A Life Full of Scrap

Oktoberfeast @ Euro Deli

2009-10-04T03:34:00.001+08:00

It was a fantastico awesome night out with Asia Soft peeps! It was a blast... yeah I enjoyed myself so much! Literally puke vomit fark fest! hahaha.... Thanks Stan for inviting me... thanks Kristy & Dennis for partially paying my drinks and dinner... thanks Dylan for the ride and you're so VAIN! LoLxxx

I got a free t-shirt & a cute piggy mug. Gave Dylan my shirt since I won't wear it. Well I won it from a competition hahaha... Yeah and I was named the Sausage Queen darn it! Kristy got the same piggy mug too she won from a lucky draw and she was force to dance hahaha... Dennis got the mug too by entering semi finals for arm wrestling and he got lucky by winning the DVD player during a lucky draw session hahaha... I actually played 3 games well the whole point is just to have fun and I did. First game was drinking competition... ohhhh I was so close haha but the defending champ aunty is even more awesome haha... I was so full of gas hahaha keep burping. Before the contest I was having PORK buffet... what do you expect huh? Imagine yourself having tones of porksss yeah different types of meat... then added one whole pint of Paulaner drink in one breath OMG-ness I can barely breathe after the competition. Yeah at least I had a free drink haha! Second game was yeah blind folded and ate sausages that is stuck in between a random guy's thigh. Geez I know Stan had fun watching me in action haha... I predicted as much they will change partners... from Dylan became an old ang moh uncle haha... and yeah I won the contest. 3rd game was arm wrestling... I beat Kristy both right and left not coz' I'm strong but it's because she can't wait to have her chocolate cake =.=||| and lost to this Indian girl who's body was so obvious isn't straight hahaha... but still I have fun! Oh I got my piggy mug from that contest...

Then after the Oktoberfest, Dylan brought me back to take my car and he drove my car while I relax hehe... Our next pit stop was at Solaris KL the new Envy club. I barely drink the Hoegaarden because I was too full. I had a great great night with them... anyway I'm gonna head to bed since tomorrow going to meet Kristy, Dennis & Dylan for movie =D I bet Kristy going to post all videos in FB haha... chaoz for now oh by the way... Happy Mooncake Festival / Happy Mid-Autumn Festival!

A Lost Ship

2009-10-02T21:57:00.003+08:00

I've been wondering where I am heading lately... why things just doesn't seems to be sailing smoothly as I want them to be. I'm so lost... what happen to my navigator? Spoilt I guess... Where's my hope, my dreams and my passion to fight? I thought I'm suppose to get PHD by 30? I'm suppose to retire early? Blah~ I doubt I will ever achieve all those anymore. Why am I so emo deep down within me? Why do I carry such a burden on my shoulder? Why can't I just let go of things which are hurting me? Why me? So many "Y"s... I'm starting to give up my life for some strange reason...

Today I saw the documentary about the prophecies on how the world will come to an end at 21 Dec 2012. Which is like another 3 years from now... I thought to myself... oh isn't that his birth date? LoL the world is going to end on his birthday haha... *Wicked* Okay back to my point... I was like hmm... oh goody good good if the world's ending like in 3 years time so I don't see a point of me fighting so hard lolxxx... then reality hits hard... People has been predicting for centuries and the world still exist. Just pathetic la... my prediction it will not end just yet but I find the documentary darn interesting... It has really got me thinking a lot... I would think the reign of religions might come to an end and where science begin to replace the position of God... or you could say the era of Atheism? Hmm... maybe or maybe not? I mean look around you... youngster nowadays... how often do they pray? How often do they go to church or temple or mosque or whatever la... (not to mention those that practically had their whole life in the church... gf also from church 1 please ignore that bunch) What I am saying in general people just don't bother unless they face problems then they remember oh there's a God. Is there a God? This question has been lingering in my mind for sometime now... based on the recent Tsunami and earthquake I asked where's God when you need him? Some said He must be somewhere laughing at you bastards trying to run for your life while he enjoyed the show from above. Some said it's a test from God and that He works in his mysterious ways or He has plans for all of us... sounds familiar? Honestly, I've lost faith in God. In fact, I think it's just mother nature crying out to us and say "Hey look you parasites STOP whatever the nonsense that you are doing on my body... you are KILLING ME!" Think of the ice age... I think it's not God's work to kill off sinners but rather it's just a cycle that the mother earth will go through after years and years... and 21 Dec 2012 probably is a sign of earth is changing and we will just need to learn to adapt to its new nature.

Okay it's drifting far off from my topic. Anyway, back to me... the lost ship. Yeah... I felt so lost hmm... so alone... so empty... where's my spirit? I looked back and thought to myself... how can I change so much without I even realise it? I changed... I really changed hell a lot... from the innocent girl to who I am today. Yeah you bet I was bloody innocent back then OK! (I know none of you will believe me but those that know me long enough they could see how I'd transformed) I'm sure Kristy could see the difference in me. The 13years ago me and the me now hahaha or maybe even my housemate Christal could see the transition in me since I know her about 10years already. I think being with Alex has turned me into someone I'm not. I've been hiding behind his shadow for far too long. Slowly changes my character... slowly I do things I used to hate just to please him. I lost myself while being with him. I smoke nowadays... started to smoke one year ago... I remembered I said no matter what I do I won't smoke and never take drugs and I hate smokers a lot haha... I guess I should say I hate myself now. I still never touch any of those drugs... never once but things are just so hard to say... I am wondering what will I become. At times... you just won't know what will happened. I think I've took the wrong direction and I find myself heading towards darkness.

What more things has been pretty bad and rough with my personal life. I'm emotionally unstable... it's so torturing... why can't I sincerely smile from my heart anymore? One part of me secretly holds onto vengence waiting for the right time to strike... one part of me just wants to forgive and forget. I'm in the state of confusion. Why things just got to be so complicated? When we were younger I remembered I was a happy go lucky child without any worries... I remembered all my smile were sincere back then and I love to laugh a lot... I remembered how proud I was when someone commented I got deep dimples on my cheek that made me look cheeky all the time. Now? I can barely see those dimples anymore... they just MIA together with my smile. Ohhh my sarcasm skill has improved tremendously even my copywriter Sagar commented that I'm wicked (yeah he likes it!) and if it's coming from him means it's no good man... just evil...

I used to love my job now I've lost passion in doing it. Things becoming too routine... it's getting boring. What more I got pathetic clients ah... and yeah my pay sucks... what the fark I want I seriously have no idea. I realise this post is heading no where too... I don't know I just want to grumble... =P (DON'T READ IF U DON'T LIKE IT!) I just wanna bla bla bla~ Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I wanna scream my lungs out!!! I need the strength to keep me focus... I really need the faith... I need to learn how to trust again or maybe not. Maybe by keeping my trust aside I won't get hurt anymore... I think I'm not capable of loving people because I don't even love myself. Okay whatever I'm so lost I don't even know what I am crap-ingz here. =.=||| Chaoz I'm heading Barsonic Zouk to chill!

An Lian

2009-10-02T15:18:00.003+08:00

Oh I don't know why I feel for this song... God knows the meaning... lazy to find out... but the titles means crush... being in love with someone... something like that... Just melody is like sad and lovely at the same time. I don't know why it sort of like speaks to me erm... wait till I find out what it means and why they (the characters David & Cheryl in the MV) don't end up together and why she cried... I must say it's a pretty nice arrangement done. I know it's old song but still... I only post songs which I find interesting, nice and touching to me. =D somehow I feel it relates to me thus you see it here.

Oh I know this is irrelevant... AAR concert postponed till further notice. Hope Tyson gets better soon. Oh at the same time One Buck Short also got problemz well apparently one of the member got heart attack =.=" the event is like CURSE!

Anyway enjoy the clip la haihz... SIEN-ness!

I got LIFE 2 do!

2009-10-01T22:25:00.000+08:00

Well... "I'm not missing you" anymore by Stacie Orrico Ahhh... this song helps me so much! Lyrics are just right for me... I luv this part "What good is love when it keeps on hurting me?" People that are broken heart-ed like ME... I dedicate this song to you peeps! Enjoy... I just wanna be emotion-less and lead my life... forget about the pain and my past!

Oh, Oh

I'm not missing you
Been through just about everything that I could go through
When it comes to relationships
Don't know what I was missing or why I ain't listen
When I told myself that was it
Now here I go, hurt again
Cause of my curiosity
Now that its over
What else could it be he just had to cheat
I made a promise never to settle
Why didn't I keep it?
'Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around
[Chorus:]

(But) I'm not missing you
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me
I'm not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because
I got life to do
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone
But this time its different
I don't even feel the distance
I'm not missing
I'm not missing you

Its a shame in a way cause
I feel that I may not ever find the right one for me
Did I leave him, is he right in front of my face oh
Will my true love ever be?
Why would I go on a search again
When I know what the end will be
What good is love when it keeps on hurting me?
I made a promise never to settle
Why didn't I keep it?
'Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around
[Chorus x2]

No I can't be with you
Cause I'm scared felt like I was falling when you left me
I can't keep going through life
Unaware of what I missed
And the person I could be
Love's good when its right
And when it's left in your memory
All the times I let you down
I guess love will be nice for someone else's life
[Chorus]

(But) I'm not missing you
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me
(I'm not missing you)
You might have had me open
But I must be going because
(I got life to do)
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone
(I used to hate it)
Oh different, oh see the distance
I'm not missing
I'm not missing you
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me (knockin' at my door)
You might have had me open
But I must be going because
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone
Oh different, feel the distance
I'm not missing
I'm not missing you
I'm not missing
I'm not missing you(yeah, oooh)
I'm not missing you (oh baby)
I'm not missing you

Random-ness Part II

2009-10-01T19:45:00.010+08:00

Okay I got so many things to say but don't know how to name the title so here you go another point form style haha... Kristy copied my style =P I iz random... we iz random muahaha... Stan says I iz Epic lulz

Subaru Palm Challenge- One word for all- Disappoinment!

Overall Sux, Marshall Bias, Organiser in a Mess, Flyfm Miscommunicate (people thought only call through can participate and event is badly organised, irony is budget is more than last year) Should have 80 people but only 40 participants... so so damn sad comparing last year the event was a blast. I heard they cutting the allowance money too haha... I got 11th despite lack of sleep... what to do went for the BEP event and after party =D Reason I dropped out marshall being bias =D endurance test should eliminate only one but they kill-ed me even after that Indian dude dropped off because they wanted to end the event early and yeah everyone say I very mou ku. Oh yeah my right hand and left hand different colour damn! So fugly~ I'm already dark... now I'm darker. Cipet KW kutuk me calls me name! Damn him! He got nothing nice to say as usual... he don't kutuk me one day he can die!

He is back from HK... how I know? Of coz' I know he viewed my blog...

Dropped him a message in fb inbox and yeah he replied. Glad he enjoyed his trip and I felt that now talking to him is a little awkward... maybe I still have some feelings for him that's why. Argh... I wish I don't miss him anymore... but I still do :( He is going back to his hometown meaning he will be back Msia erm... I asked him to pay a visit if he can but I doubt he will. I wonder if he is happy... I really hope he is back to his normal self... the cheerful and no worries self. I'm back to my normal self... the emo mood swing gila me haha...I'm happy at one sec... sad at one sec... angry and pissed off for no reason... oh I'm having hell with my mood swing! Anyway, I've always love the way he is when he had his cute smile on his face. Ahhh... I gotta stopped this. I just wish he is happy and all the best to him now... seeing him happy makes me happy too. Hope he get a job soon.

I've got a call for interview

Updated my resume and someone called me up today... Wow... I'm surprise with myself haha... It's an advertising / marketing agency erm... smaller than Grey but still pretty okay la... It's not a local company it's an Australia based company if I'm not mistaken... Their portfolio don't get me excited though coz' their client's sell medical stuff zzzz sien-ness but I still haven't got time to fully check it out as requested by the interviewer. She called up asking me to go for interview in Bangsar Starbucks this Saturday since she is as busy as me too. Well, it's a Saturday I got nothing better to do so I'm just gonna try my luck who knows they might pay for what I ask if not then bah I'm not going to bother about it haha... Who knows I'll probably end up still in KL after all haha... Haihz been thinking about my future and where will I be heading... I really wanna get more money fast! Living a life like mine now is not too bad just not as good as I expect it to be. It's hard life but at least my work has some glam in it hahaha...

I'm broke

Yeah... this month I got too much things to pay... my car, my rental + P1Wimax, my study loan haihzzz I still haven't pay my study loan scare not enough to cover for this month haha... haven't do any claims lately =.=zzz sien-ness. SO GOD DAMN BROKE! Kristy and her colls ajak me to Octorberfest at Euro Deli since I pawned Stan and made him shat brix haha... we estimated about RM150 per person =.=||| (I'm not a Pork fan tbh I rather go clubbing at Barsonic which I haven't been for ages) Pork buffet + Drinks (German beer) erm... She's nice... she in this case Kristy la... she offered to pay for me ask me pay RM50 only... since she said I used to pay some when we go out. I'm not used to people paying for me haha... Haihz I NEED MONEY!!! I've been cutting down and budget like gilar and yeah back to my routine no dinner for me. I think it's not such a bad idea apparently I'm getting thinner. Randomly, today studio guys was like "Melissa... tim kai lei kam phai kam sau... hai mai diet sin... tim kai mou lek hoi moon ar?" I was like =.=||| yeah I was trying to push the damn door... and the door was a bit hard to open ma... swt say me diet and thin no energy to push the door hahaha...

I hate comp review

I HATE COMP REVIEW!!! 2 days MC the bloody newspaper stacked up like pile of mountain in front of my desk! T.I.U! ARGH~! Flipping newspapers every damn day ma' hand damn black... argh~ cut and scan making me crazy... somemore need to put in powerpoint do nice nice argh~ then do analysis lagi!!! TU LAN! ~>.<~ No choice still have to do! SIEN-NESS...CHAM-NESS... KAU-LAT-NESS!

Kev still calls usual after his work

Lately, he kinda annoyed me for some reason. =.=||| He keeps complaining about his gf. Oh reason why he didn't left the girl because he is guilty. The girl stayed back for him when she is suppose to go for Sg to work haha... that's why. I wonder if that's what Alex's feel back then... guilty that's why he stayed for so long. OKay when he keeps talking about his gf I was like GeeZ give me a break already. Oh well... then I realize I got nothing to talk to him after that hahaha... Don't know la... He brings up the past then I was like before things turn awkward... I said we're okay now as FRIENDS put the past aside! LoLxxx You might wonder if I still have feelings for him? Erm... I don't think so...

AAR on 10th Oct

Those of you who live in the jungle AAR stands for the All American Rejects. Okay I got another tix from Yen today so I can bring people to go AAR concert with me erm... If Kristy is not going with Dennis to Tampin for a wedding dinner I guess then she will tag along with me. Haha... She said she doesn't know ching ching chong chong haha... and I said they speak just like Dennis what... she replied well Dennis speak slow for her sake and Dennis's friends are like bullet train. Laugh die me! Oh well... I wonder if it will be good =.=||| Hopefully, the friggin' concert is good =.= zzz

Service my baby

Yup... done the first service for my car. Cost me RM150++ argh~ that's why I'm broke haha. Stupid insurance agent still haven't process my shit. I called up MC... I called up on leave... I called up "Bawa kereta bagi client" WADAFARK freakin' Raya is over man! Geez get back to work already! Cipet him Saturday I will go there and screwed him nicely (Mind you freak not that kind of screw ***Eyes rollin'***)! Said want to send the bloody documents to me. 2 freaking weeks still no news! Pissing me off. MALAYS BABI! CAN'T DO SHIT! Sorry hahaha... no offence not racist but maybe a little hahaa WHO CARES! MEMANG BABI SIAL! How strange they don't eat BABI yet they acted like one. Erm... at times I think Babi also way better than them. ARGH~!

Hmm... I think I should end this random-ness man... the list is getting longer than expected. Haha blerk =P
QUOTE FROM KRISTY -
"I IZ TRUELY RANDOM"

Run Baby Run~

2009-09-30T23:06:00.004+08:00

Yeah all the buzz about the earthquake which hit certain parts of KL and other parts of Malaysia, Singapore & especially Indonesia. It's the after effect of Tsunami in South Pacific Samoa which kills nearly 100 people. The toll was expected to rise. With the recent earthquake I think Indonesia got it worst there should be death during the earthquake... I think the magnitude it's about 8.0 - 8.3...

Lucky for us Malaysian we are still in one piece. I felt the tremors. I was in the office typing my emails doing my work and then I felt dizzy suddenly. I thought I'm still feeling sick. Then things just doesn't seem right when my chair is shaking, my pc is shaking and I'm shaking too. The feeling is like sea sick when you sat on a boat in the sea. Yeah and I got headache after that. Yen stopped talking on the phone and look at me. We were like er... run~ run~ run~! She ran pretty fast lolxxx... I was still typing my important emails to the client so I hurry up kau tim and update my fb status haha... off I go. Irony is I took lift wahahaha... and yeah it's 6something PM it causes massive jams in KL, but then again everything causes jams in KL no biggie. I heard from the radio they're doing sea evacuation too. Such a big hoo-haa... I called up check on my family guess Penang is still alright. My parents said Macullum area felt the earthquake.

This is my first encounter to such disaster erm... no biggie... I grab my stuff and left didn't even turn off my pc haha... funny thing is Wisma Genting alarm rang only after like 10mins when I'm already out from the building hahaha... If the building seriously collapse, sure tones of people gonna died for their work haha...

Oh well... just hope it is not as bad as 2004. I won't pray because it won't help. Where's God when you need Him? Erm... I wonder if there's any donation given to those victims but I heard donation done last time got a lot of corruptions going on haihz another dilemma to give or not to give haha... Samoa is completely washed out by Tsunami... I really pity those folks there especially the kids, women and old peeps... Cham-ness!

The world is going to end? Each time disaster like this happened people always asked the same old question. Even if the world ended I think it's not such a bad thing... at least no more pain... no more misery haha... no more polution... no more crime... no more shitty stuff hahaha... Good what...!

I wonder if Hong Kong could feel it... hmm... logically it shouldn't la base on world map lolx (I'm just wondering how is he doing only la blerk). Anyway, people please stay away from the sea as far as possible... for the time being.

Smart Ads - Ain't they cool?

2009-09-29T13:12:00.003+08:00

Okay I know I know I'm suppose to be on my bed and sleeping. I can't sleep too long back aching too so I woke up check my emails, guess what? Grey Sg replied... ngek~ngek~ngek~ I applied yesterday today they replied wow that's pretty AiR-Fi-CiOn. Just going to wait for interview now muahaha. Okay back to the title smart ads... Show you guys some pretty cool commercial done overseas. Enjoy! I lazy to explain I think the ad is pretty clear... the idea and concept has spoken. If you peeps tak paham aku pun tak tau la... haha! Oh click on the picture to have a bigger view ya... =D

Start off with Top 2 favourites of mine muahahaha they made me laugh ma' S off... OSAMA BIN LADEN and MADE IN CHINA wakakaka... damn kau smart~!

Sick-ness

2009-09-29T11:01:00.005+08:00

I've been sick for 2 days in a row... Therefore, you don't see me bloggin'. I am so freaking tired and feel like dying (okay maybe I'm exaggerating but still...) These vomittin' and diarrhea are killing me. To add on, my body is aching like crazy... Yes I'm on MC again... Just woke up... I've been sleeping day and night for the past few days. I still feel sleepy.

I don't even have the energy to blog about Suby Challenge and what happened back then why I only got 11th place etc etc I was so close to getting in and be the 10 finalist. Yeah so damn close... luck wasn't at my side. Anyway, I'm heading to bed again. At this kind of time, I wish he is here... I misses him so much. I'm sure he is having a blast in Hong Kong. Wonder if he ever think of me ahh... I doubt it... Probably checking out on the Hong Kong Chicks haha... Enjoying the rides at Ocean Park and omg-ness the food yeah... I can't wait for my turn to go HK muahaha...

Oh did I say that I've been applying jobs in Spore? My company Grey Group Spore apparently have a vacancy open as Regional Account Executive. Yeah... I applied :) shall see what they say. I didn't apply through my HR though because I don't want to get stuck in the company for 2years so I applied online haha... OK please get the fact right I wanna go Sg since even before I broke up with Alex. During Alex time, I can't go because he won't go so I stayed for him usual but at least he did something which is following me down to KL. Hey thanks to me okay if not he will probably stuck in that stinky Dell. I'm glad that he has moved up somehow. Anyway, back to my story... (where was I? hmmm sry la sick ma...) Oh yeah my point is, I'm not going Sg for him okay! It's for myself since I got nobody tying me down this time :) obviously I will spread my wings and fly haha... Even if I go there, I doubt he will be with me too because he is not ready for me and he doesn't love me :( yeah sad... oh well I just gotta keep moving on... Now my career is my main priority!

I'm still thinking if I did go over my car how... can I bring it over? Or... hmmm I'm gonna puke again (excuse me!) Okay I think I better go sleep again. I hate my life... so pathetic... I hate getting sick. This year alone, I've taken tones of MCs =.=||| okay BYE! Good Day to all... Goody Nitez to me...

Nothing's gonna change my love for you

2009-09-27T14:24:00.001+08:00

Thanks Dommy for sharing this with me... it's a nice old song... but sang by Khalil Fong. I still don't understand of all name why Khalil (sounded like a Malay ain't it? Is he a muslim?)

I wanna dedicate this song to a special someone... someone who is still very special to me though it might be over between us... but I just wanna let him know that he still got a place in me... and that nothing will change my love for him. Though I didn't make it to the finalist so cannot meet him again I guess...(so close yet so far- I blog about suby challenge next post when I regain my energy) Right now I hope he knows how I feel... I misses him dearly...

To Arthur and Suby Face-Off!

2009-09-26T04:59:00.001+08:00

Yeah 250 Years ... To Arthur's and his Guiness... It was alright but BEP was way off key. Kinda disappointing but I had fun towards the end. I was having fun drinking at Gravity bar drown myself with Guiness to forget the pain I'm going through. Previous night was Vodka for a broken heart today was Guiness for a broken heart haha... I am so bloody full. The after party at Republic damn Onz; it was awesome. Dj Fuss from Hitz was there and I was wearing bloody heels ahhh... my leg damn pain. Today I drank a lot and I was so full >.< and yeah I took the wrong road home =.=||| spent dunno how much on highway. Darn it! Oh no pictures taken... no cam haha... but bah... event like this I always get to go muahaha =P Blerk~ be jealous you should la~la~la~ Oh my leg is so God damn painful... bloody heels... I should have just wore flats sobsob... got blister somemore die kau... tomorrow sure die... must put plaster >.< pain die me. Eh been wearing heels whole bloody day from work till event till after party okay!

Right up next Subaru Palm Challenge... Blue Ball pleaseeeeee! Hopefully I'm as lucky as last year get another free trip. After all I got the experience... I must beat the others muahahaha... I am having migraine again shit ass argh! Sleepy somemore... cannot sleep already... 1 more hour I must get ready and head to the Curve. Gotta prepare myself... need to rest my bloody leg... haihz... guess I'll take it as a warm up session muahahaa... my previous record was 12hrs in regional and Malaysia was 7hrs++ I must beat my previous record and pass all the darn challenge. First first I must get the bloody Blue Ball and answer the question correctly. Please give me luck.

I am keeping myself busy so I could forget about him. However, parts of me are making him as the motivation to participate in the Subaru Palm Challenge... Maybe if I get to be finalist... maybe I get to see him again. (as friends =.=" don't ya simply think) He don't love me anymore so obviously I won't think of him as in that kind of relationship anymore. Anyway... time to rest before the war muahaha... BLOODY TIRED la

Need to close my eyes first omg my migraine is killing me... so does my leg. Okay I will update when I'm back from the challenge laterz. Wish me luck :) Oh yes I am still sad and yes I still think of him. Although my body feels lighter my head feels heavier. =.=" Gotta go... Another sleepless night. Chaoz
***Chanting for Blue Balls***

Big Bang- I'm so sorry but I love you

2009-09-25T19:18:00.005+08:00

I just gotta post this up... saw this in his fb (he did search for the song after all)... such a nice song... catchy and pretty meaningful if you truely understands the lyrics... strange on how we stumble upon this song when we were at JB watching the Korean music awards which dated like 2 years ago... yeah this is pretty old song by Big Bang title Lies... Enjoy... (I saja put I'm so sorry but I love you can or not :P blerk)

With Chinese Sub

***Updated*** I can't take the broken translation copy so here you go the english sub video :)

Bogoshipda- Stairway to heaven (OST)

2009-09-25T17:12:00.009+08:00

The song Bogoshipda- Stairway to heaven (OST) is so beautiful and so sad... just like what I'm feeling right now... He wish to see me smile... just like everyone around me hopes to see me smile... I can smile but deep down I know it is a fake smile... a smile just to make everyone else happy except myself. I can't help but still misses him argh I hate myself for that. Why can't I stop being a fool for once?! Somehow I just wish that I would lost my memory then probably I will feel much much much better... Okay I know the story of the MV is about the movie (I know it's ages ago still it's nice) which seriously got nothing to do with me but then the lyrics of the song yeah it is just how I feel... I hope he is happy... maybe now we couldn't talk to each other for the time being... I hope after sometime we could be just like friends again and he would be happy like he used too... Looking at his cute smiling snap shoot I took when we were skyping makes me think back of the happy moments I had with him. I'm missing him so much... I never thought I would fall for him this much within such a short time. I misses his hugs the most... hmm okay enjoy... I'm about the tear in office again... and this gotta stop. That's all for now.

Bogoshipda Lyrics (Stairway to Heaven OST)
Singer: Kim Bom Su / Romanization by Kreah

amuri kidar-yodo nan mot ka
pabo-chorom ulgo in-nun noye gyote
sangchorom chu-nun narul wae morugo
kida-rini tto-nakaran malya
bogo-shipda bogo-shipda
iron nae-ga miwochil man-kum
ulgo shipda nae-ge murup kkulh-ko
modu optdo-ni-ri twel su it-damyon

michil dut sarang-haet-don kiyogi
chu-ok-duri norul chatgo it-ji-man
to isang sara-ngiran pyon-myonge
norul kadul su opso
iromyo-nan dwe-jiman
chugul mankum bogo-shipda

bogo-shipda bogo-shipda
iron nae-ga miwochil mankum
midko shipda orun kirirago
norul wi-hyae tto nayaman handago

michil dut sarang-haet-don kiyogi
chu-ok-duri norul chatgo it-jiman
to isang sara-ngiran pyon-myonge
norul kadul su opso
iromyo-nan dwe-jiman
chugul mankum bogo-shipda
chugul mankum it-ko-shipda

******************************

English translation...
I won't go, I'll just wait here
like a fool crying, next to you
Only gives me pain, without you noticing
Are you telling me to leave?
I miss you, I miss you (or I want to see you, I want to see you)
To the point where I hate myself
I want to cry..I want to kneel down
If only everything didnt happen..
Searching the memories where I loved you crazily..
Those memories haunt me
But i cant hide from this love any longer
I shouldnt do this
But i miss you (I want to see you) to death x2

4am

2009-09-25T04:21:00.000+08:00

It's bloody 4am... I still can't sleep... wonder if I should start taking sleeping pills =.=||| Sleepless nights is driving me crazy... I feel so tired during the day time can't even bloody concentrate on my work! Thank God tomorrow is Friday. Yeah... tomorrow is Friday... he should be flying off to HK hope he has a nice trip... since he has been looking forward towards it so much... maybe he could forget about everything... maybe I could forget about this pain too... okay waffak... seriously I'm a bit coo-koo already...

Oh I am so random... been listening to some random Korean / Jap songs without knowing what's the bloody meaning of the songs nor have I heard before too... =.=||| They sounded sad just in tune with my mood and what to do I can't bloody sleep!

This is bad man... tomorrow BEP Authur's day thing... Sat is Subaru Challenge and now I am having sleepless nights... I guess I won't be able to last and be the finalist already. ZzZzZz Darn it! One min, I am in a pissy mood... one min, I am like and idiot staring into the four walls... one min, I just cry and cry and cry... Am I sick =.=??? maybe just a little unwell...

Wonder why happy things they never last... why can't I smile a little longer? Why constant heartaches and misery argh! I know life is unfair... but don't ya think I really had enough? I just want to be happy and nothing else... is that too much to ask for? When will I smile again? When Alex left he took my smile away... when I found him I thought I had a second chance... then he soon left as well... I felt like being played by fate... it's like a living nightmare. I'm so afraid of love now... so afraid of trusting people... so afraid of having hopes again... nothing ever last. Nothing... I hate my life... I just hate how foolish I am... I hate the tears in my eyes... I hate myself even more because I am so pathetic... people will probably just get up the next day and everything is okay since it is just a bloody stupid short term relationship anyway! Why can't I be just like them?

Argh why do I even bother to blog this... =.= oh yeah coz' I got nothing better to do but sulk and be pathetic. Ahh whatever... done with this sobbing story... don't bloody read it if you think it's stupid...coz' reading it makes you an idiot too. So FARK OFF... it's my bloody blog! Again I love to type whatever... none of your bloody business!

Thursday Emo Nitez

2009-09-25T02:35:00.004+08:00

Dennis & Kristy were such good pals... knowing I'm drown with sadness they had offered to go for dinner and I had some Russian Vodka at their place in Kelana. Thanks to Dylan I wasn't driving he pick me up from my place and drove me back from Kelana again... Thanks guys I appreciate every bit of it. Another random Thursday night drinking session just to cure my sadness.

Ahh... I'm always okay in front of everyone. Usual acting strong like always. Little did I know my tears starts to roll when I step into my room. It rolls like waterfall it just won't stop. This feeling is just so painful. I realize that it's not a matter of how long you be with someone... it's more like the love which has been given out got crushed into pieces of glasses and eventually the pieces of glasses will cut right through and make you bleed. Pathetic huh? I thought so too... 7years or 1 month the amount of pain is still the same. I guess I will have to go through sleepless night for sometime again... I guess I will have those panda eyes with the bengkak-ness for sometime again... I've been smoking again and much more than I was before... Flipping my pictures in my lappy saw his faces all over... it breaks my heart so much... I can't help but misses him dearly... I know it's over but I can't stop thinking about him. Messaged him in the morning when I woke up asking if he feels better now. Glad he did... at least one of us are happy. He said he is more relax now. Silly me... how can I not see this coming... I should have know he is not ready. No matter how much I don't want this to end... I just gotta let go this time. He is right it will never work out... never will... I almost force him to stay but I stopped and thought for a moment... learning from my previous relationship, making someone stay in a relationship with you is just wrong... it's wrong when someone no longer loves you... you still insist of being with that person. It's just parts and parcels of life... certain things are not meant to be no matter how hard you try... you won't get it too. After all we don't always get what we want. If he is happy now, I think that is more than enough... seeing someone you love be happy is much more better than seeing them suffer because of you. Therefore, I let him go so he can be happy like he used to. The happy go lucky type... his smile on his face always brighten my days. I miss those smiles...

You bet I am still tearing... I guess it's normal. I've hold on my tears for the whole day... It's tough job acting to be tough... I'm so tired... patiently waiting for a quiet time to be alone and just cry till I fall asleep again. I haven't been happy for a while but he had granted me happiness within these short period of time... which I will cherish it with me. He has given me the sweetest memory of all and I want to thank him for that and for making me smile again at least I did smile again. Of coz' now I'm back to the emo me... erm... nothing new just me with my mood swing.

I told Kristy that he is going to the wedding too, when she sees him if she is going with Dennis she could pass my regards to him. I said to Kristy "how strange that I don't hate him". She said "but I do" and said if she goes to the wedding she might beat him... =.=||| oh well that's Kristy for you. Ahhh that's how she is... but I told her that he is a nice guy... he did thought of how I feel at least way better than Alex the asshole who only thinks about himself =.= and for that I respect him. I know I should stop having feelings for him already but I guess I'm not robot and I just can't reset my feelings just like that. He asked to be just friends. I say whatever he like... I guess it's better than losing him completely. However, before talking to him again I guess things just gotta cool down... I wonder when will I get to talk to him again and will I ever meet him again... Ahhh I shouldn't even be thinking about it now.

Guess I'm just going to let it be and that's it...

It's over

2009-09-24T00:29:00.001+08:00

Yeah it's over... end up I'm not the one that is thinking too much and yes I was right... my intuition was never wrong! I'm so not in the mood to update why it ended... my LDR story stopped here. 23.9.09. Stupidest date ever!

I feel like crying all over again... my heart is so pain now till I'm speechless... I don't know what to say... I don't know what to think...

I love him so much... but he ... nevermind. He is a nice guy. At least way better than my ex. I will still miss him. Guess I can't go AAR concert with him. Since he got a wedding dinner... since we are over. My heart feels like a thousand knifes poking through it... it's so torturing... I guess it's my fault and my God damn blog yeah... makes him think too much.

I wish he will change his mind, I wish he is ready someday and he will still tells me he loves me. I wish... merely just wishes which will never come true. He was the sweetest guy and will forever be. I'm having migraine from crying too much. I guess that's it.

PS Kok Yu: I will miss you... thank you for everything... as long as you're happy... I am too.

Single

2009-09-23T17:29:00.008+08:00

I'm thinking of being single again... I know this is silly... today I added Kev back to my facebook since the contact when missing somehow... talking about this... I'm having issues with my friend's list my friends keep missing without them deleting me from their list. Okay... back to the topic. I've found out something surprising yet I somehow knew it. This again proves my intuition was right! He has been acting hot and cold because there's a reason behind it.

Kev has still been with his gf all along while going after me. That explained hell a lot of things. I got good visual memory I can remember people's faces rather than their names. Today, he checked on my profile and said wow gratz I'm happy for you... you've got bf already. Oh we were talking in msn. At first, I thought I won't bring up him and his ex after viewing his latest pictures but then... I decided to replied with a kick and says you're not bad yourself too... you're okay with your gf already. Idiot probably thinks I'm an idiot still asked me "Who? Which girl?" Guys out there seems to think I'm a fool for some reason and yeah the same goes to my bf who is apparently hiding some shit as well. Bah! I am tired! Bloody TIRED of shit! Okay back to Kev's story first. I pointed out the girl who is still staying with him apparently. Then he started explaining... bla bla bla how he is so sick with the girl that he wants to break with her but she refuses. How he do all those bad things and things she hate just to pissed her off and do whatever she wants (somehow this is so familiar - like how my ex used to treat me). How he doesn't want to touch her anymore and feel like dying each time he goes home. I stopped him halfway and said so that night when it happened you're still with her? OMG! You shouldn't have done that! I thought to myself... I've become people's 3rd party for no God damn reason! He said me and him started long time already... and I corrected him and said "for a record no we didn't start at all, it was a mistake that night and yes shits happened" Then he said how did you know those shit? I said what shit? Kev then said the relationship shit... =.= DUH! I was like let me recalled ohhh maybe it's from frienster picture? Duh? He then said his ex has his password. Oh correction... to be more precise his gf was the one added the picture and all. He then said he tries to hide the shitty relationship from me haha... stupid! He said we girls are scary and I replied guys are worst than us. Somehow I knew he doesn't want to let me see stuff like his gf's pic etc etc... or how he always has to hang up the calls when he reach home... now that the truth prevails... I'm speechless. He got the balls to say I told you "I am a bad guy". Argh!

Too much to handle. OMFG! I thought to myself... probably all the guys are just plain assholes... maybe I should just stick to being with just myself and yeah anti social. My bf keeps telling me he is okay... and bla bla bla you know what? This is just not me... I am tired of being a fool. I think quitting is the best since I felt he is not ready for me. I am truely disappointed. He says I think too much? Am I? Geez give me a break... I know he is lying... lying right to my face okay not litterally but still! It's 5pm now... he didn't even message or online. No news from him. I don't bother sms or call him. YES I GIVE UP TOO! He is not like that before but I guess after that JB trip he probably thought I'm not good enough for him. Probably he never love me. Maybe I am not ready too... I feel like shit now! At first I thought I made him angry so I say sorry to him but he give me a cold shoulder too saying no I did nothing wrong and I think too much. Best to be back to single... when I see him tonight or if I ever see him online I will probably tell him to go find a better girl. I'm not his type I guess. Better I leave than seeing him avoiding me. It's worst. You know when we started he asked to speak the truth all the time. Now who is the one not speaking the truth? I know he is freaking tired working and all... but at least let me know and don't give me a cold shoulder. How do I know? He don't even bother saying he miss me or love me anymore? How about that? My senses never lies! Fark you guys don't ever lie to me! I am so bloody pissed off now.

You know... I am not the one who asked for a relationship in the first place. When I truely fall in love what do I get in return? Nothing but misery. Why do guys often played with my feelings? Guess I'm really a fool. Everyone says my bf is such an innocent boy... is he? I guess at times look can be deceitful. No doubt he is a nice boy. He is very sweet just like any other guys INNITIALLY... then well slowly they just change when the full moon appears. I am very sad but there's no tears rolling down maybe not yet.

Think I should be the one ending it. Maybe single life ain't that bad at all. No worries all I need to think is myself hmm... and myself... yeah and myself! Oh well I guess that's it FARK OFF... I guess being a lesbo is also a not bad option =.= haha... hmm... but then nah la... I couldn't picture myself in that senario haha.. FARK YA!

Sleepless Nitez

2009-09-23T03:09:00.002+08:00

I can't sleep so here I am blogging. It's a little too much yes I know I know it's slightly obsessive...

Dear has been kind of cold towards me yesterday... like I said I could feel something isn't right... he has been acting weird. I just don't know why. I wish he would tell me why. I'm so worried about him. I wish that he would know I want to always be there for him. He said nothing when I asked. Said that I think too much... maybe I thought too much. Maybe he is just super tired... I hope he is just tired.

I'm a worried-freak. It's like my obsessive / impulsive nature. I can't seems to stop worrying for people I love. I just hate it when my worries become a burden and turn to stress... then there goes sleepless nights. Maybe Dylan, Kristy & Wendy is right... I worry too much. He is probably enjoying his sleep and here I am worry for nothing.

It's blardy 3am... I really need to close my eyes and get the rest I need. Tomorrow gotta give that Royal HighnASS his stupid watch. Ohhh don't wry guys... I don't know about him but I'm SOoOooOVER him... if he still visit my blogs (yeah he still do I would know...) probably he is not over me lolx haha whatever it is... he probably sees if I still calls him nasty names... in this case yes Royal HighnASS! XD

PS-Kristy: I love the idea of ops... sorry I dropped your watch lolxxx Nasty but I'm lovin' it.

To my Dear: I love you... muackssss... hope you feel much much better and recover from whatever you meant in your post...

The Long Distance Relationship

2009-09-22T20:50:00.000+08:00

Will my long distance relationship survive? This question keeps popping out my mind every now and then... yet the answer remains mystery. There's too many what if... What if the good feelings between us is gone? What if he had found someone in Spore? What if this...what if that... I don't know if we're able to keep the burning flame going on like any other couples normally do but I am trying to appreciate every single moment we had together. Whether we're on skype, msn, on the phone and meet in person... every single moment with him is so precious to me.

There's so many things we couldn't do like any other couples... the most common ordinary things like catching a movie in a couple seats, having sweet romantic dinner together, go shopping and holding each other's hand or spending time together on every important dates. All these were so common to me back in those days (which back then at times I find it boring) but now it seems to be something that I yearn to have.

There are times when I'm lonely, times when I'm down, times when I needed someone to help me during the emergency... I know he won't be there... but deep down I wish he would be there for me. How I wish he could swept my tears away, keep my sorrows away and make my day with his big big hug and his smile on his face. I'm feeling emptiness every now and then. However, I try to look on the bright side... at least I had someone to miss and someone that misses me. It is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I really hope that it is true and it is not just merely some saying...

I am a person who doesn't solely trust any other individuals easily and that's one tough task for me as his gf. I am so afraid of getting hurt again... after what I had gone through I swore I would never put myself through hell again. However, I know that there's no room for suspicion in a long distance relationship and I must learn to trust him whole heartedly. I am still struggling to give him my all as in trust in this context. I am still worry that he might be just playing around like any other guys. I have doubts but I am trying to get rid of those doubts and fully commit to this relationship. I wonder he had the same thoughts as me...

Lately, I could feel that something isn't right... it's like he is hiding his feelings from me... or something is just wrong but he is not telling me. I don't know if I should talk or confront him on this... because he seems to be avoiding talking about his feelings. I thought to myself... if he wanted to let me know he will let me know... if not I shouldn't care so much. Me being me... I can't help not to care about it... I can't seems to just let it by.

For the past days spending with him, I thought I could bring up this and talk to him in person. Yet I don't have the courage to speak up my mind and another thing is I feel language is sort of becoming a barrier in this case. I'm not the type that just bla bla bla right through someone's face unless I really know them like many many many years... I won't be able to express myself that easily what more asking me to express it in Mandarin... It's worst than killing me. Well, express and converse is two diferent things. I hope he would tells me how he feels. Isn't that what couples do? They share their thoughts and problems together? Lately, he has been very tired... erm... kind of worried about him. He seems to be lack of sleep. I can't be there for him all the time too erm... just hope he take good care of himself.

Erm... guess that's a little update about my personal life... chaoz for now.

Happy Birthday Ah Winnie

2009-09-22T12:46:00.001+08:00

Since you're in HK we can't celebrate for you... here goes I'm singing the birthday song to you (okay maybe not litterally sing it to you... it's the heart that counts right? hahaha)

Harpi Birday 2 u... Harpi Birday 2 u... Harpi Birday 2 Winnie Leng Lui... Harpi Birday 2 u...

Well, we miss ya lotsss... and have a great one in HK... make sure u grab some leng chai to celebrate with you ya haha... don't forget to intro some leng chaisss to us also (Ops!) hehe... If you're back on Oct let us know okay... huggies...

I miss u...

2009-09-21T23:14:00.009+08:00

I'm back from JB trip. Oh seeing him again makes me misses him even more :( I just hate this feeling of missing somebody so badly... I just wish I could still hug him tonight... Spending the past 2days with him was awesome... Little did I know I got wasted on the first night oh... that's just embarassing but erm... it's rather strange I wasn't drunk though... I knew what had happened erm... I just don't feel well... probably due to my lack of sleep (and yes I still don't feel well having migraine since that night it's driving me crazy). The night before the trip I didn't get to sleep coz' I was afraid I couldn't wake up in time and what more while on the way to JB I thought I could catch up my sleep and have a nap or something but stupid spoilt brat next to me is so noisy can't bloody sit still for 1 sec. Well, my bf was so nice to take care of me when I got wasted haha. Imagine he had ordered food in mamak then didn't get to eat =.=|| he stayed with me in his friend's car... I feel so guilty... (Dear, love you lots... muacks :))

However, tonight I don't know what's got into me... I sort of erm... get angry at him a little... ahhh... it's just one of my mood swing I guess. I miss him so much erm... when he said "just meet only so fast miss me d?" it sort of pisses me off... that statement is like asking me not to miss him so much =.=||| or sort of telling me that he doesn't miss me. I think I'm being immature in this case... I should let him sleep in the first place and not asked him online since he is very tired and gotta work tomorrow. So when he said he is just kidding hmm I sort of thought I shouldn't get angry at him at all. He likes to play jokes and just kid around. Well, I know that's his character after spending time with him this few days... I can see that at times he can be extremely childish hahaha... but that's what I like about him. The big kiddo act is what that makes him charming I guess... (okay you'll probably said I'm in love that's why) who cares... I still find him rather interesting than some who are pretty annoying. The thing is I find it hard to connect to him at times. Like I mentioned before it's like there's a missing gap between us. Or maybe it's just me... we're like coming from 2 completely different world... I don't know if he finds it hard being with me... but I do feel it's a little hard to talk serious issues with him. Worst of all... today on my way home we were sms-ing each other and while I was waiting in Mcd (my bus at 4pm so gotta wait la) he said can check out leng chai =.=||| and nvm I tell him no leng chai only got Malays and Ah Bengz see already eyes also pain. Then randomly I spotted a cute looking guy what to do he sat right across the table then I told him la "Oh I spotted a leng chai"... Guess what he says... He asked me go take action =.=""" where on earth can you find a bf asking his own gf go kau other chai? After that he said no la you can know more friends ma... swt~!

Apparently, he got a lot of close girl friends... lucky I'm not around him haha... if not I might get extremely jealous... well yeah... I'm still surprise why no girls are after him. He is not bad looking. In fact, I find him rather cute haha... and he is pretty tall (20cm more than me swt and mind you I'm not short okay...) His childish side is probably because he is the youngest in the family and the only boy in the family and he got so so so so many sisters =.=||| I bet they probably spoilt him like crazy... lucky him huh! Erm... well that's my bf for you... hehe when I got the photos we took together from him I will probably upload it depending on my mood hahaha.

Love at first sight hah... haihz... I miss him so so so much ~>.<~ I miss the way he hug me to sleep hehe... so comfy... I can't wait to see him again... Oh he bought BR for me hehe... awesome ice-cream muahaha which I have been craving for ages! He spent on all the foods and drinks we had. Isn't he sweet? hehe... He keep forcing me to drink water >.< which I hate it lotsss!!! I'm like a cactus that hates water. Well I'm my mother's dotter haha we're alike we don't like to drink plain water... =P though my mum at times nag at me to drink and I would say you also never drink haha... I guess he just care for me. I can feel my body heat is slightly hotter than usual and it's making me sick and he has been making me drink tons of it.

Oh Kev called randomly again... what's with him? O.o? I asked him why he always so random take last Friday as an example... he said for fun... geez he got nothing better to do. He called about 4plus when I was in the bus. Told me he work from 7am-4pm this week (like it's any of my business =.=|||) I'm so tired with his hot and cold treatment and the only thing I'm still answering his phone calls is because I still treat him as a friend. Yeah just friend nothing more. Lately I've kept the calls short and keep it cool haha... Now let him try my cold treatment it's way better than his I guess :) muahaha what to do I'm born evil ngek~ngek~ngek~ hehehehe...

Overall, it's a nice trip but I didn't get to eat Ikan Bakar >.< coz' he is tired and wanted to go back to Hotel so we sort of skipped dinner (I skipped dinner he ordered room service =.="" I just knew he will get hungry haha) oh well... I guess I just gotta wait another trip then. Guess that's all for tonight. I need to sleep too... Nitez peeps!

And I MISS YOU DEAR... Sorry I don't mean to be angry at you :) love you lotsss xoxo

***Updated with Pics***

Post 101

2009-09-19T02:59:00.005+08:00

Number 101... does it reminds you of the very begining of something? There's always the 1st time for everything. 101 reminds me of those Uni days where I used to have those communication courses YKT101 or whatever shit haha... those basic stuff. Oh and of coz' 101 Dalmation the cute doggies cartoon... how can I forget that...Yeah this is my number 101 post... and after such a long crap intro on 101, I am actually writing this post about something I felt for the first time after I decided to hoop right into a relationship again without knowing what awaits me in the near future.

For the first time... I feel he is hiding something and he is not telling me how he feels... I did asked but he insisted he is alright. I know if he wants to let me know he will let me know eventually but I just couldn't help it. I know my feelings are very strong and yes 99.9% it is always right! I know it sounded silly but I just knew something is not right with him. Why won't he tell me his problems? Why is he acting so different today? Alright maybe some of you might think that I'm too free and think too much garbage. Whatever it is... this is not a very nice feeling. I hate the fact that he couldn't talk to me about how he feels. I hate the fact that something is troubling him yet I couldn't seems to help him out. I hate the fact that he is not telling me how he feels because maybe to him we're not as close yet. Or maybe I am the fact that he is feelings shitty? Maybe I'm not good enough for him? Maybe he has found someone else? I don't know... just too many possibilities which is driving me crazy. I really hope he is okay though... maybe I'm just worried. Worried about him or for myself? (you might asked that) Well, I don't really know either. I can partially read Mandarin and it sucks... I wish I know it all or I just don't know at all! Having to know half is like a crippled person trying to walk with a broken stick. He wrote something on his wall... I know it's just parts of a lyric... I know that song many many years ago... I just can't help but wonder why he had that on his wall? Hmm... Surely something related right... normally that's what people do... take parts of lyrics which resemble their life or feelings and paste it as their status or whatever... "Hu si luan xiang" is the title of song. There's a few song with similar titles but this was sang by Michael & Victor many many yearsss ago when they're still together in the group. Meaning of the song... hard to describe =P coz' I don't even know what exactly it means... Please be my guest and enlighten me. Ahhh... just hope my intuition is wrong this time... hope that this sucky feelings falls under the 1% category and that my dear is alright just like he said so... *cross ma fingers*

To make things worst, I barely get to talk to him today. I was busy preparing the stupid deck and forget to sign in my msn then off for meeting by the time I came back was lunch time and off I go... by 2pm+ I guess he left for work. Came back home late also... only get to chat like few words... Okay I know I'm going to meet him tomorrow but still I miss him just as much okay! I wonder if he knows... hmm... oh well...

Besides another weird thing happened as well. For the 1st time today, Kevin called when I'm still in the office... well okay not exactly the first time he called me but the first time here is more like he acted so blardy damn strange =.=|||. Okay here's how it goes... Pick up the phone I heard "where are you?" my replied "office la" then he said "where you going tonight?" I'm like "hah?" He repeated "Going anywhere tonight?" I said "No where la about to leave office going back soon". Then he was like "Okay hah like that ar... ha...ok la" the next thing I know "...du...du...du..." I'm like "Huh? Wtf is that?" Geez... call me up just to ask me that? Something is seriously wrong with him too. What is wrong with guys nowadays... and I thought women are complicated beings... I guess the guys are catching up as well. Damn swt kau kau!

Seriously... I am still trying to think if I had done something that make my dear feel sad. I don't think I did or maybe I did. Haihz don't know la... really give up trying to please people these days... I am equally as tired! Whatever la... sienz-ness!!! I'm off going to wash my pile of clothes and pack my shit for tomorrow's trip... I doubt I should sleep now... If I do I might miss-ed my bus... =.=||| okay going off now!

Selamat Hari Raya and Happy Holidays!

2009-09-18T17:47:00.004+08:00

I'm like a big kid haha... can't wait to go on a long holiday ahhhh finally~! What to do I don't have any leave left already sobsob >.< !!! So only thing I can do is wait for HOLIDAYS like this hahaha...

Yeah tomorrow is the day to meet my darling hehe... or Dommy call him hunny bunny swt~! I'm not the type of girl that are the romantic kind em... I guess that's why I dun name my darling hunny bunny haha lolxxx Okay before I forget... here's wishing all Selamat Hari Raya and Happy Holidays... be safe wherever you're going... balik kampung or go for holidays...

Ohhh I can't wait to taste lemangsss and rendangsss... the last I ate them was last year of coz' I remembered going around Ampang Pandan Indah area and haunt for lemang on a bike with my ex. Well, not his favourite but it's definitely my favourite. I love em' so much... not to mention the Malay's ketupat is awesome too. Haihz... I hope to get a taste of those delicious local delicacy haha... eh only once a year okay... you'll never know what will happen... :) eat it enjoy it before it's too late haha (don't roll your eyes and give me that look I'm just being realistic okay!)

I wonder if I can wake up tomorrow for my bus... 9am ler... still wondering how to get to Bukit Jalil... I bet it will be super jam lorrr... I think must wake up at 6am... swt~! Still haven't pack my clothes as usual I always do things last minute haha... die hard habit just won't change. Okay la don't want to crap so much already zzz... going to fall asleep while waiting for my stupid visuals if not I can balik rumah already argh!

BEP meet & greet session / AAR concert

2009-09-17T19:06:00.005+08:00

Yo~yo~yo~ bloggin twice in the office hmm... obviously I'm FREE :) okay la not as free as the other day but things seems to slow down a little for my 3 segments... Today I'm SoOo0oos0oOoo Not-In-Da-MooD again. Though I recieve a message from DiGi I gotta meet BEP win their limited edition t-shirt and also get to go to AAR (All American Rejects) concert on the 10th Oct 09 I'm still not excited about it. Need to collect the tix and t-shirt aiyoo so damn ma-fan leh~! BEP stuff must collect at Universal... so very the far!!! AAR tix must collect at 1Utama GCS there... FAR ALSO! 10th Oct my darling coming to visit me leh erm... maybe I will just bring him along to that concert hehe... shall see how it goes. Smalls won't be going so I guess I'll grab her tix =P

OKay this is out of topic! Wonder what's wrong with me? Kev called last night... middle of the night after his yum cha session... hmm... I was halfway to my dreamland when I answered the phone without even looking at the screen. Erm... he still gave me that thrill each time I talk to him. O.o? Omg~ this is just wrong wei... so wrong!!! I'm not in the mood today coz' I feel guilty? Erm... don't think so... I didn't do anything leh... just answering his call doesn't mean anything hmm... well at least that's what I'm trying to tell myself that.

I feel my feelings is a little unstable... OKay maybe A LOT unstable... (can't I just lie for a while? geez!) Argh~ like right now... I feel like screaming my lungs out that "I HATE YOU BLARDY COMP REVIEW" Oh yeah tomorrow got internal WIP (working in progress meeting shyt) I need to present competitor's review argh~ I hate it! I hate it! I damn kau HATE IT!!! Every farking day every farking week every month every quarter I gotta face this shyt! Last time we only do quarterly review... now cipet daily basis! OKay I know it's good added value for the client and also knowledge for ourselves BUT FARK only AE's doing shitty jobs like this! I cannot tahan liao argh~!!! I've lost my passion thanks to DiGi. Nowadays, I came to work late, I want to go home early (notice how I underlined the word want... just want only la mostly go back late haihz), I don't bother rejecting the clients, becoming a yes man and yeah I'm like a freaking robot that has the auto pilot function! DAMN and people just thought my job is so great and so great! Alright now you probably be thinking I complain too much haha... DON'T BLARDY READ IT IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT!

My dear told me that he feels he has low self-esteem just coz' he doesn't know what he want to do in life. As in career wise. I thought to myself... maybe there's no such thing as dream job or a job you want to do. Maybe it's better off not knowing what you want or what you like then you won't have much complain about the job and just do and do and do. Maybe you will say things like there's something you're not satisfy with your boring job... well I guess it's better than no job since economy is bad. Like me I complain so much yet I'm one of the pioneer in the account yeah I'm serious... I could have thrown letter ages ago... like Derrick the guy who came in with me fresh left after 3month, like Wendy the stupid bitch that I mentioned in my previous post... I could have but I didn't lor... Apart from my direct boss I'm one of the old peeps k~! Maybe because I used to have passion to fight and all... Just too bad I got all tired with shitty things... like I said I've lost my passion and that's very sad. Once the passion is lost, the creative spark and juices will be gone too >.<

Okay I think I crapz enough.... hahahaaa way off topic =P I like lar~ lalala~! Blerkz! Don't read hahahaaa! Maybe I should start changing my blog URL to http://www.syioksendiri.blogspot.com/ em... hehe =) Should I???

***Updates*** the blardy SSblogspot URL sudah di-register orang lain sobsob~~~!

When girls don't put out!!!

2009-09-17T17:07:00.004+08:00

This was written by a guy... it's pretty damn smart... Just wanna share this with you guys... For the guys, I'm sure this will cheer you guys up a llittle haha... for the girls, well just gotta remember guys are smart too at times :P and make sure your guy don't ever pull such stunt to you haha

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either...... .but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
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All right Ladies. Copy and forward this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, forward it anyway. Haha...OBVIOUSLY I AGREE :P
Men, you could copy this and forward it to your lady eh that's if you've got the BALLS!!!

Lucky Me

2009-09-15T17:32:00.000+08:00

Hmm... I guess I wasn't all that bad luck after all. Today big boss came around and asked "wanna go BEP?" my eyes was like Cheng~Cheng~Cheng~ haha... Yeah I'm going to Authur's day 250 years of celebration and catch BEP LIVE! WOohoOoo haha... the thing is on the 26th which is the following day of the event is Subaru Palm challenge... I am just afraid if I drink on 25th I will die on 26th zzzz 27th maybe KO-ing lor...

Hopefully, I get to enter Subaru Challenge this year and yeah be one of the finalist again! I am sure I can do it since I've done it before! Haha... but again depend on my luck if I am able to draw the damn blue balls or not! PRAY HARD I GET THE BLUE BLUE BALL... hmm... since call in is just 10seats there's 70 more seats left... I tried calling Fly fm but I guess I wasn't the 5th caller through sobsob... hmm 26th my darling going HK lor... almost a week won't get to chat with him.

He said I could go on holiday from him for a week geez~! Yeah coz' he said he will forget me when he is busy having fun in HK sobsob ~>.<~ sad hor? Haihz... I misses him so much. Can't wait for this weekend... I'm gonna meet him soon. Guess we've become closer each day hehe... love at first sight do exist eh... well still a little too early to say so haha... Hmmm don't mind me I'm a bit coo-koo!

Feeling happy and excited and I'm glad I've overcome my nightmares... my past... they've taught me to grow up and to love myself more. I do sincerely wish and hope my ex is doing well and happy with whoever he is with now. I am happy now... really happy... my darling has been very sweet and nice to me. Thanks to all my ji mui and best friends... I'm really thankful to you guys... though I may not express to you all but you guys has been giving the endless support and I truely appreciate it. To one of my ji mui Winnie lenglui... so sorry to hear that you've ended your relationship em but I am sure you will find a better one. To another of my ji mui... don't play fire already ler... haihz we care and worried about you and don't wish to see you get hurt. To ah sai, gambateh oh... fully utilise your 4 yong qi (mand) oh hahaaa. To ah tai, em... don't paiseh ler... we all know haha just go with the flow... To ah yee, don't jual so mahal oh... your qing chun is more mahal haha...

Erm... guess that's it for me today~! Going to find my mummy tonight at Legend hotel hmm... she scare of ghost again haha usual ask me go and stay with her. Okay sayonara for now. Chaoz!