The Window Seat

Another Epic Fail Of The National Conscience

2011-01-09T23:12:00.000-08:00

No one ever saw it coming. Yeah, right. Not one politician, not one political operative, not one campaign fundraising operative, not one talk show pundit. Not one person slinging insults, inviting insults, or whipping up a crowd with profanities while discussing the state of affairs in our country. No one ever saw it coming – correction: the ones who ‘didn’t see it coming’ never thought that this carnage would land at their feet. Again. Never thought after other rampages and attacks by disaffected and disturbed citizens on our own soil that a new horror would play out that could be traced back, literally or figuratively, to their own actions. After September 11, when Flight 77 hit the Pentagon and Flight 93 was taken down by heroic passengers before it could hit the Capitol, both frightened houses of Congress pledged to work together for the good of the country – at least until the 2004 election cycle. Now in the wake of the horror of the attacks on Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and nineteen others, after two years of challenging the President’s citizenship by various groups of citizenry, after a congressional year of insults to President Obama and other elected officials, after a campaign cycle of the nastiest behavior from candidates and incumbents, after gleeful boasts of plans to undo the prior session’s legislative accomplishments, now Congress wants to have a dialogue across the aisles about rhetoric?? Scared for their own skins again. Give us a break.

There is thought in Congress about increased awareness and security. Awareness of the words that are unleashed is what has to be patrolled and monitored full-time, and that is the job of the ones uttering the words. Law enforcement can’t do that job for the ones making the speeches and remarks. Increased security vigilance won’t mean anything unless the hyping and sensationalizing of politics by the media ceases. “Next at 11, stunning new details about…” “We hope you’ll join us for the latest exclusive report about”. Consistent high-quality reporting of the news has gone the way of 8-track and cassette tapes, replaced by hype and hysteria. Journalism standards should not be equated with tabloid news or 'reality television', and unfortunately that is what happens when any and everybody is given a platform for which they are not trained or qualified. Perhaps two months ago a young girl, maybe eleven years old at the most, was asked by a television news crew why she wanted to attend a book signing in Arizona (of all places), and she replied that she wanted to see the author ‘because she’s a great American’. Dear precious child, great Americans don’t quit on their constituents because the rug covering missteps and/or misdeeds has been lifted up. Great Americans don’t blame others for their ignorance on matters of foreign policy and for their lack of a reading list. Great Americans don’t distort family values. Great Americans don’t use family members to promote themselves while hiding in the background or in the audience. Great Americans don’t suggest violence in politics with ‘misunderstood’ graphics and catch-phrases extolling firepower. Great Americans don’t.

Today and forever, six families suffer the unimaginable consequences of selfish individuals who place no value on human lives except their own or those close to them, and who have fanned the flames of discord into a human pyre. Media outlets everywhere are searching for that golden kernel of information that will let them broadcast the “real” story behind a young man’s rampage. Will it bring back a judge that was regarded as fair, a congressional aide liked for his willingness to help the constituency that his boss served, a beloved church custodian, a homemaker who enjoyed volunteering at her church, a woman married to her high school sweetheart, and a little girl who was her brother’s best friend, had just won her first elected office and was interested in government? No, no, no, no, no and no. Will thirteen others including the congresswoman who serves her district regardless of her constituents’ affiliation be any less wounded or traumatized? No.

Responsibility for this tragedy should not be aimed solely at the talking heads and mouths that have the eyes and ears of the nation tuned into their every word. What about agencies and authorities that had been alerted that a young man might have mental health issues? What about those who saw signs that something wasn’t right? Did no one in Tucson have a clue until a beautiful sunny Saturday morning when time stopped for six innocent people? Does no one remember the other “national tragedies” that gripped us in the past two decades – Oklahoma City, Columbine, Virginia Tech, among others - and the warning signs that were talked about after the fact? No more not speaking out in the community when there is an possibility or indication of mental illness. No more not wanting to get involved until it’s too late.

Going forward we have to do better, as a nation and as individuals. Stand up for right in our neighborhoods, schools, houses of worship. Talk and discuss issues, ideas and policies instead of hurling curses and accusations around without a backward glance. Talk and disagree if we must in civil decibels, with respect for the other side and for ourselves. Talk and agree to work together on compromise or new solutions if compromise is not going to happen. Stand up for ideals and beliefs without trashing the opponent or the other side. Stand up for the rights of all Americans regardless of income or status to be a part of the dialogue and to be represented by the ones who are elected to serve. Stand up for democracy for all, not just for the deepest pockets. No more pretending not to see or attempting to justify away responsibility for the trainwreck that has come to be known as politics as usual. Conduct yourselves as befits the office and the position that you hold in Congress, without profanity or disrespect on the floor of your employers, the people of the United States.

The Washington Post makes a good point: “…Politicians in both parties have said this is not a time for one side to try to score political points against the other over who bears responsibility for these conditions, though there is plenty of finger-pointing in the blogosphere and on Twitter. The reality is everyone bears some responsibility, from politicians to political operatives to the media to ordinary Americans….”

America, just. do. better.

The Window Seat by Karen Caffee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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Celebrating The Sum Total Of My Parts

2010-10-15T03:00:00.000-07:00

This week I noticed that my upper arms are getting saggy – not flabby because they have always been small, but now they are small and jiggly. That’s okay, because I can raise my arms to hug someone, to hold a little one or just to give praise. Lifting weights will take care of the jiggle.

One day I stubbed my toes and made my already swollen feet ache just that much more. But the pain was in feet that move and fit into shoes that protect them, so it was not such a big deal.

Chipped fingernails reminded me of the missed mani-pedi, but I remembered the people of Congo and Sudan who endure mutilation of their hands and arms, and a missed manicure was not so important.

My thighs and waist don’t seem to remember that they should weigh less, but my legs are strong enough to hold me up and to take me anywhere that I decide to go so that can include going to work off the pounds, which seems like a fair trade.

My hair has decided to turn gray in a disorganized manner, but I thought of my grandmother and my great-aunts and how their gray hair framed their faces filled with love every day that I saw them, and it isn’t an issue anymore.

The doctor told me that my heart and my rash were aggravated by stress and anxiety, so after he fixed my heart in 2009 I decided that stress had to go live somewhere else and I took control of the things that had me twisted around. They are not problems – they are opportunities to do different and do better. All gone? No - but I refuse to be overwhelmed and under-responsive.

There was a woman staring at me in the mirror and I wondered where she came from. She looked back and told me that she was the traveler on my journey of life, and she recalled seeing me along the paths that she had taken. She does looks somewhat familiar; perhaps we’ll compare itineraries.

So my jiggles and stumbles and cracks and excess and grey patches and trauma are not causing me to feel uncertain about what lies ahead. Instead, they make me thankful that I have come this far by the grace of God. Thankful that I have another day to be and do what I was not and did not do the day before. Thankful that I have a loving mother who makes me smile and laugh daily, and family by blood and by the bonds of friendship that are as strong as any DNA. Thankful that I live in a time and in a country where what was declared impossible can now be declared achievable, in a time where the goodness of humankind still triumphs in moments of great need and adversity. Thankful to have another year of life behind me, and to look forward to the years ahead.

Even with a Nor’easter bearing down on the East Coast today, reminding of the stormy night before my mother delivered me, there is so much to be thankful for.

And I wish that each of you have occasions and reasons to be thankful for yourselves.

Happy Birthdays!!

The Window Seat by Karen Caffee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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Three Thousand Two Hundred Eighty-Five Days Later

2010-09-11T16:26:00.000-07:00

Nine years ago, time froze while we tried to absorb what the eyes were seeing and the ears were hearing. So much for the brain to process at one time. The day that we never really expected to have to live through in our homeland. Nine years later, we are still trying to adjust to living beyond that day, and we’re not putting forth a good effort as a nation. Tragedy and death should never become opportunities for opportunists – political, racial, or financial – of any kind or ilk. The rawness of this tragedy has been trampled on by so many people for their hateful and selfish purposes.

The dialogue about the proposed center near Ground Zero has fuel more argument and bashing than discussion. I expressed my feelings about the center over the past six weeks and have been saddened by the harshness and nastiness of some responses, empowered (I think) by the anonymity of the internet. I know that some people will seize any chance to try to win a point with rude and bombastic staging, but social media has given people a false sense of power, or maybe for some people it is the only sense of power that they have to say whatever they want. Whatever their reasoning, it’s not a good look. You may feel that enough time has passed and that the constitutional and legal right to build such a center is what matters. Others of us are not ready now for such – maybe later, and for some there will never be a time when they are ready. We should all respect each other’s feelings without turning discussions into slugfests. And no matter which side of the discussion you fall on, the safety of our troops and civilians overseas should never be jeopardized by self-promoting racists here at home (with the help of some media platforms and outlets). The idea of burning any book of worship is reprehensible. None of us is perfect, but no good can come of desecrating God’s Word, through flame or any other sin that you choose to commit.

While we are caught up in the drama of the vitriol and the rhetoric, life is still going on. There are people who observe their birthdays today with a pause to remember. Tomorrow is National Grandparents Day, a good excuse for lots of hugs and kisses, flowers, cake and ice cream. This is Pediatric Cancer Month, a good time to buy a cup of lemonade to help look for a cure. Take a stand for cancer research. Support our troops and our veterans. Create an idea to strengthen your neighborhood, or vote for someone else’s idea.

We can’t change that day or bring back any of the lost, but we can honor their memories and sacrifices by working together to make our nation stronger. Whatever you choose, make it positive, something good to help our country to heal and move forward. I want my hero to know that we will never forget. God bless the USA.

The Window Seat by Karen Caffee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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Getting Ready For The Houseguest You Never Want

2010-09-04T00:39:00.000-07:00

--September 3, 2010

The sweetest words from my mother this week were “They said we dodged a bullet.” She said that when we talked Friday afternoon, as eyes were trained on the Eastern seaboard and Hurricane Earl. We had been through the preparations earlier in the week for the storm, leading up to the twelve hour window this afternoon until shortly after midnight. On Monday she was sewing for one of her friends, but on Tuesday she got busy. Pull out emergency kit with battery powered radio (and batteries) - check, purchase extra bottled water, canned and dry food - check, prescriptions ordered and picked up - check, emergency plan reading online - check, and lastly on Thursday, returning patio furniture to the basement – check.

We had reviewed what to do if the hurricane or tropical storm winds hit the house at night (get in the closet and close the door), and the designated evacuation centers in our town. I am sure that I got on my mother’s nerves with the calls and e-mails and quasi-lectures (that I tried to make sound like I wasn’t worried), and she responded with patience and calm for the most part. If you have aging parents whom you don’t see every day or live near, you have an idea of the switching of roles that takes place as events and situations occur, and you are trying to manage for them without running over them. Yes, she would listen to the updates on the news, and she would evacuate without hesitation if one was ordered. No, she did not need assistance from the first responders to evacuate – let them go help someone else. She kept any anxiety that she was feeling from me, only saying that whatever was meant to happen would happen (but she hoped the roof wouldn’t get damaged). She checked on all of her friends and they compared readiness notes. All but one was proactive in getting ready, but the stage manager (yours truly) made provision for evacuation if needed.

Once her choir rehearsal was over on Thursday night, the waiting began. As the winds lessened and the National Hurricane Service announced a downgrade, my breathing got easier while my mom tried to rest. Daylight came; my ‘trainer’ had to be walked after I checked the weather reports. On our first call of the morning, she announced that she was watching the rain through the window over the kitchen sink as she washed dishes. Life does have to go on while one waits! My social media network checked in with updates on their loved ones (all well) who lived in the first affected areas, and continued prayers and good wishes for all in the projected path of the hurricane. The news reports throughout the morning looked promising, and then in the afternoon my mom repeated that beautiful phrase that she had heard on the newscast about dodging a bullet. Thank God, and exhale.

She called again at 6 p.m. to say that she was going to bed. A week of anticipation and probably quiet anxiety over the first hurricane in nineteen years had robbed a girl of some peaceful sleep, and she was determined not to lose any more! We gave thanks and then said goodnight. She slept, and I thought about how on this five year remembrance of Hurricane Katrina my mother could have become a part of a story like the one that she avidly followed in 2005, expressing outrage and shock at the lack of preparation and response in the Gulf. This outcome is markedly different because of good preparation and planning on the parts of citizens and government and also the incredible and divine timing of the mass of cold air that helped to take the steam out of Earl’s engine. While we have been caught in the grip of this weather emergency, we witnessed the rig explosion in the Gulf of Mexico and the 7.0 earthquake in New Zealand, and we pray for all.

We are still in hurricane season until the end of October, and there will be more seasons and more preparations will have to be made (please not this season). There are a number of things that can be done in advance to make it easier to get ready to leave, especially for elderly residents.

Documents: scan and create PDF files on flash drive; photocopy papers, place in waterproof bags (you can buy boxes of ziplock bags in dollar stores)

Register with local senior services department for notification and evacuation (if available) or with local law enforcement/responders

Prepare list with Emergency contact information

Prepare List of medication names and dosages

Help write an Emergency plan

Create an emergency kit, or help to purchase/order a kit

Photographs of valuables; print or burn to CD-ROM for safekeeping away from residence (part of the emergency plan)

Text messaging lessons; when landlines go down and wireless lines are overloaded, text messages can be the most effective and fastest way to communicate, and it keeps the phone lines free for emergency use.

I am so thankful that we have had the reverse mother-daughter ‘discussions’ about emergency preparation. My mother might or might not secretly delight in my take-charge attitude in preparing her to function on her own if she has to with new technology (that’s another blog about bribing her to read text messages and then teaching her to send them). She has gone from fearing the computer and despising the cellphone to using her Bluetooth every once in a while, surfing the internet and creating some of her own documents. She has taken several computer classes and signs her e-mails and faxes “Your computer nerd mother”. While it’s a new and sometimes trying adventure for her, it is a measure of peace of mind for me. I love and salute her courage and willingness to embrace new challenges, as well as those of her generation around the world who are keeping up with their loved ones and making new friends. Next up on our technology agenda is Skype so she’ll be ready to give first-hand reports and interviews to the press, and then we’ll work on growing her friend list on Facebook!

The Window Seat by Karen Caffee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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Things I've Learned About Life And Race As An American (Before the NAACP - Tea Party dust-up)

2010-07-23T23:04:00.000-07:00

~ None of us had a vote in choosing the parents that conceived us or the families that we were born into.

~ None of us arrived with knowledge and experience, but had to acquire them from everyday life.

~ Studying your own history, culture and heritage is not selfish.

~ Positively supporting your own culture or heritage is not unpatriotic or treacherous or treasonous.

~ Studying other histories, cultures and heritage is not a burden; you may not become an expert but you won't remain clueless, either.

~ Education is a precious privilege that in America is granted from birth, and public school or private, I have an opportunity that does not exist everywhere in the world.

~ Life events can bring great trials and heartache at the hands of others, but also great comfort and support at the hands of others.

~ Ignoring a wrong to someone that doesn't look like me doesn't prevent that wrong or another wrong from happening to me; would I want to be ignored?

~ It is more effective to have a conversation about problems and wrongs than a deafening screaming match.

~ If I choose to isolate myself from other people of other cultures and heritages, I have chosen to build my own tower of ignorance.

~ None of our skin colors rub off, taint the chairs or poison the swimming pools.

~ It's okay to ask questions about another race or ethnicity - how else will you learn the answer?

~ Each of us has made mistakes along the road of life. Learning from those mistakes should be celebrated and not held against us.

~ My cheese can get moved: whether career, home, economics or politics - and yours can,too.

~ I would rather learn to live in an era of change than to die in an era of stagnation and hatred.

~ I don't choose my friends because of skin color, eye color, hair texture or ethnicity. I chose you because you have ideas, ideals and values that I have grown to respect, and because you bring something unique to the journey called life.

~ Sometimes the fifteen minutes of fame, the microphone and the television camera are focused on the wrong people. That does not diminish the rest of us.

~ Every morning in kindergarten we recited The Golden Rule: 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.'

~ 'Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.' -- Eleanor Roosevelt

~ "The measure of a man is what he does with power."
--Pittacus, one of the Seven Sages of Greece

~ Character is who you are and what you do when you think no one is watching or will ever find out. It is who you are "in the dark". It is not who others think you are, but who you know you really are.
--David West, Inside Out Leadership Development, LLC

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From Decision To Action

2010-07-08T22:15:00.000-07:00

Dateline: Los Angeles – July 8, 2010

It’s been quite a day. News of Russian spies being convicted and deported as part of a swap. News that a mother in Iran will not be stoned to death (nothing about her life being spared, just that she won’t be stoned). News that a police officer was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter, after ‘accidentally’ drawing his revolver instead of his taser gun and shooting a downed and restrained man. News that an accused serial killer will be arraigned next month. Oil is still leaking in the Gulf of Mexico. Our troops are still in Iraq and Afghanistan. Two million people are still without unemployment benefits. Cities and states are still fiscally fragile. Comprehensive immigration legislation and enforcement is still a hot topic.

And then we have ‘The Decision’. It is true that some good did come from the much-hyped announcement: five hundred thousand dollars in addition to untold advertising dollars going to the Boys & Girls Clubs of America, along with five college scholarships for deserving students. So after a week of suspense, following months of rampant speculation and guessing (and my guess was in the hunt but ultimately wrong), tonight we know that royal hoop hype is moving into South Beach. No disrespect to the players and teams involved, but that speaks to the attention paid to this one announcement.

The communications universe was ablaze today, as it has been all week, in anticipation of the announcement. Local television and radio, network television and radio, cable television, satellite television and radio, social media sites, websites, newspapers and magazines were all prophesying and punditizing. Who had the real inside scoop? What’s next? What does it all mean???

Checking in *ahem* occasionally with my social media friends, it brought to mind last year’s running commentary during a high-gloss memorial service for another King. There were posts and tweets and texts and messages about everything from the old-school memories to the hats and accessories, and all in between. When it was over, there were some friendships begun that have been strengthened since then with many a deep and meaningful discussion about the world we live in, and have since grown to include even more friends. Today one of those friends posted a thought about the collective number of social media citizens in comparison to the UN, and that gave rise to this not original thought: how do we utilize the minds and talents of the social media universe from our respective patches of earth to be the change that we want to see?

We can’t all go to Washington or to city hall or to the state house, but we can take a crack at doing what our representatives (whom we elect to work for us) are charged to do: make recommendations and decisions after research and study, based on the needs and to benefit the collective good of the people (not the select few). We have enough tools to cyber-meet and talk and craft policies and documents that we can submit to our representatives. We can set our calendars, conference calls and meetings from the comfort of wherever we want to meet (Sweet Tea or iced coffee in hand). We can strategize and then publicize our goals and positions instantly, and be available to promote those ideas around the clock and around the globe. WE can be the change that we want to see. Is anyone ready to ride?

And on a more serious note, may cooler heads and hearts prevail tonight and tomorrow(s) in Iran, Oakland, CA and Cleveland, OH.

The Window Seat by Karen Caffee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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Father's Day 2010

2010-06-20T19:41:00.000-07:00

A Father:

Knows that “Spit don’t make babies”

Knows that making a baby is never the same as being a parent; one is an unprotected event – the other is an investment in protecting and nurturing

Talks to God before the child is born, and every day afterward

Knows that reality TV shows are not where you determine or dispute being the father

Knows they must teach and use valuable words with their children: please, thank you, share, excuse me, I apologize, I love you

Knows that how you speak to and about others plays a significant role in how your children do the same

Knows that how you speak to and about others may determine how your children expect and allow others to speak to them

Teaches his children that policemen and policewomen, firemen and firewomen and military personnel are also moms and dads

Understands that the school system and teachers are not responsible for raising the child – they are responsible for providing educational and civic tools that will be reviewed and sharpened at home

Knows that bling will never be greater than or equal to brains

Knows that saggy trousers/shorts, tight tops, tight pants and short skirts expose more than underwear

Explains and lives the terms character and integrity

Follows his parental intuition at the moment instead of lamenting how ‘he knew it’ later

Knows that the moneymaker is above the neck and not below it, and makes sure that his children understand that as well

Knows that a child needs more than guest appearances from a father who does not live in the home

Goes to great lengths to make sure that the child understands that whatever happened between dad and mom is not the child’s fault if mom and dad are not together

Recognizes that blending a family requires extra doses of patience, love and caring, and doesn’t push his way into the father role but lives the role instead

Asks for help when needed, and steps up to help when needed

Gives mommy a break and cleans up whatever mess gets made before she gets back

Finds the monster under the bed, sends the boogeyman away, knows the Itsy Bitsy Spider, Barney, Yo Gabba Gabba and Elmo

Finds the answer to “Why is?”

Cooks breakfast, lunch and dinner not just when he has to

Learns to comb his daughter’s hair

Tosses the softball and attends the tea parties

Knows that his lap is a good place for learning to read: ABCs, Dr. Seuss, the Bible

Finds the adventure with his children in going to the local park or a theme park

Explains the difference between actions and consequences, before AND after – that dog will not walk itself or ‘hold it’ until the favorite show is over

Remembers the classmate without a dad and makes room for one more

Is familiar with technology because that’s good looking out for the child, who doesn’t understand that everyone on the internet is not a friend

Knows the teachers, attends parent conferences and serves as class parent when he can

Will delete the word ‘quit’ from the dictionary and vocabulary

Coaches without favoritism, or cheers from the sidelines without being an embarrassment

Gives his sons and daughters the one-on-one time they need with him

Knows his child’s friends and their parents

Knows that admiration for an athlete or a celebrity should not be confused with choosing a role model, and explains why to his children

Can’t find the handkerchief fast enough when the child tells everyone why they love their dad, and is okay with watery eyes and trembling lips

Knows that if he missed any parts of his child’s life, a relationship can’t go backwards but can be built going forward

Fathers, just like mothers, are God’s special gifts, whether Daddy, Pop, Papa, Father, Dad, Grandpa, Uncle, Cousin, Stepfather, Mom holding down two roles, or other angels filling in to raise the village.

We praise God for you, and we love you.

The Window Seat by Karen Caffee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-07T07:42:00.000-07:00

To Mother, Mama, Momma, Ma, Mom, M'Dear, Mommy

To mothers in two-parent families,

To single mothers serving as mother and father,

To adoptive and foster mothers who have opened their homes and hearts,

To stepmothers in blended families,

To grandmothers raising grandchildren,

To aunts who are raising nieces, nephews, cousins,

To mothers serving in the military,

To dads who are father and mother:

Thank you for all of the love, encouragement, discipline (yes!), the tissues, stories, lullabies, Easter bunnies, Santas, Thanksgiving meals that didn't magically appear on the table, laundry, special 'I love you' notes, the encouragement, tripes to the library, making an extra way, making a way out of no way, special outfits, special occasions, dropping us off, picking us up, extra lessons, checking the homework, recitals, school trips as class parent, asking "how was your day" and really listening, the watchful *eye* the kisses to make it better, did we say the love, the PRAYERS, and the love that you have generously showered upon us.

Everything that God has allowed us to be is because we have you by our sides.

This is your day, from the most senior to the newest mother.

We praise God for you, and we love you!

The Window Seat by Karen Caffee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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Are We There Yet?

2010-02-11T10:57:00.000-08:00

Twenty years ago today Nelson Mandela (called "Madiba" by many in South Africa) walked out of the prison on Robben Island as a free man after twenty-seven years of confinement. It was an electric sight to see him standing tall in the sunlight after being held for so many years.  In his autobiography "Long Walk to Freedom" Mr. Mandela wrote "I always knew that someday I would once again feel the grass under my feet and walk in the sunshine a free man."
After walking into the sunshine, Mr. Mandela didn't find a comfortable chair in the shade and just sit down with a cold glass of lemonade. He continued to work for the rights of all citizens of South Africa, work that he had not put down while behind those bars. The Freedom Charter was written into a wall at the Palace of Justice in Pretoria. The preamble says "South Africa belongs to all who live in it, black and white and no government can justly claim authority unless it is based on the will of the people." He was elected and served as president of his beloved South Africa in the first general election there, and worked hard to build up a democratic infrastructure. He is still an inspiration, for his dignity, his grace, his upholding of his commitment to freedom even when he was not free.
                                                                                                                                                                              So in this 21st century, have we arrived at that destination called Freedom? Have we touched down on the tarmac of shelter, food and healthcare for all? Are we on the staircase of accessible and affordable education for all? Are we crossing the intersection of Accountabilty Avenue and Integrity Road? The sad, loud answer is "no". Sometimes it feels as though the walk has gone completely off the road.  We have libraries with books and the internet, making it easier than ever to research and learn. We have greater communication choices with even more being developed every day. And what 'research' are we 'communicating'? Reality shows that are spectacles of bad taste and language. Videos that show how much one can shake while nearly naked. Stories of bad government and wasteful spending around the world. Missteps, misrepresentation and mistakes all around. Marvin Gaye called it when he recorded "Make Me Wanna Holler" on 'Inner City Blues': "...Oh, make me wanna holler And throw up both my hands Yea, it makes me wanna holler And throw up both my hands..."  Owww!
                                                                                                                                                              After the hollering and hand throwing, then what? Back to the walk, back to working to make positive changes in our communities. Back to speaking up for those without a voice or vehicle to make themselves heard. Back to mentoring and encouraging the children to dream big and learning how to make those dreams real. Back to speaking up and speaking out for what is right. Back to getting up when we stumble or when we fall.  Back to being the change that we want to see.
Rosa Parks, Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Fannie Lou Hamer, Sarah Delany and Bessie Delany, Justice Thurgood Marshall, Dr. John Hope Franklin, the Tuskeegee Airmen, Roberto Clemente, Osceola McCarty, Ulysses B. Kinsey, Jackie Robinson, Brig. General Daniel "Chappie" James and those who struggled for freedom in South Africa, among so many others around the world, didn't get it wrong. President Barack Obama, Dr. Keith Black, Oprah Winfrey, Rep. John Lewis, Ron Clark, Maya Angelou, Attorney Areva Martin, Rev. Dr. Thema Bryant-Davis, Rae Lewis-Thornton, Bernard Kinsey and Shirley Kinsey, and General Colin Powell, among so many others, aren't getting it wrong. There is room on the road for us to continue the walk.                                                                                                                    Thank you, Madiba, for your courage and your strength through the struggle. www.nelsonmandela.org/ It was a thrill to watch you walk out of prison on that Sunday afternoon.  It is an honor and a privilege to walk the path of freedom and to look to your journey and others' journeys for inspiration. Go Well.


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Another Chance To Say "Thank You"

2010-02-05T15:09:00.000-08:00

                                                                                                                                                            Today is Go Red For Women Day, organized by the American Heart Association to call attention to women's heart health. Women and men are rocking red clothing today, whether one item or an entire outfit. Wearing red is a symbolic statement encouraging people to learn the symptoms of heart disease and how to improve your heart health. Heart disease is no respecter of gender, race or even age.  We hear more stories of youngsters with heart disease, and sometimes with fatal outcomes. Women think that they aren't at risk if they are thin, exercise regularly and eat right. That's just not so.  We are a nation of too many diabetic and obese people - but that's not news. Women's heart disease is too often undiagnosed because women don't focus on the warning signs, or put off being concerned about their health until later.   We don't all get to 'later'. Too many women die of heart attacks and heart disease because they ignored their bodies saying "There's trouble here, time to get it checked out!"

My body sent that message on two different occasions in 2009. The first time was on Easter Sunday, while rushing around town to take care of some last-minute requests before an event at church. The palpitations had been going on for a little while, and after I ran back into the store for a case of water, I passed out in the checkout line. Not once, but twice, because after I came to I insisted that I was fine and got back in line to pay for the water. After I dropped the second time, the paramedics came and even then I was insisting that I was okay and didn't need any help. One of the paramedics gently told me that my heart was beating a little too fast to be considered 'okay'. Please take note: when they inject you twice with a drug to stop your racing heartbeat, you're not okay. Especially when the drugs don't seem to have any effect. So we went to the hospital, but I "fell through the cracks" of the evening shift change and received minimal attention for the first four hours of my stay in the ER. (I left just before midnight, hungry, frustrated and disgusted. If I'm suspected of having a silent heart attack, how is it that the doctor on duty for the last four hours that I was there never came into the room to see me - just across the hall from the nursing station?) Healthcare is not an option - but that's another blog topic.

The second time was on July 2nd, after the funeral of a dear sister friend who had died of heart disease the previous week. I was still at the church, working on a project, feeling bad and pushing through. But again the message was pounding loudly in my chest, and when the paramedics came there was no discussion about going, just where to go. While sitting in the ER bed that night, waiting for the IV to finish so that I could go home, the doctor came back and told me that the only place I was going was to a bed upstairs because they had run more tests and knew something was wrong, but not specifically what had happened. She mentioned Silent Heart Attack, whose symptoms differ in men and women. That time, in Olympia Medical Center, the cavalry was in place. They started tests the next morning at 6:30 a.m., called in the cardiologist, who called in the cardio specialist.   Thank God for the episode that I had in the hospital while attached to the monitors because that helped the doctors with the diagnosis. They made a plan and we made a date for surgery.

One week after going home, I went to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles for an angiogram and a coronary ablation. The angiogram showed that my arteries were clean. The ablation was partly successful because I had residue of a heart medicine in my bloodstream, so the next month I went back to the hospital for a second ablation. No open-heart incisions, no long scars. Surgery through catheters, home the next day. How amazing is that! Now nearly five months later, twenty-three pounds lighter, taking a nightly mile walk with my nine-pound, four-legged 'trainer' and just a nightly cholesterol pill, I beg you one and all to 1) learn the symptoms of heart attack and stroke, to 2) learn CPR if you haven't already taken a course, and to 3) tell every woman that you know to speak up when they feel bad. We need to be superwomen and superdivas with healthy hearts!!   Take the time to make healthy eating choices, take part in regular exercise and share the weight of the world with others (stress will knock you down and can take you out).  Treat yourself as well as you treat your loved ones. See your doctor regularly, and tell your doctor about the aches, pains, flutters or whatever it is that just doesn't feel right.

God bless health professionals, healthcare workers and first responders for the work that they do. To honor the memories of all of the women who did not survive heart disease or heart attacks, we have to make our health a priority in our lives. Today is a great day to prioritize your heart health, woman or man, girl or boy.   For more information, visit http://www.americanheart.org/

Red love to you!!

The Window Seat by Karen Caffee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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The Wait Is Over

2010-01-20T18:02:00.000-08:00

We've been waiting a long time for rain in California. A very, very long time that brought several years of firestorms and destruction of hillsides. The fires all have names and they all caused loss of life, serious injury and catastrophic damage.

Throughout America, there has been a long wait for new leadership. A long wait, through terrorist attacks, economic decline, job outsourcing and downsizing, political scandal and intrigue. Each crisis has a name and they caused some level of deprivation that affected many or all of us.

One year ago a new administration took office in Washington, D.C. Two days ago a week of storms descended upon California. The waits were over but the results are not all that we want. We have seen a year of economic surgeries that were supposed to reinvigorate the housing and job markets, and rein in excess on Wall Street. We have seen the attacks by pirates, kidnappings of our citizens overseas, actual and attempted attacks on our homeland.

No amount of wishing is going to change what's happened. The clock won't turn back and the bell won't be unrung. We have seen some of our worst fears and some of our pretty bad fears come to pass. We have a lot of issues and problems to deal with, and we'll likely have more before we're satisfied that we have the change we want. So are we going to continue to point fingers, shout out loud, talk trash and fan flames with rhetoric and rambling? Are we going to wrap ourselves around ourselves and only worry about the nose on our face and the faces in our houses? Are we going to wait for 'someone' to fix everything? Are we going to continue to travel on 'More of the Same Road'?

I hope not. I hope that we will inhale, exhale and think about the criticisms that we want to level against the other party or the other side. Let's be real: if all of America's problems were solved by President Obama in the first twelve months of his administration, there would be murmurs of sorcery and calls for warlock commissions. The view from inside the job has to be decidedly different and a bit more realistic than when you're trying to get the job. You can't appoint only the people that agree with you (and he didn't want to), you don't get to select who sits in both houses of Congress (you can campaign for some, but no guarantee that they will win), and you don't get to turn out the lights and lock up the store for the night (even if it is a really nice store to live above). You get a 24/7/365 preoccupation that will test all of your skills and all of your patience. Remember the classic line from "Jaws"? 'Just when you think it's safe to go back in the water…' with the music building to a scary crescendo, and then came that shark that wouldn't die until the theater lights came up.

We have serious days ahead and we have serious issues to address as-a-nation. Sitting back doesn't work anymore for us as citizens. Who besides your immediate circle should know how you feel about the performance of your elected officials – the people who work for us? Answer: those same elected officials should hear how you feel from the time they take office until the time of the next election! You may or may not get the answer that you want, but your communication will remind them that you are paying attention to their performance. Just as your performance is evaluated by your boss or supervisor, elected representatives should know how their performance is rated by the people. But don't stop with communicating with those representatives: do something yourself to help make a situation better. Everyone has some skill to contribute to resolving problems. And here's a novel but not original thought: you can team up with people of different parties and positions to work for a common cause. The exchange of ideas leads to solutions faster than the exchange of insults. Don't quit if you don't prevail with your point or idea, keep expressing your ideas. Talking to each other is what's most important, not the size of the words or the smoothness of the speech. Dialogue is what counts and you have to be in the conversation to be in the game.

A very wise man named Stan Bush put it like this: "…It's really not about 'them'. It's about us…'We the people'. If WE continue to do what we've done for 200+ years, we will continue to be divided. We must not let parties and race (be) the deciding factor. After all, when the guy hits the winning home run in the World Series, or scores the winning TD in the Super Bowl…Nobody on the winning team really cares about his race or politics. They are just glad that their team won. We need a team."

Healthcare for our citizens is still too important to ignore. The economy and workforce, housing and homelessness, education and national security have to be addressed. The team roster isn't closed, but the clock is ticking. Game on!

Major Clifford L. Patterson, Jr.: In Loving Memory

2009-09-11T02:37:00.000-07:00

These words and images have been playing in my head since September 15, 2001 when my mother called with the news that my cousin was among the missing at the Pentagon.

Our grandmothers were the linchpins. His grandmother was the older sister; my grandmother was the baby of the family. We are part of a blended family and not related biologically. His branch of the family tree was rooted in the D.C. area, and mine in New York. He was twelve years younger than me. He was so close to one of his sisters that our family always spoke of the two in the same breath, saying their names as one. They would come to New York with their grandmother to visit my grandparents, not frequently, but they stepped into the rhythms of the house easily and cheerfully. They were polite, smart, affectionate, helpful and well-mannered. They celebrated America’s bicentennial anniversary with us in New York, and we cheered at the fireworks displays in Manhattan that we watched on television, sprawled in the living room floor as our grandparents and other relatives talked and visited the weeks away.

I remember that he had a broken arm that summer, and had to write with his left hand. The day before they returned home, he carefully wrote his and his sister’s names in my address book so that I could keep my promise to write to them when I went back to college. He politely refused any help, because he wanted to do it by himself and he did, and we kept our promises to write to each other during that school year.

He loved his parents, was a wonderful son, brother, grandson and friend. He was everyone’s friend, always happy to help someone else. He grew up, went to college and enlisted in the Army, as his father had. He was a good student in and out of the classroom. He was always prepared. He married and had two sons. He loved his wife and sons with all of the passion and devotion that he possessed. He cooked meals, bathed the children, took them to daycare. He was there for his wife. He was an usher in his church, greeting all who came through the doors. He loved to ride his motorcycle. He made the Army his career, as his father had. He was a Ranger. His last assignment was at the Pentagon, where his father served until his retirement. He was on the promotion list.

His office cubicle was in the direct path of Flight 77. His remains were identified nearly two weeks after the attack. His promotion was posthumously awarded after he was officially listed as a casualty. His grave in Arlington looks at the Pentagon. His father was grace under fire, holding it together for his family, honoring his fallen son and all of the other victims of that day. He gave the updates, broke the news, and did the unthinkable for a parent, burying his child, the son who wanted to be just like him when he grew up, the child who lived out his dream, the child who loved so much. The son who lived thirty-three years, like the Carpenter of Nazareth.

So for eight years these thoughts and images and words have been everywhere that I have been. Through the tears, prayers, swollen eyes, the aching heart and the anger. While clutching the telephone book with his careful handwriting from an innocent summer. While holding on to hope for another day, another newscast, another ring of the telephone. While wondering how, why, why??

Today his Commander-in-Chief will lay a wreath at the Pentagon to honor him and the 183 other souls who perished there. He would have been so proud to be in the Army today, to tell his sons that preparation, diligence and faith will take you far in life. I believe the President would be honored to know him.

We lost so many with so much promise. We will never be the same as before that Tuesday morning. I pray that each victim’s family holds onto the loving memories and can feel a gentle caress today, tomorrow and forever. I pray that we as Americans will take more than a moment today to thank the first responders that we see, for being ready to protect each of us. Thank the military personnel that we see, for being ready. Think of the military personnel around the world who are protecting our commitment to freedom and justice. Thank the veterans that we see, for their contributions to freedom and justice. Love our family before we leave home; love our family when we come back. Love is the most valuable, the most important, the most precious possession that we have. Don’t squander it or hoard it. Love of family, love of country, love of God.

Thank you to the families of Flight 175, Flight 11, Flight 93 and Flight 77. Thank you to the first responders and their families. Thank you to all who gave of themselves because of that Tuesday morning.

Thank you to a little boy who grew up to be a wonderful man, husband, father, brother, son and friend. A loyal soldier who lived out his dream. My hero.

The Window Seat by Karen Caffee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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Who's Doing The Most?

2009-09-02T23:39:00.000-07:00

Thursday, September 2, 2009

Some people are outraged about the comments made on a conservative blog about the Obama children. Okay, you're outraged. The Carter, Clinton and Bush (41) children were all criticized or scrutinized while living in the White House. Their parents raised them in spite of the nasty things that people said about them, and they have survived. It doesn't make it right. It's disgusting, but it's the game. Honestly, did anyone really expect less from these 'patriots'? America was built on a divide and conquer, I-am-better-than-you mentality. There's no outrage in having to read about these insults in a Canadian paper - the outrage is that the WORLD recognizes what we won't, which is that America still can't get past race.

These people aren't mad that Malia Obama wore a peace t-shirt; they're mad that her father is leading an adminstration that is doing its damnedest to get us out of the holes that the ol' boys dropped us into! They are mad that her parents don't have holes in their characters and that they are received and regarded with grace, dignity and courtesy by world leaders. They are mad because the face of America no longer looks like "them". They should get over themselves.

The old folks used to talk about the "nice-nasty" ways of some white people when it came to black people. Not just the 'whites only' and the backs of the bus and the building, but putting things down so they wouldn't have to touch you. Addressing you out of your name or in the third person. The old people would also say things like don't go to sleep on your enemy, and it's better to know your enemy outright than to think someone likes you. We might not know the cyber-bigots by name, but we know they exist. There's no rule that you have to be smart to use a computer, or that you have to have to post facts instead of basura.

I would be willing to bet a dollar against a very large bucket of fertilizer that the posters who spewed racial slurs against the Obama children on that blog would suffer from terminal lockjaw if given the opportunity to stand face to face with President Barack Obama and say those same things to him. Freedom of speech allowed them to post that garbage. Let them try that in China, or Iran.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/ offers one definition of 'doing the most' as
"Trying way too hard to be impressive but only causing self-embarrassment." Fits better than a t-shirt!

If you want to throw rocks and hide your hand, and keep on with the insults and lies, knock yourself out. The rest of us will engage in adult discussions about what we can do to help put our country on solid footing, and then we'll put the plans into play. While you're doing the most, we'll be doing our best.

The Window Seat by Karen Caffee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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The power of lemonade as demonstrated by a courageous little girl

2009-09-01T14:02:00.000-07:00

Karen Caffee's 'Lemonade to KO Cancer' - Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. "Oprah" viewers may remember the story about the little girl who wanted to raise money to help find a cure for childhood cancer, and how her one lemonade stand sparked a fundraising movement that has become her legacy. Alex united cancer patients, cancer survivors, parents, friends, neighbors, strangers and businesses to become a part of the solution by having cup of lemonade. She started with one stand that she worked, and now the movement includes virtual stands (such as mine).

You can find many ways to help cancer patients, by volunteering in hospitals or care centers, working with support groups, advocating for cancer research with elected leadership or raising funds for research and treatment. So today I am offering to you and asking you to support this virtual lemonade stand to help beat childhood cancer. Think of your online donation as the jab, the right cross or the left hook that may be the knockout punch, one virtual cup at a time.

There is an angel in heaven whose wings are made from lemonade, courage and love. Thanks, Alex for showing us how simple it is to help.

PS: please be sure that you click on the lemon next to 'Donate' in order for your donation to be registered with my stand. And be sure to go to the homepage and read Alex's story.

The Window Seat by Karen Caffee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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Firefighters and All First Responders Deserve Our Respect and Support

2009-08-31T00:10:00.000-07:00

Two firefighters lost their lives yesterday in the Station Fire in Southern California. The circumstances of their deaths are still being investigated, but they died while performing their duties. My prayers and condolences go out to their families and their comrades. Other responders airlifted burn victims - who did not follow evacuation orders and tried to wait out the fire - in an outdoor hot tub - to area hospitals for treatment.

As devastating as it must be to wonder if your house will survive or fall victim to a fire, how much more so devastating must it be to receive the notification that your loved one did not survive because they did not evacuate in time, or tried to rescue someone who did not evacuate in time?

First responders - police, firefighters, paramedics, EMTs, sheriff deputies, highway patrol officers, military - report to work prepared to leave it all on the line. Their families watch them go to work with that knowledge, but wait for them to come back home. Things can be replaced - a home, furniture, clothing, jewels, cars - but have you ever seen any responder's family go and pick up a replacement for their loved one at a store in the mall?? Whether fire, hurricane, tornado, flood -- don't place others in jeopardy by staying too long in the danger zone. They are responders. They should not have to become victims.

www.flickr.com/photos/lafd/ Please, just think about it. And while you are thinking about it, think of the families of the lost firefighters, and all of the responders in and out of our country who are ready to leave it out there for all of us.

The Window Seat by Karen Caffee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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"Four Days" - thanks and farewell to Senator Edward Kennedy

2009-08-29T07:57:00.000-07:00

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Four Days was the title of a hardbound book that chronicled the funeral of President John F. Kennedy in 1963. A small 'coffee table book' that captured the poignant moments from his assassination through his burial. I remember those four days, from the feeling of terror when my third grade teacher Mrs. Lefkowitz told us of the president's death, up through the lighting of the eternal flame. April 4, 1968 - Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s death on the evening of my church's first banquet where the speaker was Rev. Dr. Wyatt Tee Walker, one of Dr. King's aides. Two months later, the death of Senator Robert Kennedy, and we grieved in numbed horror for this man who had been such a rock after Dr. King's passing. All of these memories have surfaced during this summer as we mourned the passing of others (Ed McMahon, Walter Cronkite, Michael Jackson, Eunice Kennedy Shriver among them).

New social networks allow us to share our thoughts while we watch the services, read the reports and try to take it all in. When presidents Reagan and Ford, Mother Rosa Parks and news anchor Peter Jennings died we didn't have this light-speed ability to come together - look how technology has evolved in five years. Awesome and slightly scary!

People including our president have commented that we have had time to prepare for Ted Kennedy's death. That block of time has softened or perhaps, for some, eliminated the shock of his passing on Tuesday. It didn't work that way here. My eight-year-old self remembered my and my classmates' tears and fright after JFK's death. (Our teacher decided to tell us but the other classes did not know until after school was dismissed) My eighth-grade self recalled the fearful pause and prayers during our church banquet when the announcment was made that Dr. King had been wounded, and after Dr. Walker finished his remarks, he led us in prayers for Dr. King's soul, and for his family and for our country. When Bobby Kennedy died, my eighth-grade self wondered if the world had gone crazy and if we were truly all going to die in that same year. We watched the grace and the dignity of the Kings and the Kennedys, and held onto the words of comfort, the prayers and the music. Mahalia Jackson sang at JFK's inauguration and at Dr. King's funeral. We clung tightly to "Precious Lord, Take My Hand" as Mrs. King comforted her youngest daughter.

My adult self remembered the agony of waiting for news about JFK Jr. and his wife and sister-in-law, watching Ted Kennedy lead his family through that crisis. We cried and reminisced about John-John and again watched the grace of this family, held close by the youngest son who had become the patriarch too soon by our emotional standards. Teddy brought his family through those days, and he also brought us through. He was and will be the image of redemption which is defined thus by wiser persons than yours truly, courtesy of wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn: [the italics are mine]

(theology) the act of delivering from sin or saving from evil repayment of the principal amount of a debt or security at or before maturity (as when a corporation repurchases its own stock) the act of purchasing back something previously sold

We talk of people changing their lives, making amends, giving back after a tragedy or wrongdoing. Senator Edward M. Kennedy took his public lashings and he gave back to the American people through his work for over four decades. Whether you like him or loathe some of the things that he did, you cannot deny that he worked hard to make life better for citizens in this country. He didn't seek publicity for what he did, he sought justice and equity for those of us who were not born on the smoother end of the playing field. The Bible charges us to forgive the sins of one another as we ask God to forgive our sins. There are a lot of songs that we sing in church about redemption, restoration, being washed clean from sin. If a man or woman has changed their life, has been delivered of sin or saved from evil, when do we stop trying to beat them into the ground for their past??

Speaker after speaker this week has shared with us their memories of Ted Kennedy, a lot of which we may not have known. This was no act that was put on to fool us. What they spoke about were the actions of a man who sought and found grace. We should all be so fortunate to have friends such as these, to have family such as this. I pray that their memories will keep them warm, bring chuckles and laughs to their lips and smiles to their hearts. That they will draw on those memories when they ask 'what would Teddy do?'

No doubt there will be a coffee-table book about Teddy's life, to join the beautiful autobiography about Nelson Mandela, the inauguration of President Barack Obama, and the countless other books about persons who gave their best efforts, gave their lives to public service. That book will end up in my collection. It is a privilege to live in an age where we can see firsthand the good works of these people.

There is also a self-challenge to try harder, try something else, team up with an opponent to improve life in our country. And there is another challenge - to remember the definition of redemption, to be mindful of our own ledger of accountability. Don't go along with or co-sign wrongdoing, but when the wrong is resolved or corrected, let it go. Move on and move forward. Thank you, Bill Clinton, for looking forward and looking out for the underserved and the unprotected.

As the funeral mass ends, the recessional begins and we hear "America The Beautiful" - now the tears start and I can't sing. The lump in my throat is painful, but I whisper the words. I am proud to be an American, born in this country where my african ancestors were met by my native-american ancestors. I will make the most of this day and my life because I can, WE can all do something to make it better for someone else besides ourselves.

Thank you, Teddy for your determination and courage! You were saved from evil by God's grace. Your debt is stamped 'Paid in Full'. You have gone from labor to reward. Rest in peace.

The Window Seat by Karen Caffee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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Tenth Day Checkup, and a Four Month Challenge

2009-08-28T20:50:00.000-07:00

Today was the ten-day checkup after the heart surgery. It still feels funny to write or say 'surgery' when there are no incisions, staples or sutures, but it is what it is. I love going to my cardiologist's office on the top floor of the medical office tower. He has a nice view of the Hollywood hills, and can look immediately over at the Beverly Center. There are two doctors and two other staff members, and they are all so pleasant. I always feel like I'm too happy/loud when I'm there. Today I sounded loud because I am feeling so well, and his pronouncement (echoing mine) that he fixed the problem was what I have been waiting to hear. The bruising at the catheter sites should be gone soon, and I am now done with the daily baby aspirin, which follows the end of the daily heart pill by two weeks. A nightly cholesterol pill is still on the schedule.

My next cardio appointment is in four months, when we'll see how much weight I have lost. Will I lose 10% of my current weight in order to stop taking the statin, or will I reach my personal goal which is more than that because I miss my high heels and it's time to do this? Is this vanity? Yes, somewhat because I love heels, but most importantly I know when I feel comfortable with my body, and I am out of the comfort zone! I'll have quite a lot to update my primary care internist about during the annual physical (and she'll be looking to see what progress I have made). And I am looking forward to the next "Go Red For Women Day" in February!

Before I get to that visit, I'll be stopping in to see a certain downtown hospital's administrators to show them how much better I am thanks to proper emergency room care and a proper diagnosis. And while I'm there, we're going to discuss the outrageous bill that they sent me for letting me sit mostly unattended in their ER for 6.25 hours! Their patient load has apparently doubled after the closing of another South Los Angeles hospital. I fell through the cracks in ER during shift change (what a nurse actually said to me) and fortunately survived to get sick again.

My adventures through the healthcare maze this year have given me plenty of inspiration to speak out daily for national healthcare reform. Sen. Edward Kennedy called it "the cause of my life", and thankfully his passion for this cause translated into coverage and coverage provisions for some that now must be made available to all American citizens. There is no other way for me to describe how I feel besides saying that I know that I am blessed to have medical insurance at this time in my life, and in the life of our country. Too many people are without, people that I know and people that I will never know.

I pray that the discussions among congressional leaders in the wake of Senator Kennedy's passing will lead to effective legislation in this session that can go through both houses of Congress and then to the president's desk. You bet that there needs to be some major action on cleaning out the fraudsters and cheaters in all of the healthcare pipelines; the money lost to fraud alone could have been used to provide coverage to how many citizens before now! Many of us (I know I'm in this group) can start up or step up the exercise routines to improve or maintain our health. The President's Council on Physical Fitness and Sports (http://www.fitness.gov/) has an online Adult Fitness Test. I have not taken the test yet, but it would undoubtedly tell me to hit the gym - already on my updated agenda!

Meanwhile, I raise my sweet tea cup in salute and say a heartfelt 'thank you' to Dr. Arshia Noori and his office, to the wonderful staff at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, to the wonderful staff at Olympia Medical Center who realized that there was a problem in July, and to the Los Angeles Fire Department's rolling angels. The LAFD responders and paramedics realized that I might have big problems and scooped me up twice, and I'd want them on my side any day. They are the bridge many times for underinsured and uninsured in the city. I've seen them in action on a daily basis when I worked on Skid Row (that's a post all by itself). All of these people rose to the call and helped me to get to this tenth-day visit, and for that I am now and will be forever grateful.

I am also grateful to Sen. Kennedy, whose quiet diligence and bipartisan spirit were the impetus that resulted in some of the services and resources that we enjoy today. May he rest in peace. May we continue the work.

The Window Seat by Karen Caffee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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When Does 'Reality' Occur For Those Talk Show Guests?

2009-08-27T19:34:00.000-07:00

August 29, 2009

There are the talk shows where the guests and audiences are people who have genuine issues and struggles, and who can benefit from some guidance and help. When the show ends, there's a feeling of satisfaction that the guests may have left in a better position than when they entered the studio.

There is help available from those talk shows. Financial assistance. Makeovers. Homes. Vacations. Cars. Weddings. Short-term help like paying for DNA tests to determine paternity (or non-paternity). Counseling assistance or even rehabilitation/recovery programs.

And then, it drops down to the 'real' shows, whose backstories could be from some of the old Wild West barfights. What sticks in the gut is the staggering amounts of drama that take place before the results are revealed or the help is offered. The audience cheering and the sound effects as people scream, curse and even fight their way to that help. Yes, there are the boos and thumbs down for the ones perceived to be heartless or uncaring. Could the Roman Coliseum crowds have looked and sounded any different as they cheered for the lions?

It's hard to imagine that if any of these shows were filmed in the living rooms of the guests that the profanity and fists (and feet) would fly as quickly as they do on stage where you look at security/referees standing by to prevent real physical injuries.

Which all leads to the question: when does the "reality" set in for the show guests? Is there ever a change of heart after the taping and before the airdate about the behavior on the show? Does anyone ever contact the show and ask that their segment be edited or (gasp) deleted altogether? How about the guests' reactions to the reactions of their segments? If you have gone all out on national television with your worst foot forward, what happens in the market, in the neighborhood, or (another gasp) at work? How do the children respond (if there are children old enough to understand or watch the show)? What happens when they go to school? What happens when strangers comment on show appearances??

A 'show tracker' may provide a sentence or two as a followup on a guest, but the unease is still unanswered. Is the 'help' provided really worth the displays of dysfunction? This is not a home video being uploaded for a few friends to watch online. This is chaos that goes global.

The show hosts and staff appear to go out of their ways to treat the guests with respect and civility, but they also seem to quickly step out of the way when mayhem begins. Security staff and camera operators must be the strongest of the crew (and hopefully the best insured).

To be fair, the guests must take the biggest measure of responsibility for their decisions and actions. To be honest, the guests almost uniformly appear to be persons that live marginal existences. When the hurdles seem impossibly high to overcome to get to a better standard of living, without sufficient education or employment or resources, the offers of help combined with a trip and a hotel stay may become more attractive than the possible outcome.

Maybe the truth comes to light after the unrelenting commercial teases, after multiple airings and reruns. Maybe reality sets in after seeing themselves on the small screen. Maybe the motivation to change comes from watching their lives portrayed as train wrecks for millions of viewers (and advertisers). Maybe.

The Window Seat by Karen Caffee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at www.karencaffee.com.

A Keyboard Instead Of A Coffee Run

2009-08-27T11:23:00.000-07:00

Note: This is a Facebook note that I wrote on August 18, 2009 before entering the hospital. Share Tue at 12:11am

Watching the news and trying to work down my 'to do' list before morning (um hmm), and I go to my date with the O.R. - hopefully my last date with the O.R.! I'm excited to go into surgery because this is the best option for me, and because the outcome is going to be successful.

I'm very grateful to have a wonderful team of doctors and nurses and support professionals that have looked after me since I got sick in July. And in this season of discussion and debate about healthcare reform, I know that I am fortunate to be able to get the care that I need and to have health insurance to cover the costs. And after watching all of the wonderful work done by RAM at the Forum for the last week, I know that no citizen in our country should ever have to suffer for years and/or do without basic or expanded health care.

I've been less active on the reform issue than I planned to be (had to pace myself these last couple of months), but my fingers and my mouth have not been idle! If I had ten minutes and a cup of coffee with each of you, I would ask you who in America - our country - that YOU know -should be excluded from health benefits? Then I would ask each of you to ask someone else, and so on, etc. But I don't have that time today, and I'm NPO until after surgery, so I'll ask it here. Hopefully one (more) of you will ask someone, and so on, etc.

President Obama and the Congress weren't elected by any one group of citizens to lead the government. They were elected by people across the ethnic, economic, education and occupation spectrum because we have a whole lot of problems that we need to fix. Our country, our president deserve our support to do the right things, without the race-baiting (don't you get tired of the same old GOP games that blew up in your face?)

America is only as strong as our citizens, and if we have a nation of sick people that can't afford to get help, we're pretty damn weak. And we have a lot of broken stuff to fix, so we'd better all be well enough to get to work!

At 7 a.m. I'll be hanging with a great cardio team, and I love them all for their commitment to healing. I want the opportunity to get help to be available for every American. Please think of healthcare reform as one way for OUR country to be the best that WE can be. Love to you all!

(The OFA Day of Service logo was above this caption:)
Health care should not be left to health fairs.

The Window Seat by Karen Caffee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at www.karencaffee.com.

Sticking My Toes Into The Water

2009-08-27T01:21:00.000-07:00

Whether this is a bout of insomnia or just working down my 'to do' list, I'm finally joining the blogosphere! Facebook and Twitter have become part of my DNA (although it took almost two years to begin using my Facebook account), but there are too many thoughts to condense into less than 200 characters or ten lines in a small box. So the day has arrived, and in the light of this new day I hope to share and exchange ideas and thoughts. But for now, I have reached the bottom of the sweet tea cup, so goodnight!

The Window Seat by Karen Caffee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at www.karencaffee.com.