sari-sari

My Enchanted Kingdom Space Shuttle Ride

2011-05-30T19:36:00.000-07:00

Just the sight of it looked intimidating. And the thought that I will be up there, definitely unthinkable!

I don’t know what made me decide to do it, but I know I made it through with my heart still in my rib cage, and my brains intact. It was definitely quite a ride!

We were joined by some of our friends when me & my husband went to Enchanted Kingdom a few months back. It was a nice weekend. A bit cloudy, but not enough to bring in rain & dampen our spirits to have a good time. As soon as my friends saw me, they immediately pulled me away from my husband. And lo and behold, I was right there smack in the middle of a queue going up the Space Shuttle ride. I knew I wasn’t really that helpless. I knew I can just back out any minute, and simply endure their teasing for not being courageous enough to take the ride. But what the heck, I promised myself that this is just one of my fears that I have to face.

When our time came, my good friend Keijee took the seat beside me. Being the “pro” rider, she instructed me to rest my head at the support behind me, so as to prevent any neck injuries. And when she said, “Ready?”, I felt the ride moved even before I can say yes. Slowly… oh so slowly it went up. It went really so high I thought I can see the whole CALABARZON region up to Batanes from where I was seated. I felt more like more like I was standing up than sitting down due to the tilt of the structure. Then the sudden drop happened.

I felt like a leaf being blown by the wind. I can feel that I was moving sideways from left to right, then from right to left on a whim. How I wish that any moment it will end. I thought it was an eternity… then it happened. I felt we were like being pulled upwards, slowly. Upwards… upwards? And when I opened my eyes, I saw as if I was really going up to the clouds. Heaven…? Then it happened, a very strong gravitational pull moved the rides to go backwards. Here we go again…

I felt like my intestines and other internal organs were being mixed inside me. I again felt the twists and the turns, the sideways motion, the upside-down position, name it… I think I had it all.

Then we suddenly came to a halt. And when I looked at my friend, I said I can feel my head spinning. Then she excitedly asked, “Did you see everything?” I was quiet for a second, then asked, “Am I supposed to have my eyes open during the whole ride?”

She just laughed, and I told her, “Why didn’t you tell me?” And we just laughed together.

Yes, it was one heck of a ride. I know this is something I will never have done a lifetime ago. But this is my journey about conquering my fears, no matter how mundane they may appear to some. My life was once a roller coaster ride. The many ups & downs. The many twists and turns. The many mixed emotions going on while things happen around me. All seemed to have happened beyond my control. But they really happened because of the choices I have made.

I could have chosen not to take the Space Shuttle ride, but still I did.

A few lifetimes ago, I did the things I do because I just allowed things to happen around me. But now, I want to do these things because somehow, I know it will be my chance to reinforce upon myself that no matter what happens in my life’s journey, I am responsible. And hopefully, moving forward, I will be doing things with my eyes wide open.

re-discovery

2011-05-30T17:51:00.001-07:00

I have gone through a lot of phases in my life. A few of them too painful, I just wish they never happened. I know that bit & pieces of me are still scattered out there, waiting to be recovered, waiting to be reconnected to make me whole again.

But I know that everything takes time. And my time hasn’t really come yet.

So instead of wallowing in self-pity, instead of drowning myself with my own tears, instead of worrying about things that may never happen… I knew I needed to stand up, and somehow, re-invent myself to face the things that made me afraid. I’m still a bit scarred & scared, but I know that taking small baby steps now will prepare me to make long strides in the days to come.

My first step took me to that 1 step to find a place I can call home. Living with my husband now gave me a sense of security, a sense of belongingness and oneness I thought I can never find. He’s my source of strength. He taught me that I need to be courageous, because it is fear which will put me down. He taught me that I have an inner strength, what I only need to do is to re-discover them.

I am in a journey right now. It is the longing to be re-connected which drives me to be where I am today.

Journey… discovery… re-discovery… re-learning the things I have always known. Buried in my past, but aching to come out and become the one it was destined to be.

cluttered

2011-05-27T00:41:00.000-07:00

i'm still at a lost, i must admit.

i want to start writing about some things which i hold dear to my heart, but my mind's taking me someplace else. how i wish i can clear the clutter inside my brain, and just be able to sit down and start creating pictures out of the words that i will write.

but nothing seems to be working right now...

my feet are rarin' to go out and be there where the action is.

should i stay? or should i start wandering, and start my journey towards self-discovery?

sampaguita

2011-05-25T23:51:00.000-07:00

“no ma’am, i won’t accept your money unless you get my sampaguita.” it was delivered by a frail, small boy.

the vendor just gave me my change for an item i bought. and a little boy, a sampaguita vendor, upon seeing that i have some loose change, took the chance to sell me his last sampaguita strand. i asked how much a strand costs, and then he told me it’s 10 pesos.

feeling the spirit of the Christmas season (it was december when this happened), i took out a 20-peso bill and gave it to him. i told him that he can keep his sampaguita & that i’ll just give him money.

his answer caught me by surprise, “ma’am i’m not begging, i’m selling you my sampaguita.”

i was stunned, my first reaction was surprise… then a wee bit of irritation. i was thinking like, for such a small boy — maybe about 10 or 11, an air of arrogance was already there.

but then… could it be that i also went overboard? he may be a little boy, but he’s already out there in the streets, at night at that, so that he can earn something for a living. so unlike the many street urchins i encounter everyday… i know he’s different.

and i know that his response to me, when i handed him that 20-peso bill, spelled that difference.