Who me??

Tahrir Square March 2011 [Buzznet]

2011-07-10T02:06:58-07:00

Almost looks normal but there are no demonstrations on the day that I went

2011-07-09T21:16:00.001-05:00

Testing blogging from my mobile

me in 2011 . . . new spiffy short haircut!!! [Buzznet]

2011-07-09T13:18:51-07:00

Back to the accordion???

2010-12-01T07:42:00.001-06:00

I am probably just droning on here for my own sake now sooooooo . . . . just one more thing maybe

I bet no one remembers when I was blapping about learning how to play the accordion and my big plans to have an accordion changed to quarter tones so I can play ME music, hehe. well, I still have the accordion, but my lessons got pushed to the side when I started to concentrate more on my dancing back in 2005. THAT was my way to involve myself the last time I thought I would "stop" dancing . . . now I feel like I spend my life as a ping pong ball. I've been chatting with my accordion teacher for weeks about going back to classes. On my last trip to Cairo, I did get the opportunity to talk briefly to a musician about taking my accordion there to get it adjusted . . . turns out it is way cheaper to do that then buy one there (now I would have to haul it over there and won't that be fun????). and of course, I could take lessons there because there are plenty of really good accordion players but I talked to Reda Saad and I really like his playing on various CDs for Yasmina,etc.

Just need to take action, don't I????

more musings re: my writing

2010-12-01T07:40:00.000-06:00

Some things I was thinking about today as I ponder what I can or should do: other than dancing (performing/teaching) I have contributed by my writing.

I really enjoy spinning out my tales of adventures or waxing ecstatic over a DVD or a CD or a workshop. I've had several articles and photos posted on Gilded Serpent, which have given me some name recognition. But unfortunately, I haven't been as drawn to anything lately because of the same blockage . . . or the fact that ppl start to demand a review of a CD they produce or a workshop that they sponsor. Even if I love the music or workshop topic, it becomes a thankless task because it turns into something someone else wants done NOT something I am doing because it excites me and I want to share it with others (although that might be true in either case).

I really do like to support ppl who are taking on the difficult task of producing music and workshops . . . so I end up with a struggle sometimes. Like the time I wanted to interview one person and the sponsor asked me to interview other people too . . . it seems to put more pressure on me and I sometimes end up dropping some of the reviews because of the time involved (back to work getting in the way again) or just because I wasn't as vested in the other interviews.

One of my friends has been encouraging me to write about other topics but I don't feel enough of an expert to write about . .mmmm, let's say . . . dancing to music with emotion . . . it is something I do and I understand . . . but how do I write about it? lol, I also noticed someone else recently posted a similar article about the same topic . . . darn, missed the opportunity.

More thoughts later . . . but meanwhile, if you are interested in seeing some of the articles/reviews I have written, go here: http://catherinebarros.us/ArticlesandReviews.html

Musings on my dance and other things in life

2010-11-28T09:10:00.000-06:00

Yep, I get all introspective at various times of the year and never more so when I get to see things like the trailer for the Project Bellydance. Darn! Could I have been a contender?? Was I ever good enough to do something like this?? nope! not in the way you have to be good to do this . . . I am just not much of a competitor.

After nearly 30 years (30??? wowowow), I feel like I have descended to half-assed mediocrity because of my real-life job. I gave (and still give) everything to that job because I needed money to exist. But at the very time that i need stress relief I can't muster my butt up for practice as much as I should.

I started dancing in my 30's . . . oops, those numbers don't add up too well as I have not yet crossed over to the big 60 (2011 is my significant year). And I was already well on my way to a computer career so dance was just a "hobby" that I did for exercise, etc. But it became an obsession that pushed me to practice and take classes all the time then finally to perform. I've done hundreds of workshops over the years and I have travelled around the country and world to take classes. The one thing I never did was to perform in restaurants and do other gigs although I have done some teaching (but not recently RE: that job of lots of overtime).

There is still a spark there but I feel like I have let myself down. Someone I know was trying to "coach" me to do what I should do to get back into teaching dance . . . I loved it when I did it before and I have always found teaching/helping others to be rewarding . . . but I live in a market saturated by "teachers' and I wonder if I have anything unique enough to give to anyone.

Oh, well, not sure I am a contender . . . but something keeps "buzzing" around telling me "you aren't dead yet, so get off your duff!" Wish retirement was closer than 6+ years away . . . :) . . .

Life takes some strange turns

2010-11-13T06:34:00.002-06:00

I don't know if anyone has followed my saga regarding the Egyptian husband, but that is one adventure that has come to a halt. Lots that I could say but I won't . . . just that it is time to divorce and move on to other things. That doesn't mean that I have lost my desire to go to Egypt. I have just lost my desire for a certain Egyptian man. :) . . . life has a lot of twists and turns and I just have to keep moving forward and not look back (yes, I know that is hard to do for a person like me who worries over every little thing and tries to figure out the "why", "what", "who", "how" of everything . . . not just men, lol).

Egypt 2010

2010-08-22T08:43:00.002-05:00

Trying to catch up with a few projects now so I have created a picasa web album with photos from my Feb 2010 trip to Egypt. So much to look at and remember now. Hard to believe that this trip was just 6 months ago . . . so much has happened since then that it almost feels like a lifetime has passed.

TOOOOOOO H-O-T!!!

2010-08-03T03:17:00.000-05:00

Yes, yes, I know it is August . . . but I am allowed to complain since everyone else is too. today will be the 3rd day with 100+ temps and it is August 3rd!!!!! lol, someone's birthday . . . Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you!!!

I am still trying to get used to commuting again. Of course, I am not enjoying most of it. The A/C wasn't working right in the bldg yesterday so that made me soooooo happy. And to walk out into the furnace that is the evening commute . . . all I can say is "PLEASE take me to a cooler place!!!" and one without so many ppl trying to get my attention for problems . . . I am tired of problems, I am tired of working for ppl that appear ungrateful . . . . yes, yes, I know it is my job and I should expect ppl to be grateful that I am doing my job BUT . . . . .

So you can see that I am still suffering from the burnout of this latest project and the agony is just prolonged because I know I am stuck with this client for a long time. Overall the ppl are nice . . . it is just the aftermath of the too short deadlines and the worst pressure on any project I have seen . . . plus now I have to do production support which I really don't like and haven't had to do for many years. I wish I could get a new life .. . . .

Far side? Will it get better?

2010-07-19T17:18:00.000-05:00

Yep, here I am on the far-side of the go-live and moving rapidly away . . . and I am still having negative thoughts. Some days it feels like it is getting better then something will happen and I have those feelings of "fear and loathing" come rushing back. I am trying to work my way out of the negative thoughts . . . some days are good and some days are bad . . . I just don't know how much longer I can put up with a job that is so high stress. This is the worst . . . absolute worst . . . it has ever been. Sighhhh, and the worst part is I really need to keep my job ( got bills to pay of course) so I need to toe the line, do what needs to be done and make the clients "happy". I just don't know . . . can I do it???

Work has been keeping me too busy . . .

2010-06-11T09:57:00.000-05:00

so I haven't had much time to do anything in the way of blogging. I have managed a few photos but they almost seem like re-runs from last year when it comes to my garden.

Maybe a "cat in the bag" photo would be fun!

Spring is in the air . . . more from my garden!

2010-04-22T07:29:00.000-05:00

The lovely read amaryllis is new to my garden this year and was the result of a plant swap with a friend in Georgia (MizLizHollywood, lol). I have several planted now and they are starting to bloom quite nicely. This bush is an early spring bloomer and now has stopped. It makes a pretty show when it does bloom. The clematis is making an appearance for the first time in a few years . . . and only one bloom at that.

Bluebonnets in Texas

2010-04-12T13:20:00.000-05:00

SNOWWWWWWWWWWWW! on the 2nd day a Spring March 2010

2010-03-21T06:03:00.000-05:00

Almost looks like a repeat of the February snow!

Almost 3 weeks later after my return from Cairo . . .

2010-03-20T12:28:00.000-05:00

And I have almost recovered . . . well, the jetlag and tummy upsets have gone but the melancholy feeling still remains. Of course, the latest project will soon erase all feelings of anything but stress, stress, stress!!!

Update on the Cairo front . . . well, not much of an update truly . . . Ahmed is in Dubai. He signed a contract (booooo) and the ppl that got him the work visa (his employers) are holding his visa. Bad thing is the embassy requested his passport, which usually means that he would be getting the visa shortly after that. I will refrain from uttering any of the curse words that pop into my head and exhibiting my eternal frustration over mis-steps . . . BUT he can't send his passport for a long while. The embassy said they can wait on his passport, but to be aware that any expired documents will need to be re-submitted (like medical and police certificate) AND the administrative processing will once more be required. . . which means more waiting in Egypt. Hmmmm, all sounds like a catch-22 to me. Egyptian boy gets frustrated waiting on Embassy to approve him for the visa (very long story behind this) so decides to go to Dubai while waiting . . . but Embassy takes less time than expected . . . now he has to make the Embassy wait??? Except that he is really the one to suffer from his own folly . . . along with the long suffering spouse who is in the States (c'est moi). I am speechless . . . .

So on to some photos . . . while in Cairo, there was a very bad thunderstorm which produced tons of lightening and hail along with gallons of water! Cairo having a non-existent sewer system always gets flooded and the nearly dirt streets in many area means lots of mud. I was safely inside that night having some plans fall through that would have put me in the White Desert at the time of the storm . . . which actually could have been bad . . sooooo I got to take some interesting photos. One of the side effects of all that rain meant that the roof leaked at the place I was staying so it was better I was there . . . . I had to move a lot of my belongings around in my room to get them out from under the leaking parts !!!!

I have several photo albums on facebook that I would upload here on Multiply or Picasa Web . . .if I could figure out how to download FB as I organized them there and they are all thrown in to one big folder on my computer, gahhhhh!!!!! I'll put more of the photos in an album but here are a couple. . . as the day progresses . . . there was some rain early that morning so the day had beautiful blue skies most of the day which gradually changed as night began to fall. Note that the place I stayed in Giza has a view of the Pyramids.

Snow in Dallas . . . most snow in 32 years!!!

2010-02-12T19:05:00.000-06:00

Just posting some pix here for those of my friends that aren't on facebook!! and of course you have to suffer a cat photo or two . . . just Rufus this time as the other cats weren't too cooperative about standing around in the cold!!!

Switching gears? or keeping them in place?? Cairo again!

2010-02-02T02:53:00.000-06:00

Life has it's ups and downs . . . and so do my travel plans.

I talked to my manager and she said that it would be better if I take my vacation as planned as the new project kicks off on March 1!!! I won't be able to take off any time for a few months . . . soooooooooooooo, looks like I am back on for Feb. 17th . . . husband or no husband in Cairo, eheheh. I can take a short trip to Dubai from Cairo so adding that to my list of things to check out . . . along with finding a place to stay and other assorted activities!

Stay tuned for more on the Egyptian drama!!!! :)

Might be a change of plans for Cairo trip!!

2010-01-31T13:03:00.002-06:00

Turns out Ahmed had a chance for some work in Dubai and he decided to go. He left at the end of last week. I was a bit put out about the last minute notice but I've more or less gotten over it. I think it is a good idea for him to be working as it takes his mind off of the wait for the visa. Who knows how long the AP part of this will last. Sooooooo . . . . what to do, what to do???

I've talked to a friend who wants to go to Cairo and she's talking to another friend that she knows (I know them both, lol). Could be we will coordinate for a different date? I need to find out from my manager whether she will/can be agreeable for a change. Project driven life, grrrrrr!!! Having purchase the ticket already, I prefer to go before the ticket prices start to go up again . . . I already have to pay a re-booking fee so I'll be out more money (and almost back to the higher price anyway, sigh).

If those 2 CA ladies, don't agree on anything to coincide with my plans/work . . . then I have the May option . . . joining a group for part of the Journey to Egypt study series that Sahra Saeeda is leading. I've done Jte1 and Jte2 in 2009 with the intent to do 3/4 in Egypt in 2010. I had sort of discarded the possibility of doing them due to the big huge expense (closer to $3000 including airfare). Jte3 is based solely in Cairo and is for 5 days . . . study and dance plus some sightseeing stuff which I've already done. So that is another option and I can hang around in Cairo for a few more days or just come home . . . tricky part is the cheaper airfares are mid-week and the course is Mon-Fri . . . which means travel in the week before and leave after. Well, I can cross that bridge when I come to it . . . travel logistics are so much fun.

I could just go on my own for 2 weeks but it is nice to have other ppl to hang out with . . . and I do know other ppl living in Cairo. I've discussed the Western Desert trip (mustn't forget that) with someone and a few other options.

Hmmmmm, I hate waffling about like this. But who really knows how long that blasted visa will take . . . maybe 3 months more? maybe 5 months more??? OR it could get approved and issued tomorrow! But Ahmed is in Dubai now and he might be able to work longer there which would be good for him. Once he gets here, he will need to start job hunting and having a bit more money saved up will certainly come in handy.

Of course, I have another option once I get to Cairo . . . go to Dubai for a few days, lololol!! I've already checked airfares on Egypt Air . . . ;) . . .

Cairo bound in February!!!

2010-01-14T18:35:00.000-06:00

I will be there for the 5th anniversary . . . can you believe that?? I am not sure how we have managed to hang on all this time with the waiting and the hell of immigration plus egyptian military. I was hoping that the visa would have come through by now but since it didn't . . . I made reservations and I still hope the visa will come through so I can bring Ahmed back with me. ISA . . . well, you know how it goes ;)

Meanwhile, I am thinking of something special to do this trip and I think it will be a wander out to the White Desert. This means a guide with a 4 wheel drive (or 4x4???). It also means an overnight stay as it takes a few hours to drive out there. Someone mentioned and 8 hr drive on a bus . . . that could be really boring, lol!!! I am hoping I can get a Cairo-based friend to go and another friend is visiting from the UK at the same time . . . so maybe it will be a small group which would be fun.

I had thought that I wouldn't be going this year since I was hoping the visa would come through . . . but it just gets to be too long of a time since the last time . . . long distance relationships (married or otherwise) or just not any fun. Besides, the airfare deals are too good to pass up . . . a ticket for less than $1000 for the first time in a long time!!!

Now why do I have such a melancholy feeling???

Always up in the air . . .

2010-01-04T13:59:00.000-06:00

that's what my life feels like these days.

Waiting on decision from the Cairo-side of the U.S. bureaucracy to see how it impacts my future. I try so hard to be positive with the black-hole of Administrative Process as there isn't much I can do until that is finished and we know more ("we" includes the Egyptian husband of course ;) . . . ). So part of me is debating whether to schedule another trip to Cairo. I hate to put it too late so I can't even get on a flight . . . the end of February is my time to go of course as the 5th anniversary is looming.

And I have huge numbers of "home" projects that are waiting to be finished,lol!!! I wonder when I'll get all that stuff finished up . . . ok, I know the answer to that . . . NEVER . . . if one finishes then another is waiting. First I really need to finish up the wall paper stripping and painting/treatment in that one bathroom upstairs.

I have put in for vouchers from the City of Dallas to help pay for the cost of new toilets (yeah, yeah, the low flow kind that are supposed to be better). I was over at Lowes checking out things and buying some sponges, etc. and looked at a good basic toilet which falls within the right range . . . it is just under $200 . . . the guy said if I can get the voucher it would knock $90 off the price . . . almost pays for the installation! So I put in my application for 2 toilets (I actually have 3 bathrooms but can only get 2 vouchers, lol). We'll see what happens.

Two new toilets would put me in the throes of remodeling for both of the upstairs bathrooms, OMG . . . what kind of a nut am I??? well, I planned to do all of this anyway . . . piecemeal as some of the things I want to do take a bigger chunk of change then I have. and I made the mistake of looking at the water heater the other day . . . lol, that's one more thing that looks like it needs a change-out . . . i spotted rust on the bottom of it, eeeek! I've been in this place over 10 years . . . so I am not surprised that something needs to get fixed.

Work . . . bleh . . . still employed. Wish I didn't need to be employed but how else will I pay for house, husband, trips to Cairo, all my hobbies and project!!! I need to win the lottery!!! Now if only I played, hehe!!

Health checkup . . . looks good!

2009-12-12T02:32:00.000-06:00

Well, I have basically finished visits for the year to various health providers and, except for the known issues (chronic stuff, bleh), things are looking good.

Blood tests the other day showed good levels for sugar: A1C was 6.8 . . . yeah!

Visit to dentist: teeth are in good shape and nothing needs to be fixed. whew!!!

Opthalmologist: vision hasn't changed much. The cornea isn't showing any deterioration due to diabetes (still thick is what they were saying, lol). Doesn't sound like the cataract is presenting any problems yet. When they first told me about this a couple of years ago I got all panicky . . . but apparently it hasn't changed so I am not worried right now . . . they would have told me to come up to do something about it if it was a problem.

Well-woman annual: everything normal. They even were excited that my weight still shows a downward trend . . . slowly but surely (and I am still working on it).

All things considered, I am in great shape, lol!!! Now I need to motivate myself to go exercise for the day . . . hmmmmm, gloomy outside and looks like it is raining . . . maybe not just yet, hehe!!

New neighbor is moving in today . . .

2009-12-11T11:16:00.000-06:00

The banging and miscellaneous noises coming from the townhouse next door has been going on for a few weeks now and seemed to escalate over T'giving with the guys even working over weekends!!! I've seen ripped out bathroom fixtures, appliances and piles of old carpet piled in the backyard along with the tree limbs that have been trimmed back. All of that disappeared over last few days . . . much of it had been stacked in the carport as they cleaned out the back yeard. Whew, glad to see that all gone. I wanted to get a peak inside to see all the work they had done since it looked like a complete re-model. And it probably really needed it! It was selling for way below market value and the listing noted it needed a lot of work. Well, I saw a lot of work going on over there!

Today, first thing a furniture delivery happened! Then the phone company showed up and THEN 2 more deliveries from other furniture companies! Then a moving van and some other big truck! Big swirl of activity! I left for awhile and then came back to find most of the activity was over . . . but I think I saw one of my new neighbors in the carport, lol!!! So I waved and smiled at her. It will be nice to have a friendly neighbor after the last one that was there the whole time since I moved in until she moved out last year right after the holidays! She was probably nice but she never spoke to me, lol.

I have been getting myself ready for the "shutdown" in which I'll be home mostly for the whole holidays. I've been getting some DVDs of shows that I really like and some books . . . along with all the other things I plan to do, lol.

One series that I have been wanting to buy is "Farscape", which was a Sci-Fi show that played on the Sci-Fi channel a few years ago then ceased production, wah!!! It was so expensive to produce from what I heard. I really liked it and it won't ever be in syndication from what I was hearing . . . so I wanted it on DVD. Well, the cost of the DVDs seemed really expensive even if I bought them one season at a time. Then I noticed they were being re-issued in November at $107 for the whole show (that's 5 seasons I think,lol). So I added it to my wish list and planned on buying it. First I noticed it had gone down $10 so I thought "Good" . . . buy it in December. Lo and Behold, last week when I went to move it to my cart, the price had changed tp $57.99!!!!!!!! I paid for it immediately, hehe!!! What a deal!http://www.amazon.com/Farscape-Complete-Ben-Browder/dp/B002GP7ZWI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1260569190&sr=8-1

Between Farscape and Dexter and Weeds, I have hours of DVDs to keep me occupied!

Of course, I really should be working on that wallpaper in one of my bathrooms . . . been trying to do that for a few years now, ahahahahahah!!! I painted the cabinets in there awhile back . . . but the wallpaper?? I am sort of clueless, hehe, as this will be my first try at doing it. So we shall see how badly I muck it up!!

Being thankful in diversity . . .

2009-11-24T03:33:00.000-06:00

Yesterday while buying pine nuts, feta cheese, persian cucumbers in the Middle Eastern grocery (Zituna in Richardson), the guy asked me "are you ready for Thanksgiving?" and I wondered to myself "what does he do for Thanksgiving?". Then I thought about the guy bagging my groceries in another store on Saturday who told me he had never eaten turkey until he came to the States . . . He is from Ethiopia

I was also reminded of the curb-side check guy who noted I was flying to Cairo last February . . . and he said he had been to Cairo many times . . . turns out he is from Sudan!

So why do I write all this???? I am thankful that I live in a place where I can meet so many people from around the world . . . and can go eat their food too, lol!!!

Re-focusing and getting organized

2009-10-05T05:05:00.000-05:00

It was a busy weekend with fun and "work". I took a basic beading class on Saturday in which I constructed a bracelet using elastic and another one with wire (plus the earrings). Then after purchasing some beads (who can leave a bead shop without more beads???), I met a friend for lunch and ended up gifting her with one of my class projects.

Sunday seemed to be sucked away by going through the accounting stuff for Kismet, our non-profit dance organization. I did the reporting for the last 2 Dallas events which leaves one last event for the year in a couple of weeks over in Ft. Worth. I'll try to get everything ready to wrap up 2009 shortly after that so I don't have to think about it in 2010. Still think I'll be passing on the treasurer duties to someone else. I almost managed to get it done this past summer, but I agreed to stay since we are now going through a "changing of the guard" with a new director coming on board. Last night was our first meeting where she actually started talking about what she wants us to do. I guess we'll see how it goes in the next few months.

The Intro to Digital Forensics class is taking up quite a bit spare time in the evenings. Tuesdays and Thursdays I am in class from 5:30 till nearly 8:30. That is supposed to be lecture then lab time, but the instructor kinda mushes things together or switches around . . . it is sort of casual but he gets the work done. I did my first Discovery Event presentation a couple of weeks ago so that is a big hurdle. One down, one to go. We also have split into groups to do a project. At least we don't have tests to worry about because he gives us a lot of hands on things with labs every week plus the project and discovery events.

Re-focusing . . . ah, food related. Yep, been preparing myself for the low-fat, balanced eating plan by reviewing healthy recipes and buying only things that are healthy. Now to keep applying this concept. I have a couple of things to prepare today like the Tuscan Tuna-White Bean Salad and some chicken to cook up. Plenty of salad stuff and fruit. NOW the thing is to JUST DO IT!!

Am I in a state of denial??

2009-09-16T06:07:00.000-05:00

I was thinking about those dreams and I know they point out something I've noticed before . . . . I don't see myself as a "fat" person. Never have and probably never will. Is this what is standing in the way of my becoming a "thinner" me??? OR is it that I've spent so much time "learning to accept myself as I am" that now I can't "fix" what needs to be fixed?

Seriously, I sometimes look at my "fat" as my protective coating, hehe (well, it isn't really a laughing matter). It is for protection . . . it was put on to keep me away from certain things and keep me from being hurt (OK, you know . . . men and intimacy). So I live in fear of being hurt again . . . as usual. BIG sigh . . . can't I ever grow past that feeling?? I thought I'd manage to do it. A disadvantage of a "long distance" relationship is some things just don't get worked on . . . in fact, it makes things worse as it is put off while you dwell in a state of limbo. OR the fear actually builds up even more.

Not all of my royal "fatness" is caused by relationship issues . . . there is the work stress to deal with and much of that came from the "travel-for-work" part of my career . . . long hours and restaurant meals for all the time you are gone with no time for exercise. But, WAIT . . . . I don't have that excuse now . . . so what is it really??? Bah, I have spent too much time in counselling so I can probably tell you every little detail about what is really going on . . . but I won't bore you or myself with going over the same thing over and over and over.

I am in the mode to "just do it" . . . so visited the doctor to discuss a couple of options. She gave me a couple of articles to read about the surgery options and even gave me a recommendation. She thinks, like I have been starting to think, that now is a good time to seriously consider this as I am fairly healthy and still young enough . . . . I have sooooooooo many years to live (lol, there is the melodramatic flinging up of the hands now) and I want it to be more quality years. I have done a lot of research before and decided not to follow through with it . . . but that was what??? 5 years ago?? time to do more checking. So I'll go look at the doctor's website and see what it says. I probably should go to one of those orientation type sessions if it is offered . . . and they are offered since I just checked on the website.

So many things to think about . . . PING . . . . PONG . . . . . PING . . . . PONG!

2 Strange Dreams!!

2009-09-11T03:15:00.000-05:00

That's right not ONE, but TWO!!! what a restless night! And, although the dreams were different in scenario, they were so different in theme. Interesting enough, one was a reprise in a way of an older dream that I had many years ago. Yep, I can remember lots of older dreams since they were repetitive. Some I used to have all the time. I think I am a lot less restless than I used to be because I have been dreaming less (that I remember). I have wondered if the CPAP interferes with my dreams since it helps me to sleep much better . . . but with these dreams I think it does hold back the strongest ones.

The first one, which caused me to wake up and remove the CPAP (that restless, lol), was about me trying to get into an old apartment . . . I hadn't been there in awhile so I wasn't sure I had the right key with me. Funny thing . . . this apartment is one that I never lived in . . . except in my dreams!!! Once again, I am searching for the apartment and walk past many apartments including a section with a pool full of people having fun. I walk up a hill and find I have passed the apartment . . . I don't remember how to get there as it has been so long. I walk back down . . . but I never actually get into that apartment. Not sure exactly what it means . . . lost key, searching, not knowing the way . . . but it seems to fit into the theme.

The 2nd dream was of a more timely context but still out of sync with the reality. It had to do with going back to school! But the classroom wasn't anything like the classroom I go to and the campus was completely different .. . although at the end, I walked out into the rain (it is raining a bit this morning but not sure that is relevant). Soooo, really funny now, I am trying to take a test and the teacher is handing us the papers and other things we need to use while taking the test. There isn't much room for any of us as we are all using the same table. For some reason I leave the table to get something and someone else with a sewing machine (that's right, sewing machine) sits down next to me . . . covering up some of my papers! I try to find the test but I can't. I get another one from the teacher but now I have no place to put down my papers as the woman with the sewing machine has spread out lots of bright beads all over my other papers. I take my test and try to find another place to plop myself down. I walk into another room where there are desks (not a classroom) with people sitting at their desks eating and the rooms are decorated like Christmas. I remember the comments like "how nice it was to celebrate Christmas early". I go through several rooms feeling frantic because I know time is running out for me to take my test. Finally, I come outside and that's when I get the rain falling . . . like I made a big circle, I feel like I need to run through the rain to the main entrance of the building. That's where this one basically ends . . . alarm went off, lol!

Funny thing . . . this last dream rolls up a bunch of things . . . I started the class in Digital Forensics but I have also signed up for a 2-hr class in beading jewelry BUT I had a sewing project I was starting while I was in the 60-day-notice that has now been pushed aside (yes, it involved sequins and beads on sparkly fabric) . . . that sewing project was to get back my skills in sewing and costume making . . . fat chance of that happening for awhile now with the school thing going on. The work project is slowly building up and will be sucking up a lot of time in the next 2 months and onward for awhile.

I am still a Ping-Pong ball!

Strange dreams and a bloody eye!!!

2009-09-10T07:02:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had one of those dreams where you had to be ready for something and you are right at the point of doing it when you discover you aren't dressed, don't have on your makeup or aren't anywhere near the place?? hmmmm, does that make any sense??? For example, I can see myself sitting in an audience watching other ppl, knowing that I will be on the stage soon and I realize . . . there are only 5 ppl before my appearance!!!! But I am not ready!! so I am running through the audience going backstage . . . but i have to run all around behind the stage from side-to-side for some reason . . . can't find what I need, etc. I never do make it, lol, because I wake up before then! My anxieties are acting up now for sure.

And, I thought I slept fairly well last night even with that dream . . . but I woke up with my right eye looking quite bloody . . . must be wrestling with many demons and got smacked in the face. It is the right eye which means it wasnt one of the cats probably because they are always on the left side of me and my bed. The CPAP machine sits on the bedside table on the right. who knows really . . . maybe I did it myself with the headgear while rolling around during that dream!

Made an apptment with my doctor for next week. I ordered a starter kit for Alli which arrived yesterday. I'll talk to her about getting started on this (and hope I don't need any handy bridges like Liz was talking about in her blog, lol). Then I will see if she can recommend someone to talk to about that surgery . . . I think I have put it off for too long and now need to check out the more radical methods. Dieting just doesn't work for me (I've done so many "Jenny Craig", liquid diet, low fat, blah, blah) and I hate to make myself sick to lose weight (re:Alli) . . . but sometimes you just have to do something you don't want to do. :-(

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