and act crazy with a weapon and still make it home in time for the evening news. Just ask Sandra Bland. She knew the law. She knew she didn't have to put out her cigarette. And yet somehow she ended up in jail and mysteriously found dead some few days later.

So my advice is, when you see something say something when the situation doesn't seem right. It doesn't have to be at a rally, but just within your own group of friends and family.

TheGrio.com

When everyone cares about their neighbors, oppression of any kind won't be tolerated.

How many different scenarios have to happen in which a person of color ends up dead before it becomes clear that it really doesn't matter where we are, how we act, our financial, socio-economic, or social standing. We end up dead on the pavement.

Borrowing from D.L. Hughley, a white man with a gun is a Patriot a black man with a gun is a Thug!

How do I explain the young men in my family, who know the law and their constitutional rights, that these don't necessarily apply to you as a baby, child, or person of color, because of the color of your skin. To the police your already a criminal, they are just waiting to find out what it is this time that will allow them to shoot you dead!

In the land of the "free for some" it's not safe to be a person of color.

WHY WE HURT

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 31 Jul 2013 07:19:00 +0000

I decided to take a break from my blog during and after the State of Florida vs. George Zimmerman debacle. During the trial, my blood boiled for Trayvon Martin, his parents, Tracy and Sabrina, and for the Black community. Once the verdict was read, it became

PURE RAGE!

The debate that went back and forth about the Law vs. Morality vs. Emotion, White vs. Black vs. Hispanic, and Self-defense vs. Stand Your Ground vs. Murder left me dry. I was lost, disenchanted, alone.

I couldn’t wrap my head around what to write about; I didn’t know what to say, other than I was angry. I felt a divide develop in my heart, the same one felt during the O. J. Simpson trial, and the trial of the officers that beat Rodney King. Them vs. Us.

My rage turned to anger, which turned to disbelief, which turned to sadness, which turned to knowing, which turned to understanding the depth of this reality.

What continues to baffle me is that some people still don’t understand why Black people as a whole were so intimately invested in this outcome. They want to point to “Black-on-Black” crime and say that we are a not equally as outraged about that. This again is not true. We have tried long and hard to rid crime in our communities.

What cannot be lost on everyone is that crimes committed by Black men on other Black men, never makes national news. In part, because nothing more is expected. It is almost as if you said, “Let them kill each other off”. What is salacious about these crimes to rise to the level necessary to make it into the national spotlight?

As another example, there are hundreds of women in the greater Cleveland area missing. Where is the outrage about that? When Black children go missing, there isn’t a national outcry for their whereabouts. There is halt the national news everyone when a White child goes missing. This dichotomy represents to the entire country, that Black and Brown lives are not as valuable.

Perspective of a Black Man

I believe that President Obama spoke eloquently about what it feels like to be a Black man in American; whether it be 35 years ago or today. And yet he is the President of the United States. If he were not, he knows that his life as well as the life for his children would be different. He knows that he could have been Trayvon had life turned out differently.

My Perspective

My feeling, although in complete alignment with President Obama’s press conference statements, are from a different perspective.

My pain goes back to being a young girl who had never seen racism up close and personal. I was raised to respect everyone regardless of race, creed, color, religion, etc.

My father who is and will always remain my hero, is a respected man in the community. At that time he was a manager at his job, and a local minister. He had never committed a crime in his life, never arrested, never in trouble. My father was the most patient, loving, easy-going man on the planet. And he remains that way today.

One evening, as my dad drove the two of us home, from McDonald’s probably, we were pulled over by a local White police officer. The officer took a great deal of time coming to the car. I asked my dad why he was pulled over and he said that he didn’t know. We were not speeding, and there weren’t any traffic signals on that particular dark road, so he couldn’t have any moving violations. We were stumped

Finally, as the officer approached with his hand on his gun and holster he asked for my father license, registration, and insurance card. My father immediately complied with his request. I wanted to know why we had been pulled over. But my father sat their silently, as his documents were examined on the spot as if they were forgeries. My father answered each additional question with a “No Sir” “Yes Sir” “Yes Sir” “No Sir”. With each polite answer, the officer became more condescending and rude.

Once again, my blood boiled inside. Why is this man, young enough to be my fathers’ son, being so rude and disrespectful?

When he went back to his car to “check us out officially”, I turned to my dad, embarrassed for him and by him for allowing this treatment. I was angry & hurt & sad! The more my father said that it would be ok, the angrier I got. I wanted him to be mad. I wanted him to say it this is wrong, and I am going to do something about it.

My father, who is extremely mild mannered, gave me a stern warning to watch it, and be quiet. My outrage had been silenced by the man I loved and admired.

Once the officer returned to the car, he handed my father back his documents, made some reference about being careful, and sent us on our way. My hero , my daddy had been treated as if he was less than.

DRIVING WHILE BLACK IN AMERICA

What shook me to my core was that my father reasoned that it was better that we were disrespected, and home alive, then right and dead on the side of that road.

It was a lesson I didn’t want to learn. I wanted fairness and equality, respect and consideration.

This change when I had my Black son. Not that I desired these things any less; this blessing in my life came with the realization that he too would have to come to the same reasoning as my Dad, when it came to authority, especially the police. And I like so many other Black parents, especially of Black boys I had to teach the lesson. You are worthy by right, but not the same in their eyes.

This is not a direct assault on police officers. I love and respect those who put their lives on the line to serve us. However, the ones who use and abuse their authority for their own self-esteem have no idea what they do to the little girls and boys in the car with their parents while they disrespect them.

TOO THEM, I WILL ALWAYS HOLD A GRUDGE

Back to George Zimmerman

George Zimmerman as the neighborhood watch captain, failed as a leader for his community. Why? Because he killed a member of his community. Who wants a neighborhood watch captain like that?

Part of what made the Zimmerman case so pivotal is that George wasn’t anyone of any authority. Trayvon did not have to acknowledge him at all. Trayvon had every right to ignore him, and go anywhere on the property for the public he so chose. If someone followed George in his neighborhood, that would be suspicious. No? So why did Trayvon not have to same right to be suspicious of George Zimmerman?

I believe in the Castle Doctrine. If you break into someone’s house or place and business without reason, what you get is what you asked for.

However, if you are walking, jogging, running in place, running home, in any neighborhood in these United States of America, you should not fear for your life. Not in the Black community, White community.

NOT IN ANY COMMUNITY!

Stand your ground says that if you have a right to be there, you can stand your ground. But what are the rights of the other person? Trayvon had every right to be there. Essentially, he was resident of the gated community for the time that he was visiting with his father; the circumstances of which is no one else’s business, but his parents.

Secondly, the overarching result of this verdict now says that you can start an altercation (following them in your car and on foot in the dark @ 7 pm in the evening). If at any point during the altercation you start to lose or feel that you will receive great bodily harm (fear of death not necessary) you can use deadly force. So how does this work? I started it, but when I can’t end it, I can take your life!

What I don’t understand is that it was never the consideration of the prosecution or the jury to understand that this entire story could be true, but in the reverse. Perhaps Trayvon was in fear for his life. Perhaps George stepped to him, with the gun already drawn. Maybe Trayvon thought that he had to fight to save his own life, and fought for the gun. Never did they think of Trayvon as a child. He was a Black Man to be feared.

My blood boiled for Trayvon Martin, his parents, Tracy and Sabrina, and for the Black community.

I now fear for my own son, as he walks the street by himself, in his community, in a state where Stand Your Ground is law.

Logic v. Emotion

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 20 Jun 2013 01:34:00 +0000

Yes I am talking about the stereotypical differences between men and women. For the most part, men operate on logic, and women on emotion. My argument to men is, you can’t love the emotional part of a woman that will walk 100 miles in the desert without water for you; but not the one who talks about her feelings during a disagreement.

I am fully aware of the exceptions to this rule, but over all this is the basis of most misunderstandings between men and women. When a woman is upset and “irrational” about something, the worst thing a man can do is only apply HIS LOGIC to the situation. It is not that we cannot understand and see why your point of view “makes sense”. However, this narrow thinking invalidates our feelings.

As an example, a woman in a romantic relationship feels threatened when another woman is actively trying to seduce her man. It doesn’t mean that she is insecure or jealous. It means that she would prefer that the chick respect and appreciate your committed relationship and back off.

Now men in these situations get a little extra swag when another woman actively pursues them. They might not even want the chick, but the fact that another woman is aggressively after them, complimenting them about how great they are, presents a conflict within a man. It strokes their egos. They may even “feign” a friendship just to keep the attention from both sides of the equation. Or better yet pretend that they don’t have any idea what we speak of.

However, when it reaches a crescendo and the couple have it out about this “chick/friend”, a man will say,

“What is your problem?”

“You know I’m not really going to mess with that girl?”

“I don’t even know what you are talking about!”

“LOOK AT THIS LOGICALLY, I AM HOME WITH YOU, I CAN’T MESS WITH HER?”

Even if a woman knows all of that is true, she wants to discuss how this makes her feel. She may counter his stupid logic with,

“It bothers me that you are even entertaining conversations with

a woman that wants you to leave me for her?”

“It hurts my feelings?”

“Why don’t you understand how this makes me feel?”

Then a man will have the nerve to say something like,

“I can’t have this argument with you, YOUR NOT BEING LOGICAL!”

Harsh!

A woman operates with both emotion and logic. If she relied solely on her logic, the two of you would probably not be together. Her logic would have had her weigh the pros and cons of who you are and moved on long ago. It is her emotional capacity that allows her to love you for who you are now, and for the potential of what you can become. It is the emotion she draws on, so you have a safe place to be yourself, no matter what that looks like.

So men, appreciate all the parts of your woman, including her emotional, irrational self. Without it, you would probably be alone!

Lala

Presidential Pardons

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 06:41:00 +0000

Presidential pardons have become an informal ritual at the end of their term. I am sure that there will be a huge number of requests for a pardon to President Obama.

I also know that as a community, African Americans are expecting that he would take serious consideration in the African Americans who have been jailed for many years without due process or where the wheels of justice have been faulty.

I would like to make the argument that one man be given that consideration. Not because he is more worthy than any other, but that it would probably never happen again in this man’s lifetime. The man I speak of is Mumia Abu-Jamal (Mumia Abu-Jamal Freedom Website)

I have no affiliation with him or anyone in his camp, but I have observed from a distance the shenanigans that have taken place with his case. As I said a moment ago, there is no way anyone else in this man’s lifetime will give him the chance of getting out of prison, even though he may be completely innocent.

The reason why Mumia Abu-Jamal will die in jail, by either lethal injection or naturally, is that he is considered a threat to order in the U.S. As a journalist in Philadelphia, he questioned the decisions of the local, state, and federal government.

I do not write this blog with the hopes of supporting any one person over another, but I raise it to say that as a community we must enlighten ourselves. I can remember when I didn’t know anything about the Move Organization and what happened to their members on that fateful day in 1985.

Do you? If not, it is important that you find out what happened.

Mumia Abu-Jamal did know, and covered the massacre. For this type of coverage and his connections with the Black Panther Party, he became enemy number one. Mumia has spent countless years locked away for a crime that has had serious questions about its accuracy since day one.

This brings me to why there was such a racial divide in the acquittal of O.J. Simpson. White people could not understand why there was a collective sigh of relief for the Black community, when he was found not guilty. It was not because a Black man got off. The outcry was really for the crimes committed by so many in law enforcement to get convictions under false pretenses. The LAPD planted evidence. IT WAS PROVEN IN THE O.J. CASE, when it could not be proven in so many others.

What about the Florida African American woman, Marissa Alexander (Marissa Alexander Sentancing) who was being terrorized by her ex-husband? She shot her gun in the air as a warning to him. She harmed no one. She wanted him to leave her alone. She was convicted and sentenced to 20 years, because the judge said he had no discretion with regards to sentencing. And yet a woman who didn’t care for her child, who either killed her or allowed her to die, is walking free? A child loss its’ life, but her mother did not spend 1 night in jail for her death or for failing to report her missing for a month.

We await the outcome of the George Zimmerman case, where he killed an innocent young man. We also wait to see what President Obama will do with his Presidential right to pardon. No matter who or what he decides the GOP will criticize it so he might as well do what is in his conscious anyway.

Florida v. George Zimmerman, First Thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 22:27:00 +0000

I have hesitated to fully comment on this case on my blog because I needed to sit with my internal fury before I shared my thoughts. As a mother to a young Black man, this hurt me to my heart. As jury selection begins, I share my first thoughts...
Trayvon Martin's parents are doing exactly the right thing taking the lead in trusting the system, and not wanting additional violence as a result of the trial. At this stage in the game, to do anything else diminishes the days and weeks of protest in order to get to this point. Although Trayvon did not get a fair shake, if we wish to be treated fairly by the judicial system, we have to afford that same right to everyone else.

We have to live what we want to be.

The passion that people of color have for a case like this comes from the fact that but by grace, it could be any one of us. Trayvon's look is what made him suspicious. It wasn't just the hoodie, it was his beautiful Black face inside that hoodie that made him George Zimmerman's target. Would Zimmerman have followed a White kid through the neighborhood? Perhaps, but I argue that he would have assumed that the kid "belonged" in the neighborhood and would not have felt it necessary to chase him down. My opinion.

The Trial
First of all, I believe that the potential jurors they have interviewed so far are full of crap when they say they have no idea what this case is about. One women even said that the only reason why she has a newspaper is to line her ferrets cage. REALLY. I believe that just like mass shooters who copycat for infamy, jurors see others who get 15 minutes of fame and money, and they want on this trial.

My second thought is that we have to remember that this is the State of Florida v. George Zimmerman, not Trayvon Martin v. George Zimmerman. Trayvon already lost this one, and no judgement can bring him back to his family. Justice is defined by Trayvon's family.

One of the things that makes me mad is that the defense team wants to stretch out Trayvon's brief 17 years on earth to paint him as a bad person. How many people would want to be judged on any 17 year period, especially the first 17? The prosecutor just needs to stretch out that one night for Goerge Zimmerman to find him guilty.

You also have a potential juror, a "single mother of two boys", who you know is White, by her voice say that while she sympathizes with Trayvon's mother and doesn't want to judge, that Sabrina could have prevented this from happening if she had been more strict. REALLY!

What could have prevented this from happening was George Zimmerman not carrying a gun, looking for "suspicious activity", ignoring direct orders from the police dispatch, and chasing down an innocent young man.

When you start the fight, and lose, you don't get to claim self-defense!

As a side note, as I watch news from around the world I see how minority communities are rising up and demanding to be treated equitably. If the powers that be in the U.S. are not careful, there is a powder keg ready to get lit. Not everyone is as calm and cool Barack Obama.

If the bully keeps teasing, the small kid is bound to fight back!

GroupThink

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 21 May 2013 16:11:00 +0000

Ladies, what would we do without our girlfriends? They support us, pick us up when we are down, put smiles on our face, and are sometimes the only family we have. However, there is a danger in these close relationships.

Many of you may not have heard of the social psychology term GroupThink. Basic understanding of the two separated words means that a group thinks together and comes to consensus. However the two words together mean some very different, and can lead to disaster.

In principle, GroupThink should be a good thing in that groups would be better than individuals are in detecting, analyzing, and solving problems.

However, in GroupThink a dominant voice arises, and the rest of the group falls victim to this narrow-minded point of view. As more and more members of the group build consensus around this single-mindedness, those outside of it feel isolated. The singular members are treated as “negative” or just failing to see what “everyone else sees”. The minority opinion is smashed out or overruled in favor of the majority opinion.

Businesses such as those caught up in the financial meltdown suffered from GroupThink. There were analysts predicting a major economic downturn, but the “Important People” did not listen. As a country, we all took the hit.

How does this relate to the relationships with our girlfriends?

Simply put, we are friends with people who are similar to us. They enjoy the same things, may be in similar financial, educational, and professional circles as us. If we are single, married, with or without children, our friends tend to be in similar situations. If not, the one left out may feel the pressure to get there to conform to the live styles of our lady friends.

Men rarely have the same pressure from their friends. The group will include younger and older guys. Men who are married, divorced, single, shacking-up, children, no children; educated or not it does not matter as much. But what is more important, they are less likely to involve themselves in the intricacies of each other’s personal lives. They are live and let live.

Women on the other hand believe that it is our duty to spread the knowledge we have attained over the years.

Clearly, not all advice is bad, but when a woman is trying to decide whether or not to stay with a man, the noise from bitter bitches can get in the way of clear, rational thought. If a woman is trying to leave an abusive man, there are actually women out there who tell her to stay with illogical reason such as, “At least you live in a two income household”. REALLY?????????

I am not here to judge anyone else’s life decisions. I am speaking to the one women sitting among her girlfriends trying to decide what to do with the next step in her life, whether that be in terms of a relationship, child rearing, spirituality, professional, educational, geographical etc. Just take some time ALONE. Clear out all of the messages sent to you by your best friends, mass media, and your family. Sit quietly and think about what you really want to do, look for opposing information to your understanding in order to arrive at a balanced choice, and then JUST DO IT!

There may be people who say, “You are crazy”, but in the end, whether it goes well or not, you will have gained a great deal of experience TRUSTING YOURSELF. A priceless personal attribute.

Looking Forward

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 20 May 2013 14:33:00 +0000

How far into the future do you plan? Some people are planning for their retirement, but only in a financial way. Others believe that you have to live for today, forget yesterday, and let tomorrow be what it will be. But as individuals and families I believe that we should take a page out of the business manual and think about our futures in a strategic way.

For instance, successful businesses large and small, plan ahead; WAY AHEAD. Their budgets and line items for one year are considered the short-term. How many of us plan for the year ahead, unless it is to plan what we are going to do with our tax return or where we are going on vacation?

The short-term is not what I am speaking about here. What I want to focus on is the longer-range plans that businesses spend large amounts of money and time paying extremely close attention too.

In order for companies to be successful in the long term, the senior leadership team often leaves the daily, monthly, quarterly, and years end to the operational employees. What their ground level employees are doing today is based on plans that were constructed 5 or 10 years ago, and tweaked for today’s market.

What senior management is working on today, is the strategic plan for the future of the company, 5 and 10 years down the road. They do this by scenario planning potential outcomes for the future. They base this discussion on the current trends, the economic and political climates, population, technology and a host of other things.

They do this because companies in a reactionary stance fail! If you are trying to develop, manufacture, market, and distribute a product after it has been done by your competitor, you are not late to the game, you’ve missed it entirely.

All of that was being said, I want to think about ourselves and our families in a similar vain. Businesses have missions, visions, and value statements. Do you? The purpose of these statements are to ensure that everyone from the CEO to the person sitting at the front desk understands what the company stands for, where the company is going, and what the company’s values are. Does your family know those things about you? If not, then perhaps it is time for some serious retooling of the family’s identity.

It makes me think about generations with family crests. They meant something much more than the symbol one sees. The crest was about pride, unity, and reputation. We don’t do that in the black community very much, if at all.

I don’t have time for that!

But we should. We want our family members to be happy and successful. What we have to ensure is that the our children, our children’s children, and our siblings children receive not only the tools provided through school and mass media, but that they understand to tools related to pride, unity, and reputation.

The second step is to think beyond the short-term and to take the long-term approach. This requires not only decided where you want to be geographically, financially, professionally, and the family composition, but also scenario planning to prepare for the uncertain future.

What are the potential outcomes of the future? Not just good or bad, but specifically. What happens if the economic collapse goes on for 10 more years in Europe? How does that affect your family? We may not believe that it will have an impact on us in the United States, but it does. It affects the amount of foreign investment from Europe. It affects tourism here in the U.S. Think about the numbers of jobs associated with tourism in this country. If people cannot make enough money to come here for a visit, it affects our country on a local, state and federal level.

What if the economy in Europe is booming, but not so much in the United States? Could your family move to Europe for better opportunities? Perhaps you don’t have the third child or your high school graduating teens go to State schools. People come to the United States for the reason every day!

The point I am making is that when you are in the weeds, under debt, and unclear about your future – this is exactly when having a long-term plan for your family is the most important. If you are single, knowing who you are, where you are going, and what you stand for are all personal attributes that can never be taken away from you.

At the basic level families are organizations, small ones. Therefore, take the lessons of the successful and move into the future prepared to take the world by storm, not matter what happens.

Am I still a Woman without My Breasts?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 14 May 2013 19:52:00 +0000

It has been widely report, following an op-ed written by Angelina Jolie, that she went under the knife to have a preventative double mastectomy with implant reconstruction due to a positive BRCA1 test. Her op-ed outlined her decisions, and her difficulty in deciding to take action now.
Ms. Jolie was able to keep her diagnosis and resulting surgeries out of the public eye, which is an amazing feat. Her decision to reveal it was to share her story so that her influence would inspire other woman to take care of themselves.

This announcement had an immediate impact on women, especially for one lady many of us see on a daily basis. Zoraida Sambolin, mother of 2 adorable children, engaged to be married, and a news anchor for CNN revealed her personal battle with cancer. Following Angelina's op-ed she found the confidence to tell the world, that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. She said in interviews that she struggled with how to communicate to her audience, about her illness and leave of absence from the newsroom.

Zoraida said that she is "grateful" to Angelina Jolie for having the courage to not only take the proactive approach to fighting the disease but also being willing to share such a personal matter with the world.

I applaud these women for their courage, strength, and willingness to bear their soul in front of the world. HOWEVER...it also made me feel a sense of dread for women, especially WOMEN OF COLOR who are unable for one reason or another, to seek the care they need before, during, and after.

The obvious barriers to care are a lack of insurance, or insurance that does not cover preventative care like cancer screening. The BRCA1 and BRCA2 performed by Jolie's doctors to determine the probability of her cancer risk costs approximately $3,000 US. A cost out of reach for many women and families in this economic climate.

However, there are barriers that rest within ourselves that make us scared to confront this disease head on.

The statistics make it clear that while black women are less likely to get a diagnosis for breast cancer in comparison with white women, our mortality rate is higher. According to the American Cancer Society's report, Cancer Facts & Figures for African American's 2013-2014, "African American women have a lower risk of cancer overall than white women, largely due to lower incidence rates for the two most common cancers, breast and lung. However, African American women have higher death rates overall and for breast and several other cancer sites."

Deeper, more psychological reasons have a place in why African American women death rates are higher than white women. There is tremendous fear about Cancer. Most women would prefer to never have the need to discuss it, because it is scary to think about. Cancer kills so many people every year, that the thought of having it no matter the stage, is a scary proposition.

The testing to determine cancer is also a scary proposition because of the horror stories women share with one another. I remember how afraid I was prior to my first mammogram (age 39). The only thing I could think about what the pain associated with getting a mammogram, and having to stand in that painful position and hold my breath.

If you are afraid, you are less likely to go. I can report that I had no pain associated with my mammogram. I had a very nice technician, but I also was prepared to to have a constant dialogue with her related to my pain level.

Another fear is the thought I having surgery, such as a mastectomy which removes not only your breasts, but also your nipples. In the case of gynecological cancers, removal of your cervix and uterus, this removes a woman ability to carry and have a baby.

Our femininity is tied to our physical attributes. Are you still a woman without your breasts, or without the ability to have a baby?

These decisions are difficult no matter who we are. But what I do know is that we have to get tested regularly and early. It is time that we take control of ourselves today to ensure a healthy future.

"Life comes with many challenges. The ones that should not scare us are the ones we can take on and take control of." - Angelina Jolie

To read Angelina Jolie's op-ed, click the link below:
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/14/opinion/my-medical-choice.html?smid=pl-share

Another Point of View

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 09:32:00 +0000

I am sure that I will receive criticism for this post. So be it. The goal is to engage in quality debate. Please pause, you might just learn something.

What we know about the history of the youngest Boston bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev (19) is that he immigrated to America as a child along with his parents and older siblings. He did well in school and attended some college classes. He became an American citizen on 9/11/2012 (how ironic), and from all reports thus far, planned to make a life here in the U.S.

What we also know is that on Marathon Monday, he and his brother were observed and photographed, at the scene placing backpacks in the midst of the viewing public and walking away. Explosions in those exact locations came within minutes. Over the course of the following 5 days, they are suspects in the killing of a MIT police officer, carjacking a motorists, and getting into a shootout with police. These are the facts as we know them.

What remains is why? I don’t know that we will ever really know. Even if Dzhokhar gives us his reasons, I doubt anyone will accept it. Their actions fail to align with any moral compass we relate to.

Larger Implications

There are several ethical and moral dilemmas raised by what has happened since his capture.

Point 1:

Just prior to the attack, the country was divided on the President’s ability to use drone strikes to kill Americans. Attorney General, Eric Holder, was severely ridiculed for leaving open the right of a sitting President’s use of a drone strike, to kill an American citizen, on U.S. soil. I do not bring this up to debate it on it merits.

I raise it to say that this hot topic for the 24-hour news networks and their pundits has silenced. No surprise there; everyone knows they would be hard pressed to compare the rights of the innocent with those of a terrorist, citizenship notwithstanding.

Point 2:

It is the right of all Americans placed under arrest, to hear the following words:

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?”

This basic right is vitally important because without it, not all Americans can expect to be treated fairly by the Justice System, especially poor and minority populations. How and when to Mirandize a suspect, is crucial to the prosecution of any defendant. Done properly anything said can and will be used against them. Done improperly, and a murderer could walk free.

By waiting 2 days providing FBI investigators 16 hours to question Dzhokhar Tsarnaev without his Miranda rights, receives majority support. If additional attacks were planned or undetonated bombs were left in the community, giving them the opportunity to interrogate him without the interference of an attorney would have been lifesaving.

However, this is a slippery slope. Who gets to decide under what circumstances a person gets the “special designation” in which they are not given their Miranda rights? What levels of crime justify the means? Do local police have the right to designate it so, pending the authority of someone higher-up in government? Just asking, what if it was you?

Point 3

Follow me: To be found guilty, requires that one be morally accountable. In order for one’s actions to be held accountable, they need to be the result of free will. In order to have free will, you have to know your options, motivations and consequences.

We would like to believe that an intelligent 19-year-old American man who commits crimes of this magnitude has and understands his free will. But we all know 25-year-olds who couldn't boil water. Let alone, become radicalized enough to purchase the equipment necessary to build bombs, plan the attack, place the items, walks away – telling no one about their activities, and makes a run for it.

In the end, once alone Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was unarmed hiding in a boat. There were no great plans for escape or firefight to the death. He gave up, just like most any 19-year-old would do.

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev wasn't prepared to die for his cause his older brother was.

I am so glad I get sit in the peanut gallery on this one. In the words of Carl Lee Hailey, from the film, A Time to Kill

“Yes they deserve to die and I hope they burn in hell”.

Lala

Single Mothers of Men

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 11:55:00 +0000

Single mothers of boys face an incredible challenge when it comes to accepting another man in their lives. The most recent episode of Iyanla, Fix My Life a television series on the OWN Network, dealt with this issue straight on. After watching this episode, all I can do is write.

I am a single mother of a boy who has been the prince of my life. He has been with me for 20 years and counting. As he described the nature of our relationship to someone else he said, “I am the only consistent man in her life”. How sad!

What I realize is that when there wasn't a man in my life, he became the man in my life. I thought that I was loving him by giving and giving in to him, but it was really all for selfish gain. I wanted him to be happy with me so he wouldn't leave me too. My selfishness stunted his growth and prevented him from becoming the man he needs to be.

When you have been doing wrong for so long,

how do you stop, make an about face, and turn around?

The following are the 6 initial steps on the road to fixing your mistake.

Step 1: Take a page out of the 12-step program and acknowledge that you have a problem! Without this step there can be no recovery. Acknowledgement is not just saying the words, but acknowledging the damage it has caused.

Step 2: Forgive yourself. To be clear, this step is not about soothing yourself and pretending that it didn't really happen. Forgiving yourself is about letting go of all the guilt associated with your past mistakes so that life is not a revolving door smacking you in the face over and over again preventing you from moving forward.

Step 3: Ask for the forgiveness of your child/children. In most cases your children will forgive you because they love you. But make no mistake, they are going to reserve themselves because they have heard it all before, and they are waiting to be let down again.

Step 4: Step out of the limelight, and make your children’s’ dream come true, whatever they may be! This doesn't mean that they get anything and everything they want. It is about talking to them about their dreams, breaking them down, and doing your best to make something come true. This makes them feel like their futures take precedence in your life.

Step 5: Have a clear conversation with your children about your expectations of them. Remind them that you, as their parent, will hold them accountable if they fail to meet them. This restores the proper balance of power and absolves them of any undue responsibility.

Step 6: Get a life of your own, and stop depending on your child. If your children feel that they need to care for you, how do can they make a life for themselves? When asking for assistance, ask for it, but do not make them responsible for you.

Stay tuned for more to come. The next steps will focus on what to do when you think you have found someone special. If you have suggestions or comments, please feel free to share them.

Lala

The Brighter Side

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 01:57:00 +0000

I am a Type A, critical person. I am analytical, detailed and judgmental of myself and others. This is a flaw in my character. While other people see the shine in a situation, I see the tragedy. I am in expectation of the catastrophe.

We can look at the same movie, photograph, article or television program, and it is rare that my first, second, or third response will be positive. If someone else finds the good, I may agree with their thoughts. Afterwards, I am disappointed because of my inability to be optimistic.

It is clear that I have a fatalistic personality. I am not only in anticipation of the trespass to my sensibilities, I seek it out. For example, while I am engaged in conversation, my brain is looking for the “wrong” in what is being said. I am looking for the “argument” to be made.

YingYangAstrologer

Having a negative outlook has obvious negatives. However, the positives make it difficult to change.

It has worked out positively in situations where a critical eye was necessary. For instance, when working on a project, paying attention to detail is a valued skill set. Nothing is left to chance; there is no “go with the flow” energy. When the goal is to achieve perfection, and it does, the positive outcome reinforces the method to your madness.

When engaging in a conversation with someone, I pay attention to everything - the words being spoken, the tone, to message, the facial and body language. What I also do is listen intently for where my logic, values and understanding differs from what is being said. While the other person is speaking, I am thinking of the 50 reasons why I find disagreement with their views.

In the end, I am creating a personality composed of opposition, challenges, and rivalry - unwarranted.

This needs to change

When it is sunny outside, I need to appreciate the sun, and not get irritated by the wind. When watching a movie, I need to recognize the value of the art, and the directors' point of view. More importantly, when it comes to interpersonal relationships, I need to find the place of consensus.

I am still going to disagree with many things. If you know me, you know I am the “playing devil’s advocate” queen.

What is vital is that I wish to walk away from as many situations as I can on a positive note; The Brighter Side.

This is going to be difficult, but imperative in my growth as a daughter, mother, sister, woman. As Me!

Lala

To Hold On or Let Go

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 08:26:00 +0000

If you are a parent and your children have reached their teens, you have more than likely asked yourself, "Do I hold on, continue to push and stay on their backs; or do I resign to the fact that they have to want it for themselves and it's time to give up?" Either way, keep reading . . .

Prior to having your baby, you have big dreams. You want them to have more gifts, opportunities and experiences than you had. You want them to have the best of everything. No matter your race, age or country of origin, you want better for our children. We want them to reflect the best of ourselves, or be even better. We want them to have peace, prosperity and happiness. And the majority of parents are willing to move heaven and earth to make those dreams possible.

Does our desire as parents set our children up for success or failure?

Once they are born, we give them all that we can. We are imperfect, and so it is often hard to give them everything we would like too, but we give them our best. Even "bad" parents usually want their children to have better. You find parents who are gang-related, drug dealing, drug taking, prostitutes, thieves, even murderers that want their children to go in another direction. They counsel them about making the right decisions. They remind them that every decision has at least one good outcome and more than one bad outcome. They tell them, by phone, in letters, or in person, that their future depends on the decisions they make today.

"Good" parents - loving, caring, and engaging - do all they can to put their children on the right path. They are active parents from elementary to high school. They play with their kids, eat with their kids, read to their kids, tuck them in at night and always has a listening ear for whenever their children need to talk. They are far from perfect, but they try, through their counsel and more importantly, their example, to give the best, expect the best, and love their children unconditionally.

Some children seem to be born with the desire to be their best. There are children who are abandoned abused, mistreated, under fed, not properly clothed, etc, etc. Yet they rise above it all. They do well for themselves. Some go on to college, the military, or to work. They take pride in themselves and reach out for a better future than to relive their past.

What do you do when you have done all that you knew to do; given them all the support a child could need or want; and when what you have isn't enough you seek out others to help...and your child continues to do nothing?

You have a child who either does not go to school, or when they do, they fail to perform.
You have a child that won't get a job, or can't keep a job.
You have a child making babies without any way to care for them.
You have a child that is hanging out, coming in late, or not at all.
You have a child who is disrespectful and lies without cause.
You have a child abusing drugs and alcohol.
You have a child committing crimes.

After awhile, parents get tired. Parents get sick of talking, counseling, yelling, punishing, and talking some more. At some point a parent has to ask:

Do I continue to hold on or let go?

I do not have the answers. What I do know is that there are parents who have given up, and others that hold on no matter what. Why, and how they reach that decision is as unique as the number children on earth. What is interesting to note is that the parents of the two men responsible for the Boston bombings will always see them as their babies. They did not close their eyes and wish that their boys would become murderers. They raised them in the United States so they would have better opportunities.

If they don't give up on their kids, why would we?

What I do know is that the actions of our children do not change the love of a parent. What we may need to change is the access our children have to negatively impact our lives. What would you do, have you done, plan to do? Leave comments so we can help each other.

Lala Lollie

Looking in the Mirror

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 08:03:00 +0000

I, like many women around the world, have body image issues. It doesn't matter if you are tall, short, skinny or fat - there is something about ourselves we wish could be different. When we look in the mirror, we rarely see what we love, we immediately focus on what isn't right. The beauty industry makes billions convincing us that we need the latest skin repair, plastic surgery, weight loss pill; and then everything is going to magically become perfect.

What is funny about what we consider perfect really isn't. The most beautiful people in the world have the same issues. They may have been blessed with natural beauty, but they still look in the mirror and wished they there was something different.

I had the opportunity to watch a documentary on the NatGeo Channel about "China's Elephant Man". His name is Huang Chuncai. He has a rare condition that results in large tumors. As a part of the documentary Huang was going to get the first of several surgeries to remove as much of the 50 lbs of overgrowth as they can. His surgeries are complicated - is right ear is at the same level as his mouth. His left eye has been grown over completely.

The weight of the tumors have stunted his growth, and has curved his spine so that he is hump backed. He left school at the age of 12 because he was tired of being different and getting picked on. Now at 26 years old, he is resigned to staying in his village, where the people have gotten accustomed to him. He would love to work and care for his aging and ill parents, but he cannot. Instead his younger sister and brother have left their lives to come back and care for their parents, and their older brother. He knows that he has been a burden, and it hurts him.

I recount his story because he has made peace with himself and what has happened in his life. We need to make peace with ourselves. No matter what is going on or how you feel about the way you look, REMEMBER HUANG. Remember his strength and resolve. Stand a little taller, smile a little wider, and make peace with yourself!

Huge Sigh of Relief

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 04:53:00 +0000

They have been caught.
How much can be said about the happiness, freedom, and togetherness everyone feels that the two men who scared us all are now CAUGHT and DECEASED.

Part of me wonders if they really did this alone. Could there be a larger conspiracy at work. The level of sophistication used to not only pull off the origninal attack, but then evade capture for as long as they did makes me believe that they learned something from some one.

It is also clear that part of why they got away for so long was that they were not different from the rest of us. They blended in. Let me say this again, for people who did not like American's THEY BLENDED IN very well. We are hearing from the people who knew them. Everyone is surprised. And I guess if someone I went to high school or college with was suspected of doing something this awful, I would be surprised too.

I feel bad for their parents. I feel bad for their families. Very few raise their children in a way that encourages this much hatred for people. To put a bomb down right behind a child, when you know what is in the bag, and walk away! The oldest one (I refuse to use their names) was recently married and had a young child. What if someone did this to their families?

There is an instability that cannot be explained easily. It is not just radicalism, or religion, or any other isms people wish to apply to a situation like this.

It is what it is!

There are several things that I do believe are important. First, is to try to understand why someone would feel compelled to commit such an heinous act. Second, to applaud the brave men and women of all of the branches of law enforcement who tirelessly worked until this came to a resolution. Third, is to applaud the efforts of the news media who kept us all abreast of what was going on. Fourth, the people.

What do you say about a group of people trapped in their homes for hours afraid of what might happen? What do you say about a group of people who were resilient and for 4 days continued with their lives?
What do you say about a 60 year old man who had the foresight to call 911 instead of yell out at the man in his beautiful boat?

The reason why these things don't work is that the people who are supposed to crumble as a result of them, DON'T. They do not succumb to the fear. They do not hide.

Every time this is done, it makes us more resilient. We feel more secure. We feel brave.

I know there are times when people of color have issues with the local police. Right now, we should take our hats off to them. Thank the next one you come into contact with an officer, thank them for their work. I know they are not all good.

But when I call 911 I want them to come as fast as they can & so do you!

Held My Breath Again.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 10:31:00 +0000

After the terror attack in the Boston Bombing on Monday, April 15th, 2013, the suspects were described as dark-skinned. As soon as that description hit the airways, I held my breath, hoping that they were not Black men.
Like it or not, there was a little sigh of relief when the FBI released the pictures. I don't know where they are from, but they are not American Black men. Thank goodness!

As a people we have had great strides, we have President Obama. But we have had some serious embarrassments, and this was one that I was hoping didn't link back to the people that look like me. After this report was given on CNN, by John King, I assumed that they were dark-skinned from the perspectives of a white person. That they were tanned or olive-skinned.

But after watching the angry rant by Reverend Al Sharpton on MSNBC I was concerned that maybe they were Black. I have to admit that after 9/11, Black people stopped being enemy #1 in the U.S. We were no longer THE suspicious people walking into stores, traveling on planes, or checking into hotels.

I am not saying that Black people don't commit crimes, but at least for a moment we were NOT ALL SUSPECTS just because of our pigmentation.

Other Times
There have been several other times when I have held my breath, only to be disappointed by my people. The first I remember was the Washington DC Sniper. I was not the only one who thought that this was an angry white male; so did the FBI profilers. Alas, it was not only one Black man, but it was two. Although I argue that the second was just a child led astray.

Then I held my breathe again when the former Los Angeles Police Officer was on a killing spree all over LA county, I hoped he wasn't Black. But very quickly his picture was everywhere. After reading his manifesto myself, I felt a connection, in the sense that it is hard being Black in America, even harder for a Black man. But that is where our connection ends. I do not condone his rampage under any circumstances.

It has not been our experience to have snipers to kill random people. How many Black men do you know who kill random people to get custody of his kids? We don't take the lives of loved ones because we were fired from a job. If that was the case, how many people would be dead? We get fired everyday.

I am appalled by what these terrorists have done to the country, no matter their race. Living in Connecticut is getting scarier with each incident. We are between Boston and New York City. When does it land on our doorstep?

My point is that Black people are in solidarity with the rest of the country. Terror on our streets is unacceptable. We just don't need any crazies making us look worse. Lets keep it together.

Lala

Grass Greener

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 06:43:00 +0000

As I stay up all night long watching another breaking news story, this time the blast at the West, Texas fertilizer plant, I have ask…do I need my grass greener?

Details:

It appears that there was a fire at the West Texas Fertilizer Plant, which exploded. It rocked the community and several surrounding communities 5 miles around. The explosion registered at a 2.1 magnitude earthquake. This started several hours ago as I type this, so the reports are fast and furious.

West, a farming community with around 2,600 hundred residents, dealing with a tragedy of this size taps all of their resources. They have had to send most of the injured to other communities. The number of people injured or deceased is still unknown. What we do know is that areas directly across from the plant have been leveled and it has damage other homes, a nearby apartment complex, and worse of all, a nursing home.

Other news stations, and blogs will continue to keep you updated on the actual events of this tragedy, but as you have already seen, Lala doesn’t see things the way the rest of the media does.

A recurring message on the news stations, only MSNBC & CNN (Fox didn’t think it was important enough) said that these explosions, have happened in other locations in the country. The fire, and resulting explosion is not the end. As the fire continues to move, it could explode other tanks.

The more lasting issue is the amount of chemicals that will be in the air for miles and miles. It makes me think about the air quality following 9/11, and how disastrous it was to the first responders and those who did the cleanup. There are people paid to go into the fire, rescue as many people as possible, and then cleanup the area. What about them?

We use fertilizer for one of our basic staples corn. We eat corn, feed it to the animals we consume, we use it in our packaged foods, etc. etc. It is big business. What do we know about big business in America? We know that corners will be cut to increase profits. Now I am in no way saying that this is what happened in this case. But how many times do we need to see these tragedies before we realize that the devastation of one of these explosions and air pollution is not worth it?

Check out:

The N2 Dilemma: Is America Fertilizing Disaster? | Grist

Every time I go into Lowes or Home Depot, I am not going to be able to look at fertilizer the same way. Do I need my grass as green, or my flowers to bloom like I am going to a show; Do I need my chickens to look as large as cows, or my cows to produce so much meat that I can live for 6 months on one?

I think we have to rethink this thing.

Lala

Who Are We? Really!!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 07:49:00 +0000

So I have to admit, I faithfully watch the Housewives of Every State, Love & Hip Not, etc. etc. etc. But sometimes as I delete them from my DVR I’m left shaking my head.

Do they represent the best of us and the worst? Or just the worst?

I know that they don’t represent me, as a Black woman in America. They don’t represent me because I am not wealthy, married to someone wealthy, or trying to get on television by any means necessary. They don’t represent me, because I don’t behave that way, and my friends don’t either. It wouldn’t matter how much money we had.

PAUSE

Courtesy of Bravo

I am not knocking their hustle. There was a time when we couldn’t portray ourselves. They used white people with black face. I guess you could say that we are on the come up!

We, in the Black community, know what we are looking at. In most cases, we DO NOT relate to their “reality”. If the constant drama is how the other half live, I (WE) take a pass. Their friendships change with their underwear, their marriages look like jokes, and to think they have children watching it all!

This is not really real. This foolery is what gets ratings! Why?

What concerns me most is that people of influence, outside of our race, may fail to recognize the difference. The influential people of speak of are the human resource directors, small business owners, and fast food managers who hire “:REGULAR” Black woman.

Does the TV persona cause the hiring manager to hesitate to offer positions to several women of color because he doesn’t want any fighting in his establishment? Is he afraid of baby’s daddy’s jumping across counters fighting one another because she disrespected you by looking at you.

It may be funny to watch them on TV, while they make big money.

But would it be funny if you fail to get that great job you were qualified for, because they have a secret quota of only one person of color in the office; because they don’t know what would happen if there were two of you.

As a famous, yet out of the spotlight, comedian once said, “they aren’t laughing with me, they are laughing at me”.

Are there people thinking that this is how we behave regardless of our location, status, wealth, etc, etc.

Let’s be clear!

Regular Black folks wouldn’t get away with half of what goes on in television.

I can just see it now… Me and my girls in a fancy restaurant screaming, cursing each other out; throwing dishes, bottles and pulling wigs. Would we get to walk out, go home, and threaten to sue one another?

No, we don’t get to pass GO, We go straight to JAIL.

Lala

TERROR

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 09:31:00 +0000

How could I write about anything else today?

I believe that as a collective we all feel the tug of compassion for what happened in Boston yesterday. To hear again, that young children were targets of an assassins rage is disheartening. The youngest child affect is reported as being just a tender 2 year old. The youngest to perish was 8.

No one deserved what happened during that beautiful day in April, but especially not the innocent children.

Parallels have been made to Waco and the Oklahoma City Bombing tragedies in the countries recent past. This is in part to the fact that they all happened within days of each other, as if one was in memoriam of the one preceding it.

I almost cannot fathom that all of this has taken place in my lifetime.

My Beef!

I have watched mainstream media consistently push President Obama to say the word Terror, or this was a Terrorist Attack. Yet he has not said it publically, and for once, I am glad that he hasn’t.

I am glad, because I remember how we felt as a nation after the 9/11 attacks on the East Coast. We were all shaking in our boots, looking around every corner; no longer trusting our neighbors that didn’t look like us. All because we were repeatedly terrorized.

Initially we were terrorized by the attacks themselves. But then we were continuously terrorized by the actions of the leaders around the country.

Do you remember when we had all those colors to keep track of? Do you remember when you looked passengers in the face, on your plane, train, or bus to see if their eyes were shifty? I remember being terrorized.

I remember that officials made me more terrorized with each passing day. I remember every time an official came on television, I was in terror expecting something else had happened. That this something else wasn’t 30 minutes away from my home, but was right in my neighborhood. I was terrorized that it was going to terrorize my young son.

After a short time, psychologists and psychiatrists told people to turn off their televisions, especially if there were young children around. They made this suggestion because we were being terrified by the images on the screens. We were being terrified by the messages being broadcast. They terrorized all of us, young and old alike.

To be clear!

I am not saying that this isn’t an act of terror. OF COURSE IT WAS. It was done to make us afraid to go about our daily lives. It was done for us to lose faith in those that are appointed to protect us.

The point I am making is that I don’t need President Obama, or anyone else telling me it was an act of terror.

I can feel it all on my own.

Lala

It Can’t Get Any Worse...and Then it Does!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 07:27:00 +0000

Today, on the Dr. Phil Show was a married couple who has had one loss after another. Prior to their marriage, they found out that she was pregnant so they moved the wedding up 6 months.
One week prior to their wedding, they had a miscarriage. Right after the wedding they found out that they were pregnant again, but that baby was still born. 2 successful pregnancies followed, and they believed they were past the worse of it. Good news, she was pregnant again.

Courtesy of Oprah.com

The newest baby made it through the birth, but had a heart condition, which required that him to have a heart and breathing monitor on at all times. One morning, mom gave baby his 4:30 am feeding, and she fell asleep with him in her arms. The worst thing happens. She had not put his monitor back on, so when she woke up 2 hours later, the baby wasn’t breathing.

The baby made it too the hospital, but his brain had been without oxygen for so long, the baby was brain dead. After some time, they made the excruciating decision any parent has to make, they took him off life support.

At this point, if they both walked into an insane asylum, no one could blame them. How much can a marriage take? Through it all they stayed together, although they grieved very differently for their collective losses. She wanted to talk, and talk, and talk because this is what women do; and he became introverted and internally dealt with his grief.

This put additional strain on the marriage, and then what they thought was bottom, dropped out from under them.

Within several months, their 2 ½ baby girl came home and told mommy, “poppy licked my butt”. WHAT!!!!! She asked the baby to repeat it, thinking that what the baby meant to say was, “poppy kicked my butt”. But she had heard it right the first time, because the daughter repeated it again for her, and then later to her father. Her husband called his parents, and too make a long story short, his father admitted to it. WHAT!!!! What a tragic story; you can’t listen to the details without having your heart strings pulled.

They were guests on the Dr. Phil Show to save their marriage.

It left me realizing that I haven’t been through anything this tragic over and over again. What right do I have to bad about anything that has happened to me? In comparison, my life has not been nearly as terrible in such a short amount of time.

I know that we are supposed to count our blessings every day, because someone always has it worse then you. What a lofty exercise. We usually feel that the bad things going on in our own lives if far worse than anything anyone else is having, so forget about seeing someone else’s problem.

But there are some things that we can do. Taking your head out of the sand for a few moments, may just be what we need to realize that our problems, even the ones that are big too us, are peanuts to someone else’s. Let me be clear, when you are going through something, and perhaps it is the biggest thing you have ever dealt with, it is overwhelming. We all hurt deeply about one thing or another.

So my advice is that when you are feeling really down and overwhelmed take a few minutes to put it aside, like it doesn’t exist, and look for other people (TV, internet, church circle, friends, etc.) who have something going on. It may be something you have already gotten through, or just have circumstances worse than your own. Use this exercise to put your issue in perspective.

Say all the corny ‘isms like:

What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger
This too shall pass
Put one step in front of the other
Be a warrior not a worrier

Do whatever it takes. I am working on me, you work on you. And we will meet in the middle!

Please tell us what you think. Leave a comment.

Juxtaposition, Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 10:08:00 +0000

I finally got a chance to watch the movie Django Unchained, written and directed by Quentin Tarantino, starring Jamie Foxx, Kerry Washington, Samuel Jackson, Christoph Waltz, and Leonardo DiCaprio. Just to name a few.
First, let me say that I thought that I would be offended by the number of times the word Nigger was used in the film.

The Weinstein Company
& Columbia Pictures

BUT I WAS NOT!

I read all of the reports about the number of times the word Nigger would be said, and how some Black directors and actors felt some type of way about it.

My question is, why try to change history to make ourselves feel better? This is how our people were addressed at the time. Deal with it, our ancestors had too. We need to preserve the past for our young ones, so they know how far we have come, and how far we still have to go.

The juxtaposition for me, and I am sure it is the same for others, is the immediate kinship I have with the black hero or heroine, even if they go on a murderous rampage like Django. With my higher thinking skills, I know that murder is a crime, and I could never take another person’s life, but deep down I wanted him to avenge all of the ill-treatment he and his wife received. But on a subconscious level, I wanted that revenge for the entire black population mistreated by White people, past, present and future.

Django’s revenge felt like sweet justice for me. Why does his passion and determination to kill his oppressors resonate with me? Is it just because I am Black? I cheered and applauded when everyone who had done Django wrong, was murdered. I rooted for the people he killed that had done nothing personal to him. He murdered "innocents". Sweet Justice.

Countless other movies have stirred me in the same way. To name a few, Roots, The Color Purple, Shaka Zulu, Amistad, The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman, Something the Lord Made, etc. etc. The list could go on forever, but it still comes down to the simple truth that I always relate too and wish for the success of the Black protagonist, even if they are the evil, wicket, corrupt, debauched, cruel, or shameless.

I realize and respect those who find the truth about our history too hard to watch. However, I have always felt it was my duty to watch with eyes wide open, how we, as a people, were treated. They were regarded as sub-human, animalistic even. And to deny that reality is to deny yourself; because, by the grace of God it could have been you.

Because my ancestors taken from their homeland and forced to forget their life prior to becoming slaves, means that our history starts with slavery. Like it or not, it is the truth. What a way to start, you were owned by someone to do with you as he/she saw fit, as if you were a piece of furniture or cattle.

What should we do now? What do you think? Part 2 is coming tomorrow.

Please add a comment and let me know!

MARCH MADNESS

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 07:56:00 +0000

Now that we are at the end of a great NCAA Basketball tournament for the men and women, the players are on my mind. This year’s tournament (2013) was some of the finest college basketball play I have seen in some time. The seeds meant nothing; this is elite competition.

I watched as many men’s games as was humanly possible. I only managed to see the women play when UCONN was on the court. I have to support Connecticut’s only "professional” team. WE WON! Now coach, Geno Auriemma has 8 championships with UCONN, tied for second total wins.

While I watched the celebration, I thought about how much money UCONN is going to make for this championship win; and how much coach Geno makes. The Hartford Courant reported that his salary was about $8 million over the last 5-year contract. In addition, it is reported that he receives bonuses for making it to the tournament, the final four, and the championship.

More Money, More Money, More Money.

I can only imagine the multiple millions UCONN earns for being the top team in the nation.

That just leaves the most important people, the student athletes. What do they get? I have to acknowledge that that top high school players get recruited and receive a full scholarship for their education; and if they continue to perform at a high level they, MAY get a contract in the NBA/WNBA.

However, the percentage of NCAA basketball players that go on and play in the NBA is about 1%. According to the NCAA “about one in 75, or approximately 1.3 percent, of NCAA male senior basketball players will get drafted by a National Basketball Association (NBA) team” and that “Less than one in 100, or approximately 0.9 percent, of NCAA female senior basketball players will get drafted by a Women's National Basketball Association (WNBA) team” (Research, 2012, p. 2). This leaves 99% of the student athletes without a windfall after their 4 years of hard work and dedication.

The juxtaposition between what the players receive in comparison to the NCAA, the colleges and the coaches is a joke. This was especially highlighted in the ESPN documentary “Fab Five” of the University of Michigan. The film is about the best freshman basketball team to ever play. One of the players recounts that during the season, the boys decided to go to the mall. While there, they were asked to sign autographs for the jerseys being sold at a sporting goods store,. As they signed and gave high-fives, they realized that they couldn’t afford to buy the very jersey with their name and number. Something is wrong with that reality.

The film did point out that there were alleged financial scandals that followed the freshman. But after all that you saw, could you blame them for trying to get a piece of the pie, if they did do it? The gross negligence by the authorities to ensure that their student athletes want for nothing is disturbing.

History tells us that those at the top continue to line their pockets, selling the pipe dream about these students’ futures, and them send them off their way to face the hard world. This should be a crime!

During one of this year’s semi-finals on the men’s side, a Louisville player, Kevin Ware suffered one of the worst injuries ever witnessed on the court in front of a national television audience. Luckily, for him it was not a career ending injury; but it could have been. What would happen to Kevin Ware, a sophomore? What if it ended the way it had for Hank Gathers? There would be no life following his last play. FLASHBACK: Basketball Player Hank Gathers Dies on Court

I think it is time to acknowledge that student athletes give their all for their team, and in the end, they should get cash in return. Perhaps, a one-time lump sum at the end of their collegiate career, based on a similar bonus structure the coaches receive. At least they would get something, even if they failed to make it professionally.

What do you think should happen?

For the full article about Geno Auriemmas contract, click the following link: http://courantblogs.com/uconn-women/geno-auriemmas-new-deal-will-give-him-time-to-make-more-history/

NCAA Research. (2012). Estimated Probability of Competing in Athletics

Beyond the High School Interscholastic Level. Retrieved from http://www.ncaa.org/

Redemption

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 08:09:00 +0000

Is redemption possible for everyone? Is redemption only for certain people, and not others? Does redemption pick and choose on the basis of a person’s age, sex, race, etc. etc? What is redemption anyway, and should we even be attempting to get it?

Photo by BetaBeat.com

As I sit watching a documentary about former governor of New Jersey Jim McGreevey, I wonder if he is going to get redemption for all the things he did. This documentary walks the viewers through his journey for redemption.

Why would a former governor need redemption? You might ask. He was disgraced for having an adulterous affair with a male staffer, who tried extorting money or threatening to expose him as a gay man. With the FBI investigating, the Governor would be exposed so he decided to hold a live press conference and tell the world that not only was he cheating on his wife, but that he was also a Gay American. How humbling for himself, and mortifying for his wife, who stood by his side while he made his confession on live television.

His wife’s support ended very quickly thereafter, and a nasty divorce ensued. The movie really picks up after that chapter in his book was over, and how he has remade himself in the years since. Jim McGreevey is now in committed relationship with a wealthy business executive Mark. Living comfortably in New Jersey, Jim decided to go to seminary school and earned a Master’s in Divinity. He now performs some priestly-life tasks at the Episcopal Church he and his partner belong too; all in an effort to become an ordained priest at some point.

He also tirelessly works with women in prison, and provides a lead role in the after-care program designed to get the women back on their feet. The mutual love between Jim and the women profiled is evident. Jim McGreevey has managed to turn his personal tragedy and fall from grace, in to one that is grace.

The question remained after I concluded watching. Does Jim McGreevey have redemption? Is he happy in his present life because he is being true to his genuine self? Is he happy because he has decided to dedicate his life to the Lord’s work? Or has he always felt that his life had bigger meaning and purpose and he just changed careers from politics to priest?

I don’t have the answers to any of these questions, but the film directed by Alexandra Pelosi, made me do was look within myself to determine if I truly believe that I can gain redemption for all of the sins I have committed in my life. Jim seems to have redeemed himself. Even the masses have forgiven him, especially the members of the Black community in New Jersey.

How does one achieve redemption for their past and present offenses?

I believe that redemption starts from within. It does not matter how many people say they forgive you, if your inner self continues to hold your heart and mind hostage, redemption feels out of reach. Forgiving yourself is the only way to move forward. Next, make peace with the creator. No living person has the power greater than God. He is the final determinant of your future. Finally, decide who are the most important people in your life, and only the most important, and seek redemption from them. Everyone else is replaceable (to the left, to the left). During this time, continually check within yourself to make sure that the voice of criticism in your head remains locked in the dungeon.

As combinations of sayings go – It is not a reflection of your character when, why, or how many times you fall, but rather the passion, energy, and grace it takes to get back up. As a collective, let us brush ourselves off and continue to move forward, one-step (no matter how small) in front of the other until we reach all of our dreams and aspirations.

Lala

The documentary is Fall to Grace (2013) – Alexandra Pelosi (Director)

Call it What it Is!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 03:05:00 +0000

The major cable news outlets will report ad nauseam, about the gridlock in Washington, but since President Obama's re-election, they avoid the real reasons why there is gridlock.

So that you don't have to wait to get my opinion on it, its because he is a black man. There is no other reason. This isn't about politics or policy. This is about the men and women in congress having to take leadership from a Black man. Most of them have never had to "work for" a Black person; forget about working for a Black man.

The issue at hand, is why is that still the pervasive feeling, all over this country? That somehow White people know what is better for everyone. What is funny is that President Obama's experience is nothing like the average Black man. How many are raised by White grandparents, go to ivy league schools, and then decides to go into public service? He didn't attempt to "get rich or die trying". He went into a community all but foreign too him and tried to make a difference. Maybe a little idealistic, but dedicated anyway.

Could the real issue with Obama be that he married a traditional Black woman? Does Michelle make him "more" black than he really is?

For most of the African-American community, they represent Black Love at its finest. His political aspirations have not come at the expense of his family. He has dinner as many nights as possible with his wife and kids. The girls have their grandmother there with them, so that familial ties continue, even when their parents are away.

To White communities, their lives are not only the exception to the rule, but it must be fake as well. When they do anything, say anything, look at anything, there is controversy. The newest that he called another Black woman beautiful. Why is that at the top of every news story? How many children died in the U.S. in the number of days that this has been a story?

I know that it won't change as long as he is in office, I just wished that they would call it what it is, and then the discussion following will start from a real place.

Lala.

Looking Back

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 03:16:00 +0000

Knowing where we are going starts with knowing where we come from. Is that right? Who really knows where they came from prior to their parents or grandparents? Who has a clear lineage? Some may know, but the African-American community, as a whole, gets so far, and then there is NOTHING.

The heritage of Blacks in the United States comes with a permanent scar, slavery. Because of slavery, I cannot trace my ancestors back hundreds and hundreds of years. Why bother to look back? Do you want to discover that your relative counted as livestock? Or, that your great, great, great grand something was the product of a rape by his owner? What if your relative was hung because of the color of their skin? What do you do with that information, if you can find it? Does that inspire you? Does it make you feel like your future is bright?

When a scar fails to heal properly, infection sets in. The infection, untreated burrows down into your layers. It eventually gets into your blood stream, killing you. Racism is the bacterium that threatens to reopen our wounds. Allowed to fester, the infection gets deep.

· Our education system fails us
· The lack of decent jobs fails us
· The degradation of our families fails us

With each failure, the bacterium moves to our blood stream. Our own blood ends up killing us. SELF-DESTRUCTION. This is what leads to black-on-black crime. We sell ourselves short because there is no legacy to live up too. We learn in school that we had no acknowledged beginning. We were people in our native lands, but once here, as slaves, we failed to reach the level of human being. Our history, a black hole leaving us wanting.

While many in White America wish that we would let the “race” issue die (we have our first Black president), our collective scar remains visible. I cannot look at my reflection in the mirror and pretend the hole in my soul does not exist. I cannot re-tell my family’s history without acknowledging that at some point in North America’s recent past, there will be nothing to tell.

What does our history tells us? What lay ahead? I don’t have the answer, do you?

Lala

It Starts Today...

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 05:30:00 +0000

It took what feels like a life time, but I finally decided to start a blog. Lala's Lores is the brain child of my crazy life thus far. It took so long because I couldn't decide my point of view. What would I write about? Who would bother to read my rambles? Who would care about the ideas, criticisms, and conclusions running through my mind? Who am I?

Ah Ha moment number 1! Why have a point of view at all? None of us, have a single point of view. I read some where that women are six-sided creatures; and by all the roles I play in this life I have a few more sides than average.

I am a daughter, mother, sister, aunt, cousin, soon-to-be grandmother, wife, and ex-wife, MBA student, TV watcher, movie lover, Facebook fanatic, Twitter writer. I am many things to many people, but especially to myself. I am a sparkling uncut diamond with brilliant facets. At least 4 carats!

So what won't I write about! Who wouldn't want to read my rambles! Everyone cares about my ideas, criticisms, and conclusions. I can't be the only person, with 50 million things on the brain. I AM WHO I AM.

Welcome to Lala's Lores.

Lores? Dictionary definition is knowledge acquired through education or experience. What you will find is a combination of my academic studies and my experience. I have the experiences of a reality show, with all the crazy characters too boot.

The blog is about current events, reality TV, movies, family, love (or lack there of), sex (or lack there of), exercise (or lack there of), food, health, academics, etc. etc. etc. Or what ever else happens to be on my mind at the moment.

I won't bother to bore you with the specifics of my background, you will learn about me through my writings, and the experiences I share. I am sharing myself in the hopes of gaining greater insight into myself and those around me. Let's grow together.

This is the beginning, a chapter page in my book, a new page in yours. Let's clink glasses and toast ourselves a great journey.

Happy reading, Lala