ONE SWEET DAY

The Miracle

2015-03-06T01:26:00.000-08:00

Many were surprise with the arrival of my baby boy..
In blogs, i had a few posts in my draft which somehow i don't feel right to post..
Even in social media, i dont talk or post or mentioned anything about it..
It just seems not right..
Until a day we are at home, my hubby was the one who spill the beans in FB..

He was born at 36 weeks..a bit earlier than expected due date..too risky to wait until full term..
Yup, i found out quite late that im pregnant, dah 3 bulan lebih nak masuk 4..sebab i have my periods as usual..cuma jadi pendek macam sehari dua je and sikit je darahnya..
Kakak yang berurut tu kata bunting pelanduk namanya..
Oh ya, masa berurut yang kali keberapa tu..akak tu cakap, "macam dah ada ni".
Then dia cakap kat hubby, of course masa perjalanan balik ke rumah dalam kereta, nampak hubby macam happy sangat...tapi biasalah, sebagai seorang yang selalu patah hati, I buat bodoh je and cakap, jangan nak mengharap sangatlah..

Cuma one day, i demam..muntah-muntah teruk, makan ape pun semua keluar balik..suspect salah makan or masuk angin..pergi klinik nak minta MC sebenarnya and Dr (GP) suspect i pregnant..
But i denied it..to cut short Dr ask to make pregnancy test..sebab malas nak argue and to prove the dr is wrong so i pun buat je lah..
And that moment starts another new story in my life...

So later, i refer to Hospital Putrajaya since i memang dah buat treatment di situ..
First problem, i tak boleh nak detect when was my last period..
Then from blood test, saiz of the sac, and so on and the list go on..ok, it was assumed that my pregnancy was about 3 months plus..
Then, the bad news...
Since memang dari awal I ada masalah dengan saiz rahim yang kecik and abnormal, Dr already informed me that the chances for him to survive is 50/50, either misccariage or chances to early delivery..but of course i diberi suntikan untuk kuatkan rahim..and at the same time, berurut dengan akak tu untuk kuatkan rahim..
Seriously i dont really have a smooth pregnancy journey..
dan tak berhenti berdoa supaya selamat..
That is really tearing my heart into pieces, worst feeling than getting my IUI failed..
Orang masa pregnant happy je...i plak asyik nangis takut....tah pape je..maybe terlebih emotional kot..
Kalau dulu, willing to do anything to get pregnant..At that moment, Im willing to do anything to make sure the baby is safe..

I dont officially announce in FB..maybe a little hint to ada kot..but in general statement that actually nobody cares or can guessed it correctly..Lain-lain..life as usual..Rasanya orang yang ada di sekeliling je kot yang tau..
Reason: i takut if announce then something bad happen, i need to reannounce it again and people starts commenting in FB..Im afraid im not strong enough and emotionally stable to handle it..
Lagipun, macam mana we go through the TTC journey on our own, i think this journey too is our personal journey..

Alhamdulillah, finally, on 15 September 2014 at 11.09 pm,our strong baby boy was born..a few days in ward..next problem, i tak boleh nak produce enough milk to feed my baby yang kat hospital..nangis lagi..rasa bersalah sangat..Rasa macam "ko nak sangat anak, Tuhan dah bagi tapi kau tak boleh nak jaga dia kan"

Ok..ok..memang terlebih emo..

Tapi alhamdulillah...he is now one healthy, enegertic and strong boy..
And drastically put weight after 2 months..

Thank you God ... for bestowed me the best gift whne i less expected it...

11 Of The Worst Things You Can Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility

2015-03-02T19:57:00.001-08:00

http://www.buzzfeed.com/whatjanedid/the-11-worst-things-you-can-say-to-someone-struggl-15zo9#.glPwEEwB2

1. “Are you pregnant yet?”

CW / Via giphy.com

No, are you tactful yet?

2. “Maybe having children is not in God’s plan for you.”

CBS / Via giphy.com

What may be comforting to some is deeply insulting to others. Infertility can feel like a personal failing and by putting it down to simply not being in God’s plan, you are throwing our suffering in our face.

3. “Just be patient.”

Warner Bros. / Via giphy.com

Imagine yourself in our shoes and what it would be like if someone kept telling you to be patient for something you desperately want and may never have.

4. “Have you tried the fertility diet?”

CityTV / Via giphy.com

Or acupuncture? Or sleeping with your pelvis tilted at a 45 degree angle? Or Googling fertility spells? Yep, we’ve tried literally everything.

5. “At least you still get to sleep in on weekends!”

HBO / Via giphy.com

6. “Everything happens for a reason.”

The CW / Via giphy.com

When you’re struggling with infertility, every month is an emotional rollercoaster of hope and anticipation, followed by heartbreaking disappointment. Please don’t tell us there’s a reason for this. We’d rather you acknowledge how much it sucks and mourn with us.

7. “Why don’t you just adopt?”

Nexflix / Via giphy.com

“Just” adopt? Adoption should not be treated like a consolation prize or like a quick fix to someone’s yearning for a biological child. It’s a deeply personal choice, a huge decision, and there’s nothing “just” about it.

8. “I got pregnant my very first cycle off the pill.”

Walt Disney Pictures / Via giphy.com

We’re truly happy for you, but is it necessary to rub it in?

9. “Even though you miscarried, at least you know you can get pregnant.”

HBO / Via giphy.com

File this under: “highly insensitive.”

10. “You just must be too stressed.”

Fox / Via giphy.com

You know what’s stressing me out? This conversation.

11. “Well at least you can have fun trying!”

ITV / PBS / Via giphy.com

Sadly, IVF can kill your sex drive, but…you’re not completely wrong. *Winks suggestively*

So what should you do?

SONY Pictures / Via giphy.com

Offer your support, love, and an endless supply of hugs.

Little munchkin is now 4 months old..

2015-01-26T20:06:00.002-08:00

How should i starts..

Just a simple annoucement..Sorry for not informing earlier..

We are blessed with a beautiful anugerah on 15 September 2014 at 11.05 pm.

To my arjuna,

You are not the final destination, but the extended journey of what mummy and daddy has gone through before..

You are the reminder on how mercy God is...

and the prove that miracles do happen..

I don't know if I will become a good mother. But I believed I will be a loving mother, I will show to him that he is special, but not necessarily be an arrogant. He is unique, but not necessarily centre of attention. He is brilliant, but not necessarily fast. He is strong, not necessarily underestimating others.

Salam TTC..

2014-05-23T01:59:00.005-07:00

If you see a married couple with no children don't always ask them "Guys when are you about to have some kids!" Be sensitive. You have absolutely no idea what is going on in their lives and what Allah has written for them. Even though you mean well, just be sensitive to their situation

usaha sepanjang setahun ini...

2014-05-17T06:55:00.000-07:00

Assalamualaikum...

Lamanya bersawang blog ni kan...

Lama tak menulis..

Bukan sengaja..

Tapi sebab memang tak ada apa-apa pembaharuan apatah lagi perubahan...
Treatment hospital pun dah lama terbengkalai...
Dah setahun berlalu since the last IUI..
Bukan tak nak sambung tapi masa tu kekangan kerja yang sangat tinggi..
Diberikan peluang menggalas tanggung jawab yang besar...melaksanakan dua tugas serentak..
Fuh, macam superwomen rasanya..
Rasa macam dah ready nak mencabar diri sendiri ke tahap yang lebih tinggi..
Tapi...

Tapi diam tak diam masa berlalu membuatkan usaha TTC selama ni jadi terabai...
Sayang..Marriage pun ada sedikit kedinginan dalam tempoh tersebut..
Tiada kepuasan kerja...apatah lagi di rumah..
After setahun mengambil kesempatan dengan program transformasi di ofis..
Minta tukar unit...biarlah orang cakap tugas sekarang ni tak mencabar..tak glamour..
Sebab rasanya bukan itu yang dicari...
Yang pasti boleh balik on time setiap hari ...takde lagi nak kena out station selalu..takde lagi balik lambat selalu..takde lagi perlu bekerja sehingga ke hujung minggu...

Alhamdulillah..hidup makin teratur dan normal dalam dua bulan ini..
Kalau ada yang tertanya-tanya..belum...saya masih lagi seperti setahun yang lalu..

So, saya sambung semula usaha TTC...
Mungkin sebab stress dengan kerja, period saya yang selalu je teratur dan on time jadi ting tong...
And masalah keputihan yang agak teruk juga..sampai rasa gatal yang amat..sampai saya garu pun melecet n luka..
Tambah satu masalah baru kan...

Kebetulan masa tu tengah 'panas' dengan produk Shaklee..saya cuba..kebetulan ada seorang kawan bloggers n seofis yang jadi pengedarnya...
And saya amalkan membersihkan tempat tu dengan dengan air rebusan daun sirih..
Alhamdulillah period saya jadi ok semula...and keputihan pun hilang..

Kemudian,
Satu hari tu..
Bos lama datang jumpa saya...nak bagitau good news...
Dia bagitau dia dapat sambung belajar ke Jepun..
Oo..sedikit latar belakang beliau..
Umur awal 40-an..dia lambat kahwin..kahwin tahun 2010 iaitu setahun selepas saya..
Husband dia pun dalam 40s camtu..tapi duda..pengacaara sebuah rancangan talkshow kat RTM..hehe..kalau bagitau nama mungkin ada yang kenal..
Selalu juga tukar-tukar cerita ttg TTC ni, she is a very understanding and supportive person..
Im so lucky to have her as my immediate boss actually...
She told me she is 2 months pregnant..huhu...masa tu kami sama-sama rasa macam nak menangis..
Sebab dia kata, bagi dia at her age tu dapat kahwin and ada seorang suami yang penyayang pun dah besar rahmatnya..terutama sekali bila dia nak start buat treatment tapi husband dia macam tak supportive..so dia pendamkan je..lagipun family dia or in laws tak pernah bagi pressure..maybe sebab situasi and usia dia kot..
So dia abaikan je.
Sampaila dia amik Shaklee untuk atasi masalah ezcema dia yang teruk..alhamdulillah jadi ok..then dealer dia tu suggest la dia untuk amik set kesuburan shaklee..so dia pun try lah..alhamdulillah after 2 months dia pregnant..
Im just so happy for her..double joy..
Then dia adalah share item2 Shaklee yang dia amik...nanti i share kan ye..

So, i pun cubalah juga the whole bunch of sets yang dia dah cuba tu..manalah tau kan...
Tapi dah masuk bulan ketiga..belum ada apa-apa tanda lagi..

Then one of my friends..my ex housemate actually suggest i untuk berurut...coincidently rumah akak tu dekat je dengan rumah i..huhu..selama ni punyalah beria-ia cari tempat berurut yang jauh-jauh..my fren ni kawen masa tahun 2011..
So i pergi jugalah...maknanya ni dah masuk kali ketiga tempat i berurut...
Rawatan dia agak panjang..and lama,,almost a month gitu..and dengan husband sekali..
Tak ada apa-apa bayaran dikenakan..seikhlasnya..
Kat sana juga, dapat kena a new circles of TTC friends..macam-macam cerita..ada yang dah nak masuk 10 tahun pun ada..ada yang anak dah umur 15 tahun nak second baby..ada yang asyik gugur..yang jauh dari Kedah dan Kelantan pun ada..
paling tak boleh blah...nak anak perempuan sebab dua-dua anak lelaki..(untung la boleh pilih-pilih macam tu kan)...
Alhamdulillah...mostly yang berurut dengan akak ni berjaya pregnant..(tapi bab pilih-pilih jantina tu i tak sure la berjaya ke tak).Ni bukan cakap-cakap sebab i jumpa sendiri dengan geng-geng TTc yang berurut ni...dari tak kenal jadi ada ikatan silaturrahim sebab biasanya bila masuk hari ke 100 pregnant atau 3-4 bulan, akak ni galakkan buat kenduri doa selamat kat tempat dia dan akan jemput geng-geng urut ni...Sedikit sebanyak ada aura positif yang menggembirakan..
Tentang urut ni plak akak ni buat cara Islamik dengan doa-doa dan amalan-amalan tertentu..dia akan ajar wirid2 yang perlu diamalkan..puasa 7 hari... dan lain-lain amalan fizikal...dan pemakanan
Rawatan i belum habis lagi dengan akak ni... ada lagi tiga kali kena datang berurut..

Currently Im in 2 weeks wait mode..harapan nya moga dengan usaha-usaha tambahan ni increase my chances to get pregnant..takde la bergantung dengan ubat-ubat hospital semata...

Berdebar juga nak tunggu 2ww kali ni..sebab rasanya dah usaha sehabis mungkin..tak nak berharap sangat tapi tipulah kalau kata tak berharap kan.... *smile*..

Semua pun dengan izin Allah juga..sesungguhnya Dia yang menghidupkan dan mematikan..'

Doakan saya dan suami ya kawan-kawan...semoga ada miracle kali ini..

Ikhlaskah hati?

2014-03-02T19:10:00.003-08:00

Saya ingat setelah bertahun-tahun, hati saya akan lali, jiwa saya lebih kental dan tabah.. tapi saya silap..membaca post di bawah dalam TTc Group Malaysia membuatkan saya menangis teresak-esak..mungkin masih ada sisa kepasrahan yang dinafikan di sebalik ketabahan yang ditonjolkan...

(credit to Po-g Yana dalam TTC Group Malaysia) "baru2 ni,sy ke masjid kristal utk mghadiri cramah ustaz kazim elias..antara lain intipati yg dpt sy coretkan dlm ati adalah ABG2 YG ISTERI BLUM MGANDUNG,REDHO,mak2 mntua jgn marah mnantu tak mgandung..sbb mnantu tu la yg akn tlg mak2 masak kat dapo,yg tu la yg akn ngemas masa raya..menantu kite yg ada anak tu,sibuk dgn anak..yg tgh mgandung,perutnye smp ke kuali,mcmne dia nk mgoreng,yg xde anak tu la yg mnolong,sy dgn selamber,menangis dpn ustz..kbtulan sy duduk sbaris dgn kosi ustaz..blh jadik ustz nmpk sy nangis,smbung ustz lg,Allah ni maha adil..dia buat elok2 dah..di zmn nabi..seorg shabat bgun dan bertanyakan nabi..ya Rasulullah,aku pny 2 org anak yg mati d wktu kcik,siapa yg akn mnunggu aku di pintu syurga nnt?sabda nabi :brgsiapa yg pny 2 anak,dan ank dia mati d wktu kcik,ank tu akn mnunggu mak ayah nye d pintu syurga,bgun lg seorg shbt bertnya kan,bgaimana pula kami yg kematian seorg anak ya Rasullullah?anak itu pun akn tggu di pintu syurga,,kmudian,bgun siti aisyah ra,ya Rasulullah,bgaimana dgn kami,yg bkhawin tp xde anak??siapa yg akn mnunggu kami??jwb Rasulullah,AKU la yg akn menunggu mereka..SubhanaALLAH Allah maha hebat,mgutuskan Nabi semulia ini,UKE ckp lg,penungguan siapa lg baik??NABI ke ANAK?sye jwb dlm hati NABI ..kite jgn merintih..usaha..tawakal..redha..kasih syg Allah pd kite..lbih dr kemurkaanNya.."

Saya selalu mengingatkan diri..tabah lah hati...usaha..jangan putus asa..tawakal..redha..pasrah..bersyukur.. tapi ada kalanya terdetik juga...kenapa? kenapa? kenapa? aduh...susahnya untuk menjadi manusia yang ikhlas hatinya....

Bukan tidak bersyukur..bukan juga tidak ikhlas..tapi ikhlas yang sebenar-benarnya..tanpa ada sedetik pun rasa terkilan..
Kita diberikan seribu satu kenikmatan dan kebahagiaan..tapi hanya satu perkara yang sangat kita inginkan tapi kita tak dapat membuatkan kita lupa melihat seribu kenikmatan yang telah ada pada kita...kita terkilan hanya kerana tidak diberikan anak sedangkan kita telah perolehi kemewahan dan harta dunia yang lain..sedangkan anak tu salah satu daripada kemewahan dan harta...

Kenapa perlu dibandingkan apa yang kita tiada dengan apa yang orang ada..kenapa tidak kita bandingkan apa yang kita ada dengan apa yang orang tiada? Maka kita akan lebih menghargai...
Bunyinya senang kan..tapi ada kalanya kita tewas juga kan..

Ya Allah, ikhlaskan lah hatiku dengan ujian dariMu ini..

FB Status

2013-11-14T00:52:00.002-08:00

Since my previous post, there is time i post about my TTC journey in FB..sometimes i received few comments or likes and sometimes none..i even share my blog in my FB..i dont think there is need to hide anymore..they should what I'm going thru..and lucky enough also, some of my friends are starting to understand what Im facing...

During new hijri year i post my new resolution..I want a baby..

Purposely, so that they understands that me too has feeling to have my own child and that Im not in planning like they always assumed...

Alhamdulillah, i received many prayers...hopefully with all the doa, my wish will come true..

fertilityasia.com.my

2013-09-23T21:32:00.001-07:00

I was introduced to this page through TTC Group Malaysia....

I found out that this page is essential to me as TTCian and could give a lot information ...

And there is Hope For A Child Campaign...

feel free to visit www.fertilityasia.com.my

Should i officially announce that I am TTCing on FB?

2013-09-11T01:20:00.001-07:00

Don't know where to start my post today..
Something happened yesterday..
Something that suddenly give me that idea..

Maybe i should officially announce on FB that I am TTCing..
So that people at least will know..
I don't hope they will understand because I know they won't or worse..they don't even care actually...
But if they care, they will know how to face me...
What should or should not be asked, or say in front of me..
Know how to communicate with me without hurting my feelings...

Im not an active commentors or postings in FB..
It juz a place for me to keep track with my friends...playing games...selling my business...
But from my observation. FB is really strategic place to say anything you like, to curse people, to shout out your opinion, to share your interests and even sharing your whole life...

Wedding or pregnancy announcement and progress, your daily life, what you eat, where you go, what you did, what you are wearing today, how do you feel today and even an obituary are announced in FB..
It's the first place to get news about other people/friends around you...

I observed what my friends posts..
Usually it will related to their interest or liking..
Actually u can see the trend
Some are so into politics..they post anything either pro or cons of the certain parties or Govt..
Some are really crazy about football (like my hubby) till you can see all his post or post featured by his friends on his wall are all related to football..
Some are crazy about food...food..food and food...or business..business..or business...or always on vacation/job tour (this one I really envy!!!)
And young couples (married and not) tend to post or share about all sorts of petua keharmonian rumah tangga, kasih sayang, love quotes and something related to relationship..(and definitely will tag their partner)
Young mothers and pregnant mothers will always share all sort of tips relating to parenting and pregnancy include their personal experiences and progress...
And some first timer parents could be very obsessed with their parenting and keep updating about their child progress..
And you can see the trend in their interest with their circles of friends or life...

What the hell all this related to my post today..

Well, something did happened yesterday which hurts me (again)

Make me realize..these group of people usually will chat publicly among themselves about something so related or so dear with them...
But the problem about us (i mean here TTCian) is that we rarely outspoken our thoughts..or publicly chatting about it with each other..not like other issues...
We only express our concerns in the blog..or in the closed group like TTC Group...
How many times we really chat about it publicly with our friends? TTC friends?
How many people out there really understands the word or abbreviation that TTCian used?
And how many really post about their TTC Journey publicly in FB? And why I never post about my TTC Journey in FB? Is it because I'm scared? Or is it because I feel down about my situation? And maybe because it sounds not right or not our Malaysian's culture to share the "dalam kain" stories?

Then, how can the people understands what we are going through? What we feel?
How much money we spend on that?
Maybe not directly write everything...
Maybe I can start with something like.."I am TTC since bla bla bla"
So if they wondering what that mean, they will google it..
Then, some updates on what procedure Im going throught..like example if today i go for FT then i will announce the result.."Todays FT result bla bla bla"
And the list should goes on...
So, I should find the courage to post about my TTC Journey in FB..
So, people will know...especially those who are close around me..

And so that they can passed the stories to any mulut longkang makcik who like to disturb our peacefull and harmony life...
And so that people also understand although we never conceived (yet but one day we will) our knowledge about fertility is above all..don't underestimate us like we know nothing at all. You will be surprised that we know better how to calculate our period, fertile days, signs that we're ovulating, when and how to BD through many ways, all kind of petua in the world about conceiving, everything that you need to know about your body and conceive. We even got the knowledge from Drs who is specialist in O&G and because we pay for it..not through reading or googling or sharing post in FB that you dont even know the genuine source...we know a lot of things that sometimes people who have a dozen children also never thought of...So, dont pretend and ignore us like we know nothing when in fact we know better than you...

The TTC Journey

2013-08-18T23:50:00.001-07:00

Being in this journey..there is a lot to learn and learned..
Something that is not been taught in other ways...something that you won't learn if you are not walking in this shoes..
It teaches me to be patient over time..
It teaches me to be pleased and resigned..
It teaches me to forgive when the only thing I want is to revenge..
It teaches me to be strong when the only thing I feel is vulnerable..
It teaches me never give up when the only thing I faced is obstacles and failures..
It teaches me to keep moving when everything is against me..
It teaches me it's ok to cry and it doesn't mean I am weak..
It teaches me that no matter how much i want to trust everyone but sometimes something is better to be kept secret...
It teaches me it's ok to be different, to feel jealous, to feel irritiated and annoyed and that doesn't mean I am bad..eventually it will faded away..

My experience in TTC journey..

First year of marriage...

Is when everything started...

People still treats you as newly-wed..

And you are still in honeymood mood.. and adaption stage into marriage life..

People will start to ask you the precious question.. it's because people are so eager to know the next of your wedding story..lucky enough if you are pregnant by this time but that doesn't mean the questions will stop there...

And you still feel ok about it and still can smile..because most of the time it just for the sake of asking...

Walking into the second year of marriage..

Peoples start to become more concern of your childless marriage..

The questions will be more frequent...

And this time it starts to play with your emotion..

Sometimes the questions is added with tips and advise..

Sometimes the questions are cynical..

Not because of concern but more to tease the couple..

Sometime you feel like you don't want to get out from your house..don't want to meet other peoples cause they tend to hurt you with their words and talks..

You started to avoid attending parties and gathering or other social events..You feel sadness in your heart because you can't be just as normal and simple as it supposed to be..married and get pregnant in over night..

You started to feel that the world is against you..You feel hurt because you can't have what other people have..

But do you realize? Do you feel sad because you really do? Or is it because other people's words that put you into the situation? Because people keep asking you, teasing you, comparing you, keep pushing you that makes you think you must have one because that will be considered normal...People's around you kind of hypnotized you to believe it is wrong for not getting pregnant immediately after your wedding..

Second year is the vulnerable time..Year two is a year of tears..Sometime it continues to year three or fourth..

Most of the time the wife will get the most emotion torture..tears will be her best mate..

The husband's role is important to support his wife..

My advise is never let their words over rule your emotion..

Entering the forth year of marriage..

The nightmare still continues..

Worst when there are couples who are married after you started to produce their products..

And people starts to compare you..

But this time you have become more matured on how to handle the situation..

You already know how to encounter the cynical questions..
You know how to answer and bash them back...

Most important, you will not let them put down on you..

You will not let their words and talks over rule your emotions any more..

You will not let their concerns bothers you..

You know you are alright with the situation and nothing is wrong with it..

The only wrong thing is letting other people influenced your life, thought and emotion about it..

And eventually..you don't even give a damn about what people want to talk or say about you..and you feel great about it..

Years to come..

People stop subjecting you as point for talk of the town..It's either because they have found a new subject and yours is already out of season or they just don't bother anymore..they are tired for asking you questions that they actually know there is no answer for it..

They will stop asking you...no more harsh questions..no more cynical questions..they just stop..

That is the cycle of TTC..

Most important is...how to handle and face the situation..how positive you are to encounter the people..how good you are at facing the obstacles..never ever allow or let other people hurts you no matter how hard they try..

And remember..this journey will never make them better than you or otherwise..

It just give you different and prestigious experience..

Renungan Syawal

2013-08-14T20:59:00.002-07:00

Repost @lisasurihani23

Why an Untreated Eating Disorder Might Keep You from Having Children

2013-07-28T20:26:00.003-07:00

Read the full article here:
http://my.entertainment.yahoo.com/blogs/healthy-living/why-untreated-eating-disorder-might-keep-having-children-165200317.html

Women who are ready to tackle the task of motherhood often try to implement healthy behaviors before they even try to get pregnant. Eating right, exercising and popping prenatal vitamins are often at the top of the to-do list. But now experts say some women should add one more item to the agenda: Getting help for untreated eating disorders.

Timing sex during ovulation is obviously the key to getting pregnant. Irregular and absent menstrual periods make it hard to predict ovulation-if you're ovulating at all. According to the Eating Recovery Center, an international center that provides treatment for eating disorders, one survey of women attending a fertility clinic with absent or irregular periods showed that 58 percent had an eating disorder. Another study showed that of women with unexplained infertility who restricted calories, even if they didn't meet the criteria for an eating disorder diagnosis, 73 percent conceived when they increased caloric intake and body weight.

Even with the clear connection between an eating disorder and an inability to conceive, women often hide disordered eating behaviors from their doctors and fertility specialists, says Ken Weiner, founding partner and CEO of Eating Recovery Center. Here are just a few things you should know if you're struggling with an eating disorder while wanting to conceive.

3 Things to Know About Eating Disorders and Fertility

1. Watch for triggers. While women try to be healthier by making changes to diet and exercise, if women have a family or personal history of eating disorders, these changes could trigger disordered eating behaviors for those with a predisposition toward the development of an eating disorder. Always check with your doctor before changing diet and exercise routines.

2. Disordered eating can affect fertility even if you're a normal weight. You don't have to have experienced major weight loss or be very low weight for irregular or absent periods to occur. While not all irregular or absent periods are caused by diet, weight or exercise, behaviors related to eating and exercise can impact the cycles, contributing to fertility challenges.

3. Talk to your doctor - honestly. Concerns and questions about the impact of diet and exercise on fertility should be directed to your OBGYN, fertility specialist or trusted doctor. Likewise, if you have concerns about your own eating and exercise behaviors, let your doctor in on your concerns. In addition to infertility and trouble conceiving, active eating disorders can also contribute to miscarriage and other complications for mother and child once conception does occur.

Because eating disorders impact not only the health of the mother but the health of the child as well, eating disorders and disordered eating behaviors deserve attention and support. Know the signs and symptoms of eating disorders so you can recognize the behaviors and urge those affected to get the help they need.

-By Erin Whitehead

No miracles this cycle

2013-07-21T17:44:00.001-07:00

Miss P datang exactly on CD30..huhu..
Never failed to show up on time...
So meaning..no miracles this month..
Tak sempat pun nak delay period and test upt..

Suppose kena datang on CD2 untuk amik clomid..
Tapi bila fikir bulan ni bulan Ramadan..
So, i cancel je la..
Tunggu next cycle after raya...

Untuk cuba IUI kali kedua...
Insya allah...

Perasaan..?
Tak tau la nak cakap apa..
Biasa-biasa je..
Sebab Miss P datang on time...
Tak sempat nak bubble bubble...
Lain la kalau delay even sehari pun...

Kita cuba lagi nanti ye!!

Pengalaman pertama IUI

2013-07-03T20:33:00.002-07:00

1st Day menses for this cycle fall on 18 Jun 2013..
So, start hari kedua hingga keenam amik Clomid 150mg yang Dr dah bekalkan dari cycle bulan lepas.. Disebabkan cycle lepas my folli tak membesar dengan cantik, so dah increase from 100mg to 150mg

Day 9 - FT di Hospital Putrajaya, ada 1 folli 11x12mm
Day 11- FT, 15x17mm
Day 14 -18x22mm and Dr mention that it is good enough and can proceed with IUI..masa tu rasa excited sangat and gembira juga...

9.30 pm on 1 July 2013 - cucuk Pregnyl 10,000iu (ubat dibekalkan oleh Hospital Putrajaya tapi i pegi cucuk di Klinik area tempat tinggal je sebab malas nak ke HPj malam tu). Ubat RM93.00 (free sebab ada GL) dan RM10 kos cucuk kat klinik ..

9.00 am 2 July 2013 - Lapor diri di Pusat Bersalin Berisiko Rendah Presint 8 Putrajaya untuk sesi kaunseling IUI
Sekarang ni semua proses HSA dan IUI buat kat sini..suka sangat dengan environment nya yang sangat home-feeling..and the staffs sangat friendly..kalau bersalin kat sini mesti best sebab macam tenang je and ward pun macam bilik kat rumah.

Untuk sesi ini, me and hubby were consulted by MA Joe..rasanya En. Joe sangat famous kat O&G Putrajaya...sangat expert dengan bidang fertility ni..kalau untuk amik darah, HSA, IUI semua dia yang akan consult..And from the report yang Dr sediakan i found out something from MA Joe yang i ni ada anteverted uterus..means my uterus dalam kedudukan terkehadapan sedikit daripada kedudukan normal yang menyebabkan sperms susah nak masuuk..tapi DR yang check up sebelum-sebelum ni tak pernah inform pun..the only problem i know is that i only have one tube..but hes said that it is not a big problem...

Not only that, he explains the process in very details..what need to be done tomorrow, how the procedure will be done, what next...he also consult us the proper position to BD for anteverted uterus so that the chances to get pregnant is higher..very detail siap lukis gambarajah lagi..hehe..tapi nak baby punya pasal buangkan tebal muka tu..my DH pun nampak selamba je. In fact dye plak yang banyak tanya..Other than that, dye advise hubby to take milk chocolate, bendi or terung as it can increase the quality and quantity of sperms..

9.45 am 3 July 2013
Sesi kami adalah yang kedua. Sampai PBBR, terus diarahkan ke bilik spermatorium..bilik master bed room yang kemas, bersih sebab everything pun warna putih, siap ada katil and sofa..Alhamdulillah, sebab MOH dah sediakan tempat yang sebegini cantik untuk prosedur fertility ni. Wife boleh masuk sekali untuk bantu hubby. Nurse explain cara-cara untuk kumpulkan sperm..huhu..then sementara nak tunggu sperm washing tu, kami keluar breakfast dulu...after satu jam setengah around 11.30 datang balik ke klinik untuk next process...

Masuk dalam bilik prosedur, nervous gak...tapi hubby sempat kiss and say good luck..
For me, the process was done dengan sangat cepat...dalam 15 minit je macam tu..alhamdulillah...Dr kata, patient ni (I lah tu) senang nak masuk compare patient sebelum ni (1st patient pagi tadi)..tak sakit macam masa buat HSG dulu, rasa senak sikit je dengan speculum tu..Lepas tu, kena baring dalam masa setengah jam dengan kedudukan kaki bengkok menegak dan kepala lebih rendah dari punggung (yang ni diselaraskan oleh katil tu)..masa menunggu setengah jam ni hubby dibenarkan masuk untuk temankan kita...masa ni dah mula berangan-angan dengan hubby...

Alhamdulillah, semuanya berjalan lancar dan mudah..dari urusan hubby hingga lah ke urusan untuk I..
Since i punya procedure tamat around 1pm, so dapat MC for that day. dan dibekalkan ubat Duphaston untuk kuatkan rahim dan folic asid. Dapat 2 upt free untuk check selepas hari ke-14 nanti. Kalau positive kena datang balik ke PBBR untuk check up darah etc. kalau negative...well, kalau negative kena start all over again lah..but hopefully biarlah 1st and last..selain ubat, kena "prescribe" supaya BD 3 hari berturut-turut untuk support the procedure..

Apa yang I rasa dalam cycle ni?
1. I kerap buang air kecil..
2. Dan start masa hari 10-11 tu rasa kembung perut dan senak...

Ya Allah,
berkatilah usaha-usaha kami pada bulan ini..
dan kurniakanlah kami anak-anak yang soleh dan solehah..
Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin..

First Attempt to IUI

2013-07-02T06:32:00.001-07:00

Insya allah esok akan buat proses IUI..

Harap-harap biarlah ini yang pertama dan terakhir...

Alhamdulillah juga sebab bulan ni my ovum membesar bagai juara...

Dan boleh proceed IUI...

Nervous pun ada...

Seronok pun ada...

Tadi siang kena attend sesi prosedur counselling...

And the Dr tu pun sangat sporting...

After explain semua proses yang kami akan go through esok, mula borak-borak santai...

Dia kata actually dye pun patient juga...dah lapan tahun kahwin..still menunggu...

Dah 3 kali wat IUI..buat sendiri...(untung la dapat husband gynae)..hahaha...

Selain tu, ada gak dye bagi formula cara-cara nak bersama...untuk different problems ada different position..

Then dye cerita juga tentang anak angkat..prosedur..dll..

Dye tanya juga macam mana we handle dengan orang sekeliling...

Paling teruk dye pernah kena dengan sorang makcik tu kata mandul...

Huhu...best gak bila dapat gynae yang TTC ni..

Dapat extra kaunseling F.O.C...

Apa pun...

Semoga dipermudahkan urusan esok...

Dan semoga ada keberkatan menjelang Ramadhan tahun ini...

Insya allah...dengan izin-Nya juga..

Abandoned Cycle

2013-05-30T20:30:00.001-07:00

Terpaksa...
Semalam FT - tak jumpa langsung follies..
Of coz i heran...
Semalam juga seharian tunggu di Hospital dari pukul 8 sampai pukul 3...
Lama giler..sampai abis baca sebuah novel yang baru beli...

Sebab Dr yang check semalam macam muda sangat..tak pernah nampak pun sebelum ni...
Dye kata Dr pakar ramai yang cuti...
That's why lama kena tunggu...(ok)..

Memang tak puas hati cara dye check...
Then, cara dye tanya macam dye tak baca pun medical history patient...
Apa my fertility problems...then macam kelam kabut...
Yang tak puas hati tu sebab dye kata tak ada follies..
Aik..bukan D10 check-up ada dua on right ovaries...
Tak kan boleh hilang kot? Boleh eh macam tu?

Dye kata, tak ada..hilang...dua-dua ovari tak ada...
So tak boleh iui cycle ni..
Kena increase ubat..
Cuba next cycle...

Tak pe lah..
mungkin belum rezeki lagi...
Chaiyok!

Sambung TTC

2013-05-29T01:00:00.001-07:00

Today ~ CD11

Semalam FT CD10 di Hospital Putrajaya...alhamdulillah, walaupun ada 2 folli je, size 10X10mm dan 15X13mm...esok FT sekali lagi..Insya allah kalau membesar dengan jayanya (Dr said at least 19-20mm) boleh proceed IUI cycle ni...

Mean while, cycle ni diteruskan dengan SK Khisbun dan pati Delima..
Dan minum air rebusan buah zuriat, Ada dua biji-buah tangan dari Mekah oleh ibu saudara..

Tentang buah zuriat ni..bila di google..
Ada macam-macam kaedah...so, paling mudah, kami belah dua rebus sahaja dan rebus semua sekali dengan kulit dan sabutnya..Mr hubby belah guna parang dan batu lesung..dua tiga kali hentak je terus terbelah dua...
. Bila rebus airnya akan bertukar jadi macam warna teh o atau air mata kucing.bila minum pun ada rasa ala-ala air mata kucing tanpa gula yang sedikit payau and pahit...minum secawan sehari (actually tak sampai secawan pun..hehehe...setengah je)..

Susu kambing dan kurma dah pernah buat dulu, i stop sejak gantikan dengan SK Khisbun...

Ada satu lagi buah tangan dari Mekah~ debunga kurma..yang ni belum cuba lagi...sebab rasa macam-macam sangat nak makan serentak...tu tak termasuk lagi folic asid dan multivitamin...

Takpe lah....insya allah..kita usahakan satu-satu...

Waiting for new cycle...

2013-05-15T23:45:00.000-07:00

Waiting for Ms. P....
Going to start the treatment with the new cycle again....
New appointment with Dr in Hospital Putrajaya on 2nd day of P...

No Kids? Men More Depressed About It

2013-04-07T20:28:00.003-07:00

Even though there's often more social pressure on women to have kids, men may actually feel more depressed and lonely over not having children, according to the results of a small British survey.

The findings were presented at the annual meeting of the British Sociological Association in London Wednesday (April 3) by Robin Hadley, of the United Kingdom's Keele University, who polled 27 men and 81 women who didn't have kids.

About the same proportions of men and women said they wanted kids (59 percent of men and 63 percent of women). Among that group, half of the men said they experienced isolation because they weren't parents, while just over a quarter of women said the same.

Compared with women, these men also were more likely to feel jealous of other parents and sad, angry, and depressed over not having kids.

"There is very little research on the desire for fatherhood among men," Hadley said in a statement. "This challenges the common idea that women are much more likely to want to have children than men, and that they consistently experience a range of negative emotions more deeply than men if they don't have children." [History's 12 Most Doting Dads]

There was one area where women beat the men: guilt. None of the men who wanted kids felt guilty about not having them, compared with 16 percent of women.

The survey was conducted with an online questionnaire among adults ages 20 to 66, with an average age of 41. Most were white, heterosexual and had full-time jobs.

In another poll of 125 people who were already parents, Hadley found that women who wanted more children had higher levels of anger, depression, guilt, isolation, sadness and yearning than men when they thought about not being able to have more kids.

Whereas the focus of this study was childless adults who wanted kids, it's important to note that not all people without children are the same. There are those who choose to be childfree and those facing infertility, job demands or financial concerns.

An American study published last year found that women who choose to be childfree felt more pressure to reproduce than other women without children, but they weren't so distressed about their life without kids. Meanwhile, women who wanted children but did not have them because of fertilityor medical issues were the most distressed, according to those results, published in The Journal of Marriage and Family.

By Megan Gannon, News Editor | LiveScience.com – Sat, Apr 6, 2013

hati yang disakiti

2013-03-26T19:21:00.000-07:00

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku,

Buangkanlah rasa sakit dari hati ku ini...

Hindarkan lah aku dari perasaan benci, iri dan sakit hati ini...

Sesungguhnya perasaan itu amat membebankan diriku

Amat menyesakkan perasaanku...

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku,

Berhari aku cuba memadam perasaan amarah ini..

Namun imanku belum begitu kuat untuk menepis hasutan hitam...

Hanya padaMu sahaja yang mampu membuang perasaan sakit ini dari hatiku...

Bantu lah aku Ya Allah,

Keluarkan aku dari perasaan sakit ini...

Tak tahu kenapa..

dah berhari-hari aku cuba mengawal perasaan marah ini..

membendung rasa sakit hati ini...

aku sangka seperti selalu..

perasaan sakit hati aku ini akan hilang selepas seketika..

tapi kali ini...

lain...

dadaku terasa panas..

nafasku kencang dan sesak...

tidurku terganggu...

seolah ada sesuatu yang berat menghempap dadaku...

adakah kerana sering terhiris di tempat yang sama..

maka kali ini..

lukanya payah untuk diubati..

parut yang susah untuk disembuhkan...

sangat tak suka dengan perasaan ini...

sakit kerana disakiti~ tu satu perkara...

sakit kerana tak berjaya membuang perasaan disakiti tu sebenarnya lebih menyakitkan...

mungkin kerana selalunya air mata akan mengalir keluar membuang dan membasuh semua kesakitan itu..

tapi...

kali ini tiada air mata yang tumpah...

maka kerana itu kesakitan ini tidak hilang?...

jika begitu,

aku lebih suka menangis...

menangis bukan bererti aku lemah

menangis tandanya aku kuat untuk terus melangkah...

bukan macam sekarang...

perasaan yang membuatkan aku rasa sangat down ..

semuanya serba tak kena..

Seriously,

Sangat tak suka keadaaan ini...

Tidak dapat memiliki apa yang diidamkan adalah sangat menyakitkan..

2013-03-12T21:21:00.000-07:00

This year my dream is to buy my own house...

Anak?

Bukan tak nak tapi rasanya kalau ada- alhamdulillah, adalah rezeki dan nikmat yang paling bahagia sekali tahun ni..
Kalau tak pregnant juga lagi..alhamdulillah juga...Tuhan menentukan ianya bukan masa terbaik untuk kami jadi parents..

Dua tahun azam untuk memiliki anak tak tercapai..frust, sedih, kecewa tak payah cakap lah...
Tuhan saja yang tahu..
So, tahun ni aku berazam untuk memiliki harta fizikal..dan disebabkan perkara ini boleh ku kawal.. dan dengan rezeki yang Tuhan anugerahkan kepadaku.Insya allah, aku akan pastikan ianya jadi realiti tahun ni..

Tidak dapat memiliki apa yang diidamkan adalah sangat menyakitkan...

Tentang anak pulak...

Rasanya usaha ku tahun ini hanya satu..

Mengirimkan doa kepada ibu mertuaku yang akan menunaikan umrah pada bulan Jun nanti...
Doa yang paling mujarab adalah doa seorang ibu ..dan depan Kaabah adalah tempat yang paling terbaik untuk berdoa...
Bukan pada MIL saja, malah pada sesiapa saudara terdekat yang akan ke sana...daku titipkan pesanan mohon doakan aku dan hubby dikurniakan zuriat yang soleh dan solehah..

Seriously,
I have stop taking all medication and supplement..
Hmm...Susu SK Khisbun pun dah abis dan pati delima pun dah abis..
Tapi tak rasa nak restock..
Appointment dengan HUKM pun i dah tangguh-tangguhkan..
Tak ada hati nak pergi..
(Or sebenarnya setiap kali nak pergi ada je halangan)..
Cam x best je
Biarlah dulu..

Vs

money constraint

2013-02-03T20:39:00.000-08:00

We have not proceed with any medical treatments since end of last year...
Recently hubby asked me when we want to proceed with the iui or directly do ivf..
Me? Keep silence..no answer..
We discussed about a few options like in MAC, HUKM or with Dr. Hamid Arshat as been recommended by our TTC friends..and option of IVF if necessary..

But the problem is money...
Its not that we cant afford but we have very limited resources...
Previously we did in Hospital Putrajaya, so we dont really feel the expenses burden...

Actually, I am thinking to use the saving money to buy my first house...
I only have that amount of money which ive been saving through past 2 years..
And i cant use it for both and i can only have one at the moment...If i use a portion of my savings for the treatment, then it wont be enough as a deposit+legal fee+downpayment...i need to save some time some more..

But the truth is..i dont feel like continuing the treatment yet...

delete

2013-01-20T22:02:00.000-08:00

Tadi post kat fb "rasa nak biskut famos amos..bila la agaknya nak ilang stress ni?"

1st comment yang keluar,"mengidam/pregnant ke yang?" cmatu la la soalan yang menjurus ke aras tu..tak brape nak ingat...

spa yang tanya? kawan yang kenal masa matrix dulu tak la rapat sangat pun, tapi sejak dlm fb ni tak pernah na bertegur pun and tak pernah pun komen-mengkomen..

apa i buat? tak sempat nak sampai seminit..i delete je terus..padan muka...tak faham2 ke..

emm..mushkil. kat mana dlm status tu ada ayat yang boleh menyebabkan org salah faham yg i ni pregnant? macam tak de pun...

fail BM betul!

."Ada anak pun belum tentu menjadikan kita ibu bapa yang sempurna"

2013-01-10T02:47:00.001-08:00

Terserempak dengan the mulut longkang makcik masa birthday my niece last 2 weeks...

Tak abis-abis nak menyakitkan hati i...

Masuk2 je salam i terus tanya kuat-kuat depan semua orang,"Eh, ni dah ada ke ni?"

The situation is so awkward sebab masa i ramai org tgh makan and sembang-sembang...

Terus i sentap sebab semua orang yang tengah sembang macam terdiam tengok dia...

Ada my SIL and MIL...

Tapi semua pun tak jawap.....

I bangun pergi duduk tempat lain...I perasan masa salam tu dia tengaok badan i..oh ye, i pakai maxi labuh masa tu...nampak macam pregnant ke?

My SIL and MIL pun bangun dari situ pergi layan tetamu tempat lain...I tengok sampai ke sudah they all layan diri sendiri je sefamily...

Bila dia dah balik, baru MIL cakap yang actually dia pun menyampah dengan makcik mulut longkang tu...sebab tu malas nak duduk sembang and layan macam tetamu lain (padahal adik ipar tu)

"Anak dia je la yang semua bagus...anak menantu dia je la yang baik...kalau anak-beranak Ma ni ada je yang tak kena...Malas ma nak layan.."

OOO..kesahnya, ingat kan I je yang perasan dah tua-tua pun mulut longkang lagi...tapi semua orang pun dah naik menyampah rupanya...ada je yg tak kena dgn semua SIL I tu nak banding dgn anak-anak dia yang kononnya baik bagus dan pandai sgt la...

Tu adalah contoh terbaik Tuhan nak tunjuk kat kita..."Ada anak pun belum tentu menjadikan kita ibu bapa yang sempurna"

Oh ya, anak dia bukan lah menjadi sangat semua pun...tapi dia asyik sebut pasal anak yang menjadi je...kenapa? malu ke?

Pati Delima Gulsan + Sk Khisbun

2012-12-16T22:51:00.000-08:00

Since last 2 cycles, walaupun i dah break dari treatment hospital tapi still juga cuba ikhtiar-ikhtiar yang lain...

1. Pati delima gulsan - beli kat Pasar Malam Putrajaya. RM 15 sebotol...so far dah setengah botol i minum...1 sudu setiap malam selepas makan. tak de masalah sebab suka dengan rasa dye yang masam-masam tu...

2. SK Khisbun - yang ni dapat idea dari B&C...dari segi rasa ok, sebab rasa biasa macam coffee 3 in 1 tu cuma lebih mild rasa kopinya dan lebih rasa creamer..cuma ada bau2 herba sikit yg agak kuat sebab ada campuran habbatus sauda dan herba2 lain. Boleh lah nak minum, cuma biasanya saya akan "bilas" tekak dengan air masak banyak2 sebab nak hilangkan rasa loya..

Pengalaman pertama minum~ minggu pertama tu rasa badan panas sikit...lepas tu ok kot..tapi memang saranan ambil SK ni kena banyakkan minum air masak.Oh ya, saya amik COD dari suppliernya. Kebetulan pembekal yang B&C suggest tu tinggal di kawasan saya. Wife dye dulu TTC gak, pastu cuba SK ni alhamdulillah berjaya pregnant after 4 years, lepas tu terus jadi dealer..

3. Buah zuriat pemberian ibu saudara saya yang pulang dari Mekah masih tersimpan rapi dalam laci...tak tau la bila nak cuba yang ini plak...

That's all for now..