Infertile Myrtle

Proud Wife

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Wed, 30 May 2012 22:32:00 +0000

This weekend Kyle and I went to Portland, OR for the last electric car race. After this quarter everyone in Kyle's class is moving on. He's still thinking about taking this class again but this group won't be together any more.

They have worked so hard on this car and this weekend was a lot of fun. They got to show off the new fiberglass body and everything. They were quite the hit!

Yesterday Kyle saw this when he was leaving his last class.

I'll post more pics when I'm not on my phone. I'm so proud of them and my Hubby especially!

Cliffhanger

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Fri, 25 May 2012 01:30:00 +0000

{Via}

I've decided recently that "cliffhanger" pretty much describes my life, especially right now. One cliffhanger after another.

We don't know what's going to happen, frequently.

And I don't like it.

First, it's what's going to happen regarding our infertility (and obviously that's ongoing). Then it's what's going to happen with our jobs (I need a new one that pays better and gives me insurance/benefits, Kyle just needs one that's going to pay him regularly)? After that it's what's going to happen with our living situation?

Ugh! I hate cliffhangers! I don't watch suspenseful movies very often because I don't like how they make me feel, all anxious and nervous. Give me a RomCom any day over something that's going to make my blood pressure rise!

I know I haven't shared a lot about what we're going through but suffise it to say, we're moving...in less than a month. Anxious is an understatement to how I'm feeling. I want to throw up, and had to hold it back several times this morning. I've got next to no appetite even though I'm forcing myself to eat when my tummy is rumbling at me. I have to figure out what to put in storage and what I can live with in one room, because we're more than likely moving in with my inlaws for awhile. How do you condense a lifetime of crap into one room?! No freaking clue!

This is the sacrifice we're making while Kyle is in school for the next few years. And a sacrifice it is! I don't know how to deal with this. I despise moving, everything about it! I moved so often growing up that I told Kyle when we got married that I refuse to move constantly. We've been lucky in that we've been in our house for 6 years but UGH!!! I'm freaking out!

We're 32 freaking years old and moving back in with our (Kyle's) parents! I'm having a very difficult time with this. Right now we have a great relationship with them. I don't want us living with them to ruin that.

The two things that are giving me the most anxiety are:

1. Milo. He's 13 years olds and an indoor cat that goes outside when we're home, if he wants. He's also a royal pain in the ass! He pees on anything that's left on the floor & I've never been able to get him to stop. I put up with it because I've had him since he was a kitten and I love him despite this annoyance, but I don't think my inlaws are going to be so accommodating if he's peeing on their things.

2. I have Celiac disease. I'm afraid of cross-contamination. It's easy enough to deal with when we just visit but how will it work living there? I just don't know. It makes me very nervous. As of this moment it's not 100% that we'll be moving in with them but I'd say a good 98% it's going to happen.

I just want to cry.

I almost did on my way to work this morning. Would not have been good to show up with puffy eyes. The only thing I've told this client is that we're moving. I don't want to share anything else with them.

Aside from our infertility this is probably one of the most difficult things we've had to go through / deal with. I'm trying with all my might to lean on Jesus but I'm just horrible at changes and letting go. It's hard! I've been reading Jesus Calling daily which definitely speaks to me regularly. (I can't remember now who recommended it but I thank you, whoever you are! It's been a blessing in my life for sure!)

Have I mentioned that I hate cliffhangers? Cuz I do! Seriously wishing my life wasn't one big fat cliffhanger right now!

Mother's Day For Us Infertile's

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Sun, 13 May 2012 06:15:00 +0000

{Via}

I was at the chiropractor the other day and she told me that because she doesn't have kids {which I don't know if is by choice or infertility} she has renamed tomorrow "Caregiver's Day" because we're all caregivers in one way or another. She said that she's got 600 people come to her for caregiving services. I like the idea. ;0)

I read an article the other day that I wanted to share. It's titled Surviving Mother's Day with Infertility. It really gives some great self-preservation tips. So if you're in this Infertility Camp on this most dreaded day of the year, take a read and I hope and pray that we can all survive tomorrow!

Edited to add:
Here is a poem that I shared last year that I think is really awesome.
And the video, "I Would Die For That". Says everything right there. I would do anything and everything to have a baby of my very own!

Stronger

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Wed, 09 May 2012 20:23:00 +0000

This video was done on one of the floors at Seattle Children's Hospital. So awesome!

Review: "Fresh Produce"

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Wed, 09 May 2012 20:16:00 +0000

The heart of the Fresh Produce is rooted in the positive impact of color. We love color and want our customers to light up the room in our clothes. From casual tops and feminine dresses to decorative scarves and stylish pants, Fresh Produce is dedicated to creating feel-good clothes women want to wear every day. The coastal-inspired colors and broad assortment of easy-to-wear pieces are flattering and comfortable on all shapes and sizes and are available in Extra Fresh plus sizes as well as children’s styles. The comfortable fabrics, fit and style reflect carefree ease.

Fresh Produce is co-founded and still run by a mom entrepreneur, Mary Ellen Veron, and is primarily made in the USA. You’ll find the clothing sold in Fresh Produce stores and more than 500 specialty retailers throughout the US and Caribbean.

**********

I chose and have been wearing around The Active Long-sleeve Jacket in the color Oyster for the past couple of weeks and I love it! I ordered it in Medium and it fits similarly to other jackets that I already own. For some people the sleeves may be a bit long, but I think I have short arms and I actually like it when the cuff doesn't sit right at my wrist. There's some decorative stitching across the front, chest area which I find flatters the jacket, and therefore me.

The material is a soft cotton with a tiny bit of stretch to it, which is exactly what I love. Comfortable, cute and something that I can just run around in every day. The color is gray with a hint of blue and it goes well with the colors I wear on a regular basis.

One of the first days I wore this, I was carrying coffee in a travel cup and my purse slipped off my shoulder which made my coffee slosh. It sloshed all over my arm/sleeve. I went inside and was able to wipe it pretty clean with a damp cloth and you'd never know that I spilled. It didn't leave any weird marks from rubbing. It came out of the wash great, too.

If you get a chance to try any Fresh Produce products, do it! They seem like a great company with well made clothes!

Go here if you're looking for casual clothes.
If you're looking for something a little unique go here.
If you've got a vacation coming up, check out the casual vacation clothing here.

They're currently having a Mother's Day special: Buy One Get One 50% Off All Dresses! Enter coupon code LOVEMOM. Check them out!

Fresh Produce now ships to over 200 countries, so women outside the US can enjoy the colorful styles, too.

I was given the jacket as compensation for my review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

Sick To My Stomach

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Tue, 08 May 2012 06:48:00 +0000

All of my pictures are gone!

What the hell? I want to cry. Seriously!

PLEASE, ANYONE, is there anything I can do to get them back without going and TRYING to replace four years of pictures in here?

I don't know exactly what happened.

What I DO know is that I kept on getting a thing when I logged onto my blog telling me that there was something having to do with malware that needed to be removed so I finally figured out what it was and I went and deleted that particular blog from my sidebar.

Then I went and googled how to detect and get rid of malware and I've done a couple of different programs to make that crap go away. Apparently malware includes my pictures? Or something?

I need some serious help! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE! If you know ANYTHING about this stuff will you please contact me?! I want to throw up!

REVELATION - I think I'm gonna die...

The other day I was going through my phone and for some reason, when I got this phone, some way, some how when I set it up, every. single. picture. from my blog was on my phone and I deleted those albums. So this really has nothing to do with the malware crap, huh? UGH!!!!!! I am going to cry, I'm going to cry, I'm going to cry. WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?!?! Is there nothing I can do about THAT?!

My Infertility Prayer

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Sun, 06 May 2012 23:13:00 +0000

{I unfortunately do not know the original source.}

Part of My Heart

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Thu, 03 May 2012 04:15:00 +0000

For Christmas my sister bought my dad a Groupon for Yuen Lui that lets him get family pictures done every three months for a year. They recently went and did the first set. For this round it was my dad, step-mom, sister and her family. We weren't able to make it.

The pictures have now become available online and tonight my dad posted this one on Facebook. My nephews are getting SO BIG!! I love those little boogers so much! Evan is now 6 and Kingston is 4!! I can't believe it. I remember clearly, when both of them were born.

Just wanted to share. :)

Oh, and btw, my dad bribed them with ice cream in order to get such good smiles. LOL

Tough Times

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Wed, 02 May 2012 20:11:00 +0000

{Via}

Kyle was going through some stuff in our computer room today and then I was going through some of the things that he set aside. One of the things was a devotional similar to "Jesus Calling", but titled "Heaven Calling". I picked it up and turned to today and was just Wow'ed!

I read my daily "Jesus Calling" devotional this morning. Here is what it says for May 2, 2012:

Living in dependence on me is the way to enjoy abundant life. You are learning to appreciate tough times, because they amplify your awareness of My Presence. Tasks that you used to dread are becoming rich opportunities to enjoy My closeness. When you feel tired, you remember that I am your Strength; you take pleasure in leaning on Me. I am pleased by your tendency to turn to Me more and more frequently, especially when you are alone.

When you are with other people, you often lose sight of My Presence. Your fear of displeasing people puts you in bondage to them, and they become your primary focus. When you realize this has happened, whisper My Name; this tiny act of trust brings Me to the forefront of your consciousness, where I belong. As you bask in the blessing of My nearness, My life can flow through you to others. This is abundant life!

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.
Proverbs 29:25

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
John 10:10

And then this is from "Heaven Calling" for May 2:

All The Right Pieces

Beloved, my plans for you have been in place since the foundations of the earth. And my plans always come to pass.

I worked through the troubles of the king and queen of Persia to open the way for my servant Esther to be in the royal court. No one knew what was soon to befall my people, but I did. I desired to have one of my children in a position of influence with the king.

My ways are not always clear, so when strange things seem to happen in your world, trust that I have a plan and I am moving circumstances in that direction. What looks confusing to you is simply me putting the right pieces in place for the next part of my plan.

Your part? Just continue walking daily with me. You never know when I will call you to a task larger than yourself.

I will walk with you, Lord, and be ready whenever and wherever you need me.

{Read Esther 1}

There are some pretty big unknowns in my {our} life right now and I think He just might be trying to tell me something.

Photo A Day - April

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Tue, 01 May 2012 06:17:00 +0000

Can you believe this is the last day of April, already? I swear, this year is already flying by. Hard to believe it's almost half over!

I already take a million pictures as it is, so this Photo-A-Day challenge is really fun and gives me more ideas of things to take pictures of.

So, to finish off the month, here is the past 10 days.

Day 21 - Bottle

My options for the night: wine, gluten-free beer or Moscato. I chose the beer.

Day 22 - The last thing you bought

Our pastor used cheesecake as an example of temptation.
After church Kyle told me that all he could think about was cheesecake so he thought I needed to make one.
Little did I know it was a multi-day process! I know now. ;0)

Day 23 - Vegetable

Carrots and hummus. One of my favorite snacks.

Day 24 - Something you're grateful for

My sister and my mom. Love them!

Day 25 - Looking down

Standing in my clients driveway waiting for the bus driver to get my client off the school bus.

Day 26 - Black & White

My purse, my wallet and my make up bag. LOVE. THEM.

Day 27 - Somewhere you went

My not-so-favorite monthly visitor joined me on this day and it was bad.
PT is THE ONLY place I went this day.
Thankfully it's 2 minutes from my house so I went right back home and got back into my pj's after.

Day 28 - 1:00 PM

Target to get a couple of birthday cards.

Day 29 - Circle

My gas gauge.
Sad how quickly it gets to E. I filled it up just the day before.

Day 30 - Something that makes you sad

Self-explanatory.

Now, we're moving onto May! If anyone else wants to do this too, here is the list for May:

"I Can Make Life" - Winner Announced

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 13:00:00 +0000

I know that this is going to sound confusing, but let me break it down.

First of all, IntenseDebate, the commenting program that is supposed to be used on here, frequently decides to stop working and anyone that has commented on a post, then has their comments deleted. Of course, I still see them so I then go and re-post them into the Blogger commenting system. While highly annoying, this usually doesn't matter, except this time it did it during a giveaway! FRUSTRATING!!

So, what I did in order to get the winner is that I counted starting with the first comments that I received with IntenseDebate, then I continued with those of you that commented with Blogger, ignoring my own posts. I hope that makes sense!

With all that said, the winner of the HARD COPY of "I Can Make Life" by Nicole Breit is:

The other four of you that entered will get ebook copies.

Nikke, the hard copy comes out in the middle of May so send me your address and I'll forward it to Nicole who will send it to you once she has it in hand.

For the rest of you, I'll give Nicole your email address so she can send you the ebooks.

Thank you guys for entering the giveaway and I hope that you enjoy the book!!!

Feelings Matter

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Sun, 29 Apr 2012 06:45:00 +0000

Don't Ignore...Your Feelings.

As I've mentioned previously, this week is National Infertility Awareness Week. It is brought to us by RESOLVE.

RESOLVE's goal is to increase the conversation about infertility and to inform the public that:

Infertility is a disease that affects 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age
There are many ways to build a family
Help reduce the stigma by bringing attention to the details/issues/costs surrounding all ways people diagnosed with infertility can build a family.
Understand when to seek the help of a specialist

Something that I want people to understand is that, as a woman that's been infertile for close to a decade, I have feelings, even if I don't show them.

You see, over the years, I've gotten REALLY good at pushing my feelings away in order to not make those around me feel uncomfortable. But you know what? That gets really tiring.

Sometimes, I need to actually FEEL my feelings rather than hide them.

I need friends and family to realize that I hurt.

Yes, I am {eventually} happy for them every time they announce another pregnancy, but at the same time that I want to show them excitement, I also want to throw up because, once again, I've been passed by.

Year after year, month after month, day after day, I'm being passed by.

I WANT to feel happiness and excitement and the thrill of anticipation, but most of the time, I feel like I've been punched in the gut, anxious, nervous, hurt, sad, angry...none of it geared towards them, but for myself and my body which has failed and betrayed me so many times over.

Every month I don't even bother taking a pregnancy test. I quit doing that years ago. Admittedly, on the longer cycles when I have no idea what is going on with my body, I have peed on a stick just for peace of mind, but knowing that I won't ever see that second line. Taking the tests though, and seeing a negative, just is too painful so I don't bother putting myself through that.

Every month, I try with everything in me to not have hope, but on the rare occasion that I do let myself dream, I think of all of the 'what-ifs'. How would I react to a positive pregnancy test? How would I tell Kyle? How would I tell our friends and family? What would it be like to actually be pregnant, go into labor, give birth and finally hold my very own baby in my arms? Honestly, while I rarely let myself think those things, I do sometimes but it hurts too much so I quickly push those thoughts away. Squashed before I ever get past the positive test.

ALL of my friends have kids. Every. Single. One. Of. Them. Most of them have more than one. I know that they try to understand my feelings and where I'm coming from, but they really have no clue. They don't know the pain and hurt that I feel every single day of my life.

My family tries to get it, too, but they don't. Most of the time when I say something about someone else's baby or pregnancy {as in, "did you hear, blah blah blah} I get blank stares and/or pity looks. They want to understand, I think, but again, they just don't.

My feelings matter though!

I need to remember that when I feel like hiding from them and everyone around me.

My feelings matter and I need my family and friends to remember that. I need them to ask me every now and then how I'M doing.

When it comes to Infertility though, I know that instead of talking about it, people, my friends and family, shy away from it because they just don't know what to say. They don't want to offend me or make me feel badly so instead of saying the "wrong" thing, they say nothing at all. Which, if I'm being honest, a lot of times I don't actually mind that because it does hurt so much to talk about, but at the same time I DO wish that they'd try to get past the "I'm Fine" attitude that I put forth most of the time.

I'm pretty sure I've said enough things about "Infertility Etiquette" over the years that most of the time, the stupid comments do not flow from the mouths of people I know and love. However, from strangers, yeah, I still get the stupid, ridiculous comments all. the. time.

"Just relax"
"Why don't you just adopt?"
"Go get drunk, then you'll get pregnant."
"Go on vacation."
"How come you haven't done IVF?"
"Maybe God has other plans for you?"
"You can have my kids, they're driving me nuts! Are you sure you want this?"
"Hey, enjoy your sleep, travels, etc while you can!"

And the comments go on and on and on. People can just be so rude and dense sometimes.

Yes, these things HURT me. What I wouldn't give to have a baby of my own. I'd give anything. People that say these dumb things just are completely clueless or mean. I understand that a lot of times people mean well, and generally I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but that doesn't mean their words don't make me want to run to the bathroom and cry.

Once again, my feelings matter, and people that say these things are not taking my feelings into consideration.

I want people to consider their words before saying these hurtful things to someone that's living through infertility.

Because OUR Feelings Matter.

{Via}

**********

To learn more about infertility and NIAW, visit these links provided by RESOLVE, below:

http://www.resolve.org/infertility101 (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

I Can Make Life - An NIAW Giveaway

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 04:30:00 +0000

The giveaway is now closed.

Thank you to those of you that entered! Because there was only five of you that entered, I'll be doing the drawing for the hard copy.

I'll give your email addresses to Nicole so she can send you the ebooks.

I'll post the winner of the hard copy tomorrow.

Thank you again!!

**********H Y S T E R O S A L P I N G O G R A M

I’ve been counting days again.

In ten the doctor will ask if I’ve taken a pain killer

before she shoots the dye into my uterus.

The technician will sit at her station and

watch the dark blue fluid fill me up.

The moment it is released is an explosion

of ink –

an indigo cloud uncurling itself, reaching

its fingers out to the borders

of a fetal waterworld

shaped like an inverted pear.

I think of an octopus releasing dye to obscure

a predator’s vision,

here, used to uncover what can’t be seen.

I tense, a trapped cephalopod, wanting to make its escape,

struggling to experience this violence as beautiful.

**********

"I Can Make Life, Nicole Breit's debut poetry collection, chronicles the poet's long journey to give birth to her son -- and to find peace. The collection explores the physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual impact of fertility treatments, pregnancy, miscarriage, and birth. It was a finalist for the 2012 Mary Ballard Poetry Prize, and has been hailed by poet Laisha Rosnau as "devastating and beautiful...a gorgeous memoir in verse".

{Provided by the author}

**********

Guess what my lovely peeps?!

Nicole wants to give away 5 ebooks and 1 hard copy to YOU!!

Is that not awesome or WHAT?!

I'm really excited about this giveaway. One, it's coming at the perfect time, right in the middle of National Infertility Awareness Week and two, it's an author that's been through the thick of it and has come out on the other side. She wants to share her experiences through her poetry and she wants to share it with you and me.

So, if you yourself are going through infertility or you know someone that is, then this is the book for you, and maybe a friend.

How To Win:

MANDATORY ENTRY:

If you're living through infertility, what is your best coping mechanism?

If you've been through infertility and have made it to the other side, what helped you the most when you were going through everything?

If you haven't suffered infertility but know someone that is or has been through it, how did you best support them?

ADDITIONAL ENTRIES:

LEAVE EACH ENTRY IN A SEPARATE COMMENT SO EACH ONE IS COUNTED!!!

Follow me, or let me know that you already do
Follow me on Twitter, or let me know that you already do
Like Infertile Myrtle on Facebook, or let me know that you already have
Follow Nicole on Twitter, or let me know that you already do
Friend Nicole on Facebook, or let me know that you already have
Tweet about my giveaway. You may do this as many times as you wish. Just be sure to leave a separate comment with the tweet link or your Twitter name for each one to be counted.

Tweet: .@MrsMeganC is giving away 6 copies of the book "I Can Make Life" by Nicole Breit. Enter to win here: http://t.co/Kifn8Ivz Pls RT!!

Post about my giveaway and give me the direct link to the post

Giveaway will end on April 28th at 9pm, Pacific Standard Time.

Winners will be chosen by Random.org.

Winners will be posted within 24 hours of the giveaway ending.

Be sure you leave a valid email address, if it's not already linked, in the comments. Winner{s} will have 48 hours to get back to me or a new winner will be drawn.

**Ebooks can be won by anyone, anywhere.

**Hard copy is eligible for those that live in the US or Canada. Please specify if you are in another country so we know you would like an ebook. Hard copy will be available the middle of May and will be sent out by Nicole Breit, the author.

NIAW - What A Start!

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 14:15:00 +0000

Yesterday was the kickoff for National Infertility Awareness Week!

Here in Washington, we finally, FINALLY had an almost summer day. It was GORGEOUS! We went to church, then I went out with my mom for a little bit. I went to the store to buy the ingredients to make a gluten-free cheesecake, but didn't actually get to finish making it yet, and then Kyle and I went to his sisters house where they didn't beat around the bush at all, and announced that they're 11 weeks pregnant! Ha! We KNEW it!

Our schedules were not matching up at all, but I knew they were going to tell us they were pregnant so I told Kyle that we had to make yesterday work because I just wanted to get it out of the way. I even told him that she was between 10 and 12 weeks along. Am I good or am I good? I'm GOOD! Sounds like they had a scary beginning and even through the infertility sting, I am very glad that she didn't have to experience a miscarriage.

Oh and yes, my MIL LIED to us! Remember Kyle called her the day before Easter to ask if Heidi was pregnant and she said not that she was aware of? Yeah, she knew. I'm assuming she just wanted the news to come from Heidi. Last night, Chad was the one that did most of the talking. He's the one that broke the news. I told them that we already knew. They were surprised by that, but I told him that I have PREGNANCY RADAR. Heidi looked so uncomfortable sitting there. I can't say that I blame her. I'm not always the easiest person to break this news to. But I SMILED and I said CONGRATULATIONS and I DIDN'T CRY! Go me!

Before this, I was looking on Facebook and one of the very last people I would ever imagine being a parent, announced a pregnancy. His wife's, not him. ;0) Sounds like them and Heidi are only a week or so apart from each other, both due in November. *sigh*

SO, that was MY start to NIAW. How about you?

{This is gonna be a busy week! I'm going to try my darndest to get some NIAW posts up but I'm not promising that there will be one every day. I mean, I'm going to MEET the Pioneer Woman tomorrow!!! I think that's pretty important stuff here, people! ;0) }

Henri the Black Cat

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 04:58:00 +0000

Have you guys seen this video? It's hilarious! I saw it the other day and then someone just posted it on Facebook and I remembered that I meant to post it here. It cracks me up! Enjoy!

Photo A Day

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 06:00:00 +0000

Awhile ago I was looking through Pinterest and I saw a photo challenge, which is apparently done monthly. I've seen the 365 one a bunch, but not really the monthly ones. Since I also, recently, discovered that Instagram is now available for Android users, I got it and have quickly become addicted {find me, I'm MrsMeganC}. It's too much fun! I decided that I would try this photo challenge this month and see how I do. It's been fun searching around for just the right thing for each day. Here, I'm going to list the first 20 days. Beware, we're about to have a photo-dumping par-tay! ;0)

First of all, here is the challenge itself.

Source: fatmumslim.com.au via Megan on Pinterest

Day 1 - Your Reflection

I went to a park and took my reflection in the murky pond.

Day 2 - Color

My client has this hanging from her bedroom door.
When I first started with her, about a year ago, she asked me to braid the individual ribbons together.
She's kept it that way since I did it.

Day 3 - Mail

A REFUND from BofA. Have you ever heard of that happening before?
Yeah, me either! We're feeling rich now!

Day 4 - Someone who makes you happy

This is April. She is my clients dog and she is so sweet!
She greets me with lots of enthusiasm whenever I get there. I feel the love!

Day 5 - Tiny

Last weekend my mom and I were walking around the city that she lives in
and we ventured into the antique shops along the way.
We had fun making fun of so many of the crazy things.
This case of miniatures was right near the front and was perfect for this day.

Day 6 - Lunch

When I can, I stop and get these tacos.
They are $.50 and SO FLIPPIN DELICIOUS!!
I get them at a place that used to be a Taco Bell but now is more of an authentic Mexican restaurant.

Day 7 - Shadow

My shadow on my car seat.

Day 8 - Inside your wallet

Nothing too exciting in here. No money, that's for sure! LOL

Day 9 - Younger you

My sister and me back in the day.
This picture is on the wall at my dad's house. One of my favorites.

Day 10 - Cold

Chocolate chip mint ice cream. LOVE. IT.

Day 11 - Where you ate breakfast

IF I eat breakfast, it's most likely in the car, as it was this day.
On the go is how I do it.

Day 12 - Stairs

These stairs are at my chiropractors office, where I go to feel both good and bad.

Day 13 - Something you found

I found these at a bakery/deli that's in a town over from me.
They are AMAZING and GLUTEN-FREE!!
I try to get there every couple of weeks for these and these:

The sandwich and rolls are awesome, but the bread. Oh the bread.
It is THE BEST gluten-free bread I've had in two years!
I'm sold and try to get it as often as possible!

Day 14 - How you feel today

Again, my mom and I were at the antique stores and we were laughing our butts off!
We decided that this one was "before coffee".

Then we were laughing at this and saying that she {I} was saying
"I feel pretty, oh so pretty!"

Day 15 - Sunset

Sadly, I haven't gotten this one yet. All we've had recently is rain, rain, rain. Oh, did I mention RAIN? Yeah, maybe one of these days we'll have enough sun during the day, that makes it to the end of the day, that I'll be able to get a sunset picture!

Day 16 - Flower

This is a flower from the dishes that my clients mom has hanging on the wall.

These were other flower things I found around my clients house.
Top left is a vase of fake flowers, the blue is from a duffle bag,
the bottom left is a table runner and the last is from a pillow.
I made the collage with an app called DipTic.

Day 17 - Something you don't like

This jerk was swerving in and out of traffic and tailing everyone.
She was pissing me off so I snapped a pic when I was sitting still
and decided that she was an accident waiting for a place to happen,
and it wasn't going to be with me! Definitely didn't like her!

Day 18 - Hair

I have SO MUCH gray hair showing right now.
This past year, I've gotten a ton of gray.
It's been since September, I believe, since I've had my hair done.
I'm in desperate need of some dye!

Day 19 - Orange

In one of the antique shops my mom and I were in, they had this display of all orange.
I knew this day was coming up so I snapped the pic.

Day 20 - Something you drew

I don't know about you, but I'm loving DrawSomething.
If you're on there, find me, I'm MrsMeganC.
I drew this the other day and was pretty impressed with myself.

So, that's that! I'll update the rest of the month in another couple of weeks when the month is over and I'm done.

Thankfulness

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 05:30:00 +0000

{Via}

In one of my recent posts, a couple of people recommended the book Jesus Calling to me. I bought it right away and I started it at the day that I got it so I'm on the correct calendar date. I'll catch up with the beginning of it next year. But I just am REALLY loving it and wanted to share with you what it said for April 16th. These are such easy little devotionals to get me {you} going in the morning. I read it on my Kindle app on my phone before I even get out of bed and it seems to speak to me every day.

April 16

I am calling you to a life of thankfulness. I want all your moments to be punctuated with thanksgiving. The basis for your gratitude is My sovereignty. I am the Creator and the Controller of the universe. Heaven and earth are filled with My glorious Presence.

When you criticize or complain, you are acting as if you think you could run the world better than I do. From your limited human perspective, it may look as if I'm mismanaging things. But you don't know what I know or see what I see. If I pulled back the curtain to allow you to view heavenly realms, you would understand much more. However, I have designed you to live by faith, not by sight. I lovingly shield you from knowing the future or seeing into the spirit world. Acknowledge My sovereignty by giving thanks in all circumstances.

And they were calling to one another:
"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory."

Isaiah 6:3

We live by faith, not by sight.

2 Corinthians 5:7

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

{Via}

NIAW Is Just Around The Corner...Some Info

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 03:30:00 +0000

{Via RESOLVE}

Once a year, Infertility is nationally acknowledged with National Infertility Awareness Week. The theme this year is "Don't Ignore". If you'd like more information about it and how to get involved, you can find out from this link that will take you to Resolve.

There are a couple of events that will be happening the week of NIAW that I've been made aware of that I wanted to share with you. Maybe you or someone you know would like to attend.

The first is happening on April 21st in Utah. It's called the Utah Infertility Awareness Event. The person that emailed me says this: It is a great FREE community event. We have great speakers, and awesome topics. And, our Giveaway is…amazing.

The website to find out more information is: www.utahinfertilityawareness.com and here is the flyer.

Some other information is in this email that I received:

Hi there, my name is Amanda and I work with an incredible non-profit in North Carolina that provides financial grants to couples seeking infertility treatment. The other part of our mission is to provide free infertility education. The goal of the foundation is to eventually go national and our first step is by hosting an online seminar during the week of National Infertility Awareness Week. We recorded talks from several leading infertility experts and physicians on various infertility related topics. The free, two night webcast will air on Tuesday, 4/24 and Wednesday, 4/25. We would love your support in helping as many women as possible around the country learn about this fantastic event to educate couples on infertility and adoption.

Please see this link for more information - www.payitforwardfertility.org/education.

One more thing that I found yesterday and plan on doing, which is just so easy and simple, is to change your Facebook Timeline picture to one {or all, once a day} of these pictures here. The author of Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed moved her blog recently to The Infertility Voice. She has provided these pictures for anyone to use. I'm planning on using this one:

Next week, do what you can for NIAW to educate those around you about what Infertility really is. I'll be posting things here. Oh, also if you'd like to get some great information, RESOLVE is on Facebook and they post some things that you might want to read and/or share.

Survived

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 00:15:00 +0000

This past week was so super, duper busy! When my aunt spends time up at my dad's house, my days always seem crazier since he offers me hours. So there were a few days that I did my normal hours at work and then additional ones at my dad's, plus everything else I had going on. I didn't spend a whole lot of time online for a few days.

But last weekend, I did survive!

I got to the shower for my friend and it was just a small gathering of friends so it wasn't overwhelming with a bunch of people I didn't know and a bunch of baby talk. There was some, obviously, but it was all fine. We decorated onesies for the baby. I helped my friends daughter, who is 2, decorate her's and I did a simple one myself.

Here's a few pictures from the day.

{Disclaimer, because I know I need it myself sometimes: If you're uncomfortable seeing pregnant bellies, now would be the time to turn away and skip down past them.}

I love this picture. I think it's so sweet. But the conversation they were having is hilarious.
Jewel: So, Avalon, you're 2?
Avalon: 2.5, and I poop!
{She's potty training right now.}

Easter was good too. Kyle asked his mom the day before if Heidi is pregnant and she said that Heidi hasn't said anything to her yet, but that she suspects that she is because of the same reasons we do...good to know it's not just in our heads! So either Heidi isn't pregnant...yet...or she hasn't said anything to anyone. Still not sure what to think. I guess time will tell. In the meantime, we're on high alert and still mentally preparing ourselves for the announcement.

Here's some pictures from Easter. Chewy is so patient with me. Love that little booger! Oh and he turned 5 yesterday. We haven't had a party with his {twin} sister yet so no celebration pictures yet.

Kyle and his brother went out and threw a ball around for a bit.

He Is Risen! Oh Happy Day!

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 17:59:00 +0000

{Via}

Today we celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus Christ, from the grave! What a happy, happy day!

I hope you're all having a wonderful time celebrating today with your families! Kyle and I have already been to church, we went to the 8:15 service {so early!} but now we're home and relaxing and in a couple of hours we'll be headed to the inlaws to have some food and spend time with the fam!

Happy Easter, everyone!!

Mental Prep

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 01:15:00 +0000

{Source: piccsy.com via Megan on Pinterest

}

I've been thinking about this upcoming weekend a lot and not in the way that you would think, it being Easter and all.

This weekend I have to go to a baby shower.

It's for one of my best friends, so yes, I have to suck it up and go.

I honestly can't remember the last time I went to a baby shower, and that's been perfectly fine for me!

This friend and I have known each other the longest out of all of our friends. We became attached at the hip in third grade when we first met at church and I said something about my boobies being sore. Yes, my non-existent boobies. Haha! We didn't live very far from each other and were at one or the other's house almost every day. This is the friend that I always told "the facts of life" to. My mom told me I should right a book called "The Facts of Life" because I'd always tell Colleen that this or that was just "the facts of life". I'm obviously the older, wiser one since I'm eight months older than her. ;0) As we grew up we didn't remain connected at the hip, but we remain best friends, along with two others in our little circle.

While I'm happy for Colleen, I'm not exactly looking forward to being around all this baby talk. I'm always the one that feels insecure, left out and not able to completely understand where everyone else is coming from because I'm only an auntie and not a mommy, so I don't know everything when it comes to babies. I'm the odd man out and it just sucks.

But, because this is one of my best friends, I'm going to put on my happy face and go show my support for this little one that's going to make her appearance at any time now.

The other thing I'm not looking forward to is getting together with my inlaw's. Now, don't get me wrong. I love my inlaw's. We've even vacationed with them on multiple occasions.

Kyle and I just have a feeling that we're going to get some news that we've been anticipating but aren't looking forward to.

We're pretty sure that my SIL is pregnant.

I honestly don't know how I'll react when she tells us.

As I've mentioned a million times, I'm really not a crier. However, it's been known to catch me off-guard at times. So even though we're mentally preparing ourselves, and have been for about a month, it could still hit me like a ton of bricks.

The hard thing about this is that she is six years younger than us and has only been married about three years. So yes, it's inevitable that this is going to be their next step, but that doesn't make it any easier on us.

I want to be happy for them, and honestly I will be, but it's just another occurrence of us being passed by and it just hurts. It definitely doesn't get easier to get this kind of news. And I suppose I'm putting the cart before the horse since she hasn't said anything yet, but there are just some things that have been said and done that make us think that this is coming.

So while this weekend should be {and will be} about celebrating Jesus and His Resurrection, it's going to be about babies, babies, babies and me trying to hold it all together!

Good Words

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 06:30:00 +0000

It's a good reminder that I need to remember over and over and over again!

{Found on Pinterest; I don't know the original source.}

Saturday

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 03:45:00 +0000

The Class.

I can't remember if I've mentioned it, other than in my last post, but one of the changes that Kyle and I have been going through is him going back to school.

His body is falling apart from working in construction for so many years and he's just done with owning his own business and all that comes with that.

Over the next couple of months he's going to be phasing himself out of his business, and giving the company to his partner completely, and becoming a full-time student. He's thinking he wants to be a mechanical engineer so he's got a long road ahead of him, about 5 years or so. A major change, to say the least.

He started back part time in January and he's really enjoying it and is looking forward to the future.

One of his classes is an elective of sorts, and kind of part of the engineering club, but he gets credit for it. This project is on-going so the previous two quarters have worked on this from the planning to the building. The building just began in December and has really come together in the past couple of months. Currently, a fiberglass body is being built for it but in order to race it, they had to come up with a make-shift body that would cover the driver's legs and I think the arms.

This past Saturday was their very first race, in Gresham, Oregon, which is about 4 hours from us.

Needless to say, Saturday was a very, very, VERY long day! I do not enjoy getting up at 3:30 am, especially on the weekends! LOL

BUT, it was a fun day and I'm glad that I was able to go and see what Kyle and his class have been up to.

Here's a video that the teacher put together.

Here's Kyle trying it out at his parents later that day. Don't mind my yelling. :0P

Last Day

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Sat, 17 Mar 2012 15:31:00 +0000

I first wanted to say thank you for the comments on my last post. I'll respond soon! I know that some of them got deleted because Blogger / Intense Debate hates me so I'll post those that got deleted, in the comments, later. I'm sorry that keeps happening! I wish I knew why it does that but I don't & I've tried numerous times to get someone to respond to me but my requests go unanswered. Very frustrating!

Secondly, if you've been listening in on The Fertility Telesummit, I hope you've gotten some good information from them. I've only been able to listen to a couple of them but it was really interesting stuff! Today is the last day of the telecasts and one of my favorite bloggers is sharing her story. If you've not joined in with the telecasts yet, you should at least listen to this one! Leah (Single Infertile Female) will be on at 2pm PST right here: http://instantteleseminar.com/?eventID=26896053.

We're in the car right now about to cross into Oregon. I've been awake since 3:30 am. Yeah, fun times. :P We're coming down here for the day because Kyle's in an engineering club & they built an electric car that they're going to be racing in a few hours. Should be a fun day!

Have a great Saturday, everyone!

It's Difficult. Really, Really Difficult

noreply@blogger.com (Megan) — Sat, 17 Mar 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Today I'm linking up with Kelly at Kelly's Korner for her Show Us Your Life: Infertility. I had a conversation with my mom last night and what better time to tell you about it and some other things than now?

If you're visiting me for the first time, I guess the short of it is that my hubby Kyle and I have been TTC for 9 years. 9 LOOONNNGGGG years! We've done acupuncture, herbs, diet change, SA's, HSG, IUI...pretty much everything under the sun, it seems, except IVF or adoption, which are basically our only options now. We have Unexplained Infertility, which is just a really sucky diagnosis. So many unanswered questions.

Last night I had dinner with my mom. I haven't seen her recently so we just wanted to catch up and have some girl time together. I was updating her on all of our life-happenings as of late and I was also telling her how I just have an extraordinary amount of anxiety right now, mostly related to my two recent accidents {July and February}. I told her that it's at an all time high these days and how I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack whenever I'm in the car. She was then telling me about her church and a series that her pastor is preaching on right now. She feels that I would greatly benefit from it, in more ways than one {the different characteristics of God and how each one applies to us, if you'd like to listen in, start with January: here}.

I receive emails from you wonderful readers once or twice a week telling me about your stories. I got one last week from someone that wanted to know how I'm able to cope with this journey and how my relationship with God has changed during it.

I had to be honest and tell her that I feel like I've been mad at God for a long time so I guess I've pushed him away instead of drawing closer to him. I've prayed for so, so, SO long to have a baby and it hasn't happened and we don't know why and all we want to be is parents. I haven't felt like investing in my relationship with Jesus because he's not answering my prayers.

As I was telling this to my mom, she told me that just yesterday morning when she was praying for me, God revealed to her that she needs to help me get through this anger and anxiety because she herself spent so many years angry at God after her and my dad's divorce, and she doesn't want me to waste my life being mad. I don't know how this is all going to play out. I don't know how my mom is going to help me. I don't think she herself knows either just that maybe she just needs to be an ear and an encouragement to me when I'm down. I guess time will tell. But as we were sitting in a Thai restaurant, with tears in her eyes, she was showing me verses that I've heard a million times but hadn't paid much attention to.

One being: Philippians 4: 6 & 7 - (6) Do not be anxious about anything but, in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (7) And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

This verse she was showing me for my anxiety, but I think it can be directed towards our TTC journey, too.

It's SO hard for me though! I feel like I've prayed about our situation till I'm blue in the face but it's never enough. I'm still letting my mom's words sink in so I haven't worked through it all yet, but she was saying that she understands that it's hard but there has to be a purpose. I say I just want to know what that purpose is RIGHT NOW! I just want God to TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO instead of waiting any longer. As my mom was pointing out, Jesus wants me to spend time with him. Then he'll be able to reveal his plans, in His timing. But if I'm not giving him the opportunity, how will he be able to show me? I guess she has a point, huh?

This person that emailed me last week had just found out that another friend is pregnant. I completely understand that gut-wrenching, sick feeling. I told her that I, too, just found out about a couple different pregnancies. One of my best friends is pregnant with #2. I love her to death and I'm happy for her but that doesn't make it any easier. I had the intuition that she was going to tell us she was pregnant. I just knew. I almost called her the day before we were going to get together to tell her that if she was going to tell us she was pregnant, could she just tell me then, but I didn't. But I was the first one to notice the "Big Sister" shirt on her little girl. I put on a happy face and told her congratulations. It's not that often that I'm able to say 'Congratulations'. That one word is SO HARD for me to say! But I did it, and with a smile.

Then I was talking to my aunt shortly after that and she told me that my cousin and his wife are pregnant. She said that they tried for "awhile". They've been married less than 3 years and it was around Thanksgiving when my aunt asked my cousin if there was anything she could be praying about for them and that's when they told her they'd been TTC and hadn't yet. It's now March and they're about 10 or so weeks along. I'm guessing they tried for about a year, which when you're in the thick of it, feels like an eternity, but I guess I still have a hard time feeling too badly for someone that, in the grand scheme of things, hasn't tried all that long. Don't get me wrong, maybe there are medical issues that were preventing them from getting pregnant, hopefully not, but...anyway, I told my aunt I was happy for them. Doesn't mean I didn't feel like I'd been punched in the gut.

I'm on a bit of a rollercoaster right now. SO many things going on and so many emotions with it all. There is no end to our infertility in sight. On our 10th Anniversary, Kyle and I were sitting in a dimly-lit restaurant talking about infertility. Not how we had these kids that we were so proud of or all of the things we'd accomplished in 10 years of marriage, but of how we were child-less and how we didn't know where we were going on this road. What we would do if we came into a sum of money, would we try to adopt or would we do IVF...we still don't know. It just made me sad that we've been TTC for basically our entire marriage. Our timelines are different from each other, but I told Kyle regardless of how long he thinks we've been TTC or how long I think we've been TTC, it's still a frickin long time! One thing he told me that was nice to hear was that even though he doesn't show emotions regarding our infertility very often, that doesn't mean he doesn't think about it or long to have kids, too. He's hurting as well and he doesn't want me to feel like I'm in it alone. Finally, some confirmation, because, honestly, a lot of the time I DO feel like I'm in this alone. It was great that he was able to share that with me.

Apparently I've got a few things to say today...I just haven't written about any of this in depth for some time and I've been needing to "verbalize" it. I guess today was the day. ;)

{Via}