What's on your mind?

Growing up and all that

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Tue, 31 Dec 2013 09:50:00 +0000

I'm a year older now and I want to write a few things down.

I had a fun birthday. I never celebrated a birthday here in California but everything about it was really good. I didn't know it would matter to me at 29 but it did make me happy. A bunch of friends, a cake and some music makes a birthday rock.

As a part of growing older, I have a certain goal in mind. I want to pick a few good friends and keep them for life. I am not into spending time with the 'not so close' friends and acquaintances anymore. I can't do it and I don't want to do it. I don't hate it but I can do without putting on a face for people I'm not extremely comfortable with.

That being said, I can't deal with people who just refuse to compromise. A huge part of friendship is compromising on the little things. (Read: Where to eat dinner? Where do we meet? What activity do we do together?) You'd think it is less stressful compared to dating but with some people it's just not. Typically, that's a sign for me. When we are spending more time in discussing the logistics of our hangout than in having a great conversation, I just feel like burying my head under a pillow and screaming, "Grow up!"

Family is different though; they have special privileges. They just do! I will definitely be spending more time with them as I grow older.

All said and done, this year was quite the year. I dealt with sickness, I enjoyed good wine, I followed fashion trends and I spent some wonderful time with people who matter. And lastly, I fell in love all over again with this guy as he taught me what matters is not 'them' but what matters is 'us'. And that they may have a lot more but what we have is special. Amen to that!

So long 2013! You did make me a year older and wiser.

Tude's the word

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Fri, 23 Aug 2013 02:44:00 +0000

I don't have words to describe how I feel right now. All I hear is the words "gang rape". The city I lived in and the city I loved is a lost cause today.

As I've said before it's the attitude of people that needs to change. Men need to be trained to treat women as equals. Women need to be trained to treat other women as equals. No amount of laws will change what's happening in India today. But whatever! Just do anything you can to put an end to this.

Educate at least one man and one woman about gender equality.

I will do my bit. I promise.

Please spread the word.

Independence Day

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Wed, 14 Aug 2013 23:34:00 +0000

Every time I talk to someone about India's Independence Day, the chat ends up being very cynical. We talk about how the country is so corrupt, how the fight the martyrs put up is completely lost on us and how nothing's ever gonna change in our motherland.

But I feel like we have done far better than most nations in the world. We are not exactly the United States of America but we leave countries like Egypt far behind in this race. At least our problems are of the "current" world.

I can't imagine being born in a place where someone else decided if you had the right to live. I sympathize with people who are still struggling for freedom. I hope that, one day, you find what you are looking for. And you may not end up with a picture perfect nation half a century later but it will still be a better place to live in.

Adulthood

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Wed, 31 Jul 2013 01:11:00 +0000

If I have a problem, I go to me.

They call it growing up

Or independence; oh, shut up!

Or they say you live alone and die alone.

Well I say - to each his own.

'Cause when I had a problem, I went to me.

Target humility

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Mon, 22 Jul 2013 04:45:00 +0000

I used to be a snob about shopping for clothes at a departmental store. And most times I wasn't wrong about it. I mean making quality clothing is best left to professionals, right?

Well, Target proved me wrong. They are a departmental store and they have hired professionals to sell their clothing line. And you bet they're good. Of course, it's not the best in market but a lot better than some brands who sell everyday clothing.

I bought some gym clothes today and have previously shopped for some casual wear as well. And I have been a happy customer so far. As long as you know what you're looking for, it's a fun place to shop. So, go hit your Target today!

Quoting a midnight thought!

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Thu, 11 Jul 2013 08:36:00 +0000

If you could do one thing to make yourself happier, you should forgive everyone.

Priority Scheduling

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Sat, 13 Apr 2013 00:38:00 +0000

I was chatting with my boss on the company IM and he excused himself because someone was at his desk. May be the guy who takes the effort to walk to your desk deserves your attention. But the other day, I was talking to a colleague at his desk and he got a phone call. In most such situations, unless you are in a so-called "meeting", the phone always gets answered.

I'm sure we've all been in such situations. And it's quite likely,we ourselves are guilty of facebook-ing and whatsapp-ing while we were hanging out with friends. In fact, I couldn't unplug even on the National Day of Unplugging!

I suppose my point being - Does the ringing(or buzzing) phone really have to be answered? Gone are the days of phone booth; we have voice-mail now. And a lot of other ways which allow us to schedule our communications efficiently.

Sometimes I ask myself if I've noticed what phase of the moon it is today. Or "what was so-and-so wearing today?" Or, "have I had a real conversation lately with the people who matter?" Oh!Oh! and "Did I make eye contact during that hypothetical conversation?" Ask yourself and see if you're happy with your answers.

iDream

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 11:58:00 +0000

Dreams are dreams. The reality is quite the opposite. How many of our dreams have really come true?

But as we get older, our dreams get more realistic. And one day there will be a convergence. And we will be living our dream.

... or will we forget to dream?

India and rape

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 21:12:00 +0000

I've been meaning to write about this for a while. It's hard for me to understand the hoopla over the Delhi gang rape. Incidents like this happen in India everyday and no one pays attention. Not that this girl did not deserve the attention. My heart goes out to her and every other human being who has gone through such horrific experiences.

But then, what is everyone who is fighting for this cause and mourning this event really trying to achieve? We got them a death sentence and we still had a 7,9,11 year old trio raped and killed in another part of our country. We can all write and talk about it and attend rallies but what are we trying to achieve?

I believe India'a problem is not rape. It is attitude. We have never learnt to respect an individual for who they are and we probably never will. It's not in our culture. For years we have learnt to expect certain things from women and men of society. Until something of that basic sort changes within the society, the rapes will not stop. All the men and women who stood in rallies and posted messages on Facebook and Twitter, I ask you one question. Do you treat every individual in your life with respect? Because if you don't, don't expect that drunk guy on the road to show any respect to the girls on the street.

Do you Indian men treat your wives as equals? Are your daughters allowed to do as they wish just like your sons? In fact, do you respect it if your son chooses a more feminine profession? I know for a fact that majority of India still has women in the kitchens and men working their asses off outside. And some people won't have it any other way. Then why act like a saint and blame someone else for India's problems?

There are many things wrong with our own attitude. People of India sometimes just need something to fight for and feel very important as they do so. I suggest taking a little peek inside and see where these problems arise from. Because to me this whole fighting-for-our-women sounds like a big scam while we are no different.

By the way, all you guys who said they were mourning the incident (referring to all those Facebook and Twitter posts), there are more rapes happening right now. Why have you stopped mourning and gone back to partying?

Mini somethings

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 18:36:00 +0000

It's been over a week since I've had that crazy sciatic nerve pain. Can't sit, can't drive, can't work on my laptop as much.
But I got a little gift last night that made me a happy child. The iPad mini. And so far I love it.

Rainforest

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 21:55:00 +0000

A picture taken inside the artificial rainforest at California Academy of Sciences three years ago.

Tip of the day

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 08:09:00 +0000

Leave your cellphone and talk to the person in front of you. When you look back a few years later it's not the cellphone you'll miss. Goodnight and sweet dreams. :)

Happiness defined

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Thu, 27 Dec 2012 10:17:00 +0000

I was happy until they said it couldn't be.
"You couldn't be, oh, don't you see?"
Said uncles and aunts,
"It's not about your wants."
It was no happiness, just foolish me.

The Guwahati incident

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Mon, 16 Jul 2012 21:27:00 +0000

This incident is all over the news, social networking websites, personal and professional blogs of Indians all over the world. People are very agitated and want to express themselves. Everyone seems to be seeking and sharing opinions of what they feel is the right thing to do.

On a normal day, I would have been one of these people.Typically, I feel like I know what should be done to the miscreants. But this time, I haven't formed an opinion yet. And I probably won't till I find the right answer.

My first reaction was to be angry, then sad and then eventually feel helpless. And since then I have been wondering what the solution to such a problem is. What is a good short-term solution and what is a good long term solution?

People have suggested many ways to tackle this issue. Some are angry and suggest punishment. Some are more patient with their approach and hope that education will change things. Some have lost hope, some have lost faith.

The human society is a really complex group. In the animal kingdom, if someone attacks you, your best bets are the following - defend, attack or run for your life. You don't wait for justice to happen to you. Life is not as simple as that in our society. And it is very difficult for me to understand right now.

And that is why I feel like there is no right answer or that all answers are right answers. Or may be there is one, and we are still searching for it.

To care or not to care?

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Tue, 12 Jun 2012 01:06:00 +0000

I fear that difficult times could drive people into being cynical. The question is - How much should you care?

161 Vasco

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 06:40:00 +0000

Today, at work, they announced that one of our two buildings will be closed by June. It was a sad day at work. Our office won't be such a fun place without those people across the street. Anyway, since we don't go to work for fun, it brings me back to the seriousness of it all.

In the coming months, there is a lot for us to do. Some decisions need to be made and some plans need to be in place for the future. Life never has a dull moment, you see? There is always room for more drama. Being the third job in last three years, I'm actually glad that this time the announcement didn't involve me getting laid off. I'm safe (well, at least for now).

Immediate concerns? I wish Srini finds something soon and something he likes. More later.

Good night!

Sitcoms!

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 05:58:00 +0000

1. Curb Your Enthusiasm by Larry David
Remember Seinfeld? Another show by the same producer. It has been running for a while now but I discovered it fairly recently. For once, I love a show where the lead character is an old guy who is extremely lousy and always manages to get into trouble. What I admire about it, though, is that the situations depicted in every episode are very close to real life and yet hilarious. It is like a Truman show of Larry David's life, although this one's funny.

2. The Big Bang Theory
We all know and love this one. I don't know anyone so far who doesn't like it.

3. Whitney!
This is a new show and one of my new favorites too. It is about an unmarried yet committed couple's life and their gang of friends. I love the lead actors - she is funny, smart and truly unromantic while he is rugged on the outside and soft on the inside. Cute couple, funny stories and a fun gang. It might sound like a chic show but once you see how unromantic(and funny) the title character(also the creator/producer) is, you'll forget that you even thought about it that way.

4. The Office
I tried. Trust me, I did try to watch this show after Michael Scott left. In fact, I have been following it quite a bit. But the show has lost it's charm for me. I realized how much he meant to the show. Andy is funny but doesn't pack a punch, you know?

5. Two and a Half Men
Another show which has lost it's flavor since Charlie Sheen left. Ashton Kutcher is fine but I think I am bored of the show in general. Can't believe that the same producer still churns out good episodes on The Big Bang Theory!

Vacation like?

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 18:43:00 +0000

A visit to the dermatologist reminded me that vacationing in India is not exactly vacationing. I am going to call it a visit home. It's far from being a stress buster but it serves the sole (and important) purpose of connecting with loved ones.

The doctor I visited expressed his opinion and shared his word of advice on every single aspect of my life. Starting with how trivial my skin condition was and that it was silly of me to visit him, he went on to cover other relevant topics. He was convinced that marriage should be on my mind right now. He even thought that my mom wasn't doing a good job of convincing me to get married. He blurted out some random philosophy about getting married at the right time and finally, after what felt like an hour, I was dismissed. My mom, thrilled by the doctor's intervention in my life, kept me busy with the topic for the hour-long train ride back.

My first Mumbai local train ride after a year reminded me how we believe in pushing and pulling each other over living in harmony. We live by 'survival of the fittest' philosophy and it's all in the spirit of Mumbai. Looking at little kids begging for food and young men toiling to make ends meet sent me into reflective mode. But of course, I moved on! That was the city I was born in, the city where I grew up, the city I left for flashier things and the city I may never come back to. Or will I?

The last thing that added to my stress was my Pune trip plan for the upcoming weekend. I want to be able to spend quality time with everyone I meet but there are too many on my list. Plans changed and things don't seem to be working out as I wanted them to. But I think I'll be over it once I meet all the happy faces there!

I am really looking forward to some major items on the Pune check-list - meeting gang friends, meeting the kids in the family, spending some comfortable time with my close family, Parag's court marriage(still hoping that I can attend the real wedding next weekend! fingers crossed).

Tomato che Saar

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 17:28:00 +0000

Mom made tomato che saar today. It's the Maharashtrian version of tomato soup but an excellent combination of sweet, tangy, salty and spicy flavors. It is one of those things which is easy to cook but even easier to mess up. Also, because it is very simple, I never take the effort to make it. Why put any effort in Indian cooking with the nutritional value of tomato soup?

Anyway, my grandmother made the best tomato-che-saar in the world. Oh yes, that's what triggered this post.

Resolution time

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 18:28:00 +0000

Yes, it's that time of the year. The time to resolve for a better year. Haha.

I don't remember the last time I kept my new year resolutions. But nevertheless, I make something up every year. This year I decided to keep it simple and achievable.
1. Save money by making my lunch as often as possible. Let's say 4 days a week at least.
2. Exercise 3 days a week at the least. I do not need another physical therapy session to prove the importance of fitness to me.

Interestingly, my dad has a new year resolution I care about. Keeping fingers crossed.

I want to make up a more exciting resolution on the fly just to sound like a fun person. Alright, here it goes. Take guitar lessons! I said it. I have a nice guitar waiting to be played at home and it deserves some respect.

(I think that's the model I have. )

I'm sure you have more 'fun' resolutions than I do for the upcoming year. Anything interesting?

Little things from India

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 07:22:00 +0000

- Life has moved on here after Aaji left us. It's alright. I'm reminded of her for every small thing though. Thinking of what she would've said for even the least of things brings a lump to my throat. I'm glad though that she is free of her pain now. She couldn't have taken it for longer.

- Marriage is a hot topic here! At every hand shake I get a "I hope that the next time I see you, you're with someone." Taking blessings from elders is another big task. They'll say, "Don't meet me again if you are not taking blessings as a couple!" Alright then, I have decided to not show up in India next year if I am not getting married. It's stressing me out right now so I'm not going to think about it too much. In the end, all these people will go away and I will be left with my decision for the rest of my life.

- Shopping in India this year is more fun than I expected. They now have western styles of clothes and jewellery but in Indian colors. A lot better than last year where everything looked like it was imported from the U.S. I'm going to have to spend some time in the malls. :)

- Pollution and population growth knows no bounds in the city. It appears to grow exponentially. I'm not sure whether I will ever move back to Bombay. I love the city but it's getting on my nerves. Spent a day in our native village and loved breathing the air there.

- Meeting the kids in the family is always a delight. They never fail to surprise you and entertain you. My little niece Meera can now form sentences but has no sense of pronouns. It's interesting to see how she puts together words she knows into sentences. Sometimes they are the funniest sentences in the world.

Here's a picture of the little devil with her mom. The other picture is of a baby cat Meera loved playing with but was scared of at the same time.

Aaji

noreply@blogger.com (ThePeoplePerson) — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 08:10:00 +0000

I don't know where to start writing today and don't know where to end. These last 7 days have been the most difficult times of my life so far. Truth be told, it's not me who suffered. It's my grandmother who was at the suffering end of this. She is relieved of her pain now but some of it has been left with us mere mortals. I hope, as they say, that she is in a better place. And is there a better place? I'd like to imagine so. And wherever she is, I hope she is cured of her ugly disease and watching me from up there.

Yes, this is one time I'd like to believe in the myths of our world. It gives me peace knowing that she is present somewhere. It gives me peace in thinking that at least she can see me. That at least we have a one way communication. And I'd also like to believe that she stopped by my house before she left this world. Or I'd regret not being able to meet her forever. (A hug and a kiss would've been really nice by the way!)

Fear, affection, anxiety, anger, sorrow, shock, disappointment and relief! I don't remember the last time I went through a medley of emotions like this.

It started with her getting admitted to the hospital the weekend before this. But the number of times I've known family members being in the hospital was so high that the news didn't hit home. Two days later when they said her condition is quite serious, is when I really woke up. I wanted to fly out to India immediately and made arrangements at work to do so. But before I bought tickets, my family told me that she probably wouldn't make it even to a 48 hour mark. They asked me to stay put and let me do a video chat with her in the ICU. Then too, it was a one way communication. I couldn't see her but she could see me. She couldn't speak but she could hear me. My cousin told me that she waved at me and there was a smile on her face after a really long time. I showed her my new apartment too! She loved it.

After a few hours, she was mostly in and out of coma. I was anxious to leave the American soil and see her before something happened but my family didn't want me to fight a losing battle. They didn't want me to be mid air when she let her last breath out and land only to know that I lost my battle. It makes sense now but who wanted to think sensibly then anyway. I kept refreshing my airline tickets page every few minutes.

I had a couple of more rounds of one way phone communication with her and then she went into a deep sleep. She stopped recognizing family members slowly. When she did regain consciousness for a few hours, she demanded that she be taken home for some time. They took her home, along with her ventilator and oxygen mask, up three flights of stairs, for a visit of 5 minutes. Then back to the hospital, back into coma. I only listened patiently as my cousin updated me of the day's highlights. For those few days, I did not shower, barely ate, had the scariest dreams, skipped a heart beat at every phone ring and woke up every morning full of fear. I didn't know if it was depression or anxiety or fear or all of it. My uncle called me once at night and said,"Say these words to her. Have a peaceful sleep". I couldn't bring myself to say that and I said it as though I wanted to say "take rest" - Sleep peacefully,haan?

Then finally this Sunday, she passed away. I was at a friend's place and was about to drive back home. It was the worst one hour drive I've ever done. I was crying all the way and hoping that I see my aaji in the night sky - waving to me and kissing goodbye. I came home and cried even more, even louder. I missed her. I wanted to hug her before she left. I wanted to sleep next to her before she left, with my arms around her, just like I did when I was a kid. I wanted to talk to her and tell her stories of where I live and the people I know. I wanted to just never, NEVER leave her again. But she was gone. And I couldn't do a thing. No one could.

A couple of months ago, my baby sister(my cousin who is now a doctor and not a baby anymore) told me that nothing could now be done. She patiently explained why my grandmother's illness was beyond any treatment as I pounded her with alternative suggestions. "Could we not do this?" or "Could we not do that and just save her?" But like a mature young lady doctor, she handled each of my questions with great understanding and firm responses. I was so proud of her.

When my grandfather passed away while I was still here in the U.S., I blamed my mother for not letting me know about his health. I went "At least, I could've spoken to him. You guys need to tell me the truth". This time, when I knew the truth and my little cousin was making me face the truth, I didn't want to accept it. May be I never grew up or may be my mother knows better.

Back to this Sunday - My brother informed me of the news via text. In a few minutes, my uncle called and said " I will let you know when to pray for her" and my mom took the phone to say the same. I was angry. I was upset. Could they not say a few words? For example, "Aaji passed away. We are all very sad. It happened at so and so hour. Take care of yourself." or another example - just freaking cry!

But this is how we are. We are Indians. We take pride in protecting our kids from emotions. We take pride in not crying. We think too much display of emotions(especially crying) is a sign of weakness. We don't believe in TALKING about emotions. What's the point? We always want to be practical, right?

They went to the extent of not letting me face any of it. It was all out of love and care for me, but they stopped me from leaving for India even then. In the end, battling with my emotions and family and with the airline website for tickets, I gave up. I decided to go to work next day and put an end to the misery I was putting myself through.

Now came my worries. My grandmother, who was my mother's mother, was like the glue that binds my family together. Not that we fought with each other when she wasn't around, but she definitely played a huge role in organizing family dinners and bringing everyone in one place. The whole world always came to see her and she was the most famous personality in my maternal side of relatives. She was the center of our little family universe. Will we all be the same without her? Who will I call to get the family news? Who will be the one person who never feared crying in public or expressing love or sorrow or anger? Who will I call to tell exciting things in life? Who will I do everything I did so far for? (Please don't be a smart ass and answer one)

One of my friends said that it felt like I lost this one anchor person in my life and it left me dazed. Yes, I think that rightly summarizes it.

And then there was the past to ponder over. You know, I grew up at my aaji's place. Even when I moved out of her place and into my parents' own place, I kept visiting aaji every other day. There was not a time in my life when I was physically very far from her(except in the U.S.). She was always a part of everything in my life. She couldn't be separated from me nor could I be taken away from her. Sometimes I felt that my mother was jealous of how much time I spent at her place(kidding!) But that's how it was. She was my grandmother. Even better than my mother. She took care of me like a mother but was more easy going because she was not my mother :) I was her first grandchild and she always spoke of me affectionately. I hate to say this but I was her favorite grandchild. The oldest and the youngest always have that effect on people, right? I'm joking but I know she loved me more than I can imagine. She longed for me to visit her when I was away and when I visited her last year, she tried her best to keep me close to her. It used to be a fight between my mother and my grandmother over who gets to feed me and who makes me sleep over at their place. Fun times!

I can't imagine going back to her house now. I can't imagine that she won't be there to welcome me with open arms. She won't be there to feed me her special food. She won't be there to just sleep right next to me and talk forever. You know, she was the coolest grandmother ever! She was so cool that she hadn't asked me to get married yet. Someone asked her about me once and she said, "She's too young!"

There are all these memories and then there is that memory of what I imagined in the last few days. The memory of her smiling faintly when she saw me on video, that of her crying when I said goodbye, and that of her in that night sky when she flew away like an angel trying to reach out to me.

I miss her. I'll miss her even more when I go home. I'm scared of not being able to deal with that house without her. I'm scared of NEVER being able to deal with her passing away. One day I hope that I will be at peace with her death and overcome the fear of the empty space she has left behind.

I love you aaji. I hope you are, now, cured. I always believed you could be.