Ltrademark(™)'s Thoughts

Four Fictitious Fixtures Far From Foretold

2013-09-16T13:51:00.002-04:00

An update! yes, yes, a much needed update is... well... needed.

Hello, Internet! It's me again. In the same place I've been now for the past few months. Wow! few months now, eh? seems I've lived here just a tad longer than I did in Montreal. Kind of crazy to really think about, really. I mean, my whole intent was to move to Canada in the first place; was growing weary of the US and their ridiculous policy making, so I wanted to make a run for it, back up north.

You know how, when you express a negative opinion (or opinions) towards your current country of dwelling, the recipient of audible information within your proximity responds with a monotonous and straightforward response, stating in an ever so "grammatically incorrect" manner,

"Then why don't you just move then?"

Well let me tell you, generic human (which seems to encompass this earth by the masses, mind you), It's not that easy. There are circumstances, which are unfortunately every one of them, that require a sort of... Financial involvement, by which of course nothing can be done without. This surely ensures your living arrangement, your food arrangement, transportation, and overall survival. That being said, this applies to ALL form factors of moving, whether it's to Canada, to elsewhere.

That was in terms of my negativity to the US. Now that I'm a little bit older, I can honestly careless about this country, or any other.

Hence why I'm here; Hence why I ended up, essentially right on America's bible belt (despite my obvious lack of faith). It has all boiled down to ignoring politics, and the general well being for everyone around me, and just doing what I want to do. I suppose in summation, I've become much more selfish. Which is fine. Humans always had a tendency to be selfish, but nevertheless, it's human nature to ignore... another human.

So enough of this yabbering about how horrible of a person I am

and let's get down to the whole reason why I'm writing this; I've been in Norfolk, Virginia for around four months now, and To be quite honest, It's not that bad. In fact, it's actually quite "cool" in some ways. I mean, the essential location of where I live is so small and seemingly insignificant compared to the vastness of the state

as well as seeing how the entire state itself is made up into various tiny little cities and counties. If you're wondering, "which one up there is Norfolk?" well then you're simply not paying attention. It's the red dot. There. See it now? ok, good. And that sliver of something to the right side of it, that's Delaware. Anyways.... moving along. It's nice here. I like it. I mean it's still very underdeveloped, but I feel if it were guided in the right direction, there's so much potential.

So then you might be asking (at some point) what I'm doing here. Now, that question is so broad, I might even be blonde. As far as what I'm doing in the long run? I've decided I wanted to take my Illustration and designing expertise a bit further. Perhaps even get paid for it. That would be awesome. And as for what I'm doing right now?

Killing time, sitting in a health science building because they have comfy cozy couches and stuff. Also, WiFi. I have work in around 2 hours, so I figured I'd spend that time the worst way I know how; writing blogs about virtually nothing important. I havent drawn in a very long time, which makes me sad. In some ways, I'm still trying to get comfortable with living here; I've gotten to know my surroundings very well, even taken a drive outside this city. I have yet to feel a bit more cozy to direct my time towards things of the art-like-nature. I guess the whole money thing does get stressful from time to time.

It's also Monday, and I was thinking of MAYBE doing weekly vlogs, recording small bits from the week, then putting it together at the end of the week into one edited video...? Eh. Thoughts. In addition to this week, my parents are supposed to come up to bring me my stuff (mostly my TV and cables) and pretty much be overall disappointed in my decision to live in, what most would refer to as, a "ghetto."

Meh. I guess we'll see how this develops

If you want more frequent updates from me (assuming you care), my twitter get's pretty noisy from time to time.

Same with my instagram. I also reactivated my Facebook, so you can stalk me there now if you like, I guess. And although it might seem that I abandoned google+, I havent. It's just become an intimidating network to share on i guess. I dont know. I've honestly stopped caring about the whole division between networks, and just use what's easiest, even if it's the douchiest.

- L

Living in the middle

2013-06-06T13:33:00.001-04:00

It has been six days since I arrived in Norfolk, Virginia and it has been an interesting experience so far. In a lot of aspects, the surrounding areas seem to be lost between suburban and urban kind of lifestyle. Large aspects remind me of fast paced city life, yet other aspects remind me more of Florida. The need to drive most places is a good example of that and what it could entail.

That being said, I'm still looking for a doable means of transportation, whilst looking for an apartment, all while spending as little money as possible. Which has proven to be difficult. I don't know what it is about American money compared to Canadian money, but its just so much easier to spend. In a scary way, of course. Dollar bills are still a weird concept, as are pennies. I guess I got too accustomed to using loonies and getting rounded change.

As for now though, my search continues, and this beard isn't coming off until I'm fully settled (or I have a job interview)

Till next time

- L

Can't Work Against Gravity

2013-05-22T17:33:00.003-04:00

Although many tend to dream of levitation, or even defying the laws that gravity has set before us, we all know that they can't be broken; what has fallen, will continue till it's either interfered with an outside force, or inevitably hits the ground. In more ways than one, I'm the falling projectile heading downwards, and there's very little I can do to alter the situation.

In some good ways, I can't really worsen the current situation further than its current point, however I can always better it. In the end, it always comes down to monetary hardship and the struggle between trying to find ways to make dues with money you've already earned, or more ways to make said money in a shorter period of time. It's not easy. It never is. One thing is for certain out of all of this, and that thing, is that I'm moving to
Norfolk, Virginia.

It's not a permanent move, nor is it much temporary either. It's new to me so I'll have to spend time living as well as getting adjusted and familiar with my surroundings. As I type this, countless thoughts peruse my mind about the possibility of living there and how it might play out. There's no doubt that it's scary. I've never really moved under such circumstances before. In contrast to my previous transitions and relocation, it's hard to expect the same thing. It's as if being blindfolded in an already pitch black room, whilst attempting to reach the door on the other end.

I'll do my best, though. I wont fail myself or anyone else who believes I can. There have been countless attempts by individuals who have done just the same, so why I can't I? the complexity behind doing things for the first time, always seems cryptic and impossible, but once you're involved... Once you're doing what you once thought you couldn't do, you realize how wrong your assumptions were. I feel like that's what this might be; a misinterpretation of my not-so-complex situation.

Above all, I hope I'm not wasting my time.

-L

All hope is not lost.... yet

2013-05-08T14:29:00.002-04:00

Hello Blogger.

It's been a while.

I still hate you. A lot.

I haven't forgotten, but this isn't a place to express hate.... oh wait, yes it is. Well, on top of you failing so hard I had to find elsewhere to blog, hello Internet. How are you?

Unless you follow me on Twitter, or Instagram, or have me on an instant mobile messenger app, you probably haven't heard much from me. I've been doing alright I guess. Fluctuating between emotions and just, overall life situations, really. I believe last where we left off, I was living in Toronto and was in a relationship.

First thing is first; People are complicated as hell, and understanding the opposite sex as well as you own can be troublesome. As such, relationships can be very, very complicated. In my case, although I made it out to sound swell through a series of paragraphs and text, it was fairly complex. Over that time, I can to understand its cryptic nature, for which I undermined and took for granted. I was wrong; guilty of overlooking the obvious and behaving as oblivious, i brushed off my problems to the side and lived in a mentally fictitious and illogical utopia of the mind. In summation, the relationship didn't end well, but it didn't end poorly either; I still talk to her from time to time and are considerably friends (from what I can understand, at least).

In relation to emotional issues, as well as those regarding relationships, I thought it would be a great idea to move back to Florida, to recoup my thoughts and just over all self. I, was wrong. Oh so terribly wrong. You see, the move was meant to be temporary; I had no intention of staying with my parents (they're the ones who live in Florida) for longer than 6 months tops. I ended up staying at said location for just about 2 years (1 year, 10 months to be exact) while working as a Barista at Starbucks. Florida made me feel more miserably than alone; there was no one there I could relate to, and found myself a majority of the time, surfing the internet looking for someone I can relate to. It was a fairly lonely experience, and since I arrived without any real goals or aspirations, the money I made working was spent on food, electronics I didn't need, or alcohol to fill the void, instead of saving for something. It was (sadly) only until after a year and a few months have gone by that I realized I need to be elsewhere, which was when I decided to move back to Toronto.

"I was doomed, and convinced, that I was going to be alone, and after a good point in time, I was ok with that. I was used to that."

I started saving my money; putting a larger amount of my earnings into a savings account whilst planning carefully on how I would move, when I would move, and more importantly, where I would move. This was all done with plenty of distractions along the way. My emotions never really settled; they kept alternating between their natural bipolar states, and my interest in certain people grew more and more diverse, yet at the same time, my imminent hate for all man kind grew as well. There were girls, and there were temporary happy periods, followed by those sulking in melancholy artwork and writing morose poetry, which I used to vent out my sadness. I was doomed, and convinced, that I was going to be alone, and after a good point in time, I was ok with that. I was used to that. It was just then where I began to be ok with myself as well as my surroundings. I accepted anything that came my way, whether it was the fact that I might be happy again, or that I might die feeling bitter and alone. I was ok with those things. As time flew by, more more did that become just a part of who I was and less and less of a "realization" of what was happening to me.

Come late winter of 2012, I've decided to move to Toronto and I was feeling anxious to move. It's been a while at that point, since I have transitioned locations and I was as excited as I was nervous. However, as most things in my life take drastic turns for the worst, or rather, the unexpected, this situation was no different. I realized that the individual whom I decided to room with upon my arrival, was being less active about apartment hunting due to the cold nature of their surroundings. As November came and went, so did my motivation and eagerness. I decided, whether I move or not, all this thinking about my future, my life, and my present status was depressing me and bringing me down. Ironically, usually when I'm in this state of mind, my immediate "solution" would be to escape. To get away. I would use this as an excuse to travel, which is something I enjoy doing. So instead of travelling somewhere I'm more or less familiar with, I decided to take the opportunity and visit a friend I've known since returning to Florida. Little did I know that this was the point in my life where everything will begin to change and alternate at such a rate, this I'd currently deem as more stressful and complicated that anything I've ever gone through.

"At first I took it as if it were a joke, but once I realized that this was a legitimate offer, I began asking questions. Assessing the possibility at hand."

Working full-time shifts, as well as overtime allowed me to maintain my monetary aspirations at a logical stance, but regardless of my labor hours I was excited to soon be out of Florida. I was antsy. It was at this point that I planned and purchased a plane ticket to take off about a week before the end of January, just to be safe. It was mid-December and I simply couldn't wait. I was nervous; I haven't been back to that area since I was 17. Day after day, the same mundane routine proceeds me, until finally, new years arrives. New years day was the day which changed my direction from moving to Toronto, to moving to Montreal. The time was 3 hours prior to midnight, and I was skype chatting with one of my friends from Montreal. I haven't spoken to them since I last lived in Toronto, so I was explaining how I'm actually moving back there since I hated living in Florida. It was upon receiving this information to which she responded with a, "Oh you should totally move here instead" type of statement. At first I took it as if it were a joke, but once I realized that this was a legitimate offer, I began asking questions. Assessing the possibility at hand. As far as she told me, I had all my bases covered upon moving here and there wasn't going to be an issue simply living in Montreal for a while until I find an apartment in Toronto. So, the plan has now become to move to Montreal for a couple of months (I estimated approximately three) then proceed to Toronto as originally planned. I figure since I was closer to my initial goal, location wise, it would be less of a struggle than to be in Florida. She then asked me when I could possibly move in, and i told her the first of the following month, so in this instance, that would indicate February.

After the adrenaline simmered and I came to realize how quickly everything was moving, my excitement quickly turned to panic. I realized that I'm moving a lot sooner than I thought I would, so that means I have to act quick. The tasks at hand required me to contact potential employers in Montreal to obtain a transfer or at least a job as soon as I move. It was there that I was having difficulty contacting a lot of places due to unreliable long distance. This should have been a pretty blatant red flag, but for one reason or another, I chose to ignore it. This move made my mundane routine a thing of yesteryear, and it felt somewhat good, knowing things are changing. I hoped for the better. So much time has gone by at this point that I completely forgot about the trip I initially planned to get away during my stressful times. Even more stressful, this plane was to depart a week before my initial move. The excitement came back. I was ready to venture off one last time before I had to "buckle down" for sure in Montreal.

This trip, that I took before my move. It changed everything. To understand how, you'd need understand me as well as the detail. As much as I would like to share that aspect of my life, I can't. Perhaps not just yet. There's a lot of times where I have in the past, and retrospectively, it engraves such memories on more than just one medium. I'd rather have this stay with me, in my head, until I'm ready along with everything else, to expose it out publicly. All I can really say, is that I was completely unaware at that point, how much that "Vacation" was going to dictate everything that happens afterwards.

Fast-forward through my trip, I came back upset, because I had so much fun that coming back to reality was a bit of a drag. Now it was time to pack. Everything. I had to go out and purchase some new luggage, big enough to stuff the largest of items in. On top of which having to do my laundry and clean certain belongings I wanted to take with me. The entire time, however, I was distracted. Again, by my emotions. My biggest fear of being in that state of mind again, was coming back to haunt me. No longer was I used to being alone. No longer was I ok with being with just myself. Suddenly, everything sucked and nothing was good. Despite my move coming up soon and a new life awaiting me, all I could think about, was anything but that. It didn't hit me until much later, that things will be very different in Canada. Different to the point where there are a lot more restrictions on certain things, like internet. Cellphone providers weren't that great either. Realizing this made me more sad, and slowly started creeping back into a depression, but couldn't fully immerse in that sadness. Something was keeping me up. Something was holding me back from falling to deep. It was the very shovel that helped me dig a hole and strapped me in the ditch. As far as I was concerned, It was just me and the shovel. Although, there were many times where I doubted the shovel even existed, and it was only myself.

"Being on the plane, and even driving through the streets of Montreal, it didn't phase me how quickly everything just happened."

I'm on a plane, flying to Montreal. I had no idea what was going to happen, if I was to get stranded. Nothing. My mind was in full panic mode, and parts of my legs and arms were shaking like a freezing chihuahua. It was unnerving the more I thought about it. I over think at times. This was one of those times. Amongst all the thought, one idea was most prevalent; All I wanted to do is obtain an internet connection, anything to communicate with someone. Not just someone. Someone. Being on the plane, and even driving through the streets of Montreal, it didn't phase me how quickly everything just happened. Even my roommate was psyched out as to how I could "just pick up and go" (her words, not mine). It didn't actually hit me until day 2 of the entire experience, that I realized things are going to be way different. Diverse in the sense that I couldn't predict what were to happen next. I just wasn't sure. It made me uneasy.

For the First month in Montreal, I did more exploring than working. I had enough money to last me a little while, but only a little. I knew in the back of my mind, if I wanted to stay here, I needed a job, asap. So the first thing I did was venture off to a local Starbucks store, and attempt to transfer. Then came the question I've slowly learned to hate, "How good is your French?" It's terrible. You happy? because I'm not. This was the only reason as to why no one would take me as a transfer. It was around mid-February that I realized I should have done more research before moving here. I was informed that I didn't need French to work here, so I tried my best at finding the places that didn't need it. At this point, it sadly felt very impossible. Every place I went through, all asked me the same question, and/or variations of that question. It was dreadful and I hated being turned down because of a language I no longer speak. It was approaching the end of Feb, and I realized I can't keep digging out of my funds or else I'll have nothing left. It was then that I started thinking of back up plans, deciding on moving yet again. This was not fun.

Then something crazy happened.

I decided I needed to act fast and find a solution for myself before it was too late. I packed my laptop and phone and charging cables all into my backpack, put on appropriate winter clothing, and set out into the unknown. Well, not really, I went to the nearest starbucks to bum off their wifi. At this location, I popped open craigslist, and for the next 4 hours browsed any and all available jobs in the area. The verdict: nothing. the choices were as empty as promises made by someone you loath. It was terrible, and I had become fairly depressed. I had also become rather hungry in the process. On my walk back to my apartment, I noticed something that definitely wasn't there before; I have a great enjoyment for korean food, so upon my arrival, that's all I tried googling. So obviously, once I saw a korean restaurant right near my place, I figured I scored pretty big. To some extent, I kind of did.

"I just knew that some part of me wanted to say something, and potentially perpetuate a conversation without cause."

As I walked in the venue, I couldn't think of anything but food. My other thoughts seemed to have taken a vacation of their own. Only temporarily though. As I sat, I ordered 불고기 instead of 비빔밥, regardless of dish, I was still very hungry. The waitress sat on the table in front of me, seemingly working on some school work. As I ate, and came closer to finishing, something subconsciously was telling me to talk to her. I'm not sure whether it was because she looked like someone I knew from a long time ago, or the fact that I had no one else to ask at the time. Perhaps it could be that I haven't had actual human interaction in a long time. I just knew that some part of me wanted to say something, and potentially perpetuate a conversation without cause. So after I finished all my food, I did just that. I got her attention, and asked her "where the closest korean hair salon" is. She looked confused and said she didn't know. It was then when I proceeded to explain that I was new in the area and was just curious if there was any place she'd recommend me I check out. After a series of meaningless questions, we got into a useless introductory conversation of sorts.

"I came out of nowhere, knowing nothing about nothing..."

As this conversation progressed, I brought up my current state. The fact that I was depressed and jobless made things less enjoyable for me living in Montreal. She had a very naive attitude towards most things I said, but she seemed very eager, if not excited to help me out. I wasn't sure what she had in mind, besides recommending me to a bunch of people she knows that do what I want to do, with illustration and computers and such. She then offered that I work at the restaurant, but not "officially" since they recently opened and don't have the funds to pay me much. Considering I wasn't doing anything productive with my time anyway, I gladly agreed, and she talked it over with her brother. Her brother manages the place and is generally helped out by friends as well as family to run the restaurant. I came out of nowhere, knowing nothing about nothing, and started to do small cleaning tasks, while also helping them with the technical aspect of the business. I helped design their menus, to their website, and helped manage their social networks as well.

It was around this time, things began looking up. Although he said he wasn't able to pay me much, I was able to make just enough for rent, as well as other fees that managed to intrude my calm, zen, vibe. Based on very little, I was able to make it by for that month, and then some. I had a lot fun that month and learned more than I have the previous month. For once, everything felt normal again. Time flew by so quickly, it was crazy to think I was with the restaurant people for a month already. I was hoping to continue, but then I made a choice that would surely escalate and change things in my future. I decided to take the entire first week of April off, to go elsewhere; to go back. I needed to. It's been too long at this point and I just needed that bit of happiness to complete everything in full-circle. I felt it was the right thing to do. For me. To keep me sane.

"I was back where I started. Back in panic mode, where all I could think is what to do now, and how do I manage to get myself out of this one."

Skipping ahead to me coming back approximately 2 weeks later, when I initially planned to leave for only one week, I was greeted with the harsh reality that is life. There were only two more remaining days in the month, and I was broke and wasn't confident I could make rent that month. On top of that, I had other expenses I needed to take care of. Things went from being really shitty, to really awesome, to really REALLY awesome, to just as equivalently shitty as the awesome i had. It was pretty awesome, so in turn i felt lower that low. Shittier than shit. It was a terrible feeling and all I wanted to do was die. I was back where I started. Back in panic mode, where all I could think is what to do now, and how do I manage to get myself out of this one. To no bore you with ALL the details which took place during this time, I'll cut to the end of that month, which just ended in me asking my parents for additional funds for rent. They gave me the money, along with a "what my plan" kind of questions. They were intimidating strings of thought, but I knew I had to face them one way or another.

All of that ultimately boils down to present time. It's time again, Internet. It's time to venture off into the unknown to see where life takes us this time. I honestly don't know what's going to happen in the next two months, let alone the remainder of 2013. What I do know is that who ever I am on the stroke of midnight on December 31st, 2013, is the result of either ultimate and imminent change, easily view-able from the mediums of the internet, OR a result of nothing. Perhaps I'm exactly as I am now. Who's to say that these old habits will die any time soon. They should though. They're currently on death row. I need to change. For the better. To be better. To be happier. In the end, isn't that what we all want? in the end, we have no one else but ourselves.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to shower, eat some ramen noodles, and head over the the restaurant I mentioned earlier. They still need my help and I see no reason to let them down while I'm still here.

See you in another recap, Internet!

- L

fuck you blogger

2011-04-05T19:09:00.000-04:00

i just wrote a very heartfelt fucking blog. and you erased it. didn't bother saving a draft of it even. fuck you. never writing in this shit again. I'm so pissed.

goodbye forever.
- L

Mobile webdesign

2011-02-19T10:31:00.000-05:00

So I just realized, that it's a pain in the ASS to turn websites into mobile view. But it has to be done one way or another...

in other news, its snowing like crazy outside...

- L

Bad Habits

2011-02-14T08:27:00.001-05:00

Some people enjoy sleeping. Heck, I do too. But I've been sleeping too much lately. To the point where its become unhealthy. My sleeping pattern is fucked and needs to be fixed soon! I can't stand not doing anything all day, then waking up to find everything closed. Yes, I'm afraid today is one of those days. And I hope it doesn't continue.

I made an android tutorial a while ago. Will post soon~

-L

F***!!!! #!@$!#%$

2011-01-17T22:38:00.000-05:00

So today was a lovely day. Slept in since work started at 5PM and since i was running late, i decided to take the TTC (Toronto's common form of transportation). Everything was fine and dandy, despite that i was running a bit late. As i was standing there, i was studying my surroundings, and i noticed a woman pulled out her phone, which just so happened to be the same phone i had. I don't know whether it was the curiosity that struck me, or just stupidity, but i then wondered, "hey, what time is it? am i late?" so I reach in to pull out my phone. the next 3 minutes was pure hell.

As I pulled out my phone, it nearly, if not almost immediately, slipped out of my hands (i was wearing shit ass wool gloves/mittens/whateverthefucktheyare) and as i juggled it for a few seconds in the air, you know, in hopes to catch it? it lands face down on the floor. no bouncing. no movement. just... splat. i carefully bent down to pick up the phone, only to witness the inevitable damage it had gone through. in a matter of seconds, without thinking, i manage to shatter the exterior glass of my new Samsung Galaxy S i9000M. and JUST when i was getting it to work the way i wanted it to, this comes and happens.

The phone itself is still in functional condition, and nothing else aside from the screen has been damaged. but FUCK! anyone would be pissed. not to mention, the trouble i will have to endure to fix this small pile of crap.

So what now? well. I have a few options. Contact Samsung, hope they can replace the phone with little to no charge (HA, i don't see that happening. damn large companies), OR I can go to this cellphone repair place that i trust, and pay them to do it (yeah, a much more realistic approach) OOOR! I can grow a pair of balls and purchase a replacement screen at which I'll have to replace myself (disassembly and all).

And there you have it, folks! be careful with your electronic devices! I clearly wasn't careful with mine, and I regret it TERRIBLY. granted, I never purchased a screen protector or a case for it. Ironically enough, I was supposed to the day after (tomorrow). who would've thunk it, eh? *le sigh* Awe well. such is life.

Also, apologies for not capitalizing and punctuating this blog (yes, I'm talking to you, Grammar nazis). I was too lazy and i really didn't give a fuck. I know I'm going to look back at this 3 years from now and think, "LOL what a fucking n00b. can't punctuate shit! why the hell did i even type like that?!" Well you know what, future-Leo?! FUCK YOU! cut me some slack you overgrown asshole! i'm doing the best i can. and the frustration and anger i'm going through isn't exactly helping. And if you even THINK about counting how many times i wrote "I'm" simply to criticize me on that too, then i will fucking time travel and kick your senile futuristic ass! then smash w/e phone YOU have. Asshole.

Sorry about that. Had to release some anger and frustration. Anyways... out of boredom and my expansive amount of free time, I will be writing 2 reviews and guides (for n00bs) in the up and coming future (like, in a few hours, to a few days) concerning the Motorola milestone, Telus edition, and the Samsung Galaxy S I9000M, Bell version (which is what the M is for). Maybe a video is my insecurities allow me to do so.

Aside from that, I've been flowing with comic concepts and product concepts. so, parts of my imagination, both ranging from fictitious, to realistic.
Stay tuned for that! if you want...

yours truly,
L

New laptop!

2010-12-29T23:55:00.000-05:00

So recently, I've been attempting to reinstall windows 7 ultimate on my old HP pavillion tx2500 series laptop, BUT failed tremendously and ended up causing an error 17 on the system. For those of you who have no idea what that even means, basically the system HALF installed, thus leaving a ton of "registry" files un-installed and missing. So, in desperate need for a functional laptop, let alone the machine itself, I set out to find a decent and affordable netbook. Time passed and boxing day came, and all the netbooks were out of sight. I was getting desperate. Then one night I was working and saw a netbook on display at my store, and noticed the chiclet-like keyboard on it, and decided, "fuck it. I'll buy the damn thing." and what started off as a jokeful comment, turned into an actual purchase. Hours pass and I actually get to turn it on to test it out. I'll tell you now, I was skeptical at first, but I was surprised at how much this little machine can really do.

For the record, the netbook I ended up purchasing was the Samsung N220. And on that note, i was never a fan of many samsung products, but they lately have been proving to be very useful products! this machine in particular allows for full instalation of a 64bit operating system, as well as a hefty battery life! in addition to that, it comes with this samsung added feature called "chargable USB" which dedicates one port off the device to charge things via USB when the machine is completely powered off! so aside from being a nice, compact, little netbook, it also serves as an external battery charger!

I'll tell you what, this machine can prove to be EXTREMELY useful. and even if you're using the crap out of it, with bluetooth and wifi enabled, you can still get 8-10 hours of use out of a full charge.

now, like all good products, there is bad. in this case, i dont like the fact that it comes equipped with only 1GB or DDR memory like most netbooks, but its nothing i can't fix/change. also, in regards to the keyboard, its very cleverly spaced, but in my experience thus far typing (even as I type this!), my biggest problem/issue has been the right handed shift key. why? its wayyy too small! if they would have just placed those extra buttons near the other shift key, it would be the ideal netbook keyboard. but as of yet, every capitalization and question i have input manually has been a pain in the ass.

... I also just noticed that the key next to the shift key, and the one diagonally from it are exactly identical.... therefore elimenating the use of that key to begin with... so wtf samsung... wtf.

Well, I'm tired, and I have a day off tomorrow, which I dont feel like sleeping away, because I want to go shopping. until then!

-L

Living Conditions

2010-11-13T14:05:00.000-05:00

You know, it's been a while now since I have been moving around and settling, and moving around again. And if there's one thing I noticed, is that you never want to live somewhere you love to be. I feel like if you spend enough time in a certain location, you will grow to hate it and find it boring. But it's only until you are taken away from it, that you realize how much you like it there.

I like Toronto, and I like Boston; I don't think its a good idea to live in either place. I think where you live, doesn't necessarily have to be enjoyable, but rather manageable (work, transportation, fees, cost, economy, etc.) Then, the places you love serve as an escape for every time you simply want to just "get away", or relax. Hmm, I guess to some extent, it can be an unrealistic portal to a reality you are not normally used to. Or rather, something not as mundane as what you tend to go through on a daily basis.

That's why I like to travel; by not staying in a place long enough to hate it, and not staying away from a place long enough to miss it, I sort of escape the variable of me ever feeling something permanent about a certain place.

Hmm, well, that's all I have to say for the time being (:

-L

Dear Internet

2010-11-05T22:07:00.003-04:00

How are you? I am good. Sort of. It's been quite a journey. Ever since I last updated my last post, a lot has happened. And yet, a lot has also stayed the same. A lot has simply changed to stay the same now, and some things have changed for good. All I can say now is that I don't know what is to happen in the future.

So, what has happened so far?
School is still a task I need to complete. I started learning korean, and have learned up to the point of reading and pronouncing the words and alphabet. Also, my job has become a slight bit more steady. I guess to some extent, jobs are sort of like relationships. And in my case, I seem to have have these long term relationships with these jobs. I know that in the end, it will be hard to let go. I'm not good at these sorts of things. Heck, I HATE making food. And to be making "mexican" food again? it becomes draining. I want another job. One I'm more comfortable with. One I dont have to complain about when it comes to doing my so called duties. It's not that I HATE my job that I have now. It's simply the fact that I'm in the food and beverage business, and I'd much rather be eating the food, as opposed to making it.

So, plans for the future?
Yes. I'm planning on using this blog to express my opinion on things ranging from tech reviews and suggestions. And if I get around to it, I'll host live sessions assisting anyone with tech help and things relevant of that nature. Also, anything personally related such as art, im planning on starting a comic soon. What's it about? just my time in Toronto. You see, this city is full of weird fucking people. And I plan on sharing them with the interwebz. So EVERYONE can bask in their weirdness. And just for fun, I'll take pics of them and compare them to my "cartoon" versions of them. Well, that's all I have for now. Stay tuned for next time when I post something actually worth seeing/reading about.

-L

Life in the northern hemisphere

2009-12-25T13:51:00.002-05:00

It has only been a week and a day since I have made my finally acclaimed move to Canada and things have been a little shaky. For starters, applying for jobs here is completely different than what I'm used to. I mean, I have never been prompted to hand my resume "just in case" they are looking for participants to hire. Usually a job application would set me in that category, but not here I guess. Aside from even looking for work, I've been looking for a place to live! I've been lucky enough to have my friends brother house me, and my girlfriend sneak me into her residence, for a place for me to sleep. But I have to find a place for myself. I suppose you can take this as me "declaring my independence" but just my attempt to get away from that wretched state, Florida. And now, I'm out! So for the most part, I got what I wanted. Now the hard part is surviving on my own.

Looking for jobs around here has been such a hassle. Whether it's been looking on craigslist, or taking a walk down Bloor street, it seems like every employer I encounter just seems to turn the other cheek and ignore my presence. And this whole "do you want to drop off your resume" business just seems like an easy way for those part time cashiers to brush you off their shoulders. They probably don't even deliver the resume to the manager, and who says the manager ever bothers reading them most of the time. Besides, why would the employee want another person to be hired? that just means their hours have to be lowered in accordance to the new employees hours, so that all employees have their schedules accommodated to the changes. All thanks to the new employee. So, Yeah. I can see why they wouldn't been too thrilled to know I'm looking for a job. Let alone handing out resumes. I know I wouldn't exactly be happy knowing that. *sigh* I suppose what I REALLY need is some networking around this city. Friends that can help me get into those high places. Hookups. But as for now, that doesn't seem like its possible...

Also, theres this "license" or "certificate" that ALL waiters in Ontario MUST have, called the SmartServe License. Basically it allows the waiter/server to serve alcohol. As far as the rules state, the legal drinking age in Ontario is 19 (which means I can drink :D hehehehehe), but the legal serving of alcohol age in Ontario is 18 (which.... is odd in comparison to the drinking age). But seems like every waiter job I have applied at thus far has seemed to require the possession of this SmartServe license which I don't have, nor do I know how to obtain.

Aside from the job search, I have also gone about doing other things, such as getting a bank account. Apparently, in Canada, seems like just about everything has some sort of fee or tax on it. For example, my bank account is an "Unlimited Chequing Account" (Yeah, still have to get used to the usage of q's instead of ck's or just k's) which basically is a minimum charge of $12.75 Canadian per month. I checked all the plans and they all have monthly fees. It's pretty outrageous but I guess this is how people live here. Also, everything is crazy taxed here! but on the brighter side, Minimum wage is higher.... So I suppose It's a benefit? not too sure yet. As for my future endeavours, I must wait and see where this path takes me. I'll do my best to "stay the course" and not let myself give up.

And if I fail, I guess there's always Boston....

fuckfuckfuckfuck

2009-11-10T08:14:00.002-05:00

im not sleeping. I choose not to. She doesnt know. She doesnt have a clue how much she affects me. I dont know why I let myself feel this way sometimes... Let myself get this low. Sometimes I wish it never was like this, sometimes I wish I never was. Idk anymore. I really dont know. I dont know if she feels the same about me. I think she does... but nothing in this world is certain. I hate this. I hate it when things become like this. It would probably be better, but I can only hope. For all I know, this could be the end... This could be her last straw... I know I'm a horrible boyfriend. You don't have to tell me. You don't have to make me feel worst that I already do. I don't have much time per day to waste as I freely would like. But Every day, no matter what the hour, I try to significantly manage to reserve a chunk of time dedicated to talking to you, or spending it with you. I loose sleep sometimes because of that. Then theres the emotional stress you give me, over things so small they could be resolved without even trying... but no one tries... I dont even know where to begin trying... Everything is so mixed up and jumbled. theres horrible communication. You're just like your mom sometimes... I guess It's a genetic thing that runs in your family... I dont know why... why do I have to control myself, While you go crazy, while you go around hitting everything in sight. I take those punches, in hopes it would get better in the long run. sometimes I dont even mind; I know how you can be. I accept that. But have you no consideration for others?! U preach That I dont care about you, that my love for you is bullshit. but can you really say that with no legit means to back your statements? there. Mission accomplished. you made me feel guilty. But now what. are you satisfied? no, im not missing the point, because there was never a point to begin with.

\\

I just dont want things to be like this anymore. I dont want to feel like this. I love you. no matter how crazy you are /:

What Have I Become...

2009-10-13T21:42:00.004-04:00

I once used to be
and aspiring artist
I once used to be
a harmony loving musician
I once used to be
a sensitive poet
I once used to be
and independent philosopher

Things I once had.
once were.
now, not.

I once used to have dreams
but now i wander through my sleep.
I once thought outside the box
but now I'm nothing but the box.
I used to think things to the point where they made sense
but now I just think to much.

So much that I begin to wonder
What have I become

My worst nightmare;
What I used to make fun of when i was younger;
what I used to fear to become;
nothing.

untitled [1]

2009-09-20T02:47:00.002-04:00

Why. why does love do this to me... Just tears me apart from everything else. I feel like I lost it today. Lost the one I love.. I dont even know why.. It just hurts me. A lot. I dont even know what it is. Everything is just so blurred. I dont know what to do. I feel like i just fell, or was dropped, somewhere, in the unsuspecting abyss that is my heart. It's empty.. It only knows one thing. And that's her. I dont understand... Maybe.. humans are indeed difficult creatures to trust. Theres nothing I can do or say anymore... Im powerless. I dont know, if shes gone... or she will come back. Tonight, i dont feel like sleeping. Theres no more point to sleeping, no more point to anything anymore.. without her, theres nothing for me. And as much as that doesnt logically make sense, thats what my mind is forced to think. There's no denying it.. she meant a lot to me. still does. her words rip through me like damp, wet paper.. Everything she says i take in with such meaning, despite that i know, logically, shes being ridiculous. I dont know. I dont know anything anymore.. Whats the point of work, whats the point of getting up early? whats the purpose of life if you can't even enjoy it? I want to. I want to enjoy it with her. All i ever wanted, was just to be happy. With her, I was. I now feel as if that is fading... and now I am no longer left with anything to hold on to. Nothing but my useless self. I'm not contemplating suicide, but death sounds pretty good right about now. Its one of those way where everything just stops. But if i wanted to... id rather not die. I would much rather be with her. I dont care how annoying she is. I dont care how loud and obnoxious she is. I dont care if she smells, or looks funny in the morning. I dont care how childish she acts. I dont care if she blames me for everything. I dont care.. I love her for who she is.. I just... want her back... If she ever left... I dont know what to do.... im useless... pathetic..... Iv'e succumb to such a low level of existence i now rely on others to make me content... but then again... havent we always relied on others to make us happy? isnt this how we all think? i dont know. I honestly dont even feel like working today. I dont see a point. On one hand, it gives me hours and money... money which i can use to move closer to her... yet on the other... if shes gone... Who am i moving close to? id have no one... perhaps that's my future... being alone. dying at an early age due to lung cancer, or intoxication. my future was never determined... yet i wish it was.... maybe i wouldnt worry so much.... well... I guess thats all for the moment.... theres more that im holding back, i just dont feel like writing anymore... Dambae.

Past Poetry: untitled (poem 1)

2009-09-08T18:52:00.002-04:00

What if one day
we all changed
not for the better
but for the worst

How can we live
a life we once lived
to think
the thoughts we once did.

We have changed
in the blink of an eye
we have transformed
become mutants in our own liking.

But must we suffer?
why not end it all with one blade
watch as our blood hits the floor
what if

Date written: 01/31/06
I think i was a sophomore at this time. Living in Boston. If I can remember correctly, I was upset about moving away, but I believe I go in a little deeper than that.

Post 29: Complexities of the Homo-Sapien

2009-09-07T23:07:00.003-04:00

I don't know what this blog is about to be honest. Haha, I mean, I've been REALLY anxious to write something lately, but I have a problem. This "problem" consists of not being able to focus my thoughts into one complete idea. Now a days I have way too much going on in my head, it causes problems. Problems like thinking too much. To most, if not some people out there, it causes a great deal of anxiety and distress. So with all that said, let me try my best to sort all that out for the record.

So here I am. In Florida still. It's been 2 years since I've dropped out of school with high hopes of moving on with my life. Instead, my life has had a seemingly opposite affect of my past ambitions. Here I now am, stuck working at a minimum wage job, with a nearly impossible goal. Whats this NEW goal you ask me? simple, Go to Canada, go to school, finish school, go to japan, live there for a few months, come back, live life. Travel if I'm even capable of doing so. At this point in my life, this seems like only a dream. Recently, my father proposed to me that he would help pay for my schooling and my moving over to Canada. I honestly don't think he'll pull through with his word. He never does. But AH! such a minute thought. School never was important to me because it never presented itself as something I could deem as important. In more ways than one, it has failed me. But in retrospect, would it make me content? I know for sure, I would attend school, not out of the sake of learning, but for the same reason as High School. That being just to get it out of the way. I guess one of the reasons that I dislike it so much is basically because I'm conforming with something that I don't feel like conforming to. It's pretty annoying.

I recently read through a few old poems I wrote back in '05, and wow. As bad as my handwriting and grammar was, the things I wrote could easily relate to my situations now. I believe I wrote something like "living in a waking dream, where nothings gets done nor accomplished." Haha, ironically enough, I was an optimistic emo, but for the wrong reasons I suppose. I had the right Idea; apathy was always the key. But being apathetic, is easier said than done. It's hard not to give a shit when the world around you seems to fall out of place. Sometimes I wonder what it's all worth, if I would survive, if things would change. There's just this strong sense of nostalgia while I think because, in the long run, I just feel like only yesterday I just started high school, and now here I am, stuck in a rut. I guess the reason for that is because I've been listening to a lot of music I used to listen to back in the day, and it brings back a lot of memories. Am I really living a dream? will I wake up? Do I want to wake up? I don't know. I just want things to make sense. I just want to KNOW what I'm doing. I guess I just want to understand.

Hah sorry about that, I just re-read what I wrote and to me it makes no sense at ALL! ah! I guess I'm not ready to blog about this yet. I'll be posting some old poems I wrote. I'll put up one poem per post.

How to order fast food the RIGHT WAY

2009-08-10T18:10:00.003-04:00

So I've been working at this fast-food joint for the past half year, and aside from being there, I've been to a lot of other fast-food places and noticed people make the same, idiotic, moronic, mistakes, over and over again. SO! I'm here to clarify those mistakes and teach you how to order properly, so that you and the cashier have absolutely no confusion over what the fuck u just ordered. Here are some tips on things you should be aware of while ordering:

When ordering via. fast-food lobby, be aware that as much as you want food, the cashier doesn't care for your long stories, he wants out as much as the next person; you both want to get this over with quickly.
Paying in massive amounts of change is a bitch. So please sympathize with the cashier as he/she counts you bullshit.
KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ORDERING BEFORE YOU TALK TO THE CASHIER; IF YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WTF YOU WANT (and are sure you even want it) THEN DON'T APPROACH THE FUCKING DESK.
When making changes to an Item, make sure those changes come after the item is mentioned, not 2 minutes later when you "just remembered".
A majority of what was mentioned above applies for Drive-thru as well..
When ordering via. Drive-thru (aka, being to lazy to pick you fat, lazy, junk-food-eating ass up to go to the lobby to order. Seriously. Just park next to the door if you have to. It's just a few steps), try to speak as clearly as possible through the little voice box at the menu board. If you cant hear them, then do ur best to understand them. It's a bitch, i know. But it's not their fault. Blame the huge corporation for not providing them with up-to-date technology.
When inflation takes place, it's not the cashiers fault. So please keep you opinions to yourself. He's there to take you pitiful food order, not listen to your opinions.
When ordering at the window and you are waiting for your food to come out, keep in mind these things: they have a strict time limit as to when and how they take out their food. When you receive the food, don't, and I repeat, DO NOT sit there and check if they got your order right. It eats up time and we end up hating the fuck out of you for that. Not to mention it's SOOO fucking obnoxious. So please. Get the fuck out once you have your shit. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Lastly, keep in mind that Fast food is never, nor will ever be "fast" (unless served by highly pre-programed machines). Patience is always key when ordering, ANYWHERE.
Any extra you order on an item, will obviously cost you EXTRA! nothing is free now a days. So don't be outraged when you find out your paying more than two dollars extra for extra steak. The ONLY reason its even that expensive, is because the factory the store orders it from has raised their prices, thus in order to keep serving steak and not run out of it, we have to higher the prices to which we can still make profit and order more steak. Same goes for any product.
If you end up blowing $20+ on a fast food joint (not only is that sad but WTF. Seriously) just be aware that no matter how much you spend on it, NONE of the money actually goes to the employees. Perhaps maybe the managers might get benefit, but not the little guys. Not me. It goes to whoever owns the store. So when you think the cashier is trying to "jip" you, he probably just make a mistake and you're just being a dumb selfish asshole thinking he's stealing from you.
Fast-food is the worst kinda of job you can possibly have and the rules are even worst, so please, when ordering or even attending, be sure NOT to be a fucking asshole and make their lives miserable. I swear, just due to most peoples stupidity, I've grown a strong hate towards mankind itself.

Basically, those are all tips that came first into my head when even thinking about it. But honestly, you want a pleasant experience just as much as they do. So with all that said, heres a proper procedure on how to order for those who don't know.

Lobby:

Enter door, decide from a distance what you would like to eat (and if there's more than one, make sure everyone else knows what they want and are CERTAIN of it.)
After making your decision, approach the desk. After the cashier greets you, greet him back and commence your order.
Right about here is a good time to make corrections. What I mean is, It's best to make corrections to the order right after you mention it. Otherwise it's a pain in the ass to fix. Not to mention in the long run, the cancellations we make WILL cost us from our paycheck. So please, don't be a hassle and just make sure you want something before you say it.
After all is said and done, the cashier will usually ask you if you would like your order "for here or to go". My highest recommendation is that you get it to GO. Why? many reasons. First off, in most fast-food places, there's actually an "EAT-IN" tax they charge you for, so in essence, it saves you money. Second, you really don't need a tray to clean up your shit. Seriously. Those trays are JUST as clean as those tables you're afraid of touching. A bag of any sort is not only sufficient, but cleanly when tidying up your area before you leave.
After you have paid, make sure you're giving him an amount you WANT to give. Believe me, I've gotten idiots who already payed for their shit and after paying with $20 bill on their order, they decide they want to pay with exact change... AFTER i took their order and ran through the money. It's honestly the most annoying thing you can possibly do. So yeah, make sure of that.
Move off to either the left of the right, or even wait at a table until your number is called. Now on most receipts, the number is centered and either on the top, or the bottom of the slip of paper.
After you have received your food, go BACK to your table and if you really are that type of asshole who doesn't trust fast-food facilities, then THIS is the time to check if they missed anything or fucked anything up. If the fucked ANYTHING up, then skip step 8, and onto step 9.
Eat and enjoy your food. If you still want to order more, just under go that basic procedure once again. Believe me, it's really not that hard.
If by any chance you are unsatisfied with you order and are in need to make corrections, please approach the desk and speak to a cook, not the cashier. The cashier does not make your food, so he/she is of absolutely NO help to you. When informing the individual of your situation, be as courteous as possible; no one likes an asshole, so be nice.
Once you've placed your correction, then you should have your food made almost immediately and then you can ENJOY!

Drive-Thru:

Know what you want BEFORE you get into the drive-thru line. Once you are ready, then proceed onwards.
Once you are faced with the menu board and the voice prompter/cashier, you can take (almost) as long as you want to place your order. When confused with a product name, keep in mind that its RIGHT on the menu board, so there should be no confusion in mispronouncing names.
Once you have placed your order, make sure everything is right and everything you want has been mentioned before you drive up to the window. It really is obnoxious when you drive up to the window and start addign shit onto your order. So please, keep it at the menu board. Window is where you pay and receive food, not continue ordering.
After the cashier has read off the total and has told you to drive up to the window, patiently wait in line until you are at the window. If it's taking forever, it's most likely because some asshole up ahead of you ordered the entire fucking menu. That or ordered some huge meal an good dozen times (seriously, that shit really happens). So in the long run, don't be mad at us, we're just trying to do out job and serve your selfish inconsiderate ass.
While still in line, be most CERTAIN to have your money out and ready. That way it makes the prices go by faster.
Once at the window, the cashier will repeat the total, as to which you hand over the money and in return, receive your food.
Once you have the food, it's okay to ask "is this everything?" (although it is kind of annoying) and once the cashier replies with a yes, then your good to go. Although, if the cashier does not respond and you don't recieve an answer, then just drive off anyways and park in a spot to check if everything is still there.
Once all is done, enjoy your food and have a wonderful day!

Keep in mind that despite the overly complicated simplistic steps I've mentioned in the above, I'm completely assuming the peoples behavior and simply putting it as I have seen it. To be honest, most of how your experience goes really depends on how the people who work there are. And no, they aren't all the same. Some are nice, others can be a pain in the ass. I for one am rather courteous to customers, but frankly am fed up with their bullshit. Sure, we humans make mistakes often, but that's why it's important to not loose your patience of your cool when dealing with one another. And that's on behalf of both the employees AND the customers.

Listen, I don't know EVERYTHING, but what I do know is what I experience and go through. I'm still young and I still have time to learn about things and see the world. But as far as human relations go, I'm getting a pretty good idea as to what to do or say to keep a rather decent relationship with an individual. So with that said, those steps and tips above will make you more "fast-food" savy in ordering food and what not.

If you have any requests as to what "how to" you would like me to post next, feel free to comment on here or e-mail me

Post 27: Fuck my Life

2009-06-09T07:16:00.003-04:00

Why? why must this always happen to me? i hate this. i hate this all. Why must this hurt so much. my chest feels like it's on fire. about to explode. about to burst. I don't know what else to do. I'm just hurt right now. words piercing through me like a thousand swords. haven't felt this much pain in quite a long time. i wish i wasn't so vulnerable. wish i wasn't so frail. so weak. my body is breaking down. like i have been crushed by a giant stone. the pain doesn't stop either. it has no mercy. I'm typing this as I'm feeling it, its hard to concentrate on typing. now shes questioning everything about me. like we first met. the pain continues. i dont know what to do. i just feel like freezing up and dying. why me?! why must this happen all the time? am i really so undeserving of someone so special? should i just die alone? am i deemed for eternal depression? why must i disappoint everyone?

...

someone please,
just kill me.

Post 26: Uneasy Fixation

2009-06-01T18:56:00.003-04:00

It's been a while, as usual. Then again, what else is new? Not too much has happened since I've last blogged. I guess all I can say at this point is that my mind tends to wander off more often than it used to. No, not like I'm distracted, really. Simply... off my normal pace of thought. It as if I have contracted a severe case of A.D.D. I don't know how else to describe it. And aside from that, I've been feeling uneasy and depressed lately. Almost as if something is going to happen. Something I'm not going to like. Heh, funny. Now that I think about it, It's almost as if I can observe my life from a far and spectate as someone watching some ridiculously scripted Asian drama.

Well, I suppose on to the updates of my life that no one seems to care much for. STILL looking for a second job. Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Ive gone the most of the procedures, and out of all that I've been through, I have gotten one little interview which didn't even help me. Honestly, I have just accepted death at this point and feel like dying. I'm not prone to suicide nor will i ever be, but if something happens, then it happens. And if I get saved then I'll think of it as a second chance. But all this burden and constant anxiety... I try to forget it; I try to ignore it all. The thing with me is that I can't force myself to believe a lie, no matter how much I try. For some odd reason, I find comfort in the truth, despite how much more trouble that can bring someone.

In other news, I'm planning on practicing my writing skills and writing fictional stories with parts of my life included. Thing is I will place different name for characters that I know existed in my life and so on, so you wouldn't even be able to tell it was from my life! kekeke. It's going to be a secret blog though, And I don't know when I'll make it... I guess whenever I feel like it! hehe..

Post 25: Counter Productivity At Its Finest

2009-03-29T22:48:00.004-04:00

So I guess you've noticed that I have 2 blogs up with quite some hate towards humans ... heh, we'll I guess you can call it "relieving stress" simply ranting about how (yes) part of me DOES in fact hate humans. People. They just annoy me. And I'm sure they annoy you sometimes too.

I suppose an update of my current conditions are necessary to the follow up on my well being. As far as work is concerned, they cut my hours dramatically. My paychecks haven't exactly been "hefty" sums of what I would expect for two week (then again, the hour cuts do affect it) and the search for another job is harder than before. Kinda sucks with my luck, you know? Before, I'll admit I was an amateur, and I was totally clueless oh how to obtain a job. Now that I've been in and out of that process several times, I have a much better understanding of what to do and what to expect. BUT! seeing as to how the economy is being shat on, every employer that I've approached has given me the impression of, "SURE! we'll hire you!" then moments later say they have no position available. I don't know... Maybe, maybe I'm doing something wrong? maybe it's not the economy but rather myself? And on top of all that, I've been of what I would describe as "emotionally retarded" lately.

I guess most of you optimists out there are probably about to bitch me out on how "negative" I am and how "there's always a brighter side" to situations like this. You want some happy? I'll give you some happy. As far as good things go, I'm totally serious about my moving plan, which is a first in a few things I've actually been serious about. Secondly, my manager is getting replaced with some other guy, with a typical Spanish name (yay for the replacement). As for how the new manager will be to the old? who knows. Chances are I'll end up hating him too. And... so yeah! that's about it! I'm still with my girlfriend, but that hasn't really changed much so I can't really count that (although it does make me happy). So, HA! 4 - 2. In your face optimists. Truth is there is no REAL negative, nor a REAL positive here. It's simply all based fact upon an elapsed period of time.

For a final summation, Id say in occurrence of all those things, I'm beginning to get very frugal of how much I spend. Yet, even when I do spend ANY sum of money, I always feel bad about it after words. I guess my hate for money still exists, just now I need money (Thanks society, for basing your lives around a monetary system of paper bills, where money is nearly everything) and I feel regretful whenever I spend it somewhere.

Post 24: People Are Filthy

2009-03-20T19:33:00.006-04:00

Working within the confines of a fast food facility while working with people has made me realize something I deem to be quite important: People suck, and I hate them. I'm sure to some of you out there you might agree with me, whilst others may be pondering, "Well, wouldn't that mean you hate yourself?" The answer is not quite. I understand that human nature is irritating, and their understanding of the world is rather primitive, but I believe there is still much room to learn from past mistakes. Regardless though, Humans of nearly any kind irritate me. But the ones that just tick me off the most are the stupid ones. Not really in the ranking of intelligence, but stupid in the sense of their lack of understanding certain things. It could be an angsty teenager, or an old cranky man, but what both may share is their lack to intake certain knowledge, thus making them seem ignorant.

The reason all this really angers me, or simply bothers me, is because I have to deal will several hundred customers per day. It has opened my eyes to things people wouldn't normally notice about other upon first glance. I guess to put it simply, people annoy me with their ignorance and in some cases, I wish they'd go extinct already. Of course I have to be careful for what I wish for, for I too am human and probably act like any other human would. I suppose I'll take the rather nontraditional method and dub this paragraph the introduction. Let me first share with you all things that I notice that particularly anger me.

The first thing I notice that can piss me off so fast, that I give up on humanity and life itself, is when customers argue with me. Now, I would understand if this argument was relevant to any reasonable situation, but sadly, its not. It never is. Chances are, they are complaining about the prices, and how expensive they are. Listen, I don't make the bloody prices, nor would complaining to me make them change or suddenly become lower. Or sometimes they complain about their order. They would say, "Oh, Hey! yeah... uhm.... I asked for a chicken soft taco with NO lettuce... uhm, well there's lettuce in here." What sucks is being where I work, there's a "Customer is always right" policy, meaning you have to agree with the customer regardless to how wrong or how stupid they are. Sometimes they argue about how long it's taking. "WELL sir/ma'am, I'm sorry the food's taking a while to make, let me go check in the back and see how much longer it might take. Sorry for the wait [insert fake yet awkward smile here]" Listen, the first thing you have to know about fast food, is that it's not fast. It isn't. Despite the ingredients in the food, quality of the meals, or even lack of good customer service, fast food is more slow than anything. People should be patient with it if ever even thinking of dinning out. I suppose my analyzation of this is that humans that tend to be too simpleminded tend to take the label of an eatery too literally and in the end, get nothing but enraged about how long the food is take to prepare.

Second pet peeve of mine that wont get you on my good side, is when people, mostly kids in high school (those kids tend to be either jocks, sports players, or scenesters), think they're being cool and smart and start asking me for free shit. Either that, or harassing me about something that I'm doing. Sometimes some kids ask for water cups in hopes that I wont notice that they're not REALLY getting water, but really soda. Seriously. I want to meet the fucker who thought of that ridiculous ruse and just make him feel like the stupidest piece of monkey shit he already is. Honestly, did he really just go, "Oh, well instead of paying for a small or medium cup which would barely cost me $2 cause I'm being a cheap frugal asshole. why not simply ASK for a FREE water CUP and DECEIVE the cashier into thinking I really want water, and just get soda instead" That just deserves a punch in the face; I'll be more than glad to deliver.

Seriously, Fast food is such bullshit.

Post 23: Downfall of Humanity

2009-03-12T23:48:00.005-04:00

I'll be honest straight from the start; I'm not that old, and I haven't seen the world like most have, but I want to. And its important to know things about this world because those things are essential to out lifestyle. They help us understand why things are, and why things can or should be. But my interest does not linger amongst the broad prospective of modern civilization. My focus is more upon the aspect of Homo Sapiens.

My occupation consists of social human interaction. This basically means I simply talk to people for a majority of the day. My job is simple; I take peoples orders, ring them up in a machine, take their money and hand them their change, and thank them just before me and this seemingly unimportant individual part ways. Now, I take it an extra step at times and I attempt to formulate a conversation (when possible) with the customer. This helps me in providing great customer service, but I also keep in mind their position. I would think, "If I were a customer and I were to be greeted by some stranger, what things what I expect to hear? would i repel? or would I converse?" With this in mind I approach the customer in a polite manner and do with it what I can in order for them to "Enjoy their stay" at the eatery that I am employed at. But during my time spent at this position, I've gathered interesting information regard individuals in a much more broader perspective.

As I would regularly stand at my cashier position, most humans tend to make odd gestures when in times of thought or contemplation. Some tend to exaggerate this gesture more than others, but what amazes me is that these actions are subconscious. I then begin to wonder if I do the same, and chances are I do. Another things that occurs frequently is the customers attempt to manipulate me in means of using poor language to address their case of desire. This seems to occur much more frequently with the adolescent individuals that come by every now and then. To be honest, they tend to get rather irritating, for some of them if not most of them act younger than their actual age. In accordance to the behaviors of most of these human beings, it seems apparent that ignorance is a constant role player despite the differences in age.

Whether the customer is only in high school, or way past their retirement age, One thing that has always struck me with slight fury is the ignorance some people tend to give me. This ignorance makes itself known through their anger, through their frustration, or even through their sarcasm, but it is there nonetheless. It's almost as if, to them, I am the lowest of the low upon this earth, and therefor they have the right to criticize my job and what I do. They even try to exaggerate how simplistic and easy it is, but fail to realize the true burden of the occupation. Sure, it may be easy, but it is very, very tedious. There are times when a simple task can even become tiring, but yet I believe that is the challenge of the job; endurance of what the average individual considers "easy."

Post 22: Exauhsted

2009-02-22T03:15:00.000-05:00

Post 21: Time is irrelavent

2009-02-20T23:48:00.003-05:00

Firstly, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for my delay. I've noticed it has been a while since I've posted anything at all, especially the events I said I would post (the ones of her arrival). But that time is long since gone and so now I might as well fill you in on what is occurring as of now.

Quite a bit has changed with me since I last remember writing here. For starters, got rehired at the place I hate the most. To be honest though, I don't really "hate" the place as much as I would dislike it. It's simply the nonprofessional attitude of the whole place tends to throw me off key thus making me feel apathetic about my current employment. I have also tried and failed at many attempts of obtaining another job, but during this "economic crisis" the probability of success is probably below 30%. So, while I'm still trying, I have also bought a new laptop capable of achieving many tasks required from me (although I am still awaiting my version of photoshop cs3, since cs2 doesn't work on Vista). The computer itself isn't that bad, It's actually rather decent. But it's already day 2 of me using it and I'm beginning to have problems already. Perhaps it's the usage of windows Vista that is the source of this problem. I was thinking about installing Ubuntu as an alternative operating system, but we'll have to see about that. Aside from buying a laptop and working somewhere where I deem pointless, comes a bigger factor in my life. This such unknown factor requires me to make a huge if not necessary move to change my life and how I live.... FOREVER! (dun dun dun).

I suppose I'll update on my "big plan" in later blogs but as for now, those are all the physical changes which took place during my absence from blogging. As for my mental aspects, it seems that I took a much more introspective approach on the world around me. I've been watching quite a lot of videos and reading a lot of excerpts from well renown, and even unheard of, philosophers from around the world. It seems that the subject of philosophy, metaphysics, and any other alternative thinking interests me a great deal, I just... don't know how to really approach it in the future. All I know upon that topic is I am still learning, and thus continue learning and never stop, for it's a never ending process with the "limit of infinity".

Well, I suppose that's all I have to say for now (since my thought process went A.D.D on me and all), but I will remember to blog sometime soon! besides, It's interesting to read these after a prolonged period of time and see what was going on in my life at this particular time (: kind of like building your own history through the perspective and writing of yourself! Quite an intriguing concept. After all, what else would be done of personal blogs if not documenting personal history?