SCREAMING WHISPERER

The Quake

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 04:59:00 +0000

Lately the Bicol Region has been experiencing earthquakes, the first one ranging intensity 5. Lat night, however is the biggest rumble i have felt.

Five quakes in a row! the first one really hit me hard that my heart was pounding madly. Adrenaline rushed through me that my sibliing got irritated with me panicking. they were calm indeed. But as the night went by, with after shocks coming in (five quakes to be exact), I got curious as to why this was happening.

The first time we felt the quake, people have related this to the Mayon volcano, as steamy smokes came again, stating of it's eruption. But NO! it wasn't about the eruption that the earth got it's groove back. News, three nights ago, states that bicol earthquakes were not subject to the mayon's eruption.

There are two reasons i know of that causes earthquakes--the volcano eruption and the tectonic plates. Since it was declared that the quakes should not be linked to any volcanic eruption then the only reason i can think of is the movement of the plates....next question, however is how will long will this last?

i must admit, after the 1990 earthquakes (I was seven at that time) i really can't help but be very doubtful of Mother nature's sudden movements.....

i wish this would end....

I'm back....

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 05:53:00 +0000

I'm back and ready to attack....

It took some time for me to be doing this again. A lot of things has happened and i don't know where or how to start with this new post. So please bear with me.

Last may 15 my mom died of cancer. That was actually the reason why I came back here in sorsoogon last January with her. I must admit, though we've accepted it, it still is hard especially as days passed by. I never thought helping my papa parent my sibling could be that hard but we have to keep on fighting.

I went back to school, though not for a second course or a masteral. I'm taking up supplementary units in methods of teaching and man I'm confused--not with the subject though. I'm pretty confident about them. If I survived engineering why not this one. the reason for my confusion is rather because of the new things there. I was from the old school, not this new breed of college students who seem so preoccupied with other things that seem different than what the kids did before.

I miss the old school--maybe because I belong to them. I'm now a graduate and class doesn't involve "pilosopo" classmates and math problems that rips your head off. Though I wear civilian clothes which I oh-so-enjoy. freedom from the longsleeved blouse--freedom from the skirts. in with the rubber shoes, jeans and top that should look decent (unlike others I've seen).

I have a lot of things I wish to tell right now but I have to go. Next time i'll be telling more on what's up with my world,

Adios for now. 'till next time....

The Night Before I Left...

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 11:08:00 +0000

It seems like yesterday when I first left Manila for Sorsogon.

Mare (Glenford), came to visit me earlier, just before I finish packing my things for tonight's trip. As we chat our way to good old times and the what's latest with our lives I can't help but connect this to the first time I left to settle in Sorsogon--he was also here the night before I left.

We have been friends since High School. Indeed a good friends are hard to find, and just like the friends that came since I was a kid, Mare is definitely for keeps.

It's been five years since we last saw each other. I came here for Christmas vacation and just like every vacation I spent here in Manila since I went away, Mare was one of those good friends that came to pay me a visit. But after graduating high school, we never get to continue communication.

Then came my comeback and the internet connection....

Boy was I glad! after more than five years I get to continue friendship with them. First there was RZ whom I met while going home from Misa de gallo. After a few months I saw Glenford and the rest of the gang through friendster.

As Mare came tonight to bid me luck, not goodbye--for there's no room for goodbyes--I realize how blessed I was all this years--from belonging to a great family to having true friends. Definitely I'll cherish these priceless and timeless treasures....

The Liar and the Cheater

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 17:11:00 +0000

Are you a Kapamilya or a Kapuso?

These two networks have been battling each other since time immemorial, and honestly I think the only time that I saw these two network, seem to have made their truce, is during the peninsula siege, when the media men were taken to Camp Bagong Diwa.

Presently, there are times when I get irritated in watching television, especially whenever I'm tuned in to these two networks. They make me feel bored and annoyed over their accusations they throw at each other. And as days passed by I don't know who's the Liar nor the Cheater!

In all those years of competing with each other, if there was a positive outcome in their stunts, from being the original to being the copycat of shows, it is the fact that their competition created programs that help the less fortunate. From contests to breaks. And even though there was once the undisputed word war of Joey De Leon and Willie Revillame, their shows still were helping people.

So, whether you are a Kapamilya or a Kapuso, it doesn't matter. There are even times when I change channel, not because the other channel shows a better show than the other but rather both shows are hard to miss.

Right now I just want to say that I'm perfectly fed up from this circus of accusations.... Thank God I'm not involve in their industry....

Going Back

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 16:03:00 +0000

Am I ready to go back?

It seems that what I thought would take long may actually come sooner than expected. Recently me and my family are facing a a certain problem that the solution, so it happens, is to go back.

Earlier this week my mom came to me and talked about it. We were to go home this coming Sunday early morn. As of now, I haven't packed my bags with this ambivalent feeling about this whole scenario of going back. I really am not sure whether to pack all my clothes up or leaves most of it since I'm not so sure about staying there. I may have great moments which I truly treasure and would wish to go back to yet there are all those painful moments, especially those head aching moments, that I do not wish to return to (or even come across face to face).

Honestly, at this very moment, trying to figure out how to keep my chin up on this matter, I am getting myself all focused on the fact that I have to face all the stuff that would somehow, as I return, would definitely make my blood boil....ahhhhhh!!!!!

There's no turning back now. I have to go and face it....hopefully this time they'll see someone more grown up and more of untouchable (someone not to mess up)....

Me and my walls....

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 18:00:00 +0000

I sit here typing away what I think is the best cure for being alone with the walls on my room.

They just left. My dad and my siblings. Presently they are on their way back to Sorsogon. It's back to school again for my siblings and right now I can't feel anything except the sadness of parting ways with them. God I miss them!

But three months (or maybe two), isn't long. They'll be back this summer vacation and my dad will still be coming here for my mom (for something very important).

As they were here, the two weeks became loud and cheerful. Though the entire house went into a whirlwind of unending mess (though we keep constant tidying), warmth filled it. My family was whole and we were blessed indeed, even with the struggles we faced.

It was a time when facts were placed in front of me at how blessed I was and the coward I've become to face the ghost that never existed.

It's already been an hour since they drove out. Earlier while they were waiting to enter the van as papa warmed it up, realizations came. Standing in the cold night, all dressed up for travel used to be my thing and right now I wished I was part of it again. I was missing travel. The views we passed by....the people we met along the way. Then there was also the destination--I was missing Sorsogon more....

How I wish I was dressed up and ready to get in the van with my siblings....How I wish to go back and spend days again there. But there are just some things that seems to keep me from going back....

Time will come that me and my mom will return to Sorsogon. Hopefully when that day comes it will be just like before--with our family whole and the our baby--Braumz (our dog), to squeez with us again with his wagging tail....

The New Year with a Bang!

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 17:40:00 +0000

I never allowed myself to skip mass especially with the new year coming, and just like misa de gallo, I came with my family and friends (this time with my younger brother while my two other siblings who were with us during Christmas mass was left to babysit my grandma).

As I sat there listening to the mass, I could already feel something wrong in me. I tried to hold the cough that's been pestering me the whole day and my nose seems to be holding a blow that wishes to expose itself. Luckily I was wearing a sweater to beat off any cause to add further havoc in my health.

Alas came twelve! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Feeling sorry for our shivering youngest--our pet dog Braumz, I went to the kitchen where we kept him, somehow trying to relieve his sensitive senses. Luckily I easily got him calmed down (though I think other family members already did before I came--atleast I helped). Good thing I was there for as soon as the clock struck twelve the noise became more louder than ever, from the rock music playing from our sound sytem (and the club mix of the neighbor), to the sound of firecrackers which may be pretty except for that odious stinge and smoke.....

Still it was indeed a Happy New Year!!!

My family was whole....

we have had so much blessings....

we were given a chance to be blessings.....

Though there were problems and there are still worries we presently face, I can feel that this year will be better than last time....I count on God for that!!!!

Extending the Yultide Cheers....

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 15:15:00 +0000

Finally! I got my hands on the computer--not to mention the net.

Christmas came and Christmas still remains, even after the 25th of December. And I must admit, so far it's been great. As a young adult, I now see the deeper meaning of Christmas behind the gifts and carols. It's been one heck of a week before Christmas, attending Misa de Gallo which afterwards went with me packing up goodies to give away to kids at Christmas morning. Then there's also my family whole this Christmas after school came to vacation and my siblings with my dad coming here (and as yours truly writes this, shares the room with sister-dearest).

Christmas came this year with a fulfilled heart. Misa de Gallo ended well, with my family coming to mass with me (except for my youngest brother who had to stay home to watch over my grandmother) and with me finally taking communion, which I must admit was a bit emotional experience (as I knelt down to thank the Lord for the opportunity to take him once again). Christmas was celebrated with Ham and spaghetti and salad--and a Korean flick (which I surprisingly enjoyed....)

Thus Christmas came with our belly's full and everyone tired. We may have slept earlier than most people did yet that was because we have to prepare for another Christmas celebration. Morning came busy for us. We all woke up early with the sounds of kids knocking on our doors for Christmas treats. As my sister goes distributing the goodies I packed (which I think I need to increase by next year), the rest of us went cleaning and cooking for Luncheon. Though still sleepy and tired from cleaning up, I found myself in a good mood (though a bit annoyed with some teenagers competing with kids for treats (OMG!).

The day went by nicely with family and friends gathering for lunch, and cards dealt later on at the veranda for a game. After the card game, I found myself in front of the television watching Harry Potter, that we have to stop soon to go to the neighbors house for yet another session of eating (ha! another inch added on my waistline).

So merry making went on 'till evening as we yet pushed our stomach's limit with a family friend dining with us for a night snack as we watched Marimar and later on continuing Harry Potter.

This may not be the usual Christmas many of us may have wished for and though 'till now I still feel as if we're celebrating, this is actually the first time I celebrated Christmas at an adults view point, behind the glitter of lights and decor.

My family's together...There's nothing more I could wish for...

Christ was born on the manger--in all simplicity and glory, a family created with his presence. He came to bring us salvation thus we have a lot to thank.....

And let me begin my thanks to God for giving me a wider view of what being blessed is all about--especially this Christmas....

When we are meek....

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 16:05:00 +0000

Just when I thought they were there for the chats.

The fifth night of Simbang Gabi started with the priest running late again (since he had also led a mass at another parish). And before all the prayers and the songs began that night, the chapel was filled with buzzings of adults chatting and kids running around, if not, making tantrums. There were few, I must say, whom I saw, whether kneeled or just sitting, who are praying while waiting.

A fast forward to the mass--with some kids still having fun, if not, sleeping, while mass was going on, I somehow felt a certain cheer within me. Something that night tells me that it was a night where I'd see something that should be seen from church goers--and it took me to sit back and wait while the communion was going on.

From the playing of kids to the chatting of adults, to certain teenage sweethearts and buddies fooling around (sorry!), The communion seem to have captured my attention unlike the previous nights. hhhmmm...maybe it's my view from where I sat.

Though the church was still jammed pack, it seem that that night there were only small numbers. Still, the huge number of those taking the communion was still undeniable. It was then that I saw that these people were there not just to hang out or make the church as their meeting place for date (or stop overs), there was also a lot of faith.

I don't know whether it was the homily that made that night's misa extra special. Definitely there were more faith intact that night, not that I'm saying that the previous nights never had. It just that the misa seemed more solemn that the previous ones.

It was also then that I saw the number of people falling in line to take Christ's body, or should I say "noticed". I've been there almost every night yet never realize the number of takers (maybe it's really the view where I sat).

Definitely, in the middle of the itchy nose and cold atmosphere, I saw that when it comes to worshiping God, there is always unity and eagerness to be the best.

As they said in the homily--nothing is impossible with the Lord....

Trinkets of Happiness

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 16:56:00 +0000

It's been a week since I saw a one of Mel and Joey's (a weekend show in GMA7) about a tinapa vendor who always makes it a point to shower kids in their place, candies, as a way of showing her thanksgiving to the Lord, for all the blessings she and her family received. And inspired as I am by her actions, I'll be doing the same.

Call me not original but the fact of sharing is enough to say at least I did something unselfish, especially this season of giving.

Earlier this afternoon, my mom and dad went to the grocery to pick up something for the fridge (hahaha--it's almost empty), and remembering what I wanted to do, my mom did extra shopping by adding to her list the goodies I planned to give. Promise, these are not candies with formalin....hahaha.

I plan to give this goodies to the carolers. Instead of giving coins to them for their banging and clinking of their instrument as they sing those Christmas carols (including a Christmas station ID of one of the television network), I'll be giving these little trinkets to them, hoping they will like it, and not fight over it (unlike past Christmas where kids are fighting over their share of carol earnings).

Tomorrow will be a busy day. And tonight, as I end my venture in cyberspace, I leave you with a note:

If in the past you've felt down with the way your life has been, try to look in front of you. For the tiniest smile that appears on your face is already a promise of a great day for the rest of the universe......

Be thankful for your blessing....

Simbang Gabi....

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Sat, 15 Dec 2007 15:17:00 +0000

December 15, 2007--Instead of tomorrow early morn, Misa de Gallo (Rooster's mass), was held earlier, this night, in our local parish, for the folks of our subdivision who wishes to attend and complete the nine day mass without having to wake early morn.

The church was full of chirping of his and hellos from the good people of our community as we waited for the priest who came just in time. Aaahhhh! it was indeed a good beginning for us.

Misa de Gallo, or most popularly known in Filipino as Simbang Gabi (Night mass), is a nine day novena mass in preparation for Christmas. This is a very important tradition as it is an act of showing devotion to one's faith and the high anticipation to the Nativity of Christ. Usually it starts at the sixteenth of December 'till the twenty-fourth or Bisperas ng Pasko (Christmas Eve), starting as early as four in the morning. . But besides passion behind the mass, there is also a traditional Filipino belief that completing the mass may mean God granting a faithful's favor or wish.

A faithful's wish....

I have had my part in wishing and completing the mass. So far there were wished that were granted and those not. This time, though I am very much aware that I won't be able to complete it--to give way to my mom and dad who wishes to attend the mass as while yours truly will be taking with them in watching over my grandma--I still kept hold of my faith in God upon granting my wish (an unselfish wish that right now I cannot tell).

Misa de gallo gave a good start earlier as we were led by a priest from Bangladesh. I must admit, though at first, I was a bit worried whether I'll have a difficult time in understanding what he spoke (due to his accent), I found his homily's message clear....

It was indeed very enlightening to listen to his homily. Behind the wandering and chattering of children at the back, where I am seated, I find myself awake and zealously listening to his words. It was indeed, I must admit, one of the best Simbang gabi that I attended.

He started off the homily with a little trivia of where the Misa de gallo started--that it dated back during the Spanish era. Then he mentioned the three decades of the filipinos' state during those times when this nation was under the Spaniards rule. It was then that he had connected this to the Exodus where us, God's children, has seen the light as we break free from all that has oppressed us. That was indeed a reminder of appreciating a speck of light in the dark where we truly see its beauty.

The message of the homily? Attending mass isn't just about asking for favors, but actually reflecting and awaiting Jesus Christ's coming. In the end, as we break free, we must always keep hold of faith and give thanks to the Lord for every bit of blessing he has given, no matter the quantity.

Tomorrow will be my parents' turn to attend. As I type this, I bear in mind the faith I have so pledge my confidence to--the faith in God that he'll be answering this prayer of mine. And this faith I offer to him in thanks for all the kindness he has given me and my family--thanking him for giving me blessings enough for me to share....

______________________________________________

Reference:

Christmas in the Philippines

Computerdotcom

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 16:07:00 +0000

I have recently decided to take the opportunity of having an Internet connection a shot. After graduating and still staying home with no job except to do house chores and blog, I have taken the step to try reviewing, or learning, certain lessons back in college.

It is indeed very hard for me to so this but I must admit that I am not fully satisfied with what I've learned in school. I do not blame teachers for any lack--I place the blame on myself for my own lack of effort under the reason which I would like to shut my mouth as to not say it....(SECRET!!!!)

In the terms that I claimed my faults and accused no one for it, therefore it is my job to ensure that this time around, as tools are more accessible as it were before (I think--well with the Internet, yeah I guess), I have taken full responsibility on myself to supplement the voids in my learning.

And so I did....

I started reading again and found that I need to practice my vocabulary (my what happened to me!). I visited some sites and tried to understand their content (which I am very willing to share with you in my next blogs). And as I've said earlier regarding my vocabulary I have found some useful sites that has helped me with my quest to heighten up my knowledge:

I know there are still lots out there to check out, but for now, here's my share.....

Now all I have to do is motivate me more--especially in loosing weight...hehehe....

______________________________________________

I would gladly appreciate suggestions of sites that may help me in my study (especially regarding techy stuffs)....Thanks....

In hold of FAITH...

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 15:24:00 +0000

We need not question GOD as to why things came to how it is presently. All we need to do is hold on to faith....
I have thought of myself as lost--lost in the sense that I have struggled hard to fight foolhardiness brought about by petty insecurities over nonsense. I have pitied myself long enough about how my life has turned about--not as I have planned....
But recently, I have realized why I was placed in such a situation that I'm presently living in.
Things happen for a reason, and it is still unknown except for He who is All Mighty. We are his creations and every situation is brought about by his will, either to remind us or to reward us. After the many questions I've asked, I saw what God wanted me to do....What made him decide to keep me here longer....
My friends maybe asking what's taking me so long to return to the province or why I haven't made a move to break free from my shackles of the so called boredom, well here's my answer: It's because I learned that boredom is a choice in as much as one chooses to do what's right from what's wrong. Now that belief is being tested.
Earlier this morning I made my prayer to God to give me strength for this new worry I face. It was then that I realize how selfish I have been for worrying those petty insecurities of mine while others are facing graver problems than--and how they've handled it, and still handling it, with head held high.
I thank God for placing me in the position I am right now....
I thank God he made me learn to gather strength the hard way....
I thank God for his presence in my life....
Folks, I may not be ready to tell you the problem I presently face, but with regards to my being lost, I recently found out that I'm still here and just forgetting to breathe. Ha!!!! No one can dare shatter me. No one can dare bury my identity. I am me, they are they. And right now, I have faith, that after I have seen the light, I know this new problem is going to disappear and be forgotten as if it never happened....
Please bear with me and pray that everything is going to be fine....

God is Everywhere

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 10:57:00 +0000

I woke up late this morning and I could have woken up more late if my uncle hadn't come for a visit. being a late sleeper may have caused me to, but unlike previous nights, I slept rather earlier and have no reason to why I had woken up late--except for a dream....

I have dreams lately that seems to be telling me something--but usually I always end up thinking that it was but a product of my imagination. But last nights dream got me more curious as I nearly woke up wanting to cry.

My dream was set in a building. I was with my god sister who was taking a shower, as I waited for her for my turn. The minute she called for me, saying some trouble, I changed my clothes and later found her fully clothed and done. We went outside the room, and headed for a nearby comfort room since she was in need to use a toilet.

As I wait for her to come out, a good friend of mine came. In want to change my clothes, I asked my friend to go with me to the locker room. But instead of heading to the locker room, I seemed to have gotten lost as she led me to the lower area of the building where a grocery was. She left me near the stairs, by the entrance of the said grocery and went to a nearby booth.

Thinking of my god sister who was in the comfort room, I asked my friend to assist me up. She seems to be busy and couldn't hear me. Fortunately, a girl, who seems younger than me, wearing a pink shirt and jeans, with short hair and headband, offered help. At that time something in me says she's an angel.

As we came up, I saw another friend who was walking at the other side of the corridors, by the stalls. I called to her but she seems to be smiling at someone else, not hearing my call. Unable to get her attention, I went off with the girl who still continued to assist me. We were going for the stairs to go to where my god sister was, but instead I found myself entering yet a smaller grocery with tables and chairs everywhere. Thinking what we were doing there, I decided to just buy a toffee candy as a treat to the girl with me.

As I was paying the candies we bought, an old man, who was sitting nearby smiled to us. I approached the man who seems to be saying something to me. At first I thought that he was kind but as I heard what he said further, I somehow got mad at him and tried to make my point (as if we were debating).

He was asking me about God. He was convincing me there is no God. And I ended up arguing about it.

At first, I seem to be trying to be level headed but in the end, annoyed with this old man, I went closer and said with all my gut spilled in his face: "God is EVERYWHERE..."

He slowly turned to look at me, with his eyes seemingly piercing at me, but I stood with all might, asking for a miracle as I wait for his response. He seemed mad at me for saying those words and his eyes were becoming very scary, but I still stood knowing that I was right.

As he was about to speak I heard a woman's voice came from behind me. "God is everywhere..."

I turned to see who it was and saw a woman, who stood from where she sat, smiling at me. I again looked at the old man, more courageous than ever. Then I heard another voice. It was the man in the counter. "Yes, God is everywhere...". and he was smiling too.

Much stronger than ever I stood more proud for standing my ground as the whole room seem to silence with them watching us. Then I turned to the girl with me who seems to be uncomfortable with what was happening. She seems mad at something and uneasy--she can't seem to look at me.

I smiled at the man by the counter as he looks at me beaming. I thanked him and started for the exit with the girl who was now walking in front of me. But before we could go out, the man at the counter shouted something which made the whole room roar with applause. He said something which made me really touched that I almost cried. Not wanting to cry in front of such a crowd, I then headed for exit. Then and there, I noticed something with my companion as she started out first, her feet where smoking--as if it was on fire, though there was no fire. What happened next was gone as I find myself in my room once more, after my mom woke me up telling me of my uncle's arrival....

Was it a sign for something? A test?

After my uncle had left, I talked to my mother about it. She said it was a trial--a test of my faith. It was then that I understood why the man behind the counter, in my dream, led the applause for me.

The dream makes me want to cry as I thought of it further, moved by the power of faith. Right now, all I know is my faith--Faith in Someone higher than all around us. There are times when things may go uncertain for us but all we can cling to is faith.

Faith in God's promise of better days.....

Faith in God for there is nothing impossible through Him....

May GOD Bless us all....

Makati Standoff on Probe

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 11:01:00 +0000

It's been a week since the incident in the Manila Pen. Presently, Trillianes and his men, including civilians with them in the siege, are kept in Camp Bagong Diwa as they are trialed at court for rebellion. And last night, after deciding to watch the news, I was lucky enough to be one of those late night TV enthusiast who are watching the PROBE....

Last night's Probe features the unseen footage of the Standoff in Makati, starting with the walk out of Sen. Trillianes and Brig. Gen. Danilo Lim from the court. It may have appeared to be rash but as I saw the supposed civilians joining them and later on putting on red bands with the Magdalo symbol, I was intrigued (was it really rash or planned?)

There was a call for change by the two men of the hour.....

And there were those who followed....

Everyone was surprised at the action done by Sen. Trillianes' group especially as they entered the Manila Pen. The next scenes became more tense as Sr. Supt. Jaime Calunsod came in to convince the group to surrender and PNP Dir. Geary Barrias was there to tell the civilians, including the media to get out. This was followed by phone calls to the media men in the Pen, from their respected offices, to get out.

There were media men who came out and found the group of armed soldiers getting ready for the war. But with some media men, still many decided to remain including known faces like Fr. Robert Reyes who said that though he's not part of Trillianes' group, he'll still stay there with them.

Media men seems to be everywhere. There were those waiting for further statement from Trillianes, those by the fire exit shooting a video of the tank trying to break in the pen, and those posted by the upper lobby with some Magdalo Soldiers, securing the media after they have heard the warning shot, assuring them that the men outside cannot, of course, risk the lives of the remaining civilians (media). But they were wrong for sooner than they have said it tear gas was thrown in....

The next scenes were chaotic as media men gets a dose of tear gas, covering their noses with damped towels, as they suffered from its inevitable effect . It was also because of this scene, plus the continuous shooting of the AFP outside that Sen. Trillianes and Brig. Gen. Danilo Lim decided to surrender.

They were coming out alright, but with the second shot of tear gas, the group, with the media, went back to the Rizal room where Trillianes' group had engaged themselves while in the Pen. With everyone packed in the room like sardines, and with the news from the few media men who first came out, the whole room began to feel tensed that the divisions of networks were forgotten (who cares who gets the exclusive). At that point the media men helped each other with their equipments, hiding whatever piece of equipment they can hide (including cellphones), as news from outside came to them, warning of confiscations.....

Confiscations? Why were the SAF (Special Action Force), confiscating the media equipment.

As I further watched the footage, I can't help but pity the media, including Trillianes' group and the civilians who stood with them, as they are escorted out of the Rizal room. It was indeed very disappointing to see how the SAF acted towards the group--their bombarding command, the guns, and their not so considerate attitude, as the group is commanded to go down the stairs with the whole pen dark. One of the camera man, present in the group even turned on the lights of his camera with the Bishop, assisted by Lim and Fr. Reyes, and others more, going down the stairs. But this too faced the angry command of the group's escorts which ended with the lights being turned off.

Everyone was treated like criminals. The media, who were just doing their job, even faced the cruel reality that their freedom to express had gone to chains that very moment. With Sen. Trillianes, led first outside the pen, the media were left to defend their rights which ended with cuffed hands and a ride at the bus to Camp Bagong Diwa.

At that moment I felt a chill--a chill which I never thought I could feel at the staggering sight of the media. But with the thrilling chill also comes the spirit of brotherhood as I saw the media men's unity, especially with other media men, as they are parked outside the said camp, handing boxes of water and packs of food to those in the bus.

There are some situations that, though we may find it as unreasonable or foolhardiness yet in the end will serve its purpose. Everything is willed by God. As I've always believed, everything, even a disappointing situation is a blessing....

I've seen what I need to see....A proof of what is evidently still protected by those who claim the power over the law, instead of abiding it.

The media has shown strength during the time when their necks seems to be tied up. I pray that their freedom will not submerged into frailty like what history has shown us....

Beware and Be Aware!

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 15:24:00 +0000

"Beware and Be Aware!"--this has been the text message sent to the victim shown on tonight's episode of XXX (a weekly investigative show in the Kapamilya station). A victim of harassment as she is blackmailed by a guy whom she just met through texting.

After seeing tonight's episode of XXX, I felt relieved that I, even with the encouragement of friends in the past, never took seriously any of those strangers who once bombarded my cellphone--asking to be text mates....

Tonight's episode states of a 23-year old girl who is being blackmailed by her text mate. The blackmailing started after their first meeting where the suspect invited her for a drink at a friend's house. After getting her drunk, the next was history--a history which the victim forgets the next day as she woke up, finding herself already in front of their house.

It took a text message from her supposedly newly-founded friend to remind her of an event she'll regret for the rest of her life--an event that started her misery.

She met her text mate again showing her what was saved in his cell phone--a sex video starring the suspect and her. Threatening to release the scandal via the Internet, the girl agreed to the suspects demands: firstly to break up with her boyfriend and lastly to make the suspect her boyfriend.

...'till time came when she had enough of him.....

After learning that he was once again at his game, this time blackmailing a minor, she took courage and approach the XXX team--after she made contact with said minor victim.

Learning that the minor was asked 100,ooophp so as not to show this new sex scandal, the entrapment operation was planned. Using the minor as bait, as she sent a text message to the guy telling him of the said payment, they agreed to meet at a fast food. There, after she handed him the marked money, the group was called to catch the culprit and as he was brought to the police station, he came face to face with the complainant herself--his victim claimed-girlfriend.....

While some are lucky enough to meet their respective prince charmings through texting, sad to say there are those who becomes unsuspecting victims of people whom they thought are there to make friends.

It's sad to think that with the fast paced advancement of technology, giving new innovations that has given ease to our daily duties, there are those who abuses it giving havoc to someone's life. But when there is yin, there is also yang (and that positive view in technology is from the media)....

Let this be a lesson--a lesson that should be kept in the minds of today's youth. Learn to be objective in the things you do. It is not wrong to make friends through chatting or texting, we just have to always put caution first. And remember, that in this advance age, where complexity gives ease, be responsible enough and put to right every use of whatever God has given us--knowledge.....

Tension in Makati

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 12:22:00 +0000

MAKATI--It was around pass twelve noon when news came about Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV together with Brigadier Gen. Danilo Lim, walked out of the Makati City court room to call the Filipino people to withdraw support from the present administration.

My mom and Tita Menen were presently watching Game Ka Na Ba? on television when the news came, suddenly cutting off the said show. I was in my room doing some stretching, trying to kill the chill I was feeling from the coldness the weather brought in earlier. Thinking that the flash report may be regards to the weather condition (after Mina and the comeback of Lando, and of course the seen low pressure), I went out to see.

It was indeed a shock to see Sen. Trillianes, together with Magdalo soldiers, walking on the streets of Makati, rather than a weather forecast, in the news.

We were about to take lunch as well, but instead of me, enjoying the adobo my mom cooked, I ended eating less and feeling all heated with anticipation with the news, which seems to be taking long for a flash report.

After lunch and washing the dishes, I immediately entered my room to do some typing, but with my grandmother going back to her bed, leaving the television on while my mom was then taking a bath, I went to the living room to turn off the television--but I ended up watching instead. So I was glued to the television, after I saw that Sen. Trillianes, and the rest of the Magdalo were in the Manila Peninsula. They have taken over the place....

It was further shocking for me to see what was going on at Makati. People staying at the Pen were already checking out, while the lobby, especially the second floor, where Trillianes stayed, was filled with reporters. It was reported that the police were giving Trillianes and Lim 'till three in the afternoon to surrender or they will use force on him.

As I was watching this, I can't help but have unsettling feeling towards this issue: should I be disappointed or somewhat moved by what they were doing. But as my mom went to the grocery and with nothing but people coming asked to go out of the pen, I decided to take a bath, feeling rediculous in thinking what my judgement should be.

After the very cold bath which didn't last long than usual, I was at the television again--this time the civilians (mostly media), were locked inside. Only a few had a chance to go out at the employees entrance of the Pen. They weren't allowed by the Magdalo to go out at the main entrance after the armed forces outside the pen gave a warning shot. This was to secure the civilians of have any casualties in their group. All couped up, they were placed in a secured place were they were asked to just lay there--protected from any stray bullet from outside.

With this scenario, I can't help but pity, and at the same time admire, the media men who still, even with the threat of danger, try to cover the story. There, as they were grouped, curled on the floor, tear gas suddenly filled the place. Luckily they were nearby the comfort rooms and immediately washed wit eyes with water then decided to get a moving to another location.

I can hear the systems engineer of GMA--Allan Guttierez, as he called for a certain "Phillip" to move. Later on he reported that they were in the basement and that the effects of tear gas was really taking more effects on their senses, especially their eyes....

It wasn't long 'till the announcement of Trillianes' surrender due to the civilians inside. The military were already shooting at the building and barraging at the front entrance. And with the tear gas filling the place, putting more devastation on the people there, to surrender was the only option left--after all, he's a senator and it is indeed right to place the safety of the people he pledged service, first.

At that time, I began to feel relief with the senator's decision. The media trapped inside has faced enough trouble alright. But it is their job and for that I admire them.... But what's this?

After Trillianes and Lim were arrested together with other personalities who were with them in the hotel, one of them Former Vice President Teofisto Guingona (and I think I saw the "running priest"), I can't believe the details aired on television about media people being cuffed and placed on a bus--these were the media who were left trapped inside in the Pen. OMG!

Media arrested?

In their explanation, administration officials says that they really weren't arrested, but for the sake of ensuring that all the Magdalos are caught, thinking that they may be disguised as media men, they were to taken to be interrogated.

Then why the confiscation of their belongings? and why the handcuffs?

This was the time when I certainly believe that everything happens for a reason--and what happen to the Pen happened for the reason of showing the people something that is very unreasonable at all--unreasonable action which can cause people to have a reasonable reaction....a violent reasonable reaction....

If they were just to interrogate the media, why cuff them? why point guns at them? why confiscate their equipment? why not check their IDs to be sure? why oh why have they done this. That is truly not good at all....

They could just have interrogated them at the Pen. And besides, media men can easily be verified because of their IDs. There respective offices can be checked as well. They could all just be gathered in a room at the pen where they can sit and relax from the tension...not add another....

And why the curfew? I don't know if I can accept their reason....I smell something fishy....

Media men, at the time when the forces of the administration, tries to break in the pen, are civilians. They are not uniformed men who can shoot back. Yes, they were asked to go out, and they were, but thanks to that "warning shot" they never got out. hala!!!!

I don't know what the officers were thinking that time...but I do know one thing though, this is the day when I saw rules broken by those who tries to prove it's powers and those who claim it's powers....

It seems that what I thought to be a suicidal attempt (uncertain and a rash) by Trillianes earlier, can be of something useful to trigger a certain spirit in me....something that Filipinos have shown through history....

This is one night where I saw the media whether kapuso or kapamilya, foreign or local, unite for a something more than just a coverage of the call for pagbabago (change)....

For this was a night when I saw what the people needed to see....

_____________________________________________

Related Articles:

Standoff in Makati (A Photo Essay)
Makati Standoff (from inquirer.net)

The not so new and the new housmate

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 10:21:00 +0000

Gabby's back!!!!

She voluntary-exited to grab the opportunity relating to her passion. Now that she's back in the country kuya gave her another shot of going back inside the big brother house, after Maccoy and Ethel went into a voluntary exit last week.

As I saw her chat away with Mommy Yayo and Baron, catching up with stuffs, I can't help but shriek in excitement. It was indeed very sad and disappointing to see Maccoy and Ethel go. They have given such a challenge inside the house and to the viewers, showing not only that they can fulfill all task thrown upon them but also in standing for what they think is right giving off their intellectual side. This is what actually made me admire Gabby de la Merced.

But it wasn't just Gabby who entered the house....

It's a she not a he....

....and not from the past evicted housemates.....

Sniper Angel entered the house with style--a style which once made all of us admire this celebrity every night in her shows at siete. How did this new housemate enter the most famous house?

The boys were all dressed up, as if going to war. As they checked outside and saw the masked sniper holding her gun, they were signalled to go outside and try to avoid her shots which were all paint. I don't exactly have a clue what the activity required whether they see the last man standing or what, but her entrance was really cool.....

Her form....her shots....

At first I thought it was a guy 'till I saw the long hair. That instant I had a clue as to who she was. There have been rumors already about her entering the house. Today's show of Uber was a confirmation (though I still don't know whether she's a housemate or just a guest).

Angel Locsin the newest housemate on PBB....hmmmm....

After Ethel and Maccoy exited, I don't feel like watching the show anymore, but with Angel there it got me curious--especially with Gabby back!!!!!!

Warning! Typhoon Mina coming this way!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 11:16:00 +0000

It's already been a year since Typhoons Millenio and Reming caused such a devastation in the Bicol Region (especially in Albay where many died due to a grave mud flooding). Now Mila, another typhoon, who threatens to get even stronger (on its way to becoming a super typhoon), is coming the Bicol Region's way--threatening another devious incident in the said area.

I spent almost eight years in Sorsogon, after my family decided to be based there, where I also finished my college. After graduating year 2006, I came back here in Manila with my mom while my dad and my siblings are still there in Sorsogon, since they are still in school (two of them already in college while the youngest is in high school). When the tragedy in Albay came blasting it's way on television and on the papers, I felt as if I'm part of those who were devastated.

It's is no joke when I say that as I was staying in Sorsogon I felt the impact of poverty more than I was here in Manila. Life there is more simpler than I was expecting. Looking on the brighter side, and thankfully I've seen this, those who have families who can-afford are not jerks that loiter and make the people around them feel more deprived. But looking at the situation in terms of poverty, I can't help but feel shattered with the present situation the region is facing.

Typhoons has been a number one problem in the region that there are some who are not that alarmed with the said nature's wrath. Then came Reming which really made quite a trauma to everyone.....

Here comes yet another typhoon. I fear for the people and pray that Mila (typhoon) won't become a super typhoon, further more, that it will not hit Bicol. People there have finally set life in good condition, after their agonizing situation. May the tragic incident from last year not come about this year...and I hope that all my loved ones, especially my dad and my siblings, be safe.....

May God send his angels to watch over them....

____________________________________________________________

Typhoon Mina at Inquirer.net

The Bombing of Batasan...

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 06:09:00 +0000

November 13, 2007--It was past eight at night when the news flashed on television: An explosion occurred at the south wing parking lot of Batasan Pambansa Complex....
It's been two nights ago when I saw the news about Batasan being bombed. After the Glorrieta blast I just never thought that the House of Representatives would face such a tragedy--then again, no one can really tell. This only puts questions on their security, lacking the strict measures it should present.

News flashes came continuously that night, that even my plans to sleep earlier came to extending my presence in front of the television as I checked the latest updates. My sleepy eyes became full alert in shock with each update the television shows. It seems that no network would want to give it a time off--then again, who wouldn't. After the disturbing news on Glorietta, Batasan was the least place I, and I believe the public, expects to get into this kind of horror. With the Congress there, security should have been tight, right?

According to reports, the blast came from a motorcycle placed at the south wing's parking lot. It was also said that it was triggered by a remote control, timing the blast to the time congressmen where coming out, especially Rep. Wahab Akbar of Basilan, who was one of the three person killed that night. There were also seven others injured including Representatives Luzviminda Ilagan of the Gabriella Partylist and Pryde Henry Teves of Negros Occidental. Unfortunately, came next morning, November 14, at 3pm, another victim died.

Was Akbar really the target, or was it all planned to hinder something? I cannot help but ask since the day after the blast marked the decision of the lawmakers to the impeachment complaint of Pres. GMA, where the said complaint was denied with the vote of 43-1, all 43 are from the administration. This decision came about after the said three-paged complaint was said to have "Lack of substance". Then again, Akbar could really have been indeed the target since he is from Basilan, the said place where the Abu Sayaff is. This speculation came about after a text message came from a said Abu Sayaff member where the said group was claiming the bombing. But it soon ended after the Abu Sayaff denied this saying that Akbar was a follower of their group....

Another stir in the life of us Filipinos. Oh when will this end....
Speculation as to who dunnit and on what motive, should first be placed on hold while investigations are still on going. Right now police should be careful with regards to their statement in their findings. Most importantly, security should be more tight, not just in government offices but also in every public area. We've gone through a great ordeal grieving for the victims of Glorietta--now we face yet another shattering news on The House of Representatives....PLEASE....We should put action to this problem.

After the Glorietta blast, last week was already full of distressing news that made conscience rise more to the level of its awareness of what agony meant for others and how it can affect us all, topping the list was Mariannet Amper's suicide, next was the accident of the Saguisags which led to the death of Mrs. Dulce Saguisag, and the ambush of a COMELEC official and a death threat to yet another. Yet with these tragic events I am in no position to ask God why these things have to happen. The bombing of the Batasan, whether it is intended for one person or the congress as a whole, is indeed a bitter realization that because of selfish intent, even to cause death at those unknowing innocents, is a must just to accomplish their goal...A Sad fact indeed....

________________________________________________

Congress Blast

Philippine lawmakers throw out impeachment bid against President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo - The Associated Press, November 13, 2007

Doubt on Mariannet's death....

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 21:55:00 +0000

Last week may have ended rather sad with young Mariannet Amper's burial--the tragic story of a young girl who committed suicide out of her depression in their family's impoverish life. But this week got me more suspended in her case as not just blames, but also doubts, started to arise with regards to what pushed her to do such an act....

News, last night, may have been filled with squabbling politicians over Mariannet's death, but one thing is truly intriguing, as it had been staggering. Last week, even with the start of it's news, there were already people who questioned why Mariannet committed suicide. Poverty alone may have not been the reason why, they said, though still it really was a big hit that made people realize the seriousness poverty here in the country. Then again, with the suggestion of autopsy, and the response of the family with regards to how the news have exaggerated their life, I can't help but think that maybe there was another reason to Mariannet's actions.....

Was she abused?

No one knows--for now. But one thing is for sure, Mariannet Amper has really caused such a wave of distraught over the whole nation--a big wave indeed that is waking up every sleeping conscience, not just in this nation, but on every person who lived in this planet that has heard of her death.

It is indeed a surprise for a country known to be populated by optimists, to have such an issue. But 'till we really figure out the truth behind the doubts, let this be more of an eye opener that we should begin to move, even in our own way, to eliminate poverty in this nation....

Mariannet Amper: Death Driven by Poverty....

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 17:20:00 +0000

A few minutes ago, something staggering caught me speechless as I watched the news.

Brgy. Ma-a, DAVAO CITY: Life is too short and it became shorter for 12-year-old Mariannet Amper as she hanged herself to death.

Just recently, Pres. GMA announced the improvement that the government made with the rate of poverty decreasing. The next morning was might have been indeed a big slap on her face with the news of young Mariannet from Davao who committed suicide because of poverty.

Flashed on the news earlier was a younger brother crying in front of the casket where his sister lies. It was him who saw Mariannet's suicide as he entered the room where he found her hanging. Too young, and small, to rescue his sister, he immediately called for help. How devastated his cry sounded. Such is a cry that would pierce any person who hears it.

It was only with the discovery of her diary that they found out the reason for Mariannet's action. There, she had written her grief about her family's situation: how her parents argued a lot, her mother forcing her to work at a noodle factory and her not attending her classes anymore. It was indeed shattering when they showed what she had written regarding her absences which dates October 6 of this year: "Parang isang buwan na akong hindi pumapasok kasi hindi ko binibilang mga absent ko, hindi ko namalayang malapit na pala ang pasko...." (It feels like a month since I last attended school, I haven't even counted my absences that I didn't realize that Christmas is fast approaching....).

Her classmates cried about what had happened to Mariannet. It was then that they told the reporter about her telling them once how she wants to end her life. They even showed on the news the chair where she once sat during class--the chair that will never be filled with her again, except for the memory of the girl who wished of becoming a nurse some day to help get her family out of the agony of an impoverish life.

The news about Mariannet is truly bothering considering that because of poverty, a young girl claimed her life to escape its despair.

I feel for the Mariannet. She's just one of the millions of kids who faced such a burden of being poor--while there are those who just wastes their fortunes on lavish-nothings. There are millions of Filipino families who lived with just a dollar a day (or forty pesos a day). Mariannet Amper death has brought about the staggering truth that many are still deprived of a better life--especially their kids. When will this end? I do not know. But I hope, someday, people will see that in each step we take-forward to success, we must look back at those left behind and learn to share blessings. I don't mean giving alms, but rather by teaching and guiding. I hope the government will do their part to give aid to the injured not just temporarily but permanently.

Mariannet Amper may not be the first to have done such an action....but I pray she's the last.....

Wasted Relief.....

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 14:56:00 +0000

Such was the horror that struck Albay when super typhoon Reming went to pay a visit there.

It's been a year since Reming caused such devastation which led to thousands of people dead and left homeless. Schools and gymnasiums, then weren't even enough to shelter the inflicted folks of the storms. Much more was the food and clean water. Roads were closed and other goods were scarce.

My brother at that time was in Tabaco, Albay. And with all roads, out of Tabaco, closed, my brother, together with some friends who also live in Sorsogon, took the long trek home by foot, where they faced the the aftermath-horror of the mud flow tragedy. Lucky for them my dad and my uncle found a way to enter Legazpi.

I was here in Manila with my mom when it all happened. And though I'm from Sorsogon, I felt life sucked out of me as I saw the distressful state of the people there. The loss, the cold nights and hunger.....

A year after the agony.... A year after the whole nation gathered to place comfort..... a year since then, I faced the television to discover such disappointment......

Earlier this evening, I was about to make myself a cup of coffee (yes, coffee at night--I'm like that since college), when the flash report showed which got me and my mom's blood boiling. At the mention of Daraga, Albay, and the issue there, I felt like crying--with disappointment and anger. Such a waste--after discovering the piled packages of relief goods stored from last relief operation, which are now useless.

WASTED!

There boxes of canned goods and sacks of rice. Packages of blankets and other stuff that could have been used. But the food, alone, left there in that storage to rot instead of feeding the hungry, was a huge waste. Discovering such a pile to have expired last July, was really the biggest disappointment. After all, there are still many people needing those things, especially those times, when food was the number one priority.

If they were planning to store they should have checked the expiry dates. Then again, why were they storing large amounts of goods if there were still plenty to feed? Wasted....truly WASTED!

Let this be a lesson.....

Taking Blogging Seriously

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 16:17:00 +0000

Writing is my first love....

I honestly believe that being a writer runs in my family. It is a passion passed on from one generation to the next. A passion, whether influenced or not, comes out with every stroke of a pen, or clicking of the keys of the keyboard.... This is one hobby I can't get off my system since I was young....and I don't care whether it is related to my specialization I got in college or not.

Since I was young, I have enjoyed writing starting from the poems where is tells strories of some unlucky guy or a triumphant feeling I have. Thanks to my Ate Ophie, who's a writer as well, for showing me this addicting and fun craft, which my mom claims as something that not all are able to do.

Everytime Ate Ophie's work gets published on a magazine seems like a trophy for me that I wish, one day, I will have as well. She was a freelance writer and reading her works made me thought of making something worth posting one day.....High School gave me that chance alright.....then college.....

It's been more than a year since I graduated from college. With me just staying around the house, as I wait for a reply regarding my applications, I make use of valuable time by reading, and of course writing. And finally getting connection to the internet, I found a way to get my works published--if they do get published....

It was going to be a long wait, that I knew, as I passed manuscripts to certain publications (magazines and tabloids), yet, as I started joining an online community, I found a way to design plan b.

Plan B may also be a long wait as well before I see my efforts materialize, with regards to earning that is. Still, I went for it knowing that at least I see my work published for everyone to read. This is blogging....

I started first with friendster. Not only did I get in touch with friends and relatives, I also got to enjoy blogging for the first time. Knowing that it will just be read by friends (and if lucky by friends' friends), I started craving for more. Something that I, myself, can take in more seriously--thus I joined blogger....

As I presently write this newest post on my blogger blog, I hope, just like back in school paper days, I may able to entertain and inform readers from every age as I continue to practice my passion.....And hope that it might help me earn as well.....

Oh...in addiction--I mean addition--I joined Myspace,where like friendster, I also have a blog....

Happy surfing--and reading--and blogging......

In Memoriam of Merry Making

noreply@blogger.com (-=:JhEn:=-) — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 18:17:00 +0000

Yesterday, cemeteries have been packed with people visiting the graves of their departed loved ones. Besides the usual rosaries, candles and flowers, most of them are holding containers of food or guitars--for their picnics. Everywhere there are relatives hugging and laughing, each telling how they've been since the last time they all saw each other. There are even those who brought along pillows and blankets agreeing to stay there for the night ( Though this year it seems there are fewer groups who did that ). There maybe some who doesn't understand as to why Filipinos celebrate All Souls Day this way still, we do it anyway ( Unfortunately we stayed in the house and just lighted candles and prayed).

In tonight's news, they aired the story of this morning's activities in Angono, Rizal's cemetery. Just like yesterdays views in other cemeteries here in Manila, there were merry makings from left to right. The only difference Angono had was that the celebration was more like a fiesta. Part of their programme for the day was a "raffle" for the people who were there, and games for the kids. Now theirs was more fun....

Now, others may ask why we Filipinos celebrate this way....

In an interview with one of Angono resident who was also present in the cemetery this morning, here's what she said: "We really celebrate All Souls Day in November 2 here in Angono. We have fun altogether for we rejoice with the fact that our loved ones are finally at rest and with our Creator in heaven...."

It is a custom for us to visit and pray for our departed loved ones during All Souls Day, but it is not also bad to have fun while staying in the cemetery. True, we enjoy ourselves not only because relatives come together during this period--it usually takes events like these to finally have a reunion--but rather because of faith itself. Filipinos are known to be religious (no matter what religion we belong to), The fact that we very much believe that there is heaven gives us the joy for our departed loved ones as we have prayed for them to the Lord. Truly they are at peace....