Love-Luck-Life

Getting Over a Break-Up!

2012-01-04T06:13:00.000-08:00

We human-beings have created several levels of challenges for ourselves. From finding Mr. or Miss Right, to making a relationship work, to breaking-up and recovering ... Relationships can be a messy-business! Falling madly in love with someone is arguably the best feeling in the world. And falling out of it, having your heart broken and experiencing a devastating break-up is probably the worst. No matter how it ends, when you terminate a meaningful relationship there’s no surprise that it’s going to be difficult. However, even on days when you feel like you can’t go on without your ex let alone get out of bed in the morning, there are ways to move on.

Ellie Stevens, our guest-writer offers her insights into post break-up self-management

Here are the 5 practical tips:

1. Cut all communication. When you see your ex’s name lighting up your phone, it can be hard to resist the urge to answer—but resist you must! Going through a break-up can be a lonely feeling and talking to or seeing your ex might be a source of comfort…but if it’s truly over and there is no chance to repair or reconcile in the relationship. It is imperative to cease all contact for it will only prolong the healing process. Instead of calling up your ex to scream, yell and cry, put down the phone and slowly walk away—when you need to vent grab your laptop and type up everything you’re feeling (just don’t send it in an email!).

2. Don’t dwell on the past. Of course, when that special song you once shared with your partner comes on the radio it can take all of your strength not to burst into tears as you drive down the highway remembering what used to be. Don’t do this—change the station and focus your thoughts elsewhere. Know that the past is the past and your ex is an ex for a reason. As long as you put your energy into something that is no longer exists, you will miss out on great opportunities, people and a happy life that is happening right now!

3. Get rid of ex paraphernalia. If your home is basically a shrine dedicated to your ex, filled with memories of that person, then it’s time to do some re-decorating. Items like pictures and clothes belonging to them have no place in your life anymore for these things are nothing but a constant reminder of heartache. To shorten the time it takes to get over the break-up, return to your ex their belongings; if things didn’t end so amicably, make a donation to Goodwill or to your local homeless shelter…just get rid of it! Remember, out of sight, out of mind!

4. Stay busy. Spending all of your time with sometime and then breaking up with that person can leave you feeling lost, empty and with a lot of free time on your hands. Well rather than using every waking moment to mope around in a sad daze and long for your ex, do your best to get active. Embrace your hobbies, hang out with friends and try new activities. Once you get back to the parts of life you enjoyed apart from your old relationship, you will start feeling like yourself again in no time.

5. Don’t rush into a new relationship. When you break-up with someone, it is dire that you take the time to heal. You may think the best way to heal an old wound is with a new band aid…and sometimes this can relieve some of the pain for a short while. Often times though, when you jump into dating someone else right after a break-up, you run the risk of enduring yet another break-up. So that you don’t carry old pain and problems into a new relationship before you are ready, spend some time alone reflecting on what you learned from your previous relationship, what you want to change in your next and the kind of person you want to be as well as attract.

Ellie Stevens the author of this post, enjoys writing about dating and relationships. In addition, Ellie also owns Senior Dating Websites where she offers tips for safe online dating in the senior community.

The Peep Show: The Orange Water Bottle

2011-11-14T02:52:00.000-08:00

I had written this story over two years back! Here it is, unedited for you!

The Orange Water-Bottle

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am essentially a water-being. I live on water. I need water to concentrate and to create; it is my creative fluid. And so I always carry a water-bottle with me. A one liter orange-tinted plastic water-bottle. (The inner-common-joke with my friends is: that I drink a lot of water because I am a water sign: Piscean and following from that people who have an earth-sign, eat a lot of mud.)

So, with the end of the semester approaching, I was frequently seen in the library. On one of these random days something unusual happened. As I was walking into the library, near the wooden-panel at the entrance the old balding, grey-bearded kind-looking man stopped me. I have never been interrupted before. I stopped and showed him my innocent things: a register, my net-book and my water-bottle. With a serious face and with stony-unmoving eyes he told me that I could not take my water-bottle inside the library. "Why?" I asked, because it was not transparent. My bottle was of translucent orange colour and so the water inside reflected orange and so they told me they weren't sure which liquid floated inside. Now, all this was spoken in German. It sounded foolish. But I would not have given-in so easily. So to complicate matters, I told Mr. Librarian that "Bitte, auf englisch." telling him to speak in English and I could not understand German. To this he responded by saying in clear English "I do not speak English." I smiled at the idea of his speaking in English to tell me that he doesn't speak English. At this point of time, the guy waiting next to me and I exchanged an understanding smile. At not being able to understand "the law", Mr. Librarian directed me to talk to an English speaking librarian to explain me an issue which I had already understood.

And so came this young bright-faced good-looking but underweight library intern to explain me in English. He told me to switch "the coloured flasche to white", I asked why? He said "bekhause ve don't know whichh licquidd you hauve insyde" I smiled and replied "Well, you can taste it" raising the bottle towards his nose. He smiled shyly and replied "Ve don't want to tasthe, we are not allowed to open and tasthe here." I raised my arched eye-brows in a child-like manner. He said sorry, but ve cant. I looked at him serious and unamused. I briskly walked away without a reply, trying to make him feel a little bad in my own way. Back near my locker, as I kept my orange-bottle back into the locker, I met that sympathetic smiler again and yet again we exchanged a mute smile of understanding.

Now I walked back, walking in front of that gray-stale-conservative-authoritarian librarian, I ignored him and at a distance released an audible sigh telling him in my own way that "you make the air around you so heavy." And then as I climbed up that snake-like coiled stairs, I saw his balding head from that height. I thought about the sense of significance he must have felt in stopping me and telling me what was right and what was wrong. Orange bottle for water was wrong in a city within a country where broken green-glass of beer bottles are found on bus-stops on weekends as well as weekdays. He felt that it was his duty to stop me and to ask her to change the colour of my water-bottle. He must have felt some kind of unconscious power in that little act of authority. At the beginning, I thought I would go to him and ask him to show me in written where was this "law" written, slowly I saw in him a single lonely man, whose wife and children had left him due to his dominating, unfriendly, dry, temperament and also because of his sheer handicapped sense of humour. I saw how desperately he seeks strangers to stop, direct and moderate their movements, getting some vague sense of self-worth from these random friction causing actions, child-like ways of playing the role of an adult. Just the way my younger brother would block my way at the entrance of our house as I would return from school and he would ask me to show "the entry ticket" for valid entry and I would wave the imaginary ticket to him saying "here it is" and only then he would let me in, where I would drop my bag and hold him high to give him a little adventurous swirl before both of us would share a panting laughter.

But here he was, lonely and melancholy with no one to hold him and swing him around. A vague-marginal-shadowy character in the stories of many, lacking in significance, without a story to play the leading character. A mere supplier of books, saving the random exasperated whispers of silence in the huge library, voiceless and authority-less. I pitied him and when after completing this story, "I would go down thirsty to my locker for a sip of rejuvenating water from my orange-bottle, I knew I wouldn't sigh again, probably I wouldn't even ignore him, I would just walk by lost in some neutral thoughts of mine" I thought.

Workshop for Women in North Delhi!

2011-10-19T02:48:00.000-07:00

The Forbidden Fruit: The Power-puff Bite for Women!

One day workshop exclusively for women, to empower you!

This is not one of those boring lecture-ppt workshops!

We have spent sleepless nights like the yesterday's to make fun-interactive exercizes which makes for an entire experience (and hence Experiential learning)!

This is how the Work-shop structure goes:

1. Introduction: Opening the Windows (A fantastic game for trust and team-building)

2. Meeting Pinky: What it means to be a woman in India? Exploring what is allowed and accepted behaviour for women.

3. Understanding the "Jalebi-Bai": Images of Women in Indian Media: Are you Fair and Lovely?

4. Bitchology/Mooh-phatt: Asking the questions that *good girls* don't ask!

5. The Banana Talk: Myth-Busters on Sex, Pleasure and an anonymous Q&A session, Thoughts on Sociology and Biology!

6. Closure with a Re-birth Ritual

And this is just the tip of the ice-berg!!

v This fun-filled workshop is open only for women between 17-25 years of age.

v It is being conducted by me and Bridge (Perfect Life Spot Content-developer on Gender and Sexuality, who will especially come to Delhi for the workshop!) on the 29th and on the 30th of October from 11:30 am to 5 pm.

v Venue: North Delhi.

v Medium of Workshop: Verbal (80% English, 10% Hindi and 10% Miscellaneous Non-verbal language)

v Please register @ perfectlifespot@gmail.com

Objectives of this workshop are:

ü Initiating and Reinforcing a spirit of Quest and Critical Thinking!

ü Sharing empowering-relevant ideas!

ü Encouraging Female-bonding through these team exercizes!

ü Moving towards Female Sexual, Emotional and Social Empowerment by sensitizing them towards their conditioning/environment!

Meet the Facilitators:

Bridget is a writer, performer, director, and facilitator from Chicago, IL (America). Her work focuses on women's issues and stories, particularly related to experiences of violence and oppression. She is especially coming to Delhi for this workshop!

Charnita Arora, Managing Director at Perfect English Spot. Experiential Learning Researcher, DU Guest Faculty, Counselor, Teacher and a learner. (An avid blogger, a short film-maker, imagineer, vagabond, print model, ... and yes, have this M.phil in English Literature, still exploring...)

Long Distance Relationship

2011-10-16T05:49:00.000-07:00

According to James Borg, human communication consists of 93 percent body language and para-linguistic cues, while only 7% of communication consists of words themselves. Now, if we were to believe that communication is an important element in every relationship then how would it be to have a long-distance? But here we are in an age of internet access where time and distance can be conquered by Internet. A relevant question might be: Can Skype, phone-calls, emails, facebooking make up for the usual old-school knowing by being together?

Photo Courtesy: Caleb Sivyer

Usually, a long distance relationship begins with a very titillating feeling and almost a consumptive addiction. So you find yourself online at odd times of the day: either to beat those cruel time-zones or to satiate that restless mind. Also, imagine those times of arbitrary internet-fluctuations which trample your online meeting plans. I have had friends hanging outside their windows to catch the much-needed mobile network to connect with their dear* ones.

On a generic note, a long-distance relationship which begins through an online portal can be emotionally-alienating because of the dominant-virtual nature of it all; while a relationship which begins after knowing each other in person seem to be more sustainable in nature.

Here we have Arkady, our Relationship and Dating Expert telling us his views on the sustainability of such a long-distance bond:

"I am generally skeptical when it comes to long-distance relationships. Even though many movies and shows make it sound like staying in touch with someone who you rarely see and who lives thousands of miles away is romantic, and shows that love can transcend time and distance.

However, the practical reality of many, if not most, long distance relationships must be taken into consideration when you look at your own situation and are trying to determine whether this kind of relationship is worth having. I believe that the answer to this question is rather simple and it depends on whether there is a realistic possibility in the near future to turn it into a situation where you are not so far from each other and where it becomes a “regular” relationship distance-wise. In other words, if one of you or both of you are planning to move closer to each other in order to be together or for any other reasons in the foreseeable future, then it is worth waiting for and keeping in touch, especially if you feel that you have a special and rare connection that you are unlikely to find any time soon again.

However, if there seems to be little or no chance of living closer to each other, then putting your dating and love life on hold of the sake of maintaining some kind of virtual relationship is likely not worth it. Harboring hope to be together with someone without having any reason to believe that it will actually happen will only make you feel later like you wasted time and possibly missed out on the romantic opportunity that you might have found in your backyard, so to speak. Besides, this would hardly be a “relationship” by definition, since its missing the fundamental elements of seeing each other in person and touching each other.

Of course, some people may choose to stay in touch with their long-distance partner, while dating people back in their locality. But then again, this begs the question whether the communication you maintain with the person who is away is anything more than chat/phone/e-mail buddies."

To know more about Arkady and his mission of spreading practical happiness, visit this website:http://www.practicalhappiness.com

Quote of the day

2011-10-06T11:49:00.000-07:00

"Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn't matter to me. Going to bed at night saying we've done something wonderful…that's what matters."

Steve Jobs, the extraordinary imagineer who has revolutionized our mind-lives. Remembering him with gratitude, respect and love for the example he set before us.

Peep Show: Urge to Control

2011-10-03T01:07:00.000-07:00

As I am diving in and out of a rainbow of experiences, I silently observe myself as if I were watching myself in some fictional movie.

The process is simple and profound. I am not I, yet I am. I-the observer and I-the actor/doer seem one and yet two!

Most of my (our) anxiety, if any, comes from the urge to control. How does this urge to control feel like? It has a noticeable effect on my physiology. My breath shortens and it looses its usual rejuvenating quality. If I take deep breaths, they sound like sighs.

Photo Courtesy: Robin Vobruba

On the other hand, I realize, most of my happiness emerges from living in the moment and just being. When I am simply being, there is a certain twinkle in my eyes. Also, there is this fantastic background music in the landscape of my mind. It has a tranquil jingle and dance-beats to it. I dance in my mind!
Meditative and Powerful
Conscious and Unconscious
Bubbly and Calm

All at the same time!

Love letter from the Universe

2011-09-18T22:04:00.000-07:00

I know I have not written to you since my last new year message. Do you remember?! Umm.. but don't you complain that we have not communicated for long. Think about the huge basket of instincts, intuitions and the regular strains from mesmerizing melodies that I sprinkle your way! :)

But today is a special day, because I woke-up feeling like writing a love-letter to let you know how much I love you!

Do you know how much I love you? So much so that there isn't a moment when I am not thinking of what you are thinking. I spend my days and nights tracking your desires. I am conscious of your consciousness. Sometimes I am sitting on that bright-white moon eating a slice of watermelon and if you look at the moon as you walk, you would notice that I walk with you.

If you run, I frolick with you, like a happy pup.

Some people communicate with me to ask me questions like: what is my race, gender, nationality or those things. Amused, I always leave a reply on the mailbox of their mind: "It is the one that you have."

It reminds me of that little child who asked his father: "What colour is the eyes of the "real" Santa-claus and his fat little dad said: it has the eyes of your father"

I mirror you, so smile :)!!

And just to remind you, We are uni-verse: one-verse, so sing and you shall hear me clap, whistle, hum and tap along!

background music of your life,

The Universe

Being Right Syndrome

2011-09-13T19:59:00.000-07:00

All of us want to be right, right? Being wrong isn't the best feeling in this world.

I perceive this being-right syndrome as a manifestation of ego which has been thoroughly conditioned by reward (being right:green signal) and punishment (being wrong: red signal) principles.

In our struggle (ego-tussle) of being right; we often forget being... just be...

Being

2011-09-09T23:52:00.000-07:00

The spirit of Ego puts a dam on the free-flowing exuberant river of being...
It makes you stop, stutter and look for reasons behind every emotion you feel, construct a certain story behind it to tie it to your ever-chattering mind of a self-centric universe. It interrupts your connection with other beings.
It jars the melody of a non-judgmental being, doing and living...

Photo Courtesy: Robin Vobruba

Peep Show: The Ecstasy Chat

2011-08-21T12:41:00.000-07:00

How does Ecstasy feel like?

11:47 me: :)

la la la la... laaa

this is the current wavelength of my mind

rt now

KAR*: wowwwwwwww

bahot khush ho

me: hehe

pata nhi

11:48 i have no reason to be happy

but my heart is on a spring board

some how

and i like it

KAR: happy hone ke liye reason nahi chahiye hota har baar

mann chahyie hota hai

me: when my heart is attuned to something beyond the rational world

KAR: hmmm

me: and in this state of mind

11:49 i can do anything

i break my own vision of limitations

and its beautiful

magical

KAR: :)

11:50 Romanticism gajab ki cheez hai

imagine karna sikhata hai

me: ummm

imagination is an innate faculty

khud hi aati hai

koi sikha nahi sakta

bas catalyst ban saktein hai

KAR: log imagine karne se darte hain

11:51 sochte hain

imagination jhut hoti hai

me: na na

imagination is the beginning of reality

in fact it is a nation forever in-making

KAR: hmmmm

11:52 to kya imagine kia aaj tumne?

me: ummmm

i am in the now

and i can feel the blood flow in the veins of my wrists

11:53 KAR: .....

me: and this blood-flow has a certain tingle

KAR: tum to sach mein ecstatic state of mind mein ho

me: which makes me both nervous and excited

at the thought of the height of the cliff where i am standing

and planning to jump from!

and this place where I can see both above and below

11:54 its amazing

and the attempt of putting all this in words

with the possibility of someone being able to understand it

makes me type all this

KAR: :)

11:55 koshish karrahe hain samjhne ki

kaisa mehsoos kar rahi ho

me: hehe

KAR: par ye nahi samjh paa rahe ke aisa kyon mehsoos kar rahi ho?

mujhe nahi lagta

11:56 me: khud hi

patanhi kaise

aur koshish bhi nahi kar rahi jaan ne ki

11:57 andar se hi volcano aa raha hai

khushi ka

ankhon mein chamak hai

KAR: :)

me: ek

alag si

lol... pyar mujhe pata nhi kya hota hai

KAR: mujhe pata hai

me: but it feels as if i am at-one with myself

KAR: jaisa tumbata rahi ho, aisa pyaar mein hi hota hai

haahahah

11:58 me: just life the natural symmetry of folded hands

touching each other

as if the mirror and the real-image

has become one

11:59 as if the life inside my mind and life outside my mind

has become one

12:12 KAR: agar kisi doosre se pyaar nahi hua to khud se hi pyaar ka nateeja hai ye

me: pata nhi

khud se pyar kya hota hai

12:01 i think it is the magic of being

just being

in flow

KAR: hmmmm

me: within and without

KAR: tum kaafi interesting way mein apni feelings ko bayaan karti ho

I wish har koi aise keh pata apne mann ki baat

12:02 sab apni khushi samjh paatein

12:03 me: mere shabd hi meri pehchaan hai

KAR: hmmm

(KAR: Kept Anonymous on Request)

Mind-High

2011-08-15T01:05:00.000-07:00

Photo Courtesy: Caleb Sivyer

I write this in a stream of consciousness. I will not edit anything that is once typed.

I am on a mind-high, drunk with creative-spirits.

This usually happens when:
* I think about something with a controlled mind. That is when the all-powerful mind-genii is kept in a transparent jar and told authoritatively to fulfill not three but one wish (at a time).
* This Genii tries to jump up and down and rock the jar for first few moments/minutes/hours/days/months/n.
* After that it gives in.
* Psychic mind eruption takes place, which flows all over.

Thoughts of possibility, energy and co-operation flow and soak me. There is a heavy lightness.

Heaviness of the weight of the baby that is being prepared behind the curtains of my heart. Lightness of the anticipation of sharing it with the world!

It is to recognize this moment of music and sing along the verse and become a part of that giant uni-verse, feels like being attuned to the rhythm of life.

Cherishing it till it lasts, this gulp of freedom of creation
where every moment feels eternal,
every thought seems manifest-able,
each person is a buddy
and each feeling is a fuel

to the fire of the soul!

Wishing my readers from India and Pakistan a trans-formative independence day. May we liberate our minds to become truly independent to nurture a world that is inter-dependent.

Mystery of Communication

2011-08-09T21:13:00.000-07:00

"It is amazing that you don't know what I am thinking and I don't know what you are thinking!" This was my most recent text.

Doesn't that fill you with wonderment, that communication is as much a technology of mystification as that of demystification! We can use words: to tell as well as to hide. It is both a veil and a window.

Persona means mask. We all wear so many masks (persona-lities) to hide, to project, according to different situations with different people.

If we were to express exactly what we thought in our minds in a non-violent language (which is judgment/blame-free): how would our relationship with ourselves and our inter-personal relationships feel like?

Marshal Rosenberg is one of the ten people whose works have influenced me deeply. He is the proponent of non-violent communication.

Photo Courtesy: Robin Vobruba

The more transparent your life becomes, the freer you are to 'be'. Simply 'being' is the most beautiful way to live life. It means shedding the weights of judgments and opinions to become an empty vessel ready to be filled with life.

It also brings along a natural ease about life and living. One feels absorbed in the present and not so much bothered by the reminders of past and calls of future (non-existent mind-constructions). Yesterday, I discovered this Francois Lange's blog and I recommend it for its profound simplicity and its idea-value. I picked up the beautiful metaphor of an empty vessel from there.

Food-wastage in Europe

2011-06-27T16:41:00.000-07:00

Image by Robin Vobruba

The following post is a contribution from Lennart Stern on food loss. He enumerates some very significant facts on Food-Wastage in Europe along with effective ideas for action with Berlin as a reference point.

***
The recent UN study shockingly reveals the following:

46% of the mass of all fruits and vegetables that grow in the current farming system in Europe (including Russia) is lost. The corresponding number for North America with Oceania is an even more astounding: 52%!

Here is how this loss arises (at the various stages in the case of fruits and vegetables) in Europe:

20% at the level of agricultural production, where fruits and vegetables that do not fit a certain appearance standard set by the retailers are discarded, in spite of being of the same quality as the others!

Then, during the post-harvest handling and storage stage another 5% is lost!

In the subsequent processing and packaging 2% is lost!

Then 10% is lost at the retail level.

Finally, 19% is wasted by the consumers who buy fruits and vegetables but do not end up eating them.

Multiplying the proportions that remain at each stage, gives the proportion of fruits and vegetables grown that are actually consumed: 0.8*0.95*0.98*0.9*0.81=0.54, show that 46% is wasted.

For roots and tubers in Europe (mostly potatoes) the proportion wasted in the current system is 58%

Given the wastage in the current system, how can one take action? Here are some ideas:
You could create community gardens. In a community garden, anyone can participate in the work.
Everyone can harvest the fruits, vegetables, nuts and potatoes. And, everyone can eat the produce!
Berlin, for example, has many abandoned sites. Studies show that the soil quality in urban places is better than in the countryside that is poisoned by pesticides. You can organize people in the neighbourhood. Collect the signatures of those interested in the idea and then approach politicians/executive bodies.
You can create pressure on supermarkets in your neighbourhood to distribute the 10% of food (fresh fruits and vegetables) that they currently throw away! Why do they throw them away? Not because it is unfit to eat, but because they need to create space for next day's supply!
Supermarkets could (and some small retailers in Germany do) give to charities the food that they would otherwise throw away. Also, they could introduce automated pricing mechanisms so as to reduce waste.
Supermarkets already keep track of all the goods that are sold and also of all the supplies that come in. Given this data, price for each good can be adjusted several times per day according to computer algorithms (that lower prices of perishable goods during excess supply to minimize wastage.
You can force supermarkets to implement such policies: by carrying out a consumption strike or by threatening to do so. In such a strike, you can refuse to buy anything in the supermarket until the indicated policies have been introduced.

The policy of giving away the left-over food to charities might reduce profits for the supermarket, since the people then benefitting from the free or inexpensive food distributed by the charities will buy less from the supermarket. Also, the pricing mechanisms designed to eliminate excess supplies each day might lead to a lot of the goods being sold at low prices, so this policy might also decrease their profits. However, if many people participate in such a consumption strike then the loss incurred on the supermarket due to the eliminated demand from the strike participants will exceed the loss incurred by either of the indicated policies, thereby making the adoption of the indicated policies eventually the profit maximizing strategy.

Any such action reduces the demand for food being produced in the current system and thus this system shrinks. For any percent decrease in demand for food in the current system, the system will approximately shrink by 1%. Thus, for any kg of food that one does not buy from the current system one effectively avoids the production of that kg plus another 2/3kg that is wasted. (40% of food is wasted, so of any 5/3kg grown 2/3kg is wasted and 1kg is consumed). Any such shrinking of the current food system has a highly positive effect, since the current food system creates 2/3 of the global greenhouse gas emissions.

***
Lennart Stern is a Cambridge graduate in Mathematics and a self-initiated researcher-activist in the field of Food and Agriculture. He is a believer of Consequentialistic ideology. His other passions range from Taxation, Economics, Bach's music and the list is practically huge.

If you have any questions, ideas and suggestions, please connect here.

Expectation-Management

2011-06-11T15:48:00.000-07:00

This post focuses on the way our relationships can often become a mercantile exchange of services. Managing expectations can come as a positive release from the restrictions that expectations might imply.

One of the most common observations in most committed relationships is a taken for granted sense of ownership. Pause for a moment and look at the language we use to express our relationship-dynamics. For example: How would you introduce your relations to someone: He is my boyfriend/ my mother/ my family, my car! Look at the sense of possession and simultaneous commodification of a person in such a language.

Personally, it is an astonishing discovery to see the way our language naturalizes our sense of ownership. By using possessive adjectives/determiners like my, your, his, her, its, our, their, (or possessive pronouns like mine, yours and so on) it makes it so natural.

I remember, in 2006 my Reiki teacher saying that he never thinks of his wife as his wife. He said, "I always think of us as new friends. Most people take marriage (or commitment) as a license into taking away the individuality of the other person by imposing a long list of "expectations." These words of his seem to make a lot of sense in the context of most relationships.

Photo courtesy: Robin Vobruba

How would your relationship with your partner, friends, mother, father, siblings or someone, be like, if you love them just because their presence gives you peace and inspires you to become a better person.

How would it be: if there was no expectation at all? If all kind actions of the part of partner (etc) came as a pleasant surprise with no string attached?

Are we expecting too much? Are we imposing our expectations on someone? Is it converting our relationships into a transaction of exchange of "what you did for me" and "what I did for you"?

Unfortunately, I have seen several relationships crumble under the pressure of expectations. Fortunately, I have also seen some relationships blossom with mutual respect and love without any conditions apply* tag under it.

A course in Expectation-Management can be a relationship-saviour and a life-enricher. Think about the time when you first got to know someone when you did not go ahead and put the heavy weight (albatross) of expectations around their neck?

Is maintaining a no-expectation-zone idealistic?

Crying

2011-05-14T09:33:00.000-07:00

The following post examines how crying can be an amazing coping-strategy during distress. It shares an excellent case-study of Breuer's treatment of a woman suffering from severe dehydration.

We are aware of the Laughter Therapy. We know what a belly-full of laughter can do to our state of mind, well-being, blood-circulation and heart-beat. It is one of the easiest tranquillizers which you can easily access by meeting that 'clown' friend of yours, or tuning-in to any stand-up comedians or sitcoms through You-tube and so on. (Linking it back to the posts on relationship: No doubt, girls and even guys value 'sense of humor' highly in their prospective partners).

But how about crying? Crying, just like laughter can have amazing cathartic affect on our emotional-well being.

One fine day, the researcher in me took me to a lone-corner of the famous brain-shaped philological library at the Free University for a date with Tom Lutz's Crying: The Natural and Cultural History of Tears. After an entire day of fascinating-unblinking reading, I brought home an intellectual wage of rigorously taken notes which I would share with you.

A Case Study
From 1880 to 1882, while Freud was finishing his medical examinations, Breuer treated a woman named Bertha Pappenheim. Renamed “Anna O.” (following the practice of fictionalzing the names of patients in published case histories), Pappenheim became one of the most famous patients in psychoanalytic history. It was she, not Freud or Breuer, who first came with the phrase “talking cure” to describe her doctor’s method which eventually became central to Freud’s work.

In cathartic therapy, the patient was encouraged to remember the traumatic event ad reexperience the negative emotions “as vividly as possible.” Anna O. Had developed an aversion to drinking water and was severely dehydrated, eating nothing but watery fruits to lessen her thirst. Breuer put her under hypnosis. Unprompted, she began talking about a companion who had let her dog drink water from a glass. As she told the story, she felt and vocalized all her teary-anger and disgust she had hidden from her companion and had never expressed. She straight away asked for a glass of water and drank comfortably from then on. Breuer writes that he was “greatly surprised” by this sudden removal of a symptom, and marks this incident as the origin of cathartic theory. Breuer then managed to remove each of her other hysterical symptoms –neuralagia, tremors, eye-problems, coughing, inability to read ... through this same method. (Pg 121)

The idea of catharsis, of purification through purgation, does have physical resonance- vomiting can remove poisons and pathogens... The act of crying is obviously an at of excretion, most forms of which – urination, sweating, defecation etc – are involved in removing unwanted waste from the body... Confession, baptism, exorcism, fasting holy water, sweat lodges – such spiritual cleansings and purgings are very much alive as rituals and metaphors, however secularized some of them may be. (Pg 131)

Some of us reading these words come from a culture of repression. Wherein, our culture attaches positive values with repression. Thus, display of feelings and candid confession of desires is discouraged for the sake of proper etiquettes. Moreover, some cultures judge expression of emotions as feminine and hence boys don't cry!

Crying is a natural emotional technology which can help you feel relaxed. It releases emotional toxins by sublimating psychological and emotional distress into tears. It is unhealthy to repress your feelings. It is therapeutic and natural to let those eyes cry when that heart feels like it!

Happiness

2011-05-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

If you think, your happiness can come from a relationship or from a thing (or from an event) located outside you, you would eventually find yourself feeling extremely frustrated.

When you derive happiness from within, you experience freedom, happiness and love. You feel centred and in touch with yourself.

Photo courtesy: Caleb Sivyer

Anything which makes you dependent for your happiness, will make you suffer in its absence. Over-indulgence, drug-abuse, alcohol or any kind of addiction destroys denies you to become the source of your own happiness.

Tune in to yourself, listen to your melody... it echoes happiness, life and creativity

The Third Principle: Communication

2011-05-03T07:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes (read most of the times), when we fall in love, we fall in love with an idea. That idea is often our 'idealistic' projection of a certain idealized fantasy. Communicating your feelings with yourself as well with the other person helps prevent a drastic mis-match between expectations and their realization.

Now comes the time to communicate. Communication can range from expressing simple likes and dislikes to exchange of ideas and values to a usual discussion about anything. What is so amazing about communication is that it gives you a beautiful chance to sway, float, listen, touch and swim in ideas and emotions.
Gradually, the emotional dimension becomes important. What brings to people together is sensitive understanding of each others needs and desires. Both verbal and non-verbal communication play a huge role in the process of building emotional intimacy.

It is important to do a little course in ego-management here. Speaking is important, listening even more so. (As that anonymous wise woman once said, You are given two ears and one mouth: for you to listen twice as much as you speak!) Listen to this person who you feel connected to, learn about him or her, respond to his or her curiosity. Exchange ideas about your initial impressions of him or her. Also, it is very important to be patient, tolerant and sensitive. A relationship which is yet to stand the test of time and hardship is soft. It needs to be insulated with tender love and care.

Achieving a sustained level of communication, almost always involves a mutual and dynamic disclosure of one's likes, dislikes, fears, dreams, hopes and desires. This exposure creates both intimacy as well as vulnerability. This sustains passion and attraction in a relationship. It is important to express yourself and help your partner express by being patient and asking genuine questions. The fascinating quality of communication is that it helps us understand what we want by making us articulate our impulses. An enriching exchange of ideas is often accompanied by greater self-awareness, renewal of perspectives and a fulfilling feeling.

Disagreements are natural and even important, it reminds one that each one of us is different.

Trust: It is important to ensure a safe-level of trust before you let someone reach your core. Also, it is very important to be intelligent and critical in observing the person, and in listening what his or her body speaks. Maintain an eye-contact, see if you can trust those eyes.

Driving a relationship forward is like rowing a boat on which lives and courses of two people depend. Both the partners have to drive the oar. It is a pretty muscular task! If even one person breaks the trust, it is like having a hole in the boat.

Chapman has identified 5 ways of expressing love:

Spending Quality Time
Affirmation
Physical Contact
Giving Gifts
Acts of service

These are somewhat broad categories, you can be more precise as you explore each idea:

For example:

Spending quality time would mean: Sustaining Trust: by respecting that person and his faith in you.

It would include being honest with your feelings. Further, it would involve asking the right questions and taking genuine interest in him or her.

Giving Gifts would mean: Remembering the likes and dislikes of this amazingly special person; and surprising him or her on unexpected or expected moments. There is an art of giving gift. The quality of gift is not necessarily proportional to its cost. In fact, the core message that a gift should convey is : "You are important for me! Really important". The gift should carry the energy of this intention and heart-felt emotion. I hate to admit that most people 'buy' gifts in the most boring way, within the constraints of time and make it a materialistic gesture.

Robert Sternberg gave what is called the Triangular theory of Love. According to him three aspects of a wholesome love-filled long-term relationship. Now, imagine an equilateral triangle with A, B and C sides.

A-side Intimacy: Ability to form an emotional bond with your partner
B-side Passion: Feeling a physical-pull towards your partner
C-side Commitment: An act of promise that you shall be with each other through thick and thin.

If you have an Indian orientation (for that matter: Belgian, Turkish, German, Swiss, Czech, British, American or 'X'), you must have seen at least one relationship around you, which is running on the limited fuel of commitment only. The partners do not feel any emotional intimacy and physical passion towards each other. They stay together because they have signed the societal contract of marriage. And before they realize anything else, they have children (and consequent responsibilities). Divorce doesn't appear the most viable option because it is still an unspoken social taboo.

Usually, a great relationship is the one which has all three elements. Realistically speaking, the intensity of each element is always a fluctuating one.

Think over: # We like people who like us. Even the most stern-looking specimens of our species need assurance and affirmation.

The Second Principle: Connection

2011-04-24T13:51:00.000-07:00

Connection/Compatibility:

The first principle as discussed in the previous post was that of Acceptance. If you feel that you can accept the appearance, social-economic background and the general presence of that person, the second principle is that of Connection/Compatibility.

It is to spend quality time together and to test-drive the relationship by experiencing companionship. Compatibility can be felt by sharing ideas and asking questions (about childhood, likes and dislikes, values and beliefs). It can be through telling and listening of stories about your adventures, hobbies and travels. If you feel awkward or shy, you can always drop questions about 'Favourite' books, music, actor, or anything. It is important to feel the space of conversation and companionship.

+ Connection

If you instinctively feel a connection, it is a green light. In that case, you would find a magical bio-chemical hormonal reaction taking place. Even if you did not find that person attractive at first, you shall find yourself deeply infatuated. You shall spend a lot of time thinking about him or her. The more you think, the more you shall feel attracted. Moreover, you may find yourself defending him or her when others express their disapproval of him or her. This would show that you accept him or her in your mind already.

- Dis-Connection

If you consistently feel being misunderstood or there is a certain 'misalignment' and you end up having a suffocating feeling that he or she didn't understand "what you really meant", then regretfully, I would suggest you not to take that relationship forward until you really feel optimistic about it. Don't fall for appearance, no matter how temptingly attractive that person seems. After all, you would not hang that person in your living room for the friends and family to admire. S/he has to be a partner.

Travel Together:
If your cultural context allows it, it is a useful exercize to travel with that person. Travelling is a mini-experience in spending quality time together and also to learn how to negotiate, adjust and balance the limited time in a new place. This is also a good way to see how sensitive and patient he or she is to varying interests.

Social Skills:
Once you come out of that conventional dating scene and meet him or her in bigger groups, you shall observe interesting aspects about that person. A person usually expresses his or her personality differently in a group. Also, your experience of knowing a person in the isolated-island of a telephone call or a over a cup of tea can be completely different from what it would be in a group. In the process you get to know that person more and also test his or her social skills

Do opposites attract?

Yes, they do. Opposites attract but unfortunately they do not usually make for a sustainable relationship, similarities bring more affirmation.

This was the second pre-commitment principle of Connection/Compatibility. The next post discusses the third principle of Communication and the Triangle of Love.

The First Principle: Acceptance

2011-04-22T11:37:00.000-07:00

At the risk of sounding highly simplistic, I said in my previous post that I shall list down three essential aspects before entering a long-term relationship. I have deduced these three simple-sounding and harmless-looking principles which are useful road-signs for going in the 'right' direction (if there can be any, in the muddled waters of relationships).

Being Realistic:

Let me begin by bursting the myth of a perfect-relationship. There is nothing called a perfect self-sustaining relationship. Conflict is the most natural consequence of companionship. Each relationship requires work. It is like growing a plant. You would have to constantly nurture it. But you would nurture it, if you feel it is worth nurturing. It is useful to remember that there will be pain as well as pleasure. Even once you find your partner, remember that "They lived happily after" endings only exist in fairy tales.

The purpose of these pre-commitment principles is to maximize pleasure and minimize pain, by choosing your partner carefully because the best time for divorce is before marriage!

These are the 3 cardinal rules before you commit to a long-term 'serious' relationship:

1. Acceptance

2. Connection/Compatibility

3. Communication

In this post, I shall cover the first principle.

Acceptance

For any long-term relationship, it is extremely important to accept your partner. If you do not accept your partner, then you shall try to change those unchangeable aspects of him or her. And in the process, distort the uniqueness of his or her existence and blow away his or her confidence too.

Lets admit, most of us have some exclusionary criteria which we can not tolerate in a person. For example, this 'x' guy can never see himself with a girl who has facial hair. This 'x' girl can never see herself going out with a short guy. (Cultural principles of masculinity: as strong, tall and manly and femininity: as charming, pristine-beauty). Now, both these people are fairly determined about these not-to-have aspects in their respective partners. If you also have clear ideas of what not to have in your partner, then do not go ahead with a person who you feel has those things* that you can never accept.

A word of mature advice: Prioritize the things that you don't want in a person to 3 or 4. If your number is more than 4, then as Dr. Frank Conner says "prepare to be lonely." It is hard to find anyone who is ten on ten, according to your fantasies. You will have to learn to adjust and tolerate if you are looking for a long-term relationship.

Also, when we meet an eligible-looking partner, most of us, ask ourself few questions.

Do I deserve this person? Is s/he too good for me? Will s/he accept me? What is the possibility of finding someone better?

This idea is in line with economic idea of exchange in barter system. If I give myself to this relationship and s/he gives himself to thing relationship, will it be a 'good' deal? But this mentality of exchange is only during the initial phase of a relationship, after a while, it naturally turns into sharing of oneself.

How good is your relationship with yourself?

Where do you put yourself on the scale of ten? The answer to this question: depends largely on your relationship with yourself. If you put yourself at 7, then you most probably would accept someone who you put at 6,7 or 8. There are exceptions, but generally, we are seeking equality in our partner. How good is your self-esteem? Both, underestimating as well as overestimating yourself is a problem. Because it would let you have false or unrealistic notions about who you are what you deserve. Yet again, any such tendency means, that a lot of work has to be done on your relationship with yourself.

Why is it harmful to be desperate to get into a relationship?

Desperation is a bad perfume to wear. People who are desperate often end up saying 'yes' too promptly. They usually end up getting someone lower than what they "deserve". There underlying fear is: what if I never get anyone. Know that, everyone is afraid of being lonely. You are not the only one. It is important to say ‘yes’, only when you feel ‘yes’ for someone.

So the first principle is that of Acceptance? It is always good to ask oneself: How well do I accept myself? Do I have something which I would want to change? If I cannot change, do I accept it?

Before you get into a boat with someone else, you have to train yourself to row your own boat and learn to swim. Remember, interdependence comes after independence. One person with whom you will always* have a very intimate relationship till your last breath is: You. A great relationship with yourself is a great incentive to your relationship with others. People who understand and accept themselves well, or try to understand and accept themselves well; are usually more prepared to understand others well.

Assuming you accept yourself. The next important thing before leaping into a relationship would be to accept your prospective partner. If you find yourself not accepting him or her, you should hear alarm bells ringing. Nothing is more painful than the feeling of regret at having got into a relationship which you could never give your 100 percent too because you could never accept him or her.

I don’t want to overwhelm you with several ideas, so I leave the second principle of Connection/Compatibility for the next post.

Before we end, a short note on Self-Actualization:

There is an inner mechanism of performance and growth in each one of us. Just like a plant, we are innately growth-oriented. Our inner-principle is to blossom with fresh ideas, creations (products and services) and connections. This inner constitution is full of creative energy. It can fulfill us emotionally, psychologically as well as economically. For example, your inner need to create a valuable service can bear rich economic returns and also fulfill your inner desire to serve and create.

This performance-oriented organizing principle of an organism is called Self-Actualization. It expresses itself best when the environment is a nurturing one. Nurturing environment is the one which provides us the essential nutrients of growth. Like the way a plant needs adequate sunlight, water and soil-minerals, we also need to satisfy physiological as well as psychological needs to grow in a healthy way. A harmonious relationship usually has some elements like: mutual affirmation, care, responsibility, respect. It enables you to bring out the best in you.

In my perspective: the most functional-fulfilling-aspirational answer to the question:
"What do you want in your partner?" would be:
"He or she would assist in maintaining, sustaining or even creating an environment that helps you achieve your best self. Similarly, you would be able to do the same for him or her."

Match-Fixing

2011-04-14T16:14:00.000-07:00

Before we begin, it is your right to know three things:

*This post is not about cricket.

*This might be a longish post.

* This may read as a very culture-specific post.

It is about the way relationships are 'fixed' or 'arranged' in most Indian weddings. I do not have the exact statistics of the percentage of marriages that are mediated by parents and other 'professional' mediators; but the flourishing number of Matrimonial websites in India speaks for itself. There is also a thunderstorm of eligible singles getting their portfolio pictures clicked from expensive studios for matrimonial purposes.

Now that my elder brother is involved in this relationship game, I get to taste it in a more intimate way. For the last three months, I have seen several images of single women being mailed or skyped to me. Obviously, similar trade of images has also been done from his side. His images have also been sent to several families desperately seeking for that 'right bridegroom'.

I have kept abreast with the proceedings, I have seen and heard, 'elders' discuss about what kind of partner they consider appropriate. As a relationship counselor, I have asked my elder brother and hundreds of singles over the last few years about what they want in their partner. I would admit, I have also been asked the same question, I don't know how many times. Sometimes my female friends ask me, sometimes people seeking relationship advice ask me and other times guys 'interested' in me, ask me.

I have a rainbow full of interesting, varied and amusing answers to share with you. Let me let you peep into some of these. These are the unedited responses of some of optimistic, bollywood-fed, perfection-seeking adults:

Some Girls/Women said:

He should have light-brown eyes
He should be tall or at least taller than me
He should earn more than me
He should have a great sense of humour
He should be hot*
He should not ask for dowry
He should be understanding
He should be able to take care of me
He should be a Scorpion
He should love me more than my father
He should be clean
He should be understanding

A BIG ETC...

Some Guys/Men said:

She should be beautiful
She should be fair
She should not work after marriage
She should be understanding
She should be slim
She should be cheerful
Her name should be Simran! (This guy loved DDLJ)
She should be like 'Geet' from 'Jab We Meet'
She should be a virgin
She should respect my parents and adjust with my family
She should be polite and soft-spoken
She should be my better-half

A BIG ETC...

Most Parents said:

S/he should be of our religion/caste/class and from a respectable family.

It is amazing that most of us know that people are not made of paper. They cannot be cut and tailored according to our fantasies. Still, we have our exquisite image of a 'dream' partner. All of us know that all of us will get old and our physical appearance will change. But we still cling to physical appearance as one of our main criteria for making the* choice.

Usually, our hearts resembles a see-saw of dilemma. On one-side of the wooden plank sits this dreamy-eyed optimist-perfectionist, who sits by the beach sipping lemonade dreaming of meeting "Mr/Ms.Right". And on the other side sits this highly realist sipping tea and preparing for the future, who knows that one has to adjust in every relationship.

The question is how do we choose a partner? How can anyone ever know, who is 'right'? Does this perfect-partner ever exist? Here, the concept of Self-Actualization provides some helpful directions. I discuss this in my next post. I shall also write about three essential steps of getting into a 'serious' relationship or making that 'arranged' date a final one.

Till then keep your fingers-crossed for my brother's arranged marriage!

Biological Optimism

2011-03-27T09:16:00.000-07:00

A pro-evolution human specimen ;)
My childhood picture!

"Human beings have evolved all the way from single-celled organisms by a process called natural selection, which has given us enormous built-in capacities to adapt "instinctively" to most situations we are likely to encounter ..."

How to Raise a Human Being, Pg 6

No matter what the circumstances, we have the skills to cope and adapt! These skills could be innate or acquired. The main thing is, we belong to a privileged species in terms of our stage of evolution.

Depression

2011-03-13T00:31:00.000-08:00

Living life and photography have a lot in common. As a human being, you are a photographer of your life. As a living and perceiving mind, you are constantly framing reality. In any moment of awareness, we look at only a part of the reality. Just like a photographer, taking pictures, representing parts of the reality.

Photo courtesy: Caleb Sivyer

We frame-reality, by deciding (consciously or unconsciously); what parts to include and which ones to exclude. We leave out parts of the reality which we see as unimportant. Optimistic framing tendency is to frame only the good parts together. Needless to say, pessimistic framing tendency is just the opposite. But, in both optimistic and pessimistic tendencies there is consciousness of being the framing agent.

In depression, something reflexive happens. The ability of the life-photographer to frame and click gets lost. One feels that his or her control at the reality has been completely lost. And this sense of helplessness is usually the result of being in a situation where one feels "nothing could be done". This is often accompanied by a sense of meaningless of life, because everything seems to be out of control. At other times, the depressed state of mind is not even so vocal. It is just there, without having thought it out.

In most therapies, including Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, the usual attempt is to direct the depressed mind into the line of thinking which brings it out from the state of victimhood. To make the person understand and act rather than to passively despair. The purpose of most counselling sessions is to empower the person to take care of his or her reality. We as counselors do not solve their problems. We try to open their minds, to let them see that they are the framing agents and huge possibilities of living life fruitfully are available

Quote of the Day

2011-03-01T16:49:00.000-08:00

"What decides victory, is not the hatred of your opponent, but the love of the game."

The Peep Show: What happened on my Birthday?

2011-03-01T08:42:00.001-08:00

Those of you who were connected to me on Facebook, know that I deactivated my Fb account on the night of birthday (Thursday, 24th of February). But once again, I want to thank each one of you for overwhelming me with your lovely wishes.

Here comes a peep-show about what happened on my birthday.

The image that Ikrav sent

On the night of the 23rd 19:30 pm in Berlin (00:00 hrs in India), Ikrav, (my younger brother) skyped me and sent a cute-little-picture wishing me birthday. Besides this, Ankush, sent a lovely e-card, along with a mail, which had used Google translation tools to send a message in German.

I did not sleep because of phone calls and an insomniac excitement which has marked most of my life. I was happy to receive phone calls from all the continents except Antartica! It made me feel important.

Marta had kept beautiful flowers and cards outside my door, which was the first gift of the day.

Vincent, I & the apple-cherry cake

At 4am in Berlin (which is 8:30 am in India), I phoned my parents. Talked to them about random thing in the whole wild world. I was lucky enough to catch a good ten-minute long conversation with my elder brother Harliv, who I think is a superstar both in looks and brain. Then, had a word with naniji (my maternal grandmother), greedily took all her wishes, amongst other relatives. Then conversations with other across continent friends, teachers, professors and so on. Then, got ready for Free-Hug Campaign.

The Gang part I

Came back. Then went out for a nibble with a friend at an eatery near Krumme Lanke. Came back, Jellena got me ready for the party. By this time, Vincent had already baked a cake and was putting candles on it. He asked me: how many candles? I replied: As many as you wish! He put 17 of them. He had initially thought of making a cake with apples. My nickname here for those who cannot pronounce Charnita is Cherry, so he added loads of cherries in the cake, to make me feel special!

I and Ifeoma

At the party people poured at all kinds of dizzy times. From Ifeoma, a Nigerian friend of mine coming at 19:00, to the Indian guys coming at 1:00am. Between these two extremes, pouring of people from all corners of the city or phone calls of people who lost their ways. We had two cake-cutting ceremonies, thanks to Rahul who had also baked a cake as a birthday present. He had got along, his new camera which he was using to click everything which was visible. Divyansh, had made a short video saying 'Happy Birthday'. It was the most unusual kind of video, for all that could be said. I and Sudha had a good laugh about it. Slowly hand-written Happy Birthday flashes on to the screen. It could be his usual birthday gift for everyone as my name wasn't included! He had to catch a flight to Lithuania early in the morning, so I was glad he could still make it to the party.

The Gang part II

Amongst other things, I got an amazing KDV knap-sack, a Frei University Mug, soft toy, chocolates, candles, T-shirt, Kurti, pen, jewelery box, greeting cards and so on. I was glad to receive a framed picture of Ganesha.

I enjoyed talking and being with everyone. It was culturally enriching to see people of all colours sitting in the drawing room. Amongst the most funny conversations that I had were with Elias, who kept asking funny questions about my thesis. Other questions were about my decision about doing my PhD, which as I told, I haven't decided as yet.

Rahul's cake

Besides all this, it was amazing to hear Punjabi-beats in the
background, thanks to my playlist ;) It was the most unique experience to hear "Gori naal ishq mitha" in Berlin with people from all over the world on my birthday. It was great to connect with so many people. As the night went further into the day, people starting heading back to their homes. I, Sudha, Rahul, Divyansh, Tobi and Anna-Maria were not discouraged by the thinning population, and continued our 'talks' with left-over pizza, snacks and cake keeping us company. The last ones to leave were I, Sudha, Rahul and Divyansh after several rounds of animated-sarcastic-funny-intelligent conversations about everything.

The next day followed, phone calls of friends who had forgotten my birthday, mostly from India. It felt like a birthday-hangover.

It was a beautiful-blessed birthday. I celebrated it in Berlin with a worthy bundle of friends. It gave me all the energy and enthusiasm to kick back into my work with a motivated spirit.

As far as my self-imposed facebook exile goes, I am glad to see that life minus Facebook, is just the same. Most of my friends envy me at the way I can manipulate my mind into doing anything. Can I?

As you can see, my deactivating of my Fb account had nothing to do with my birthday. In fact, it was something I had decided even before the start of the month of February. The news is that this Facebook exile is temporary: I will be back! It was just a personal exercize to see if I am addicted to it. As it comes out, I am not. This makes me happy.

Balloons are still hanging in the living room! Reminding me, every day is a new birth!

P.S: After the day of my birthday, I had got calls, texts and emails asking me in concerned tones: if I was fine and why did I delete my Fb account. That marked the birth of this post.

Just being Realistic!

2011-02-27T08:19:00.000-08:00

Just like too much of sugar can be diabetic, too much of certainty is also not good. It makes one believe in the illusion of permanence. A little break of trust here and there, keeps one grounded to the reality of a world which is both temporary and uncertain.