Steph Boogie's World

Sextra: My Boyfriend Wants to Give Me a "Pearl Necklace"

2011-02-22T09:18:00.000-08:00

I read your relationships posts all the time and I have a situation that I’d like to not only share but see if anyone has ever had this come up on their love life. My boyfriend and I are really close and we’ve grown to be great friends and lovers. Lately he’s been making jokes about “giving me a facial” and I didn’t think he was talking about ejaculating on my face but when I realized it I laughed it off but lately when we’ve been in the moment he asks me if he can give me a facial. I’m starting to get offended but, at the same time I want to do it. Please ask your readers to respond to this!!! I would like to know what they say. Thank you for your time!!

Happy Tuesday, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story! So, oh my! This is definitely for the late night! Most would agree that the response is simple! It’s nothing that you should do without being completely comfortable. There’s no real way to make this whole thing sexy – other than just being willing to allow him the privilege of performing such an act. If you’re not comfortable with it, don’t do it! And if he really cares about you, he’ll respect your wishes! Although, we know the opinions in the thread will vary, we took the time to ask some of our readers what they thought about this subject, so check out what they had to say below!

When you bust on a girl’s face, I feel, all a man is really doing is smutting the girl out. It’s disrespectful, I wouldn’t do it. That means I have to stand up over you and literally do what I do on your face and I’m supposed to look at you the same after that? No way! It’s too much to get over. Might as well get urinate on her face, you know? It’s not for everybody and it’s damn sure not for me and my lady. But to each his own. Good, regular sex just isn’t enough for some people these days, I guess. - David, 28

If you sit on his face and get it in, he should be able to do the same! What’s the difference? I really want to know. If you’re at a point in your relationship where you can trust each other to that magnitude, then anything goes. But as long as the two of you can trust each other, I don’t see what the problem is. But for a man to feel comfortable enough to ask a woman to do that, then she’s on some freak sh*t. That’s real talk. - Marla, 33

I mean me and my wife get nasty with it but everybody has their boundaries. I love making love to my wife and there are some things I know she’s not going to do. Even though I know she would do anything that I ask of her in that way, I respect her and our marriage enough not to even go there. I don’t even want to. So, I guess what it boils down to for me, is that there are certain boundaries that I won’t cross with my wife. Everybody has their boundaries, so respect them. – Stan, 32

I’m not one for being violated in that way. I can’t really rock with idea of my man just ejaculating on my face! That’s not okay and it looks gross. I don’t understand what’s so cute about that! Why would a man want to do that to his wife? Before I had kids, I didn’t think too much of it and now that I have a daughter, umm! How about, no! Some things are just unnecessary and excessive … perverted in nature. In fact, my husband has never approached with it so I’m good! I just don’t like the idea. – Shontell, 30

What are your thoughts, blog Fam? Should some things remain off limits? Please share your thoughts below!
Have a wonderful weekend and please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to msstephaniehill@gmail.com

Old- Fashion Phased Out? A List of Things Women Don’t Do Anymore …

2010-11-18T13:37:00.000-08:00

Good day, my fellow bloggers! Welcome to another Thursday eve. The topic of discussion today is old-school versus new school. For the people who are grown today, the days of answering machines and busy signals were real. There was no TV in every room, there wasn’t a plethora of entertainment devices to choose from to kill some time and, in this day and age, too much time! Long gone are the days where you have to wait for anything but is that good or bad? We’re in paradoxical times because there are some of us who are fine with ditching old-school or old-fashioned practices while others are nostalgic for the “good-old-days” when things weren’t so complicated and convoluted with other forces. It goes without saying that this translates to romance, dating and marriage too! So, many want to know, how do we bridge the gap? Can two people come together and find a happy medium between new and old? Last week we got the ladies opinion and, as promised, this week we asked some of our male readers what women of this generation don’t do that they used to do back in the day and how times have changed! Take a look! And by the way I don't mind the cater to you attitude as long as he is going what he needs to be doing. But enough about me. ;-)

Women don’t cook anymore man! What’s good with that? My sisters and aunties always have baked goods on deck — cookies, cupcakes, cakes and pies for me and brothers. If they know we’re coming over they’re like, “what you want to eat?” When I was growing up, all the women in my family cooked. The men would watch sports and do yard work and handy work and sh*t but women these days want you to do it all. This one chick asked me “when are you going to cook for me?” Which I don’t mind doing but I hadn’t even taken her out yet! That’s what she wanted me to do for her off rip. Man, I was like, “do you cook?” and she said no! What are women teaching their little girls these days? It’s definitely not how to keep a man. – Steve, 33

Women don’t behave like ladies anymore. When I go out I see woman loud-talking, cussing, shaking their as*es , FIGHTING each other! No man wants a woman that keeps drama around her or invites it into her life by way of her attitude or by the way she carries herself. Being with a woman should be enjoyable, fun, fulfilling. A good woman will teach a man something — whether it’s about himself, love or life in general. I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about that anymore, dating seems like a dead end street. I love my wife. - Kevin, 36

They don’t give you anything to look forward to. They’re too quick to give up all the goods. You’d be amazed at how fast women get down these days. It don’t take much work or effort. Here’s what kills me too, they like to get f*cked. They’re not into romance and taking things slow, they want to get pounded. It’s just too easy! Being easy to get into bed is only sexy for the moment, you know? I would say that, in this day and age, if a man takes his time to have sex with a woman, he’s probably really feeling her. - Melvin, 31

Well, from what I see women don’t know how to take care of a man. My mother still cooks, fixes my father’s plate and gives him back rubs. My mother knows her role as the woman of the house and my father is the man, there was never any confusion about it. Women are so hellbent on being this independent “I can do it myself” kind of woman but sometimes a man wants to be that guy you call to the rescue? He wants to be you’re superhero. He wants to be your rock but woman are too “I can do it myself.”- Wesley, 29

Well, they don’t trust men. They don’t trust a man to be a man and that inhibits us from being the man they want us to be. They be acting so hard and woman are supposed to be soft. Not to say that she shouldn’t think for herself or speak her mind but there’s a way to do it and still be feminine. Women used to take pride in the way they present themselves. If it was a home-cooked meal, the served it up with candles and place settings. If they invited you over, their house was clean and fresh smelling. I think that’s what’s missing in today’s women, they lack the inclination to do these things. They don’t really set a solid, womanly tone. -Murray, 35

Women don’t take men’s shoes off anymore. I used to see my grandmother do it for my grandfather when I was growing up and my father started to do it for my Mom. She always thought it was the strangest thing and she would say, “well, you’ve been working all day, let me take yours off.” So, as a kid, I would always see my Mom and Dad on opposite ends of the couch taking each other’s shoes off and rubbing each other’s feet. I took that for granted because most women be like “you can take your own damn shoes off, n*gga.” But I get the purpose of it now, it was basically saying plant yourself here at home with me where you belong. It’s a really deep, loving gesture. -Jason, 30

What are your thoughts blog readers? Ladies, in particular, please leave your thoughts! Do you find this to be true or a little embellished?

Please remember to e-mail all your topic suggestions, feedback and questions to msstephaniehill@hotmail.com

Microsoft marks launch of Kinect motion-control system with dance party in Times Square | VentureBeat

2010-11-04T11:42:00.000-07:00

Microsoft marks launch of Kinect motion-control system with dance party in Times Square VentureBeat

Sisters, we should own up to our poor choices in men.

2010-11-04T00:29:00.000-07:00

Scenarios written by China Okasi
Responses written by Anthony Jerrod

You wanna date thugs or chase after the fancy boys who are really jacked up inside and wind up jacking you up in the process of all that shady loving they’re offering. Then, after you’re all emotionally scarred and embittered by your ill-conceived excuses for men, you start getting blinded to the good dudes that do come your way afterwards! What gives? What are y’all going through? Come on! Take it from me, there is a time to NOT trust a man’s skanky behind, but there’s ALSO a time to let down your bags, like Erykah Badu said, and give a brotha some trust. Flip through the following scenarios as Anthony and I break it down so it can forever and consistently be broke*…
Trrrrust me!

China describes: Scenario 1 for the ladies.
You’ve been single forever. You meet this amazing, hot-butter specimen who seems like a winner. Your heart has been broken enough times, so you already know you’re going to play it cool and not rush into “I love you” on your third date. You’re a smart chocolate chip cookie, but should you carry that chip on your shoulder with every man?
Anthony responds: Some people are able to let go and to break forth from their hurtful past. For others, forgiveness is fairly difficult and ultimately results in the proverbial “chip on the shoulder.” To carry this “chip on the shoulder” with every man can prove detrimental not only to your health but also can potentially turn a very good man away who could be a very good husband, friend, lover and father. The past is the past, you are in the present.

China: Right. So…how do you know when to trust the “new” potential boo?
Anthony: Trust is established over a period of time, and communication and actions are the keys to building trust. Really examine your potential boo so that you can understand him. Trust cannot be built if you do not understand a person. At face value, this hot-butter specimen may be able to put on a good show for a certain period of time. However, if he is not genuine, then his flaws will eventually show. On the whole, keep learning about your potential boo and observe how he consistently treats others. When you feel comfortable in your inner being through careful analysis and observation, then you should be able to safely open the doors of trust.

China describes: Scenario 2 for the ladies.
He sliced your heart when you needed him most. He’s a dog. He’s a punk. He’s a jerk. But, in your calmer moments, he’s semi-human. He doesn’t seem to hurt everyone. He just seems to have uniquely traumatized you. Years pass by and you see him on the street. He just wants acknowledgment and he insists he is sorry. Do you trust or bust his a**?

Anthony responds: As a person that is hopefully aspiring to live an abundant life of love, peace and joy, it is okay to acknowledge this past lover and to accept his apology. Again, forgiveness not only releases your soul and spirit but also helps you to let go of those who have hurt you in the past. Should you trust this man? Absolutely not! Do you bust his a**? If he does not put his hands on you or act in an intrusive or violent manner, then just speak, accept his apology and keep it moving.

China: Fine. No violence. Next!

China describes: Scenario 3 for the ladies.
You like the new guy, but he has a past: he’s been to jail before for a non-sexual or non-homicidal crime. You no likey his jail history, but, like Phaedra Parks of the “Real Housewives of Atlanta,” you’re kind of digging your new “Apollo”-ish ex-con honey boo. Before your mama intervenes and smacks you in your face for such horror, what should do?

Anthony responds: There is absolutely nothing wrong with digging an ex-offender who is very determined to turn their lives around. Oftentimes, ex-offenders made one mistake that ultimately cost them a number of years in prison. Are all of these individuals necessarily “bad” people? Absolutely not! This is a message that can be conveyed to your mama to help preclude a “smack down.”

China: Yeah, so uhm…trust or not trust this man?

Anthony: Similar to the hot-butter specimen, trust is established over a period of time, and communication and actions are the keys to building trust. With an ex-offender, you will have to examine them not only to get a better understanding of who they are but also to see if they are really serious about living a better present and future. Again, at face value, this hot-butter specimen may be able to put on good show for a certain period of time. But, take your time and ascertain if he has really changed. Keep learning about your potential Apollo and when you feel comfortable in your inner being through careful analysis and observation, then you should be able to safely open the doors of trust.

China: Anthony, you might be a lil nutters for espousing that jailbird love on Madame Noire. But, I understand what you’re saying on the whole. * blank stare * (Mama don’t hurt me!)

China describes: Scenario 4 for the ladies.

Your honey is from a different race or culture than you. Once, when joking, he uses a slur that surprises you. You stumble in shock and get really angry. He says he’s sorry and he was just kidding. What should you do?

Anthony responds: The exhibition of love is a beautiful thing – within the context of an intraracial or an interracial courtship or marriage. Relative to interracial relationships, you would hope that your partner never makes a racial slur that demeans your culture and heritage. But, if he does make this significant blunder, it is highly recommended that you swiftly and sternly address this issue by letting him know that the slur is not acceptable within the context of your relationship and that there may be severe repercussions if he does it again.

China: Got it. Now, spill the beans, Anthony! Trust or not trust this son-of-a-tongue?

Anthony: If your partner consistently engages in racially-based humor that demeans your culture and heritage, then the trust factor becomes really difficult to establish and/or maintain. If you are courting such a man, it may prove beneficial to move on. Conversely, if this truly was an isolated blunder that he later feels really bad about, then it should not adversely affect the trust in your relationship.

China describes: Scenario 5 for the ladies.

He spends a significant amount of time on the phone with women who he claims are his “friends.” You want to be mature, but you know how trifling some co-ed “friendships” can get. Still, you know that he’s never cheated on his ex-girlfriends and he would never hurt you (or so he claims). How do you know if you can trust him?

Anthony responds: It is not uncommon or atypical for a man to have mostly female friends. And, in some cases, he may have been friends with these women before he met and became intimately involved with you. If he has never cheated on his ex-girlfriends and has never hurt you, I think that you can trust him. As a caveat, however, if he is spending more time on the phone and in person with his “friends” than with you, then it would be reasonable to question whether your relationship is still vibrant and whether any of his “friends” have become a “friend with benefits.”

China: ShooOoooo…

China describes: Scenario 6 for the ladies.

When he was younger, he was known as “the” pimp of all pimps. I mean, this man “used to be” a skanky ho of a hog-man. His sexual history is longer than Nene’s new nose. Now, he’s much calmer and doesn’t want to contract an STI. He’s a new “changed” man…and he’s your man. But, really though on the really real? Can you trust him?

Anthony responds: Mr. Space Age Pimpin’ has turned into a square choir boy, huh? It’s not an uncommon occurrence. Some cynics and commentators do not believe that people can really change. But, factual and documented cases from around the world have shown that people can turn their lives around through spiritual awakening and enlightment.

If the former Bishop Don Magic Juan is no longer interested in “pimpology” and other vices of his past life and truly shows consistent behavior where he tries his best to live right and to evade places and situations that can lead to trouble or cause a cataclysmic regression, then why not trust him?

China: Hmmmm. Answer accepted. For now

China describes: Scenario 7 for the ladies.

He’s dating you, but every celebrity or non-celebrity woman he says he likes, looks absolutely nothing like you. What in goodness name?! Can you trust this crazy a** man?

Anthony responds: Some men may fantasize about women- whether a celebrity or not- who all seem to have the same features. This would cause alarm with some women. But, if the man that you are dating is doing everything that he possibly can to show you that he loves, respects and cares for you, then I think that it is plausible to continue to trust him. If he continues to show his admiration for these “fantasy” women, but does not seem to ever compliment you on your unique beauty and aesthetics, then you may want to consider whether you want to move on.

China describes: Scenario 8 for the ladies.

He’s lovely. Sometimes you think he’s a little “too” lovely. In fact, he’s giving you a Terry McMillan complex. He gets his nails done more often than you, and he “loves to shop.” Are you just being hyper-sensitive because of the black-men-on-the-DL narrative? How do you know if you can straight trust this brother? (I’m jussssst saying).

Anthony responds: A man who frequently gets his nails done and who loves to shop should not cause alarm. There are some men who really enjoy these forms of “escapism,” and are not on the DL. ”Black-men-on-the-DL” is a valid and applicable narrative for some brothers, but women should really take the time to look for other indications, in aggregate, that their man may be engaging in this type of clandestine behavior. If there are no other indications, then you can certainly trust this pedicured, manicured and well-dressed brother over time.

China: Hmmm. Mmm. Let’s hear it for the boys…

China describes: Scenario 9 for the ladies.

His money is fuuunnny. Geez. He spends like a fool and likes to keep up appearances. Maybe he has a good job, but you can’t be too sure he has financial sense. If he loses his job, he might end up broke because he saves nothing. Still, he loves you and wants to put a ring on it. Should you trust him?

Anthony responds: Certainly, there is nothing wrong with investing in yourself and keeping up your appearances. But, this should not happen at the expense of being economically strained or broke. Yes, he may have a good job, but he can certainly lose it especially in this lingering economy. If he truly loves you, he will become more financially savvy and think more about the future (i.e., potential marriage, children, investment vehicles, financial assets, etc.). If he doesn’t, instead of him stating that he wants to put a ring on it, you can start singing, “To the left, to the left.”

China: …everything you “own,” in the box, to the left…

China describes: Scenario 10 for the ladies.

He’s a rapper, rock star, singer, sports player, or one of those fake-famous type of dudes. *side eye* Can you trust this heffa-male?

Anthony responds:All rappers, rock stars, singers, ballers and aspiring celebrities are not “bad” dudes. Some of these gentlemen may actually be really nice guys who can be committed to a relationship and exhibit the necessary actions and character that are needed to sustain a long-term relationship. If he is one of these types of gentlemen, then I think it would be safe to trust him.

Ok my fellow bloggers what cha think? Chime in plz!

Random Mess

2010-11-04T00:20:00.000-07:00

Jesus take the wheel lordy!

2010-10-24T21:43:00.000-07:00

SMH: Close Ya Windows And Lock Ya Doors… The Biggest Strange Fruit On The Web Is Back With “Uncut D*cks!” [Video]

Damn, What Do You Really Want?

2010-10-24T21:20:00.000-07:00

Hiya!!! I am back my friends! Did you miss me??? Sorry for the M I A you know how it goes... LIFE

Anywho, Good evening, Blog Readers! Here’s to another “Almost Monday Fun day!” After reading through some of my love and relationships articles, one of my male readers sent in a passionate e-mail explaining his position and how he doesn’t “get women.” Seriously, how many times have we had this conversation with a close friend and/or family member(s). This discussion is not gender specific either because women say the don’t understand men either!

In the e-mail the man expressed the notion of “women say they want a man that does this and that and when they find him, he’s too soft or too nice or isn’t quite rough around the edges enough.” He went on to tell a story about how he had invested his time in a relationship only to find that the women he was dating was still sleeping with her ex and her excuse was, “you’re always working and never spend time with me. This is where I’m confused! You say you want a man with a job, car and his own place and as a man, that’s what I’m supposed to do! I’m 32-years-old and women don’t motivate me to do that sh*t for myself. I take care of myself!! I’m in good shape and I’m mentally sound! What am I missing here?” He described himself and eligibility in few words, “I’m no pretty boy Billy D and I’m not a thug but I’m a man who knows how to treat a woman. Damn what do you really want??” Do you even know? I’m convinced that women don’t know what they want and that’s why men suffer.”

The statement is as simple as the topic is complex! Can we prevent pain and “suffrage” by knowing what we want and are willing to compromise? Are you realistic in your thought processes? Or, are we so caught up in a feeling, ~~connection~~ or chemistry — so blinded by love our standards and expectations take a back seat? That is until the flame defuses and you find that the two of you might not have so much in common (other than attraction) and he/she is not the “one.” So we asked a few of our lady readers, “what do you want in man?” Not surprisingly, it was hard for some to articulate what they want versus what they don’t want. And some know, without and shadow if a doubt, what they want in a partner.

In conclusion, he said, ” I challenge your woman readers to speak up and say with conviction, what they want.” Take a look and please discuss!

Wow, why is that such a hard question? I can tell you what I don’t want, for sure. What do I want? Hmm, I absolutely know what I don’t want and that’s a scrub. What I mean by that is, I want my man to know what it means to be a man. I’m not a needy chick so don’t take me not calling for a day personally. Or expect me to be the problem solver in the relationship. I want a man with a job and drive! I want him to have direction, like, I don’t want to have to show him the way to his own success because , if I do, then he’ll want me to do everything else for him. I want him to be as established as I am so we can match each other instead of compete, does that make sense? That’s what I want! – Teresa, 29

I want a man with a dream. I want him to chase his dreams like I do mine. I want him to know what he wants and how to go about getting what he wants, I only want to be the enhancement or the person on the sidelines cheering, I don’t want to be the work slave! I do believe it can be equal but as long as we share similar goals like being a parent, home ownership or big business! We just need to be on the same page, futuristically. If he’s all bark and no bite, I don’t want it. But if he’s focused but can still find time for me, he’s perfect! I just want him to want what he’s after like I am and we’ll be good! - Kelly, 28

Really, I want a man who’s not weak. I don’t want that dude that gets with a white girl because he’s looking for an easy way out of his problems, you know what I’m saying? I don’t want that dude that spends more time with the next broad than he does his own seed. I don’t want a weak-willed man who’s influenced by all the dumb a*s videos and reality TV. If he don’t know that that sh*t is fantasy then I can’t f*ck with him because he’s operating off a totally different principle. If he don’t want the real, then he don’t need to f*ck with me. I tell you what, the real reason why black men are into all kinds of other broads is because they stopped being scared of us. Not saying they should have ever been but you remember that damaging cartoon with the big-breasted black woman talking reckless on the porch, that was a design and a whole different conversation. But, for real, they stopped wanting to please black women and we got too arrogant. Like if you raise your voice or bust the windows out his car he’ll get right . . . no! He can get a bunch of other b*tches that will s*ck his d*ck and all that without the drama. If a man can recognize that, then, in my opinion, he’s not sleeping. What was the question, again? - Lady, 33

I want a man that wants more than he has and acts accordingly. If he didn’t have a man in his life, then I want him to be all he desired for his kids and not fall back on the “I didn’t have a father” excuse. I want a man’s man that knows what a woman wants instinctually. I want him to take care of himself while caring about the people in his life including me. I want a man that can rock me to tears in the bedroom and ignite a passion in me that only he can fuel. I think real men know how to do that but let’s be clear, a man like that is a man of God. He’s gotta be a God-fearing man to please a real woman. - Sandra, 29

Stay tuned for what the fellows responses next week!!!

Posting a new topic next couple of days

2010-10-17T11:39:00.001-07:00

Sorry readers I haven't forgot you all new job, just trying to get out of my own way. Posting within 2 days stay tuned..

Why Do the Kids Have to Suffer?

2010-09-30T22:11:00.000-07:00

Dear Steph, I need a little help from you and your readers. I divorced my husband 4 years ago and I’m just now getting readjusted to living the single life. There were a number of reasons why we ended up having to divorce, one being he was unfaithful on a number of occasions and the second is because he lacked the drive to make something of himself. We got married when we were 21 and I was in college while he was cutting hair here and there and dabbled in real estate. Well after we had our 2 kids before the age of 30, my husband decided he wanted to be a rapper and started hanging around in random studios and “touring” with another local rapper. Needless to say that got old pretty fast and I was wanting more. Mind you, in the meantime I got my Master’s, bought a house and was holding down the fort by providing and putting in the work hours. However, let me be clear, I didn’t do it for him I did it for my kids. After a while I really got tired of him not wanting more for himself and being a better example for our kids. I guess the problem was I grew up and he did not. Plus the women that were in his phone and calling all hours of the night was the last straw. Well it’s been 4 years since we split and I’m loving life and he immediately moved into a tiny apartment with one of his bust downs and that’s fine with me because I don’t want or need anything from him. I feel so free not having to deal with him and our kids are at an age where they can coordinate when they want to spend time with him without me having to be involved until they need to be picked up or dropped off. Where I think I’m messing up is I allow him to come over and spend time with the kids only because sometimes I feel more at ease knowing they’re home. But lately he keeps trying me and talking nonsense whenever I see him. He says things like “well, you need to give us another chance” or “all you have to do is say the word and I’m back” but I don’t want him! I’ve even grown to like his current girlfriend a little only because she’s good to my kids. What I don’t like is that when I tell him I’m not interested in getting back with him and that our time has run its course, he gets mad and takes it out on the kids by not calling or making good on his word to them. I think it’s disgusting that I almost have to play along and flirt with his little insinuations to get him to come through for the kids! I’m over him, I want him in the kids life but it seems like more of a hassle than anything else. Do you have any input or advice for situations like these?

Hello to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story! Ahhh, the classic “you never miss a good thing until it’s gone” story at its best, right? And, sis, you have proven that another saying is also true, “success is the best revenge!” One can only admire the strides you’ve made and the example you’ve set for your children . . . and, obviously, your ex-husband is feeling the loss! If he has an ounce of intelligence, he’s probably wishing he had done things differently and could only hope for another chance with you but, in his heart, he knows he doesn’t have a fighting chance at this point unless he makes more than a few changes in his life. So far, “Easy Street” seems to be where he’s most comfortable, unfortunately. Without knowing the logistics of the divorce, he’s got it made in comparison to others in the same situation! All you ask of him is time and attention to devote to the kids and nothing more!

So, what it sounds like is, you’ve got troubles establishing solid boundaries at this juncture in your relationship. Although you two are divorced, you will have to deal with each other until the kids are grown, so it’s best to firmly enforce your boundaries and expectations without hesitation. If he’s talking slick to you and taking it out on your kids when you don’t entertain him, then that speaks volumes of his selfish character! Your romantic involvement, or lack thereof, with him should not, in any way, dictate his parenting! True, it’s awkward in times of transition but he’s had four years to adjust to the divorce and has moved on with his life! You’re deserving of the same freedom, so don’t even fool around with his shenanigans for a second! Divert any and all his innuendos and refocus the conversation back to the kids! All communication should be strictly business . . . i.e. the kids!

But here’s the deal, you clearly have a place in his heart and mind so use your position wisely. In most, cases, there’s normally a point or position that cannot be argued because it makes too much sense and you can’t argue truth and fact. Tell him straight up, “hey, you know what? Our marriage ran its course and I’m ready to move on with my life! You’ve moved on, so why can’t I?” Tell him the kids should not have to suffer because you don’t want to rekindle a romantic relationship with him and stress the fact that, at some point, he’s going to have to answer to his absence! Tell him he will no longer be welcomed in your house if he can’t adhere to the visitation schedule. Be firm in the idea that you want nothing from him outside of him being a father to the kids. But you must tell him without wavering . . . you have to be firm, ma, no “flirting!” He’ll come around to it in due time if you stick to your guns, so stay strong, sis! Stay strong and keep living! My thing is always know your worth! I can't say that enough...

What are your thoughts, blogger Fam? Please share them below!

To Date or Not to Date a single Mother/Father

2010-09-20T12:27:00.000-07:00

Hello my fellow bloggers and readers. Happy Monday, I hope you all had a great weekend, I know I did! My Raiders won, Seahawks looked like shit, o'well I digress... . I think today is going to be a good day... Alright let's dig in shall we? This topic is a very touchy topic either way, it’s a topic that’s clearly worthy of discussion. Generally, according to the responses, single people without children feel that single parents spoil their kids, are overprotective of them and too lax in disciplining them. Now, single parents, as a rule, wear the hats of both parents and find a way singlehandedly balance two-part parental tasks everyday. They don’t get breaks or 15-20 minute breathers each day, from sunup to sundown they’re ripping and running. It’s not easy but some make it look effortless. Then there are the single people who are responsible only for themselves, come and go wherever and whenever they want and answer to no one. They can work overtime, hit the happy hour or the gym after work, take weekend trips and sleep in on the weekends. These two lifestyles are like night and day. They are on two opposite ends of the spectrum and in no way similar. While single parents may long for the single life for just one night, single people may long for a family to come home to. So when the two lifestyles merge, where do you find the balance? How soon is too soon to introduce your children to a person of interest? Once the relationship is established, does the family newcomer have a say in how you discipline your children and, if so, to what extent? Communication is key, as always, but even though boundaries are communicated, until the situation arises how do you know you’re comfortable with the terms that were discussed? Dealing with children is a sensitive matter and, naturally, parents will protect them by any means necessary even if the third party means well. Not the mention the angst the third party may feel by being attached to a child, or in yesterday’s case, disliking the child. The situation is complicated, no doubt, but is it complicated enough to reject or refuse to date a man or woman with a child or children? I myself am a single mother, I typically don't date men who don't have kids. But my last two relationships the men didn't have kids... To me people without kids just don't get it....

I was married for seven years and have three children with my ex-husbnad. My oldest son is 11 and my youngest is 5. We’ve been divorced for four years and I think dating, for me, is out of the question. As crazy as it may sound, if I date again, I don’t want to date a man with children. I’d prefer to date a single man because I know for a fact that I can’t love anyone else’s kids like I love my own, so don’t ask me to and that’s the honest truth. And I wouldn’t expect a man to love my kids like my ex-husband does. I just can’t see it. Maybe when the baby goes off to college I might have a chance but until then, it’s the single life for me. -Sonia, 37

I’ll be honest, I used to go out of my way not to date women with kids. Like, for example, I’m not with a chick having three kids by three different dudes. To me, that just shows she’s got poor decision making skills, you know? But I say that to say that every story is different and the woman I’m seeing now has a son who’s 8. He’s really smart and goofy and carefree but he’s a cool lil’ dude. She didn’t even let me meet him until about 6 months into it. She invited me to one of his games or whatever and he was checking me out, like, ‘who are you and why are you here?’ But I was okay with that and got to know him. Now I take him to the barber shop and to his practices . . . home depot, it don’t matter. He’s alright with me but I had to earn his trust and I understood that from the door. And before I came around, he used to get over on her and knew how to really work her and I just sat back and watched. After he did or said whatever, I would ask her if I could go talk to the little man and she would be like, ‘why? What you got to say to my son?’ We argued about it a few times but now she’ll say, “can you go and talk some sense into him, please?” We’re good now but it took time and a certain level of trust. I think it’s all about your approach. - Jay, 33

Well, most of the men I’ve dated had children. Most men have children I thought. But over time I’ve learned to see how serious a man with children is. I don’t want to meet your kid unless I can meet the mother of said child or children. If he says he wants me to meet his kids then I’m like ‘well, I want to meet the mother first.’ My sister is a single mother and she’s moved on but her daughter’s father always has a new women around their three-year-old which isn’t cool. She stresses the fact that she just wants to meet whoever will be in her child’s presence only because she has allergies to certain foods and wants to communicate what she can and cannot eat. I, personally, don’t want to be responsible for a child being hospitalized or injured under my care so that’s why I stress meeting the mama. If he says, ‘she’s crazy’ and this and that all that means is, they’re probably still f*cking. He’s not handling his fatherly business and/or he has yet to set the tone of their interaction. They always tell on themselves, so I just listen. -Rae, 27

I was reading through some of the comments in yesterday’s post and I was appalled at the number of women who felt a wife should come before children. It’s painfully obvious that most of the women who said that don’t have kids or they’re selfish parents. I have two and me and my wife would take a bullet before we let anything happen to our children. A love for your child is completely different from the love you share with someone else. I love my children in a way that I could never love my wife and she feels the same way. We both understand that our needs take a backseat to the kids. I think that’s the problem though, too many parents don’t put their children first. And the single parents who date people with no kids always end up feeling like ‘you have no clue. You just don’t get it’ because if you don’t have kids, you can’t understand the love a mother or father has for a child. The women who wrote the letter yesterday is a perfect example. How you gon’ dictate how he should discipline his daughter? She’s clueless. I say, single folks should date other singles and single parents should date single parents. Problem solved. - James, 35

What are your thoughts, blogger fam? Please share them below!

Kindle Wireless Reading Device, Wi-Fi, 6" Display, Graphite - Latest Generation (I really want one of these) Dating for Dads: The Single Father's Guide to Dating Well Without Parenting Poorly Single Parenting That Works: Six Keys to Raising Happy, Healthy Children in a Single-Parent Home

Sextra: This is for my male readers!

2010-09-16T20:25:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, it’s almost Friday, or maybe already Friday for some over my overseas readers. Fellas how many of you will be chatting it up in front of an XBox, clutching a cold beer, watching the UW Huskies punish that Nebraska team, talking about women and how they are never satisfied? Lots, right? Now let’s compare that number to the guys who will be cozied up in front of his flatscreen watching SportsCenter, clutching a cold beer AND his warm woman. Not many, right? At the end of the night, the XBoxers get nothing but their own hand service, while the other man gets to watch sports, drink beer AND get the good loving! Why? Because he’s taken the time to be a gentleman and, because of this, his lady could care less what he does in his spare time because when he all hers, she knows it without a doubt! It doesn’t take long guys, just some good old effort, time and attention! Besides, being a gentleman is sexy to a women, and will get you a permanent seat in her No.1 spot for the long run. A sexy body and face only go so far with a woman, but sexy ways will keep her open and loving you.

1.) Focus, Man – Fellas, put the cell phone down! One thing that is an immediate turn-off is when a man yammers on the phone with his boys during time that is supposed to spent with your lady! A woman’s time with her guy is supposed to be exclusive, period. After the time is spent, she’s good! But don’t giggle on the phone gossiping like girls with your homeboys, save it for when she’s not around, girlie gossip should be done alone. Note: Putting the phone on vibrate and constantly ignoring calls is worse than the chatter, and above all, a douche bag move.

2.) Be Handy – (I need this badly) women are such the “I can do it myself” kind, but we really don’t want to. So instead of offering, “do you want me to come over and out your computer desk together?” Tell her, “Oh, so you got desk!? I’m going to come put it together for you, what time works for you?” She can’t say no, and if you finish with a “what you cooking?” You’re being a man and making an offer she can’t refuse. If she does, she’s just not feeling you, move on.

3.) Stay Informed – Fellas, it’s okay to put the joysticks down and read a book every now and again! Pay attention to what women are reading! For instance, nowadays the Steve Harvey bestseller is a conversation piece for so many – the woman you’re taking out could be applying the knowledge from the book to you, and could potentially crush you at your own man game! No bueno. Imagine if you’ve both read the same book? Now, not only are you cute and funny, you’re smart too! Best to be on the same page, literally.

4.) Possess Knightliness – every woman wants that knight in shining armor. Not that you have to be this every day, but at least possess the capacity to do so from time to time. For example, after your date walk her to her car, open the door, close it, kiss her cheek through the window and wait for her to pull off before you make your exit. She’ll feel safe and flattered that you thought enough of her to make sure she’s in one piece when you left her. Give her a call about an hour later to make sure she’s in a safe space and let her know you enjoyed her company and can’t wait to see her again. Be a gentleman to your fullest potential, it never fails!

5.) Give More Than a 1 Word Reply – regardless of if its a text, email or face to face conversation, get involved! Again, it doesn’t have to be everyday or every conversation. Sometimes it takes a little more than a “yeah,” “uh-huh” or “cool” to soothe a woman’s need to be heard. Give more attention to the conversation topics that are especially important to her and be honest and compassionate. She’ll remember these times and know it’s within you to be caring.

6.) Don’t Be a “Yes” Man – it’s okay to give your lady a good firm “no,” and disagree from time to time. Women only like a pushover for so long and she’ll eventually get bored with your compliance, if you’re the type to concede to avoid an argument. It’s healthy for you to tell her “no”occasionally. Although she may not like it, she’ll respect your manhood and fall back. Disagreeing won’t kill her, but will it piss her smooth off? Sure. But she’ll get over it and, once again, respect your manhood and you standing your ground.

Ladies you agree with me? If not, chime in I love and appreciate all feedback.

Random Thought:

2010-09-15T00:26:00.000-07:00

Looking forward to my Amtrax train trip tomorrow. I will be waking up early to buy a good book to just read on the train and go numb... Has any one just needed to go numb? A lot going on, this time will be well spent. Me time, thinking time.. Reflection... Some think my classiness and always wanting to be a lady is equivalent to me being weak. I am not weak.. Stronger than obviously anyone knows... Never let them see you sweat...

Why won't SHE commit?!

2010-09-14T19:14:00.000-07:00

Haha do I have your attention with my title?!?!?! Welp for those of you that know me, I love to flip the script nor am I the typical woman. I don't have commitment issues, but as a single mother I can't afford to make mistakes when it comes to dating... So to help some of my brotha's that finds themselves into a woman but she just won't commit.. Let's explore this a little bit more shall we?

So men, have you ever found yourself puzzled about a woman's intentions toward you?

You've taken her out, wined and dined her, treated her like a queen, and she still gives you the run around?

She's every thing you've ever wanted. She has beauty, class, and a great personality.

She shows you affection, answers when you call, and may even pay for a date or two.

You want her, but any time you bring up commitment she runs for the hills?

So what gives? Why won't she commit?!

Men are not the only ones who don't give titles quickly. There are a number of men who sit and ponder why the lady in their life won't accept the title "girlfriend". They are with a lady who runs hot and cold. She gives him just enough to keep him interested, but never quite all of herself. She allows him to get close, but she keeps him at a distance. Just when he thinks the chase is over and he has her, she pulls away.

You have conversations that go something like this:

YOU: I really enjoy spending time with you, and would like to see you more often.

HER: Oh that's sweet of you to say! I like spending time with you too.

YOU: You know I think about you all the time.

HER: You do?

YOU: Yes, I've been waiting to have a woman like you in my life for awhile. I can really see us being good together.

HER: Ummm...ok. Well, I think I need to make another phone call. Can we talk tomorrow?

Here's the deal. Some women just do not want to be in committed relationships. She may be at the time in her life where she's just "doing her". Which means she's dating, having fun, living life and doesn't want to be tied down to anyone. She enjoys your company, but she is not trying to answer to anyone's title. She views commitments as loss of freedom. And that is the last thing she wants.

Another reason may be that you're doing too much, without requiring anything from her. And most noncommittal women will not commit to men who don't require anything from them. You have to be blunt and set boundaries. Make love to her mind not just her body.. Most men won't understand that statement. For those of you go back to undergraduate level, I only deal with 500+ level. Now where was I? oh, do not let her use your kindness for weakness. She won't respect you. There must be balance. If you do not require anything from her, she will keep you in waiting while she looks for a man who will. ~~Sorry ladies am I telling a little too much...~~

In other situations, she may feel unworthy of you. She has some issues that she's dealing with that make her question why a guy like you would want to be with her. In this situation, the commitment phobia can be calmed down with a little tender loving care. She has to heal from whatever in her past makes her feel like she doesn't deserve a man who treats her well. However, you must be in it for the long haul, because this will take time.

Whatever you do, do not indulge a noncommittal woman. She will take noncommittal to new heights and it will drive you crazy. She will make you feel like you are the only one and the best man in the world, but she will not become your girl, wife or significant other. You will forever be her friend unless you decide to go on your separate way or tap into the reason why she won't commit.

To get into the real reason why she won't commit, you have to have a strong nerve. You may not like what you hear. You may learn that you are not her ideal mate and she cannot see herself with you in the future. Just know that you deserve to be with a woman who wants to be with you. Let the choir say amend!

You should give your heart, love and time to someone who will give the same in return. If you ask not, you receive not. Make your intentions known, and let her know that there is a limit to how much time she will be allowed in your life if she insists on playing around. And whatever you do, stick to your guns.

I think I could go on with us women having our own successful careers, mothering and simply holding it down on our own, we expect more from our man. But that will be part two. :-)

Kiss and Run: The Single, Picky, and Indecisive Girl's Guide to Overcoming Fear of Commitment

How to Cure a Committment Phobic

When the Man in Your Life Can't Commit: Recognizing the Signs of a Commitment-Phobe and What You Can Do About It

Study: Overweight Men Can “Lay The Pipe” For Long Periods Of Time While Lean Men Ejaculate Prematurely

2010-09-10T12:01:00.000-07:00

According to a recent study, “plus-sized” men can pleasure women for longer periods of time when compared to athletic types:

Happy Friday bloggers! Going thru some rough times, so I need to write! Clear my mind! Here is something a little different than my typical post. But still on the subject of sex!! A friend of mine said to me I write about sex a lot. Why not write about what you know? And although many don't admit it we all love sex, or to look at sex. I think for some who don't they've never had good sex... hummm just a thought... Any who I digress, let's get started shall we...

Fat men last longer in bed, while lean gym jocks are prone to premature ejaculation, a new study has found. The scientific research, from Erciyes University in Turkey, found that men with excess body fat develop more female sex hormones that influence their sexual performance. Men with high fat levels were found to have higher levels of the female sex hormone oestradiol, which disrupts the chemical balance in their body, making them last longer during sex. Oh boi ladies...

The survey’s results found fat men could last an average of 7.3 minutes during love making, while others only lasted 1.8 minutes. To find the results, researchers spent a year recording the body mass index (BMI) of more than 100 patients referred for specialist treatment. They compared these results with 100 other male patients who lasted longer during sex.
Results concluded that the men needing treatment for premature ejaculation had lower BMI scores, meaning they were fitter.
“We found that premature ejaculators were leaner,” the report stated.

Wow, ladies…so literally, Which One Would You Hit??? A man-boobilicious overweight guy who can stroke it all night long, or a fine ass athletic “1.8 minute” man???? SMH. Not going to put my business out there but I prefer a fit man and I have had a couple of overweight men and they didn't last as long as my fit men. Not even close...

Source

Sex Drive Big beautiful women: the body size preferences of male fat admirers.(Report): An article from: The Journal of Sex Research Sex, Drugs, Dope, Murder, Mayhem... The United II Tour

Are men more EMOTIONAL than women???

2010-09-05T22:55:00.000-07:00

Hello my fellow Bloggers happy Labor Day weekend. I am not feeling to well, so let't write!! So, over the last decade or so, neuroscientists have been researching the ever-mysterious emotional differences between men and women. As myth has it, men aren’t “in touch with their emotions and hardly express them” while women “wear their emotions on their sleeve” and cry at any given moment. In the realm of sex, it is also believed that there is a hint of emotional engagement for women by default. Well, guess what? That’s not true! In fact, quite the opposite. According to an article in Scientific American, recent studies have concluded, MEN show more activity in the emotional regions of the brain during sex while women, on the other hand, show NONE. No signs of emotional activity during sex and during an orgasm. Well, then why does she laugh, shed tears or get reflective afterwards, one might ask? And the answer is in the question . . . afterwards, when the brain returns to it’s standard state, emotions might rush in. Simple. Okay, to approach this theory from another vantage point, another study shows men are more apt to emotional suffrage in relationships than woman! According toScience Daily, the reason this true is because “their romantic partners are often their primary source of intimacy — in contrast to young women who are more likely to have close relationships with family and friends.”

Hmm, makes perfectly good, non-emotional, logical man-sense, does it not? Think about it, everybody has a male companion or family member that’s suffered through a love lost . . . and they take it pretty rough, right? The man can’t eat nor sleep. He might lose weight and regularly drown his sorrows with liquor in remembrance of “the time we had.” If it’s really bad, he’ll graduate to drunken texts and phone calls searching for answers. Men are lovesick for weeks and, sometimes, months after a breakup! It’s hard for them to let go too! Now, that’s not to discredit or degrade the integrity of a man but more so to prove that when they love, they love hard and strong because their emotions are invested! Unfortunately, they tend to love and invest in the wrong ones but that’s a different subject. So, ladies . . . maybe a little extra sensitivity and tenderness will go a long way with men after all! Let’s give it a go, but keep it simple!

Be Quiet- take your man to a serene outdoorsy spot or leave him alone in a room in your/his place where he can just sit and be still in body, mind a spirit. If he wants to talk, listen. If he doesn’t, that’s cool too. Just be there! If you can create a time and space where he can find peace, even if it’s just for a few minutes, he’ll appreciate you for it. Too often women take a man’s occasional desire for space and silence personally. But it’s therapeutic, he needs that time . . . we all do! Let him have it!

Cook - ladies, it’s effortless to get a man . . . it’s keeping one that’s a challenge. Aaaand you won’t keep him if you can’t cook! As archaic as it sounds, it’s still necessary. If you can’t cook, learn. If you don’t like to cook, learn to love it! If you’re still learning, garnish the hell out of a simple dish! Ask him to make a menu of his favorite meals, make them your own and prepare them with love. “Through his stomach” is a real route if you’re trying to get to his heart.

Show Love - acknowledge his efforts and the things he does. A lot of women think, “why should I have to applaud him for doing the things he’s supposed to do.” Well, you don’t have to — just like he didn’t have to change the oil in your car, hook up your TV or fix the dishwasher. A simple “thank you, baby” or “what would I do without you?” or “I appreciate you, honey” goes a long way and reminds him of why he’s does what he does for you. If you want to take it a step further, give him a shoulder massage for his hard (or not so hard) work and sometimes a good, long, tight hug is just enough.

Take Initiative - if you see your man is slipping, help the man out! If his laundry is stacked to the ceiling, sort it for him — that might be all he needs to spark the desire to wash his clothes. If you see he’s eating from the clean dishes in his sink or dishwasher, put them away. If he’s been talking about revamping resume and has yet to do so, tell him to shoot it your way and trick it out. Be his number one cheerleader and you won’t lose . . . nor will he!

So, even for the fellas, it’s the little things that mean so much! And, as quiet as it’s kept, they’re creatures of emotion also. Even though we express them differently, we all want the same things so, keep it simple and warm!

What are your thoughts, readers? Please leave them below!

Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

Sextra: Ancient Techniques for Steamy All Nighters

2010-09-01T12:51:00.000-07:00

Good day, Blogger readers! ~~Let’s talk sex~~! Sex and sexuality have been a part of society and cultures around the world since the beginning of time. With the passing of time, naturally, evolution is to be expected, but some things never change as adage states, “there is nothing new under the sun” including man and woman’s natural desire for sexual pleasure.

Now, in ancient times sex was more than just an hour of sweaty romping that ends with two breathless bodies, one of which is sure to fall asleep within minutes. Keep in mind sex in the U.S. lasts a total of 17 minutes on average. But think about it, Kama Sutra and Tantric sex were created thousands of year ago by people who had no technological distractions. There was no Sports Center to turn on after a session, no Play Stations, no internet, so what did they do at night for hours at a time? You already know. But sex, in those times, was intimate and mediative, a spiritual experience each and every time. It was about connecting with your partner on another plane and transcending beyond the flesh. This was a process that took hours which resulted in explosive orgasms … together. Did you know that tantric practitioners believe that male ejaculation was to be controlled in order to experience multiple orgasms? They were all about a heightened sense of sexual energy!

The word tantra means “to weave together” and/or “to expand” so with that in mind, let’s apply these ancient practices to modern sexuality! Take a look at a few of these tantric tips to enhance your sexual experience with your loved one!

Quick Tip: tantric techniques are all about control. Practitioners believe that male ejaculation is draining, so the point is to learn to control ejaculatory urges by understanding the flow of your sexual energy. You must take your time and be as relaxed and comfortable as possible.

Breath Control - this is by far the most essential tool of tantric practice. Practice breathing steady and resist the urge to pant. When you’re huffing or holding your breath, you climax quicker. But to enhance your arousal, breathe slow and deep. When two people inhale and exhale on the same beat at the same time, it connects the two on a deeper level and will take your lovemaking to unimaginable heights. Relaxation is key!

Testicle Tweak - fellas, when you feel like you’re about to let loose, pull your testicles down and away from your body. You can practice this in your private moments alone with yourself or while you’re with your lady, she can do the honors if you’re willing. The idea is to learn how to feel pleasure without ejaculating.

Tip Compression - to maintain and prolong your erection, gently squeeze just below the tip of the penis. Explore this technique because every body is different so the pressure point may by a little above or below the tip. Again, have your lady help you find the spot. This is also good because women can learn the pleasure zones that are specific to her man.

Carefully Choose Position Variations - position changes can make or break your ability to control ejaculation so to make it last, chose wisely. Tantric practices use position switch to create a new escalation of sexual pleasure with the change of rhythm and sensation in order to overcome the urge to climax. This is a good way to find positions that are unique to you and your lover.

Be One - the whole point of these practices is to enhance intimacy with your partner and connect on a more spiritual level. The union of body, mind and soul with your lover. This will inevitably bring you closer as a unit and solidify your trust with one another.

So try something new and have fun getting to know your partner on another level!

Weight in reader whatcha think.....

The Modern Kama Sutra: The Ultimate Guide to the Secrets of Erotic Pleasure The Complete Idiot's Guide to Supercharged Kama Sutra Illustrated Ancient Techniques for Healing & Pain Relief The Heart of Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Fulfillment Tantric Secrets for Men: What Every Woman Will Want Her Man to Know about Enhancing Sexual Ecstasy

Sextra: Kink or Crossing the Line?

2010-08-26T16:45:00.000-07:00

Happy almost Friday, fellow blogger readers! Sorry for the delay in recent post. I did a lightening pole on an open forum. Took me a couple of days to gather my research tehee.I was compelled to do a little asking around about what’s too much in the bedroom. Kinky sex is necessary sometimes to keep things exciting, but there’s that ambiguous threshold that’s sometimes crossed when your partner takes things just a little too far. Blame it on the heat of the moment if you want, but it’s hard to recover from awkward “where did you learn that” or “why would you do that” bedroom moments. Of course, the best way to avoid such headaches is communication, but you’re never prepared for that moment until it arises. Again, it’s a matter of individual preference and it’s natural to test the sensual boundaries from time to time. So is it kinky or crossing the line? Take a look at what some of my bloggers had to say!

Spanking

I love it when my man grabs and smacks my booty. I like the feeling of being handled, especially when he’s getting it from the back and he’s got my hips clutched. Like the article said yesterday, I know he’s smacking it hard too but I can’t really feel it … it stings a little but it’s a good pain, I guess. I love getting tapped but I’m a hands only kind of girl. What I can’t get into is the whips and paddles … but I have been spanked with a hairbrush getting freaky in the bathroom! It was fun I didn’t mind it so much. Keisha, 26

I’m not getting spanked, I mean come on. But I’ll do it. Paddles and whips or whatever, not so much. Personally, I would feel slighted if a woman wanted me to use a paddle or whip on her because she’s then focused on a paddle and not me. Call me selfish but I want her to be focused on me, my hands or whatever else I decide smack that (booty) with. Marcus, 37

Bondage

I had this guy who was really into the ball gags and bondage roping. I thought that was something only white people do but he was really into it. It tripped me out because I wasn’t sure what to think about it. I said I wasn’t into it but he wanted me to tie him up, which was cool. But he really freaked me out when he wanted to be gagged with a ball that you strap to his mouth. And I thought I was freak! He freaked me under the table. That was just too much for me. Reese, 31

I’m going to tell you like this, I tried it once and that’s all I needed. Never again. I’ll cuff my lady and have my way with her because I like to be in control that way. Uh, but ropes and gag balls and masks are just too much. That’s not freaky that’s sick. I think when you get into that kind of thing it ruins the natural act of sex and intimacy. Cuffs and blindfolds, all day but I’m not with the heel that licking b.s. Bryan, 28

Choking

Now I was so against choking the man I’m seeing now put me onto it. He did it in a way that wasn’t too threatening. He’s an aggressive kind of man to begin with so when he did it the first time I was like ‘oh (snap). This is fun!’ I love it now and he chokes me all the time but not to a point where I can’t breathe. Like Mike Baisden says, ‘choke me ’till I’m woozy’ not ’till I pass out. Anita, 27

See I was into to the choking for a while until this one guy really scared me. And we were having pretty good sex up until that particular instance. We were into it and I said, you know, ‘choke me.’ Girl, his eyes lit up like it was Christmas and he choked me so hard and was saying, ‘take this (man part) like a (lady of the night)’ and ‘I knew you were a freak like me.’ But I was really turned off by this and never called him back. I know I asked for it, but I don’t want to be play raped either, you know? Michelle, 32

Dirty Talk

I’m okay with nasty talk. I like it when my boyfriend tells me to say his name or curses at me – I know it sounds crazy- but I love it when he curses and tell me what to do. It’s a mind game for me and I love to do what he tells me to do. Like when he says ‘put that (booty) up and (bang) this (man part’). That really turns me on. I love it! But no name calling! Ebony, 25

A woman can never say anything too freaky to me. Whatever she says, I like it! I don’t think women understand how nasty the mind of a man is. We love that super freaky (stuff) so please don’t be shy. You can moan it, scream it, shout it, whisper … I don’t care. Just make sure you put a ‘Daddy’ or ‘Papi’ at the end of that, and don’t forget to tell me who’s (lady part) it is. Is that too much to ask? I’ll do whatever your little freaky heart desires, it’s all about you baby. J.T., 32

Oral

Don’t gag me. I’m all for the hair pulling and deep throating and I’ll even let you finish. What I will not tolerate is you forcibly grabbing the back of my head and shoving your piece down my throat until I choke and gag. That is totally crossing the line and is completely disrespectful. Out of line. That’s just taking it too far and it’s a violation! Don’t like it. Reina, 28

Sweetheart, I am guilty of your complaint several times over. When you describe it that like, that’s pretty ruff. You don’t like that? That’s a part of the fun! To each her own, but open your mouth and say something! Okay, okay! I’m guilty of it. I hear you loud and clear. I’ll be better about that. Reina’s Boyfriend, 33

Weight in reader, let me know what you think. Are you kinky, freaky, prudish, sneaky freak or just plain ole boring?!?!?!
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10 Reasons Why Black Women Should Date Outside Their Race

2010-08-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

8 MM Men's Titanium ring wedding band with 9 large Channel Set CZ sizes 8 to 12 Intimacy Why Black Men Love White Women: Going Beyond Sexual Politics to the Heart of the Matter Black Women/White Men: The Sexual Exploitation of Female Slaves in the Danish West Indies Interracial Marriages Between Black Women and White Men

This topic seems like such a dead horse that keeps getting beaten, over and over again. But if you’re a woman, who happens to be African American, who also happens to be single, this is probably a scenario that crosses your mind more often as time progresses without a partner. Besides, black men date other races effortlessly so what’s the hold up for us sistas? Once you get past the not so chocolate brown skin and paler scrotums, men of other races are pretty much the same, right? Wrong. How often have you heard ” I’ve dated a (_____) guy, but I couldn’t sleep with him.” Every woman from Black, White, Asian, Latina to Middle Eastern love black men, but black women, however, tend to be exclusive to their own when it comes to dating. But is it in vain? Are the odds even in a black woman’s favor to acquire a black man or should they explore other options for a chance at relationship longevity? I asked my fellow bloggers in a blogger forum and this is what they had to say:

1. I don’t think black women should date outside their race, and that goes for the men too! There just aren’t enough strong black families out there, man. It’s heartbreaking. We’re a dying race and I just don’t see why black men are so quick to cross over to other races when they haven’t even given sistas a chance. But I guess that’s why we should eventually get used to the idea of multi-racial families because there aren’t enough black men to go around. And that’s too bad, just a sad state of affairs, man. Nicole, 32, Finance

2. As a person whose dated a white man, I think we should start dating other men just to kind of see what’s out there. Otherwise, you’re limiting yourself and love could be staring you in the face, but he’s just not black. And I tell you what, all it takes is that one date and you’ll notice that they’re just as much a man as a black one. So it’s not the best thing to wait around for that “mandingo” ’cause pickings are slim. Alena, 26, Manager

3. I’m not sure that I can really encourage black women not to date a black man. I personally have an affinity for my own, but I can only speak for myself. I think that if it’s a situation where the chemistry is undeniable, then go for it. But I’m more of an advocate of black man, woman and child. But these days love is blind, so I guess to each his own. I’ll never hate on love. Keith, 31, Construction

4. Why continue to set yourself up for a down fall? In this day and age, a good man, let alone a good black man is a rarity. So with that in mind, you’d be ignorant to put yourself through the drama of dealing with ni**as if they keep f*cking up? Try something or someone new because I gotta be honest, while I pride myself on being a good black man, most of my ni**as are not, unfortunately. Jermaine, 23, Author

5. Black women should date other races because black men have a reputation of not having their sh*t together. White men, and others, take pride in being a provider to their wife and kids. Some black men are so sorry anymore, they can’t get it together because they don’t have to, some other woman will do it for him. Now don’t get me wrong, my dad is a black man and is still very in love with my mother, they’ve been together for 30+ years. But they don’t make them like that anymore, sadly. Mimi, 29, Designer

6. I date white men and first, the myth is NOT true. Second, they spoil me more than any black man has. Third, they’re more goal oriented. A white man has it all planned out, he wants to be married by 30, have kids at 32, move to another state in a few more years, put the kids through college and finally retire with his lovely wife and travel the world. So, in my opinion, it might be the look if you want a real relationship and marriage. Courtney, 27, Registered Nurse

7. Well, I don’t really condone the idea, but honestly most black dudes are in jail, gay or have a record. I think, mathematically, it’s impossible for all black women to get a black man because of the reasons I just listed. It’s a harsh reality really, but what can you do? I would encourage black women to keep their options open and find love, no matter what they look like. Mack, 33, Mechanic

8. Ni**as date all kinds of females and so should black women! If ni**as can have their “snow bunnies” then I should I get my “Peter Cotton Tail.” It’s only fair. Go on and get you a white girl and watch how she’ll look 65 at 40 with wrinkles and vericose veins. Black don’t crack. No, in all seriousness, I’ve been single for almost two years now and I’ve never dated anyone else. I haven’t gotten to the point where I’m ready to date outside my race. So I guess I’ll be the only one who holds out until I find a black man because I know he’s out there, but as usual, he’s late as hell. Brandy, 31, Merchandising

9. Black women deserve to be more than “baby mamas” and that’s all that they have been for a while. Like how many dudes you got a child with a black woman who is all kinds of “b*tches” and “hoes,” but turn around and wife up the exotic, half-bred broad. That’s why so many women are wanting a dude to “put a ring on it” because they’re so desperate for commitment. Chicks aren’t getting any younger and don’t want to waste time in meaningless relationships, so by all means find your guy but he might not be what you’ve pictured since your childhood. Marcus, 30, Accountant

10. I say, why not? A man is a man, and we have to get over the color issue. I know it’s hard but seriously, why can’t you love someone other than a black man? It’s 2009 and race purity is so antiquated. I think black women have to stop being too picky and try. Try to date the white guy at your job who thinks you’re cute and wants to take you out, go for it! He may end up being your dream guy! Date who you want and be happy. Geeze. Zaria, 21, Med Student

What do you think my fellow bloggers? Weight in!!!

Sextra: Ladies, think: Simple.

2010-08-23T03:27:00.000-07:00

Dear G-Spot: Straight Talk About Sex and Love Missionary No More: Purple Panties 2 The Climax (Zane Presents) Purple Panties: An Eroticanoir.com Anthology

Happy Monday my fellow bloggers and readers. I hope you all had a great weekend full of love, smiles, laughter and remember no lookng back. Yesterday was the past... Well let's get down to business shall we... This is for my ladies, you already know how difficult it can be being a woman and even more difficult being a woman in a relationship. It is no secret that with time people change, mind body and soul. But basic principles remain. Ladies think: simple. Be it a man you’re dating or your husband, there are so many ways to keep the fire burning without having to bizarrely bend your body or swing from the chandeliers. While those things are exciting, men are simply practical, so keep it that way. Here are a few ways to keep your love life hot without being over the top!

Relax – if a man is with you and aroused, then you’re doing all the right things. Women are often too focused on the things that are wrong with their bodies when there are so many other features that are just right. Men don’t care about your barely visible ~~stretchmarks~~ or that you haven’t been waxed yet. More often than not, you’re pointing out flaws he hasn’t noticed, much less care about, if he is a good man. And when you’re preoccupied with subtleties, you won’t enjoy yourself. Men are, in fact, visual hence all the strip clubs. Well except for Ricks too much touchy feely. Any who ladies go out and buy a bra and panty set in his favorite color and be waiting for him lying across the bed in the new set … and a pair of heels. Great vision to start!

Be Simple – Sometimes the best way to get a rise out of your guy is to catch him off guard. Men are simple as beer and Monday night football (Go Raiders). Take advantage of simplicity on those Monday nights and straddle him during a commercial break and grind on him. Or before the alarm goes off in the morning take advantage of his morning wood and give him some head action or ride him. Simple.

Find His Weak Spots – sometimes men don’t want to be the initiators! But there’s always that spot that will send a man through the roof with arousal. While you may know the nape of his neck is the default body landmark to get him revved up, there are many other places to explore. He’ll enjoy you searching for the spot that makes his spine tingle and by the time you find it, he’ll be ready to pounce you! Try behind the earlobes and the groin region, which is filled with nerved endings, his low back and the sides of his booty. Give his buns a firm grasp and pull him towards you. Use light caresses with your fingertips and moist lips around his neck and chest. Be sure to take your time with him.

Exclusive Oral Action – on a night when he’s particularly hot and ready for you, hold out! Tell him you’d rather give him some head (even if that’s not all you want). Shift the aggression, throw him to the bed and snatch his pants off. The arousal from your enthusiasm will have him prematurely curling his toes while he’s trying to figure out what just happened. Tell him you’re going to give him head all night and encourage him to relax. Taking your time is key, so start off slow and pay attention to his reactions to gauge what he likes the most. Bust out some flavored lube if it’s handy and set it up to where he really thinks orally pleasing him is all you want to do. By the time he climaxes the first time, he’ll be ready to attack you! Let him have his way like you had yours.

Revive Your Wild Side – this is not the easiest task, for some men are … well, slow. At times women should know when to simply say what they mean. No sugarcoating! If you have a guy who often says “why didn’t you just say that?!” Then he’s the guy you’ll have to say “come ____ me like a ___ in the ___.” Yee! But if you have a guy who’s more sensual and instinctually in tune, you won’t have a problem baiting him into some wild sex that leaves you both bruised and out of breath. Give him a good shove that borders pissing him off, say nothing and start stripping him down. He’ll likely respond by ravaging you against the wall and tossing you to and fro. Deliciously fun.

While the wilder more circus act kind of loving is a visual orgasm in itself for men, sometimes keeping it simple is the sexiest thing a woman can do. Ladies, stop thinking so hard and remember that most often, less is more!

Good Luck my fellow bloggers xxoo

The Airport By Zane (Sex Chronicles II)

2010-08-22T04:34:00.000-07:00

You meet me at the airport right on time after my return flight from Jamaica. Even though I had a great time vacationing with my friends, I can hardly wait to see you. My eyes light up as I see you walking toward the gate to meet me. You look so sexy in the khaki slacks, black jacket and white button-down cotton shirt. I can feel my panties begin to get damp underneath the red, spaghetti strap sundress that I have on.

I look into your eyes and see the same sparkle that is in my own as you put your arms around me. Just then, a female customs agent approaches me and says she needs to search my bags. She is very pretty in her regulation uniform and has long, dark brown hair, hazel eyes and smooth, caramel skin just like mine. She searches my bags and then tells me she needs me to follow her to a room.

I grow concerned because I have no idea what she thinks I am guilty of. I follow her to a nearby room while you wait for me by the gate. She takes me in the room and tells me she needs me to disrobe so that she can strip search me. I ask why and she says it is common procedure, with women traveling alone from the islands, to ensure I am not smuggling drugs in as a mule.

I obey and take off my dress. I am braless and all that remains on are my red silk panties and my black high heel shoes. She instructs me to take my panties off as well. She approaches me and lifts up each of my breasts, examining them and I begin to realize what it is she really wants. She tells me to turn around and bend over the single table in the room and I comply. I feel her spread my ass cheeks open and then, without warning, she sticks a finger up my ass. I immediately get nervous because I have never been with a woman before. Yet, her hands on me, and now her finger in my ass, are making me very aroused.

I can see her take a seat in a chair at the end of the table out the corner of my eye. Then she sticks her tongue into my asshole and I shiver. While I know that you are waiting patiently for me to come back out to the gate, I begin to wonder how far she is going to take this.

I don't have to wonder long because she tells me to turn around and face her. As soon as I do, she cups one of my breasts in her hand and begins suckling on my nipple. More gently but with more intensity than any man ever has.

Suddenly, I hear the door creak open and you are standing there. You have a look of shock mixed with excitement on your face as you close the door asking, "What the hell is going on?" She looks at you and tells you, "Just watch and see!"

My ass is resting on the edge of the table as she lifts one of my legs up over her shoulder and begins sucking on my clit with a hunger I have never known. You can feel your dick come to attention because this has always been a fantasy of yours we have talked about but I swore I would never do. She sucks on my pussy for what seems like an eternity until you decide you can not take it anymore. You are about to bust.

You tell her to move out the way so you can taste my sweet pussy too, now dripping wet from all of the attention it has been given. She gets up from the chair so you can sit down and you push me all the way onto the table, forcing me to cross my legs behind your shoulders as you begin to devour my clit.

She watches for a few seconds and decides she will not be left out so she bends over and begins sucking on my breasts again. I caress the back of your neck and run my fingers through her hair with my hands. Her ass is protruding up in the air and you reach underneath the skirt of her uniform and start finger fucking her while she continues to suckle on my nipples. I can feel your tongue deep inside my throbbing pussy.

I tell you to get undressed, you do, and then I let you take my place on the table, lying you down on your back with only your feet hanging over the edge. I sit on your face while she begins to suck your dick, deep throating it without any hesitation. I am facing her, hands caressing your chest, watching her partake of your dick as you partake of my pussy and finger fuck my ass.

She comes up for air and I bend over to take over, sucking the head of your dick to get some of the precum out because I remember how delicious you taste. I con-tract my cheek muscles tightly around the head trying to get every possible drop I can. She is licking up and down the shaft of your dick and sucking on your balls while I continue to work on the head.

We both begin sucking and licking your dick. We are so hungry for you. I can feel cum trickling out of my pussy as you lap it all up off my thighs. Saliva starts to escape the sides of our mouths as we take turns deep throating your dick.

We can hear planes landing and taking off and people walking by in the hall but none of us gives a damn cause this is just too good to let go. Other than that, there are just a bunch of sucking noises and the delightful smell of sex in the air. The aroma is breathtaking.

As you suck on my clit even harder now, fingering my ass with one hand and palming an ass cheek with the other, I take my tongue and lick your belly button, then blow on it to make it dry before I wet it again with my tongue. I know how much that turns you on. I continue to do this for a couple of minutes while she deep throats your dick.

I slowly take my pussy off your face and slide my wet pussy down over your chest, then your belly button. I tell her to let go of your dick so I can straddle it. I sit on your dick, facing away from you so she can suck on my breasts while I ride your dick. I can feel the head of your dick begin to part my pussy lips as you pump your hips up to meet my downstrokes. You are still finger fucking my ass, but with two fingers now.

I move up and down on the shaft of your dick while she flickers her tongue at my nipples. You marvel at how tight my pussy is. I take a little bit more of it in each time I go up and down until it is all in. As I begin to grind my pussy onto your dick, she pushes both my tits together and suckles on both nipples at the same time.

Your back is arched off of the table meeting my every thrust as I start to ride your dick faster. I take my long tongue and flicker it over one of my nipples while she sucks furiously on the other one. My pussy is so hot and tight and you try to pump and reach the bottom of it harder and faster. I put my hands on your thighs so I can get better leverage and I begin to go up and down on your dick faster each time. You admire my ass, with your fingers in it, as it goes up and down. It looks so juicy.

Contracting my pussy muscles on your dick, I squeeze it hard as she gets the chair and sits down in front of us and begins to suck on my pussy and lick your dick while I am riding it, tasting us both at the same time. She reaches up and rubs my nipples while she is sucking on us both. I continue to fuck you hard and I can feel my cum trickling down the inside of my thighs, down between your thighs, and onto the tabletop.

You take your other hand and pull me back by my hair so that I am lying with my back on of your chest, still riding your dick. You start palming my breasts while she continues to get her eat on and we are all moaning. My pussy juice is everywhere. I want you to shoot your hot cum all down my throat and I ask you, "Will you cum for me?" and she says, "I want some of it too!" You tell me that, "Whatever you want, I will do." So I get off your dick and she and I both wait anxiously for you to give it to us. Your dick is throbbing and veins are popping out of it everywhere. You look so yummy.

We both get on our knees as you stand up. We begin licking and sucking all over your dick. You stand, your knees feeling a little wobbly, and hang on to the side of the table. I take the base of your dick in my hand and begin to squeeze it gently. You grab both of our heads and begin pumping your dick into our mouths fast and furiously. As I take your balls into my mouth and bounce them on my tongue, you tell us, "I'm about to cum!" We can hardly wait. It starts to shoot out and we both take some of it with our tongues and place some on our fingertips, rubbing it all over each other's breasts and faces, both of us smiling with delight. I whisper, "Hmmm, you taste so good boo."

I get greedy and I take your whole dick into my mouth, trying to get every last drop and contracting my cheek muscles around your dick, making all of it come out into my mouth as I arch my neck so your dick can hit my tonsils. You tremble as the last of it goes down my throat, but I continue to suck cause I want to get you hard again so you can fuck me in the ass before we leave. I tell you, "I want you to take all this ass right here!" She interjects and says, "We have to finish up before someone gets suspicious."

We all laugh as we get dressed. She finishes first and gives us both a smooch on the lips before she leaves saying, "Thanks for the afternoon snack!" We leave and go to the baggage claim, where my bags have been spinning around on the belt for the last half-hour or so. We go out to the car and you seat me in it while you put my baggage into the trunk. I sit in the car, waiting for you patiently, fingering my own pussy and then sucking my juices off my fingers. My pussy is so wet. After you get in and proceed to the exit gate, I take my free hand and rub it up and down your thigh, then to your crotch and start to undo your zipper.
You reach in the back seat and hand me the card and box of chocolate-covered cherries you bought for me because you missed me so much. After we clear the exit gate, I continue to caress your dick and balls with one hand as you finger my pussy. I put one of my feet up on the dashboard so that my leg is up in the air and you can get to my pussy better. I roll down the window so that the cool breeze can blow through my hair and hit up against my legs and pussy as we hit the highway.

I want you to fuck me again but I know I have to wait until we get home or at least until we get off the highway because I know how you like to make sudden stops. I decide to open the box of cherries instead and one at a time, I put them in my pussy, drowning them with my juices and then begin feeding them to you with my fingers. Needless to say, we pull off at the first rest area we come to. And there, on the hood of your car, you give me what I crave and fuck me in my ass just the way I love it.

Now that I have made you hawt and bothered! Zane she is the best!

Is Dating A Friend’s Ex An Absolute No-No???

2010-08-22T04:17:00.000-07:00

Here’s a subject that never gets old… Is it ever okay to date a friend’s ex???
Most people say no, but rumor has it Kim Porter pounced on her friend Misa’s man Diddy, Dame Dash scooped up Aaliyah after Jay-Z and it’s no secret that Seal Married Heidi Klum years after dating Tyra Banks.

Would you ever date a friends ex? Does it take careful negotiation and frank discussions to keep all the relationships intact? Would you ever give a friend your blessing to try your sloppy seconds after you’ve moved “On To The Next One?

I think it really depends on the feelings the person closest to you had/has for the prospective new beau and the circumstances of their past courtship. As a rule, a man or a woman should never come between true friends and generally speaking it’s not a good idea to mess with someone one of your friends slept with or officially dated, like boyfriend/girlfriend.

The main reason being is that people are territorial. Once you share bodies with someone you actually liked at some point, you sometimes feel a sense of “ownership.” Even if you don’t want to be with them anymore you might still feel “weird” knowing that now someone else is hitting that. It’s even weirder when it’s someone you know.

On the flip side, there are instances where you might truly not give a rat’s ass about the person. Maybe y’all weren’t compatible; never had sex or only did it just once; you hate their guts; or became best friends, whatever the reason, you’re cool with them seeing whomever they want—including someone you know. The only thing that’s required in that scenario is a honest conversation with your friend to make sure he or she is cool with it and then you’re good to go.

You just have to know your friend well enough to make sure they’re not just lying to save face. Because if they are and you proceed to see their old flame—thinking you have the green light—you’ll be in for a big surprise when you notice how you’re getting some serious side-eye from your friend. For the most part, this situation is harder to deal with between women. Now, I’m not saying ALL women are catty but a good majority are. #ImJustSaying. (Most) Guys on the other hand can talk things out a little better.

I think we all have people we "hooked-up" with that really we had no emotional attachment to. Just physical... I believe in the 3-R's (Recycle, reduce, reuse). So there are partners I had for 15 years. I have had honestly a few girlfriend date my leftovers... I will go on record by saying I have never done that. I am too much of a visual person. Yuck!

It’s not like I could sleep with someone for that long and not have any kind of emotions involved, but I’m a rational person. I knew I didn’t want to be with him at all; so why should I stand in his way if one of my girls wanted to offer him something I wasn’t willing to? Still, I can’t front like it wasn’t weird seeing a man I was intimate with dating someone that was the closest thing to a best friend at the time. But, again, I knew I didn’t want to be with him beyond the physical so it was pointless to cockblock on my boy.

Maybe that’s just me.

Basically, this is an issue about the statute of limitations on penis/cucci. If you’re friend had physical relationships with this guy and things just didn’t work out, depending on how deep things were he may be off the market—at least for a few a years if they were never “official” BF/GF. But if she truly has no feelings for dude and several years have passed, some could say he’s fair game with her permission just as a courtesy.
As for the whole issue of people claiming any and every person they’ve ever known as “off limits” that can be a bit impossible. We live in a day an age where we’re all are just a few FaceBook friends away of knowing each other. With that said, we’d all be off limits if we played by those rules. As long as the relationship you care about most is intact you’re straight in my book. Everyone needs to be open and honest, when you go behind someones back and sneak that makes you guilty of something which is a bitter pill to swallow. Just be honest and open with your friend, because we all know what is done in the dark WILL come to light! Just sayin'

Do you think it’s trifling to date someone your friend once had an interest in? Does it matter whether your friend was intimate with the person or not? What if the person you were interested in was your friend’s ex boyfriend/girlfriend? Is it more acceptable to date the ex of a friend if a good amount of years went by since they were together? Or are there certain lines that friends don’t cross? Would you give your blessing if a friend wanted to date an ex you didn’t care about? Do you think the friend in this letter has a right to cockblock on the writer pursuing this guy? Would you let a man/woman come between one of your friendships?

Speak your piece…

Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back!Dating Game #4: Ex-Rating (No. 4) Boundaries in Dating: Making Dating Work Stop Dating the Church!: Fall in Love with the Family of God (Lifechange Books) What Women Wish You Knew about Dating: A Single Guy's Guide to Romantic Relationships

Things to come once I get not looky lous but participants on my blog

2010-08-21T01:29:00.000-07:00

So... we all know with modern technolgy I can tell how many visitors I get on my blog right?? Cant yet see whom they are but I know how many clicks I get.. Whelp with that said, I have soooo much to talk about, debate, piss off, judge, slam about I want people who will participate in the discussions.. Because guess what? the shit I add on here takes some coding! this isn't facebook or myspace! People who blog actually have to know what the fuck they are doing i.e. html coding etc to post stuff!
Back to my title...

Up coming topics once I have people who are not peekers but SPEAKERS...

1) How many womem "fake" not knowing the 'game' (women who date men who THINK they are running game on them, but the whole time we see thru there fake asses). But again we might not need to talk about that because I think men honestly think their lame ass game is working. shuck and jive ladies!!!!!!

2) Who cheats better, women or men?????? again, once I get more participants I will speak on this. For my friends, they KNOW I have a lot to say. But the dead silence on my page, seeing how many views I get, naw no fair. Participate or get the fuck off my page. real talk!

3) At the tender age of *beep* I have never, nor do I now, have the dreams of white picket fences, two kids and a smelly ass dog??? WHAT THE FUK ME IS WRONG WITH MI?

Mic drops exit stage left! or whatever horse you rode on in... beat it! Your mommy needs to blow your nose for you!

'The Ring': Episode 2 - Preserving Your Sexy

2010-08-20T12:33:00.000-07:00

Is it okay to get so comfortable in your relationship that you stop putting forth an effort to maintain your physical appearance? On this episode of the 'The Ring,' Rebecca Brody and Mason Jamal lace up and square off over how much importance should be placed on preserving the sexy for your significant other. Watch -- and then weigh in.

Watch more AOL Black Voices videos on AOL Video

Sextra: I Don’t Like Getting Head (Chronicle II)

2010-08-20T11:54:00.000-07:00

Hello my fellow bloggers today is Friday! whoot whoot! I am posting a question from a friend of mine. Good read I hope you enjoy.
I am 35 years old and I love sex just like the next man. I’ve been with my girl for a year and I love her but I don’t know how to get her to understand that not every man needs to get head all the time to be sexually fulfilled.I know I am not alone in this but she’s never been with a man like myself. I’ve just never been a gotta have head kinda dude. I absolutely love wild, circus monkey sex but I don’t need head. As a matter of fact I can do without it, it’s cool but It’s not what I need to get me in a zone, all I need is her and I give her head all the time. I like it she loves it and I feel like I’ve done my part. I understand she wants to return the favor but I don’t need it and most times don’t want it. It softens my erection and she feels bad. Not that she’s not good at it, all I want is her and for her to feel good and because she feels good, I do too. I don’t know how else to communicate to her that it’s nothing she does or doesn’t do for that matter. Women are so complicated.

---Hummmm ok my friend----
Okay, so . . . wow! You don’t like to have oral sex performed on you but your girlfriend is taking it personal. When it comes to matters of intimacy, you cannot communicate enough! “I’m just not a head kind of guy” is probably not enough of an explanation for her grasp the concept of you not wanting oral sex. She may be feeling as though you’re letting her down easy or that you don’t like her style, regardless of how much you try to convince her otherwise. Most men can’t get enough head and for your arousal to lessen as a result of it is, more than likely, a shot to her pride. I have too had a partner that didn't want me to do that to him because he looked at me as his queen and didn't think head should be given by a queen but only from, welp basically jump-offs... Since I have TMJ I really didn't mind not giving it. Yeah I said it! ha!

Ok back to you, I say thoroughly explain to her why it’s not your preference and if you don’t articulate it any better than you did in your letter, then how do you expect her to understand? Paint the picture for her! If it’s because you don’t like the look of a woman’s head in your lap, then say that! If you don’t like the noises paired with the feeling, tell her! If you take issue with the fact that she kisses you, her loved ones and, possibly, her children with her mouth, let it be known! If you haven’t already, really explore, in your own mind, what it is that turns you off about it and share it with her.

Maybe, in time, you can graduate to allowing her to orally stimulate you. Sex is give and take so you have to be open to things she likes also. Maybe you can talk her through it . . . tell her what it is that feels good about her oral work and what she could do more of, focus on what’s pleasurable, three minutes won’t kill you. BAW-HAHAHA And, over time, you might begin to appreciate the art of fellatio and that she wants to do it to you! Hope this helps and good luck to you!

What are your thoughts Steph Boggie bloggers?
Have a blessed weekend my friends! xxoo

A List of Ways to Be a More Supportive Partner (Part 2)

2010-08-19T15:13:00.000-07:00

Hello World - Here’s to another “Almost There Thursday!” So being in a relationship is rewarding, fulfilling and all things wonderful but it’s also hard work, right? Anyone who is invested in a relationship probably says, every so often, “I could do better with that.” And, a lot of times, the “that” is being a little more supportive of your significant other. When you get to a certain level of comfort in a relationship, we tend to slip in terms of the attention, time and support you give to the person that’s special to you. Then there’s the domino-effect that follows, one person feels slighted or neglected and, in turn, out of spite or inadvertently discontinues the emotional maintenance needed to keep things healthy . . . and then the fights ensue. A lot of those spats tend to stem from something larger than you forgetting to make dinner reservations and come to surface after the explosion. And one is left to question, “why, didn’t you just tell me that? I can’t read your mind!” Which is often countered with “I did but you didn’t seem to care!” But if you can avoid these upheavals by being a little more attentive and a little more supportive, why not? Paying attention goes a long way, so remind yourself to stay on your toes!

Patience is Key - right, we all have bad days and sometimes your loved one comes at you at the wrong time on the wrong day. No need to unleash your pent-up aggression on the person you care about. Be cool and convey that, “this is not the time.” In other cases, you could just not be in the mood to hear him/her vent about the same things he/she vents about time after time. Give yourself a second, tell him/her that you need a moment, and go wrap your brain around listening.

Reconnect - a lot of times, we tend to get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives we neglect our personal lives and the people in it. Sometimes a night without outside distractions from the television, computer and cell phone is powerfully refreshing. Take a walk or enjoy a quiet dinner with your loved one, discuss the day and enjoy being in each other’s space. Sounds corny, right? But it goes a long way! Just sayin'

Take Initiative - sometime people just need a little push and support to really pursue a hobby or interest. For example, if your loved one loves to cook and rants a raves about wanting to learn more about it, do the research, find a class or workshop and extend the information. A simple, “hey, I thought you might enjoy something like this” goes a long way. Means you’re listening and supportive of their endeavors. Positive begets more positive!

Listen Closely - they say that listening is the lost art, so apparently that means we could all do a lot more of it! It’s one thing to hear what’s being said but listening is completely different. A lot of times, you don’t even have to say a word in return if you’ve listened close enough and sometimes a response is unnecessary and unwanted when you’ve devoted your attention to the one who’s in need of an ear.

Refrain From Fussing - we all go against each other’s greater instincts from time to time and sometimes unsuccessfully so. However, the last thing anyone needs to hear after an epic fail is “I told you so. None of this would’ve happened if you had just listened. See, didn’t I tell you?” Don’t do that! Even though an “I told you so” is in order, it can wait . . . forever! Listening and an, “I’m sorry it didn’t work out but we’ll get through it” kind of attitude is far more encouraging than a fuss bucket!

Celebrate Milestones - who cares what it is, celebrate it! It could be something as simple as making a monthly goal at work, completing a marathon or shedding some pounds! Recognize the results and celebrate them. It doesn’t have to be over the top, a few balloons and roses or a home-cooked meal and card would do the trick. A small token of recognition always resonates with the person on the receiving end!

In relationships, the old saying, “little things mean a lot” still rings true and could really smooth out those rocky patches every couple encounters from time to time.

What are your thought, bloggers? Please share them!I love feedback so please comment below.