Jokes

math jokes

2012-03-14T03:13:00.000-07:00

kiran: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
niran: "It's 42!"
kiran: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
niran: "It's 24!"

"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague. "Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

obama's visit

2012-02-19T01:02:00.000-08:00

President Obama's visit to Los Angeles has really messed up traffic.

It took me two hours to get to work. Of course, I ride a little girl's

bike to work.

Obama was heckled by someone who said, 'Don't forget about medical

marijuana.' The Secret Service has narrowed the suspects down to

everyone in L.A.

funny is't that

2011-12-09T02:36:00.001-08:00

after 3 years kiran is watching his marriage certificate and his wife saw that and asked "what are you doing?" and kiran replied "nothing" and his wife said you were reading our marriage certificate for half and hour and kiran replied yes i was looking for the expiration date

Niran and kiran are two brothers and Niran is elder brother
Niran: kiran you have to score 95% marks in the board exam
Kiran: no brother i will score 100% marks
Niran: why are you kidding?
Kiran: who started first?

why are you kidding

2011-11-14T23:16:00.000-08:00

In the Sahara desert there was small community and a leader went there and give speech
if you give me vote i will built a bridge for you
listners : but we don't have river here
leader : don't worry i'll dig the river and built the bridge please vote me

marriage expires
after 3 years kiran is watching his marriage certificate and his wife saw that and asked "what are you doing?" and kiran replied "nothing" and his wife said you were reading our marriage certificate for half and hour and kiran replied yes i was looking for the expiration date

why are you kidding
Niran and kiran are two brothers and Niran is elder brother
Niran: kiran you have to score 95% marks in the board exam
Kiran: no brother i will score 100% marks
Niran: why are you kidding?
Kiran: who started first?

dog's food

2011-11-13T22:46:00.001-08:00

Kiran went to his best friend's house but his friend was not in the house Niran's friend wife was there so she gave Kiran tea and a plate of biscuit but her dog started to bark at him
kiran : why this dog is barking at me?
Niran's wife : well that biscuit is his food.Don't worry i handle this you better finish it quickly

kiran is at Godabari resturent and had a coffee and while paying bill to the waiter waiter says: my tips sir
kiran: take it
waiter : sir you are insulting me by giving 1 paisa please give me at least 2
kiran : sorry but i can't insult you twice

Father's toothbrush

2011-11-08T21:09:00.000-08:00

Kiran and Niran are two friends and Niran asked to Kiran: if your father thrashes you, don't you do any thing. well you don't get angry !
Kiran : well to control my anger I start to clean the Toilet
Niran : that's funny but how does that help you to control the anger
Kiran ; well i use my father's Toothbrush for cleaning the the Toilet

super market

In BhatBhataini super market a beautiful girl went on sopping and she brought some stuff and went to the counter
girl: please check me out now i am in hurry
the cashier watch for that girl for 1 minutes and says" perfect, really beautiful "

Best Funny Full Forms

2011-11-07T22:14:00.000-08:00

1 SUN: surely useless novelties

2 DELL: Deplorable Equipment and Lack Luster

3 HP: Hen Packed

4 IBM: Implicitly Boaring Machines

5 NIIT: Not Interested in IT

6 CTS: Coffee, Tea and Snacks

7 HCL: Hidden Costs and Losses

8 VIP: Very Idiotic Person

9 AOL:American Old Ladies

10 BAR: Buy and Run

11 ATP: All Time Party

12 ADSL: Amazingly Dull Slow Line

13 JAVA: Juvenile Abominable Visual Aesthetics

14 PIG : Preety Indian Girls

15 WWW: Worlds Worst Web

16 BA : Bachelor Again

17 MA: Married Again

18 MBA : Master of bad Activities

19 STUPID : Smart,Tallented,Unique Person in Demand

20 IDIOT : Intelligent Doctor in Operation Threatre

21 USA : Un Satisfied aunty by auncle

take a look to your wish

2011-11-07T20:39:00.000-08:00

there was three young man climbing the mount Everest and they were in trouble. snow was falling so badly so they found a lamp at the top of mountain so one of three rubbed the lamp and the genie came out of lamp and said i will grant you three wishes so say what you want. one of them said i am feeling so much trouble so i want to go home and the one guy disappear and second also said i want to go home and he also disappear and third one says that i am feeling so alone so please i want my friends back so the two friends were back in there

one day one of these three guys was walking in the beach and he found the lantern again and the genie came out and grant him the three wish. by the way he has just lost 10 million money in the casino and he says i want all my money back which i have lost in casino and the genie gave him the money. now second wish he has never love with women in his life so he wish he would love to the most beautiful lady and that was also come true and at last he has done mistake he saw a orange head bird and he was happy and says orange head and genie grant his wish by the way he was just happy to see bird but his head was orange head

at last 2 guys among three again found the lantern and he lit the lantern at that time the genie was so angry because of that three friends so he wanted to kill the man but the man was happy because he knew that he will have three wish but the genie says that i will kill you, you three guys make me so angry when i try to sleep you three friends wake me up know this time i have promised who woke me up i will kill that person so ready to be die and the person says no don't kill me i will do what ever you say i will be your servant please don't kill me please so genie make the man servant

what a cold blooded police

2011-11-06T23:39:00.000-08:00

a senior police officer has said that we have to be cold blooded cops in the office so two police officer while going out side for investigation one officer was late and when come, he was shaking so
1 police officer : why are you shaking like that?
2 police office : i just come out of fridge!
1 police officer : what the hell you were doing there?
2 police officer : aren't you were there while our boss said that we have to be cold blodded cops

save my life
a 25 years old man run very fast to the police station and he says please arrest me. please save my life and police says what happens. first say and we will do what we have to do. well my wife is after me with the gun please save my life. and the police says why is your wife after you well i have attempt two round fire to her

yamaraj in hell

2011-11-05T22:59:00.000-07:00

hubby was judge in the court and he was dead and was taken to the hell by the yamaraj and there he says i should have to be heaven why should i am here in hell and yamaraj says don't speak, now you have to just chose the room in which you want to spend you life now. so there was three doors and hubby opens first doors and he saw that people were in chain their legs were ripe in chain and he says no i open the next door and he saw that the people were ripe in the neck and again he says no i will open the next door and he saw that people were eating tea and laughing and he says yes i will stay here. and while he was also taking tea then yamaraj says now tea break is over every body come in head.

money is everything

my grandfather always say look after your health.don't look money only . so i have that things on my mind and when i was in class my health teacher told us health is everything and money is noting and by the same time my purse was stolen in the class room and by the way my health teacher has stolen it

i like the way you think

2011-11-02T23:04:00.000-07:00

Milan was doing some thing in the math class his mind was not in class and the teacher noticed that and ask the question Milan if there are 5 frogs in the well and one jump out from there how many left there "five" replied Milan because frog can't cross the well by jumping

teacher says " well the answer is four " but i like the way you are thinking

Milan says sir i have a question for you if there were three women eating ice cream cones in the shop. one was sucking her cone, second one was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone , which one is married

teacher nervously replied " well i guess the one sucking the cone."

'no' said Milan " the one with the wedding ring on her finger but i like the way you are thinking

scientist and philosopher

2011-11-02T23:00:00.000-07:00

once 2 person wants to visit the national park where there was many tigers and other animals so when they were visiting one hungry tiger chase them to eat. among them one was scientist and another was philosopher.

scientist quickly calculated and said "it's no good trying to outrun it's catching up"

and the philosopher kept a little a head and replied " i am not trying to outrun the tiger, i am trying to outrun you "

three shardars

2011-11-02T22:57:00.000-07:00

once three shardar were sleeping on a bed and there was difficult to sleep three shardars so one of shardar went to sleep in the sofa and when there was some space then one shardar says come know there is space to sleep come and join

eye problem

once there was a model and she fashioned her self so much one day when she wake up from her bed and she look at the mirror and found herself so ugly her hair was all wiry and frazzled up her skin was all wrinkled and pasty and her face look like corpse so
she went to doctor and ask what happened to her for half an hour doctor says "well i can say you don't have the eyesight problem "

exam hall

2011-11-02T22:55:00.000-07:00

hari was in class 5 and he has his result. in that result he has scored math : 5 science :10 nepali : 25 and soon and his father watched his progress report and ask why you are fail?
son : father due to absent
father : absent... when you were absent ?
son : no dad the boy who sits next to me was absent

cool morals

love your neighbour. but donn't get caught
save water. drink beer and vodka
money is nothing. there is also mastercard and visa card
we should love animals.they are tasty too

my age

2011-11-02T22:54:00.000-07:00

In india people mainly used train for their travel and one day there was a three women in the box and one of them was 80 another was 60 and 40.while they were talking the women(80) says i am 60 years old and another women(60) says iam 40 and last women with (40) says i am 20. unfortunately there was a young boy of 20 years old on that box and feel infront of three women and says iam child mamaa

one tourist from Nepal went to visit america and he was completely unknown from that place and when he arrived to that place then he saw very big houses and he try to count the building and one of the man says that what are you doning and the nepalese tourist replied i am counting the buildinng and the man say that you have to pay for that how many building you have count you have to pay 1$ for 1 building and the tourist replied that he had counted 20 block and he paid 20 $ and the tourist says i madee him fool i have counted 40 blocks and i just pay half of it. and now the tourist get hungry and on the outside of the resturent there was written food 12$ meat $ and soup free and the nepali tourist ask is the soup is free and the bar man replied yes it is free and the tourist ordered give me 3 plate of soup and they give the soup and tourist eat all the soup and wake up from there and said soup was really so nice and thank for all and the bar man said your bill is 15$.and the tourist said that was free so i eat. i don't have money he ran away from there

lovely periodic table

2011-11-02T22:51:00.000-07:00

scientist has discover a new element. which we want in our life well that is what ? just look below

Element name: girl

symbol: gl

Atomic weight: don't dare to ask !

Atomic no(boyfriend no): don't dare to ask other wise you will get the bitter slap

physical properties: can freeze at anytime,Boils at anything, melts if handled carefully with love, very bitter if mishandeled....!

chemical properties: highly unstable ,very reactive , possess string affinity for diamond, gold, platinum and other precious items, money reducing agent, volitile when left some one

uses : Mainly used 2 destroy men and playing with once heart

soldier

2011-11-02T02:40:00.000-07:00

once in the army barek there was a soldier his charactor was so odd. he used to pick up any piece of paper that he found and says "that's not it" and put it down and do that to all paper that he found in the way or any where even in the toilet so the commander noticed that so he call the psychologist and tested nim.
after some times the psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranded and wrote out discharge from army and the soldier and pick it up smiled and said "this is it "

turtle

once turtle was walking from nepal to india and while at the mean time there was a murder by snail gang so detective police inspector rabbit reached there and asked the turtle if he could explain what has happened the turtle looked with coonfused and replied "i don't know it all happened so fast "

maried 35 years ago

2011-10-31T22:58:00.000-07:00

once in USA there was a john he was rich and he like to paly golf and one morning on the golf court he was playing golf with his one of friend montey and by the time john saw funeral processesoin on the road and he take off his golf cap and close his eyes, and bow down his head and pray
and montey replied "you are really a kind man. this is the most touching things i have ever seen "
then john replied "well we were maried 35 years ago "

read it...... read it................

2011-10-31T00:08:00.000-07:00

there was a chicken and he went to library and said "book.. book.." and the liberian give book to the chicken and after 2 minutes he came back and again he take a book and again after 2 minute he came back and take a book this process was non-stop for 7 days so liberian follow the chicken , passed the cinema hall, passed the school, passed the market and at last the chicken reach to the pond there was a frog in the middle of the pond and the chicked said "book.. book.." and frog replied "read it...... read it....."

exam hall

2011-10-25T02:05:00.001-07:00

Hari was in class 5 and he has his result. in that result he has scored math : 5 science :10 Nepali : 25 and soon and his father watched his progress report and ask why you are fail?
son : father due to absent
father : absent... when you were absent ?
son : no dad the boy who sits next to me was absent

sheep

in the class there was a sherpa student whose name was passang and there was math class and the teacher was teaching arithmetic and teacher gave a problem to passang
teacher : passang suppose there are 20 sheep in the field and 14 sheep jump over the fance. now how many sheep left in the field
passang : none
teacher : none? don't you know the arithmetic
passang : sir you don't know the sheep when one jump they all jump

apple is watched by god

2011-10-17T20:44:00.001-07:00

it was lunch time in my school and small children were in lined to take for lunch and at the front there was some apples on the desk and there was written "take only one god is watching for apples"
and in the second line there was chocolate and one of the child wrote " take all you want. god is watching apples"

naughty boy

2011-10-11T23:28:00.000-07:00

once there was a boy named milan he was very naughty and does bad work at home. he used to break bottles and furniture so his father was so upset of his character. but in the school he was very nice and labor hard student he help other students and his study was very nice he has become board topper so principal call his father and said that you son has scored good marks and break the record of the school. and his father says he was naughty in the house and he also does in the school i will see him

letter

once a student of class 1 was writing a letter to his best friend and teacher saw writing letter and teacher
teacher: you don't know how to write a letter?
and student reply he also don't know how to read letters

Birbal drinks alcohol

2011-10-01T00:48:00.000-07:00

Akbar wanted to band the drinking of alcohol in his country and he banded too. But Birbal was drinker and he dislike the decision of Akbar so he used to go to the shop and drink wine. all the people know about Birbal so people complained to the king. and Akbar also wanted to know is it really or not so he and other people follow the Birbal. Birbal also know that king is following him.and at evening time Birbal went to shop and start to drink. he put one glass wine and ask to glass who are u then galss says i am a medicine. if you drink me i will help you to maintain your body. you will feel free of work so birbal drink and again he take another glass and ask who are u and the glass replied i am such thing that gives you relief from the tension then Birbal drink that and again he put the third glass and ask who are you then the glass replied i am alcohol. then Birbal threw the glass and know Akbar says look he is not drinking the wine. when know that it is wine then he threw it away.

ganesh with rat

2011-09-28T00:25:00.001-07:00

once upon a time there a person named bikash he was too lazy. he don't want to any things. he just want to relax and enjoy. one day he thought to pray god ganesh and take a bike a wish. so he started to pray god ganesh after few days ganesh was happy with bikash and appear and say i am very happy what do you want bikash and bikash replied god i don't have any bike and i want a bike from you and ganesh replied if i had a bike then why should i use rat a my rider

Akbar and Birbal

2011-09-22T22:58:00.000-07:00

once upon a time in the india there was a kingdom and Akbar was the king and Birbal was prime minister. Birbal was the most clever prime minister in that kingdom and Akbar wants some interesting things and events so he call Birbal and says today you have to bring the milk of ox go and prepare for that Birbal was in trouble he knows that ox never give a milk now he was so sad and his face was looking different. when he reached home his daughter was his sad face and his daughter says what happens to you. why are you like this can i do any thing for you. then Birbal says king has ordered me to bring the milk of ox how can i bring this is impossible and the daughter replied dad don't worry i will fix this and Birbal did't come for a month to the palace so Akbar decided to visit Birbal and Akbar went to visit his house the Birbal's daughter was washing clothes and king asked where is your father then she replied my father has a baby today so i am here to wash my dad's clothes you can meet him in the house and king was shoked and says it is impossible man can't bear a child and Birbal's daughter says then how can ox give a milk