Insane Insanity

Anxiety

2020-02-11T22:52:00.001+08:00

...and I overestimated my self

tried to hold my ground

tighten my grip on self belief

yet now I fall hard

really hard

shattered in million pieces

knowing that reality

is far from sweet

and I curl

and I dwell

deeper into the pit

of my own anxiety

Never Being Straight

2015-02-19T23:08:00.001+08:00

...and I told myself, nothing can be done if you keep on lying?

maybe I'm being sensitive but the way things are now

it won't do me any favor

if I spit it out, does it do me any good?

I'm afraid some people will distant them self from me

and some might loath to be near me from being different

nothing worse then feel rejected and neglected

from the people you put your greatest trust

even now I'm crumbling silently inside

and I thought I've found some one as my support

but it just a dream, hopeless dream

everything shattered into million pieces

that can't be mend

try to work things out on my own

in the dark corner of my cold room

I never truly understand why people commit suicide

for being different

but now, at this very moment

my heart felt the pain, excruciating pain and empathy

for all the people that had lost their way, their life

I understand now

it's never easy being different

never was...

Distant Ray

2014-04-20T00:11:00.003+08:00

...and at the end of the day

the only thing that I ever wish for

just your happiness and life fulfillment

your dream and ambition

it may seem like my motivation

had been torn apart by my own decision

but looking at your smile

I saw a small glimmer of distant light

far over the horizon of my heart

painfully beautiful and calming

as I know it is not the end

of our relationship

it just transforming into something

that worth keeping for eternity

and you know it

Quit Trying

2014-04-19T23:18:00.000+08:00

...and I've tried my best to fight those feeling

those longing, desire, tempting, even lust

it's an endless inner conflict and struggle

war that I know I can't win in the long run

how badly I wanted my feeling to reach you

yet this unrequited love are no more then self greed

self possession over something or someone

but heart is not something you can easily acquire

I've known that much

and it hurts way too much for oneself to bare

even at the verge of crumbling

please, enlighten me

gave me a sign, any sign, black or white

put my heart at ease

Swell

2014-03-02T20:03:00.000+08:00

...and this heart is still swelling and throbbing

old scar is still bleeding

a smile and a laugh are what accompany me now

but you the only one that motivate me

to feel that love still exist after so much failure

even the seriousness of your expression

its still the most beautiful thing to see everyday

hope it will forever stay

at least inside this swelling heart

for it the only way to heal

Shaken Soul

2014-02-25T01:57:00.004+08:00

...and we both know the truth

our heart shaken and longing

for something call love

in the purest and honest form

the closeness makes us intimate

the distance makes us glimpse

for each other presence

we talk, we walk, we whisper

heart to heart

silence and sound of foot step

soft blow of midnight wind

proof that this feeling is true

for us

Zen Be At Peace

2014-02-16T01:12:00.001+08:00

...and your struggle is my struggle too

for once we try to change the course of our action

but our path is full of circumstances

we climb we fall we broke we heal

and another world echo its zen

a ripple of peace and tranquility

as we sit and breathe

focusing what life meant to be

conflict and conflict no more

but struggle what make us stronger

total together of body and mind

and we be at peace

Stealing Glances

2014-02-07T23:56:00.000+08:00

...and there's always an occasion

where we purposely act

or just begin an impromptu conversation

just to have our eyes meet

staring each other even for the briefest moment

or stealing glances when one of us is not looking

or just a silent meaningful long eye gazing

without any word to put life into it

but enough to heal this longing heart

this desire to be a person that means something to someone

and to be love, and fall in love

Hand of Reality

2014-02-07T23:05:00.000+08:00

...and we slept and dreamt

of beauty and ugly

black and white

love and hope

grief and despair

yet reality will push me back

us back to world of living

where bitter truth

is better than sweet lies

Rare Chances

2014-01-01T22:17:00.001+08:00

... and sometimes I'll let chances slipped

for it better to maintain than to break

Sometimes chances come in the most perfect time and setting

yet it always the heart that tremble and weak

Sometimes its better for the heart to know

than for the word to lie

Sometimes silence is always the best way

to convey what your heart felt

Maybe, it's just me chasing the shadow

Am I right ...?

Sometimes

2013-11-02T10:10:00.000+08:00

...and sometimes people questioned our intention

sometimes we speak out to lessen the burden

sometimes we get motivated from thing we less expected

sometimes we just want to share and find similarities

sometimes it just boil down to how we see our ownself as a person

sometimes it just me and my world, and you with your dream

Losing Am I

2013-10-31T23:16:00.000+08:00

...and I hate to admit my defeat

though I keep my feeling in place

but a broken heart is hard to mend

and a huge ego is hard to bend

sorry for not being true to you

and putting a mask of deceit

as to protect this losing relationship

Heart Beating

2013-10-27T15:30:00.001+08:00

...and my heart suddenly start beating

your arrival motivated me to keep it together

its been a long time since I feel this way

looking forward every each day

knowing that a simple honest smile

or morning greet makes even a bad day feel better

without need for a long conversation

for that I cherish every moment

moment where you stay beside me

silently know what deeply inside our heart

without a need for word to convey

Cloud Wishes

2012-12-20T19:28:00.002+08:00

...and you're so beautiful and cool

like an evening sky and cloud

drifting through me gently

breathing each air you held

Reach Out

2012-12-18T20:56:00.001+08:00

...and if one day I fall down hard

would you still pick me up

reach out your strong hand for me to hold

and become the reason for me to love

and live again

Monocrome Rain

2012-12-17T23:37:00.001+08:00

...and I feel the tingling sensation

the chill and cool breeze

in black and white of this rainy night

and yet still hoping for you to be here

embracing each other for a little warmth

and view this magnificent sight...

Voice of Solitude

2012-12-10T19:40:00.002+08:00

...and you said you had move on

but in reality you just escaping from truth

but you're not lonely neither am I

we just separated by our own ego

and you just need some space

and I need my own time

but will your heart longing for me any more...

Uncertain Path

2012-11-18T14:07:00.002+08:00

I'm scared if I did something wrong

If the road I'll be taking lead me to wrong path

Regretting when its already too late

All My Prayer

2012-11-17T21:57:00.001+08:00

All my prayers and dua's goes to the people of Gaza in Palestine.

May Allah SWT blessed all the syahid citizen the highest paradise.

Al-Fatihah

Storm Inside

2012-11-17T12:01:00.003+08:00

...and the sky is clear but will it rain in the evening since its already storm inside my heart.

Revamp and Clean up

2012-11-14T21:46:00.002+08:00

Going through some major clean up for spam comment and old entries. Had been abandoning this blog for years. My last entries dated back in June 1 2010 and I've been busy with my working life as Graphic Designer ever since. I have been particularly concern about my lack of writing and reading English material that had been affecting my ability to write in proper grammar. Even my vocabulary had shrinked into small pebbles and this worries me. I hope with the revival of this blog I can continue writing like I use to.

The Sail of Red

2010-06-01T22:44:00.003+08:00

...and the sea rocking smooth

and the white ship sail in full glory

where our feeling and mind unite

regardless of our differences

to help others in dire need

we brought you hope

we brought you life

we brought you care

we brought you love

we brought you future

and yet everything seems

becoming more difficult to us

a devil bird snatch away those dream

snatch away our good intention

rain us with bullets

drench us with our comrade blood

violating every humanitarian law

they can violated us

they can call us whatever they want

and yet we will never step back

wait for us our beloved brothers and sisters

the whole world will listen

the whole world will see

the whole world will unite

and the whole world will judge

and we all know God always on our side...

Amen

...

Shuun

Tunnel Rain

2010-04-14T09:51:00.002+08:00

...and as I walk through this long pathway
there's a tunnel at the end of the road
hasten my movement toward the entrance
the surrounding is not that clear to be seen
and old lamp hanging on the wall
lighting the way with it dim light
I could hear the storm is coming from sky above
the wind starting to dance recklessly
I move deeper inside the tunnel
my only shelter from the torrent
but as I move deeper
there's a sound of heavy pour
at the end of the tunnel
closer and closer its get
suddenly like a typhoon sweeping across the land
I was hit by a massive waterfall from above
soaked wet, I start to run
run across the raining tunnel
suffocating, shivering, gasping
but where is the exit...

...

Shuun

Breaking glass

2010-04-13T13:24:00.002+08:00

...and this miserable feeling I have
not knowing where to put, what to do
it is because of your words
words that shattered glasses
into million of tiny fragments
what am I to you
just a lifeless doll
dancing in front of your emotionless eyes
without showing any sign of interest
I was hoping that you saw me thorough
and yet that eyes look a away
breaking more glasses as it walk its own path
leaving me stranded alone lifeless
so it was the end...

...

Shuun

Sun of the sea

2010-04-08T20:53:00.003+08:00

...and as I told you before

the dream I had last night

I wish you were there with me

so we could walk together

and you will embrace me

watching the sunset smiling

disappearing behind the horizon

the sky turn dark orange

yet the blue still can be seen

but my ocean

my sea of dream remain cyanic blue

glowing in the depth of twilight

I wish you were there

as if our thought connected

I wish...

...

Shuun