A Place of Comfort

So...

2010-07-30T23:42:00.000-07:00

Um... you know that transition A Place of Comfort was headed in? The one where the result of playing around with site feeds and changing URLs was supposed to end well? Well... it didn't. I thought it was gonna be relatively easy. Change the URL, burn a new feed, replace the new site feed address here on Blogger, and everything resumes as usual under a different name. Nope. I've spent the last week trying to figure out how to get this place to update under a different URL, and finally just came to the conclusion that it was best to create a whole new blog. Not that I obviously don't have enough blogs already, but it was the last resort, and I'm glad I did it. I like it over there. Its the breath of fresh air that I was hoping to bring to this space.

So, let me do this again, and invite you all to come join me over there.

www.chasingmetamorphosis.blogspot.com

In time, this place will become obsolete.

I Branched Out Today

2010-07-24T23:52:00.000-07:00

There was a time when I was drowning in a sea of blue and white yarns. It seemed I had a ton of variations of the blue and white going on. These days, I'm swimming in an ocean of pink and brown. Three layettes of pink and brown. I met a new baby cousin for the first time this month, and discovered that pink and brown were her colors too. I had already been working on this blanket, taking my time with it, but with her in mind, I was inspired to finally give baby beanies a try. A quick Youtube search turned up the perfect pattern: a granny stitch! You know how much I love my granny squares. It took me an entire day to get it right, but I finally got a workable little hat, and even more ambitious was the flower attachment. I absolutely LOVE crocheted flowers!! When I was growing my 'fro, I'd search Etsy and other crochet shops for pretty hair flowers. I was never disappointed. They stayed on my wishlist. Now, I can finally make my own. Neither the hat or flower are perfect, but they are pretty damn good.

Tardy for the Party

2010-07-23T20:36:00.001-07:00

What we have here is a case of the missed occasions, as my Blogoversary meter reads 360 more days until the next celebration. I was absent from the festivities on the 19th. I don't know, just really didn't feel much like celebrating. I still don't really feel much like celebrating, but I will say that I am grateful to be here. I'm grateful for the space to be heard. I've spent much of my life struggling to be heard - being misunderstood, so to have a space where I can amplify my thoughts, my experiences, and to have committed to this space for 2 years...

Happy Blogoversary to me!

Preparing for Chasing Metamorphosis

2010-07-17T12:44:00.000-07:00

I'm experimenting with site feeds over here. Trying to get prepared for the upcoming changes to A Place of Comfort. I'm not sure when those changes will take place, but whenever they do, I want to already have the foundation of this new home in place. When it comes to renaming, things don't always go as planned. Goodbye Disordered Life, hello Chasing Metamorphosis. This temporary place of comfort can now be found here:

www.chasingmetamorphosis.blogspot.com

I'm trying to work out the kinks to make sure you don't have to work too hard to find me.

Reflection

2010-07-15T02:38:00.000-07:00

What started out as an onset of irritability quickly subsided and I was able to get up, and get moving yesterday. I flew through some housework, then made dinner for Miss J and my grandma's kiddos while she was away in class. She's taking a stress management class, with required reading, homework and everything. I am trying to do my part of lightening her load and encouraging her to stay on track with her medicines and monitoring. When she returned, she had nothing to do except kick back, have some dinner, and relax until she was ready to head off to bed. That gave me a sense of fulfillment in the moment, and I am sure that she appreciated having a few less things to worry about in an already busy day.

I've been doing some heavy reflecting lately. Its probably more like half reflection and half beating myself up, but I can't help but to reflect on my past, and how it has affected the person that I am today. There was a point in which I thrived despite my past. The past just was what it was, I was focused on the future, because I had goals, and the roadway was clear, the path was lit. Now... something happened, a lot of things happened, and somehow I became a fraction of the person I used to be. I continuously find myself mourning the Barbara who used to be instead of recreating the Barbara who currently is. Like, in order for that recreation to take place, I must go backwards, retrace. Doesn't make any sense. Maybe I am held motionless for fear of what a tug of war would do to the me who can't seem to find her way. I guess it will all take time.

Aside from my wayward mind, I got a wave of excellent feedback on some custom Baby Squares pieces. 2 blankets and a butterfly clip. Everyone LOVED their pieces and were not shy about expressing it. I was both grateful and thankful for the public response. Just check out the toddler of Kristina of Mom on the Rise and Moms of Hue, enjoying her new blanket :)

Purple Craze Blanket

I could not possibly stay irritated for long when surrounded by images of bliss!

Point, Blank, Period

2010-07-10T18:50:00.000-07:00

Dear Drug Addicted Women,

Why do you, and how could you continuously carry pregnancies to term? Surely you can see the destruction of your drug use in your own life. Surely you realize that same destruction gets transferred over to your baby. Surely you understand that, just because you are relieved of the responsibility of care for your baby via choosing to give your baby up for adoption or your baby legally being removed from you, all of that destruction that you transferred doesn't just suddenly disappear. Sure, drugs warp the mind, and even outside of the confines of addiction we all do things that we are not proud of, make mistakes that we wish to take back, however, it is not you that I feel any sympathy or empathy for, because you are the one who has been allowed the power of choice. It is you who can choose to reproduce hurt or to prevent it. If you choose to birth a baby addicted to drugs, who will suffer the symptoms of withdrawal that you are too cowardly to feel, who will have delayed development, learning disabilities, possible physical abnormalities - you should be jailed. And then sterilized. Seriously. It is cruel and unusual punishment for a child to have to come into the world addicted, suffering the consequences of carelessness, only to live out a life of difficulty and pain, especially when you are not even capable of helping your child through his or her pain or guiding him or her through the struggles to come. Why do that to a helpless individual? Who the fuck are you to write the script of this life when you chose to write your own?

Not only is it cruel and unusual punishment for your child, it is unfair to the team that will have to be built around your child. You will not be there to see it through - someone else will be doing the extra hard work of trying to find the strength to insure that your child is not left behind. Quite frankly, you disgust me. If you are willing to curse the life of your own flesh and blood, you do not deserve to bare children at all. You may think that is harsh, but fuck you, what's harsh is the aftermath of your decisions. I don't care that you are currently in a bad way. I don't care that eventually in the future, you might be clean and able to be an adequate parent. Although you might get a second chance at a pain-free life, your baby will not.

My advice, use your power of choice to prevent a curse. Do not carry a pregnancy to term if your ass has no intentions of kicking your addiction!

Contemplation

2010-07-06T23:46:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. I'm never really "good" in these kinds of situations. I don't think I'm doing much to ~~cheer her up~~ divert her stress. She's really worried about him. She waits each day for his call, at the designated time that they agreed on, and if she misses it, she heavily regrets leaving the house, and vows not to do it again. Even within the laughter there is immense worry. I don't feel like I'm equipped to cure her worry or her elevated blood sugar. I know what happens when diabetes wins.

None of it seems fair. Why must certain lives be rooted in struggle and sacrifice, and just when those lives have seemed to overcome a life of struggle, to then be stricken with such illnesses? Why? And how do family members aide the elderly when they are stubborn? And more importantly, how does one remain strong while doing so, and when one is not entirely sure what one should even be doing?

Post National Afro Day and Fireworks

2010-07-05T11:38:00.000-07:00

This 4th of July, I was happy to have something other than patriotism to focus on. Not that patriotism is ever the sole focus of my celebration, but I do make an effort to don the red, white and blue each year. However, in light of National Afro Day, my celebration consisted of bbq, hair and fireworks. As the grill was smoking, the greens were percolating, and the potato salad was chilling, I was prepping Miss J's hair for her 4th of July afro.

I decided to do a length check while I was detangling Miss J's old box braids, and discovered that she may have gotten an inch or so from the last time we did this. Her hair is now at waist length when it's stretched. Pretty good for 7 years of care... I can only imagine what we'll be working with by age 18!

After being in braids for nearly a month, there was a lot of shed hair and dirt. I had planned to detangle, shampoo and condition, but the detangling process took us the entire day this time. Miss J was not a willing participant after getting used to not having her hair combed for a few weeks. Even when there weren't any tangles, and even with the gentlest approach there were still tears... but the outcome is always smiles and lots of mirror time. As I detangled, I twisted her hair.

Then, after about 30 minutes, I undid the twists, pulled them apart a bit (considered picking them out, but her 'fro was pretty big without the picking and it was the end of the day... next time!), and added a Babyfly that I made to match her Natural Beauty tank, first seen on Beads Braids Beyond.

Once we were full of bbq, we headed down to the local marina for some fireworks. I hope that your 4th was as great as ours! And remember, if you or your child rocked a 4th of July afro, we'd love to see... ok, I'd love to see. Remember? Living vicariously :)

Could It Be?

2010-07-05T00:00:00.000-07:00

Days after my 10th birthday, my dad told me that I had a sister. He told me her name, her age, and her phone number. At 10 years old, I made the call, and shocked the hell out of her mother. I was excited then, and had mixed feelings later. I had always wanted a sister, as being an only child can be a lonely experience. But how could I have had a sister who was 4 years older than me? And why did her mother have my last name? My parents were married. Too much to put together back then, and lost opportunity to ask questions today, since my dad has passed away and my sister and I separated shortly after we met. I've thought about her, and our lost opportunities, for the last 16 years. I've often considered trying to find her, my efforts going no further than a general search of Facebook and Myspace. I've often wondered if she knows that are dad died, if she'd be interested in knowing that she's an aunt, if she thought about the bond that we attempted to create back then, and if she'd be interested in a do-over.

My social networking searches turned up no results. And then I searched again using the yellow pages, and then one site after another until I got a hit. My search spit out a name, an age, 3 known cities, and 1 address. I could have found my sister... again, after 16 years of being separated. But there is something keeping me from taking the next step. I could purchase information that could potentially be her's or I could make the short drive, and knock on a door that could potentially be her's. I guess I am still processing the information. Replaying the reunion in my head. One day. One day.

The Afro in Reminisce

2010-07-03T15:29:00.000-07:00

With all the celebratory talk going on around the blogosphere, I'm starting to really miss my afro. Had I known that July 4th would be declared National Afro Day, I would have held off on cutting my 5 months of kinky curly growth. I guess I will have to live vicariously through Miss J's afro instead, and yours, if you decide to break out your pick!

This time around, my hair tends to want to have a mind of its own. My second big chop left me nearly bald, which was a little shorter than I had planned, but it was nice to be back to the basics. It is very true that having no hair gives you the opportunity to shine in ways that you may not otherwise or in ways that you may have been afraid to before. Now, I am working with 1 month of growth, some budding waves, and a hairline that needs some shaping. I've been too busy to make a date with the clippers. I have been brushing up on my barber shop lingo though. I've been learning the proper names and looks of popular men's hair cuts, and preparing myself to enter into the guy zone as I shop around for a barber. I remember asking the Kipenzi about barbers when I first BC'd and he got all protective of his particular shop and barber, telling me that if he did reveal his barber to me, that I could NOT go while he was there. I remember thinking, "what the hell is that all about?" Like, why can't I be allowed in the guy zone for a few? Perhaps he was thinking something like this could happen, or maybe he didn't want me to be privy to what "guys" be talkin' about. Anyway... I got some recommendations from a few friends because I'm not just looking for a barber, but a GOOD barber, because, well... I don't want something like this to happen. For now, I've been brushing more than usual and trying to nurture my growing strands. One side of my head insists on curling, while the other side lays down like I'd like. I have a war between curls and waves happening on my head right now. Perhaps things will start to take shape over the next couple of hair cuts. We shall see.

Happy Afro Independence Day!

Butterflies, Diabetes and Strokes

2010-07-02T16:31:00.001-07:00

I took a breather over the weekend, and carved out some time and some space for a little relaxation and work. I am quickly learning that, as a work at home mom, relaxation and work will often be a part of the same sentence/idea, just as relaxation, motherhood and academics were while I was knocking out my semesters at Cal. Being everything at the same time is no easy task, but it always has its benefits. Instead of wearing many hats, I just wear one hat, with many different names on it!

In a way, I am actually happy to have a place of refuge within this newly found work, because, although I am busy creating, crocheting still gives me that original peace. Its an art, much like sewing, that allows you to lose yourself within your project. You become one with your project. You control the flow and the outcome, thus, if you don't mind a challenge every now and then, for the most part, you remain relatively stress-free.

I have been spending my days, on my grandmother's couch, surrounded by colorful yarns and warmth. My work, has become "our" thing, as my grandmother and I chit chat about patterns and colors and collaborations and needle sizes... and other things crochet. Momentarily, the chit chat provides an escape from the fact that I am still 9-to-5-less and homeless and due to the state being budgetless - I am child care-less, come back to school time. Newly created butterflies hold the smiles that were formed after the laughter from my grandfather, on the other end of the phone, from a hospital bed in Mississippi where he has had a mild stroke. As he proceeds with three weeks of physical therapy down south, and my grandmother wraps her arm in the band of the blood pressure machine, and transfers the product of her freshly pricked finger into the glucose reader here in the north, all I can do is crochet.

Everyday I'm Hustlin'

2010-06-24T03:00:00.000-07:00

I'm not hiding behind the counter anymore, no longer hoping those passing by don't see me. The deadbolt is off the door, and the welcome sign is out. I sure am glad that folks weren't afraid to come on in. Since adding the new additions to Baby Squares, and sprucing the place up, people have taken interest, and I have followed up on that interest. The result? THREE custom Baby Squares blankets in the works, and me stepping outside my crafty comfort zone to try new granny square motifs. I am grateful for the support, and for the push to own my entrepreneurship. Its still a little difficult for me to view what I have going here as a business, or maybe its difficult for me to begin viewing myself as a small business owner. However, its not very difficult to get excited about the approaching arrival of new babies!

I've Been Busy

2010-06-20T22:11:00.000-07:00

New blankets in the shop, Baby Squares has met Facebook, I'm half way through some bell hooks, got a couple of potential orders, and a full belly... its about time I entertain the cookies n' cream that is waiting for me in the freezer.

Today on Moms of Hue...

2010-06-17T13:57:00.000-07:00

I'm talking about police brutality... with a twist. Go on over and weigh in. While you're there, check out the other thought-provoking pieces by fellow Moms of Hue writers, and get in on the discussion.

Blog of Fame

2010-06-13T19:30:00.000-07:00

So, I gave that big side cornrow another try, and decided to share Miss J's style in the Hair Share feature over on Beads, Braids & Beyond. She was so excited to see herself profiled on the blog. I'm assuming that this wont be her last appearance. Head on over and check out her little time shared in the spotlight.

Tweet Tweet 9

2010-06-11T10:34:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of T. Allen-Mercado

- Today marks the conclusion of the 1st grade for Miss J. She's been really excited about her accomplishments and I've been really proud. This school year has definitely had its ups and downs, but it has ended in improvement and happiness. I'm already looking forward to her fresh start of 2nd grade, but first we're gonna try to get in some relaxation and summer fun, starting in about 2 1/2 hours.

- I'm busy at work on new Baby Squares. I have a pretty pink and a pretty lavender that will be added to the shop as soon as I can get some good pictures, also a glance at the pretty custom purple that I'm working on. Hopefully I will be busy at work on a 9-5 soon.

- I've been thinking about selfishness and selflessness. About the people in my life who are selfish and those who are selfless. And more importantly, about the people in my daughter's life who are selfish and those who are selfless. I've come to the conclusion that those who are selfish need to be eliminated. I realize that with each passing year, I grow a little less patient for people who only see themselves in the world.

Five years ago I asked two of my good friends if they would do the honors of becoming my daughter's Godparents; they accepted. It wasn't a decision that I came to lightly. I had survived middle and high school with one of these people and had known the other since elementary school, these two people knew me extremely well, and were trusted with my life, and so trusted with my daughter's. I did not ask them solely because we were good friends, but because I truly believed that these two people loved my daughter and would always be capable of expressing that love to her. For a while, it was so. Aside from our usual time spent together, they were present for birthdays and holidays. God-dad has always taken pride in his God-daughter. He has always been more than happy to be present or called on. My general issue isn't with him, but with the person who eagerly accepted the role as God-mother in my daughter's life. The same person who years later, confessed that she actually doesn't like children. The same person that made my hungry daughter wait a 45 minute car ride to eat because she didn't allow any eating in her new car, the same person who ignored an email that I sent asking her to write my daughter, her God-daughter, a letter with some well wishes for her future to commemorate her 7th birthday - and when confronted simply said "I'll pass". Yeah, that bitch. I have a huge problem with that bitch.

In no way did I ever view the roles of God-parents as "stand ins" for actual parents. But I did view God-parents as people who took a deep interest in a child and cared about his or her well being. That bitch's complete dismissal of my request was really like a slap in the face to both me and my baby... and those who send a slap in the face to my baby get more than just the "stare" or the "side eye", they get the fucking wrath. So, for now, here is my message to her...

(note: scroll down to the bottom of the blog to pause the music player. Enjoy the video)

What's new with you?

Birthday Hair

2010-06-06T10:29:00.001-07:00

Working from a collection of inspiration, I decided to try my hand at cornrowing... again. It took some time, but I was finally able to get a workable technique going, and come out with something that resembled cornrows. I gave Miss J these box braids about a week or so ago, a re-boxing of some older box braids from her shampoo. We have been doing different things with the front, and since her dress came with a headband, I decided to try a style that I saw on a Youtube video.

Although the BronzeGoddess has beautiful locs, I thought I should be able to do a variation of this style on Miss J's hair. Starting with one side, I attempted the cornrows.

As you can see, the bit of braiding that is close to the scalp looks NOTHING like a braid *sad face*. I'm starting to feel like I am not a 'small cornrowing' kind of girl, but I know that with more practice I will get better at it. I took these two side cornrows and connected them into the big braid on the other side (which I now realize I should have left the ends lose!)

Instead of taking the big side braid all the way around the back of Miss J's head like the BronzeGoddess does, I opted to only incorporate 3 of the box braids from the back left side so that the big braid would hand toward the back with the rest of the braids. It sort of worked.

And in place of a flower, of course we used the headband, which had a fabulous red bow. After removing the three back box braids from the big side braid, I liked the way the braids had a crinkle to them, and decided to take a page from Beads, Braids, Beyond and braid the back box braids into about 4 big braids for sleeping. We'll see what the result turns out to be.

Another Year Cuter: The Remix

2010-06-06T00:50:00.000-07:00

At the end of a full day of celebrating my one and only true love, I am really quite speechless. The day couldn't have been more perfect. For the first time, in like, forever, the sun was shining so brightly, warming our skin as we made our way from auntie's house to grandma's, showing off the dress that she picked out all by herself just because it matched mommy's shoes.

Then, we took in a local little league baseball game and showed some team spirit to our favorite team as they kicked some booty in the playoffs.

Had dinner, and came home to a beautiful surprise.

Miss J couldn't have had a better 7th birthday!

Friday Fill-Ins

2010-06-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

1. Thus far, any place that houses my closest friends and a whole lotta laughter is my favorite place to travel to.

2. When I think about my childhood, I often remember those sunny days of bike riding and playing with Kenya dolls on my front porch.

3. A good book often makes for a good friend.

4. The wind in the trees, the rain on my skin, the tire marks in the pavement.

5. Thinking about summertime activities is so exciting!

6. My best friend knows so much about me that, if we were to not be friends anymore, I'd have to kill her.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to taking it easy, tomorrow my plans include celebrating Miss J's birthday... WHOO HOOO and Sunday, I want to continue celebrating my little-big girl!

To participate in Friday Fill-Ins click --->here<---

Poor Baby Squares

2010-06-02T01:12:00.000-07:00

I have been so consumed lately and uninterested. Neglectful to the project, the passion that I thought I was so passionate about. My cute little shop is bare. It looks like I'm on vacation, when I'm merely held up inside, ducking down behind the counter hoping that those who pass by don't see me. My deserted little blankets. The two in the shop, and the two here in my bag - especially the one that is still rough around the edges. I shall pick up hook and yarn this week and reclaim my space, and hopefully draw a crowd.

If you stop by, I might remove the deadbolt from the doors and put out the welcome sign.

Untitled

2010-05-31T23:43:00.000-07:00

Somehow, each year is always like the last when it comes to "remembering" my mother. Whether it be her birthday or the anniversary of her death, I'm always left feeling a certain way, a way that in no way involves closure. Out of all the dates and all the loved ones, her dates are the ones that are forever etched in my mind. July 2nd, June 5th, and today, May 31st. I can still remember words and actions, and reactions, yet, I still can't remember her voice or her smell - those things aren't brought back by time or through photographs - apparently, neither is healing. I don't really know when I'll ceased to be affected in this way.

For the first time in a long time, I was able to take some flowers up to the cemetery on one of her actual dates. And for the first time in a long time, I didn't cry. Not because I no longer needed to, but because I had Miss J with me. It was a very quick visit, I couldn't risk losing it in front of the baby, she wouldn't fully understand, or maybe I'd like to think that she wouldn't understand so that she wouldn't be left with the task of comforting me. I was once comforted by a complete stranger on one of my cemetery visits, although I'd much rather be comforted by my grandmother, but she refuses to visit the my mother's grave with me. I try to understand why.

There isn't anything left to say except that I am affected the same in year 18, as I was in year 1.

When you lose your parent(s) before you have formed your own identity, do you ever recover?

Purging and Beauty

2010-05-28T15:57:00.000-07:00

Afro Pick Earrings by Rachel Stewart

Now wearing my pick in my ears instead of my 'fro, and hoping to find a little inner peace and self love.

Thin Line

2010-05-26T23:50:00.000-07:00

The past couple of nights have been laced with insomnia. I have been tired, but unable to hush my thoughts. This is the part that I hate, the PTSD-esk phase - when the events and words that were said, keep replaying themselves over and over in my mind. Every time I'd close my eyes they were forced back open by my feelings about what was said and what went down, and by his reaction to me in my entirety and in my vulnerability. I think I'm still in shock. Its not like we haven't been here before, but this time was different. This time set the tone for there not to be a next time. I wasn't ready for that. It was unexpected and unwanted.

And you know what else I hate? Not knowing what to do with left over love. This love hasn't reached its expiration date yet, and now I have to place it back on the shelf, although it has already been assigned, and pretend that it doesn't exist, even though it stares back at me longingly. Pretty pathetic huh?

A Life Without Purpose

2010-05-25T12:46:00.000-07:00

"I wonder why the obligation to declare one’s purpose exists at all" - T. Allen-Mercado

Upon my lifelong quest to discover who I really am, and in the aftermath of my most recent mental break, I read the Moms of Hue post (which I encourage you all to do) of my blog sister T. Allen-Mercado, and was moved into expression...

Tameka, I didn't know that we were allowed to wonder this or to even question it at all. So much weight is placed on defining one's life's purpose, building a career, living one's destiny. What do those things even mean? Ever since I was accepted to Cal, I have felt pushed and prodded to define my life's purpose, and before I was accepted to Cal, I thought I already had. I had always loved to write, was scolded by my grandmother for "never wanting to do nothin' but write", was exposed to journalism in school, and so that's what I wanted to do with my life back then. I wanted to become a journalist. I wanted to become an investigative reporter, a creator of "new media" before there was New Media - in an effort to show the world what good could be found in the inner city. To create a space for my own voice to yell out from beneath the concrete and be heard.

Now, with those demanding questions that you spoke of being hurled at me - So, what are you doing now that you've graduated? What can you do with a degree in Gender & Women's Studies? So, you wanna do social work? What kind of job are you looking for? You're not going to grad school? Why not? Administrative Assistant? Oh. - And the judgmental statements - $10 an hour is better than $0 an hour/ Did you think you were gonna come right outta college and be the CEO of a fortune 500 company?/ I thought you had drive and determination/ Your minimal salary requirement is too high. It all has shattered my self confidence and my self esteem, and ingrained in me that a life without purpose is a life that isn't worth living.

After revealing my lack of life's purpose and my belief that $10 an hour was not going to pay rent in a safe environment, I was dumped by the person that I thought understood my struggle. Not only dumped, but kicked while I was down... lack of drive and determination, remember? This morning, I found myself on a 24 hr crisis phone line, crying to a man asking me to tell him what was wrong when I had no words, feeling 5150ish.

I guess I say all of this to say that I hate the quest for the American Dream. Like your wondering about purpose itself, I hate the very fact that there is a quest for the American Dream because its just a trope to drive the world towards submission and homogeneity, and those who resist or get lost in the hype, go insane.

Tweet Tweet 8

2010-05-11T12:57:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of T. Allen-Mercado

- I've reached a stage of hair abandonment. I've succeeded in abandoning both my hair and Ms. J's. I'm not keeping my TWA moisturized like I should, and I have repeatedly pushed back Ms. J's wash date for the past couple, possibly few weeks. I'm trying to rise to the occasion today by adding some moisture to my brittle strands and by giving Ms. J's curls some much needed cleansing, conditioning and box braiding. Stress is taking a toll on haircare around here. I'm actually considering cutting mine low again and starting over. Nothing wrong with that. Although I have been enjoying the play with hair accessories, I think that to be bald and beautiful yet again would just work better, and I would feel far less guilt about the neglect these curls have been enduring, and then there are the cute heart designs that I never had the chance to get cut into my caesar. We'll see.

- I did not get the position that I was up for with the agency. I was a little disappointed, but it is what it is. I can now say that I have went the agency route and still didn't get a job. So, its on to the next search, which happens to be on hold until I figure out that whole brake situation with the car. As if I really needed another thing to figure out.

- The second issue of Babygirlz Magazine is now live! We have a new interface for easier navigation and some great new articles. We have 3 guest high schoolers who dropped some great knowledge for their peers in this issue. Please encourage the young women and girls in your life to stop by and give us a stroll.

I think that's it for now. The rest of my random thoughts contain lots of frustration and irritation.

What's on your mind today?