B.S. Goals

Ep.17: Three-Way with Taylor, Paul, and Jordan

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Mon, 25 Jun 2012 20:08:00 -0400

We are proud to present our first ever bs interview with the lovely Taylor Stevens! We chat with Tay about her controversial appearance during the Stanley Cup Finals, and her love of the Toronto Maple Leafs among other, ahem, big things. Also discussed is the shocking Draft Day news out of the Steel City, and Matt's sudden change for the best since leaving Philadelphia, albeit only temporary. For the record, we gladly give Miss Stevens an honorary 10 out of 10 on our Bullshitometer!

Ep.16: Nightcrawler Puck

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Sat, 16 Jun 2012 10:11:00 -0400

A rare 2-goal night for the bs boys. Matt on location in LA for the cup finals, Jason on location in his bathroom for god only knows. First we see some typical Swedish goal followed by our first ever teleporting puck! These notched a 7.5 and 8.687435987.

B.S. Nightmare -- Calder Cup Finals

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Fri, 8 Jun 2012 10:29:00 -0400

Check out this massive b.s. goal scored in overtime during game 3 of the Calder Cup finals. 10 out of 10? Well, maybe if it was the cup clinching goal, but Jason would definitely balk. Puck Daddy was first on the scene.

Ep.15: B.S. Rant

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Mon, 7 May 2012 20:41:00 -0400

The boys crawl out from underneath the woodwork to rant about their respective teams' playoff performances for nearly three quarters of an hour. Matt downward spirals. Res guest stars. Nikolai "Old Reliable" Khabibulan delivers some beautiful b.s.!

We saw a classic Khabi 8 out of 8.

Quickie B.S.

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 08:41:00 -0500

Check out this b.s. goal submitted by @pattmorter. He scored this goal with Steve Sullivan during an online matchup.

I've scored goals when my player was on his knees before, and I've scored goals using the diving poke-check method (especially in 09). But I've never seen a goal result from a violent stick sweep like this one before. I have to say, big f-up on your opponent's part for failing to freeze this puck. He obviously tosses it into the slot with Neal, Malkin, and Sullivan in his face. So I'm obligated to dock some b.s. points right there. Of course, if the computer had made such a grievous error, you would have gained b.s. points galore. All-in-all, I'd still see it fair to grant this a 6 out of 10. I think you got a little lucky because of the goalie blunder, and your timing with the stick sweep was also lucky. But the b.s. that stands out to me most is the wicked velocity this shot has and the pinpoint accuracy of this sort of atypical stick handling. That and the fact that Sullivan was laying on the ice before the goalie even dropped the puck. And plus one for scoring b.s. with the Pens!

Ep.14: Hiller's Homage to Bill Buckner

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 20:00:00 -0500

Our New Year's b.s. has finally arrived! First we talk about our wasting 45 minutes of podcast time when skype disconnects and we lose our recording. Dejected and drunk, from then on we phone-in the remainder of the episode. Jason drives Matt crazy with his newly acquired toy soundboard. Father-to-be Jason asks Matt for his input on an NHL au pair selection. Eventually (@ the 6:20 mark for those of you who like to speed through our senseless banter) we analyze Jonas Hiller's best Bill Buckner impersonation. We meant to include original audio and video, but are too intimidated by Major League Baseball's legal department. For some reason Jason blames Liam Niesen for all his troubles, before finally shriveling into a cocoon of self-deprecation and despair. And a bunch of other useless crap is discussed before we predict the demise of this short-lived series.

Our first goal of 2012 scored an 8.5 on our b.s. meter!

BS Merch

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Mon, 9 Jan 2012 14:39:00 -0500

We are excited to offer some BS Goals merchandise to all two of our die-hard b.s. fans! Right now we have a limited edition refrigerator magnet that not only looks sharp, but also does a wonderful job of displaying the pictures you drew of Lemieux and Barrasso when you were in the fifth grade.

To acquire one of these fine works of art, all we ask for is a meager $5 tax-deductible (not really) donation to our BS Goals pork barrel fund. Simply click HERE and send us your mailing address to claim yours now!

Happy New Year

Ep.13: A Very Special B.S. Holiday Special

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 09:45:00 -0500

Our obligatory holiday episode. First we discuss our Christmas wishlists, which may or may not include the return of Darius Kasparaitis. Then we showcase our very first real life b.s. goal, brought to you by none other than (you guessed it) the great country of Sweden! Next, we have a viewer submitted goal that is soooooo b.s., Jason briefly considers it the holy grail of all b.s.--the ever-coveted, ever-elusive 10--but then quickly thinks better of his hasty rating. Finally, we humbly predict the conference leaders come mid-January. Enjoy the holidays and be sure to check back for some new year's b.s.!

Our first ever real life b.s. notched an 8.5, and our viewer b.s. scored an impressive 9.5--our highest rating ever!

Ep.12: B.S. Clip Show

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Mon, 5 Dec 2011 09:45:00 -0500

I've always hated when television shows throw together an episode full of clips. It all started back on February 13, 1988, when The Golden Girls aired two back-to-back thirty minute clip shows, titled "Golden Moments" (to appease our more curious viewers, I'm talking about episodes 318 and 319). The TV Guide logline for that evening read: Sophia tells the girls she is going to move out and move in with her son Phil out in New York. This leads to a series of flashbacks between the girls over the times they have had over the past few years. Utter let-down... And for those of you who may have forgotten, Phil was a cross-dresser, which would have made for an amazing spin-off if Sophia had indeed decided to move in with him.

Anyways, as I am not one to heed my own advice, we've put together our very own cliched clip show for your enjoyment and/or disdain. During this nostalgic reminiscence, we reveal some never-before-heard-of BS Goals secrets, such as our censorship protocol for the use of the word t@!%#, and the former cohabitation between Matt and a family of squirrels. Jason floors Matt when he breaks out a flawless, and most unanticipated, Dave Coulier impression. Also, old wounds are re-opened when we once again debate the side-sleeper/back-sleeper/hard/soft mattress accusations. Inevitably, we both initially fail at correctly guessing the others favorite episode. Then we reveal the results of our viewer's choice BS Poll. And finally, we announce the winner of our very first twitter contest. So stick around!

Twitter Contest Results

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Mon, 5 Dec 2011 09:44:00 -0500

We have a winner of our #bestbsgoal twitter contest! Although he entered the contest after the cut-off date, and although he is obviously a Flyers fan (and Matt is having issues coming to terms with that), we've decided to crown @flyers2525 the champion. Good job being the only legitimate contestant, and also correctly guessing our favorites!

If you watch Episode 12, you might be confused as to why we don't announce him as the winner. Again, @flyers2525 entered after the contest end date and also after we recorded the episode, and we're too lazy to go back and make the proper corrections. So, take it or leave it.
Check back for more exciting BS Goals twitter contests!

Ep.11: Corey "Pinball Wizard" Perry

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 21:34:00 -0500

Not to be overshadowed by Sidney Crosby's triumphant return, Corey Perry uses his sick pinball wizard skills to throw some spooky b.s. behind the legendary Patrick Roy and secure a huge upset for team Canada. We call upon Pierre McGuire to help clear up our confusion surrounding Mike Richards's legends status in NHL12. Also in this episode, we are excited to bring you our very first viewer-submitted b.s. goal. Finally, Matt offers Jason some pivotal advice regarding his upcoming visit to the D.

We witnessed an 8.75 for our b.s., and deemed the viewer's b.s worthy of a 7.75 on the BS Meter.

B.S. Poll & Twitter Contest

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 09:31:00 -0500

It's time for our very first BS Poll. We're conducting this survey for an upcoming podcast. Please take a quick second to vote for your favorite BS Goals episode. Make sure you catch up on our archived videos first if you haven't seen them all.

Now, for a chance to win an authentic piece of BS Goals memorabilia, all you have to do is:

(1) follow @bsgoals on twitter
(2) correctly guess both Matt's favorite episode AND Jason's favorite episode
(3) tweet your answer and include #bestbsgoal within your tweet

Example: #bestbsgoal Jason-ep4, Matt-ep4

Hint: Don't guess episode 4 for both of us--if so, you are sure to lose.

The winner(s) will be announced during Episode 12, currently scheduled to air sometime in December.

GOOD LUCK!!!

Entries must be received by 11:59pm PST on 11/26/11.

Contest winner(s) must follow @bsgoals on twitter, must correctly guess Matt's one favorite episode and Jason's one favorite episode, and must include both answers in one tweet with #bestbsgoal.

Prizes will be mailed out no later than 1/31/12.

Prize valued at approximately priceless.

Many will enter, few will win.

Ep.10: Nikolai Kha-BS-in -- Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 11:05:00 -0500

Finally, the highly anticipated conclusion of Nikolai Khabiboozin's four b.s. goal night! First, a rehash of part one's b.s. Then, after causing Matt to develop a low self-esteem complex, Jason pitches a "BFF Goals" spinoff podcast, but as it were a stupid idea, it is swiftly extinguished.

We saw a 7.5 and a 9 during the thrilling conclusion of this monumental quadruple b.s. episode.

Ep.10: Nikolai Kha-BS-in -- Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 14:00:00 -0500

We hammer away at a BS Goals first quadruple b.s., courtesy of Nikolai Khabiboozin! Our sudden rise to b.s. podworld fame is discussed at length. Obviously a closet Swede, Jason turns all homer for Zetterberg and Lidstrom. There was so much b.s., that we had to split it into two episodes! Check back next week for the exciting conclusion.

[Disclaimer: Matt does not share in Jason's positive views and opinions of Zetterberg and/or Lidstrom. In fact, as a lifelong Penguins follower, Matt's disgust for the Red Wings is only slightly below his disdain for terrorism, third-world famine, and Flyers/Phillies/Eagles fans.]

We saw a 7.5 and a 6 during the first half of this monumental quadruple b.s. episode.

Ep.9: Shadow of Death Puck

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Wed, 2 Nov 2011 17:34:00 -0400

OUR FIRST NHL12 BS!!! James Reimer walks through the valley of the shadow of death for this b.s. goal. Also discussed is the Pens' hot start, and Matt's ongoing development of food allergen issues.

This goal netted an 8 out of 10 on our fancy new Swedish BS Meter!

Ep.8: Jumbo B.S.

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Wed, 5 Oct 2011 20:41:00 -0400

We talk a little bit about NHL12. Jason fires three burning questions at Matt about the upcoming Pittsburgh Penguins' season. Mike Yeo and Dany Heatley are once again picked on (rightfully so). And we offer you our final b.s. of NHL11. It's been one hell of a ride!

This goal notched a 6 out of 10 on our BS meter!

Ep.7: Tim Thomas: Narcoleptic Side Sleeper

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 22:11:00 -0400

Tim Thomas suffers a narcoleptic attack at the most inopportune moment of his nationals career. We have a BS Goals first 10-not-10 rating! Also, mattress firmness is discussed in great detail. We also introduce the details of our first b.s. twitter contest. Jason convinces himself that this episode is so good that it's better than PTO. Finally, we spend a day in the life of a fainting goat. Must miss action!

This goal earned a 7.5 out of 10 on our good ole BS meter!

Ep.6: Dupuis Blows Home a Goal

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Fri, 1 Jul 2011 23:26:00 -0400

Pascal Dupuis blows a puck in behind Anti Niemi. Plus, Matt and Jason discuss the plethora of b.s. surrounding the Pittsburgh Penguins' free agency fiasco. Not since Jaromir Jagr turned a 10 year-old me down for his autograph have I been more devastated.

This goal got like a 6.75 on our BS meter.

The Jagr/Talbot/Flyers debacle got a whopping 10 out of 10!!!

Ep.5: Modin's Five-Hole-in-One

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Thu, 26 May 2011 22:11:00 -0400

Frederik Modin of team Sweden demonstrates his best Arnold Palmer impersonation and tees a puck from center red all the way between Jonas Hiller's five-hole. A pure five-hole-in-one! Also discussed is Playstation Network's severe boosh-up and several possible alternate b.s. podcasts that Matt and Jason may take on should a network blackout happen again.

This goal earned a solid 9 out of 10 on our BS meter.

Ep.4: Playoff Predictor - Round 1 / Western Conference / Part A

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 06:34:00 -0400

Special edition playoff prediction podcast. Stanley Cup Playoffs, Round 1, Western Conference. First we predict the outcome of the Anaheim/Nashville series, followed by the Detroit/Phoenix series.

And yes, there will be b.s.

Ep.3: Marc-Andre Fleury Poops in a Game Winner

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Wed, 6 Apr 2011 11:05:00 -0400

Pittsburgh takes on Tampa Bay in the first of a series of "playoff prediction" match-ups. A tight-checking game leads to a shootout where Martin St. Louis, Matt's most despised player in all of NHL11, inevitably rallies to haunt him, Marc-Andre Fleury, and the entire Pittsburgh fan base.

This goal scored a 5 on our BS meter.

The same game also brings us our first "misdemeanor" b.s. goal, courtesy of Dwayne Roloson's imminent senility.

This goal scored a modest 2.25 on our BS meter.

Finally, so as not to develop an inferiority complex, Matt surprises Jason with a thing of b.s. from the distant past involving his most hated player, the ageless Teemu Selanne.

This goal scored a healthy 8.5 on our BS meter.

Enjoy!

Ep.2: Henrick Sedin's Magic Bullet Goal

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 08:34:00 -0400

Not since the Zapruder film has a video conjured so much controversy over a single shot. Henrick Sedin and his fellow Swedes' suspicious behavior (especially that of Nicklas Lidstrom) cause us to dream up a magic puck conspiracy during this B.S. goal. We also take a moment to break down our freshly revamped intro sequence.

As always, your comments are encouraged!

This goal scored an 8 on our BS meter.

Ep.1: Kimmo Timonen S@#&s his Pants

noreply@blogger.com (BS Goals) — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 09:23:00 -0400

Our inaugural podcast involves a "s@#&s-his-pants" play way down at the opposite blue-line. Matt argues that the computer-controlled Kimmo Timonen clearly defecates in his pants. Jason disagrees, but respectfully offers the play a whopping 2 out of 4 possible toilet paper rolls.
Enjoy!

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