Life and other interests

Endings and new beginnings

2023-05-27T05:39:00.006-07:00

At the beginning of this year I lost someone who could be considered the most important person in my life. It's taken me awhile to get to a point where I can finally talk about it. Grief is like a fickle friend. The way we grieve is constantly changing and just when you think you're doing better at coping with it, it finds a way to knock you back down a level.

I lost my grandmother. It's funny how when we have someone special in our lives we don't realize the impact they had on us until after they're gone. I realized just how much comfort she provided me by just being in this world with me and when she passed away my world literally crumbled. It still feels like it is at times. Often when I let myself feel that loss I literally break down every time. Sometimes it's easier not to think about it, but then I have caught myself becoming a person I don't like when I try to bury that pain instead of just feeling it when I need to.

A month and half after her death I hurt my back again pretty bad this time. I herniated a third disc in my spine and was eventually diagnosed with degenerative disc disease. Some time after that I started really focusing on my recovery and for weeks after I was doing really good mentally and even physically, but then at the beginning of May I started spiraling again. For the past month I've been nothing but tired and honestly depressed. So many other things have also happened that are all out of my control, but I still felt the impacts of those things contributing to my depression.

Something that I have this time, that I have not had any other times when I've felt like this though is my spirituality. I've always been spiritual thanks to my grandmother, but God has really been there for me this year in ways I never thought possible. He's really shown me the error of my ways as a person and he gave me a wonderful gift when it comes to seeing the world for what it is. I learned how to love people again because of this amazing gift. I am praying that He can help me through all of this right now and mentally get back to a good place where I can go back to the gym and smile everyday.

I miss my grandmother so much. Everyday I think of her. She was the light in my life. When I lost her, I've had to really work at being that light that I lost in her. My mission now is to just carry on that same love that she had for others. I am a better person for it, but the loss is just so heavy. Everyday. Now I know that every move I make in this life is to make her proud of me. I made her a promise that I would be okay. I know she's going to be with me every step I take in this life.

I don't foresee myself making another post after this. I think this life experience has helped me move on in many other areas of my life and this blog I made in my teens is one of them. I'm okay with it. I just finished my first year of college and I'm turning 30 here soon. I'm in a good place. I know I am, but I need to find myself all over again after this.

-Godspeed

Last post for '22

2022-12-09T15:04:00.002-08:00

This year has had several ups and downs. The blessing that came this year is my niece born two days ago. They named her after our grandmother that passed away a few months ago. I miss her. Things haven't been so easy since the beginning of November. Something happened that kind of opened my eyes that things aren't always what they seem with the people you look up to the most and I think moving forward for my own sanity I have to put some distance between us.

Right now I am on the path that God has set before me and I trust the road I'm on. This year gave me time to face some of the past and present. It helped me unlock a big piece of the puzzle that was missing for many years and it was life changing. I think it was the year where I really matured and the year that shapes the rest of my life.

-Peace-

End of July

2022-07-31T04:53:00.004-07:00

My end of July post is not going to go as I'd hoped it would at the beginning of the month. I'm only going to talk about yesterday's events that took place when me, my wife and my mother were all at the mall to see a movie and to grab some food.

We had just left the food court to get our tickets to see Elvis. I was about to refill my Icee with another flavor since I wasn't impressed with the previous flavor I had selected. As I was trying to take the lid off my drink to pour it out I heard screaming, but wasn't sure what was going on. I looked over (what felt like slow motion) to the concession stand and there were people with the look of terror on their faces running for their lives. There were loud booms, people yelling "Run! There's a shooter! RUUUUNNN!" I saw people pushing people out of the way, knocking each other down. A lady ran down the escalator in the food court and yelled, "There's a shooter! There's a shooter". Seconds later they came on the intercom saying, "Take cover! There's an active shooter in the building". I grabbed my wife and mother and yelled for them to run. We didn't want to hide in the theater, there was only a bathroom and a utility closet we could take cover. We chose the utility closet. We frantically yelled for these three older women to take cover with us. I had to calm my mother down and I looked her in the eyes and said, "Look at me, no matter what happens I am not going to let anything happen to you, but I need you to hide." My wife went into swift action and started barricading the door as I held it off from anyone trying to get in. I couldn't get through to 911, but I also knew that no matter what happened I was holding that door and I was not going to let anyone, whether they had a gun or not, through that door. I called my mother in law and told her what was going on, she was calling 911 for us. About 15-20 mins goes by and what were screams of terror faded and there was nothing but silence. This was the time where we could relax a little bit and breathe. I went out into the theater to see if there was still a shooter while my wife and mother stayed in the closet with the three women. I saw workers frantically helping a woman who was injured. Everyone looked like they were trying to gather their thoughts. They had gated the theater off. We were safe. I went back to the closet to let them know they could come out and that it was safe. About 5 mins later we found out that the active shooter was actually poppers from a celebration upstairs at a hair academy, but they sounded like gunshots. One woman broke her leg, another passed out in the food court from stress as people were knocking each other down, jumping over tables and grabbing their loved ones.

We never know what is going to happen tomorrow. We're all on borrowed time. When it was all done and I could collect my own thoughts I realized that I haven't been living my life in the best way. I'm going to be making some changes in my own life here soon. I'm not sure what that looks like yet, but it's funny how something like yesterday can really put things into perspective when in a life and death situation. There may not have been an actual shooter in the mall yesterday, but the experience was real enough and it was the most intense few minutes of everyone's lives yesterday. It was absolutely terrifying to say the least. I'm glad to know that if something ever happens like that again that I do have the strength to be resourceful and that I am brave enough to take a shooter on, even empty handed, in a time like that. I was not letting a shooter hurt my family no matter what. I looked at my wife yesterday as I was holding the door and I said, "no matter what they're not getting through this door".

-God speed

Jack went home

2022-06-29T16:03:00.001-07:00

So, yesterday we found Jack's home. Its kind of a crazy story, but definitely fate. I made a tough decision to find Jack another home since my wife and other dogs really didn't care for him. It's not that he's a bad dog, but the fact that he was missing his original family the entire time we had him. I asked my wife to post his photo on FB under a community page we live in. His original owner saw the post and she messaged us with photos of him as a puppy. The markings and the story checked out. It was definitely Jack in those photos. He came from a good family with kids. He's going to be able to grow up with them and that warms my heart.

I am going to miss our Jack Jack so much, but I can feel happy that he is finally reunited with his family. The entirety of his time with us he never really felt like ours. He was a cuddly boy, but there was always something there. He was so happy to see his original owners after he was missing for a year. We had rescued him from a shelter last August after he escaped from their backyard a couple of months prior. I love Jack and it's going to be a little sad in our house for awhile, but we did a good thing.

College

2022-06-26T16:30:00.003-07:00

This is week 5 of college. So far I'm really liking it and I've noticed it has even been a confidence booster in me. I also started my new job last week and it is such a great company to work for. I got beyond lucky to get this job. I've never worked for a company that within the first week they make it very clear that they care about their employees quality of life.

With the way things are looking in our country I am starting to think I want to finish my education in Ohio in the foreseeable future. They have a great school out there for architecture and I know the area quite well. I loved living in Ohio and that's Mia's birth place.

Threw my back out twice

2022-06-15T13:21:00.002-07:00

Last week I threw my back out pretty bad. I was in so much pain that I could barely walk or get up etc. It took almost an entire week for me to feel like I was at a 75 percent, but on this last Monday I threw it out even worse than the week prior. When it happened the second time I was completely paralyzed. My back was stiff. I couldn't move without my back just completely locking up. I was in so much pain. Literally, I've never experienced pain like this before. Worst pain I've ever felt in my life.

Luckily, my father in law is a chiropractor, but it's been a miserable two weeks since the first time I threw it out. It sucks that it had to happen a second time as I am supposed to start my new job next week on Monday. I've also been in so much pain since Monday that I have had little energy or even the ability to study and take notes. Praying that I get through this.

May was a "wtf" month

2022-06-04T09:13:00.001-07:00

So, I could easily say that May was one of the worst months of my life. I lost my job, my grandmother was admitted into ICU, I broke down crying in the unemployment office, I had to do a lot of job searching, my dog threw up blood and then that same week she was sprayed by a skunk, and we got denied for several rent homes because of how competitive owning/renting is right now.

May was hard and this last week has been one of the most difficult weeks of my life. We're getting through it though. My wife and I are strong. Even through all of the difficult things that were handed to us I still managed to make it through my first week of college. We will be stronger than ever and we will carry each other with more grace after these trials and tribulations.

Life is not easy and we were thrown more curveballs all at once than I've ever had before. No matter what life throws at us, I've learned over the years it is important to not let events or situations change who you are as a person. It always come down to a choice on how you react or respond to anything that is out of your control.

Interview

2022-05-26T15:59:00.004-07:00

I had an interview with a job that I so very much want, but the interview was awful. It was the third round of the interviewing process. I had already done a phone interview with this company two weeks prior and then I did an assessment last Friday for them. Today, one of the supervisors threw out several scenario questions and I just was not prepared for them at all. It was a bit embarrassing to be totally honest. I don't think I got the job, but I am going to send the hiring manager a letter tomorrow thanking them for their time and such.

Hardship

2022-05-09T18:24:00.004-07:00

Well, the unexpected happened. I lost my job. This is the first time this has ever happened to me in my ten years of work experience. It sucks, but I have to move on. My boss, or rather "ex boss" has decided to ghost me. I could sit here and say that I wish I had never left my previous job to work for him, but that would be a lie. I don't regret a thing. Not a thing. That doesn't make it okay to ghost someone, but I guess apart of me is feeling pretty lucky that I had that opportunity because it will never happen for me like that again. Ever!

I will move on. My wife and I will be okay. We always make it through the storm. I hope the best for my ex boss. I hope that he changes his ways of communicating with his employees. I hope that he finds a way to pay back the people that he's done wrong when he started his business. This time off that I had from everything made me come to terms with certain things that have been weighing on me for years. I will forever be thankful.

-Peace

What I unlocked

2022-05-01T10:35:00.000-07:00

Last night I was finally able to be honest with myself about something that has been festering for the last 7 years. It ate away at me every single day and I was never able to be honest with myself. I can't say what exactly it was that was festering because it is extremely hard to talk about for me, but I see the error in my ways and how I have put my own trauma on others. I have 7 years to make up for something very traumatic that happened to me in April of 2015. I repressed the trauma so that I didn't have to think about it and I hurt people along the way about anything that triggered those memories.

Learning, Growing, Changing

2022-04-19T08:31:00.005-07:00

Sometimes we don't always make the right choices in moments where we are put to the test. Last week I made a very poor decision when it came to my sister-in-law, but in the moment it seemed like the right decision. I think that I needed to be put on the spot in order to realize my faults. We think we have all the answers, but we don't. I hurt someone I care for very much because of it. This is a learning lesson for me when it comes to myself and how I handle things with my in-laws.

Also, I got signed up for community college. I am going for 24 college credits to apply to the university I am aiming for. This is a very big deal for me. I never even thought I would make it this far in life because of how I was brought up. My father used to tell me constantly that I was dumb. I suffer from dyslexia and now I understand it enough to know why I get words mixed up etc. But the way my parents went about it was wrong and my dad has to live with that.

This year so far has not been easy. I ended 2021 with a bang only to start the new year off rough. The enemy has been knocking on my door. I will continue to pray the enemy away and become a better person for the mistakes I've made this year.

And now we're here

2022-04-01T15:39:00.002-07:00

You ever feel like God is putting you through a tough trial and you have yet to see the worst of it yet? Right now at this time in my life I have felt like this is what He's doing. With my current job I have felt so much uncertainty that I don't feel safe with this job, but at the same time I love my life. I love being able to make my own schedule, but usually when something seems too good to be true it usually is. Right?

My boss is the worst at communicating with me and it's often made me feel scared at night. I noticed that it's causing depression and at the end of the day I ask myself if it's worth it. Is it worth feeling this way? I have goals and getting another job could interfere with those goals somewhat, but is it a wave worth riding to leave a situation that is causing me to feel this way? I'm not good with any kind of uncertainty, but isn't everyone? I know it's completely human to feel the way I'm feeling right now, but I want to feel good about the work I'm putting into this world and right now I don't. I feel useless honestly. I don't want to end my year with how it's going right now and we always have the power to get out of any situation. God's got this.

Struggling with something

2022-03-22T04:20:00.002-07:00

For the last few days I have been struggling with something. Last Friday night my wife and I went out to dinner with her parents. While we were waiting to be seated my mother-in-law blurted out something rather odd and disturbing. She said that the enemy had attacked her by telling her to touch my brother-in-law inappropriately when he was an infant years ago. The conversation came up when my wife had told her parents that I had offered to take care of her sisters 5 month old while they work since they can't afford child care. My wife's mother also stated that my sister-in-law had also been tempted my the enemy to touch our little niece inappropriately, but that we shouldn't listen to the enemy. How does one respond to something like that?

Sometimes these insane Christian's like to compare homosexuality to pedophilia and my mother-in-law is one of those. Looking back on that conversation and considering it came up after my wife had told her mother that I am taking care of our niece somedays during the week I feel as though she was implying that I would be tempted to act out unspeakable acts on our niece. I really don't like my mother-in-law and the thought of her even thinking of doing that to her son or any child for the matter makes me want to vomit.

If anything this whole thing just lets me know now more than ever that I will never leave our child alone with her or now even my sister in law after she told us that.

March is here

2022-03-01T13:13:00.001-08:00

This year has already had so much uncertainty. It almost seems like the world is about to end with everything going on in Ukraine. I pray for them continuously. I wish I could say I'm proud to be an American right now, but I fear for our country. Lord, please watch over Ukraine.

I left facebook today. I couldn't emotionally handle everything I'm seeing on there. Left and right there are negative posts about what's going on with our country and Ukraine. They didn't have social media to add on to their pain back in WW2. It seems like people who post things about politics and war are doing more harm than good. I wish people who keep posting things about their politic views or even facts that people are already well aware of could come to their senses. Social media is toxic.

On another note, I am feeling more myself this week. I'm learning how to be less stressed this year and how to adapt to what life throws at us. As I said there's so much uncertainty right now and that's not just in the world, but also in our daily personal lives. My life right now just seems kind of empty right now. I think that will change when I start taking classes this summer.

Today I woke up and felt thankful. I feel thankful that life is making more sense to me and that I know what I want to do with my life. This is something I have been praying on for years now. I will continue to strive to be a better person for myself, my family and my closest friends.

The new year

2022-01-04T02:54:00.002-08:00

At the beginning of 2021 I posted a blog about how I pray it would be the year of healing and it was. It was indeed. Our marriage healed because our hearts healed from the hurt 2020 brought us. My brother in law moving out had a large part to do with that and also my wife cutting her parents out for awhile helped as well. We were able to finally be us again and remember why it was we fell in love in the first place.

There were some difficult times in 2021. With the drama Trump brought upon our family, falling ill for several months, hurting my knee there for a few months and also brother in law stirring the pot in August.

What do I want to take away from 2021?

If you have hard times leave it in God's hands. Things were difficult in 2021, but my attitude sort of changed when I read a quote, "The teacher is always silent during the test". I really felt like God wasn't paying attention, but after reading that I thought "Maybe He is just trying to teach me what I need to learn". He never abandoned me when I thought He did. That made my faith even stronger when I came to that realization. Also, Buddhism has kind of changed my life. I started studying into it more when things looked really grim in my life. It helped calm my mind when I couldn't stop the negative thoughts running through my head. It helped me realize that I was putting so much of my self worth into what others thought of me. That was a tough pill to swallow, but it was the medicine I needed in order to grow and heal. I finally feel more at peace and more like myself. I missed ME. It allowed me to start focusing my thoughts on my future and what I wanted out of this life. I wanted to get in shape, so I hit the gym most days each week. I still do. I realized after going through the hell when I got sick that life is so precious and I need to follow my dreams that I had given up on. I joined the USN. Through studying for the ASVAB and going to MEPS, it still was not the hardest thing I've ever done. We'll see if I still say that about Bootcamp when I'm done. I want to be a pilot and the military is going to pay for it after I get my privates license. My wife and I already know how we'll make that happen financially. I will never give up on myself again. This I promise.

I pray it is the year of healing for those who need it. I pray that through the hard times we make it back stronger. I pray for safety. I pray for a year of success in what we do.

Make 2022 a better year. Stay Strong.

Troubling times

2021-12-06T09:48:00.002-08:00

Well I found out that I may have a torn meniscus in both knees. What does that mean? Possibly surgery. I go in for an MRI tomorrow and I'm extremely nervous about it. I'm hoping that it doesn't require surgery so that I can still go to bootcamp in Feb. I'm not going to lie, not being able to run has made me extremely down. Running is my passion. It helps me relieve the stress and tension when I run. It helps me focus throughout the day. It starts my morning out right. I'm praying for healing/recovery.

In other news, my brother in law is leaving next week for West Virginia and honestly I'm glad. No more of his drama and narcissism. I'm hoping that things will just feel less tense without him around. It'll be interesting because I truly feel that things will be better without him here. I wouldn't have said that before August when he attacked me for no reason and said horrible things about me behind my back. All lies. Good riddance. I hope he finds what he's looking for, but he seriously needs help.

Difficult Week

2021-11-21T16:34:00.002-08:00

This past week has been a difficult one. I lost someone that I was close to in my early 20's. She was my first boss. She taught me a lot in my young adult years. I found out from a close friend that she had suddenly passed away on Tuesday and I'm still kind of processing it. She was our work mom. She cared about everyone and she was very protective of all of us. It makes me just realize again that life is short. Live it to the fullest and make no regrets. We never know when it's our time to go, but I hope that I have as many people showing up to my "end of life celebration" as she did. She made a lot of friends and hundreds of people showed up for her memorial. That's what truly matters. Not the big house, the fancy cars, the college you went to, the jewelry you have, the clothes you wear, but the kind of person you are. She was one of a kind. That is what I strive to be. I want to be the kind of person who when someone is in need I'm there no matter what. Be kind and stay true.

It's official

2021-11-01T12:39:00.002-07:00

These last couple of weeks have been crazy busy. To start, I had MEPS on October 21st and I got through it. I officially joined the Navy. I don't leave for basic training until Feb 16th 2022. The night on the 21st we left for Orlando. It was the trip of a lifetime. We went to Universal Studios and Disney World. It was a dream come true for me. On top of all of that our little niece was born on the 24th. I cannot wait to meet her.

I am ready for the next step in this journey of ours and I cannot wait to see what our future holds. Joining the navy is a big step, but one I'm ready for.

The Navy

2021-10-15T04:44:00.004-07:00

I've been wanting to join the Navy for quite some time now. If you know me well then you would know that I've always had a dream of going to flight school, but it is extremely expensive and I've have exerted all of my options at this point. The other day I passed my ASVAB. It was extremely hard, but I passed it. I'm so proud of myself. I want to join the Navy because of the opportunities it would mean for me and my family. We would have free health care, free college and we would be able to travel. As long as everything goes to plan I am one step closer towards reaching my goal in life. When I was a flight attendant I knew a lot of pilots that were part of the military and these days you almost have to be because it is so expensive to join a flight school out of pocket. It's not even realistic for someone to pay for flight lessons out of pocket, especially if they have a family.

The past two months

2021-10-12T04:45:00.002-07:00

So, August was very eventful. After I wrote my last post my in laws came back into our lives somewhat. I decided after talking to my own mother that it was important for me to put my feelings aside so that my wife can have an easier time to build a relationship again with her parents. Things will probably never be like they were, but I don't want them to anyways. Maybe we can all be better than we were before by letting go of the hate, the jealousy, the judgement and no more mind games. My in laws are terrific at gaslighting by making you feel like you're the crazy one. My BIL on the other hand is a different story. I tolerate him. Nothing more. He's a selfish prick to say the least who only cares about himself. We're going to Disney World this next week and when we asked him if he could watch the dogs he used his new dog as a pathetic excise saying, "I don't want a new environment to mess up his training". First off, dogs are very adaptive to any new environment. We've done so much for this mother f***er. When I was ready to kick him out after he lived with us for over a year my wife wouldn't let me. I even lowered his rent to 200 a month so that he could save up money to move out.

The best quote in this world is "You get back what you put into this world". I hope he gets back everything that he gives one day.

On a different note, I left my last job. I was miserable there and I decided to do something that I never would have done a year ago. I took a risk and went to work for one of my old bosses. It does not have health care, but that's okay. I get to work from home and have more time with my family.

August Woke Me Up

2021-08-14T16:41:00.002-07:00

So, it's been a busy couple of months. Let's talk about August....

Last month we went to Vegas and we didn't necessarily have the best time there. We went with one of our newest friends and her husband. To say the least, it was interesting to see how she acted when she was very drunk there. We've decided to distance ourselves from that couple just because we saw some of their behaviors that were odd and disturbing. We ventured on our own and went to different shops, gambled a little and played Pokemon go. We caught a ton of legendary Pokemon while we were there. We also visited the Haunted Museum and it was quite the experience that I will never forget.

When we returned home that's when the drama began. Our friends home flooded and we helped him move a lot of the furniture into a couple of storage units. The following week after we returned from Vegas I felt very fatigued and I wasn't sure why. We were exposed to black mold and hadn't had time for any R&R since helping our friend move everything out was our main priority for that weekend. Then we had to work and didn't want to miss any days. We came down with mold poisoning.

My brother in law did not understand any of this and became upset with us for cancelling on him when it came to going to the gym. First off, I was going straight to bed everyday after work because I felt very ill. We took it day by day to see how we were feeling in the evenings. The following Friday, July 30th was when we adopted our third dog named Jack. I arrived home after 5pm from work and my brother in law was there, along with his bff and our other friends who brought over a fish tank as well as a fridge for us to hold onto while he is battling State Farm. During one of our conversations I asked my BIL if we wanted to go to the gym in the morning the next day. He replied with the fact that Saturday was supposed to be a rest day for them, but then his bff interjected and stated that they could take a rest day that night in order to have enough energy for the gym the next day. My BIL hesitated and said they would see. We didn't speak much on the topic after that with all of the other distractions. Saturday came, I went running with my newest running partner and never heard from my BIL about the gym. I assumed that they were taking a rest day that day considering the fact he never messaged me and my wife. 1 pm rolls around and he says "wanna go to the gym at 2:30?" while my wife and I were on our way to help our friend who's house flooded to move his furniture into storage a second week in a row. My wife was driving at the time and I took it upon myself to message him back and stated "We can't we are helping our friend move furniture." he replied "2:30?" At that point I knew that he was starting to get an attitude and didn't care about our plans. I said "We were going to go, but then our friend asked for help again". I always think I have to explain things, but keep in mind when I asked him the day prior about going to the gym, I asked specifically if he had wanted to go in the morning, not the afternoon. He replied "OK". I told him in a little more detail that we had to help our friend move stuff into storage. He just replied with "OK" again. I asked him "Can we go tomorrow, or is that your rest day?" At this point I was not aware that they had taken a rest day the day prior considering they hesitated about it and never really spoke about it in front of me after our conversation about it. He replies "We took a rest day yesterday because y'all said you were going to go today. So no it's not." I was trying to be nice earlier with my question, but I sensed frustration in his message. I just replied with "OK, sorry". He continued with his message a little later and stated "So tomorrow we're going to go at 2, be there or not. I don't care. Thats up to you." I was frustrated with him and his tone in his messages that I said "Fine you don't need an attitude". He said "There wasn't an attitude. There's about to be though." I said "You have one. You're not going to treat me like this." He said "Nobody has treated you any way. I said some things you didn't like. Thats your problem not mine. What is it?" I said, "I clearly didn't have one to start. I'm not doing this with you."

I have taken so much sh*t from my wife's family. More so from her parents than anything, but when her brother lived with us it was a nightmare. He lived in our home for almost 2 years and the problem with that was he was very disrespectful in our own home. I felt like I was always walking on egg shells with him in my own home. It never felt like a safe place. He would constantly twist my words and belittle me. He was always very condescending and felt the need to correct my grammar, which most of the time his hearing was off and my grammar was correct. He would never clean up after himself and my wife admittedly let him live with us for far too long. She has also babied him to a point where he thought he could treat me anyway he wanted to. For a moment there though I chose to overlook his faults and even considered him my best friend, but after that week of getting back from Vegas everything changed. The beginning of August was rough. He watched our dogs when we were in Vegas and he admitted to me that he made my poor Golden retriever named Mia pee herself because she was scared of him when he was getting onto our dog named Ellie. He had always been very abusive with our animals when he lived with us. I tried to point it out to my wife several times, but she didn't want to listen. I laid my foot down after he told me about my dog Mia peeing herself that I never wanted him to watch our dogs again. My dog Mia doesn't pee herself and if she did that would mean he was abusive to both dogs. Only cowards abuse animals and he has a violent past with animal abuse. I decided that week was the last time he would watch our animals and that he was not going to treat me that way anymore. He is a pathetic excuse for a man.

The next day, after we got into an argument about the gym, I sent him a message that was very polite explaining we didn't need him watching our dogs while we went to Dallas, "Hey, my mom is going to look after Jack and Mia. My sis is going to come over and let Ellie out in the afternoon, night and morning for those days we'll be out of town. We appreciate you willing to look after them and for everything you did for them when we were in Vegas." He replied "Why did the plan change? Do y'all not trust me anymore?" I said "Not at all" meaning that was not at all it. He replied with "Sure", which was very sarcastic. I explained to him in a later message that I was not trying to argue with him, but that I didn't appreciate being treated that way. I even told him that we're family and I love him, that I would always have his back, but that we don't need to be like that to each other. The only reply I got out of that was "I really didn't read any of that. You said you don't trust me so what's the point?" Again, twisting my words on me like he always does. This is also known as gaslighting, which he has a talent for. I replied "I did not say that. You're not going to twist me words on me". The next day he messaged me stating he was expecting an apology from me, but I had done nothing wrong. I'm not apologizing to anyone anymore for things that I didn't do in my wife's family. They are terrific at gaslighting and their narcissistic personality disorders have become way too much for me to handle personally. He proceeded to tell me wife lies about me. He told her that I was saying outrageous things that I never said and I was able to show proof of that luckily. This is the last time he ever tries to come between me and wife ever again. I was talking to my sister this morning about everything that had happened at the beginning of the month and we both realize that it's just not a good idea to get close with your in laws. She is also going through some rough things with her own in laws as well. I've come to the realization that I am strictly there to support my wife at any event that involves her family, but nothing more. I don't see any need to get close to my BIL anymore. In fact he's more of a complete stranger to me now. We have her sister's baby shower coming up and I am going to remain neutral at that event. My BIL will be attending that as well. As far as her parents go, I've also decided not to get very involved with them anymore and if the time comes where she wants to invite them back in our lives it will not be like it was last time. Her family has a lot of issues and I don't want to get close to any of them. I am going to continue to focus on myself, my marriage and the relationships I have with others, none of this include my in laws.

Health and Wellness - Week 5

2021-06-09T14:31:00.003-07:00

So, a quick update, I have decided after talking to two different branches that the navy would be the best option for me. I will be joining after October when we go to Disney World. I'm very excited to finally be doing something important with my life. I already told my recruiter that the navy is the branch I will be going with.

My health has significantly improved from taking the probiotics. I am now taking one probiotic a day, instead of two a day. I am now able to enjoy certain foods again that I wasn't able to eat before. I have cut out most dairy and wheat. I am now gluten free. I do have sliced turkey everyday, but that's also to get protein in my body since I am still not eating at night. I will continue to do this for the next several weeks leading up to August/September.

Health and Wellness - Week 4

2021-05-31T13:40:00.002-07:00

It's been several days/weeks since I made a post about my health. For the last 5 weeks I was very sick, but for the last few days I've been feeling a lot better and now I can eat again. I have lost a lot of weight and although it wasn't how I would've chosen to lose it I am thankful in a way that I did. I'm not thankful that I got sick though.

So far my gastritis seems to be minimal now. I still have stomach gurgles and the occasional back pain, but now I can drink water again without feeling like my stomach is burning. I can eat meat again without feeling like I need to go to the E.R., etc. It seems as though fasting, not eating past 2 and taking the probiotics have significantly turned my health around. I will continue to this still, probably until August or September because I need to be in the best shape for when I'm sworn into the military, but this is very good news for me.

Health and Wellness - Week 1

2021-05-15T14:37:00.002-07:00

So, it's been a week since I have completely stopped taking the PPI's that my doctor prescribed me. These last 3 weeks have literally been hell. I was throwing up bile, waking up everyday nauseas. This last week was a little better for me just because I am taking probiotics now, enzymes, dal licorice etc, B12 and working out, but it wasn't immediate relief. Today I am doing much better.

One thing I've changed since last week is I've gone completely gluten and dairy free. I also cannot eat whole grains anymore. All of those things seem to cause inflammation, which is very painful. I'm just wanting to kick this gastritis in the butt for good. I'm going to keep fasting and not eat anything past 2 for another few weeks and see if it keeps helping. Not eating past 2 has really made a significant difference with how I feel in the morning. My body is not digesting anything. I don't have a stomach lining anymore to protect me from the food and the acid, so as you can imagine it's been hell. Hopefully this next week will be better.

Health and Wellness - UPDATE

2021-05-08T09:43:00.001-07:00

This past week was the worst pain and nausea I'd ever experienced. Eating bland foods is not enough. I'm not taking any of the PPI's that I've been prescribed anymore as they seem to make it worse, even with the foods that they say you're "supposed" to be eating.

This is what I'm going to try to do for a few months:

1. Workout 2-3 times daily.

2. Take probiotics two times daily. Take one in the morning and one at night.

3. I cannot eat dairy, wheat or gluten. Most foods will have to be organic.

4. Take a Zinc Carnosine in the morning on an empty stomach and take licorice extract with every meal. Also, take a vegan dietary supplement called enzymes with every meal.

5. Drink only water.

6. Take CBD oil at night for sleep and anxiety.

A few day ago I woke up at 2:00 in the morning, couldn't sleep and I felt the worst I have thus far. I puked up bile and I couldn't stop vomiting. I was so sick. I shouldn't be getting worse if I'm doing everything I've read online. Yesterday I cam across a video on youtube and everything he stated in his short film is everything I have been experiencing myself. No antacids help, PPI's do not help. The bland diet is not helping. He was feeling worse. He healed his stomach disease and got it under control after trying everything I listed. I'm hoping this is what I need.

He also stated in the video that his digestive disease came on from too many pain killers and stress, which is how mine came on. I've never really said this before because I gave them too much slack over the years, but my in laws are the most hateful, bigoted Christians I've ever met and they have no future in my life. They caused the emotional stress from how they treated me. My wife's mother suffers from brain fog, alcoholism, pain killer addiction, narcissism and other mental illnesses that you just pitty her at this point. I will no longer let this disease control my life. I'm taking my life back.