Into the Wind

Family Nest

2012-02-13T09:18:00.000-06:00

One of the most beautiful things about taking an e-course is that if you can't make an assignment work on a specific day that's ok. You do it when it works for you and no one minds. You don't lose a letter grade a day. You just work it in when you can.

On Friday we were supposed to make a family nest for Erin Goodman's 10-Day Family Re-Charge. But we couldn't do it then. It was trivia night at the kids' school and we had a rep to protect. My family isn't competitive in very many ways, but when it comes to knowing stuff, well....yeah, we are. A Lot! And while we all agreed in the car that the world would keep spinning if we didn't, we really really wanted to win this year (we'd come in 2nd place the year before and 3rd the year before that). And I'm please to report that we had a great time, talked with lots of friends, enjoyed the musical interludes and the dancing it inspired, and that we did indeed take home 1st place this year.

The family nest had to be postponed again, as Saturday night found us cheering on my husband's senior students in their final home basketball game at the college where he teaches. It's so fun to see the way the students light up at seeing their professor at their games, and I love the thrill our kids get when they see that. Happily the home team won, and the seniors can end their basket-ball careers knowing they played hard and their parents, friends, classmates and professors were proud to cheer with all of their might throughout the whole game.

Finally, we carved out the time we needed on Sunday. For those of you who don't know, a family nest is a space on the floor made with blankets, and pillows, and afghans, and sleeping bags. A space big enough for my family of 5 to cozy up together to watch a movie and snuggle. We barely fit and after 45 minutes on the floor I admit that my back was hurting and I had to get up for a little while. But it was such a pure family moment. So pure that I have no pictures to share with you because I simply wanted to live in the moment. We laughed at the movie and enjoyed just being together. While we might disagree with each other (sometimes quite loudly), while siblings can get on your nerves and parents might be tired and cranky at the end of a long day, in the final analysis there is no one we'd rather spend a lazy Sunday afternoon with than each other.

Erin has done such an incredibly lovely job with this Re-Charge that most of us in the group are quite sad to see it come to a close today. If she ever runs another one, please please do yourselves a favor and sign up. The support is incredible, the tasks straight-forward and filled with love, and the focus on the family might be just what you really need.

"Nature Brings Families Together!"

2012-02-07T10:25:00.000-06:00

On Sunday morning, after enjoying breakfast and lounging around for awhile, I noticed that we were all getting a bit restless. There wasn't much to do and we were all just sitting inside and slowly getting annoyed with one another. And I did what I often do to escape my family when they get on my nerves, I turned on my computer. Only this time I read an email for Day 2 of Erin Goodman's 10-Day Family Re-Charge, and it told me to go outside right now.

Oh, my! Why didn't we think of that?! It was a beautiful sunny day that felt more like early spring than mid-winter. So we all hurriedly got dressed and to keep the whining down to a minimum drove to the creek that abuts the very back our our neighborhood. And there, armed with scavenger hunts, and sunshine we completely changed the tone of our day.

I wonder how old this tree was?

River otters or beavers? We're not sure who lives here.

The park is dotted with old stone buildings like this one. No idea when they were built.

Ring around the rosy.

Ever the curious one, L sees if he can break through the ice.

Dad, see if it will hold you? Nope!

"Rapids" in February.

As we made our way back through the park and to the car, M exclaimed "nature really brings families together!" Yes, my dear it does. Thank you so much for the reminder to get out and enjoy what's all around us Erin!

How Many Can We Keep in the Air

2012-02-01T09:33:00.000-06:00

We're deep into mid-Winter, and while this might go on record as the strangest weather I can remember for winter in the Midwest, it is still that time of year when we seem to be getting busier and busier.

Fall, is the time for reentry; re-acclimating to school, and activities and friends. Then we have the craziness from Thanksgiving to Christmas with parties and events, and crafts. A bit of a lull with Winter break and the beginning of January. And then, things begin to pick up. New activities, more friends, harder homework. We're at the beginning of the whirlwind now. As things start to get busier, and we're running kids to more places, I know that Spring will seem like a full-on tornado.

For those of you with very young kids, or grown kids, or home schooled kids who have yet to venture into too many extra-curriculars, this must seem like madness to you. And it is. I will say that we try not to over-schedule any one child, but with three busy kids our family feels a bit over-scheduled.

Honestly, for us, I don't think the juggling ever stops. I think that we constantly need to manage multiple things at once and toss a few up in the air to add a few more tasks while we are at it. All the while hoping that everything stays manageable and that all those balls stay up in the air. Every family has their own rhythm, and mine might look crazy to you, while your's looks unmanageable to me.

My teaching yoga now adds to the craziness as I'm gone two-nights a week and every Saturday morning. It's an adjustment for sure. But we're managing. We have a rhythm to our weeks. A slightly hectic rhythm, but it's there. We eat dinner together every night, and homework is done everyday after school. Sure sometimes now that homework isn't finished until after dinner, but we're adjusting and trying to make it all work without taking a bite out of each other.

I feel both a bit crazy and excited to add on the task of Erin Goodman's 10-Day Family Re-Charge. I'm excited to focus on our family and what we want for each other, and I'm worried that we won't be as fully involved as I might like because we're so busy. Erin graciously reminded me that while the class is for these 10 specific days, that our family can actually take it whenever we'd like. Hmmm....Getting to focus on what we want, the direction we'd like to go, and the reminder to be fully-present with each other. Oh, gee. If we have to be involved than I guess we will.

I'm not sure if taking part in this e-course will help bring me back to this space or not. I have to admit that I just haven't been able to find the time or energy to come to this space the way I have in the past. I'm still working on finding my own balance as mom, yoga teacher, radio talk-show host, and everything else. I don't want to give Into the Wind up, and I'm not sure how to maintain it. Whether or not I find a balance that works for me to continue blogging, please know that I value the blogging community more than I will ever be able to say and I continue to find some time each week to visit my favorites.

January 2012

2012-01-11T10:03:00.000-06:00

This Winter hasn't been much of a winter so far. We've only had 1/4 of an inch of snow and that was in November. The past week we've had decidedly Spring like weather. Yesterday, with highs in the 50s I took the opportunity to go for a walk near the creek, without a coat on.

I worry that we'll pay for this beautiful weather eventually, but until then I'm trying to soak up every last bit of sunshine.

2012-01-04T11:16:00.000-06:00

There is calm and quiet. Peace and joy. Memories of smiles and laughter and squeals of delight. My kids are back at school today and while I need the time to regroup -- update the calendar, figure out my to do list and actually get some work done -- I miss them.

It is so easy in the day to day grind as we race through homework and activities and dinner to forget how much I enjoy those children of ours. They are truly funny fascinating people. Their wit, creativity and humor inspire me.

Wishing you peace, joy, love, light and laughter in the new year!

--Anna

Parent Discussion Topic: Kids' Schedules

2011-09-21T10:08:00.000-05:00

I've discussed a few times now the struggle it can be to balance all of my obligations (namely here, here, here and here). It's a juggling act all right to keep the balls of work, family, friends, home, health and writing in the air. Sometimes the only way to keep going is to drop one of the balls; as I had to do this past summer with this blog. Other times, the only way to make it work is to be carefully and creatively organized.

When it comes to managing my kids' schedules careful and creative organization is the only way to make things work. As any parent of school aged kids can tell you -- kids have a lot more scheduled time than we did when we were kids. Many lament their lack of open ended play time -- something that we should be concerned with. Hopefully every family is able to strike some sort of balance between activities and free-time. But that is no small task when you are balancing the schedules of three active kids (if you have more kids than that I bow down to you in wonder of how you manage it all...).

We try to make sure that no individual child is over-scheduled, but again, we're balancing out the needs and wants of three children. So while each kid maybe fine, our whole family has a lot of juggling to do to get each person where they need to be and when. Sometimes we have to say that a kid can't do an activity because it conflicts with too many other things. The goal is that another season will come around offering them that opportunity again.

As I said we try not to over-schedule our kids, but even that is a balancing act. Ironically, my oldest has the fewest number of activities at about 3 (1-2 are intermittent). But considering the amount of homework he usually brings home, this is a very good thing. My youngest, M, has the most. If you knew her you'd know why. She has dance and piano, girl scouts, science club and occasionally art club. This Fall we had to let soccer go by the way-side, and you'd be amazed at how many of her friends and their parents have bemoaned the fact that she isn't on their team (not because she's a great player, but because my girl makes friends with everyone -- oh do I love that about her!!!). L also had to take a season off of soccer. He was considering moving to a pre-travel team, and we honestly could not find a way to make that work with our schedules. So he opted for tennis lessons instead. And oh, how he loves it!

Another mom and I were talking last night about balancing our kids and their activities. Her son is an athlete who plays one sport a season so the scheduling wasn't too difficult. Her daughter's sports are dance and swimming and they run concurrently. So she has something every night. The mom feels frazzled, but her daughter loves both activities. Their compromise was to drop one of her dance classes (instead of 3 she's taking 2), but mom isn't sure how long that will work. It is after all a constant juggling act.

While I could complain about the fact that kids need to be involved in sports at an early age if they even want a chance to play them later on, it won't help me figure out how to balance their schedules. So instead, I'll focus on what's working for us right now. The most important tools I have right now are a Master Planner, a weekly planner pad, and Google's calendar.

For us my Master Planner is a godsend. It lets me write down everything on a monthly page, and then has two pages for the week with slots for 5 people. That way I can write down everybody's everything. It also has room for notes -- where I can sometimes remind myself to do things. I honestly do not think I could function without this. My Honey and I have also recently started using Google's calendar to share information with each other. We don't have smartphones yet, but we both spend a lot of time on our computers. This let's us share kids' activities and our own quickly and easily -- especially those last minute changes.

Finally, what really makes this whole thing work is that I write out a weekly calendar for my kids each week. I go to Michaels and buy the cheap $1 weekly calendar pads, but you could easily down-load a template for that (this site has some good examples, with this one being the closest to what I use.). This lets them see what their day will look like and gives them advanced warning of what's coming up. Our school also uses a 1-5 daily system for specials instead of doing them on specific days of the week, so the calendar also reminds them of when library books are due and when they have to wear their gym shoes to school. For E, who always does better when things are clearly laid out this has been a life saver. But the other two have come to rely on it as well. If you think about it we probably all do better when we have an idea of what our week has in store for us.

All of these schedules keep us hopping, but so far things on this front are working. We're busy without being overwhelmed.

So what about you? How do you all manage the craziness of multiple schedules? What tricks do you use to keep everyone organized? Have you had to limit the number of activities your kids are involved in? What's working in your house this week and what isn't? I'd love to hear your story.

Morning Musings

2011-09-15T10:00:00.000-05:00

Chilly morning. All of us cocooned in our beds. No one wanting to get up.

Fun. Being silly. NOT yelling. Hurrying from covers to clothes.

Using the rewards system we have in place to encourage getting up, moving and ready for our day. Encouragement NOT punishment.

Loving seeing how independent and responsible they have become now that they bike/walk to school just the three of them. They are a unit -- together by bond, trust and love and a few reminders to watch out for each other.

As parents we have surely made some mistakes, but it's pretty clear we've done a few things right as well.

Transition and Reflection

2011-09-14T12:09:00.000-05:00

Mother Nature has a way of reminding us that transitions are inevitable. Two days ago it was 85 degrees, sunny, humid and feeling very much like summer. Today it is 58 degrees, gray and rainy and feeling like November.

The outside is mirroring my inside. It's transition time. Time to reflect on where I have been and I where I would like to go. Time to examine what I like and what I don't and choosing what I want to do about it all.

Blogging had to take a back seat to my other commitments this past summer. There was no way to avoid it, but as I have been slowing coming back to this space and to the blogging community I realize that I missed your voices and the opportunity to reflect on my world, myself and my parenting. Catching up with some of you has reminded me what I love best about our blogging community -- the shared experiences, the common bonds and differences, the knowledge that we are all just trying to do our best as we make our way through this world.

Taking the time to reflect, I realize that I had become so stressed, so frustrated and angry about everything that I was not parenting the way I want to. No came too easily out of my mouth. My voice grew louder without hesitation. Exasperation and frustration seeped into the majority of my interactions with my family (who else can we dump on and know we'll be forgiven?!). Finally I blew. Exploding the way no one ever wants to explode. And in coming back down -- using crystals and yoga and our blog community as therapy -- I saw what I had been forgetting to see.

I saw that laughter is the cure for practically everything.

I saw that I can choose how I behave. I can choose to act and reflect verses simply reacting too quickly and too harshly.

I saw that having to clean up their mess had a much better outcome than yelling at them about their mess.

I saw that they are so willing to forgive me for my mistakes. And that no matter how much I screw up they will always love me the way I will always love them.

I saw that they really do watch how I act, what I say and do myself, so much more than they listen to what I tell them to do. And that if I don't like how they yell, or stomp their feet or demand their way in the rudest possible way, then I had better look to how I react first.

I remembered that they matter more than the rest of the world. I forget that a lot when we are out in public and I worry about how my children are behaving. I think lots of parents do. We worry about the strangers at the next table or next aisle, and we forget that it's our kids going home with us, and our kids who are actually affected by the way we treat them.

While I wasn't a monster, I wasn't the mom I want to be. I took the wrong road for a little while. Lost my way so to speak. Hopefully in time with love and patience (the patience I could always use more of!!!) we'll get back on the right path. Like Mother Nature we have to feel our way between the highs and the lows.

This I know

2011-09-12T09:53:00.000-05:00

This I know....

Dance Parties make for a better morning. No one can stay grumpy on a Monday morning when there is music playing and silly people dancing around like mad.

Attitude affects everything. When I'm irritable or angry that's the response I get back. When I temper my own impulses they will eventually temper their own. When I let my anger loose so will they. When I stop over-reacting, when I breathe and choose to laugh, everyone else will let some of that wash over them and choose the parts they want to accept.

It is easier to preach than to practice (especially when it comes to the above).

Juice tastes better through a straw.

If Momma's not happy neither is anyone else. Bad moods are contagious. Thankfully so are good ones.

Reading with your legs up the wall is fun. Reading with your legs up the wall and your kid(s) snuggled up close while the two of you laugh is perfect.

Nothing is more joyous than the sound of a kid who's funny bone is so tickled that they just have to let all of their laughter out.

Zinnia's are incredibly cheerful flowers.

Gravity doesn't always win. Ingenuity can produce fantastic results. And, beautiful and ugly can exist in in the same place.

Parent Discussion Topic: Work Family Balance part 2

2011-08-31T09:37:00.000-05:00

Balance. I find myself pondering what it means and how to find it constantly. Like any parent, I feel like I have a lot of personal demands that require me to constantly shift and readjust my equilibrium. Now that I have also started working -- think nomadic Jack of all Trades and you might get an idea of what I'm doing -- I find that all those things I was trying to balance out before with limited success also has to accommodate the demands of my various jobs.

Quite honestly I do not know how you people who work full time outside of the home do it. My hat is off to you because I can't figure it out. I don't really care if my house gets clean or if there is clutter every where -- it isn't my first choice, but I can live with it -- it's feeling like I am actually being the parent I want to be while doing the work that I both want and need to do.

This summer was the biggest juggling act we've attempted so far. Hubby and I had to coordinate our schedules so that he could get writing and research done and I could get writing and yoga done and the kids would still have a parent home to take care of them. If it weren't for the joys of the academic calendar, I don't think we would have managed. If he'd had a regular 40+ hour a week job, I would not have been able to get done what I needed to do.

I know in families where both parents work full-time the kids go to day care, but we've never done that before. I haven't had any type of job in 10 years, and what I do now doesn't pay enough to cover day care costs. When I was 10 I was staying home alone and taking care of myself while my parents worked. But that isn't going to happen here. My most responsible child is only 8 and as the middle kid is in no way prepared to be in charge of both siblings as well as himself. Besides, even if they managed to get along for any length of time with out a moderator, I cannot for a moment stand to imagine what they would do to our house. No, my kiddos can't be home alone all day; in fact the very idea of that just makes me sad.

Thankfully school has started again, and it is so much easier to juggle the needs of my jobs with the needs of my children. Obviously they come first. And I do worry about the first time I am supposed to work and I get a call from the school nurse telling me one of my kids has a fever and needs to come home. My stomach actually turns at the thought of juggling that situation.

What I need to recognize is that we're in the midst of a sharp learning curve. None of us has the answers to how to make this whole thing work, but we are team working to figure it all out together. I know that I have the love and support of my family to go out on these new ventures of mine and I would not trade that for the world. I recently heard L tell someone that he was proud of me. It was unprompted. Even though the job was taking time away from him, he was proud of what I was doing. I'm going to try to remember that the next time I feel like this balancing act is getting to be too much.

How do you find balance? Do you schedule in time for you, for your partner, your family? Did you give up a job because it was too difficult to find a way to balance it all? How does your family make their work and family life come together? I love learning from your experience. So thanks in advance.

Dissonance

2011-08-29T11:28:00.000-05:00

Summer is over and school has started. We've yet to hit our rhythm. This is an adjustment period. Adjusting is hard work. We're all tired and cranky. I wish I could be more like the cream that floats to the top of the jar and rise above the fray, but I'm not. I'm not at my parenting best right now. I'd like to be, but I don't seem to know where to find the mojo. There have been a number of times in my parenting journey where I have felt this way. It is completely awful. Ideally I'd have endless reserves of patience and understanding. In the perfect world I would never raise my voice or lose my temper. But I don't seem to live there right now.

So many of you have always been an inspiration to me; and while I had no choice but to take a break from my blogging life for awhile, I have missed you all. I cannot predict what will come down the pike, but I sincerely hope to be back here more and to check in with those of you whose wisdom, kindness and spirit have moved me and inspired me to be the parent I want to be, instead of the one I sometime am.

This life of ours is a odd journey with many twists and turns and bumps in the road. Don't get me wrong there are some fabulous pastures and stunning views along the way, but the road ahead seems to be just out of sight and we don't seem to know where we're going. Changes are happening fast and furious. And we all have a lot of adjusting to do.

Wishing you all peace and understanding as you make your own way.

Namaste,
Anna

The Dropped Ball

2011-06-21T22:31:00.000-05:00

When you have too many balls in the air, eventually something has to drop. While I adore our blog community and sharing experiences with everyone in blog land, right now my blog is the dropped ball. I'm hoping that as things change and we adjust and possibly even just when Fall arrives and there are fewer schedules to juggle I can pick this lovely little ball up again.

In the mean time, I wish you all joy, peace, understanding and grace. And while I'm at it, a beautiful sunny day with a gentle breeze and butterflies floating in the air to gaze upon.

A Pushin', and a Pullin'

2011-05-15T18:50:00.000-05:00

I used to be a fun mom. I would get down on the floor and play with my kids. We'd laugh and be silly. I'd tumble them and tickle them and blow raspberries on their bellies. I'd play along in music class and in our early childhood ed classes.

I loved being a fun mom. Now, I'm the mom who has to push. The mom who insists on homework getting done, and piano getting practiced. Now I'm the mom that E insists is too hard on him because I have expectations that are too high. I hate this role. It isn't fun at all. But it is so terribly important. That boy is so capable when he can focus. He is so smart when we wants to be. But he is also incredibly lazy and loves to stall stall stall when it comes to getting work done.

He biggest dream is to work for Microsoft some day. And oh, do we want that for him. We try to explain that in order to reach your goals you have to work hard. He thinks he should just get everything he wants because he wants it. It is hard to explain the way the world works to any kid, but to one who a social disorder it is an enormous task. He wants life to be fair -- but his version of fair is just that it is fair to him. Again he thinks it should all be his way all of the time. And yes, everyone else should always get their way too. Ahhhhh, if only life did work that way but that would have to mean that there were no competing interests in the world. There's the rub.

I miss the days when my biggest expectations were to spend the day on the floor engaging my child in play. I miss getting to be silly. It's not that I never am any more, it's just so much less than I'd like. My kids think that when they are grown-ups they'll get to do whatever they want, but frankly I think I'm still waiting for that moment.

Uncertainty Limbo

2011-05-03T08:59:00.000-05:00

I don't mean to be a terrible blogger -- I just can't seem to find the time these days. Sorry all. Trying to juggle two part time jobs and my yoga training with raising three kids and being a wife, friend, and daughter to boot is getting to be all that I can manage these days. It isn't that I don't think at all about the fact that I haven't written for awhile. It's that I can't find the time to come up with any words.

I am also quite conflicted about how much to tell about some of the changes going on in my life. There comes a point when every blogger needs to consider how much information they are divulging and why. There are so many things I would love to share with my friends in the blog-o-sphere. Those people who I have developed a virtual friendship with who I feel certain I can trust with just about anything I'd have to say. But if I write something on here, it isn't reserved for their eyes only, it is public. It is open to the people who read my blog all over the world who never stop to comment or let me know anything about themselves in return for sharing what is so personal in my own. I'm sure you are all lovely people really -- unless you're not.

Anyway, as I weigh the pros and cons of sharing on my blog what is happening in my life, I also now need to worry about that information becoming more public in the town where I live. Ironically it feels safer to share something some what anonymously on the internet than it does to be quite so open and honest with people in my community who actually know who I am. I am struggling to come up with an answer that feels safe and comfortable for me and my family. It may be that I am over thinking it, but when considering a public forum that can never truly be erased I think it is better to be overly cautious than not enough.

I'm sorry if this all seems rather cryptic. I don't intend to be, but I think that there is no other way to truly be at the moment. Until I get things more sorted out both in my head and in my schedule I will be far more absent from this space than normal. I promise to get back to Parent Discussion Topics soon. Thanks for your patience and understanding!

-- Anna

Looking for the Sun on a Cloudy Day

2011-04-19T09:25:00.000-05:00

I sat down to write about the latest power struggle in our house. Brushing teeth is Miss M's new battleground. But instead I'd rather just focus on this grin.

Happy Tuesday friends.

Looking for Balance

2011-04-15T09:47:00.000-05:00

I have not been present in this space much lately. There are so many changes happening in our lives right now, all of them for the better, but adjusting and compensating and planning for all of these changes is taking up a lot of my time and energy. I have barely read a blog this week much less written one.

I hope to find my balance soon. There has to be a way to juggle all of our events, trips and day to day life with my desire to maintain a blog that I and my readers enjoy. Right now, it is just a struggle to find a way to keep all of those balls in the air. Forgive me if I take s little break from blogging while I try to get everything worked out.

One Day More

2011-04-05T14:50:00.000-05:00

This morning I heard your dad say, 'just one more day of being nine.' Just one more day E and then you are ten. Double digits. 10. Oh, my. Is that really possible?

Didn't you just start kindergarten?

Didn't I just tour preschools looking for the perfect fit for you?

Weren't you a bumble bee for Halloween just the blink of an eye ago?

You've changed so much. Grown taller. Gotten smarter. Become such a different person from the tiny bundle we brought home from the hospital. How on Earth did you do all of that?

The amazing thing about time my love is that it plays tricks on you. The days can take what seems like forever, while the weeks and months fly by.

I still remember so clearly sitting in our recliner, nursing you and watching the Today show for something to do. I remember seeing the jet fly into the Trade Center and that I clutched you in my arms wondering what in the world was going on. I remember how you'd curl up at the foot of that same recliner while I nursed your brother a few years later. I remember getting you to sleep by holding you in my arms, and feeding you cereal bars and graham crackers at play dates. I remember walking you to the park and pushing you on the swings. And I swear all of that couldn't possibly be as long ago as it really was.

10 years. 10 years of learning and laughing and loving. 10 years of music classes, piano lessons, swimming, and acting, and what might seem like a few dozen other things in between. 10 years of being a family. It was you who did that. Before Daddy and I were just a couple -- you changed that. Thank you.

Oh, my sweet sweet boy. Tomorrow you're a whole decade old. And I am shocked by how that makes me feel. Proud and sad, excited and weepy. You are such a great kid. I couldn't be more proud of you.

Happy Birthday sweetheart!

{this moment} Daddy Daughter Dance

2011-04-01T22:01:00.000-05:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- Amanda Soule

Parent Discussion Topic: Re-entry

2011-03-29T10:05:00.000-05:00

We spent the weekend in St. Louis. Hubby had a conference, and the kids and I played tourist. We visited the Arch and its museum, we went to the Magic House, which is a huge children's museum, and enjoyed the Science Center. We swam and ate out and they got to watch cable (way too much Disney Channel was viewed by all, but hey, it was vacation).

Then we came home and Re-Entry began. Don't tell me you haven't experienced Re-Entry because I know you have. It's the time when you re-enter your normal lives after a trip and everyone is somehow out of sorts. Nobody is completely happy and no one wants to get up in the morning to go back to school or work. Everyone is crabby and ready to fuss and fight and yell at the next person to speak to them. Our out of whack sleep schedules have caught up with us and we all realize that there is no brand new adventure around the corner. Also mom and dad aren't going to let the kids have any more unlimited screen time and gee that's enough to make even the most level headed kid explode.

Ah yes, Re-Entry. It's almost enough to make a sane parent never want to take another trip. It is a rough time that in our house can take almost as long as the trip we took just to get through. And while I find it a peculiar parenting challenge, I also find that when I acknowledge what is really going on and why, it is one I find a way to dig up enough patience for. That doesn't mean that on our first night back I'm not as quick to argue and fuss as they are -- hours in the car traveling home makes me cranky too. However, the next day I'm fine, and when I stop to consider what is really going on with my kids, I can grasp on to that little bit of understanding they need.

Yes, they want to argue. Yes, they want to push the boundaries of our at home rules. Yes, they want to find a way to push my buttons, and their sister's buttons and well every one else's buttons because for some reason their own buttons have been pushed. And yes, they often succeed in getting a rise out of their intended target. But I think at the heart of it, they also know what's going on. They may not have the words for it, they may not even know that they know, but I think some part of them does. And it's almost as if what they really want isn't an argument, but a hug.

Ah yes, Re-Entry. It is a struggle. And I do not enjoy it. But if I'm willing, I can look at it as an opportunity as much as a challenge. An opportunity to reaffirm our family's goals, our desire to treat each other the way we want to be treated, a chance to bond even in the face of agitated bristled-back cat like behavior. Hmmm...maybe the trip was worth it after all.

Impressions

2011-03-24T09:53:00.000-05:00

I read some words today that have given me pause to think about what we say in the blogosphere and what might be said when my voice actually hits the airwaves (yee gads!). Often times what I write, or what we as parents might say to our friends is a form of venting. A form of sharing our frustrations and worries, annoyances and concerns. We tend to be quick to vent out the negative in our lives. I think it is because we're trying to get rid of it. By airing what is bothering us we're hoping to find validation, understanding, compassion; and then really after that we're trying to find a way to let it all go.

Historically I think it probably worked. When the only people we shared with were those closest to us -- our best friends, and closest family -- we could trust that whatever was said was said because we were having a bad day/week/phase. Now so many of us share on blogs or on Facebook. And what we've shared lasts, seemingly forever. Nicola was concerned that what she shared might leave a lasting negative impression, shaping the way others might think about her and her adorable children. And of course that is a possibility. Perhaps what I've shared has given the wrong impression about my children and about me. I don't know. I can't control that.

I know I vent here. Whether it is true or not, to me this is a safe space because it is my space, even though I don't know most of the people who read this blog. That being said, I'd like to believe that I find a way to balance out the negative with the positive. I hope that I share with you all the ways my children bring me joy, love, and an overwhelming sense of pride, as well as the ways they drive me crazy. I'm a mom. They can do all of those things in a span of 5 minutes.

Hopefully as parents, we all understand that we are sharing what is our perspective of the situation or event. No doubt our children see things very differently. I would like to believe (perhaps naively) that the impression we leave with others is merely our impression and not that of our children. At best, the blogworld knows a version of the blogger, but merely a shadow of the world around her.

Wishing you all a day filled with sunshine and fulfillment.
Anna

Parent Discussion Topic: Work Family Balance

2011-03-21T13:07:00.000-05:00

So how do all of you working parents out there do it? How do you balance work with taking care of kids, fixing meals, seeing your spouse and doing laundry (forget cleaning the house my floors haven't see a vacuum in a while now)?

As I've mentioned before I have recently taken on several new activities (only one of which I'm being paid for right now, but that's a different matter); I'm working occasionally as a substitute aide in our school district, I'm training to become a yoga instructor, and I am developing a radio show for a local public radio station (more on that soon I promise). Trying to manage all of these things is wearing me out!

This past week our kids were on Spring Break. We managed a quick trip to Michigan to see relatives and then were home for the most part. My Hubby is on sabbatical this term, which means he gets to focus on research and writing and doesn't have to teach, it also means he is around a lot more. We both had to get work done during the week, and find a way to take care of the kids. We ended up divvying up the days so that I'd get to work or go to yoga class in the morning, and he'd get time to write in the afternoons. It worked out just fine, but that was with us both being able to be home and flexible. I have no idea how I would have gotten anything done at all if he had to go work in an office all day the way he used to, or if he'd have had to go in to teach.

So that leaves me wondering how other people do it. How do families make working and child raising compatible? How do you divvy things up? What do you do when they are on break and you're not? When they're sick, or there is a snow day? How do you make it all work without feeling like your head is going to fly off at any minute?

And if I haven't told you before, I am in absolute awe of all of you working parents out there. You are amazing and incredibly and apparently extremely well organized.

First Signs

2011-03-17T12:00:00.000-05:00

The cold of Winter appears to be behind us. The past two days has found us going outside without coats, hats and gloves. We can play outside and spy chives, baby columbine leaves, and daffodils growing. Ah, yes, it seems Spring might actually be on its way!

Wishing you sunshine on your face and a nice gentle breeze through your hair.

With Sparkly Ribbons and Bows

2011-03-08T09:21:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, E had to have some blood drawn for a test his doctor has ordered (he's complained of being cold for the past several weeks, and we need to make sure there isn't something else going on causing this). He has always been pretty good with doctor's appointments and such so I wasn't terribly worried, but still no one really enjoys getting poked with a needle. However, E went above and beyond my wildest expectations.

He charmed the lab nursers, who were absolutely wonderful with him. His nurse explained to him exactly what she was doing every step of the way, right before she did it just like he asked "because I like to be prepared." He was fascinated by the entire thing. And when the nurse told him that a lot of people look away when she inserts the needle because it freaks them out, he said "it won't freak me out, I'll think it's interesting." And he did. Normally I am one of those people who chooses to look away from the poke, but I told myself that if my 9 year old can watch than I had better. I didn't enjoy watching the needle go in, but it wasn't horrible either. And he loved watching the blood race to the vial once she'd uncapped it. Bless that nurse for explaining to him that it moved so quickly because the vial had been a vacuum before she's uncapped it.

It was over in just a matter of a few minutes, but it was one of the best times I've had with my son in weeks. He was calm, clever, charming and above it all brave. He was kind and polite and interested. He said he founding it "interesting and informative." There were no tears, no complaints, no arguments. It was easy; and easy in a way it might not have been for so many neurotypical kids.

To top it all off, he did his homework afterward without a complaint; ate more than just a few bites of dinner; and comfortably showed off his display at the school science fair. We never know for certain how days like that will go. They could be filled with yelling and frustration because of the large number of activities, or they can run smooth as silk the way yesterday did. I do know that I would love to take a day like that and box up it with pretty ribbon and bring it out like a gift again and again.

Wishing all of you a pretty present of a day.

Road Block

2011-03-03T11:00:00.005-06:00

With every step forward, there seems to be multiple steps backward. Each trying time feels overwhelming and wipes out the stretch of relative calm and ease. I try to remind myself that this school year is going so much better than the last and that year was better than the one before it. The medication has indeed helped E control his anxiety better, but it hasn't changed the fact that he has Autism nor does it automatically help him to make good choices.

The last few weeks have been trying. He has started arguing with his teachers and aides again because he wants to pick his nose constantly and everyone is telling him to stop, use a tissue and wash his hands. He gets angry and defiant. He insists it is not gross and does not spread germs. He thinks we need to amend the constitution and write a letter to the President to make nose picking socially acceptable. Yesterday during an assembly for Dr. Seuss, he got so mad at his teacher for asking him to stop that he demanded Society's phone number so he could change it's mind about nose picking (really, I can't make this stuff up).

At home he is cold and wants to up the temperature on the thermostat daily. It doesn't matter how we explain about the cost of home heating, or if any one else is cold or not, he wants the temperature higher. He "sneaks" to the buttons and changes it. The other night, he opened it up and found the reset button, which the adults didn't know even existed, just to see what would happen. Well that wipes all of the presets and the time is what it does. Thankfully his Autism Specialist had some extra stop signs at schools she's given us to help remind E to leave the thermostat alone. The signs usually work at school when he needs to be reminded to not push the buttons on something.

To add to our growing frustration about these behaviors and more, last night I found a wet spot on the floor of his room. I asked the kids about it, thinking M's baby alive doll that pees may have been allowed to go on the carpet. Instead I discovered that my son, who will be 10 next month, is the one who peed on the carpet. He owned up to this while toweling off in my bathroom after his shower, right after he admitted to peeing on the floor in front of the toilet a little. I admit it, I snapped. I stopped being rational and I just yelled. In no realm of my experience is this acceptable behavior.

It is those moments when I cannot even remotely begin to understand what he was thinking, that I cannot accept the reality of the situation, that I break. Hubby and I are trying to learn to stop saying to ourselves "why can't he just..." because well, he can't. When I think we are moving closer to acceptance, a task I think we will never fully accomplish, up goes this giant brick wall that stops me cold and makes me wail "Why?!"

It is a tiny problem in the grand scheme of things. An insignificant moment in the course of a life. But it stops me cold. Zaps my energy and strength for a few days, while I bemoan our fate. I do not know how to wrap my head around the concept of an almost 10 year old thinking peeing on the floor is an alright choice. I have no frame of reference. Nothing I want to acknowledge to compare it to.

And what it does, these times when I cannot conceive of how to "fix it," is it makes me worry and fear for our goals for E's independence. We want so much for him to have as "normal" a life as possible. We want him to have his own apartment, his own job and friends and with luck and hope someone to love who loves him back. We want the world for him and more. A world so many of us take for granted. A life everyone of us wants for our children. These moments make me fear for that dream; make me cry and grieve, and feel like I am banging my head on the wall. All of which makes me a less patient, less understanding and much more demanding mother.

It seems that while I know intellectually that I cannot fix my son, I cannot seem to keep myself from trying. My darling husband reminds me from time to time that I cannot will E to behave. That I cannot will away his lack of understanding of other people. But the sweet man also reminds me that everything we do is out of love and the desire to help E get an independent life one day.

Today, is clearly a wallow sort of day. I need to give myself the space to feel a little devastated, and pray that clarity comes afterward. I'm trying to remind myself a little with this:

Parent Discussion Topic: The Frustrated Gifted Child

2011-02-28T10:18:00.000-06:00

This is a topic that can be difficult to discuss without sounding like one is bragging. And, I don't really care for the term 'gifted' because it sounds some how super natural. Yet, we have all seen, been or had kids for whom classroom work is easy and who are ready and eager to be challenged by more advanced school work.

I do truly believe that all kids excel at something. I subscribe to Howard Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences and think that people have different ways of learning and processing and that their strengths may lie in non-traditional academic areas but that those strengths are important and valid. At this point in time, my daughter shows signs of having a high interpersonal intelligence because she is so social and out going. This is no predictor of academic success. E seems to be most high in musical intelligence. And then there is L.....

L is my gifted child. I said it, and right or wrong, the boy knows it. It is sort of like the pretty girl who knows she is pretty. He's the smart boy who knows he is smart. That said, I don't believe he brags about it in school. However, pretty much every Marvelous Monday Message he receives from classmates says something along the lines of "I like you because you are so smart." He's the kid who answers all of the tough questions. The one his teacher relies on to convert adult speak into 2nd grade language.

I could not say exactly which one of Gardner's intelligences I would pick for L, because I believe he falls into more than one category. He excels at both reading and math, he is incredibly logical, he loves music, and he can't sit still to save his life.

Having a child with an IEP who often struggles with doing school work, it was an interesting change of pace when L started school. We found ourselves having to advocate for him more often than we did for E. The kindergarten curriculum was incredibly easy for a boy who'd already been reading for more than a year and a half. We looked into ways to get him more challenging work. His teacher worked with him on reading more challenging non-fiction pieces and we did extra math at home -- math work he requested. In first grade we pushed to get him included into our district's version of the gifted and talent program, but the program wasn't really geared for first graders, and his classroom teacher didn't really believe in the program. However, his test scores and grades were a pretty convincing factor and he got into the program.

Now as a second grader, he is reading material that I see 4th and 5th graders reading. Our school's gifted program tends to work in sessions with 6-8 weeks in math, and later in the year 6-8 weeks in reading. He loved the math which was beginning work in logical reasoning and algebra. Now he is doing the reading unit. He loves working with the teacher and enjoys the reading material. But this weekend saw a rare moment of academic frustration for L. He actually struggled with the homework. It wasn't that he couldn't do the work, but that the work didn't come easily.

Like many kids who breeze through school, L doesn't know what to do when something is actually challenging and he gets incredibly frustrated. It took him over a year to learn to ride a two-wheeler because it didn't come easily and therefore he didn't want to do it. Yesterday he didn't want to do his homework because it was a challenge for him to find examples from the story of how the character was arrogant. I worked with him, we looked up the meaning of the words, we reread the story and we discussed examples of the character's arrogance from it. And still he was so annoyed about the assignment. I don't think he enjoyed needing help to do it.

There are moments when Hubby and I wonder if we are pushing L too hard. He is only 7. But we worry that if he doesn't learn how to be challenged now, junior high and high school will be a very rude awakening for him. We've discussed this. L and I talked about what the problem was with the assignment yesterday and he admitted that he's used to school work being easy and he didn't like that this assignment was hard.

As his mother, I want him to be challenged, I don't like the idea of him coasting through school because you can't really coast through life. I also don't want him to get so frustrated and annoyed when he actually has to work at something.

It can seem like parents are whining when they lament the problems of their poor gifted child. And I don't mean to do that. But just as parents must advocated for their children with developmental problems, we must advocate for all of our kids. I don't want L to bored by school. I also don't want him to give up the moment things get tough because he is so used to things being easy. There needs to be a balance. He needs to know how to work for something.

So, all you brilliant parents out there who have been through something like this before, what do you do? How do you strike a balance? What do you do to challenge your kids? How do you advocate for your gifted student? Do you push them or let them coast? What works and what hasn't? I can't wait to hear from you.