Love, elaine.

Fickle.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 02 Nov 2014 19:14:00 +0000

I felt so silly yet blissful..

Im grudgeful yet thankful..

Its bitter yet sweet..

i wish not t be reminded yet t never forget..

Tonight,

I just want t be alone yet feeling companied..

Till 2015..

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 24 Oct 2014 16:45:00 +0000

Had th last tuition lesson for th year today. Finally I can have more time for myself(hopefully) till 2015. Hmm, 2014 has been a really really busy year for me. Having t juggle between school and giving tuition t 6 kids. Sometimes im really amazed by myself too. I have lectures t attend everyday, tuition lesson almost everyday(except fridays and saturdays) and apart from that, i have assignments t submit every term, revision work after lectures, workout regime i kinda follow, friends t meet up w, shopping w mom and blahblahblah.. Despite having sooo much t do, i manage t get t bed before 12AM almost everyday. Sometimes even earlier. Idk how i manage t do that but i just did.

But i guess that explains why im always in a state of rushing. I always tell myself i dont have time t waste. Cause my schedule is usually super packed. If im late for something all th things after will get delayed. When i say my schedule is super packed, im not kiddding.

An example of my usual weekday:

Usually i will be up by around 8AM

So..

8AM-9AM: Wash up & breakfast time

9AM-10:30AM: exercise time

10:30AM-11:30AM: cool down and prepare for school

11:30AM-12:15AM: travelling time. So when im in th bus, i will either be reading a book or reading through ws that i want my tutee t do later. So that i will be prepared.

12:15-3:15PM: lecture

3:15pm-4pm: travelling time (rushing for tuition)

4pm-8PM: tuition

8PM-8:30PM: travel home. (by this time, i will look like a zombie in th bus.)

8:30PM-9PM: dinner time!! (Usually i will be too hungry t eat alot.)

9pm-10PM: shower, mask blahblah

10PM-11:30PM: school assignment/homework/mark kids' work.

11:30PM: on my bed, getting ready t zz.

So this routine will repeat for th 5 weekdays except friday.

I insist of not having fixed tuition on friday and saturday because i guess apart from working hard, i need time t rest and have fun too. (:

So, finally today marks th end of my crazy and hectic, full time student and semi full time tutor role. Hahahaaa. Happt yet feeling empty. I guess i wont be used t staying at home all day... Time t find some activities t keep myself busy~

Time will heal everything and anything.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 15 May 2014 18:21:00 +0000

Time is really flying too fast. It's alr th mid of May now. (And Another 12 more days t my birthday!!)

Hmm, I can remember clearly how I was feeling so so upset during this period of th day. As much as I can remember what had happened, I can no longer feel th sadness/hatred. Guess I have really grown out of it.

Its amazing how time can really heal everything.. A year ago, I was feeling like my whole world is going t collapse and I'm gonna die when a person leave my life. And now, a year later, I'm still surviving and perhaps grow even stronger!! Nothing about him has any impact on me anymore. No one phone call from him can set me thinking for th whole day. No one message from him can affect me anymore. Perhaps some of you reading this may be experiencing th same thing. Know that it's not gonna be easy, but surely things will get better. Be patience and give yourself ample time. Time will heal everything..

Well, my 20th birthday in 12 days. That's less than 2 weeks later? Hmm, thinking back, how I spent my birthday last year? I really have no idea. Idk why but I can barely remember who celebrated my birthday w me and where did I go for birthday dinner w my family.. May 2013's memory seems t be completely deleted from my brain. Th only thing I can rmb is going for dinner w Aline on 29th and th girls came t my house t surprise me w a cake.. Th rest? Hmmm, I just can't..

Well, I don't wish for a very special birthday this year, I just hope for a simple yet happy birthday. Because I learnt that being happy is more important than anything else. Good night guys! xoxo.

A little sense of guilt and remorse

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 02 Apr 2014 16:14:00 +0000

Looking through some of th photos we took during JC times.. I really wonder why our class just don't work out. We are just not close at all. Hmmm, is it Really because we are peoeple from different world and we all just don't clique? Or we simply didn't try hard enough? I always ask myself.. If we tried harder t accept each other, perhaps we will be a super united class? And perhaps my results and attitude towards studies back then will change?

I always believe that there's a very close relationship between your result and if you love your school/class.. If you like your classmates/school, you will most likely do well in school because you love going t school and will want t listen. Sighs.. Am I regretting not studying hard enough now? Yes, I guess I am.. Each time I look back I will feel very upset. Why didn't I try harder back then? Why did I just give up on my studies completely? What went wrong?!?! Guess it will be one of th greatest regret in my life.. Perhaps if I did something different in that 2 years, my life would have been changed altogether..

I wonder what will I be doing now if I never give up on myself 3 years back..

Transformation

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 30 Mar 2014 00:57:00 +0000

I am on my way t church now for Sunday service.. Guess it's because I haven't been updating my diary hence many thoughts have been going through my head. Just feel like pening them down. (Okay in this case, typing them out)

Even since I started t attend Sunday service and CG meeting weekly, I have been reflecting a lot on how I have been leading my life so far.. And how I can change t be someone better.

Idk if it's pure coincident or it's really God's arrangement, we have been touching on topics that are really relatable t me. It seems like everything we talk about is something I'm struggling w. All th bad habits that I want t get rid of for th past years..

Like for example, Afew weeks ago. We were discussing about how Jesus saved everyone regardless of their sins. He never judge. And we should never too. Judging people has been something I'm struggling w. I know it's never right t judge. It's wrong even if we judge in our heart. But I judge even before i get t know someone.

So, right after that session, I told myself okay, I should really stop. But then... Few days later I realise I start criticizing people and all. URGH feel like slapping myself. I want t change but then I failed all th time. TSK.

This brings us t th topic we discussed 2 weeks ago.. Do everyone deserve a second chance t change? Do I deserve another chance t change despite failing so many times? I remember very clearly I told my CG members that I feel that everyone deserve a chance t change. we should never doubt their ability t. However, yesterday I was pretty furious about a friend and I tweeted ' A leopard never changes its spots' see! Am I contradicting myself?!?? I don't even give people a chance t change, how do I expect people t give me that chance t.. Now t think about it, I realise it is really difficult t kick off all th bad habits and change.. Change needs time. And we should give people time t change..

I'm really thankful for all th things taught in church and my CG. I can see a slight change in myself. I learned t be more thankful for things around me, I will try not t talk back t my parents as much as possible, I will put myself in other's shoes and try t think in different perspectives..

I really hope I will be transformed into someone better and lead a happier and fruitful life. (:

1/4 filled

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 03:17:00 +0000

I feel so bad for neglecting this place. ): its 3 months into 2014. enjoying my holiday so far. :D i kinda cant wait for school to start though. cant stand wasting my life lazing away at home. keke.

So, a quick update of my 2014..

lets track back t January!!

I finished my first year of school at th start of January!! YAYYYYY! was really really happy. :D

and and, i finally got my driving license. was really happy that i passed.

Because it is really draining all my savings. ): and now that i passed, i can spend my $$ on other stuffs instead of saving every single cents just for the lesson. Driving lesson is really damn expensive. urgh! i spent like nearly $3k just t get my license. but i guess its worth it. Because im one step nearer t driving my pink beetle! :D :D

This year's Chinese New Year falls in January too. it was kinda okay as usual. had visiting blahblah. Chinese new year period served as a break for me from some tuition. so can relax alil more hehes.

Moving on t February..

hmmmm, February was a really busy month for me. Took up a 3 weeks relief duty in Hillgrove. i had t teach one sec 1 class and a sec 4 class. it was really challenging and tiring t teach. especially when some kids are really naughty and noisy. some simply cant keep their mouths shut. URGGGH. damn annoying ahhh. i feel that its really a great experience for me because i get t experience how it is being a teacher because i decide if i want t be a teacher in future. but i guess im having second thought about teaching as a career. It is not that i dont like teaching etc. but it is really difficult t handle a big group of kids. I really dont have that fierce and firm face/voice. students arent scared of me at all. T.T

Celebrated Audrey's birthday with sharmain and xuanwen. was really excited about it. cause we planned a surprise celebration at M hotel. Was really really happy that Audrey was happpppppy!!! and had a great time catching up w th girls. really hope we have more time w each other. i really really miss meeting them regularly and just laze around. ):

March was a superrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr relaxinggg/lepak month for me.. After a month of relieving and tutoring, I feel that i really need more rest. it is really tiring t relief in th morning and give tuition in th afternoon. i spent almost 12 hours a day teaching. I pity my brain cells. ): hahahas. So, this march, i was at home most of th time in th morning and going for tuition only after 3pm. it is better this way because i get t sleep more. :D

Had our annual 2E1 chalet last week. I had th most fun this chalet out of th other 8 that we went. This is also th chalet that we eat and sleep th most. hahahas we practically spent our entire chalet stay in th chalet lazing around, gambling. th only time we get out is t get our stomach filled up. hahahahas. Pretty much what i want t do for now. and i really really enjoy spending time w my dear 2e1. despite meeting just once a year, we never feel distant. we dont need any warm up time etc. we are just as close as before. Im really really thankful for being in that class. AWWW. Each time when i go for chalet, i always feel that we are back t that 14-15 years old period. I MISS US SO SO MUCH. though it was said that this will be our class chalet, i really hope we will still meetup, maybe not for chalet but at least meet up once a year. (:

March is coming t an end again. OMG. How fast can it be!!!! hahahas. Loooooking forward t April and May! May th upcoming months be as happy and enjoyable. <3 div="" nbsp="">

Happy 2014

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 03 Jan 2014 10:31:00 +0000

Happy new year guys! hope 2014 has been good for everyone so far. :D Actually im suppose t be doing a post t sum up 2013 but im lazy (as usual) so will be doing that like maybe next week?

So, 2014. yes.. A brand new year. hmmm, i am going to be 20 years old this year. wowww, sounds so old yeah? hahahas, indeed. hehehs.

Well, new year, new resolution right?

hmmmmm, i havent got time t actually sit down and think of what i wannna achieve this year yet. so new year resolution is not out yet. ): HAHAH

so for whether or not i achieve my last year's new year resolution, hmmmm, let me see..

so my new year resolution for 2013 was..

1) Improved skin complexion

2) driving license

3) save $1000

4) Ace my studies

5) learn ukulele

6) lose weight

HAHAHA. So,

1) Improved skin complexion

i think this is kinda accomplished considering th fact that my face reallyy got much better now compared t previously. hehehs. all thannks to all my effort and money spent on facial products like better facial cleanser, facial toner, moisturizer, sheet masks, clay masks, peel off masks, sleeping masks blahblahblah.

2) Driving license

hmmm, not quite.. im still half way there, hopefully i will be able t get my license before chinese new year!

3) Save $1000

HMMMM, i kinda did but spent it on driving lessons. ): spent so much on driving. ): really hope i can pass my TP!!!

4) Ace my studies.

well, for this, i kinda did because out of th 6 modules that i did so far, i got A for 4/6 of them. with 1 B and 1 C for th other two. So i kinda did well la. hehehs.

5) Learn ukulele

I went for lesson t learn ukulele during june/july period. learnt all th chords alr.. but have yet t play and sing.

6) lose weight

speaking of losing weight, it has been a mini roller coaster for me. My weight is still th same as last year. but throughout 2013, it has gone up and down up and down. sighs. so saddening.

so, i sort of manage t achieve most of them.. hehes. pretty glad.. May 2014 be as smooth sailing. <3 div="">

Right or wrong?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 01 Nov 2013 23:43:00 +0000

I thought by saying everything out will make me feel relieved. But apparently, I'm feeling upset more than relieved. Tossing and turning on my bed, dreaming th same dream.. Did I make th right decision? I really dk. I'm feeling sad because I know that I'm gonna lose th sweetest and bestest person thus far? Or because I really have genuine feeling? I know that it is only fair for both of us for this decision that I made. Because I know how terrible it felt t be led on (whether intentionally or not). You will feel worse and much lost if everything just end suddenly without explanation one day..

Though it's sad for us now, I guess it's right for me t voice out. I know things will get better as time passes for that I know god has a plan for each and everyone of us. And he's always there watching over us. It's up t him whatever that is going t happen in th future. What's meant t be will be.

Trust none.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 26 Oct 2013 13:28:00 +0000

Never in my life did I feel more troubled over financial issue than today. I really regret for being sucha crazy money spender who spend almost every cents I have. Since th beginning of this year, I have been paying everything I spent on myself. Everything includes transportation, food, shopping, phone bill etc. Though I earn like $1k plus from tuition, money seems t be never enough for me. I have a habit of buying things on impulsion. So that explains why money flows out of my pocket very quickly.

Since like April, I know that I need t save like at least $1.5k for my driving. At that time, I was thinking, it's still long till my TP la. I have more than enough time.. I just kept telling that until September then I realize that, hey I don't have much time till oct t save my $1.5k. And true enough, I don't have enough t pay for my driving and now I'm like on loan. And for th next 2 months I guess all my earnings got t be spent on paying my dad back and t pay for my bills and transportation. I just felt really stressed up over money now thinking that I have t pay off my that few hundreds dollar debt and my bills everything. Especially when some of my kids stop tuition lessons during th holidays (which means less income). Where t find money?!??

I never fail t blame myself each time I think of how broke am I now. Reason 1: I will think Like why can't i save alil and spend less?!!! Reason 2: why am I so silly back then t lend him so much money?!?!

I know I shouldnt be posting this here but I really can't take it anymore. Yes, I had stupidly lend quite a lot of money t someone I trusted and who ( I thought) loved me a lot and now that he left, he's taking forever t return though he promised t transfer me like every month. I seriously dk how t fucking get it back from him as he seems t have no intention in returning. I texted him t ask and each time I asked, he will come back scolding me for giving him attitude when I didn't. Can you all tell me what is this?!?! Now who is th debtor and who is th creditor?!?! Why do I get scolded when he owes me $$?!?! Can anyone tell me what t do?!?! As much as I want t just give up th money, I really need those money back BADLY.. ): that is like partly th reason why I'm having debts now la. just can't help but tear each time I think of it. It's my money and yet i get scolded when I asked it back. I tried begging, I tried scolding, I tried talking nicely and all but nothing works. What else can I do? Threaten t kill myself? Probably tht will do right? Though I know telling my family might work, I know I will get reprimanded for being stupid. So I rather not. Fuck my life seriously..

Guess I can only work my ass off and earn enough t pay everything and forget about my $500. Because I know it will never come back t me.. Moral of th story: trust no one.

Negativity.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 01 Oct 2013 15:05:00 +0000

I never feel good when people compare me w others or when people pass negative comments about me. I'm just not receptive t those comments. Especially on issue like being fat/plump/chubby idk what.

It has been an issue that I have since a young kid. I'm like fat my entire life. People start passing comments like why you so fat and all since I'm a what p3 kid? I was alr conscious about weight since then. However, I just continue t eat even though I'm worrying. So I just get fatter and never taller than sec 1? Sometimes I just wish that mommy is alil more strict on my diet then maybe I won't be who I am today. It's just upset me each time someone pass such a comment. It's not like I didn't try. I'm not someone who eat a lot. But I'm just fat. I really wonder why too. I used t tear each Time my relative said that t me. I also want t look good and all. But it's just difficult. Or probably I just didn't try hard enough. It really sucks t be me. I may appear really confident on th outside. But in fact I might be one of th lowest self esteem girl ever. I think a lot when people looks at me. Fearing that they will judge. I take each and every comment people pass t heart. It's really tiring t be me sometimes. I'm too much a perfectionist seeking for perfection for everything in my life when I'm not even Close t being perfect.

People always say that if someone loves you, they will still do regardless on your looks/figure etc. yes it's true. But no matter what, sooner or later people will start comparing and all. And Idw that. Friends will start saying things and you will start t like reconsider and wonder if you deserve someone better.

saying all these just make me wanna tear. Sighs, why is th world so judgmental?

L O V E

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 16:27:00 +0000

Attended 2 cousins' wedding in a span of 1 week. So much love huh! HAHAAH. Sometimes I just wonder when will it be my turn t be somewhere having my wedding. Hahaha guess it will be quite awhile before I enter that phase of life.

Being in a relationship is not an easy task. Maintaining a marriage is even tougher. Sometimes I just find it amazing how my mom and dad can still be sucha loving couple at their age. I Really and hope that I will be like them w my husband next time. HEHES. Dad never fails t call mommy t chat everyday during his lunch time and momy never fails t prepare dinner for daddy. I'm really thankful for such wonderful parents giving us sucha warmth family.

challenges strengthen a relationship. Overcoming obstacles together as a couples allow them t be closer and t cherish each other more.. I'm starting t appreciate and understand this saying..

I'm still learning t trust and t love. All i need is time. Time for me t prove everything..

A little breather.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 12 Sep 2013 14:16:00 +0000

Yayyyy! Just finished my exam today. Hmm, Exam was managable. feeling so happy that i can finally relax alil. But sadly, I only have 3 days t enjoy before th start of new module. ): hmm, won't be so free th next term alr. Because i gonna end lesson at 3:15 PM most of th days. This also means that I have less time for gym! Oh nooooo! This is sad! ): Exercising has become part of my life and I'm enjoying it. No more dreading t run etc. HEHES. Can't wait for some visible result. ^^

Ohohohhh~ a piece of gooooood news t share.. I received my result slip for my previous module; business info system. Th module that I detest th most because I have no idea what is that module about. And guess what? I got an A for BIS. I was literally jumping around th house, showing my family members my result slip. Just feel so so happy!

I'm really thankful that everything is going smoothly for me now..

Anw, 2 of my cousins are having their wedding this month. One is this coming Sunday and another next Saturday. Can't wait actually! Been awhile since I attended wedding dinner. Teeheeee.

Okay, thats all i have today! i have t apologise that I really don't have th time t update this place often due t my commitments and all. But I promise i will update this place once in a while when I'm free! So please pop by t read~!! Xoxo, love you guys.

Foolish.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 01 Sep 2013 17:40:00 +0000

Once again, I'm struggling t complete my 2k words assignment which is due this Wednesday. It's kinda tiring t be doing all these long essay type assignments every month. But I guess I will get used t it pretty soon.

So how's everything? I hope everyone is doing fine. (: well, for me I'm still very busy, as usual. Flying here and there giving tuition, going for classes and going for driving lesson. Oh ya! On top of that, I decided t stop being lazy t just sit around, instead I'm going t th gym in school very often and going for run very often too. Hmm, probably it's really time for me t get some fats off me. HEHES. And also exercising really helps t relief stress. Though I will feel kinda worn out after each gyming session, Iike th feeling of perspiring and all.

Anw, I'm feeling kinda sentimental recently. Especially talking t people what happened between me and that jerk. Well, I started t really detest him so so much. After seeing his true colour and his terrible character, I'm really thankful that he left for good. For th first time after like almost 4 months, I broke down while telling one of my friend about it. I have no idea how it happened but I just felt emotional suddenly and thought I was really silly enough t believe all that he said despite countless advices by everyone who knows th situation t leave him before I got hurt. Well, i guess this really serves as a lesson that I will remember always. After all that happened, he still has th guts t call me t ask me out for dinner and stuffs. It just disgust me so much.

I know that it's over and i shouldn't dwell over it but I can't help but t feel angry each time I think of what happened. Guess it will take me quite some time t get over this issue. Don't worry guys, I'm fine. Just need somewhere t rant alil. haha. Alright, enough said. Turning in now. Good night people! XOXO!

I need t relax alil

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 04 Aug 2013 16:54:00 +0000

Feeling so stressed up suddenly. I have no idea what is th source of this sudden stress. But I guess it's from school work. Got lots of stuffs t finish. Tutorials, assignment and exam t study for. On top of that, I have tuition t give, my students' work t worry, driving lesson t go for, driving test t worry..

Guess I really need t relax alil. Yes, relax Elaine~. Stop worrying so much. Everything will go smoothly like always. Everything will go fine. (:

It's August alr! Time flies so fast this year. 3 months since I started school, 3 months since I started tutoring those kids, 3 months since you're gone. Hmm, this may is sucha bumpy and 'eventful' one for me. Thank god I made it through.

Slow

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 16 Jul 2013 15:01:00 +0000

Seems like my life is alil out track now. For a moment, I forgot what I really want.. I should really stop rushing into things and slow down t think..

It's July now.. Half a year gone and I accomplished nothing. Perhaps just 3/8 of my resolutions down. I really wish that my second half of 2013 will be more meaningful, eventful and wonderful.

Anw, how's today guys? Guess mine isn't too good. No school today so I was home watching pretty lil liars till noon and headed out t give tuition. Waited at th busstop for a good 20mins for th freaking bus 66. While having lesson, it started raining and only t realise I forgot my umbrella today. Kinda pissed because on usual days when I brought it w me, it didn't rain but today when I forgot, it rains. ZZ. Took a bus home and waited another 25mins for th bus. Seriously, idk if there's something wrong w th bus timing today or it is just me being unlucky. And th bus was damn packed and I almost fainted standing beside a few foul smelling primary school kids. Got home and th baby at my house is crying and crying non stop. And he got th alr pissed me more angsty.

So after reading how terrible my day was, I hope you guys will be feeling slightly better that someone got a worse day than you yeah? Haha. It's k. I will be on retail therapy tomorrow alone. So I guess I will be a happy girl then.

Have a good night guys. Xoxo.

I loved you but will never do in future.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 01 Jul 2013 17:15:00 +0000

II didn't expect things t turn out so ugly. Feeling far more guilty than I thought I would be. I'm sorry for causing all th misery. I didn't expect t cause so much hurt. Probably I'm really selfish enough t think that I'm th only one who is hurt.

Whatever is it everything has ended. No way we gonna get back together and no way we can be as close as we used be. Thanks for all th wonderful memories and all th lesson learnt.

2013: half done.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 27 Jun 2013 14:36:00 +0000

Its so fast ya? we are halfway through 2013. I hope everyone is doing great still..

how am i? hahaha im doing pretty fine now. No more love sick. :D he's out of my life alr. No more calls, texts etc. guess my family is th one that keep talking about him now. I simply have no idea why my family just love t mention his name now that I told them we are merely friend. They just can't stop rubbing on it and makes me feel really unhappy. Sometimes I just hope that they are more sensitive w that they say. ):

I have started my driving lesson. It's pretty fun handling w clutch etc. can't wait t pass and get my license! ^^

and and i have started school too at MDIS. Taking degree from University of Bradford. Made this choice at last. Pretty glad that I chose this because th lecturers are really awesome. And class is small so easier t concentrate too!!

Anw, I'm currently pretty upset w that fact that mom seems unappreciative of that scrapbook that I did for her. Kinda regret spending 7 hours of my time doing and wasted $$ on photos and materials. When she receive it guess what is th first thing she asked me? She said 'don't tell me This is th only present I'm getting?' She just dk how disheartening it is t hear that. Guess I'm only th weird person who will love receiving sucha present that will touch th heart. While others are just more practical. So ya, I will never spend so much time on craftwork anymore. Sighs. Sucha disappointment that very lil people will appreciate it

Alrights, that's all that I have. Have a pleasant day people!! Xoxo.

Th end..

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 25 Jun 2013 15:56:00 +0000

Finally everything has come t an end. Instead of feeling down and all now. I'm pretty glad that this incident make me realize how heartless one can be. And also we shouldn't put total trust in someone.. So well, great lesson learnt. (:

Th only thing I can do now is t prove that I will lead a better life than them. And i know I definitely will.. :D

Have a good night peeps! <3

Blessed.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 01 Jun 2013 18:48:00 +0000

I am really thankful and greatful t god for giving me such a wonderful life w many awesome people.. I have family that is supportive and friends who care. But somehow, I have been taking all of that for granted and didn't realize how blissful my life is.

Take example, my birthday..

I wasn't happy at all on my birthday because I was too much concern whether or not Timothy will plan any surprises for me etc. so, when clock strikes 12AM and well wishes start coming in, instead if feeling happy, I was sobbing like some mad girl because im too bothered by th fact that he didn't bother staying up till 12AM just t wish me a happy birthday. Was moody and down th entire day because there was no surprise from him. My mom even make an effort t bring us out for my birthday lunch but I'm just not being appreciative about it and was pulling a sad face th entire time out eating..

t think about it, im really blessed w awesome people who really thoughtful..

Aline made an effort t handmade a scrapbook for me..
Shanqi sent postcard and audio note for me just t make th way she send her wishes unique.
Audrey and co just came t my house t specially surprise me w a cake..
Terry prepared jelly for my birthday

But all I was concern about was him, him and just him..

Honestly, throughout this almost 1/2 year of being together, my world is just revolved about him, work and family. It's like 90% him, and 10% work and family t be exact.. I had totally neglected my friends and my personal life. He takes control of everything i do, he is 24/7 asking what am I doing, 24/7 talking t me etc.. I'm just relying too much on him. That explains why I feel like my world gonna collapse when he said that we should just stay as friend just yet.. I broke down so many times. Cannot accept th fact that we have t keep a distance and all. But I finally got enlightened and realize that life is not only about him.. There's many other elements that I missed out. Things like friends, family, school and all.. Not having him as someone special doesn't mean th end of th world.. I still have so many people who care for me. And so many things tht I should be concern about. So i guess It's really time for me t slowly find myself back and be thankful of all th lil things in life..

Th cheerful and positive me will be back again!!

Anw, I'm so thankful for Aline who is there for me throughout these 2-3 painful weeks. Though not all advices are useful t me, I know she tried her best.. Thank you so much bbg! <3 p="">

Emotionless.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 07:57:00 +0000

Today is th release of A'level result. Wasn't feeling very nervous or excited for it. Guess its because I was too sad t even care about it th last night. Can't believe I'm troubled by other stuff th night before and was crying like some baby.

Anw, I just got my result. Hmm, was really scared when we were queueing t get our result. After I saw my result, i didn't feel anything. Not at all. It seems like I expected them. And I have long set my mind on SIM. Hence quality grade doesn't concern me anymore. What matters more is whether or not I pass my GP and 2 H2. I'm thankful that I passed all subjects. Considering th fact that I literally got U for all subjects for my Prelims. I'm really thankful that I can still get a place in SIM.

Yes, no doubt I'm disappointed w my result. However, like I said earlier, I didn't put in effort hence I ought t deserve such grades. I'm upset, definitely but I did not cry today. I'm proud of myself for being a brace girl. Left school right after I got my result because I don't wish t get emotional in school.

I'm currently on th way t meet my mom and aunt at Bugis. I hope I won't get emotional when they start talking about t later.

That's all for now. Have a good day lovelies. <3

Result day.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 00:04:00 +0000

A'level result will be release this coming Friday. I'm alil excited yet dreadful in receiving my result. T be honest, I really have no idea how good or bad my result will be. Totally clueless. ):

Anw, I'm already fully prepared t enter a private university. If I get into one, I will not repeat th mistake I did in JC, which is t slack and not care about school work. Gonnna do mom and dad proud once more by graduating w fantastic result.

I've been telling Tim that I will cry on Friday because of my result. He told me that if I'm really prepared t get terrible result then I shouldn't be crying.. Instead, just find a school that can accept me and work hard from then on.. That is true actually. I know roughly how my result is going t be. But I just pray that I will at least pass all subjects.

I hope everything will turn out fine on Friday.. I'm still holding on t that lil gleam of hope that I will be able t get into a local university. HEHES. And I know he will be up there watching over me..

Look forward t my good news on Friday lovelies.

Have a great day ahead! (:

Too perfect t be true

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 01:11:00 +0000

I am really enjoying myself for these two weeks. With someone t shower me w love, accompany me where ever I go, drive me home and t work, planning surprises.. This is what I longed for.. I'm really thankful for these. Imstead of enjoying every moment now, some part of me is actually feeling scared.. Afraid that you will just leave anytime and leave me hanging. Been having nightmares for th past few nights. Dreamt of th same person, dreamt of th same scenario. Reason is because I'm really fearful that he will leave.. ):

t be honest, I really think that it's my problem.. I have problem trusting people. I never fail t doubt everyone in my life. This includes my parents. I just can't trust anyone and will always put on guard no matter how close we are. Sometimes I just hate myself for being like that. SIGHS.

okay.. Enough said. Shall not dwell on this further. Probably I just need time t trust someone..

ugly truth.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 13:14:00 +0000

Without me realizing, I have been working at MDIS for more than a month alr. How time flies. Other than receiving some calls from unreasonable parents, work has been relatively alright. Im thankful for being in a department w nice people.

There are times when I really feel like quitting this job because I feel that receptionists are often look down upon by people, even our fellow colleagues in th office. Despite that, I am actually quite thankful for this job because it makes me realize that studies do matters in this society that we are in. Or in fact, your position in th corporate do matters alot.

I used t believe that studies is very important and without that I will end up nowhere etc. But somehow through th past two years in JC, I manage t convince myself that studies is not th most important thing. I don't need to have a high post t survive in this world. I will be satisfy w just an average decent job. However, after working in an office for a month or so, I realized that that is not true. Low education level means you will have t go a loooong way t climb up t a higher position and sometimes w alot of experiences and low edn level, you may not be able t reach t some of the higher/more important position in th office. And less important positions do not only equal t lower salary, it may also mean that people will disregard you especially those that are of higher rank than you and even look down on you.

Because of that, I tell myself that I must really study hard and get my degree ASAP and start working before continuing to get at least a masters. I'm really thankful that I finally found th motivation/drive to study hard once again, th drive t study which i lost since 2 years ago. Though its a lil' late now that my a'level is over, I know i still have th chance t study well hard and do well for my degree. whether or not i manage t get into a local university does not matter anymore. So long as I work hard t get my degree, I know I will do fine.. (:

Have an awesome week guys!

XOXO.

♥

home.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 05 Jan 2013 05:36:00 +0000

how is your first week of 2013? I hope everything is going well.. I'm so glad that i finally have the time t actually laze around at home. havent been staying at home often since th end of my a'level. everyday is packed w work, outings, shopping and everything.

It feels so great t be at home th whole day once in a while.. yeah, just once in a while because I cant stop eating at home.

Alright, thats all for now, I'm going t do my nails.

Have a great weekend guys!

2012 at a glance..

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 14:34:00 +0000

HEY GUYS! happy new year! 2012 has been a great year for me. Really hope that 2013 will be as wonderful or even better. okay.. so here is a post t sum up my 2012..

Ready?

LETS GO!

start of my year w a season greeting from SHARMZ!

♥

finally, a cousin got married!

♥

Brother's 21st birthday surprise, in collaboration w his friends.

Thanks guy!

♥

Chinese new year is especially busy in 2012, house visit packed back t back.

Many gifts this Valentines day from friends in JJ.

♥ overload!

Jarius' first birthday, a party w many balloons!

♥

Audrey's birthday celebration and titanic exhibtion.

its so worth th money.

♥ everything at th exhibit!

First road race in my life!

its tiring yet fun!

♥

Aunt's bachelorette party followed by her wedding day!

so glad that everything went smoothly on th day and th preparation period.

♥

first ever malaysia trip w mom, cousins and aunts

females ftw! hehes

♥

lao cai's birthday, 9some reunite!

♥

first birthday celebration for teacher for 11S05!

ms li should feel fortunate! hehes

♥

JJ's performing arts concert.

its was great and fun!

♥

Yingshuang's surprise birthday present!

♥

JJ's sports heat.

was one of th officials and had so much fun laughing at people's expression when they are running.

hehes

♥

sister's birthday! first attempt for pop up birthday card!

♥

JJ talenttime @ RP. it was quite grand and coool!~

♥

mother's day celebration over @ granny's place. no gift for momy this year! :/

celebrated my birthday 6 times this year.

feel so fortunate and loved for all my friends

♥♥♥

first friend photoshoot w shanqi!

spent th whole afternoon under th sun

it was so freaking hot, but we had fun!

♥♥♥

mom's birthday!

♥

Finally bought my ukulele!! WOOOOOTS

♥♥♥♥

dumb kaixin left us for childcare.

miss this monster so so much! T.T

I am still missing her now. once in awhile I will watch her videos in my phone and laugh over her cuteness myself.

no one can beat her cuteness!

♥♥♥

attended first church outreach activity!

so fun!

♥♥

mom start looking after another monster!

worse than kaixin!

♥♥

buffettown w JJ girls! ♥

last teacher's day celebration!

♥

learnt how t crochet! hehes.

many lil booties all over my room now!

♥♥

second attempt of popup card~

♥♥

rouying's birthday celebration! last outing before my a'level!

♥♥

Last day of school in JJ!

♥♥

after that was mugging and mugging and mugging!

so tiring and suffocating.

♥♥

Home delivery of cupcakes by audrey!

♥♥

Th start of BIG A'LEVEL!

iphone 5 and ipad one after another!

hao kaixin!

♥♥

dad's birthday celebration before brother's enlistment.

♥

th arrival of lil lovelle!

♥

brother's enlistment!!

kinda miss him when he's away!

First attempt of fondant cakes! ♥

aline's birthday BBQ!

GRAD NIGHT!

♥♥

Permed my hair, finally!

♥♥

Start work @ MDIS after A's.

♥

Lovelle's full month!

♥

AHGONG'S birthday!!

Christmas Dinner @ shanqi's place w her famz!

christmas Partyyyyy w yinchoon!

Farewell lunch w 9some!

♥

As a whole, 2012 was a busy yet enjoyable year. Though there were times where I really detest my life, I made it through! I'm proud of myself! Hehes.
I really hope that 2013 will be more fabulous than 2012 and may everyone be blessed w good health, more wealth and more love!

Happy 2013!