Charnita

Resuming blogging

2024-04-29T06:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, during my flight from India to Sweden, I was processing an event that occurred during my time in India. And a voice nudged me, how about you blog about it? That is why I remembered that I once had such an active blog and the passion for expressing in words is still alive in me.

It is true that last decade has had so many bumpy transitions and transformations in my life, with moving to Sweden, becoming a mother, have experienced many unexpected woundings and healings, blogging simply slid to the invisible realm.

Here I am playing with the intention, with myself and the world through honest self-expression once again. I hope that resuming blogging will forge a connection with a community that is emotionally safe and non-judgmental, something that I have been missing ever since, I left India and my Perfect Life Spot in Delhi.

The event I would like to share is a vulnerable real life story about how I betrayed myself recently, even though I am a so-called expert in Self-Love. At that time, I didn't know that I was betraying myself, but as the days unfolded, I realised I was.

I hope to share soon more.

This picture was clicked by Siddhesh after a recent workshop called the Relationship Medicine, which I facilitated along with my husband at Perfect Life Spot, New Delhi on 14th April, 2024.

The Missing Piece in our Relationships

2016-07-20T03:38:00.000-07:00

Here comes my recent Tedx Talk that examines the need for emotional mindfulness in our connects. This talk is a personal narrative on how our childhood, parenting and life-choices affect our wellbeing. Enjoy!

Mindfulness for Beginners

2015-09-02T20:02:00.000-07:00

Here is a snippet from my session on Mindfulness. I think you would enjoy this :) Do leave a comment and share it with your friends.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ty8j5uMNh_g

Emotional Loss or More Freedom?

2015-08-25T08:23:00.001-07:00

Mindfulness for Beginners

2015-07-01T09:57:00.002-07:00

I am here. I can feel the movement of breath through my nostrils. I can feel their spacious texture too. This helps me to come back to my 'centre' in the now. I see how the colours of my surroundings become brighter when I breathe with awareness.

As my state of awareness becomes higher, my perception of reality becomes more spacious.I feel freedom of a therapeutic kind.

I experience an essential sense of insulation; a kind of immunization from the numerous transient emotions that my human-self tends to participate in.

I become present, clear and at peace with these few deep breaths of awareness.

For more on the practice of Mindfulness, read my ebook titled:

Mindfulness for Beginners in Plain English

Reimagining Education!

2015-06-06T03:19:00.001-07:00

In this quick video, I share with you my journey since the time I came back to India and how Perfect Life Spot came into being.

IMAGINE!

How does Mindlessness affect us emotionally?

2015-06-05T01:35:00.002-07:00

How does Mindlessness affect us emotionally?

When our mind is not present, then we easily feel:

Irritated
Hurt
Hurtful
Violated
Impulsive
Frustrated
Stressed
Nervous
Choice-less
Angry
Or/& Overwhelmed

Why?

This is because we are unable to pay sufficient attention to the events outside of us. Our awareness shrinks. We look at everything outside of us in immediate relation to us. We tend to interpret every word, gesture and event (that might not have any reference to us) in a very personal way. This causes us unnecessary negative stimulation and pain.

We get easily provoked, because we are unable to notice what disrupts our inner-space. Our body responds to it by quickening our breath. Our breath and thought-pace becomes so fast that we are not able to sufficiently decode the cause and effect equation. This speedy tumult brings along an artificial sense of urgency. It often leads to reactions and decisions that lead to regrets.

This, of course, is detrimental for our emotional and physical well-being. So, it is crucial to develop the skill of Mindfulness.

When we identity with every thought we think, then we are likely to feel overwhelmed in the ever fastening whirlpool of energies, intentions and events.

Digital Minimalism

2014-10-10T23:47:00.003-07:00

How does social media affect our real-time relationships?

One simple thing for Everyday happiness!

2014-10-10T08:13:00.000-07:00

A Star of Hope

2014-07-02T11:42:00.000-07:00

You know, I have this personal ritual of looking at the night sky before I sleep.

I look up and search for a star. Just one star. I call it the star of hope. It gives me hope.

Tonight the sky is cloudy and I don't see any star.

I wonder, if I could ever become a star of a cloudy night sky!

Perfect Life Spot community

2014-06-26T00:44:00.000-07:00

Perfect Life Spot is a place where you can remove your masks and let your soul-skin breath. You shall find everyone around you mirroring your intrinsic radiance and helping you move towards who you really are: an awesome space of possibilities!

Become a part of our community!

Perfectlifespotters

2014-06-24T12:59:00.000-07:00

My favourite ones are those who are uncomfortable, uneasy, doubting, anxious, nervous and alienated from the society.

Their incompleteness makes them search. Their oddness makes them sense more, feel more, feel more compassion. And, in their pursuit of meaning… they engage with life passionately. They refuse to grow up. They are uncertain and innocent and internally driven …

I like being with them. It is beautiful to see them; they are dew drops, snow-flakes, thumb-prints, unique. They are individuals who shall live according to their hearts.

Smile!

2014-06-08T05:39:00.000-07:00

You = Miracle

2014-06-06T11:22:00.004-07:00

They have stolen away your eyes. When you look at yourself, you don't know how to see.

Recently, I saw the birth of a baby. I was in spell. I cried at the miracle. Felt grateful to be a woman. If you could see how your face shone when you were born, you would never oversee the miracle of being you!

Jealousy

2014-06-06T09:13:00.002-07:00

Jealousy is usually a reflection of insecurity or low self-esteem.

Experience contentment about who you are, you shall feel a beautiful sense of equilibrium.

Self-acceptance is crucial. Most of us have grown up in households where comparison was a norm. It is important to rise above those models of self-evaluation to not let our peace of mind be threatened by any competitive model of social/self-assessment.

Follow your Bliss, do what makes you happy. Find out what makes you happy or create it.
One of my favourite quotes: “Each man must create his own system or else he is a slave to another man's" (William Blake)

The girl in red is Nitika, a loving student at Perfect Life Spot. She practises being happy and is a re/source of courage

10 places where an ill-directed mind takes you:

2014-06-06T02:45:00.000-07:00

1. Unnecessary Arguments

2. Past/regrets/choices

3. Self-victimization/Pity

4. Low Emotional/Physical Immunity

5. Lack of Focus

6. Dull/Shallow Breathing Patterns

7. Craving for Empty Calories/Low-Nutrition Food

8. A sense of Purposelessness

9. A sense of Anxiety/ Helplessness

10. Self-Sabotaging Relationships

Interpersonal Relations

2014-06-04T23:17:00.000-07:00

Hug!

2014-06-01T10:01:00.003-07:00

I love to hug. It gives an important insight on life. When you give a hug, you receive it too.
True giving feels like receiving and the other way round. (Marshall Rosenberg)

In 2011, I had carried out free hug campaign in Berlin, sharing more than 400 hugs in a matter of few hours. To touch someone is to accept someone's body and your own. In PLS, we hug so often. It is almost a community ritual out here.

Also, it is scientifically evidenced that “Hugs strengthen the immune system. The gentle pressure on the sternum and the emotional charge this creates activates the Solar Plexus Chakra.

This stimulates the thymus gland, which regulates and balances the body's production of white blood cells, which keep you healthy and disease free.” quoted from mindbodygreen.

hug,

You are my Hope

2014-05-31T04:19:00.003-07:00

It is not until very recently that I realized the importance of Hope. I have often in the past felt a certain egoistic need to superimpose it with words like faith and belief. I think I did not realize then, how powerful it can be.

I want to share with you a letter on Hope.

It is called: ‘You are my Hope’ and it is addressed to you.

All of us are looking for hope. Our lives might not be where we imagined them to be … so we are looking out for hope. Out of all the people I know, you are the only one, who has stopped looking outside for Hope. Instead, you look within... you churn out courage and then you do something about the situation. Magically so … You become the source of hope for all those people who are looking for it outside…

Frankly, no one has any idea, of the kind of perilous inner journey you take every day when you go on to create Hope –

To be the kind of miraculous survivor you are –

Every time you come out of a situation of hopelessness on your own, you become Hope.

Thank you for inspiring courage, Awe and Hope.

On keeping a Gratitude Journal

2014-05-10T09:12:00.001-07:00

There was a time in my life when I used to resist the idea of keeping a gratitude journal. And then, I mostly felt that it was a concocted mind-game: a mere positive illusion. It looked like a calculated strategy to disorient the mind and its perception. Such a selectively amplified view of the world is not correct, I used to think.

However, on further reflection, I had a realization. When I look at the world around: newspapers, TV, radio, signals, banners, banters ... it seems that the dominant collective consciousness is engaged/obsessed with eternally documenting what all is going wrong. In such a context, this mass hypnotic pattern of negativity needs to be consciously broken. So, it felt logical to take out a few minutes every day to focus on good things of life.

And so, I started consciously cultivating a consciousness of gratefulness. I started celebrating the overwhelming feeling of thankfulness at positive coincidences, unexpected presents and beautiful souls. And more research took me to Robert Emmons who analyses the psychosomatic benefits of gratitude. He does interesting experiments on the benefits of gratitude (like 10-15 % lower blood pressure in people who maintain a gratitude journal).. Watch his video here.

Sharing a moment of Gratitude:

Very recently, I was left in jitters of love and gratitude by a note given to me by students on our first PLS convocation. It described Perfect Life Spot as "The Place Where We Were Born Again."

I believe that a huge part of who we become as adults, is determined by how we felt, as children. It is a beautiful feeling to know that students could feel the freedom to be born again here :)

More details and pictures here

And so, I keep a gratitude journal.

The Peep Show: What to expect if your Girlfriend is an Entrepreneur

2013-02-19T09:05:00.000-08:00

Peep Show: Dating a Female Entrepreneur

As I am composing this blog post, I am possessed by the restless risk of a highly uncertain machine (laptop) which is infected by a virus; the result is that it tends to close down whenever it wants to. (24Sept’ 2012)

What will I reveal in this post: Why is it difficult for any guy to date me.

The reason why I write this post is to gratify the overwhelming interest that people have expressed in my personal life. Though, I must admit that it took me a while to make this post "public" for the sheer insanity of it.

Well, it is just a frank disclosure of the list of idiosyncrasies that have become part of my individuality. These are also things that I won't change in myself, except when I really really feel like changing. Assuming that I am not the only one in this situation, I would insulate myself by making this a generic piece on
"What to expect if your girlfriend is an Entrepreneur"

1. As Entrepreneurs/Artists, we have our creative momentum zones (zones of pure potentialities= where everything is possible. It is our parallel reality), wherein our efficiency, battery back-up (energy levels) and pointedness of focus sharpens crazily. During those moments we resemble the immunized versions of Mario where anything that touches us either adds to our power or dissolves into nothingness.

These moments are life-defining moments for us. It is in these moments when we give birth to gold-egg giving hens (assets) which survive forever (a long time). We value these moments intensely. These moments make us feel good about ourselves and our purpose in life. We would expect you to understand the sanctity of these moments and not to send "miss you" messages during these pious moments. Even if we want to reciprocate, we cannot because we are absolutely tied to the "cause" during these moments.

2. We are the most politely stubborn creatures we know. We will follow everything we feel. Also, we do it with a disarming transparency.

3. We tend to get super-excited when talking about ideas. Our eyes shine, our lips become more pink and we might even blush in the heat of the moment and if you are observant enough, you will discover that our hands might also be shivering with the potential of the idea at hand.

4. We are heart-driven and will really go to any extend when we believe it worth. And, we usually do. Also, that contributes into our generic narcissism. We believe in ourselves and our ability to survive, sustain and flourish.

5. We are insomniac if we get infected with an idea-bug. We also have the annoying habit of following our hearts.

6. We can get thinkoholic, workoholic and network-oholic. We are always busy and in the middle of something important, even when we are sitting and staring at the bright sky.

7. We cannot tolerate even a single minute of something that does not convince us of its usefulness. Hence, television for most parts is non-existent in our living spaces. We also exhibit low-tolerance with people who talk in circles.

8. We will end up finding you boring, if your life is not as exciting as ours. You have to be interesting enough to stimulate us sufficiently to qualify being in our lives.

9. We really believe that our tomorrow is always better than our today! We are enthused with optimism that we believe is justified by our current states.

10. Time works on a different speed for us. When we say we will be back in five minutes (clock time), we really mean it genuinely. We will be back sometime, somehow as soon as possible (read when it is "possible" when we have recovered from the moment of "flow")

11. We often are high with imagination, dreams, innovation and wonderment. Almost everything feels realistic.

To be updated as and when more points strike my mind-life …

Stress

2012-11-28T04:55:00.000-08:00

In my heart lives a caged bird.
It is very heavy.
It has colourful feathers.
It changes eyes,
sometimes, wears those of a woman,
sometimes, those of a man,
sometimes, round like a parrot,
sometimes, human-like,
sometimes like a cow,
sometimes like a snake,
blind.

It flutters like someone in love, hiding its love.
I see its wings, scattered like small chits of paper
stuck at the bars of its prison.
It tries every moment to slide open and fly off
It wakes me with the bell that rings on its neck when it moves.
It does not eat, it does not sleep.
It just tries to breathe
to break the bars.

Sometimes, it sits on my forehead like a stiff expression.
I try to fly it off,
but it sits there like a plant
rooted inside.

Meditative Silence

2012-11-18T13:01:00.002-08:00

Silence has its own sanctity.
I listen to my silence at night.
I would hear white noise near my ears:
like the rustling of cotton rolls,
like walking in the tunnel of timelessness,
like floating in a dream,
like overhearing conversations of the silent monster of existence,
like waving someone partly-familiar goodbye,
like listening to an untranslatable language,

like a realization that after all the hooks of names, people, things and places, one hangs on oneself ...

We hang merely on a breath.

Forbidden Fruits for Men and Women' 2012

2012-07-19T07:41:00.001-07:00

This post is written by my co-facilitator Bridget Liddel at Forbidden Fruits Workshops. I am glad and grateful that she agreed to share her experiences with Perfect Life Spot during the most recent workshop which was a highly adventurous transition from Forbidden fruits for Women (2011) to Forbidden Fruits for Men and Women!

A dozen women and men gathered at Perfect Life Spot (an Institute of Language and Holistic Learning) to discuss (gasp!) gender and sexuality on a hot Sunday in May of 2012.

The Forbidden Fruits workshop was organized by an Indian professor (Charnita) and an American facilitator (myself) in an effort to promote dialogue on concepts which affect everyone but are discussed so infrequently in India.

Photo courtesy: Varun Sehgal

Before May, the Forbidden Fruits workshops were offered only to women -- the exploratory steps of how a conversation on gender and sexuality can be done in an Indian context. After experiencing the transformative dynamics of those workshops, we felt it essential to develop one for a co-ed audience.

With multiple genders in the room, we risked the silencing effects of blame if the dynamics of gender construction were not understood -- that gender is a social construct, covering the behaviors, assumptions, and expectations attached to people's bodies based on the categories of Man and Woman, and that all are simultaneously negatively impacted by gender rules and perpetuating their continued existence.

And we risked the workshop becoming increasingly radical: being deemed “inappropriate” for addressing sex and sexuality in a co-ed space. While acknowledging the potential discomfort some can feel, the benefits of hearing insecurities and ideas from across the gender divide can have a powerful effect on releasing misplaced assumptions.

One of the two primary sections in the workshop covered relationships. We looked at how we do them, what our expectations are, and the origin of those concepts. Gender's effect on relationships grounded our discussion in how society impacts personal lives. Focused on optimal well-being (despite the negative in society), we discussed what healthy and unhealthy relationships look like, especially through the lens of attachment patterns. Arranged marriage came up frequently as a clear example of how social pressures shape relationships, but gender's role in love matches must be examined as well -- to see how we still act out what we've been taught.

The workshop included a sex education section on understanding anatomy, health risks, and safer sex. But it was not limited to physical concepts: for maximum well-being and health, we need to understand our own fears, the myths perpetuated by misinformation, and how to engage in healthy relationships. Getting the right information and expressing our concerns, hangups, and expectations are essential to well-being. In India, getting married and having children is a highly-pressured social norm: sex is a central, yet silent, aspect. Why?

Bringing my particular bodied history and context (white, female, American) to the conversation helped to break down myths and point to contradictions in Indian society -- never to place one above the other, but to instead use the intercultural opportunity for education. As a European American engaging in this dialogue, however, there’s the deeply problematic potential of coming in as an outsider administering Western values, blind to the cultural context, defeating the workshop’s purpose, which is to facilitate critical thinking and personal empowerment. To try to replace given values with more given values would be an insult to the insightful engagement demonstrated by the workshop participants which brings so much hope and potential to a society sick with aggression and resentment.

Resistance to discussions on gender and sexuality is common, but here are some questions in response: how is gender discrimination helping India? How does silence on sex and sexuality promote healthy relationships and improve the population situation? How can India's rich culture be preserved while also allowing the full expression and potential of its people?

Gender affects all aspects of our lives; we are born into a gendered social context which impacts our choices, behaviors, careers, relationships, lifestyles.... But it is also essential to understand that it is not some mysterious external force. We support or deny gender rules with everything we do: in how we act towards others, in every choice we make from our shoes to our whole lives. We perpetuate gender rules in our everyday actions and we learned those rules from the people around us. What will we teach our children?

If it can be made, it can be made differently.

***

Parable of the Golden Necklace

2012-04-21T06:27:00.004-07:00

1. Once upon a time there was a 21-year old girl. Before she realized it herself, she was “ripe” to get married. Her parents got her married into a family in Rajasthan. It was a big matriarchal family with three married brothers. The mother-in-law or the matriarch of the family wore a light-brown cotton sari over her wheat-coloured skin. She had friendly eyes but the lines on her face were stern with the unbending authority of rule-keeper. It was a family where ancestral values, traditions and beliefs were valued more than life.

At first, she did not understand the culture of her new family. There seemed an entire world of new rituals to be formulaically followed. Soon, she learnt the art of muting her internal conflicts to maintain the comfort of those around. Also, her childhood had systematically trained her to “obey” elders to ensure the age-old uniformity of the larger family life.

A month after her wedding, the mother-in-law came to her with an ornate wooden box. After receiving the obeisance from the young bride, she began her monologue. She said: “Daughter, today, I am giving you the most precious of all my possessions.” Saying this, she opened her intricately-carved jewellery box which had an inside of cushioned purple. Inside rested the most spectacular necklace in the entire world. It was made up of gold and had an elaborate sequence of milk-white pearls on it. Each pearl had its head gilded with gold. Then, she took the piece from its resting place and adorned the neck of the young bride. In this moment, the young girl experienced a deep sense of pride and satisfaction at the responsibility she was entrusted with. She was instructed to wear this necklace all day. When at night she removed it, she realized how very heavy it was! She spent several minutes looking at it, feeling it, stuffing it with cotton, placing it back into its royal box and then keeping it in a discreet corner of her cupboard.

This neckpiece became the most sacred of her possessions. She would look at her role in the familial life with its elements of pride, sacrifice and hard-work as manifested in the weight and glamour of the necklace. Before she knew, this necklace had become an important part of her identity. She guarded it with all her strength.

She saw several faces of life. There were times when she found herself in difficult financial circumstances. There were times when she was faced with the decision of selling her necklace, but she would defend its stay with her life. There was a thick aura of honour, sanctity and pricelessness that had accumulated around it. It was unnegotiable.

Time like water ran by. She stood all the vagaries of an uncertain human life. On her deathbed, she called her son. Holding his hands, she finally gave away her most sacred possession to him. And then, in a low voice and raised finger she carefully instructed him to take care of it.

After her death, the son took the golden necklace to a jewellery shop to get an exchange-estimate. Within few minutes of handing it to the jeweller, he received a mocking grimace. “Sir, where did you buy it from? It is fake!”

***

How many times do we carry such heavy "gold" necklaces in our hearts and minds thinking of them to be sacred and real? Think about all those beliefs, opinions and judgments that occupy the lockers of our minds. Think about the time, mind and money that we spend in defending some of them. Aren’t these constructs open for re-evaluation?