My World, My Words

2022 in Review: A Year of Movement

2022-12-31T14:14:00.002-06:00

Much like 2020 and 2021, I write to you in a state of exhaustion; however, while 2020 and 2021's collective exhaustion was a malaise-induced exhaustion, this exhaustion is more akin to what one would feel at the conclusion of a good workout. 2022 has been a year of movement in the literal as well as the metaphoric sense. I would be lying if I said I was not overwhelmed at times (to be honest, I've been overwhelmed more often than not), but I feel proud of where I am now compared to where I was 365 days ago. With that said, here is my 2022 in Review.

Physical Movement Contracting mono on the back end of 2021 really set back my physical and mental health significantly. One of my biggest priorities in 2022 was to regain the ground I had lost in 2021 and do so sustainably. I set nutritional and exercise goals for myself, and other than a mostly expected hiccup at the end of the year, I was able to maintain where I wanted to be. Now that I have regained that which I lost in 2021, I am excited to take my physical health to new heights in 2023! 2022 also brought movement in travel. It was another year in which I had the opportunity to travel to both coasts. In March, I had the privilege of flying out to Long Beach, California, to celebrate my buddy Kenny's wedding. It was a picturesque scene overlooking the ocean and a celebration befitting the bride and groom. For Christmas, I had the opportunity to once again stay with my sister in North Carolina. While the trip was cut short due to madness surrounding Southwest Airlines, it was a great opportunity to get away from things here and surround myself with the things and people who mattered. In between those bookend trips, I was able to attend three concerts, (finally) celebrate my doctoral degree at commencement in Indianapolis in July, and take a mini roadtrip to the eastern end of Michigan to eat at te nearest Fuddruckers. With life being as busy as it has been in 2022, it has been especially important for me to carve out opportunities to recharge and surround myself with the things, people, and experiences which bring me joy and peace.

Metaphorical Movement In 5, 10, 20, or 50 years from now when I look back on 2022, I will probably remember it most as the year things finally started to happen. For close to five years, I was putting in work, but I honestly felt as though I was in a perpetal state of waiting. This year started the same way, but something significant changed around the month of May. Actually, someone changed around that time: Me. For perhaps the first time in my life, I realized how much my mindset mattered. I couldn't necessarily change my surroundings or my opportunities, but I could change my attitude and my approach. I became tired of feeling like I was living the same experiences over and over again, and like Groundhog Day or Christmas Every Day, I finally decided that I was going to get it right. I really had no desire to still be teaching 8th grade English at the start of this school year, but when I realized that was my reality, I made the decision that I was going to do it better than I ever had before, that I was going to be everything the students, teachers, parents, and administration needed me to be. I was perfectly content with following that path the rest of the year when the trajectory of my school year (and quite likely my career and my entire life) was altered in September. I was given the unique opportunity to leave the classroom mid-year and assume a leadership position over the very team and very students I was already teaching. These opportunities don't grow on trees, so regardless of whether I believed myself ready for the position, my time was now. I will be completely transparent in admitting that it has been an immense adjustment. Every time I feel like I'm getting the hang of it, there's new drama or another student is suspended! I know I need to be patient with myself, but as someone who expects to excel quickly, I get frustrated that I don't feel like I'm good at this role yet.

This year, I was able to purchase my dream car, the Chrysler 300. I know there are less tangible ways to feel as though you've "made it", but for me, it was the tangible culmination of a very long road to get to where I am. About three weeks ago, I was in a car accident while taking a coworker home from work when another vehicle ran a red light at over 50 mph. The car was totaled in the process and my coworker suffered some injuries. As devastated as I was in that moment, I also had this sense of relief knowing how fortunate we were. A difference of milliseconds could have resulted in catastrophic harm. I was also blessed to have car insurance with a company that works quickly, and two days ago I was able to replace my 300 with another brand new 300 -- this time with a sunroof! This experience sort of summed up not only my year but also the last few years of my life. Setbacks are inevitable, but 1) they often could be much worse than they are, and 2) at the end of the day, you wind back up right where you are supposed to be.

What's Next? This year has brought opportunities and experiences that I never believed were in the cards for me. How do I follow that up? Honestly, I have no clue. At this point, I simply hope to keep the mindset of embracing what is in front of me and keeping an open mind and heart to whatever may pop up. Thank you for being on this journey with me.

2021 in Review

2021-12-31T15:34:00.003-06:00

I should probably open with complete transparency and admit (to whoever may be reading this) that my desire to engage in this annual exercise is lower than it has ever been. We have all been through a collective ordeal, and our sense of normalcy and equilibrium have become so askew that we may never quite fully regain our bearings. Personally, the past 365 days have felt about ten times longer than that, and I, quite honestly, am worn out. While the year has (quite literally) taken its toll on my body, mind, and spirit, there were moments of success and fulfillment sprinkled in. And though I lack the desire to chronicle this particular chapter of my life in the present, I recognize the importance of encapsulating the experience for future reflection (and hopefully celebration of making it through to the other side). With all of that out of the way, here is my 2021 in review.

The End of One Journey Leads to Uncertainty for the Next

By the end of 2020, the wheels were put into motion for the culmination of my doctoral experience. The dissertation was off to the editor, and other than a couple small capstone assignments, all that was left to do was defend the dissertation. On the first Monday of March, less than 72 hours after I received my second dose of the COVID-19 vaccine, I defended my dissertation and unofficially became Dr. Duehr (with the official title coming shortly thereafter).

When you have embarked on such a long and arduous journey, reaching the top of the mountain feels somewhat surreal and almost terrifying. I was greeted with the cold hard truth that the completion of my degree (outside of the compliments and congratulations from others) really only meant I was changing my title from Mr. to Dr. It didn't get me a raise. it didn't get me a shiny new title or promotion. If anything, it priced me out of teaching positions in a number of districts. Within my field of education, having that degree does not open nearly as many doors as one would assume it would. An administrative license is needed in tandem with the degree. So, a few months later I unexpectedly found myself back in school to take the courses I needed to procure that license. In December, I took the certification tests to become a licensed principal, and as of this writing, I am awaiting the results. I do not currently know the direct route I will be taking next, but I do know I have no desire to run in place any longer (more on that later)

Scratching, Clawing, and Sliding Back Down

At nearly 35 years old, I am well acquainted with the notion that the good does not last and the bad will eventually pass, but I was thoroughly unprepared for the yo-yo nature of 2021, particularly from a health standpoint. In that regard, my body took more of a beating that it ever has, and I am hopeful that is not a harbinger of things to come.

At the start of 2021, I weighed in at a number close to what I weighed at my heaviest in 2008. It was humbling to say the least, but I was equipped with both a plan as well as the knowledge of what it would take to reach my goals. I was also blessed with a virtual work schedule very conducive to putting in the necessary time at the gym to produce rapid and substantial change. By the middle of March, I had lost nearly 30 pounds, and my strength was even higher than it was prior to the shutdown in March 2020.

I continued moving mostly in the right direction in regards to my health and fitness until the middle of July. I had gone to a museum on a Friday and we got caught in the rain. The next day, I was not feeling quite right, which I thought was just the effect of spending a bit too much time in some adverse conditions. However, I woke up that Sunday with a fever. I would keep that fever for the next 11 days, including the day of my virtual commencement for my doctorate (meaning I still have not truly celebrated the completion of that journey). I went to the doctor three times. The first two times they tested me for COVID, and I tested negative. By Day 11, my fever began to subside, but in it place was throat and ear pain so severe I could not even swallow my own saliva. This time I was tested for mono and tested positive. Mono is a beast of an illness for teens, but as I am now in my mid-30s, it completely wrecked me. I lost a significant amount of weight and strength. For about a week, all I could eat was soup. Even worse than the physical discomfort was the mental toll it wreaked on me.

All of us know how a fever can distort our sense of reality and bring back some things we wish were kept away in the deepest abyss. Imagine that for a week and a half while not being physically strong enough to fight it. Even though I am at the point that I am physically closer to where I was before mono (though that road itself has been arduous), I don't know that I've fully recovered in terms of my confidence, my optimism, or my sense of self. Maybe I'll get there someday, but I'm not there today.

Holding On Too Long

I have never been the best at knowing when it's my time to walk away (or when that choice is being made for me). It caused me heartache and frustration with the distancing of my closest childhood friends from 2013-2015ish. I made myself look like a fool with Myrna, Kim, or whoever else you want to put there instead. I just cannot escape the feeling that I stayed at my current job for a year more than I should have. Maybe I should have been more vigilant at looking at what I'd need to progress to the next stage of my career before I finished my doctorate. Maybe I should have already been planning an exit strategy sooner. Don't get me wrong -- I'm not trying to knock the place I work or the people I work with and for, but I feel like a fish out of water, and I did not feel that way the previous five years I had been there. Returning to in-person teaching has been simultaneously rewarding and humbling. Many of these kids are frozen in time from a maturity standpoint, and they (perhaps understandably) are about a year and a half delayed from what I am used to. Consequently, a lot of my usual tricks and strategies are falling flat. I don't feel like I'm connecting as well, I am coming to a reckoning regarding some of my teaching strategies that I thought were universally applicable, and more often than at any point in the last 9 years, I feel like I'm just not good at this any longer. That combined with the notion that my team (which for years has been a well-oiled machine despite the variance in personalities, styles, and philosophies) just doesn't click th eway it used to has me feeling almost regretful for reaching this point.

I'm also learning that I'm not for everyone, and I'm definitely not for everyone forever. Some of that might be due to personal flaws that I should probably work on (like being aloof or closed off), but some of it just has to do with the moving parts aspect of life. As I grow, I need to be better about cordially moving on when something or someone no longer suits me and not taking it personally when they do the same from me.

The Sun Through the Clouds

I would not be accurate or fair if I solely depicted the year as a daily uphill climb. There have been moments of good sprinkled in. From seeing one of the few good Seahawks games from sixth row seats with my dad in Indy to seeing Anberlin and Silverstein to spending the holidays with family in North Carolina to making new friends and reconnecting with old friends and coworkers, I have never felt truly alone, even in the midst of these dark and lonely times. I don't know if or when we'll get back to being able to do all the things I did back in 2019, but I have found enjoyment in the things I have had the opportunity to experience.

Moving Forward

I am ending this year with about as little optimism as I've ever had. As I was reflecting before sitting down to write, I could only recall two years which ended with similar levels of bleakness: 2002 (which was actually a pretty decent year overall) and 2014. In both cases, the years that followed were years that I would classify as great. I do not wish to place that level of expectation on 2022, but if there is hope to be found, it is that history has shown that it is possible to find light after darkness. I don't know where my life is going to take me next. Honestly, I don't know exactly what I want, who I want to be, or even if I am happy with the person I currently am. I also don't want to waste too much of my life staying stagnant trying to figure it out, so I would love to write you in 365 days with some tangible progress. If you've made it to this point, thank you for caring. Thank you for making it through this year. Even if I'm not always glad to be here in my present reality, I'm glad you are. Let's make it through together.

Salvaging the Needs of Students in the Era of High-Stakes Testing

2021-02-27T15:35:00.002-06:00

As I compose this post (with nearly 13 years of experience in the field and a doctoral degree to my name), I cannot help but think about the ways in which the field of education has changed during my career. While some of these changes (such as the increased prevalence and availability of asynchronous learning) have been beneficial and perhaps overdue, there are other trends I have found quite troubling. As I consider the field of education and the ways in which I hope to leave my mark on the field as a teacher, leader, and doctor of education, I feel as though we are at a crossroads. The decisions we make will shape the next generation of learners and may have unintended consequences not only on the field of education but on the success and wellness of the country as a whole. We run the risk of doing great damage if we are not willing to adapt our philosophies and methods of education. Through my studies and experiences, I offer a number of suggestions for areas of consideration. While these opinions are ultimately my own, I do hope you, the reader, can find some common ground. At the least, it is my sincere hope that my suggestions energize you toward the pursuit of new strategies and solutions within the field of education.

Losing Our Way

In the last 25-30 years (and some would perhaps argue a longer period than that), American education lost its way. Priorities became skewed. As education shifted to a focus on high-stakes testing as a means of assessing students and schools, the academic element of education took precedence over all other components of education (Edmonson et al., 2009). Schools began to search for methods of maximizing instructional time, as each minute spent in the classroom was devoted to academic pursuits and the acquisition of learning standards assessed on benchmark examinations. That shift required sacrifice. In order to maximize our students as academic beings, sacrifices had to be made along the way. Ratings (and the residual perks of receiving increased funding and/or the ability to attract new residents to the district) took precedence over the overall health and wellness of our teachers, and more importantly, our students.

While I believe that many teachers and schools still value their students as people, the current system values students as little more than data points. Schools do not receive high marks when their students invest in their communities, take care of their families, or grow into wonderful young men and women The workforce is already more concerned with what prospective employees can do than who they are as people; at the least, we should be able to spare students that utilitarian indignity while they are children and adolescents. Unfortunately, the high-stakes testing systems do not appear to be going anywhere. That said, we can still do more than we currently are doing. Here are just some of many potential strategies toward reclaiming education, valuing our students, preparing them for life, and putting them in a position to succeed in and out of the classroom.

Adapting What and How We Teach

In an age where more information is readily available and easily accessible than ever before, teaching and learning is still at times presented in a manner that assumes such information must be drilled into the brains of students. In my estimation, that is a gross misuse of time and resources. A significant portion of my elementary schooling in the 1990s was spent on rote memorization. The class of 24 students had to stand and speak in unison, reciting facts from flashcards as mindless drones. Those days are (mercifully) behind us.

Skills and concepts which require cultivation should take precedence over rote memorization of facts and low-order thinking. Wasting time on the reinforcement of facts which could easily be retrieved in five seconds on a search in a web browser enhances the potential for blind spots to skills and concepts that actually matter and require time and practice to develop. Our time and resources would be best spent teaching students how to find the low-level information for themselves and practicing and reinforcing high-order concepts.

Closing the Culture Gap

Despite the rise of globalism in the 21st Century, the gap between affluent and high-needs schools continues to widen. High-needs schools, or schools which exist in areas of poverty and possess barriers to success such as teacher shortages, technological deficits, and limited resources (Gorski, 2007), struggle to maintain academic success for their students and struggle to prepare these students for life beyond the classroom. While there are a number of potential strategies to alleviate some of this burden, two clearly defined strategies became quickly evident.

When schools shifted to a virtual learning model in response to the COVID-19 pandemic, many students were able to adapt and adjust quickly and easily. Students in high-needs schools, however, were faced with challenges unique to them. The shift to the virtual model was particularly difficult due to a) lower technological fluency in comparison to more affluent schools due to limited resources and b) technological deficits at home, including but not limited to poor internet connection. At the federal and state levels, we must work on closing the technological gap, or we run the risk of furthering socioeconomic and racial gaps. We need to examine the availability and usability of technology with an eye toward equity.

To further close the culture gap, we must examine our curricula through the lens of the students we service. It is difficult (if not nearly impossible) for learning to occur if students are not able to make clear, uncontrived connections between course material and their own lives (Tatum, 2006); therefore, curricular decisions must be made to tactfully and appropriately (Anderson & Sadler, 2009) connect learning to the backgrounds, experiences, and cultures of the communities in which we serve. This may require an overhaul of the yearly reading list. It may require an intense reexamination of the scope in which social studies is taught, but if we want our curriculum and instruction to be authentic and meaningful to our students, we must embrace this arduous task.

The Continued Need for Modeling

On more than one occasion, I have been humbled by my students when they expressed I was not clear enough in my behavioral expectations. While I have for the most part learned my lesson in being explicit and clear in my instruction and expectation, I feel as though my past failings were indicative of a greater problem in education. This is an easily fixable problem but nonetheless is a problem which merits addressing.

Schools have rigid behavioral expectations but often operate under the assumption that students not only know the definitions of these behaviors but also the applications. We take for granted the idea that students have been taught exactly how they should or should not be before they ever walk through our doors. Such an assumption is both dangerous and inequitable. Schools must first educate students on the meanings of prosocial and antisocial behaviors, provide real life and real time modeling of targeted traits and behaviors, and offer practice in them. All of these strategies are covered under Bandura’s (1977) social learning theory. We must be sensitive and cognizant of the idea that it is unfair to discipline a student for what they truly do not know.

Emphasizing the Whole Student

It has long been my belief that the educational system insufficiently prepares our students to be people. We have academic learning standards which are regularly assessed through benchmark examinations. We need to do the same for the social, emotional, and behavioral needs of our students. Our kids are more than academic beings, and while some states (such as my home state of Illinois) have social and emotional learning standards, we still do not have good methods in determining if these standards are being met and what interventions might be needed for students who seem to be struggling to grow in these areas.

One way to emphasize the whole student is through dedicated character education programs, or what is now commonly known in schools as Social and Emotional Learning (SEL). SEL programs provide designated time and space to cultivate the understanding of targeted traits and virtues, and for students in high-needs school settings, the cultivation of traits such as grit and perseverance may go a long way towards the future success of students (Mandelbaum, 2018). We spend ample time preparing our students for success on a test. We need to spend ample time preparing these same students for the tests life may throw at them.

Practical/Functional Education

Beyond character education, there needs to be an increased emphasis on what I refer to as “practical” or “functional” education; that is, the development of skills essential to the lives of students when they are out of the classroom. One of the most common questions I receive from my students is “Why do schools not teach us how to file our taxes?”, and while that is one definite area of need, it is far from the only area. Filing job applications, the expectations for success while working in team settings (where all members are held accountable), and exposure to field-specific technology and terminology are a few of the many areas which could be covered in a functional education course. When we fail to prepare, we prepare to fail. At this point, I cannot confidently state that we are adequately preparing our students to succeed.

Re-examining Homework

While I know I am a bit more revolutionary than many of my counterparts in this area, I am prepared to take the risk and speak accordingly. In my estimation, there needs to be a serious re-examination of the concept of homework resulting either in its reduction or elimination. The primary job of a young person is to grow and learn, but growth and learning pertains to their role as a person as well as a student. We need to actively work to reduce instilling anxiety in our students. Subsequently, we must also provide clearer paths to self-discovery. While the reinforcement of some skills is necessary and unavoidable, there should be greater selectivity in determining what merits the invasion of a student’s personal time. If our goal is to shape our students into well-rounded people, we need to actually give our students opportunity to be people and not simply be defined by who they are as students.

Conclusion

As American educated has shifted to a model which disproportionately values academic performance over all else, we run the risk of losing an entire generation of students if we are not careful. Though the era of high-stakes testing does not appear to be ending any time soon, school leaders must not be so myopic in their vision of what merits success and must recognize that true success comes to those who balance the academic needs of the building with the social, emotional, and behavioral needs of each student. By closing the cultural gap, focusing on the whole student, intentionally modeling expectations, and keeping an eye on the things students will need to know once they leave the classroom, we still may not fix all the existing problems in education, but we will put our students and teachers in better positions for sustainable success.

References

Anderson, K. A., & Sadler, C. I. (2009). The effects of school-based curricula on reading achievement of African American males in special education. The Journal of Negro Education, (3). 333-346. https://www.jstor.org/stable/25608750?seq=1

Bandura, A. (1977). Social learning theory. General Learning Press.

Edmonson, S., Tatman, R., & Slate, J. R. (2009). Character education: A critical analysis. International Journal of Educational Leadership Preparation, 4(4), 1–20.

Gorski, P. C. (2007). The question of class. The Education Digest, 73(2), 30–33. https://www.tolerance.org/magazine/spring-2007/the-question-of-class

Mandelbaum, T. (2018). The relationship between attachment and grit in lower income adolescents. Journal of Character Education, 14(1), 59–74. https://www.infoagepub.com/jrce-issue.html?i=p5786478f9449c

Tatum, A. W. (2006). Engaging African American males in reading. Educational Leadership, 63(5), 44-49. http://www.ascd.org/portal/site/ascd/menuitem.459dee008f99653fb85516f762108a0c/

2020 in Review: Weathering the Storm

2020-12-31T15:18:00.004-06:00

Let me start by admitting that I didn't see this year coming but I refuse to use the word unprecedented at any point in this post beyond this sentence. Let me also state that my story probably isn't much different than any of yours; it is simply my personal harmonization to the song we collectively have sung for the greater part of the last 366 days. With that in mind, I don't know that I have any new or groundbreaking insights to share, but I do want to share my experience, if only for you to know that someone out there commiserates with you. This commences the 17th(!) annual Year in Review blog post.

Adapting
I fully expected this year to one in which I finally enjoyed the fruits of the labors of 2017, 2018, and 2019. In all honesty, the year started off phenomenally. My students had the highest growth percentages on their standardized tests in the school in December 2019 and were making great strides toward meeting or exceeding those numbers on the state benchmark exam in March. I found a rhythm in my diet and exercise and was physically stronger than I had ever been. I obtained approval for the first three chapters of my dissertation individually as well as collectively as a research proposal. I was set to commence research in the spring and wrap up my doctorate by the end of the summer. I had tickets to see some of my favorite bands for the first time with some of my favorite people. Things were trending upward! Then COVID happened

Were I equipped with the powers of foresight, I would not have taken a personal day at work two days before life shut down, as the rest of that school year became more or less a parade of personal days. Life changed on March 13. I never got to see those students in person again. I got sick myself, and even had the gym been open during that time, I would not have gone. I had to take a hiatus from the completion of my doctorate because I could not collect the research necessary to complete my dissertation. I spent three years meticulously laying a path, and I had to divert from it. In order to survive, we each had to adapt to our changing reality. If you are reading this, then you were successful in doing so, and no matter how difficult this year has been, you should be proud of yourselves for that.

Adjusting
Changing realities required changes in habits, routines, goals, and timelines. in some cases, adjusting meant finding new things to fill the void of activities which were not feasible at that time. I wish I could say I adjusted to not going to the gym by creating an awesome routine for myself at home, but I didn't. I started playing Animal Crossing. I got back to the gym when it opened and worked out with while masked, which I did until I got sick *again* in November. I changed some of my methods for data collection so I could continue my research in a virtual setting, which allowed me to end my hiatus from grad school at the end of September. I had to adjust my instructional style for a virtual setting, and while I do not find this particular medium for education ideal, I think the kids and I are doing alright, and we seem to be connecting in spite of the physical difference. I couldn't go to any actual concerts but I got to see some of my favorite bands perform virtually.

Accepting
While adapting and adjusting were challenging at times, perhaps the most difficult lesson I (and probably we) endured in 2020 was that of acceptance. We can fight the tide all we want (and those of you who have known me for a long time know that I have), but there comes a point where survival hinges on acceptance. I had to accept I will become Dr. Duehr in 2021 rather than 2020. A dream delayed is not a dream destroyed. I accept I am in the worst shape I have been in a decade, just as I accept the hard work it will take to return to the strength and stamina I had in March. I accept the missed opportunities of the past that the excess idle time we all had in 2020 brought back to the surface. I accept that with some, distance will only grow, and I accept that I held on to Myrna much longer than I should have. Ultimately, I accept that the good and bad in my life are cyclical, and who we are and who we want to be constantly change with time. Who I am now is who I am meant to be at this moment in time, but who I am now is not who I am meant to be in perpetuity.

Moving Forward
Collectively and individually, the past year has tested our mettle. I learned that success is not always found in the momentous victories but rather in resilience, resolve, and continued survival. I do not want to guarantee a less treacherous journey in the year ahead, but I am optimistic for myself as I am for each of you. I am proud of you for surviving, and I appreciate the connection I have with each of you, whatever that may be. Onward and upward!

2020 in List Form

2020-12-31T14:38:00.000-06:00

2020 has been weird. We all know it. I don't have a long list of all these cool experiences this year because most days the only excitement came from the excruciatingly difficult decision to spend the day in pajama pants or workout pants. That said, I still think it's a good exercise to document the things I did enjoy this year. There was some enjoyment amidst the mundanity, after all. The sections will not be the same as in past years, but I think we'll be okay. That said, here are some of the things which brought me joy in 2020. As has been the norm this decade, this is less thoughtful counterpart to my Year in Review post in which I list a bunch of things which were relevant to me in 2019. While, compared to previous years, there was not as much that stood out to me from the realm of music, I was fortunate enough to attend five different concerts and see some bands that have been a consistent part of my listening rotation for over a decade. Here is my 2020 in list form.

Songs
1. Lauv – Feelings
2. The Ghost Inside - Aftermath
3. Spanish Love Songs - Beach Front Property
4. All Time Low - Safe
5. Neck Deep – Telling Stories
6. Silverstein - Bad Habits
7. Movements - No Good Left to Give
8. The Weeknd – Blinding Lights
9. Boston Manor - Monolith
10. Acceptance - Release and Let Go

Albums
1. All Time Low - Wake Up, Sunshine
2. Lauv - How I'm Feeling
3. Spanish Love Songs - Brave Faces, Everyone
4. Acceptance - Wild, Free
5. Taylor Swift - folklore
6. Machine Gun Kelly - Tickets to My Downfall
7. Movements - No Good Left to Give
8. Neck Deep - All Distortions Are Intentional
9. Broadside - Into the Raging Sea
10. Hot Mulligan - you'll be fine

Old Disney Channel TV Shows to Binge on Disney+
1. Stuck in the Middle
2. Hannah Montana
3. Girl Meets World
4. Good Luck Charlie
5. The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
6. Lizzie McGuire
7. Bizaardvark
8. Jonas
9. Phil of the Future
10. Sonny With a Chance

Video Games as Mental/Emotional Diversions
1. Fortnite
2. Animal Crossing: New Horizons
3.Super Smash Bros. Ultimate
4. WWE Battlegrounds

Not All Who Are Lost Wandered

2020-04-15T22:16:00.001-05:00

I didn’t stray from the path. Not this time. In fact, I had such intense focus I likely missed some opportunities along the way. Yet, all of that apparently did not matter. I am here, I feel so lost, and I am angry.

Feeling Lost (Again)
I lost my way once before, partly due to circumstances but largely of my own doing (or undoing, so to speak). In 2009, I entered the “real world” bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, painfully unaware of the political underpinnings prevalent in virtually all professions as well as the new realities following a massive recession. If you know me well, you know the story. I couldn’t find a job straight out of college, so I worked as a substitute teacher for three years. I did not take rejection very well. The evaporation of opportunity led to a deterioration of my confidence and subsequently any effort. By 2010, I was staying up until 3:30 am and sleeping until noon, doing little during the day outside of watching NCIS reruns on USA. I gained over half the weight I had lost. I lost hope. I lost myself.

As angry as I got by being told “When you do something worth clapping for, I’ll clap for you too” (and, to be honest, those words have left me with a permanent chip on my shoulder and perpetual need to prove myself), it lit a fire under me. I had such an intense fear of never meeting my potential that, to combat that fear, a relentless drive was born. I quickly lost that weight. I ran a marathon. I finally found that elusive teaching position. Most importantly, I promised myself that I would never lose my purpose again. To that end, I promised myself that I would always have a goal I was actively striving to achieve, whether it was a master’s degree, another marathon, the procurement of a public school teaching position, the opportunity to teach social studies, or the pursuit of a doctoral degree. For the better part of a decade, I have not stopped moving toward the next goal. I’ve had to sacrifice some things along the way. Maybe I didn’t have to sacrifice, but I did for the sake of reaching my goals.

There are aspects about myself I loathe, but there are components to who I am of which I am extremely proud. I have forged an identity for myself. Much of my identity can be tied to three things: my career as a teacher and the success I have had in forging relationships, my pursuit of a doctoral degree as a vehicle to turn education on its head conceptually, and my dedicated exercise plan. I didn’t have all my hopes and dreams, but I had purpose – until I didn’t.

Let me be clear that I feel blessed to be alive, to have a job that I can still somewhat do from home, and to have the people I’m closest to healthy and safe. That said, this is not easy. Without seeing the kids every day, I feel lost. Because I cannot go to work, I cannot conduct my dissertation research and collect data for future analysis. Without that vital component, my doctoral pursuit has ground to a halt. Without the daily trips to the gym, I have lost that daily routine and the mental break. I did everything right this time. I set goals and created paths to these goals, yet there was nothing I could do. Without these things that have become so deeply ingrained in the fibers of who I am, I’m lost. Things will dissipate in time (because life is nothing if not cyclical), but in the interim, this isn’t great.

A World That Never Had My Back
I might feel lost now, but I’ll find my way back. I don’t know if I can say the same about society. I am disheartened by a society that very likely has reached the point of no return. Times of trouble bring truth to the surface. It reveals the best of the best and the true colors of the worst. There are some great people out there doing great things, and I would be remiss if I did acknowledge that. However, corporate greed coupled with individualistic ignorance and arrogance disgusts me, and it makes me fearful we will ever truly get out of this.

We live in a world where people care more about being “right” than about actual individuals. The almighty dollar has long replaced human, animal, and environmental life as our most valued asset. My Facebook feed is constantly littered by fools (sorry, I said it) who want to deny science, skew data, and perpetuate the spread of conspiracies and utter lies because they feel a little inconvenienced. People who preach the “Gospel of Christ” yet would sell their souls to the devil himself if it meant appointing a pro-life judge or preserving their 401k. I’m sorry. I don’t care if we were friends, I don’t care if we spent time together in a classroom or church in the 90s or 00s… heck, I don’t even care if we share blood… our paths are no longer parallel. IF you care more about wealth or convenience than you do about people, you have nothing to offer me.

Another piece of my identity for over 25 years has been my love of professional wrestling, specifically the WWE. I’ve invested a lot of money and time into it over the years. In an alternate universe, that would be my job. They lost my trust and respect today. When you strong-arm a state government to allow you to continue to put your employees in serious health risks then summarily fire dozens of these employees, you are the very definition of corporate greed and wealth over humanity. This is but one of countless examples of a society that sickens me.

I recently have been confronted with an inescapable feeling that the world has turned its back on me (and you, dear reader), but I realized I was wrong. The world never had my back. In a national society that vastly prefers appearance over functionality, we are all cogs in a machine. Our utility defines our value. If the machine breaks, there is no use for us. We are deemed essential or nonessential. We get paid or we don’t. The few rise by climbing the backs of the many.

Where Do We Go From Here?
I don’t know what’s next for me, this country, or the global society. If this has shown us anything, it’s that, at the least, the system is horribly flawed. I want to be better. I want us to be better. Take care of yourselves. Take care of one another. Be willing to listen and be proven wrong. Be safe, and for the love of all that is good, stop being selfish. While this precipitous decline felt sudden, the seeds were planted over a period of time by a number of individuals. It’s going to take a collective societal and governmental effort to be better, so please, be better.

The 2010s in Review

2019-12-31T15:26:00.001-06:00

As I sit here in the very same room at the very same desk I wrote a similar post 10 years ago, I am filled with conflicting feelings regarding the completion of this decade and myself at large. While I am pleased with the fact I have undergone more growth than I probably even realize, I still can't shake these feelings of self-loathing. I am better than who I once was, but I am not who or where I want to be.

I entered the 2010s as a scared kid who knew nothing but wasn't strong enough to ask for help. I floundered at the beginning of the decade. I had no idea how to get where I wanted to be, so I just gave up. I stayed up late wasting time on Stickam, stopped exercising, and slept all day. I couldn't realize that *I* was the reason I was stuck in my situation, not the economy, not my past, not anything else. Eventually, I got it together, but my path to where I am now was more bumpy and circuitous than I had anticipated (then again, I was an unrealistic idealist who did not anticipate any adversity, so I got what I got).

Around 2011 and 2012, I almost gave up teaching. I'm glad I didn't, because 1) I'm pretty darn good at it, and 2) I have no idea what I would have done. I'd like to think I could've been a professional wrestler, but I don't know if I would have had the fortitude to have seen that through. I spent the decade in some pretty tough situations, from an alternative school to a public school where I was dead man walking as soon as I was hired because it was a one year position to the most unique school I have ever been a part of, I can't say I would have selected this path for myself, but it was the path I was meant to travel. The students and staff I have encountered have empowered me to sharpen my teaching philosophy and methods and have granted me greater clarity in terms of what I want to accomplish in the 2020s and beyond.

There was a whole lot of loss this decade. I lost two grandparents. I lost someone who was like another uncle to me. I fell in love twice, and I lost them both (and to be honest, I still haven't fallen out of love with one). The friends I had for the entirety of the 1990s and 2000s have, for all intents and purposes, left me behind. I talk to one semi-regularly and harbor no animosity toward another, but our paths diverged, and they decided there was no place on their path to build a bridge back to me. It is daunting to know that the losses I have incurred this decade will only continue for the rest of my life, but I try not to think of it so much.

I have gained plenty this decade as well. I ran two marathons. I completed my master's degree. I am nearing culmination of a doctorate. I connected with members of bands who wrote songs that changed my life. I have created meaningful, sustainable friendships at every stop along the way. I became an uncle. I found my voice and my strength. I learned how to accept and be refined by my failures and to not ignore my limitations. Ultimately, I became the person I was always capable of becoming. I exit the decade as someone with greater self-awareness, self-understanding, and self-motivation.

And yet, I still can't escape this feeling that I didn't do enough. I prioritized certain things and certain people, and I may have missed some opportunities along the way. I have gotten better about not comparing myself to others in terms of timelines (as very little in life is linear), but at times I hesitated, and I lost. I don't have the dream house, the dream job, or the dream family. Sometimes I hate myself for it. Sometimes it keeps me up at night. However, I have to remind myself to be content in what I have and continue to do the work I can to make it all happen someday.

I enter the next ten-year window of my life both excited and exhausted. My successes and my failures have taken a lot out of me, certainly from an emotional sense. I don't know where my life is headed, but I do know I will give everything I have to reach my goals. By hook or by crook, I will find a way. I don't know what the future has in terms of how much I will write. Maybe I'll have another big year of writing; maybe I'll stick to 3-5 posts per year. I thank you all for having contributed to this journey, and I encourage you to stick around for what's next.

Oh, and as for my rankings this decade,

1. 2015
2. 2011
3. 2012
4. 2018
5. 2016
6. 2019
7. 2013
8. 2010
9. 2014
10. 2017

2019 in Review

2019-12-31T14:11:00.000-06:00

One of the benefits to maintaining this blog is the ability to look back at seasons of my life of great growth and progress or, conversely, seasons of great struggle and challenge. 2019 was, quite honestly, neither; however, I entered the year fully cognizant of the idea that this year was going to be simply a year of building and "putting in the work", so to speak. I had to be okay with the idea that this was not going to be a year of landmark moments but instead a year in which I had to put my head down and trudge forward. Since 2017, I have looked at 2020 as the year of big moments and big moves. For that to occur, I had to be willing to accept 2018 and 2019 as building-block years. That said, plenty happened this year, and it is my annual honor to walk you through my year that was.

Growth Through Failure
While ultimately I am still set up very well to become Dr. Duehr in 2020 (currently September 20, 2020 is the target date), there were moments during which that notion felt tenuous at best. The first time I turned in my concept paper to achieve doctoral candidacy and commence work on my dissertation, I was denied. Instead of digging deep within myself and finding the tenacity to move forward, I fully admit I initially crumbled under the pressure and turned inward. Fortunately, a few weeks later, I was ready to get back at it. I realized that if I had merely asked the right questions and gotten out of my own way, I could have received approval sooner. I have never been the best at taking criticism, yet I now understand that failure and subsequent growth is an integral component of the doctoral process. I write with greater purpose and clarity and think like a doctoral scholar. Since that failure, I have had 40% of my dissertation approved, and am extremely excited to work on the remaining three chapters.

New Professional Challenges
In May, I had the privilege of going through the 8th grade graduation process for the first time as an 8th grade teacher. It was difficult saying goodbye to that group, especially since we spent two years together, but I was very excited to see them conquer high school and the world at large. In August, I received the challenge of not only a new group but also a new schedule which required me to teach reading as well as writing to three groups, including an "Accelerated" group. Since I did not know I would be doing this until approximately 10 days before the school year began, I did not exactly have time to adequately prepare for the new challenge. It felt at points I was learning on the fly, and more often than not I felt like I was drowning. I was afraid of doing these students a disservice by not effectively preparing them for high school. A funny thing happened the week before break. We took the winter round of the MAP testing. 75 percent of my students met or exceeded (and some significantly exceeded) their growth targets for BOTH reading and language skills. For the first time since teaching English, I felt as though my methods and prioritization of the students as people above all else were validated. I am excited to guide this group of students through their last semester as middle school students.

Glimpses
This year was a weird year at times because it gave me fleeting glimpses as to what my life *could* and *might* be someday. It felt as though impossibility no longer existed. I conversed with my celebrity crush (Victoria Justice) on Twitter. A girl I had a crush on for years messaged me to talk about mutual feelings. I met my favorite male (Dolph Ziggler) and female (Sasha Banks) WWE superstars and felt at home in conversation with them. Myrna even reappeared from her metaphorical bunker to e-mail me twice! Though all of these moments (and others) were merely moments, they served as valuable reminders that nothing is impossible, that my current situation is not permanent, and if I continue to do the work, I will set myself up for everything I desire.

Joy in the Journey
I made a point to break up my days with enjoyable things. The constant monotony of work, grad school, and exercise can wear down on one's psyche. I knew the goals I laid for myself were cumbersome, so I did my best to break up those days. Whether it was the aforementioned meet and greets with WWE superstars, a trip to Cleveland to see the Seahawks, a GameFAQs message board meetup in Michigan, or any of the five concerts I attended this year with various friends (including a road trip with Jaclyn to Grand Rapids to meet State Champs), I allowed myself various "rest stops" along the way to celebrate my progress, enjoy life a little, and catch my breath before moving forward.

2019 was not a monumental year, but it was a solid one. It is my sincerest hope that my diligence in putting in the work will lead to a fruitful 2020. As always, thank you for coming along for the ride (or at least reading about the ride).

2019 in List Form

2019-12-30T12:46:00.001-06:00

As has been the norm this decade, this is less thoughtful counterpart to my Year in Review post in which I list a bunch of things which were relevant to me in 2019. While, compared to previous years, there was not as much that stood out to me from the realm of music, I was fortunate enough to attend five different concerts and see some bands that have been a consistent part of my listening rotation for over a decade. Here is my 2010 in list form.

Songs
1. Have Mercy – Heartbeat
2. Sum 41 – Catching Fire
3. The Early November – The Lilac
4. The Dangerous Summer – Where Were You When the Sky Opened Up
5. Sleep On It – Racing Towards a Red Light
6. The Maine – I Feel It All Over
7. Blink-182 – Pin the Grenade
8. The Lumineers – Gloria
9. The Strumbellas – Salvation
10. John Floreani – Echoes

Albums
1. Have Mercy – The Love Life
2. The Maine – You Are OK
3. The Early November - Lilac
4. Sleep On It – Pride & Disaster
5. Strung Out – Songs of Armor and Devotion
6. Dave Hause – Kick
7. The Dangerous Summer – Mother Nature
8. Sum 41 – Order in Decline
9. Jimmy Eat World – Surviving
10. Blink-182 – Nine

TV Shows
1. Mr. Robot IRIP)
2. NCIS: Los Angeles
3. NCIS
4. Suits (RIP)
5. Impractical Jokers

Sports Moments
1. Seahawks beat 49ers in OT
2. Seahawks beat Browns to snap my 3 game in-person losing streak
3. Dolph Ziggler returns to take 3rd at Royal Rumble
4. Becky Lynch wins main event of WrestleMania 35
5. Dolph Ziggler nearly wins WWE Championship

Personal Moments (In no particular order)
• Detroit suburbs for PMS Board meetup
• Cleveland for Seahawks/Browns
• Traveling to San Diego to see family and a longtime friend
• Grand Rapids to meet State Champs and see We the Kings and Simple Plan
• The Early November, Have Mercy, and OWEL in Chicago on a nice October day
• Record shopping excursions to Schaumburg and Bloomingdale
• Three shows at the amphitheater in Tinley (Disrupt festival, AFI/Smashing Pumpkins, Hootie & the Blowfish)
• The longtime friends I finally got to meet in person this year
• Getting to see the class of 2019 graduate Kellar
• Connecting with the class of 2020
• Meeting Dolph Ziggler in Wisconsin
• Meeting Sasha Banks and Bayley in Rosemont
• Getting my concept paper and two chapters of my dissertation approved
• Branching out and doing things that seem fun, whether people are around or not

My Top 10 Songs You Likely Missed Out on in the 2010s

2019-12-29T13:41:00.000-06:00

Note from Jakob: Sorry, I did not link to Spotify. If any of these interest you, I'll create a playlist or something.

For one reason or another, the music that hits our ears at the mall, the gym, or the hair salon is not always the “best” music, or at least not the music that resonates most with us. The music that makes the most money is not always the most technically sound or the most emotionally relevant; instead, high ranking producers and executives sometimes strap a rocket to a particular sound or brand to penetrate our ears and general consciousness. My preferred genre (pop punk) has not been relevant on mainstream airwaves for the better part of a decade, yet even within genres, artists, albums, and songs can slip through the cracks. Each of these tracks has made its mark on me over the course of the decade, and I do not feel as though I should keep these songs to myself. I humbly present to you 10 of the greatest songs from the 2010s you probably never heard.

10. The Sun and the Sea – Drive Me Home (2014)
After The Graduate ran its course, the guys diverged in a number of different directions. One of those directions was in a new band named The Sun and the Sea. While I certainly do not know what a third Graduate album would have sounded like, the band was probably as close to a spiritual successor to the band as we’ll ever have. From their only full-length album, 2014’s American Empire, TS&TS provided the same immersive atmospheric experience as its predecessor. It’s a shame this band didn’t receive attention in line with the immense talent.

9. Amber Run – I Found (2015)
I don’t even remember how I found Amber Run (no pun intended). What I do know is, upon seeing the video for this song, I was blown away by the haunting melody and the emotion put out by the vocals as well as the instrumentation. This song should be all over movie trailers and awful television shows. Make it happen, 2020!

8. Hyland – The One That Got Away (2011)
Catchy hook? Check. Pop punk-styled song about love that doesn’t seem to want to work out? Check. An inspired guest appearance by Anberlin’s Stephen Christian? Check. This track has all the makings of a keeper, yet it went fairly unnoticed, as did Hyland themselves. I’m not sure if it was because the rest of their stuff hit more in the Contemporary Christian sweet spot than pop punk, but this track is solid and definitely deserves a spin.

7. Twenty Twenty – Get Down (2011)
Somewhere in that British powerpop sweet spot between pop punk and boy band was Twenty Twenty. Get Down was one of the catchiest tunes I heard all decade, and it amazes me it didn’t get more play. Who knows, with the year 2020 on the horizon, might these guys make a comeback?

6. Hit the Lights – Float Through Me (2012)
In 2012, Hit the Lights took a detour from their usual pop punk stuff with Invicta, an album which saw them expand their sound for a much bigger, more atmospheric turn. Float Through Me perfectly embodied this turn, and I was very surprised to see the band return to their roots for their next album rather than pursue this stylistic change.

5. Jimmy Eat World – Cut (2010)
It feels almost wrong putting Jimmy Eat World on this list, but as a band with such a strong back catalog who put out a rousing 4 more albums in the 2010s, it could be easy for some of their work to slip through the cracks. On 2010’s Invented, the band put a premium on songwriting perspective. Cut is a searing tale of a relationship that has reached its expiration date. Listen and hurt.

4. Kids in Glass Houses – Stormchasers (2013)
Kids in Glass Houses have been dormant for the better part of the decade, which makes it easy to forget that they put out 3 albums within the first four years of the 2010s. By 2013 hit, the momentum that once was there seemed to have dissipated, and their final effort to date, Peace, was unfortunately overlooked. By the time the final chorus soars, it rings as an anthem toward weathering life’s storms no matter how disoriented we may be by them.

3. Have Mercy – Ghost (2017)
Brian Swindle knows how to throw a gut punch, that’s for sure. While conveying joy through music seemed to be the way to make money this decade (look no further than Pharrell Williams’ Happy), it takes a true artist to channel pain and failures into something relatable. Ghost softly takes the pain of loss and bargains for the lost to remain as a ghost in order to still be able to feel that presence. I heard the song shortly after Myrna’s exit from my life, and it hit like a ton of bricks.

2. The Graduate – End of the World Delight (2010)
I have spent many words discussing this band over the past decade. They entered my life when I need them, and nearly as quickly, they were gone. In an equitable world, Only Every Time would have received the same acclaim as fun.’s Some Nights, and these guys would have been cleaning up at the Grammys in 2012 or so. That didn’t happen, and as a result, most of the world missed out on these guys. While virtually every song from OET was a masterpiece, End of the World Delight encapsulates millennial existentialism better than perhaps any other song.

1. Day at the Fair – Thankful (2017)
Very rarely does a band, let alone a band which has been largely dormant for 15 years, create songs which create profound impact during two different generations of your life, but Day at the Fair did that for me. If you know me well, you know that Everything I’ve Ever Wanted from The Rocking Chair Years is my favorite song in the entire world. Over a decade after that song released, the guys put out an EP entitled The Epilogue. The energy and maturity in this album was what you would expect from guys who left the scene entirely to start families and work “traditional” jobs. Thankful is a 7 minute emotional experience. Stylistically, in many ways it is the successor to Monday Morning and Homesick Angels. The message of gratitude through growth, failure, and change is a message which hits harder after each successive listen. I actually play this song at the end of each school year as I give students personal letters I have written to each of them. I have witnessed more emotion as a result of this song than any other!

In Appreciation of Dolph Ziggler (and why it means so much to meet him this week)

2019-07-07T22:13:00.000-05:00

I don’t look up to many people. That’s a perk of standing 6 feet and 5 inches in stature. In all seriousness, I have always been the type to want to carve out my own path instead of looking to others for guidance. While there are some I would consider mentors or heroes, people like my parents, teachers like Mr. Clifton, Mr. Pfeffer, and Dr. Tuttle, I don’t make much of a habit of looking up to people I don’t personally know. That said, there is one notable exception.

Any time my students or other acquaintances find out that I am a fan of WWE, the second question (after the “You know it’s fake, right?”) I get is “Well, who’s your favorite wrestler?” I don’t know who they expect me to say, but when I tell them Dolph Ziggler, I often get responses ranging from amused to bewildered. The follow-up question is “Why?” My usual go-to is “Because his career mirrors my own life in many ways” and then I mumble something to change the subject. It’s a lot more than that, though. I’ve never felt such a personal connection to the success of someone else, but the more I think about it, the more I understand it. Dolph Ziggler is every one of us.

Dolph Ziggler is every one of us who has ever been set up to fail.
Many of us have entered a new job in which we, quite honestly, are not expected to succeed and have not been given much guidance to do so. I have walked into classrooms with no curricula, literal mounds of trash, and various dead animals and was basically told to figure it out. I wanted to quit. More accurately, I wanted to crawl into the fetal position and cry. But you will never get to where you want to be by giving up. Sometimes, you have to make something out of nothing. Dolph Ziggler is proof of that.

In 2005, Nick Nemeth was brought up to the main roster to be the personal “caddy” for a white golfer who neither golfed nor was white. I don’t think Shakespeare or Hemingway could have pulled a captivating endgame from that premise. After a couple months, Nemeth was gone. When he came back, he was repackaged as Nicky, a member of a five-man cheerleading group, the Spirit Squad. Again, not a lot of forward traction, especially when he was treated as maybe the 4th best guy out of the group. Once again, he was sent back down to developmental. When he returned, he was Dolph Ziggler.

You can tell if WWE has big plans for someone based on how they are introduced to the audience. John Cena took Kurt Angle to the limit. The Shield debuted on Survivor Series by interfering In the main event. Kevin Owens left John Cena in a heap. Dolph Ziggler was introduced to the audience… by quite literally introducing himself to everyone he came into contact with. Most guys get easy matches on tv to introduce them to the audience. Dolph Ziggler had to step into the ring with Batista. This should have failed.

Someone who was introduced as basically a joke on THREE separate occasions shouldn’t last more than a year. Dolph Ziggler has been there for FOURTEEN. The guy saw what would have been a dead end gimmick and by hard work and talent has been rewarded with reigns with nearly every title he could win. He looked his fate square in the eyes and said “I’m too good for that.” That attitude has inspired me to reach personal and professional heights that didn’t seem possible.

Dolph Ziggler is everyone who has ever been passed over for the latest and greatest and is the wingman who makes everyone else look good.
Most of us have been there. The promotion, the relationship, the thing we’ve waited FOREVER to achieve, and it’s about to be ours when riiiight at the worst possible moment, someone less deserving swoops in and gets it. I lost on my first dream job at the last second due to nepotism. I’ve had relationships turn on a dime because someone else entered the picture.

My bias may be showing here, but I don’t care. Coming out of Survivor Series 2014, Dolph Ziggler was set up perfectly to be the next WWE Champion. I understand that the WWE is very much like a movie and different people are given different roles, but he should have been the leading man at that point in time. He got passed over for a new toy. This happened far too often. For a two year stretch, DZ was used almost exclusively as the vehicle for getting the new toys set up to succeed. Sheamus (post-Mohawk), Nakamura, Corbin, Roode, etc…all of them rose by climbing the back of Dolph Ziggler. It’s great to be a valuable piece (that jack of all trades at work, the understanding friend), but there are moments where you want more. As a fan, I want the best for Dolph.

Dolph once had a shirt that said “It’s too bad I’m too good”. It’s funny and almost sad because it’s true. Because Dolph Ziggler has been so good at making his opponents look like gold in the ring (by using his own athleticism to make their moves look lethal), it’s been his job to make them look good. Guys get a bigger reaction to hitting their big moves on Dolph because he makes those moves count. Every now and then it would be nice for them to repay him the favor, though.

Dolph Ziggler is hope. Dolph Ziggler is despair.
We all want to believe that things are going to change in our lives, that finally THIS opportunity is going to be the one that’s different. We go into it with the notion that it may not go our way, but that doesn’t stop our heart from hoping. We finally get to that moment where we give our best effort to that opportunity, only for it to not go our way. Even though we were prepared for the worst, it doesn’t cushion the blow as much as we would like for it to do.
As a longtime fan of Dolph Ziggler, I am conditioned to expect the worst in big matches. Once every year or two, Dolph will find his way into a match for the WWE Championship, the title I always dreamed of holding as a kid and to me, THE measuring stick in all of pro wrestling. Though Dolph is a two-time former world champion, it was not that particular title. Every time he finds his way into one of these matches I live vicariously and hope beyond hope that he has been chosen for this opportunity to bear that flag as champion, and every time it *almost* happens but doesn’t. I know Nic Nemeth the person is probably content with the chance to live his childhood dream and pursue his other passions (comedy, political commentary) while earning an income that as an educator I could only dream of, but I will always cheer for him to reach the top. With DZ and in life, through every disappointment, there is hope that next time will finally be the time.

When Jakob Meets Dolph
This Wednesday, I have the opportunity to come face to face with someone I look up to when I see Dolph's comedy tour and participate in the VIP meet and greet in Appleton, Wisconsin. Though I’ve seen him wrestle live a few times (I was actually there when he lost the World Title in 2013) and we’ve interacted on Twitter, I’ve never gotten to meet the guy. I don’t know how much of this I’ll get to say to his face, but I am so thankful for his example of hard work, perseverance, trusting your ability, and making something out of nothing. It is an example I try to follow every day as a man, as a teacher, as a grad school student, and as a friend to others. Following his career has had a significant impact on the person I am today, and whether or not I ultimately reach the pinnacle of success in my field, I will continue to press onward no matter what.

Done with 31

2019-04-03T22:09:00.000-05:00

As I sit here and reflect on the year that I spent as a 31 year old (a number that I did always like), it was one of those years which on the surface felt like a generic slog but truly was much more. I learned a great deal from others but also a great deal about myself. It was a year sprinkled with both successes and adversity, new beginnings and bittersweet endings. I gained friends but lost some (and another grandparent). I had a few illnesses over the year, which is a rarity for me, and I found myself mentally and physically exhausted on numerous occasions. Yet through it all, I have a calm I've never had before.

If you have been keeping up with this blog at all over the past 14(!) years, you have probably noticed I have written with much less frequency (but hopefully with equal intensity). While part of that can be attributed to being an adult who works and goes to grad school full time, there is a larger underlying reason. For years I used this blog as an outlet to say the things I never had the courage or audacity to say out loud. This *was* my voice. At some point, I found my voice. I learned how to fight for those I care about, for the causes I believe in, and for myself. I have less of a pressing need to use this to share my thoughts because, if you are around me with any modicum of frequency, you already know those thoughts.

That confidence has been accompanied by a measure of fearlessness and in turn with a measure of peace and calm. Life is going to put mountains in my way, and either I will conquer them or I won't. I accept what is mine to accept and purpose to fight the things that are mine to fight. I've failed a few times this past year, and with each failure I realize that these setbacks are neither final nor fatal. I will, or I won't, but no matter what, I won't let it destroy me from the inside.

I've learned a couple other valuable lessons in this past year. At the end of the day, my behavioral responsibilities can be simplified to two categories: how I act and how I react. I have no control on the others around me, but I am in complete control of my responses and approaches to them. This school year, I can count on one hand the amount of times I have had to raise my voice. You might read that as passive resignation and assume my classroom is a madhouse. You would be unequivocally wrong. I have had better control of my classes as a direct result. Radiate calm and peace, and you will reap the benefits.

I have also learned how small the world truly is and how some things we see as impossible are merely man-made mountains. I had over a dozen Twitter interactions with my favorite WWE superstar this past year. I conversed with my #1 celebrity crush (Victoria Justice). I have built meaningful friendships with bands I looked up to in college. People who left my life long ago found their way back through coincidence. Heck, Myrna even resurfaced (but let's not get into that). From this point on, I refuse to view anything as impossible. I accept improbability, but I refuse to be defeated by anyone or anything.

As I reach 32, I hope to continue learning and staying two steps ahead of Father Time. Thank you for listening to me, believing in me, noticing me, and accepting me. You are wonderful, and I wouldn't be who I am without you. Onward and upward!

2018 in Review

2019-01-04T20:14:00.000-06:00

Thanks for putting up with the delay. From being out of town for the holidays and the subsequent readjustment, this post is a bit later than I'd prefer. 2018 was not the painful experience that 2017 was, yet it was often absent of the joy that filled 2015, 2016, and even early 2017. In many ways, I continued the ascent as I had hoped and written at the beginning of 2018. The passivity that plagued much of my existence has greatly dissipated, and my self-awareness is heightened beyond what I could have imagined just a few years ago. While it is my sincerest hope that this piece of writing is of interest to you, the reader, this exercise is largely put in place for me to look back on this particular time unit somewhere down the road. For your benefit and mine, I have separated the year into thematic sections. For the 15th consecutive year, this is my year in review.

The Ever-Moving Goalposts (Work)
My second year at Kellar wrapped up without much issue. This group of students, just like their predecessors, took the Constitution Test seriously and made me look good in the process. It was likely this success that led to change in both components of my teaching assignment. My work with this particular group of students was not yet complete. When they moved to 8th grade, so did I. I was excited for that challenge and to work with the 9th grade team, though I had a hard time leaving my 7th grade team, the most cohesive team I have ever had the opportunity to join. However, I was not quite excited to have to give up teaching social studies to move over to writing. While you all know that I enjoy recreational writing (and often have plenty to say), I have always viewed writing as more of a hobby than as a career. That said, I have embraced the opportunity to incorporate thematic writing units of my choosing. In September, we engaged in a mini-unit in accordance with Suicide Prevention Week. In December, students learned about holiday traditions around the world, and some brought their own traditions into my classroom. It has been a unique experience to teach basically the same group for two years in a row, but I would like to think we have grown together (even amidst the chaos around us).

A bittersweet component of 2018 was having to say goodbye to my first Kellar group and see them graduate and move on to high school. There were 7-8 boys who made a point of visiting my classroom at least once a day (sometimes multiple times) just to check in and get my feedback and advice. One of the highlights of my year was to spend a number of January and February afternoons watching two of my girls dominate the volleyball court. I miss them every day (though I keep pictures of about 10 of them on my desk), but I am so proud of the people they are and the people they are becoming. And who knows? Maybe I have a bit more to teach them too...

Trudging Through (Grad School)
I knew that 2018 was going to be a year of hard work and little movement. There are periods that are foundational that serve to lay the groundwork for big things in the future. 2018 was foundational, especially in terms of grad school. I completed 24 more credits of my doctoral program, pushing me to 43 completed credits with 21 credits (and a dissertation to go). I had the privilege of learning with and from some very talented individuals who have a vast array of life experiences (from martial arts instructors to hospital administrators to former coordinators in China). The feedback that I have received from these individuals lets me know that I can do it. As long as I can keep my focus and drive, I WILL do it.

Life: The Continuum of Gain and Loss
If there is a lesson that continues to present itself in my nearly 32 years on this planet, it is that neither good nor bad possess any permanence. Enjoy the good times, for they will not last. Endure the hard times, for they not eternal. This year was more of the same. It is always a highlight to visit my niece, Hadley. My brother in law's job sent him from Maryland to San Diego, California, this year, so my visits took me coast to coast. I love seeing her, but it is always difficult to leave (especially as she gets older and understands leaving).

In January, Myrna crawled out of whatever hole she had sequestered herself in to make contact with me. We talked a little and she asked me if we could talk again soon. She never resurfaced, and it hurt. I admit that I am not fully over that, but at least I am no longer deluding myself into believing that I was. I made a number of new friends in 2018. Some lasted only for a season; others stuck around. In June, I started seeing a girl. We went out a bunch of times in a short period of time, and it ended almost as quickly. It happens! I have had lifelong friends fade away, and a friend who had helped me through a lot of things virtually disappeared. On the other hand, there are people I thought I would never hear from again who resurfaced in 2018. I accept the ebbs and flows that life provides, that for every new beginning (the trip to Missouri for Mike and Annie's wedding), there is an end (the passing of my grandma after a quick but strong illness).

I don't know that I have fully grasped the idea that both of my grandmothers are now gone. I tried to mentally prepare myself for this reality the last few years that both were living, but the reality is that certain things cannot be handled through preparation but rather through experience. It has made me a lot more nostalgic, especially as I realize the consistent holiday traditions I had for much of the first 30 years of my life will never happen again. i accept this (like I have much of a choice), and embrace what life has in store for me next.

Music: Saving Me, Moving Me, Making Me Feel Again
2018 was a year that presented opportunities to see a lot of live music. Those of you who follow me on Instagram know that I am an avid collector of vinyl records, and while I am very proud of my collection, I am very pleased that I had the opportunity to see and be moved by some of my favorite bands in person. Music brought me to 1 festival and three concerts in three different states.

In May, my friend Whitney put up a post on Facebook to see if anyone would be interested in going with her to see The Used in concert. It was close to the end of my school year, and I needed a bit of a mental break from everything, so I said that I'd go and made the 3 hour drive to Fort Wayne, Indiana, to make it happen. I am so happy that I did. It was nice to meet up in person with a longtime online friend, and The Used put on an incredibly energetic performance.

In late spring, one of my favorite bands, Day at the Fair, announced they were playing a benefit show in New Jersey in June. I had been planning to visit my sister in Maryland that weekend anyway, so the stars aligned for me to start my trip a day early to go to New Jersey to see that show. I've gotten to know Chris, Todd, and Rob (and his wife, Kim) over the years through Facebook and this blog, and I was excited to get to finally meet them in person. Let me tell you, not only have they created music that has connected with my spirit, they are some of the most wonderful people I have ever encountered. From meeting me at the door to taking me backstage with them to Kim staying with me the whole show, I felt like I was part of a scene that came and went long before I was even aware of its existence. When the band played my favorite song in the world (Everything I've Ever Wanted) and surprised me by dedicating it to me, it was a gesture that moved me beyond what these words can express. For that, I thank you.

In July, I made the decision to go to Warped Tour because it was its last countrywide tour. Because of rain on the Tinley date, I decided to take the trek up to Milwaukee to see Warped there. The Warped experience is a really unique one, because even though I might not look like a pop punk or emo kid on the outside with my beard, professionally coifed hair, and Express wardrobe, it's a place where I really feel comfortable. I got to finally meet Lindsey for the first time at that show, and she was kind enough to let me tag along with her people for a couple sets. Over the course of the day, I got to see 20 bands, some of which I have been a fan for more than a decade, others who recently entered my music library. I got to hear As It Is perform "No Way Out", We the Kings perform "Check Yes Juliet", and State Champs steal the show. Unlike 2014, I did not get miserably ill after!

In October, I got to take my friend Jaclyn to see her favorite band, Neck Deep, perform at the same place in Indiana that I had seen The Used. We sprung for the VIP tickets, which included an acoustic set from the band and a meet and greet with them. Being the sarcastic teacher that I am, I could not help but make some silly comments in response to the more asinine questions the band received, but nobody was offended and everyone had a good laugh. In addition to Neck Deep, WSTR, Trophy Eyes, and Stand Atlantic also performed. I had the opportunity to meet Bonnie from Stand Atlantic. It was a really fun night.

While I like to consider myself a thoughtful person (and certainly introspective), I am not an outwardly emotional person. Yet, music was directly responsible for bringing me to tears in public on two separate occasions. First, Mayday Parade (a band which I discovered through Jannelle, which already brings emotional ties with it), played "Oh Well, Oh Well". The words of the bridge hit me like a brick, and all the pain that I had pent up from the Myrna situation came rushing out. Before I realized it, liquid was coming out of my eyes! I thought that would never happen again -- until it did. During the Neck Deep set, Ben Barlow was introducing "19 Seventy Sumthin'", the story about his parent's love and the subsequent loss of his father. The sincerity and transparency in his words when discussing the events that led him to pen the song and the emotions that followed moved me in a way I was unsure I could be moved at this point in my life. When I cried during the Mayday Parade song, it was about my own life and missing Myrna. In this case, it was someone else's story that moved me to tears. I am so thankful for music that helps me connect to those parts of me that I do not always have easy access to.

The Knockdowns
The year was exhausting. My exercise habits at the start of the year were much stronger than at the end of the year. I lost focus and got tired out. I felt weary. I got sick for two and a half years in December and missed the gym for a month. The Seahawks game I attended in Chicago went poorly. At times, I embraced old habits. That said, of everything that knocked me down, NOTHING knocked me out. 2018 made me more keenly aware of weaknesses and trouble areas to either avoid or embrace and strengthen. Every lesson I learned was valuable, and I take these lessons with me moving forward.

What's Next?
2019, like 2018, will be largely foundational, but as we are nearing the emergence of the fruits of my labor, it will be very important for me to plow ahead and make things happen. Soon I will be posting my goals and outlook for 2019. Without spoiling too much, I am grounded yet optimistic for what is to come. Whether you have been in my life for 20+ years or a few months, whether you have yo-yo'ed in and out of my life over the years, whether you have decided to get off this train, I thank you for spending a portion of this journey with me. Onward and upward.

2018 in List Form

2018-12-30T08:00:00.000-06:00

Hey, hey! It's been a little while. Given the busy nature of 2018, I do not have the time to update this as I did in years past (especially since my writing time is spent on grad school). That said, I absolutely was not going to let 2018 fade into the night without keeping my end of year writing traditions. 2018 was a great year for music, both with album releases and live shows that I was fortunate to attend. Because of the glut of wonderful music, I'll be rolling with a top 20 list for both songs and albums. As always, I throw out the disclaimer that these are merely my favorites and are by no means a definitive list of anything. The longer year in review post will still be happening shortly after this one.

Songs
1. Senses Fail - Shaking Hands
2. Trophy Eyes - I Can Feel It Calling
3. Mayday Parade - It's Hard to Be Religious When Certain People Are Never Incinerated by Bolts of Lightning
4. With Confidence - Moving Boxes
5. State Champs - Frozen
6. Slaves - I'd Rather See Your Star Explode
7. You Me At Six - Straight to My Head
8. Hawthorne Heights - Edge of Town
9. Good Charlotte - Actual Pain
10. LANY - I Don't Want to Love You Anymore
11. Stand Atlantic - Lavender Bones
12. The Wonder Years - Pyramids of Salt
13. Like Pacific - In Spite of Me
14. Joyce Manor - Friends We Met Online
15. WSTR - Silly Me
16. Death Cab For Cutie - Your Hurricane
17. Dashboard Confessional - We Fight
18. The 1975 - Be My Mistake
19. Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness - House in the Trees
20. This Wild Life - Westlife

Albums
1. State Champs – Living Proof
2. Senses Fail - If There Is Light, It Will Find You
3. Trophy Eyes - The American Dream
4. Good Charlotte - Generation Rx
5. With Confidence - Love and Loathing
6. Hawthorne Heights - Bad Frequencies
7. Mayday Parade - Sunnyland
8. As It Is - The Great Depression
9. Ruston Kelly - Dying Star
10. The 1975 - A Brief Inquiry into Online Relationships
11. WSTR - Identity Crisis
12. The Wonder Years - Sister Cities
13. Stand Atlantic - Skinny Dipping
14. You Me At Six - VI
15. Dashboard Confessional - Crooked Shadows
16. The Dangerous Summer - The Dangerous Summer
17. Andrew W.K. - You're Not Alone
18. We the Kings - Six
19. This Wild Life - Petaluma
20. Like Pacific - In Spite of Me

TV Shows
1. NCIS: Los Angeles
2. Suits
3. Impractical Jokers
4. NCIS
5. The Edge and Christian Show (That Totally Reeks of Awesomeness)

Sports Moments
1. Seahawks clinch playoff spot by beating Chiefs on SNF
2. Dolph Ziggler wins Intercontinental Championship on Raw.
3. Becky Lynch was Last Woman Standing at Evolution
4. Seahawks dominate Vikings on MNF
5. Dolph Ziggler returns at Royal Rumble, causing me to pull a calf muscle and subsequently throw things when he got eliminated.

Personal Moments
As is the new norm, these will just be bullet points and in no particular order
•Seeing The Used and catching up with whitney and Stan
•Hearing a bunch of my favorite bands at Warped in Milwaukee (especially when As It Is played No Way Out and Mayday Parade performed Oh Well, Oh Well)
•Getting to finally meet Lindsey at Warped (keeping my fingers crossed that we can see some more music together in 2019)
•Haircuts with Amber
•Neck Deep, Stand Atlantic, WSTR, and Trophy Eyes with Jaclyn; getting to meet Neck Deep and Stand Atlantic
•Visiting Maryland in April, and June and getting an unexpected visit from Hadley in November
•8th grade graduation and the Blue and Gold Ball
•Continuing my doctoral journey, which is now two-thirds complete
•The new challenge of being a writing teacher and teaching the same students that I taught last year
•The many new people I met this year (mostly from Tinder), who all taught me something about myself and gave me clarity regarding what I want in my life moving forward
•Volleyball games and cheering for Alexis and Camila
•Going to Indiana for gummies(~!)
•Watching my students rock the Constitution Test again
•A trip to New Jersey to see Day at the Fair perform, to finally meet Rob, Kim, Chris, and Todd, and to not only hear my favorite song in the world but have it dedicated to me
•That one time I talked to Myrna in 2018
•Thanksgiving at the Smoljan residence
•Fortnite with Kenny and the squad
•The continued growth of my vinyl collection and the trips I'll make to Schaumburg and Bloomingdale to look for additions

That's a Wrap on Another Lap (Around the Sun)

2018-04-03T21:30:00.001-05:00

In general, we as humans enjoy over-simplification and compartmentalization as if both were beloved pastimes. Your humble author is plenty guilty of this as well. One would need only a cursory glance at my blog to find numerous examples of this. I know that evaluating a year in a vacuum is perhaps a foolhardy exercise and that years were merely meant to serve as a measurement of our planet’s revolution around the sun. That said, reflecting on the past 365 days and the growth (and occasional stagnation) is a nice simple way to put a bow on my year as a 30 year old.

Before I delve deeply into the reflection, I feel that there is something to share with you, something that most of you do not know.

I was inches away from not making it to 30, let alone 31.

Exactly one year ago, I came closer to death than I ever had to that point. It was a perfect storm of events. I was off work for my birthday (a Tuesday) but had to work on Monday. I decided to take a personal day as a gift to myself. A girl who I had met on Tinder but never dated had posted something on Snapchat about needing a ride to whatever the White Sox call their field now because she was working Opening Day. Since I had nothing better to do, I offered to give her a ride.

Shortly after dropping her off, I was redirected from my path home due to construction. To this day, I do not know if the school bus blew the red light or if I did (based on the lack of traffic otherwise, I am assuming it was the school bus), but a school bus was heading towards my driver’s side at 50 mph. I remember it so distinctly because the instant before I noticed, my music suddenly stopped playing. I then noticed the bus flying at me and stepped on my gas pedal as hard as I could. Another millisecond or another inch and that probably would have been the end of me.

Starting my year as a 30 year old on the heels of that event affected my outlook on the year as a whole, even though at that moment in time I had no idea how things were going to all shake out. It became important to me to live purposefully and with clarity in my words and actions.

I am by nature a reflective person, but one of the most valuable lessons I learned this year was to stop repetitively and methodically beating up myself over the “What ifs”. What if I had done this differently with Myrna? Would she still be around? I spent a number of restless nights on those questions before I realized the utterly pointless nature of the exercise. The reality is that I can only focus on the here and now. I cannot affect the hypotheticals; instead, my job is to exude strength and meaning in my actions and my reactions. At the end of the day, those actions and reactions are the truest power we have.

Most years run into one another, but there are certain “landmark” years in which I was able to look back and note a marked change or redirection in my life. 13 year old Jakob set the stage for my adolescence. 21 year old Jakob put the wheels into motion for the evolution of myself into the person that I always wanted to be. 24 year old Jakob found motivation that ever iteration since has used to drive progress and achievement. 30 year old Jakob is the Jakob that finally found strength. I found my voice, and I realized it was okay to step up and stand out because I am strong enough to handle the consequences, both good and bad. I found that even though it is great to have the support and company of others, I can do it alone and can get rid of those who no longer fit my mission and vision. Do I wish that strength did not come as a result of someone I loved leaving me? Of course. But if I have learned anything in this year, it is to leave the “What ifs” alone and replace them with “What is”.

This year was filled with both accomplishments and setbacks professionally, physically, and personally, but I like the direction things are going. There is much work to be done, and I am excited to make things happen. I always did like the number 31…

2018: Continue the Ascent

2018-01-05T14:10:00.006-06:00

By this point I am well aware that the beginning of a year does not possess any amount of magical powers that empower humanity to miraculously reach goals that were previously unattained. However, what a new year does do is provide both a figurative and literal fresh start and blank canvas upon which we can paint our year in the image we have envisioned for ourselves. While I do not necessarily make New Year’s resolutions, I do believe it is important to enter into a new year with a plan of action.

2017 was productive in many ways but painful in many others. I do feel that ultimately I progressed upward in my trajectory, but there is still work to be done. While thinking about what I ultimately want to accomplish in 2018, it was important that I was realistic with myself and did not make promises that I could not keep. For example, I could promise to write 30 posts in 2018, but the reality is that unless there is 30 posts worth of inspiration (of which I have no guarantee that there will be), it would a futile and frustrating endeavor. I cannot set goals that require actions from other individuals. I am only responsible for myself. That said, there is a great deal that I wish to accomplish in 2018. Here are some of the major highlights.

Complete at least 27 more hours of coursework in my doctoral program with at least a 3.9 GPA
To this point I have progressed well through the program. I have completed 7 credit hours and am about to receive credit for an additional 12 hours as a result of work I did while pursuing my master’s degree. I am no longer at the bottom of the mountain, but there is a long journey before I ascend to the peak. I am on track to complete a significant portion of that journey in 2018, and I have high standards for myself. Ultimately, I would love to maintain my 4.0 GPA, but I do not want to focus so hard on the grade that I neglect to totally immerse myself with the content. I want to succeed. I believe I will succeed. I just have to continue to do the work.

Strictly adhere to a daily schedule
I have personal, professional, educational, and physical goals. Sometimes it feels as though there are not enough hours in the day to attack all of these goals. To combat these feelings, I have comprised a daily schedule for myself that allows for each of these goals to be addressed. I was very good at maintaining a rigorous workout schedule during the first quarter of 2017, but as stress and disappointment began to pile up, I got off track. I am not going to allow myself to get off track in 2018. Once I fully adapt to having this daily routine, I believe I will be able to devote both the time and effort needed to relentlessly attack my goals.

Minimize processed sugar intake
Again, this was something that I excelled in maintaining during the first quarter of 2017. When life got tough, I sought out comfort in sugar. That is simply not going to be acceptable in 2017. I do not need soft drinks, energy drinks, or candy. Yes, some exceptions can be made during holidays, but not to the point that an entire diet can be thrown off.

Continue to seek out innovative ways of reaching students without losing what makes me special
Education is challenging because it is such a dynamic field. What’s new will become old, and what’s old will become new again. There is very little patience in seeing programs or initiatives through to the very end. As such, it can be very difficult as a teacher to accomplish the things you wish to accomplish whilst simultaneously appeasing the school or district higher-ups. It is my sincerest hope that I can balance the two (occasionally seemingly opposing) forces in a manner that still engages the student and allows me to still be me. Quite often this seems like a major conundrum, but I am confident that I can make it work.

Continue to find and develop the strength within
Life without Myrna as a regular stabilizing and balancing presence has been admittedly difficult, but what it has taught me is that I cannot rely on others to be my strength, my motivation, or my catalyst. I have to accomplish my goals and objectives through my own drive, determination, and strength. Yes, family and friends can provide support along the way, but the person getting things done for Jakob has to be Jakob. When she does return to having a regular presence in my life, I want to be strong enough to be able to do things and not come across as so needy. I’ve made a significant amount of headway in this regard. I must continue my ascent.
The goals I have for myself in 2018 are not new or unfamiliar. Much of the foundation has already been laid by the work I have done over the course of the past year. It will not be easy, but I’m moving in the right direction and already know the route I need to get to where I want to be. I look forward to continuing the ascent.

2017 in Review

2017-12-31T11:57:00.001-06:00

2017 has been a year of growing (and outgrowing) certain roles, traditions, and niches that I had cast for myself. As such, the traditional format of this post has evolved as well. This year didn’t have the nicely categorized major events that would fit neatly into a month-by-month format. I didn’t really think you all needed or wanted to read something like June: Big fight with someone. October: Bigger fight with someone. Honestly, the growth that was made this year isn’t something that happened as the result of one catalyzing event but rather was the result of gradual focus and effort, which I believe is best served with a broader narrative approach. With all that said, here was my 2017.

When the calendar turned to 2017, I was honestly feeling pretty burned out at my job. I honestly don’t think I had developed the proper mindset to do the job well and was still harboring resentment from how my previous job had ended. In many regards, I still pined for Prairie-Hills. However, I began to make a concerted effort to remain calm and peaceful and to not let anything throw me off. When I returned to work from Winter Break, there was a marked change in my demeanor and my patience with the students. Many remarked how much calmer I was.

This change in approach enabled me to come to a deeper understanding of the students I was tasked with serving. I learned which students required the finesse approach and which ones needed a metaphorical fire lit under their rears. I found better ways of reaching them. The fact that well over 90% of my students passed their Constitution Test was a testament to the success of this approach.

I had my bumps along the way with that group, but I can honestly say that we formed a bond that is stronger than the average teacher/student bond. The fact that over a quarter of these students come to visit me on a (mostly) daily basis is something I value more than they probably even realize. As instrumental I may or may not have been to their growth, they were and are an integral component to my growth as an educator and as a person.

At the beginning of the year, I wanted to take an enhanced focus on my physical wellbeing. Those of you who know me well know that exercise has been an important component of my life for a number of years, but I wanted to test the limits of what I could accomplish by putting an extreme amount of focus into my workouts. Consequently, I started 2017 by going to the gym twice a day. I would complete cardio before work, lift after work, and work on my abs and core nightly at home. The results were phenomenal. I found that even though I considered myself in fairly good shape, I could transform myself into elite shape rather quickly. By May, I was in the best shape of my life. Unfortunately, I let life’s stressors get in the way of that focus and output, and for most of the second half of the year I neglected the cardio and abdominal work. But I enter 2018 knowing what I am capable of accomplishing and look forward to continuing my ascent.

Turning 30 was something that I dreaded for a while. I felt like my 20s were a decade spent playing catch up from the stunted development that was my adolescence (and was largely the result of the fundamentalist Pentecostal “guilt culture” that defined my youth). However, when the day came, I realized that age was merely a mile marker and that the checkpoints that I was so insistent on using to define the productivity of my life were merely a product of my own perceptions and misconceptions. I realized that at 30, I’ve done some things. I’ll do more things. There is not one set route to get from one end of the game of life to the other, and that’s okay.
I don’t really talk about my personal life on social media anymore (for good reason), but I feel like I would be remiss if I didn’t tell the whole story of this year. This portion of 2017 is very important to the whole story. I had a best friend and fell in love with her. I don’t know which came first, the realization that she was my best friend or that I had fallen in love with her. Honestly, they both probably happened at the same time, and both happened before 2017. I entered the year very excited to see where the year would take us. She was my biggest fan, my greatest supporter, my encourager and calming force. She was the one I was most excited to go to with good news and the first one I wanted to vent about my bad days to. She was the first girl I ever knew that not only tolerated the most ridiculous parts of me but actually appreciated them. We spent many nights texting, FaceTiming, or talking on the phone before bed.

Things changed in June. She began to be more distant without rhyme or reason. Finally at the end of the month, things came to a head. We got into a big fight. Unfortunately that fight was merely the snowball that avalanched into months of fights that only got worse and more personal. Something had changed with her, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I knew that there had to be something in her life causing her to lash out this way, but she tends to be a lone wolf, and all I could do was love her from a distance. After our worst fight in October, she did eventually come back and apologize, but for the most part she’s been absent since. I know things will not remain this way forever, but I would be lying if I said it hasn’t affected me.

Losing my best friend was something that completely wrecked me. I started waking up in the middle of the night with stomach pains and/or panic attacks. I had such great difficulties in falling asleep and then staying asleep. I was about to embark on my doctorate, and for the first time in my career as a student, I lacked the self-belief that I could accomplish this objective. I stopped working out as hard. I lost my catalyst.

Through this pain came a valuable lesson. It is great to be in love. It is great to have a best friend. However, I could not rely on this person as my catalyst. I had to be strong enough in myself to do the things I needed to do. I didn’t need to save her and she didn’t need to save me. For us to eventually work out someday we didn’t need to be two halves; we needed to both be whole. For this, I credit my friend Chelsey. She had been my friend for years, but this summer she really took charge and helped me get a hold of my life and get a hold of myself. She explained to me that I needed to do the work myself in some areas if I ever wanted the other areas to fall in place. I needed to break old habits, to grow out of old roles, and do things that might initially seem counterintuitive in order to get to where I ultimately want to be.

Breaking out of old roles and easing into new ones has not been particularly easy, but it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Those of you who have known me in person for a while know that for a long time, I have been content to fly under the radar and fade into the background. I have long preferred to do my thing without being noticed or bothered. However, I realized that sometimes that mindset impedes you from accomplishing that which you wish to accomplish. At work, I have found myself as the one who speaks up for my team. When there is a better way of doing something, I do not hesitate to bring it up. When things are not quite right, I found my voice to speak up. I have found that if I do not stand up for myself and for others, there is no guarantee that anyone else will. I carry myself with more confidence and authority. I still have a ways to go in terms of growing into this role (in extended family gatherings, for example, I haven’t yet found this voice), but I am proud of the growth I have made in that regard.

I no longer look at challenges as insurmountable. I know what I can accomplish because I can look back on what I have accomplished. I am 19 hours into my doctoral program. Yes, I still have 45 more hours of classes and a dissertation to complete, but I have conquered and will continue to conquer. In a short time, I will be Dr. Duehr. I know that work might continue to throw unexpected curveballs my way, but I can adapt and adjust, and I WILL continue to reach these kids by being nobody other than myself. I will get into even greater shape in 2018.

While I realize that I have accomplished much of what I have accomplished on my own and without the help of others, I have not taken this journey completely alone. From parents who put up with me on a daily basis to family in Maryland who allow me to crash in their downstairs nook to current coworkers who put up with my silliness to old coworkers who still check up on me, from childhood friends who catch up sporadically to GameFAQs and Stickam friends who became family to newer friends made in the most random of places, I appreciate each and every one of you. 2017 was a challenge, but as I write all of this, I realize that the year was not as dire as I often perceived it to be. Most pieces are falling into place, and if I maintain my focus and resolve, I will continue my ascent.

2017 in List Form

2017-12-30T15:13:00.001-06:00

Even though the year was not great in many ways, my outlets for entertainment and/or distraction were of high quality. Music was especially important this year. As always, I throw out the disclaimer that this by no means is a definitive list of anything. It’s just one guy’s preferences of what he liked in a given year.

Songs
1. Day at the Fair – Thankful
2. As It Is – No Way Out
3. Falling in Reverse – I’m Bad at Life
4. Acceptance – Come Closer
5. You Me at Six – Take On the World
6. Have Mercy – Smoke and Lace
7. Silverstein – Ghost
8. Bleachers – All My Heroes
9. Julia Michaels – Issues
10. Papa Roach – Periscope
11. Ed Sheeran – Perfect
12. All Time Low – Ground Control
13. Neck Deep – Critical Mistake
14. The Maine – Black Butterflies and Deja Vu
15. Imagine Dragons – Whatever It Takes
16. New Found Glory – The Sound of Two Voices
17. Weezer – Feels Like Summer

Albums
1. As It Is – Okay
2. Day at the Fair – The Epilogue
3. Silverstein – Dead Reflection
4. Neck Deep – The Peace and the Panic
5. Have Mercy – Make the Best of It
6. Manchester Orchestra – A Black Mile to the Sun
7. You Me at Six – Night People
8. Falling in Reverse – Coming Home
9. Ed Sheeran – Divide
10. Acceptance – Colliding by Design
11. Brand New – Science Fiction
12. The Maine – Lovely Little Lonely
13. All Time Low – Last Young Renegade
14. Seaway – Vacation
15. The Killers – Wonderful Wonderful
16. Bleachers – Gone Now
17. Lights – Skin & Earth

TV Shows
1. Mr. Robot
2. Suits
3.NCIS: Los Angeles
4. Impractical Jokers
5. WWE SmackDown Live (judge me all you want)

Sports Moments
1. Seahawks defeat Lions in playoffs
2. Cubs advance to NLCS by beating Nationals
3. Seahawks dominate Eagles
4. Ottawa Senators take the Penguins to the limit
5. Dolph Ziggler wins US Title (and subsequently gives it up because he’s Dolph Ziggler)

Personal Moments
Like last year, these will just be bullet points
•Catching up with Nick after 8 years
•New friendships with people from a variety of backgrounds and places
•Visiting Maryland in April, June, August, and November
•Writing my students letters and making them cry
•Starting on my doctorate
•The unexpected fun of critiquing a live Ariana Grande concert with my sister and my cousin
•Debriefing calls with Chelsey after she’s read my unfortunate text conversations
•The random weird mall in Bloomingdale that I unexpectedly discovered
•Going to Indiana for gummies(~!)
•Watching my students rock the Constitution Test
•Vistis with Hadley
•Calls, texts, Skype, and FaceTime with Myrna to end our nights by hearing each other's voice (Oh, how I miss these…)
•Dinners with Aunt Dianna
•Staff outings that are unexpectedly enjoyable
•Searching for and finding new vinyl records

The Doctor Will Be In Shortly (2.5 - 3 Years)

2017-07-08T15:25:00.002-05:00

If you know me well, you know that I lack the ability to stay content with myself for any extended period of time. Anything that I have had the privilege of accomplishing only satisfies me temporarily. I know that this quality of mine is not necessarily the best quality to have, but it always keeps me hungry for the next thing. After a period of consideration, I have found my latest and greatest “next thing”, and I am ready to share it with all of you. I will be starting on my doctorate in August of this year.

Getting my master’s degree was an accomplishment in and of itself, and it opened doors that had long been closed in my life. I had never even gotten looks at Prairie-Hills or Kellar until I had that extra bit of education. However, the master’s degree was never my endgame. I didn’t want to stop there. I knew that someday I wanted to go further. I just didn’t know that day would come so soon.

Working in education, I see the world shifting in some directions for which I do not particularly care. It’s not an easy time to be revolving around the sun as a patron of this planet, that’s for sure. I feel blessed to be able to do what I do and attempt to make a measure of difference, but unfortunately my direct scope is limited to the students I teach. That means I really only get to directly affect change in 105 people at a time. I’m sorry, but that just isn’t enough for me anymore. I don’t want my footprint to be that small. I want to do more and broaden my scope. Pursuing my doctorate will enable me to do just that.

With a doctorate, my possibilities within the field of education expand exponentially. I can reach college students, especially those who are nearly ready to embark on their own career within the field of education. I can assume a leadership position at a school or district level and be able to affect change that reaches an entire school or district of schools rather than simply a classroom of students. With this degree I could assume leadership roles within educational companies that could directly impact curriculum and the presentation of education in myriad schools and districts. While I am currently unclear of precisely the next route I wish to travel in my educational journey, I do know that I want to broaden my scope of influence, and this degree will go a long way toward allowing me to reach that end.

I want to be able to do more for the people around me who I care about that are in need. As a teacher, I am unfortunately limited by my salary. Compensation is not the greatest. Moving onward and upward would help me to reach more in a greater, tangible way, and that is something that greatly excites me.

I do not expect this to be easy. Even as I write this, my excitement is tempered by the reality that this task is quite daunting. The idea of composing a dissertation is not one that particularly appeals to me. That said, this is the best time for me to do this. I am not married. I do not have any children of my own. The longer I put this off, the longer the odds that I will ever see this through. I am at the point in my life where I NEED to see certain things through, even if I have to travel to the ends of the earth to make them happen.

This is going to take a lot of my time, thoughts, and energy, but I will be a better person for having completed this. The idea of being a doctor at the age of 32 does sound rather appealing. I’m understandably apprehensive, but I’ve got this. Please support me along the way.

Behind the Curtain: No Room for Gray

2017-06-20T14:31:00.001-05:00

In the last post I touched a little on my manic nature in the areas that on which I place a high level of importance. Nearly a decade ago my friend Jess characterized me as “driven, almost to the point of obsession”. That statement was accurate then and alarmingly accurate now. For maybe the first time, I will humbly attempt to explain that nature as best as I can.

I understand that we live in a world in which the idea of clear-cut, black and white things has become increasingly antiquated. There are so many things for which I do not have the answer. However, when it comes to my own life, goals, and ambitions, my world is entirely black and white. I succeed, or I fail. There is absolutely no middle ground.

When I was younger, I used to take solace in what I deemed the “moral victories”. If I got farther on something than I expected to (yet still failed, mind you), I would take pride in how close I came to succeeding. After a while, those moral victories ceased to have any importance to me. If I set a goal, I fully expect to achieve it. Anything short of that goal is not good enough.

As I have now crossed the threshold of being 30 years old, I have vastly improved on my tendencies to both live in and dwell on the past, but I still struggle in this area in some ways. If someone brings up college, I am quick to remember that I missed out on graduating summa cum laude by .008 grade points. I am quick to remember that I missed out on thousands of dollars in scholarship money by one question on the ACT. For all that I have accomplished and hopefully will continue to accomplish, it is those failures that stick to me.

Perhaps more than any other factor, my manic desire to succeed in the areas that matter to me are driven by desire to avoid the feelings of failure that I have felt too many times in my life to date. I haven’t really had family members or friends call me a failure or tell me that I have disappointed them, so this tendency to be hard on myself is not affected by outside stimuli. I have a very clear picture of what I want my life to be and who I want to become. Some of those pieces are already in place, but for those that are not, I will scratch and claw and work myself to the bone until they happen. Yes, some things are beyond my purview of control, but that doesn’t stop me from maxing out on my effort.

I am so driven because I do not want to wake up in 10 years in the same place that I am now. I do not want to fail myself or others who count on me. Does that mean I beat myself up sometimes? Of course. Does that mean that some of my own feelings of failure occasionally seep into my relationships to the point that I set impossibly high standards for myself? Admittedly yes. But until I can find room for gray in my life, this is how it’s going to be. I will try to be a little easier on myself, but I will always aspire to be more than I currently am.

Behind the Curtain: The Storm Behind the Calm

2017-06-15T12:22:00.002-05:00

The older I get, the more I realize that there is a bit of a disconnect between the perception of me by acquaintances and the perception of me by those who have gotten to know me at any depth. This blog series will attempt to bridge the divide between those two areas.

People who do not know me very well or people who only see me in a professional setting view me as a very calm person. I am slow to anger, slow to raise my voice, and reticent to respond in any manner other than one that is devoid of emotion or irrational behavior. I have been praised many times for my “calm and stoic demeanor”. I appreciate that characterization, but it amuses me because it is not completely accurate.

Part of the reason I can portray such a calm outward front is because I have mastered the art of compartmentalizing the numerous components of my life. Put simply, I place value on each area of my life. I remain unaffected by the areas that affect me minimally or the areas in which I place little value. If a student acts up in my class, I know that it has virtually nothing to do with me personally and has everything to do with myriad external and internal factors. As a result, I do not let it bother me. Kids are going to be kids. I don’t sweat that stuff.

At any given moment in my life, there are 2-3 things that I am extremely passionate about. All my emotion goes into those things, and I pursue them to a manic (some would say obsessive level). If you talk to me about any of these areas, you won’t see the calm. You won’t catch the quietly confident Jakob. In its place, you will see someone who is scratching and clawing, always doubting himself, chronically over-thinking, and ALWAYS feeling as if he has something to prove. The more I want something, the more my insecurities manifest themselves. I have self-sabotaged many relationships in my life because I simply could not leave well enough alone. I pushed myself to an obsessive level (I will cover this more in my next post) because I have a very difficult time abiding by the timelines of life or the timelines of others. My closest friends and confidants probably characterize me as the storm because I often come to them for advice as to how to clean up my most recent mess.

So, which Jakob is the true Jakob? Am I the calm, or am I the storm? Truthfully, I am probably both. The calm works for me in the areas in which I need it to work. Perhaps to some the calm might come across as blasé, but it works for me. In most areas of my life, I act calmly and rationally and never let the ship get too far off course. But I would be lying to myself and to all of you if I said that the storm didn’t exist. The storm is very real, and as long as I am living I will probably have to figure out a way to weather it. As long as I care deeply about things, I am going to have to fight the urge to obsess and attack them at a manic level. I am going to have to fight the feelings of self-doubt and the chip on my shoulder. Will I ever fully calm the storm? I don’t know. But I will keep trying.

Victory Lap

2017-05-31T13:08:00.002-05:00

Having just finished my first year teaching social studies, my fifth (!) year of full time teaching, and my eighth (!!) year in education, I figure it is as good a time as any to reflect on the year that was. While I would be lying if I said the year was easy, I will say that it wound up being a very successful one.

That said, things did not start off the way I had planned or hoped. While I was very pleased to have finally procured a full time position teaching my preferred subject of social studies, I would be remiss if I did not admit that my confidence was not particularly high when starting the job. I lost my job at Prairie-Hills due to no fault of my own, but their lack of interest in finding a new spot for me on their team led me to question my own abilities. I did not go into this job believing that I could not fail. I knew I had to prove myself to my students, my peers, and most of all, myself.

It was certainly an adjustment starting at Kellar. Many of the amenities to which I had grown accustomed at Prairie-Hills (phones and printers in the classroom, air conditioning) were nonexistent at my new school. The students’ lockers were located in the classroom. Dismissal procedures were convoluted and could last in upwards of 30 minutes. At the beginning, my only goal was to survive to the end of the day, then to the end of the week, then to the end of the month, and ultimately to the end of the year.

A funny thing happened as the school year progressed. My students actually started to like me. Being a somewhat eccentric white male in a school almost entirely composed of minorities lends itself to some challenges. At the beginning of the year, many of my students didn’t “get” me. There were a handful that did, but for the most part my dry sense of humor was met with complete silence and participation was limited to the handful of students who liked me from the start. I had to prove myself to them. Once they realized that I was okay, they started to get more involved in the class. Sure, a couple students never wound up liking me, but that’s life. You can’t win them all.

When I worked at AAA Academy, my boss bluntly told me that my way would not work, and that if I was ever going to have any success, I would need to get on board with her way. I was blessed to work in a school that gave me the autonomy to do things my way. Much of my teaching is discussion based. I believe that young people learn in a variety of ways, but I especially believe that they learn from having conversations. I like to draw from my own experiences while teaching and allow them to ask questions as soon as they arise. The more involved they are in the discussion, the greater ownership they take in it, and ultimately, they will retain more knowledge. I always tell my students that in history the “who”, the “what”, and the “when” are important, but in order to truly learn both about history and learn from history, they need to understand the “why”. As a result, my classroom generally has a fairly laid-back atmosphere. In fact, one of the girls told me “Mr. Duehr, your class is so laid back that I didn’t think I was learning anything, but when we took the Constitution Test, I realized that I knew everything. I like how you do things.” That quote alone proved that way can and does work for me and for my students.

My greatest sense of pride from an academic sense came from the students’ success on the Constitution Test. I know the Constitution is not the most exciting material, so I really had to wrap my brain around how to teach it in a way that would connect with the students. Almost randomly, I stumbled on something that worked. I assigned one amendment to each student. They were responsible for becoming an expert on that amendment and had to teach a mini-lesson to the class. While they got to be “me” and teach the lesson, I sat in their desk and got to be them. I would act how they act during class (within reason, of course). I copied their mannerisms, their patterns of speech, etc. It was a lot of fun, and the students truly excelled. Of my 105 students, 98 passed the test on their first try. The remaining students all passed by their third attempt.

While their academic success brought me a great measure of pride, I took even greater pride in the strides that many of them made in growing as individuals. I am fully aware that students will not remember many of the social studies lessons I taught, so I put a focus on teaching them life lessons as well. If they can learn those lessons from me, then I will have been a success as a teacher. It is important for them to know that yes, they are young and will make mistakes, but it is important that they use every mistake as a lesson learned. Each day is a new opportunity for learning and growth. Many of them are learning that lesson, and I could not be prouder.

I sit here today with a great sense of relief and satisfaction because, for the first time in 9 years, I know exactly where I will be working in August. I do not have to scour K12Jobspot for openings. I do not have to get dressed up for interviews, and I do not have to struggle to fall asleep at night due to stress and fear of the unknown. I know where my road leads for the next year at least, and I am thankful for that. This year could not be classified as anything less than a success, and I am excited for what is to come.

Closing the Chapter

2017-04-03T19:55:00.001-05:00

I am still having a lot of difficulty wrapping my head around the notion that I am merely hours (not days, weeks, months or years at this point… only hours) away from turning 30 years of age. My 20s were… an experience. As I close this chapter, I find it appropriate to reflect on what was, how it brought me to what is, and preview where I want to be. A disclaimer: I am going to be brutally hard on myself here. Maybe that’s not the best thing, but I always believe in being honest with myself and with you, the reader.

I am not going to look back on my twenties as favorably as I would have liked. Too often this decade felt more like a blooper reel than a highlight reel. It was dotted with magnificent failures and missteps. I know the dangers associated with dwelling on the past, but some things never leave you. I think of the letter I got from a girl telling me all the reasons she wouldn’t date me when I was 20 and not getting served at 21 when I visited the ice cream shop where she worked. I think of getting stood up in Florida and losing my wallet hours later when I was 22. At 23, I fell in love for the first time, only for the girl I loved to pick the other guy in the triangle. At 24, one of my best friends from childhood basically told me I hadn’t done anything worth being proud of at that point. At 26, my boss thought so little of me that she waited until the day before the school year started to tell me I was laid off. At 27, she told me that she wished she could hang me. At 28, I lost a job despite receiving favorable performance reviews due to some shifts, and the powers that be couldn’t be bothered to even try to bring me back. At 29, I nearly had the breakdown I narrowly avoided at 21 and 28 and obsessed over someone who couldn’t be bothered to care if I was still on this planet, let alone anything deeper than that.

I lost a lot in my 20s with very little to show for it. Friends moved away and moved on me. Other friends and acquaintances passed away way too young. I lost one of the few extended family members who truly understood me. I was passed over for countless jobs and opportunities. I felt like I was unknowingly cast as “good, but not good enough”. Maybe I’ve deserved everything I have received. Perhaps there was a step in the process I missed. Maybe things came too easy for me when I was young, and my 20s were my comeuppance.

I don’t want this post to be entirely doom and gloom. There were some successes over the course of the past ten years. The person I am today is crafted directly in the image of who I always wanted to be. The way I talk, dress, and look all took a while to come together, but I am pleased that it finally did. My interests had to be given time to be cultivated, and while some might look at me as an odd amalgam of interests, I am passionate about a number of things all across the spectrum ranging from the important to the absurd. I am comfortable in my own skin and don’t turn away from who I see in the mirror. I finished college and grad school with measurable success, and while my career has not necessarily taken the trajectory I had hoped, I can take a measure of pride in what I have accomplished in the classroom, both as a teacher and as a student.

I entered my twenties with one eye looking forward but the other eye firmly focused on the paths I had already traveled. As the decade progressed, I improved on averting my gaze from the past and focusing more on the present and the future. For so long, I idolized the past. I desperately wanted to find a way to go back to a simpler time. Those days are over, and it is not healthy to dwell on them. Stone is an afterthought these days, as are many other places from my younger years. It is okay to visit these memories from time to time, but I no longer have the desire to dwell on them for any period of time.

As I enter my 30s, I am admittedly struggling with some degree of fear and uncertainty. The older I get, the more I have to accept the notion that some of my dreams may never come to fruition. With each day that passes, my chances of becoming WWE Champion drastically diminish. The longer I stay in education, the likelihood that I will become wealthy becomes lower and lower. Things I thought would have happened by now (the marriage, the house, the family, etc.) have yet to come to fruition, and I have to be content whether they happen or not. There's a girl who has become my best friend, and I love her very much. It might never be anything past friendship. I have to be okay with however it ends. I’m probably not going to have the good fortune of having my girlfriend plan an elaborate marriage proposal to me (as one of my childhood friends did) or complain about inept coworkers and translate that into a hefty raise (as another childhood friend did), but I have to be okay.

I don’t know what’s coming next, but I have to believe that the many battles I have conquered have prepared me for what is to come. I don’t know that I’ll ever get the things I want, but I have a good feeling that no matter what, I’m going to be okay.

20 Things I Learned in My 20s

2017-04-03T16:05:00.000-05:00

Blog posts consisting entirely of lists are admittedly lazy. However, I do have a less lazy and more thoughtful post coming this evening as well, and the material in this post would not fit well within that post.

My 20s were not as fruitful a decade as I would have wished or even prognosticated, yet I still learned a number of lessons. I would say the decade as a whole could be chalked up to a learning experience. Here are 20 lessons I learned (in no particular order).

1. Degrees from institutions of higher learning do not make you “smarter”. However, they do open doors.
2. It’s okay to fail. In fact, it is better to fail magnificently than it is to never even attempt to succeed.
3. The separation is in the preparation. It is easier to succeed when you have a plan.
4. However, there are some things for which you simply cannot plan. Adapt and adjust, or get lost in the shuffle.
5. As your age grows, so does the percentage of things that you realize are out of your control.
6. Many opportunities unfortunately cannot be earned. They are either given or they are not, often times seemingly without rhyme or reason.
7. People are going to move on without you. You are going to move on from some people. This is not always done with malice but is rather a byproduct of different growth trajectories.
8. If you are so desperate for something, you can interpret virtually anything as a “sign” that thing is meant to happen. Stop searching for signs. Just live.
9. A goal changed is not a goal failed. Do not pursue a goal you for which no longer have a passion simply out of stubbornness. Roll with the curves.
10. Many timelines are good in theory only. The greater the importance you place on timelines, the more disappointed you will be with your life.
11. Attack your job with ferocity while you are at work. As soon as you walk out the door to end your day, leave it alone until you walk back in the following day.
12. Death is the only door that ever truly remains closed. All other doors can be reopened with enough patience and/or persistence.
13. Be generous with the things that mean the most to you. It is no great feat to show generosity with the things that matter little to you. Give of your best fruits.
14. Everything is impossible until it is possible. When it becomes possible, it can no longer be impossible.
15. Be careful to not fall into the trap of seeing others for who we want them to be or believe they can eventually become whilst losing sight of who they actually are.
16. Seeking the advice of a number of people does not ensure that the situation for which you are seeking advice will end favorably. It does, however, ensure that a significant number of people are aware of your business (and can use it against you later).
17. The greatest thing you can invest in is people. The returns far surpass any monetary value.
18. It is important to remember that love not only is a challenge but also that love is dynamic and not static. It requires your greatest effort and your greatest care.
19. Both the power and finesse approaches have their merits. It takes great discernment to know which approach is most appropriate in a given situation.
20. Happiness is not always there for the taking, but contentment is. More often than not, you will not have what you want. You can always make the decision to want what you have.

The Lasting Legacy of Liv & Maddie

2017-03-23T20:18:00.001-05:00

As a twentysomething male, I am about as far removed from the Disney Channel’s target demographic as anyone. Yet, I still have a soft spot in my heart for the network. Some of it definitely stems from nostalgia. It also helps to be aware of some shows on the network to stay relevant with my students (who, as middle schoolers, are most certainly within Disney’s target demographic).

I rediscovered the network a few years ago thanks to nostalgia. My curiosity of Girl Meets World and how true a successor it would be to Boy Meets World (THE show of my childhood) drew me to the network. While I always enjoyed GMW (and still feel that show was pulled long before its expiration date), another show truly grabbed my attention and captured my imagination.

Liv & Maddie tells the story of twin sisters (both played by Dove Cameron), their two brothers, and their navigation through adolescence with laughs galore. Despite the lighthearted tone the show often takes, the show handles issues such as gender roles, gender inequality, and misogyny. As a teacher, I know all too well that these are issues that our young ladies face on a regular basis. Feminism is not an easy subject to tackle, whether in conversation or portrayed on television. Liv & Maddie shows young girls and boys that the best way to fight inequality is to take action. When a principal threatened to make budget cuts to the girls basketball program, the girls raise funds of their own to convince the principal to take them seriously. When a chauvinistic producer believes that girls cannot possibly be interested in STEM, the girls build a car that outpaces that of the boys (the addition of the Val character in Season 4 also went a long way toward showing that girls can be passionate about STEM as well).

In a world run by social media and embracing debate, it is commonplace for hostility to reign. Liv & Maddie demonstrates that the best way to exact lasting change is by taking action and by simply having a conversation. When action is taken, it is always done in a productive rather than destructive matter. Even the bullies are never humiliated.

A while back, I live-tweeted an episode and expressed my surprise that Todd Stetson never got his comeuppance. To my surprise, one of the show’s creators, John D. Beck noticed the tweet and replied “Because it wasn’t about Todd. You can’t change how someone else feels. You can only change how you feel about yourself”. That one tweet perfectly encapsulates the message of Liv & Maddie.

In fifty years or so, when someone on one of those sites decides to do a retrospective of Disney Channel shows and ranks them, it is my sincerest belief that Liv & Maddie should be ranked at the top. It didn’t have the gimmickry of Wizards of Waverly Place or the constant promotion of K.C. Undercover. It didn’t need it. Dove Cameron never got the level of hype of Miley, Selena, Hilary, or Zendaya, but that doesn’t change the fact that she is perhaps the finest leading lady (times 2!) and best role model that a young girl could have. Whether she was portraying teen actress/pop star Liv or alpha female Maddie, Dove showed the importance of confidence and empathy in every line she spoke. In a world that feels the increasing need to be “edgy”, Liv & Maddie thrived by being the exact opposite. It was a cute show full of wholesome values. It empowered young people to be comfortable with who they were, to change the conversation, to believe in themselves, and to support their friends and family.

While Liv & Maddie may be done, its message and spirit will live on. Cheers to all for a job well done!